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1
00:00:04,370 --> 00:00:06,804
Hi, this is Elizabeth Montgomery
2
00:00:06,805 --> 00:00:09,340
inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.
3
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:13,945
[
]
4
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:21,920
Flowers, rise.
5
00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:26,391
I said, "Flowers, rise."
6
00:00:28,427 --> 00:00:31,730
Flowers, won't you please rise?
7
00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:33,765
Is this some sort of a charade?
8
00:00:33,766 --> 00:00:36,635
Oh, Mother,
am I glad to see you.
9
00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:37,936
No, it isn't a charade
10
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,005
and you are looking
at one sick witch.
11
00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:41,205
What's happened?
12
00:00:41,206 --> 00:00:43,408
I've lost my powers.
13
00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:45,376
Great Halley's comet!
14
00:00:45,377 --> 00:00:47,078
I'll call Dr. Bombay right away.
15
00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:49,347
Oh, don't bother.
He's been here and gone.
16
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:51,115
Well, how could you
get in touch with him
17
00:00:51,116 --> 00:00:52,383
without your witchcraft?
18
00:00:52,384 --> 00:00:54,753
Well, Esmeralda
was babysitting for me
19
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,387
and she contacted him.
20
00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:58,056
What did Bombay say was wrong?
21
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:00,692
Nothing.
22
00:01:00,693 --> 00:01:02,226
Samantha.
23
00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:03,462
Well.
24
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:07,031
Mother, it's very difficult
to talk about.
25
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:10,469
Uh, Dr. Bombay gave me
a complete checkup
26
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,237
with his computerized hexometer
and couldn't find
27
00:01:13,238 --> 00:01:16,074
a single, solitary thing
wrong with me.
28
00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:19,043
Then how does he explain
the loss of your powers?
29
00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:21,813
Well, Dr. Bombay
seems to think that...
30
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,215
He seems to think
31
00:01:24,216 --> 00:01:27,886
that it's a manifestation
of molecular mortal linkage
32
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,921
caused by
a formation of polymers
33
00:01:29,922 --> 00:01:32,256
and certain hydrogen elements
34
00:01:32,257 --> 00:01:36,862
in a biological unity
of two or more dominant species.
35
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,930
Would you like me
to repeat that?
36
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:41,466
No, I got it.
37
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:44,836
Mother, promise you'll try
to control yourself.
38
00:01:44,837 --> 00:01:46,037
Yes. Yes, I will.
39
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,273
It's the result
of your mortal marriage.
40
00:01:49,274 --> 00:01:51,476
You got it, all right.
41
00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:53,611
Mother.
42
00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:55,780
[THUNDER CRASHES]
43
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,419
[WIND BLOWING]
44
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:07,926
Mother, you promised
to control yourself.
45
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,427
I did.
46
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:14,365
If I didn't,
this house would be in El Paso.
47
00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:16,601
Have you told Durwood?
48
00:02:16,602 --> 00:02:20,471
He merely pointed out
that millions of-of people
49
00:02:20,472 --> 00:02:24,108
get along very well
without witchcraft.
50
00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:26,011
And, well, maybe he's right.
51
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,345
Maybe I can adjust.
52
00:02:27,346 --> 00:02:29,247
Maybe you could.
53
00:02:29,248 --> 00:02:31,917
And I might even learn
to live with the disgrace.
54
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:35,120
But your father
is another story.
55
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,054
When he finds out,
56
00:02:37,055 --> 00:02:39,490
I wouldn't give two kopeks
57
00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,992
for Durwood's
continued existence.
58
00:02:41,993 --> 00:02:45,763
Oh. And he's bound
to find out sooner or later.
59
00:02:45,764 --> 00:02:47,699
[TRUMPET FANFARE]
60
00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:55,573
[
]
61
00:02:58,644 --> 00:03:00,077
Correction.
62
00:03:00,078 --> 00:03:02,514
He's going to find out sooner.
63
00:03:06,451 --> 00:03:08,386
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
64
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[
]
65
00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:49,326
[
]
66
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,467
Mother.
Yes?
67
00:03:56,468 --> 00:04:00,038
Wouldn't we stand a better
chance of avoiding an explosion
68
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,974
if Daddy didn't find out
69
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:05,009
I'd lost my powers?
70
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:07,278
What are you suggesting?
71
00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:11,482
Well, there's nothing wrong
with your powers.
72
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:14,218
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, I see what you mean.
73
00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:15,553
Mm-hm.
74
00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:17,622
[CAR HORN HONKING]
75
00:04:26,932 --> 00:04:30,969
Maurice, what are you doing
in that absurd costume?
76
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,270
I'll give you a hint.
77
00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:37,208
O that this too too solid flesh
78
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:38,543
would melt.
79
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:42,413
Thaw, and resolve itself
into a dew.
80
00:04:42,414 --> 00:04:44,415
Going on a diet?
81
00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:47,919
No, he's a Danish prince.
82
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,854
Or a Danish ham.
83
00:04:49,855 --> 00:04:52,189
Endora, you have all the charm
84
00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:54,726
of a tsetse fly.
85
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,994
All right, Yorick,
that will be all for now.
86
00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:59,263
You may go.
87
00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,366
[COUGHS]
88
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,369
Alas, poor Yorick.
He isn't well.
89
00:05:08,306 --> 00:05:10,775
Samantha, my dearest.
90
00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:12,910
Mm.
91
00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:15,780
Endora, for you.
92
00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:19,684
I know how you love to make
cutting remarks.
93
00:05:19,685 --> 00:05:22,887
Oh, you're so sharp.
94
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:24,021
Well, Daddy,
95
00:05:24,022 --> 00:05:25,690
I suppose
with your crowded schedule
96
00:05:25,691 --> 00:05:27,291
you're on your way somewhere.
97
00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:28,893
No, on the contrary.
98
00:05:28,894 --> 00:05:31,763
I've decided to drop out
of the witches' race for a while
99
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:34,432
and spend a few days
with you and the children.
100
00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:36,300
Oh, how nice.
101
00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:37,835
By the by,
102
00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:40,739
how is Adam progressing
with his witchcraft?
103
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:44,375
Fine.
And Tabitha?
104
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,077
She's doing fine too.
105
00:05:46,078 --> 00:05:48,079
Has she flown yet?
Not yet.
106
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,447
Huh. It's obvious
her powers of witchcraft
107
00:05:50,448 --> 00:05:53,551
are frustrated
with this mortal atmosphere.
108
00:05:53,552 --> 00:05:57,288
As I recall, you were barely
3 when you first flew.
109
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:58,723
Oh, well.
110
00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:00,925
Which reminds me,
111
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:03,227
do you remember
that charming little trick
112
00:06:03,228 --> 00:06:05,196
you used to do
when you were a child?
113
00:06:05,197 --> 00:06:08,432
Turning yourself
into a polka-dotted unicorn?
114
00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:09,867
Remember, Endora?
115
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:11,402
Who can forget?
116
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:15,006
[CHUCKLES] She used to
butt me with her horn.
117
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,640
[LAUGHS] I'd dearly love
118
00:06:16,641 --> 00:06:20,444
to see you do that again,
Samantha.
119
00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:22,914
Well, I, uh...
120
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,382
[
]
121
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:25,549
Okay.
122
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,522
Hm, doesn't look quite the same.
123
00:06:31,523 --> 00:06:34,125
What's the difference?
A unicorn is a unicorn.
124
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:36,060
[
]
125
00:06:40,132 --> 00:06:43,067
What is going on?
126
00:06:43,068 --> 00:06:44,735
Darby.
127
00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:46,604
Are you still living here?
128
00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:48,739
If you call this living.
129
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:52,210
What is this, who did it,
and how about getting rid of it?
130
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:54,245
Don't be a dolt,
this is Samantha.
131
00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:56,580
It's a little trick she used
to do when she was a child.
132
00:06:56,581 --> 00:06:58,549
You mean,
she got her witchcraft back?
133
00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:01,252
Back?
134
00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,386
Blabbermouth.
135
00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:04,122
What is this all about?
136
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,556
Durwood, like the rest of you,
137
00:07:05,557 --> 00:07:08,526
your timing is atrocious.
138
00:07:08,527 --> 00:07:12,463
Samantha, is this true,
that you've lost your powers?
139
00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:16,634
W... Well, yes, it is.
140
00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:19,370
Sort of, in a way.
141
00:07:19,371 --> 00:07:21,438
But not actually.
142
00:07:21,439 --> 00:07:24,842
Samantha, why are you hedging?
143
00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:27,145
Did I sound like I was hedging?
144
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,813
No, it's no use, Samantha.
145
00:07:28,814 --> 00:07:31,949
You might as well tell him.
146
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,218
Yes, uh.
147
00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:38,089
Darrin, why don't you go
and wash up before dinner?
148
00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:39,490
I'm not hungry.
149
00:07:39,491 --> 00:07:42,493
Something has taken the edge
off my appetite.
150
00:07:42,494 --> 00:07:45,429
The lack of admiration
is mutual.
151
00:07:46,531 --> 00:07:47,999
Daddy, how about a martini?
152
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,501
Let's not avoid the issue,
Samantha.
153
00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:54,138
Samantha,
I've learned from experience
154
00:07:54,139 --> 00:07:56,240
that circumventing the truth
155
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:58,743
is not the way
around your father.
156
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:01,312
Okay.
157
00:08:01,313 --> 00:08:03,381
But, Daddy,
you have to promise me
158
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:07,285
that you'll think
before you react.
159
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:10,855
Promise? Oh...
160
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:14,325
Well, it's because
of my marriage.
161
00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:15,593
Ooh.
162
00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:16,995
[GRUMBLES]
163
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,462
Ah.
164
00:08:18,463 --> 00:08:19,864
When I met you,
165
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:24,168
my first instinct was to turn
you into a leaping lizard.
166
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:27,671
I'm sorry I didn't obey
that instinct.
167
00:08:27,672 --> 00:08:30,141
Daddy, you promised that
you'd think before you reacted.
168
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:34,012
I have thought,
and now I'm reacting.
169
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:37,415
Young man,
you are a leaping lizard.
170
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,817
Oh. Good heavens.
171
00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,386
DARRIN:
That's funny.
172
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:45,123
I don't feel like a lizard,
leaping or otherwise.
173
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:47,058
[SIREN WAILING]
174
00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:50,128
[GASPS]
175
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:52,763
Oh, Dr. Bombay.
176
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,632
Did you find something
that could help me?
177
00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:56,500
No, but I've isolated
the bug you've got.
178
00:08:56,501 --> 00:08:58,102
Bug?
179
00:08:58,103 --> 00:09:01,172
The computer couldn't find
anything wrong with me.
180
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:03,808
I'm afraid that computer
has a few bugs of its own.
181
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:07,678
What you have is a rare disease
called perimeridictamitis.
182
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,513
I'm working on
the cure right now.
183
00:09:09,514 --> 00:09:12,984
In the meantime, you must all
avoid direct contact with her
184
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,519
and above all,
no one must kiss her.
185
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,190
This might cause a complete loss
of his or her powers.
186
00:09:20,425 --> 00:09:22,193
Make that "his."
187
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:24,662
Oh, Daddy, I'm so sorry.
188
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:26,397
Don't worry, my dear.
189
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:28,366
How long will it take you
to find a cure
190
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,368
for this perimeri...?
P...? P...?
191
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,337
Perimeridictamitis.
192
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:33,838
No way of telling.
193
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:38,175
Few hours, few weeks,
couple of months, few years.
194
00:09:38,176 --> 00:09:40,310
Lucky for you,
I have a new assistant
195
00:09:40,311 --> 00:09:42,647
who's on a fellowship
from Witches U.
196
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,615
Lucky for me,
she's not a fellow.
197
00:09:44,616 --> 00:09:46,383
[LAUGHS]
198
00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,389
Well, well, well.
199
00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:54,491
If I didn't have scruples,
200
00:09:54,492 --> 00:09:57,594
wouldn't I be in a lovely
position to pay you back
201
00:09:57,595 --> 00:10:00,430
for all the nasty things
you've done to me?
202
00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:02,599
Fortunately,
I don't have any scruples.
203
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,502
Darrin, be careful.
204
00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:08,172
Young man, take my advice
and take her advice.
205
00:10:08,173 --> 00:10:12,776
When the mighty fall,
the jackals come to call.
206
00:10:12,777 --> 00:10:14,778
As poor old King Lear said
207
00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:18,049
in similar circumstances:
208
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:21,352
Blow, winds,
and crack your cheeks.
209
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:23,721
Rage. Blow.
210
00:10:23,722 --> 00:10:26,424
You cataracts and hurricanoes.
211
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:28,659
Oak-cleaving thunderbolts...
212
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:31,462
I think now would be a good time
for me to go to wash up.
213
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,931
Come back.
I'm not through yet.
214
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:36,000
As far as I'm concerned,
you are.
215
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:37,535
Darrin, watch it.
216
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:39,603
Before you find yourself
in orbit
217
00:10:39,604 --> 00:10:42,040
around the planet
of your choice.
218
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:46,010
Or you may turn into
a leaping lizard after all.
219
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:48,012
Daddy, what were you saying?
220
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:49,947
I was saying:
221
00:10:49,948 --> 00:10:54,852
Oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
singe my white head.
222
00:10:54,853 --> 00:10:57,621
And thou all-shaking thunder.
223
00:10:57,622 --> 00:11:03,160
Crack nature's moulds,
that make ingrateful man.
224
00:11:03,161 --> 00:11:05,162
Oh, Daddy, that is absolutely...
225
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:08,532
Rumble thy bellyful.
Sorry.
226
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:12,303
Spit, fire. Spout, rain.
227
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,138
I said I was sorry.
228
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:18,342
[
]
229
00:11:21,613 --> 00:11:23,647
[GROANS]
230
00:11:23,648 --> 00:11:25,482
Good morning, Mother.
Did you sleep well?
231
00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:27,985
Sleep? I was up all night.
232
00:11:27,986 --> 00:11:30,587
Samantha, I'm worried sick
about your father.
233
00:11:30,588 --> 00:11:32,756
We must be very kind
and considerate of him.
234
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:35,059
And above all,
let's not let him know
235
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:36,961
how concerned we are.
Right.
236
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,297
Sam, I'll have two
three-minute eggs and...
237
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:40,898
Oh, good morning, Endora.
238
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:43,234
Make that one one-minute egg.
239
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:45,369
That way,
I can leave the house sooner.
240
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,205
Durwood, I'm not in the mood
to bandy words with you.
241
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:50,374
Where is poor Maurice?
242
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:52,643
He's coming down. I had to show
him how to use my razor.
243
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:54,645
[GASPS] Oh.
244
00:11:54,646 --> 00:11:58,449
The thought of Daddy
having to use a razor.
245
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:01,919
Oh, it's ill-making.
It's just ill-making.
246
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,423
That fine proud figure
of a warlock, reduced to this.
247
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,959
Good morning, all.
Good morning.
248
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,995
I've had
the most marvelous experience.
249
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,197
I shaved with a razor.
250
00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:15,366
You know, it's remarkably
efficient.
251
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:18,569
And it gives one's skin
a bit of a tingle.
252
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:20,070
Mm.
253
00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,607
Is that smoked pheasant I smell?
254
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:25,109
No. It's just ham and eggs.
255
00:12:25,110 --> 00:12:27,411
Ham and eggs?
256
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:30,281
That sounds
a very intriguing combination.
257
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:33,284
Oh, Maurice, you don't have
to pretend with us.
258
00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:35,085
We're your family.
259
00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:38,556
Why don't you let me zap up
some pheasant for you?
260
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:41,225
Here, let me help you
to the table.
261
00:12:41,226 --> 00:12:44,094
Endora, have you gone
completely batty?
262
00:12:44,095 --> 00:12:47,465
Oh, I can't bear to watch this.
263
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,135
I just...
I just can't bear to watch this.
264
00:12:51,136 --> 00:12:53,237
What ails the old girl?
265
00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:57,141
She's a little overwrought
about your losing your powers.
266
00:12:57,142 --> 00:12:58,576
Ridiculous.
267
00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:00,411
What your mother doesn't...
268
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,880
What your mother
doesn't understand
269
00:13:02,881 --> 00:13:05,283
is that this temporary
loss of powers
270
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,152
presents a unique
opportunity to me.
271
00:13:08,153 --> 00:13:09,920
Opportunity?
Of course.
272
00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:12,122
To find out
how the other half lives.
273
00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:14,492
Well, that's a very
sensible attitude.
274
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:15,993
I'm glad you feel that way,
275
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:18,829
because do you know what
I've decided to do today?
276
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:22,666
Come with you to your office
to take a look around.
277
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,068
[COUGHS] Why?
278
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:26,303
I'm interested in knowing
what you do for a living.
279
00:13:26,304 --> 00:13:29,340
Well, I'd like to oblige,
but I'm afraid I can't.
280
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,108
I beg your pardon.
281
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,346
No, I have to prepare
for an important meeting.
282
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:37,448
You don't seem to understand,
young man.
283
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:40,551
I'm not asking you,
I'm telling you.
284
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,222
You're the one
who doesn't seem to understand.
285
00:13:45,223 --> 00:13:48,625
Without your powers, you have
no way of forcing me to agree.
286
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,663
Excuse me.
287
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:54,599
[
]
288
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:57,335
Uh-oh.
289
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,638
I'm sorry,
but I just had to assert myself.
290
00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:02,306
I know.
291
00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:04,442
But asserting yourself
in front of Daddy
292
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:08,078
is not conducive
to continued good health.
293
00:14:08,079 --> 00:14:09,246
What can he do to me now?
294
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:12,149
[
] Oh, my stars.
295
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:15,152
You were saying?
296
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:17,687
[CLEARS THROAT]
297
00:14:17,688 --> 00:14:19,790
H... How about coming down
to the office with me,
298
00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:21,792
Maurice,
and having a look around?
299
00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:29,900
Oh, Betty, there you are.
300
00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:31,935
I'd like you to meet
my father-in-law, Mr...
301
00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:33,670
Just Maurice.
302
00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:35,406
How do you do?
303
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:38,842
Charmed, my dear.
304
00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:40,344
What a lucky devil you are
305
00:14:40,345 --> 00:14:42,579
to have such
an attractive amanuensis.
306
00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:45,315
Oh, no, I'm just a secretary.
307
00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:47,351
Yes, that's what I meant to say.
308
00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:48,718
Hi, Darrin.
Oh, hi, Larry.
309
00:14:48,719 --> 00:14:50,287
Uh, you know my father-in-law.
310
00:14:50,288 --> 00:14:52,689
Oh, of course, of course.
How are you?
311
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:54,191
Going to a wedding?
312
00:14:54,192 --> 00:14:55,926
No.
Oh.
313
00:14:55,927 --> 00:14:57,228
M-Maurice just thought
314
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,163
he'd come down
to the office with me today
315
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:02,099
and sort of, uh, look around.
316
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,334
Yes, and so far,
317
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:06,604
what I've looked at
is most pleasing.
318
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,239
LARRY:
Uh, Benson's due any minute
319
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,608
and we still haven't
gone over these layouts.
320
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:12,543
Think this color match
is close enough?
321
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:13,844
Mm-hm.
322
00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:15,812
"Benson's Chili Con Carne."
323
00:15:15,813 --> 00:15:17,615
That's chili with meat.
324
00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:19,250
Thanks for the translation.
325
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,951
Can I be
of any other assistance?
326
00:15:20,952 --> 00:15:23,287
Well, if you really wanna help,
327
00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:25,155
um, why don't you sit
right here at my desk?
328
00:15:25,156 --> 00:15:27,391
Uh, Betty will give you
a pad and a pencil,
329
00:15:27,392 --> 00:15:29,126
and if you come up
with any ideas
330
00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:31,061
for a slogan or a campaign
for this chili,
331
00:15:31,062 --> 00:15:32,429
just, uh, write them down.
332
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,131
But I've never tasted it.
333
00:15:34,132 --> 00:15:36,967
Well, you don't have to taste
a product to sell it.
334
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:39,003
You don't?
335
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,005
[CHUCKLES]
That doesn't seem logical.
336
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:44,808
Logic has nothing to do
with advertising.
337
00:15:44,809 --> 00:15:47,244
Suppose we step into my office?
Right.
338
00:15:47,245 --> 00:15:50,514
Uh, just ask Betty, and she'll
get you coffee or anything.
339
00:15:50,515 --> 00:15:51,848
[
]
340
00:15:51,849 --> 00:15:54,751
Would you like some coffee?
No, thanks.
341
00:15:54,752 --> 00:15:56,554
But, uh, what comes under
342
00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:59,390
the heading of "anything"?
343
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,392
[LAUGHS]
344
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:03,627
When do you suppose
that fool doctor
345
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:05,396
is going to come up with a cure?
346
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,498
Soon, I hope.
347
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,367
Although Daddy's attitude
is remarkably good.
348
00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:12,670
Mm.
For him.
349
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:14,104
[SIREN WAILING]
350
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:16,707
Dr. Bombay.
About time.
351
00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,041
DR. BOMBAY:
Hello?
352
00:16:18,042 --> 00:16:20,777
Hello?
353
00:16:20,778 --> 00:16:21,978
Ah. There you are.
354
00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:23,380
Do you have the cure?
355
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:26,083
Yes, I've found the antitoxin
to perimeridictamitis
356
00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:27,984
and here is the prescription.
357
00:16:27,985 --> 00:16:29,619
The apothecary
will fill it for you.
358
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,021
I'll take care of it.
359
00:16:31,022 --> 00:16:33,924
No, no. You'll have to zap
Samantha there.
360
00:16:33,925 --> 00:16:36,560
The apothecary insists upon
examining the patient
361
00:16:36,561 --> 00:16:38,362
before filling the prescription.
362
00:16:38,363 --> 00:16:39,730
Why is that necessary?
363
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:42,099
Well, he claims that lately,
a lot of witches
364
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:45,302
have been given the wrong drugs
through sloppy diagnosis.
365
00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:48,238
You're the only one
who treats witches.
366
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:52,142
Do you have to be
so blunt about it?
367
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:55,379
[
]
368
00:16:57,849 --> 00:17:01,952
Well, Bombay's done it again.
369
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:04,154
You mean,
his diagnosis was wrong?
370
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:08,492
No, he's right, and it's
the second time this year.
371
00:17:08,493 --> 00:17:10,428
Well, that's a relief.
372
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:12,963
Now, how soon
can I have the antitoxin?
373
00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:16,767
Oh, that's tough to say.
I'm a slow worker.
374
00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:19,503
Except with a groovy chick
like you.
375
00:17:19,504 --> 00:17:22,606
How's about a little kiss,
cutie?
376
00:17:23,775 --> 00:17:27,110
Oh, come on.
Now, stop fooling around.
377
00:17:27,111 --> 00:17:29,747
Who's fooling around?
I'm serious.
378
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:32,416
It gets kind of lonely here,
you know?
379
00:17:33,985 --> 00:17:35,886
You know something?
380
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:39,690
Girls move a lot quicker
than they used to.
381
00:17:44,095 --> 00:17:47,898
All right, you like to make
a little game of it, do you?
382
00:17:47,899 --> 00:17:49,533
Okay.
383
00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:53,804
Now... Now...
Now, look, um...
384
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:56,273
Why don't you tend to business?
385
00:17:56,274 --> 00:17:58,141
This is my business.
386
00:17:58,142 --> 00:18:01,011
The shop is just a hobby.
387
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:03,213
[LAUGHS]
388
00:18:04,649 --> 00:18:05,849
[GASPS, COUGHS]
389
00:18:07,485 --> 00:18:08,819
[COUGHING]
390
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,589
Um. You better give me
that prescription
391
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,223
before you have an attack.
392
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:16,026
Help me to that chair.
393
00:18:16,027 --> 00:18:19,229
[GROANS, COUGHING]
394
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:22,500
Oh, before I catch you,
I've gotta catch my breath.
395
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,134
[SCREAMS] I've got you.
396
00:18:24,135 --> 00:18:26,871
No.
[LAUGHING]
397
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,338
Where are your ethics?
398
00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:29,439
Oh, let's see, now.
399
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,476
I used to keep them
up there on that shelf.
400
00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:34,944
Now, look, once and for all,
401
00:18:34,945 --> 00:18:38,248
will you give me that antitoxin?
402
00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:41,518
Only in exchange for a kiss.
403
00:18:42,753 --> 00:18:45,322
Would you settle
for a lukewarm handshake?
404
00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:47,291
I want a kiss, a whole kiss,
405
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,660
and nothing but a kiss.
406
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:54,631
[GIGGLES]
407
00:18:54,632 --> 00:18:58,535
Don't worry, honey,
I'll get your prescription now.
408
00:18:58,536 --> 00:19:01,405
I just wanted
to refresh my memory.
409
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:06,443
Well, I think this one
really stirs the appetite.
410
00:19:06,444 --> 00:19:09,613
Uh, a cowboy cooking
over an open flame
411
00:19:09,614 --> 00:19:13,217
in the fresh crisp air,
and the copy,
412
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:16,453
"Out of the saddle
and into the chili."
413
00:19:16,454 --> 00:19:18,589
Very effective, don't you think?
414
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,524
You really wanna know
what I think?
415
00:19:21,726 --> 00:19:24,286
I think I know what you think.
416
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:26,163
Ah. There you are.
417
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,965
Oh. We'll be through
in a minute, Maurice.
418
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:29,800
Why don't you wait
in the waiting room?
419
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:32,235
But what about my suggestions
for the chili?
420
00:19:32,236 --> 00:19:33,604
Hah. Not now.
421
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:36,306
W-w-wait. I'd like to hear
those suggestions.
422
00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:37,507
I'm getting desperate.
423
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:39,710
I take it you're Mr. Benson?
Yeah.
424
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:42,145
Sir, you are to be complimented.
425
00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:44,348
Your chili is delicious.
426
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:48,385
Thank you. That's already
better than what I've heard.
427
00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:51,655
The mistake you made, Durwood,
was not tasting the chili.
428
00:19:51,656 --> 00:19:53,156
He didn't even taste it?
429
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:57,127
Heh. The poor guy doesn't even
know his son-in-law's name,
430
00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:59,062
so I wouldn't...
[PHONE BUZZES]
431
00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:00,230
Excuse me.
432
00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:02,165
[
]
433
00:20:04,135 --> 00:20:05,335
Now what?
434
00:20:07,004 --> 00:20:08,244
Sam's in the outer office.
435
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:11,308
You'd better get her in here.
436
00:20:11,309 --> 00:20:13,644
She's the only one
who can handle him.
437
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:16,680
Tell her to come right in.
438
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:18,047
MAURICE:
Sam, come in, come in.
439
00:20:18,048 --> 00:20:19,349
Hi, Larry. Darrin.
Hi, Sam.
440
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:20,550
Hello, Daddy.
441
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:23,086
This is Mr. Benson,
Mrs. Stephens.
442
00:20:23,087 --> 00:20:24,921
Oh, how do you do?
Delighted, I'm sure.
443
00:20:24,922 --> 00:20:26,189
My daughter.
Oh. How nice.
444
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:28,191
Well, it appears
that this business meeting
445
00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:30,059
is turning into
a family reunion.
446
00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:32,496
Well, we are going to change it
447
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:34,431
back into a business meeting.
448
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:36,166
Come along Daddy,
I have your medicine.
449
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:38,368
Good, but first
I want to give Mr. Benson
450
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:41,037
my ideas on advertising
his chili.
451
00:20:41,038 --> 00:20:44,207
Well, why don't you
take your medicine first?
452
00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:46,410
I did, and I feel wonderful.
453
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:49,145
No, thank you, dear.
I think I'll go it on my own.
454
00:20:49,146 --> 00:20:51,414
Mr. Benson, to be honest,
455
00:20:51,415 --> 00:20:54,217
I'd never tasted chili before.
456
00:20:54,218 --> 00:20:55,919
I'd understood
that chili con carne
457
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,555
was a very ordinary food.
458
00:20:58,556 --> 00:21:00,691
I found it to be a rare treat,
459
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,926
a veritable gourmet dish.
460
00:21:02,927 --> 00:21:04,495
Poor guy's lost his marbles.
461
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:06,497
He's got something
you haven't got.
462
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,164
What's that?
Class.
463
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,735
If, indeed,
it is thought of as ordinary,
464
00:21:11,736 --> 00:21:13,070
all the more reason
465
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:15,572
for giving it
aristocratic appeal.
466
00:21:15,573 --> 00:21:18,876
Oh, that a man's reach
should exceed his grasp.
467
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:21,645
Or what's a heaven for?
468
00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:23,280
Robert Browning, right?
469
00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:25,649
Precisely as I dictated it
to him.
470
00:21:27,852 --> 00:21:29,786
Now, here's the sort of thing
I had in mind.
471
00:21:29,787 --> 00:21:32,155
Picture
a very distinguished man.
472
00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:33,523
About your height?
473
00:21:33,524 --> 00:21:34,758
More or less.
474
00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:37,627
An attractive man
of obvious breeding
475
00:21:37,628 --> 00:21:41,130
seated at a table
set with fine china,
476
00:21:41,131 --> 00:21:43,233
linen, and candlelight.
477
00:21:43,234 --> 00:21:45,435
A butler offers him a dish.
478
00:21:45,436 --> 00:21:47,937
He holds up his hand and says,
479
00:21:47,938 --> 00:21:49,806
"Take away the caviar
480
00:21:49,807 --> 00:21:53,643
and bring me
Benson's Chili Con Carne."
481
00:21:55,312 --> 00:21:59,616
Oh, my, isn't that
an interesting approach?
482
00:21:59,617 --> 00:22:02,719
Naturally, she'd like it.
I like it too.
483
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,456
That makes three of us.
Four with Darrin, right?
484
00:22:06,457 --> 00:22:10,627
Right. Never underestimate
the power of my father-in-law.
485
00:22:10,628 --> 00:22:13,229
I think he's hit on a theme
that just might catch on.
486
00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:14,931
Might? My dear sir,
487
00:22:14,932 --> 00:22:16,666
I know nothing
about advertising,
488
00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:19,669
but I am an authority
on human foibles.
489
00:22:19,670 --> 00:22:23,206
One of the most sensitive
of these is ego.
490
00:22:23,207 --> 00:22:26,342
Strike a man there
and you touch home, believe me.
491
00:22:26,343 --> 00:22:28,378
I believe you, I believe you.
492
00:22:28,379 --> 00:22:30,714
You're one of the most
convincing people I've met.
493
00:22:30,715 --> 00:22:34,518
Of course, you realize I did it
with no spell whatsoever.
494
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:35,619
No what?
495
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:37,253
What does he mean, "no spell"?
496
00:22:37,254 --> 00:22:38,588
Well, he's just pointing out
497
00:22:38,589 --> 00:22:42,893
that he... He didn't
have to use any tricks.
498
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:46,496
Right. Well, Sam,
I'm sorry you have to rush off.
499
00:22:46,497 --> 00:22:47,965
Come along, Daddy.
500
00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:50,901
Well, goodbye, all.
It's been charming.
501
00:22:50,902 --> 00:22:54,704
And, Mrs. Stephens, you should
be very proud of your father.
502
00:22:54,705 --> 00:22:56,539
I think he's dynamite.
503
00:22:56,540 --> 00:22:58,075
Oh, I do too.
504
00:22:58,076 --> 00:23:01,044
And I never know
when he might explode.
505
00:23:01,045 --> 00:23:02,980
[
]
506
00:23:10,221 --> 00:23:12,389
Daddy, you sure
you won't stay for dinner?
507
00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:14,958
No, thank you. My dear,
508
00:23:14,959 --> 00:23:17,127
I want you to continue
practicing your witchcraft
509
00:23:17,128 --> 00:23:19,529
in spite of what
this buffoon tells you.
510
00:23:19,530 --> 00:23:21,631
Now, just...
Stop, Darrin.
511
00:23:21,632 --> 00:23:24,667
Don't say anything
you might not live to regret.
512
00:23:24,668 --> 00:23:26,370
Daddy, I appreciate the advice,
513
00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:29,873
but it's rather hard to ignore
your husband's wishes.
514
00:23:29,874 --> 00:23:32,643
It's not so hard, believe me.
515
00:23:32,644 --> 00:23:36,647
Endora, I know that beneath
that cold exterior
516
00:23:36,648 --> 00:23:38,915
there beats a heart of ice.
517
00:23:38,916 --> 00:23:40,917
All this family warmth
is underwhelming.
518
00:23:40,918 --> 00:23:43,720
Darby, I'm warning you...
519
00:23:43,721 --> 00:23:47,090
Uh, Darrin, I need
some help in the kitchen.
520
00:23:47,091 --> 00:23:49,325
Please.
521
00:23:49,326 --> 00:23:52,629
Endora, I take my leave.
522
00:23:57,035 --> 00:24:00,336
How about a real kiss
for your old flame?
523
00:24:00,337 --> 00:24:03,640
Well, if he shows up,
I'll be glad to kiss him.
524
00:24:03,641 --> 00:24:06,109
Come on, Endora, come on.
525
00:24:06,110 --> 00:24:08,444
Stop pretending.
526
00:24:08,445 --> 00:24:09,780
Well...
527
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:11,548
Sure, I'm grateful
to your father.
528
00:24:11,549 --> 00:24:13,583
I just wish he'd stop
using me like a doormat.
529
00:24:13,584 --> 00:24:15,852
Well, as long as he doesn't
change you into one
530
00:24:15,853 --> 00:24:17,888
what difference does it make?
531
00:24:17,889 --> 00:24:20,891
That man. That man.
Do you know what he just did?
532
00:24:20,892 --> 00:24:23,426
What?
He kissed me.
533
00:24:23,427 --> 00:24:25,595
Oh, how sweet.
534
00:24:25,596 --> 00:24:27,430
Sweet? The wretch.
535
00:24:27,431 --> 00:24:30,767
He hasn't taken the antidote,
and now I have the bug.
536
00:24:30,768 --> 00:24:32,402
[LAUGHS]
537
00:24:32,403 --> 00:24:34,304
Isn't that a shame?
538
00:24:34,305 --> 00:24:35,538
Oh...
539
00:24:35,539 --> 00:24:38,008
Darrin, this is
no joking matter.
540
00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:40,344
MAURICE:
Yes, it is.
541
00:24:40,345 --> 00:24:42,679
I saved half
of this for you, my dear.
542
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:47,784
After you sip,
how about a little sup?
543
00:24:47,785 --> 00:24:49,853
I beg your pardon.
544
00:24:49,854 --> 00:24:53,190
I was thinking of that little
place we used to go to,
545
00:24:53,191 --> 00:24:54,992
on the Milky Way.
546
00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:57,727
Daddy, what has gotten into you?
547
00:24:57,728 --> 00:25:00,664
Oh, just some fond memories.
548
00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:02,599
[
]
549
00:25:04,401 --> 00:25:06,603
Um...
550
00:25:09,306 --> 00:25:10,740
Ciao.
551
00:25:10,741 --> 00:25:12,208
Oh,
552
00:25:12,209 --> 00:25:15,478
isn't that charming?
553
00:25:15,479 --> 00:25:19,248
Just like anybody else's
mommy and daddy.
554
00:25:19,249 --> 00:25:21,618
You're kidding.
555
00:25:26,724 --> 00:25:28,791
[
]
556
00:25:28,841 --> 00:25:33,391
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