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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,290 - and we're very happy to welcome back our old friend 2 00:00:09,290 --> 00:00:12,730 jane pauley for another segment in her series ''life reimagined.'' 3 00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,090 and, jane, it sounds like your guest this time has had 4 00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:17,370 a lot of time to reimagine his life. 5 00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:18,890 - nothing but time, matt. 6 00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:21,889 currently serving a five- to seven-year prison term, 7 00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:25,889 senator vernon smits is a man at a crossroads. 8 00:00:25,889 --> 00:00:28,689 i caught up with him recently at the federal correctional 9 00:00:28,689 --> 00:00:30,889 institution in cumberland, maryland. 10 00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:34,529 the two-term senator's life has been turned upside down 11 00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:37,649 by his conviction, although he's lost none 12 00:00:37,649 --> 00:00:39,689 of his mischievous charm. 13 00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:44,649 senator smits, so much has changed since we last sat down. 14 00:00:44,649 --> 00:00:47,609 you'd just been re-elected, and now, 15 00:00:47,609 --> 00:00:49,128 you find yourself incarcerated. 16 00:00:49,128 --> 00:00:52,808 - we all live in prisons, jane. come on, huh? 17 00:00:52,808 --> 00:00:56,888 sure, some have orange clothes and bad food, 18 00:00:56,888 --> 00:01:00,768 but there are others that are hellholes of the mind, 19 00:01:01,048 --> 00:01:06,448 inescapable pits of self-loathing and fear. 20 00:01:06,728 --> 00:01:10,368 i used to live in one of those pits. 21 00:01:10,368 --> 00:01:13,408 - so prison has freed your mind? 22 00:01:13,408 --> 00:01:16,128 - my soul, really. 23 00:01:16,128 --> 00:01:19,567 it's freed me to re-envision my life of service, 24 00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:23,687 so now instead of serving 700,000... 25 00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:27,927 mostly white people, i now serve 26 00:01:27,927 --> 00:01:32,367 the source of all creation. 27 00:01:32,647 --> 00:01:35,847 - god? - good guess. 28 00:01:35,847 --> 00:01:38,687 - and yet... - and yet. 29 00:01:38,687 --> 00:01:41,847 - you'll always live with what you did that day 30 00:01:41,847 --> 00:01:46,046 at the amusement park, won't you? 31 00:01:46,046 --> 00:01:48,886 - aw... 32 00:01:49,126 --> 00:01:53,406 jane, what happened to you, hmm? 33 00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:01,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 34 00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:31,245 - so, apparently leland saw some pretty serious action 35 00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:33,085 over in the sandbox. 36 00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,925 something that i know a little bit about. 37 00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:37,645 - oh, please, daddy, don't remind me. 38 00:02:37,645 --> 00:02:39,444 - oh, fair enough, sweetheart. 39 00:02:39,444 --> 00:02:41,004 i put the family through a lot. 40 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,844 - oh, this says that colonel grimmel dragged nine men 41 00:02:44,844 --> 00:02:47,684 to safety... under heavy fire. 42 00:02:47,924 --> 00:02:50,324 - just doing his job. 43 00:02:50,324 --> 00:02:53,404 i suspect he didn't even report it. 44 00:02:53,684 --> 00:02:58,364 i wouldn't have. 45 00:02:58,364 --> 00:02:59,444 - oh. 46 00:02:59,444 --> 00:03:02,604 - can i... 47 00:03:02,924 --> 00:03:04,164 - pretty impressive gathering. 48 00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:06,884 - medal of honor's a pretty big deal, man. 49 00:03:07,163 --> 00:03:09,003 - so how do you get one of these bad boys anyway? 50 00:03:09,243 --> 00:03:11,963 - you've got to distinguish yourself conspicuously 51 00:03:11,963 --> 00:03:15,643 by gallantry and intrepidity at risk of life. 52 00:03:15,643 --> 00:03:17,163 - well, there must be a way to game it. 53 00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:18,803 who nominates? 54 00:03:18,803 --> 00:03:20,083 - it comes up through the chain of command, 55 00:03:20,083 --> 00:03:22,163 but sometimes the skids needs a little greasing. 56 00:03:22,163 --> 00:03:25,843 it was my great honor to help out a former player. 57 00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:28,403 - so he owes you double, and now you've got a war hero 58 00:03:28,723 --> 00:03:29,803 campaigning for you in the general. 59 00:03:30,083 --> 00:03:32,163 - well, we hadn't discussed that, 60 00:03:32,403 --> 00:03:35,882 but...i can't stop him if that's what he wants to do. 61 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,202 it's a free country, thanks to heroes like him. 62 00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:39,762 - i got to start giving you more credit, gil. 63 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,642 you're always thinking two moves ahead. 64 00:03:41,642 --> 00:03:44,962 - his idea of a good time isn't a big ceremony like this one. 65 00:03:44,962 --> 00:03:46,602 he'd rather be somewhere up in the mountains, 66 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:51,202 or on a trail surrounded by cedar trees instead of cameras. 67 00:03:51,202 --> 00:03:55,722 but i think our nation needs this ceremony today. 68 00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:08,361 - that's my boy. 69 00:04:13,801 --> 00:04:15,921 - any word on the pardon for vern? 70 00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,521 he's not doing too well in the can. 71 00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:19,921 it's just not a good fit. 72 00:04:19,921 --> 00:04:22,561 - you know, i'm not in the loop on the pardon stuff, 73 00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:25,521 but realistically, i see no chance for him. 74 00:04:25,521 --> 00:04:26,521 - why is that? 75 00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:29,401 - well, two words.. amusement park. 76 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,240 - who jacks food from the white house? 77 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,840 - you didn't do this when you were an aide? 78 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,400 load up at receptions? 79 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:46,760 - yeah, cheese cubes and crackers, 80 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,560 but you're boosting high-end shit. 81 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,920 - i need carbs. 82 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,280 this is my only real meal of the day. 83 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,960 - flash hug! - oh. 84 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,800 - i never get to see him anymore, senator. 85 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,439 you are working him too hard. 86 00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:08,319 - worse than you think. 87 00:05:08,639 --> 00:05:12,879 see you back at the house. 88 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:17,359 - leland, god damn it, son. 89 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,799 what a proud day for you, and for the whole state, 90 00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:22,439 and for me. 91 00:05:22,679 --> 00:05:25,119 look at you, medal of honor 92 00:05:25,119 --> 00:05:27,358 hanging proud from our tar heel colors. 93 00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:30,198 - yeah, it does kind of feel like home, huh? 94 00:05:30,198 --> 00:05:32,078 hey, listen, coach, i was wondering if we could get 95 00:05:32,318 --> 00:05:35,258 together today, you know, away from all the crowd. 96 00:05:35,258 --> 00:05:38,078 - hell yeah, son, we got a lot of catching up to do. 97 00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:40,158 you come by the office later this afternoon. 98 00:05:40,158 --> 00:05:42,038 i'll have tammy clear my schedule. 99 00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:44,398 and get us some cigars, good ones. 100 00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:45,998 - got you covered, big guy. 101 00:05:45,998 --> 00:05:47,838 habanos, i'll send some over. 102 00:05:48,118 --> 00:05:50,398 colonel, andy guzman, heard a lot about you. 103 00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:52,758 - i wonder who from. - from your citation. 104 00:05:53,038 --> 00:05:55,837 went on a bit, but it was very impressive. 105 00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:57,157 we should talk. 106 00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,997 i'd love to get you down to florida. 107 00:05:58,997 --> 00:06:01,037 - hmm. - ahem. 108 00:06:01,037 --> 00:06:02,837 - oh, excuse me... 109 00:06:03,117 --> 00:06:05,677 colonel, this is my fiancee, adriana de portago. 110 00:06:06,037 --> 00:06:09,397 - ma'am. - fiancee? senator! ma'am! 111 00:06:09,397 --> 00:06:12,397 - he proposed in puerto vallarta during recess. 112 00:06:12,397 --> 00:06:15,317 he played the ukulele, and sang the most beautiful 113 00:06:15,317 --> 00:06:16,957 little song. - i just rewrote the lyrics 114 00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:18,237 to blurred lines, that was all. 115 00:06:18,237 --> 00:06:21,356 - ah, well, congratulations, sir, and ma'am. 116 00:06:21,356 --> 00:06:24,236 - thank you, and to you, and thank you for your service, 117 00:06:24,556 --> 00:06:27,756 and your gallantry, and your intrepidity. 118 00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,516 - those words don't get out enough. 119 00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:32,716 - andy! 120 00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:35,596 - excuse me, colonel, we'll talk, okay? 121 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,916 - ooh, look at that. it's so big. 122 00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:40,356 - kudos on the straw poll, 123 00:06:40,676 --> 00:06:41,756 you freaking rookie. - oh. 124 00:06:42,076 --> 00:06:42,876 - who died and made you front-runner? 125 00:06:43,116 --> 00:06:44,876 - christie. 126 00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:47,116 seriously, those things are meaningless, lamar. 127 00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:48,995 i probably should've pulled myself out. 128 00:06:48,995 --> 00:06:51,635 truth is, i'm still exploring. 129 00:06:51,635 --> 00:06:53,115 - i don't envy you. 130 00:06:53,355 --> 00:06:57,035 glad my senator doesn't see a president in the mirror. 131 00:06:57,035 --> 00:07:02,315 he sees yves st. laurent. 132 00:07:02,315 --> 00:07:03,875 mm. - what? 133 00:07:04,115 --> 00:07:05,075 - not here. 134 00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:07,115 - i thought we'd agreed to stop hiding. 135 00:07:07,115 --> 00:07:09,435 - not hiding is different than mauling me in the east room. 136 00:07:09,675 --> 00:07:14,435 - excuse me? your partner is lightly touching your shoulder. 137 00:07:14,755 --> 00:07:16,075 deal. 138 00:07:16,075 --> 00:07:17,474 - look! - what is it? 139 00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:21,994 - um, the south lawn. look how lush it is. 140 00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:25,634 who knew the democrats gave a whit about lawn care? 141 00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,714 - well, they have to, daddy. 142 00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,754 it's the people's lawn. 143 00:07:29,994 --> 00:07:31,834 - oh, christ. 144 00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:34,714 - what? - got to go. 145 00:07:34,714 --> 00:07:36,354 - both phones. 146 00:07:37,994 --> 00:07:40,634 look at this guy, here. world can't get enough of him. 147 00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:43,074 - you need to get back to the office right away. 148 00:07:43,074 --> 00:07:44,433 - yeah. excuse me. 149 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,473 let's go. 150 00:07:46,473 --> 00:07:48,393 - what's going on? - nothing. 151 00:07:48,673 --> 00:07:50,873 - not nothing, politico just-- - politico just posted 152 00:07:50,873 --> 00:07:52,433 some story about the tv light falling 153 00:07:52,753 --> 00:07:55,113 during my rebuttal speech. they're saying it was staged. 154 00:07:55,113 --> 00:07:57,233 - so bizarre. who stages nearly getting killed 155 00:07:57,233 --> 00:07:59,273 just to look unflappable? - more to the point, 156 00:07:59,273 --> 00:08:01,993 who makes up a story like that? - that is more to the point. 157 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,593 who is capable of this? rand paul? 158 00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,433 i wouldn't have thought so. 159 00:08:06,713 --> 00:08:08,873 - rand paul, of course! 160 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,193 - whoever it is, it can't go unanswered. 161 00:08:11,193 --> 00:08:14,392 i'll put out a blanket denial. - uh, blanket? 162 00:08:14,392 --> 00:08:16,272 you think we should go full blanket? 163 00:08:16,272 --> 00:08:18,872 let's call in the team, explore our options, 164 00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:20,752 war-room it. - yeah, this could blow up. 165 00:08:20,752 --> 00:08:22,072 you better war-room it. 166 00:08:22,352 --> 00:08:26,792 - you guys know we don't actually have a war room, right? 167 00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:28,592 - it's got to be rand paul. 168 00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,792 - what do you smell? 169 00:08:31,072 --> 00:08:34,272 could it be chateaubriand 170 00:08:34,272 --> 00:08:37,192 from the chef at the white house? 171 00:08:37,432 --> 00:08:39,751 yes, it could. yes, it could. 172 00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:41,671 - your wife, senator. 173 00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:42,951 - what is it, maddie? 174 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,551 - gil, have you heard what charlotte's doing? 175 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:46,831 - oh, i have, ma'am. 176 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,951 i saw it this morning on tmz. 177 00:08:48,951 --> 00:08:50,271 - christ, what now? 178 00:08:50,271 --> 00:08:52,911 - she's in one of those reality shows. 179 00:08:53,151 --> 00:08:55,551 - real daughters of d.c. 180 00:08:55,551 --> 00:08:57,431 - a reality show? 181 00:08:57,431 --> 00:09:00,111 how could you approve a reality show? 182 00:09:00,111 --> 00:09:02,951 - approve? she's 26, gil john. 183 00:09:02,951 --> 00:09:05,751 - but she lives in west hollywood. 184 00:09:05,751 --> 00:09:08,110 how could she be a d.c. daughter? 185 00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:09,110 - ''all the girls are daughters 186 00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:11,430 ''of actual united states senators. 187 00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:15,870 they bond over the resentment of their powerful parents.'' 188 00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:17,750 - excuse me, senator. 189 00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:20,910 colonel grimmel here to see you. 190 00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:24,830 - leland's there? 191 00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,550 - please come in, sir. 192 00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:30,150 - i better get over to the house. 193 00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,830 i'll see you there, senator. 194 00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:35,349 colonel. 195 00:09:35,589 --> 00:09:38,949 - nice to see you again, ms. stackhouse. 196 00:09:38,949 --> 00:09:40,269 - go, go! 197 00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:43,789 - hey, coach. - leland, darling boy! 198 00:09:43,789 --> 00:09:45,429 - mrs. biggs. 199 00:09:45,429 --> 00:09:48,589 - we could not be prouder of you if you were our own child. 200 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,669 - actually, we could, considering what our 201 00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,469 own child is doing. - hush. 202 00:09:52,469 --> 00:09:54,869 leland, i just saw you on the news in your dress blues. 203 00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,109 you looked good enough to eat! 204 00:09:56,109 --> 00:09:57,349 you should run for office someday. 205 00:09:57,669 --> 00:09:59,909 shouldn't he, gil? you could groom him! 206 00:10:00,269 --> 00:10:02,628 - now, maddie, i'm sure the last thing leland wants to do 207 00:10:02,628 --> 00:10:05,188 is run for county commissioner or whatever. 208 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,108 - well, actually, coach, that's what i wanted to come 209 00:10:07,348 --> 00:10:08,908 speak to you about. 210 00:10:09,188 --> 00:10:11,348 last month, after news of the medal broke, 211 00:10:11,628 --> 00:10:15,828 the party kind of put out some feelers. 212 00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:18,148 - good lord, you are running for something. 213 00:10:18,148 --> 00:10:19,628 that's wonderful news. 214 00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:22,748 - which party is that, leland? 215 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,588 - well, the democratic perty. 216 00:10:25,588 --> 00:10:30,028 - in north carolina? bad move, son. 217 00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:31,347 what seat did you have your eye on? 218 00:10:31,347 --> 00:10:34,416 - yeah, well, that's the thing of it, coach. 219 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:37,107 i'm running for yours. - i'm sorry, what? 220 00:10:37,107 --> 00:10:38,627 - say again, son. 221 00:10:38,627 --> 00:10:41,227 - coach, look, the wing nuts in our state have been 222 00:10:41,227 --> 00:10:43,627 rolling back 30 years of progress, 223 00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:44,947 and you've just stood by. 224 00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:47,347 north carolina used to lead the way, man, 225 00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,507 pulling the south out of its past. 226 00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,387 someone's got to say no to all you-- 227 00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:53,067 - are you fucking kidding me? 228 00:10:53,307 --> 00:10:56,867 you ungrateful little judas, who do you think gave you 229 00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:58,426 your start 20 years ago? 230 00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:01,186 who made you a star? gil john. 231 00:11:01,186 --> 00:11:02,786 and you think you're wearing that medal because 232 00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:05,706 you're so much bigger and badder than all our other heroes? 233 00:11:05,946 --> 00:11:08,946 it's there because gil john biggs put it there! 234 00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:11,346 you get your treacherous little ass out of this office 235 00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:13,386 right now, out! you hear me? buster! 236 00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:17,066 attack him, boy! attack that son of a bitch! 237 00:11:17,066 --> 00:11:19,866 christ, i'm so mad i could spit! 238 00:11:24,146 --> 00:11:25,426 is he gone? 239 00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:36,905 - do you need something, senator? 240 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:40,105 - oh, no. no, no, no. 241 00:11:40,105 --> 00:11:43,105 carry on. 242 00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:45,385 actually...um...yes. 243 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:50,185 could you step into my office for a moment, please? 244 00:11:52,105 --> 00:11:55,944 so, hi. 245 00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:58,304 - hi. 246 00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:05,184 okay, what's happening right now? 247 00:12:05,504 --> 00:12:08,384 - nothing. it's just been a long time 248 00:12:08,384 --> 00:12:10,864 since we had a friendly chat, 249 00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:12,424 and talked about our personal lives. 250 00:12:12,424 --> 00:12:14,584 - we have never talked about our personal lives. 251 00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:16,144 - we always talk about our personal lives. 252 00:12:16,384 --> 00:12:19,304 - how many siblings do i have? 253 00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:21,663 - well, we should talk about our personal lives. 254 00:12:21,663 --> 00:12:25,143 so...how's your gay relationship going? 255 00:12:25,383 --> 00:12:27,503 - fine. you ask because? 256 00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:29,343 - because i noticed at the white house 257 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:33,063 that the two of you were on full display. 258 00:12:33,063 --> 00:12:35,943 full flower, so to speak. 259 00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:38,623 lesbianic flower. 260 00:12:38,623 --> 00:12:41,783 - katharine had her hand on my back. 261 00:12:42,063 --> 00:12:43,103 is that what you mean? 262 00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:47,263 - look, julie... 263 00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,982 say i liked, i don't know, pole vaulting. 264 00:12:49,982 --> 00:12:53,422 and say we're in a country where pole vaulting gives 265 00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:56,302 some people the willies... for some reason. 266 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,422 now, i don't have to stop pole vaulting in private. 267 00:12:59,422 --> 00:13:03,022 i mean, this imaginary country is free. 268 00:13:03,262 --> 00:13:07,982 but it might make things easier, all around, 269 00:13:08,182 --> 00:13:11,222 if i just pretended not to like 270 00:13:11,222 --> 00:13:13,622 pole vaulting in certain situations. 271 00:13:13,622 --> 00:13:17,941 - senator, is my relationship a problem for you? 272 00:13:17,941 --> 00:13:20,861 - for me? no, no. 273 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,341 but if my wife found out... 274 00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:26,101 you know she thinks of you like a daughter, julie... 275 00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:27,581 - mm-hmm. - and nobody wants to see their 276 00:13:27,861 --> 00:13:30,101 own daughter burning in hell for eternity. 277 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,461 - no, i certainly wouldn't. 278 00:13:31,461 --> 00:13:35,621 - see? now you're just being smart. 279 00:13:35,621 --> 00:13:39,021 so, we won't have to talk about this anymore? 280 00:13:39,021 --> 00:13:40,101 - oh, no. no, no, no. 281 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,061 uh, in fact, senator, i insist on it. 282 00:13:42,061 --> 00:13:45,500 if you even mention my sexual orientation one more time, 283 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,180 i will be quitting faster than you could say 284 00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:50,060 ''gay pole vaulting.'' 285 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:55,300 - raising the question, was the accident staged? 286 00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:58,620 - well, that's the fastest i've ever seen something 287 00:13:58,900 --> 00:13:59,660 become a ''gate.'' 288 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,820 - our phone sheet is 15 pages long 289 00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:03,460 and everyone's on it-- anderson, 290 00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:05,940 o'reilly, all the fox blondes. 291 00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:10,340 we need to get a denial out there right away. 292 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:14,899 - i don't know if that's such a good idea. 293 00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:16,979 - are you guys... 294 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,659 are you... 295 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:29,339 please, please, please don't tell me this thing was staged. 296 00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:31,139 - i'm not saying that. - good. 297 00:14:31,139 --> 00:14:35,619 - but i am saying, we shouldn't say it wasn't staged. 298 00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:39,618 - oh, god. this is real. 299 00:14:39,618 --> 00:14:41,738 did you know? wait, don't answer that. 300 00:14:41,738 --> 00:14:43,638 i can't afford a washington lawyer. 301 00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:45,618 - i don't know anything about anything, 302 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,578 because there's nothing to know anything about, 303 00:14:48,578 --> 00:14:51,098 as far as i know, right? 304 00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:54,538 - right, but here's the thing. 305 00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:58,418 let's just say, hypothetically, 306 00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,778 someone arranged this. 307 00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:03,338 the only other person who would know about it, 308 00:15:03,618 --> 00:15:06,258 again, hypothetically, is the gaffer who actually 309 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,337 knocked over the light. 310 00:15:08,337 --> 00:15:09,897 and, hypothetically, 311 00:15:09,897 --> 00:15:11,457 i'm sure we would've taken care of the gaffer 312 00:15:11,737 --> 00:15:15,657 financially, not to mention, he works for the campaign. 313 00:15:15,657 --> 00:15:19,097 so who could be the source on this story, 314 00:15:19,097 --> 00:15:22,617 hypothetically? - oh, my god. 315 00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:25,617 - what? - i fired the gaffer. 316 00:15:25,617 --> 00:15:29,457 - you did what? - what were you thinking? 317 00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:31,457 - yeah, what was i thinking? 318 00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:34,537 he knocked a light over and almost killed my boss. 319 00:15:34,537 --> 00:15:37,216 i should've given him a raise and a trip to hawaii. 320 00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:38,936 - you didn't think to run it by me? 321 00:15:38,936 --> 00:15:41,856 - you didn't think to run your mentally challenged plan by me? 322 00:15:42,096 --> 00:15:44,256 - are you kidding me? 323 00:15:49,056 --> 00:15:52,696 - uh, something about shutting the fuck up. 324 00:15:52,696 --> 00:15:56,456 - listen... whatever happened here, 325 00:15:56,776 --> 00:15:58,696 it should have never have gotten out. 326 00:15:58,976 --> 00:16:01,336 that's your fault, the two of you. 327 00:16:01,616 --> 00:16:03,815 so i'll tell you what's gonna happen next. 328 00:16:04,095 --> 00:16:06,935 all of us are gonna figure out the right way to handle this, 329 00:16:06,935 --> 00:16:09,775 except for andy, who's gonna put on his earbuds and listen 330 00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:11,335 to that lorde song that he likes on repeat 331 00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:15,055 so his deniability isn't compromised further. 332 00:16:15,335 --> 00:16:16,855 - i love you. 333 00:16:16,855 --> 00:16:19,495 - oh, you better. 334 00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:21,375 i'll wave if we need you, okay? 335 00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:24,775 - okay. 336 00:16:25,095 --> 00:16:27,495 - kill me. 337 00:16:31,934 --> 00:16:35,134 - hello, babies 338 00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,614 it's the love doctor coming to you 339 00:16:37,614 --> 00:16:39,774 with some sweet, sweet, sweet-- 340 00:16:40,014 --> 00:16:42,494 oh, jesus. 341 00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:44,654 this is exactly what i did not want to happen. 342 00:16:44,654 --> 00:16:47,494 louis! - what's up, doc? 343 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,654 - can you grab the sound guy before he goes? 344 00:16:50,654 --> 00:16:53,054 - senator bettencourt? - yes, marta? 345 00:16:53,254 --> 00:16:55,094 - who is ''love doctor''? 346 00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:58,013 - well, i'm the love doctor. 347 00:16:58,013 --> 00:17:02,493 i prescribe commitment to love-deficient singles, 348 00:17:02,493 --> 00:17:04,973 12 successful matches so far. 349 00:17:04,973 --> 00:17:08,093 - you arrange marriages, sir? - i facilitate them. 350 00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:11,733 - my grandmother had an arranged marriage, and a dowry. 351 00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:13,613 - that's pretty old school. oh, you know, 352 00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:15,493 things have changed for women since then, huh? 353 00:17:15,813 --> 00:17:20,613 - oh, yes, my sister works in sex trade. 354 00:17:20,613 --> 00:17:22,213 - that's really not necessary, senator. 355 00:17:22,493 --> 00:17:24,093 - well, maybe not, but you never know where 356 00:17:24,093 --> 00:17:26,772 these glasses might have been. - they've been in a dishwasher. 357 00:17:26,772 --> 00:17:30,332 - hmm, which explains the lack of clarity. 358 00:17:30,332 --> 00:17:31,852 look at this, louise. 359 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:34,652 the flute manager at the bellagio would have a coronary. 360 00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,252 - now, now, mr. braggy pants. 361 00:17:36,612 --> 00:17:38,652 things can't always be like at home. 362 00:17:38,652 --> 00:17:41,572 - i'm just saying, if our great casinos used filmy 363 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,492 stemware like this, they'd be out of business. 364 00:17:44,492 --> 00:17:46,092 - this arrived for you at the office, daddy. 365 00:17:46,092 --> 00:17:48,012 hand delivery from the heritage foundation? 366 00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:49,812 oh! - my bush! 367 00:17:49,812 --> 00:17:50,892 - your what? 368 00:17:50,892 --> 00:17:54,091 - i won a bush at the gala dinner auction. 369 00:17:59,171 --> 00:18:01,531 - oh, my goodness. 370 00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:03,291 president bush painted that? 371 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,891 what do you suppose he was thinking? 372 00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:06,451 - isn't that painting famous, daddy? 373 00:18:06,771 --> 00:18:08,331 i think i saw it on buzzfeed. 374 00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:11,211 - it's possible. i like it. 375 00:18:11,211 --> 00:18:14,091 it captures a certain something. 376 00:18:15,611 --> 00:18:18,571 when i look at my feet in the bathtub, 377 00:18:18,851 --> 00:18:21,010 that's exactly what it feels like. 378 00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:24,010 - yeah. 379 00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:27,570 - it really elevates the room, don't you think? 380 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,290 - whoa. 381 00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:33,370 is that what i think it is? 382 00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:34,690 - early dubya. 383 00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:36,330 - i mean, you can't hang it there. 384 00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:37,630 i'm not gonna eat my cheerios 385 00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,850 looking at bush's bathwater. 386 00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:42,010 well, it's about time. 387 00:18:42,010 --> 00:18:44,090 where's young soo and susan? - uh, held up at work. 388 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,370 don't worry, sir. they'll be here on time. 389 00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:48,130 - they better be. they owe me everything. 390 00:18:48,130 --> 00:18:49,209 their lives were empty. 391 00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:51,009 - and your wife will be here. 392 00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:53,289 - she will? - driving down today. 393 00:18:53,289 --> 00:18:54,889 she's been trying to reach you. 394 00:18:54,889 --> 00:18:57,829 - i know. i've--i've been-- i've been busy. 395 00:18:57,829 --> 00:18:59,929 it's about time. - i'm sorry, senator. 396 00:18:59,929 --> 00:19:01,249 i got held up. 397 00:19:03,369 --> 00:19:05,209 - held up where, james? 398 00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:08,449 - the bank. i had to make a deposit. 399 00:19:08,449 --> 00:19:12,169 - i don't want to talk about it. 400 00:19:12,449 --> 00:19:15,329 - neither do i, but you asked. 401 00:19:15,329 --> 00:19:19,368 - spreading your seed that way is sinful, james. 402 00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:21,328 - it's $130, lola, which i need, 403 00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,848 and i'm helping the childless, who, i might add, 404 00:19:24,168 --> 00:19:26,248 had been abandoned by the so-called creator. 405 00:19:26,568 --> 00:19:28,368 - that's awful, james. - it's true. 406 00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:32,608 i'm just filling in, and if i can bring joy to a fertile 407 00:19:32,848 --> 00:19:37,848 would-be mom, then $130 is a small price to...take. 408 00:19:37,848 --> 00:19:40,368 what's wrong? - i just don't see how you 409 00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:42,248 can sneak off to have a paid orgasm, 410 00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,367 and then show up at a garden party like nothing 411 00:19:44,647 --> 00:19:46,767 happened at all. - what? 412 00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:48,647 i was thinking of you. 413 00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:52,087 i used your selfie from daytona beach! 414 00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:56,087 - you all know me as dr. robert, the love doctor... 415 00:19:56,087 --> 00:19:58,367 rat on! rat on! rat on! 416 00:19:58,367 --> 00:20:02,927 - but in real life, i play a united states senator. 417 00:20:03,207 --> 00:20:07,007 so with the power vested in me by the state of euphoria, 418 00:20:07,007 --> 00:20:11,007 which governs such occasions, i hereby proclaim 419 00:20:11,007 --> 00:20:14,366 young soo and susan formally engaged. 420 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:17,486 - aww. 421 00:20:17,806 --> 00:20:21,606 - mm, and i hereby tweeteth. 422 00:20:23,086 --> 00:20:25,646 - the love doctor has his own twitter feed. 423 00:20:25,886 --> 00:20:28,246 - lol! lol! 424 00:20:28,246 --> 00:20:29,286 - what does that mean again? 425 00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:30,366 - ''lots of love.'' 426 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,006 - lol, lol. 427 00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:34,606 - hashtag, hashtag. 428 00:20:34,606 --> 00:20:37,006 - if i might take the baton... - i am tweeting. 429 00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:40,645 - from the good doctor, i haveth a little surprise 430 00:20:40,925 --> 00:20:43,445 for the happy couple, who are here... 431 00:20:43,725 --> 00:20:48,765 to celebrate a little ''dream'' of their own. 432 00:20:48,765 --> 00:20:49,765 gentlemen. 433 00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:52,485 - jesus christ, singing senators. 434 00:20:52,805 --> 00:20:54,925 i am so sorry. - forget it. 435 00:20:55,205 --> 00:20:58,125 ♪ bom, bom, bom, bom, bom 436 00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:00,045 ♪ bom, bom, bom bom, bom, bom, bom, bom ♪ 437 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,805 - * mr. sandman... - * yes? 438 00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:04,805 - * bring me a dream - * bom, bom, bom, bom 439 00:21:05,085 --> 00:21:07,724 - * make him the cutest that i've ever seen * 440 00:21:08,004 --> 00:21:10,484 - * bom, bom, bom, bom - * give him the word 441 00:21:10,484 --> 00:21:12,404 ♪ that i'm not a rover 442 00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:16,324 ♪ then tell him that his lonesome nights are over ♪ 443 00:21:16,324 --> 00:21:19,284 ♪ sandman, i'm so alone 444 00:21:19,564 --> 00:21:21,844 - * don't have nobody - * don't have nobody 445 00:21:21,844 --> 00:21:24,044 ♪ to call my own 446 00:21:24,044 --> 00:21:27,084 ♪ please turn on your magic beam ♪ 447 00:21:27,324 --> 00:21:32,044 ♪ mr. sandman bring me a dream - excuse me. 448 00:21:32,284 --> 00:21:33,564 robbie. - eve! 449 00:21:33,804 --> 00:21:35,883 aaron told me you were coming down. 450 00:21:35,883 --> 00:21:39,843 why didn't you call? - i did, as you know. 451 00:21:39,843 --> 00:21:40,843 but i can see you've been busy. 452 00:21:41,083 --> 00:21:42,403 - two weddings up on schumer. 453 00:21:42,403 --> 00:21:45,003 - and they say nothing gets done in this town. 454 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:46,603 listen, can we go upstairs and talk for a minute? 455 00:21:46,843 --> 00:21:47,843 like, right now? 456 00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:52,883 - what, and miss louis' solo? please. 457 00:21:52,883 --> 00:21:56,043 - * and lots of wavy hair like liberace! * 458 00:21:56,323 --> 00:21:58,203 - they know this is a chick song, right? 459 00:21:58,203 --> 00:22:01,363 about a guy? - but liberace was gay. 460 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:04,682 - yeah, but at the time, everyone pretended he wasn't. 461 00:22:04,682 --> 00:22:06,282 remind you of someone? 462 00:22:06,562 --> 00:22:08,122 - oh, by the way, 463 00:22:08,362 --> 00:22:11,482 he noticed you touching me at the white house. 464 00:22:11,482 --> 00:22:12,842 - what? - mm-hmm. 465 00:22:12,842 --> 00:22:14,402 we had a little chat. 466 00:22:14,402 --> 00:22:17,842 - give me a fucking break. - * bring us a dream 467 00:22:17,842 --> 00:22:20,482 - that's it. 468 00:22:22,322 --> 00:22:24,922 - oh, my heart's bells! 469 00:22:27,842 --> 00:22:30,361 - hey. - amazing. 470 00:22:30,361 --> 00:22:32,001 just when things seem bad, 471 00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:35,001 life gives you a little present. 472 00:22:37,601 --> 00:22:39,201 - say something. 473 00:22:41,321 --> 00:22:44,201 robbie-- - what do you want me to say? 474 00:22:44,201 --> 00:22:47,241 - i'm sorry, robbie. i didn't see this coming. 475 00:22:47,481 --> 00:22:49,161 i certainly didn't expect it. 476 00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:50,721 - who is he? 477 00:22:50,721 --> 00:22:52,841 - it doesn't matter. - who is he? 478 00:22:53,841 --> 00:22:55,881 - someone i met at the opera. 479 00:22:56,081 --> 00:23:00,000 - the opera? but that's--that's ours. 480 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,600 - it was ours, years ago. 481 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:04,960 he had the seat behind yours. 482 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,800 one evening, he asked why it was always empty. 483 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,400 i started crying. 484 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,680 - what does he do? 485 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,440 - nothing. - psh, there's a future. 486 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,320 - he's in the motorcar trade. 487 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:22,120 - are you kidding me? ''the motorcar trade''? 488 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,480 does he--does he use writing instruments? 489 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,599 does he wear timepieces? 490 00:23:25,599 --> 00:23:27,819 i mean, he makes fucking cars, eve. 491 00:23:27,819 --> 00:23:31,879 he makes--what kind? - lamborghinis. 492 00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:36,679 - we're going away, robert, tomorrow night. 493 00:23:36,679 --> 00:23:40,999 - what? where? - monaco, the grand prix. 494 00:23:40,999 --> 00:23:43,039 he wants me by his side. 495 00:23:43,279 --> 00:23:45,119 it's nice to be needed again. 496 00:23:45,319 --> 00:23:47,719 you know, i never minded that part. 497 00:23:47,999 --> 00:23:52,159 i actually missed it. 498 00:23:52,439 --> 00:23:54,638 nelson is drawing up the papers, but you'll need 499 00:23:54,638 --> 00:23:56,198 to get your own lawyer. 500 00:23:56,198 --> 00:23:58,358 i gave the key to the safe deposit box to jill, 501 00:23:58,358 --> 00:24:00,278 if you want to dust off the prenup. 502 00:24:00,278 --> 00:24:01,818 - * lollipop, lollipop 503 00:24:01,818 --> 00:24:03,438 - there doesn't have to be a whole lot of drama, 504 00:24:03,438 --> 00:24:06,998 robert, and it shouldn't hurt your campaign. 505 00:24:07,318 --> 00:24:09,358 no one cares about this personal stuff anymore. 506 00:24:09,358 --> 00:24:12,038 - * lolli--lolli--lollipop - it happens to everyone. 507 00:24:14,598 --> 00:24:18,038 - senator, you just missed the singing senators! 508 00:24:18,038 --> 00:24:22,837 they did, like, the entire chordettes' songbook. 509 00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:27,277 - i'll be in the basement. 510 00:24:27,277 --> 00:24:30,217 - you should've invited colonel grimmel over, sir. 511 00:24:30,217 --> 00:24:32,597 everyone would have been thrilled to meet him. 512 00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:34,917 you did a great thing getting him that medal. 513 00:24:34,917 --> 00:24:36,237 he's a true hero. 514 00:24:36,237 --> 00:24:40,317 and so handsome, and well-spoken, 515 00:24:40,597 --> 00:24:42,717 and... 516 00:24:42,717 --> 00:24:46,437 i wouldn't be surprised if he ran for office one day. 517 00:24:46,437 --> 00:24:49,316 - and that's all you think it takes to do this job? 518 00:24:49,316 --> 00:24:52,036 a uniform, and a smile, and a fancy damn medal. 519 00:24:52,036 --> 00:24:53,316 do you think that's all it takes? 520 00:24:53,636 --> 00:24:58,076 - no, sir, there are other parts to the package... 521 00:24:58,316 --> 00:25:00,476 like intelligence, judgment, 522 00:25:00,476 --> 00:25:02,356 mental toughness, and perseverance. 523 00:25:02,356 --> 00:25:05,276 - you just assume leland has all these qualities? 524 00:25:05,276 --> 00:25:08,196 - oh, i know, sir. i mean, i spent days 525 00:25:08,396 --> 00:25:10,796 poring over his service records to write 526 00:25:11,076 --> 00:25:12,356 your medal of honor recommendation, 527 00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:14,356 and--and i couldn't find one single flaw! 528 00:25:14,356 --> 00:25:16,835 - well, look harder, god damn it! 529 00:25:17,075 --> 00:25:19,315 - sir! 530 00:25:19,555 --> 00:25:21,995 - my bush! 531 00:25:22,315 --> 00:25:24,155 gil john, for the love of all that's holy, 532 00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,315 do you know how much i paid for this painting? 533 00:25:27,835 --> 00:25:29,915 - you paid money for that? 534 00:25:33,675 --> 00:25:37,675 - louis, how long do you think julie and katharine 535 00:25:37,915 --> 00:25:40,875 have been pleasuring each other? 536 00:25:41,115 --> 00:25:45,274 - louise! we don't know that they ever have. 537 00:25:45,554 --> 00:25:48,714 what you saw could have been a... 538 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,114 a social kiss gone awry, 539 00:25:51,114 --> 00:25:53,274 an innocent slip of the tongue, 540 00:25:54,314 --> 00:25:56,434 or maybe they were experimenting. 541 00:25:56,434 --> 00:25:59,394 haven't you ever been curious? i haven't. 542 00:25:59,394 --> 00:26:02,114 but i'm sure it'll all blow over. 543 00:26:02,114 --> 00:26:04,074 - hmm, louis, i know what i saw, 544 00:26:04,074 --> 00:26:05,474 and there was intentionality. 545 00:26:05,474 --> 00:26:07,874 i'm positive as pie. 546 00:26:08,154 --> 00:26:10,554 i think it's all joseph smith's fault. 547 00:26:10,554 --> 00:26:12,873 - what? louise... 548 00:26:12,873 --> 00:26:15,513 - no, it is. it's the legacy of polygamy. 549 00:26:15,513 --> 00:26:17,553 all those wives, sitting around the parlor when it 550 00:26:17,553 --> 00:26:20,673 wasn't their turn, what were they supposed to do? 551 00:26:20,673 --> 00:26:22,613 a woman needs intimacy. 552 00:26:22,613 --> 00:26:24,473 it's natural adaptation-- 553 00:26:24,473 --> 00:26:26,033 make that unnatural adaptation. 554 00:26:26,273 --> 00:26:29,313 no wonder good mormon girls like julie think it's okay 555 00:26:29,313 --> 00:26:31,153 to be with other girls. 556 00:26:31,153 --> 00:26:33,593 it's probably in their genes by now. 557 00:26:33,833 --> 00:26:35,073 - you think so? - i do. 558 00:26:35,073 --> 00:26:39,592 it just makes scientific common sense. 559 00:26:39,832 --> 00:26:41,392 - hmm. 560 00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:43,712 - here's the problem, maddie. we just assumed that 561 00:26:43,712 --> 00:26:46,992 the primary was the worst of it, so we don't have a war chest 562 00:26:46,992 --> 00:26:48,552 left to deal with this son of a bitch. 563 00:26:48,792 --> 00:26:51,212 so we're gonna have to go after dark money 564 00:26:51,212 --> 00:26:53,552 as soon as he announces. - what dark money? 565 00:26:53,552 --> 00:26:56,112 - the super pacs-- they can hit leland 566 00:26:56,392 --> 00:26:58,312 lower and harder than i can. 567 00:26:58,312 --> 00:27:01,992 i'm gonna have louis make an intro to the watt brothers. 568 00:27:02,232 --> 00:27:04,312 i might have to kiss one or both rings, 569 00:27:04,592 --> 00:27:07,151 but those old boys can make the mud fly. 570 00:27:07,151 --> 00:27:09,311 - hmm. - it's not gonna be easy. 571 00:27:09,311 --> 00:27:12,071 leland's a tough son of a bitch, hard to rattle. 572 00:27:12,391 --> 00:27:15,031 you rip his face off, he grows another. 573 00:27:15,031 --> 00:27:17,951 - honey bear? - hmm? 574 00:27:18,191 --> 00:27:20,871 - you're beginning to scare me, darling. 575 00:27:20,871 --> 00:27:23,311 - yeah? - yeah. 576 00:27:23,311 --> 00:27:26,551 it's kind of a turn-on. 577 00:27:26,791 --> 00:27:29,471 - such a strange day. one minute, katharine's 578 00:27:29,831 --> 00:27:32,511 calling me out for embarrassing the campaign. 579 00:27:32,511 --> 00:27:35,310 the next minute, i come home to find her making out 580 00:27:35,590 --> 00:27:38,630 with julie in front of 50 people, one of whom probably 581 00:27:38,630 --> 00:27:40,230 tweeted a picture of it. 582 00:27:40,230 --> 00:27:41,790 i mean, i hope not, for katharine's sake. 583 00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:44,070 although, i'd probably check it out, 584 00:27:44,070 --> 00:27:45,350 you know, if it was out there. 585 00:27:45,670 --> 00:27:48,350 - sir, what does ''self-deportation'' mean? 586 00:27:48,630 --> 00:27:52,070 - not a word you need to know, marta, i promise. 587 00:27:52,070 --> 00:29:36,000 synch and corrected by kiberline 588 00:29:37,305 --> 00:29:43,847 OpenSubtitles.org require your login in mx player for uploading subtitles, please login now44432

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