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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:54,617 --> 00:00:56,602 I always knew we were a fairly odd family. 2 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,662 First there was me. 3 00:00:59,038 --> 00:01:02,040 Too tall. Too skinny. Too orange. 4 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:05,043 My mum was lovely, but not like other mums. 5 00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:06,570 There was something solid about her. 6 00:01:06,629 --> 00:01:09,715 Something rectangular, busy and unsentimental. 7 00:01:09,841 --> 00:01:11,592 Her fashion icon was the Queen. 8 00:01:12,510 --> 00:01:16,930 Dad, well, he was more normal. He always seemed to have time on his hands. 9 00:01:17,056 --> 00:01:20,350 After giving up teaching university students on his 50th birthday, 10 00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:23,729 he was eternally available for a leisurely chat or 11 00:01:23,855 --> 00:01:25,063 to let me win at table tennis. 12 00:01:25,148 --> 00:01:26,315 Yes. 13 00:01:26,399 --> 00:01:29,276 And then there was Mum's brother, Uncle Desmond. 14 00:01:29,402 --> 00:01:33,405 Always impeccably dressed. He spent the days just, well, 15 00:01:33,531 --> 00:01:35,115 being Uncle Desmond. 16 00:01:35,241 --> 00:01:38,118 He was the most charming and least clever man you could ever meet. 17 00:01:38,870 --> 00:01:42,039 His mind was on other things, though we never found out what. 18 00:01:42,248 --> 00:01:45,042 And then, finally there was Catherine. 19 00:01:45,126 --> 00:01:47,878 Katie. Kit Kat. My sister. 20 00:01:48,046 --> 00:01:51,548 In a household of sensible jackets and haircuts there was this, 21 00:01:51,716 --> 00:01:54,218 well, what can I call her, nature thing. 22 00:01:54,385 --> 00:01:59,139 With her elfin eyes, her purple T-shirts and her eternally bare feet, 23 00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:01,725 she was then, and still is to me, 24 00:02:01,893 --> 00:02:04,520 about the most wonderful thing in the world. 25 00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:09,441 All in all, it was a pretty good childhood. Full of repeated rhythms and patterns. 26 00:02:09,609 --> 00:02:11,235 By the time I was 21, we were still 27 00:02:11,319 --> 00:02:13,654 having tea on the beach every single day. 28 00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:16,573 Skimming stones and eating sandwiches, 29 00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:19,952 summer and winter, no matter what the weather. 30 00:02:24,249 --> 00:02:26,917 And every Friday evening, a film, 31 00:02:27,794 --> 00:02:29,795 no matter what the weather. 32 00:02:30,755 --> 00:02:34,967 And then once a year, the dreaded New Year's Eve party. 33 00:02:51,776 --> 00:02:53,777 Yeah, I might just get one. 34 00:02:56,865 --> 00:02:59,700 You're absolutely gorgeous. 35 00:03:01,119 --> 00:03:03,287 I'm Katie. What am I drinking? 36 00:03:04,122 --> 00:03:05,956 This is very expensive stuff. 37 00:03:06,124 --> 00:03:07,416 Cheers. Cheers. 38 00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:23,765 Come on, it's nearly midnight. 39 00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:25,851 We're all going through. We're going through. 40 00:03:25,977 --> 00:03:27,937 Look, I've gotta find you a... 41 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:30,814 God! 42 00:03:31,107 --> 00:03:34,776 Everyone makes little mistakes. It's fine. Come on. 43 00:03:36,446 --> 00:03:41,158 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. 44 00:03:41,284 --> 00:03:43,327 Happy New Year! 45 00:03:43,494 --> 00:03:45,537 Happy New Year. 46 00:03:47,457 --> 00:03:48,457 Sorry. 47 00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:02,304 And so I woke up the next morning, 48 00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:05,140 hung-over, ashamed of myself, 49 00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:06,934 and not realising it was the day 50 00:04:07,018 --> 00:04:08,560 that would change my life forever. 51 00:04:10,229 --> 00:04:11,897 Get up, stupid. 52 00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:16,026 Dad wants you. 53 00:04:16,152 --> 00:04:18,737 Hello. Sexy pajamas. 54 00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:25,911 Tim, come in. 55 00:04:26,037 --> 00:04:27,329 Do 56 00:04:28,331 --> 00:04:29,665 sit down. 57 00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:33,710 That's very formal. 58 00:04:34,212 --> 00:04:36,171 Well, um, yeah. 59 00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:38,048 This is an odd moment for me 60 00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,258 because I had the same moment with my 61 00:04:40,343 --> 00:04:42,844 father when I'd just turned 21, and after it, 62 00:04:43,721 --> 00:04:48,642 my life was never the same, so I approach it pretty, um, nervously. 63 00:04:48,726 --> 00:04:49,726 Okay. 64 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,270 When you're ready. It's all very mysterious. 65 00:04:52,355 --> 00:04:54,064 Right. 66 00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:59,486 Tim, my dear son, the... 67 00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:03,657 The simple fact is the men in this family 68 00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:06,243 have always had the ability to... 69 00:05:07,245 --> 00:05:09,204 This is going to sound strange, 70 00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:13,333 be prepared for strangeness. Get ready for spooky time, 71 00:05:13,418 --> 00:05:16,378 but there's this family secret. 72 00:05:16,713 --> 00:05:21,049 And the secret is that the men in the family can 73 00:05:23,761 --> 00:05:25,679 travel in time. 74 00:05:27,932 --> 00:05:29,891 Well, more accurately, travel back in time. 75 00:05:30,018 --> 00:05:32,019 We can't travel into the future. 76 00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:33,895 This is such a weird joke. 77 00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:36,273 It's seriously not a joke. 78 00:05:38,026 --> 00:05:42,779 So you're saying that you and granddad, and his brothers 79 00:05:42,947 --> 00:05:45,240 could all travel back in time? Absolutely. 80 00:05:45,366 --> 00:05:47,284 And you still do? Absolutely. 81 00:05:47,452 --> 00:05:50,537 Although it's not as dramatic as it sounds. It's only in my own life. 82 00:05:50,621 --> 00:05:53,623 I can only go to places where I actually was and can remember. 83 00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:57,461 I can't kill Hitler or shag Helen of Troy, unfortunately. 84 00:05:57,587 --> 00:05:58,795 Okay, stop. 85 00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:00,505 Um... 86 00:06:01,466 --> 00:06:03,967 if it's true, which it isn't. Although it is. 87 00:06:04,135 --> 00:06:07,387 Although it isn't, obviously. But if it was, which it's not. Which it is. 88 00:06:07,472 --> 00:06:09,473 Which it isn't. But if it was, how would I... 89 00:06:09,599 --> 00:06:11,725 The ?'How?' is the easy bit, in fact. 90 00:06:11,809 --> 00:06:14,144 You go into a dark place, big cupboards are 91 00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:16,605 very useful generally. Toilets, at a pinch. 92 00:06:16,731 --> 00:06:19,066 Then you clench your fists like this. 93 00:06:19,150 --> 00:06:20,650 Think of the moment you're going to 94 00:06:20,818 --> 00:06:22,277 and you'll find yourself there. 95 00:06:22,653 --> 00:06:25,655 After a bit of a stumble and a rumble and a tumble. 96 00:06:26,157 --> 00:06:27,157 Wow. 97 00:06:27,325 --> 00:06:29,326 Is as good a reaction as any. 98 00:06:29,452 --> 00:06:33,622 I think I plumped for ?'fuck!?' but it was the '70s. 99 00:06:33,748 --> 00:06:35,290 No, this is so obviously a joke. 100 00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:36,917 It's not a joke. 101 00:06:37,293 --> 00:06:39,795 Why would I lie to someone I'm 102 00:06:40,463 --> 00:06:41,546 fairly fond of? 103 00:06:41,672 --> 00:06:42,756 Okay. 104 00:06:42,965 --> 00:06:44,591 But, when I come back downstairs 105 00:06:44,675 --> 00:06:47,344 after standing in a cupboard with my fists clenched, 106 00:06:47,512 --> 00:06:49,679 you're gonna be in so much trouble. 107 00:06:49,806 --> 00:06:51,431 Well, let's see, shall we? 108 00:06:53,810 --> 00:06:56,686 And, Tim, try and do something interesting. 109 00:06:56,813 --> 00:06:58,522 So much trouble. 110 00:06:58,815 --> 00:07:00,607 I mean it. Really. 111 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:10,951 Right. 112 00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:46,278 Wow! 113 00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:03,545 You all right, Tim? 114 00:08:03,629 --> 00:08:05,881 Yes. Yeah. Good, ace. Yeah. 115 00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:08,800 Good, come on. it's nearly midnight and we've got to find... 116 00:08:08,885 --> 00:08:10,093 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 117 00:08:14,432 --> 00:08:15,557 Whoo! Midnight. 118 00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:18,768 10, 9, 8, 7, 119 00:08:19,270 --> 00:08:24,649 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. 120 00:08:24,775 --> 00:08:26,985 Happy New Year! 121 00:08:34,827 --> 00:08:36,244 Thank you, Tim. 122 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:37,787 You're welcome, Polly. 123 00:09:01,479 --> 00:09:02,567 Does Mum know? 124 00:09:02,605 --> 00:09:03,688 Not a whistle. 125 00:09:03,814 --> 00:09:06,829 Strange. And what about the whole... Butterfly effect thing. What can I say? 126 00:09:06,867 --> 00:09:09,118 We don't seem to have messed up civilisation yet. 127 00:09:09,145 --> 00:09:10,520 It�s gonna be a complicated year. 128 00:09:10,529 --> 00:09:12,030 It�s gonna be a complicated life. 129 00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:15,450 What have you done with it? 130 00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,661 For me, it's books, books, books. 131 00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:19,955 I've read everything a man could wish to. 132 00:09:20,039 --> 00:09:24,709 Twice. Dickens three times. Any first thoughts? 133 00:09:25,461 --> 00:09:28,797 Well, I suppose apart from getting a slightly better haircut... Yeah. 134 00:09:28,881 --> 00:09:30,345 Money would be the obvious thing. 135 00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:31,716 Very mixed blessing. 136 00:09:31,801 --> 00:09:33,481 Utterly screwed up your grandfather's life. 137 00:09:33,594 --> 00:09:35,220 Left him without love or friends. 138 00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:37,764 I've never bumped into a genuinely happy rich person. 139 00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:39,933 It would be nice not to have to work. 140 00:09:40,017 --> 00:09:41,768 No, that's a real recipe for disaster. 141 00:09:41,852 --> 00:09:44,337 Look what happened to Uncle Fred. What happened to Uncle Fred? 142 00:09:44,421 --> 00:09:46,798 Absolutely sod all. 143 00:09:46,982 --> 00:09:48,091 Wasted his life. 144 00:09:48,175 --> 00:09:50,176 You have to use it for things that you really think 145 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,095 will make your life the way you want it to be. 146 00:09:52,162 --> 00:09:54,364 Come on, really think about this. 147 00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:55,448 Well, 148 00:09:56,742 --> 00:09:59,202 to be honest, I suppose, at the moment, 149 00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:03,248 it would be just great if it could help me get a girlfriend. 150 00:10:03,332 --> 00:10:04,749 Wow. 151 00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:08,211 Massive. Yeah. 152 00:10:09,297 --> 00:10:10,964 The mother ship. 153 00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:16,052 For me, it was always gonna be about love. 154 00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:18,972 And that summer I walked into the eye of the storm. 155 00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:23,310 Her name was Charlotte. Cousin of Kit Kat's 156 00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:25,895 handsome but nasty boyfriend Jimmy. 157 00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:30,734 And she was staying for two whole months. 158 00:10:34,572 --> 00:10:36,573 Just one. Not both of them. 159 00:10:38,826 --> 00:10:39,826 Tim, 160 00:10:40,661 --> 00:10:42,579 will you do my back? 161 00:10:42,747 --> 00:10:44,039 Absolutely! 162 00:10:48,085 --> 00:10:49,919 Very keen! 163 00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:54,966 Whoa! No. No. 164 00:10:55,343 --> 00:10:57,927 No. No, no. No, no, no. 165 00:10:59,096 --> 00:11:00,597 Is it in my hair? Yes! 166 00:11:08,481 --> 00:11:12,067 Tim. Will you do my back? 167 00:11:12,276 --> 00:11:14,652 Sure. Just give us a sec. 168 00:11:16,989 --> 00:11:17,989 Okay. 169 00:11:30,503 --> 00:11:31,961 Thank you. 170 00:11:34,423 --> 00:11:35,423 Now... 171 00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,307 Ooh. Nice. 172 00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:46,309 It�s my area. 173 00:11:49,188 --> 00:11:52,190 it was a summer of suntan and torture. 174 00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:55,068 I invited my foolish friend Jay around for tennis 175 00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:57,404 because I thought he'd make me look good. 176 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,285 I was wrong! 177 00:12:04,954 --> 00:12:06,621 What are you doing? No. 178 00:12:10,292 --> 00:12:12,252 Charlotte just made both of us look like idiots. 179 00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:13,837 Bad luck, Tim. 180 00:12:18,467 --> 00:12:21,010 How the hell are you meant to concentrate on your game? 181 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,763 How are you meant to live your life 182 00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:26,015 with this sort of shit going down? 183 00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:30,353 It never got better until suddenly 184 00:12:30,855 --> 00:12:32,939 it was almost too late. 185 00:12:33,482 --> 00:12:35,817 Well, Charlotte, our final lunch. 186 00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:37,193 No! 187 00:12:37,486 --> 00:12:40,822 And it's been really, really lovely having you all summer. 188 00:12:40,948 --> 00:12:41,990 it has. 189 00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:43,158 Thank you. Thank you. 190 00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:44,534 It really has. 191 00:12:44,702 --> 00:12:45,952 Hasn't it, Desmond? 192 00:12:46,203 --> 00:12:47,245 Beg your pardon? 193 00:12:47,329 --> 00:12:49,497 Lovely having Charlotte here all summer. 194 00:12:49,874 --> 00:12:51,332 Charlotte? Who's Charlotte? 195 00:12:51,459 --> 00:12:53,710 Come on, darling. Charlotte, sitting next to you. 196 00:12:55,004 --> 00:12:58,339 Yes, of course. Of course. Charlotte. Hi. 197 00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:00,550 Lovely to meet you. 198 00:13:05,014 --> 00:13:08,349 Have you enjoyed having Charlotte here all summer, Tim? 199 00:13:09,977 --> 00:13:10,977 Yeah. 200 00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:13,396 There goes August. 201 00:13:13,564 --> 00:13:15,528 I've introduced him to most things, haven't I? 202 00:13:15,566 --> 00:13:18,067 You did. You were much more sophisticated. 203 00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:20,904 In a quiet way, I like to think. 204 00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:36,085 Come in. 205 00:13:38,422 --> 00:13:39,672 Charlotte. Yeah! 206 00:13:43,594 --> 00:13:47,222 As it's your last night, can I ask you a question? 207 00:13:48,098 --> 00:13:49,849 Yeah. Ask away. 208 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,518 No, wait. 209 00:13:52,853 --> 00:13:55,939 It�s not going to be about love, is it? 210 00:13:56,106 --> 00:13:57,607 Love? What? 211 00:13:57,733 --> 00:14:01,277 Well, it's just that Kit Kat warned me that if you were to ever mention it, I should be 212 00:14:01,403 --> 00:14:03,571 very firm with you and tell you 213 00:14:03,697 --> 00:14:05,865 you must treat me like your sister 214 00:14:05,950 --> 00:14:07,408 and not be stupid. 215 00:14:08,285 --> 00:14:11,287 Or have I just made a total fool of myself 216 00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:13,014 and you were actually going to ask me for 217 00:14:13,123 --> 00:14:14,707 late night last minute tennis tips? 218 00:14:15,543 --> 00:14:17,377 No, it was the love thing. 219 00:14:17,461 --> 00:14:19,128 Well. 220 00:14:20,297 --> 00:14:22,590 That's very sweet of you. 221 00:14:23,425 --> 00:14:26,719 It�s just a shame you left it till the last night. 222 00:14:26,804 --> 00:14:31,641 You should have tried creeping along the corridor while we still had time. 223 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,811 Okay, the ?'last night?' was a bad idea? 224 00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:39,816 Very bad idea. it feels like an ever so slightly insulting afterthought. 225 00:14:40,276 --> 00:14:42,485 ?'Last night?' was never going to work. 226 00:14:43,153 --> 00:14:46,155 All right. Good. I've got it. 227 00:15:06,594 --> 00:15:07,927 Come in. 228 00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:11,264 Tim. Hi. Charlotte. 229 00:15:12,641 --> 00:15:14,350 Hi. Sit down. 230 00:15:16,812 --> 00:15:19,689 I know you've probably suspected this, 231 00:15:19,857 --> 00:15:23,443 but over the last month I've fallen completely in love with you. 232 00:15:25,195 --> 00:15:27,864 Now obviously this was gonna happen 233 00:15:28,115 --> 00:15:32,118 because you're a goddess with that face 234 00:15:32,202 --> 00:15:33,995 and that hair, 235 00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:37,290 but even if you didn't have a nice face, 236 00:15:38,292 --> 00:15:40,960 and even if you had absolutely no hair 237 00:15:41,211 --> 00:15:43,796 because of some bizarre medical reason, 238 00:15:45,215 --> 00:15:47,175 I'd still adore you, 239 00:15:47,718 --> 00:15:48,718 and I... 240 00:15:49,219 --> 00:15:53,890 I just wondered whether, by any chance, you might share my feelings. 241 00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:56,225 Wow. 242 00:15:57,561 --> 00:15:59,437 I tell you what. 243 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,065 Why don't we see how the summer goes 244 00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:05,985 and then you ask me again on my last night? 245 00:16:07,863 --> 00:16:09,656 Your last night? Yes. 246 00:16:10,032 --> 00:16:14,035 Try me on the last night. See what happens then, shall we? 247 00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:16,245 It�s exciting. 248 00:16:16,664 --> 00:16:17,664 Right. 249 00:16:18,248 --> 00:16:22,460 No, it's a perfect plan. That's absolutely perfect. Last night. 250 00:16:22,586 --> 00:16:24,003 Last night. 251 00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:28,466 Thanks very much. 252 00:16:29,635 --> 00:16:31,135 Night-night, Timmy. 253 00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:40,436 Big lesson number one, 254 00:16:40,562 --> 00:16:43,731 all the time travel in the world can't make someone love you. 255 00:16:43,857 --> 00:16:44,857 Bye! 256 00:16:46,068 --> 00:16:48,277 So the love of my life just drove away. 257 00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:53,533 And the very next day it was my turn to leave. 258 00:16:56,286 --> 00:16:59,288 There you go. Don't spend it all at once. 259 00:17:00,999 --> 00:17:01,999 Thanks. 260 00:17:03,502 --> 00:17:07,422 Don't call too often, your mother doesn't like to be disturbed. 261 00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:09,716 Okay. Thanks. 262 00:17:28,110 --> 00:17:32,488 I caught the train to London in search of a future and a girlfriend. 263 00:17:35,159 --> 00:17:37,410 I was staying in St John's Wood, near Abbey Road, 264 00:17:37,494 --> 00:17:40,663 with a playwright friend of my dad's called Harry. 265 00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:44,709 It's always nice to have family connections when you're a new kid in town. 266 00:17:57,639 --> 00:18:01,392 What the fuck do you want? 267 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:04,729 I'm James's son. 268 00:18:04,855 --> 00:18:06,022 Who? 269 00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:09,358 James Lake. What about him? 270 00:18:12,029 --> 00:18:13,780 He said you had a room. 271 00:18:15,199 --> 00:18:17,617 Go in there and wait. 272 00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:21,954 Quietly. I mean it, don't make a sound. 273 00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:24,457 Or I'll kill you. 274 00:18:35,052 --> 00:18:37,595 I was actually having the first good idea I've had for a decade 275 00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:39,222 when you rang on the doorbell. 276 00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,641 But now it's gone. 277 00:18:42,434 --> 00:18:44,393 You little shit. 278 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,103 How's your dad? 279 00:18:46,396 --> 00:18:50,483 Weird cock, I always thought. Something weird about him. 280 00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:51,400 Really? 281 00:18:51,485 --> 00:18:53,986 Yeah, I never really liked him, actually. 282 00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:57,532 Your mum still look like Andy Warhol? 283 00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:58,658 What? 284 00:19:00,035 --> 00:19:02,620 That, by the way, is my wife. 285 00:19:02,788 --> 00:19:04,247 Nice. 286 00:19:04,373 --> 00:19:05,813 Yeah, you wouldn't like her at first. 287 00:19:07,084 --> 00:19:09,001 Sarcastic cow. 288 00:19:10,128 --> 00:19:12,296 But eventually you'd realise that 289 00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:15,466 she's the best human being in the world. 290 00:19:16,218 --> 00:19:18,469 Which is why she left me, of course. 291 00:19:21,014 --> 00:19:22,598 Here you go. 292 00:19:23,225 --> 00:19:26,978 Try not to make too much noise, particularly when having sex. 293 00:19:27,604 --> 00:19:28,646 No chance of that. 294 00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:31,440 Christ, two losers in one house. 295 00:19:31,984 --> 00:19:33,526 That is my daughter. 296 00:19:35,153 --> 00:19:38,823 Have sex with her if you like. Apparently everyone else has. 297 00:19:41,118 --> 00:19:43,578 It wasn't a hopeful set-up for romance. 298 00:19:44,329 --> 00:19:46,998 And work didn't help on that score either. 299 00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:50,126 The world of law seems to be entirely full of men. 300 00:19:52,337 --> 00:19:56,674 Hello. I'm Rory. Very pleased to meet you. A real thrill. 301 00:19:57,134 --> 00:20:00,761 Well, who knows, we might become, you know, pals, et cetera. 302 00:20:02,139 --> 00:20:03,848 Who the hell are you? Tim Lake. 303 00:20:04,266 --> 00:20:06,100 Well, I hope you're better than this clown. 304 00:20:06,768 --> 00:20:08,269 Come on, Roger. 305 00:20:08,395 --> 00:20:09,896 It�s Rory, actually. 306 00:20:10,022 --> 00:20:11,564 I've been here a year and a half. 307 00:20:11,648 --> 00:20:14,233 I'm just saying that to be nice. It's two years actually. 308 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,907 So six lonely months went by and it was still just me and Harry. 309 00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:23,534 Me lawyer-ing every hour of the day and night. 310 00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:26,913 And him putting the finishing touches to his new play. 311 00:20:28,916 --> 00:20:31,542 No matter how many girls there were in the world, 312 00:20:31,668 --> 00:20:34,795 I always seemed to end up with Rory. 313 00:20:34,922 --> 00:20:35,922 Hello. 314 00:20:36,298 --> 00:20:38,090 Until, out of the blue, 315 00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:43,471 on a dodgy night out with dodgy Jay, something miraculous happened. 316 00:20:44,139 --> 00:20:45,973 The waiters are, 317 00:20:46,350 --> 00:20:48,059 wait for this, right, they're blind. 318 00:20:48,143 --> 00:20:49,268 You're kidding me? 319 00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:52,897 I'm kidding you not. No, as bats. As bats! 320 00:20:53,357 --> 00:20:54,982 Very good to have you here, gentlemen. 321 00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:56,984 I hope you enjoy your experience. 322 00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:59,195 Carlo will show you to your table. 323 00:20:59,321 --> 00:21:01,572 Great. Lead on, maestro. 324 00:21:01,698 --> 00:21:04,283 Can I have your right hand on my right shoulder, please? 325 00:21:04,368 --> 00:21:06,786 And your friend hold on to your shoulder. Thank you. 326 00:21:10,415 --> 00:21:13,918 Mind the stairs and be prepared because 327 00:21:14,169 --> 00:21:16,420 it's completely dark. 328 00:21:18,382 --> 00:21:20,091 Okay, gentlemen, if you don't mind, 329 00:21:20,175 --> 00:21:22,551 I can sit you here beside these two young ladies. 330 00:21:22,636 --> 00:21:24,720 No, no. Sounds absolutely perfect! 331 00:21:24,846 --> 00:21:27,014 God, you sound very perky. 332 00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:28,474 I am. And very handsome. 333 00:21:29,643 --> 00:21:31,227 Someone's there. 334 00:21:31,353 --> 00:21:33,521 Hi. Hi. I'm Mary. 335 00:21:33,647 --> 00:21:36,315 I'm Tim. Mary's my mother's name, actually. 336 00:21:36,441 --> 00:21:39,026 Does it suit her? Sort of. 337 00:21:39,152 --> 00:21:42,613 Although she's sturdy, so Bernard might have been a better fit. 338 00:21:44,032 --> 00:21:45,032 Okay. 339 00:21:45,409 --> 00:21:48,119 Something just touched my elbow. 340 00:21:48,245 --> 00:21:49,578 Okay, that wasn't me. 341 00:21:49,663 --> 00:21:53,082 No. Well, that just makes it worse. If it wasn't you, who was it? 342 00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:56,419 it wasn't me because I'm touching something else. 343 00:21:56,545 --> 00:21:59,171 Yes, and you'll stop that right away, thank you. 344 00:21:59,548 --> 00:22:04,135 So, girls, be honest, who is more beautiful? 345 00:22:04,219 --> 00:22:05,761 - I am. - Yeah. She is. 346 00:22:05,887 --> 00:22:07,013 Excellent! 347 00:22:07,139 --> 00:22:08,681 Actually, I look like Kate Moss. 348 00:22:08,807 --> 00:22:10,349 Really? 349 00:22:10,475 --> 00:22:13,310 No. I sort of look like a squirrel. 350 00:22:14,688 --> 00:22:16,022 Do you like Kate Moss? 351 00:22:16,148 --> 00:22:17,523 I absolutely love her. 352 00:22:17,649 --> 00:22:20,818 In fact, I almost wore one of her dresses here tonight. You? 353 00:22:20,944 --> 00:22:23,154 No, no, her clothes look terrible on me. 354 00:22:25,657 --> 00:22:28,034 I cannot believe that it's your birthday next week as well. 355 00:22:28,118 --> 00:22:32,163 Your friend Jay is quite enthusiastic. 356 00:22:32,456 --> 00:22:34,582 I actually hate him. 357 00:22:34,708 --> 00:22:35,624 What's Joanna like? 358 00:22:35,751 --> 00:22:38,502 - She's basically a prostitute. - Yeah. 359 00:22:39,254 --> 00:22:41,172 I think it's strawberry mousse. Ooh! 360 00:22:41,256 --> 00:22:42,381 Do you want some? 361 00:22:42,466 --> 00:22:43,799 Um... Okay. I'll try it. 362 00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:45,092 Okay, where's your mouth? 363 00:22:45,177 --> 00:22:46,802 It�s... 364 00:22:47,679 --> 00:22:49,055 it's here. 365 00:22:49,181 --> 00:22:50,514 Okay. There? 366 00:22:50,682 --> 00:22:52,475 My God, what was that? 367 00:22:52,601 --> 00:22:54,393 That's my eye. 368 00:22:54,519 --> 00:22:57,396 I think there's a lot of... I've got quite a lot of 369 00:22:57,481 --> 00:22:59,523 strawberry mousse in my eye now! 370 00:22:59,649 --> 00:23:00,941 I'm so sorry. 371 00:23:01,026 --> 00:23:04,278 No. Thank you. That's a new sensation for me. 372 00:23:06,823 --> 00:23:10,409 So, maybe I'll see you outside or... 373 00:23:10,744 --> 00:23:12,411 Yeah. Yeah, great. 374 00:23:12,537 --> 00:23:14,330 Great. Scary. 375 00:23:14,456 --> 00:23:16,707 Yeah, it's a bit scary. 376 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,169 My God, I'm so in there. What about you? 377 00:23:20,295 --> 00:23:23,005 I don't know, but she sounded wonderful. 378 00:23:23,090 --> 00:23:24,298 Shh! 379 00:23:25,509 --> 00:23:27,218 Joanna? Jay. 380 00:23:27,344 --> 00:23:29,428 Christ, you're a babe. 381 00:23:29,554 --> 00:23:31,180 How do you fancy stretching the night 382 00:23:31,306 --> 00:23:32,890 out a bit? I can ditch the loser. 383 00:23:33,016 --> 00:23:35,935 We've got to rush, but help me find a cab and I might give you my number. 384 00:23:36,019 --> 00:23:37,019 Of course. Yeah. 385 00:23:37,104 --> 00:23:38,817 Or I might not. Haven't decided yet. So... 386 00:23:38,855 --> 00:23:40,356 I have. it's not gonna happen. 387 00:24:07,884 --> 00:24:09,635 Hi. Hi. 388 00:24:10,929 --> 00:24:13,305 Where's... She and Jay just... 389 00:24:13,431 --> 00:24:16,058 She took him to... I don't know. 390 00:24:16,184 --> 00:24:17,184 Right. 391 00:24:17,352 --> 00:24:19,520 Well, I guess I'd better... 392 00:24:19,646 --> 00:24:23,315 Would it be very wrong if I asked you for your number? 393 00:24:25,318 --> 00:24:26,318 No. 394 00:24:26,653 --> 00:24:29,697 Just in case I ever had to call you about... 395 00:24:30,323 --> 00:24:31,866 Stuff? - 396 00:24:32,617 --> 00:24:33,617 Okay. 397 00:24:37,831 --> 00:24:39,165 Would you... 398 00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:41,083 it's Mary. 399 00:24:41,251 --> 00:24:42,459 Mary. 400 00:24:44,629 --> 00:24:45,880 Okay. 401 00:24:46,506 --> 00:24:48,674 I thought this phone was old and shit, 402 00:24:49,384 --> 00:24:51,594 but suddenly it's my most valuable possession. 403 00:24:52,637 --> 00:24:54,430 You really like me? 404 00:24:56,099 --> 00:24:58,684 Even my frock? 405 00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:00,936 I love your frock. 406 00:25:01,563 --> 00:25:05,149 And my hair? It's not too brown? 407 00:25:05,483 --> 00:25:07,026 I love brown. 408 00:25:08,737 --> 00:25:10,029 My fringe is new. 409 00:25:10,113 --> 00:25:12,323 The fringe is perfect. Fringe is the best bit. 410 00:25:12,407 --> 00:25:13,532 Mary! 411 00:25:13,658 --> 00:25:16,994 We have to go! I found a cab and his dodgy friend is about to assault me. 412 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,455 Okay, I'm coming. 413 00:25:19,581 --> 00:25:21,165 Two seconds. 414 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:23,959 I hope I see you again. 415 00:25:24,586 --> 00:25:25,711 You will. 416 00:25:26,254 --> 00:25:28,589 Okay. Good. 417 00:25:30,175 --> 00:25:33,552 Goodnight. 418 00:26:10,966 --> 00:26:12,549 What's happened? 419 00:26:12,801 --> 00:26:14,885 What have you done, you poor thing? 420 00:26:15,178 --> 00:26:18,097 Nothing. It's just a flesh wound. 421 00:26:18,223 --> 00:26:19,515 Here. Thank you. 422 00:26:23,144 --> 00:26:25,312 You may remember, my play opened tonight. 423 00:26:25,897 --> 00:26:27,481 My God, yes. How did it go? 424 00:26:27,607 --> 00:26:29,149 Well. it went well. 425 00:26:29,526 --> 00:26:33,070 You could tell in the room a masterpiece was being unfurled. 426 00:26:33,196 --> 00:26:35,197 Really? Really. 427 00:26:35,323 --> 00:26:38,867 Until, and this is the crucial plot point, I think, 428 00:26:38,994 --> 00:26:43,747 until the lead actor had the most massive dry in the history of theatre. 429 00:26:43,873 --> 00:26:45,416 No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. 430 00:26:46,876 --> 00:26:48,460 He didn't just forget his lines. 431 00:26:48,586 --> 00:26:50,129 He forgot his lines to the extent 432 00:26:50,213 --> 00:26:52,631 that no actor has ever forgotten their lines 433 00:26:52,757 --> 00:26:55,134 before in the annals of dramatic art. 434 00:26:55,677 --> 00:26:59,054 The reviews won't say,?'Major masterpiece gets unveiled, ?' 435 00:26:59,139 --> 00:27:02,808 they'll say, ?'Major actor gets Alzheimer's.?' 436 00:27:03,476 --> 00:27:04,977 it's a disaster. 437 00:27:05,895 --> 00:27:07,604 Is an understatement. 438 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:13,068 It�s the Titanic of play openings, but with no survivors. 439 00:27:13,737 --> 00:27:16,071 No women, no children, 440 00:27:16,489 --> 00:27:18,741 not even Kate Winslet. 441 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,868 All dead. 442 00:27:22,537 --> 00:27:24,163 Okay. I'll see what I can do. 443 00:27:24,247 --> 00:27:25,622 What does that mean? 444 00:27:26,416 --> 00:27:28,375 What are you gonna do? Ring up every critic 445 00:27:28,501 --> 00:27:30,419 in London and offer them a blow job 446 00:27:30,545 --> 00:27:35,257 if they ignore the fact that we sat in total silence for half an hour 447 00:27:35,383 --> 00:27:40,471 waiting for a moron to remember one single line? 448 00:27:40,597 --> 00:27:42,348 Not quite that. 449 00:27:58,990 --> 00:27:59,990 Hello. 450 00:28:03,620 --> 00:28:08,791 Hello, Sir Tom. I'm a friend of Harry's. How's it going with the lines? 451 00:28:10,126 --> 00:28:12,378 I'm sorry, what do you mean ?'the lines?'? 452 00:28:13,129 --> 00:28:14,797 It�s just, you know, in the court scenes, 453 00:28:14,881 --> 00:28:17,591 some of those lines are pretty complex. 454 00:28:17,717 --> 00:28:20,094 And I just thought maybe it might be worth, you know, 455 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,179 having one last look at the lines 456 00:28:22,263 --> 00:28:25,641 before you go on. A little refresher. 457 00:28:26,893 --> 00:28:29,144 Fuck off out of here. 458 00:28:29,270 --> 00:28:34,024 You arising lunatic. Get out! You ginger twerp. Go on! 459 00:28:34,150 --> 00:28:35,901 Patronising piece of... 460 00:28:47,997 --> 00:28:50,416 And now the Defense. 461 00:29:00,802 --> 00:29:05,472 I have lived many weary years... 462 00:29:05,765 --> 00:29:07,808 it's brilliant... but never, 463 00:29:07,934 --> 00:29:11,979 in that long catalogue of wasted time, 464 00:29:12,647 --> 00:29:17,109 have I ever seen such an atrocious miscarriage of justice. 465 00:29:22,323 --> 00:29:26,660 Do the Prosecution have anything final to add? 466 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,332 Sorry, excuse me. Sorry. 467 00:30:20,673 --> 00:30:25,260 Do the Prosecution have anything final to add? 468 00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:33,435 Psst! 469 00:30:40,860 --> 00:30:41,902 Gentlemen... 470 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:45,280 Gentlemen, 471 00:30:45,823 --> 00:30:50,327 I regard today's proceedings with the utmost gravity. 472 00:30:50,453 --> 00:30:52,204 Nevertheless, 473 00:30:52,789 --> 00:30:55,666 let us be clear of one 474 00:30:57,544 --> 00:31:00,379 simple and salient thing. 475 00:31:03,383 --> 00:31:05,133 It is the life 476 00:31:05,718 --> 00:31:07,678 of a guilty man! 477 00:31:18,982 --> 00:31:22,568 One of the actors appeared to have actually fallen asleep... 478 00:31:22,652 --> 00:31:26,113 Here's the little prick who walked out halfway through. 479 00:31:26,197 --> 00:31:28,115 You missed the best scene, you little twerp. 480 00:31:28,241 --> 00:31:29,241 Sorry. 481 00:31:29,659 --> 00:31:31,827 What did you think of the set? 482 00:31:32,161 --> 00:31:33,370 I thought it was incredible. 483 00:31:33,454 --> 00:31:36,582 Did you? I didn't. Too brown. 484 00:31:39,919 --> 00:31:41,086 Mary! 485 00:31:43,131 --> 00:31:44,798 No. 486 00:31:45,633 --> 00:31:47,175 She's gone. 487 00:32:02,358 --> 00:32:06,361 Two girls in earlier tonight. One of them the prettiest girl in the world. 488 00:32:06,487 --> 00:32:08,388 The other one like a sort of nice prostitute. 489 00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:10,365 Did you get their names? 490 00:32:10,491 --> 00:32:14,286 Yes. They left a while ago. Let's see. 491 00:32:15,330 --> 00:32:17,789 No, I'm afraid they were walk-ins 492 00:32:17,915 --> 00:32:20,375 and it appears they paid by cash. 493 00:32:20,793 --> 00:32:22,502 Sorry, sir. 494 00:32:22,629 --> 00:32:24,389 That's okay. That's fine, it's brilliant. 495 00:32:24,714 --> 00:32:27,841 It�s just the end of my life. Thanks so much. 496 00:32:49,072 --> 00:32:51,073 Cheer up, mate. 497 00:32:51,407 --> 00:32:55,243 Apparently, you're living with Britain's greatest living playwright. 498 00:32:55,578 --> 00:32:57,079 I don't usually read them, obviously, 499 00:32:57,246 --> 00:32:58,747 but I couldn't resist this one. 500 00:32:58,915 --> 00:33:03,919 ?'Harry Chapman found guilty of genius.?' 501 00:33:10,843 --> 00:33:12,135 I have to go out. Right now. 502 00:33:12,261 --> 00:33:13,595 Why? 503 00:33:13,721 --> 00:33:15,514 She loves Kate Moss. 504 00:33:59,142 --> 00:34:00,976 Thanks for keeping me company, Kittle. 505 00:34:01,144 --> 00:34:02,769 Nothing better to do. 506 00:34:02,895 --> 00:34:03,979 How's Jimmy? 507 00:34:04,147 --> 00:34:05,147 Dumped me. 508 00:34:05,273 --> 00:34:06,273 Not again. 509 00:34:06,399 --> 00:34:08,108 And work? They've sacked me. 510 00:34:08,234 --> 00:34:09,234 Idiots. 511 00:34:09,777 --> 00:34:11,486 Coffee? Please. 512 00:34:12,155 --> 00:34:15,449 I've only just noticed this cat in this picture. See that cat? 513 00:34:15,575 --> 00:34:18,452 I do see that cat. It's very good. 514 00:34:19,495 --> 00:34:20,996 My God. 515 00:34:21,956 --> 00:34:23,081 My God! 516 00:34:23,207 --> 00:34:24,332 What? 517 00:34:24,959 --> 00:34:26,334 it's her. 518 00:34:28,087 --> 00:34:29,671 It�s her! 519 00:34:30,757 --> 00:34:32,257 That's her! 520 00:34:33,342 --> 00:34:34,760 Shh! 521 00:34:38,014 --> 00:34:39,598 You go, girl. 522 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:52,360 Sorry. 523 00:34:53,529 --> 00:34:55,322 Hi. Hi. 524 00:34:57,492 --> 00:34:58,867 How are you? 525 00:34:59,619 --> 00:35:01,703 I'm... I'm fine. 526 00:35:02,038 --> 00:35:04,206 It�s so good to see you. 527 00:35:04,373 --> 00:35:06,541 Um... We've never met before. 528 00:35:07,877 --> 00:35:09,836 No, fuck. 529 00:35:10,463 --> 00:35:12,506 No, of course we haven't. No. 530 00:35:12,632 --> 00:35:15,675 Sorry, I think you've mistaken me for someone else. 531 00:35:15,802 --> 00:35:17,469 No, no, no. 532 00:35:18,137 --> 00:35:19,805 Your name's Mary. 533 00:35:21,057 --> 00:35:23,850 That's distinctly weird. 534 00:35:23,976 --> 00:35:25,852 How do you know that? 535 00:35:26,854 --> 00:35:28,730 Well, you look like a Mary. 536 00:35:29,232 --> 00:35:30,524 In what way? 537 00:35:30,650 --> 00:35:31,900 My mum's called Mary. 538 00:35:32,068 --> 00:35:33,527 I look like your mother? 539 00:35:34,070 --> 00:35:36,196 No. You're much prettier. 540 00:35:39,408 --> 00:35:40,826 It�s a nice fringe, by the way. 541 00:35:40,952 --> 00:35:42,369 God, it's new and 542 00:35:42,495 --> 00:35:44,412 probably too short but... No. 543 00:35:44,580 --> 00:35:47,415 Well, gee, thank you and 544 00:35:47,583 --> 00:35:49,918 listen, it was really nice to meet you. 545 00:35:50,086 --> 00:35:53,672 I should probably go because my friend's waiting for me 546 00:35:53,756 --> 00:35:56,174 and you're a, you're a total stranger. 547 00:35:56,425 --> 00:35:57,843 Total stranger. 548 00:35:57,969 --> 00:35:59,344 Yeah, it's crazy stuff. 549 00:35:59,428 --> 00:36:01,263 Yeah, kind of. Okay. 550 00:36:01,389 --> 00:36:02,764 Bye, Mary. Bye. 551 00:36:06,060 --> 00:36:07,018 No. 552 00:36:07,103 --> 00:36:08,270 How did it go? 553 00:36:08,396 --> 00:36:09,521 It was very poor. 554 00:36:09,605 --> 00:36:10,939 Very poor indeed, yeah. 555 00:36:11,107 --> 00:36:12,440 You gotta go again. 556 00:36:13,359 --> 00:36:15,277 You can do it. Take two. 557 00:36:18,698 --> 00:36:22,033 She just always... She always looks different. 558 00:36:23,786 --> 00:36:26,121 Sorry. it's me again. 559 00:36:26,622 --> 00:36:28,248 Hi. Sorry. 560 00:36:28,958 --> 00:36:30,750 Joanna, this is... 561 00:36:31,210 --> 00:36:32,419 Tim. 562 00:36:32,545 --> 00:36:33,712 Hello. Nice to meet you. 563 00:36:36,299 --> 00:36:39,968 Tim is a total stranger whose mother's name is Mary. 564 00:36:40,094 --> 00:36:42,804 I just had a weird experience with Mary here 565 00:36:42,889 --> 00:36:45,432 of thinking she was someone else. But she wasn't. 566 00:36:45,558 --> 00:36:49,769 But I just wondered if I could walk round with you 567 00:36:50,730 --> 00:36:54,649 for a while because my sister Kit Kat is about to leave... 568 00:36:54,775 --> 00:36:55,775 Yeah. 569 00:36:58,404 --> 00:37:00,071 Bye... and... 570 00:37:00,406 --> 00:37:01,823 And so, 571 00:37:02,742 --> 00:37:04,993 I'm about to be quite lonely. 572 00:37:05,661 --> 00:37:09,956 Right. Well, I think we should probably say no. 573 00:37:10,082 --> 00:37:13,168 No, yes. But on the other hand, he's got a quite nice smile 574 00:37:13,294 --> 00:37:15,337 and sort of, you know, fun hair. 575 00:37:17,089 --> 00:37:18,089 Yeah. 576 00:37:19,133 --> 00:37:20,508 All right. 577 00:37:21,010 --> 00:37:25,013 But you have to promise that you are not one of the following things. 578 00:37:25,181 --> 00:37:26,806 One, a lunatic. 579 00:37:26,891 --> 00:37:28,016 Yeah. No. 580 00:37:28,184 --> 00:37:30,977 Two, a fringe fetishist. 581 00:37:31,312 --> 00:37:34,314 I'm just Kate Moss's number one male fan. 582 00:37:36,108 --> 00:37:37,651 God. Really? 583 00:37:37,777 --> 00:37:39,110 Yeah. God, yeah. 584 00:37:39,195 --> 00:37:42,530 Do you agree that the magic of her lies in her history? 585 00:37:43,115 --> 00:37:45,325 That the informality of her early shots 586 00:37:45,409 --> 00:37:48,453 compared to this stuff so you just always know 587 00:37:48,537 --> 00:37:50,914 that, despite the high fashion, she's still just 588 00:37:50,998 --> 00:37:54,626 that cheeky normal naked girl on the beach? 589 00:37:55,711 --> 00:37:57,253 Couldn't have put it better myself. 590 00:37:57,338 --> 00:38:01,049 That's absolutely it. I agree with that profoundly. 591 00:38:02,385 --> 00:38:03,426 Milk? 592 00:38:03,552 --> 00:38:04,552 Yes. 593 00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:06,638 Sugar? No. 594 00:38:06,722 --> 00:38:07,764 Boyfriend? 595 00:38:07,890 --> 00:38:08,974 Yes! 596 00:38:09,141 --> 00:38:11,309 No. No, you don't have a boyfriend. 597 00:38:12,561 --> 00:38:14,896 Do I not look like I'd have a boyfriend? 598 00:38:15,022 --> 00:38:16,918 Do I look like I'd never get a boyfriend? No. 599 00:38:16,957 --> 00:38:18,604 That's the rudest thing I've ever heard. 600 00:38:18,651 --> 00:38:21,486 I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't expect... 601 00:38:22,655 --> 00:38:24,739 Is it quite a new boyfriend? 602 00:38:24,907 --> 00:38:25,907 Yes. 603 00:38:26,409 --> 00:38:28,410 There he is. Rupert. 604 00:38:29,370 --> 00:38:31,246 Yes. He's so cute. Rupert? 605 00:38:31,372 --> 00:38:32,706 Hi, guys. 606 00:38:33,082 --> 00:38:34,916 Sorry I'm late, with my dad. 607 00:38:36,252 --> 00:38:37,252 Hi, Rupee. 608 00:38:38,546 --> 00:38:39,546 ?'Rupee?'? 609 00:38:41,090 --> 00:38:43,258 Well, this is Tim and 610 00:38:43,384 --> 00:38:45,260 we don't know him at all. 611 00:38:45,928 --> 00:38:48,555 Hey, I was thinking we could take in a film after this. 612 00:38:48,681 --> 00:38:50,306 Get some mixed popcorn, share a Coke, 613 00:38:50,433 --> 00:38:51,558 snuggle. Okay. 614 00:38:51,934 --> 00:38:52,934 Okay. 615 00:38:54,270 --> 00:38:56,730 When did you two meet? Exactly? 616 00:38:57,273 --> 00:38:59,274 Well, it was only a week ago, actually. 617 00:39:00,067 --> 00:39:02,902 It�s all been a bit of a whirlwind, hasn't it, poochy face? 618 00:39:03,279 --> 00:39:06,281 I'm gonna have to teach you what you can and can't say in front of people. 619 00:39:06,449 --> 00:39:07,866 No ?'poochy face?'? No. 620 00:39:07,950 --> 00:39:09,951 No. Definitely not. 621 00:39:10,119 --> 00:39:14,122 Come on, then. More details about this wonderful first meeting? 622 00:39:14,248 --> 00:39:15,290 Okay, okay. 623 00:39:15,458 --> 00:39:17,584 It was, um, what... Joanna? 624 00:39:18,127 --> 00:39:19,627 June 17th. 625 00:39:19,795 --> 00:39:21,296 And Jo was having a little party. 626 00:39:22,131 --> 00:39:25,300 A living hell from which Rupert, thank God, rescued me. 627 00:39:25,426 --> 00:39:27,594 And where was this terrible party? 628 00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:29,804 My brothel of a flat. 629 00:39:29,930 --> 00:39:32,110 Which is where, though? That's the question, isn't it. 630 00:39:32,149 --> 00:39:33,279 What are you, a detective? 631 00:39:33,759 --> 00:39:35,794 No, sorry, I've just got a very visual imagination. 632 00:39:35,978 --> 00:39:37,896 I like to imagine stuff completely. 633 00:39:39,065 --> 00:39:43,234 26 Court field Gardens, SW5. Around 8:30. 634 00:39:43,903 --> 00:39:45,987 Dress code, slutty. Will that do? 635 00:39:46,155 --> 00:39:47,906 Absolutely, yes. Although I am wondering 636 00:39:47,990 --> 00:39:51,076 when you got there, Rupert. Early, late? 637 00:39:51,494 --> 00:39:54,662 On time, I think. True love was calling. 638 00:39:54,789 --> 00:39:56,456 God. 639 00:39:56,749 --> 00:39:59,000 I actually feel a bit sick now. Just these 640 00:39:59,168 --> 00:40:01,419 muffins, I think. Never trust a blueberry. 641 00:40:02,838 --> 00:40:04,422 Okay, I'll be back in a tick. 642 00:40:05,841 --> 00:40:07,801 You two are such a lovely couple. 643 00:40:12,181 --> 00:40:13,348 Bit weird. 644 00:40:13,474 --> 00:40:14,641 He's cute. 645 00:40:14,767 --> 00:40:15,767 I like him. 646 00:40:15,893 --> 00:40:16,935 Yeah, me too. 647 00:40:48,175 --> 00:40:50,218 Hello. Do I know you? 648 00:40:50,386 --> 00:40:53,847 No, no, no. I'm a friend of Mary's. 649 00:40:54,390 --> 00:40:57,976 She has another friend? Gosh, you amaze me. But hooray. 650 00:40:58,060 --> 00:40:59,811 Ooh. Hotdog? 651 00:41:00,229 --> 00:41:01,604 Took me hours. Made them myself. 652 00:41:01,730 --> 00:41:03,064 Thanks. 653 00:41:04,692 --> 00:41:07,235 Disgusting. Totally undercooked. 654 00:41:07,361 --> 00:41:08,695 See you later. 655 00:41:15,870 --> 00:41:18,246 Why don't we go upstairs, it's a bit quieter? 656 00:41:33,053 --> 00:41:34,929 Hi. Hi. 657 00:41:35,097 --> 00:41:36,097 I'm Tim. 658 00:41:36,891 --> 00:41:37,932 Mary. 659 00:41:38,058 --> 00:41:40,685 That's my mother's name. Let's not get into that. 660 00:41:40,769 --> 00:41:44,272 Um... I know this is forward but 661 00:41:44,398 --> 00:41:48,443 your face tells me that you're finding this party to be a living hell. 662 00:41:50,529 --> 00:41:51,988 So, I just wondered if you might come 663 00:41:52,072 --> 00:41:55,408 and have a bite to eat with me instead? 664 00:41:56,118 --> 00:41:57,368 Right now. 665 00:41:57,703 --> 00:41:58,828 I'm sorry? 666 00:41:58,913 --> 00:42:01,456 Obviously, I should have thought this through more. 667 00:42:01,790 --> 00:42:03,124 Let's talk about Kate Moss. 668 00:42:05,961 --> 00:42:08,129 I love Kate Moss. 669 00:42:08,297 --> 00:42:10,965 I always think the key thing with her is the history, 670 00:42:11,383 --> 00:42:15,595 you know, the informality of her early shots compared to high fashion stuff 671 00:42:15,721 --> 00:42:18,890 so you always know that underneath she's still just the same 672 00:42:19,308 --> 00:42:22,477 cheeky normal girl naked on the beach. 673 00:42:22,603 --> 00:42:23,603 The beach. 674 00:42:24,146 --> 00:42:26,814 I agree with you completely. 675 00:42:27,107 --> 00:42:30,151 If we leave now then we can have, you know, more than one starter. 676 00:42:35,407 --> 00:42:37,075 I love your eyes. 677 00:42:38,953 --> 00:42:41,955 And I love the rest of your face, too. 678 00:42:52,174 --> 00:42:53,925 More than one starter? 679 00:42:54,051 --> 00:42:55,760 10 amazing starters. 680 00:42:56,845 --> 00:42:58,763 After you. Thanks. 681 00:42:58,931 --> 00:43:01,099 Ten minutes is long enough for any party, I think. 682 00:43:01,183 --> 00:43:03,101 Yeah. 683 00:43:03,185 --> 00:43:04,519 Especially that one. 684 00:43:04,687 --> 00:43:06,187 Evening, all. 685 00:43:06,355 --> 00:43:08,690 God! What a dickhead. 686 00:43:09,817 --> 00:43:10,775 Yeah. 687 00:43:13,821 --> 00:43:16,322 So, what do you do? 688 00:43:17,700 --> 00:43:19,951 I'm a reader at a publisher. 689 00:43:20,035 --> 00:43:22,704 No! You read for a living? 690 00:43:23,372 --> 00:43:26,165 Yes, that's it. I read. 691 00:43:26,292 --> 00:43:27,834 That's so great. 692 00:43:28,168 --> 00:43:30,044 It�s like someone asking, 'What do you do 693 00:43:30,170 --> 00:43:32,005 for a living??' 'Well, I breathe. 694 00:43:32,131 --> 00:43:35,216 'l'm a breather, I get paid for breathing.?' 695 00:43:35,718 --> 00:43:39,345 How did you get that job? Okay, smart-ass, what do you do? 696 00:43:40,389 --> 00:43:42,223 I am a lawyer. 697 00:43:42,558 --> 00:43:43,808 Sort of. Sort of. 698 00:43:43,892 --> 00:43:45,560 That's sexy. 699 00:43:46,061 --> 00:43:47,395 Is it? 700 00:43:47,521 --> 00:43:48,896 I mean, I think so. 701 00:43:49,815 --> 00:43:54,068 In a suit, in a court, saving people's lives. Kind of sexy. 702 00:43:54,403 --> 00:43:56,443 I guess it is. Although it's not as sexy as reading. 703 00:43:56,530 --> 00:43:59,907 Sitting there in an office, in a little chair reading. 704 00:44:00,075 --> 00:44:01,492 Okay, stop. Ooh! 705 00:44:01,577 --> 00:44:03,244 Just wait right there, mister, because 706 00:44:03,329 --> 00:44:05,913 a lot of books get submitted to my publisher. 707 00:44:06,081 --> 00:44:07,749 So it's an immense responsibility. 708 00:44:07,875 --> 00:44:09,500 I bet it is. 709 00:44:09,585 --> 00:44:11,586 But when you do normal reading, 710 00:44:12,421 --> 00:44:15,381 is it ruined because it's your job? You know, like prostitutes? 711 00:44:15,507 --> 00:44:17,633 I always worry that when they stop being prostitutes 712 00:44:17,718 --> 00:44:19,093 that they can't enjoy sex any more. 713 00:44:19,219 --> 00:44:20,595 You always worry about that? 714 00:44:20,679 --> 00:44:22,805 No, I sometimes worry about it. Good. Okay. 715 00:44:22,890 --> 00:44:25,800 Because someone who always worried about that would be a bit of a worry. 716 00:44:25,884 --> 00:44:28,552 When you read a newspaper, do you think,?'Forget this, it's work?'? 717 00:44:28,736 --> 00:44:30,654 Have you interviewed a lot of prostitutes? 718 00:44:30,838 --> 00:44:32,756 When you read a menu, do you think, 719 00:44:32,940 --> 00:44:35,709 ?'No, I'm not reading this, unless you pay me hard cash.?' 720 00:44:35,735 --> 00:44:39,046 How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is solved? 721 00:44:39,114 --> 00:44:43,034 Are you planning to head to Eastern Europe and Thailand? 722 00:44:57,216 --> 00:45:00,968 Um... Would you like to walk me to my car? 723 00:45:01,095 --> 00:45:03,596 Yes. Why not? Okay. 724 00:45:03,806 --> 00:45:05,765 Sounds like a good idea. 725 00:45:06,475 --> 00:45:07,725 What about you? 726 00:45:07,810 --> 00:45:10,895 Yeah, I have three older brothers. 727 00:45:11,105 --> 00:45:12,563 God. Yeah. 728 00:45:12,648 --> 00:45:14,232 Where are they? 729 00:45:15,818 --> 00:45:17,402 Behind you. 730 00:45:26,787 --> 00:45:28,830 Did you have trouble parking? 731 00:45:30,749 --> 00:45:32,333 Pardon? 732 00:45:32,459 --> 00:45:34,001 It�s just such a long way to your car. 733 00:45:34,169 --> 00:45:36,587 Well, my car's actually parked outside 734 00:45:36,713 --> 00:45:39,173 my house. I got a lift to the party. 735 00:45:41,510 --> 00:45:42,510 Okay. 736 00:45:44,430 --> 00:45:46,431 That's good. That's perfect. 737 00:45:46,849 --> 00:45:47,849 Okay. 738 00:45:52,604 --> 00:45:54,647 And here we are. 739 00:45:54,773 --> 00:45:56,691 My God. Yeah. 740 00:45:56,817 --> 00:46:00,153 Car, house. House, car. 741 00:46:02,489 --> 00:46:04,657 It makes perfect sense. 742 00:46:04,950 --> 00:46:06,617 It�s very logical. 743 00:46:27,973 --> 00:46:28,973 Christ. 744 00:46:31,393 --> 00:46:32,602 Um... 745 00:46:35,397 --> 00:46:36,564 Keys! 746 00:46:50,996 --> 00:46:54,999 I'm gonna go into the bedroom and put on my new pajamas. 747 00:46:55,375 --> 00:46:56,375 Right. 748 00:46:57,419 --> 00:47:00,713 And then in a minute you can come in and take them off. 749 00:47:01,673 --> 00:47:03,424 If you want to. 750 00:47:13,602 --> 00:47:15,102 One minute. 751 00:47:20,025 --> 00:47:21,025 Hi. 752 00:47:24,613 --> 00:47:28,449 God. Are you... Are you okay? Yeah. 753 00:47:30,786 --> 00:47:31,869 Sorry. 754 00:47:31,995 --> 00:47:33,079 That's okay. 755 00:47:56,979 --> 00:47:59,647 It�s a front opener. 756 00:47:59,773 --> 00:48:01,357 It�s a what? 757 00:48:01,483 --> 00:48:03,150 It opens from the front. 758 00:48:04,319 --> 00:48:06,445 Yeah, no, yeah, of course. 759 00:48:06,613 --> 00:48:08,155 Thanks. Sure. 760 00:48:10,742 --> 00:48:12,326 Ooh! Well done. 761 00:48:20,669 --> 00:48:23,004 I'm sure it'll be better next time. 762 00:48:24,506 --> 00:48:27,008 I thought it was pretty lovely. 763 00:48:27,759 --> 00:48:30,177 Right, no, it was really lovely. 764 00:48:32,514 --> 00:48:35,182 In fact, can you just give me one minute? 765 00:48:36,643 --> 00:48:37,643 Okay. 766 00:48:43,775 --> 00:48:44,775 Hi. 767 00:48:47,446 --> 00:48:48,696 Dangerous. 768 00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,119 You really know your bras. 769 00:48:56,038 --> 00:48:57,079 I like to think so. 770 00:49:02,544 --> 00:49:06,714 Well done. Some people make a real mess of it the first time. 771 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,299 Amateurs. 772 00:49:10,552 --> 00:49:12,720 Could you give me one second? 773 00:49:13,805 --> 00:49:14,805 Sure. 774 00:49:15,974 --> 00:49:17,224 I couldn't wait. 775 00:49:19,311 --> 00:49:21,479 My goodness. 776 00:49:26,401 --> 00:49:31,739 Best night of my entire life. And now I've got a suspicion I'm gonna have 777 00:49:31,823 --> 00:49:34,659 the best sleep of my entire life. 778 00:49:36,328 --> 00:49:39,497 So once is enough for my perfect guy? 779 00:49:40,332 --> 00:49:43,000 I'm not sure that's entirely fair. 780 00:49:49,424 --> 00:49:51,008 We're late. No, we're not. 781 00:49:52,511 --> 00:49:55,054 It'll be fine. it's only... My God. 782 00:50:06,650 --> 00:50:07,650 Bye. 783 00:50:15,867 --> 00:50:17,107 Don't worry, you're coming with. 784 00:50:23,792 --> 00:50:25,126 I'm taking you home! 785 00:50:30,966 --> 00:50:32,717 Bye. Bye. Bye. 786 00:50:34,553 --> 00:50:35,553 No! 787 00:51:21,558 --> 00:51:23,851 Okay. I have some bad news. 788 00:51:24,561 --> 00:51:26,645 You're dying? No, not that bad. 789 00:51:26,730 --> 00:51:28,522 I'm dying? No. 790 00:51:28,690 --> 00:51:32,193 My parents are in town. They're visiting and they're coming around. 791 00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,320 God. Parents? American parents? 792 00:51:35,572 --> 00:51:37,031 When? Now. 793 00:51:37,365 --> 00:51:39,158 They told me and I didn't tell you 794 00:51:39,493 --> 00:51:42,294 and I thought they'd cancel because they normally do and they didn't. 795 00:51:42,378 --> 00:51:43,929 Now now? Now now. 796 00:51:44,014 --> 00:51:45,615 So you should probably put on some pants. 797 00:51:46,541 --> 00:51:48,918 God. Okay, okay. 798 00:51:49,002 --> 00:51:51,670 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 799 00:51:51,797 --> 00:51:53,214 Do they know I exist? 800 00:51:53,381 --> 00:51:57,510 Yeah. I've mentioned something like you, but nothing very specific. 801 00:51:57,594 --> 00:52:01,388 Yeah, they're quite conservative, so maybe not those pants. 802 00:52:03,892 --> 00:52:05,559 Okay. Yeah. 803 00:52:05,769 --> 00:52:08,729 God. Okay. 804 00:52:10,899 --> 00:52:13,609 Could you just stall them. Stall them. 805 00:52:16,696 --> 00:52:17,696 Come on up. 806 00:52:18,198 --> 00:52:20,741 What? I'm sorry, they don't like waiting. 807 00:52:20,867 --> 00:52:22,576 Okay. Do I live here? 808 00:52:22,702 --> 00:52:24,370 Definitely not. 809 00:52:24,913 --> 00:52:26,497 Are we having sex? 810 00:52:26,623 --> 00:52:28,249 Yeah. But not oral. 811 00:52:28,416 --> 00:52:29,750 I wasn't gonna mention oral. 812 00:52:29,876 --> 00:52:32,628 Okay, good, don't. How did you think that was gonna come up? 813 00:52:32,754 --> 00:52:34,154 Could you help me with this, please? 814 00:52:34,256 --> 00:52:37,424 I don't know. if it does, just deny it completely. 815 00:52:37,592 --> 00:52:39,593 Who's gonna bring it up? Your dad? 816 00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:42,429 ?'Tim, had any cunnilingus with my daughter recently??' 817 00:52:42,556 --> 00:52:43,806 Well, you never know. 818 00:52:43,932 --> 00:52:45,224 Okay. 819 00:52:45,767 --> 00:52:47,852 Okay. Ready? Yeah. 820 00:52:49,104 --> 00:52:51,105 They're there. They are, yeah. 821 00:52:51,273 --> 00:52:52,940 Yeah, right behind you. Okay. Right, okay. 822 00:52:56,278 --> 00:52:58,112 Dad! Hello, sweet. 823 00:52:58,321 --> 00:53:00,406 Mom. Hi. Hi, honey. 824 00:53:00,490 --> 00:53:02,950 This is Tim. 825 00:53:03,118 --> 00:53:05,160 Hello, sir. Ma'am. 826 00:53:05,745 --> 00:53:08,622 Should we come back when you haven't got any company, or... 827 00:53:09,791 --> 00:53:12,042 Well, that would be quite difficult 828 00:53:12,168 --> 00:53:14,461 because Tim actually lives here. 829 00:53:15,964 --> 00:53:18,299 Really? With you? 830 00:53:18,633 --> 00:53:22,303 Yes. Yeah, but no oral sex, I promise you. 831 00:53:24,139 --> 00:53:25,639 I beg your pardon? 832 00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:28,100 Excuse me. 833 00:53:29,477 --> 00:53:33,147 So, Tim, tell us where are you from, which part of the country? 834 00:53:33,773 --> 00:53:36,358 He's from Cornwall. Yeah, it's really pretty. 835 00:53:36,484 --> 00:53:40,154 It�s that little bit right at the end, sort of looks like a shoe. 836 00:53:40,822 --> 00:53:42,281 And you're a lawyer, is that right? 837 00:53:43,158 --> 00:53:45,284 Yep, that's right. And he never loses. 838 00:53:45,368 --> 00:53:48,667 You don't think he's gonna win, then he just pulls something out of the bag and, 839 00:53:48,705 --> 00:53:49,955 what do you know, he wins again. 840 00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:53,334 Do you ever answer any of your own questions? 841 00:53:53,501 --> 00:53:55,127 I... 842 00:53:55,211 --> 00:53:57,880 Yes, he does. Usually he does, 843 00:53:58,006 --> 00:53:59,246 but not today because I'm doing 844 00:53:59,341 --> 00:54:00,981 all the talking because I'm really nervous 845 00:54:01,301 --> 00:54:06,013 and I kind of love him and I just... l want you to, too. 846 00:54:06,139 --> 00:54:07,681 Honey. 847 00:54:07,974 --> 00:54:10,476 Sorry. Tim. Over to you. 848 00:54:10,977 --> 00:54:11,977 Shoot. 849 00:54:13,688 --> 00:54:14,813 Yeah, I think my dad... 850 00:54:14,940 --> 00:54:17,191 Can I just say one more thing? Um... 851 00:54:17,734 --> 00:54:19,568 Thank God that's over. 852 00:54:19,694 --> 00:54:20,945 I got given two tickets 853 00:54:21,029 --> 00:54:23,280 for the National Theatre tomorrow. Do you wanna come? 854 00:54:23,365 --> 00:54:27,368 No, so not. I'm just gonna sleep all day. 855 00:54:27,827 --> 00:54:31,372 I don't see why going to the theatre should get in the way of that. 856 00:54:31,498 --> 00:54:34,875 Many of the best sleeps of my life have happened in the Royal Shakespeare Company. 857 00:54:35,335 --> 00:54:37,544 No, you take someone else. 858 00:54:37,712 --> 00:54:41,548 I really like bed and I really hate theatre. 859 00:54:42,008 --> 00:54:43,384 Quite right. 860 00:54:44,511 --> 00:54:48,180 But what kind of sad act is gonna be free on a Saturday night 861 00:54:48,765 --> 00:54:50,808 with no day's notice? 862 00:54:52,060 --> 00:54:53,060 Bravo. 863 00:54:55,772 --> 00:54:58,232 My God. it's Charlotte. Who? 864 00:54:58,733 --> 00:55:00,567 It was my first love. Where? 865 00:55:00,735 --> 00:55:02,695 There. Under the ?'exit?' sign. 866 00:55:02,779 --> 00:55:04,446 - The old woman? - No, not the old woman. 867 00:55:04,531 --> 00:55:05,781 The astonishing blonde. 868 00:55:05,865 --> 00:55:07,533 The one with the dark hair? No, blonde. 869 00:55:07,617 --> 00:55:09,243 Blonde means blonde hair, doesn't it? 870 00:55:10,412 --> 00:55:11,954 Off the stage. 871 00:55:12,372 --> 00:55:14,623 Okay, you stay there. I mean it, stay! 872 00:55:27,053 --> 00:55:28,053 Charlotte. 873 00:55:29,097 --> 00:55:31,098 My God. Tim. 874 00:55:31,641 --> 00:55:34,143 How fabulous to see you. 875 00:55:35,145 --> 00:55:38,397 Wow. I... This is my girlfriend Tina. 876 00:55:38,481 --> 00:55:39,773 No. 877 00:55:41,484 --> 00:55:44,069 That is so brilliant. Well, hello, Tina. 878 00:55:44,154 --> 00:55:45,779 Why is it brilliant? 879 00:55:45,905 --> 00:55:49,057 Well, you know. There are certain moments in your life that scar you for life. 880 00:55:49,083 --> 00:55:52,085 Charlotte's rejection of me was one of those moments, 881 00:55:52,153 --> 00:55:54,780 but now I know she's got a ?'girlfriend, ?' well, 882 00:55:54,864 --> 00:55:57,349 that's just a huge burden suddenly lifted off my mind. 883 00:55:57,433 --> 00:56:00,135 I can be a confident heterosexual all over again. 884 00:56:01,963 --> 00:56:04,590 Not that kind of girlfriend. 885 00:56:06,259 --> 00:56:07,259 What? 886 00:56:08,011 --> 00:56:09,636 You think I'm gay? 887 00:56:10,764 --> 00:56:11,764 No. 888 00:56:12,265 --> 00:56:15,934 No, of course not. No. it's girl friend. 889 00:56:16,019 --> 00:56:17,936 Yes. No. Wow. 890 00:56:18,021 --> 00:56:21,482 Yeah, friend who is a girl, which you so clearly are. 891 00:56:21,649 --> 00:56:25,444 I'm just gonna go and get my boyfriend, who is a boy... 892 00:56:31,618 --> 00:56:33,786 My God. Tim. 893 00:56:34,329 --> 00:56:37,122 How lovely to see you. Look at you. Wow. 894 00:56:37,207 --> 00:56:38,916 This is my girlfriend Tina. 895 00:56:40,627 --> 00:56:42,336 Hello, Tina. Although you should be 896 00:56:42,462 --> 00:56:44,171 a little careful with that, by the way. 897 00:56:44,297 --> 00:56:47,341 There are still quite a lot of us old fashioned types about 898 00:56:47,467 --> 00:56:49,676 who interpret girlfriend as meaning gay. 899 00:56:49,803 --> 00:56:53,066 So if you say that Tina's your girlfriend, people will assume that you're ?'gay.?' 900 00:56:54,015 --> 00:56:55,474 I am 'gay.' 901 00:56:56,476 --> 00:56:57,684 Are you? 902 00:56:57,852 --> 00:56:59,092 Do you have a problem with that? 903 00:56:59,854 --> 00:57:02,731 No, I don't. I love that stuff. 904 00:57:03,525 --> 00:57:04,691 I'm just gonna... 905 00:57:07,195 --> 00:57:08,195 Wow. 906 00:57:08,696 --> 00:57:11,532 I've just seen the girl who broke my heart three summers ago. 907 00:57:11,658 --> 00:57:13,534 Let's go say hello. 908 00:57:13,660 --> 00:57:15,536 No. Best let sleeping dogs lie. Come on. 909 00:57:15,703 --> 00:57:18,080 Best night of my life. I always love this area. 910 00:57:18,164 --> 00:57:20,541 It�s so bustling and I mean those pictures, full of colour. 911 00:57:20,708 --> 00:57:23,794 Just makes me so happy when I'm round here, all the colour... Tim. 912 00:57:23,878 --> 00:57:25,212 Charlotte! 913 00:57:25,338 --> 00:57:26,713 Tim, how lovely to see you. 914 00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,340 What a surprise. 915 00:57:28,424 --> 00:57:31,385 Wow. Sorry. This is my girlfriend, Tina. 916 00:57:31,553 --> 00:57:33,387 She's gay. Shut up. 917 00:57:33,513 --> 00:57:34,721 Hello, Tina. 918 00:57:34,848 --> 00:57:36,056 Look at you! 919 00:57:36,182 --> 00:57:38,016 It just never even occurred to me 920 00:57:38,143 --> 00:57:39,935 you existed outside of Cornwall. 921 00:57:40,728 --> 00:57:42,896 We're about to go and get dinner, 922 00:57:43,022 --> 00:57:45,107 but it would be great to hang out sometime. 923 00:57:45,233 --> 00:57:47,067 Yeah, sure. I'd love that. 924 00:57:47,235 --> 00:57:49,027 Send my love to little Kit Kat. How is she? 925 00:57:49,571 --> 00:57:53,073 She's okay. She's not finding London totally easy actually. 926 00:57:53,241 --> 00:57:55,409 Right. Well, Jimmy says he sees her sometimes. 927 00:57:55,702 --> 00:57:57,119 Really? Since when? 928 00:57:57,245 --> 00:57:59,288 You knew there was always something there. 929 00:57:59,414 --> 00:58:01,081 Sorry, you are? 930 00:58:01,249 --> 00:58:02,249 Very well, thank you. 931 00:58:02,417 --> 00:58:03,457 Well, she means your name. 932 00:58:03,585 --> 00:58:04,918 Roger. No, it's not. 933 00:58:05,044 --> 00:58:07,379 No, it's not. it's Rory. 934 00:58:07,463 --> 00:58:09,381 Nice to meet you, Rory. Yeah. 935 00:58:10,091 --> 00:58:11,800 Right. Sorry, we should get going. 936 00:58:11,926 --> 00:58:13,260 It was really great to see you. 937 00:58:13,344 --> 00:58:14,761 I'll see you soon. You, too. Yeah. 938 00:58:15,263 --> 00:58:16,263 Bye. 939 00:58:16,639 --> 00:58:18,473 God, she is beautiful. 940 00:58:19,934 --> 00:58:23,604 She's so beautiful, if you had sex with her, you'd die. You'd just die. 941 00:58:23,730 --> 00:58:27,107 You'd open her shirt, see her breasts and your eyes would explode. 942 00:58:27,233 --> 00:58:29,514 You'd have to have sex with her blind. And then you'd die. 943 00:58:29,611 --> 00:58:32,154 You notice she didn't give me her number... 944 00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:36,158 I told Tina to go have dinner on her own. Are you hungry? 945 00:58:36,284 --> 00:58:38,785 Yeah. Of course. Great. 946 00:58:39,245 --> 00:58:40,787 Bye, Roger. 947 00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:42,748 Yeah, excellent. 948 00:58:43,124 --> 00:58:45,614 Thanks again for the play. Triumph. Where do you wanna go? 949 00:58:45,835 --> 00:58:48,253 Well, wherever you like really. 950 00:58:48,338 --> 00:58:50,797 I can't compete. 951 00:59:02,268 --> 00:59:03,352 You know, 952 00:59:03,686 --> 00:59:07,648 I'm starting to think we slightly wasted that summer holiday. 953 00:59:08,483 --> 00:59:11,193 If we could travel back in time, 954 00:59:11,319 --> 00:59:13,862 maybe I wouldn't have said no. 955 00:59:15,782 --> 00:59:16,782 I'm... 956 00:59:17,659 --> 00:59:19,660 I'm just staying round the corner. 957 00:59:19,786 --> 00:59:21,328 Can you walk me home? 958 00:59:22,956 --> 00:59:23,956 Yeah. 959 00:59:24,540 --> 00:59:26,375 Yeah? Yeah, of course, yeah. 960 00:59:36,344 --> 00:59:38,804 Well, here we are. 961 00:59:44,185 --> 00:59:46,019 it's a lot nicer 962 00:59:46,437 --> 00:59:47,604 inside. 963 00:59:48,314 --> 00:59:49,856 I'm sure it is. 964 00:59:57,031 --> 00:59:59,032 So... So... 965 01:00:00,201 --> 01:00:01,201 So... 966 01:00:03,371 --> 01:00:04,371 So, 967 01:00:04,789 --> 01:00:06,123 lovely 968 01:00:07,458 --> 01:00:09,376 to see you, Charlotte. 969 01:00:09,502 --> 01:00:13,213 What a night. Total joy, but I've gotta 970 01:00:14,215 --> 01:00:15,716 get back 971 01:00:16,551 --> 01:00:19,886 because there's something very important that I have to do. Right now. 972 01:00:53,087 --> 01:00:56,381 Wake up. Wake up. What? 973 01:00:56,549 --> 01:00:57,549 Mary. 974 01:00:58,926 --> 01:01:00,677 Would you like to marry me? 975 01:01:00,762 --> 01:01:01,970 Shh. 976 01:01:02,263 --> 01:01:06,266 Don't be so selfish, I'm sleeping. it's bad. 977 01:01:08,394 --> 01:01:09,394 Right. 978 01:01:10,355 --> 01:01:12,189 That went very well. 979 01:01:19,697 --> 01:01:20,947 Wake up. 980 01:01:21,115 --> 01:01:22,115 What? 981 01:01:23,701 --> 01:01:25,702 Wake up. Come and have a chat. 982 01:01:25,787 --> 01:01:26,787 Why? 983 01:01:27,955 --> 01:01:30,374 I've got something important to ask you. 984 01:01:33,211 --> 01:01:35,295 Can't it wait till morning? 985 01:01:35,630 --> 01:01:37,255 Not really. 986 01:01:38,216 --> 01:01:41,218 But I'm so comfy. 987 01:01:41,719 --> 01:01:44,388 I was having the loveliest dream. 988 01:01:45,139 --> 01:01:46,765 What is it? 989 01:01:47,475 --> 01:01:49,976 Why is there music on? 990 01:01:50,436 --> 01:01:53,146 It�s got something to do with what I want to ask you. 991 01:01:54,816 --> 01:01:56,650 Wait a minute. 992 01:01:57,485 --> 01:01:59,444 Romantic music. 993 01:02:00,822 --> 01:02:03,323 Guy with important question. 994 01:02:03,491 --> 01:02:05,117 Are you on your knees? 995 01:02:05,618 --> 01:02:07,619 On his knees. 996 01:02:09,497 --> 01:02:12,290 Were you so bored in the play you decided 997 01:02:12,417 --> 01:02:15,168 to ask me to marry you afterwards? 998 01:02:17,463 --> 01:02:19,131 Something like that. 999 01:02:22,427 --> 01:02:24,428 Yeah. Exactly that. 1000 01:02:25,805 --> 01:02:27,139 In fact, 1001 01:02:30,184 --> 01:02:32,018 will you marry me? 1002 01:02:38,526 --> 01:02:40,527 Any thoughts on the answer? 1003 01:02:41,154 --> 01:02:45,157 'Yes' 'No' Get out of my life, loser.' They're all possible. 1004 01:02:48,703 --> 01:02:51,371 I think I'll go for 1005 01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:54,040 'yes.' 1006 01:02:59,839 --> 01:03:02,007 Thank you for asking me. 1007 01:03:02,550 --> 01:03:07,179 And thank you for not going for one of those melodramatic proposals 1008 01:03:07,305 --> 01:03:09,681 with lots of people around. 1009 01:03:10,224 --> 01:03:12,142 I hate other people. 1010 01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:13,852 Me, too. 1011 01:03:14,562 --> 01:03:15,562 Yeah. 1012 01:03:17,190 --> 01:03:19,399 I'm just gonna turn off the radio. 1013 01:03:19,859 --> 01:03:22,068 Okay. Good idea. 1014 01:03:29,744 --> 01:03:32,913 Thanks, guys. Sorry, she's a bit tired. 1015 01:03:33,748 --> 01:03:37,834 But we really appreciate it. Can you go? 1016 01:03:46,928 --> 01:03:48,261 Wow! 1017 01:03:48,596 --> 01:03:50,597 That's so beautiful. 1018 01:03:50,723 --> 01:03:53,350 I don't think we'll be staying in the same room, somehow. 1019 01:03:53,434 --> 01:03:54,684 Really? 1020 01:03:54,769 --> 01:03:57,771 If they offer you tea, just say no. 1021 01:03:58,564 --> 01:03:59,940 Hello. 1022 01:04:00,066 --> 01:04:01,441 Mum, this is Mary. 1023 01:04:01,567 --> 01:04:02,901 Mary! Hi. 1024 01:04:03,027 --> 01:04:04,611 Good Lord, you're pretty. 1025 01:04:04,779 --> 01:04:06,363 No, it's just 1026 01:04:06,781 --> 01:04:09,282 I've got a lot of mascara and lipstick on. 1027 01:04:09,408 --> 01:04:10,784 Let's have a look. 1028 01:04:10,910 --> 01:04:13,453 Yes. Good. 1029 01:04:13,913 --> 01:04:17,374 It�s very bad for a girl to be too pretty. 1030 01:04:17,458 --> 01:04:21,628 It stops her developing a sense of humor. Or a personality. 1031 01:04:22,380 --> 01:04:23,380 Tea? 1032 01:04:23,798 --> 01:04:25,340 I'd love a cup of tea. 1033 01:04:25,466 --> 01:04:27,050 Christ, that's the whole day gone. 1034 01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:30,804 She's a very special guest. Cup without the crack. 1035 01:04:30,930 --> 01:04:32,180 Skipping stones. 1036 01:04:32,265 --> 01:04:34,975 They've been doing this since he was about this high. 1037 01:04:35,309 --> 01:04:38,770 And what are your faults? I mean, little weaknesses. 1038 01:04:41,649 --> 01:04:43,733 I... 1039 01:04:45,570 --> 01:04:47,571 Well, I'm very insecure. 1040 01:04:47,822 --> 01:04:49,114 Sweet. 1041 01:04:50,074 --> 01:04:54,119 Okay. I've a very bad temper sometimes. 1042 01:04:54,245 --> 01:04:55,912 Crucial. How else are you gonna 1043 01:04:56,038 --> 01:04:57,747 get a fella to do what you want? 1044 01:05:00,167 --> 01:05:02,335 And, of course, I have... 1045 01:05:02,753 --> 01:05:04,129 I have a weakness for your son. 1046 01:05:04,255 --> 01:05:05,630 So do I. 1047 01:05:06,007 --> 01:05:09,676 But best not to tell him. Don't want him getting cocky. 1048 01:05:13,681 --> 01:05:14,764 Pow! 1049 01:05:14,849 --> 01:05:17,183 I'm so good without the ball. Pow! 1050 01:05:19,020 --> 01:05:20,437 What do you think of her? 1051 01:05:20,521 --> 01:05:22,147 I like her more than you already. 1052 01:05:24,483 --> 01:05:28,528 Look, I'd forgotten this. Jimmy Fontana Il Mondo. 1053 01:05:28,654 --> 01:05:30,614 Greatest record ever recorded by an ltalian 1054 01:05:30,698 --> 01:05:32,796 who looks like he's got a dead badger on his head. 1055 01:05:32,835 --> 01:05:33,863 And you've got the album. 1056 01:05:33,951 --> 01:05:35,160 Yes! 1057 01:05:35,286 --> 01:05:36,870 Check out those specs! 1058 01:05:39,373 --> 01:05:42,542 Come on, on with the game! Right. 1059 01:05:42,877 --> 01:05:44,794 And what an extraordinary game this is. 1060 01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:46,838 For the first time a father and son 1061 01:05:46,964 --> 01:05:48,715 are playing each other in the World Table 1062 01:05:48,883 --> 01:05:50,643 Tennis Final and neither of them are Chinese. 1063 01:05:50,718 --> 01:05:53,303 Tremendous play from the old World Champion and his son, 1064 01:05:53,387 --> 01:05:56,056 the first openly ginger British table tennis player 1065 01:05:56,223 --> 01:05:58,311 but there are signs the youngster's beginning to crack. 1066 01:05:58,350 --> 01:06:00,769 There are tears in his eyes. There are not! 1067 01:06:00,895 --> 01:06:02,354 There soon will be! 1068 01:06:06,901 --> 01:06:07,901 Hey. 1069 01:06:09,320 --> 01:06:11,196 Hey! I didn't know you were here. 1070 01:06:11,864 --> 01:06:14,324 Yeah. I just popped down for a while. 1071 01:06:14,408 --> 01:06:15,575 Okay. 1072 01:06:15,910 --> 01:06:17,160 What about the job? 1073 01:06:19,163 --> 01:06:20,497 So how long have you been here? 1074 01:06:20,581 --> 01:06:22,374 Couple of weeks. 1075 01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,751 Gosh! So, life in London... 1076 01:06:25,586 --> 01:06:26,753 Horrid. 1077 01:06:26,921 --> 01:06:27,921 Okay. 1078 01:06:29,674 --> 01:06:31,174 Is Mary here? 1079 01:06:31,258 --> 01:06:32,425 Yes. 1080 01:06:32,593 --> 01:06:34,094 Where? Downstairs. 1081 01:06:35,262 --> 01:06:37,263 You be gentle. 1082 01:06:38,265 --> 01:06:39,766 Be gentle! 1083 01:06:44,063 --> 01:06:45,397 Careful! 1084 01:06:46,273 --> 01:06:50,568 Yeah, nice to see you, too. I'm trying to make a good impression... 1085 01:06:50,695 --> 01:06:52,655 Yeah, you make a good impression. 1086 01:06:53,531 --> 01:06:55,281 Right, sorry. Sorry. 1087 01:06:55,408 --> 01:06:57,951 I've got an important announcement to make. 1088 01:06:58,077 --> 01:06:59,786 Exciting. 1089 01:07:00,955 --> 01:07:03,498 We've decided, after a little bit of thought, to get married. 1090 01:07:06,752 --> 01:07:09,129 That's wonderful news. 1091 01:07:09,296 --> 01:07:10,922 Who are you getting married to? 1092 01:07:11,966 --> 01:07:13,925 To Mary. Over there. 1093 01:07:14,051 --> 01:07:16,052 Thank God for that. 1094 01:07:16,262 --> 01:07:19,264 Jolly embarrassing if it had been another girl. imagine that. 1095 01:07:19,765 --> 01:07:21,474 We're so pleased. 1096 01:07:21,976 --> 01:07:23,601 No, sorry. Yeah. 1097 01:07:23,728 --> 01:07:26,813 By the way, the wedding will be quite soon 1098 01:07:27,815 --> 01:07:29,733 because we're having a baby, too. 1099 01:07:37,324 --> 01:07:38,491 You're pregnant? 1100 01:07:38,617 --> 01:07:39,784 Yes. 1101 01:07:40,077 --> 01:07:41,494 Who's the father? 1102 01:07:42,121 --> 01:07:43,830 Well, Tim, I hope. 1103 01:07:44,248 --> 01:07:48,251 Thank God for that. Jolly awkward if it had been another fellow. 1104 01:07:52,006 --> 01:07:53,506 We have to decide tonight. 1105 01:07:53,632 --> 01:07:55,341 What? Everything. 1106 01:07:55,593 --> 01:07:58,178 The only thing you've decided about our 1107 01:07:58,262 --> 01:08:00,180 wedding is that I'm coming down the aisle 1108 01:08:00,264 --> 01:08:02,474 to the sound of some ltalian weirdo 1109 01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:04,768 singing a song called Il Mondo. 1110 01:08:04,852 --> 01:08:05,769 Excellent song. 1111 01:08:05,853 --> 01:08:08,104 To which I've said a definitive 'no.' 1112 01:08:08,189 --> 01:08:09,856 So here's the deal. 1113 01:08:10,024 --> 01:08:13,526 I will take off one item of clothing for every decision you make. 1114 01:08:14,695 --> 01:08:17,697 Okay. You have my attention, young lady. 1115 01:08:17,990 --> 01:08:19,324 Right, um, 1116 01:08:20,451 --> 01:08:22,076 where would you like to get married? 1117 01:08:23,537 --> 01:08:25,997 Home. I'd hate anywhere else. 1118 01:08:26,123 --> 01:08:27,123 Okay. 1119 01:08:27,833 --> 01:08:29,667 My God. Good. 1120 01:08:29,794 --> 01:08:31,127 Who should the priest be? 1121 01:08:31,212 --> 01:08:32,712 It'll have to be the local bloke 1122 01:08:32,838 --> 01:08:34,478 with yellow teeth and the massive unibrow. 1123 01:08:34,715 --> 01:08:35,715 Okay. 1124 01:08:36,217 --> 01:08:38,843 That's a lock for Hagrid. 1125 01:08:40,095 --> 01:08:41,346 Um... 1126 01:08:41,722 --> 01:08:42,806 Best Man? 1127 01:08:42,932 --> 01:08:44,015 Damn. 1128 01:08:44,141 --> 01:08:45,809 Best Man. Now. 1129 01:08:45,935 --> 01:08:48,582 No, this is so hard. It's lose-lose you know You piss off all the 1130 01:08:48,621 --> 01:08:51,088 ones you don't pick, and you end up hating the one you do pick 1131 01:08:51,256 --> 01:08:53,299 because he makes a bad speech and ruins the day. 1132 01:08:53,383 --> 01:08:54,926 Do you wanna see these puppies or not? 1133 01:08:54,952 --> 01:08:56,494 Yes, I do. 1134 01:08:56,987 --> 01:08:58,705 Jay. it's your choice. 1135 01:08:59,031 --> 01:09:00,511 He's my best friend, but he's a moron. 1136 01:09:00,574 --> 01:09:01,991 Yeah, he will mess up everything. 1137 01:09:02,076 --> 01:09:03,409 Rory. Sure? 1138 01:09:03,536 --> 01:09:04,869 No, Harry. 1139 01:09:04,995 --> 01:09:06,329 Harry it is. Let's do this. 1140 01:09:08,415 --> 01:09:09,874 Rory. Sorry. 1141 01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:11,417 What? That's such a cheat. 1142 01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,045 Okay, fine. 1143 01:09:14,171 --> 01:09:15,547 Honeymoon? 1144 01:09:16,006 --> 01:09:17,674 Bed and breakfast in Scotland. 1145 01:09:17,758 --> 01:09:20,218 I am not taking my pants off for Scotland. 1146 01:09:20,344 --> 01:09:22,846 But it's all we can afford. Take off your pants. 1147 01:09:22,930 --> 01:09:24,055 I will not. 1148 01:09:24,181 --> 01:09:25,265 Take off your pants! 1149 01:09:25,432 --> 01:09:27,725 I want two weeks in Bali! 1150 01:09:27,852 --> 01:09:29,185 Take off those pants! 1151 01:09:36,235 --> 01:09:38,069 Have you planned a break? No. 1152 01:09:47,955 --> 01:09:51,705 No! Is that you? It wasn't me. 1153 01:10:11,770 --> 01:10:13,313 It�s for you. 1154 01:10:47,222 --> 01:10:49,140 No, I'm caught! I've got it. I've got it! 1155 01:10:49,558 --> 01:10:50,683 Help me! 1156 01:10:55,522 --> 01:10:56,814 Yes! 1157 01:11:00,402 --> 01:11:01,945 Right, follow me! 1158 01:11:04,365 --> 01:11:05,865 My gosh! 1159 01:11:07,826 --> 01:11:09,202 My God! 1160 01:11:11,997 --> 01:11:12,997 God! 1161 01:11:20,047 --> 01:11:21,255 it's a joke! 1162 01:11:24,885 --> 01:11:25,885 Here. 1163 01:11:30,891 --> 01:11:32,517 Yes, come on. 1164 01:11:32,851 --> 01:11:34,060 This way. 1165 01:11:49,201 --> 01:11:50,910 My God! 1166 01:12:17,271 --> 01:12:18,354 Hello, 1167 01:12:18,689 --> 01:12:20,189 I'm Rory. 1168 01:12:21,233 --> 01:12:25,737 When Tim asked me to be his Best Man, I was terrified. 1169 01:12:25,863 --> 01:12:28,573 So I thought best thing is to find 1170 01:12:28,699 --> 01:12:31,409 a book about speeches. And here it is. 1171 01:12:32,202 --> 01:12:35,955 And it says think of really funny anecdotes. 1172 01:12:36,874 --> 01:12:41,836 And there is a very hilarious story, actually from work. 1173 01:12:42,546 --> 01:12:45,506 It was quite a complicated case based on an issue of 1174 01:12:45,632 --> 01:12:47,467 cross-amortisation of ownership of 1175 01:12:47,551 --> 01:12:49,135 post-divorce properties and, um... 1176 01:12:51,263 --> 01:12:54,098 Let me just explain the context. The Defendant... 1177 01:12:57,895 --> 01:13:00,146 When Tim asked me to do his Best Man speech, 1178 01:13:00,272 --> 01:13:02,523 my immediate reaction was, 1179 01:13:02,649 --> 01:13:04,569 ?'How much are you gonna pay me, you little shit? 1180 01:13:04,651 --> 01:13:06,944 ?'l don't write for free, you know.?' 1181 01:13:07,029 --> 01:13:10,156 These were the girls available to him at that time. 1182 01:13:10,282 --> 01:13:13,534 ?'Hello, girls.?' And this is how far he got with each of them. 1183 01:13:13,660 --> 01:13:16,746 Let me explain the code. 5, blow job. 1184 01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:23,669 8, full penetrative... and so a toast 1185 01:13:23,796 --> 01:13:25,755 to the man with the worst haircut 1186 01:13:25,881 --> 01:13:27,840 but the best bride in the room. 1187 01:13:28,300 --> 01:13:30,051 Ladies and gentlemen, Tim and Mary. 1188 01:13:30,177 --> 01:13:32,178 Tim and Mary. 1189 01:13:32,971 --> 01:13:34,055 That's us. 1190 01:13:35,015 --> 01:13:36,974 I wish I'd said 'l love you.' 1191 01:13:37,101 --> 01:13:38,768 You did, Dad. 1192 01:13:39,186 --> 01:13:40,436 It was implied. 1193 01:13:40,562 --> 01:13:44,649 I'm not sure 'implied' is good enough for a wedding day, are you? 1194 01:13:44,775 --> 01:13:46,943 No, don't do it, it's fine. 1195 01:13:47,069 --> 01:13:50,905 I'm so happy with it as it was. You really don't have to. 1196 01:13:51,031 --> 01:13:53,324 I'll do what I wanna do, young man. 1197 01:13:53,450 --> 01:13:55,701 Will you excuse me for just one moment? 1198 01:13:57,621 --> 01:14:00,540 later on I may tell you about 1199 01:14:00,666 --> 01:14:05,044 Tim's many failings as a man and as a table tennis player. 1200 01:14:05,170 --> 01:14:06,170 But, 1201 01:14:06,463 --> 01:14:08,798 important first to say the one 1202 01:14:10,592 --> 01:14:13,302 big thing, I've only loved 1203 01:14:13,428 --> 01:14:16,764 three men in my life. 1204 01:14:17,224 --> 01:14:19,267 My dad was a frosty bugger so that 1205 01:14:19,393 --> 01:14:21,435 only leaves dear Uncle Desmond, 1206 01:14:23,981 --> 01:14:27,733 B. B. King, obviously, and this young man here. 1207 01:14:28,443 --> 01:14:32,780 I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying. 1208 01:14:33,490 --> 01:14:36,325 We're all quite similar in the end. 1209 01:14:36,451 --> 01:14:40,079 We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. 1210 01:14:40,164 --> 01:14:43,499 But try and marry someone 1211 01:14:44,918 --> 01:14:45,918 kind. 1212 01:14:46,670 --> 01:14:49,005 And this is a kind man 1213 01:14:49,673 --> 01:14:51,424 with a good heart. 1214 01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:54,677 I'm not particularly proud 1215 01:14:54,803 --> 01:14:58,431 of many things in my life, but I am very proud 1216 01:15:00,100 --> 01:15:02,101 to be the father of my son. 1217 01:15:05,606 --> 01:15:09,942 I'm so sorry to disturb you, but I wonder if I could have your autograph. 1218 01:15:10,027 --> 01:15:12,069 No. No. 1219 01:15:12,654 --> 01:15:13,934 I'm at a wedding, for God's sake. 1220 01:15:13,989 --> 01:15:16,324 I'm here to celebrate true love not 1221 01:15:16,450 --> 01:15:18,826 scribble my illegible signature on stupid 1222 01:15:18,952 --> 01:15:21,329 bits of paper that you can flog on eBay 1223 01:15:21,455 --> 01:15:24,624 so that at the next wedding you can wear a less hideous hat. 1224 01:15:24,791 --> 01:15:27,126 I see you've met my Aunt May. 1225 01:15:27,211 --> 01:15:31,005 God. People should wear name tags. 1226 01:15:32,132 --> 01:15:34,217 You next, Kittle Kattle. 1227 01:15:35,469 --> 01:15:37,470 I don't know, Uncle D. 1228 01:15:39,306 --> 01:15:41,182 Boys aren't very nice. 1229 01:15:41,725 --> 01:15:43,309 Aren't they, darling? 1230 01:15:43,810 --> 01:15:45,686 Not in my experience. 1231 01:15:46,813 --> 01:15:48,814 They're always taking liberties, 1232 01:15:48,982 --> 01:15:51,025 not giving much back in return. 1233 01:15:54,863 --> 01:15:56,405 It�s yummy. Yeah? 1234 01:15:56,531 --> 01:15:58,658 I like the way you say 'yummy.' 1235 01:16:06,500 --> 01:16:09,669 Do you wish we'd picked another less wet day? 1236 01:16:09,753 --> 01:16:10,753 No. 1237 01:16:11,838 --> 01:16:13,714 Not for the world. 1238 01:16:18,887 --> 01:16:21,222 And so it begins. 1239 01:16:21,682 --> 01:16:24,600 Lots and lots of types of days. 1240 01:16:25,519 --> 01:16:26,519 Fun! 1241 01:16:33,026 --> 01:16:34,026 Posy. 1242 01:16:35,654 --> 01:16:37,363 Posy she is. 1243 01:16:37,990 --> 01:16:40,199 The most beautiful girl in the world. 1244 01:16:43,578 --> 01:16:47,581 You want your daddy. Yes, I know. 1245 01:16:50,877 --> 01:16:51,877 Yeah. 1246 01:16:54,923 --> 01:16:56,303 No one can ever prepare you for 1247 01:16:56,341 --> 01:16:58,551 what happens when you have a child. 1248 01:16:58,719 --> 01:17:00,303 When you see the baby in your arms 1249 01:17:00,387 --> 01:17:03,014 and you know that it's your job now. 1250 01:17:03,932 --> 01:17:07,768 No one can prepare you for the love and the fear. 1251 01:17:09,396 --> 01:17:11,355 She's lovely. 1252 01:17:12,399 --> 01:17:14,400 You were such an ugly baby. 1253 01:17:14,735 --> 01:17:16,402 More chimpanzee than child. 1254 01:17:17,070 --> 01:17:18,571 I remember the first time I saw you, 1255 01:17:18,655 --> 01:17:21,574 I thanked God we were in driving distance of London Zoo. 1256 01:17:22,784 --> 01:17:24,285 Come on, hand over the little bugger, 1257 01:17:24,369 --> 01:17:25,870 let's see if she bounces. 1258 01:17:25,954 --> 01:17:27,747 Yeah, she definitely will bounce. 1259 01:17:27,914 --> 01:17:29,040 Look. 1260 01:17:29,166 --> 01:17:30,291 She can do anything. 1261 01:17:30,417 --> 01:17:32,376 Look. Hello. 1262 01:17:34,588 --> 01:17:36,047 Sweetheart. 1263 01:17:37,090 --> 01:17:38,799 No one can prepare you for the love 1264 01:17:38,925 --> 01:17:40,718 people you love can feel for them. 1265 01:17:42,929 --> 01:17:44,347 And nothing can prepare you for 1266 01:17:44,431 --> 01:17:46,391 the indifference of friends who don't have babies. 1267 01:17:46,475 --> 01:17:48,267 Do you wanna go to Uncle Jay? 1268 01:17:48,435 --> 01:17:50,269 No, thanks, it's fine. It's great. 1269 01:17:50,604 --> 01:17:52,813 And it's a shock how quickly you have to move 1270 01:17:52,898 --> 01:17:55,733 to a new place you completely can't afford. 1271 01:17:56,318 --> 01:17:57,777 Look what we found. 1272 01:17:57,903 --> 01:17:59,320 Look who it is! 1273 01:17:59,905 --> 01:18:00,988 Honey! 1274 01:18:01,114 --> 01:18:02,239 Sorry. 1275 01:18:04,951 --> 01:18:08,621 Suddenly, time travel seems almost unnecessary, 1276 01:18:08,747 --> 01:18:10,790 because every detail of life is so delightful. 1277 01:18:18,298 --> 01:18:19,757 What's his name? 1278 01:18:19,841 --> 01:18:20,966 Horace, I think. 1279 01:18:21,134 --> 01:18:22,259 Of course it is. 1280 01:18:22,344 --> 01:18:24,553 Only one important thing for a godfather, I'm told, 1281 01:18:24,638 --> 01:18:26,972 never bring a present smaller than the child. 1282 01:18:27,140 --> 01:18:29,475 Shut up, you smug bastard. 1283 01:18:29,601 --> 01:18:31,477 Don't worry, I didn't bring anything at all. 1284 01:18:31,645 --> 01:18:33,521 She'll never know. Hasn't got a brain yet. 1285 01:18:33,647 --> 01:18:35,648 I didn't expect to see you here, Harry. 1286 01:18:35,816 --> 01:18:37,817 Children's party's not exactly your style. 1287 01:18:37,984 --> 01:18:41,153 No, Mary, I was tricked. I was told there would be free booze. 1288 01:18:43,031 --> 01:18:45,157 I hate kids, as you know. 1289 01:18:45,325 --> 01:18:46,951 Where's Kit Kat, by the way? 1290 01:18:47,285 --> 01:18:50,287 I don't know, she said she'd be here around 3:00. 1291 01:18:50,372 --> 01:18:53,707 And you know we got purple cupcakes for her especially. 1292 01:18:53,792 --> 01:18:55,501 Here she is! 1293 01:18:55,669 --> 01:18:57,109 Speak of the devil, that will be her. 1294 01:18:58,839 --> 01:19:01,340 We'll wait till Aunty Kit Kat gets here. 1295 01:19:02,342 --> 01:19:03,843 Hey. Jimmy. 1296 01:19:04,010 --> 01:19:05,511 Where's my sister? 1297 01:19:06,847 --> 01:19:07,847 Thought she was here. 1298 01:19:07,973 --> 01:19:09,014 No, she hasn't arrived. 1299 01:19:10,892 --> 01:19:12,435 That's not good. 1300 01:19:12,936 --> 01:19:14,603 What does that mean? 1301 01:19:14,729 --> 01:19:18,232 Um... We had an argument this morning. 1302 01:19:18,358 --> 01:19:20,609 Over nothing, but she'd been drinking, so... 1303 01:19:21,528 --> 01:19:25,072 And then she ran out to get the car to come here and 1304 01:19:25,198 --> 01:19:27,575 I told her to meet me here so... 1305 01:19:27,951 --> 01:19:31,370 There's a song by Baz Luhrmann called Sunscreen. 1306 01:19:31,538 --> 01:19:33,706 He says worrying about the future 1307 01:19:33,790 --> 01:19:35,124 is as effective as trying to solve 1308 01:19:35,208 --> 01:19:38,043 an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. 1309 01:19:38,712 --> 01:19:40,796 The real troubles in your life 1310 01:19:40,922 --> 01:19:44,717 will always be things that never crossed your worried mind. 1311 01:19:58,273 --> 01:19:59,440 What happened? 1312 01:20:01,234 --> 01:20:02,902 We had a fight. 1313 01:20:03,403 --> 01:20:04,403 And, 1314 01:20:05,739 --> 01:20:08,240 maybe I wasn't completely sober. 1315 01:20:10,076 --> 01:20:11,952 How is she? Not good. 1316 01:20:12,245 --> 01:20:14,413 When did she leave you? From where? 1317 01:20:14,581 --> 01:20:16,790 I want it exact. Exact time. Exact address. 1318 01:20:26,593 --> 01:20:29,136 Here we are. Sorry, sorry. 1319 01:20:29,429 --> 01:20:30,679 Come on. 1320 01:20:31,681 --> 01:20:33,265 God. 1321 01:20:33,600 --> 01:20:35,601 Hi. There she is. 1322 01:20:35,936 --> 01:20:37,937 Does a small baby live here? 1323 01:20:38,104 --> 01:20:42,274 Yes, and she's so excited. She's downstairs. 1324 01:20:42,859 --> 01:20:44,944 Happy birthday, Posy. 1325 01:20:47,155 --> 01:20:49,698 I'm sorry. I had to pick up Kit Kat. 1326 01:20:49,824 --> 01:20:51,617 I thought she was gonna drive herself. 1327 01:20:51,743 --> 01:20:53,536 Turns out she couldn't. 1328 01:20:54,788 --> 01:20:56,914 She okay? Later. 1329 01:20:59,251 --> 01:21:01,210 I'm worried about Kit Kat. 1330 01:21:03,213 --> 01:21:05,214 Yeah. I know. 1331 01:21:05,882 --> 01:21:08,884 She was drinking wine while we were drinking tea. 1332 01:21:09,511 --> 01:21:11,929 And Jimmy wasn't nice to her. 1333 01:21:12,055 --> 01:21:15,140 And she spurned the purple cupcakes. 1334 01:21:15,934 --> 01:21:18,269 We have to do something to fix it. 1335 01:21:20,438 --> 01:21:21,438 Yeah. 1336 01:21:22,440 --> 01:21:24,108 But, you know, 1337 01:21:24,818 --> 01:21:29,071 if it's gonna be fixed, I think she probably has to do it herself. 1338 01:21:30,490 --> 01:21:31,490 Maybe. 1339 01:21:32,534 --> 01:21:34,034 Maybe not. 1340 01:21:37,998 --> 01:21:40,249 My darling. What's happened? 1341 01:21:40,584 --> 01:21:42,918 You're the best person in the world. 1342 01:21:43,044 --> 01:21:45,337 You're top equal with my wife. I don't get it. 1343 01:21:47,048 --> 01:21:49,008 Maybe, just maybe, 1344 01:21:50,135 --> 01:21:51,885 I'm the faller. 1345 01:21:52,762 --> 01:21:56,515 Every family has, like, someone who falls, 1346 01:21:56,850 --> 01:21:59,810 who doesn't make the grade, who stumbles, 1347 01:21:59,936 --> 01:22:01,937 who life trips up. 1348 01:22:02,480 --> 01:22:04,565 Maybe I'm our faller. 1349 01:22:05,692 --> 01:22:08,902 No. 1350 01:22:15,994 --> 01:22:18,996 Okay. I'm gonna tell you a secret. 1351 01:22:19,122 --> 01:22:21,373 And you have to promise to keep it. 1352 01:22:21,666 --> 01:22:23,042 We've always kept secrets. 1353 01:22:23,168 --> 01:22:24,543 We have? 1354 01:22:24,961 --> 01:22:27,630 You promise you won't ever, ever, ever, 1355 01:22:27,797 --> 01:22:30,049 ever, ever, ever, ever, 1356 01:22:30,675 --> 01:22:33,344 ever, ever, ever, ever tell? 1357 01:22:33,637 --> 01:22:34,637 Yes. 1358 01:22:40,352 --> 01:22:42,770 I can travel in time. 1359 01:22:45,857 --> 01:22:48,150 Why are we standing in the cupboard under the stairs? 1360 01:22:48,276 --> 01:22:51,783 Because we're gonna go back in time and you're gonna do some things differently. 1361 01:22:51,821 --> 01:22:53,697 I love it when you're funny. 1362 01:22:53,823 --> 01:22:56,075 Grab my hand. Close your eyes. 1363 01:23:13,093 --> 01:23:16,512 My God! My God! 1364 01:23:17,222 --> 01:23:21,058 My arsing God in a box. 1365 01:23:25,980 --> 01:23:27,022 You're kidding? 1366 01:23:27,107 --> 01:23:30,818 I can go anywhere in time and you bring me back to the worst party of all time. 1367 01:23:30,944 --> 01:23:33,028 'Fraid so. Let's go. 1368 01:23:35,949 --> 01:23:36,990 We've got work to do. 1369 01:23:37,117 --> 01:23:38,200 What work? 1370 01:23:38,326 --> 01:23:41,328 Making sure you do not meet Jimmy Kincade. 1371 01:23:41,454 --> 01:23:42,871 Quick, in here. 1372 01:23:44,791 --> 01:23:46,375 But he's about to fall in love with me! 1373 01:23:46,501 --> 01:23:48,127 Not this time he isn't. 1374 01:23:57,887 --> 01:24:01,223 Who's the pretty looking girl? It's Jennifer, isn't it? 1375 01:24:01,349 --> 01:24:02,516 Yeah. 1376 01:24:02,642 --> 01:24:03,851 Wild! 1377 01:24:03,977 --> 01:24:05,310 I like your skirt, Jennifer. 1378 01:24:05,437 --> 01:24:06,770 Thank you. 1379 01:24:06,896 --> 01:24:09,356 Right, I get it. 1380 01:24:09,482 --> 01:24:13,569 If he hadn't met me, he would have just had sex with someone else. 1381 01:24:13,987 --> 01:24:15,904 Nip it in the bud? 1382 01:24:18,908 --> 01:24:20,576 Excuse me, Jimmy. 1383 01:24:21,661 --> 01:24:23,579 Sorry. Do I know you? 1384 01:24:23,705 --> 01:24:25,539 Yeah, you do. 1385 01:24:26,124 --> 01:24:28,792 Very well. Sorry. 1386 01:24:28,918 --> 01:24:31,253 And this is what I should have done right at the start. 1387 01:24:37,343 --> 01:24:40,512 Happy New Year, everybody. Happy New Year. 1388 01:24:40,638 --> 01:24:42,556 And back to the cupboard. 1389 01:24:45,059 --> 01:24:46,226 Amazing! 1390 01:24:46,519 --> 01:24:47,811 What happens now? 1391 01:24:47,937 --> 01:24:49,229 God knows. 1392 01:24:49,355 --> 01:24:51,735 What I'm hoping is that from this moment on you avoid 1393 01:24:51,774 --> 01:24:54,064 the sleazy bad guys because they're sleazy and bad. 1394 01:24:54,402 --> 01:24:56,779 When did you get so serious? 1395 01:24:56,905 --> 01:24:59,239 Since it occurred to me that I might lose you. 1396 01:25:01,993 --> 01:25:04,703 Brace yourself, this could be weird. 1397 01:25:05,246 --> 01:25:07,206 Things will have changed. 1398 01:25:13,588 --> 01:25:14,922 My God. 1399 01:25:15,048 --> 01:25:16,048 What? 1400 01:25:16,216 --> 01:25:17,257 Jay. 1401 01:25:17,383 --> 01:25:19,176 Jay Jay? Yes. 1402 01:25:19,844 --> 01:25:23,222 And he's adorable. My God. 1403 01:25:24,808 --> 01:25:25,808 Right, 1404 01:25:26,434 --> 01:25:27,935 let's do this. 1405 01:25:33,900 --> 01:25:35,400 Come on, you two. 1406 01:25:36,069 --> 01:25:39,112 Mum's just cracked open a packet of biscuits. 1407 01:25:44,410 --> 01:25:47,037 I've got something in mind for you. 1408 01:25:47,121 --> 01:25:48,442 I know what you're gonna say. 1409 01:25:48,581 --> 01:25:49,981 Have a biscuit and come and help me. 1410 01:25:51,459 --> 01:25:53,794 But leave the rest for Uncle D. 1411 01:25:56,256 --> 01:25:58,549 It�s just tidying really. 1412 01:25:58,925 --> 01:26:00,926 You all right? I missed you. Yeah. 1413 01:26:01,469 --> 01:26:04,096 Your mum wants me to do some gardening. Okay. 1414 01:26:06,307 --> 01:26:09,184 it's tidying up, it's all a bit out of control. 1415 01:26:09,269 --> 01:26:11,103 Anything that looks dead, out. 1416 01:26:11,271 --> 01:26:14,106 This is what we're looking for. Okay? All this. 1417 01:26:14,274 --> 01:26:15,607 Dead stuff. See this. 1418 01:26:18,319 --> 01:26:20,737 They've torn them to shreds, haven't they? 1419 01:26:33,668 --> 01:26:35,460 How did everything go? 1420 01:26:35,587 --> 01:26:37,337 Immensely satisfactory. 1421 01:26:37,755 --> 01:26:41,258 I'm so happy. I wanna hear all about it. 1422 01:26:41,342 --> 01:26:43,558 Will you do dinner for us because there's something 1423 01:26:43,597 --> 01:26:45,433 I have to do before 6:00 or I'll get fired? 1424 01:26:45,471 --> 01:26:48,765 Yeah. I can't think of anything I'd love to do more. 1425 01:26:48,892 --> 01:26:51,977 Okay, where is the most fabulous person in the world? 1426 01:26:52,145 --> 01:26:56,982 Come to your dad and get mashed up food shoved into your mouth! 1427 01:27:04,115 --> 01:27:05,574 Hello there, little boy. 1428 01:27:09,495 --> 01:27:10,954 You just 1429 01:27:11,080 --> 01:27:13,498 wait there and I'll be back in a minute. 1430 01:27:25,845 --> 01:27:27,763 Dad, can I have a quick word? 1431 01:27:27,847 --> 01:27:29,681 Yeah. Sure. 1432 01:27:31,684 --> 01:27:33,518 I can't go back past the birth again, can I? 1433 01:27:33,645 --> 01:27:35,437 No. I should have mentioned that. 1434 01:27:35,521 --> 01:27:38,065 You're okay till it comes out but the exact 1435 01:27:38,191 --> 01:27:40,692 sperm at the exact moment got you this 1436 01:27:40,860 --> 01:27:42,110 particular baby, 1437 01:27:42,195 --> 01:27:43,946 so if you do anything the tiniest bit 1438 01:27:44,072 --> 01:27:45,822 different, you'll have a different child. 1439 01:27:47,951 --> 01:27:52,621 So, every day until yesterday is as it will always be? Lost? 1440 01:27:53,539 --> 01:27:55,832 Just like for everyone else. 1441 01:27:56,000 --> 01:27:57,876 Okay. interesting. 1442 01:27:58,670 --> 01:28:01,338 Tough. I love you, Dad. I've gotta go. 1443 01:28:25,738 --> 01:28:27,656 No. 1444 01:28:27,740 --> 01:28:29,341 We're not leaving this room until we find 1445 01:28:29,409 --> 01:28:33,203 a way of making sure this never happens again. 1446 01:28:46,050 --> 01:28:47,759 Will you go now? 1447 01:29:01,065 --> 01:29:03,442 I have to leave Jimmy, don't I? 1448 01:29:04,444 --> 01:29:05,944 For good. 1449 01:29:06,904 --> 01:29:10,282 And I have to stop drinking. 1450 01:29:13,202 --> 01:29:15,120 And stop leaving jobs. 1451 01:29:17,123 --> 01:29:21,209 And I have to go out with someone 1452 01:29:21,961 --> 01:29:24,629 nice and boring. 1453 01:29:27,633 --> 01:29:28,800 Yap. 1454 01:29:32,138 --> 01:29:35,265 And, you know, nice isn't necessarily boring. 1455 01:29:35,391 --> 01:29:36,641 Like who? 1456 01:29:37,769 --> 01:29:39,269 Matt Damon? 1457 01:29:39,645 --> 01:29:40,979 Okay. 1458 01:29:41,981 --> 01:29:43,565 I'll go out with Matt Damon. 1459 01:29:43,649 --> 01:29:46,902 Tell me, have you seen Jay recently? 1460 01:29:46,986 --> 01:29:51,490 Your Jay? What, sticky-up hair Jay? Looks a bit like a Muppet Jay? 1461 01:29:51,616 --> 01:29:52,616 Yes. 1462 01:29:53,451 --> 01:29:56,411 He just popped into my head. He's always had a crush on you. 1463 01:29:56,788 --> 01:29:58,789 Really? Yeah. 1464 01:30:00,458 --> 01:30:01,625 Weird! 1465 01:30:01,751 --> 01:30:04,127 Thinking of asking him to dinner. Are you free? 1466 01:30:04,253 --> 01:30:08,006 Might be. Might have to freshen up a bit first. 1467 01:30:08,132 --> 01:30:10,383 Yeah. You look shit. 1468 01:30:17,058 --> 01:30:18,433 Joanna. 1469 01:30:18,559 --> 01:30:19,976 Thank Christ you're back. 1470 01:30:20,103 --> 01:30:21,686 It�s been a total nightmare. 1471 01:30:21,854 --> 01:30:23,480 I know. it's all fine anyway. 1472 01:30:23,606 --> 01:30:25,107 Where is she? 1473 01:30:25,233 --> 01:30:28,527 it was the single worst night of my life. Where's Posy? 1474 01:30:29,237 --> 01:30:31,696 There she is! Hello! 1475 01:30:31,823 --> 01:30:34,533 Hello! Hello. 1476 01:30:34,659 --> 01:30:36,868 Darling, how are you doing? 1477 01:30:40,456 --> 01:30:42,374 Let's have another one. 1478 01:30:44,168 --> 01:30:47,212 Screw that. No. 1479 01:30:49,090 --> 01:30:52,092 That hurt and I got fat. Like fat-fat. 1480 01:30:52,218 --> 01:30:54,511 Got a little bit fat, didn't she. 1481 01:30:54,846 --> 01:30:56,805 Tell Mummy you want a sister. 1482 01:30:56,931 --> 01:31:01,017 No. Tell Daddy you're happy being an only child. 1483 01:31:02,770 --> 01:31:05,147 Fortunately we are young and careless and 1484 01:31:05,273 --> 01:31:07,691 it wasn't long before there were four of us. 1485 01:31:07,817 --> 01:31:11,194 And this is incredible. Posy Lake, only 3 years old, 1486 01:31:11,320 --> 01:31:14,281 is about to break the women's 10 meter Olympic record. 1487 01:31:14,407 --> 01:31:18,535 They're gonna do it. And here they are, they've done it! Fantastic. 1488 01:31:18,661 --> 01:31:21,371 That was brilliant. You're so good. 1489 01:31:21,497 --> 01:31:22,914 Sleeping right through all that. 1490 01:31:23,040 --> 01:31:25,292 Can you help me? I'm so nervous. 1491 01:31:25,376 --> 01:31:27,711 What do I wear for dinner with our bestselling author? 1492 01:31:27,837 --> 01:31:30,380 Let me finish up with the monsters and I'll come right up. 1493 01:31:30,506 --> 01:31:31,715 Great. Thank you. 1494 01:31:32,049 --> 01:31:33,466 Go again. 1495 01:31:33,885 --> 01:31:36,511 Okay. How about this? 1496 01:31:36,637 --> 01:31:39,139 That's gorgeous. Job done. Yeah. 1497 01:31:39,265 --> 01:31:42,434 No. Take it seriously. it's... 1498 01:31:43,060 --> 01:31:46,062 I don't know. No, I hate it. 1499 01:31:46,397 --> 01:31:48,106 Yeah. it's boring and 1500 01:31:48,608 --> 01:31:51,484 makes me look kind of lumpy. 1501 01:31:51,611 --> 01:31:54,404 No, you're right. it is boring and lumpy. I hate it. 1502 01:31:56,282 --> 01:31:58,158 Okay. What about this? 1503 01:31:58,534 --> 01:32:00,493 Gorgeous. We did it. 1504 01:32:00,620 --> 01:32:03,205 No, it's too breasty. 1505 01:32:03,372 --> 01:32:05,415 Is it? Okay. 1506 01:32:05,541 --> 01:32:06,541 It�s not too breasty. 1507 01:32:06,626 --> 01:32:09,753 No. I'm not wearing these heels. I look like a prostitute. 1508 01:32:09,837 --> 01:32:11,463 Not high heels, then. 1509 01:32:11,589 --> 01:32:13,173 But then we have the short legs problem. 1510 01:32:13,299 --> 01:32:15,800 Well, do you want to look like a prostitute or a dwarf? 1511 01:32:16,928 --> 01:32:19,054 Warning. That's a warning. 1512 01:32:22,725 --> 01:32:23,767 Yes! 1513 01:32:23,893 --> 01:32:24,893 No. 1514 01:32:28,814 --> 01:32:29,814 No! 1515 01:32:30,858 --> 01:32:32,943 Now that I like. 1516 01:32:33,236 --> 01:32:35,695 No, I'm just picking up the dress 1517 01:32:35,821 --> 01:32:38,323 that this goes under. Such a bad boy. 1518 01:32:40,743 --> 01:32:41,826 This one? 1519 01:32:41,994 --> 01:32:43,036 Not bad. 1520 01:32:43,663 --> 01:32:44,996 Or this one? 1521 01:32:45,122 --> 01:32:47,624 It�s a trick question, isn't it? Same dress. No! 1522 01:32:48,167 --> 01:32:49,209 No? 1523 01:32:49,627 --> 01:32:51,795 Okay. I don't think this one's too bad. 1524 01:32:52,213 --> 01:32:53,880 Yeah, it's fabulous. 1525 01:32:54,340 --> 01:32:55,966 Really? Yeah. 1526 01:32:56,092 --> 01:32:58,426 Okay. Great. Good. 1527 01:32:58,511 --> 01:32:59,636 Um... 1528 01:33:00,096 --> 01:33:01,805 How about the blue one? 1529 01:33:01,931 --> 01:33:03,598 The blue one? Yeah. 1530 01:33:03,724 --> 01:33:06,893 The first one that you tried on that was boring and lumpy, 1531 01:33:06,978 --> 01:33:09,145 but that wasn't actually boring and lumpy, that one? 1532 01:33:09,230 --> 01:33:11,147 Yeah, which do you prefer? 1533 01:33:11,274 --> 01:33:13,191 I don't know. I'm actually starting to go mad. 1534 01:33:13,317 --> 01:33:14,693 I think I like the blue one. 1535 01:33:14,860 --> 01:33:16,236 Okay. Yeah. 1536 01:33:17,697 --> 01:33:20,282 Okay. Okay, let's go with this one, then? 1537 01:33:20,408 --> 01:33:22,242 You look amazing. 1538 01:33:22,368 --> 01:33:23,535 Really? Yes. 1539 01:33:23,661 --> 01:33:25,245 Okay, thanks. 1540 01:33:25,788 --> 01:33:27,455 God. 1541 01:33:27,915 --> 01:33:29,666 Where's Posy? 1542 01:33:29,959 --> 01:33:31,793 I left her downstairs. 1543 01:33:32,253 --> 01:33:35,588 Not leaving the door open to the room with the manuscript in it? 1544 01:33:36,632 --> 01:33:38,300 I don't think so. 1545 01:33:39,135 --> 01:33:41,553 Look at me. Look me in 1546 01:33:41,679 --> 01:33:45,098 And talk me through this. Basically my life is over. 1547 01:33:45,224 --> 01:33:47,809 I really need to go out for just like two minutes, maybe one. 1548 01:33:47,935 --> 01:33:49,602 Don't you dare! 1549 01:33:50,688 --> 01:33:53,232 Don't you dare answer that! What am I gonna do? 1550 01:33:53,271 --> 01:33:55,813 I think that we should really answer the phone. 1551 01:33:55,860 --> 01:33:57,319 If you answer the goddamn phone, 1552 01:33:57,445 --> 01:33:58,903 I will kill you with the phone. 1553 01:33:58,988 --> 01:34:02,115 I won't answer the phone, but I do need to get out. 1554 01:34:02,241 --> 01:34:04,242 No, no getting out, no getting out. No. 1555 01:34:04,368 --> 01:34:05,869 Okay, right. 1556 01:34:05,995 --> 01:34:07,579 Sorry, Mr McEwan. 1557 01:34:07,705 --> 01:34:11,624 We read most of your book but, you see, the rest of it was 1558 01:34:11,751 --> 01:34:14,377 coloured on or shredded. 1559 01:34:15,713 --> 01:34:16,713 Yeah. 1560 01:34:17,757 --> 01:34:19,799 I had no idea Posy actually knew how to use 1561 01:34:19,925 --> 01:34:22,010 that machine. In a way that's impressive. 1562 01:34:23,554 --> 01:34:26,222 What is it? How can I help you? 1563 01:34:28,934 --> 01:34:30,602 Mary. 1564 01:34:31,729 --> 01:34:33,897 No, everything... Sorry. 1565 01:34:34,774 --> 01:34:36,733 Your son will explain. 1566 01:34:36,859 --> 01:34:38,360 It�s your mother. 1567 01:34:39,028 --> 01:34:40,362 Hi, Mum. 1568 01:34:45,868 --> 01:34:47,869 No, no, it's okay. We'll... 1569 01:34:48,079 --> 01:34:49,829 We'll come straight down. 1570 01:34:50,706 --> 01:34:52,040 Okay, bye. 1571 01:35:06,639 --> 01:35:07,972 Hello, darling. 1572 01:35:08,140 --> 01:35:09,474 Mum. How are you? 1573 01:35:10,559 --> 01:35:11,643 Honestly? 1574 01:35:11,769 --> 01:35:12,811 Why not? 1575 01:35:13,229 --> 01:35:15,897 I am fucking furious. 1576 01:35:16,524 --> 01:35:21,194 I am so uninterested in a life without your father. 1577 01:35:22,405 --> 01:35:24,656 Mary. Come on, let's make some tea. 1578 01:35:25,533 --> 01:35:26,658 How are you? 1579 01:35:26,826 --> 01:35:27,909 Yeah, I'm fine. 1580 01:35:28,035 --> 01:35:29,160 Did you eat? 1581 01:35:29,286 --> 01:35:30,412 Yes, of course. 1582 01:35:36,460 --> 01:35:37,502 Desmond. 1583 01:35:38,921 --> 01:35:39,754 How are you? 1584 01:35:39,839 --> 01:35:41,589 I'm very well, thanks. 1585 01:35:42,007 --> 01:35:43,675 Though a little hot. 1586 01:35:47,847 --> 01:35:50,515 Your father, I think, is not so well. 1587 01:35:51,517 --> 01:35:52,600 Cancer. 1588 01:35:53,853 --> 01:35:54,853 Yes. 1589 01:35:55,312 --> 01:35:57,814 I'm very unhappy about it, Tim. 1590 01:35:59,817 --> 01:36:01,818 At your wedding he said he loved me. 1591 01:36:02,319 --> 01:36:04,320 He does. I know. 1592 01:36:06,282 --> 01:36:08,616 That was the best day of my life. 1593 01:36:11,203 --> 01:36:13,538 So this is probably the worst. 1594 01:36:19,795 --> 01:36:20,795 Dad. 1595 01:36:23,048 --> 01:36:24,966 For God's sake. 1596 01:36:25,509 --> 01:36:27,343 Not you, too. 1597 01:36:27,470 --> 01:36:28,511 What? 1598 01:36:28,596 --> 01:36:32,390 Well, Kit Kat's just rolled up blubbing her eyes out and now you're here. 1599 01:36:32,475 --> 01:36:33,933 What's Mum been saying? 1600 01:36:34,143 --> 01:36:35,185 The truth. 1601 01:36:35,311 --> 01:36:36,352 Yeah, well, 1602 01:36:37,521 --> 01:36:39,189 apart from that? 1603 01:36:40,107 --> 01:36:42,817 It may have been the smoking but I couldn't 1604 01:36:42,943 --> 01:36:45,695 undo that as it was before you were all born. 1605 01:36:46,405 --> 01:36:49,023 And anyway, your mother definitely wouldn't have gone out with me 1606 01:36:49,108 --> 01:36:51,359 if I hadn't been such a sexy smoker. 1607 01:36:54,455 --> 01:36:58,583 I did get diagnosed as soon as possible, but it was too late. 1608 01:37:00,461 --> 01:37:01,753 How long have we got? 1609 01:37:01,921 --> 01:37:07,091 You know, it, it could be years. 1610 01:37:09,887 --> 01:37:11,554 How long really? 1611 01:37:14,266 --> 01:37:15,892 Weeks, I'm afraid. 1612 01:37:23,400 --> 01:37:25,902 Have we had this conversation before? 1613 01:37:28,781 --> 01:37:29,781 Yeah. 1614 01:37:31,534 --> 01:37:33,243 What happened? 1615 01:37:33,369 --> 01:37:35,912 I rather let myself down. 1616 01:37:36,330 --> 01:37:37,997 I hugged you. 1617 01:37:57,309 --> 01:37:58,226 Sorry. 1618 01:37:58,310 --> 01:38:01,062 I think I just thought with the time thing... 1619 01:38:01,689 --> 01:38:03,815 No, I never said we could fix things. 1620 01:38:03,983 --> 01:38:06,067 I specifically never said that. 1621 01:38:06,193 --> 01:38:08,695 Life's a mixed bag, no matter who you are. 1622 01:38:08,821 --> 01:38:10,738 Look at Jesus. He was the Son of God, 1623 01:38:10,864 --> 01:38:12,824 for God's sake, and look how that turned out. 1624 01:38:12,950 --> 01:38:14,200 I know, but 1625 01:38:15,160 --> 01:38:17,620 you must see I feel a bit cheated. 1626 01:38:17,746 --> 01:38:20,164 Don't. In fact, feel the opposite. 1627 01:38:20,332 --> 01:38:22,792 The only people who give up work at 50 1628 01:38:22,918 --> 01:38:25,169 are the time travelers with cancer who want 1629 01:38:25,337 --> 01:38:27,589 to play more table tennis with their sons. 1630 01:38:29,717 --> 01:38:30,717 Right. 1631 01:38:32,511 --> 01:38:34,512 So that's been the deal? 1632 01:38:36,849 --> 01:38:40,518 I'm sorry we had to call. It's suddenly got very bad. 1633 01:38:46,317 --> 01:38:48,802 And I have something very important to tell you. 1634 01:38:48,840 --> 01:38:51,362 Or, let me check, 1635 01:38:51,697 --> 01:38:54,324 do you want to know the big secret, 1636 01:38:54,408 --> 01:38:56,701 or would you rather find it out for yourself like I did? 1637 01:38:56,827 --> 01:38:58,870 Christ, there's another secret? 1638 01:38:59,705 --> 01:39:02,874 Less dramatic. Much more important. 1639 01:39:03,626 --> 01:39:06,294 The real mothership. 1640 01:39:08,881 --> 01:39:11,382 No, go on. Tell me. 1641 01:39:11,717 --> 01:39:13,676 Let's save some time. 1642 01:39:18,891 --> 01:39:22,560 And so he told me his secret formula for happiness. 1643 01:39:24,563 --> 01:39:26,648 Part one of the two part plan 1644 01:39:26,774 --> 01:39:28,816 was that I should just get on with ordinary life, 1645 01:39:28,901 --> 01:39:31,903 living it day by day, like anyone else. 1646 01:39:37,409 --> 01:39:42,246 This is our current statement with a revised paragraph there, highlighted. 1647 01:39:45,584 --> 01:39:47,919 Rupert. Rupert, is that the best you can do? 1648 01:39:49,046 --> 01:39:52,256 No. Absolutely not. We can change that. 1649 01:39:52,383 --> 01:39:53,883 ltem number two. 1650 01:40:01,392 --> 01:40:04,102 Good afternoon, sir. Are you eating in or taking away today? 1651 01:40:04,269 --> 01:40:05,603 Take away, please. 1652 01:40:05,729 --> 01:40:07,063 Yeah? No problem. 1653 01:40:07,189 --> 01:40:11,192 Lovely, that's 4.24 then, please, sir. Thank you kindly. 1654 01:40:11,694 --> 01:40:14,278 Lovely. And there's your change, sir. 76 pence change. 1655 01:40:14,405 --> 01:40:16,114 Thanks. Thank you. Hello there. 1656 01:40:16,532 --> 01:40:17,812 Are you eating in or taking away? 1657 01:40:23,372 --> 01:40:27,083 Do you find the Defendant, John Welbeck, guilty or not guilty of fraud? 1658 01:40:27,167 --> 01:40:28,209 Not guilty. 1659 01:40:28,293 --> 01:40:31,757 And that is the verdict of you all? Yes. Thank you. You may be seated. 1660 01:40:32,089 --> 01:40:33,131 Thank God. 1661 01:40:33,257 --> 01:40:35,633 Let the Defendant be discharged. 1662 01:40:36,301 --> 01:40:38,302 Be upstanding in court. 1663 01:40:51,650 --> 01:40:53,484 Lights out? Yeah. 1664 01:40:54,319 --> 01:40:55,653 Tough day. 1665 01:40:56,989 --> 01:40:59,490 But then came part two of Dad's plan. 1666 01:41:01,326 --> 01:41:05,663 He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. 1667 01:41:06,457 --> 01:41:08,916 The first time with all the tensions and worries that 1668 01:41:09,001 --> 01:41:11,794 stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, 1669 01:41:12,087 --> 01:41:14,672 but the second time noticing. 1670 01:41:14,798 --> 01:41:16,299 Okay, Dad. 1671 01:41:17,009 --> 01:41:18,509 Let's give it a go. 1672 01:41:23,932 --> 01:41:25,892 What's our statement at the moment? 1673 01:41:26,226 --> 01:41:28,895 This is it with the revised... 1674 01:41:34,860 --> 01:41:38,696 Robert, this does not pass. Is this the best you can do? 1675 01:41:40,532 --> 01:41:42,241 I'll leave you two to thrash this out. 1676 01:41:45,037 --> 01:41:46,287 Ooh. 1677 01:41:48,874 --> 01:41:50,875 Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon. 1678 01:41:51,001 --> 01:41:53,503 Are you eating in or taking away today? Take away, please. 1679 01:41:53,587 --> 01:41:54,796 Would you like a bag? 1680 01:41:54,922 --> 01:41:56,172 That's fine. 1681 01:41:56,256 --> 01:41:58,889 Lovely. That's 6.23 then, please. And enjoy the rest of your day. 1682 01:41:58,984 --> 01:42:00,318 Thank you. Bye-bye. 1683 01:42:01,094 --> 01:42:02,094 Hello, there. 1684 01:42:05,766 --> 01:42:07,558 Look around you! What? 1685 01:42:07,684 --> 01:42:08,893 Isn't this room beautiful? 1686 01:42:09,019 --> 01:42:10,186 Yeah. 1687 01:42:10,729 --> 01:42:12,063 Come on. 1688 01:42:12,898 --> 01:42:14,190 Not guilty. 1689 01:42:18,070 --> 01:42:19,403 Fantastic! 1690 01:42:52,563 --> 01:42:54,564 So not such a bad day after all? 1691 01:42:54,648 --> 01:42:57,733 No. it was pretty good really. 1692 01:42:58,777 --> 01:43:01,445 Very good day, actually, as it turns out. 1693 01:43:02,322 --> 01:43:04,782 Well, that's a relief, 1694 01:43:05,784 --> 01:43:08,786 because if it had been a very bad day, 1695 01:43:09,246 --> 01:43:13,249 I thought I might have had to have had sex with you to make up for it. 1696 01:43:14,793 --> 01:43:15,793 Goodnight. 1697 01:43:20,799 --> 01:43:23,175 It was a very, very bad day. 1698 01:43:23,302 --> 01:43:25,678 It went very, very badly. 1699 01:43:25,804 --> 01:43:28,472 I got fired from my job. 1700 01:43:29,308 --> 01:43:31,475 And then I killed a man. 1701 01:43:37,149 --> 01:43:39,317 That is a very bad day. 1702 01:43:39,484 --> 01:43:41,485 It�s terrible. Yeah. 1703 01:43:42,446 --> 01:43:44,780 Like the worst day ever. 1704 01:43:45,324 --> 01:43:46,991 So sorry. 1705 01:43:51,914 --> 01:43:55,499 Some days, of course, though, you only want to go through once. 1706 01:43:56,335 --> 01:43:57,501 You okay? 1707 01:44:49,012 --> 01:44:51,889 Right, are we ready for this? 1708 01:44:52,307 --> 01:44:55,726 'Course we're not. Hateful day. 1709 01:44:56,561 --> 01:44:59,397 Just give me one minute. 1710 01:45:21,753 --> 01:45:23,754 This is so brilliant. 1711 01:45:24,673 --> 01:45:29,343 Dickens is so good on actual jokes, actual gags. 1712 01:45:30,262 --> 01:45:32,013 Where have you come from? 1713 01:45:32,389 --> 01:45:33,931 It�s the... 1714 01:45:34,266 --> 01:45:35,933 Okay. 1715 01:45:36,226 --> 01:45:37,768 Big day. 1716 01:45:38,603 --> 01:45:42,064 Thanks for dropping in. How's Uncle Desmond's suit? 1717 01:45:42,190 --> 01:45:44,025 Immaculate. 1718 01:45:44,276 --> 01:45:45,276 Excellent. 1719 01:45:45,944 --> 01:45:47,624 Did I mention I wanted the Nick Cave track? 1720 01:45:47,696 --> 01:45:49,363 It�s taken care of. 1721 01:45:49,448 --> 01:45:50,906 Thank you. 1722 01:45:51,283 --> 01:45:53,617 Can I just read you this one bit? 1723 01:45:57,956 --> 01:46:00,458 Read away, I've got lots of time. 1724 01:46:01,126 --> 01:46:03,002 ?'l think the Romans must have aggravated 1725 01:46:03,086 --> 01:46:05,796 ?'one another very much with their noses. 1726 01:46:05,964 --> 01:46:09,467 ?'Perhaps they became the restless people they were in consequence. 1727 01:46:09,593 --> 01:46:12,803 ?'Anyhow, Mr Wopsle's Roman nose so aggravated me...?' 1728 01:47:48,692 --> 01:47:51,026 What do you think about the kids? 1729 01:47:51,153 --> 01:47:52,653 What about them? 1730 01:47:53,697 --> 01:47:55,906 Not many of them, are there? 1731 01:47:56,992 --> 01:47:57,992 What? 1732 01:47:58,702 --> 01:48:00,703 Well, I mean two? 1733 01:48:03,498 --> 01:48:05,875 It�s more than the Chinese are allowed. 1734 01:48:07,836 --> 01:48:10,504 I just thought that maybe, you know, 1735 01:48:11,590 --> 01:48:13,340 it was time for the insurance baby. 1736 01:48:13,425 --> 01:48:14,425 What? 1737 01:48:14,509 --> 01:48:15,926 In case one of them is really smart, 1738 01:48:16,011 --> 01:48:18,408 we don't want the other one to feel stupid their whole life. 1739 01:48:18,446 --> 01:48:22,725 And if we had a third one, then we could have two happy dummies. 1740 01:48:25,520 --> 01:48:27,188 What do you think? 1741 01:48:31,526 --> 01:48:34,028 It was the toughest decision of my life. 1742 01:48:34,529 --> 01:48:36,947 Saying 'yes' to the future meant 1743 01:48:37,073 --> 01:48:39,450 saying 'goodbye' to my dad. Forever. 1744 01:48:41,244 --> 01:48:43,245 Why don't we wait a bit? 1745 01:48:46,124 --> 01:48:47,291 Absolutely. 1746 01:48:48,126 --> 01:48:50,127 You're right. Yeah. 1747 01:48:54,758 --> 01:48:57,551 How about now? 1748 01:48:59,471 --> 01:49:00,804 Or now? 1749 01:49:03,141 --> 01:49:04,308 Now? 1750 01:49:11,733 --> 01:49:12,733 Yeah, 1751 01:49:14,110 --> 01:49:15,110 okay. 1752 01:49:16,613 --> 01:49:17,655 Really? 1753 01:49:19,950 --> 01:49:22,618 Dad always wished there had been more of us. 1754 01:49:23,411 --> 01:49:24,411 So... 1755 01:49:26,831 --> 01:49:29,500 Anyway, we might try and nothing happens. 1756 01:49:30,085 --> 01:49:31,085 Exactly. 1757 01:49:39,844 --> 01:49:41,845 Really could be tonight. 1758 01:49:41,930 --> 01:49:44,431 And you cannot believe the detail in which 1759 01:49:44,516 --> 01:49:46,433 I know the route to the hospital. 1760 01:49:46,518 --> 01:49:47,851 Yap. 1761 01:49:51,189 --> 01:49:53,023 Will you excuse me for a sec? 1762 01:49:53,942 --> 01:49:55,609 Just have to go downstairs. 1763 01:50:12,294 --> 01:50:15,296 and it's 17-20 in this incredibly tight contest 1764 01:50:15,380 --> 01:50:17,172 being played by the two most physically 1765 01:50:17,299 --> 01:50:19,049 perfect players in the history of the game. 1766 01:50:19,217 --> 01:50:22,052 The crowd, enchanted by the younger player, are seduced 1767 01:50:22,137 --> 01:50:24,888 by memories of the older player's illustrious past. 1768 01:50:26,891 --> 01:50:28,892 My God, I've won. 1769 01:50:29,728 --> 01:50:32,062 I haven't won in years. 1770 01:50:32,564 --> 01:50:34,523 You finally got good. 1771 01:50:35,233 --> 01:50:38,861 What's my prize? Apart from the Olympic gold medal, of course. 1772 01:50:39,904 --> 01:50:41,113 A kiss will have to do. 1773 01:50:41,239 --> 01:50:44,241 A kiss? 1774 01:50:49,581 --> 01:50:51,540 I get you. 1775 01:50:52,917 --> 01:50:54,418 This is it, then? 1776 01:50:56,379 --> 01:50:57,755 This is it. 1777 01:50:58,548 --> 01:51:00,758 It�s my last bit of extra time. 1778 01:51:02,052 --> 01:51:03,677 The baby is completely on the way. 1779 01:51:24,783 --> 01:51:26,116 Congratulations. 1780 01:51:33,124 --> 01:51:34,625 My son. 1781 01:51:37,962 --> 01:51:39,588 My dad. 1782 01:51:44,552 --> 01:51:46,595 Is there anything at all I can do? 1783 01:51:46,721 --> 01:51:48,806 Is there anything you want to do? 1784 01:51:50,600 --> 01:51:53,268 I don't know. There is this 1785 01:51:55,063 --> 01:51:56,730 one thing. 1786 01:51:57,065 --> 01:51:59,149 A quick little walk. 1787 01:51:59,275 --> 01:52:01,151 Totally against the rules, of course, 1788 01:52:01,277 --> 01:52:03,153 but if we don't change a thing, 1789 01:52:03,488 --> 01:52:06,824 if we're very careful, it shouldn't do any harm. 1790 01:52:07,325 --> 01:52:08,951 It would be nice. 1791 01:52:39,357 --> 01:52:42,359 I'm really trying. I'm really trying. 1792 01:52:44,195 --> 01:52:45,487 Get down low. 1793 01:52:50,201 --> 01:52:51,201 Total defeat. 1794 01:53:00,962 --> 01:53:02,296 I'm tired. 1795 01:53:03,298 --> 01:53:04,715 Thanks, Dad. 1796 01:53:20,231 --> 01:53:23,066 So I'm almost up-to-date with my story. 1797 01:53:23,568 --> 01:53:27,070 As all families do, we got used to life after death. 1798 01:53:27,197 --> 01:53:29,072 And it was still fine. 1799 01:53:29,866 --> 01:53:34,036 And things settled back into their traditional rhythms season after season, 1800 01:53:34,496 --> 01:53:36,914 and are much as they have always been. 1801 01:53:38,249 --> 01:53:40,918 And we've got used to Kit Kat being happy again. 1802 01:53:41,878 --> 01:53:44,379 And then we got used to her being a mum. 1803 01:53:44,756 --> 01:53:47,424 Albeit not a very good or even safe one. 1804 01:53:48,843 --> 01:53:50,219 And in the end, 1805 01:53:50,345 --> 01:53:54,014 I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time. 1806 01:53:54,807 --> 01:53:57,851 And I've even gone one step further than my father did. 1807 01:54:08,821 --> 01:54:10,489 Okay, I'll do the kids. 1808 01:54:12,325 --> 01:54:14,910 No, don't worry. I'll do them. 1809 01:54:15,036 --> 01:54:16,703 Yeah, you do them, you lazy bum. 1810 01:54:17,872 --> 01:54:19,836 The truth is, I now don't travel back at all. 1811 01:54:19,874 --> 01:54:21,875 Not even for the day. 1812 01:54:22,293 --> 01:54:24,878 I just try to live every day as if 1813 01:54:25,004 --> 01:54:27,631 I've deliberately come back to this one day 1814 01:54:28,007 --> 01:54:31,677 to enjoy it as if it was the full final day 1815 01:54:31,928 --> 01:54:34,680 of my extraordinary, ordinary life. 1816 01:55:02,959 --> 01:55:06,670 Hello, you're down already. That's great. Thank you so much for that. 1817 01:55:06,796 --> 01:55:08,171 And in we go. 1818 01:55:09,799 --> 01:55:12,593 Posy? Posy! 1819 01:55:20,977 --> 01:55:21,977 That's fine. 1820 01:55:43,458 --> 01:55:46,293 We're all travelling through time together 1821 01:55:46,586 --> 01:55:48,754 every day of our lives. 1822 01:55:48,921 --> 01:55:51,423 All we can do is do our best 1823 01:55:51,883 --> 01:55:54,635 to relish this remarkable ride. 1824 01:56:37,595 --> 01:56:39,513 Yes, yes, yes... 1825 01:56:51,818 --> 01:56:53,902 Okay, I'll see you then. 1826 01:56:54,028 --> 01:56:55,445 Bye-bye. 1827 01:56:56,114 --> 01:56:57,614 See you later. 128166

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