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1
00:00:01,109 --> 00:00:02,745
Are you crazy?! No! No! No!
2
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,611
Adult Frankie: Teenage
boys today are lucky.
3
00:00:04,612 --> 00:00:05,979
You can hit a button on your computer
4
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,382
and see any naked body part, you want to.
5
00:00:09,066 --> 00:00:11,334
But in 1991, we didn't have that.
6
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:13,136
So I had to take what I could get.
7
00:00:13,204 --> 00:00:14,137
Hey.
8
00:00:14,205 --> 00:00:15,605
- [TV turns off]
- Hi.
9
00:00:15,673 --> 00:00:18,441
- You're watching TV?
- Yep.
10
00:00:18,509 --> 00:00:20,643
I don't pay for premium channels,
11
00:00:20,711 --> 00:00:22,145
but you seemed really into that movie.
12
00:00:22,213 --> 00:00:23,780
Do you think that would be something fun
13
00:00:23,848 --> 00:00:25,515
for me, you, and your
mom to watch together?
14
00:00:25,583 --> 00:00:26,783
No.
15
00:00:26,851 --> 00:00:28,518
Are you sure? What's it called?
16
00:00:28,586 --> 00:00:30,053
"The Bikini Police."
17
00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:32,355
Sounds fun, what's it about?
18
00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:35,358
Uh... I feel like the
title kind of explains it.
19
00:00:35,426 --> 00:00:36,726
Can I go to bed?
20
00:00:36,794 --> 00:00:39,696
Yeah, I need you to take
a lap around the block.
21
00:00:39,764 --> 00:00:40,864
It's 3:00, in the morning.
22
00:00:40,931 --> 00:00:42,065
It's called negative reinforcement.
23
00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:43,566
It's the quickest way,
to alter the behavior
24
00:00:43,634 --> 00:00:46,069
of simpleminded animals,
like dogs, chickens...
25
00:00:46,137 --> 00:00:47,871
Teenage boys.
26
00:00:47,938 --> 00:00:50,006
Chief, you know you half-ass this thing,
27
00:00:50,074 --> 00:00:52,108
you're just gonna have to do it again.
28
00:00:57,481 --> 00:00:59,416
Attaboy!
29
00:00:59,483 --> 00:01:01,251
Man: It's 3:00 in the morning!
30
00:01:01,318 --> 00:01:03,720
Hey, Tom!
31
00:01:03,788 --> 00:01:08,558
Da, da,
da-la-da
32
00:01:08,626 --> 00:01:12,762
Da, da, da-la,
33
00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:17,000
Da, da,
da-la-da
34
00:01:17,068 --> 00:01:20,572
The story of my life
35
00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:22,797
Sync & Corrections by Darcade
- Addic7ed.com -
36
00:01:24,408 --> 00:01:26,009
Yeah, it looks like some
diminished perfusion,
37
00:01:26,077 --> 00:01:28,011
- in the right upper lobe.
- Coming through.
38
00:01:28,079 --> 00:01:29,312
Morning.
39
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,814
[Gasps] Whoa!
40
00:01:30,881 --> 00:01:33,049
[Robotic voice] Stud alert. [Chuckles]
41
00:01:33,117 --> 00:01:34,517
Yeah.
42
00:01:34,585 --> 00:01:36,252
Frankie, do you have any
idea, how handsome you are?
43
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,755
If I were 20 years younger
and not your mom...
44
00:01:38,823 --> 00:01:40,890
I made it weird, didn't I?
45
00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:41,925
Yep, a little bit.
46
00:01:41,992 --> 00:01:43,093
Okay.
47
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,761
Look, Mom, uh, thank you so much
48
00:01:44,829 --> 00:01:45,895
for all the new school clothes,
49
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:49,532
but I'm not so sure if this shirt is me.
50
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,768
It's got two sleeves and
a neck hole. It's you.
51
00:01:51,836 --> 00:01:54,437
Listen, honey, that
shirt is heat-sensitive,
52
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:57,440
it changes colors. I think
it's a whole lot of fun.
53
00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:59,776
- Oh-ho, it's so much fun.
- Yeah. Yeah.
54
00:01:59,844 --> 00:02:01,277
But what if we return it for a shirt
55
00:02:01,345 --> 00:02:03,747
that maybe doesn't change colors at all.
56
00:02:03,814 --> 00:02:05,081
It's the first day of high school,
57
00:02:05,149 --> 00:02:06,750
I'm really not trying
to stand out, you know?
58
00:02:06,817 --> 00:02:08,418
Ha! Good luck with that.
59
00:02:08,486 --> 00:02:10,620
What? The boy grew 10
inches over the summer.
60
00:02:10,688 --> 00:02:12,088
Unless some other kid lost an arm,
61
00:02:12,156 --> 00:02:14,224
he's gonna stand out.
62
00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:16,326
I'll return the shirt this weekend. Okay?
63
00:02:16,394 --> 00:02:17,727
Thank you.
64
00:02:17,795 --> 00:02:21,431
Your mother is not returning diddly-doo,
65
00:02:21,499 --> 00:02:23,299
it is her first day as well,
and I'm talking law school,
66
00:02:23,367 --> 00:02:25,502
not the dumb-dumb factory you attend,
67
00:02:25,569 --> 00:02:27,304
which, by the way,
68
00:02:27,371 --> 00:02:29,272
means I'm in charge of
parenting from now on?
69
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,473
That's exciting.
70
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:31,975
Rachel should hear this, too.
71
00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:35,245
Rachel! I'm in charge, of parenting!
72
00:02:35,313 --> 00:02:37,747
- Rachel: What?!
- She's on board.
73
00:02:37,815 --> 00:02:39,749
[Sighs] Be ready to leave
by the time it takes me
74
00:02:39,817 --> 00:02:41,418
to finish this coffee and take a dump.
75
00:02:41,485 --> 00:02:46,356
Wild, wild, wild, wild life
76
00:02:46,424 --> 00:02:48,525
This book is garbage,
77
00:02:48,592 --> 00:02:51,361
you can't get dinosaur DNA out of tree sap.
78
00:02:51,429 --> 00:02:52,595
Who reads this crap?
79
00:02:52,663 --> 00:02:54,431
Uh, everyone on Earth.
80
00:02:54,498 --> 00:02:56,032
Surrounded by idiots.
81
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,034
Should I be doing this?
82
00:02:58,102 --> 00:02:59,202
Oh, boy.
83
00:02:59,270 --> 00:03:00,870
Should I be going to law school?
84
00:03:00,938 --> 00:03:03,373
What if Frankie grows
up and turns out to be
85
00:03:03,441 --> 00:03:05,775
one of those men that pays
prostitutes to pee on them?
86
00:03:05,843 --> 00:03:07,143
What the hell are you talking about?
87
00:03:07,211 --> 00:03:10,647
I don't know. I just feel
like I'm being so selfish.
88
00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:14,215
That's B.S, you've had my back
for years, now it's your turn.
89
00:03:14,285 --> 00:03:16,052
I cut back my hours at the hospital.
90
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,320
I'll be here for the kids.
91
00:03:17,388 --> 00:03:20,390
Taking care of those two
is harder than you think.
92
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:24,194
I take care of people
with cancer. I got this.
93
00:03:24,262 --> 00:03:25,729
The kids don't have cancer, Jack.
94
00:03:25,796 --> 00:03:27,230
Cancer's inside everyone,
95
00:03:27,298 --> 00:03:29,032
it's just a matter of whether
or not it metastasizes.
96
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,867
I could take you and the kids
down to the lab right now.
97
00:03:30,935 --> 00:03:32,869
I run a test on you... You got cancer.
98
00:03:32,937 --> 00:03:34,037
Worst pep talk ever.
99
00:03:34,105 --> 00:03:35,705
I got this. Go.
100
00:03:35,773 --> 00:03:37,040
Thank you.
101
00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,813
[Sighs] God help me, I love that woman.
102
00:03:43,881 --> 00:03:45,982
If an asteroid were to hit this earth
103
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:48,151
and she and I were the only
two people left alive,
104
00:03:48,219 --> 00:03:50,186
I'd be okay.
105
00:03:50,254 --> 00:03:52,188
What about me?
106
00:03:52,256 --> 00:03:53,857
Well, there'd obviously
be a grieving period,
107
00:03:53,925 --> 00:03:55,125
I'm not an ass.
108
00:03:57,995 --> 00:04:00,897
Rachel:
It's such a good vibration,
109
00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:03,400
It's such a sweet sensation
110
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:04,568
Come on, come on, come on,
111
00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:05,869
Yo, it's about that time
112
00:04:05,937 --> 00:04:08,972
The little I can hear of that is horrible.
113
00:04:10,575 --> 00:04:14,678
- Dad, you're passing them.
- [Tires screech]
114
00:04:14,745 --> 00:04:16,613
["She Drives Me Crazy" by
Fine Young Cannibals playing]
115
00:04:16,681 --> 00:04:17,747
Where's Mrs. D?
116
00:04:17,815 --> 00:04:19,149
She left me, for the neighbor,
117
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,718
they're on a screw-fest,
in the Bahamas. Get in.
118
00:04:21,786 --> 00:04:23,220
New ground rules for carpooling.
119
00:04:23,287 --> 00:04:27,022
No eating, no seat drumming, just silence.
120
00:04:27,091 --> 00:04:28,225
[Speaks Spanish]
121
00:04:28,292 --> 00:04:30,227
- Pain.
- Ow!
122
00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:31,428
What the hell was that?
123
00:04:31,495 --> 00:04:32,629
Mikey feels that speaking in Spanish
124
00:04:32,697 --> 00:04:34,130
is kind of like telling secrets.
125
00:04:34,198 --> 00:04:36,266
So whenever George speaks
Spanish, Mikey brings the pain.
126
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:38,935
Michael, is there anything I can
say to make you not do that?
127
00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:40,070
Nope.
128
00:04:40,137 --> 00:04:41,538
Fair enough.
129
00:04:41,606 --> 00:04:43,974
[Indistinct conversations]
130
00:04:44,041 --> 00:04:45,876
Get out.
131
00:04:45,943 --> 00:04:49,613
I can't stop
132
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,414
So, I red in my mom's magazine
133
00:04:51,482 --> 00:04:54,084
that girls get turned on
when they're, like, ovulating.
134
00:04:54,151 --> 00:04:56,086
So that's, like, the best
time to ask them out, right?
135
00:04:56,153 --> 00:04:58,188
We just have to figure out when,
that's happening for everyone,
136
00:04:58,255 --> 00:04:59,355
and make a calendar.
137
00:04:59,423 --> 00:05:01,458
Dude, we're not making a period calendar.
138
00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:02,692
[Chuckles]
139
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,027
Hey, Frankie.
140
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:05,962
Up till now, girls didn't know I existed,
141
00:05:06,030 --> 00:05:07,597
especially girls like...
142
00:05:07,665 --> 00:05:09,432
Heather Blumeyer.
143
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,401
[Chuckles] I was at
that summer-league game
144
00:05:11,469 --> 00:05:14,070
against Helix, when you
threw that no-hitter.
145
00:05:14,138 --> 00:05:15,939
You think, you'll make Varsity?
146
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,142
Uh, well... I mean...
147
00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:21,111
[Sighs] Uh I mean, I'm only...
148
00:05:21,179 --> 00:05:23,180
Frankie's gonna be the
only freshman on the team.
149
00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:25,448
Hey, didn't you used to
be in the grade above me?
150
00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:26,653
What are you, the grade police?
151
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,122
Okay. Cool. [Chuckles]
152
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:30,657
Well, my parents are out of town.
153
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:33,660
And I'm having people, over Friday night.
154
00:05:33,727 --> 00:05:35,094
You guys should come.
155
00:05:35,162 --> 00:05:36,996
Really? Okay.
156
00:05:37,064 --> 00:05:38,965
Yeah. Yeah, we totally will.
157
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,733
Okay.
158
00:05:40,801 --> 00:05:42,635
Well, let me know, if
I should bring anything!
159
00:05:42,703 --> 00:05:44,337
- All right.
- Mikey: Dude.
160
00:05:45,806 --> 00:05:46,806
What?
161
00:05:46,874 --> 00:05:50,176
Wait, don't be a bitch.
162
00:05:50,244 --> 00:05:53,513
Hey, uh... When's Mom coming home?
163
00:05:53,581 --> 00:05:54,814
No.
164
00:05:54,882 --> 00:05:57,183
Uh, I don't think that
was a yes-or-no question.
165
00:05:57,251 --> 00:06:00,019
You're not bugging your
mom. What do you need?
166
00:06:00,087 --> 00:06:02,522
Uh, well, there's a girl
at school, and sh...
167
00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:06,359
Let me help you out here, you're 16.
168
00:06:06,427 --> 00:06:08,361
Whoever this girl is, she's not the one.
169
00:06:08,429 --> 00:06:10,363
I mean, hell, when you get married,
170
00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:12,165
there's a 50% chance
you're gonna get divorced.
171
00:06:12,232 --> 00:06:14,534
So even the one, might not be the one,
172
00:06:14,602 --> 00:06:17,370
it's a coin flip. So don't sweat it.
173
00:06:17,438 --> 00:06:18,471
You're welcome.
174
00:06:19,774 --> 00:06:22,142
Dude, you want to know
what to do with Heather?
175
00:06:22,209 --> 00:06:23,676
You got to see a naked chick.
176
00:06:23,744 --> 00:06:27,113
I can make that happen. Let's go.
177
00:06:28,549 --> 00:06:30,116
Where you going?
178
00:06:30,184 --> 00:06:31,217
To study with Doug.
179
00:06:31,285 --> 00:06:33,686
- Who's Doug again?
- My boyfriend.
180
00:06:33,754 --> 00:06:36,556
Dad, it's been six weeks,
it's pretty serious.
181
00:06:36,624 --> 00:06:38,124
Sweetheart, I'm a doctor.
182
00:06:38,192 --> 00:06:40,527
The only thing I take seriously
after six weeks is diarrhea.
183
00:06:40,594 --> 00:06:42,662
Ew.
184
00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:45,565
Look, for some reason,
he wants to meet you.
185
00:06:49,136 --> 00:06:51,404
Mikey's plan to see naked chicks,
186
00:06:51,472 --> 00:06:53,239
was not what I expected.
187
00:06:53,307 --> 00:06:54,741
Welcome to Bum City.
188
00:06:54,809 --> 00:06:57,043
No... way.
189
00:06:57,111 --> 00:06:58,711
George: Nice!
190
00:06:58,779 --> 00:06:59,946
The mother lode of smut.
191
00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:03,917
Ahh.
192
00:07:03,984 --> 00:07:06,753
It says here she was a
nerd, in high school.
193
00:07:06,821 --> 00:07:08,588
I feel like that's not true.
194
00:07:08,656 --> 00:07:09,756
Hey!
195
00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:11,524
Run!
196
00:07:11,592 --> 00:07:13,594
["Been Caught Stealing" by
Jane's Addiction playing]
197
00:07:13,595 --> 00:07:16,895
- [Dog barks]
- Bring back my boobs!
198
00:07:16,964 --> 00:07:18,398
I was not bringing back, his boobs.
199
00:07:18,466 --> 00:07:19,432
Split up!
200
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,068
I've been caught stealing
201
00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:23,903
Once when I was 5,
202
00:07:23,971 --> 00:07:26,906
They were my boobs now.
203
00:07:26,974 --> 00:07:30,110
It's just as simple as that
204
00:07:30,177 --> 00:07:33,613
Well, it's just a simple fact
205
00:07:33,681 --> 00:07:35,782
When I want something
206
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:39,219
And I don't want to pay for it,
207
00:07:39,286 --> 00:07:40,854
I walked right
208
00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:42,956
Through the door
209
00:07:43,024 --> 00:07:48,628
And I walked, right
through the door,
210
00:07:48,696 --> 00:07:52,866
It's mine
211
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,834
[Snoring]
212
00:07:57,405 --> 00:07:58,738
Don't. I'm studying.
213
00:07:58,806 --> 00:08:00,140
You're not. You're snoring.
214
00:08:00,207 --> 00:08:02,942
That's impossible. I don't snore.
215
00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:05,211
Well, then there's a horse
dying on your side of the bed.
216
00:08:05,279 --> 00:08:06,413
[Laughs]
217
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,914
How did it go, with the kids today?
218
00:08:07,982 --> 00:08:10,316
- Eh, piece of cake. [Sighs]
- Mm.
219
00:08:10,384 --> 00:08:11,785
Okay.
220
00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:13,853
Not to say that a reward
wouldn't be appropriate.
221
00:08:13,921 --> 00:08:15,155
Oh. Right.
222
00:08:15,222 --> 00:08:17,424
'Cause after one day
of doing what I've done
223
00:08:17,491 --> 00:08:21,194
[Chuckles] forever, you
think, you've earned a reward.
224
00:08:21,262 --> 00:08:23,296
No, no, no, the reward's for you.
225
00:08:23,364 --> 00:08:26,266
[Laughs] Oh! Oh, my God!
226
00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:30,236
Why was I up at 2:01 in the morning?
227
00:08:30,304 --> 00:08:32,238
2:02 in the morning?
228
00:08:32,306 --> 00:08:34,774
[Sighs] I couldn't stop
obsessing, about one thing...
229
00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:36,910
Full-on naked girls.
230
00:08:36,978 --> 00:08:40,246
Hello, ladies. It's just you and me.
231
00:08:40,314 --> 00:08:41,314
[Click]
232
00:08:41,382 --> 00:08:42,782
- Jack: Hey.
- And my dad.
233
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,518
Drop the shovel, or I'll
drive you into town like that,
234
00:08:45,586 --> 00:08:46,786
and leave you there.
235
00:08:46,854 --> 00:08:48,855
[Clang]
236
00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:55,310
You want to tell me why you're
digging a hole in my backyard
237
00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:56,545
at 2:00 in the morning?
238
00:08:56,613 --> 00:09:00,049
Uh, we took those, from two homeless guys,
239
00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:01,417
and they were not psyched.
240
00:09:01,484 --> 00:09:04,420
And then I get home and, I
see Mom, so I buried them.
241
00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:06,455
And I'm laying in bed, and I
can't stop thinking about them,
242
00:09:06,523 --> 00:09:07,890
have you ever had something like that,
243
00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:10,593
that's just in your brain, and
it's burning and burning and...
244
00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:12,027
Who in the hell stuck a quarter in you?
245
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:14,663
Will you please stop talking?
246
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,568
Okay, there are three things I
want you to take away from this.
247
00:09:19,636 --> 00:09:21,237
One. You will not have sex
248
00:09:21,304 --> 00:09:24,139
with a woman who looks
like that ever in your life.
249
00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:28,143
Two. Women don't screw crazy
like they do in those pictures.
250
00:09:28,211 --> 00:09:30,012
- Well, they do.
- They don't.
251
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:34,116
And three. I hate stealing,
you're gonna return those.
252
00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:35,784
[Scoffing] What? That's crazy.
253
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:37,553
Don't care. Fill that hole in the morning.
254
00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:38,888
That's it?
255
00:09:38,956 --> 00:09:40,756
No, if you're gonna roam
around, outside at night,
256
00:09:40,824 --> 00:09:43,526
stop sleeping in nut-huggers,
no one wants to see that.
257
00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:48,430
Yo
258
00:09:48,498 --> 00:09:51,100
Please. A velociraptor
can't open a damn door,
259
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:53,002
I'm out.
260
00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:55,004
Toss that back.
261
00:09:55,071 --> 00:09:56,972
So he just buried them?
262
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,908
I handled it. Go to school.
263
00:09:58,975 --> 00:10:00,242
He's becoming a man.
264
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:02,645
He doesn't know how to deal,
with these new feelings.
265
00:10:02,712 --> 00:10:05,581
He takes 45 minutes showers,
he's dealing with them.
266
00:10:05,649 --> 00:10:06,816
Yeah. My son doesn't do that.
267
00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:07,950
He does.
268
00:10:08,018 --> 00:10:09,618
I know he does, but he doesn't.
269
00:10:10,887 --> 00:10:12,321
Promise me you'll help him with this.
270
00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:15,257
Mm-hmm.
271
00:10:15,325 --> 00:10:16,592
I'm promising.
272
00:10:17,828 --> 00:10:20,763
I got this. I know exactly what to do.
273
00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:23,766
Most Dads would have taken their son,
274
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:26,502
to Red Lobster and given them the talk.
275
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:27,937
Ha. Not my dad.
276
00:10:28,004 --> 00:10:30,272
- What the...
-
I won't let you down
277
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,208
I will not give you up
278
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:35,344
- No, no, no, no,
-
Got to have some faith, in the sound,
279
00:10:35,412 --> 00:10:38,214
It's the one good
thing that I've got
280
00:10:38,281 --> 00:10:40,216
-
I won't let you down
- Um...
281
00:10:40,283 --> 00:10:41,383
Look, uh...
282
00:10:41,451 --> 00:10:43,452
Do not read that note, please.
283
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,688
'Cause I would really,
really love to stick around
284
00:10:45,755 --> 00:10:46,989
No, no. Hey.
285
00:10:47,057 --> 00:10:51,460
"Frankie, I will only pay for a baby
286
00:10:51,528 --> 00:10:54,695
that comes out of your mother, Dad."
287
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:56,532
[Laughter]
288
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,234
Unfortunately back then,
289
00:10:58,301 --> 00:11:00,469
every high school, had to have this guy.
290
00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:03,072
Ha! Brutal!
291
00:11:07,611 --> 00:11:11,213
Oh, great. It's you two. Where's my kid?
292
00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:12,481
He walked home.
293
00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:13,616
Why?
294
00:11:17,421 --> 00:11:20,022
Heaven knows I was,
just a young boy,
295
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:22,057
Didn't know what I wanted to be
296
00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:23,492
So... how was your day?
297
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,795
Why would you do that, without telling me?
298
00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:27,730
Oh, wait. I forgot, you
do whatever you want.
299
00:11:27,798 --> 00:11:30,232
And, by the way, you
could have given me one.
300
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,734
I didn't need a lifetime supply.
301
00:11:31,802 --> 00:11:35,071
Well, for your sake, I hope one,
box is not a lifetime supply.
302
00:11:35,138 --> 00:11:36,906
Come on. Get in the
car. I'll let you drive.
303
00:11:36,973 --> 00:11:39,408
That won't work, sir.
He's scared of driving.
304
00:11:39,476 --> 00:11:42,044
Oh, freedom,
305
00:11:42,112 --> 00:11:43,846
What kind of kid's afraid of driving?
306
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:44,947
Freedom,
307
00:11:45,015 --> 00:11:46,515
Oh, come on. We'll go get pizza.
308
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:48,017
You've got to give,
for what you take
309
00:11:48,085 --> 00:11:49,919
-
Freedom,
- I'm not talking to you.
310
00:11:49,986 --> 00:11:52,288
Well, merry Christmas to me.
311
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
312
00:11:58,628 --> 00:12:00,396
What the hell are you two doing?
313
00:12:00,464 --> 00:12:03,432
You promised us pizza.
314
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:06,102
You know what? I did.
315
00:12:06,169 --> 00:12:08,437
Everyone who's speaking to me gets pizza.
316
00:12:08,505 --> 00:12:09,805
Hey, Rach, we're...
317
00:12:09,873 --> 00:12:11,540
-
Damn
- Dad!
318
00:12:11,608 --> 00:12:13,943
I wish I was your lover
319
00:12:14,010 --> 00:12:15,444
I'd rock you till
the daylight comes
320
00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:17,279
Awesome.
321
00:12:17,347 --> 00:12:19,749
- Dr. Dunlevy, I just...
- Doug,
322
00:12:19,816 --> 00:12:21,751
there is not a scale available,
323
00:12:21,818 --> 00:12:23,085
with which I can accurately measure
324
00:12:23,153 --> 00:12:24,820
how much I want you to leave right now.
325
00:12:26,490 --> 00:12:29,225
Hey! How's my family doing?
326
00:12:29,292 --> 00:12:30,893
Dad put a giant box of
condoms in my backpack,
327
00:12:30,961 --> 00:12:32,495
and it fell out, at lunch.
328
00:12:32,562 --> 00:12:35,131
- He did what?
- He also barged into my room.
329
00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:39,402
I'm just glad I stopped
your boyfriend at second base.
330
00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:42,238
She had a boy in her room?
Where the hell were you?
331
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:44,106
Oh, I was out, buying massage oil for them.
332
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,809
I didn't know, he was here.
333
00:12:46,877 --> 00:12:50,079
Mrs. D, you have, a
very beautiful daughter.
334
00:12:50,147 --> 00:12:52,448
- Schwing.
- Get out.
335
00:12:52,516 --> 00:12:54,750
Leave the pizza.
336
00:12:54,818 --> 00:12:57,286
I'm starving. You two, go to your rooms.
337
00:12:57,354 --> 00:12:59,355
[Sighs]
338
00:12:59,423 --> 00:13:01,457
Oh, this is perfect.
339
00:13:01,525 --> 00:13:04,160
Do you have any idea how
much homework I have tonight?
340
00:13:04,227 --> 00:13:05,494
Honey, relax. I got this.
341
00:13:05,562 --> 00:13:08,764
No, Jack. I've got this.
342
00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:10,599
Knock yourself out. [Sighs]
343
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:14,603
Adult Frankie: Mom always knew
just how to push Dad's buttons.
344
00:13:14,671 --> 00:13:17,873
Um, they escape from the
island, and both the kids live.
345
00:13:19,376 --> 00:13:22,111
You're welcome.
346
00:13:29,874 --> 00:13:32,376
Jack, what were you thinking with Frankie?
347
00:13:32,443 --> 00:13:35,712
He's 16 years old, and
my job is to make sure
348
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,748
he doesn't get a girl
pregnant or drink and drive,
349
00:13:37,815 --> 00:13:39,416
which, by the way, is not an issue,
350
00:13:39,484 --> 00:13:41,218
because he's terrified of
getting behind the wheel.
351
00:13:41,286 --> 00:13:44,388
Otherwise, nothing he
does at this age matters.
352
00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:47,558
If something matters to
Frankie, it should matter to you.
353
00:13:47,625 --> 00:13:48,859
Same goes with Rachel.
354
00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:51,361
Have you even spoken to Doug before today?
355
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:53,230
It's irrelevant. Did you even punish her?
356
00:13:53,298 --> 00:13:54,431
She's grounded.
357
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,899
I figure for shirt off, three days.
358
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:57,201
Pants off, it would have been a week.
359
00:13:57,268 --> 00:13:58,368
What if, she gets pregnant?
360
00:13:58,436 --> 00:14:01,405
Two weeks, no TV. I don't know.
361
00:14:01,472 --> 00:14:05,509
Honey, you've got to get in the game more,
362
00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:07,044
they think you don't care.
363
00:14:07,111 --> 00:14:08,745
I love those damn kids.
364
00:14:08,813 --> 00:14:10,080
I may not always like them,
365
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:11,415
but name one parent
who would hang out
366
00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:12,716
with their kids if they
weren't their kids.
367
00:14:12,784 --> 00:14:14,351
I love hanging out with our kids.
368
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:15,819
You're just lying, to make a point.
369
00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:20,357
I promise I'll try.
370
00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:22,259
Mm-hmm.
371
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:24,094
[Horn honks]
372
00:14:24,162 --> 00:14:25,629
Alison's giving me a ride.
373
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:28,198
And, yes, I'll go straight home.
374
00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:29,433
Hey,
375
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,034
[Clicks tongue] Peace.
376
00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:40,511
George: So, let's say, at the party tonight
377
00:14:40,578 --> 00:14:42,546
you're making out with Heather
and she takes off her shirt...
378
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:44,882
Whoa. She just takes her
shirt off and lets them out?
379
00:14:44,949 --> 00:14:47,885
- That happens?
- Bitches, man.
380
00:14:47,952 --> 00:14:49,887
I don't think they like,
being called bitches, dude.
381
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:51,054
Good.
382
00:14:51,122 --> 00:14:53,056
You know what? This is too much pressure.
383
00:14:53,124 --> 00:14:55,225
I don't want to go to this party. I'm out.
384
00:14:55,293 --> 00:14:57,261
- Are you serious?
- I don't want to talk about it.
385
00:14:57,328 --> 00:14:58,729
Talk about what?
386
00:14:58,796 --> 00:15:01,498
Uh, nothing. You'd think it was stupid.
387
00:15:01,566 --> 00:15:04,568
I think everything everyone
says is stupid. Tell me anyway.
388
00:15:04,636 --> 00:15:07,271
A hot girl invited Frankie
to a party, but he won't go.
389
00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:09,606
You two take the bus home.
390
00:15:09,674 --> 00:15:11,541
You get behind the wheel,
you're learning to drive today.
391
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:12,776
[Car door opens]
392
00:15:12,844 --> 00:15:15,779
Do you enjoy making me uncomfortable?
393
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:17,581
Because you don't have
to try so hard at it.
394
00:15:17,649 --> 00:15:19,750
I'm always uncomfortable.
395
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:26,623
- Okay, let's stop.
- [Brakes screech]
396
00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:28,458
[Sighs]
397
00:15:28,526 --> 00:15:29,993
Here's a scenario...
398
00:15:30,061 --> 00:15:32,162
George got stabbed by one
of those hobos you robbed.
399
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:34,364
You've got to get him to the
hospital before he bleeds out.
400
00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:35,866
But wouldn't I just call 911?
401
00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,367
911 isn't working.
402
00:15:37,435 --> 00:15:39,136
So this is like the
apocalypse or something?
403
00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:42,539
Just sac up and get from here
to our house in five minutes.
404
00:15:42,607 --> 00:15:43,941
Save George! Go!
405
00:15:44,008 --> 00:15:45,442
- Go! Go! Go!
- [Tires squeal, engine revs]
406
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:46,777
["Add It Up" by Violent Femmes playing]
407
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,545
Why can't I get just one kiss?
408
00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:50,180
Two minutes left.
409
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:53,150
Oh! George pulled the knife
out! Why did he do that?!
410
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,552
- I don't know.
- Blood is splattering everywhere!
411
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:58,489
- [Tires screech]
- Aah!
412
00:15:58,556 --> 00:15:59,723
Why are you doing this?
413
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:00,724
After day,
414
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,459
That was a stop sign!
415
00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:05,562
Oh! One minute. He's dying.
416
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:07,664
- You're little Mexican friend is dying.
- Aah! Oh!
417
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:09,233
[Exhales sharply]
418
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:10,534
That the day is in my sight
419
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:13,704
10, 9, 8,
420
00:16:13,772 --> 00:16:15,372
- 7...
- [Tires screech]
421
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,641
- 6, 5...
- Stop counting!
422
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:20,210
4, 3...
423
00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:21,378
- Whoa!
- [Brakes screech]
424
00:16:21,446 --> 00:16:22,880
- [Sighs]
- Well done.
425
00:16:22,947 --> 00:16:25,849
George lived, but all that blood
loss caused major brain damage.
426
00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:28,819
He'll never speak again.
So that's a win-win.
427
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,554
Why would you make me do that?
428
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:33,056
Anything worth doing in
life is gonna be scary.
429
00:16:33,124 --> 00:16:34,925
You understand what I'm saying?
430
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,427
Yeah.
431
00:16:36,494 --> 00:16:38,829
All right.
432
00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:40,597
Uh, I mean no. Not at all.
433
00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:44,601
Go to that stupid party,
and talk to that girl.
434
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,839
You could have just said that.
435
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:51,175
[Sighs] I can't believe
436
00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,510
you're making me study
with you every night.
437
00:16:53,578 --> 00:16:55,079
Oh, honey, maybe you'd be more comfortable,
438
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:56,213
if you took, your shirt off.
439
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:58,348
It so wasn't worth it.
440
00:16:58,416 --> 00:17:00,384
It was awkward and just...
441
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:03,220
A lot of uncomfortable
pinching and squeezing.
442
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:05,222
I dated this guy in high school.
443
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,890
I thought he was going
to permanently change
444
00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:08,525
the shape of my boobs.
445
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:10,027
[Both laugh]
446
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,261
[Knock on door]
447
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:13,263
He knows I'm grounded.
448
00:17:13,331 --> 00:17:14,932
He just came to get his calculus book.
449
00:17:14,999 --> 00:17:16,433
- [Screams]
- [Shrieks]
450
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:17,968
Dad! Seriously?!
451
00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:19,937
He's fine.
452
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:22,606
Aren't you, Doug?
453
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:24,408
Doug?
454
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:26,810
Look, my daughter's...
455
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:30,881
Smart, so she probably
wouldn't date a complete idiot.
456
00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:33,484
I could be wrong.
457
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:35,719
Still, you and I should
get to know each other.
458
00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:38,221
Uh, what's your name again?
459
00:17:38,289 --> 00:17:39,456
Doug Manganaro.
460
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:41,291
- People call you Mango?
- No.
461
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:42,860
Good, that would be stupid.
462
00:17:42,927 --> 00:17:43,861
Hey. I'm going to the party.
463
00:17:43,928 --> 00:17:45,396
Be safe, little dude.
464
00:17:45,463 --> 00:17:46,697
Shut up, Mango.
465
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:52,136
Wait, wait, wait. Hold
on. I'm hot as balls.
466
00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:53,937
[Grunts]
467
00:17:54,005 --> 00:17:56,407
Is that the shirt that changes
colors when you touch it?
468
00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:58,409
Okay, so I didn't mean to wear this shirt.
469
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,045
Hey, guys.
470
00:18:02,547 --> 00:18:03,981
Come on in.
471
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,416
[Indistinct conversations]
472
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,788
You're unbelievable, oh
473
00:18:10,855 --> 00:18:12,489
What the, what the
474
00:18:12,557 --> 00:18:13,857
[Indistinct conversations]
475
00:18:15,226 --> 00:18:16,493
What the, what the
476
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:19,096
Weren't we in the same grade?
477
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,764
How about I punch you in the nuts?
478
00:18:20,832 --> 00:18:22,700
[Laughs] That would suck.
479
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:27,037
So, I drove from there to
my house in five minutes.
480
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:28,539
And my dad said that George would live
481
00:18:28,606 --> 00:18:29,773
but he'd be brain-dead.
482
00:18:29,841 --> 00:18:31,442
[Both chuckle]
483
00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:33,611
You want to see my room?
484
00:18:33,678 --> 00:18:35,112
Why? What's in your...
485
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,447
Yeah, I want to see your room.
486
00:18:36,514 --> 00:18:37,982
To want the world
487
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:39,650
and everything you're asked to
488
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:42,152
brace yourself with
the grace of ease
489
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:45,089
["Just Like Heaven" by The Cure playing]
490
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:50,527
Not a big Christian Slater fan huh?
491
00:18:50,595 --> 00:18:52,630
I'm a huge fan.
492
00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:54,064
Right.
493
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,335
It's getting kind of hot
in here. [Chuckles]
494
00:18:58,403 --> 00:19:00,738
[Chuckles]
495
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:05,109
Oh, I hate this stupid shirt.
496
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,146
I think it's cute.
497
00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:15,152
Show me, show me, show
me how you do that trick
498
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:18,322
"The one that makes
me, scream" she said
499
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:21,659
"The one that make
me laugh" she said,
500
00:19:21,726 --> 00:19:24,995
Threw her arms around my neck
501
00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:25,996
Show me how you do it,
502
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,665
So how was it?
503
00:19:27,732 --> 00:19:30,834
It was awesome. She was wearing
this cherry lip gloss, man.
504
00:19:30,902 --> 00:19:31,835
Can I smell it?
505
00:19:31,903 --> 00:19:33,504
- Mm-hmm.
- [Sniffs]
506
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,673
Dude! Act like you've been there before.
507
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:38,676
Hey, yo, Frankie.
508
00:19:38,743 --> 00:19:39,677
Yo! What up, T-Money?
509
00:19:39,744 --> 00:19:41,111
Yo, nice job in there.
510
00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:42,947
Yeah, Heather said she
would have went further,
511
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:44,915
but you ain't try nothing.
512
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:47,084
Adult Frankie: And then
guess what the stoner said.
513
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,386
Ha! Brutal!
514
00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:53,624
And right then I knew, he
had already told everyone,
515
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,125
first high school party I went to.
516
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,627
That I'm in love with you
517
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,697
And I was the joke.
518
00:19:59,764 --> 00:20:03,033
[Door opens]
519
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,436
Hi, honey. What are you doing up?
520
00:20:05,503 --> 00:20:07,538
Uh, can I talk to you, for a second?
521
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:11,041
Of course. Let me just put my stuff away.
522
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,377
- Welcome home.
- Hi.
523
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,984
I need a late-night
snack. I'm thinking bacon.
524
00:20:20,051 --> 00:20:22,052
What do you say? Eight
slices each. You want in?
525
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:28,092
I'm just gonna dive on in here.
526
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,464
I heard what happened at the party.
527
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,132
How? It was an hour ago.
528
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,367
Ah, Rach told me.
529
00:20:36,434 --> 00:20:38,068
She heard it from her skanky friend Alison.
530
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,304
Awesome.
531
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,172
I know you feel crappy right now.
532
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,241
But just let me ask yo, one thing...
533
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,910
If you close your eyes,
534
00:20:45,977 --> 00:20:47,678
can you still remember kissing that girl?
535
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,814
Yeah, I guess.
536
00:20:49,881 --> 00:20:51,415
Well, I've kissed hundreds of girls.
537
00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:52,783
Congrats.
538
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,785
Hey, let me finish the story.
539
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:56,587
Out of all of those girls,
540
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,589
how many do you think I remember?
541
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:03,928
Two... The first one and your mother.
542
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,798
And maybe this Filipino
nurse with a giant ass.
543
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:09,233
She was sloppy.
544
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:11,302
- All right, is this story almost over?
- Listen, kiddo,
545
00:21:11,369 --> 00:21:14,572
you can't stop life from
screwing you when it wants to.
546
00:21:14,639 --> 00:21:16,574
And I know you feel like hell right now.
547
00:21:16,641 --> 00:21:19,143
But you will always
remember your first kiss.
548
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:22,246
Dad, it was so embarrassing.
549
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:27,518
Well...
550
00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:30,387
That will pass, I promise.
551
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,194
You know, if things ever get too crappy,
552
00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:38,529
you can always come home and have bacon
553
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:39,663
with your mom and me.
554
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:41,799
[Chuckles]
555
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,968
[Sighs]
556
00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:51,242
I might have also grabbed her butt.
557
00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:54,211
Well, no one can take that away from you.
558
00:21:54,279 --> 00:21:56,647
[Laughs]
559
00:21:56,715 --> 00:21:58,883
Frankie, you want to talk?
560
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:01,385
- Um...
- [Sighs]
561
00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:04,255
No, it's no big deal, Dad got it.
562
00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:12,897
Oh, yeah.
563
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:15,399
[Chuckles]
564
00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:16,467
Hmm.
565
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:25,776
Why do we have to, do this?
566
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:29,413
'Cause you stole. Calm down. It'll be fine.
567
00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:30,481
[Screams]
568
00:22:31,616 --> 00:22:34,085
Run, boys! Run!
569
00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:37,054
[Grunts]
570
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,122
[Grunts]
571
00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:43,127
[Panting]
572
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,196
That should keep that from happening again.
573
00:22:45,263 --> 00:22:46,964
[Sighs] You're a pretty sick guy.
574
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,866
Yeah, maybe. $20 good?
575
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:52,436
Yeah, okay.
576
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,105
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577
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