All language subtitles for Gary Unmarried s02e16 Gary Tries to Find Something for Mitch.eng

[both screaming]

[laughing]

[laughing]

Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yes!
Yeah!

My brother!
How long are you home for?

Well, let's see,
the rest of my life.

My time in the marines
is up, man.

I'm a civilian now.

Whoo!
Ha ha.

My man. Let's play
some video games.

Want to play, what,
"Gears of War."

My--

What, too soon?
Yeah, a little bit.

All right, we'll play
"Mario Kart" or something.

Work our way up,
have a seat.

Nice.

I'm gonna get
a whole bunch of beer

And some adult diapers,
that way we don't have to get up for a while.

Hey, so what
are you going to do now what you're home?

I don't know.

Uh, economy's kinda
bad right now.

Kinda thought I'd be
painting with you,

But now you're this
big radio guy, so.

I don't know,
you got any ideas?

You can do whatever you want,

You know,
you got lots of talent.

The world's your oyster,
what do you want to do?

Hey, what if I was on
the radio with you?

You know, like a sidekick.

Yeah, nice try,
though, Mitch.

You have no radio
experience at all.

I did a ton of radio work
in Afghanistan.

You were calling in
air strikes.

Come on, man,
we're really funny together.

Any time we play Xbox,
we always get some good banter going.

No, that's not banter.

It's you yelling at me,
calling me a woman,

Telling me you're gonna
go in the kitchen,

Make me midol
sandwiches.

[laughs] see?
That funny!

Actually, that is
pretty funny. Yeah!

All right, look,
I'll talk to Sasha first thing,

But I can't promise anything,
all right?

Hey, I really
appreciate it, bro.

What do you say to a quick game
of midnight "Madden"?

"Madden"?
Yeah.

Been a while.
Let me switch teams, though, ok?

Well, the way you play,
I assumed you already had.

Gary Unmarried 2x16
Gary Tries to Find Something for Mitch Original Air Date on March 10, 2010

-- Sync by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --

All right, thanks
for coming in,

I'll let you know,
Jagger.

You might hire
an assistant named Jagger?

That is awesome!

There's a guy in ad sales
named Keith.

We'll have half the band.

Well, I am not
hiring Jagger,

Because under
special skills,

He listed
"keepin' it real."

[chuckles] well, hey,
speaking of hiring people,

You know, my brother Mitch
just got back from the war.

He was over in Afghanistan.

And, well, I kinda told him
I would talk to you--

Oh, hang on a second,
Gary, that's my phone.

Which I still have
to answer myself.

Though I'm running
out of fake voices.

[Australian accent]
g'day, mate,

Sasha Warden's
office.

Hold on, please.

[normal voice]
just come talk to me in a minute, ok?

Ok.

Hey, Gary,
guess what, man?

Ok, I'll give you a hint,
I'll give you a hint.

What are three words
you swore you would never say again?

"I'm getting married."

I'm getting married!

Oh.

Congratulations,
I guess.

What, uh,

What, the
is the charm?

Yeah, oh, man,
Charlene and I,

We went out
and had a real nice romantic weekend

up in Big Bear.

I'm talking long walks,

Red wine,

Hot tub. It was like
a two-day cialis commercial.

She laid the law down,
didn't she?

Pretty much. Yeah.

Yeah, we've been
seeing each other for about six years, man.

If I didn't propose
this weekend,

They'd have been
pulling my body out of that hot tub

And checking
my fingernails for dna.

Hey, Gary,
hey, Curtis. Oh, great.

You know, I was just
about to tell you

All the reasons
you shouldn't get married,

And they just walked in
right behind me.

It just so happens
Curtis asked me

To help plan
his wedding.

Yeah, we wanted an elegant,
classy wedding,

And Charlene says
that Alison is

The classiest woman
she knows.

Also, I need Alison
to curb my baby's spending.

You know, I have
a hard time saying no.

Huh, well, Alison
has no problem saying, "no," at all.

She likes to say, "no."

She also likes to say,
"over my dead body."

That's a big one.

With her,
if she does say yes,

You'll feel like
you're on top of a dead body.

In which case,
I was the only stiff in the room.

Mmm!
Yeah.

Well.

Is Charlene here?

We have to go
look for dresses.

Yeah, we were in the booth
listening to bands.

Hey, Charlene?

Baby, I almost forgot.

We're going to need
to go through this guest list

To find out
who's afraid of peacocks,

'cause they gonna want
to sit away from the aisle.

Oh, that's good.
She's smart.

Hey, Charlene!
Hey!

Congratulations!
Thank you!

Oh, my gosh.

You just snared yourself
one of the world's most eligible bachelors.

I just got a 40-year-old guy
who's been married twice

And sleeps on a futon.

But I'm gonna fix all that.

Ha, all right!

Charlene,
don't worry,

You're going to have
a great wedding.

It's gonna be tasteful,
sophisticated.

Oh, no, I'm not worried,
'cause I got ideas.

Bam.

Oh.

Uh, wow.

I don't think this
is the kind of thing

Peaches and Herb would get
together for, yeah.

I thought u guys
talked about

Staying within
a certain budget?

Budget, ok,
I'll tell you the budget.

Charlene's wedding
is so beautiful that people cry.

That's the budget.

Uh, I think the caterer's
looking for something more like a dollar figure.

Curtis?

You know, you can't
put a number on love.

So...

So we started talking
about what Mitch wanted to do, and--

Oh, hang on
a second, Gary.

Yeah, she not here
right now, man, she call you back.

Look, I was thinking
maybe Mitch could be a sidekick on my show.

[normal voice]
oh, listen, Gary,

I would love
to add more comedy to the show,

But financially,
I don't see how that's going to work.

What? Whoa, whoa?

Add more comedy?

Yeah, you don't
tell a guy like me to add more comedy.

You didn't think
it was funny today

When I did
Joe Pesci talking about the Lakers?

I thought you were
doing urkel.

What?! No.
It was Joe Pesci.

Like--[imitating Joe Pesci]
what do you mean?

Kobe Bryant's like a joke,
what, does he amuse you?

He's some kind of clown?
He's a clown?

I'm hearing urkel.

[normal voice] what?

Look, Mitch will
work for free

Until he proves himself.

Here's the thing--
a long time ago,

He made a really big
sacrifice for me.

I owe him. Please.

Ok, ok, you can
try him out.

But if it doesn't
work, you're gonna have to fire him.

You ready
to face that?

Yeah, great.
I don't care.

Thanks.

How do you not know
"Goodfellas"?

I was nine
when it came out.

Look, do you know
anything from "The Goonies"?

"Aladdin"?

"3 Ninjas Kick Back"?

All right,
here's a prediction.

Jason Bay
of the Mets

is going to hit
45 diamond ringers this year.

I know he had a rough stretch--
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you just say
"diamond ringers"?

Yeah. Yeah,
it's my new thing for a home run.

"Jason Bay with another
diamond ringer."

That doesn't sound like
a home run to me.

How about something like,
"johnny's dough boy."

What?
Yeah.

Ooh, ooh, how about
this, how about,

"Manny Ramirez
just dropped a hot bag of nasty

Into the bleachers."

You really--you think
that sounds better?

All right,
hold that thought, Mitch.

We got a call.

Who's this?
Jerry from Glendale.

Jerry from Glendale,
you're on the air, go ahead.

Jerry:
You're an idiot, Brooks.

Jason Bay
is the luckiest guy in baseball.

If he hits three
home runs this year,

I'll pay your salary.

Which can't be much,
because you suck.

Ha ha, ok, Jerry.

Hey, Jerry,
this is Mitch.

Never talk
to my brother that way again.

You understand?

We got
your phone number.

I'm going to reverse
white page you,

Come to your house
and show you

How I can tie
your shoe from inside your mouth!

Hey, uh, Mitch,

It's ok to have attitude,

But you gotta, like,
pull it back a little bit.

Just a little,
just dial it back.

All right, roger that,
loud and clear.

Just like firing
a semi-auto.

All right. Here we go.
Let's take another call.

We have Nate in Venice.

Nate, you're on the air,
what's up?

Nate: I don't know.
Diamond ringers

Sounds a little soft, bro.

Hey, Gary's not
your bro, Nate.

Gary, who is this dude?
Whoa, whoa!

I'll tell you who I am,
I'm your nightmare, captain,

That's who I am.
I'm the man who steals your mom

From your dad
and ruins his life.

Then I get your mom
to marry me,

And I dump her
at the altar!

Then I go back
and marry your dad!

Huh?

How's that
for soft, Nate?

[dial tone]

Let's take a little break.

This is "The Score"
with Gary Brooks.

And machine gun Mitch!

Ha ha, this is fun.

Yeah, a real riot.

[chuckles]

I thought that went--
fire him.

Ok.

Hey.

Hey. Uh, Mitch, buddy,
we gotta talk.

Things are going
great, right?

Yeah, it's definitely
going great.

I just think maybe
your talents

Are being misused in here,
you know?

What's going on?
You gonna fire me?

Well--
oh, my god.

You're gonna fire
your brother.

[chuckles] no.

No, Mitch.

It's just, uh...

I'm promoting you.

You are now Sasha Warden's
assistant. Congratulations.

Really?
Yep.

I don't know.

I don't know,
seems like kind of a lower position.

No, it's not.
It's corporate, man.

I gotta be honest
with you, Mitch.

Anybody could do this
on-air stuff.

You sit down,
you talk, it's easy.

But you know what
I saw in here today?

A businessman.
A businessman?

Like Donald Trump.

The donald.

Yeah.
Yeah!

Now you think about it.

You got the perfect mind
for business, Mitch.

You're logical,
you're mathematical,

You're ruthless.

I mean, you're gonna
start as an assistant.

But I give you six months,

You're gonna be
running this place!

And Sasha signed off
on this?

Are you kidding me?
It was practically her idea.

This is great.
Thanks, man,

I appreciate it.
Ok!

Ha ha!
Yeah!

Oh, look. Oh.

Hey! Yeah!

Yeah! Ha ha ha!

You want Mitch
to be my assistant?

After what he did
on the radio?

Absolutely not.

All right, so he's not
an on-air type of guy.

That doesn't mean
he's not qualified to be an assistant.

He told a little boy

He was going
to drop-kick him into traffic.

All right, look,
here's the thing.

Mitch and I,
we look out for each other.

I really let him down.

When we were in
our twenties,

We were both supposed
to go into the Marines together, ok?

I was literally
in the recruiter's office

When I got the call
that Alison was pregnant,

And I bailed.

So now you feel like
you owe him?

I totally feel like
I owe the guy, ok?

Please, help me on this one.

I'm asking you,
as your boyfriend.

That is not fair.
We said we were going

To keep our relationship
and work separate.

Yeah, that was before
I really needed something.

[telephone rings]

Besides, how many more accents
do you have left in you?

Actually,
I have one more,

But I'm pretty sure
it's offensive.

Sasha Warden's office.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Wong.

Oh, that was close!

Tell him he can
start tomorrow. Ok.

Look, Charlene,
you can't come down the aisle on a zebra!

I mean, like,

Where would you even
get one of those?

I mean, at the zoo,
they don't have a "need a zebra,

Take a zebra" tray
out front.

I am the bride!

And the bride gets
what she wants.

So I don't want
to hear anymore

"can'ts" or "too bigs",

And stop telling me
Marvin Gaye died in 1984!

Ooh.

Look, I don't
want to say this in front of her,

But I'm on
your side.

No, you have to say it
in front of her,

Curtis, ok?
You cannot have

Zebras in your wedding,

Or a snow machine,
or acrobats.

And even if I could get
an ice sculpture that big,

I don't think david blaine
is going to want to sit in it for three days!

I know she can be
a little overbearing,

But she's nervous,
and this is how she expresses anxiety.

Trust me, she really is
an incredible woman.

Ok, look, look,
I love Charlene, ok?

But she's acting
like a nutcase!

I'm sorry, you know what,
I shouldn't have said that

About your future bride, ok.

I just--I don't want
to see you get, you know,

Walked all over
for the rest of your life.

Oh, please,
like you didn't boss

Gary around
for 15 years?

Actually, it was 19
if you include high school.

Ok, look, this is
our relationship!

She makes every decision.

And I say
the word "baby" a lot.

All right?

It works for us, ok?
Well...

Now just tell me,

Is there anything
on our list I can afford?

Uh, well, let's see.

Do you feel
comfortable waxing

The bridesmaid's
privates into the shape of hearts?

Um, considering
the three of them are my sisters, no.

Ugh!

[telephone rings]

Sasha Warden's
office.

Uh, she is on
a call right now,

Can I take
a message?

All right,
anniversary of uncle's death.

Place flowers
at gravesite.

Got it.

Hey, tgif.

All right!

Look at you, man!
Look at me!

Climbing the ladder.

See you at the top, M.B.

Not if I see
you first, J.B.

[both chuckle]
excuse me.

Ah, god!
Aah!

I'm here to see
Gary Brooks.

Mitch, that's Joe Torre,
manager of the Dodgers!

Let him up!

Sorry, Mr. Torre.
I'm Gary Brooks.

That's my maniac brother Mitch.

Sorry, Mr. Torre.

Shouldn't sneak up
behind me, though.

Military kind of
trained me to kill people who do that.

Well, thanks...
Thanks for your military service,

Really appreciate it.

Hey, I know we got off
to an awkward start,

But you think
there's any way we can get an autograph?

Oh, sure.
Ahh!

Aah!
Mitch, Mitch!

I was just going
for my pen.

Uh, Mr. Torre,
I'm sorry,

Would you excuse me
for a second

While I talk
to my brother?

Sure.
Ok, we'll be right with you.

Mitch, can I talk to you
for a second here?

Sure, Gar. Hey, just
give me one second

To get someone
to cover my desk.

Torre, cover my desk.

Mitch, this is not
working out, ok?

Sorry.

I'm getting fired?
Yes.

You said I was
cut out for business!

I only told you
that 'cause

You're so terrible
on the radio.

Oh, no, no, you said
I nailed it on the radio.

What's going on, Gary?

Mitch, I gotta
let you go.

You just put
Joe Torre in a headlock.

You kinda freak
everybody out.

So this is where
you bail on me, huh?

Just like when
we joined the Marines.

I didn't bail, Mitch.
I had a responsibility.

Well, if it looks like a bail
and smells like a bail...

That doesn't...
All right, look,

It doesn't matter,
Mitch, ok?

I'm done
helping you.

You never started
helping me, all right?

Doing nothing
would have been better

Than setting me up
to fail, twice.

Look, I'm home
from the service

And I just need
a little support.

And you let me down, bro.

Now I know how Rambo felt.

Hey.

Nice grouping.

Yeah, it's amazing,

You put them all
through the same hole like that.

Believe it or not,

There are some things
I actually do pretty good.

I can see.

What do you want, Gary?

Is that
a .357 magnum?

Yeah, it is.

Just, uh,
just checking, ok.

What I've been holding
around for 16 years, it has to stop, ok?

You and I were
supposed to go into the Marines together,

But we didn't.
You know why I didn't, Mitch?

Because I had a family
that was about to happen.

Alison was pregnant,
I had to care for my wife

And my unborn child.
I had to be a grown-up.

And I suggest
you start acting like a grown-up, too, Mitch.

And as far as what
you want to do for the rest of your life,

You've got to figure
that out for yourself.

[gunshot]
if that's ok with you.

You know what, Gary?

What, is this the part
where you kill me? Heh.

You're absolutely right.

This is the part
where you kill me?! No.

No, no. I mean,
you tried to help me out, you did everything you could,

And I just screwed it up.

And I wanted to blame you,
because...

Well, because.

'cause I'm scared, Gary!

I'm so scared!
[sobbing]

Whoa!

I'm scared,
too, Mitch!

Mitch, get it away!

When I was in the Marines,
you know, I knew who I was,

But now, I don't even know!

That's why I was so happy
to see you when I came out!

You know?

[sobbing]

Yeah.

Yeah, you were
happy 'cause

We could sit
on the couch, watch football,

Drink beer
like guys, right?

No, no, no!

'cause I figured
you'd be able

To help me
figure out who I am,

But that's not fair!

I mean, I have
to do that! Me!

Not you! Me!

I gotta do it,
and you, you told me what I needed to hear!

And that's why I love you
so much, Gary!

[sobbing]

Thanks, guys.

Charlene's going
to be here any second for the food tasting.

Hey, uh, what's
this black stuff called again?

It's called rhythm
and blues, tom, ok?

It's for the party
afterwards,

And we don't
call it "black stuff" in this house!

I was talking about this.
[chuckles]

That's caviar.

Oh.

Hey, kids, go get
your stuff, ok?

Ok.

Hey, Gary, I heard
you talked to Mitch.

Good for you.

Look, Charlene and Curtis
are going to come over

Any sec to taste some food,
if you want to hang out.

What's going on
around here?

You seem super calm.

I thought you said
Charlene was making you nuts,

Curtis wouldn't
stand up to her.

Well, that was before
I discovered my secret weapon

That solved both problems.

Alison, you cannot
drink all day, ok?

That is not
my secret weapon.

And, yes, I can.

Alison, I'm going
to make this thing easier on everybody.

All this picking
and choosing,

It's just too much,

And it's driving
everybody crazy.

Right,
so I have decided

To have it all!

I want a little bit
of everything!

I want people
to go home and say,

"damn! I never had
pheasant or caviar!

Tonight I had both!"

Ok, time for
the secret weapon.

Ahem. Mitch.

Curtis, Gary.

And this stunning beauty
must be Charlene.

I've heard so much
about you.

Ooh! I like
this one! So you--

Lock it down, squeaky toy!

I'm running the show
from here on out.

You can talk
when I'm finished.

Now, we've got
budget considerations.

There will be no arrival
on white horses.

There will be
no harp orchestra.

However, this black stuff
is acceptable.

As is the Marvin Gaye
impersonator,

Who will be singing
such hits as

"heard it through
the grapevine,"

"what's goin' on,"
and of course, "sexual healing."

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.
Good, moving on.

Curtis?
Yeah.

It's time
to stone up, man.

You are a man?
Mm-hmm.

You have two testicles.
Yeah.

I suggest
you deploy them.

Um, all right.

Um, ahem.

[deep voice]
um, Charlene...

We want the wedding
to be nice,

But we did
set a budget.

Now there is an assortment
of bridal bouquets,

Corsages, and nose gaze
in the living room.

I suggest that we
go in there,

Take a look at them,
and pick something

Within our price range,

But that is still
as beautiful as you are.

Oh, baby!

Move, move, move!

Thank you.

Hey, I owe you
a big thank you, man.

Got my ass in gear,
and I think I figured out

Exactly what I want to do
with the rest of my life.

A wedding planner?

No. No.

I mean, I'm good
at it, but...

I need to be doing something
that makes a difference,

You know,
where people's lives are on the line.

I want to be a Marine.

Mitch, come on,
you don't have to say that

Just 'cause you can't
think of something else, you know?

I'm not just saying it,
Gary, all right?

I love the Marines.
I'm good at it.

It's where I'm happiest.

So after Curtis' wedding,

I'm going back in.

I'm gonna
miss you, buddy.

And I know

I'm your older brother,

But I want to be you
when I grow up.

[whispering]

-- Sync by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --

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