All language subtitles for Gary Unmarried s02e09 Gary Keeps a Secret.eng

Hey, Gary.
Oh! Great.

I caught you in the middle
of arts and crafts.

I was afraid
I'd interrupt you...

...during snack or nap time.

I'm making headphones
for my ears.

The dwp is tearing up
the street.

You know, there's actually
something more annoying...

...than the sound of your voice.
Oh.

Oh,
that's very funny, Gary.

But, you know,
I'm the one who--

Which is why I faked it
9 out of 10 times.

It's true.

I didn't know there was going to be construction going on.

How am I supposed to get my homework done with all this noise?

I agree. That's why
I didn't bring mine home.

Well,
they're all yours, Gary.

Oh, and your son Tom
is grounded.

Oh, my gosh.
Is this about the fireworks?

Hey, no--
what? What?

What? What?

He said a bad word.

Tommy, what did I tell you
about swearing?

I know. Check for parents, teachers,
preachers, and cops.

Learn it. Know it.

You gotta live it, man.

All right, hey,
what word did he say?

Was it the same word I said
on our first date?

When you asked,
"what should we do next?"

Yes. Yes.

Gary, it was the same word
that my dad said under his breath.

When you said, "I do."

I'll make sure
he stays in, OK?

Thank you.

Oh, oh, Gary,
and you'll be proud to know...

...that Louise was invited to
Jenny Stevens' Roller-Skating party...

...this weekend.
Yes! Louise! Finally!

Yeah! You're one of
the popular girls. That's great.

Gary, Gary,
you didn't let me finish.

Louise declined
the invitation.

She doesn't
have to conform to the popular crowd.

I have raised an
independent young lady...

...who thinks
and acts for herself.

Mwah.
Heh. OK.

Yeah. I think you mean
"we" have raised.

"our" daughter
is independent. Right?

You're right, Gary.
I mean, it was you...

...who forgot to pick up
Louise at the library...

...when she was 8 years old,
which taught her...

...all the ins and outs
of city transit.

Bye, mom!

I'm going to
that party, dad.

You just said
you were not gonna go.

No. Mom just said
I wasn't.

She does that to you, too?!

I want to go,
but I can't tell mom.

She's so proud I'm not the kind of kid who
succumbs to peer pressure.

But just this once,
I want to succumb.

Can we just
not tell her?

I don't know what
"succumb" means, so you're probably OK on that.

But as far as
not telling your mother, we made an agreement...

...when we got divorced
that we would tell each other everything all the time.

I'm sorry, Louise.
Oh, please, daddy.

This is finally a chance
for me to fit in.

Mom just
doesn't understand.

Can't a daughter just have
one secret with her dad?

You know I can't say no
to that look, louise.

It's that same look
that made me buy that hamster for you--

Which, to this day,
I swear to god,

He walked directly into
the vacuum cleaner by himself.

Oh, yes! Thank you, daddy.
You're welcome, sweet girl.

Oh, and I need to get
some skinny jeans,

A tank top,
and some cute shoes.

Yeah. You got it.
You got it.

You know,
there are some words, tom, I have no defense for--

"daddy" and, uh...

"breakfast served
all day."

Hey, uh, some of
the guys were thinking

About hitting a movie tonight.
Any chance I could go?

Daddy?

Are you serious?

Breakfast served
all day.

"Gary Unmarried", Season 2, Episode 9
"Gary Keeps a Secret"

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But on this website, every pair of
jeans looks skinny.

Is there any such thing
as fat jeans?

I don't know. Google it.

Oh!
Oh! No!

Oh.
Come on, now.

That can't even
be legal.

Do me a favor.
Bookmark that, though.

Just--just...
Just asking.

I'm in over my head
here, curtis.

I'm in, like,
mommy territory--

Little girl jeans,
popular girl parties.

Well, you know
who might be able to help.

Why don't you ask sasha?
Sasha's not a mom.

Yeah, but she's got
all the mommy parts.

They're just a little...
Firmer than allison's.

That's my ex-wife you're
talking about, man.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.
And I like it!

So, why don't you just
ask sasha to help you out?

I don't know.
After thanksgiving,

She saw all the baggage,
how crazy my family is.

Plus, we had
that almost-kiss. Everything got weird.

Oh, man, white people.
Mmm...

Y'all make everything
so complicated.

Look. You need
a woman to help you pick some clothes out.

There's a woman 10 feet away.
Just ask her for help.

And this time, please resist
the urge to suck her down

Like she's the last drop of
grape soda.

Grape soda.

Black people.

Hey, uh, uncool.

But I like it.
oh, man!

Hey, sash.

Hey...Gare.
Heh.

What's up?

I seem to have found myself
in a bit of a pickle.

I have a problem,
and if you have any free time--

Look, I know
where this is going,

And I do not help people
dog-sit, move,

Or pop things
in an area they cannot reach themselves.

No. No.
Uh, my daughter,

Uh, she got invited
to a cool kid party.

She doesn't have
the right clothes to wear.

I need your help shopping.
Heh.

Could you do that for me?
Are you kidding me?

Are you asking me if
I want to go shopping? Yes.

The answer is yes.

There's a really great store
on third street called diva-station.

Want to meet there
at 3:00?

Yeah. I just thought
after thanksgiving--

Oh, gary, please.
Don't even worry about that.

Thanksgiving is such
a crazy holiday.

You've got
marshmallows on potatoes.

You're jamming your hand
inside a turkey tush.

Really, we're good.
It's just shopping.

All right. So, I'll meet you
at 3:00. Perfect.

Are you as hot as I am
right now?

Excuse me?

Stab in the dark. Sorry.
See you at 3:00.

How about this one?

Weren't you just wearing
that one? No, dad.

I was just wearing
this one.

I can't tell
these outfits apart, louise.

They look too much alike.

It's like that
"spot the difference" game in the newspaper.

Maybe if one of them
had a mustache on, I'd be better at it. You know?

Ok, I'm gonna go
try something else on.

Ok. Yeah.
Whatever you want.

Uh, ooh.

Uh...Am I in trouble?

Yes. That's strike one.

Strike two,
we turn up the avril lavigne.

Ok.

Well, uh,
I've been warned.

I've been watching
you and your daughter,

And you guys are so adorable.
Oh.

You mean,
the way she talks to me like I'm an idiot?

Yeah. You must be
swooning. Heh.

So, is there
a mrs. "cute guy who's shopping with his daughter"?

No, but there's
a boss of mine

That might
come through the door in about a second

That I'm hoping
to have a date with.

That's too bad,
because we're having a sale

On "single salesgirls
who want to make out with you

Behind the wetzel's pretzels
dumpster."

M-maybe I could get,
like, a coupon?

Um, ok.

I couldn't find the jeans
at diesel or justice,

But there's a place
at the beverly center I think we could hit.

Did you have any luck here?
No.

She's tried on
everything twice.

I read every magazine
in the store.

Apparently,
the kids from "high school musical"

Are having a great time
in hawaii.

And, uh,
according to the quiz, I'm a below-average flirt.

Ok, try these.

My niece loved them.
Yeah. Ok, here's the thing.

My daughter
just tried these on, like, 5 minutes ago.

Where did you
find those? So cute!

Gary: How do you do
this shopping?

It's the most boring thing
I've ever been a part of in my life.

Ok, let me
ask you something.

What is the longest amount
of time you've ever spent in home depot?

Home depot?
My world record is 4 hours, 22 minutes.

They were having a sale
on skill saws. One was--

And I'm bored.
What?

You can't be bored. I'm talking about tools!
Tools are awesome.

so is
that feeling you get

When you've picked out
the perfect outfit.

And you know
the minute you walk through the door,

The person
you bought it for is gonna turn their head

And go, "wow."

Wow.

So, what do you think?

Oh, sweetie,
I don't know.

I'm a terrible judge,
'cause you make everything look better.

Sasha, what do you think?

I love it.
Add a matching headband, and you're good to go.

Can I get it?

Yes, of course
you can get it-- whatever you want.

Ok, thank you!
I'm going to wear it out.

Thanks for
helping me out. You're a lifesaver, ok?

It's no problem.
It's actually kind of fun.

You ready?

Uh, I can't go home.
I still have to get shoes.

Who needs shoes? We're--

All right, we need shoes.
Can you help me with the shoes?

I know just the place.
Listen, you guys pay for the clothes,

And then
we'll head over there.

You're a lifesaver.
And I will return the favor.

If you ever need a tool,
I'm--I'm your guy.

There's nothing sexier
than a daddy taking care of his little girl.

It's hot, right?

I've had this
flushed feeling all day.

I thought it was
the chinese food.

Hey, if you hadn't
walked in,

I would have had him
on a pile of warm pretzels.

Wait. What?

I am killing
your secondary!

It's not fair.
You've been practicing while I'm at school.

Hey, life's full of
choices, tom.

Ok. I'm getting
picked up in a few minutes.

How do I look?
Oh, you look adorable!

Oh!
Dad, this is important.

I need
an honest opinion. Tom, how do I look?

Like every other girl
at school.

Really? Thank you!
Gary: Whoo.

Oh, I hear your mom's
anti-fun bus pulling up.

Girl, you gotta
get out of here. You're dressed all fancy.

Uh, look.
You go up there,

And I'll stall your
mother, uh, somehow.

It might involve
a tongue kiss.

I might ask you
to close your eyes. Ok?

When are those guys
gonna finish?

I just want to go up to the
guy holding the "slow" sign

And say, "we know!"

Wait. Why is tom
playing video games?

You know grounded means
no video games.

Tom!
Yeah, well,

I knew, but dad didn't.
I didn't have the heart to tell him.

All right. All right.

Look, I've got louise's
geometry book for her study date tonight.

Ok?
Oh, good.

I'll tell her
you brought it by.

Well, where is she?
I want to say good-bye before I leave.

She's sleeping, allison.
She was solving for "x" for, like, 3 hours,

And then her giant,
brain-filled head just keeled over.

She passed out.
She's snoring.

Look, you're acting
very strangely, gary--

Look, I--
all right. Now, tom!

My god! Gary!

That was disgusting!

It was like
having a warm scallop in my mouth.

Yeah.

Is it over?
Yes.

We're good. Let's go.

All right, this has
been a good show.

We've established that horse racing
is the same as nascar

But slower
and with poop.

I'm gary brooks,
and that's the score.

Dude, that is not cool.
We are 5 minutes over,

And you know I like to leave
right at 6:00 on fridays.

Why would I know that?

Have you ever seen me here
on a Friday, say around 6:15?

No.
Ok. That's because on fridays,

I leave at 6:00,
except for today,

When I'm gonna leave
god knows when, 'cause I'm talking to you

About the very thing I should
be doing, which is leaving. See my quandary?

Hey, curtis,

Why don't we finish
this argument over a drink?

Tgif--taste guinness.
It's Friday. Ha ha!

I just made that up,
man. Come on.

I'm sorry. I can't do it.
It's curtis time.

I just made up a jingle.
You're turning me down?

Where do you disappear to
every Friday?

I can't respond to that.
The first rule of curtis time

Is do not talk about
curtis time.

Hey, great show today, gare.

Hey, thanks, sash.

So, how did louise look
when she left for her party?

Like a million bucks--
actually, like 264 bucks

And 15 cents.

I have to say,

I, um, had a really good time

Hanging out with you
and your daughter today.

So, you know,
let me know if, uh,

You want to do something
again sometime.

Yeah. Well, you know,

According--well,
my calendar is kind of,

I mean, the first thing
I have open is right now.

You want to go out?

Ok. Yeah. Sure.

All right. It's a date.

How about
we call it a drink?

Hey, we can
call it fernando for all I care.

Let's get out of here.

All right,
that's my phone.

You go get ready
for our fernando while I get this, ok?

It's my daughter louise.

Hi, honey!
You having a good time?

Dad, these girls
are so mean.

They're making fun
of me.

I want to go home.
Will you come pick me up, daddy?

Uh...
Yeah, louise, maybe you could just, like,

Stick it out
for a little while. You know what I mean?

I'll just call mom.
No. No! No! Don't call mom.

Do me a favor. Sit tight. I'm gonna come
get you. Daddy will save the day.

Just be cool. Don't tell mom.
I'm coming. I love you.

You ready?

Hey, uh, I don't know
if you've heard

About this really cool
martini bar--rick's? It's on ventura boulevard.

Yeah. I actually
just read about it in "la magazine."

It's the hottest bar
in the city. It sure is.

How would you like to go
to the roller rink right next-door?

I have to pick up my daughter.
Will you come with me?

Oh. Yeah, sure.
All right. It'll be fun.

We'll have bruises all over our bodies,
but not for the reasons I had hoped.

All right.
This won't take long, you know?

I'll grab louise,
we'll pick her up, we'll drop her off,

And then you and I will
go out for our drink. Ok?

Ok.
Dad! What--whoa.

What are you doing here?
You're totally embarrassing me.

You called me and told me
to come pick you up.

You said all the girls
were making fun of you.

But everything's
fine now.

What, so now you want
to stay? Yes,

And I don't want to be
the only girl at the party

With her dad here.
We're going to the arcade now.

So, don't follow us!

What the heck was that?

That's a 12-year-old girl.

I know literally what it is.
What I meant was,

What the heck was that?!

They change
their minds, gary.

One minute, they like
flowers and unicorns.

The next minute,
they're piercing their nipples

And winning
wet t-shirt contests in cancun.

3 years in a row.

just sayin'.

Whoa. Ordinarily,
that would be very hot.

But considering
I'm her father,

That's the most
disturbing thing I can picture.

Except for that!

Gary!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh.

All right. Yeah. Ok.

Curtis, what the heck
are you doing?

That's right. This is how
I spend curtis time.

I rock the boogie.

Why didn't you tell me
on Friday nights you rock the boogie

By coming to
the roller-skating rink?

I would have lent you
my satin windbreaker and matching dolphin shorts.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got some moves I gotta work out

Before "couples' skate."
so...

Heh. Ohh.
Wow.

So, uh, should we go?

No, I can't leave. What if
she changes her mind again?

You know, one second,
she's asking me to help her.

The next second,
she wants to stay.

The party's gonna end
in a half-hour, anyway. We'll hang out.

I'll take her home. I'm sorry.
I know this is probably a drag for you.

No. Are you kidding me?

The fact that you care
so much about her

Just raised you up
about 50 notches in my book.

Wow.
50 notches?

So, listen. If you want
some cpany,

I would be happy
to stay.

What size are you?

I never had
any complaints.

I am talking about
your feet.

If we're gonna stay,
we may as well skate.

Oh. Yeah. Uh, I'm an 11.
We'll get skates.

But I should warn you,
back in the day, I was quite the wheel man.

I used to
rock the boogie, too.

Aah!
Oh! Ooh!

Gary, get your
leg up here.

Yeah, I'm trying,
but I'm doing the splits!

I got you. I'm pulling.

Pull up on my boobs!
Oh!

There you go! There you go!
We're good. Whoo!

Hey, gary,

I found your
"I'm with stupid" t-shirt.

Ironically,
it wasn't with you. Heh.

Oh, my...

Toe!

Well, well, well.

What happened to,
and I quote,

"that language is only suitable
for sailors, criminals,

And that tramp
from 'sex in the city'"?

Look. There are
some rare occasions

Under very specific
circumstances

Usually involving
severe and sudden pain

When it's ok
to use that word.

And you were just here
that one time I used it.

Ok, well, what about
that time you bit your tongue at burgeroos?

Ok, twice.

And that time
that cop pulled you over?

Ok, fine, tom.

So, what,
you can remember every time I've sworn,

But you can't remember
to clear your browser history

Before your mom
goes online?

And by the way--
if they have a cesarean scar,

I mean, I don't know
where they get off

Calling themselves
"barely legal."

but it's all right, tom.

You're not grounded
for that, but you should be.

It's disgusting. Ok?

Anyway, where's louise?
I gotta give her her backpack.

Oh. Uh, I think dad
went to go pick her up at the skating rink.

She called and she was
crying. All those kids were making fun of her.

God, there was
something else, too, I was supposed to tell you.

It was really urgent. Um...

Oh. Yeah.
Not to tell you. Heh heh.

Well, thank you, tom.
I'm gonna go to my car before I say that word again.

Hey, am I still grounded?
Yeah, yeah.

You just bought yourself
another day.

What?! Ah--
yeah.

Ok. Come on.

You can do it.
Just a little--

You got it.
yeah!

Oh, you are
definitely...

Improving.
Oh! Uhh!

That was a good 5 inches
further than last time.

You're a good sport.
I'm glad you're hanging out.

I bet when I asked you
for a drink,

You didn't think it was gonna
come from a snack bar

And turn your tongue blue.
Eh.

Hey, I'm just gonna tell
people I had a wild night with papa smurf.

I had a really fun day.

I'm having
a great time, too.

Fun time over.

Get me out of here.
Gotta go.

Gary...
I'm not having fun anymore.

Gary, what is going on?
No, allison. What?

What is going on?
Well, they're gonna set up

For the "hokey-pokey,"
and then there's gonna be a "couples' skate."

Ok. You know what?
That's not funny.

Hey, girl!
What's going on?

Oh, my god.
That is very funny.

Look. Gary, seriously,
where is louise?

And, I mean,
tom said she was crying.

And why is she even
at this party?

She knew
you would disapprove

And you'd completely
overreact about it.

Gary, when we got divorced,
we agreed

To tell each other everything
then it came to the kids.

I'm sorry.
Sasha, could you--

Can you give us a second?
It's kind of personal.

Oh. Ok. Um--

No. Let's--
I'm just gonna go

Join curtis'
congo line.

Ok. Yeah.
All right.

No, she can't leave.
Oh, for god's sakes, gary!

Yeah. There you go.
Here we go. Oh, yeah.

I'm up! I'm up!
Leave me alone. I'm up.

Gary, peer pressure is
a big deal at her age, all right?

And at some point,
I'm gonna have to talk to her about it.

Ok, but not tonight, ok?
She's having a good time. She's 12 years old.

You know, uh, one week,
she's gonna be the popular girl.

Another week,
she's gonna be the rebel.

And by the way--
she's never going to cancun, ok?

All right.
Gary, I am just concerned.

I don't want her
getting hurt.

I'm concerned, too.
Believe me.

But you can't go
out there and ruin her good time--not tonight.

Please. Just this
one time, allison,

Let me and louise have
this one secret. Ok?

All right.

But you and I are not done
talking about this.

Great, 'cause I wasn't done
pretending to listen.

Well, have fun.
All right.

Wait. Don't push me.
Don't--

I'll give you a little--
oh, god. Oh--hey--

Hey!
where are we going?

Sorry this night
turned out the way it did.

I was really looking forward
to hanging out with you outside of work.

Yeah.

Though, I had some time to
think when I was sitting off in the corner--

Where allison told me
to go--

And...

I realized
there's just-- your life is a lot more

Than just picking up cute outfits
for your daughter.

I mean,
don't get me wrong. Today was great.

You know, spending time
with you and louise-- I loved it.

But, uh, then
you and allison got into it, and...

Well, there's just
a whole lot more going on.

So, I guess our drink--
I mean, our date--

Our fernando...

Our fernando was a bust.

Well, the night's
not over.

And it is
"couples' skate."

All right, well,
I'm game if you're game. Are you serious?

Yeah. We can try
my new idea.

You gonna be careful?
Steady. Mm-hmm.

Ok. So...
All right. It--

All right.
I gotta be honest with you. It still feels pretty weird.

It's gonna take
some getting used to, but it'll get easier.

Feels like
the ground's moving, sasha.

All right.
Ok.

Gentle. All right.

Ahh. Yeah, I'm all right.
Ah.

All right.
Ready?

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