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1
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:04,600
(DOORBELL RINGS)
2
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,439
Ben?
3
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,319
Well, come in. Long time, no see!
4
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,919
Rach, Ben's here, he's back from China!
5
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:13,999
Ben!
6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,042
Oh!
7
00:00:15,043 --> 00:00:17,623
Ahh! Ah!
8
00:00:17,624 --> 00:00:19,344
I thought we'd go for a spin.
9
00:00:19,345 --> 00:00:21,665
- We've got a lot of catching up to do!
- OK!
10
00:00:23,225 --> 00:00:24,265
I'm just...
11
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:28,827
China was not like I expected.
12
00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:33,588
Worked for Ling's dad in the
Triads, complete horror show.
13
00:00:33,589 --> 00:00:35,623
We fell out, actually.
14
00:00:35,624 --> 00:00:37,144
Is that how you got the scar?
15
00:00:37,145 --> 00:00:39,104
Weird story.
16
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,104
Don't like to talk about it.
17
00:00:41,105 --> 00:00:44,144
So, after all this time, here we are.
18
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,664
- I have to say...
- No, let me go first.
19
00:00:46,665 --> 00:00:48,424
I'm not the Rachel that you knew before.
20
00:00:48,425 --> 00:00:50,424
I really don't think we
should be friends again.
21
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,784
- Really? Why?
- I don't think it's good for you and...
22
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:54,898
- But...
- I've got things to do, Ben,
23
00:00:54,899 --> 00:00:56,551
I've got big things. And I just...
24
00:00:56,552 --> 00:00:58,064
- I have not got the time...
- Rachel...
25
00:00:58,065 --> 00:00:59,302
I know what you're going to say,
26
00:00:59,303 --> 00:01:01,184
I mean, come on, who are we kidding?
27
00:01:01,185 --> 00:01:02,345
I've got a girlfriend!
28
00:01:03,545 --> 00:01:04,744
What?
29
00:01:04,745 --> 00:01:06,944
Her name's Tash, she's amazing.
30
00:01:06,945 --> 00:01:08,344
She's just like you.
31
00:01:08,345 --> 00:01:10,664
Except younger and feistier.
32
00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:13,424
And just full of beans, you know?
33
00:01:13,425 --> 00:01:14,880
Sexy beans.
34
00:01:15,705 --> 00:01:18,425
Honestly, I thought I'd be
the one who ended up alone.
35
00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:26,087
36
00:01:26,465 --> 00:01:28,584
You're our attorney, you tell me!
37
00:01:28,585 --> 00:01:31,144
PHONE: Listen, I'm afraid
your accounts are frozen.
38
00:01:31,145 --> 00:01:33,384
What do you mean my accounts are frozen?
39
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,624
How unfair!
40
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:36,504
I knew nothing about the fraud!
41
00:01:36,505 --> 00:01:37,505
- (HE LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
42
00:01:37,506 --> 00:01:40,146
Stop laughing, I am bereft here!
43
00:01:40,147 --> 00:01:43,543
My darling husband, my Ron,
is on the run from the FBI!
44
00:01:43,544 --> 00:01:45,040
- (HE CONTINUES LAUGHING)
- This is our last call.
45
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:47,304
What do you mean this is the last call?
46
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:48,632
I'm good for the money!
47
00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:49,674
(DIALLING TONE)
48
00:01:51,646 --> 00:01:53,926
God, this can't be happening!
49
00:01:55,785 --> 00:01:57,584
Breakfast in bed, m'lady?
50
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,900
Oh, how sweet.
51
00:01:59,825 --> 00:02:02,544
Eggs a la Steve Chance.
52
00:02:02,545 --> 00:02:05,744
It's, er, scrambled eggs, avocado,
53
00:02:05,745 --> 00:02:07,504
chicken jalfrezi.
54
00:02:07,505 --> 00:02:08,904
Enjoy.
55
00:02:08,905 --> 00:02:12,264
Such English gallantry, I
could just eat you up!
56
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:13,504
(HE WHISPERS): Please eat me up.
57
00:02:13,505 --> 00:02:15,385
Goodbye, my hairy little knight.
58
00:02:17,825 --> 00:02:20,185
HE WHISPERS: Ah, I'm going
to marry that woman.
59
00:02:26,025 --> 00:02:27,904
Grantley Academy?!
60
00:02:27,905 --> 00:02:30,264
Dad, I can't believe
you'd even consider it!
61
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:32,064
Don't worry, Rach, I've told him.
62
00:02:32,065 --> 00:02:34,692
My old dad would kill me if we
sent Sid to private school.
63
00:02:34,693 --> 00:02:35,706
I mean, look at us,
64
00:02:35,707 --> 00:02:36,944
- we've even got a nanny!
- Yeah!
65
00:02:36,945 --> 00:02:39,664
I'm still a progressive,
I listen to The Smiths!
66
00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:41,763
I retweet JK Rowling, it's...
67
00:02:41,764 --> 00:02:43,024
It's just like looking after your own.
68
00:02:43,025 --> 00:02:44,544
Yeah, that's what they all say.
69
00:02:44,545 --> 00:02:47,535
Next thing you know, you've got four
million Palestinians under curfew.
70
00:02:47,536 --> 00:02:50,464
Oh, come on, Sid's got
brains, real brains!
71
00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:51,705
Here, watch this.
72
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:54,745
Sid...
73
00:02:55,607 --> 00:02:57,304
When was the Battle of Hastings?
74
00:02:57,305 --> 00:02:58,818
Richard III.
75
00:02:58,819 --> 00:03:00,144
No, no, the other one, the other one.
76
00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:01,304
1066!
77
00:03:01,305 --> 00:03:03,465
Thank you! Genius in the making.
78
00:03:05,865 --> 00:03:07,426
What is that you're feeding him, Angela?
79
00:03:07,427 --> 00:03:11,029
- Heart of chicken.
- Yummy, yummy, chicken heart.
80
00:03:11,030 --> 00:03:13,560
Should we be feeding offal
to a four-year-old?
81
00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:17,904
My husband eats chicken
heart every morning.
82
00:03:17,905 --> 00:03:22,184
He huge killing machine, he kill
nine Croats during the war.
83
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:24,460
Not like you, jelly belly.
84
00:03:25,145 --> 00:03:26,904
(DOORBELL RINGS)
85
00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:29,220
I do not like that nanny.
86
00:03:31,141 --> 00:03:32,740
Hello, brother.
87
00:03:32,741 --> 00:03:34,184
Brother of mine!
88
00:03:34,185 --> 00:03:35,740
Ivy, what are you doing here?
89
00:03:35,741 --> 00:03:37,824
I just thought I'd
drop by and say hello!
90
00:03:37,825 --> 00:03:40,348
I mean, when was the last
time we saw each other?
91
00:03:40,349 --> 00:03:42,144
I believe that the last
time we saw each other
92
00:03:42,145 --> 00:03:44,584
was when you came to my home
acting all high and mighty
93
00:03:44,585 --> 00:03:46,424
and you tried to buy my dead body!
94
00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:49,224
Oh, Kenny, now, I know we
got off on the wrong foot,
95
00:03:49,225 --> 00:03:51,144
but we are family!
96
00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:55,024
And somehow we have both found
ourselves in this appalling place!
97
00:03:55,025 --> 00:03:57,264
And if we are going to get out of here,
98
00:03:57,265 --> 00:03:59,583
we need to help each other!
99
00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,984
This has been my home for 30 years!
100
00:04:01,985 --> 00:04:04,584
And maybe together we can change that!
101
00:04:04,585 --> 00:04:06,664
Right, get out of it.
102
00:04:06,665 --> 00:04:07,744
Out, out!
103
00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:09,144
I've got a four-year-old son
104
00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:10,739
and we try and keep him away from evil.
105
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:13,699
You mean I am unwelcome
in my own brother's home?
106
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,864
You are most unwelcome, you fraud.
107
00:04:15,865 --> 00:04:19,224
Well, if that's the way it is, I
am perfectly fine across the road
108
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:21,304
- at your gallant friend Stuart's.
- Steve's.
109
00:04:21,305 --> 00:04:22,464
No difference.
110
00:04:22,465 --> 00:04:23,832
Goodbye, dear brother!
111
00:04:24,745 --> 00:04:26,465
See you never!
112
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:44,273
Sorry, are you busy?
113
00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:46,464
No, no, not really.
114
00:04:46,465 --> 00:04:48,944
Cos I just felt compelled to say,
115
00:04:48,945 --> 00:04:51,705
you are absolutely fucking gorgeous.
116
00:04:53,185 --> 00:04:54,344
Oh!
117
00:04:54,345 --> 00:04:56,624
Wow, right, thank you.
118
00:04:56,625 --> 00:04:58,574
Your looks, yes, but...
119
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:02,780
...just, like, your style and
just, something about you.
120
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:06,944
I've been sitting there
kind of... in awe!
121
00:05:06,945 --> 00:05:09,065
Oh, well, good opinion!
122
00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:13,544
I just thought I'd say because
I think so often people
123
00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:16,399
can be scared of making each
other feel awkward and just...
124
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,944
...chances go by.
125
00:05:17,945 --> 00:05:19,624
Well, I'm flattered, honestly.
126
00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:21,305
And it's not awkward, I promise.
127
00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:27,784
Ooh, well, it's a bit awkward now!
128
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:28,904
Of course!
129
00:05:28,905 --> 00:05:29,945
I'll go.
130
00:05:34,745 --> 00:05:36,944
(SINGING IN SHOWER):
But you look sweet
131
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,624
Upon the seat
132
00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:41,465
Of a bicycle made for two.
133
00:05:43,154 --> 00:05:44,634
Shower's free, Lorn!
134
00:05:52,425 --> 00:05:53,430
Lorn?
135
00:05:53,837 --> 00:05:55,561
Lorn, shower's fre...
136
00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:03,904
Looorn...
137
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,224
Shower's free.
138
00:06:05,225 --> 00:06:06,265
Ken?!
139
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,584
Shit.
140
00:06:09,585 --> 00:06:10,624
(SHE SCREAMS)
141
00:06:10,625 --> 00:06:11,744
Shit, no!
142
00:06:11,745 --> 00:06:12,905
No! Shit!
143
00:06:15,025 --> 00:06:16,624
Ahhh!
144
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:17,665
Angela!
145
00:06:20,665 --> 00:06:22,080
It was a mistake!
146
00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:24,464
Angela, I've got a meeting!
147
00:06:24,465 --> 00:06:26,584
Why is Angela leaving?
148
00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:28,720
No reason. Not Daddy's fault.
149
00:06:30,425 --> 00:06:32,224
You might have to come
to my meeting with me.
150
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,360
No, meetings are boring!
151
00:06:35,385 --> 00:06:36,425
Shit!
152
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,664
We don't need any stupid brother,
do we, Miss Tiggly Tops?
153
00:06:42,665 --> 00:06:46,664
People think because I'm privileged
that I can't take care of myself.
154
00:06:46,665 --> 00:06:48,384
Gah...
155
00:06:48,385 --> 00:06:50,825
What is the liquid stuff
that goes in coffee...?
156
00:06:52,865 --> 00:06:54,265
Sid, don't touch anything!
157
00:07:01,265 --> 00:07:03,304
Well, I never!
158
00:07:03,305 --> 00:07:05,304
You are not welcome in my house, either.
159
00:07:05,305 --> 00:07:07,145
- Hear me out.
- OK.
160
00:07:08,265 --> 00:07:09,864
OK.
161
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:12,641
- What?
- Ivy, sister...
162
00:07:12,642 --> 00:07:14,864
Remember what I was saying about
us not being able to hang out?
163
00:07:14,865 --> 00:07:16,344
You were inhumanly cruel.
164
00:07:16,345 --> 00:07:17,985
I was, I was cruel.
165
00:07:19,145 --> 00:07:22,464
But I've been thinking, what
would be the next best thing
166
00:07:22,465 --> 00:07:25,344
to hanging out with me? Why...
167
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,666
...hanging out with my adorable son?
168
00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:30,664
His nanny's had to go,
personal emergency.
169
00:07:30,665 --> 00:07:33,704
Really? Wouldn't have anything to do
with you rushing out in the drive
170
00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:36,865
- in your bathrobe just now, would it?
- No.
171
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:41,304
I mistook her for my wife.
They've got very similar hair!
172
00:07:41,305 --> 00:07:42,944
Of course they do.
173
00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:45,751
Brother, I shall look after your child.
174
00:07:45,752 --> 00:07:47,744
- But in return...
- Here we go.
175
00:07:47,745 --> 00:07:50,984
...you have to be nice to
me. These are trying times,
176
00:07:50,985 --> 00:07:53,024
and I need my family!
177
00:07:53,025 --> 00:07:56,822
You and Lorn and Daniel
and... I want to say...
178
00:07:58,105 --> 00:07:59,224
...Abigail.
179
00:07:59,225 --> 00:08:00,744
Incredibly wrong.
180
00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:03,944
But fine, you look after the
kid for the day and I promise
181
00:08:03,945 --> 00:08:05,784
we will all begin to like you.
182
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,744
Despite your appalling personality.
183
00:08:07,745 --> 00:08:09,145
That is all I ask.
184
00:08:10,705 --> 00:08:12,391
- Hugs?
- Not yet.
185
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,665
Hugs can wait.
186
00:08:15,105 --> 00:08:19,824
Sidney, where are you? It's
your aunt Ivy to the rescue!
187
00:08:19,825 --> 00:08:22,144
Oh! Ohh!
188
00:08:22,145 --> 00:08:23,384
So...
189
00:08:23,385 --> 00:08:25,264
...when do I milk it?
190
00:08:25,265 --> 00:08:26,344
Him?
191
00:08:26,345 --> 00:08:28,184
You don't milk him, he's a human child!
192
00:08:28,185 --> 00:08:30,944
Obviously, I mean, when
do I give it its milk.
193
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,304
He's four!
194
00:08:32,305 --> 00:08:33,821
Four?
195
00:08:33,822 --> 00:08:35,384
Shouldn't he be taller?
196
00:08:35,385 --> 00:08:37,264
Rich kids are taller.
197
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:38,305
What's this?
198
00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:43,384
Oh, it's a brochure for a
private school, it's for Sid.
199
00:08:43,385 --> 00:08:44,624
Private school?
200
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,504
Oh, that's wonderful!
201
00:08:46,505 --> 00:08:48,504
British private schools are the best!
202
00:08:48,505 --> 00:08:52,329
All those owls and gowns, so cute!
203
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,224
Right, well, it's not happening,
Lorna doesn't approve,
204
00:08:54,225 --> 00:08:55,544
so you may as well chuck it.
205
00:08:55,545 --> 00:08:56,784
I see.
206
00:08:56,785 --> 00:09:02,344
Well, before I chuck it, how about
I just roll it up real tight.
207
00:09:02,345 --> 00:09:05,384
That way it's nice and
compact and you can fit it
208
00:09:05,385 --> 00:09:07,864
neatly up your pretty little vagina!
209
00:09:07,865 --> 00:09:09,144
Excuse me?
210
00:09:09,145 --> 00:09:13,304
Ken, you're going to let your wife
stop you from educating your son?
211
00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:15,784
Well, sort of OUR son.
212
00:09:15,785 --> 00:09:17,127
I see now.
213
00:09:17,128 --> 00:09:19,304
No wonder all your children
are failures, no wonder
214
00:09:19,305 --> 00:09:22,504
you're making passes at the nanny.
There is no male leadership
215
00:09:22,505 --> 00:09:24,224
in this house.
216
00:09:24,225 --> 00:09:26,275
Oh, still here? I left some paperwork...
217
00:09:26,276 --> 00:09:27,784
What's she doing here?
218
00:09:27,785 --> 00:09:30,120
Who? Oh, Ivy!
219
00:09:30,806 --> 00:09:33,224
Ivy's here because Angela left.
220
00:09:33,225 --> 00:09:34,424
What?
221
00:09:34,425 --> 00:09:36,174
Why did Angela leave?
222
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:37,664
She left because...
223
00:09:37,665 --> 00:09:39,184
Sid kicked her in the face.
224
00:09:39,185 --> 00:09:40,824
- What?
- What? - Mm.
225
00:09:40,825 --> 00:09:42,704
That is true, actually.
226
00:09:42,705 --> 00:09:44,504
It was one of Dale's
karate kicks, it was...
227
00:09:44,505 --> 00:09:47,704
Oh, her nose was bleeding
and her eye was just...
228
00:09:47,705 --> 00:09:51,924
Eye was all swollen, and she
came to me and she was like...
229
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,994
- I'm leaving!
- My nose, it broken!
230
00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:55,464
- Yeah. Mm!
- It broken.
231
00:09:55,465 --> 00:09:57,064
- I'm going!
- He is psychopath!
232
00:09:57,065 --> 00:09:58,824
Yep, and Ken called me.
233
00:09:58,825 --> 00:10:01,544
Yeah, and Ivy stepped
up and here we are.
234
00:10:01,545 --> 00:10:03,040
- Here we are!
- Here we are.
235
00:10:04,065 --> 00:10:07,184
Sid kicked the nanny in the face?
236
00:10:07,185 --> 00:10:08,225
He did.
237
00:10:09,465 --> 00:10:12,221
Lorna, I'm beginning to think
there's something wrong with him.
238
00:10:13,276 --> 00:10:14,640
Oh, dear God.
239
00:10:15,101 --> 00:10:16,932
- I'm going to call Angela.
- No! No, no.
240
00:10:17,665 --> 00:10:18,744
You go back to work.
241
00:10:18,745 --> 00:10:20,704
You let me deal with it,
I'm on top of the details.
242
00:10:20,705 --> 00:10:22,224
OK, then, fine.
243
00:10:22,225 --> 00:10:23,264
- Right.
- Yeah.
244
00:10:23,265 --> 00:10:25,064
Sidney Thompson, you come here.
245
00:10:25,065 --> 00:10:27,184
We are going to have very
strict words tonight,
246
00:10:27,185 --> 00:10:28,584
young man, come with me.
247
00:10:28,585 --> 00:10:30,584
Yeah. Y-you're damn right!
248
00:10:30,585 --> 00:10:32,980
You need to pull your
act together, sunshine!
249
00:10:33,745 --> 00:10:35,784
Did you feel that lie?!
250
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:38,592
That was some real
brother-sister synergy there!
251
00:10:38,593 --> 00:10:40,280
Ah! You're welcome.
252
00:10:40,894 --> 00:10:42,453
I just framed my son!
253
00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:45,171
He's four and hadn't been framed
yet, it needed to happen.
254
00:10:48,785 --> 00:10:50,544
Eee! Ooh!
255
00:10:50,545 --> 00:10:51,865
Dig it!
256
00:10:54,145 --> 00:10:57,024
Rach, you're my best friend
and Tash is my girlfriend,
257
00:10:57,025 --> 00:10:58,304
you HAVE to meet!
258
00:10:58,305 --> 00:11:01,104
No, Ben, I've just got a lot on at work.
259
00:11:01,105 --> 00:11:02,944
Well, I've booked a booth for seven.
260
00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:05,144
O'clock, not people!
261
00:11:05,145 --> 00:11:08,064
Rach, you are going to love
her, she's just like you!
262
00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,959
Well, no, that's not quite right.
263
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,744
Imagine what you wished
you were like at 24,
264
00:11:12,745 --> 00:11:14,425
that's what she's like!
265
00:11:22,968 --> 00:11:24,744
How did you get in the house?
266
00:11:24,745 --> 00:11:27,824
Hey, there! I'm looking after
your brother for the day,
267
00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:29,944
because that's what families do!
268
00:11:29,945 --> 00:11:32,024
OK. Should Sid be riding your dog?
269
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,327
Huh?
270
00:11:33,328 --> 00:11:34,835
Who's on the phone?
271
00:11:34,836 --> 00:11:36,264
It's my friend Ben.
272
00:11:36,265 --> 00:11:38,384
Your ex. Tell Aunt Ivy.
273
00:11:38,385 --> 00:11:40,425
Oh, no, there's nothing to tell.
274
00:11:41,288 --> 00:11:43,824
It's just he's desperate for
me to meet his girlfriend,
275
00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:44,944
God knows why.
276
00:11:44,945 --> 00:11:49,064
And you're madly jealous
and you want him back bad!
277
00:11:49,065 --> 00:11:50,664
No, that's not what's happening.
278
00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:53,944
No, it is. You may not
think it is, but it is.
279
00:11:53,945 --> 00:11:56,744
That's why Aunt Ivy is going to
give you a complete makeover,
280
00:11:56,745 --> 00:11:58,265
and boy, you need it.
281
00:11:59,337 --> 00:12:00,751
I think I'm going to go to my room.
282
00:12:01,265 --> 00:12:03,104
I did not enjoy this conversation.
283
00:12:03,105 --> 00:12:04,544
Whoop-de-doo, Honey Tits!
284
00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:05,585
Not my name.
285
00:12:14,262 --> 00:12:15,984
Angela, hi, how are you?
286
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,020
Ken.
287
00:12:17,674 --> 00:12:18,873
Listen.
288
00:12:18,874 --> 00:12:21,160
I brought you some flowers to say sorry.
289
00:12:21,161 --> 00:12:22,480
Peonies.
290
00:12:23,185 --> 00:12:25,504
Now look, I know you must think
I'm some sort of lunatic.
291
00:12:25,505 --> 00:12:26,784
I not think you lunatic.
292
00:12:26,785 --> 00:12:28,344
Good, good.
293
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:30,247
Cos what happened back
there is entirely explainable.
294
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:33,864
I know. It's passion and sexy longings.
295
00:12:33,865 --> 00:12:35,504
Oh, no, no, no, no.
296
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:37,144
No, you see, I thought you were Lorna.
297
00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:40,104
Stop it, stop it, stop it, Ken!
298
00:12:40,105 --> 00:12:41,904
I cannot bear another minute!
299
00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:43,042
Angela!
300
00:12:43,043 --> 00:12:47,064
I ran this morning because
I scared of what we do.
301
00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:50,424
The chemistry between us has
been unbearable since first day!
302
00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:52,664
What?! You were always horrible to me!
303
00:12:52,665 --> 00:12:53,944
As defence.
304
00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:56,424
And now you're coming here
with ridiculous story
305
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:59,304
about how you mistake me for your wife.
306
00:12:59,305 --> 00:13:00,544
You feel it, too.
307
00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:01,944
Of course.
308
00:13:01,945 --> 00:13:07,664
I am beautiful woman and you,
gorilla, with irresistible stomach,
309
00:13:07,665 --> 00:13:09,504
like lovely mountain.
310
00:13:09,505 --> 00:13:11,224
What are you doing?
311
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:15,824
You're right, we are both married,
I need to stop working for you,
312
00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:18,624
and we must keep this a
secret from our spouses.
313
00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:19,723
What?!
314
00:13:19,724 --> 00:13:22,409
Angela, there's nothing to keep secret!
315
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:26,776
You don't want me to keep secret you
come at me in nudie from behind
316
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,264
and grabbed on my tush?
317
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,864
Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, keep
that secret, obviously.
318
00:13:30,865 --> 00:13:32,640
I am so confusing!
319
00:13:34,096 --> 00:13:35,896
Big, sexy asshole!
320
00:13:42,331 --> 00:13:44,096
I didn't do it, I didn't!
321
00:13:44,097 --> 00:13:46,372
Do not give me that,
Sidney Thompson, now sit!
322
00:13:46,373 --> 00:13:47,387
- No!
- Yes!
323
00:13:47,388 --> 00:13:50,720
Until you admit what you did,
you sit on the naughty... floor.
324
00:13:51,425 --> 00:13:53,645
Sit on the naughty floor!
325
00:13:55,611 --> 00:13:57,060
Bloody bungalow!
326
00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,020
Little brat, he's still
claiming he didn't do it.
327
00:14:00,979 --> 00:14:02,606
Do you think maybe he's
suffered enough now, though?
328
00:14:02,607 --> 00:14:05,104
Oh, no, no. We're not going soft on him.
329
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:07,563
I texted Angela, no reply.
330
00:14:07,564 --> 00:14:09,384
We need to vet his toys.
331
00:14:09,385 --> 00:14:11,002
No more guns, Sid.
332
00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:12,664
No more lightsaber.
333
00:14:12,665 --> 00:14:16,120
The lightsaber is a tool
of peace! I didn't do it!
334
00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:20,441
They've got them on the
dark side, too, Sid.
335
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,224
Ah, you're still here.
336
00:14:23,225 --> 00:14:26,384
Well, when Lorna came home she was
so busy busting your son's ass,
337
00:14:26,385 --> 00:14:28,584
I just thought I'd hang out and drink!
338
00:14:28,585 --> 00:14:30,728
God, what sort of father am I,
339
00:14:30,729 --> 00:14:32,860
letting my son take the
blame for my mistakes?
340
00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:35,584
Oh, come on, Sid'll forget it like that.
341
00:14:35,585 --> 00:14:38,384
I mean, sure, it'll probably
emerge as late-life neurosis,
342
00:14:38,385 --> 00:14:41,065
but that ain't your problem, am I right?
343
00:14:42,385 --> 00:14:43,784
Anyways...
344
00:14:43,785 --> 00:14:45,695
see you tomorrow, I guess!
345
00:14:45,696 --> 00:14:51,408
I'm really liking being a nanny,
finally getting to know my new fam!
346
00:14:52,545 --> 00:14:54,697
Why is Simon sitting on the floor?
347
00:14:56,721 --> 00:15:00,344
Look at you, drunk,
demonic Mary Poppins.
348
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:01,784
(SHE SNORES)
349
00:15:01,785 --> 00:15:03,065
(HE WHISPERS): Sorry, Sid.
350
00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:07,384
Sid went to bed crying he didn't do it.
351
00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:09,728
Breaks my heart. Poor Sid.
352
00:15:10,113 --> 00:15:11,673
But we can't let that go.
353
00:15:12,541 --> 00:15:15,024
Look, Lorna, there's
something I need to say.
354
00:15:15,025 --> 00:15:18,664
You were right, something more
disciplined would suit him.
355
00:15:18,665 --> 00:15:21,785
If he has got a problem, let's
give Grantley Academy a call.
356
00:15:22,780 --> 00:15:24,140
What, really?
357
00:15:26,265 --> 00:15:27,784
Because he took out the nanny.
358
00:15:27,785 --> 00:15:29,300
We're still progressives, though.
359
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,144
Sorry, what was it you
wanted to say, love?
360
00:15:32,145 --> 00:15:34,664
Oh, nothing, no. We're
still progressives,
361
00:15:34,665 --> 00:15:37,344
that's the important
take-home message here.
362
00:15:37,345 --> 00:15:38,985
- Goodnight.
- Night, love.
363
00:15:49,345 --> 00:15:50,825
(PHONE CHIMES)
364
00:15:53,025 --> 00:15:55,264
You know Angela's
husband, what's his name?
365
00:15:55,265 --> 00:15:57,544
Erm, something Eastern European?
366
00:15:57,545 --> 00:15:58,704
Goran?
367
00:15:58,705 --> 00:16:00,184
He, erm...
368
00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:02,544
- He fought in the Balkans, didn't he?
- Yeah.
369
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,504
Yeah, for years, apparently.
370
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,985
(PHONE CHIMES)
371
00:16:09,905 --> 00:16:14,024
(PHONE VIBRATES)
372
00:16:14,025 --> 00:16:16,145
- You not going to answer that?
- Nah.
373
00:16:17,945 --> 00:16:19,384
(PHONE CHIMES)
374
00:16:19,385 --> 00:16:20,425
(HE WHISPERS): Shit.
375
00:16:27,825 --> 00:16:28,865
Ben...
376
00:16:31,345 --> 00:16:32,904
Ah, Rachel, great to see you!
377
00:16:32,905 --> 00:16:34,664
- Hi!
- Hi!
378
00:16:34,665 --> 00:16:36,864
Er, sorry about that, it's a...
379
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:39,184
- China thing.
- Yeah. Yeah.
380
00:16:39,185 --> 00:16:41,424
Tash was just having a
ciggie outside, so...
381
00:16:41,425 --> 00:16:42,544
- OK.
- Er...
382
00:16:42,545 --> 00:16:44,545
Oh, my God, it's you!
383
00:16:45,665 --> 00:16:46,940
Oh, hey!
384
00:16:47,385 --> 00:16:51,424
Erm, look, I'm just having a drink
with a mate, so I can't really talk.
385
00:16:51,425 --> 00:16:52,465
Sorry!
386
00:16:53,785 --> 00:16:55,944
Rach, this is Tash!
387
00:16:56,376 --> 00:16:57,584
Oh!
388
00:16:57,585 --> 00:17:00,424
Sorry, it's just, erm, we met earlier!
389
00:17:00,425 --> 00:17:04,384
Oh! Ben has been going on and
on about you ever since we met!
390
00:17:04,385 --> 00:17:05,424
Oh!
391
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,664
You're the one that got away!
392
00:17:07,665 --> 00:17:09,184
No!
393
00:17:09,185 --> 00:17:11,305
- Ben, would you grab us a drink?
- Sure, sure.
394
00:17:12,745 --> 00:17:15,345
You two are going to get on so well!
395
00:17:17,545 --> 00:17:18,584
- Wow!
- Wow!
396
00:17:18,585 --> 00:17:19,625
OK!
397
00:17:24,185 --> 00:17:26,304
Your margarita, Auntie.
398
00:17:26,305 --> 00:17:30,344
Oh, Ken, I am madly in love with him!
399
00:17:30,345 --> 00:17:31,584
(PHONE CHIMES)
400
00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:34,784
In the business world, you're
going to be a ruthless predator,
401
00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:36,344
- aren't you, Sid?
- (DOG GROWLS)
402
00:17:36,345 --> 00:17:39,184
Oh, hello, Ken. Don't
mind me, just relaxing.
403
00:17:39,185 --> 00:17:41,305
Miss Tiggly Tops has taken a
bit of a dislike to Steve,
404
00:17:41,306 --> 00:17:42,904
it's best he just submits.
405
00:17:42,905 --> 00:17:44,144
(PHONE CHIMES)
406
00:17:44,145 --> 00:17:45,264
Oh, God.
407
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,104
What's that?
408
00:17:47,105 --> 00:17:49,504
Oh, Goran's coming over!
409
00:17:49,505 --> 00:17:50,664
Fun!
410
00:17:50,665 --> 00:17:51,984
Shit!
411
00:17:51,985 --> 00:17:54,344
I think this Goran may have
killed people in the army.
412
00:17:54,345 --> 00:17:57,264
Relax, Ken. He's Latin, they
get fired up over nothing!
413
00:17:57,265 --> 00:17:59,344
- He's Balkan.
- They kill people.
414
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:02,184
Hear that? There's a car in the drive.
415
00:18:02,185 --> 00:18:03,225
(DOG BARKS)
416
00:18:07,305 --> 00:18:08,944
Well, what's he like?
417
00:18:08,945 --> 00:18:10,664
One big ball of muscle.
418
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:12,384
- Huge! - Huge.
- Killing machine!
419
00:18:12,385 --> 00:18:14,904
Shame guns are illegal in
this country. This guy's
420
00:18:14,905 --> 00:18:16,984
- going to take some taking down.
- Oh, God, oh, God!
421
00:18:16,985 --> 00:18:19,144
- (BANG ON DOOR AND RINGS DOORBELL)
- Shit, shit, shit.
422
00:18:19,145 --> 00:18:21,224
Right, everybody hide! Shit!
423
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,424
Well, that is unmanly.
424
00:18:23,425 --> 00:18:26,224
Come on, Sid, honey, we're
going to take you back here
425
00:18:26,225 --> 00:18:28,064
so we don't see any blood!
426
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,424
(BANGING ON DOOR)
427
00:18:29,425 --> 00:18:30,864
Get out there!
428
00:18:30,865 --> 00:18:32,624
No! We can just lie low until he's gone!
429
00:18:32,625 --> 00:18:33,744
(DOORBELL RINGS)
430
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:36,704
Then Lorna comes home and hears
Goran's side of the story. And...
431
00:18:36,705 --> 00:18:38,944
- (BANGING ON DOOR)
- Bollocks! Right, OK, all right.
432
00:18:38,945 --> 00:18:40,281
I'm going to have to get out of this
433
00:18:40,282 --> 00:18:42,264
using the old Thompson silver tongue.
434
00:18:42,265 --> 00:18:43,824
That's it!
435
00:18:43,825 --> 00:18:45,465
(BANGING ON DOOR)
436
00:18:48,785 --> 00:18:49,984
OK, mate, look...
437
00:18:49,985 --> 00:18:52,865
Mr Thompson, I need speak with you!
438
00:18:54,332 --> 00:18:56,211
Oh, my God!
439
00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:57,751
Why they laughing?
440
00:18:57,752 --> 00:18:59,144
It's all right, they
just were winding me up
441
00:18:59,145 --> 00:19:00,767
saying I was going to
have to fight you, so...
442
00:19:00,768 --> 00:19:02,085
You should be worried!
443
00:19:02,086 --> 00:19:05,024
I deck your big ass right in!
444
00:19:05,025 --> 00:19:07,184
He's tiny! What is it about short men?
445
00:19:07,185 --> 00:19:09,864
Short?! I am of average height!
446
00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:11,664
I know that you're angry, OK.
447
00:19:11,665 --> 00:19:14,664
But I think there's just been a
little misunderstanding, eh?
448
00:19:14,665 --> 00:19:16,144
No misunderstanding.
449
00:19:16,145 --> 00:19:21,024
You come onto my wife and
then you gave her penis...
450
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:23,664
- God!
- Peonies, the flower!
451
00:19:23,665 --> 00:19:26,184
You gave my wife penis!
452
00:19:26,185 --> 00:19:29,184
I think you need to calm down.
453
00:19:29,185 --> 00:19:30,544
Ow!
454
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,944
Oh, my God!
455
00:19:31,945 --> 00:19:33,144
Oh!
456
00:19:33,145 --> 00:19:34,784
What the... What the...
457
00:19:34,785 --> 00:19:35,824
Fuck?!
458
00:19:35,825 --> 00:19:38,824
(THEY BOTH SHOUT)
459
00:19:38,825 --> 00:19:40,584
- Soto makikomi, Ken.
- What?
460
00:19:40,585 --> 00:19:42,624
Use the soto makikomi!
461
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:45,960
I don't know what that is!
I don't know what that is!
462
00:19:47,065 --> 00:19:48,904
Leave me alone!
463
00:19:48,905 --> 00:19:50,544
- Now...
- (HE SHOUTS IN OWN LANGUAGE)
464
00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:51,585
What the f...
465
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:53,665
Oh!
466
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,454
Fucking hell!
467
00:19:57,345 --> 00:19:58,384
(CRASH)
468
00:19:58,385 --> 00:19:59,425
Fuck.
469
00:20:03,665 --> 00:20:04,904
What's wrong with him?
470
00:20:04,905 --> 00:20:06,904
You fell on him, Ken!
471
00:20:06,905 --> 00:20:08,660
- Oh!
- He's dead.
472
00:20:08,661 --> 00:20:11,797
What?! Oh, my God!
473
00:20:12,505 --> 00:20:14,344
Hang on, have you taken his pulse?
474
00:20:14,345 --> 00:20:16,048
No, I work off gut instinct.
475
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,464
I could check his pulse if you like?
476
00:20:17,465 --> 00:20:18,985
- Would you?
- Yeah, sure.
477
00:20:20,665 --> 00:20:23,104
Yeah, strong pulse, this human is alive.
478
00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:24,344
But he's unconscious.
479
00:20:24,345 --> 00:20:26,105
- Let's get him to the hospital.
- Yes.
480
00:20:28,305 --> 00:20:29,504
There's Lorna.
481
00:20:29,505 --> 00:20:30,545
Shit!
482
00:20:34,225 --> 00:20:36,024
Welcome home, my love!
483
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:37,984
Ken, this is a very eager greeting!
484
00:20:37,985 --> 00:20:39,220
Well, I don't want to waste a second
485
00:20:39,221 --> 00:20:40,664
because I have booked a table
486
00:20:40,665 --> 00:20:42,224
for us at... Ba-ba-ba!
487
00:20:42,225 --> 00:20:44,020
Carluccio's!
488
00:20:44,705 --> 00:20:47,763
Date night! Ivy and Steve are
going to look after Sid,
489
00:20:47,764 --> 00:20:49,464
isn't it wonderful? Let's get going.
490
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,664
Ken, just let me take the
weight off my feet a minute.
491
00:20:51,665 --> 00:20:53,984
You can take the weight off
your feet at the restaurant!
492
00:20:53,985 --> 00:20:55,064
All right, you two!
493
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:56,464
- Hi, Lorna.
- Hi, Lorna.
494
00:20:56,465 --> 00:20:58,424
How's... how was the thing?
495
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,984
Why aren't you sitting down?
496
00:20:59,985 --> 00:21:02,424
- Oh, sitting's...
- Pssh.
497
00:21:02,425 --> 00:21:05,064
- Lorna, come on, the restaurant!
- Oh, Ken, what are you like?
498
00:21:05,065 --> 00:21:07,585
If you love the restaurant so
much, why don't you marry it?
499
00:21:10,105 --> 00:21:11,584
Marry the restaurant, Ken!
500
00:21:11,585 --> 00:21:13,424
Fuck off, Steve.
501
00:21:13,425 --> 00:21:16,380
(GORAN GROANS)
502
00:21:18,185 --> 00:21:20,664
(HE YAWNS LOUDLY AND GORAN GROANS)
503
00:21:20,665 --> 00:21:21,704
What's going on?
504
00:21:21,705 --> 00:21:23,344
(HE YAWNS LOUDLY AND GORAN GROANS)
505
00:21:23,345 --> 00:21:24,584
What?
506
00:21:24,585 --> 00:21:25,625
Hungry!
507
00:21:26,865 --> 00:21:28,450
Oh, my...
508
00:21:28,451 --> 00:21:30,418
A random man from the street!
509
00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:33,584
No, that's Goran, Angela's husband!
510
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:34,940
Goran...
511
00:21:35,505 --> 00:21:38,140
- why are you here?
- What... what happen?
512
00:21:38,785 --> 00:21:40,880
- What's he doing here?
- I don't know, come on!
513
00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:43,090
Did you see him come in?
514
00:21:45,385 --> 00:21:46,744
Goran!
515
00:21:46,745 --> 00:21:49,264
- Oh, Goran... Yes, now...
- Ah, ah, hmm.
516
00:21:49,265 --> 00:21:50,504
He came round...
517
00:21:50,505 --> 00:21:53,344
Yeah, to pick up some stuff of Angela's.
518
00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:55,704
It was, um, a cashmere...
519
00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:57,784
Cardigan, she left on...
520
00:21:57,785 --> 00:22:00,145
(BOTH): The radiator in the kitchen.
521
00:22:01,665 --> 00:22:03,213
He looks dazed.
522
00:22:03,214 --> 00:22:04,944
Ken, make him a cup of tea!
523
00:22:04,945 --> 00:22:07,704
- But Carluccio's!
- No, tea.
524
00:22:07,705 --> 00:22:11,224
Maybe he can persuade Angela
to come back, problem solved!
525
00:22:11,225 --> 00:22:14,180
That's a good idea, tea.
526
00:22:14,785 --> 00:22:17,144
How's... how's Angela, Goran?
527
00:22:17,145 --> 00:22:18,424
How's the head?
528
00:22:18,425 --> 00:22:21,784
It hurts so much, he's so heavy!
529
00:22:21,785 --> 00:22:25,392
Yes, he's a big lad, he's
the tallest in the nursery.
530
00:22:25,393 --> 00:22:26,399
What?!
531
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,104
Maybe you could have a
word with Angela for us?
532
00:22:29,105 --> 00:22:31,744
Angela? Angela?
533
00:22:31,745 --> 00:22:32,784
Angela, he...
534
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:34,486
I think Goran is very sick.
535
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:36,864
- Feel his forehead!
- Oh, burning.
536
00:22:36,865 --> 00:22:38,824
You are going to hospital, young man.
537
00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:40,460
- Come on, let's get him to hospital.
- Come on.
538
00:22:40,461 --> 00:22:42,040
- Angela...
- Here we go.
539
00:22:43,385 --> 00:22:44,784
Angela, he...
540
00:22:44,785 --> 00:22:46,304
He... he...
541
00:22:46,305 --> 00:22:47,824
Goran, before you go, I just...
542
00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:50,097
Lorna, let the man get to hospital.
543
00:22:50,098 --> 00:22:53,744
All right. Before you go, I do
want to apologise, about Angela.
544
00:22:53,745 --> 00:22:54,824
Huh?
545
00:22:54,825 --> 00:22:57,680
Why you impologise, it was him!
546
00:23:00,605 --> 00:23:02,344
I know, he feels bad about it,
547
00:23:02,345 --> 00:23:04,464
but he's been having
some problems lately.
548
00:23:04,465 --> 00:23:05,984
He's never hit anyone before.
549
00:23:05,985 --> 00:23:08,784
Well, he's hit a few
children, obviously.
550
00:23:08,785 --> 00:23:10,224
Seriously?!
551
00:23:10,225 --> 00:23:12,384
He is the terrible human being!
552
00:23:12,385 --> 00:23:14,744
Goran, you've gone too far,
you're going to have to leave!
553
00:23:14,745 --> 00:23:16,704
He is bad. Very bad.
554
00:23:16,705 --> 00:23:18,624
And annoy-ning!
555
00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:20,424
And he has bad clothes!
556
00:23:20,425 --> 00:23:21,504
And a...
557
00:23:21,505 --> 00:23:23,744
...silly face!
558
00:23:23,745 --> 00:23:25,704
Oh, how rude!
559
00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:27,984
- I know. Rude, rude man!
- Yes!
560
00:23:27,985 --> 00:23:29,692
The bloody fantasist!
561
00:23:29,693 --> 00:23:32,787
Sid, come here, don't you
listen to a thing of that.
562
00:23:33,265 --> 00:23:34,624
You're fine.
563
00:23:34,625 --> 00:23:36,403
Ohh, I'm a bad person.
564
00:23:36,404 --> 00:23:39,504
Aww, there, there, it's
OK to be a little bad.
565
00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:41,345
Ohh!
566
00:23:47,825 --> 00:23:50,420
Look what we picked up after nursery!
567
00:23:50,421 --> 00:23:55,544
Yep, sold out all my
principles, but nice material.
568
00:23:55,545 --> 00:23:56,585
Come on, love.
569
00:23:57,945 --> 00:23:59,744
(HE WHISPERS): I feel so guilty.
570
00:23:59,745 --> 00:24:03,144
Oh, Kenny, you wanted
something and you got it.
571
00:24:03,145 --> 00:24:04,763
How often does that happen?
572
00:24:04,764 --> 00:24:06,024
Not that often, actually.
573
00:24:06,025 --> 00:24:08,388
It's going to happen a lot
more now that I'm here.
574
00:24:08,389 --> 00:24:09,784
Oh...
575
00:24:09,785 --> 00:24:11,384
Are you going to make me evil?
576
00:24:11,385 --> 00:24:13,184
Feels great, doesn't it?
577
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:15,384
And the best part is,
no-one's ever going to know.
578
00:24:15,385 --> 00:24:18,396
Unless you're mean to me, and
then I'll tell immediately.
579
00:24:18,397 --> 00:24:20,704
I've got your balls in a vice.
580
00:24:20,705 --> 00:24:22,025
In a sisterly way.
581
00:24:23,185 --> 00:24:25,664
Daddy, Daddy, look what I drawed today!
582
00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:28,865
Oh, well, well done!
583
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:32,025
Would you look at that?
584
00:24:37,105 --> 00:24:38,745
- Burn it?
- Burn it.
585
00:24:41,345 --> 00:24:42,585
It's OK.
586
00:24:43,453 --> 00:24:45,453
587
00:24:45,503 --> 00:24:50,053
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