Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,648 --> 00:00:03,468
Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
2
00:00:03,493 --> 00:00:06,030
- This is Valencia. My girlfriend.
- Hi.
3
00:00:06,055 --> 00:00:08,889
And exhale on an "ah..."
Hey, do you want to go grab,
4
00:00:08,891 --> 00:00:11,108
- like, a coffee with me?
- Why would you want to do that?
5
00:00:11,110 --> 00:00:12,776
PAULA: Look, I get what
you're doing with this girl.
6
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:15,145
You befriend the enemy and you
get more face time with Josh.
7
00:00:15,147 --> 00:00:16,921
I'm so glad you moved here, Becks.
8
00:00:16,946 --> 00:00:18,732
I don't know what you're trying to do,
9
00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:20,984
or why you pretended to be my friend,
10
00:00:21,359 --> 00:00:23,226
but stay away from me
11
00:00:23,664 --> 00:00:25,161
and my Josh.
12
00:00:25,163 --> 00:00:26,329
I am attracted to you.
13
00:00:27,046 --> 00:00:28,125
Very,
14
00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,101
very attracted to you.
15
00:00:33,391 --> 00:00:35,031
So he said "attracted,"
16
00:00:35,056 --> 00:00:36,281
but then he paused,
17
00:00:36,484 --> 00:00:38,434
and he said "very attracted."
18
00:00:38,648 --> 00:00:40,770
You mentioned that. Okay, I mentioned it
19
00:00:40,772 --> 00:00:42,475
because it's the "very," alright?
20
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,656
That's the wild card.
21
00:00:43,658 --> 00:00:46,279
"Very" is a very important
word in this, right?
22
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,112
Think about it. You guys have
a drink called Very Berry Blast.
23
00:00:49,114 --> 00:00:50,663
I mean... I'm assuming
24
00:00:50,665 --> 00:00:52,328
that the "very" means something. Right?
25
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,117
Uh, we don't name 'em. They
just come from corporate.
26
00:00:54,119 --> 00:00:55,668
Okay, but that's-that's just beside...
27
00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:56,929
beside the point.
28
00:00:56,954 --> 00:00:59,264
Maybe Josh was just trying to be nice,
29
00:00:59,289 --> 00:01:00,422
like kind of...
30
00:01:00,424 --> 00:01:01,437
BOTH: blowing you off?
31
00:01:01,758 --> 00:01:02,687
What?
32
00:01:03,627 --> 00:01:04,809
No, no.
33
00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:05,609
Come on... no.
34
00:01:05,634 --> 00:01:06,883
You do talk about him a lot.
35
00:01:07,342 --> 00:01:08,851
What is the history with you two?
36
00:01:09,293 --> 00:01:12,300
I was working hard
at a New York job
37
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,246
Making dough but it made me blue
38
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:15,864
One day I was crying a lot
39
00:01:15,866 --> 00:01:17,199
And so I decided to move
40
00:01:17,201 --> 00:01:18,867
To West Covina, California
41
00:01:18,869 --> 00:01:20,118
Brand-new pals and new career
42
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,504
It happens to be where Josh lives
43
00:01:22,506 --> 00:01:24,873
But that's not why I'm here
44
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:27,009
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
What? No, I'm not.
45
00:01:27,011 --> 00:01:28,877
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
46
00:01:28,879 --> 00:01:30,012
That's a sexist term.
47
00:01:30,014 --> 00:01:31,463
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
48
00:01:31,465 --> 00:01:32,664
Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?
49
00:01:32,666 --> 00:01:35,267
She's so broken inside
50
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,635
The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.
51
00:01:36,637 --> 00:01:38,804
C-R-A-Z-Y
52
00:01:38,806 --> 00:01:40,171
Okay! We get it!
53
00:01:40,173 --> 00:01:41,890
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
54
00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:44,698
Look, maybe the reason
I haven't heard from Josh
55
00:01:44,723 --> 00:01:46,156
is what he said.
56
00:01:46,158 --> 00:01:47,608
It's that he's very attracted to me.
57
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:49,042
You know, it's like...
58
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,483
like, even if our arms brush,
59
00:01:50,508 --> 00:01:52,124
he gets a little tingle down there.
60
00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,597
- Hi, Becks! (growling)
- Ohhhh
61
00:01:55,622 --> 00:01:58,068
(laughing): Hey, hey, man.
62
00:01:58,093 --> 00:01:59,176
Wow, I haven't
63
00:01:59,178 --> 00:02:02,179
seen you, uh, in what, four days?
64
00:02:02,181 --> 00:02:03,563
Yeah, I'm very sorry.
65
00:02:03,565 --> 00:02:04,764
Very?
66
00:02:04,766 --> 00:02:06,716
I've been very M.I.A.
67
00:02:06,718 --> 00:02:08,318
With the holidays, I'm very slammed.
68
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,270
There is very much traffic today.
69
00:02:10,272 --> 00:02:11,521
(laughs) That's funny.
70
00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,440
So "very" is just your go-to adverb.
71
00:02:13,442 --> 00:02:14,390
That's...
72
00:02:14,392 --> 00:02:15,892
Uh... uh, nothing.
73
00:02:15,894 --> 00:02:17,194
So you were saying?
74
00:02:17,196 --> 00:02:19,079
Yeah, we host Thanksgiving at our house
75
00:02:19,081 --> 00:02:21,831
and we got cousins and
aunts and uncles pouring in
76
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,734
from Temecula, Glendale, San Mateo...
77
00:02:24,736 --> 00:02:26,402
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, Rancho Cucamonga,
78
00:02:26,404 --> 00:02:28,738
Stockton, Pismo Beach,
79
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,752
Solvang, Victorville...
80
00:02:30,777 --> 00:02:31,963
How about you?
81
00:02:31,988 --> 00:02:33,636
Well, I'm just gonna... I forgot the M's.
82
00:02:33,661 --> 00:02:35,511
Uh, Modesto, Monrovia,
83
00:02:35,536 --> 00:02:37,903
Mendocino, and that's it.
84
00:02:39,223 --> 00:02:40,640
What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
85
00:02:41,222 --> 00:02:42,527
Oh, bleh...
86
00:02:42,552 --> 00:02:45,419
I just go to the East Coast,
to Scarsdale with my mom
87
00:02:45,444 --> 00:02:47,111
and we watch the World Dog Awards.
88
00:02:47,308 --> 00:02:48,707
Oh! And?
89
00:02:48,732 --> 00:02:50,481
We just roll some
Craisins in turkey slices,
90
00:02:50,506 --> 00:02:51,652
make little logs,
91
00:02:51,677 --> 00:02:53,894
- and body-shame some puppies.
- Cool!
92
00:02:53,918 --> 00:02:55,168
Most important thing, I guess,
93
00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:56,292
is that you'll be with family.
94
00:02:56,317 --> 00:02:57,759
You know, where you belong.
95
00:02:58,152 --> 00:02:59,672
Yeah.
96
00:02:59,674 --> 00:03:01,355
Yeah, where I...
97
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,829
where I belong.
98
00:03:03,566 --> 00:03:06,045
And I put the boba on
the side for Aunt Dhori.
99
00:03:06,047 --> 00:03:07,892
We know she likes to
pop 'em with her hand.
100
00:03:07,917 --> 00:03:10,099
Thanks, guys. Have the best
Thanksgiving, Becks.
101
00:03:10,101 --> 00:03:11,486
Give your mother my very best.
102
00:03:11,511 --> 00:03:12,896
See you guys!
103
00:03:12,921 --> 00:03:14,036
- Have a good one.
- Peace!
104
00:03:14,378 --> 00:03:16,121
Very peace!
105
00:03:16,658 --> 00:03:18,624
(baby coos)
106
00:03:18,626 --> 00:03:20,076
MAN: Okay, everybody ready?
107
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:22,044
- Say "cheese."
- ALL: Cheese.
108
00:03:22,046 --> 00:03:23,246
That's good.
109
00:03:23,248 --> 00:03:24,797
(indistinct chatter)
110
00:03:24,799 --> 00:03:26,916
REBECCA: Everyone
belongs somewhere but me.
111
00:03:26,918 --> 00:03:28,217
That's silly, honey.
112
00:03:28,219 --> 00:03:29,952
You've got family back home in New York.
113
00:03:29,954 --> 00:03:31,521
I mean, not really.
114
00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:33,660
My dad bailed, my mom's a misery,
115
00:03:33,685 --> 00:03:35,566
I ate my twin in the womb.
116
00:03:36,344 --> 00:03:38,511
I really don't want to
go home for the holiday.
117
00:03:38,513 --> 00:03:40,199
It's the last place I want to be.
118
00:03:40,224 --> 00:03:41,807
Like I said, you are more than welcome
119
00:03:41,832 --> 00:03:43,849
to my apocalypse of a Thanksgiving.
120
00:03:43,874 --> 00:03:45,995
Yeah... I mean, pull up a chair
121
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,570
and enjoy Scott's racist uncle.
122
00:03:47,572 --> 00:03:49,305
You ate your twin?
123
00:03:49,307 --> 00:03:51,157
I mean, medically
speaking, I didn't "eat" it,
124
00:03:51,159 --> 00:03:53,769
I just metabolized its
body parts for my own use.
125
00:03:56,313 --> 00:03:57,580
Why don't you ask Josh if you can go
126
00:03:57,582 --> 00:03:58,800
to his house for Thanksgiving?
127
00:03:58,825 --> 00:04:00,838
He said he's "very attracted" to you,
128
00:04:00,863 --> 00:04:02,175
and we know what that means.
129
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,542
Oh, God, don't even get me started.
130
00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:05,204
I don't even know what that means anymore.
131
00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:06,214
I do.
132
00:04:06,239 --> 00:04:08,184
A guy says something like that,
133
00:04:08,209 --> 00:04:09,542
it means his current relationship
134
00:04:09,544 --> 00:04:11,010
is about ready to bite the dust.
135
00:04:11,012 --> 00:04:12,638
He's putting out feelers.
136
00:04:13,058 --> 00:04:15,181
If you could go to his
house for the holiday...
137
00:04:15,886 --> 00:04:16,682
(sighs)
138
00:04:16,684 --> 00:04:18,816
I mean, would I like to go to the Chan's?
139
00:04:19,707 --> 00:04:21,854
Would I like to be surrounded
140
00:04:21,856 --> 00:04:24,792
by the unconditional love
of a hundred Filipinos?
141
00:04:25,944 --> 00:04:27,560
Of course I would.
142
00:04:27,562 --> 00:04:28,844
Tell us the story!
143
00:04:28,846 --> 00:04:30,730
The library book story! Again?
144
00:04:30,777 --> 00:04:32,865
Well, no, I couldn't possibly.
145
00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:35,017
(chanting): Library book story!
146
00:04:35,019 --> 00:04:36,869
Library book story!
147
00:04:36,871 --> 00:04:40,623
Library book story! Library book story!
148
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:43,125
Please, Miss Rebecca, just one more time.
149
00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:44,917
The library book story.
150
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:47,713
But you know it by heart by now.
151
00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:50,207
Well, all right.
152
00:04:50,878 --> 00:04:52,449
But if Josh was going to invite me,
153
00:04:52,474 --> 00:04:53,970
he would've asked and he didn't,
154
00:04:53,972 --> 00:04:55,371
so just drop it.
155
00:04:55,373 --> 00:04:57,373
Why do you always give up so easily?
156
00:04:57,832 --> 00:05:00,226
Do you think Angelina
went into Mr. & Mrs. Smith
157
00:05:00,228 --> 00:05:01,691
with that kind of attitude?
158
00:05:01,913 --> 00:05:03,296
If she had, no Shiloh,
159
00:05:03,321 --> 00:05:04,857
no Maddox, no Vivienne...
160
00:05:05,246 --> 00:05:07,408
Who do you think belongs next to him
161
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,697
and that turkey on Thursday?
162
00:05:09,722 --> 00:05:11,488
You or Venezuela?
163
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:14,417
You know what? Thanksgiving
is a beautiful family holiday.
164
00:05:14,442 --> 00:05:16,192
Not gonna let you ruin
it with your scheming.
165
00:05:16,194 --> 00:05:18,244
Okay, okay... Let's put it this way.
166
00:05:18,246 --> 00:05:20,229
Say a giant boulder ran
over Josh's girlfriend
167
00:05:20,231 --> 00:05:22,114
and she was out of the picture.
168
00:05:22,675 --> 00:05:23,616
How would you feel?
169
00:05:23,618 --> 00:05:25,084
I mean, I'd feel terrible!
170
00:05:25,086 --> 00:05:26,836
Okay? A boulder would decimate her
171
00:05:26,838 --> 00:05:28,404
and her guts would be everywhere.
172
00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:30,456
Okay, wow.
173
00:05:31,066 --> 00:05:32,458
Rebecca,
174
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:33,909
you are getting close to Josh.
175
00:05:33,911 --> 00:05:35,175
I can feel it.
176
00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:37,150
And if you could just get
into that turkey dinner,
177
00:05:37,175 --> 00:05:39,265
you would be set.
178
00:05:40,767 --> 00:05:42,184
It's the holidays, Paula.
179
00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:44,377
People don't always get what they want.
180
00:05:49,592 --> 00:05:51,310
(bird squawks)
181
00:05:51,312 --> 00:05:53,729
(whooping)
182
00:05:53,731 --> 00:05:56,565
183
00:05:58,068 --> 00:05:59,769
Mr. Kincaid, you shouldn't have.
184
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:00,959
Oh, you didn't.
185
00:06:00,984 --> 00:06:02,450
You never do.
186
00:06:03,074 --> 00:06:04,991
Lynne, I think that's enough.
187
00:06:04,993 --> 00:06:06,602
I can't have you passing
out in the bleachers again.
188
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,829
You don't tell me what to do.
189
00:06:09,831 --> 00:06:11,747
Okay. Great.
190
00:06:11,749 --> 00:06:14,000
Good luck with that.
191
00:06:14,002 --> 00:06:16,585
(indistinct chatter)
192
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,947
REBECCA: Greg! Greg!
193
00:06:24,972 --> 00:06:26,345
Did you know that for Thanksgiving
194
00:06:26,347 --> 00:06:27,930
Chris' family makes tamales?
195
00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:29,231
I love it!
196
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:30,933
It's an update on the corn theme.
197
00:06:30,935 --> 00:06:32,651
You're just full of fascinating facts.
198
00:06:32,941 --> 00:06:35,809
Okay, Mr. Grumpy, I thought
we were friends again.
199
00:06:36,777 --> 00:06:38,077
Give me that smile.
200
00:06:38,238 --> 00:06:39,859
There it is. Yeah.
201
00:06:39,861 --> 00:06:41,827
So what are you doing for
Thanksgiving? Anything special?
202
00:06:41,829 --> 00:06:42,933
Yep.
203
00:06:42,958 --> 00:06:46,033
This year everything is gonna be different.
204
00:06:46,058 --> 00:06:48,868
Savor that, because that's the last
drink I'm ever gonna make you.
205
00:06:49,082 --> 00:06:50,152
Yep, that's right.
206
00:06:50,154 --> 00:06:52,922
I am quitting this crappy job.
207
00:06:53,175 --> 00:06:54,707
As soon as this shift ends.
208
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:57,176
I can't wait to walk in and
tell my boss to shove it.
209
00:06:57,410 --> 00:06:59,178
It's gonna be all Jerry Maguire
210
00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,930
mixed in with a little Norma Rae.
211
00:07:00,932 --> 00:07:03,049
Oh, yeah. Someone stole a Netflix password.
212
00:07:03,051 --> 00:07:04,850
Yeah, I finally saved up enough money
213
00:07:04,852 --> 00:07:07,186
to move out and to go to business school.
214
00:07:07,188 --> 00:07:09,605
I just have to find a
nurse for my dad first.
215
00:07:09,607 --> 00:07:11,173
Wow. Wait, business school?
216
00:07:11,175 --> 00:07:12,942
This is great. This is what you wanted.
217
00:07:12,944 --> 00:07:15,061
Yep. My dad's not gonna
be happy I'm moving out,
218
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,644
but I figure I tell him
over Thanksgiving dinner,
219
00:07:17,691 --> 00:07:19,014
then we'll patch things up
220
00:07:19,016 --> 00:07:20,682
over buffalo mozzarella and prosciutto,
221
00:07:20,684 --> 00:07:22,368
just like they did in
the first Thanksgiving.
222
00:07:22,946 --> 00:07:24,511
Wait. Really?
223
00:07:26,269 --> 00:07:27,689
I go to public school.
224
00:07:28,089 --> 00:07:29,191
Obviously.
225
00:07:29,193 --> 00:07:30,543
This is great.
226
00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:32,777
This is... everything you wanted.
227
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:34,246
You're moving on.
228
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,665
It's awesome, you deserve it.
229
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:38,200
I'm gonna miss you.
230
00:07:38,621 --> 00:07:41,003
Can I buy you a drink before you move?
231
00:07:41,714 --> 00:07:42,704
What's the catch?
232
00:07:42,706 --> 00:07:44,390
No catch. It's a free drink. You in or out?
233
00:07:45,151 --> 00:07:46,714
In. Hey, V.
234
00:07:47,074 --> 00:07:48,877
Hey, Greg. What brings you by?
235
00:07:48,879 --> 00:07:50,546
Oh, just picking Elena up from softball.
236
00:07:50,548 --> 00:07:51,680
Hey, Valencia.
237
00:07:52,784 --> 00:07:54,067
Hey, V-ster.
V-dog?
238
00:07:54,092 --> 00:07:55,683
VW? VW Bus?
239
00:07:56,714 --> 00:07:58,737
What-what are your plans
for Thanksgiving, Valencia?
240
00:07:59,044 --> 00:08:00,127
Bye, Greg.
241
00:08:00,619 --> 00:08:01,648
Bye, Valencia!
242
00:08:01,886 --> 00:08:04,110
I like your sleeveless
crocheted trench coat!
243
00:08:04,112 --> 00:08:04,996
Wow.
244
00:08:05,021 --> 00:08:06,556
You guys have such a great rapport.
245
00:08:06,581 --> 00:08:07,808
Yeah, she doesn't like me so much.
246
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:09,208
No, she doesn't like you a lot.
247
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:10,699
But to be fair,
248
00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:11,834
she's probably in a bad mood
249
00:08:11,836 --> 00:08:13,027
because it's Thanksgiving.
250
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,814
She goes to Josh's house,
and it's tough for her.
251
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:16,755
What, to bask in the warm embrace
252
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:19,008
of a loving Filipino
family? Why is that tough?
253
00:08:19,339 --> 00:08:20,503
You don't know?
254
00:08:20,528 --> 00:08:22,111
The Chan's don't like Valencia.
255
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,866
Because Asians don't like dumb people.
256
00:08:23,891 --> 00:08:25,167
Chris!
257
00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:27,383
So mildly racist.
258
00:08:27,385 --> 00:08:28,851
It's a problem.
259
00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:31,103
Every time Valencia has
to hang with the Chan's,
260
00:08:31,105 --> 00:08:32,675
she and Josh almost break up.
261
00:08:33,392 --> 00:08:34,768
I had no idea.
262
00:08:35,746 --> 00:08:37,026
Poor Josh.
263
00:08:37,207 --> 00:08:39,145
Poor Valencia, too.
264
00:08:39,147 --> 00:08:41,597
265
00:08:46,809 --> 00:08:48,310
REBECCA: I can't get over it.
266
00:08:48,449 --> 00:08:50,289
Poor Josh. Poor Valencia.
267
00:08:51,035 --> 00:08:53,242
It must be awful to go
to your boyfriend's house
268
00:08:53,244 --> 00:08:55,211
and just not feel like you belong.
269
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,129
Yeah, it's really unfortunate.
270
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,115
I've never been to this place.
271
00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:02,082
There's a lot of bok choy
272
00:09:03,087 --> 00:09:05,339
and live fish with whiskers.
273
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,663
And all the Asians.
274
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,227
What are you up to?
275
00:09:11,574 --> 00:09:12,628
Don't you understand
276
00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:14,563
that the tension between
Valencia and the Chan�s,
277
00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:16,732
that's your in, that's your boulder.
278
00:09:16,734 --> 00:09:18,317
You are gonna crush her little bird bones.
279
00:09:18,319 --> 00:09:19,902
What's going on? What am I doing here?
280
00:09:19,904 --> 00:09:21,820
You are a parent's dream.
281
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:23,939
And as soon as Josh's
parents get a look at you,
282
00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:25,140
they're going to fall in love.
283
00:09:25,142 --> 00:09:26,659
And he will follow.
284
00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:29,528
Okay... but how are they
going to get a look at me?
285
00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:32,199
I don't exactly see them around anywhere...
286
00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:36,542
Mrs. Chan.
287
00:09:37,655 --> 00:09:39,371
Oh, I get it.
288
00:09:39,707 --> 00:09:41,050
- I see what you did there
- Yep.
289
00:09:41,075 --> 00:09:42,625
Should've seen that coming.
290
00:09:42,927 --> 00:09:45,177
291
00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:53,350
MAN: The boss is back. Look busy.
292
00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:55,938
Hey, Kevin.
293
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:59,225
- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- Sure, what's up?
294
00:09:59,644 --> 00:10:00,871
I'll tell you what's up.
295
00:10:01,696 --> 00:10:04,396
What's up is that every
day I work in this bar,
296
00:10:04,707 --> 00:10:07,816
I feel like I am eating a
sandwich of bile and tears.
297
00:10:07,818 --> 00:10:09,368
- Ugh.
- Shh. Please.
298
00:10:09,370 --> 00:10:10,736
I have a thing prepared.
299
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,235
I'm here to tell you
300
00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:14,323
that I've reached the Rubicon,
301
00:10:14,886 --> 00:10:16,392
my own personal tipping point...
302
00:10:16,417 --> 00:10:17,553
Nice line.
303
00:10:17,578 --> 00:10:18,827
You write that?
304
00:10:18,829 --> 00:10:20,045
Wait, are you quitting?
305
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:21,650
Good for you!
306
00:10:21,675 --> 00:10:22,915
Kevin, please. I gotta get this out.
307
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,480
I quit this bar!
308
00:10:25,002 --> 00:10:25,902
Yeah, I just said that.
309
00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:28,504
I quit making blended
drinks for bad tippers.
310
00:10:28,506 --> 00:10:31,173
I quit using a cash register
that spells mojito with an "H."
311
00:10:31,175 --> 00:10:33,452
I quit your terrible breath.
312
00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:35,758
Appreciate the feedback.
313
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,040
I had a dental procedure.
I really should irrigate
314
00:10:38,065 --> 00:10:40,599
more frequently. Kevin,
you're ruining this for me.
315
00:10:40,601 --> 00:10:42,768
Wait, are you going
back to business school?!
316
00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:44,353
This is fantastic!
317
00:10:44,949 --> 00:10:46,822
I always wondered when you were gonna!
318
00:10:46,824 --> 00:10:49,121
You're too good for this place.
319
00:10:49,893 --> 00:10:51,360
(chuckles) Now, bring it here.
320
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:52,690
What...?
321
00:10:56,225 --> 00:10:58,488
Now, you, get out of here!
322
00:11:05,285 --> 00:11:06,425
How did you know she was here?
323
00:11:06,427 --> 00:11:07,793
It's best if I don't share that with you.
324
00:11:08,762 --> 00:11:09,944
Come on, let's go talk to her.
325
00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:11,980
No, I don't want to talk to her.
This is embarrassing.
326
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,598
Paula, come on. I don't want to
make an ass of myself... oh, oh!
327
00:11:14,668 --> 00:11:16,168
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Chan.
328
00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:17,235
Oh, hello.
329
00:11:17,237 --> 00:11:19,171
Hi, Mrs. Chan.
330
00:11:19,173 --> 00:11:20,405
I don't know if you remember me.
331
00:11:20,407 --> 00:11:21,757
I'm Rebecca Bunch.
332
00:11:21,759 --> 00:11:23,675
I went to camp with your son Josh
333
00:11:23,677 --> 00:11:26,339
like ten-ish years ago.
334
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:28,413
Oh, of course!
335
00:11:28,415 --> 00:11:31,266
You two had that adorable little romance!
336
00:11:31,268 --> 00:11:33,084
Right, I called the house a couple times.
337
00:11:33,086 --> 00:11:35,520
Left a couple funny messages.
338
00:11:35,522 --> 00:11:36,555
How have you been?
339
00:11:36,557 --> 00:11:37,556
I've been so grea... great.
340
00:11:37,558 --> 00:11:38,857
How has she been?!
341
00:11:38,859 --> 00:11:41,143
Harvard undergrad, Yale law, 1550 SATs,
342
00:11:41,145 --> 00:11:44,029
winner NCAJ Mock Trial Championships.
343
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,481
Oh, that is all very,
344
00:11:46,483 --> 00:11:48,150
uh, impressive.
345
00:11:48,152 --> 00:11:49,201
Isn't it?
346
00:11:49,203 --> 00:11:51,536
Hi. Paula, coworker, confidant.
347
00:11:51,538 --> 00:11:53,288
(laughs)
348
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,650
Rebecca, welcome to town.
349
00:11:55,675 --> 00:11:57,228
You should join us for dinner sometime.
350
00:11:57,253 --> 00:11:58,970
That's so sweet of you. I would love that.
351
00:11:58,995 --> 00:12:00,695
What about tomorrow?
352
00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:03,498
Paula, no, that's Thanksgiving.
353
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,884
And you have nowhere to go.
354
00:12:05,886 --> 00:12:07,636
You poor thing.
355
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:09,721
She saw her parents
murdered in front of her...
356
00:12:09,954 --> 00:12:13,093
in an alley... in Gotham.
357
00:12:13,118 --> 00:12:13,975
Oh, dear.
358
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,628
Just like Batman.
359
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,578
Yes.
360
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:18,635
So Paula's...
I'm sorry.
361
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:20,026
Paula's joking.
362
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,017
My parents aren't dead.
363
00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:23,685
They're just abandoning and frigid, so...
364
00:12:23,687 --> 00:12:24,931
I see.
365
00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:26,965
That's also very terrible.
366
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,473
- Exactly.
- Uh, guess so.
367
00:12:28,475 --> 00:12:30,492
I mean, I would ask
her to come to my house,
368
00:12:30,494 --> 00:12:32,376
but we're going to Paris.
369
00:12:32,829 --> 00:12:34,246
'Cause that's where we autumn.
370
00:12:34,248 --> 00:12:36,782
It's like wintering but cheaper.
371
00:12:37,032 --> 00:12:38,333
Aw, Rebecca!
372
00:12:38,335 --> 00:12:40,652
You shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving.
373
00:12:40,962 --> 00:12:43,755
Why don't you come over and
spend the holiday with us?
374
00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:46,392
Josh will be so thrilled.
375
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:48,927
Oh... um...
376
00:12:48,929 --> 00:12:51,096
I would love that.
377
00:12:51,098 --> 00:12:52,134
Yeah.
378
00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:54,874
That's so generous of you.
379
00:12:54,914 --> 00:12:56,336
I would be honored.
380
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:57,519
What can I bring?
381
00:12:57,521 --> 00:13:00,338
Oh, just bring your appetite, my dear.
382
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,506
See you tomorrow.
383
00:13:01,508 --> 00:13:03,442
Okay, thank you so much again. Bye.
384
00:13:03,444 --> 00:13:05,527
Bye!
385
00:13:05,529 --> 00:13:07,312
Whoa! Whoa!
386
00:13:07,314 --> 00:13:09,281
I'm actually going to...
Wait... a real Thanksgiving
387
00:13:09,283 --> 00:13:11,233
- with a real family?!
- I know.
388
00:13:11,235 --> 00:13:12,868
Wait, oh, no, wait.
389
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:14,202
What's Josh gonna think
390
00:13:14,204 --> 00:13:15,954
when I just show up to his house randomly?
391
00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:17,489
Yeah, we're gonna find out in a second.
392
00:13:17,491 --> 00:13:19,126
She's texting him right now.
393
00:13:22,128 --> 00:13:24,290
(phone chimes)
394
00:13:27,509 --> 00:13:31,368
_
395
00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:33,054
You're an evil genius.
396
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,257
Uh-huh, yeah.
397
00:13:34,282 --> 00:13:35,132
You're welcome.
398
00:13:35,157 --> 00:13:36,520
Welcome to the fam-bam.
399
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:52,149
(door closes)
400
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:58,340
Dad, what is this...
A heart-attack buffet?
401
00:13:58,342 --> 00:14:00,209
Get off my ass, Greg. It's a holiday.
402
00:14:00,211 --> 00:14:02,261
I'm enjoying the things
that make life worthwhile.
403
00:14:02,263 --> 00:14:04,596
Hey, hey, hey, hey, that's
for Sinatra and Torm?.
404
00:14:04,598 --> 00:14:07,156
By all means, serve the
high-end food to your macaws.
405
00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:08,934
It's not enough that you
let them crap in the shower.
406
00:14:08,936 --> 00:14:10,126
I'm training them.
407
00:14:10,151 --> 00:14:11,553
Dad, all I'm saying is, if you're gonna go
408
00:14:11,555 --> 00:14:12,671
through the trouble to train them,
409
00:14:12,673 --> 00:14:14,223
train them to use the toilet.
410
00:14:14,225 --> 00:14:15,867
Oh, that's a good
idea... they're birds.
411
00:14:15,892 --> 00:14:17,734
Maybe I should train
them to wipe their ass.
412
00:14:17,759 --> 00:14:18,708
(laughs)
413
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:20,001
(coughing)
414
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,192
Do you need the oxygen tank?
415
00:14:21,217 --> 00:14:22,688
No, no, no, no. Stop it.
416
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,251
Why you bothering me?
417
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:27,126
Isn't there some girl you
could be trying to bang?
418
00:14:27,151 --> 00:14:30,203
Oh, what about that, that
crazy girl you met at the party?
419
00:14:30,722 --> 00:14:32,024
The one from the taco festival?
420
00:14:32,049 --> 00:14:33,559
Why do I tell you anything?
421
00:14:33,584 --> 00:14:34,800
Oh, right, I was drunk.
422
00:14:35,266 --> 00:14:36,462
That girl's not for me, Dad.
423
00:14:36,487 --> 00:14:38,017
- Trust me, Dad, listen.
- Sure.
424
00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:39,079
Listen to me.
425
00:14:39,104 --> 00:14:40,970
There's something I want
to talk to you about.
426
00:14:41,636 --> 00:14:44,304
Some, um, changes I want to make.
427
00:14:44,329 --> 00:14:45,353
Me, too.
428
00:14:46,054 --> 00:14:47,987
I'm thinking about a third macaw.
429
00:14:48,122 --> 00:14:50,360
I'm thinking Bennett for Tony Bennett.
430
00:14:50,519 --> 00:14:52,685
(laughs)
431
00:14:54,097 --> 00:14:55,597
Oh, so serious.
432
00:14:55,747 --> 00:14:56,696
What is it?
433
00:14:57,198 --> 00:15:01,085
Tell me. (coughing)
434
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:02,635
I'll get the tank.
435
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:04,853
Yep, yep... ah.
436
00:15:07,025 --> 00:15:08,559
MAN: So you want to speak Tagalog,
437
00:15:08,584 --> 00:15:10,095
the mother tongue of the Philippines.
438
00:15:10,757 --> 00:15:11,990
Let's start with "Hello."
439
00:15:12,156 --> 00:15:13,956
Mabuhay... say it with me.
440
00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:15,610
BOTH: Mabuhay.
441
00:15:15,635 --> 00:15:16,901
"Nice to meet you."
442
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:20,767
BOTH: Natutwa akong makilala kayo.
443
00:15:21,635 --> 00:15:25,136
Okay, I know I'm forgetting something.
444
00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:26,862
(gasps)
445
00:15:26,887 --> 00:15:28,712
Whoa! Ooh!
446
00:15:29,149 --> 00:15:33,517
_
447
00:15:34,197 --> 00:15:38,282
_
448
00:15:38,307 --> 00:15:39,915
No, okay.
449
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,517
_
450
00:15:45,087 --> 00:15:49,938
_
451
00:15:54,638 --> 00:15:55,923
(knocking)
452
00:15:55,948 --> 00:15:57,480
PAULA: Heya!
453
00:15:58,149 --> 00:16:00,220
Whew, something smells weird in here.
454
00:16:00,245 --> 00:16:02,735
Oh, uh, well, it's a Filipino dish
455
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,708
called dinuguan... it consists
of pork cooked in pork's blood.
456
00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:06,540
Do you want to try some?
457
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,865
Uh, thanks, but I think
458
00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:11,438
I'm all full up from the wonderful smell.
459
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:12,679
You know what? That's just
460
00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:14,610
your culturally insensitive
taste buds talking.
461
00:16:14,635 --> 00:16:16,298
Okay, I can only stay for a second.
462
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,106
I'm making pies for people that I hate.
463
00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:22,040
Which is mixed emotions
for me, because I like pie.
464
00:16:22,550 --> 00:16:23,549
Okay.
465
00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:25,556
As discussed, here it is.
466
00:16:25,581 --> 00:16:30,118
This brooch contains a small
video camera and microphone.
467
00:16:30,143 --> 00:16:32,093
It's exactly like the teddy bear nanny cam
468
00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:33,931
that we used in the Gatwick
divorce, but with audio.
469
00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:36,573
No... So it will transmit everything
470
00:16:36,598 --> 00:16:38,923
you see and hear directly
to an app on my phone,
471
00:16:38,948 --> 00:16:41,274
so I will not miss any of your triumph.
472
00:16:41,299 --> 00:16:42,204
(laughs)
473
00:16:42,852 --> 00:16:45,157
This isn't weird, right? Is it weird?
474
00:16:45,774 --> 00:16:46,767
No.
475
00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:48,149
Okay, cool.
476
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,485
I got to go, but I cannot wait
477
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,678
to watch you push Valderrama
out of the picture.
478
00:16:56,393 --> 00:17:00,396
479
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:07,176
REBECCA:
I give good parent
480
00:17:07,178 --> 00:17:09,045
She gives good parent
481
00:17:09,047 --> 00:17:10,630
REBECCA:
I give good parent
482
00:17:10,632 --> 00:17:12,715
MRS. CHAN:
She gives
real good parent
483
00:17:12,717 --> 00:17:14,467
REBECCA:
I give good parent
484
00:17:14,469 --> 00:17:16,502
MRS. CHAN:
She gives good parent
485
00:17:16,504 --> 00:17:18,220
To parents like me
486
00:17:18,222 --> 00:17:21,006
I was born gifted, been blessed
487
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:23,192
Din-din guest
for the win... yes
488
00:17:23,194 --> 00:17:24,894
When I pull up, gym test
489
00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:26,612
Prepare for your
parents to be impressed
490
00:17:26,614 --> 00:17:28,864
I present proper like a TED talker
491
00:17:28,866 --> 00:17:30,983
Got your current chick
lookin' like Greg Focker
492
00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:32,735
I'm here to conquer,
I've come to slaughter
493
00:17:32,737 --> 00:17:34,487
These dads and moms is
my sons and daughters
494
00:17:34,489 --> 00:17:36,355
Skilled seductress, I
will kill and crush this
495
00:17:36,357 --> 00:17:38,574
This is my business and
I'm built for success
496
00:17:38,576 --> 00:17:40,526
Expect to witness
a familial love fest
497
00:17:40,528 --> 00:17:42,044
Valencia, you're
zip, zilch and bupkis
498
00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:44,830
I give good parent
499
00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:46,832
She gives good parent
500
00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:48,801
I give good parent
501
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:50,803
She gives real good parent
502
00:17:50,805 --> 00:17:52,304
I give good parent
503
00:17:52,306 --> 00:17:54,173
She gives good parent
504
00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:56,308
To parents like me
505
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:59,011
Brought a nice red, so
when I come in the place
506
00:17:59,013 --> 00:18:00,846
I already got 'em
heated up under the waist
507
00:18:00,848 --> 00:18:02,598
Your home's such a
beautiful, comfortable space
508
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,817
Bitches, you two
have wonderful taste
509
00:18:04,819 --> 00:18:06,519
Sit down at the table
and I'm murdering
510
00:18:06,521 --> 00:18:09,021
Inquiring what line
of work they're in
511
00:18:09,023 --> 00:18:10,389
Making faces like
I'm crazed erotically
512
00:18:10,391 --> 00:18:12,441
Wait, my uncle is in radiology
513
00:18:12,443 --> 00:18:14,160
Every dish is
delicious, Michelin Star
514
00:18:14,162 --> 00:18:16,078
Please pass the arroz
like I passed the bar
515
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,697
An attorney?
Yale law, Harvard undergrad
516
00:18:17,699 --> 00:18:19,532
Got the Chan fam damp
in their underpants
517
00:18:19,534 --> 00:18:21,333
Dad tells jokes, I
squeal in amusement
518
00:18:21,335 --> 00:18:23,669
I agree that Neil
Diamond is real music
519
00:18:23,671 --> 00:18:25,955
Gonna suck up and kiss
ass till I have 'em eatin'
520
00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:27,423
Outta this hand like
they're eatin' this what?
521
00:18:27,425 --> 00:18:29,425
I'm DTF, but understand me
522
00:18:29,427 --> 00:18:31,127
It means I'm dazzling the family
523
00:18:31,129 --> 00:18:32,962
Like an anaconda,
bitch, I'm immense
524
00:18:32,964 --> 00:18:35,080
And you a common wench,
so grovel, Valence
525
00:18:35,082 --> 00:18:37,049
Boss-ass bitch, no one's above me
526
00:18:37,051 --> 00:18:38,801
End of the night,
they line up to hug me
527
00:18:38,803 --> 00:18:40,720
Oh, my gosh, this was so lovely
528
00:18:40,722 --> 00:18:42,855
To be clear, your parents
want to have sex with me
529
00:18:42,857 --> 00:18:45,107
I give good parent
530
00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:47,059
MRS. CHAN:
She gives good parent
531
00:18:47,061 --> 00:18:49,428
I give good parent
532
00:18:49,430 --> 00:18:51,814
To parents like me.
533
00:18:51,816 --> 00:18:53,816
(laughs)
534
00:18:54,535 --> 00:18:56,461
So I open up the chest in the attic,
535
00:18:56,486 --> 00:18:58,031
and there it is!
536
00:18:58,056 --> 00:19:00,706
Let's just say that was
one very late library book.
537
00:19:00,731 --> 00:19:03,453
(laughter)
538
00:19:05,988 --> 00:19:07,828
Oh, my God, your sisters love that story.
539
00:19:07,853 --> 00:19:09,803
Yeah, up top, Jayma. Yeah!
540
00:19:09,828 --> 00:19:11,295
Up top, Jastenity.
541
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,445
Okay.
542
00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:14,469
Whoa.
543
00:19:14,494 --> 00:19:15,680
My dad never smiles.
544
00:19:15,705 --> 00:19:16,838
You almost got one there.
545
00:19:17,828 --> 00:19:19,391
So, um, how did
546
00:19:19,393 --> 00:19:21,293
your Thanksgiving food plan work out?
547
00:19:21,295 --> 00:19:22,978
I noticed that you had
a lot of the dinuguan.
548
00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:24,430
Yeah, it looked so good this year,
549
00:19:24,432 --> 00:19:26,000
I nixed the yams with the marshmallows.
550
00:19:26,025 --> 00:19:28,430
Interesting. Uh,
fun fact... I made it.
551
00:19:28,455 --> 00:19:30,413
No. No, you did not.
552
00:19:30,438 --> 00:19:31,383
- Yeah.
- Get out of here.
553
00:19:31,408 --> 00:19:33,274
Are you sure you're not Filipino?
554
00:19:34,421 --> 00:19:37,338
I wish, I wish I could
be from your country.
555
00:19:37,363 --> 00:19:38,262
I can only be so lucky.
556
00:19:38,312 --> 00:19:40,162
MRS. CHAN: Oh, Rebecca.
557
00:19:40,164 --> 00:19:42,865
It's wonderful that
you are such a bookworm.
558
00:19:42,867 --> 00:19:44,945
Ah, we have something in common.
559
00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:46,789
I am in a very interesting book club.
560
00:19:46,814 --> 00:19:48,719
I love books and clubs.
561
00:19:48,744 --> 00:19:50,577
Two of my favorite things.
562
00:19:50,602 --> 00:19:52,281
You should join.
563
00:19:52,306 --> 00:19:53,972
We would love to have
a young person like you.
564
00:19:54,445 --> 00:19:56,242
Oh, yeah. I would love to go
565
00:19:56,267 --> 00:19:57,797
to your book club, too, Mrs. Chan.
566
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,154
I actually just read a book.
567
00:19:59,179 --> 00:20:00,479
It's about journaling.
568
00:20:00,504 --> 00:20:01,680
Lea Michele wrote it.
569
00:20:01,705 --> 00:20:03,102
Lots of blank pages.
570
00:20:03,127 --> 00:20:04,766
So it's basically a journal.
571
00:20:05,211 --> 00:20:08,974
Uh-huh, I see. (laughs)
572
00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:11,094
Would you like more turkey, Rebecca?
573
00:20:11,529 --> 00:20:15,180
Ma, you promised to be
nicer to Valencia this year.
574
00:20:15,617 --> 00:20:16,828
What?
575
00:20:17,235 --> 00:20:19,485
576
00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:31,619
(Paula laughing)
577
00:20:34,873 --> 00:20:36,207
What you watching?
578
00:20:36,397 --> 00:20:37,414
Your soap?
579
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,024
Yeah, my soap opera.
580
00:20:40,474 --> 00:20:41,570
I knew it.
581
00:20:41,595 --> 00:20:42,672
I remember you liked that.
582
00:20:42,697 --> 00:20:44,814
All of My Days or something like that?
583
00:20:45,018 --> 00:20:46,901
That's the, that's the one.
584
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,324
All right, Dad, let me get this out.
585
00:20:52,349 --> 00:20:54,586
Listen, I love living with you...
586
00:20:56,692 --> 00:20:57,602
Dad?
587
00:20:59,094 --> 00:21:01,727
Dad? Damn it!
588
00:21:07,844 --> 00:21:09,178
We've been here before.
589
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:10,883
He needs one in the small of his back.
590
00:21:10,908 --> 00:21:12,742
Otherwise, the farts have nowhere to go.
591
00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:13,882
Here, I can do it.
592
00:21:14,789 --> 00:21:16,385
Oh, thanks, Greg.
593
00:21:16,387 --> 00:21:17,636
I don't like a hot butt.
594
00:21:17,638 --> 00:21:18,938
Nobody does, Dad.
595
00:21:19,117 --> 00:21:20,533
(knocking)
596
00:21:20,558 --> 00:21:23,175
Um, may I speak with you
privately, Mr. Serrano?
597
00:21:26,446 --> 00:21:27,896
So we were able to stabilize him,
598
00:21:27,898 --> 00:21:29,481
but we have a couple of concerns.
599
00:21:29,483 --> 00:21:31,317
One, his oxygen levels are too low,
600
00:21:31,319 --> 00:21:32,818
so we need to run some more tests.
601
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:36,822
And two... your dad keeps
asking me to go outside
602
00:21:36,824 --> 00:21:39,163
and have a cigarette and
some whiskey with him.
603
00:21:39,188 --> 00:21:40,743
- Mm.
- Not okay.
604
00:21:40,745 --> 00:21:41,960
In a lot of ways.
605
00:21:42,453 --> 00:21:44,391
MARCO: Cathy, the menthols?
606
00:21:44,965 --> 00:21:47,276
I'm sorry he still smokes...
607
00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:49,752
and drinks and literally eats lard.
608
00:21:49,754 --> 00:21:51,656
He doesn't listen to me, he never has.
609
00:21:51,681 --> 00:21:54,141
Well, that's not the problem...
I mean, it is a problem...
610
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:56,986
It's just that his emphysema has progressed
611
00:21:57,011 --> 00:21:58,594
from a stage one to a stage two,
612
00:21:58,596 --> 00:22:00,062
which means we need to change the protocol,
613
00:22:00,064 --> 00:22:01,383
add some medications.
614
00:22:01,789 --> 00:22:02,633
Okay.
615
00:22:02,658 --> 00:22:04,477
The thing is, our best treatment options
616
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:05,867
aren't covered by your insurance.
617
00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:09,465
So if you'd like to proceed,
I'll need your approval.
618
00:22:09,975 --> 00:22:11,391
How much is it going...?
619
00:22:13,039 --> 00:22:15,250
Whoa, how am I supposed to pay for that?
620
00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:19,531
621
00:22:19,533 --> 00:22:21,467
Here you go, I'll take that.
622
00:22:21,469 --> 00:22:23,285
And I will take that, sir.
623
00:22:23,287 --> 00:22:24,670
Sit, sit, sit.
624
00:22:24,672 --> 00:22:26,105
Honestly, I just want some private time
625
00:22:26,107 --> 00:22:27,923
so I can lick all these plates myself.
626
00:22:27,925 --> 00:22:30,008
Too gross or too honest? Take a vote, BRB.
627
00:22:30,010 --> 00:22:31,176
(laughs)
628
00:22:34,532 --> 00:22:36,032
Oh, honey, well, look at that.
629
00:22:36,383 --> 00:22:37,716
You've barely eaten anything.
630
00:22:37,718 --> 00:22:38,727
You must be starving.
631
00:22:38,752 --> 00:22:39,891
Of course I'm starving.
632
00:22:39,916 --> 00:22:41,614
I've been starving since 1998.
633
00:22:41,639 --> 00:22:43,472
You know what, that is
the media telling you
634
00:22:43,474 --> 00:22:45,930
what your body should be,
and it just gets my goat...
635
00:22:45,955 --> 00:22:47,469
Oh, cut the crap.
636
00:22:47,893 --> 00:22:51,000
I see what you're doing,
sucking up to Josh's parents.
637
00:22:51,025 --> 00:22:52,336
Well, it's not gonna work.
638
00:22:52,631 --> 00:22:57,249
Parents may love brown-nosers,
but men, like Josh, love me.
639
00:22:57,274 --> 00:22:58,070
(scoffs)
640
00:22:58,072 --> 00:23:00,038
You are out of your depth.
641
00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:02,291
You don't understand our relationship,
642
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:03,750
and you don't understand Josh.
643
00:23:03,995 --> 00:23:05,161
We have history.
644
00:23:05,296 --> 00:23:06,745
We have chemistry.
645
00:23:06,906 --> 00:23:08,945
Well, that's a lot of academic subjects.
646
00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:11,053
You think he's gonna find you sexy
647
00:23:11,078 --> 00:23:12,695
when you're spending all
day shopping with his mom
648
00:23:12,837 --> 00:23:14,253
for visors?
649
00:23:14,255 --> 00:23:16,219
Ooh, girl, hang in there.
650
00:23:16,474 --> 00:23:17,840
(Licks tongue)
651
00:23:17,842 --> 00:23:19,892
Oh, honey.
652
00:23:19,894 --> 00:23:21,626
You're having a tough day.
653
00:23:21,628 --> 00:23:23,531
I get it, the holidays can be stressful.
654
00:23:24,148 --> 00:23:25,514
Can I get you anything?
655
00:23:25,516 --> 00:23:27,469
Maybe a hot cup of arroz caldo?
656
00:23:27,494 --> 00:23:29,878
I don't need chicken soup, thank you.
657
00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:32,391
Chicken soup is just hot melted fat water.
658
00:23:33,117 --> 00:23:35,738
You don't belong here...
This is not your family.
659
00:23:35,763 --> 00:23:38,681
And good luck digesting
all that gross food.
660
00:23:40,147 --> 00:23:42,014
That's culturally insensitive.
661
00:23:43,391 --> 00:23:45,584
LOURDES: Time for the family photo.
662
00:23:45,586 --> 00:23:47,369
Don't belong here? That's ridiculous.
663
00:23:47,371 --> 00:23:48,871
Smile! (camera shutter clicks)
664
00:23:56,879 --> 00:23:58,463
Hey, Kevin.
665
00:24:00,486 --> 00:24:02,148
Listen, um...
666
00:24:03,166 --> 00:24:05,563
I said a lot of regrettable
things yesterday,
667
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,203
and I wanted you to know I'm sorry.
668
00:24:08,228 --> 00:24:09,627
You were only saying
what others were thinking.
669
00:24:10,234 --> 00:24:11,393
Thank you.
670
00:24:11,395 --> 00:24:12,859
I got a tongue scraper.
671
00:24:13,184 --> 00:24:16,203
Things are looking hhhheeexxxcellent.
672
00:24:16,567 --> 00:24:17,682
(chuckles)
673
00:24:17,684 --> 00:24:18,850
That's terrific.
674
00:24:18,852 --> 00:24:20,164
- It's minty.
- Yeah.
675
00:24:21,484 --> 00:24:23,048
You want your job back, don't you?
676
00:24:23,797 --> 00:24:24,856
I do.
677
00:24:24,858 --> 00:24:27,159
You think that's the first
Netflix quit I've seen?
678
00:24:27,430 --> 00:24:30,195
Had a busboy do the entire
Peter Finch speech from Network.
679
00:24:30,197 --> 00:24:32,214
Shouted out of a window and everything.
680
00:24:32,531 --> 00:24:33,665
Oh, it was Javier.
681
00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:35,209
JAVIER: Welcome back, Greg.
682
00:24:35,531 --> 00:24:38,633
"I'm mad as hell, and I'm
not gonna take it anymore!"
683
00:24:38,705 --> 00:24:40,266
Oh, it was great.
684
00:24:40,291 --> 00:24:41,340
You should have been there.
685
00:24:42,391 --> 00:24:44,343
Ah, they all come back.
686
00:24:44,719 --> 00:24:47,262
Greg, you want your job back, it's yours.
687
00:24:47,264 --> 00:24:48,711
Ah. Ooh.
688
00:24:48,811 --> 00:24:51,527
Ah, ah. (chuckles)
689
00:24:51,552 --> 00:24:54,553
I forgot how much fun it
was here... I missed that.
690
00:24:54,555 --> 00:24:57,072
- Yeah.
- Um, listen, I really appreciate this,
691
00:24:57,074 --> 00:24:59,441
but I don't want to work
today, it's Thanksgiving,
692
00:24:59,443 --> 00:25:02,277
and I have seniority, I can pick my shifts.
693
00:25:02,279 --> 00:25:03,612
Had seniority.
694
00:25:03,614 --> 00:25:04,780
So sorry.
695
00:25:04,782 --> 00:25:06,198
Oh, and, uh...
696
00:25:06,578 --> 00:25:08,461
the toilets are clogged.
697
00:25:08,902 --> 00:25:10,902
Who flushes a jump rope?
698
00:25:12,330 --> 00:25:13,430
So sorry.
699
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,091
Aunt Dhori, I insist
700
00:25:16,093 --> 00:25:17,203
that you call me.
701
00:25:17,228 --> 00:25:19,094
I think we have a case here, I really do.
702
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,725
Listen, if the frozen dinner box says
703
00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:25,399
that there are five shrimp,
there should be five, not four.
704
00:25:25,704 --> 00:25:27,289
Yeah, totally.
705
00:25:27,438 --> 00:25:28,470
Okay.
706
00:25:28,472 --> 00:25:30,305
Call me, yeah.
707
00:25:30,307 --> 00:25:33,258
Rebecca, thank you so
much for coming today.
708
00:25:33,260 --> 00:25:36,445
We are so thankful God sent you to us.
709
00:25:36,697 --> 00:25:38,397
REBECCA: Oh... (both chuckle)
710
00:25:38,399 --> 00:25:40,866
"God sent you to us."
711
00:25:40,868 --> 00:25:42,618
Aw, that's nice, Paula.
712
00:25:42,620 --> 00:25:43,619
Thought you hated me.
713
00:25:44,055 --> 00:25:45,037
I do.
714
00:25:45,039 --> 00:25:46,488
Everyone hates you.
715
00:25:46,490 --> 00:25:47,664
You're racist.
716
00:25:49,352 --> 00:25:53,462
Well, um, thanks again for everything.
717
00:25:53,464 --> 00:25:56,570
I guess I should really go.
718
00:25:56,610 --> 00:25:58,026
Yeah, you really should.
719
00:25:58,172 --> 00:26:00,619
- Valencia.
- What? She wants to go.
720
00:26:00,621 --> 00:26:02,804
Well, good-bye.
721
00:26:03,078 --> 00:26:05,257
Bye, Jayma. Bye, Jastenity.
722
00:26:05,259 --> 00:26:07,006
Wait, Rebecca.
723
00:26:07,031 --> 00:26:09,428
Would you join our family for mass?
724
00:26:09,430 --> 00:26:10,812
We'd love to have you.
725
00:26:11,032 --> 00:26:13,180
Um, she's Jewish.
726
00:26:14,251 --> 00:26:17,430
I would be so honored,
Mrs. Chan, thank you.
727
00:26:17,774 --> 00:26:19,154
Wow, can I just say,
728
00:26:19,156 --> 00:26:21,969
you have made me feel like I truly belong.
729
00:26:23,172 --> 00:26:25,077
Oh, of course you do.
730
00:26:25,079 --> 00:26:27,913
Great, I'll also join for mass
731
00:26:27,915 --> 00:26:30,492
because I actually believe in Jesus.
732
00:26:30,701 --> 00:26:32,150
(chuckling): Knock yourself out.
733
00:26:32,152 --> 00:26:33,818
It's a public place of worship.
734
00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:34,695
(stomach gurgling)
735
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,414
Uh, where is your powder
room really quickly?
736
00:26:37,617 --> 00:26:39,392
Oh, it's just down the hall, sweetie.
737
00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:41,009
Okay... thank you.
738
00:26:41,011 --> 00:26:42,260
I'll be right...
739
00:26:42,731 --> 00:26:44,965
Thanks. (stomach gurgling)
740
00:26:45,491 --> 00:26:47,793
(speaks indistinctly)
741
00:26:49,143 --> 00:26:51,328
(cell phone ringing)
742
00:26:53,391 --> 00:26:54,890
(whispering): Hey. Hey, Paula.
743
00:26:54,892 --> 00:26:57,526
Hey, cookie, you are crushing it!
744
00:26:57,528 --> 00:26:59,227
Yeah, I know, it's going so well.
745
00:26:59,229 --> 00:27:00,345
Okay, listen.
746
00:27:00,347 --> 00:27:01,897
I have to go to the bathroom,
747
00:27:01,899 --> 00:27:03,315
(door slams) but I will call you...
748
00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:04,849
Wait-wait, wait-wait,
wait, hold on.
749
00:27:04,851 --> 00:27:06,368
Hold on. Hold it, somebody's here.
750
00:27:06,370 --> 00:27:07,736
Oh, crap.
751
00:27:07,738 --> 00:27:09,953
I really have to poo-poo. Okay, hold on.
752
00:27:10,157 --> 00:27:12,457
VALENCIA: I'm so... I try so
hard to be nice to your mom,
753
00:27:12,459 --> 00:27:14,242
and all she ever gives me is stink face.
754
00:27:14,244 --> 00:27:15,256
Hold on, shh, shh, shh.
755
00:27:15,281 --> 00:27:16,553
Josh: Babe, babe, babe,
she-she loves you.
756
00:27:16,578 --> 00:27:18,046
And you just stood there doing nothing
757
00:27:18,048 --> 00:27:19,965
while she sucked up to
everyone like a vacuum cleaner.
758
00:27:19,967 --> 00:27:21,383
(gasps) Come on, Rebecca
was just being nice.
759
00:27:21,385 --> 00:27:22,968
- It's Josh and Valencia.
- Nice?!
760
00:27:22,970 --> 00:27:24,869
VALENCIA: So naive, Josh!
761
00:27:24,871 --> 00:27:26,888
You don't see who she really is.
762
00:27:27,289 --> 00:27:29,413
(gasps) They're fighting.
763
00:27:29,927 --> 00:27:32,210
It's so sad.
764
00:27:32,212 --> 00:27:34,062
Oh, my God, I can hear it.
765
00:27:34,064 --> 00:27:35,414
You didn't even sit next to me.
766
00:27:35,439 --> 00:27:37,506
I told you I wanted to
be closer to the turkey.
767
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:38,830
I like the skin!
768
00:27:38,855 --> 00:27:40,555
PAULA: I can hear it. Why
don't you stick up for me?
769
00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:42,437
Oh, my God, this is
it... this is the boulder.
770
00:27:42,439 --> 00:27:43,939
Wait-wait, wait, wait,
wait, shh, shh, shh.
771
00:27:43,941 --> 00:27:45,357
Wait, wait, I can't hear.
772
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:46,656
Wait.
773
00:27:47,394 --> 00:27:48,276
It's gone quiet.
774
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:49,750
What happened?
775
00:27:50,252 --> 00:27:51,618
Did she kill him?
776
00:27:51,643 --> 00:27:53,643
(mattress springs squeak rhythmically)
777
00:27:55,151 --> 00:27:56,619
What is that sound?
778
00:27:57,086 --> 00:27:59,313
Wait, I don't know.
779
00:28:00,602 --> 00:28:02,242
Maybe it's a tiny trampoline.
780
00:28:03,758 --> 00:28:05,761
Or a ghost with a rusty knee?
781
00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:08,046
- (Valencia moans)
- Oh, my God, Rebecca, are they...?
782
00:28:08,048 --> 00:28:10,248
(Josh and Valencia moaning)
783
00:28:11,134 --> 00:28:12,467
Oh, no.
784
00:28:12,469 --> 00:28:14,770
- (Valencia moans)
- JOSH: Oh, yeah.
785
00:28:19,953 --> 00:28:21,422
Run out of the room.
786
00:28:21,430 --> 00:28:22,963
Just sprint by their
writhing bodies and escape.
787
00:28:23,020 --> 00:28:24,436
(stomach gurgling) No, no-no, I can't.
788
00:28:24,438 --> 00:28:26,387
Because if I move, my bowels will explode.
789
00:28:26,389 --> 00:28:28,273
Like, all over the walls.
790
00:28:28,275 --> 00:28:30,391
Wait, shh, shh, shh. Shh,
I think they've stopped.
791
00:28:30,393 --> 00:28:32,938
I think they stopped, hold on, hold on.
792
00:28:33,189 --> 00:28:35,056
(bed resumes squeaking)
(Josh and Valencia moaning)
793
00:28:35,199 --> 00:28:38,820
Oh, God, the stamina.
794
00:28:39,108 --> 00:28:41,108
Why won't this end?
795
00:28:44,986 --> 00:28:47,154
When is this gonna end?
796
00:28:52,138 --> 00:28:53,195
Huh.
797
00:28:54,151 --> 00:28:56,289
Never noticed that before.
798
00:29:09,065 --> 00:29:12,984
It's 5:53 on Thanksgiving
799
00:29:12,986 --> 00:29:17,038
Not one customer's
walked through the door
800
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,877
But I'm still here,
slinging drinks for a living
801
00:29:21,879 --> 00:29:24,963
I've never played piano before
802
00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:29,801
Not bad.
803
00:29:29,803 --> 00:29:33,221
I know this town like
the back of my hand
804
00:29:33,223 --> 00:29:37,592
But I'm not such a fan
of the back of my hand
805
00:29:37,594 --> 00:29:39,594
'Cause if you look real close
806
00:29:39,596 --> 00:29:41,629
At those little hairs and veins
807
00:29:41,631 --> 00:29:44,099
You're like, "Hands
are sort of gross"
808
00:29:44,101 --> 00:29:48,904
It's hard to explain
809
00:29:48,906 --> 00:29:50,856
The point is
810
00:29:50,858 --> 00:29:54,326
Hey, West Covina
811
00:29:54,328 --> 00:29:58,146
Why won't you let me break free?
812
00:29:58,148 --> 00:30:00,148
Am I doomed to stay here
813
00:30:00,150 --> 00:30:02,534
Pouring my high
school friends beers
814
00:30:02,536 --> 00:30:06,421
For the rest of eternity?
815
00:30:06,423 --> 00:30:10,842
Hey, West Covina
816
00:30:10,844 --> 00:30:14,846
You know just where to find me
817
00:30:14,848 --> 00:30:19,167
I'll never go far,
so pull up to the bar
818
00:30:19,169 --> 00:30:22,604
Hey, West Covina
819
00:30:22,606 --> 00:30:26,274
What'll it be?
820
00:30:31,847 --> 00:30:35,233
It's 5:55, I'm still singing
821
00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:38,703
The big Turkey Day
game's letting out
822
00:30:38,705 --> 00:30:41,522
But no one's coming here
823
00:30:41,524 --> 00:30:43,458
Who am I kidding?
824
00:30:43,460 --> 00:30:47,963
Hey, you sunburned
MILFs, give me a shout
825
00:30:47,965 --> 00:30:52,533
Everyone's going home 'cause
it's time to give thanks
826
00:30:52,535 --> 00:30:56,888
Thanks for the chain
stores and outlets and banks
827
00:30:56,890 --> 00:31:00,926
Thanks for this town three
short hours from the beach
828
00:31:00,928 --> 00:31:06,064
Where all of your dreams
can stay just out of reach...
829
00:31:07,316 --> 00:31:09,651
(imitates drum fill)
830
00:31:09,653 --> 00:31:13,154
Hey, West Covina
831
00:31:13,156 --> 00:31:17,058
You're not listening,
so what's the use?
832
00:31:17,060 --> 00:31:21,496
Is my purpose in life to
slice limes with a knife?
833
00:31:21,498 --> 00:31:26,534
Or to serve Deb a vodka
and cranberry juice?
834
00:31:26,536 --> 00:31:28,336
Hey, Deb, I'll be right with you.
835
00:31:28,338 --> 00:31:32,407
Hey, West Covina
836
00:31:32,409 --> 00:31:35,210
Look what you're doing to me
837
00:31:35,212 --> 00:31:38,296
Can't you see, West Covina
838
00:31:38,298 --> 00:31:40,181
You're killing me, West Covina
839
00:31:40,183 --> 00:31:44,352
Last call, West Covina
840
00:31:44,377 --> 00:31:49,580
What'll it be?
841
00:31:56,532 --> 00:31:58,733
(pop music playing on radio)
842
00:32:08,077 --> 00:32:10,412
Hold on. Hold on. Wait, I
think they might be gone.
843
00:32:10,414 --> 00:32:11,880
Shh. Hold on.
844
00:32:13,883 --> 00:32:15,440
Oh...
845
00:32:17,837 --> 00:32:18,887
Yes. Yes.
846
00:32:19,267 --> 00:32:20,399
Okay, they're gone.
847
00:32:20,424 --> 00:32:21,923
Go to the bathroom, honey.
848
00:32:21,925 --> 00:32:23,391
No. I'm gonna make a run for it
849
00:32:23,393 --> 00:32:24,676
because I can't be in
this house any longer.
850
00:32:24,678 --> 00:32:25,960
Are you crazy?
851
00:32:25,962 --> 00:32:27,462
You'll never make it!
852
00:32:27,527 --> 00:32:28,743
You will never make it.
853
00:32:28,768 --> 00:32:32,236
(stomach gurgling)
854
00:32:42,528 --> 00:32:44,112
There you are!
855
00:32:44,572 --> 00:32:45,558
Ready for church
856
00:32:45,854 --> 00:32:47,482
You know, I really want to go,
857
00:32:47,484 --> 00:32:49,484
but I have to take a
giant... (stomach gurgling)
858
00:32:50,072 --> 00:32:50,919
rain check.
859
00:32:51,088 --> 00:32:52,775
(clinking)
860
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:53,832
Everyone...
861
00:32:53,834 --> 00:32:55,362
I have an announcement to make.
862
00:32:55,603 --> 00:32:57,096
Today has been a special day.
863
00:32:57,121 --> 00:32:59,038
So nice to see everyone here
864
00:32:59,063 --> 00:33:00,429
from, you know, Rancho Cucamonga,
865
00:33:00,454 --> 00:33:02,787
and Stockton, Monrovia,
866
00:33:02,812 --> 00:33:03,928
Victorville...
867
00:33:03,953 --> 00:33:05,619
Yeah, all the places!
868
00:33:05,644 --> 00:33:07,611
JOSH: I'm so thankful
for the wonderful meal
869
00:33:07,673 --> 00:33:09,205
and for, you know,
870
00:33:09,230 --> 00:33:11,221
sharing great laughs, as
always. (stomach gurgling)
871
00:33:11,692 --> 00:33:14,926
But there were also
some challenging moments.
872
00:33:15,385 --> 00:33:17,252
Those moments are really important, too.
873
00:33:17,277 --> 00:33:19,627
Because of those moments,
874
00:33:20,127 --> 00:33:21,533
we find out what really matters
875
00:33:21,558 --> 00:33:24,426
and are reminded where we belong.
876
00:33:24,832 --> 00:33:26,465
And I belong...
877
00:33:27,653 --> 00:33:28,924
with Valencia.
878
00:33:31,940 --> 00:33:33,166
On that note,
879
00:33:33,191 --> 00:33:36,052
and in front of the people I love the most
880
00:33:36,077 --> 00:33:37,822
and who love me the most...
881
00:33:38,783 --> 00:33:42,021
V, I want to ask you something.
882
00:33:42,310 --> 00:33:44,643
(quiet murmuring)
883
00:33:44,935 --> 00:33:46,318
Valencia...
884
00:33:48,591 --> 00:33:50,318
will you move in with me? (gasps)
885
00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:52,587
I do!
886
00:33:52,612 --> 00:33:54,395
I mean, I will.
887
00:33:54,749 --> 00:33:58,654
No... No...
888
00:34:03,370 --> 00:34:05,104
Now, who wants to go see Jesus?
889
00:34:05,386 --> 00:34:07,247
(laughter)
890
00:34:11,943 --> 00:34:14,721
(TV plays indistinctly)
891
00:34:14,746 --> 00:34:16,473
Hey. Hey.
892
00:34:16,498 --> 00:34:18,198
I brought your robe. I know you hate
893
00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:19,842
that these hospital gowns
leave your ass hanging out.
894
00:34:19,867 --> 00:34:21,943
My ass will hang out when I say it should.
895
00:34:22,085 --> 00:34:24,028
I am the captain of my own ass.
896
00:34:24,138 --> 00:34:25,974
(both laugh)
897
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,293
- I know what you did.
- What?
898
00:34:29,318 --> 00:34:30,632
(scoffs)
899
00:34:30,806 --> 00:34:32,606
One of the nurses ratted you out.
900
00:34:33,652 --> 00:34:35,112
You spent all your savings?
901
00:34:35,472 --> 00:34:36,325
On me?
902
00:34:36,443 --> 00:34:38,404
(laughing): Why?
903
00:34:38,429 --> 00:34:39,840
I'm a lost cause.
904
00:34:39,865 --> 00:34:41,097
Run, like your mother did.
905
00:34:41,099 --> 00:34:42,315
Save yourself.
906
00:34:42,568 --> 00:34:43,933
And-and the macaws.
907
00:34:44,138 --> 00:34:45,535
You need those treatments.
908
00:34:45,537 --> 00:34:47,871
You gotta go to school. Move out.
909
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:49,656
It's-it's time.
910
00:34:49,658 --> 00:34:51,107
Don't you tell me what to do.
911
00:34:51,109 --> 00:34:53,109
I make my own decisions,
thank you very much,
912
00:34:53,111 --> 00:34:55,044
and I'm not going anywhere, sorry.
913
00:34:55,130 --> 00:34:57,724
- Now...
- Don't, don't... fight me on this.
914
00:34:57,749 --> 00:34:59,810
Look at you, old man,
915
00:34:59,835 --> 00:35:01,513
you'd lose.
916
00:35:02,673 --> 00:35:04,513
You have tubes in your face.
917
00:35:04,723 --> 00:35:06,339
You know what my father would've done
918
00:35:06,341 --> 00:35:07,600
if I talked to him like that?
919
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,559
He probably would've said,
920
00:35:09,561 --> 00:35:11,477
"Thank you for saving my life, son."
921
00:35:11,479 --> 00:35:12,864
(laughing): Yeah, probably.
922
00:35:12,889 --> 00:35:14,139
My father was a saint.
923
00:35:14,164 --> 00:35:16,080
(both laugh)
924
00:35:16,184 --> 00:35:18,735
Now, hey... get out of here.
925
00:35:18,918 --> 00:35:21,131
And get yourself something to eat,
926
00:35:21,156 --> 00:35:22,572
something decent to eat.
927
00:35:22,574 --> 00:35:23,806
The food here is garbage.
928
00:35:23,808 --> 00:35:25,474
I will, in a bit.
929
00:35:25,499 --> 00:35:26,419
I'm not in a hurry.
930
00:35:27,812 --> 00:35:29,979
(TV plays indistinctly)
931
00:35:30,804 --> 00:35:32,271
I love you, you know.
932
00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:34,534
Almost as much as Sinatra,
933
00:35:34,536 --> 00:35:36,502
and he's a damned good bird.
934
00:35:38,923 --> 00:35:40,623
(chuckles) Oh, no, no, no.
935
00:35:40,625 --> 00:35:41,925
- Change that.
- No, no. I don't...
936
00:35:41,927 --> 00:35:43,843
The beach volleyball, come on.
937
00:35:43,845 --> 00:35:45,345
- I don't need...
- Oh, look at, look at that.
938
00:35:45,347 --> 00:35:46,763
La, la, la, la. Oh, Brazil!
939
00:35:46,765 --> 00:35:48,631
La, la, la, la. Oh, go, baby, go.
940
00:35:50,935 --> 00:35:52,886
You can make it, you can
make it, you can make it...
941
00:35:52,888 --> 00:35:54,520
PAULA: You can do it, baby.
942
00:35:54,522 --> 00:35:56,005
You can make it. Just don't think about it.
943
00:35:56,007 --> 00:35:57,807
Oh, thank God...
944
00:35:57,809 --> 00:36:00,360
Oh... oh...
945
00:36:01,511 --> 00:36:03,062
Paula, come on.
946
00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:04,543
Enough with that.
947
00:36:08,904 --> 00:36:11,882
So, this is our first Thanksgiving
948
00:36:12,466 --> 00:36:13,550
without Aunt Judy.
949
00:36:14,169 --> 00:36:15,364
Let's, uh...
950
00:36:15,860 --> 00:36:17,677
have a moment of silence for her.
951
00:36:18,914 --> 00:36:20,614
REBECCA: Why...?
952
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,704
Because she's dead.
953
00:36:22,918 --> 00:36:25,468
(snoring)
954
00:36:29,388 --> 00:36:30,473
(knocking at door)
955
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:31,841
Hey, Paula!
956
00:36:31,843 --> 00:36:33,059
Come in. (door opens)
957
00:36:33,061 --> 00:36:34,811
Oh, I think my spleen is somewhere
958
00:36:34,813 --> 00:36:36,896
in the municipal sewer system.
959
00:36:36,939 --> 00:36:38,388
(door closes)
960
00:36:38,516 --> 00:36:40,433
Oh...
961
00:36:40,435 --> 00:36:44,320
Oh... my butthole's the gateway to hell.
962
00:36:44,322 --> 00:36:46,155
(moaning)
963
00:36:46,157 --> 00:36:48,074
- You look great.
- Hi!
964
00:36:48,076 --> 00:36:49,525
What are you doing here?
965
00:36:50,169 --> 00:36:51,194
You promised me a drink.
966
00:36:51,196 --> 00:36:52,395
I got tired of waiting.
967
00:36:52,397 --> 00:36:54,247
Okay. So you just showed up?
968
00:36:54,249 --> 00:36:56,249
And, like, phones don't exist?
969
00:36:56,251 --> 00:36:58,234
I decided we're past courtesy.
970
00:36:58,841 --> 00:37:01,237
I brought
tacos and tequila,
971
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,339
the food of our forefathers.
972
00:37:03,818 --> 00:37:05,591
Well, not really yours. Or mine.
973
00:37:05,593 --> 00:37:07,710
That's really nice.
974
00:37:07,712 --> 00:37:10,346
But, God, I'm not really in a position
975
00:37:10,348 --> 00:37:11,714
to eat that stuff right now.
976
00:37:11,716 --> 00:37:13,182
I've had the worst Thanksgiving ever.
977
00:37:13,184 --> 00:37:14,767
Yeah, mine was really bad, too.
978
00:37:14,769 --> 00:37:17,253
It was like Pearl Harbor
meets the movie Pearl Harbor.
979
00:37:17,255 --> 00:37:19,389
(laughs) That's funny.
980
00:37:19,724 --> 00:37:20,723
Well, feel free
981
00:37:20,725 --> 00:37:22,859
to sit down, but I gotta warn you,
982
00:37:22,861 --> 00:37:24,143
I'm not good company.
983
00:37:24,145 --> 00:37:25,144
That's okay. I'm used to it.
984
00:37:25,146 --> 00:37:27,730
Ha, ha, ha! (laughs evilly)
985
00:37:27,732 --> 00:37:29,265
You know what? Maybe I
will have some tequila.
986
00:37:29,267 --> 00:37:30,533
Yeah. (stomach gurgling)
987
00:37:30,535 --> 00:37:32,735
Oh, no, no, no. Not tacos, though.
988
00:37:32,737 --> 00:37:35,371
Not gonna handle those tacos right now.
989
00:37:35,373 --> 00:37:37,290
Here, let me get you a
plate to eat the tacos on,
990
00:37:37,292 --> 00:37:38,941
because you're a person.
991
00:37:38,943 --> 00:37:40,209
(stomach gurgling)
992
00:37:40,211 --> 00:37:41,958
Uh-oh. Oh, God.
993
00:37:41,983 --> 00:37:43,879
Oh, no...
994
00:37:43,904 --> 00:37:46,287
- Where are you... going?
- Okay, okay, okay.
995
00:37:46,334 --> 00:37:48,784
I'll be back, I'll be back.
Clench, Becky. Clench, Becky.
996
00:37:48,786 --> 00:37:50,303
You can do it. Okay.
997
00:37:50,305 --> 00:37:52,638
Okay, Becky.
998
00:37:53,132 --> 00:37:54,224
(door closes)
999
00:38:00,138 --> 00:38:01,958
Let's see what's on my queue.
1000
00:38:01,983 --> 00:38:02,935
No.
1001
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,827
Mm... no. Sorry you
had to see that.
1002
00:38:04,852 --> 00:38:07,853
Ooh! Documentary about a
whale that didn't have parents.
1003
00:38:07,878 --> 00:38:09,482
Mm. Mm-hmm.
1004
00:38:09,507 --> 00:38:11,056
That says Thanksgiving.
1005
00:38:12,479 --> 00:38:15,798
So... how'd your dad take the news?
1006
00:38:16,959 --> 00:38:18,209
Oh, yeah, that didn't happen.
1007
00:38:19,270 --> 00:38:20,596
Really? He asked you to stay?
1008
00:38:21,372 --> 00:38:22,797
Nah, it's just...
1009
00:38:23,216 --> 00:38:24,427
The thing is,
1010
00:38:25,615 --> 00:38:27,699
he's always been there for me,
1011
00:38:27,724 --> 00:38:28,708
my whole life.
1012
00:38:30,778 --> 00:38:32,286
The only person, actually.
1013
00:38:33,985 --> 00:38:35,004
God...
1014
00:38:36,302 --> 00:38:37,794
it's nice that you have that.
1015
00:38:38,127 --> 00:38:39,560
'Cause not everyone does.
1016
00:38:42,598 --> 00:38:43,504
That whale didn't.
1017
00:38:43,825 --> 00:38:45,603
No. (chuckles)
1018
00:38:45,857 --> 00:38:47,190
Have you thought about night school?
1019
00:38:47,997 --> 00:38:49,725
Yeah. It's funny you say that.
1020
00:38:49,727 --> 00:38:51,194
I have been thinking about it.
1021
00:38:52,060 --> 00:38:52,895
Do it!
1022
00:38:54,271 --> 00:38:55,686
Maybe I will.
1023
00:38:56,083 --> 00:38:56,927
Okay.
1024
00:38:58,107 --> 00:38:59,252
Why does Netflix always want me
1025
00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:00,872
to watch Leaving Las Vegas?
1026
00:39:01,568 --> 00:39:03,122
What are they trying to tell me?
1027
00:39:03,124 --> 00:39:04,591
(gasps) Wait.
1028
00:39:04,593 --> 00:39:06,513
I know exactly what we should watch.
1029
00:39:06,744 --> 00:39:09,078
(clicking)
1030
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,714
There. I saved you the pork adobo
1031
00:39:11,716 --> 00:39:13,416
and the turkey skin, Anak.
1032
00:39:13,418 --> 00:39:14,739
Thanks, Mom.
1033
00:39:14,764 --> 00:39:16,531
Hey, that was a great sermon, huh?
1034
00:39:16,556 --> 00:39:18,474
Perfect combination of guilt and...
1035
00:39:19,810 --> 00:39:21,457
No, I guess it was just guilt.
1036
00:39:21,459 --> 00:39:22,792
VALENCIA: I wasn't even paying attention.
1037
00:39:22,794 --> 00:39:25,417
I was just... so happy.
1038
00:39:25,442 --> 00:39:26,706
(giggling)
1039
00:39:26,731 --> 00:39:28,865
- (both laughing)
- I'm going to bed.
1040
00:39:28,969 --> 00:39:30,412
All I ask is
1041
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:33,987
if you're going to go against
the church and live in sin,
1042
00:39:33,989 --> 00:39:36,888
be consistent and use contraception, okay?
1043
00:39:37,349 --> 00:39:38,458
(sighs)
1044
00:39:38,460 --> 00:39:39,742
(humming)
1045
00:39:40,165 --> 00:39:42,199
Thanks, Mom. Good night.
1046
00:39:42,727 --> 00:39:44,865
You want to hear something funny?
1047
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:47,617
You want to know who I'm
most thankful for today?
1048
00:39:48,966 --> 00:39:50,003
Rebecca.
1049
00:39:50,005 --> 00:39:51,716
What? Why?
1050
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:54,138
But don't get me wrong. She's
the worst and I hate her.
1051
00:39:54,491 --> 00:39:56,407
But if it wasn't for us fighting about her,
1052
00:39:56,682 --> 00:39:58,549
we wouldn't be moving in together!
1053
00:39:58,630 --> 00:40:00,379
(both laughing)
1054
00:40:00,404 --> 00:40:02,786
So, which part of town should we live in?
1055
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:05,602
- Uh, I haven't thought about it yet.
- Well, I have,
1056
00:40:05,604 --> 00:40:08,271
because I have my eye on
a duplex on South Cameron
1057
00:40:08,273 --> 00:40:10,189
with a backyard and shutters
1058
00:40:10,191 --> 00:40:14,255
and French doors and Spanish
tile and an orange tree.
1059
00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:16,696
It has two bedrooms,
which would be perfect,
1060
00:40:16,698 --> 00:40:19,544
because I need the extra
room to practice my Ashtanga.
1061
00:40:22,497 --> 00:40:26,039
REBECCA (sighs): The World Dog Awards.
1062
00:40:26,041 --> 00:40:28,257
(barking on TV) Now that says Thanksgiving.
1063
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,710
I hate to say it, but that bloodhound
1064
00:40:30,712 --> 00:40:32,629
could definitely benefit
from a juice cleanse.
1065
00:40:32,631 --> 00:40:34,430
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- Whoa.
1066
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,516
Yes, that is one portly puppy.
1067
00:40:36,911 --> 00:40:37,934
Mm.
1068
00:40:37,998 --> 00:40:40,231
Oh, here.
1069
00:40:42,443 --> 00:40:43,640
Here you go.
1070
00:40:43,829 --> 00:40:45,802
- No one likes a hot butt.
- (barking on TV)
1071
00:40:48,591 --> 00:40:49,845
Hmm.
1072
00:40:51,288 --> 00:40:53,590
Oh, my God, I can't
believe I'm eating again.
1073
00:40:53,615 --> 00:40:55,931
Yeah, I was gonna say,
speaking of portly puppies.
1074
00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:57,954
- Woof! Woof!
- That's not nice. That's not nice.
1075
00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,039
- Woof! Woof! Woof!
- You've lost your pillow privileges.
1076
00:41:00,041 --> 00:41:02,964
- Ooh, ooh, giant pillow!
- No! That's unfair!
1077
00:41:02,989 --> 00:41:04,293
(Greg laughing)
1078
00:41:04,404 --> 00:41:06,571
Oh.
1079
00:41:07,047 --> 00:41:10,883
No! Not Greg. Josh! Josh!
1080
00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:12,535
(sighs)
1081
00:41:12,537 --> 00:41:14,333
I worked so hard for nothing!
1082
00:41:15,489 --> 00:41:17,340
GIRL: Another story, Miss Rebecca.
1083
00:41:17,794 --> 00:41:20,309
'Twas the night of the
Dunster House Formal.
1084
00:41:20,513 --> 00:41:22,395
The place? Harvard.
1085
00:41:22,685 --> 00:41:25,380
The year? 2008.
1086
00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:27,483
I remember it specifically
1087
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,185
because I had a Barack Obama bobble-head
1088
00:41:29,187 --> 00:41:30,486
perched on my nightstand.
1089
00:41:30,779 --> 00:41:32,221
And as I was being rhythmically trashed
1090
00:41:32,223 --> 00:41:34,884
by a junior visiting from
the Brown improv troupe,
1091
00:41:35,950 --> 00:41:37,777
the bobble-head nodded
up and down as if to say,
1092
00:41:37,779 --> 00:41:41,527
"Yes, yes, you have made
another terrible decision,
1093
00:41:41,552 --> 00:41:43,135
you silly, weak woman."
1094
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,607
- (shrieking): Mommy!
- I was out of stories!
1095
00:41:46,632 --> 00:41:51,950
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1096
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:56,550
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
75901
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
