Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,475 --> 00:00:08,119
(Heather) As Jean-Paul Sartre
said, "We are our choices."
2
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,507
And this woman's choices are nuts.
3
00:00:10,508 --> 00:00:14,065
- I mean, she is seriously bonker balls.
- Heather, we don't use terms like that
4
00:00:14,066 --> 00:00:15,665
in abnormal psychology.
5
00:00:16,363 --> 00:00:20,019
I'm sorry, "bonker balls"
isn't in the DSM-5 yet? Okay.
6
00:00:20,247 --> 00:00:22,084
Because that's what she is.
7
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:25,726
I mean, you kind of have to,
like, see it to believe it.
8
00:00:26,039 --> 00:00:28,740
I don't even know where
the hell she came from.
9
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:32,133
(Rebecca)
I was working
hard at a New York job
10
00:00:32,134 --> 00:00:33,721
Making dough but it made me blue
11
00:00:33,722 --> 00:00:37,108
One day I was crying a lot
and so I decide to move to
12
00:00:37,109 --> 00:00:38,666
West Covina, California
13
00:00:38,668 --> 00:00:40,052
Brand-new pals and new career
14
00:00:40,053 --> 00:00:41,744
It happens to be where Josh lives
15
00:00:41,745 --> 00:00:44,027
But that's not why I'm here
16
00:00:44,028 --> 00:00:46,692
-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- What? No, I'm not.
17
00:00:46,693 --> 00:00:49,185
-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- That's a sexist term.
18
00:00:49,186 --> 00:00:51,034
-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- Can you guys
19
00:00:51,035 --> 00:00:52,242
stop singing for just a second?
20
00:00:52,243 --> 00:00:54,369
She's so broken inside
21
00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:56,336
The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.
22
00:00:56,337 --> 00:00:59,453
-
C-R-A-Z-Y
- Okay, we get it!
23
00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:01,142
-
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
- Sync/corrections PetaG - www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:01,172 --> 00:01:03,639
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, how
do I stop?! How do I stop?!
25
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:05,165
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Okay.
26
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,934
Oh, thank you for stopping me.
27
00:01:07,094 --> 00:01:09,261
Okay, now, you know that
YouTube tutorial we watched,
28
00:01:09,263 --> 00:01:12,608
Tonyhawkfan49 said if you want to
stop, you lean back on your tail.
29
00:01:12,609 --> 00:01:14,561
Yeah. That's only useful
advice if you're riding a dog.
30
00:01:14,562 --> 00:01:16,879
That's true. Okay, how long
do we have to risk bodily harm?
31
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,456
I thought you said Josh hit the skate park
with his nephew, every Saturday morning.
32
00:01:20,457 --> 00:01:22,396
Yeah, you know they might. I
just thought it might be fun
33
00:01:22,397 --> 00:01:25,388
to run into him. But I want to
learn how to skate regardless.
34
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,181
I want to shred some concrete.
35
00:01:27,615 --> 00:01:29,422
And now that Valencia says
36
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,506
that it's cool for me and
Josh to hang out, you know,
37
00:01:31,507 --> 00:01:34,893
I thought I would learn, so he and I
could, like, chill and skate and hang.
38
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,766
All right, well, when
are you guys gonna chill,
39
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:39,096
skate and hang out next?
I mean, do you have a plan?
40
00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:42,504
No, he hasn't contacted
me, per se, but, you know...
41
00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:45,923
(laughing) That's what he
does. He pops up, disappears.
42
00:01:45,924 --> 00:01:48,143
- Pops up, diappears. It's hilarious.
- (phone chimes)
43
00:01:48,144 --> 00:01:49,713
Oh! Maybe this is him right now.
44
00:01:50,139 --> 00:01:54,066
Oh, no. it's... it's not him.
But it-it's, uh... it's Instagram.
45
00:01:55,178 --> 00:01:57,904
A vacation in wine country. How lovely.
46
00:01:57,905 --> 00:02:01,309
Oh, good God. The boobs, the abs, the hair.
47
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:03,192
- I know.
- Even her wrists are pretty.
48
00:02:03,576 --> 00:02:05,795
No. She never even had an awkward phase.
49
00:02:05,796 --> 00:02:09,741
And believe me, I've checked all of her
Facebook albums. There are 180 of them.
50
00:02:09,742 --> 00:02:12,866
Oh, okay. Well, you stop looking
at that, 'cause that's not healthy.
51
00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:14,067
- (phone ringing)
- _
52
00:02:14,079 --> 00:02:16,396
Ugh! This is the fifth
time she's called today.
53
00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:18,533
- I really should pick this up. No, don't.
- No, no, no. You know what,
54
00:02:18,534 --> 00:02:20,765
you should not pick this up 'cause
the last thing you need right now
55
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,888
is a conversation with a
pathalogical narcissist.
56
00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:24,959
Okay, you don't know her.
And if I don't answer,
57
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,728
She's gonna keep calling me. She's
like a stalker I used to live inside of.
58
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,956
- Okay. Just give me the... phone.
- Oh. Oh! Ninja!
59
00:02:30,957 --> 00:02:33,033
(both sigh)
60
00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:35,718
Hi, Mom! What's up?
61
00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:37,578
Put me on video chat or whatever
62
00:02:37,579 --> 00:02:39,605
you call it. I want to see your face.
63
00:02:39,606 --> 00:02:41,765
- No, I can hear your face.
- Just do it.
64
00:02:43,245 --> 00:02:45,295
I have exciting news.
65
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:48,082
Wait, are you calling me
from Dr. Weinstein's office?
66
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,010
Yes. I'm just waiting for my pap.
67
00:02:50,549 --> 00:02:52,890
Hey, little Becca, how are you?
68
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,849
UTI's under control?
69
00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:57,687
(Naomi) Anyway, I wanted to
tell you that I was reading
70
00:02:57,688 --> 00:03:02,398
the Sunday Styles, and I saw that
Audra Levine just got married...
71
00:03:02,589 --> 00:03:04,765
and to a hedge fund manager.
72
00:03:04,766 --> 00:03:05,972
Good for Audra Levine.
73
00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:08,612
Also, she got the
promotion you didn't take.
74
00:03:08,613 --> 00:03:10,848
Remember? The one you were too good for?
75
00:03:10,849 --> 00:03:14,416
So now basically she has
the life you could have had,
76
00:03:14,623 --> 00:03:16,076
Almost had,
77
00:03:16,278 --> 00:03:20,025
but ruined with all
your ridiculous choices.
78
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:23,796
Okay. So nice talking to you, Mom.
79
00:03:23,797 --> 00:03:25,129
I'm hanging up now.
80
00:03:25,131 --> 00:03:27,423
But thanks for the salt in the wound.
81
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,527
At least it's kosher salt!
82
00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:31,316
He delivered you.
83
00:03:32,183 --> 00:03:33,807
Okay, screw your mom.
84
00:03:34,022 --> 00:03:35,444
Screw Audra Levine.
85
00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:36,982
Okay, you are doing just fine.
86
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,648
No, I-I'm gonna go. I'm
gonna call you later, okay?
87
00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:42,078
No, no, no, no. Let's do
something to cheer you up.
88
00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:43,792
Look, I have to pick
up Brendan from therapy,
89
00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:46,093
- but it's-it's right near the Dress Barn.
- No.
90
00:03:46,094 --> 00:03:47,580
Right near the dress barn
91
00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:49,483
- Come on, you love the Dress Barn.
- No. I'm goinna go.
92
00:03:49,484 --> 00:03:50,844
I'm gonna go.
93
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,194
Hey, don't skate sad!
94
00:03:54,393 --> 00:03:55,702
Or maybe at all!
95
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,946
Subject is approaching
and appears dejected.
96
00:04:05,947 --> 00:04:08,621
And possibly undergoing cranial remolding.
97
00:04:09,496 --> 00:04:10,706
Hey, Heath.
98
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:12,700
Name's Heather.
99
00:04:12,926 --> 00:04:14,628
But... so, how are you?
100
00:04:14,791 --> 00:04:16,723
And feel free to use specific words
101
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,335
Like "despondent" or "hopeless", or,
102
00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:22,281
on a scale from one to ten,
rate your suicidal thoughts.
103
00:04:22,779 --> 00:04:25,491
Uh, I'm having the worst day, dude.
104
00:04:25,754 --> 00:04:29,109
So, anyway, I've decided to eat
my feelings, and it turns out...
105
00:04:29,110 --> 00:04:32,899
my feelings are pork rinds, whoopie pies,
106
00:04:32,931 --> 00:04:35,996
mac and cheese. Yeah, I'm going
full-on Cathy cartoon.
107
00:04:35,997 --> 00:04:37,467
Can you not do that?
108
00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:38,996
Because we share a wall,
109
00:04:38,997 --> 00:04:41,478
and I don't want to hear
you barf-crying later.
110
00:04:41,479 --> 00:04:42,967
What do you suggest I
do? I mean, what do you do
111
00:04:42,985 --> 00:04:45,798
when you're feeling this bad?
And don't say get a tattoo
112
00:04:45,799 --> 00:04:47,625
or piercing, because I'm afraid of needles.
113
00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:49,282
And... needles.
114
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:53,076
Oh.
115
00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:55,662
I know what we're doing.
116
00:04:55,822 --> 00:04:57,972
Not hot. Gross.
117
00:04:58,345 --> 00:04:59,962
Smoking. Naked.
118
00:04:59,963 --> 00:05:01,259
Guy with a tiger?
119
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,759
No. Come on.
120
00:05:02,797 --> 00:05:03,997
I have standards.
121
00:05:03,998 --> 00:05:06,073
Cartoon pic. Dead.
122
00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,030
Weird choice. Oh, my
god, is he actually dead?
123
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:12,033
- I think so.
- Yeah, I mean, I did Tinder in New York.
124
00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:15,353
And I got to say, I went on
some, like, skeevy-ass dates.
125
00:05:15,354 --> 00:05:16,554
Well, you shouldn't use it for dates.
126
00:05:16,572 --> 00:05:17,988
You should use it for sex.
127
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:21,732
You're looking for someone to, like,
pound the bad feelings out of you.
128
00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:24,545
Oh. Okay.
129
00:05:24,727 --> 00:05:25,934
Yeah, hot.
130
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,226
- Okay, so this guy can
- Yeah.
131
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,794
meet you at a bar in 20 minutes.
132
00:05:29,618 --> 00:05:31,580
- That's fast!
- Mm-hmm.
133
00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:35,006
- Technology. Yeah.
- Oh, my god. Okay.
134
00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:36,323
- Tell him yes. Yeah.
- Okay.
135
00:05:36,324 --> 00:05:37,667
- Mm-hm
- What's his last name? It doesn't matter.
136
00:05:37,668 --> 00:05:40,494
Okay, can you come with
me, because I'm scared.
137
00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:42,464
Mm... okay.
138
00:05:42,465 --> 00:05:43,893
I'm gonna go put on a thong.
139
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,627
or maybe I won't wear any underwear,
140
00:05:46,628 --> 00:05:49,707
and that way he'll... (sniffing)
he'll just, smell my pheromones.
141
00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:51,683
Like a lion. Right?
142
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,660
- Yeah, I would do a thong.
- Okay.
143
00:06:01,159 --> 00:06:02,359
There he is.
144
00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:03,622
Go for it.
145
00:06:08,363 --> 00:06:11,585
Hi... Jason? I'm Rebecca.
146
00:06:11,794 --> 00:06:13,819
- Hi.
- Oh, what are those?
147
00:06:13,885 --> 00:06:15,333
Oh, carpel tunnel.
148
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,957
Oh. Desk job?
149
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:20,219
Nah. Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. You
should check out my YouTube channel.
150
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,363
So, uh, what's your beer of choice?
151
00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,516
Is this okay? Do you
consent to this activity?
152
00:06:28,583 --> 00:06:30,021
- Yeah.
- Come on.
153
00:06:30,308 --> 00:06:31,508
Great.
154
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,156
Subject demonstrates lack of judgment
155
00:06:39,158 --> 00:06:41,528
combined with poor impulse control.
156
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:43,992
Do you want to get weird?
157
00:06:44,589 --> 00:06:50,274
158
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:51,475
My ball.
159
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:55,730
Leave it.
160
00:06:56,525 --> 00:07:04,525
161
00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:08,323
Steppin' in the club,
all those eyes on me
162
00:07:08,325 --> 00:07:10,474
But there's only one pair that I see
163
00:07:10,475 --> 00:07:13,227
He got a tight-ass bod, big brown eyes
164
00:07:13,228 --> 00:07:15,529
Come on, cutie, get between my thighs
165
00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,181
'Cause I...
166
00:07:17,912 --> 00:07:21,096
I don't even know your name
167
00:07:21,097 --> 00:07:23,533
- It's, uh, Jason, remember?
- Shh. Don't tell me, don't tell me.
168
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:30,133
Why don't we just
call each other "baby"?
169
00:07:30,642 --> 00:07:32,436
It'll be simpler
170
00:07:32,437 --> 00:07:34,725
Hey, sexy stranger,
come back to my place
171
00:07:34,726 --> 00:07:37,153
And I hope you're not a murderer
172
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,619
Kiss me, baby, all over the place
173
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:41,957
And please don't be a murderer
174
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,328
Please don't be a murderer
175
00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,622
Pl-pl-please don't be a murderer
176
00:07:46,768 --> 00:07:49,005
I'm sorry, I'll stop talking
'bout the murderer thing
177
00:07:49,006 --> 00:07:51,396
Let me get back to
playin' with your thing
178
00:07:51,397 --> 00:07:54,007
You got a beautiful
ass, strong-ass arms
179
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:56,473
Is that a gun? Oh, thank
God, it's just your penis
180
00:07:56,474 --> 00:07:58,023
Have...
181
00:07:58,785 --> 00:08:01,867
You been tested for STDs?
182
00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:04,253
-
STDs
-
Tell me, please
183
00:08:04,254 --> 00:08:05,962
STDs
184
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,724
Then...
185
00:08:08,175 --> 00:08:10,883
Waited the three-month window and got
186
00:08:10,884 --> 00:08:13,154
Tested again? Just makin' sure
187
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,821
Most people don't
know about the window
188
00:08:15,822 --> 00:08:17,848
Hey, sexy stranger,
let's go to my place
189
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:20,378
And please don't harvest my kidney
190
00:08:20,472 --> 00:08:22,622
Don't give me that incredulous face
191
00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:25,090
I saw a movie like that on Lifetime
192
00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:27,061
Uh, your balls smell weird
193
00:08:27,062 --> 00:08:29,317
Your balls smell so
much worse than I feared
194
00:08:29,318 --> 00:08:31,952
You haven't aired out
those balls in hours
195
00:08:31,953 --> 00:08:34,785
Please go wash your balls
in the shower, the bathroom
196
00:08:34,786 --> 00:08:36,765
-
Is right down the hall, okay?
-
Okay
197
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,759
Please don't steal anything on the way
198
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,676
Don't steal
199
00:08:39,677 --> 00:08:41,724
Hey, sexy stranger, I'll be right back
200
00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:44,215
I just forgot to do the dishes
201
00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:46,617
Keep yourself horny,
stay in the mood.
202
00:08:46,618 --> 00:08:49,079
I promise I'll be back. Okay,
see you in a second. Bye.
203
00:08:51,683 --> 00:08:53,078
(sputters)
204
00:08:56,043 --> 00:08:57,269
(Jason) Hello?
205
00:08:57,523 --> 00:08:59,282
So, we doing this or what?
206
00:08:59,425 --> 00:09:00,872
Yeah! I'll be right back!
207
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,746
Uh, stay naked!
208
00:09:02,747 --> 00:09:04,253
What? What am I doing?
209
00:09:04,407 --> 00:09:07,520
(Woman) Do you feel disgusted and uneasy
210
00:09:07,925 --> 00:09:11,035
with your current butter? Ask yourself,
211
00:09:11,303 --> 00:09:13,898
are you making healthy choices?
212
00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:17,523
It's never too late to get the life
213
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,356
and the butter you deserve.
214
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,418
What are you doing?
215
00:09:21,419 --> 00:09:23,072
(TV Man) Welcome back... thank
you for stickin' with us....
216
00:09:23,073 --> 00:09:26,126
Oh, I get it. You want to
watch TV while we're doing it.
217
00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:28,205
That's hot. That actually
helps me last longer.
218
00:09:28,206 --> 00:09:29,406
Good idea.
219
00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:34,439
Hey. Hey.
220
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:35,817
Listen, um,
221
00:09:36,129 --> 00:09:38,267
you're a really great guy,
222
00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:40,108
and I really
223
00:09:40,109 --> 00:09:43,403
admire your commitment to the
health of your wrist tendons.
224
00:09:43,635 --> 00:09:45,717
I'm talking about the balls.
The balls that you have.
225
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,065
- Oh.
- But...
226
00:09:47,998 --> 00:09:49,558
I got to say no.
227
00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:52,424
Yeah. It's not you, it's not you. You're...
228
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,644
fine. In-in another context,
you'd be great. But...
229
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:59,111
I think that it's time for me to
start making healthier choices.
230
00:09:59,589 --> 00:10:00,807
And...
231
00:10:00,922 --> 00:10:03,422
you're not a healthy choice.
232
00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:06,749
So... get out of my house?
233
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,068
(chuckles)
234
00:10:08,069 --> 00:10:09,802
Get out of my house.
235
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:14,666
(exhales)
236
00:10:18,956 --> 00:10:20,657
(slurping)
237
00:10:20,659 --> 00:10:21,921
Mmm.
238
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:24,928
The hell is that?
239
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,283
Oh, this? I have decided
240
00:10:27,512 --> 00:10:28,997
to turn over a whole new leaf.
241
00:10:28,999 --> 00:10:31,372
Is that what that is? Really?
It's, like, leaf juice?
242
00:10:31,373 --> 00:10:34,963
You put, like, leaves in a
juicer and you... made that?
243
00:10:34,964 --> 00:10:37,765
No. So, I have come to the decision
244
00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:39,646
that I need to be making healthier choices,
245
00:10:39,647 --> 00:10:41,977
- Mm-hmm.
- so I stayed up all night last night
246
00:10:41,979 --> 00:10:43,579
and I did some research.
247
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:46,581
And now I'm into, like, all the good stuff.
248
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:50,675
We're talking, like,
Kabbalah, bee pollen, colonics.
249
00:10:50,676 --> 00:10:52,393
- Oh... Mm.
- Mm-hmm. Let's see. I learned
250
00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,926
a ton about Buddhism. Uh-huh.
251
00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:56,833
And, oh, I'm a vegan now.
252
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:01,063
Oh, uh, uh... (chuckles)
253
00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:04,715
- Are those the s'mores ones? (sniffing)
- Ugh.
254
00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:06,432
Mmm.
255
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:08,212
Oh, just eat it.
256
00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:10,806
Life is too short. You're being ridiculous.
257
00:11:10,807 --> 00:11:12,030
- No...
- No, I know.
258
00:11:12,031 --> 00:11:14,306
I have turned over enough leaves in my life
259
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,942
for a whole forest.
260
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,177
Eat the donut.
261
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,412
- No!
- Eat it.
262
00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:21,074
No, you eat the donut.
263
00:11:21,075 --> 00:11:22,884
I made a deal with myself.
264
00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:25,584
- _
- (Chris) We made a deal.
265
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:28,296
You were gonna ask out Rebecca
and I was gonna ask out Olivia.
266
00:11:28,633 --> 00:11:31,841
And I held up my end of
the bargain, like a man.
267
00:11:31,842 --> 00:11:33,734
And how did that work out?
268
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,510
Well, she didn't really answer.
269
00:11:35,511 --> 00:11:38,415
She just made this,
like, choking-laugh sound.
270
00:11:38,919 --> 00:11:40,798
I think she has asthma.
271
00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:44,168
But at least I had the
guts to ask a girl out.
272
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:45,469
What's your deal with Rebecca?
273
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,204
Either do it or don't do it.
274
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,840
Man, you're like a broken record.
275
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,592
Dude, I don't even know what a record is.
276
00:11:52,538 --> 00:11:54,114
You don't understand.
277
00:11:54,115 --> 00:11:55,512
You're too young.
278
00:11:55,893 --> 00:11:59,093
I like Rebecca but I don't... like Rebecca.
279
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:02,742
I have very positive feelings
of attraction towards her
280
00:12:02,743 --> 00:12:05,597
but I also kinda want
to punch her in the arm.
281
00:12:05,598 --> 00:12:07,524
You just described fifth grade.
282
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:09,536
She likes someone else, okay?
283
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:11,761
I know that for a fact.
284
00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:13,047
I mean, I know it...
285
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,019
I don't-I don't know it.
286
00:12:15,421 --> 00:12:16,899
- (Chris) What?
- (Greg) Never mind.
287
00:12:17,099 --> 00:12:18,300
Hey.
288
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,566
Chan-man. Saw those, uh, pics
289
00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:21,972
on Instagram.
290
00:12:21,973 --> 00:12:24,106
Looked like outtakes from a porn shoot.
291
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:25,608
(laughs) Thanks.
292
00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:26,995
So the trip was good?
293
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,349
Yeah, but I maxed out my credit card.
294
00:12:29,943 --> 00:12:32,764
If I don't get a job soon, I'll have
to work at my dad's radiology lab
295
00:12:32,765 --> 00:12:35,538
which is like all cancer, all the time.
296
00:12:35,987 --> 00:12:38,131
I gotta do something else.
I mean, I'll take anything.
297
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,093
Hey, I can ask Kevin if we're hiring here.
298
00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:41,322
Oh, God, no.
299
00:12:41,324 --> 00:12:42,624
Are you kidding me?
300
00:12:42,626 --> 00:12:44,158
I'm haven't completely given up.
301
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:45,693
Nice.
302
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,413
You may need to take a
trip to your happy place.
303
00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:50,060
Are you guys talking about drugs?
304
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,331
Because drugs are bad.
305
00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,169
My cousin tried bath salts
306
00:12:53,170 --> 00:12:54,864
and she ate off her own lips.
307
00:12:54,865 --> 00:12:58,166
No. When he's sad, Josh
likes to go to the Aloha
308
00:12:58,167 --> 00:12:59,993
Tech Center over on South Cameron.
309
00:12:59,994 --> 00:13:01,194
Me, too.
310
00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:03,056
Yeah, I like to check out the latest tech,
311
00:13:03,057 --> 00:13:05,289
and play a few new video games
312
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:06,998
and somehow everything is okay.
313
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,533
My life goes back into high-def.
314
00:13:11,384 --> 00:13:13,138
Look who's about to come in.
315
00:13:15,789 --> 00:13:17,759
You gonna do it? You gonna ask her out?
316
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:20,102
Wait, you're going to ask out Rebecca?
317
00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:21,956
(Chris) Nah, he's not gonna do it.
318
00:13:21,957 --> 00:13:23,416
You know how he gets.
319
00:13:25,598 --> 00:13:26,798
Do it, Serrano.
320
00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:31,327
Hi, Josh.
321
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,596
How was your Temecula vacay?
322
00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:35,340
Perfection, all around.
323
00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:37,345
Wonderful.
324
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:39,156
The pictures on Instagram
325
00:13:39,157 --> 00:13:40,993
accurately represented that fact.
326
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,337
(Greg in Irish accent)
What are you drinking,
327
00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:43,786
leprechaun blood?
328
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:49,002
No. Um, I'm actually
329
00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:51,369
- a vegan now. Yeah.
- Really?
330
00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:54,557
Since four days ago when I saw
you house a cheeseburger pizza?
331
00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:56,076
That was the old me.
332
00:13:56,325 --> 00:13:58,728
The new me is making healthier choices.
333
00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:01,064
You sound like that
weird butter commercial.
334
00:14:02,096 --> 00:14:03,426
- Thank you.
- Hm.
335
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:05,614
Mmm, this juice is really starting to work,
336
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,000
so I'm going to hit the ladies.
337
00:14:08,652 --> 00:14:10,591
Room. Hit the ladies' room.
338
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,762
I'm not a football player. (laughs)
339
00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:15,417
Do you hear that?
340
00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:17,412
Healthy choices... that's you.
341
00:14:19,082 --> 00:14:20,504
That one was a false alarm.
342
00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:24,023
Hey, can I talk to you over here for a sec?
343
00:14:24,024 --> 00:14:25,448
- Yeah, can't we just talk over here?
- Nah,
344
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:26,748
let's leave the children out of this.
345
00:14:26,749 --> 00:14:29,276
So, um, healthy choices.
346
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:32,008
- Yeah.
- That applies to your dating life, too,
347
00:14:32,201 --> 00:14:34,583
- don't you think?
- Yeah, like, I think I really need
348
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:37,120
to be with, like, an older
guy, maybe like a professor,
349
00:14:37,121 --> 00:14:38,321
or maybe like...
350
00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:40,493
(quietly) Oh.
351
00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:42,897
Wait.
352
00:14:43,272 --> 00:14:45,258
Are you... are you really doing this?
353
00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:48,041
- Yeah. So, I still like you,
- Yeah, okay.
354
00:14:48,043 --> 00:14:49,428
and I know I shouldn't.
355
00:14:49,429 --> 00:14:50,717
I don't want to.
356
00:14:50,718 --> 00:14:52,490
You're not that nice
to me and you're weird.
357
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:55,532
And I tell myself to
stop thinking about you,
358
00:14:55,533 --> 00:14:57,718
but every time you show up,
359
00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,960
it's like boom, feelings.
360
00:15:00,961 --> 00:15:02,612
And I know also
361
00:15:02,613 --> 00:15:04,223
that you have feelings for Josh...
362
00:15:04,224 --> 00:15:05,424
- No, I don't have feelings...
- No, no, no, no, no.
363
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:07,004
- No, I-I don't, I don't have feelings...
- No, no, shh.
364
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:09,301
- Just listen. Just-just listen.
- for Josh?
365
00:15:09,989 --> 00:15:11,197
Okay.
366
00:15:15,804 --> 00:15:18,269
When we're together
367
00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:21,388
I feel so grand
368
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,033
My heart goes tippety-tap-tap-tap
369
00:15:25,848 --> 00:15:28,042
When I hold your hand
370
00:15:28,043 --> 00:15:30,977
But I know there's another guy
371
00:15:30,978 --> 00:15:33,845
You fancy more
372
00:15:34,189 --> 00:15:36,853
So even though
373
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:40,798
I'm not the one you adore
374
00:15:40,842 --> 00:15:43,930
Why... not
375
00:15:43,931 --> 00:15:46,109
- (snaps fingers)
-
Settle for me
376
00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:49,047
Darling, just settle for me
377
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:52,117
I think you'll have to agree
378
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:55,483
We make quite a pair
379
00:15:57,036 --> 00:16:02,437
I know I'm only second
place in this game
380
00:16:02,438 --> 00:16:05,776
But like 2% milk or seitan beef
381
00:16:05,777 --> 00:16:08,487
I almost taste the same
382
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:10,572
- (clattering)
-
So won't you
383
00:16:10,573 --> 00:16:12,140
Settle for me
384
00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:15,428
Come on and settle for me
385
00:16:15,429 --> 00:16:17,184
Say yes or no
386
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:21,179
Before I choke on all
this swallowed pride
387
00:16:21,904 --> 00:16:25,182
I have no problem being
picked out from the bottom
388
00:16:25,183 --> 00:16:28,253
If he's your broken condom, I'm plan B
389
00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:31,361
So lower those expectations
390
00:16:31,362 --> 00:16:32,885
And settle for me
391
00:16:33,154 --> 00:16:34,753
Am I okay with this?
392
00:16:34,754 --> 00:16:35,954
Totally
393
00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:38,228
Oh, sweet, a gown.
394
00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:39,929
Settle for me
395
00:16:40,211 --> 00:16:42,976
Babycakes, just settle for me
396
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:45,992
Schmoopy pie, I'm begging you, please
397
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:49,922
Can't you see the light?
398
00:16:50,007 --> 00:16:53,080
Sugar jugs, I'm so bereft
399
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:56,327
Demeaning terms are
all that I have left
400
00:16:56,328 --> 00:16:58,739
Of my masculinity
401
00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:00,990
So settle for me
402
00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,979
So twirly.
403
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,579
404
00:17:05,874 --> 00:17:07,856
Little girl
405
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:10,708
Don't make me feel like a little girl
406
00:17:11,953 --> 00:17:13,670
Exposed and raw
407
00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:16,829
Whose boobs can't even
fill a training bra
408
00:17:17,941 --> 00:17:19,777
Let's pretend I didn't say that
409
00:17:19,778 --> 00:17:21,161
Settle for me
410
00:17:21,162 --> 00:17:22,920
It's a practical proposal
411
00:17:22,921 --> 00:17:25,599
-
Settle for me
-
It makes a certain sense
412
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,182
He's a fantasy
413
00:17:27,351 --> 00:17:30,522
But hey, let's think this through
414
00:17:31,754 --> 00:17:33,522
Yes, Josh is a dream
415
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,089
But I'm right here
416
00:17:35,227 --> 00:17:37,866
In flesh and blood and self-hate
417
00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,605
(Both)
Settle for me
418
00:17:39,606 --> 00:17:42,574
In a sad way, darling, it's fate
419
00:17:42,575 --> 00:17:44,808
420
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,869
You're like Rocky V to Rocky
421
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,620
Solange to Beyonc?
422
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:13,243
Not asking to be your fianc?
423
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:15,210
But if tonight, or tomorrow
424
00:18:15,211 --> 00:18:16,710
If you happen to be free
425
00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:23,120
Maybe, just maybe, settle for me...
426
00:18:23,121 --> 00:18:24,321
(song ends)
427
00:18:24,446 --> 00:18:25,879
So what'll it be?
428
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,075
Can you hurry up and decide?
429
00:18:28,076 --> 00:18:29,803
A dip is kinda supposed
to be a quick thing.
430
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:34,958
Uh...
431
00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:40,158
_
432
00:18:41,433 --> 00:18:43,601
(Hawaiian music playing)
433
00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,144
Aloha.
434
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:53,491
Would you like some pok??
435
00:18:53,492 --> 00:18:55,635
Are you kidding? I would love some pok?.
436
00:18:58,364 --> 00:19:00,038
Mm. Anything new today?
437
00:19:00,259 --> 00:19:03,040
We got Murder Rampage III:
438
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,607
A Quest for Chaos.
439
00:19:04,609 --> 00:19:07,265
The DPS is out of control.
440
00:19:07,266 --> 00:19:10,038
Really? God, I love this place.
441
00:19:10,988 --> 00:19:14,069
_
442
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:22,136
Hey, I wanted to talk to
you about the Caswick case.
443
00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:24,193
What the hell is this?
444
00:19:24,195 --> 00:19:26,972
Well, I was reading that sitting
is like the new smoking...
445
00:19:26,973 --> 00:19:29,153
I know... you should be
walking ten miles a day,
446
00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:30,678
so I got this treadmill desk
447
00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:33,938
but then I realized I
couldn't really do work on it.
448
00:19:34,247 --> 00:19:36,072
Um, and also I hate walking.
449
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,894
So that-that-that was what,
that was like a $2,000 mistake?
450
00:19:39,895 --> 00:19:42,176
- Ugh!
- Let me save you from making another one.
451
00:19:42,178 --> 00:19:44,000
Don't go out with Greg.
452
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:46,013
Can you stop telling me what to do. Okay?
453
00:19:46,015 --> 00:19:48,282
I'm... I haven't decided what
I'm going to do about Greg.
454
00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:50,740
All I'm saying is, if you go
out with Josh's best friend,
455
00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:52,194
you activate the bro code
456
00:19:52,195 --> 00:19:54,954
and then you muddy up
the long play for Josh.
457
00:19:54,956 --> 00:19:57,691
What I do with Greg has
nothing to do with...
458
00:19:57,693 --> 00:19:59,125
- Josh.
- Exactly.
459
00:19:59,127 --> 00:20:01,328
No, actually, Josh is
actually right out here.
460
00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:03,598
- Great, send him in.
- Oh.
461
00:20:03,599 --> 00:20:05,089
It's for business. I told him to come.
462
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:06,601
Uh, okay.
463
00:20:10,261 --> 00:20:12,629
This is the greatest thing
I've ever experienced.
464
00:20:12,631 --> 00:20:15,817
What do you log on this thing,
like, ten, 20 miles a day?
465
00:20:16,405 --> 00:20:18,493
Yeah, in that area.
466
00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:19,697
So what can I help you with?
467
00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:21,037
Oh, I need you to look at this.
468
00:20:21,584 --> 00:20:23,896
So, I'm applying to the
place I most want to work
469
00:20:23,897 --> 00:20:26,664
like, in the whole world but
I'm no good at job applications.
470
00:20:26,665 --> 00:20:27,932
So confusing.
471
00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:30,324
There's like a blank space
for an essay or something?
472
00:20:30,325 --> 00:20:33,544
- Like, what do I write there?
- Ooh. Let's take a look-see at this.
473
00:20:33,545 --> 00:20:35,512
For the Aloha Tech Center.
474
00:20:35,513 --> 00:20:38,109
Oh, that's like the Hawaiian
place with the TVs, right?
475
00:20:38,549 --> 00:20:41,652
Yeah, you know what. Let me make
take care of the essay. I got it.
476
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:43,413
Oh, so I never heard,
477
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:45,168
what's happening with you and Serrano?
478
00:20:45,169 --> 00:20:46,392
You gonna go out with him?
479
00:20:46,393 --> 00:20:49,658
Oh, um, I'm still thinking about it.
480
00:20:49,659 --> 00:20:53,453
Tell you what, you're helping
me with my job application,
481
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:54,926
I'll help you with your love life.
482
00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:56,761
(laughing) Are you like a love doctor?
483
00:20:57,471 --> 00:20:59,683
And this puppy is...
484
00:21:00,165 --> 00:21:01,403
ready to ship.
485
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,203
- Thanks.
- So, um,
486
00:21:03,204 --> 00:21:05,432
you mentioned, uh, helping
me with my love life.
487
00:21:05,433 --> 00:21:07,785
Oh. Well, that's easy
one. I think you should...
488
00:21:07,786 --> 00:21:10,071
Hold out for something more magical, right?
489
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:12,748
I should just wait for
that special someone?
490
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,816
No, I-I think you should say yes.
491
00:21:14,957 --> 00:21:16,757
Oh. Oh, okay.
492
00:21:16,759 --> 00:21:18,402
You... okay. You do?
493
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:20,776
Why not? Greg's the
coolest. I say, go for it.
494
00:21:20,777 --> 00:21:22,992
So... so you think I
should-I should date Greg?
495
00:21:23,509 --> 00:21:24,712
I think I just said that.
496
00:21:24,713 --> 00:21:27,666
You just, you don't think there's like
any reason that I shouldn't?
497
00:21:28,625 --> 00:21:31,717
Any... reason at all?
498
00:21:31,718 --> 00:21:34,557
Not that I can think of.
499
00:21:34,602 --> 00:21:36,510
Nope. Nothing. Well, I should run.
500
00:21:36,511 --> 00:21:38,584
Um, I gotta get this in to Aloha.
501
00:21:38,712 --> 00:21:39,919
Thank you so much.
502
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,054
Oh, thank... Good luck!
503
00:21:44,149 --> 00:21:46,076
(sighs) Okay.
504
00:21:46,077 --> 00:21:47,284
Healthy choices.
505
00:21:47,285 --> 00:21:48,496
Hmm.
506
00:21:48,989 --> 00:21:50,532
(touch-tones beeping)
507
00:21:52,529 --> 00:21:54,234
Hello, Greg? Yes.
508
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,038
(sighs)
509
00:21:56,039 --> 00:21:57,239
(Woman) Make an effort,
510
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,587
make a decision.
511
00:21:58,588 --> 00:22:00,939
Your future is in your hands
512
00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,152
and on the edge of your knife.
513
00:22:03,153 --> 00:22:05,420
514
00:22:11,609 --> 00:22:13,643
Everything okay with the...
515
00:22:13,645 --> 00:22:15,740
application there, sir? (chuckles quietly)
516
00:22:15,741 --> 00:22:18,059
I don't know. I think you're overqualified.
517
00:22:18,416 --> 00:22:20,016
(sputters, laughs)
518
00:22:20,018 --> 00:22:21,218
What?
519
00:22:21,486 --> 00:22:23,887
No. Like... wh-what? What do you mean?
520
00:22:23,888 --> 00:22:26,755
This essay you wrote at the
end of your application, it's...
521
00:22:26,958 --> 00:22:28,263
quite a piece of writing.
522
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,485
And that's bad?
523
00:22:29,486 --> 00:22:31,853
Well, it's just so
intellectual and overthought.
524
00:22:32,096 --> 00:22:33,993
You reference Kafka in it.
525
00:22:33,994 --> 00:22:36,177
It's, like, what, did you
go to Harvard or something?
526
00:22:36,178 --> 00:22:38,937
No, no. I-I-I went... I went to Northridge.
527
00:22:38,938 --> 00:22:41,171
A-And barely. Like, I never went to class.
528
00:22:41,172 --> 00:22:44,740
I just mean that at no point
do you even mention electronics
529
00:22:44,741 --> 00:22:47,345
or being into electronics, and
this is an electronics store,
530
00:22:47,346 --> 00:22:49,559
so that would be huge.
531
00:22:49,946 --> 00:22:51,278
So, I don't know, maybe,
532
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,072
uh, maybe you should
work in a place that's...
533
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:55,972
sells books instead of gear.
534
00:22:55,973 --> 00:22:58,589
Guess that would be a... library.
535
00:22:58,590 --> 00:23:00,026
No...
536
00:23:00,027 --> 00:23:01,493
Hey, look, bro...
537
00:23:02,053 --> 00:23:05,926
Aloha is just a... really
laid-back store, okay?
538
00:23:05,927 --> 00:23:08,312
And our employees are just chill.
539
00:23:08,533 --> 00:23:10,951
So... someone who gets this upset
540
00:23:10,952 --> 00:23:13,225
about Harper Lee and...
541
00:23:13,381 --> 00:23:17,104
you know, whether the book
was a prequel or first draft
542
00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:18,529
does not sound chill.
543
00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:21,920
No, no. I-I'm chill. I'm, like,
I'm, like, so chill!
544
00:23:22,009 --> 00:23:23,820
Uh, you know, the whole Harper Lee thing,
545
00:23:23,821 --> 00:23:27,123
that was just 'cause I love her
husband... you know, Bruce Lee.
546
00:23:27,298 --> 00:23:28,498
I just think...
547
00:23:28,747 --> 00:23:32,900
based on this essay, you're
not gonna be very happy here.
548
00:23:38,772 --> 00:23:40,169
Ta-da!
549
00:23:40,582 --> 00:23:42,332
The West Covina Taco Festival.
550
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:45,767
The second best thing to do
in this town besides leave.
551
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,713
I saw fliers for this at City Hall.
552
00:23:48,714 --> 00:23:50,476
This is so cool. But
what if it rains again?
553
00:23:50,477 --> 00:23:53,308
With my luck, it probably will,
because when I plan an outdoor date,
554
00:23:53,309 --> 00:23:57,344
it's the one rainy day in the
middle of a five-year drought.
555
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:01,451
So, Gregory...
556
00:24:02,852 --> 00:24:04,847
we are on a date.
557
00:24:05,134 --> 00:24:07,800
- Yes, we are.
- Yes. Okay.
558
00:24:09,319 --> 00:24:13,322
Let's engage in some date... conversation.
559
00:24:13,324 --> 00:24:14,601
Okay.
560
00:24:15,617 --> 00:24:18,484
Who is your favorite president?
561
00:24:18,662 --> 00:24:20,676
Mine is Rutherford B. Hayes,
562
00:24:20,769 --> 00:24:22,371
for obvious reasons.
563
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,647
Have you been on a date before?
564
00:24:25,648 --> 00:24:29,062
I have. I'm just... I'm
just trying to be mature
565
00:24:29,063 --> 00:24:30,838
and responsible... Pork!
566
00:24:31,634 --> 00:24:33,087
That took a turn.
567
00:24:33,094 --> 00:24:34,353
You want one?
568
00:24:35,611 --> 00:24:37,227
No. No.
569
00:24:37,346 --> 00:24:40,313
Uh-uh. Don't try to trick
me, because I'm a vegan.
570
00:24:40,315 --> 00:24:43,509
- This week you are. Okay.
- For forever I am.
571
00:24:43,510 --> 00:24:45,972
So... I will have...
572
00:24:46,261 --> 00:24:48,028
mmm, the cauliflower tacos.
573
00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:49,820
(groans) Ooh. You are
really sticking to this.
574
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,467
Yep. I'm trying to fight my base urges.
575
00:24:51,468 --> 00:24:53,733
(sighs) Just what a guy
wants to hear on a date.
576
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,919
- Wow.
- Mmm!
577
00:24:58,547 --> 00:25:01,203
Wait. This is actually really good.
578
00:25:01,354 --> 00:25:02,603
- Oh, no, no.
- Try some.
579
00:25:02,604 --> 00:25:04,997
I don't do cauliflower...
they're like albino broccoli.
580
00:25:04,998 --> 00:25:06,955
- Try me, Greg. Try me.
- Okay. Okay.
581
00:25:06,956 --> 00:25:08,192
They can't talk.
582
00:25:10,768 --> 00:25:14,081
You know what? This is
pretty... disgusting.
583
00:25:14,370 --> 00:25:16,376
- Mm.
- Mm, garbage can.
584
00:25:16,377 --> 00:25:17,508
So funny.
585
00:25:17,598 --> 00:25:19,765
(thunder rumbling) Hmm, let's see,
586
00:25:19,767 --> 00:25:22,015
little known facts about me.
587
00:25:22,903 --> 00:25:24,769
Uh... (laughs) oh, okay.
588
00:25:24,771 --> 00:25:27,315
So, once a week I Google trivia
589
00:25:27,316 --> 00:25:29,774
about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire.
590
00:25:29,775 --> 00:25:31,343
Shut up. I love that fire.
591
00:25:31,344 --> 00:25:32,775
That's, like, my favorite fire.
592
00:25:32,776 --> 00:25:34,881
(laughing) No. Stop messing
with me. I know it's weird.
593
00:25:34,882 --> 00:25:36,474
Why is it weird to be obsessed
594
00:25:36,475 --> 00:25:39,152
with the flash point that
single-handedly ignited labor reform
595
00:25:39,153 --> 00:25:40,382
in the U.S.?
596
00:25:41,819 --> 00:25:44,109
Speaking of flash point, you're
blowing my mind right now.
597
00:25:45,456 --> 00:25:46,674
Stick around.
598
00:25:47,249 --> 00:25:49,993
Every year after my dad my left,
599
00:25:49,994 --> 00:25:53,234
on his birthday I... I'd send him, like,
600
00:25:53,235 --> 00:25:55,718
(laughs) like, a handmade card
601
00:25:55,934 --> 00:25:59,725
with these terrible, like,
terrible stick-figure drawings
602
00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:01,547
and a ton of glitter.
603
00:26:02,406 --> 00:26:06,020
And every year, I would never hear back.
604
00:26:06,144 --> 00:26:07,624
Your dad's an idiot.
605
00:26:08,746 --> 00:26:11,879
I mean... to be fair,
glitter gets everywhere.
606
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,714
Well, it sounded like he was a
crappy father... he deserved glitter.
607
00:26:14,715 --> 00:26:16,276
I'd throw glitter at him right now.
608
00:26:16,277 --> 00:26:17,751
Is there a glitter stand here somewhere?
609
00:26:17,752 --> 00:26:19,175
Can we get some glitter over here?
610
00:26:19,176 --> 00:26:21,321
I don't want to talk about it anymore, Dad.
611
00:26:21,322 --> 00:26:24,727
So you didn't get the
job... thank goodness.
612
00:26:24,872 --> 00:26:28,210
It's a silly place, with
the shirts and the...
613
00:26:28,211 --> 00:26:29,733
and the raw fish.
614
00:26:30,096 --> 00:26:33,050
This place is the right choice for you.
615
00:26:33,188 --> 00:26:34,961
The most healthy thing.
616
00:26:35,251 --> 00:26:39,195
Now, put on all these layers
so you don't get cancer.
617
00:26:39,435 --> 00:26:40,635
Hmm?
618
00:26:40,823 --> 00:26:44,633
Ay, ay, ay, ay
619
00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:48,168
Canta y no llores
620
00:26:48,209 --> 00:26:50,720
-
Porque cantando se alegran
- (grunts)
621
00:26:50,721 --> 00:26:53,031
-
Cielito lindo
- Ha-ha!
622
00:26:53,093 --> 00:26:55,845
Los corazones
623
00:26:55,912 --> 00:26:59,634
Ay, ay, ay, ay
624
00:26:59,773 --> 00:27:03,141
Canta y no llores
625
00:27:03,387 --> 00:27:05,054
Porque cantando
626
00:27:05,056 --> 00:27:06,387
Se alegran
627
00:27:06,389 --> 00:27:09,110
Cielito lindo...
628
00:27:09,111 --> 00:27:10,311
(music pauses)
629
00:27:10,312 --> 00:27:14,110
Los corazo... nes...
630
00:27:14,111 --> 00:27:17,114
(trumpets play closing phrase)
631
00:27:17,115 --> 00:27:18,708
(people cheering)
632
00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:20,237
All right.
633
00:27:20,238 --> 00:27:22,895
Okay, everybody, the final round
634
00:27:22,896 --> 00:27:24,821
of the guacamole contest will begin
635
00:27:24,822 --> 00:27:27,789
- in one minute in the gazebo!
- Oh...!
636
00:27:27,790 --> 00:27:29,423
Ooh, guacamole!
637
00:27:29,424 --> 00:27:32,425
Uh, we could go, or we could go...
638
00:27:32,848 --> 00:27:34,314
someplace else.
639
00:27:35,216 --> 00:27:36,692
Maybe your place?
640
00:27:37,228 --> 00:27:39,207
Um, no, uh, my place...
641
00:27:39,388 --> 00:27:40,588
my place sounds great.
642
00:27:40,589 --> 00:27:41,789
Great.
643
00:27:43,277 --> 00:27:46,025
But let's go to the
guacamole contest first.
644
00:27:46,027 --> 00:27:48,956
Just for, like, five
minutes, 'cause I want to see
645
00:27:48,957 --> 00:27:50,837
who has the best guacamole.
646
00:27:52,143 --> 00:27:53,825
- Please?
- Sure. Yeah.
647
00:27:53,826 --> 00:27:55,931
- You won't regret it. We're gonna get
-
I won't regret it.
648
00:27:55,932 --> 00:28:00,165
- that tum-tum full of guacamole.
-
I... love avocados!
649
00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:03,880
(Man over speakers) You've been voting
all day, and we are down to two finalists.
650
00:28:03,881 --> 00:28:06,114
Local West Covina favorite,
651
00:28:06,115 --> 00:28:07,888
La Cocina...!
652
00:28:07,889 --> 00:28:09,922
(whooping, cheering)
653
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:12,525
And all the way from Echo Park,
654
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:15,658
also known as the Brooklyn
of Southern California...
655
00:28:15,659 --> 00:28:19,708
Echo Parko Tacos...!
656
00:28:19,709 --> 00:28:21,425
(people jeering)
657
00:28:21,726 --> 00:28:25,395
Grab some guac, have a
taste, and place your votes.
658
00:28:25,397 --> 00:28:28,329
Okay, so I'll hit the hipsters,
you hit the abuela.
659
00:28:28,330 --> 00:28:29,556
- Deal.
- Great.
660
00:28:30,132 --> 00:28:31,398
Hey, is this vegan?
661
00:28:31,399 --> 00:28:32,767
Yeah. Certified organic.
662
00:28:32,768 --> 00:28:35,468
No GMOs. Avocados are even cruelty-free.
663
00:28:35,469 --> 00:28:37,736
Okay. Save the avocados.
664
00:28:37,737 --> 00:28:39,103
So you're a vegan?
665
00:28:39,104 --> 00:28:40,734
I'm a vegan, too. Of course.
666
00:28:40,735 --> 00:28:42,389
Cool. Yeah, I just realized it's, like,
667
00:28:42,390 --> 00:28:43,998
- a lifestyle choice, you know?
- Yeah.
668
00:28:43,999 --> 00:28:47,242
It's... it's really changed
the way I do everything
669
00:28:47,243 --> 00:28:49,209
in the last... two days.
670
00:28:49,411 --> 00:28:52,386
Although, truth be told, when I walk
around this festival, all I want to do
671
00:28:52,387 --> 00:28:55,039
is just sink my teeth into
animal flesh, you know?
672
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,462
(chuckles) I feel you.
673
00:28:56,463 --> 00:28:58,419
I could really go for
some Burger King right now.
674
00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:00,086
- Yeah.
- But don't tell anyone, all right?
675
00:29:00,087 --> 00:29:02,213
- That's gonna be our little secret.
- Okay.
676
00:29:03,622 --> 00:29:06,117
- (Greg) Okay, you ready?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so excited.
677
00:29:07,401 --> 00:29:09,114
Mmm, mmm, mmm...
678
00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:10,315
(drumming)
679
00:29:10,316 --> 00:29:12,482
Okay, I've got to say...
680
00:29:13,734 --> 00:29:15,467
...the Echo Park one is better.
681
00:29:15,468 --> 00:29:17,680
- The hipster one? Are you crazy?
- Yeah.
682
00:29:17,681 --> 00:29:19,521
Abuela's one is so much better.
683
00:29:19,522 --> 00:29:20,996
The hipster one tastes like...
684
00:29:21,517 --> 00:29:23,728
- soy candles and indie bands.
- No.
685
00:29:23,729 --> 00:29:26,841
Scoff if you want, but the
hipster one is more authentic.
686
00:29:26,842 --> 00:29:29,875
What?! How could guys with man buns
687
00:29:29,876 --> 00:29:31,922
- know what is authentic?
- Okay,
688
00:29:31,923 --> 00:29:34,445
so Abuela's clearly had sour cream in it,
689
00:29:34,446 --> 00:29:37,990
and anybody will tell you
that's not authentic Mexican guacamole.
690
00:29:37,991 --> 00:29:40,253
This is hilarious.
You're suddenly an expert
691
00:29:40,254 --> 00:29:41,500
on authentic cuisine?
692
00:29:41,502 --> 00:29:43,402
Is this like your authentic veganism?
693
00:29:44,363 --> 00:29:46,459
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It's very funny. It's cute,
694
00:29:46,460 --> 00:29:47,856
- the vegan thing.
- It's cute?
695
00:29:47,857 --> 00:29:49,839
- Thank you.
- It's cute. It's like how...
696
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,442
you became Buddhist...
697
00:29:51,443 --> 00:29:52,755
like, yesterday.
698
00:29:53,165 --> 00:29:55,559
Okay, you're... being really mean.
699
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,508
- You're making fun of me. I don't like it.
- Hey, what's wrong?
700
00:29:57,627 --> 00:29:59,528
No, nothing is wrong.
I just liked it better
701
00:29:59,529 --> 00:30:01,252
when you were being a nice person.
702
00:30:01,253 --> 00:30:03,961
I'm just teasing you. You
can be a bit of a hypocrite.
703
00:30:04,081 --> 00:30:05,343
I mean, it's... you have to admit,
704
00:30:05,344 --> 00:30:08,963
you're not exactly, in general,
like, steeped in honesty.
705
00:30:09,296 --> 00:30:11,519
You moved to California to be by the beach?
706
00:30:12,367 --> 00:30:14,348
Obviously, something happened in New York,
707
00:30:14,349 --> 00:30:16,138
you had a bit of a nervous breakdown...
708
00:30:16,139 --> 00:30:17,672
Okay. Okay.
709
00:30:17,964 --> 00:30:20,298
Okay, as long as we're being super honest,
710
00:30:20,411 --> 00:30:21,974
let's talk about when you asked me out
711
00:30:21,986 --> 00:30:25,029
and your whole "Settle for me" vibe.
712
00:30:25,051 --> 00:30:26,988
Like, it's weird and sad.
713
00:30:27,264 --> 00:30:29,572
Okay, well, that's not
quite how I remembered it.
714
00:30:29,730 --> 00:30:33,475
But the truth is, I-I don't
want you to settle for me. I...
715
00:30:34,450 --> 00:30:35,806
(sighs)
716
00:30:35,807 --> 00:30:37,222
We get each other.
717
00:30:37,655 --> 00:30:39,226
And we get along.
718
00:30:40,523 --> 00:30:42,955
Look, I'm sorry I teased
you... I-I will stop.
719
00:30:42,956 --> 00:30:45,821
Let's just go back to
having a good time, okay?
720
00:30:47,163 --> 00:30:49,139
Yeah, okay. Okay.
721
00:30:49,603 --> 00:30:50,879
I...
722
00:30:51,380 --> 00:30:53,734
totally overreacted, too, so...
723
00:30:54,032 --> 00:30:56,309
- Okay, then.
- (sighs) Okay.
724
00:30:57,648 --> 00:31:01,697
(exhales) Oh, wow, we just, like,
really worked through something there...
725
00:31:02,438 --> 00:31:04,012
like adults.
726
00:31:04,824 --> 00:31:06,757
Like we're normal.
727
00:31:07,166 --> 00:31:08,645
Some may say healthy.
728
00:31:08,741 --> 00:31:11,216
Actually, I have to use
the bathroom really quickly,
729
00:31:11,217 --> 00:31:13,044
so I'm gonna go to one of those...
730
00:31:13,045 --> 00:31:15,012
(whispers) sexy Porta Potties.
731
00:31:17,707 --> 00:31:19,441
(Woman in distance) Oh, come on!
732
00:31:24,548 --> 00:31:26,845
Settle for him
733
00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:29,418
Why not just
734
00:31:29,420 --> 00:31:31,662
Settle for him
735
00:31:32,158 --> 00:31:34,729
He's a nice, smart guy
736
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:36,692
And he and I
737
00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:39,082
Do get along...
738
00:31:39,083 --> 00:31:40,734
- Well, kind of.
- (knocking)
739
00:31:40,735 --> 00:31:42,439
- (Man) Hey!
- Just a minute.
740
00:31:43,344 --> 00:31:45,267
As soon as I'm done peeing
741
00:31:45,269 --> 00:31:47,281
It's time to start being
742
00:31:47,282 --> 00:31:49,214
A bit more realistic
743
00:31:49,215 --> 00:31:50,702
Than I've been...
744
00:31:50,703 --> 00:31:52,374
You can't monopolize the bathroom
745
00:31:52,376 --> 00:31:53,927
at a taco festival!
746
00:31:54,008 --> 00:31:56,874
Maybe it's time to grow up
747
00:31:56,875 --> 00:31:58,141
And
748
00:31:58,267 --> 00:32:00,366
Just settle for...
749
00:32:00,367 --> 00:32:03,069
- (pounding) Come on!
- All right, already!
750
00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:21,802
(sighs)
751
00:32:24,505 --> 00:32:26,739
(sighs)
752
00:32:32,049 --> 00:32:33,669
(sighs)
753
00:32:37,663 --> 00:32:38,863
(gasps)
754
00:32:40,891 --> 00:32:42,091
Hey.
755
00:32:44,024 --> 00:32:45,690
Mmm.
756
00:32:46,061 --> 00:32:47,261
(chuckles)
757
00:32:47,262 --> 00:32:48,726
Okay, you caught me.
758
00:32:49,529 --> 00:32:52,072
Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
759
00:32:54,931 --> 00:32:56,133
(phone chimes)
760
00:32:57,633 --> 00:33:00,049
_
761
00:33:00,050 --> 00:33:01,321
Are you kidding me?
762
00:33:08,758 --> 00:33:10,784
So, what should I do
763
00:33:10,785 --> 00:33:13,122
with the two condoms that you made me wear?
764
00:33:13,888 --> 00:33:15,677
Uh, trash can's in the bathroom.
765
00:33:15,924 --> 00:33:17,124
Cool.
766
00:33:18,727 --> 00:33:21,676
Hey, by the way, you finished, right?
767
00:33:22,714 --> 00:33:24,135
Yeah, I finished a bunch.
768
00:33:24,465 --> 00:33:25,883
You're welcome.
769
00:33:28,501 --> 00:33:29,737
(groans)
770
00:33:31,332 --> 00:33:32,855
So, I'll call you?
771
00:33:33,404 --> 00:33:34,998
That's... that's okay.
772
00:33:34,999 --> 00:33:37,630
- Text?
- Uh...
773
00:33:37,631 --> 00:33:39,307
Find you on Facebook?
774
00:33:40,336 --> 00:33:41,776
Take a hint, dude.
775
00:33:41,778 --> 00:33:43,199
LinkedIn it is.
776
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:44,946
(sighs)
777
00:33:44,948 --> 00:33:46,314
(door opens)
778
00:33:46,316 --> 00:33:48,783
(groans, door closes)
779
00:33:50,503 --> 00:33:51,706
(knocking)
780
00:33:51,707 --> 00:33:54,174
Ah, dude, nobody is on LinkedIn.
781
00:33:54,175 --> 00:33:57,409
- Okay...?
- What the hell is going on?
782
00:33:58,268 --> 00:34:00,618
Oh... Oh...
783
00:34:03,109 --> 00:34:04,507
(whimpering)
784
00:34:05,384 --> 00:34:07,465
A dude just left your apartment!
785
00:34:08,208 --> 00:34:10,024
You took some guy home
786
00:34:10,025 --> 00:34:11,357
from our date and
787
00:34:11,358 --> 00:34:13,691
slept with him? What is wrong with you?
788
00:34:13,693 --> 00:34:16,604
Sorry. I-I-I... I-I don't
know... I don't know.
789
00:34:16,605 --> 00:34:18,129
- I-I...
- I don't understand.
790
00:34:18,131 --> 00:34:19,531
No, see, that's-that's it.
791
00:34:19,533 --> 00:34:22,166
You don't understand. Like, I'm not...
792
00:34:22,685 --> 00:34:23,890
I'm not an adult.
793
00:34:23,891 --> 00:34:25,720
Like what we were doing
back at the taco festival.
794
00:34:25,721 --> 00:34:27,461
Like, being, like, all adulty.
795
00:34:27,912 --> 00:34:30,244
That's just not me, okay? Like,
796
00:34:30,245 --> 00:34:33,934
I take advice from butter commercials.
797
00:34:34,887 --> 00:34:36,466
- This makes no sense.
- I know,
798
00:34:36,467 --> 00:34:38,804
because I make no sense. I make no sense.
799
00:34:38,805 --> 00:34:40,626
And you shouldn't waste time on me.
800
00:34:40,627 --> 00:34:41,827
Can't you see that?
801
00:34:44,310 --> 00:34:46,202
No, all I can see...
802
00:34:46,903 --> 00:34:48,706
is what this night could have been.
803
00:34:50,627 --> 00:34:52,069
(sighs)
804
00:34:55,267 --> 00:34:57,204
(door closes)
805
00:35:09,512 --> 00:35:11,546
(footsteps approaching)
806
00:35:12,254 --> 00:35:13,982
What's up, neighbor?
807
00:35:14,135 --> 00:35:15,369
Come in.
808
00:35:15,370 --> 00:35:17,551
How's it going? You feeling better?
809
00:35:18,657 --> 00:35:20,321
You're out of material for your paper?
810
00:35:21,427 --> 00:35:22,923
- I'm sorry.
- No.
811
00:35:22,925 --> 00:35:24,421
It's cool. I know you're
writing a paper on me.
812
00:35:24,422 --> 00:35:25,676
You told me that, remember?
813
00:35:26,363 --> 00:35:28,596
I feel kind of bad now.
814
00:35:28,598 --> 00:35:30,230
Do you ever have one of those days
815
00:35:30,232 --> 00:35:34,200
where you've done something
so horrible, it feels like
816
00:35:34,201 --> 00:35:36,738
you did it in a dream, and you...
817
00:35:36,739 --> 00:35:38,689
you just want to wake up, and...
818
00:35:39,343 --> 00:35:41,641
you want it to be all okay,
but there's no waking up
819
00:35:41,643 --> 00:35:44,344
because you did it for realsies?
820
00:35:45,805 --> 00:35:48,544
If you want to grab your
laptop and take all this down,
821
00:35:48,649 --> 00:35:50,282
it's pretty fresh right now.
822
00:35:52,084 --> 00:35:55,267
You know what? Just... you.
823
00:35:56,756 --> 00:35:59,477
You get some rest... kiddo.
824
00:36:03,557 --> 00:36:05,463
I'm older than you.
825
00:36:09,885 --> 00:36:12,416
_
826
00:36:18,234 --> 00:36:19,456
(phone chimes)
827
00:36:21,775 --> 00:36:24,593
_
828
00:36:28,655 --> 00:36:29,868
What's it say?
829
00:36:29,869 --> 00:36:32,603
I can't tell you. The
doctor gives you the results.
830
00:36:32,604 --> 00:36:35,560
Please, you know what it says.
831
00:36:35,561 --> 00:36:37,593
I-I can't wait any longer.
832
00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:39,861
All right, just-just tell me what it says.
833
00:36:40,587 --> 00:36:41,787
Well...
834
00:36:43,343 --> 00:36:45,114
I guess I can tell you...
835
00:36:45,146 --> 00:36:46,351
Thanks.
836
00:36:46,352 --> 00:36:48,714
- It's...
- (Phone ringing)
837
00:36:49,537 --> 00:36:50,806
Yello.
838
00:36:51,071 --> 00:36:52,938
Hi. I just saw Instagram.
839
00:36:52,940 --> 00:36:55,573
You're at the radiology lab? What happened?
840
00:36:55,575 --> 00:36:59,058
Well, I got an interview at the Aloha
Tech Center, like you said I would,
841
00:36:59,059 --> 00:37:00,976
but there was a problem
with my application.
842
00:37:01,249 --> 00:37:03,734
What?! Cal State Northridge isn't bad.
843
00:37:03,735 --> 00:37:05,668
Yeah, no, it's not that.
844
00:37:05,669 --> 00:37:07,402
They-they just thought
845
00:37:07,403 --> 00:37:10,462
my additional information
was... a little...
846
00:37:11,213 --> 00:37:12,477
A little what?
847
00:37:12,884 --> 00:37:15,830
They just thought it was a bit pretentious.
848
00:37:16,255 --> 00:37:17,558
Pretentious?
849
00:37:17,559 --> 00:37:19,829
Yeah. They asked me if I went to Harvard,
850
00:37:19,831 --> 00:37:21,726
and, like, not in a good way.
851
00:37:21,727 --> 00:37:23,693
What other way is there?!
852
00:37:30,074 --> 00:37:31,691
(Rebecca) That Harper Lee analogy
853
00:37:31,692 --> 00:37:34,627
was actually very well
thought-out and trenchant.
854
00:37:35,018 --> 00:37:36,967
And you have the nerve to sit here
855
00:37:36,968 --> 00:37:40,800
and not hire this man to
hand out leis and sell VCRs?!
856
00:37:40,801 --> 00:37:43,053
VCRs? Lady, there's no such thing.
857
00:37:43,153 --> 00:37:44,688
Could you step outside?
858
00:37:44,689 --> 00:37:46,240
- (quietly) I'm sorry.
- No, I will not step outside.
859
00:37:46,241 --> 00:37:48,491
Listen to me. I have to tell
you something very important.
860
00:37:48,758 --> 00:37:50,324
I have an IQ of 164.
861
00:37:50,325 --> 00:37:52,356
On the entire SAT, I
got two questions wrong,
862
00:37:52,357 --> 00:37:55,763
and in subsequent years, those questions
were stricken for being misleading, but
863
00:37:57,371 --> 00:38:00,458
I know... nothing about life.
864
00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:02,995
Yeah. No.
865
00:38:03,304 --> 00:38:04,893
Truly nothing.
866
00:38:05,540 --> 00:38:07,442
Like... (laughs)
867
00:38:07,443 --> 00:38:10,713
I make awful decisions.
868
00:38:10,908 --> 00:38:13,996
Like, really. No, like,
really awful decisions.
869
00:38:14,738 --> 00:38:16,352
I mean, I know what you're thinking.
870
00:38:16,353 --> 00:38:18,214
You're thinking, "Well,
are you Audra Levine?"
871
00:38:18,215 --> 00:38:19,868
And the answer is, Alex, no.
872
00:38:19,869 --> 00:38:21,531
I'm not Audra Levine, and I
873
00:38:21,532 --> 00:38:23,852
never will be Audra Levine, okay?
874
00:38:24,887 --> 00:38:26,093
But...
875
00:38:26,488 --> 00:38:28,250
I do know one thing.
876
00:38:28,590 --> 00:38:31,019
(inhales and exhales
loudly through her nose)
877
00:38:31,148 --> 00:38:33,841
And... is that
878
00:38:33,842 --> 00:38:36,083
Josh Chan loves you.
879
00:38:37,687 --> 00:38:42,291
And, God, that makes you
the luckiest person...
880
00:38:42,292 --> 00:38:45,526
store... in the world.
881
00:38:46,953 --> 00:38:50,926
And hiring him would be the
best decision you've ever made.
882
00:38:51,292 --> 00:38:53,525
(inhales and exhales loudly)
883
00:38:57,189 --> 00:38:59,164
- Oh, I can't believe it.
- Neither can I.
884
00:38:59,804 --> 00:39:01,810
I'm gonna be able to spend
my whole day eating pok?
885
00:39:01,811 --> 00:39:04,879
and talking about 4K TVs,
and it's all because of you.
886
00:39:05,149 --> 00:39:06,844
Thank you so much.
887
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,773
You're, like, so cool.
888
00:39:09,379 --> 00:39:12,080
Oh, thank you, but really?
889
00:39:12,487 --> 00:39:15,587
I mean, did you see me back
there? I'm kind of a mess.
890
00:39:15,588 --> 00:39:17,022
Are you kidding me?
891
00:39:17,023 --> 00:39:20,020
You're, like, the smartest,
most badass girl I know.
892
00:39:20,021 --> 00:39:21,845
You crushed it in there!
893
00:39:21,846 --> 00:39:25,437
But I, like, ruined your application.
894
00:39:25,439 --> 00:39:27,276
Ah, it's... it was my fault.
895
00:39:27,277 --> 00:39:28,739
I handed it in without reading it.
896
00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:31,851
But then, last night, I sat
down and actually read it.
897
00:39:31,852 --> 00:39:34,006
And the parts I understood were great.
898
00:39:34,007 --> 00:39:36,639
(both laughing)
899
00:39:40,069 --> 00:39:42,489
I'm so glad you moved here, Becks.
900
00:39:51,347 --> 00:39:53,025
- (Paula) Okay.
- (Rebecca) Oh, my gosh.
901
00:39:53,026 --> 00:39:54,424
- Here we go.
- Okay.
902
00:39:56,188 --> 00:39:57,398
Mmm!
903
00:39:57,399 --> 00:40:00,001
(Both) Mmm! Mmm!
904
00:40:00,002 --> 00:40:01,897
(laughs) Oh!
905
00:40:02,514 --> 00:40:04,645
Oh, my God, it's so good.
906
00:40:04,646 --> 00:40:06,565
- I know.
- It's so wrong.
907
00:40:06,566 --> 00:40:08,874
- Mm-hmm.
- But it's so right.
908
00:40:08,875 --> 00:40:12,240
Yeah. Hey, what happened to
your, um, healthy choices?
909
00:40:12,241 --> 00:40:14,259
Led to the unhealthiest
decision I ever made.
910
00:40:14,260 --> 00:40:15,592
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Mm.
911
00:40:15,593 --> 00:40:17,633
- That was dumb.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
912
00:40:17,634 --> 00:40:19,033
- (laughing)
- (Phone plays tune)
913
00:40:19,034 --> 00:40:21,267
Mm. Oh, that's my mom.
914
00:40:21,268 --> 00:40:22,927
- Mm.
- Ignore.
915
00:40:22,928 --> 00:40:24,934
(gasps) Now, that was
916
00:40:24,935 --> 00:40:26,636
a healthy choice, Cookie.
917
00:40:26,637 --> 00:40:28,279
- Mm.
- Cheers.
918
00:40:29,315 --> 00:40:31,256
(Heather) So, in conclusion,
919
00:40:31,257 --> 00:40:34,225
my preliminary diagnosis of the subject
920
00:40:34,226 --> 00:40:37,581
is that she requires further study.
921
00:40:37,672 --> 00:40:39,087
Seems to me like she doesn't fit in
922
00:40:39,088 --> 00:40:41,143
to any of the categories
of your little book.
923
00:40:41,216 --> 00:40:42,504
(Man) Ms. Davis, she sounds like
924
00:40:42,505 --> 00:40:45,337
she's suffering from a number
of classifiable disorders.
925
00:40:45,338 --> 00:40:47,178
Well, I'm sure she is.
926
00:40:47,366 --> 00:40:50,420
But you know what? I
don't want to label her.
927
00:40:51,317 --> 00:40:53,284
I just want to be her friend.
928
00:40:56,241 --> 00:40:58,091
This class blows. I quit.
929
00:40:58,748 --> 00:41:00,625
I knew I should have taken coding.
930
00:41:01,871 --> 00:41:02,634
_
931
00:41:02,635 --> 00:41:04,843
"Do you feel disgusted and uneasy
932
00:41:04,844 --> 00:41:06,673
with your current butter?"
933
00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:10,404
"Make an effort, make a
decision, don't make mistakes"?
934
00:41:10,405 --> 00:41:13,539
Gary, you've been coming up with
some really intense copy lately.
935
00:41:13,540 --> 00:41:15,130
Don't get me wrong.
936
00:41:15,131 --> 00:41:17,712
The butter is flying
off the shelves, but...
937
00:41:18,755 --> 00:41:20,268
is everything okay?
938
00:41:23,061 --> 00:41:26,344
I left my wife for a prostitute. (crying)
939
00:41:29,197 --> 00:41:34,197
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
940
00:41:34,247 --> 00:41:38,797
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
68371
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
