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1
00:00:05,257 --> 00:00:08,287
mmm.
2
00:00:08,288 --> 00:00:09,788
Ugh.
3
00:00:09,789 --> 00:00:11,123
Hot 'n' brown's coffee
really wakes me up
4
00:00:11,124 --> 00:00:12,758
to the fact
that its coffee sucks.
5
00:00:12,759 --> 00:00:14,493
I miss having a coffee shop.
6
00:00:14,494 --> 00:00:16,045
Now where am I going
to get my cappuccinos
7
00:00:16,046 --> 00:00:17,880
and Sarah McLachlan CDs?
8
00:00:17,881 --> 00:00:19,498
It wasn't that great.
If had this space,
9
00:00:19,499 --> 00:00:21,667
I would have served fresh fruit
and sandwiches,
10
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:22,834
and I would've got rid
11
00:00:22,835 --> 00:00:24,169
of that take-a-penny,
leave-a-penny nonsense.
12
00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:25,521
If the good lord wanted you
to have a penny,
13
00:00:25,522 --> 00:00:27,473
- you'd have one.
- Pierce...
14
00:00:27,474 --> 00:00:30,509
Why do you look
like a wealthy murderer?
15
00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:32,061
I look like an entrepreneur.
16
00:00:32,062 --> 00:00:35,180
Now that my dad's gone, I'm
expanding Hawthorne industries
17
00:00:35,181 --> 00:00:38,033
by investing in new products.
[Briefcase locks clack]
18
00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:41,520
- Like... these.
- What's that?
19
00:00:41,521 --> 00:00:42,788
It's an automatic
security camera
20
00:00:42,789 --> 00:00:44,823
that can tell your friends
from intruders.
21
00:00:44,824 --> 00:00:46,191
How does it work?
[Beep]
22
00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:48,193
[British female voice]
Your guests have arrived.
23
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:51,330
[Beep]
Threat level four.
24
00:00:51,331 --> 00:00:52,548
[Beep]
Your guests have arrived.
25
00:00:52,549 --> 00:00:54,199
It's not calibrated.
26
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,349
Wireless racism.
The future of the past is now.
27
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:59,755
Why don't you put your money
into a good idea, like Shirley?
28
00:00:59,756 --> 00:01:01,557
Oh, I made that offer
the first day I met her.
29
00:01:01,558 --> 00:01:03,041
She almost broke my nose.
30
00:01:03,042 --> 00:01:04,343
I mean, Shirley's good
with food,
31
00:01:04,344 --> 00:01:07,263
you have capital,
and Greendale has real estate.
32
00:01:07,264 --> 00:01:08,647
What are you talking about,
Britta?
33
00:01:08,648 --> 00:01:10,316
I'm talking about
the whole reason you came here...
34
00:01:10,317 --> 00:01:12,101
- To start a business.
- Hmm.
35
00:01:12,102 --> 00:01:13,652
What do you think, Shirley?
36
00:01:13,653 --> 00:01:15,887
Should I have my people
call your people?
37
00:01:15,888 --> 00:01:18,440
I mean, not your people.
38
00:01:18,441 --> 00:01:20,392
I could think about it.
39
00:01:20,393 --> 00:01:23,195
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
40
00:01:23,196 --> 00:01:24,896
is Shirley Bennett
in the house?
41
00:01:24,897 --> 00:01:26,031
Bop
42
00:01:26,032 --> 00:01:27,566
motownphilly back again
43
00:01:27,567 --> 00:01:29,234
the year was 1991.
44
00:01:29,235 --> 00:01:30,619
Ah-ooh...
45
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:33,905
Andre,
what are you doing here?
46
00:01:33,906 --> 00:01:35,007
Oh!
47
00:01:35,008 --> 00:01:39,044
Boys ii men, going on
48
00:01:39,045 --> 00:01:40,746
not too hard...
49
00:01:40,747 --> 00:01:42,247
Spring fling dance.
50
00:01:42,248 --> 00:01:45,467
See, that's where I first
laid eyes on Shirley Edwards.
51
00:01:45,468 --> 00:01:49,450
A vision in hyper color
and hammer pants.
52
00:01:49,451 --> 00:01:53,258
Baby girl, I have loved you ever
since there was a Soviet union
53
00:01:53,259 --> 00:01:55,093
- and only one Damon Wayans.
- Oh.
54
00:01:55,094 --> 00:01:57,813
Baby, I know
I've made mistakes,
55
00:01:57,814 --> 00:01:59,114
but I'm so happy
we've made it through.
56
00:01:59,115 --> 00:02:01,433
But there's one thing,
57
00:02:01,434 --> 00:02:04,083
something important,
that we keep putting off.
58
00:02:04,084 --> 00:02:05,988
Oh.
59
00:02:05,989 --> 00:02:08,707
Will you, Shirley Bennett,
60
00:02:08,708 --> 00:02:11,877
marry me,
Andre Bennett, again?
61
00:02:11,878 --> 00:02:14,213
Yes, yes, again!
62
00:02:14,214 --> 00:02:16,114
[Cheers and applause]
63
00:02:19,452 --> 00:02:20,719
[Beep]
64
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,288
[British female voice]
Shall I notify authorities?
65
00:02:23,289 --> 00:02:27,092
Give me some rope,
time in a tree
66
00:02:27,093 --> 00:02:29,845
give me the hope
to run out of steam
67
00:02:29,846 --> 00:02:33,098
somebody said
we could be here
68
00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:37,236
we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year
69
00:02:37,237 --> 00:02:42,908
I can't count the reasons
I should stay
70
00:02:42,909 --> 00:02:46,996
one by one they all
just fade away
71
00:02:50,116 --> 00:02:51,880
it's cool that Andre and Shirley
are getting married again.
72
00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:53,924
There's a whole generation of viewers
that didn't get to see the original.
73
00:02:53,925 --> 00:02:56,205
Let's hope it's more of
a bale than a Kilmer situation.
74
00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:57,956
Second weddings are okay,
I guess.
75
00:02:57,957 --> 00:02:59,458
If I had to rank 'em, uh...
76
00:02:59,459 --> 00:03:01,894
It would go
fourth, seventh, second,
77
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:04,263
fifth, first, third, sixth.
78
00:03:04,264 --> 00:03:06,415
- No, wait... first then fifth.
- Got it...
79
00:03:06,416 --> 00:03:08,617
Fourth, seventh, second, first,
fifth, third, sixth.
80
00:03:08,618 --> 00:03:10,769
When's our culture gonna
outgrow this wedding thing?
81
00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:12,504
You're anti-wedding, now?
82
00:03:12,505 --> 00:03:14,028
No, she's just pro-anti.
83
00:03:14,029 --> 00:03:15,607
No to everything
you both said.
84
00:03:15,608 --> 00:03:17,843
Weddings are like little girls'
tea parties,
85
00:03:17,844 --> 00:03:19,511
except the women
are the stuffed animals,
86
00:03:19,512 --> 00:03:21,480
the men are making them talk,
87
00:03:21,481 --> 00:03:22,815
and they're not drinking tea,
88
00:03:22,816 --> 00:03:24,850
they're drinking
antiquated gender roles.
89
00:03:24,851 --> 00:03:26,835
Somebody tell Britta
what an analogy is.
90
00:03:26,836 --> 00:03:28,353
I know what it is.
91
00:03:28,354 --> 00:03:32,190
It's like a thought
with another thought's hat on.
92
00:03:32,191 --> 00:03:33,525
Hmm.
93
00:03:33,526 --> 00:03:35,544
Look, I can't get behind
this marriage thing, either.
94
00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:36,829
It was invented back
95
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,747
when "till death"
meant "till your first cold."
96
00:03:38,748 --> 00:03:41,200
I mean, life's too long
to spend it with someone else.
97
00:03:41,201 --> 00:03:43,052
- It's a sucker's game.
- It's a mutual cop out.
98
00:03:43,053 --> 00:03:45,754
I mean, just nut up
and die alone.
99
00:03:45,755 --> 00:03:47,423
- Mmm.
- Hello.
100
00:03:47,424 --> 00:03:49,324
Oh, my God, we're so happy
for you!
101
00:03:49,325 --> 00:03:51,226
- You are glowing.
- I know, isn't it exciting?
102
00:03:51,227 --> 00:03:52,845
The rehearsal is in two days,
103
00:03:52,846 --> 00:03:53,979
and the wedding
is the day after that,
104
00:03:53,980 --> 00:03:55,213
on our anniversary.
105
00:03:55,214 --> 00:03:56,548
And I'm sure you all
can make it,
106
00:03:56,549 --> 00:03:58,280
because you're already here.
107
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,782
You're having your wedding
in the study room?
108
00:03:59,783 --> 00:04:00,886
Our church has
certain policies
109
00:04:00,887 --> 00:04:03,055
regarding things
like second weddings,
110
00:04:03,056 --> 00:04:04,773
and tight jeans and...
111
00:04:04,774 --> 00:04:06,158
Calico cats.
112
00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:08,193
Um, Jeff, I was wondering
if you would do us the honor
113
00:04:08,194 --> 00:04:10,345
of giving a toast
at our wedding?
114
00:04:10,346 --> 00:04:11,497
Good idea!
115
00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:13,632
Jeff has a lot of thoughts
about marriage.
116
00:04:13,633 --> 00:04:15,000
I would be honored.
117
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:17,402
Shirley, do you need
any help with your wedding?
118
00:04:17,403 --> 00:04:18,654
This probably sounds silly,
119
00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:20,672
but every time I see
a wedding idea I like,
120
00:04:20,673 --> 00:04:21,924
I put it in a little scrapbook.
121
00:04:21,925 --> 00:04:24,610
Oh, that's nice.
Ooh.
122
00:04:24,611 --> 00:04:25,844
We can help too.
We just saw
123
00:04:25,845 --> 00:04:27,245
the inspector spacetime
wedding episode,
124
00:04:27,246 --> 00:04:28,797
so we know what pitfalls
to avoid.
125
00:04:28,798 --> 00:04:30,766
Be sure to get a DNA reading
of your prospective mate.
126
00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:32,773
Inspector spacetime ended up
marrying himself as a baby.
127
00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:33,936
I think I got this.
128
00:04:33,937 --> 00:04:35,888
Everyone just come and...
129
00:04:35,889 --> 00:04:38,924
Relax
and behave normally.
130
00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:44,160
[Scoffs repeatedly]
131
00:04:44,161 --> 00:04:46,582
That's the noise people make
when they're offended
132
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:47,766
in all the movies
that Annie rents.
133
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:49,451
- [Gasps]
- We'll try not to embarrass you
134
00:04:49,452 --> 00:04:51,570
at your community college
library wedding.
135
00:04:51,571 --> 00:04:52,938
- Thank you.
- Oh, Shirley,
136
00:04:52,939 --> 00:04:54,623
I managed to set up a meeting
with the Dean,
137
00:04:54,624 --> 00:04:56,673
so we can pitch him
our sandwich shop idea.
138
00:04:56,674 --> 00:04:58,675
I've already registered
a website...
139
00:04:58,676 --> 00:05:03,832
It's, uh, h-t-t-p, colon,
forward slash, forward slash,
140
00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:06,568
w-w-w, period,
members, period,
141
00:05:06,569 --> 00:05:10,061
webplicity custom sites...
All one word... period,
142
00:05:10,062 --> 00:05:12,007
- c-o...
- Oh, I don't know, Pierce.
143
00:05:12,008 --> 00:05:14,193
I'm way too busy for that now
with the wedding and everything.
144
00:05:14,194 --> 00:05:15,694
Bye-bye, everybody.
145
00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:17,813
- I have to practice my walk.
- Ooh.
146
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,567
Great.
147
00:05:21,568 --> 00:05:23,950
Another business venture
down the toilet.
148
00:05:23,951 --> 00:05:26,705
No problem,
I've still got plan "C."
149
00:05:26,706 --> 00:05:27,871
[Chuckles]
150
00:05:27,872 --> 00:05:30,475
Ladies and gentlemen,
the trouser bench.
151
00:05:30,476 --> 00:05:33,144
[Beep, air hissing]
152
00:05:33,145 --> 00:05:34,813
[Sighs]
153
00:05:34,814 --> 00:05:36,965
For the man on the go
who makes frequent stops.
154
00:05:36,966 --> 00:05:39,218
- [Crack, fabric rips]
- [Gasps]
155
00:05:39,219 --> 00:05:42,588
Will somebody please call
all the ambulances?
156
00:05:42,589 --> 00:05:43,755
I can't believe Shirley.
157
00:05:43,756 --> 00:05:44,940
We should show up
at this wedding
158
00:05:44,941 --> 00:05:46,258
and be the most normal people
in the world.
159
00:05:46,259 --> 00:05:47,492
Yeah, I could go
as normal man
160
00:05:47,493 --> 00:05:49,044
and you could be
my trusty sidekick ordinario.
161
00:05:49,045 --> 00:05:51,763
[Guffaws] No.
That's already weird.
162
00:05:51,764 --> 00:05:53,131
We'd be playing into her hand.
163
00:05:53,132 --> 00:05:56,385
We should just show up
wearing boring gray suits
164
00:05:56,386 --> 00:05:59,104
with gray ties
and gray shirts.
165
00:05:59,105 --> 00:06:00,556
We could dye our hair gray.
166
00:06:00,557 --> 00:06:02,808
And then we could lay down on
the sidewalk and be invisible.
167
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:04,443
You know,
maybe Shirley's got a point.
168
00:06:04,444 --> 00:06:06,228
I have an idea.
169
00:06:06,229 --> 00:06:08,703
What if we purged all
the weirdness from our systems?
170
00:06:08,704 --> 00:06:10,816
- You mean...
- A full 24-hour weird-down
171
00:06:10,817 --> 00:06:12,117
in the dreamatorium.
172
00:06:12,118 --> 00:06:13,902
Just you, me, and our
imaginations... no restraints.
173
00:06:13,903 --> 00:06:16,238
By the wedding, our temptation
to act weird will be gone.
174
00:06:16,239 --> 00:06:18,657
[Guffaws]
I'm feeling more normal already.
175
00:06:18,658 --> 00:06:20,358
- Crab walk home?
- Yeah.
176
00:06:20,359 --> 00:06:21,900
[Grunts]
177
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:27,583
Shirley, my ninth-grade
english teacher used to say,
178
00:06:27,584 --> 00:06:30,002
"there will always be a reason
not to follow your dreams."
179
00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:32,554
At the time, he meant
I was under the age of consent.
180
00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:34,506
But his words still apply.
181
00:06:34,507 --> 00:06:37,309
Are you sure your wedding
is the reason you're bailing
182
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:39,428
- on this business with Pierce?
- Uh, in the words
183
00:06:39,429 --> 00:06:41,212
of my ninth-grade
english teacher,
184
00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:43,265
"you are dippin' and dappin' and
don't know what's happenin'."
185
00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:44,683
Fine, we both went
to public school.
186
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:46,818
It's just that
I don't want to see you slide
187
00:06:46,819 --> 00:06:49,354
- into your old comfort zone.
- You don't know that.
188
00:06:49,355 --> 00:06:52,324
I am gonna start a business...
Soon!
189
00:06:52,325 --> 00:06:54,693
I can't help it if I have
floral arrangements to pick
190
00:06:54,694 --> 00:06:55,894
and a DJ to hire...
191
00:06:55,895 --> 00:06:57,329
Shirley,
if that really is your excuse,
192
00:06:57,330 --> 00:07:00,265
I will plan
your wedding for you!
193
00:07:00,266 --> 00:07:02,067
[Giggling]
194
00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,300
[Laughing hysterically]
195
00:07:06,172 --> 00:07:07,623
Ooh-hoo!
Thank you.
196
00:07:07,624 --> 00:07:09,207
Oh, my good God.
Thank you for that.
197
00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:12,561
I was serious.
198
00:07:15,298 --> 00:07:16,646
Britta, you're not
planning my wedding.
199
00:07:16,647 --> 00:07:18,517
- What if Annie helps?
- Oh, hey, guys.
200
00:07:18,518 --> 00:07:21,019
Did someone say "Annie",
"help," "wedding,"
201
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,854
and something
about maybe hydrangeas?
202
00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:24,106
Shirley,
you can lie to yourself,
203
00:07:24,107 --> 00:07:25,524
but you can't lie to me.
204
00:07:25,525 --> 00:07:29,784
Do not use your second wedding
as an excuse to limit yourself.
205
00:07:29,785 --> 00:07:32,787
Pierce, come here.
206
00:07:32,788 --> 00:07:37,292
Shirley, do you take this man
to be your business partner?
207
00:07:37,293 --> 00:07:39,168
- Mmm, I guess.
- Sure.
208
00:07:39,169 --> 00:07:41,123
I had to shelve
the trouser bench anyway.
209
00:07:41,124 --> 00:07:42,958
There are still some parts
of the prototype
210
00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:46,678
that need to be extracted.
211
00:07:46,679 --> 00:07:49,298
Maybe you're misunderstanding?
212
00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:52,134
I mean, from my butt.
213
00:07:52,135 --> 00:07:53,618
Excuse me.
214
00:07:55,499 --> 00:07:57,306
Meet Shirley,
215
00:07:57,307 --> 00:08:00,206
she's modern, she's urban,
she's fun, and she's hungry.
216
00:08:00,207 --> 00:08:03,376
You probably notice she's black,
but not a stereotype...
217
00:08:03,377 --> 00:08:05,711
- Suburban black.
- Is she suburban or urban?
218
00:08:05,712 --> 00:08:07,129
She's half-urban.
219
00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:09,915
Let's say...
Writer's secret, bad pitch...
220
00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:13,035
Her father's a record producer,
her mother's a Shirelle.
221
00:08:13,036 --> 00:08:15,171
We're supposed to be
preparing a business pitch.
222
00:08:15,172 --> 00:08:17,873
What about revenue projections?
What are the margins gonna be?
223
00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:19,859
[Chuckles]
Shirley, Shirley, Shirley,
224
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:21,877
Shirley, Shirley,
Shirley, Shirley.
225
00:08:21,878 --> 00:08:25,147
Sweet, innocent Shirley.
226
00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:27,733
- What was the question?
- Look,
227
00:08:27,734 --> 00:08:29,985
this was Britta's stupid idea.
228
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:31,670
I'd rather be with my man,
planning my wedding,
229
00:08:31,671 --> 00:08:34,790
and you'd clearly rather be
with Halle Berry in 1999.
230
00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:37,910
Pleasure not doing business
with you.
231
00:08:37,911 --> 00:08:41,831
Shirley,
Hawthorne wipes fired me.
232
00:08:41,832 --> 00:08:43,883
[Sighs]
233
00:08:43,884 --> 00:08:47,786
They were just waiting for my
dad to be out of the picture.
234
00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:49,588
I'm not an entrepreneur.
235
00:08:49,589 --> 00:08:51,623
I'm just a kid
with a bunch of money, I...
236
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,961
Please, please,
help me be somebody.
237
00:08:55,962 --> 00:08:58,964
Let me invest in you.
238
00:09:04,471 --> 00:09:06,906
First thing we need
to figure out is our overhead.
239
00:09:06,907 --> 00:09:08,240
Do you have a pen?
240
00:09:08,241 --> 00:09:10,276
Yeah.
241
00:09:10,277 --> 00:09:11,861
Oops.
242
00:09:11,862 --> 00:09:13,696
These pockets.
243
00:09:13,697 --> 00:09:15,314
Do you know someone
that can buy a pen?
244
00:09:15,315 --> 00:09:16,354
Yes!
245
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,284
Well, have you thought
about the color story
246
00:09:18,285 --> 00:09:19,452
for your wedding?
247
00:09:19,453 --> 00:09:20,536
He means
the theme of the wedding.
248
00:09:20,537 --> 00:09:22,204
- Right, Dale?
- Mm-hmm.
249
00:09:22,205 --> 00:09:23,456
Same theme as every wedding...
250
00:09:23,457 --> 00:09:25,691
Conformity, blind participation,
and patriarchal...
251
00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:27,510
- What about pink?
- We don't call it pink.
252
00:09:27,511 --> 00:09:29,044
We don't call anything
by its name.
253
00:09:29,045 --> 00:09:30,763
That's, like,
day-one floral school stuff.
254
00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:32,882
This is citrine.
This is opalescent.
255
00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:35,434
This is sea glass, cameo,
and cerulean.
256
00:09:35,435 --> 00:09:38,003
Come on,
how difficult is this?
257
00:09:38,004 --> 00:09:40,272
[Sighs] You do one of these,
one of these,
258
00:09:40,273 --> 00:09:42,475
one of these, this one,
259
00:09:42,476 --> 00:09:45,677
this one and, like,
stick a ribbon on it. Happy?
260
00:09:48,448 --> 00:09:50,349
Britta, that's a really
beautiful arrangement.
261
00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:52,201
Color me lavender.
262
00:09:52,202 --> 00:09:53,819
"Lavender" means "impressed."
263
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:57,206
Yeah, well, great...
Flowers look good in a pot.
264
00:09:57,207 --> 00:09:58,958
There are people dying
in Uganda.
265
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,543
[Click]
266
00:10:00,544 --> 00:10:02,495
Got it.
267
00:10:02,496 --> 00:10:04,330
What! [Ericahum,
glass shatters, cow moos]
268
00:10:04,331 --> 00:10:05,664
Ugh!
[Clucking]
269
00:10:05,665 --> 00:10:07,733
- Ahh, ahh, ahh.
- Don't eat my skin!
270
00:10:07,734 --> 00:10:10,503
I am shaving everything!
[Silence]
271
00:10:10,504 --> 00:10:13,222
- Well, that should do it.
- Yeah.
272
00:10:13,223 --> 00:10:15,040
My God, isn't tonight
Shirley's wedding rehearsal?
273
00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,175
Look at how we're dressed.
274
00:10:16,176 --> 00:10:17,443
Yes, this simply won't do.
275
00:10:17,444 --> 00:10:18,644
Let's change
into something appropriate
276
00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:19,895
for the occasion
and be on our way.
277
00:10:19,896 --> 00:10:21,013
I agree.
278
00:10:21,014 --> 00:10:24,883
Both:
Troy and Abed being normal.
279
00:10:24,884 --> 00:10:28,187
[Annie humming]
280
00:10:28,188 --> 00:10:29,655
Annie!
281
00:10:29,656 --> 00:10:32,174
- I need your help.
- [Squealing laugh]
282
00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:35,194
Um, you're, like,
sentimental and stuff.
283
00:10:35,195 --> 00:10:36,529
Oh!
284
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:38,047
I'm really having trouble
coming up with a toast.
285
00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,832
I find that hard
to believe, Jeff.
286
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,050
You once convinced Troy
287
00:10:41,051 --> 00:10:42,551
that turtlenecks
were made of turtles' necks.
288
00:10:42,552 --> 00:10:45,538
It's true, my superpower is
that I can assume any position
289
00:10:45,539 --> 00:10:47,623
that suits my purpose.
In that example...
290
00:10:47,624 --> 00:10:49,875
Keeping turtlenecks as an option
for myself, down the road.
291
00:10:49,876 --> 00:10:51,961
But I do have a kryptonite.
292
00:10:51,962 --> 00:10:54,263
It's so obvious to me
that marriage is dumb,
293
00:10:54,264 --> 00:10:55,798
I can't even pretend
to get behind it.
294
00:10:55,799 --> 00:10:57,516
You know what I think
would make the perfect toast?
295
00:10:57,517 --> 00:11:00,586
You, as Shirley's friend
and a good guy,
296
00:11:00,587 --> 00:11:02,388
just saying what's really
in your heart.
297
00:11:02,389 --> 00:11:05,524
There's something real
in there.
298
00:11:05,525 --> 00:11:09,261
Maybe that's what scares you.
299
00:11:12,782 --> 00:11:15,784
[Clicking]
300
00:11:19,654 --> 00:11:21,540
I could use a drink.
301
00:11:21,541 --> 00:11:23,775
Shirley's sandwiches
can offer students
302
00:11:23,776 --> 00:11:25,611
more food for less money,
and provide the campus
303
00:11:25,612 --> 00:11:27,213
with a higher percentage
of the profits.
304
00:11:27,214 --> 00:11:28,247
Pierce, put up the next slide.
305
00:11:28,248 --> 00:11:30,182
That's me!
306
00:11:30,183 --> 00:11:32,918
Where'd I get all that money
I'm holding?
307
00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:34,336
I'm gonna tell you
the three reasons
308
00:11:34,337 --> 00:11:36,305
that Shirley's sandwiches
and your cafeteria are going
309
00:11:36,306 --> 00:11:37,506
to be successful.
310
00:11:37,507 --> 00:11:39,308
Well, then
I'm writing this down, hmm?
311
00:11:39,309 --> 00:11:41,293
Wait.
312
00:11:41,294 --> 00:11:43,062
Here's a pen.
313
00:11:43,063 --> 00:11:45,314
Thank you.
314
00:11:45,315 --> 00:11:48,601
[A cappella version
of amazing grace]
315
00:11:48,602 --> 00:11:53,188
ooh ooh ooh ooh
316
00:11:53,189 --> 00:11:55,074
-
ooh ooh ooh ooh...
- Holy crap!
317
00:11:55,075 --> 00:11:56,408
Britta, you're really good
at this.
318
00:11:56,409 --> 00:11:58,944
- I know.
- What's wrong with you?
319
00:11:58,945 --> 00:12:01,230
This may shock you, Annie,
but I come from a long line
320
00:12:01,231 --> 00:12:03,949
- of wives and mothers.
- Many do.
321
00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:05,834
But I ran away from it
my whole life.
322
00:12:05,835 --> 00:12:08,254
I refused to give Santa
a christmas list,
323
00:12:08,255 --> 00:12:10,489
because I didn't want to depend
on any man for anything.
324
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:11,757
And now, look at me!
325
00:12:11,758 --> 00:12:14,043
I'm Betty Crocker.
I'm Martha Stewart.
326
00:12:14,044 --> 00:12:16,078
I'm one of
the Steppenwolf wives.
327
00:12:16,079 --> 00:12:18,881
Ohh, God.
328
00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:20,766
I'm gonna make some man
very happy someday.
329
00:12:20,767 --> 00:12:23,102
Ooh. Easy.
Slow down.
330
00:12:23,103 --> 00:12:24,453
What's with you guys?
331
00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:25,621
We de-whimsified ourselves.
332
00:12:25,622 --> 00:12:26,972
Yep. We're normal now.
333
00:12:26,973 --> 00:12:29,308
Oh. Good?
334
00:12:29,309 --> 00:12:30,842
Hey, anybody seen Shirley?
335
00:12:30,843 --> 00:12:32,361
What? Shirley's late to
the rehearsal for her wedding?
336
00:12:32,362 --> 00:12:33,529
Oh, my.
337
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,297
Hey, man. You don't have
to be sarcastic.
338
00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:36,532
I'm not being sarcastic.
339
00:12:36,533 --> 00:12:38,016
We're heavily invested
in your situation.
340
00:12:38,017 --> 00:12:39,451
Nothing's more important to us
341
00:12:39,452 --> 00:12:41,353
than your second wedding's
rehearsal going smoothly.
342
00:12:41,354 --> 00:12:45,357
Walk away, man.
343
00:12:48,712 --> 00:12:50,963
Hey!
Did you think of a toast?
344
00:12:50,964 --> 00:12:52,047
Well, yeah.
345
00:12:52,048 --> 00:12:53,749
Uh, I had a drink,
346
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:55,884
and I looked in my heart,
347
00:12:55,885 --> 00:12:59,871
and here's what I got
so far...
348
00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:01,674
"Webster's dictionary defines..."
349
00:13:01,675 --> 00:13:03,158
Gah! Stop!
350
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:04,977
"Webster's dictionary defines"?
351
00:13:04,978 --> 00:13:07,212
That's the Jim Belushi
of speech openings...
352
00:13:07,213 --> 00:13:09,014
It accomplishes nothing,
but everyone keeps using it
353
00:13:09,015 --> 00:13:11,183
- and nobody understands why.
- Yeah, well, it's all I got.
354
00:13:11,184 --> 00:13:13,686
That took me eight hours
and six macallan neatses.
355
00:13:13,687 --> 00:13:16,021
Look, I'm sorry, I just
don't believe in marriage.
356
00:13:16,022 --> 00:13:17,523
I do.
It's inevitable.
357
00:13:19,385 --> 00:13:23,012
And then I'd put a counter
across here and the ovens there.
358
00:13:23,013 --> 00:13:24,530
Okay, okay.
359
00:13:24,531 --> 00:13:28,066
And how fiscal will
the quarterly earnings be?
360
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,618
Well, initially, the fiscal...
361
00:13:29,619 --> 00:13:30,736
Wait, that question makes
no sense.
362
00:13:30,737 --> 00:13:32,037
Ah! I know.
363
00:13:32,038 --> 00:13:34,423
I just want to sound
as good at business as you are.
364
00:13:34,424 --> 00:13:36,425
I probably shouldn't say this,
365
00:13:36,426 --> 00:13:38,844
but I cannot believe you learned
all this at Greendale.
366
00:13:38,845 --> 00:13:41,880
- You're very professional.
- I am, aren't I?
367
00:13:41,881 --> 00:13:45,134
I brought sodas,
so we can toast to our futures.
368
00:13:45,135 --> 00:13:47,419
Look at me now, dad.
[Guffaws]
369
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:48,754
Dad?
Oh, my God,
370
00:13:48,755 --> 00:13:50,105
I'm supposed to be
looking like a bride
371
00:13:50,106 --> 00:13:53,192
for my wedding rehearsal
to the dad of my children.
372
00:13:53,193 --> 00:13:55,144
That was...
373
00:13:55,145 --> 00:13:57,363
And odd dot to connect.
374
00:13:57,364 --> 00:14:00,599
[Quiet rock music]
375
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,117
376
00:14:02,118 --> 00:14:04,987
give me another.
377
00:14:04,988 --> 00:14:06,038
Mmm.
378
00:14:09,859 --> 00:14:12,494
What's with you?
379
00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:14,296
[Whispering]
This is who I am.
380
00:14:14,297 --> 00:14:15,664
Andre, sorry I'm late.
381
00:14:15,665 --> 00:14:16,965
I have wonderful news.
382
00:14:16,966 --> 00:14:19,635
- Where were you?
- Uh, getting wonderful news.
383
00:14:19,636 --> 00:14:21,119
The Dean loved our pitch and...
384
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,388
Your pitch?
385
00:14:22,389 --> 00:14:23,972
Woman, I've been waiting for you
for two hours.
386
00:14:23,973 --> 00:14:25,157
Oh, no.
Has it been that long?
387
00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:26,425
I'm so sorry.
388
00:14:26,426 --> 00:14:28,260
Don't you dare
use your sexy voice on me.
389
00:14:28,261 --> 00:14:30,596
Both: Ohh.
390
00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:31,897
It's just a rehearsal.
391
00:14:31,898 --> 00:14:33,432
Lord knows
we've done it before.
392
00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:35,617
That's not the point.
393
00:14:35,618 --> 00:14:37,152
Shirley, I thought
this wedding was supposed
394
00:14:37,153 --> 00:14:38,987
to be the start of us
getting back to normal.
395
00:14:38,988 --> 00:14:40,472
- Back to normal?
- Yes.
396
00:14:40,473 --> 00:14:42,574
I need to not be
Mr. Mom anymore.
397
00:14:42,575 --> 00:14:44,743
Okay, I got to get back
to my stereo business.
398
00:14:44,744 --> 00:14:46,495
You know my store's
been struggling.
399
00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:47,946
I'm sorry, Andre,
400
00:14:47,947 --> 00:14:50,249
but "normal" went out the door
the day you did.
401
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:52,284
Well, if we can't get back
to the way things were,
402
00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:54,253
why the hell are we
getting remarried?
403
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:00,592
[Retreating footfalls]
404
00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,561
Oy...
405
00:15:02,562 --> 00:15:04,413
These shrimp are to die for.
406
00:15:06,877 --> 00:15:08,813
Yah, yah, yah!
407
00:15:08,814 --> 00:15:10,898
Yah, yah, yah!
408
00:15:11,924 --> 00:15:13,124
Walk the plank.
409
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:15,260
I think you've mistaken us
for pirates.
410
00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:17,245
We are
community college students.
411
00:15:17,246 --> 00:15:19,180
Both: [Sighs]
412
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:21,149
Abed, I just had
an odd thought.
413
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:22,684
What if once you go
from being weird to normal,
414
00:15:22,685 --> 00:15:24,419
you can never go back
to being weird again?
415
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:25,804
That is an odd thought.
416
00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:27,088
Well, let's hope
it's the last.
417
00:15:27,089 --> 00:15:30,692
Cheers to that,
my everyday friend.
418
00:15:30,693 --> 00:15:31,943
Hello, everyone.
419
00:15:31,944 --> 00:15:35,947
Shirley asked me to say
something nice at her wedding.
420
00:15:35,948 --> 00:15:38,316
- This is the rehearsal.
- Shut up, Leonard!
421
00:15:38,317 --> 00:15:40,602
Those teenage girls you play
ping-pong with are doing it ironically.
422
00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:42,237
Well!
423
00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:43,788
I searched my heart...
424
00:15:43,789 --> 00:15:47,409
For something nice to say
at a wedding.
425
00:15:47,410 --> 00:15:50,078
And I found nothing,
so I had a drink.
426
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:53,131
And then I looked real hard.
427
00:15:53,132 --> 00:15:56,801
And you know what I found?
428
00:15:56,802 --> 00:16:00,805
My daddy said he would stay
with my mommy forever,
429
00:16:00,806 --> 00:16:02,524
and he left!
430
00:16:02,525 --> 00:16:05,594
Marriage is a lie!
Nobody commits to this!
431
00:16:05,595 --> 00:16:07,062
Nobody stays with anybody
forever,
432
00:16:07,063 --> 00:16:09,097
so why do we keep lying?
433
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,298
[Slurring] I'm gonna stay
with somebody forever.
434
00:16:10,299 --> 00:16:12,851
It's in my stupid DNA.
435
00:16:12,852 --> 00:16:16,571
I was born to be a wife and
that's all I'm ever gonna be!
436
00:16:16,572 --> 00:16:17,972
You expect anyone here
to believe that?
437
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:20,575
I don't care if anybody
believes it, jackass!
438
00:16:20,576 --> 00:16:22,477
- It's a fact!
- Prove it, ding dong!
439
00:16:22,478 --> 00:16:23,862
There are a lot of layers
to this.
440
00:16:23,863 --> 00:16:26,298
It's almost too conceptual
to follow, but...
441
00:16:26,299 --> 00:16:27,866
I love it.
442
00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:29,901
So that's what this
was all about, Andre?
443
00:16:29,902 --> 00:16:31,419
Just about wanting me back
in the kitchen?
444
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:33,288
I thought you loved
being a wife and a mother.
445
00:16:33,289 --> 00:16:34,489
Of course,
but can't you see
446
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:35,540
that's not all
I'm about anymore.
447
00:16:35,541 --> 00:16:37,359
Hi, sorry,
don't want to interrupt.
448
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,095
But you are cordially invited
to prevent a disaster.
449
00:16:40,096 --> 00:16:42,681
I promise to put your dreams
before mine.
450
00:16:42,682 --> 00:16:44,282
I promise to bottle up
my repulsion
451
00:16:44,283 --> 00:16:45,833
at the sight of your hair
in the drain.
452
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:49,054
I promise to earn no more than
70% of what you would make
453
00:16:49,055 --> 00:16:50,338
at the same job.
454
00:16:50,339 --> 00:16:51,890
- What about babies?
- What about 'em?
455
00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:53,141
- How many?
- Pick a number, dick!
456
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,275
Like, it's up to me!
457
00:16:54,276 --> 00:16:56,061
What in God's name
are you two doing?
458
00:16:56,062 --> 00:16:57,529
Getting married.
459
00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:59,180
What does it look like
we're doing?
460
00:16:59,181 --> 00:17:01,516
You two are damn fools.
Oh, sorry.
461
00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:03,518
- I'll allow it.
- I am a fool.
462
00:17:03,519 --> 00:17:07,572
I was a fool to think I wasn't
destined for a life of this.
463
00:17:07,573 --> 00:17:08,856
I mean, look around.
464
00:17:08,857 --> 00:17:11,793
Can you even imagine what kind
of wedding I could throw
465
00:17:11,794 --> 00:17:13,695
if I actually gave a crap?
466
00:17:13,696 --> 00:17:16,698
- No offense.
- Knock it off.
467
00:17:16,699 --> 00:17:18,917
Being good at weddings doesn't
make you good at marriage.
468
00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:20,051
Exactly.
469
00:17:20,052 --> 00:17:21,302
People can make all sorts
of promises,
470
00:17:21,303 --> 00:17:22,921
but they never stick it out.
471
00:17:22,922 --> 00:17:25,090
It's not something you
just stick out, man, all right?
472
00:17:25,091 --> 00:17:26,307
It's a risk
that you take together.
473
00:17:26,308 --> 00:17:28,209
And you don't
just promise it once.
474
00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:30,011
You got to promise it
every day.
475
00:17:30,012 --> 00:17:31,596
Yes, but the person you're
making promises to
476
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:34,015
is going to change.
You have to accept that.
477
00:17:34,016 --> 00:17:37,018
I do.
But do you promise to be patient
478
00:17:37,019 --> 00:17:39,554
when that person's stereo
business takes a little while
479
00:17:39,555 --> 00:17:41,556
- to get off the ground.
- I do, but...
480
00:17:41,557 --> 00:17:43,508
Do you accept that ten years
is more than a little while
481
00:17:43,509 --> 00:17:44,993
and that iPods
aren't going away,
482
00:17:44,994 --> 00:17:49,030
and maybe it's time to let
somebody else take the lead?
483
00:17:49,031 --> 00:17:50,165
I do.
484
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:52,450
You do?
485
00:17:52,451 --> 00:17:55,787
Yes, baby, I swear I do.
486
00:17:55,788 --> 00:17:57,756
Then I promise I will do
whatever it takes
487
00:17:57,757 --> 00:17:59,507
to make this work forever.
488
00:17:59,508 --> 00:18:01,543
Oh!
489
00:18:01,544 --> 00:18:03,911
Well, in that case,
let's rehearse this bad boy.
490
00:18:03,912 --> 00:18:05,213
- Mm-hmm.
- Actually,
491
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:06,631
you pretty much just married
each other.
492
00:18:06,632 --> 00:18:08,433
If you let me pronounce you
man and wife,
493
00:18:08,434 --> 00:18:09,884
you can kiss the bride
494
00:18:09,885 --> 00:18:12,187
and you can save like, um,
70 bucks.
495
00:18:12,188 --> 00:18:13,755
- What do you say, baby?
- Mmm.
496
00:18:13,756 --> 00:18:15,540
Mm-hmm.
[Applause]
497
00:18:15,541 --> 00:18:17,726
Done and done.
Husband and wife.
498
00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:19,811
- [Giggles]
- Now how about it?
499
00:18:19,812 --> 00:18:23,898
Let's party!
[Cheering, applause]
500
00:18:23,899 --> 00:18:26,151
Both: Lame.
501
00:18:26,152 --> 00:18:30,038
[Upbeat music]
502
00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:31,773
[Clattering]
503
00:18:37,546 --> 00:18:40,248
[Monkey squeaks]
504
00:18:43,786 --> 00:18:44,786
Abed.
505
00:18:44,787 --> 00:18:45,920
Abed! Abed!
506
00:18:45,921 --> 00:18:47,756
We're weird.
We need to be weird.
507
00:18:47,757 --> 00:18:49,307
You want to see something
weird? Check out this dance.
508
00:18:49,308 --> 00:18:50,975
Uh, what did you call this?
The "Lindbergh lean"?
509
00:18:50,976 --> 00:18:52,460
What'll they think of next?
510
00:18:56,515 --> 00:18:58,850
Inspector spacetime...
511
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:01,152
Ohh, thank the cosmic engineer
I found you.
512
00:19:01,153 --> 00:19:02,604
Troy, this is hardly the time.
513
00:19:02,605 --> 00:19:04,972
Or is it hardly
the space?
514
00:19:04,973 --> 00:19:06,274
Okay, I see
what you did there.
515
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,659
But now I have to get back
to my Lindbergh lean
516
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,277
with, uh... I'm sorry,
I didn't catch your name.
517
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,613
Inspector...
What sort of creature
518
00:19:11,614 --> 00:19:15,483
would do a dance
called the Lindbergh lean?
519
00:19:15,484 --> 00:19:17,585
- Blorgons?
- [Whispers] Blorgons.
520
00:19:17,586 --> 00:19:19,587
My name's Danielle.
521
00:19:19,588 --> 00:19:22,824
Constable Reggie, it appears
the Blorgons have developed
522
00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:26,261
- the ability to take human form.
- Weirdos.
523
00:19:26,262 --> 00:19:27,946
[Clattering]
524
00:19:27,947 --> 00:19:31,800
Your photonic bowler hat.
525
00:19:33,352 --> 00:19:35,186
Ahh.
[Sniffs]
526
00:19:35,187 --> 00:19:36,504
Blorgon patrol.
527
00:19:36,505 --> 00:19:39,524
Shirley, I have some
good news and bad news.
528
00:19:39,525 --> 00:19:42,944
The good news is the board loved
your sandwich shop idea.
529
00:19:42,945 --> 00:19:44,178
[Both squeal and giggle]
530
00:19:44,179 --> 00:19:46,447
The bad news
is that they made a few calls
531
00:19:46,448 --> 00:19:48,116
and sold the space to subway,
the sandwich place.
532
00:19:48,117 --> 00:19:50,477
What? Pierce and I put
a lot of work into that idea.
533
00:19:50,478 --> 00:19:53,121
- How could you do this, Dean?
- I'm sorry!
534
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:54,656
The board went over my head
on this one.
535
00:19:54,657 --> 00:19:57,375
And I don't remember being
invited to your wedding,
536
00:19:57,376 --> 00:20:00,461
so I guess we're even
on the hurting-each-other front.
537
00:20:00,462 --> 00:20:04,632
I'm a blast at weddings.
538
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,417
There go all my dreams.
539
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:08,203
This is just a setback.
540
00:20:08,204 --> 00:20:10,488
You don't have to give up
just because of subway.
541
00:20:10,489 --> 00:20:12,457
Guess I better go break
the news to Pierce.
542
00:20:12,458 --> 00:20:13,875
He's not gonna like this.
543
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:15,393
Remember that
temper tantrum he threw
544
00:20:15,394 --> 00:20:17,762
when Adam Sandler "stole"
his idea for Jack and Jill?
545
00:20:17,763 --> 00:20:19,013
You're underestimating him.
546
00:20:19,014 --> 00:20:20,265
I think Pierce
is a lot more mature
547
00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:21,516
than we all give him
credit for.
548
00:20:21,517 --> 00:20:26,187
Look at me now, dad!
How's it taste?
549
00:20:26,188 --> 00:20:30,074
How many sandwich places
did you have?
550
00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:32,228
[Cackles]
None!
551
00:20:32,229 --> 00:20:34,271
Sync & corrections by Rafael
UPD www.addic7ed.com/
552
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,324
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553
00:20:38,374 --> 00:20:42,924
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