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1
00:00:08,206 --> 00:00:10,034
Don't be scared.Okay.
2
00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:12,482
[ Knocks on door ]
3
00:00:12,586 --> 00:00:13,586
I have an appointment.
4
00:00:14,655 --> 00:00:17,034
Girls, a bra that fits
5
00:00:17,137 --> 00:00:19,275
is the single greatest gift
6
00:00:19,379 --> 00:00:20,793
that one woman
can give another.
7
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,758
And if I see
either of you two girls
8
00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:26,034
wearing one of those napkins
by Victoria's Secrets,
9
00:00:26,137 --> 00:00:27,931
I will personally come
and murder you.
10
00:00:28,034 --> 00:00:33,103
-Booba! [ Laughs ]
-Hey!
11
00:00:33,206 --> 00:00:36,103
Look what I brought you --
fresh virgin breast meat.
12
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:37,448
[ Chuckles ]
13
00:00:37,551 --> 00:00:39,862
I think I know
that I'm a 32C, so...
14
00:00:39,965 --> 00:00:42,137
[ Laughter ]
15
00:00:42,241 --> 00:00:43,827
You have no idea
what you are!
16
00:00:43,931 --> 00:00:47,724
Ah, yes, classic baumgarten
shape on these.
17
00:00:47,827 --> 00:00:49,103
Woman: Uh-huh.
18
00:00:49,206 --> 00:00:51,137
Same inverted nipple
on the right breast?
19
00:00:51,241 --> 00:00:53,965
Of course!
She's my little girl.
20
00:00:54,068 --> 00:00:56,931
So let's get started.
Bring out the measuring rod!
21
00:00:57,034 --> 00:01:00,241
Okay![ Laughs ]
22
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,413
You have a lump.
23
00:01:05,517 --> 00:01:07,275
It is benign.
24
00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:09,689
Okay,
I have to take two bras
25
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,068
and sew together
26
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:14,000
because your breasts
are very different sizes.
27
00:01:14,103 --> 00:01:17,310
Almost as if
they were unrelated, hm?
28
00:01:17,413 --> 00:01:18,517
♪♪
29
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:22,275
You're are...28KKK.
30
00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:24,413
Oof.
Just call it an L.
31
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:26,241
♪♪
32
00:01:26,344 --> 00:01:28,517
-Ooh!
-Oh, yes!
33
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,448
[ Laughter ]
34
00:01:30,551 --> 00:01:32,275
I feel like I'm not
gonna be able to fit my shirt over this.
35
00:01:32,379 --> 00:01:35,413
Did you insert a back brace
without telling me?
36
00:01:35,517 --> 00:01:37,241
They are
absolute perfection.
37
00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:38,758
Now, what's the damage?
38
00:01:38,862 --> 00:01:41,689
Two bras comes to $533.
39
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:43,448
-Holy -- expensive.
-Fuck you.
40
00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:44,620
Well, you talk about
price-per-wear,
41
00:01:44,724 --> 00:01:46,241
we're talking nickels,
okay?
42
00:01:46,344 --> 00:01:49,034
Let's ring it up.
I'm sorry, ladies.Okay.
43
00:01:49,137 --> 00:01:51,103
It's wonderful work.
Wonderful.
44
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:53,586
I kind of like mine.
45
00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:56,068
♪ 4 and 3 and 2 and 1
46
00:01:56,172 --> 00:02:00,655
♪♪
47
00:02:00,758 --> 00:02:02,965
[ Humming ]
48
00:02:03,068 --> 00:02:03,965
How'd you sleep?
49
00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:05,275
Not well.
50
00:02:05,379 --> 00:02:07,482
You snore like a demon.
51
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:08,655
No, I don't!
52
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,413
Yeah, you do.
No.
53
00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:12,482
Yes, you do.
Look at this.
54
00:02:12,586 --> 00:02:13,517
You filmed it?
55
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:17,344
[ Snoring loudly]
56
00:02:17,448 --> 00:02:19,793
Look at that.I sound ill.
57
00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,206
Yeah, it was very scary,
58
00:02:21,310 --> 00:02:23,206
but then after a while,
it was kind of cute.
59
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,137
That's cute.
Come here.
60
00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:27,241
Thank you!
That's so cute!
61
00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:28,896
[ Cooing ]
62
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,241
[ Light bulb pops ]
63
00:02:30,344 --> 00:02:32,551
Oh, I have been waiting
to replace this,
64
00:02:32,655 --> 00:02:33,965
put in
an energy-efficient bulb,
65
00:02:34,068 --> 00:02:35,517
but I had to wait
till it was for-real dead,
66
00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:37,482
'cause if I threw it out
while it was perfectly good,
67
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:38,862
that would be so wasteful,
you know?
68
00:02:38,965 --> 00:02:40,586
My eco-warrior princess --
69
00:02:40,689 --> 00:02:42,827
energy-efficient bulbs,
not showering.
70
00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:44,206
I'm loving
that lady musk.
71
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:45,724
I just showered.
72
00:02:45,827 --> 00:02:48,000
[ Chuckles ]You're mean.
73
00:02:48,103 --> 00:02:52,068
[ Laughs ]
74
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,206
Wow.
Get it.
75
00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:54,862
Oh, my God.
76
00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:57,448
Do you know
what this is?
77
00:02:57,551 --> 00:02:58,655
No.
78
00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:00,379
It's a Fruit by the Foot
wrapper.
79
00:03:00,482 --> 00:03:01,620
Okay.
80
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,068
Good...Gaga.
81
00:03:03,172 --> 00:03:04,793
I can't believe this day.
82
00:03:04,896 --> 00:03:08,482
Once upon a time long ago,
didn't know ya,
83
00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:11,103
I was hard-core hooking up
with this very hot,
84
00:03:11,206 --> 00:03:13,689
very old dot-com douche
named Brad.
85
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,275
TMI, right?Hate him, loathe him,
86
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:16,965
grossed out by him now,
you know? Yeah.
87
00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:18,517
Now I'm like...
[ Shudders ]Thank you for that.
88
00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:19,758
But I gave him
this Waka Flocka Flame ticket,
89
00:03:19,862 --> 00:03:20,965
and in order
to pay me back,
90
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,551
he gave me
a third of Bitcoin.
91
00:03:22,655 --> 00:03:24,517
And this
Fruit by the Foot wrapper,
92
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:25,827
gnarly as it may be,
93
00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:28,655
is my ticket
to that third of Bitcoin.
94
00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:32,965
This is the, like, key,
and the password is...
95
00:03:33,068 --> 00:03:35,172
"Brad has it."
96
00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:36,517
No.
97
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:38,310
Brad has the --
Brad has the password.
98
00:03:38,413 --> 00:03:39,758
Shit.
99
00:03:39,862 --> 00:03:41,655
[ Horn honks ]
100
00:03:41,758 --> 00:03:43,689
[ Door slams ]
101
00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:47,965
[ Electricity crackling ]
102
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:50,655
[ Rats squeak ]
103
00:03:50,758 --> 00:03:54,655
[ Phone vibrates ]
104
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:55,931
Hey, dude.
105
00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:57,206
Baby, listen up.
106
00:03:57,310 --> 00:03:58,862
I just found the info
for my Bitcoin,
107
00:03:58,965 --> 00:04:01,275
which reminded me,
I have a Bitcoin.
108
00:04:01,379 --> 00:04:03,000
Wow,
so what are you gonna do?
109
00:04:03,103 --> 00:04:04,034
Like, pay off your student loans
or something?
110
00:04:04,137 --> 00:04:05,896
Sha!
Don't think so, Abb.
111
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,103
This Bitcoin money is not
for loans or debt,
112
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,551
not rent nor weed
or healthcare
113
00:04:09,655 --> 00:04:10,724
or any other stupid thing.
114
00:04:10,827 --> 00:04:12,310
This money is
to get my wiz-ness --
115
00:04:12,413 --> 00:04:14,137
woman-owned business --
up and running.
116
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:15,827
Oh, you mean Phone Wigs?
I'm using mine right now.
117
00:04:15,931 --> 00:04:17,482
Ah.
Yeah!
118
00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:18,827
I'm gonna submit a patent
119
00:04:18,931 --> 00:04:20,586
as soon as I cash out
my third of a Bitcoin.
120
00:04:20,689 --> 00:04:21,896
Want to come with?
121
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,000
Um, I'd love to,
but it's my, uh --
122
00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:26,620
it's my day off, uh,
and so it's laundry day,
123
00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:27,931
and it looks like
I got to clean the washer,
124
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,448
and --
No, no!
125
00:04:29,551 --> 00:04:31,413
Are you in that dank dungeon
that they literally
126
00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:32,965
illegally claim to be
a laundry room?
127
00:04:33,068 --> 00:04:34,827
You have a job.
Drop that shit off.
128
00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:38,241
It just feels so extravagant
to drop off laundry.
129
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,413
We're businesswomen, Abb.
Time is money.
130
00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:42,655
I mean, I guess
it would be really dope
131
00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:45,034
to have some creative
and personal time.
132
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,413
Okay.
133
00:04:47,517 --> 00:04:48,758
Yay!
Yay!
134
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:50,068
Wiz-ness!
135
00:04:50,172 --> 00:04:57,034
♪♪
136
00:04:58,034 --> 00:05:01,000
[ Door rattles ]
137
00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:05,137
♪♪
138
00:05:05,241 --> 00:05:06,862
[ Exhales sharply ]
139
00:05:06,965 --> 00:05:08,344
♪♪
140
00:05:08,448 --> 00:05:10,758
Hello.
141
00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:13,034
I'd like to drop this stuff off
for fluff and fold,
142
00:05:13,137 --> 00:05:15,103
and I'm gonna use that time
to enrich my life.
143
00:05:15,206 --> 00:05:17,275
Okay.
Great.
144
00:05:17,379 --> 00:05:20,275
Oh, you know what? I'm gonna
put this in there, too.
145
00:05:20,379 --> 00:05:21,793
Thank you.
146
00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:23,724
[ Exhales sharply ]
I'm doing it.
147
00:05:23,827 --> 00:05:25,034
[ Clears throat ]
148
00:05:25,137 --> 00:05:26,724
So,
it's Abbi with an "I."
149
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:27,931
Ibbi.
150
00:05:28,034 --> 00:05:29,448
Uh, no,
it's actually just Abbi.
151
00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:31,344
I like that less.
152
00:05:32,827 --> 00:05:33,862
You can pick it up
in an hour.
153
00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:35,413
Wow, an hour.
154
00:05:35,517 --> 00:05:37,517
That's fabulous.
Cool.
155
00:05:41,344 --> 00:05:42,724
So, they call it
cryptocurrency
156
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,137
'cause it's
so damn cryptic.
157
00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:45,517
Nobody really gets it.
158
00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:47,931
Wait,
where are you going?
159
00:05:48,034 --> 00:05:49,620
I'm stepping out
to give you privacy.
160
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,793
Stay.
161
00:05:50,896 --> 00:05:52,103
I-I feel like
we have a good vibe.
162
00:05:52,206 --> 00:05:54,241
Oh, okay, all right.Okay, great.
163
00:05:54,344 --> 00:05:56,034
Thank you. So...
164
00:05:57,896 --> 00:05:58,931
♪ Ahhh
165
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:00,379
[ Chuckles ]
You know what I mean?
166
00:06:00,482 --> 00:06:01,620
It's like all my favorite
memories in one place.
167
00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,448
Ugh, Dongs.
168
00:06:03,551 --> 00:06:05,310
Okay, so, I got to get
this burner phone
169
00:06:05,413 --> 00:06:07,586
'cause I used to hook
up with this hot, rich, older, douchey dude
170
00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:08,896
who's now
a Bitcoin broker,
171
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000
and his info
is on one of these.
172
00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:12,724
Well, his dick pic is,
173
00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:14,379
so if I find the dick,
I find his number.
174
00:06:14,482 --> 00:06:16,413
Ah, here it is.
175
00:06:16,517 --> 00:06:18,344
Oh, my God, look.
176
00:06:18,448 --> 00:06:19,931
Do you want
to see his dick? No.
177
00:06:20,034 --> 00:06:21,896
Do you want to see
my Phone Wigs?No, no.
178
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,689
Anyway, so,
I found the Bitcoin code
179
00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:25,344
in a ceiling lamp
of all places.
180
00:06:25,448 --> 00:06:29,896
[ Egg timer ticks ]
181
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:36,551
♪♪
182
00:06:36,655 --> 00:06:38,655
[ Slurps ]
183
00:06:38,758 --> 00:06:40,000
Ahh.
184
00:06:40,103 --> 00:06:45,896
♪♪
185
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,241
♪ I want to play you
one more time ♪
186
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,724
♪♪
187
00:06:52,827 --> 00:06:54,103
[ Egg timer dings ][ Sighs ]
188
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,827
Hi. It's me again.
189
00:06:56,931 --> 00:06:58,275
Here you go.
190
00:06:58,379 --> 00:07:00,379
I'm getting a lot done.
191
00:07:00,482 --> 00:07:01,586
A lot of work stuff,
you know.
192
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,275
I'm really productive.
193
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,655
Wow, this is it, huh?
194
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,275
I'm just gonna
check it out.
195
00:07:06,379 --> 00:07:08,482
Why not, right?
Check out your handiwork.
196
00:07:08,586 --> 00:07:10,655
Oh, my goodness.
197
00:07:10,758 --> 00:07:12,517
You got
this grease stain out.
198
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:13,862
I sat on a funnel cake.
199
00:07:13,965 --> 00:07:15,482
Such a waste.
200
00:07:15,586 --> 00:07:16,827
Let's see
if that hoodie string
201
00:07:16,931 --> 00:07:18,034
stayed in the hole,
right?
202
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:19,137
That's the trickiest part.
203
00:07:19,241 --> 00:07:21,310
Okay,
I just don't see my...
204
00:07:21,413 --> 00:07:22,793
All right,
uh, I'm sorry.
205
00:07:22,896 --> 00:07:25,862
T-The sweatshirt's
not in the bag.
206
00:07:25,965 --> 00:07:28,137
It's -- Okay, I'll show you
a picture of the sweatshirt.
207
00:07:28,241 --> 00:07:29,827
Okay, this is
my favorite sweatshirt.
208
00:07:29,931 --> 00:07:31,517
It's this sweatshirt.
209
00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:33,275
Do you have an itemized list
of what was washed?
210
00:07:33,379 --> 00:07:34,689
No list.
211
00:07:34,793 --> 00:07:36,241
We throw all the clothes
for the day
212
00:07:36,344 --> 00:07:37,965
in a bucket
with everyone else's stuff,
213
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:39,551
and then we sort them out
by memory.
214
00:07:39,655 --> 00:07:41,965
I'm sorry.
We're not responsible.
215
00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,310
Wait, what?
216
00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:44,896
Y-You can't just
lose people's stuff
217
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,517
and then claim
no responsibility.
218
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:51,068
Well, I did not see that.
219
00:07:51,172 --> 00:07:53,068
This is easy to miss.
220
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,000
How did I miss that?
221
00:07:56,103 --> 00:07:58,793
Okay, what happens
when someone's clothes go missing?
222
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,517
They never
see them again.
223
00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:02,103
Okay, okay, it probably got
put in the wrong bag, right?
224
00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:03,724
What if you showed me
225
00:08:03,827 --> 00:08:05,379
a list of your other clients
that came in today?
226
00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:07,517
I could call them all
myself.I cannot do that.
227
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:08,965
We have patient/client
privilege.
228
00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:11,103
Huh.
229
00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:14,965
♪♪
230
00:08:15,068 --> 00:08:16,827
[ Chuckles ]
231
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:21,931
[ Laughing ]
232
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:23,793
♪♪
233
00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:25,034
[ Thumps ]
234
00:08:26,344 --> 00:08:28,379
Ow.
235
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:31,758
[ Horn honks ]
236
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,586
Hey, uh,
excuse me, sir.
237
00:08:33,689 --> 00:08:36,034
Um, have you seen
this sweatshirt?
238
00:08:36,137 --> 00:08:37,206
Okay, that's fine.
239
00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:39,413
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Yes!
240
00:08:39,517 --> 00:08:41,413
Ow! What the hell?
241
00:08:41,517 --> 00:08:42,827
Oh, no, no, no.
I-I'm so sorry.
242
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:43,965
I'm looking for
my favorite sweatshirt.
243
00:08:44,068 --> 00:08:45,137
The laundromat
just lost it.
244
00:08:45,241 --> 00:08:46,827
I-It's very important
to me.
245
00:08:46,931 --> 00:08:49,103
I lost my virginity in it.
You get it.
246
00:08:49,206 --> 00:08:51,862
Init?
247
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,586
Well, like, it was a --
248
00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:56,034
It was --
it was quick, and...
249
00:08:56,137 --> 00:08:59,551
[ Sighs ]
My sweatshirt...
250
00:08:59,655 --> 00:09:01,827
My sweatshirt.
251
00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:06,827
[ Techno music plays ]
252
00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:08,275
Hello.
253
00:09:08,379 --> 00:09:10,344
I need to dress for the job
that I want --
254
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:11,724
no, have --
255
00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:13,758
which is newly minted
Bitcoin queen.
256
00:09:13,862 --> 00:09:16,379
I want a look that says,
"I amthe Internet.
257
00:09:16,482 --> 00:09:18,103
I am the Matrix.
258
00:09:18,206 --> 00:09:20,000
I am the future,
and the future is female.
259
00:09:20,103 --> 00:09:21,310
As well as paperless."
260
00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:24,448
♪♪
261
00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:27,379
I've been waiting for this
since 1999.
262
00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:28,482
Give me a spin.
263
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:31,448
♪♪
264
00:09:31,551 --> 00:09:33,551
Oh, yeah.
It'll fit.
265
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:35,517
♪♪
266
00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:41,137
♪♪
267
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:46,689
♪♪
268
00:09:46,793 --> 00:09:47,827
Missing sweatshirt.
269
00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:49,068
Thanks so much.
Check it.
270
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,241
Oh, here you go.
Missing sweatshirt.
271
00:09:50,344 --> 00:09:51,206
Great. Okay.
272
00:09:51,310 --> 00:09:59,862
♪♪
273
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:02,241
Missing sweatshirt.
There's a blue sweatshirt.
274
00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:05,724
♪♪
275
00:10:05,827 --> 00:10:06,896
♪ Uhh
276
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:12,344
♪♪
277
00:10:12,448 --> 00:10:14,206
♪ Yeah, check out my energy
278
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:16,068
♪ Either you with us
or you the enemy ♪
279
00:10:16,172 --> 00:10:18,620
♪ They try to kill you
but they can't catch you, see ♪
280
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:21,275
♪ The way that we living,
there ain't no in between ♪
281
00:10:21,379 --> 00:10:23,758
♪ Uhh,
change hands for the layman ♪
282
00:10:23,862 --> 00:10:25,586
♪ I was born into mayhem
283
00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:28,413
♪ Say when, I'ma come
right back with they hands ♪
284
00:10:28,517 --> 00:10:30,448
♪ Eyes bloody red,
better play dead ♪
285
00:10:30,551 --> 00:10:33,379
♪ Shots taken, always hungry
when you cut deep ♪
286
00:10:33,482 --> 00:10:35,413
♪ Streets get dirty
when you can't see ♪
287
00:10:35,517 --> 00:10:37,758
♪ Ain't a thing in this world
that can haunt me ♪
288
00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:40,689
♪ I'm already brain dead,
I'm a zombie ♪
289
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:42,517
♪ Shots, getting hungry
when you cut deep ♪
290
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:44,965
♪ Streets get dirty
when you can't see ♪
291
00:10:45,068 --> 00:10:47,931
♪ Ain't a thing in this world
that can haunt me ♪
292
00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:49,551
♪ Brain dead,
I'm a zombie ♪
293
00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:51,896
♪ Zombie, zombie,
zombie, zombie ♪
294
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,793
♪ Zombie, zombie,
zombie, zombie ♪
295
00:10:54,896 --> 00:10:57,827
♪ Ain't a thing in this world
that can haunt me ♪
296
00:10:57,931 --> 00:10:59,034
♪ Brain dead, I'm a zombie
297
00:10:59,137 --> 00:11:08,068
♪♪
298
00:11:08,172 --> 00:11:17,000
♪♪
299
00:11:17,103 --> 00:11:20,965
[ Indistinct conversations ]
300
00:11:21,068 --> 00:11:23,655
[ Leather squeaks ]
301
00:11:23,758 --> 00:11:24,896
[ Indistinct conversations
continue ]
302
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,586
[ Clears throat ]
303
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:33,758
♪♪
304
00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:36,689
Ilana Wexler,
you haven't changed a bit.
305
00:11:36,793 --> 00:11:38,241
♪ Ain't a thing in this world
that can haunt me ♪
306
00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:40,137
♪ Brain dead, I'm a zombie
307
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,068
Man: Coming up,
we'll talk traffic and weather
308
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:45,000
and what you can expect
on your afternoon commute,
309
00:11:45,103 --> 00:11:47,137
but first, here's
Charlotte Tennaboro
310
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:48,655
with a special report.
311
00:11:48,758 --> 00:11:49,896
Charlotte:
And now, breaking news
312
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,310
from Astoria, Queens,
313
00:11:51,413 --> 00:11:53,068
of another missing
white woman.
314
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,482
Residents were shaken today
315
00:11:55,586 --> 00:11:57,551
as fliers went up
picturing the victim.
316
00:11:57,655 --> 00:12:00,344
Police are rounding up
suspects and clues
317
00:12:00,448 --> 00:12:03,034
as the community
waits in anguish.
318
00:12:03,137 --> 00:12:08,137
Oh, no.
319
00:12:08,241 --> 00:12:10,862
♪♪
320
00:12:11,379 --> 00:12:13,551
Hi, um, news department,
I guess?
321
00:12:13,655 --> 00:12:15,241
I'm calling about
the missing woman in Queens.
322
00:12:15,344 --> 00:12:17,000
Yeah, I-I'll hold.
Sure.
323
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,655
Charlotte: A mysterious turn
in the disappearance
324
00:12:18,758 --> 00:12:20,034
of the white woman
from Queens.
325
00:12:20,137 --> 00:12:21,620
Authorities have discovered
326
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:23,758
that she was the fifth employee
of Soulstice Gym
327
00:12:23,862 --> 00:12:26,137
to go missing
in the last four years.
328
00:12:26,241 --> 00:12:27,517
So police have
re-opened those cases.
329
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:28,896
Shit.
330
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,448
She is being
remembered tonight
331
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:32,241
by friends and coworkers
332
00:12:32,344 --> 00:12:35,620
as a sweet, artistic cleaner
with a heart of gold.
333
00:12:35,724 --> 00:12:37,206
I was a trainer
when I left.
334
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:39,137
This is unbelievable.
335
00:12:39,241 --> 00:12:40,758
Trey: We're still holding out
hope that they find Abbi,
336
00:12:40,862 --> 00:12:42,482
but, in case they don't,
337
00:12:42,586 --> 00:12:44,206
we've lovingly renamed
one of the bathrooms
338
00:12:44,310 --> 00:12:45,655
"Abbi's Room."Gemma: [ Whimpers]
339
00:12:45,758 --> 00:12:48,448
Also, we --
we've retired her plunger.
340
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:50,275
[ Sobbing] No!
341
00:12:50,379 --> 00:12:51,931
She was my best friend.
342
00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:53,862
[ Crying]
She was my lover!
343
00:12:53,965 --> 00:12:56,448
What? We were dating.
344
00:12:56,551 --> 00:12:59,241
What?! We were dating, yeah.
345
00:12:59,344 --> 00:13:01,034
[ Sobs ]Inez: Go for Inez.
346
00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:03,000
Oh, hi, uh, I, uh --
347
00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:05,724
I am calling
about the missing girl.
348
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,137
Is she dead?
Did you find her body?
349
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:08,862
How many pieces?
350
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,206
No, ew.
No, no -- Okay.
351
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:13,931
I'm, uh --
I'm actually the missing girl.
352
00:13:14,034 --> 00:13:16,551
I found her. Hero time.
Get ready to go live.
353
00:13:16,655 --> 00:13:18,413
Okay, uh, who has you?
354
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:19,655
A gang? Are they Russian?
355
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,206
Albanian?No, no, no, no, no.
356
00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:22,551
I-I'm just letting you know
357
00:13:22,655 --> 00:13:24,413
that this has been
a huge mistake.
358
00:13:24,517 --> 00:13:25,931
I was never missing.
359
00:13:26,034 --> 00:13:28,206
I'm -- I-I'm fine.
I'm good.
360
00:13:28,310 --> 00:13:29,758
Are you speaking in code
right now?
361
00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:31,413
Laugh
if you're really okay.
362
00:13:31,517 --> 00:13:34,034
[ Laughs uncomfortably ]
363
00:13:34,137 --> 00:13:35,724
Damn it.
364
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:37,482
Okay, we need another
missing-girl story pronto.
365
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:38,758
-On it.
-Jesus.
366
00:13:38,862 --> 00:13:40,448
But, uh, the fliers?
367
00:13:40,551 --> 00:13:42,620
It was for a sweatshirt,
so...
368
00:13:42,724 --> 00:13:43,724
What?
That doesn't make any sense.
369
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:46,034
Okay,
i-it's a layout issue.
370
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:47,586
So, I made the flier
371
00:13:47,689 --> 00:13:49,931
for a missing sweatshirt
from art school,
372
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,689
and then now I see
that it seems as though
373
00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:52,689
I was the missing one.
374
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:54,206
Huh, a layout issue.
375
00:13:54,310 --> 00:13:56,103
So I'm guessing you didn't
finish art school.
376
00:13:56,206 --> 00:13:58,758
Okay, my concentration
was in illustration, not graphic design.
377
00:13:58,862 --> 00:14:00,931
[ Dial tone]Okay. Great.
378
00:14:01,034 --> 00:14:02,206
[ Phone clicks ][ Dial tone stops]
379
00:14:05,758 --> 00:14:07,896
This Bitcoin look
is patent leather
380
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,413
for my impending patent.
381
00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:11,620
I amBitcoin, baby, yas.
382
00:14:11,724 --> 00:14:13,689
Okay.
383
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:14,965
Can I help you
with something?
384
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:16,000
[ Chuckles ]
385
00:14:16,103 --> 00:14:17,172
Try to keep up, Brad.
386
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:18,241
Meet...
387
00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:19,482
[ Briefcase opens ]
388
00:14:19,586 --> 00:14:21,862
...Phone Wigs.
389
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:25,655
We've got the Ross.
We've got the Rachel.
390
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:27,793
Going over here
to the Lincoln. Aww.
391
00:14:27,896 --> 00:14:30,827
Classic Abbi. Aww.
Little Jaimé.
392
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:32,413
This time I shit myself --
don't ask...
393
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:35,034
[ High-pitched voice ]
...and Bernadette Peters, bitch.
394
00:14:35,137 --> 00:14:37,172
T-These are phone cases?
395
00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:38,413
[ Scoffs ]
396
00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:39,620
[ Normal voice ]
Brad, I'm sorry.
397
00:14:39,724 --> 00:14:40,827
I can't go any slower.
398
00:14:40,931 --> 00:14:42,241
Okay, Phone Wigs
399
00:14:42,344 --> 00:14:44,172
are a 21st century
cultural phenomenon.
400
00:14:44,275 --> 00:14:47,137
In an age where technology
divides and isolates us,
401
00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:50,482
Phone Wigs give us the chance
to feel comforted,
402
00:14:50,586 --> 00:14:53,137
to connect and humanize,
403
00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:55,655
and that --
404
00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,413
Look at me.
405
00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,827
That is the basis
of my wiz-ness.
406
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:03,241
Wiz-ness.
407
00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:07,310
My wiz-ness.
408
00:15:07,413 --> 00:15:08,275
[ Shouting ] Wiz-ness!
409
00:15:08,379 --> 00:15:18,103
♪♪
410
00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:19,689
[ Groans ]
411
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:22,172
♪♪
412
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:23,413
Oh, my --
413
00:15:23,517 --> 00:15:32,172
♪♪
414
00:15:32,275 --> 00:15:33,517
[ Bell dings ]Hey, hey!
415
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:34,862
Hey, we found
your sweatshirt.
416
00:15:34,965 --> 00:15:36,448
Oh, my gosh.
417
00:15:36,551 --> 00:15:37,862
Someone saw it on the news
and brought it back.
418
00:15:37,965 --> 00:15:40,827
Thank you so much.
419
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:42,172
I -- I'm so sorry
420
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,206
I've been telling
everyone I pass by
421
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,517
to boycott this place.
422
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:46,758
You did what?
423
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,689
No, I'm kidding.
Prank!
424
00:15:49,793 --> 00:15:50,827
Please don't
come back here.
425
00:15:50,931 --> 00:15:53,413
You're a...bad person.
426
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:05,931
Hey, sir,
you should have this.
427
00:16:06,034 --> 00:16:07,379
What the fuck
is this?
428
00:16:07,482 --> 00:16:08,586
Uh, it's a sweatshirt.
429
00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:10,586
It's actually
a vintage sweatshirt
430
00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:12,931
with, like, the perfect amount
of wear, so...
431
00:16:13,034 --> 00:16:13,965
MICA?
432
00:16:14,068 --> 00:16:16,172
I don't want this shit!
433
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,413
I went to RISD.
434
00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:18,862
Uh...
435
00:16:18,965 --> 00:16:20,965
It's too hot out here.
I can't wear synthetics.
436
00:16:21,068 --> 00:16:22,344
Okay. Well, I am --
437
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:24,103
I am sorry,
and, um, great.
438
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:25,413
I'm sorry.
439
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:29,896
[ Telephone ringing
in distance ]
440
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:37,344
Okay, you found
your Bitcoin number
441
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:39,724
on an old
Fruit by the Foot...
442
00:16:39,827 --> 00:16:40,965
Ja.
443
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,482
...that you remember
that I gave you
444
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:45,241
for a Waka Flocka Flame
ticket... Ja.
445
00:16:45,344 --> 00:16:47,482
...and you want to cash out
that money today
446
00:16:47,586 --> 00:16:50,586
to get a patent
for these Phone Wigs.
447
00:16:50,689 --> 00:16:52,827
Chugots!
[ Chuckles ] Finally.
448
00:16:52,931 --> 00:16:54,482
It took long enough,
my Brad.
449
00:16:54,586 --> 00:16:56,448
Now gimme the loot.
Gimme the loot.
450
00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:58,172
Uh, you could learn
how to communicate better.
451
00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:01,241
Rude.
Anyway.
452
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:05,793
$8,265 has been transferred
to your account.
453
00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,068
Yes!
454
00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:09,689
The Internet
is my forking god!
455
00:17:09,793 --> 00:17:11,931
Whoo! Yeah, yeah.Whoa, whoa, whoa.
456
00:17:12,034 --> 00:17:13,896
Yeah, yeah!Hey, come on, now.
457
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,586
Oh, my God.Come on. Grow up.
458
00:17:15,689 --> 00:17:18,137
What are you, 26 now?I'm 27.
459
00:17:18,241 --> 00:17:19,482
And what are you,
460
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:21,758
like, a hot, ripped,
uncut 50-year-old?
461
00:17:21,862 --> 00:17:23,724
47.
Okay, fine.
462
00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:25,551
I just mean that we had sex
when I was 21.
463
00:17:25,655 --> 00:17:27,724
That's gross.
You grow up, maybe.
464
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:30,896
Okay, that's fair.
465
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,827
But I was going through
a divorce then,
466
00:17:33,931 --> 00:17:36,827
and I was in
a really...insecure place,
467
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:40,241
and having sex
with someone younger...
468
00:17:40,344 --> 00:17:43,793
boosted my self-esteem
a little. Oh.
469
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,965
I mean, I'm in
an age-appropriate relationship now.
470
00:17:46,068 --> 00:17:48,068
That's really...good --
good for you.
471
00:17:48,172 --> 00:17:49,724
Yeah, her name's Marie.
472
00:17:49,827 --> 00:17:51,310
And I think
you'd really like her.
473
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:53,896
Okay, that's cool.
You're cool. You're good.
474
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,551
[ Laughs ]
475
00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:57,137
It was great
to see you. Great.
476
00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:59,724
So long.Uh, Phone Wigs.
477
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:01,172
Oof.
478
00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:03,862
All: No more Bitcoin!
No more Bitcoin!
479
00:18:03,965 --> 00:18:06,034
Jesus,
it's hot out now?
480
00:18:06,137 --> 00:18:08,103
Who dis?Man: Bitcoin sucks!
481
00:18:08,206 --> 00:18:10,103
Yes, what are we
protesting today, huh?
482
00:18:10,206 --> 00:18:12,758
Bitcoin, because it's killing
the Earth!
483
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:14,689
[ Stammers ] What?
It's paperless.
484
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,827
Oh, you know,
Bitcoin has to be mined
485
00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:19,448
by thousands of computers
24/7.
486
00:18:19,551 --> 00:18:21,241
It's a huge waste of energy
487
00:18:21,344 --> 00:18:23,068
because of all the servers
it's using.
488
00:18:23,172 --> 00:18:24,896
[ Exhales sharply ]
489
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,931
And it's the pedophile's
currency of choice.Oh, it is?
490
00:18:27,034 --> 00:18:29,068
Fueling
the child-sex-trade industry
491
00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:32,000
and dominating
the illegal-arms world.
492
00:18:32,103 --> 00:18:33,517
Is it hot --
hot out to you?
493
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:35,344
Well, you can thank Bitcoin
for that,
494
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,172
'cause it's contributing
to climate change,
495
00:18:37,275 --> 00:18:39,206
so you're feeling
the effects.
496
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,379
Bitcoin is killing
the Earth!
497
00:18:41,482 --> 00:18:43,758
Totally killing
the Earth!
498
00:18:43,862 --> 00:18:45,241
Good luck
with your protest.
499
00:18:45,344 --> 00:18:47,482
Mm.
500
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:50,620
Okay, so, be honest.
501
00:18:50,724 --> 00:18:52,620
Do I have to donate
that $8,000?
502
00:18:52,724 --> 00:18:54,103
I know Bitcoin is evil,
503
00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,103
but it's, like, no more evil
than paper money.
504
00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:57,896
It's also like,
what about eating meat?
505
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,413
[ Groans ]I mean, the meat industry
506
00:18:59,517 --> 00:19:01,344
is the biggest contributor
to climate change.
507
00:19:01,448 --> 00:19:02,689
I mean way more
than Bitcoin.
508
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,034
Do you know
that the fashion industry
509
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,655
burns the remainder
of its clothes
510
00:19:05,758 --> 00:19:07,689
at the end of every season
to retain its value?
511
00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:10,206
Mountains of clothes
on fire.
512
00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:12,896
Yeah, not to mention
that it's all made by little children.
513
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,862
[ Scoffs ] You know recycling's
a fuckin' hoax.
514
00:19:14,965 --> 00:19:16,931
You really scrubbing out
my udon containers
515
00:19:17,034 --> 00:19:19,413
and peeling the labels off
and melting the plastic down
516
00:19:19,517 --> 00:19:21,724
to re-form them
into new udon containers?
517
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,310
Oh, dude,
Garbage Island is real.
518
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,620
Mother Earth is like,
"Noooo! Noo!"
519
00:19:27,724 --> 00:19:29,068
And we're like,
"No, bitch, die, bitch!"
520
00:19:29,172 --> 00:19:30,931
It's awful.
Yeah.
521
00:19:31,034 --> 00:19:33,068
Why is the news
not covering this 24/7?
522
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,724
Don't even get me started
on the news.
523
00:19:35,827 --> 00:19:38,137
The news is like --
Like, the news is --
524
00:19:38,241 --> 00:19:39,793
Like, hey, guys,
525
00:19:39,896 --> 00:19:42,310
hey, maybe focus on,
like, important issues...
526
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:43,758
Honestly.
...like re-- like, recycling
527
00:19:43,862 --> 00:19:46,551
instead of latching on
to some stupid
528
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:48,896
but really understandable
layout issues on fliers.
529
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,241
Like, what?
530
00:19:50,344 --> 00:19:51,517
Yeah.
531
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:52,931
What?
532
00:19:53,034 --> 00:19:55,379
Also,
we are being listened to...Pbht.
533
00:19:55,482 --> 00:19:56,931
...all the time.
Ehh.
534
00:19:57,034 --> 00:19:58,862
Anything that we do
on social media for free,
535
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,689
we pay for
through our experience.
536
00:20:00,793 --> 00:20:03,379
We are just "data."
537
00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:05,275
Whew,
I feel so much better.
538
00:20:05,379 --> 00:20:06,758
Thank you so much.
539
00:20:06,862 --> 00:20:08,758
Oh, my God.
540
00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:11,793
Plus, dude, I swear,
dudette, derd,
541
00:20:11,896 --> 00:20:14,620
I honestly vow,
her and nerr, okay?
542
00:20:14,724 --> 00:20:16,310
Do you know this is, like,
an ancient Jewish symbol?
543
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:17,620
This is, like,
a Jewish thing.
544
00:20:17,724 --> 00:20:18,758
It's like a mystical,
tribal Jewish --
545
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:20,137
Hold on.
Just say the thing.
546
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:23,068
Oh, um, just that
I'm gonna follow through
547
00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:25,206
and honestly put this money
into my Phone Wigs patent.
548
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,241
I -- I'm gonna be investing
in a woman-owned wiz-ness,
549
00:20:27,344 --> 00:20:28,965
and that's gonna
tip the scales of progress.
550
00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:31,724
And it uses
biodegradable materials.
551
00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:32,724
Human hair!
552
00:20:32,827 --> 00:20:33,758
Ugh, I love that.
553
00:20:33,862 --> 00:20:35,448
I legit love my Phone Wig.
554
00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:37,586
It's so cute.
So cute.
555
00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:40,241
Okay, so, it says here
that if patent leather
556
00:20:40,344 --> 00:20:43,448
has gotten stuck or adhered
to your skin or body,
557
00:20:43,551 --> 00:20:45,586
the best way to get it off
is lubricant.
558
00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:48,034
So, I mean, we could try
again with almond oil.
559
00:20:48,137 --> 00:20:50,068
Feh.
560
00:20:56,482 --> 00:20:58,689
Abbi could be chopped
into a million pieces!
561
00:20:58,793 --> 00:21:00,103
Stop thinking
about yourself!
562
00:21:00,206 --> 00:21:01,896
[ Crying ] I loved her.
You understand?
563
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,241
You loved her?
Yes!
564
00:21:03,344 --> 00:21:05,896
Jesus Christ,
I loved her.
565
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,379
I loved her.I loved her more.
566
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:09,517
I loved you.
567
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:13,620
[ Sobs ]
568
00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:18,220
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