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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,359 --> 00:00:03,484 ♪ light synth music ♪ 2 00:00:03,567 --> 00:00:05,234 ♪ singers harmonizing ♪ 3 00:00:05,317 --> 00:00:07,859 ♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪ 4 00:00:07,943 --> 00:00:10,275 [Blair] Previously, on Black Monday... 5 00:00:10,359 --> 00:00:12,317 You borrowed money from actual villains who will cripple us. 6 00:00:12,401 --> 00:00:14,192 [Mo] All you have to do is keep Blair in the dark 7 00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,901 until he marries that Georgina chick. 8 00:00:15,984 --> 00:00:17,317 - Hi there! - [Dawn] I didn't hate 9 00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:18,526 your Blair plan; I hated that you didn't tell me! 10 00:00:18,609 --> 00:00:19,859 How do you guys get it done? 11 00:00:19,943 --> 00:00:20,943 I just don't feel like there's enough 12 00:00:21,025 --> 00:00:22,317 - hours in the day. - Cocaine. 13 00:00:22,401 --> 00:00:23,442 Should I try some? 14 00:00:23,526 --> 00:00:24,901 ♪ intense music ♪ 15 00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,609 You know what? Fuck your dad! 16 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,150 I would rather fuck my father! 17 00:00:28,234 --> 00:00:30,859 I broke up with Tiff! 18 00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,651 [Melle Mel's "White Lines" plays over speakers] 19 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:38,150 ♪♪♪ 20 00:00:38,234 --> 00:00:40,359 [voices whooping] 21 00:00:40,442 --> 00:00:42,192 ♪ Bass ♪ 22 00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,067 ♪ Ooh ey ♪ 23 00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:44,526 ♪♪♪ 24 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,317 ♪ Work ♪ 25 00:00:46,401 --> 00:00:49,025 ♪ Ooh, white lines ♪ 26 00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:50,901 ♪ Vision, dreams of passion ♪ 27 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,359 ♪ Blowin' through my mind ♪ 28 00:00:53,442 --> 00:00:55,526 ♪ And all the while, I think of you... ♪ 29 00:00:55,609 --> 00:00:57,609 I'm not getting a real "I made a huge mistake 30 00:00:57,693 --> 00:01:00,484 and I'm rushing back to my fiancée" vibe off him. 31 00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,150 I mean, it's gonna be tough to do the Georgina play 32 00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:04,567 - without the Georgina. - Nah, it's fine. 33 00:01:04,651 --> 00:01:06,859 You know, it's--He's just making cash for the first time. 34 00:01:06,943 --> 00:01:09,067 I mean, you remember the moneymoon period, Dawn. 35 00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,734 [Mo] He'll get sick of this shit. 36 00:01:10,818 --> 00:01:12,150 - [snorting] - [Mo] It's like when the nuns 37 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:13,401 caught me smoking. 38 00:01:13,484 --> 00:01:15,150 They locked me in the closet. 39 00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:16,943 They made me smoke a whole carton of cigarettes 40 00:01:17,025 --> 00:01:18,150 till I didn't want another fuckin' cigarette 41 00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:20,275 - as long as I lived. - Hmm. 42 00:01:20,359 --> 00:01:22,401 - ♪ Ticket to ride... ♪ - [Dawn] Fuck this. 43 00:01:22,484 --> 00:01:24,234 It's been a month, Mo. We gotta step in. 44 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:26,109 No, no, no--he's gonna get it outta his system. 45 00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:27,609 Don't worry about it. 46 00:01:27,693 --> 00:01:29,109 - [thump] - [gasps] 47 00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:31,067 - Come on, Blair. - [Dawn] Come on. 48 00:01:31,150 --> 00:01:33,150 - [Mo] Yeah. Ha. Hey, hey, kid. - [Dawn] Oh, yeah-- 49 00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:34,943 [Dawn] Guys he's gonna be okay? 50 00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:36,984 [Mo] Oh, good. You gave us quite a scare, Blair! 51 00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,067 [chuckling] Hey, buddy, I'd say being dead 52 00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:40,651 for a song and a half kinda qualifies 53 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,234 as hittin' rock bottom, don't ya think? 54 00:01:42,317 --> 00:01:44,234 [Dawn] Hey, maybe we should call Tiff? 55 00:01:44,317 --> 00:01:45,192 - [Mo] Let's call Tiff, buddy. - [Dawn] Let's call her. 56 00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:46,526 Let's call her. 57 00:01:46,609 --> 00:01:49,317 [wheezy inhale] Fuck that bitch. 58 00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,776 ♪♪♪ ♪ Rang dang diggedy ♪ 59 00:01:54,859 --> 00:01:55,776 ♪ Dang di-dang ♪ 60 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,693 Okay. "Fuck that bitch" isn't the best start, 61 00:01:59,776 --> 00:02:02,025 but Blair is a puss. 62 00:02:02,109 --> 00:02:03,984 Deep down, he still loves Tiff. 63 00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:06,150 We just have to remind him of that, and he'll take her back. 64 00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:07,651 I'm way ahead of you. 65 00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:09,234 And these are... 66 00:02:09,317 --> 00:02:11,234 Contestants for the Manhattan Pageant. 67 00:02:11,317 --> 00:02:13,859 Jesus. Are you still doing that dumb shit? 68 00:02:13,943 --> 00:02:15,901 Dawn, it's a venerable Wall Street tradition 69 00:02:15,984 --> 00:02:17,567 to auction off the most eligible pit trader. 70 00:02:17,651 --> 00:02:19,150 Look, just because I moved upstairs 71 00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:21,109 doesn't mean I forgot where I came from. 72 00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:22,567 It's a very prestigious honor 73 00:02:22,651 --> 00:02:24,025 to be asked to emcee this thing, you know. 74 00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:25,776 - You're emceeing? - [laughs] Hey, 75 00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:27,734 well, when you set the all-time auction record, baby... 76 00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:29,401 By having a couple of trick hos, 77 00:02:29,484 --> 00:02:31,442 as in tricka-mo-niasis? 78 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,442 get into a bidding war over you with your money? 79 00:02:33,526 --> 00:02:36,109 It's for charity! The Afghani Mujahideen are 80 00:02:36,192 --> 00:02:38,109 in the fight for their lives with these Russian bastards. 81 00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,818 Fine, fine, fine. What does this have to do with 82 00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:41,275 getting Blair and Tiff back together? 83 00:02:41,359 --> 00:02:42,484 It is a honeypot, Dawn. 84 00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:43,901 A honeypot? 85 00:02:43,984 --> 00:02:46,693 Hogan's Heroes. Classic con. 86 00:02:46,776 --> 00:02:49,275 Look, we just have to convince Blair 87 00:02:49,359 --> 00:02:51,567 that Tiff is dating a newer, hotter guy. 88 00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:53,567 He's gonna get jealous, and he's gonna want her back. 89 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:57,192 And there is no hotter guy than Jackson Polack. 90 00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:59,442 Ha. Yeah, the traders call him that 91 00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:01,609 because he's Polish and he splatter-painted half the town. 92 00:03:01,693 --> 00:03:03,067 [scoffs] 93 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,734 Ehh. I get it. 94 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,651 Face: ten. Body: ten. 95 00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:08,359 Brains: Polish joke. 96 00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:10,275 Exactly. Guy'll do anything for a buck. 97 00:03:10,359 --> 00:03:11,776 - [zipper whines] - Foolproof. 98 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,234 So your plan is foolproof 99 00:03:13,317 --> 00:03:14,609 because it worked on a sit-com? 100 00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:16,651 Everything works on a sit-com. 101 00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,651 There's two different TV shows with little black midgets 102 00:03:18,734 --> 00:03:20,025 playing rich white people's kids. 103 00:03:20,109 --> 00:03:21,484 - Come on! - [laughs/huffs] 104 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,693 Can we just please try it my way for once? 105 00:03:23,776 --> 00:03:26,442 Let's just talk to the kid about the power of love. 106 00:03:26,526 --> 00:03:28,442 The Huey Lewis song? How's that gonna help? 107 00:03:28,526 --> 00:03:30,234 Keith! 108 00:03:30,317 --> 00:03:32,150 Yo! What's up, boss? 109 00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:35,609 Is...so weird calling a chick a boss. 110 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,150 It's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. 111 00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:40,693 Yeah, it's crazy. Listen, I need you to take 112 00:03:40,776 --> 00:03:42,234 these big payments over to the Yakuza. 113 00:03:42,317 --> 00:03:43,651 Little behind on my loans. 114 00:03:43,734 --> 00:03:46,651 Uh, Do- Mo arigato... 115 00:03:46,734 --> 00:03:48,484 - Stop it, please. - Jesus Christ. 116 00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:49,818 You know, actually, I have tics to a show tonight, 117 00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:51,275 so maybe I can drop this off tomorrow? 118 00:03:51,359 --> 00:03:53,234 Oh, yeah, that's no problem. 119 00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,275 I don't mind getting my dick teppanyaki'd by the Yakuza 120 00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:57,192 - [Dawn laughing] - 'cause you wanna go see 121 00:03:57,275 --> 00:03:59,109 Starlight Express for the tenth fucking time. 122 00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:00,693 It's layered, okay? Ha. 123 00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:02,943 The whole show is actually a young boy's dream 124 00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,859 as he kind of teeters on the cusp of manhood 125 00:04:05,943 --> 00:04:08,109 [sighs] Ah. Fine. 126 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,317 Is it me, or is he getting weirder? 127 00:04:12,401 --> 00:04:14,526 He's definitely getting whiter. 128 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,275 - Thank you, Kyle. - [beep beep] 129 00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:22,401 It's so cool you live in a hotel. 130 00:04:22,484 --> 00:04:24,150 - You're like Eloise. - [soft R&B on stereo] 131 00:04:24,234 --> 00:04:26,359 I don't know who that chick is, but, yeah, it's pretty nice. 132 00:04:26,442 --> 00:04:28,401 You know, it's just temporary, till I get my own place. 133 00:04:28,484 --> 00:04:30,359 - I been lookin' around. - For the last 15 years. 134 00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:32,901 Do they give you, like, a monthly rate or something? 135 00:04:32,984 --> 00:04:34,192 Mm-hmm. 136 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,234 So Blair, how are you? 137 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,109 I can't imagine how hard it must be 138 00:04:38,192 --> 00:04:40,025 to be apart from the love of your life. 139 00:04:40,109 --> 00:04:41,776 Iiiit's pretty great. 140 00:04:41,859 --> 00:04:43,192 Yeah. Yeah. 141 00:04:43,275 --> 00:04:44,359 - Yeah? - Tiff's been living 142 00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:45,943 with her parents uptown, so I get to do 143 00:04:46,025 --> 00:04:48,025 - whatever, whenever. - [Mo laughing] 144 00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:50,192 Last night, I ordered ethnic food. 145 00:04:50,275 --> 00:04:51,984 - Oh, hard to argue with that! - Oh! 146 00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:53,401 [both chuckle] 147 00:04:53,484 --> 00:04:57,359 But I will, because, Blair, love is dope. 148 00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:59,150 Ah, exactly. Ethnic food-- 149 00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:01,109 you know, it gets old. 150 00:05:01,192 --> 00:05:03,734 Except falafels. Now, those fuckers are built to last. 151 00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:05,651 Like true love. 152 00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:07,609 You know? And it doesn't come around often. 153 00:05:07,693 --> 00:05:09,526 Trust us: you don't wanna be the 40-year-old guy 154 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,859 in the club that everybody feels bad for. 155 00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:13,859 Well, I-I don't know that they feel bad for the guy 156 00:05:13,943 --> 00:05:15,776 so much as they wanna high-five him, you know, 157 00:05:15,859 --> 00:05:17,401 for not settling. 158 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,984 You know what I'm talking about, right? 159 00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:20,818 No! Blair wouldn't be settling. 160 00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,651 I mean, Tiff is his soul mate 161 00:05:22,734 --> 00:05:25,025 just like Spencer is my soul mate. 162 00:05:25,109 --> 00:05:26,776 I agree with the Tiff part of that sentence. 163 00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,192 I'm just saying that, you know, 164 00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:30,109 sometimes it's brave to be alone 165 00:05:30,192 --> 00:05:32,442 instead of, you know, settling for the first 166 00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:34,776 lame-ass doctor that you lay eyes on 167 00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:36,734 that satisfies your parents but not you. 168 00:05:36,818 --> 00:05:38,317 Sexually. 169 00:05:38,401 --> 00:05:40,192 I'm sorry--is Tiff the limp dick doctor 170 00:05:40,275 --> 00:05:42,025 - in this scenario? - You know what? 171 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,818 It is brave to not jump off a roof 172 00:05:43,901 --> 00:05:45,609 when your best friend is a robot. 173 00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:47,442 Well, if Short Circuit has taught us anything-- 174 00:05:47,526 --> 00:05:50,192 Blair, everyone needs someone to share life with, 175 00:05:50,275 --> 00:05:52,484 someone to share a bottle of wine with 176 00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,192 at the end of a shitty day and toast to not... 177 00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:57,109 dying alone in a hotel room. 178 00:05:57,192 --> 00:05:59,609 With a fuck machine in... 179 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,526 - [Mo] Jesus Christ. - [Dawn] A coke-induced haze-- 180 00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:02,734 - [Dawn] What the fuck? - [Blair] What the fuck? 181 00:06:02,818 --> 00:06:04,693 Yeah. That the fuck. 182 00:06:04,776 --> 00:06:06,275 I'm sorry that you had to find out like this, kid, all right? 183 00:06:06,359 --> 00:06:09,025 I got a friend over at Page Six, the socialite beat. 184 00:06:09,109 --> 00:06:11,234 Is Tiff like out there? 185 00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:13,067 Yeah, I'm afraid so, champ. Word on the street-- 186 00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:14,984 this guy's hung like a hose. 187 00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,150 You mean horse. 188 00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:17,734 I do not. 189 00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:19,401 I mean, I know I broke up with her, 190 00:06:19,484 --> 00:06:21,901 but I just didn't expect... this 191 00:06:21,984 --> 00:06:24,317 this soon-- I--[stammers] 192 00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,484 - I gotta go find her. - Yeah. 193 00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,234 'Scuse me. 194 00:06:27,317 --> 00:06:28,984 See ya, buddy. 195 00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:30,651 - [door closes] - [laughing] Right? 196 00:06:30,734 --> 00:06:32,442 - Mission accomplished. - No. 197 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,567 Let's go celebrate. Cedar Tavern. 198 00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:35,067 What do you say? 199 00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:36,401 I am going home to my husband. 200 00:06:36,484 --> 00:06:38,359 You wanna bag all this up for him? 201 00:06:38,442 --> 00:06:40,526 You know, I appreciate a man with hips. 202 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:43,526 Oh, good. 'Cause he's got those. 203 00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:45,859 Enjoy fucking Kyle. 204 00:06:45,943 --> 00:06:46,984 Jealous! 205 00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:48,109 [door opens, thuds shut] 206 00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:50,693 [soft R&B continues] 207 00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:52,359 - [beep beep] - Y-you can't take 208 00:06:52,442 --> 00:06:53,526 that kinda shit to heart, Kyle. 209 00:06:53,609 --> 00:06:55,484 Just let it roll off your back. 210 00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:57,025 ♪ The Cars' "Drive" plays ♪ 211 00:06:57,109 --> 00:06:58,275 [beep beep] 212 00:06:58,359 --> 00:07:00,567 ♪♪♪ 213 00:07:00,651 --> 00:07:03,025 Tiff? 214 00:07:03,109 --> 00:07:04,693 ♪♪♪ 215 00:07:04,776 --> 00:07:08,234 - Spence? - In the bedroom, babe. 216 00:07:08,317 --> 00:07:10,275 ♪♪♪ 217 00:07:10,359 --> 00:07:13,526 Hey, bring us a bottle of wine, yeah? 218 00:07:13,609 --> 00:07:16,484 ["Drive" continues] 219 00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:19,442 ♪♪♪ 220 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:23,192 ♪ Who's gonna tell you when ♪ 221 00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:26,192 ♪ It's too late ♪ 222 00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:28,943 Kyle? I'm home. 223 00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:30,901 Kyle? 224 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,734 ♪ Who's gonna tell you things ♪ 225 00:07:34,818 --> 00:07:38,150 ♪ Aren't so great? ♪ 226 00:07:38,234 --> 00:07:41,776 ♪♪♪ 227 00:07:41,859 --> 00:07:43,526 Papa Bear, I've been naughty-- 228 00:07:43,609 --> 00:07:45,359 Hey! 229 00:07:45,442 --> 00:07:46,818 I thought we were gonna get busy. 230 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,359 Oh, babe, I'm so full, I can hardly move. 231 00:07:49,442 --> 00:07:51,025 [chuckles] 232 00:07:51,109 --> 00:07:54,359 You can do stuff to me if you like. 233 00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,609 ♪ Who's gonna drive you home ♪ 234 00:07:55,693 --> 00:07:56,859 Mm-mm. 235 00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,526 ♪ Tonight? ♪ 236 00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:04,693 ♪♪♪ 237 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,734 ♪ Who's gonna pick you up ♪ 238 00:08:08,818 --> 00:08:10,609 [Tiff] Would you get me a paper towel? 239 00:08:10,693 --> 00:08:12,317 - Dip it in some cold water. - [Jackson] I'll even 240 00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:14,067 - wipe it off of you. - Ooh! You don't wanna 241 00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:15,776 lick it off? 242 00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:18,067 And...scene. That felt really good. 243 00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:20,609 You think Body Heat's a weird movie to audition with? 244 00:08:20,693 --> 00:08:22,567 [Tiff] I just really wanna get into this acting class. 245 00:08:22,651 --> 00:08:25,150 Maybe I'd loosen up if we had sex again. 246 00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:26,567 - Ah. - Yeah. Then we can clean up 247 00:08:26,651 --> 00:08:28,776 all the laundry that we knocked over 248 00:08:28,859 --> 00:08:30,484 - when we had sex in the hall. - [Jackson] Yes! Ohh... 249 00:08:30,567 --> 00:08:32,401 [both moaning] 250 00:08:32,484 --> 00:08:34,442 ♪ To your dreams... ♪ 251 00:08:34,526 --> 00:08:35,776 - [Tiff] Rrr! - [Jackson] Rrr! 252 00:08:35,859 --> 00:08:38,693 [Tiff] Ah...ahh! 253 00:08:38,776 --> 00:08:40,943 Mo, we've got a problem. 254 00:08:41,025 --> 00:08:43,317 Yeah, you're damn right we do--the Yakuza killed Kyle! 255 00:08:43,401 --> 00:08:44,943 - [gasps] - Where the fuck is Keith? 256 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,859 - I been trying him all night! - He just skipped in 257 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,234 singing show tunes. 258 00:08:48,317 --> 00:08:50,234 Look at this shit. I had it translated. 259 00:08:50,317 --> 00:08:51,818 It's something Kyle would have done. 260 00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:53,275 He loves languages-- Loved languages. 261 00:08:53,359 --> 00:08:54,818 Oh, fuck me! 262 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,067 - They never got their money? - No! 263 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,609 - Keith! - Keith! 264 00:08:58,693 --> 00:09:00,359 Hey. You screamed? 265 00:09:00,442 --> 00:09:02,442 What happened with the drop? 266 00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:04,526 The Yakuza never got their fucking cash! 267 00:09:04,609 --> 00:09:06,234 Whaaat? That doesn't make any sen-- 268 00:09:06,317 --> 00:09:07,651 You just save it for the Yakuza 269 00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,943 that I'm sending to your house to get their money 270 00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:13,401 outta the fillings in your children's goddamn teeth! 271 00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:14,776 That's pretty dark. Your Rachel's godfather. 272 00:09:14,859 --> 00:09:16,442 - Go handle it! - On it. 273 00:09:16,526 --> 00:09:18,275 Mo, I'm sorry. 274 00:09:18,359 --> 00:09:21,234 All robocide aside, but we've got bigger issues. 275 00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:22,984 Bigger than me getting my dick chopped off? 276 00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:24,901 You're gonna be broke. 277 00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:26,901 ♪ edgy music ♪ 278 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,859 [laughs] 279 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,109 This fuckin' day! 280 00:09:31,192 --> 00:09:32,567 ♪♪♪ 281 00:09:32,651 --> 00:09:33,984 What the fuck did you do? 282 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,526 The Yakuza didn't get their money. 283 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,526 I asked you to do one simple thing. 284 00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:40,651 - Whaaa-- - Oh, don't "whaaat?" me! 285 00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:42,442 'Cause I was just in there "whaaat"ing Mo! 286 00:09:42,526 --> 00:09:44,025 Look, this chick Geena I been mackin' on 287 00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:46,818 beeped me 69-1-1. That's an oral emergency. 288 00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:48,693 - I had Wayne do it. - [laughs] Wayne? 289 00:09:48,776 --> 00:09:50,401 - Yeah. - Wayne's a test tube baby! 290 00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:51,901 Why the fuck would you do that? 291 00:09:51,984 --> 00:09:53,901 Same reason you had me do it, so you could go see 292 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,734 fuckin' Starlight Express again? 293 00:09:55,818 --> 00:09:57,317 - [line ringing] - It's layered, okay? 294 00:09:57,401 --> 00:09:58,651 Greaseball represents the twilight of the... 295 00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:00,484 [together] Industrial Revolution... 296 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,526 - before it got-- [Wayne] You got the Wayniac. 297 00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:03,526 The Yakuza didn't get their money! 298 00:10:03,609 --> 00:10:05,526 - Whaaaat? - [Keith] No. Nope, Wayne. 299 00:10:05,609 --> 00:10:07,401 - Where the fuck are you? - [Wayne] Home sick. 300 00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:09,734 [sniffles] Jeez! Hey, unrelated to that, 301 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,651 I just wanted to let you guys know 302 00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,818 how much fun I've had workin' with you. 303 00:10:13,901 --> 00:10:16,734 You're not just good. 304 00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:18,526 - You're golden. - Are you dying? 305 00:10:18,609 --> 00:10:21,025 Is that the Golden Grahams slogan? 306 00:10:21,109 --> 00:10:22,859 [PA] This is the final boarding call for flight... 307 00:10:22,943 --> 00:10:25,526 Wayne...are you at LaGuardia? 308 00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:27,526 No, man, I told ya, I'm at the movies. 309 00:10:27,609 --> 00:10:29,651 You just said you were home sick. 310 00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:33,192 Tell me you did not take the VIG money 311 00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:35,067 that we owe murderers 312 00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:37,025 and put it all on the LaGuardia Spread. 313 00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:39,317 [woodenly] This call has been disconnected. 314 00:10:39,401 --> 00:10:40,901 - [beep] - Fuck! 315 00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,025 Fuck! 316 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,025 What's the LaGuardia Spread? 317 00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:46,109 You! Are there any abnormally huge positions 318 00:10:46,192 --> 00:10:48,150 - open on Wayne's account? Go! - What? Wayne's a day scalper. 319 00:10:48,234 --> 00:10:49,651 [Karen] He never trades anything larger than-- 320 00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:51,484 Oh, God! 321 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,734 Wayne's long 100,000 contracts of feeder cattle? 322 00:10:54,818 --> 00:10:56,442 - [Karen] On margin. - [Keith] Fuck! 323 00:10:56,526 --> 00:10:58,442 What's the LaGuardia Spread? 324 00:10:58,526 --> 00:10:59,943 My name's Karen, by the way, 325 00:11:00,025 --> 00:11:01,567 - if you guys-- - [Keith] Shut the fuck up, 326 00:11:01,651 --> 00:11:02,776 Karen! 327 00:11:03,818 --> 00:11:05,484 [Mo] Hey, there he is. 328 00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:07,317 - How'd it go, slugger? - Well, it was a night 329 00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:08,776 of passion between 330 00:11:08,859 --> 00:11:13,275 Tiff and this, like, Polish centaur. 331 00:11:13,359 --> 00:11:16,567 And now she doesn't wanna get back together with me. 332 00:11:16,651 --> 00:11:19,025 How'd she meet someone so fast? 333 00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:22,025 You have to help me. Please? 334 00:11:22,109 --> 00:11:23,776 [Dawn] Blair, this is totally fixable. 335 00:11:23,859 --> 00:11:26,025 You take her to a super-romantic spot 336 00:11:26,109 --> 00:11:28,067 and just...I want you to tell her how you feel. 337 00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,442 [laughs] Yeah, like that'll work. 338 00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:32,984 Well, it worked for you. 339 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,067 You took me to the Cedar Tavern, 340 00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,609 And you poured your heart out that night after work. 341 00:11:37,693 --> 00:11:39,192 Remember? I hate to admit it, 342 00:11:39,275 --> 00:11:41,067 but that's what did it for me, your vulnerable side. 343 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,859 I don't remember that. And I don't have any sides. 344 00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:44,526 I'm all edge. 345 00:11:44,609 --> 00:11:46,401 You don't remember telling me 346 00:11:46,484 --> 00:11:48,401 that you were the last guy in your junior high to get pubes 347 00:11:48,484 --> 00:11:50,859 - and how it totally defined-- - Nope. No, no, nope, nope. 348 00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,693 Don't remember that. Hey, listen, Blair. 349 00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,442 You wanna get Tiff back, you know what you need? 350 00:11:54,526 --> 00:11:56,192 Good, old-fashioned honey pot. 351 00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:58,275 - [Dawn] Ugh, God. - Like Hogan's Heroes. 352 00:11:58,359 --> 00:12:00,317 Like Hogan's Heroes. Exactly. 353 00:12:00,401 --> 00:12:01,776 Foolproof. 354 00:12:01,859 --> 00:12:03,651 Except when it makes shit worse. 355 00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:05,484 Well, it worked on you, didn't it? 356 00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,025 There's no way you would have shown up 357 00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:08,693 at Cedar Tavern that night if you hadn't seen me 358 00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:10,484 makin' out with that Oreo model. 359 00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:11,984 I think you're supposed to say "mulatto" now. 360 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:15,401 Yeah. She was a print model for Oreo Cookies, asshole. 361 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,526 Uh, no, she ate Oreos. I mean, she was fat. 362 00:12:17,609 --> 00:12:19,067 - Jealous. - You know what? 363 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,984 She had shit to do with it, and fine. 364 00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:23,234 - Honeypot it is. - Great. 365 00:12:23,317 --> 00:12:25,192 And I'll be the honey. 366 00:12:26,984 --> 00:12:28,651 Great. Just as I intended it. 367 00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:29,984 - Great. - [Mo] Great! 368 00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:31,359 So I will get Tiff's boyfriend 369 00:12:31,442 --> 00:12:32,859 to bring her to watch him tonight 370 00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:34,317 in the Manhattan Pageant, 371 00:12:34,401 --> 00:12:35,484 and you two kids can do your thing. 372 00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:36,776 - Great. - Great. 373 00:12:36,859 --> 00:12:38,275 Wait. How do you know who he is 374 00:12:38,359 --> 00:12:39,901 or that he's in a pageant? 375 00:12:39,984 --> 00:12:41,734 Jesus Chris, kid, did you ask this many questions 376 00:12:41,818 --> 00:12:43,150 when you watched Hogan's Heroes? 377 00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:45,359 Yeah. It's a sit-com that takes place 378 00:12:45,442 --> 00:12:48,109 - in a Nazi concentration camp. - Mmm. 379 00:12:48,192 --> 00:12:49,192 That's fair. 380 00:12:50,109 --> 00:12:51,859 Remember that guy who could fuckin' pull 381 00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:53,567 the handkerchief through his nostrils? 382 00:12:53,651 --> 00:12:55,359 Bo Melp! What happened with that maniac? 383 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,109 Who the fuck knows? Same thing 384 00:12:57,192 --> 00:12:58,859 with Sammy Marsh, Len Burger, and Chippy Cox. 385 00:12:58,943 --> 00:13:00,943 When you're down to your last stack 386 00:13:01,025 --> 00:13:02,818 and you're all outta moves, there's always one last play 387 00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:04,651 if you're crazy enough to try it. 388 00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:06,234 You take a huge position out on the margin-- 389 00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:07,859 I'm talking about a crazy fuckin' long shot-- 390 00:13:07,943 --> 00:13:09,651 you pack a bag, you head to the airport, 391 00:13:09,734 --> 00:13:11,025 and you call the floor. If you're lucky, 392 00:13:11,109 --> 00:13:12,609 you come home a hero. If you're not, 393 00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:14,109 you don't come home ever. 394 00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:16,359 You get on a plane, and you fuckin' disappear. 395 00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:18,526 But Wayne has a family. 396 00:13:18,609 --> 00:13:20,359 - Bo Melp had two. - [elevator bell dings] 397 00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:22,317 Damn. The LaGuardia fuckin' Spread. 398 00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:23,776 That motherfucker! 399 00:13:23,859 --> 00:13:25,901 [upbeat music plays over speakers] 400 00:13:25,984 --> 00:13:28,275 [cheers and applause] 401 00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:29,984 ♪♪♪ 402 00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:34,109 Wheeeere's the beef? 403 00:13:34,192 --> 00:13:36,693 Ha ha. Isn't that what all you ladies are wonderin'? 404 00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:38,484 Welcome to the motherfuckin' 405 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:42,359 43rd Annual Manhattan Pageant! 406 00:13:42,442 --> 00:13:44,067 - Whoo! - [whistling, cheering] 407 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,776 Those of you who don't know me 408 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,609 are fulla shit, 'cause I'm a Goddamn legend. 409 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,359 - [chatter, cheering] - I came up in these very pits 410 00:13:50,442 --> 00:13:52,359 and there is not a day that goes by 411 00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:54,734 that I don't think how much I hate you dumb immigrants. 412 00:13:54,818 --> 00:13:56,651 [laughter] 413 00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:58,192 Okay, enough, enough, enough. Enough foreplay. 414 00:13:58,275 --> 00:14:00,693 First up, ladies, comin' to the stage-- 415 00:14:00,776 --> 00:14:03,109 you know him, you hate him. 416 00:14:03,192 --> 00:14:04,984 He's an incredible bigot. 417 00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:08,401 Flanny, the oranges' frozen orange juice trader. 418 00:14:08,484 --> 00:14:10,359 - [Irish folk music plays] - Look at this fucking 419 00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:11,984 alcoholic with the Irish tan, huh? 420 00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:14,693 He doesn't have a liver. This is a die-er. 421 00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,359 Come on, get those paddles up, ladies. 422 00:14:16,442 --> 00:14:17,984 You better hurry up, 'cause he's knock-knock-knockin' 423 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,901 on hell's door. Come on, preach, Flanny. 424 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,859 You're one of the good ones, Mo. 425 00:14:21,943 --> 00:14:23,776 - [Mo] I tell you what... - Are the categories 426 00:14:23,859 --> 00:14:25,693 really "man, hat" and "tan"? 427 00:14:25,776 --> 00:14:27,776 It's all very first thought. 428 00:14:27,859 --> 00:14:29,567 A thousand, a thousand. [muttering quickly] 429 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:30,859 1,000. [muttering] 1,500. 430 00:14:30,943 --> 00:14:32,150 [muttering] 2,000. 431 00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:33,693 You look incredible. 432 00:14:33,776 --> 00:14:36,150 Oh! Thank you! Just, uh... 433 00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,776 little something I had 434 00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:39,776 to spend my last two paychecks on. 435 00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:41,317 - [both chuckling] - [Mo] Okay, 2,000-- 436 00:14:41,401 --> 00:14:42,984 Ah... 437 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,901 [Dawn] There she is. 438 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:47,984 Oh, God. I haven't acted since college. 439 00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:49,901 And the UPenn Gazette called my performance 440 00:14:49,984 --> 00:14:52,901 as Otto Frank the worst thing to happen to Anne Frank. 441 00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:54,776 [Dawn] Couldn't have been that bad. 442 00:14:54,859 --> 00:14:56,359 - Just follow my lead. - [Mo] Whoo! 443 00:14:56,442 --> 00:14:57,943 [clears throat] 444 00:14:58,025 --> 00:14:59,401 - Oh. - [crowd cheering] 445 00:14:59,484 --> 00:15:00,943 - What about this? - Okay. 446 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,442 Yeah, yeah. It's natural. 447 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,776 Sold! 2,500! 448 00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,234 Somebody's going home happy. 449 00:15:05,317 --> 00:15:07,025 [Mo] Those Irish eyes are smiling! 450 00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,609 - [both chuckling] - [Blair] I love you too. 451 00:15:09,693 --> 00:15:12,025 Uh...let's keep it goin'! 452 00:15:12,109 --> 00:15:15,484 [Muzak plays over speakers] 453 00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:17,526 [whispers] Shit. 454 00:15:17,609 --> 00:15:20,192 [man] It's time for Market Watch with Ali Greer. 455 00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:22,359 What's goin' on in those futures pits today, Ali? 456 00:15:22,442 --> 00:15:24,317 [Ali] The U.S. Agriculture Department 457 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,192 just released this quarter's livestock report, 458 00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,317 and it's a record surplus, 459 00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:30,484 causing feeder cattle futures to plummet. 460 00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:32,526 Hey, bartender. 461 00:15:32,609 --> 00:15:34,359 This is my last hundred. 462 00:15:34,442 --> 00:15:37,150 I want 90 on drinks and 20 in smokes. 463 00:15:38,192 --> 00:15:40,067 Just fuckin' do it! 464 00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:43,109 [Muzak continues in background] 465 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,401 ♪♪♪ 466 00:15:44,484 --> 00:15:46,025 - Thank you! - [beeping] 467 00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:50,234 [line trilling] 468 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,651 Hey, honey. Listen. 469 00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:55,234 I'm not comin' home. 470 00:15:55,317 --> 00:15:57,401 But I wanna let you know... [breathing hard] 471 00:15:57,484 --> 00:15:59,651 I've never loved anyone 472 00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:01,984 as much as I loved... 473 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:03,526 your sister! 474 00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:06,025 [laughs] I--That's right! You were right! 475 00:16:06,109 --> 00:16:07,651 I fucked your sister! 476 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,776 It was nice! Uh, buh-bye now! 477 00:16:10,859 --> 00:16:12,109 - [beep] - Fuck! 478 00:16:12,192 --> 00:16:13,818 Fun fact about Fat Fred-- 479 00:16:13,901 --> 00:16:15,109 You know how he got his nickname? 480 00:16:15,192 --> 00:16:17,275 - Mean children. - [laughter] 481 00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:19,734 - True story. - [chatter, laughter] 482 00:16:19,818 --> 00:16:21,901 - [Blair and Dawn laughing] - [Dawn] Dude looks like 483 00:16:21,984 --> 00:16:23,859 a John Candy version of Soul Man. 484 00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:26,150 - [both laughing] - Was it just me, 485 00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:27,818 or was that movie about racism 486 00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:29,609 really, really racist? 487 00:16:29,693 --> 00:16:31,818 Uh, like every movie. 488 00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:34,067 [Dawn] I mean, you've seen Teen Wolf. 489 00:16:34,150 --> 00:16:35,192 When the guy turns into an animal, 490 00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:36,734 he starts dunking, break-dancing, 491 00:16:36,818 --> 00:16:38,442 turning on white women, 492 00:16:38,526 --> 00:16:40,609 scaring the shit outta white men. 493 00:16:40,693 --> 00:16:42,651 My favorite line from that movie is, 494 00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:44,567 "I'm not a fag. I'm a werewolf." 495 00:16:44,651 --> 00:16:46,567 - [both laughing] - Michael J.! 496 00:16:46,651 --> 00:16:49,109 [Mo] He is the reigning rainmaker, Jack Piechowski, 497 00:16:49,192 --> 00:16:52,776 but you all know him as Jackson Polack! 498 00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:55,109 [loud cheers, applause] 499 00:16:55,192 --> 00:16:56,859 - Whoo! - [Mo] So debonair! 500 00:16:56,943 --> 00:16:58,859 Show 'em the goods, baby. 501 00:16:58,943 --> 00:17:01,567 Oh! 502 00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:05,067 [crowd chattering, hooting] 503 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,734 [Dawn] Let me tell you something. 504 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,275 You would never wanna be that chiseled. 505 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:09,943 - Women don't like that. - That masculine. 506 00:17:10,025 --> 00:17:11,442 - No! - No! 507 00:17:11,526 --> 00:17:12,442 [Mo] Let's get this bidding going. 508 00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:14,025 I want to serve him hot. 509 00:17:14,109 --> 00:17:15,818 All right, I'm gonna start this cat at a thou! 510 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,150 Who got a thou? 511 00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:18,901 - Fifteen! - Fifteen hundred. 512 00:17:18,984 --> 00:17:21,442 - Thank you, young lady. - Fifteen thousand. 513 00:17:21,526 --> 00:17:23,150 [murmuring dies down] 514 00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:25,859 - Fifteen thousand. - [low chatter] 515 00:17:25,943 --> 00:17:27,150 Fifteen thousand. Pretty sure that's gonna 516 00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:28,984 close out the bids right there. 517 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,109 Thank you very much. Fifteen thousand, Jackson. 518 00:17:30,192 --> 00:17:32,192 [cheers and applause] 519 00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:33,943 Mmm. Whatever. 520 00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,901 - [Mo] Jackson! - [man] Whoo! 521 00:17:35,984 --> 00:17:37,526 - Sorry. - That's okay. 522 00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:40,150 Is that White Rain? 523 00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:41,943 Yeah. You can smell it, huh? 524 00:17:42,025 --> 00:17:43,317 - It's really nice. - It's like the best spray. 525 00:17:43,401 --> 00:17:44,192 [coughs] 526 00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:45,776 Hey, it's me, Wayne. 527 00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:47,901 I just wanted to say 528 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,776 you're a piece of shit, and I've always hated you. 529 00:17:50,859 --> 00:17:53,359 You put Mom on the phone? 530 00:17:53,442 --> 00:17:55,150 Hi, Mom. 531 00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:56,359 Yeah. I know you've always 532 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,150 liked Mark best, but guess what. 533 00:17:58,234 --> 00:18:01,150 The joke's on you, because I outlived him. 534 00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:03,359 Will you please put the dog on the phone? 535 00:18:03,442 --> 00:18:06,359 [slow ballad plays] 536 00:18:06,442 --> 00:18:07,359 ♪♪♪ 537 00:18:07,442 --> 00:18:11,484 [Dawn giggling] 538 00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:14,317 - [ballad playing] - [Dawn continues giggling] 539 00:18:14,401 --> 00:18:15,734 [Blair] I know it didn't work, 540 00:18:15,818 --> 00:18:17,693 but...honeypot or not, 541 00:18:17,776 --> 00:18:19,317 I had a really great time tonight. 542 00:18:19,401 --> 00:18:21,234 Me too. You're cute. 543 00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,025 [Dawn] You could be the third Corey. 544 00:18:23,109 --> 00:18:24,859 [both laughing] [Blair] Some Mo moves there. 545 00:18:24,943 --> 00:18:28,317 [ballad continues] 546 00:18:28,401 --> 00:18:29,859 [quietly] Wait, wait, wait. Here she comes. 547 00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,734 - Here she comes. - Backin' it up. 548 00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:33,526 Don't look, don't look. 549 00:18:33,609 --> 00:18:34,818 [both laughing] 550 00:18:34,901 --> 00:18:36,192 - Oh--Blair! - [Dawn] Uh-- 551 00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:37,567 What are you doing here? 552 00:18:37,651 --> 00:18:39,567 Oh, I'm just, uh, you know, 553 00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,567 here supporting the Mujahideen. 554 00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:44,275 Just gotta get them as many weapons as possible. 555 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,192 - You're a good man. - Thank you, babe. 556 00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:48,359 - [Dawn] And who is this? - I'm Jack. 557 00:18:48,442 --> 00:18:50,025 - Like the cheese. - [Dawn] Oh! 558 00:18:50,109 --> 00:18:52,651 Young...Einstein. 559 00:18:52,734 --> 00:18:54,776 [Dawn] Impressive. [giggles] 560 00:18:54,859 --> 00:18:57,025 - This is Dawn. - [Tiff] Dawn, of course. 561 00:18:57,109 --> 00:18:58,234 I've heard so much about you. 562 00:18:58,317 --> 00:18:59,609 Wow, you are beautiful. 563 00:18:59,693 --> 00:19:02,025 - Thank you. - Ah, your husband 564 00:19:02,109 --> 00:19:03,859 - is a very lucky man. - [laughs] 565 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,401 - Wherever he is. - [Blair] Ha ha ha ha ha. 566 00:19:06,484 --> 00:19:08,484 [Tiff] Listen, I just came over to say 567 00:19:08,567 --> 00:19:09,651 I don't want things to be awkward between us, Blair. 568 00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,317 And I'm hoping that eventually 569 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,609 you and I could be friends. 570 00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:15,484 You do? 571 00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:18,901 For once in my life, I need to focus on myself. 572 00:19:18,984 --> 00:19:20,734 On Tiff. 573 00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:23,609 For once. So good-bye, Blair. 574 00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:25,317 Nice to meet you. 575 00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:27,401 That bow makes you look skinny. 576 00:19:27,484 --> 00:19:29,693 [Dawn] Oh, thank you. You should get one. 577 00:19:33,859 --> 00:19:35,317 - It didn't work! - No-- 578 00:19:35,401 --> 00:19:37,109 - I'm already in her rear-view. - Listen, no. 579 00:19:37,192 --> 00:19:38,901 Tonight was just the first step, you know? 580 00:19:38,984 --> 00:19:40,401 It might take a little-- 581 00:19:43,734 --> 00:19:46,609 [ballad continues] 582 00:19:46,693 --> 00:19:48,651 Blair! 583 00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:49,567 Tiff. 584 00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:53,526 - Oh! - Ah! 585 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,651 Oh, my God. Tell me. 586 00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:57,901 Tell me that you just brought Dawn here 587 00:19:57,984 --> 00:19:59,442 - to make me jealous. - Yes. Did it work? 588 00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:01,776 Of course it worked. Oh, my God, she's so hot. 589 00:20:01,859 --> 00:20:03,275 Part of me didn't know whether I should be jealous 590 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,401 of her or of you, and that part of me 591 00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:07,275 - was my Hot Pocket. - Yeah, your little Hot Pocket. 592 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,401 - [Blair] Yeah... - [Mo] Hey. 593 00:20:09,484 --> 00:20:12,442 Is this wrong? 594 00:20:12,526 --> 00:20:14,317 I mean... 595 00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:16,317 Tiff's sort of the worst, and Blair's not. 596 00:20:16,401 --> 00:20:18,317 Yeah, well, I can give you 60 million reasons 597 00:20:18,401 --> 00:20:21,150 why it's right. 598 00:20:21,234 --> 00:20:22,651 - [Blair] I missed you. - I missed you too. 599 00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:24,275 - I'm sorry. - Me too. I love you. 600 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:25,901 - I love you. - Huh? Oh, my God. 601 00:20:25,984 --> 00:20:27,734 Is that my earring? 602 00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:29,818 Okay, I'd know that emerald-cut emerald anywhere. 603 00:20:29,901 --> 00:20:31,234 Stop. Stop-ay. 604 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:33,025 - Earring-a? - Oh! 605 00:20:33,109 --> 00:20:35,651 Lo siento. Lo siento. 606 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,234 Oh, it's okay-o. 607 00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:38,275 - [murmurs] - [Tiff] Buenas dias. 608 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:39,734 [Blair] Gracias. 609 00:20:39,818 --> 00:20:42,359 Why didn't you tell me that you lost this? 610 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,192 You know these earrings were the only survivors 611 00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:46,442 when my great-grandpa's mine collapsed! 612 00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,234 I know, I'm sorry. I didn't wanna disappoint you, 613 00:20:48,317 --> 00:20:50,317 and honestly, sometimes you can be a little bit scary. 614 00:20:50,401 --> 00:20:51,943 I know I can, and I'm sorry. I'm working on it 615 00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:53,150 with my numerologist. 616 00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:55,234 Look, uh, I'm sorry I brought up 617 00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:56,859 all our old stuff, you know? 618 00:20:56,943 --> 00:20:59,109 The past is the past. 619 00:20:59,192 --> 00:21:01,442 Well... 620 00:21:03,025 --> 00:21:05,526 What if it wasn't? 621 00:21:05,609 --> 00:21:09,109 We did such a great job of getting them back together, 622 00:21:09,192 --> 00:21:12,484 what about...us? You know what I mean? 623 00:21:13,984 --> 00:21:15,526 Oh, Momo. 624 00:21:15,609 --> 00:21:17,401 What? 625 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:19,275 That was a long time ago, 626 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,067 and...remember? Kinda married. 627 00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:23,401 No, I don't remember, okay? 628 00:21:23,484 --> 00:21:24,859 I don't ever remember that. 629 00:21:24,943 --> 00:21:26,567 That guy's a nonentity to me. 630 00:21:26,651 --> 00:21:28,109 Okay? I mean, when was the last time 631 00:21:28,192 --> 00:21:29,984 you had a good time with that white boy? 632 00:21:30,067 --> 00:21:31,275 Last night. 633 00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:32,401 - Last night? - Yeah. 634 00:21:32,484 --> 00:21:33,901 Dawn, I know your 635 00:21:33,984 --> 00:21:35,401 "I had a good time last night" face, 636 00:21:35,484 --> 00:21:37,359 - and that ain't it. - Oh. Well, I got a new 637 00:21:37,442 --> 00:21:38,943 "good time last night" face, that's all. 638 00:21:39,025 --> 00:21:41,109 Okay. 639 00:21:41,192 --> 00:21:43,150 Look, after I sash and crown here, 640 00:21:43,234 --> 00:21:45,401 I'm gonna go over to the Cedar Tavern. 641 00:21:45,484 --> 00:21:47,734 I'm gonna be there around 10:00, okay? 642 00:21:47,818 --> 00:21:50,776 So...show up, don't show up. 643 00:21:50,859 --> 00:21:53,275 It's up to you. I'm gonna be there. 644 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,150 You're gonna be there alone, Mo. 645 00:21:55,234 --> 00:21:57,567 I'm not coming. 646 00:21:57,651 --> 00:21:59,984 We'll see. 647 00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:02,025 - We'll see. - Uh-huh. 648 00:22:03,526 --> 00:22:05,359 - Ha ha. Uh-huh! - Okay. 649 00:22:05,442 --> 00:22:06,901 - Bye! - Bye. 650 00:22:06,984 --> 00:22:07,984 [both laughing] 651 00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:11,067 [ballad continues playing] 652 00:22:11,150 --> 00:22:13,192 [Tiff] Let's get this back where it-- 653 00:22:13,275 --> 00:22:15,609 You know what? No. No, this thing's bad luck. 654 00:22:15,693 --> 00:22:17,317 Ever since I put it on you, it's just kicked off 655 00:22:17,401 --> 00:22:18,943 a series of disastrous events, okay? 656 00:22:19,025 --> 00:22:20,526 This thing is cursed. 657 00:22:20,609 --> 00:22:22,025 [Mo] Hey, hey, hey! 658 00:22:22,109 --> 00:22:23,651 There's the happy couple! 659 00:22:23,734 --> 00:22:25,442 [claps] Oh, my God. 660 00:22:25,526 --> 00:22:26,776 You've gotta be Tiff-- the one and only. 661 00:22:26,859 --> 00:22:28,651 - [Tiff] Yeah, I am. - [all laughing] 662 00:22:28,734 --> 00:22:30,651 Blair has been heartbroken without you, I gotta tell you. 663 00:22:30,734 --> 00:22:31,859 And I can see why. 664 00:22:31,943 --> 00:22:33,609 Ah-ooga! Ha ha ha. 665 00:22:33,693 --> 00:22:35,317 What a beautiful dress. 666 00:22:35,401 --> 00:22:36,567 - Well, actually... - Whoa! 667 00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:40,484 Oh! It's a skort. 668 00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:42,317 - Skants. Prototype. - Skants. 669 00:22:42,401 --> 00:22:44,275 Oh. Well, I'd say they better rush that baby to market. 670 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,484 - [Blair] Right? - What is it: Levi's, Guess? 671 00:22:46,567 --> 00:22:48,943 No, it's Georgina. I'm Tiff Georgina. 672 00:22:49,025 --> 00:22:50,609 [snaps] Tiff Georgina. 673 00:22:50,693 --> 00:22:52,901 Now I see where this guy gets his fashion sense from-- 674 00:22:52,984 --> 00:22:54,901 a beautiful, fashionable lady 675 00:22:54,984 --> 00:22:57,025 from a famously fashionable family. 676 00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:58,651 - [Blair] Ah! - And you must be the very 677 00:22:58,734 --> 00:23:01,359 famous Maurice Monroe that I've heard so much about. 678 00:23:01,442 --> 00:23:03,275 All good, I'm sure? 679 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,693 [ballad continues in background] 680 00:23:06,776 --> 00:23:09,192 [Blair] So what else? 681 00:23:09,275 --> 00:23:10,693 [murmurs] 682 00:23:10,776 --> 00:23:12,526 - A lot of people, huh? - [Mo] Yeah. 683 00:23:12,609 --> 00:23:14,651 You know, Maurice, I have been meaning 684 00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:16,818 to thank you for giving my man here a little job. 685 00:23:16,901 --> 00:23:18,567 - Ah. - So please, 686 00:23:18,651 --> 00:23:21,067 consider this tie pin a gift for luck. 687 00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,859 Oh, my God. Ha ha! Well, I'm gonna say yes. 688 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:25,067 - Ah! - Ha ha ha ha ha! 689 00:23:25,150 --> 00:23:26,359 - You kids have a great night. - [Tiff] Oh, so nice seeing you 690 00:23:26,442 --> 00:23:27,818 - and meeting you. - [Mo] Thanks again! 691 00:23:27,901 --> 00:23:30,484 - That was so generous, babe. - Fuck him. 692 00:23:30,567 --> 00:23:31,943 - Ooh! - Yeah? 693 00:23:32,025 --> 00:23:33,442 - I'm back! - Yeah, you are back. 694 00:23:33,526 --> 00:23:35,401 Oh, I'm actually on the air. 695 00:23:35,484 --> 00:23:38,484 Hi, Howard! Long-time listener, first-time caller. 696 00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:41,234 Hey, can you put Robin's boobs on the air? 697 00:23:41,317 --> 00:23:43,359 [laughs] Huh? No, no, I love you guys. 698 00:23:43,442 --> 00:23:45,943 Hey, whoa, hey, Howard, before you hang up-- 699 00:23:46,025 --> 00:23:47,651 Fuck Jackie Martling! 700 00:23:47,734 --> 00:23:48,943 - [phone thuds down] - Wait! 701 00:23:49,025 --> 00:23:50,526 - [Keith] Stop him! - Shit! 702 00:23:50,609 --> 00:23:52,526 [Keith] Stop him! Get him, get him, stop him! 703 00:23:52,609 --> 00:23:54,734 You dumb-ass LaGuardia fuckin' Spread idiot! 704 00:23:54,818 --> 00:23:56,693 What the fuck are you doin', man? 705 00:23:56,776 --> 00:23:58,359 [Keith] The Yakuza's gonna track us down and kill us. 706 00:23:58,442 --> 00:24:00,025 [woman] ...killed today by a food-borne illness 707 00:24:00,109 --> 00:24:02,192 found in beef. 708 00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:03,776 Mad cow disease is affecting 709 00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,609 livestock across Canada and the U.K., 710 00:24:06,693 --> 00:24:10,359 causing one of the biggest beef recalls in history. 711 00:24:10,442 --> 00:24:11,818 The outbreak of mad cow disease 712 00:24:11,901 --> 00:24:14,484 forced supermarkets across the U.K. 713 00:24:14,567 --> 00:24:17,734 to dispose of the tainted beef. 714 00:24:17,818 --> 00:24:19,984 Resupplying the market with safe beef from the U.S. 715 00:24:20,067 --> 00:24:22,526 is causing the demand to skyrocket. 716 00:24:22,609 --> 00:24:25,526 [men laughing] 717 00:24:25,609 --> 00:24:28,192 It is my distinct honor to present 718 00:24:28,275 --> 00:24:30,275 these brave Mujahideen warriors 719 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,609 - with a check for $44,250. - [crowd whooping] 720 00:24:34,693 --> 00:24:38,192 Fight on, brave men. We will not forget you. 721 00:24:38,275 --> 00:24:40,401 We're actually not going by Mujahideen anymore. 722 00:24:40,484 --> 00:24:41,693 We're rebranding. 723 00:24:41,776 --> 00:24:44,359 What do you think about, uh, Taliban? 724 00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:47,442 Taliban, uh... yeah, that's got legs. 725 00:24:48,859 --> 00:24:50,401 ♪ edgy music ♪ 726 00:24:50,484 --> 00:24:51,776 Oh, shit, I gotta get outta here. 727 00:24:51,859 --> 00:24:53,025 - All right, take it easy. - Salaam! 728 00:24:53,109 --> 00:24:54,984 [Mo] Yeah. Salami and bacon! 729 00:24:55,067 --> 00:24:57,192 ♪♪♪ 730 00:24:57,275 --> 00:24:58,609 [elevator bell dings] 731 00:24:58,693 --> 00:25:03,526 ♪♪♪ 732 00:25:13,067 --> 00:25:14,567 [exhales] 733 00:25:23,526 --> 00:25:28,192 [woman] ♪ Where do I find the strength ♪ 734 00:25:28,275 --> 00:25:31,192 ♪ To face the future ♪ 735 00:25:31,275 --> 00:25:35,234 ♪ With...without you? ♪ 736 00:25:35,317 --> 00:25:37,359 Uh...make it a double. 737 00:25:37,442 --> 00:25:39,234 You haven't ordered. 738 00:25:39,317 --> 00:25:40,275 [inhales] 739 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,401 Scotch. 740 00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:46,359 ♪ dramatic music ♪ 741 00:25:46,442 --> 00:25:48,025 ♪♪♪ 742 00:25:48,109 --> 00:25:50,943 I'm gonna need that finger. 743 00:25:51,025 --> 00:25:52,401 No hard feelings, Mo. 744 00:25:52,484 --> 00:25:54,484 You have a boss. I have a boss. 745 00:25:54,567 --> 00:25:57,275 Technically, I'm my own boss, but... 746 00:25:59,943 --> 00:26:02,442 Mm! 747 00:26:02,526 --> 00:26:03,609 I have to do it? 748 00:26:05,150 --> 00:26:06,275 [blows out] 749 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:10,984 ♪♪♪ 750 00:26:11,067 --> 00:26:14,109 [inhales, exhales] 751 00:26:14,192 --> 00:26:16,067 How much pinky are we talkin' about? 752 00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:18,693 - Mo! - Yeah. 753 00:26:18,776 --> 00:26:20,776 Oh, shit. 754 00:26:22,776 --> 00:26:24,442 [Keith] Stop! Stop! 755 00:26:24,526 --> 00:26:26,442 Stop! Shit! 756 00:26:26,526 --> 00:26:28,234 We got the money and then some. 757 00:26:28,317 --> 00:26:30,693 Turns out Wayne was pulling a LaGuardia Spread 758 00:26:30,776 --> 00:26:31,901 - [Keith] with the dough. - And it worked! 759 00:26:31,984 --> 00:26:33,818 Well, it didn't until the U.K. was overrun 760 00:26:33,901 --> 00:26:35,484 by zombie cows. 761 00:26:35,567 --> 00:26:37,234 [Yassir] U.S. livestock futures are-- 762 00:26:37,317 --> 00:26:38,734 Do you wanna give this guy his Goddamn money 763 00:26:38,818 --> 00:26:40,734 so I don't have to cut off my fucking pinkie? 764 00:26:40,818 --> 00:26:42,234 The money's already been wired into your account, Mo. 765 00:26:42,317 --> 00:26:44,484 So...are we good? 766 00:26:46,275 --> 00:26:47,317 [knife clatters] 767 00:26:47,401 --> 00:26:49,859 Ohh... Ha. Ha ha. 768 00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:52,484 Ha ha ha ha. Oh! 769 00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:54,359 I'm not even mad at you, Wayne okay? 770 00:26:54,442 --> 00:26:56,109 You're a fuckin' wild man. 771 00:26:56,192 --> 00:26:57,859 - Yeah, right? - [laughter] 772 00:26:57,943 --> 00:27:00,109 [Mo] It takes some big-- Actually, that's not true. 773 00:27:00,192 --> 00:27:01,484 I'm very upset with you! 774 00:27:01,567 --> 00:27:03,317 I'm upset with all three of you. 775 00:27:03,401 --> 00:27:05,359 I'm gonna individually fuck each one of you up. 776 00:27:05,442 --> 00:27:07,109 - Do you understand-- - [grunts] Mm! So... 777 00:27:07,192 --> 00:27:10,609 You wanna do a money order? Write us a check? 778 00:27:10,693 --> 00:27:12,359 Whatever's easier. 779 00:27:12,442 --> 00:27:15,317 ♪ suspenseful music ♪ 780 00:27:15,401 --> 00:27:17,651 ♪♪♪ 781 00:27:17,734 --> 00:27:19,526 And again. Again, I fell for it. 782 00:27:19,609 --> 00:27:24,484 And...again, Mo let me down. 783 00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:27,150 You know, it's like, uh... 784 00:27:27,234 --> 00:27:29,609 I feel like I'm Lucy, 785 00:27:29,693 --> 00:27:31,192 you know, and the football, 786 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,818 or...maybe I'm Charlie Brown. 787 00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:36,693 I don't know. Or maybe I'm the football. 788 00:27:36,776 --> 00:27:39,234 Who knows? Ooh! Peanuts! 789 00:27:39,317 --> 00:27:40,651 What if I do some peanuts 790 00:27:40,734 --> 00:27:42,359 to soak up some of this alcohol. 791 00:27:42,442 --> 00:27:45,275 This is supposed to be one of the most romantic spots 792 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:46,818 - in the city. - Eew. 793 00:27:46,901 --> 00:27:48,859 I gotta pee. 794 00:27:50,609 --> 00:27:52,109 [soulful music in background] 795 00:27:52,192 --> 00:27:53,818 Hey. You're here! 796 00:27:53,901 --> 00:27:55,484 Mmm! 797 00:27:55,567 --> 00:27:57,693 Did you see Tiff and I are, uh, we're back. 798 00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:58,734 - I think. - Oh... 799 00:27:58,818 --> 00:28:00,901 Uh, so thank you 800 00:28:01,025 --> 00:28:02,776 for everything. 801 00:28:02,859 --> 00:28:04,693 Well, I'm just--I'm happy that you're happy. 802 00:28:04,776 --> 00:28:06,943 I see you took my advice on this spot? 803 00:28:07,025 --> 00:28:08,359 Yeah, yeah, I did. 804 00:28:08,442 --> 00:28:10,484 Again, I...owe you. 805 00:28:10,567 --> 00:28:11,693 Big. 806 00:28:11,776 --> 00:28:13,025 Yeah. 807 00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:17,818 ♪♪♪ 808 00:28:34,484 --> 00:28:37,526 ♪♪♪ 809 00:28:37,609 --> 00:28:40,317 ♪ upbeat synth music ♪ 810 00:28:40,401 --> 00:28:45,567 ♪♪♪ 811 00:28:45,617 --> 00:28:50,167 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 58340

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