Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,403 --> 00:00:02,472
This bookshop rules. I get it...
2
00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:04,413
- Paper, not screens.
- Yeah.
3
00:00:04,414 --> 00:00:07,585
Oof, I can't stop thinking about
this prix-fixe pasta tasting
4
00:00:07,586 --> 00:00:09,102
- at Dobby tonight.
- Wait a second.
5
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:10,827
You're going to Dobby tonight?
6
00:00:10,828 --> 00:00:13,068
- Girl, yah.
- Dude, you didn't tell me that.
7
00:00:13,069 --> 00:00:15,413
I saw that chef on "Chef's
Table." She's incredible.
8
00:00:15,414 --> 00:00:16,999
I love a restaurant run by women
9
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,703
'cause they don't rape
or molest their employees,
10
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,263
- and the food just tastes better.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:20,274 --> 00:00:22,263
Also, I told them already
that you don't eat beef.
12
00:00:22,274 --> 00:00:23,447
Why?
13
00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,585
So there's no beef on your plate?
14
00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:27,240
Ilana, I'm not coming
15
00:00:27,241 --> 00:00:29,240
to your one-year
anniversary dinner tonight.
16
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:31,137
Don't be a bitch. Who's gonna mediate?
17
00:00:31,138 --> 00:00:33,930
Right, it's the
anniversary/renegotiation
18
00:00:33,941 --> 00:00:35,749
relationship-check-in.
19
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,290
Dude, this is big. Do you have
all your deal points prepared?
20
00:00:38,301 --> 00:00:40,404
You Sade-Baderinwa believe I do!
21
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:41,586
Dope.
22
00:00:41,587 --> 00:00:43,517
There they are.
23
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:48,318
That's good placement.
24
00:00:48,319 --> 00:00:49,560
Wow.
25
00:00:49,561 --> 00:00:51,215
Gor-gous!
26
00:00:53,423 --> 00:00:56,008
You took the lemons of being
fired from Anthropologie
27
00:00:56,009 --> 00:00:57,629
and turned them into gorgeous, artistic,
28
00:00:57,630 --> 00:00:59,663
bad-bitch-gettin'-shit-done lemonade.
29
00:00:59,664 --> 00:01:01,569
Yeah, I mean, thank God
those cards are in here.
30
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:03,905
I'm exhausted from working
on my art all day
31
00:01:03,906 --> 00:01:06,792
and catering every night. I needed this.
32
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,870
Abbi Abrams.
33
00:01:09,871 --> 00:01:12,801
Donna? My God. I haven't
seen you since college, dude.
34
00:01:12,802 --> 00:01:15,077
- Hi!
- Hi!
35
00:01:15,078 --> 00:01:16,664
- Wait. Is this...
- So good to see you!
36
00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:17,843
- You, too.
- Smelly Pussy Donna?
37
00:01:17,854 --> 00:01:19,092
Ilana.
38
00:01:19,975 --> 00:01:21,663
I am s... I am so sorry.
39
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,318
I'm truly sorry. That is so rude.
40
00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,180
I am... I am so sorry.
41
00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:27,594
Clearly that got relayed from me.
42
00:01:27,595 --> 00:01:29,111
This is my best friend, Ilana.
43
00:01:29,112 --> 00:01:30,836
And she didn't mean
to say that out loud.
44
00:01:30,837 --> 00:01:33,491
It's okay. I officially own
that nickname,
45
00:01:33,492 --> 00:01:35,456
because I beat my smelly pussy.
46
00:01:35,457 --> 00:01:38,043
It only took probiotics
and six years of therapy,
47
00:01:38,044 --> 00:01:42,010
but I'm officially free
of malodorous pudenda.
48
00:01:42,021 --> 00:01:43,335
- That's amazing.
- Smelly pussy.
49
00:01:43,346 --> 00:01:44,525
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
50
00:01:44,526 --> 00:01:47,249
I've actually used my horrible
story to inspire other women.
51
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,180
I just gave a TAD Talk.
52
00:01:49,181 --> 00:01:50,525
You gave a TED Talk about it?
53
00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:52,146
No, TADTalk.
54
00:01:52,147 --> 00:01:53,836
Cool.
55
00:01:53,837 --> 00:01:56,077
What are you up to?
Are you still doing your art?
56
00:01:56,078 --> 00:01:58,111
I really loved her art.
She was so talented.
57
00:01:58,112 --> 00:02:00,594
Thanks so much.
I... Yeah, I mean, I'm trying.
58
00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:02,870
She's not trying. She is succeeding.
59
00:02:02,871 --> 00:02:05,663
She's selling her cards
in the store right now!
60
00:02:05,664 --> 00:02:10,318
Okay, these are literally so cute.
61
00:02:10,319 --> 00:02:11,905
I just had the best idea.
62
00:02:11,906 --> 00:02:13,491
I'm a coordinator at MoMA.
63
00:02:13,492 --> 00:02:14,919
Cool? That's amazing.
64
00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:16,697
And we're having
an incredible party tonight.
65
00:02:16,708 --> 00:02:19,318
Would you guys please come
as my close personal guests?
66
00:02:19,319 --> 00:02:21,387
I have this dinner I have to go to.
67
00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:23,077
That sucks we can't go.
68
00:02:24,147 --> 00:02:27,870
Well, I mean...
69
00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:31,353
Icould still go, like, alone.
70
00:02:31,354 --> 00:02:33,249
Whoa.
71
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:35,044
I guess you could.
72
00:02:37,451 --> 00:02:40,008
Okay, so you're gonna go. Great.
Yeah, I've put you on the list,
73
00:02:40,009 --> 00:02:42,249
and they are excited to meet you.
74
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:43,698
My gosh.
75
00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:46,119
My Pediphile is here.
76
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,836
What, now?
77
00:02:47,837 --> 00:02:50,249
Pediphile is an app
78
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,011
for people who are obsessed
with pedicabs.
79
00:02:52,022 --> 00:02:53,594
I became obsessed with them in college
80
00:02:53,595 --> 00:02:56,491
when I needed to air out
my vagina, because...
81
00:02:56,492 --> 00:02:57,939
the smelly pussy thing.
82
00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:59,491
Also, it's so convenient to get around.
83
00:02:59,492 --> 00:03:01,177
You guys should think
about getting the app.
84
00:03:01,188 --> 00:03:02,629
I am a co-founder. Full-disclosure.
85
00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:05,594
- All right, I'll see you tonight, Donna.
- Don't forget to dress sexy!
86
00:03:05,595 --> 00:03:07,986
I got to see this bitch
get into a pedicab.
87
00:03:08,595 --> 00:03:10,978
- Wow.
- Wow.
88
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:13,991
See you tonight!
89
00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:17,284
Smelly Pussy Donna.
90
00:03:17,285 --> 00:03:20,560
I wouldn't notair my pussy out
in a pedicab.
91
00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:21,974
Yeah. Me, neither.
92
00:03:26,228 --> 00:03:28,929
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
93
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,456
Dude, tonight is so cool.
94
00:03:30,457 --> 00:03:32,223
A party at MoMA? Come on!
95
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:34,201
Yeah, I mean, I have to cancel
my catering shift,
96
00:03:34,212 --> 00:03:35,633
but MoMA's, like, so worth it.
97
00:03:35,644 --> 00:03:36,685
So worth it.
98
00:03:36,696 --> 00:03:38,260
I'm a little nervous about going alone.
99
00:03:38,271 --> 00:03:39,974
No, you'll have Smelly Pussy Donna...
100
00:03:39,975 --> 00:03:41,732
- Donna. You'll have Donna.
- I mean, I could also ask,
101
00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:43,249
like, another one of my friends.
102
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,905
Yeah!
103
00:03:44,906 --> 00:03:48,043
Like...
104
00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:49,560
I could ask the...
105
00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:51,974
No, I...
106
00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:53,491
You know what? It's cool to go alone.
107
00:03:53,492 --> 00:03:55,146
It iscool, 'cause then
I don't have to explain
108
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,995
all the art-world ins and outs
to someone. Like, it's a lot.
109
00:03:58,006 --> 00:03:59,455
You know what? I'm gonna call Kevin.
110
00:03:59,466 --> 00:04:00,735
Perfect. I'm gonna pet this dog.
111
00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,180
- Okay. Great.
- Hi!
112
00:04:02,181 --> 00:04:04,767
Hello! Hi!
113
00:04:06,595 --> 00:04:07,905
Hey! Kevin.
114
00:04:07,906 --> 00:04:09,698
- Who is this?
- It's Abbi?
115
00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:13,180
So, listen, this kind of, like,
really-big-deal thing
116
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:15,075
came up tonight, art-wise,
and I was wondering
117
00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:17,974
if maybe someone could cover my shift?
118
00:04:17,975 --> 00:04:19,456
Fuck!
119
00:04:19,457 --> 00:04:21,284
Tonight is already gonna
be really intense,
120
00:04:21,285 --> 00:04:23,560
and it's too late to find
someone to cover you.
121
00:04:23,561 --> 00:04:26,077
But I guess we'll just have
to make do without you.
122
00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:27,801
Yes! Okay. Thank you so much, Kevin.
123
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:30,284
- I owe you one.
- You go for it, girl.
124
00:04:30,285 --> 00:04:31,974
Okay.
125
00:04:31,975 --> 00:04:34,836
Hot and heavy over here,
Does Lincoln know?
126
00:04:34,837 --> 00:04:37,525
Well, I did have a polyamory
clause in my deal tonight,
127
00:04:37,526 --> 00:04:39,699
but now I have to add
a bestiality clause.
128
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,594
- I thought it was funny.
- Thank you.
129
00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:50,767
Happy anniversary/
renegotiation/check-in.
130
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,698
Yaas!
131
00:04:52,699 --> 00:04:55,077
All right. All right.
132
00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:57,560
Look at that wrapping.
133
00:04:57,561 --> 00:05:00,284
That's for you. That's part of it.
134
00:05:00,285 --> 00:05:02,215
- What is this?
- It is your very own
135
00:05:02,216 --> 00:05:04,249
handmade Experience Coupon Book.
136
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:05,939
Okay.
137
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,491
- "Handjob."
- Whoop!
138
00:05:07,492 --> 00:05:09,284
"Dry"?
139
00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:11,422
I prefer wet.
140
00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:13,594
Picnic in the park.
141
00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:15,939
Blowjob, wet.
142
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,043
Zoo day.
143
00:05:18,044 --> 00:05:19,767
Anal!
144
00:05:19,768 --> 00:05:22,215
This is awesome. This is a quantified,
145
00:05:22,216 --> 00:05:24,801
organized list
of the stuff we already do.
146
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:28,249
- I love it. Thank you.
- Yay!
147
00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:30,215
All right. My turn.
148
00:05:30,216 --> 00:05:33,939
Okay. Okay.
149
00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:50,043
I mean
150
00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:52,767
I farted, and it went, like,
up my dress and up my nose,
151
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:55,249
and then it dissipated...
152
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,318
Okay. "Jewess"? Yes!
153
00:05:57,319 --> 00:05:59,387
I saw them, and I thought of you.
154
00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:01,284
Why?
155
00:06:01,285 --> 00:06:02,491
Just kidding.
156
00:06:11,768 --> 00:06:14,870
Art.
157
00:06:14,871 --> 00:06:18,249
Asymmetrical hairstyles.
158
00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,698
Unabashed confidence.
159
00:06:20,768 --> 00:06:23,629
Helicopter!
160
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:24,939
Abbi!
161
00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:26,836
Kevin!
162
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:28,491
Thank God you came after all.
163
00:06:28,492 --> 00:06:31,043
I was actually going to fire you
for bailing tonight,
164
00:06:31,044 --> 00:06:33,353
but here you are,
in your bizarrely gorgeous
165
00:06:33,354 --> 00:06:34,422
catering ware.
166
00:06:34,423 --> 00:06:35,919
Here I am!
167
00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:38,262
We've got asparagus spears
that still need to be trayed up,
168
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,791
and then you can grab a tray of
riblets and start passing them.
169
00:06:40,802 --> 00:06:41,929
Did you bring your beret?
170
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,008
I-I forgot the beret.
171
00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:45,537
It's okay. Just meet me in the garden.
172
00:06:45,548 --> 00:06:47,272
I brought an extra one!
173
00:06:49,588 --> 00:06:52,897
This is our first pasta tasting,
the bucatini tartufo.
174
00:06:52,908 --> 00:06:54,390
Mushrooms were milled in Hudson,
175
00:06:54,391 --> 00:06:56,045
and they were foraged just this morning.
176
00:06:56,046 --> 00:06:57,700
Nice.
177
00:06:57,701 --> 00:07:00,010
- Gorgeous.
- One down.
178
00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:02,183
11 to go. Let's enjoy this food
179
00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:03,838
before we get down to business.
180
00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,873
I agree. See, we are already
wonderful at negotiating.
181
00:07:06,874 --> 00:07:09,459
Yeah.
182
00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:10,873
My God.
183
00:07:10,874 --> 00:07:12,838
- God damn.
- I'm, like, literally, like,
184
00:07:12,839 --> 00:07:14,942
getting, like, buttery wet like the...
185
00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:16,838
- Yeah.
- Like the noodles.
186
00:07:16,839 --> 00:07:18,114
I would raw-dog this pasta
187
00:07:18,115 --> 00:07:20,873
even if I knew it had a disease.
188
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,148
I'm a gassy bitch.
189
00:07:22,149 --> 00:07:24,769
I eat shtinky food! Whoo!
190
00:07:28,356 --> 00:07:31,114
Garlic rosemary lamb riblets
with a mint compote?
191
00:07:33,632 --> 00:07:35,045
Ab!
192
00:07:35,046 --> 00:07:37,148
- Abbi! Hi!
- Dude, what's up?
193
00:07:37,149 --> 00:07:39,700
I'm so sorry.
194
00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,148
Hey!
195
00:07:41,149 --> 00:07:42,459
Mwah! Mwah!
196
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:43,700
Thanks so much for coming.
197
00:07:43,701 --> 00:07:44,873
It means so much to me.
198
00:07:44,874 --> 00:07:46,217
No, thank you for inviting me.
199
00:07:46,218 --> 00:07:47,631
- Of course.
- This is awesome.
200
00:07:47,632 --> 00:07:49,459
God.
201
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:50,735
What?
202
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,873
Jeffrey Sean Michael Thomas is here.
203
00:07:52,874 --> 00:07:55,942
He has nudes of me. Sick stuff.
204
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,114
Let's go play nice.
205
00:07:57,115 --> 00:07:58,321
O-Okay.
206
00:07:58,322 --> 00:07:59,666
Hello!
207
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:00,735
Ding dong!
208
00:08:00,736 --> 00:08:02,183
Let me get in here.
209
00:08:02,184 --> 00:08:04,942
- Let me get in.
- And so I said,
210
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,355
"What is this, Sotheby's?"
211
00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:11,735
My God! Can I borrow your phone?
212
00:08:11,736 --> 00:08:13,562
Excuse me.
213
00:08:13,563 --> 00:08:16,838
Garlic rosemary lamb riblet
with mint compote?
214
00:08:16,839 --> 00:08:18,079
Jesus.
215
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,045
This is a spiritual experience.
216
00:08:20,046 --> 00:08:21,079
All right, Lincoln.
217
00:08:22,391 --> 00:08:23,391
Shall we?
218
00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:24,666
All right.
219
00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:33,079
As we look ahead at the upcoming year,
220
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,597
I would like to discuss the deal
points regarding sexual exploration,
221
00:08:36,598 --> 00:08:39,252
starting with the roller-coaster idea.
222
00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:41,183
That's a no for me, dawg.
223
00:08:41,184 --> 00:08:42,759
Roller coasters are already scary enough
224
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,183
without me having my dick out.
225
00:08:44,184 --> 00:08:45,631
Plus, there's pictures,
226
00:08:45,632 --> 00:08:47,597
and they project the pictures
at the end.
227
00:08:47,598 --> 00:08:48,804
Nobody should see that.
228
00:08:48,805 --> 00:08:51,217
I just think it would be thrilling.
229
00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:53,390
I can give you Ferris wheel.
230
00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:55,597
Deal! I like that better, actually.
231
00:08:55,598 --> 00:08:57,010
Up-and-down-vibes.
232
00:08:57,011 --> 00:09:00,223
I'd like to bring up the item
of rom-coms.
233
00:09:00,234 --> 00:09:02,279
Don't know where we're
gonna get on this, Lincoln.
234
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,666
I want to watch four rom-coms a year.
235
00:09:04,667 --> 00:09:07,907
I object because they are
offensive to women.
236
00:09:07,908 --> 00:09:09,528
That is subjective.
237
00:09:09,529 --> 00:09:11,838
I gotta push back,
and I'll give you two.
238
00:09:11,839 --> 00:09:14,631
Three. No laughing at them.
239
00:09:14,632 --> 00:09:16,942
Only laughing withthem.
240
00:09:16,943 --> 00:09:18,631
Give you two laughing at them,
241
00:09:18,632 --> 00:09:22,252
and one laughing with them.
242
00:09:22,253 --> 00:09:23,838
Deal.
243
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:25,148
Can I approach the bench?
244
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:27,493
Yes, you can.
245
00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:37,114
Hi-i-i-i!
246
00:09:37,115 --> 00:09:38,597
- Hey.
- How are you?
247
00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:39,942
- Good.
- You smell good.
248
00:09:39,943 --> 00:09:41,286
Thank you.
249
00:09:41,287 --> 00:09:44,010
Hopper went to MICA, as well!
250
00:09:44,011 --> 00:09:46,321
Dope! So, Hopper, what do you do now?
251
00:09:46,322 --> 00:09:49,010
I work at a gallery uptown part-time,
252
00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:51,493
and I paint in my studio
as much as I can.
253
00:09:51,494 --> 00:09:53,907
I teach occasionally at Hunter
undergrad as a sub.
254
00:09:53,908 --> 00:09:55,321
I heard you had the best time
255
00:09:55,322 --> 00:09:57,355
at that residency program out West.
256
00:09:57,356 --> 00:09:59,355
- How was it?
- Yeah, it was great.
257
00:09:59,356 --> 00:10:02,459
It was a nice mix of studio time
and teaching.
258
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,424
- It was really nice.
- Beautiful.
259
00:10:04,425 --> 00:10:06,321
Wow. That sounds better
260
00:10:06,322 --> 00:10:09,942
than... anything I've done
in the past eight years.
261
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,976
I'm sure that's not true.
262
00:10:11,977 --> 00:10:13,744
No, it is.
263
00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:15,564
You know what?
I'm gonna send you some links
264
00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:17,631
- to some programs, okay?
- Awesome, yeah.
265
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:20,976
And also, you are going
to mingle tonight, believe me.
266
00:10:20,977 --> 00:10:22,886
- Okay, I will. Yeah.
- Okay, you know who I'd like
267
00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:25,252
to mingle with, though?
Those canap�s right behind you.
268
00:10:25,253 --> 00:10:27,769
- Sir? Excuse me. The food?
- My God.
269
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:30,942
- Hi.
- I-I'm gonna tie my shoe!
270
00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:32,700
- Describe!
- Okay.
271
00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:35,631
Salmon and cucumber twist
with a dollop of cr�me fra�che.
272
00:10:35,632 --> 00:10:36,666
- Okay.
- And our salmon
273
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,424
is cured with beetroot.
274
00:10:38,425 --> 00:10:40,769
If I start choking, do not resuscitate.
275
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,148
This is how I want to go.
276
00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:45,631
Hysterical.
277
00:10:45,632 --> 00:10:47,804
Okay.
278
00:10:49,287 --> 00:10:52,286
My laces get tangled.
279
00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:54,355
Food! You know what? I'm gonna go...
280
00:10:54,356 --> 00:10:57,045
I'm gonna go find them.
'Cause that looks so good.
281
00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:59,735
I'm gonna go get me some of that.
282
00:10:59,736 --> 00:11:01,010
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
283
00:11:01,011 --> 00:11:02,562
My God. Shit.
284
00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:04,597
Such a character.
285
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:07,390
Do you have any coke...
286
00:11:07,391 --> 00:11:09,528
I've always known
how to clear out a room.
287
00:11:09,529 --> 00:11:12,136
Okay, moving on with the proceedings.
288
00:11:12,147 --> 00:11:13,774
I would like to look
at the next article,
289
00:11:13,785 --> 00:11:17,493
which is a suspension
period in monogamy.
290
00:11:17,494 --> 00:11:20,045
If we are gonna do this
for another beautiful year,
291
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:25,804
I would like to make out with five...
292
00:11:25,805 --> 00:11:27,217
ty... "fivety" people.
293
00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:28,252
50 people.
294
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:29,528
Ilana.
295
00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,873
Two.
296
00:11:30,874 --> 00:11:32,976
And I have to know about them.
297
00:11:32,977 --> 00:11:35,976
Okay! Dope!
298
00:11:35,977 --> 00:11:37,528
I mean deal.
299
00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:40,355
Communication is dope.
300
00:11:40,356 --> 00:11:43,217
On the long-term front,
301
00:11:43,218 --> 00:11:45,700
I would like to bring up an issue
302
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:49,183
with the state of Maryland.
303
00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:52,425
I think I'd like to move there.
304
00:11:55,046 --> 00:11:57,735
You just want to up and move
305
00:11:57,736 --> 00:11:59,493
to middle-of-nowhere Maryland?
306
00:11:59,494 --> 00:12:01,252
Well, I'm from there,
307
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:03,079
so my whole family would be there.
308
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,735
My brother's a dentist, also,
309
00:12:04,736 --> 00:12:06,769
and we've always wanted
to start our own practice,
310
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:08,217
"The Tooth Factory."
311
00:12:08,218 --> 00:12:12,390
And there's lots of great schools there.
312
00:12:12,391 --> 00:12:14,079
Schools? So, w-w-what,
313
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,286
like, cars drive around them
slower, and it's safer to walk?
314
00:12:17,287 --> 00:12:19,459
No. Schools are...
315
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:22,873
for the children that I father
316
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,460
to attend.
317
00:12:30,908 --> 00:12:33,942
Are we... Are we still
discussing thisyear?
318
00:12:33,943 --> 00:12:36,286
I don't really remember
reviewing this for my notes.
319
00:12:36,287 --> 00:12:39,286
Well, I guess while looking
at this year's points,
320
00:12:39,287 --> 00:12:42,700
I looked ahead at next year
and the year after that.
321
00:12:42,701 --> 00:12:44,114
Is this about the rom-coms?
322
00:12:44,115 --> 00:12:46,562
'Cause I'll watch one
every weekend, you know?
323
00:12:46,563 --> 00:12:48,183
And I'll just rip a bong
324
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,838
and laugh really sincerely,
and I'll learn to love them.
325
00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:53,045
No, it's just that,
I want to buy a house.
326
00:12:53,046 --> 00:12:54,666
I've been looking on Zillow.
327
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:57,217
Houses aren't even
that expensive in Maryland.
328
00:12:57,218 --> 00:13:00,148
And I want to have kids,
329
00:13:00,149 --> 00:13:01,873
and I want to get married.
330
00:13:01,874 --> 00:13:03,528
Lincoln, I'm only 27.
331
00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:05,183
What am I, a child bride?
332
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,493
You know, I don't know
that I never want it.
333
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:09,631
I just definitely
don't want it right now.
334
00:13:09,632 --> 00:13:11,631
I could commit to a kid
335
00:13:11,632 --> 00:13:14,943
when I'm like... 43.
336
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,597
Lincoln, I just figured out
that I want to go back to school
337
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:23,183
and focus on my wizness.
338
00:13:23,184 --> 00:13:26,217
I'm on a New York City timeline.
339
00:13:26,218 --> 00:13:28,286
Do you ever think
you'd change your mind?
340
00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:36,597
At this point,
341
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,736
I can't move on this.
342
00:13:41,494 --> 00:13:45,114
I have no counter.
343
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:52,183
I have no counter.
344
00:13:52,184 --> 00:13:56,356
Well, these points are
non-negotiable for me.
345
00:14:48,356 --> 00:14:51,079
Riblets!
346
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,010
Riblets. Am I right?
347
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,459
God. Watch it!
348
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,942
S... I am sorry.
349
00:15:14,943 --> 00:15:16,666
Shit!
350
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,010
I'm so sorry!
351
00:15:18,011 --> 00:15:19,838
- Abbi!
- Abbi?!
352
00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:21,942
- My God.
- I'm so sorry.
353
00:15:21,943 --> 00:15:24,355
I'm so sorry. We were short caterers,
354
00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:27,010
and Abbi's never really been
talented with the tray, so...
355
00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:29,459
I'm so sorry. Actually,
Abbi's an up-and-coming artist
356
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,424
and my personal guest, not a caterer.
357
00:15:31,425 --> 00:15:34,321
Yes, she is.
358
00:15:34,322 --> 00:15:38,631
So, I-I'm... I-I'm actually catering,
359
00:15:38,632 --> 00:15:42,666
but I am... am also a-a guest.
360
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:44,804
Okay, Ab, We're gonna need you
361
00:15:44,805 --> 00:15:47,700
to start loading some dirties
into a van, so...
362
00:15:47,701 --> 00:15:49,321
Totally. I will do that.
363
00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:51,079
- Liars aren't cool.
- No, I-I kn...
364
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,551
I don't think they're cool, either.
365
00:15:53,562 --> 00:15:55,518
You know what?
I have to go find some canap�s,
366
00:15:55,529 --> 00:15:57,448
- clear my mind.
- Donna, I can get you canap�s.
367
00:15:57,459 --> 00:15:59,700
I can... I can g...
I have access to all of them.
368
00:16:02,391 --> 00:16:04,966
Don't worry about her.
She can get her own canap�s.
369
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:07,700
It's not that bad!
I don't even like this dress.
370
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,873
It's too yellow.
371
00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:11,252
I am so sorry.
372
00:16:11,253 --> 00:16:14,838
This is not how
this was supposed to go down.
373
00:16:14,839 --> 00:16:17,045
I was so excited to be here
tonight as a guest
374
00:16:17,046 --> 00:16:19,873
with all these cool art people.
375
00:16:19,874 --> 00:16:23,183
I mean, I'm actually an artist, too.
376
00:16:23,184 --> 00:16:26,233
I'm just not, like, a... a real one.
377
00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:27,735
Well, you might not want to say that.
378
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,079
But it's smart to have
a flexible service job
379
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,873
so that you can make art.
380
00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:33,769
I waited tables for years.
381
00:16:33,770 --> 00:16:36,010
And I spilled on lots of people.
382
00:16:36,011 --> 00:16:37,976
In fact, half my pieces are inspired
383
00:16:37,977 --> 00:16:40,390
by people I've spilled on.
384
00:16:40,391 --> 00:16:42,390
Well, what are your pieces like?
385
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:43,804
You might know my work.
386
00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:45,700
I'm Toy Harris.
387
00:16:50,563 --> 00:16:53,390
You're T... You're Toy Harris?
388
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,907
Holy shit, dude.
389
00:16:57,908 --> 00:16:59,666
- My God.
- You're Toy Harris?
390
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,631
- Yeah.
- You're the third floor.
391
00:17:01,632 --> 00:17:04,252
It took us years of protesting,
but we're here.
392
00:17:04,253 --> 00:17:05,286
- I cannot bel...
- It's okay.
393
00:17:05,287 --> 00:17:06,666
You... You... I c...
394
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:09,047
So, you want to just... you know.
395
00:17:09,058 --> 00:17:11,114
I can't believe I spill...
I spilled on Toy Harris.
396
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,045
I spilled on Toy Harris!
397
00:17:13,046 --> 00:17:14,942
- Okay.
- I am getting dizzy!
398
00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:16,424
- This is insane!
- All right, then.
399
00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:17,459
Good night.
400
00:17:17,460 --> 00:17:20,037
My God. Okay.
401
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:25,011
This is not her night.
402
00:17:25,917 --> 00:17:27,399
Bah!
403
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,088
Bee!
404
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,330
Hee-hee-hoo!
405
00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:32,157
What do they do? Hoo-hoo-hee!
406
00:17:32,158 --> 00:17:35,399
Put your head out of the window
now for fresh air!
407
00:17:36,676 --> 00:17:39,847
Ay! Zy-yo-wah!
408
00:17:39,848 --> 00:17:42,054
Please keep your head
out of the window, okay?
409
00:17:42,055 --> 00:17:43,813
You keep your head
out of the window t...
410
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:48,088
You keep your head out, too.
411
00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:51,469
Jesus Christ!
412
00:17:54,124 --> 00:17:56,675
Your blood pressure's low.
413
00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:00,399
You probably fainted from low
blood sugar and dehydration.
414
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,054
Your girlfriend said
you narrowly missed fainting
415
00:18:03,055 --> 00:18:06,709
into something dangerous...
a sculpture, I think?
416
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,330
Wait, is Ilana here?
417
00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:10,675
No, she's not my girlfriend.
People do talk, though.
418
00:18:10,676 --> 00:18:12,571
No, Donna?
419
00:18:12,572 --> 00:18:13,916
The woman who brought you in.
420
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:16,571
Yeah, yeah, Smelly Pussy Do... Donna.
421
00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:18,813
No, Donna's just my friend.
422
00:18:18,814 --> 00:18:22,019
No, I-I don't have a, boyfriend or...
423
00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:23,985
ora-a girlfriend.
424
00:18:23,986 --> 00:18:27,364
That's... surprising.
425
00:18:27,365 --> 00:18:30,123
You just seem like you would.
426
00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:32,950
Thanks.
427
00:18:32,951 --> 00:18:34,916
No, you, too. You see... I mean,
428
00:18:34,917 --> 00:18:37,157
obviously, you have one...
You do. You're a doctor,
429
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:40,640
- so of cour...
- I don't.
430
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,537
Cool.
431
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,192
Fart away, man.
432
00:18:51,055 --> 00:18:53,298
God, I'm full.
433
00:18:55,055 --> 00:18:58,537
You know, while I was,
breaking your toilet,
434
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:02,261
I had a lot of time to think, and...
435
00:19:02,262 --> 00:19:04,330
I'm meant to be a polyamorous queen.
436
00:19:04,331 --> 00:19:05,744
I understand.
437
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,468
You got too much love
for just one person.
438
00:19:08,469 --> 00:19:11,192
You are so special.
439
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:13,261
Such a heart on you.
440
00:19:13,262 --> 00:19:16,054
You're gonna be
an amazing dad and husband.
441
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,468
And you should have those things
if you want them.
442
00:19:18,469 --> 00:19:21,088
I just don't know that I do right now.
443
00:19:21,089 --> 00:19:23,088
You'll figure it out when it's right.
444
00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:25,364
Do you think I'll figure it out
like you,
445
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,192
by the time I'm 40?
446
00:19:27,193 --> 00:19:28,745
I'm 32.
447
00:19:30,745 --> 00:19:32,882
You know, that coupon book
never expires.
448
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,537
Yeah?
449
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:36,813
So say you have kids,
and you have a wife,
450
00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:40,364
and you guys are, like,
doin' the suburban grind,
451
00:19:40,365 --> 00:19:41,950
I will fly in.
452
00:19:41,951 --> 00:19:43,571
I'll hold on to it.
453
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,916
- What?
- Is it insane
454
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,261
that I'm still hungry?
455
00:19:50,262 --> 00:19:52,399
Nope, not at all.
456
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,123
And that's why I brought
the cake in here.
457
00:20:01,848 --> 00:20:04,524
That is a good friend.
458
00:20:05,779 --> 00:20:07,192
Wow.
459
00:20:07,193 --> 00:20:08,353
Yep.
460
00:20:15,469 --> 00:20:17,399
Okay. So, this is for glucose tablets.
461
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,640
- Okay.
- Not a bad idea
462
00:20:18,641 --> 00:20:20,399
to carry them with you just in case.
463
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,054
And if you're still
feeling weak tomorrow,
464
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,154
I'd make an appointment
with your regular doctor,
465
00:20:24,165 --> 00:20:26,744
but you look great to me.
466
00:20:26,745 --> 00:20:28,950
Okay.
467
00:20:28,951 --> 00:20:30,950
So, is that... That's it?
468
00:20:30,951 --> 00:20:35,088
Unless there's something
else I can do for you.
469
00:20:35,089 --> 00:20:38,054
N... I-I don't think so.
470
00:20:38,055 --> 00:20:40,571
Okay. Well...
471
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,192
it was nice to meet you, Abbi.
472
00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:44,433
Yeah, it was nice to meet you,
too, Dr. Marnel.
473
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,882
You know, since we're done,
why don't you call me Leslie?
474
00:20:47,883 --> 00:20:49,606
Okay.
475
00:20:49,607 --> 00:20:51,365
Leslie.
476
00:21:12,986 --> 00:21:14,606
- Hey, Leslie.
- Yes?
477
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,399
I was just thinking,
would it be illegal or whatever
478
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,675
if I...
479
00:21:19,676 --> 00:21:22,744
if I got your phone number?
480
00:21:22,755 --> 00:21:24,479
It would not be illegal.
481
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,338
So, even though it was
a conscious uncoupling,
482
00:21:28,339 --> 00:21:30,614
and we will stay friends,
483
00:21:30,615 --> 00:21:33,993
it was, devastating
484
00:21:33,994 --> 00:21:36,545
and tragically bittersweet
485
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:39,649
and fully broke my heart.
486
00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:41,511
Obviously, you had a shitty night, too.
487
00:21:41,512 --> 00:21:43,890
I mean, look at you. You know,
let's never be apart again.
488
00:21:43,891 --> 00:21:45,856
And I'm just praying
that your nose returns
489
00:21:45,857 --> 00:21:47,821
to its beautiful goyish shape.
490
00:21:47,822 --> 00:21:50,304
Okay, so, my night
was, like, kind of nuts.
491
00:21:50,305 --> 00:21:51,821
It started off pretty bad,
492
00:21:51,822 --> 00:21:53,959
you know...
typical failure after failure.
493
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,304
But then I realized, like,
I need to put myself out there
494
00:21:56,305 --> 00:21:59,097
alone, to meet all these,
like, rad art contacts.
495
00:21:59,098 --> 00:22:02,304
- Right?
- Dude, I met Toy Harris.
496
00:22:02,305 --> 00:22:04,890
Whoa! Who is that, though?
497
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:06,614
Yeah. She's, like,
this incredible artist.
498
00:22:06,615 --> 00:22:08,169
And Smelly Pussy Donna was dope.
499
00:22:08,180 --> 00:22:09,924
She, like, introduced me
to all these people
500
00:22:09,935 --> 00:22:12,718
who told me about all these
artist residencies.
501
00:22:12,719 --> 00:22:15,097
She's kind of like my... friend.
502
00:22:15,098 --> 00:22:16,787
Totally! Right?
503
00:22:16,788 --> 00:22:19,476
Yeah. And then, at the E.R.,
504
00:22:19,477 --> 00:22:21,097
you know, after I smashed my face,
505
00:22:21,098 --> 00:22:23,304
- there was this hot doctor.
- Okay!
506
00:22:23,305 --> 00:22:26,097
And we, like, really hit it off.
507
00:22:26,098 --> 00:22:27,580
And then I realized the only reason
508
00:22:27,581 --> 00:22:30,097
I wasn't automatically asking them out
509
00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:31,683
was because she was a woman.
510
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,614
You don't say.
511
00:22:33,615 --> 00:22:36,097
Yeah. So then I just did it.
512
00:22:36,098 --> 00:22:38,649
We're gonna go out on Friday night. Yes!
513
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:41,545
It was really
a transformative night, dude.
514
00:22:41,546 --> 00:22:43,580
So cool. Yes!
515
00:22:43,581 --> 00:22:45,580
Yes! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
516
00:22:45,581 --> 00:22:48,097
Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
Cool! Cool! C-C-Cool!
517
00:22:48,098 --> 00:22:50,373
Cool. That is so... cool.
518
00:22:50,374 --> 00:22:53,614
We just both had these sort of
life-altering nights
519
00:22:53,615 --> 00:22:56,028
out there on our own. Yes!
520
00:22:56,029 --> 00:22:57,856
Yeah.
521
00:23:05,270 --> 00:23:06,821
So, let's watch this thing?
522
00:23:06,822 --> 00:23:08,821
Yeah. Found it.
523
00:23:08,822 --> 00:23:12,614
Hello. My name is Donna Donatachi.
524
00:23:12,615 --> 00:23:16,373
Back in college, they used
to call me Smelly Pussy Donna.
525
00:23:16,374 --> 00:23:18,545
Well, not anymore!
526
00:23:21,477 --> 00:23:24,684
Read my lips... Yo-gurt!
527
00:23:25,523 --> 00:23:28,484
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
528
00:23:29,789 --> 00:23:31,684
My nipples are hard.
529
00:23:31,685 --> 00:23:34,271
Yeah, my balls tinglin' from this.
530
00:23:34,272 --> 00:23:36,581
- Wow.
- Yeah.
531
00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:38,305
As a man, we're usually
532
00:23:38,306 --> 00:23:40,512
not capable of multiple orgasms, but...
533
00:23:41,789 --> 00:23:44,341
this makes that false.
37316
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
