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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,097 --> 00:00:01,839 Previously on The Big Bang Theory... 2 00:00:01,939 --> 00:00:05,309 Uh, we sort of have another reason for asking you here. 3 00:00:06,347 --> 00:00:08,045 We want to have a baby, 4 00:00:08,115 --> 00:00:10,015 but we can't do it on our own. 5 00:00:10,083 --> 00:00:11,016 Okay, whoa, whoa. 6 00:00:11,085 --> 00:00:12,217 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 7 00:00:12,319 --> 00:00:14,051 Yeah, this has been such a nice evening. 8 00:00:14,121 --> 00:00:16,954 Let's all just stop before anyone says any more things. 9 00:00:17,024 --> 00:00:18,468 Leonard, would you be the father of our baby? 10 00:00:18,492 --> 00:00:20,559 Oh, you said a thing. 11 00:00:22,596 --> 00:00:25,396 Thank you, guys, again for agreeing to do this. 12 00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:27,666 Yeah, it means so much to us. 13 00:00:27,734 --> 00:00:29,367 Ah, we're happy we can help. 14 00:00:29,435 --> 00:00:32,036 Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all. 15 00:00:32,106 --> 00:00:33,704 It's a little weird for us, too. 16 00:00:33,774 --> 00:00:35,874 I mean, instead of our baby looking like Zack, 17 00:00:35,942 --> 00:00:38,243 it's gonna look like Leonard. 18 00:00:39,246 --> 00:00:41,445 Or Penny if it's a girl. 19 00:00:43,517 --> 00:00:45,082 No, no, it's not gonna look... 20 00:00:46,085 --> 00:00:48,152 Sure. 21 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,488 But I promise, 22 00:00:50,557 --> 00:00:52,134 we're gonna be really good parents. 23 00:00:52,158 --> 00:00:53,192 Mm-hmm. 24 00:00:53,194 --> 00:00:54,593 Oh, we know you will. 25 00:00:54,661 --> 00:00:56,261 - So, what is the next step? - Yeah. 26 00:00:56,329 --> 00:00:58,664 Well, Leonard, we were hoping you'd go in on Monday. 27 00:00:58,731 --> 00:00:59,731 Okay. 28 00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,133 And they say, for the best results, 29 00:01:01,201 --> 00:01:02,846 between now and then, you shouldn't have sex. 30 00:01:02,869 --> 00:01:04,102 ZACK: Sorry, bro, 31 00:01:04,171 --> 00:01:06,671 I know it seems impossible to go for five days without, 32 00:01:06,739 --> 00:01:09,106 but I believe in you. 33 00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:12,277 Five days? My record is 24 years. 34 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,081 Uh, I think that also means no flying solo. 35 00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:17,081 Oh. 36 00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:20,585 Then my record is 14 years. 37 00:01:20,653 --> 00:01:22,888 And, well, we're really hoping for a son. 38 00:01:22,956 --> 00:01:25,224 So just, like, keep that in mind when you're in there. 39 00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:29,228 Yeah, just think, "Little boys, little boys." 40 00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:34,399 Still just totally not weird. 41 00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:36,067 Hello. 42 00:01:36,135 --> 00:01:38,114 Oh, hey, Sheldon. We're kind of in the middle of something. 43 00:01:38,138 --> 00:01:40,305 Oh, I won't be a moment. I just need to grab a book 44 00:01:40,373 --> 00:01:41,872 off a high shelf, which I can do 45 00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:44,308 because I am both tall and smart. 46 00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:47,979 Sheldon, come home! 47 00:01:48,048 --> 00:01:50,615 They don't want to have your baby! 48 00:01:50,683 --> 00:01:52,194 I don't know what you're talking about. 49 00:01:52,218 --> 00:01:54,353 Oh-oh, dear, I think I got something in my eye. 50 00:01:54,420 --> 00:01:56,754 My piercing, blue eye. 51 00:01:57,957 --> 00:02:00,259 - Sheldon! - Fine. 52 00:02:00,326 --> 00:02:03,222 I've also never had a cavity and I don't have asthma... 53 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,224 ♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x15 ♪ The Donation Oscillation Original Air Dat 54 00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:07,867 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 55 00:02:07,935 --> 00:02:11,203 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 56 00:02:11,271 --> 00:02:12,837 ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ 57 00:02:12,906 --> 00:02:15,539 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 58 00:02:15,609 --> 00:02:18,043 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 59 00:02:18,111 --> 00:02:20,746 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 60 00:02:20,813 --> 00:02:22,647 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 61 00:02:22,716 --> 00:02:23,806 ♪ Bang! ♪ 62 00:02:23,806 --> 00:02:29,806 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 63 00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:33,804 (sighs) So, this week would have been my wedding 64 00:02:33,872 --> 00:02:37,074 if Anu and I hadn't decided to slow things down. 65 00:02:37,141 --> 00:02:40,009 Oh, yeah, I would have forgotten, except for those 66 00:02:40,079 --> 00:02:42,945 nonrefundable airline tickets to India I bought. 67 00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:44,114 I'm sorry. 68 00:02:44,182 --> 00:02:47,950 No, no. What's $3,000 between friends? 69 00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:49,453 Yeah, I probably would've just 70 00:02:49,521 --> 00:02:52,055 thrown it away on health care for my children. 71 00:02:53,292 --> 00:02:55,591 Uh, if you still want to go, you can go to India 72 00:02:55,661 --> 00:02:58,395 and help my dad eat all the nonrefundable sushi. 73 00:02:58,463 --> 00:03:00,563 Indian sushi? 74 00:03:00,632 --> 00:03:03,599 I need a change of underwear just thinking about that. 75 00:03:03,669 --> 00:03:06,836 I really think we made the right decision. 76 00:03:06,905 --> 00:03:08,972 Agreed, although I did have 77 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,775 a pretty awesome bachelor party planned for this weekend. 78 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:12,776 Really? What was it? 79 00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:14,125 Well, I used my NASA connections 80 00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:16,212 to get us four seats on that plane 81 00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:18,615 that lets you experience weightlessness. 82 00:03:18,683 --> 00:03:21,685 The Vomit Comet. That is so cool. 83 00:03:21,753 --> 00:03:23,954 I've always wanted to experience weightlessness. 84 00:03:24,021 --> 00:03:25,955 The closest I ever came was that time 85 00:03:26,024 --> 00:03:28,491 I accidentally set my scale to kilograms. 86 00:03:30,562 --> 00:03:33,329 I know, it would've been fun, but, hey, 87 00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:37,067 the next time you decide to marry a woman you barely know. 88 00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:38,502 We could still go. 89 00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:40,603 You know, make it a guys' weekend. 90 00:03:40,671 --> 00:03:42,938 Yeah. (chuckles) All right, let's do it. 91 00:03:43,008 --> 00:03:45,709 Great. It'll be like the good old days. 92 00:03:45,777 --> 00:03:49,111 You mean when we were all sad, desperate and horribly alone? 93 00:03:50,883 --> 00:03:52,949 I remember it more fondly. 94 00:03:55,521 --> 00:03:58,354 Leonard, if you had food on your face, 95 00:03:58,423 --> 00:03:59,567 would you want me to tell you? 96 00:03:59,591 --> 00:04:02,692 Where? Did I get it? 97 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,061 Oh, no, not now; it was last week. 98 00:04:06,365 --> 00:04:07,908 I didn't know whether or not to tell you, 99 00:04:07,932 --> 00:04:09,765 but everyone was staring. 100 00:04:09,835 --> 00:04:12,435 For the record, it was right there. 101 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,237 And it was Nutella. 102 00:04:15,306 --> 00:04:16,238 Thanks. 103 00:04:16,307 --> 00:04:18,274 You looked like a hazelnut Hitler. 104 00:04:19,644 --> 00:04:22,211 Hey, who wants to hear some exciting news? 105 00:04:22,281 --> 00:04:23,413 Oh, what's up? 106 00:04:23,481 --> 00:04:26,882 This weekend, I got us four seats on the Vomit Comet. 107 00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:29,786 Oh, you lost me at "vomit," you lost me again at "comet," 108 00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,521 and to be honest, I was on the fence at "us." 109 00:04:34,091 --> 00:04:35,970 Yeah, I can't go either. Penny's dad is visiting 110 00:04:35,994 --> 00:04:38,028 from Nebraska, and I haven't seen him for a while. 111 00:04:38,096 --> 00:04:40,129 Oh, that's nice you guys get along. 112 00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:42,766 I forget, Howard, does your father-in-law still hate you? 113 00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:46,403 WOLOWITZ: He doesn't hate me. 114 00:04:46,471 --> 00:04:48,004 He's just disappointed 115 00:04:48,072 --> 00:04:50,574 that I'm not any other man on the planet. 116 00:04:51,944 --> 00:04:55,377 That's how I feel about Ben Affleck as Batman. 117 00:04:56,581 --> 00:04:57,613 Well, these two are out. 118 00:04:57,682 --> 00:04:58,949 There goes our guys' weekend. 119 00:04:59,016 --> 00:05:01,250 Okay, so let's make it a couples' weekend. 120 00:05:01,319 --> 00:05:02,786 I'll bring Anu, you bring Bernadette. 121 00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:04,031 I'm not sure Bernie would like it. 122 00:05:04,055 --> 00:05:05,988 Maybe I'll invite Stuart or Bert. 123 00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:07,456 SHELDON: Oh, go with Bert! 124 00:05:07,526 --> 00:05:10,125 He's huge. It'd be fun to watch him float around. 125 00:05:11,295 --> 00:05:12,995 Like that time the Underdog balloon 126 00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:15,531 got away at the Macy's Parade. 127 00:05:18,237 --> 00:05:20,069 Hey. What are those? 128 00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:21,403 Oh, vitamins. 129 00:05:21,473 --> 00:05:24,574 Zack wants me to take them to increase my virility. 130 00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:27,009 Zack used the word "virility"? 131 00:05:29,081 --> 00:05:31,848 He may have said "wiener power." 132 00:05:32,985 --> 00:05:34,084 (knock on door) 133 00:05:34,151 --> 00:05:35,418 Okay, that's my dad. 134 00:05:35,487 --> 00:05:37,887 Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? 135 00:05:37,956 --> 00:05:39,615 Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack. 136 00:05:39,615 --> 00:05:40,143 Got it. 137 00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,826 And if he brings it up, change the subject 138 00:05:41,826 --> 00:05:43,393 to literally anything else. - I got it. 139 00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:46,629 But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers. 140 00:05:46,697 --> 00:05:49,531 Is that a sports team? 141 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,134 Never mind, you're good. 142 00:05:52,704 --> 00:05:54,637 - Daddy! Hi. - Hey, Slugger. 143 00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:56,305 (chuckles) Aw. 144 00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:58,975 - Hey, Wyatt. - Leonard. 145 00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:00,944 Hey, that's a hell of a handshake. 146 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,779 Ah, well, you know, I've been taking vitamins. 147 00:06:03,848 --> 00:06:06,449 Dad, uh, come on in, sit down. 148 00:06:06,517 --> 00:06:08,617 Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer? 149 00:06:08,687 --> 00:06:10,420 Sure, if you're having one. Okay. 150 00:06:10,488 --> 00:06:12,389 And why wouldn't you, since you're not pregnant? 151 00:06:14,492 --> 00:06:16,559 Um... 152 00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:19,161 Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend Zack. 153 00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:27,569 How 'bout those Cornhuskers? 154 00:06:31,209 --> 00:06:35,512 Hey, would you mind if Raj and I went away this weekend? 155 00:06:35,579 --> 00:06:39,182 Well, it is important for you two to keep the spark alive. 156 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:42,418 No, just the bachelor party I had planned. 157 00:06:42,487 --> 00:06:44,086 I thought we'd do it anyway. 158 00:06:44,156 --> 00:06:45,487 Oh, so a guys' weekend? 159 00:06:45,557 --> 00:06:47,596 Kinda. I mean, Sheldon and Leonard couldn't make it, 160 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,925 so Raj invited Anu and I asked Stuart. 161 00:06:51,697 --> 00:06:54,297 Wait, you invited Stuart before me? 162 00:06:54,365 --> 00:06:55,966 Actually, I invited Bert before Stuart, 163 00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:58,600 but I don't know why I just told you that. 164 00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:00,235 Why didn't you invite me? 165 00:07:00,305 --> 00:07:02,872 Because (chuckles) I know you. 166 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:06,343 You don't want to float weightless in an airplane. 167 00:07:06,411 --> 00:07:07,610 What are you talking about? 168 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,178 I love doing crazy stuff like that. 169 00:07:09,247 --> 00:07:12,983 Bernie, you got sick from the teacup ride at Disneyland. 170 00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,750 Lots of people do. 171 00:07:14,819 --> 00:07:17,319 We were still in line. 172 00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:18,988 So you don't want me to go? 173 00:07:19,057 --> 00:07:21,790 No, I want you to go if you're gonna have fun. 174 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,226 I don't want you to go if you're gonna be miserable 175 00:07:24,295 --> 00:07:26,228 and ruin it for everyone. 176 00:07:27,132 --> 00:07:28,999 Which is a long way of saying 177 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,632 I want you to go! 178 00:07:33,237 --> 00:07:35,904 (quietly): I think this is going pretty good, huh? 179 00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:41,810 Maybe for you. You threw me under the bus. 180 00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:43,747 Oh, I'm sorry. I panicked. He was judging me. 181 00:07:43,814 --> 00:07:45,514 Well, yeah, now he's judging me. 182 00:07:45,584 --> 00:07:46,882 I know. It worked. 183 00:07:48,452 --> 00:07:51,721 You two might want to talk louder or quieter. 184 00:07:51,790 --> 00:07:54,423 In high school, he could hear me open a can of beer 185 00:07:54,492 --> 00:07:55,792 in my closet under a blanket. 186 00:07:59,363 --> 00:08:02,499 So let me get this straight, Leonard. 187 00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:04,033 She doesn't want to have your baby, 188 00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:07,069 but her dumbbell ex-boyfriend does. 189 00:08:07,139 --> 00:08:10,372 Well, I-- no, I wouldn't say it like that. 190 00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:11,774 How would you say it? 191 00:08:11,843 --> 00:08:13,343 (sighs) 192 00:08:13,411 --> 00:08:15,612 Uh, same words, just less angry. 193 00:08:16,814 --> 00:08:18,981 Well, I don't know about Los Angeles, 194 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:22,018 but in Nebraska, that's kind of strange. 195 00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:25,487 It's strange here, too, and we have a bakery for dogs. 196 00:08:25,557 --> 00:08:27,423 And you're okay with this? 197 00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:28,891 - I support my husband. - Thank you. 198 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:30,204 But, you know, if you think differently, 199 00:08:30,228 --> 00:08:31,427 you should feel free to say so. 200 00:08:31,495 --> 00:08:34,931 You know, just like, "Ah!" Make a scene. 201 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,634 Okay, look, they can't have kids of their own, 202 00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:39,969 and they like that I'm smart, 203 00:08:40,038 --> 00:08:41,870 and they want that for their child. 204 00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:42,705 No, I get it. 205 00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:43,605 You do? 206 00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:44,706 Sure. 207 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:47,043 Back on the farm, we had a prize stallion. 208 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:51,213 We didn't let that just go to waste; we put him out to stud. 209 00:08:52,984 --> 00:08:55,818 No, no, this is... this is a little different than that... 210 00:08:55,886 --> 00:08:58,620 No, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 211 00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:01,024 Uh, you were comparing me to a prize stud. Go on. 212 00:09:07,082 --> 00:09:09,229 You have fun with your new best buddy? 213 00:09:09,346 --> 00:09:11,046 Hey, it's your fault your dad likes me. 214 00:09:11,114 --> 00:09:13,081 You dated idiots your whole life. 215 00:09:13,149 --> 00:09:15,683 Well, he was right about one thing. 216 00:09:15,751 --> 00:09:18,919 I am married to a stud. (chuckles) 217 00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:20,956 Mm. Really? 218 00:09:21,024 --> 00:09:22,691 Yeah, I felt so bad about selling you out, 219 00:09:22,759 --> 00:09:24,993 I thought I would maybe make it up to you. 220 00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:26,528 (both chuckle) 221 00:09:26,596 --> 00:09:28,897 (moans) 222 00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:30,631 (stammers) Wait, wait. I can't. 223 00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:32,067 I mean, I want to, 224 00:09:32,134 --> 00:09:34,014 but I'm not supposed to for the next three days. 225 00:09:34,071 --> 00:09:36,937 Oh. That's right. I forgot. (groans) 226 00:09:37,006 --> 00:09:39,441 All right, well, guess I'll just read a little 227 00:09:39,509 --> 00:09:41,442 and then-- I don't know-- go to sleep. 228 00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:48,750 Really? That's what you're sleeping in? 229 00:09:48,818 --> 00:09:49,995 Oh, you want me to take it off? 230 00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:51,552 No. 231 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,854 All right. 232 00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:55,322 Well, then pipe down and let me read my comic book. 233 00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:58,759 Penny, I-I know what you're doing. 234 00:09:58,828 --> 00:09:59,626 Just please stop. 235 00:09:59,696 --> 00:10:01,830 Ooh, listen to this. 236 00:10:01,898 --> 00:10:03,097 "Bam. 237 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:04,264 "Pow. 238 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,400 Take that, Batman." 239 00:10:09,639 --> 00:10:11,306 Thanks again for doing this, guys. 240 00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:13,441 - Of course. - So excited. 241 00:10:13,509 --> 00:10:15,176 I'm glad you came. 242 00:10:15,245 --> 00:10:17,423 Howard made it sound like this wasn't your kind of thing. 243 00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:19,114 He did say that, but here I am. 244 00:10:19,182 --> 00:10:21,115 So what does he know? 245 00:10:21,183 --> 00:10:23,183 I'm sorry. I just... (scoffs) 246 00:10:23,253 --> 00:10:25,186 didn't think you'd enjoy plummeting to the Earth 247 00:10:25,254 --> 00:10:26,520 at 400 miles an hour. 248 00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:28,255 I love going fast, 249 00:10:28,325 --> 00:10:29,591 unlike Grandma here, 250 00:10:29,658 --> 00:10:31,259 poking along at 70 miles an hour. 251 00:10:31,327 --> 00:10:32,626 Am I right? 252 00:10:33,929 --> 00:10:36,130 I've always wanted to do this. 253 00:10:36,198 --> 00:10:38,033 I'm an adrenaline junkie. 254 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,500 Roller coasters, snowboarding, 255 00:10:39,568 --> 00:10:42,770 dating men who bathe with their dogs. 256 00:10:42,838 --> 00:10:45,673 It was during a drought. 257 00:10:46,777 --> 00:10:48,475 I'm a thrill-seeker, too. 258 00:10:48,577 --> 00:10:50,544 I've had to pull back since I became a mom, 259 00:10:50,614 --> 00:10:53,081 but I'll still jump on the back of a grocery cart 260 00:10:53,149 --> 00:10:56,116 and just roll through the meat section. 261 00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:58,419 And I'm married to her, 262 00:10:58,488 --> 00:11:01,056 which is quite the ride. 263 00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:17,572 (exhales) 264 00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,267 (sputters) 265 00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:04,552 (clinking) 266 00:12:24,975 --> 00:12:27,241 Amy? 267 00:12:28,979 --> 00:12:32,179 There's something out here. 268 00:12:32,249 --> 00:12:33,981 Just trap it under a cup, 269 00:12:34,049 --> 00:12:36,350 and I'll be there in a minute. 270 00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:39,953 I'll try, but it's Leonard. 271 00:12:40,023 --> 00:12:41,489 What? 272 00:12:41,557 --> 00:12:43,091 (grunts) 273 00:12:44,193 --> 00:12:46,161 Well, what is he doing here? 274 00:12:46,229 --> 00:12:47,740 I told you, if we left pizza on the counter, 275 00:12:47,764 --> 00:12:49,730 we'd attract something. 276 00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:52,299 Oh, hey, guys. 277 00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:53,701 Sorry. I used my key. 278 00:12:53,769 --> 00:12:55,570 I just needed a place to crash. 279 00:12:55,639 --> 00:12:57,105 Is everything okay? 280 00:12:57,173 --> 00:12:58,438 Yeah, I... 281 00:12:58,508 --> 00:13:00,375 had to get out of the apartment. 282 00:13:00,442 --> 00:13:03,510 My wife kept trying to have sex with me. 283 00:13:04,614 --> 00:13:05,746 Been there. 284 00:13:12,154 --> 00:13:14,688 Why are you trying to avoid having sex? 285 00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:16,346 Well, we just did it three weeks ago. 286 00:13:16,347 --> 00:13:18,091 I was talking to Leonard! 287 00:13:20,563 --> 00:13:22,163 Well, I-I have to go to the clinic 288 00:13:22,231 --> 00:13:23,697 for Zack and Marissa on Monday, 289 00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:26,500 and I'm supposed to save myself until then. 290 00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:31,206 Sounds like maybe Penny's not totally on board with that plan. 291 00:13:31,274 --> 00:13:33,341 Well, she said she was. 292 00:13:33,409 --> 00:13:37,312 But she also said I looked dope. 293 00:13:38,782 --> 00:13:42,383 Honestly, I don't even think I looked fly. 294 00:13:42,451 --> 00:13:43,929 So you're willing to go through with this, 295 00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,019 even though she clearly has reservations? 296 00:13:46,088 --> 00:13:47,288 If she has a problem, 297 00:13:47,356 --> 00:13:49,490 she should say something. 298 00:13:49,558 --> 00:13:50,490 She tried to seduce you. 299 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:51,491 If that's not a cry for help, 300 00:13:51,561 --> 00:13:53,126 I don't know what is. 301 00:13:54,597 --> 00:13:57,065 Penny doesn't want to have kids. 302 00:13:57,133 --> 00:13:58,665 I respect that. 303 00:13:58,735 --> 00:14:02,169 But this is my chance to leave a part of me behind. 304 00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:05,706 Okay, but this isn't gonna make you a dad. 305 00:14:05,774 --> 00:14:08,176 It's gonna be their baby, not yours. 306 00:14:08,245 --> 00:14:09,876 Although, someday, 307 00:14:09,946 --> 00:14:11,879 if that kid wants to know why he's short, 308 00:14:11,947 --> 00:14:14,349 nearsighted, and asthmatic... 309 00:14:15,652 --> 00:14:17,818 ...he may hunt you down. 310 00:14:20,856 --> 00:14:24,792 Are you guys ready for the most intense experience of your life? 311 00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,427 - Yes. - Definitely. 312 00:14:26,495 --> 00:14:27,740 Not to brag, but I'm an astronaut, 313 00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:29,529 so I've been weightless before. 314 00:14:29,599 --> 00:14:31,599 Can be pretty scary. 315 00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:34,635 Please, I'm, like, 90 pounds. 316 00:14:34,703 --> 00:14:38,639 I'm weightless every time I hold more than three balloons. 317 00:14:38,707 --> 00:14:41,308 Okay, I just need you guys to sign these waivers, 318 00:14:41,378 --> 00:14:42,777 and then you can go get changed. 319 00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,578 There are a lot of pages here. 320 00:14:44,648 --> 00:14:47,347 Is this a waiver or a screenplay you've been working on? 321 00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:50,284 I'm sure it's just boilerplate. 322 00:14:50,352 --> 00:14:52,953 Absolutely. It's to protect us in case of injury. 323 00:14:53,023 --> 00:14:55,657 It says, "Or death." 324 00:14:57,460 --> 00:15:00,061 Which is awesome. 325 00:15:01,364 --> 00:15:03,298 - Done. - Where are the changing rooms? 326 00:15:03,365 --> 00:15:05,700 Dressing rooms are in the back. 327 00:15:05,769 --> 00:15:07,701 No peeking. 328 00:15:10,139 --> 00:15:11,739 Here you go. 329 00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:14,008 Okay. Should we go get changed? 330 00:15:14,076 --> 00:15:16,009 Yeah. Hang on a second. 331 00:15:16,078 --> 00:15:17,445 What? 332 00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:19,246 Just-- I have two babies at home. 333 00:15:19,316 --> 00:15:20,648 What am I doing? 334 00:15:20,716 --> 00:15:22,317 If you don't want to do this, 335 00:15:22,384 --> 00:15:23,784 then why'd you come? 336 00:15:23,852 --> 00:15:25,498 To prove to Howard that he doesn't know me as well 337 00:15:25,522 --> 00:15:27,788 as he thinks he does. 338 00:15:27,856 --> 00:15:29,624 Looks like he does. 339 00:15:29,692 --> 00:15:32,960 Unless I do it and then he doesn't. 340 00:15:33,028 --> 00:15:36,163 Why not just be honest? 341 00:15:36,231 --> 00:15:37,831 (sighs) You're right. 342 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,834 I should be honest. 343 00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:44,038 You owe me $3,000 for those plane tickets to India! 344 00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:48,176 (cheering on TV) 345 00:15:48,244 --> 00:15:49,443 (sighs) 346 00:15:49,511 --> 00:15:51,312 Hey. 347 00:15:52,381 --> 00:15:53,780 That was a long run. 348 00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:55,716 Yeah. Well, I was in the zone. 349 00:15:55,784 --> 00:15:57,451 You know, and then in a diner 350 00:15:57,519 --> 00:16:02,289 and then in a massage chair at the mall where I fell asleep. 351 00:16:02,359 --> 00:16:04,524 Are you avoiding me? 352 00:16:04,594 --> 00:16:06,693 Well, I took a nap next to Hot Dog on a Stick. 353 00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:08,196 What do you think? 354 00:16:09,999 --> 00:16:13,267 I think you're mad at me and Leonard, 355 00:16:13,336 --> 00:16:16,571 but maybe... you're really mad at yourself. 356 00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,673 Why would I be mad at myself? 357 00:16:18,741 --> 00:16:22,309 'Cause you regret this "no baby" plan of yours. 358 00:16:22,379 --> 00:16:23,489 You know, it's pretty crappy of you 359 00:16:23,513 --> 00:16:24,745 to make me feel bad about this. 360 00:16:24,813 --> 00:16:26,681 I'm not trying to make you feel bad. 361 00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:30,051 But... do you? 362 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,253 Yes. 363 00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:34,121 I feel like I'm letting everybody down. 364 00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:35,523 Hate disappointing Leonard, 365 00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:37,725 but I really hate disappointing you. 366 00:16:37,793 --> 00:16:40,061 Oh, Slugger, you could never disappoint me. 367 00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:46,000 Okay, your high school years were a little rough. 368 00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:48,870 And I'm sorry about that. 369 00:16:48,937 --> 00:16:50,298 There was you sneaking out at night 370 00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:52,220 and your boyfriends sneaking out in the morning. 371 00:16:52,274 --> 00:16:54,008 I said sorry. 372 00:16:54,076 --> 00:16:56,076 That time you got drunk and stole a horse. 373 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,611 Yeah. 374 00:16:57,679 --> 00:16:59,080 I was there. I remember. 375 00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:00,914 Parts of it. 376 00:17:00,984 --> 00:17:03,317 But besides all that, 377 00:17:03,385 --> 00:17:06,253 being your dad is the best thing ever happened to me. 378 00:17:07,356 --> 00:17:09,056 What about Randall and Lisa? 379 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,593 They're okay. 380 00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:14,796 I just don't want you to miss out. 381 00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:16,798 I know. 382 00:17:16,865 --> 00:17:19,133 But if this is really what you want-- 383 00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:20,968 or don't want-- 384 00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:22,569 I'm on your side. 385 00:17:22,638 --> 00:17:24,571 Thanks. 386 00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:27,208 (door opens) 387 00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:28,108 Hey. 388 00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:29,277 Hey. 389 00:17:29,345 --> 00:17:31,479 Uh, Wyatt, we need to talk. 390 00:17:31,548 --> 00:17:33,146 Sure. What's up? 391 00:17:33,215 --> 00:17:36,250 I want you to back off. 392 00:17:36,318 --> 00:17:39,653 You know? I-If Penny and I don't have kids, that's between us. 393 00:17:39,721 --> 00:17:41,655 So you need to stay out of it. 394 00:17:41,723 --> 00:17:43,523 Oh, Leonard, it's okay. We talked. We're good. 395 00:17:44,527 --> 00:17:45,926 Oh. 396 00:17:49,164 --> 00:17:52,500 Okay, you could've stopped me sooner. 397 00:17:52,568 --> 00:17:54,167 Could've let you go longer. 398 00:17:54,237 --> 00:17:56,136 Uh-huh. 399 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,072 You did great, Leonard. Very forceful. 400 00:17:58,141 --> 00:17:59,740 Yeah? (chuckles) 401 00:17:59,808 --> 00:18:03,411 I-I-I felt like my voice was a little shaky there. 402 00:18:05,181 --> 00:18:07,248 Um... 403 00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:09,851 Hey, I decided to not go through 404 00:18:09,919 --> 00:18:12,420 with this Zack and Marissa thing. 405 00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:13,554 Really? 406 00:18:13,623 --> 00:18:15,490 - But you were so excited about it. - I know. 407 00:18:15,557 --> 00:18:17,157 But, um... 408 00:18:17,227 --> 00:18:19,460 I think I was just fooling myself. 409 00:18:19,528 --> 00:18:23,597 I-I would be heartbroken if I had a kid out there 410 00:18:23,665 --> 00:18:25,665 and I wasn't his dad. 411 00:18:25,734 --> 00:18:27,535 I know you would. 412 00:18:27,604 --> 00:18:29,336 (clicks tongue) Yeah. 413 00:18:29,404 --> 00:18:31,338 (inhales deeply) 414 00:18:31,406 --> 00:18:33,673 (quietly): So, that thing you wanted to do last night, 415 00:18:33,742 --> 00:18:36,611 I'm available. 416 00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:38,846 I got real good hearing there, stud. 417 00:18:41,651 --> 00:18:44,285 All right, everyone's suited up. 418 00:18:44,354 --> 00:18:46,019 Let's head out to the tarmac! 419 00:18:46,088 --> 00:18:47,954 Actually, one second. 420 00:18:48,023 --> 00:18:50,825 Howie, I don't think I should do this. 421 00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:52,159 Really? 422 00:18:52,228 --> 00:18:55,462 Well, I did not see that coming. 423 00:18:57,099 --> 00:18:58,432 Just-- We have kids, 424 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,035 and it's not smart to put us both in danger. 425 00:19:01,104 --> 00:19:02,036 That's a good point. 426 00:19:02,105 --> 00:19:03,570 When I was little, my parents 427 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:04,571 never flew together. 428 00:19:04,641 --> 00:19:06,050 We thought it was because they loved us, 429 00:19:06,075 --> 00:19:08,808 but it turns out they hated each other. 430 00:19:08,877 --> 00:19:10,711 See? 431 00:19:10,779 --> 00:19:12,680 I just think I shouldn't go. 432 00:19:12,749 --> 00:19:14,460 Actually, this is much safer than driving a car. 433 00:19:14,483 --> 00:19:16,284 Stay out of it, flyboy! 434 00:19:17,452 --> 00:19:19,586 You're right. (chuckles) 435 00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:21,588 But I've done this before. 436 00:19:21,657 --> 00:19:23,790 And since you really, really want to go, 437 00:19:23,859 --> 00:19:24,959 I'll stay here. 438 00:19:26,061 --> 00:19:27,561 Oh. Great. 439 00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,498 Unless you don't want to because I was right and I do know you. 440 00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:33,166 Well, if you really know me, then you know how far I'll go 441 00:19:33,236 --> 00:19:34,501 to prove a point. - Apparently, 442 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,248 34,000 feet that way, then straight back down, 443 00:19:36,271 --> 00:19:37,316 up and down, over and over again 444 00:19:37,339 --> 00:19:39,973 until you throw up food you didn't even eat. 445 00:19:41,277 --> 00:19:44,010 They are definitely your weirdest friends. 446 00:19:44,079 --> 00:19:45,512 If only that were true. 447 00:19:47,282 --> 00:19:49,750 (screaming) 448 00:19:49,818 --> 00:19:53,220 I hate this so much! 449 00:19:53,288 --> 00:19:55,855 Why am I doing this?! 450 00:19:55,924 --> 00:19:59,292 To prove a stupid point to your husband! 451 00:19:59,362 --> 00:20:01,228 Oh, right. Worth it. 452 00:20:07,838 --> 00:20:09,571 Hey, Zack. 453 00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:13,174 Um, look, I-I know this is gonna be disappointing, 454 00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:16,778 but, um, I-I can't do this. 455 00:20:16,847 --> 00:20:18,280 No, no, no, no. 456 00:20:18,348 --> 00:20:21,683 I-I, I know how. I just can't. 457 00:20:23,453 --> 00:20:24,787 (stammers) But, hey, look, 458 00:20:24,855 --> 00:20:26,087 i-if you like, 459 00:20:26,156 --> 00:20:28,624 I-I know someone who might be interested. 460 00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:31,559 No! Absolutely not! 461 00:20:33,664 --> 00:20:35,530 I'm sorry, my wife says I'm not allowed. 462 00:20:37,232 --> 00:20:44,232 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 33441

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