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1
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,029
You shall go to the funeral.
2
00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:07,429
You are a lovely,
brilliant sister.
3
00:00:07,430 --> 00:00:08,829
I was starting to get
desperate.
4
00:00:08,830 --> 00:00:11,259
Evidently.
5
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:13,159
And you really don't
have one decent black pair?
6
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,829
Well, I did have,
7
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:16,759
but I painted yellow stripes
on them last week --
8
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,729
you know,
for funky bumblebee shoes
9
00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,359
for my sexy bumblebee outfit.
10
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,359
Oh, ooh, yeah.
11
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,429
Ed didn't like it --
scared of bees.
12
00:00:24,430 --> 00:00:26,330
-Should've checked.
-Weirdo.
13
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:30,099
[Softly]
On that topic...
14
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,829
Keith and I have let that side
of things slip lately,
15
00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:34,899
and I was wondering
if you could help?
16
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,399
Oh, Debs,
17
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,399
I like Keith,
18
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,929
he's a sweetie,
but I'm with Ed now.
19
00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:42,329
You're not funny --
and exactly!
20
00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:44,229
You and Ed are still
in the honeymoon period,
21
00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:46,259
plus you've always been more...
22
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:50,099
elaborate and experimental
in that department.
23
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,029
I was such a hot bumblebee.
24
00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:54,399
We have the whole day,
25
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,399
the whole house,
to ourselves.
26
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,659
Keith wants go to Ikea.
27
00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:59,659
I want to do something
more exciting.
28
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,100
Oh, you mean...
29
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,829
Oh!
30
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,329
Where are the kiddywinks?
31
00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:08,229
Charlie's at Mum and Dad's,
32
00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:09,659
Ellie's with her friends
33
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,829
after finally, finally
seeing the light about Tim!
34
00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:14,759
No, no, you're not dumping me,
I'm dumping you!
35
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,899
Do you hear that?
36
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,259
You are dumped!
37
00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:20,560
[Loud rock music playing]
38
00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:26,999
Alan, we're about
to set off for a funeral.
39
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,899
You are wearing a white shirt
and holding ketchup.
40
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:31,299
Shall I start the camcorder now?
41
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,959
Relax, I'll aim it away.
42
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,959
I won't get a drop on me.
43
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,829
Thank you. Hi.
44
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,229
Sorry to hear about
your friend, Ed.
45
00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:41,159
-How did he --
-Lauren didn't tell you?
46
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,059
Well, perhaps it's best
if you don't know the details,
47
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:46,599
but suffice it to say
it was an accident.
48
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:47,929
Debs won't laugh.
49
00:01:47,930 --> 00:01:49,759
-Will you, Debs?
-No.
50
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,229
Don visited
a safari park, and...
51
00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:53,629
there were these monkeys --
52
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:56,229
[Snickering]
53
00:01:56,230 --> 00:01:57,899
Second thoughts, I...
54
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,599
I'd better get back.
55
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,400
Lauren, if I need to call
you later for advice?
56
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:10,459
And, uh,
spicy food increases libido,
57
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:13,399
releases endorphins.
58
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,230
Or you could always do it
sideways on a big beanbag!
59
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,959
See?
60
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,960
Not a drop on me.
61
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,160
Subtitle by peritta
62
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,499
Funerals, eh?
63
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,529
They always make me dwell
on my own mortality.
64
00:02:41,530 --> 00:02:42,999
Life after death.
65
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,229
Where do you think
we go when we die?
66
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,029
Swindon.
67
00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:47,659
There's got a lovely
place there.
68
00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:49,699
Scatter your ashes
next to a koi carp lake.
69
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,699
MAN: Edward Walker!
70
00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,799
How long's it been?
71
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,159
-Two years?
-Mike.
72
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,829
So about as long as my car's
73
00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:59,059
been in one of your
rubbish garages!
74
00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,199
[Laughs]
75
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,899
You remember my brother,
don't you, Alan?
76
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,259
I remember he was always
sponging off you.
77
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,559
Even staying at your house
at one point, weren't you, Alan?
78
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,599
Yeah.
79
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,559
Look, uh, a bit hush-hush,
80
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,429
but I'm running a book
on the service length.
81
00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,459
Don loved a flutter.
82
00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:14,199
Two nephews have put
a fiver on 20 minutes.
83
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,759
Not a chance!
84
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,059
Don chose "Stairway to Heaven"
for his final song,
85
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:19,799
and that's eight minutes
on its own!
86
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,029
Eh?
87
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:25,599
Well, hubba-bubba,
what have we here?
88
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,929
This is Lauren, my girlfriend.
89
00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:28,299
Lauren, this is Mike.
90
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,729
He, Don, and I used to
work together.
91
00:03:30,730 --> 00:03:32,229
The infamous Laura.
92
00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:33,799
Uh...
93
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,899
Lauren.
94
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,899
And what do you want to be
when you grow up, sweetheart?
95
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,529
Ooh, respected.
96
00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:39,929
And famous.
97
00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:41,929
For being the woman
who kicked you so hard
98
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,199
you couldn't have children.
99
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,259
Banter, just banter.
100
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,959
Don't want kids anyway --
101
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,559
would ruin the Porsche.
102
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,429
"Oh, have you got a Porsche
now, Mike?"
103
00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:53,529
Oh, I have, as it happens.
Ha ha.
104
00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:54,729
Anyway, I heard you two
had split up.
105
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:55,929
Eh? Where did you hear that?
106
00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:57,899
Hello, Eddie Bear!
107
00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,299
What the hell
are you doing here?
108
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:01,499
Don and I were always close.
109
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,529
Well, he was a man, Lydia,
so that goes without saying.
110
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:06,129
How did you find out
about today?
111
00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:07,529
Been going through
our bins again?
112
00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,029
Facebook.
113
00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:10,829
I got the news by reading
Karen's page.
114
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:13,159
I can only assume she was
too upset
115
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,599
to remember my invite.
116
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,599
Poor thing.
117
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,329
She's lost her husband,
but gained weight --
118
00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:20,429
at least, judging
by her timeline photos.
119
00:04:20,430 --> 00:04:23,259
You're Facebook-stalking
widows now, Lydia?
120
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,429
At least I knew Don
when he was alive!
121
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:28,599
So I've more a right than Lauren
to come to his party.
122
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,499
"Wake," I meant "wake."
123
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,529
Easy mistake --
124
00:04:31,530 --> 00:04:33,430
they both have quiche and a bar.
125
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,960
There she is --
poor thing.
126
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,329
[Sobbing]
127
00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:42,129
LYDIA: Just goes to show,
128
00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:45,460
fat people aren't
always jolly, are they?
129
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:48,359
Charlie, shake a leg.
130
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,929
Grandma and Granddad are here.
131
00:04:49,930 --> 00:04:51,959
CHARLIE: I'm robbing a bank!
132
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,299
It's a new video game
he's got.
133
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,159
You can do what you like in it.
134
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,129
You can steal cars,
kill gangsters,
135
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,999
even knock a policeman's
hat off.
136
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,199
Should the lad be playing
a game like that?
137
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,929
Yeah -- he's better at it
than I am.
138
00:05:02,930 --> 00:05:05,259
And you're sure Ellie doesn't
want to stay over?
139
00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:08,229
I could've helped her through
her break-up with that Tim --
140
00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:09,829
explained what was wrong
with him,
141
00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:10,829
the mistakes she made.
142
00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,099
And yet she decided
143
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,760
to go shopping
with her friends instead.
144
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,559
Oh!
There's my little treasure!
145
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,499
Oh, you ready for a day of fun?
146
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,399
I may even give you a chance
147
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,759
to beat me
at Hungry Dino!
148
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:24,929
Hi, Mum.
149
00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:26,699
Packed and ready, Charlie?
150
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:27,999
Can't I stay at home?
151
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,999
I feel ill.
152
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,700
That's terrific --
off you go, then.
153
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,029
Someone's in a rush
to get to Ikea.
154
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:35,429
We're not going to Ikea.
155
00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:38,529
We, dear husband, are
staying in for a day and night
156
00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:40,759
of very naughty,
very exciting fun.
157
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,860
That is, if you think you
can stay the course.
158
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,729
Sorry, I got a bit overexcited.
159
00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:49,259
Well, I'm glad one of us did.
160
00:05:49,260 --> 00:05:51,059
MIKE: So Don is dead.
161
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,759
Don is gone, shame.
162
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,559
You, me, and him
were like the Three Musketeers.
163
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,159
We were the best --
invincible.
164
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,099
Thanks to Don --
he loved his car.
165
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,329
I suppose it's ironic
that one of them
166
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:03,729
killed him in the end.
167
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,959
When I picture him
trying to remove his aerial,
168
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,959
and a baboon sneaks
into the driver's seat
169
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,829
and lets the hand brake off,
I just...
170
00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:11,929
burst out laughing.
171
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:13,899
A tad insensitive, Mike.
172
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:16,329
Banter, just banter.
173
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,099
Don would have seen
the funny side.
174
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,929
That's how I want to go,
in a way that tickles people.
175
00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:23,759
Either that or in the arms
of up-for-anything twins.
176
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:24,799
Really?
177
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,759
It's a pity the Krays are dead.
178
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:27,959
Banter, just banter.
179
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,459
Don't be bitter just 'cause
you've gone
180
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,759
and got yourself
tied down again.
181
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,559
Men of our age,
our wealth,
182
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,229
we should be taking a different
girl home every week.
183
00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:37,129
Why don't I see you more often?
184
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,599
I don't know,
185
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,929
but you didn't see Don
as often as you should.
186
00:06:40,930 --> 00:06:41,999
Oops, said too much.
187
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,329
Naughty, Michael, naughty.
188
00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:44,499
What are you talking about?
189
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,759
You were supposed to play golf
with him on the day he died,
190
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,759
but you cancelled.
191
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:48,999
He was at a loose end,
192
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,499
used a free voucher to go round
a safari park
193
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,759
and got run over by a baboon --
Karen blames you.
194
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,429
That's why she gave me
a dirty look.
195
00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:57,499
[Chuckles]
196
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,399
It's in there again!
197
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,829
A little monkey
behind a steering wheel.
198
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:03,700
[Laughs]
199
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:25,159
All I'm saying, Lydia,
200
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,129
is that you can't go round
telling people
201
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:28,529
that Ed and I have split up.
202
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,529
It's a lie.
203
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,199
It'd be like me going around
telling people
204
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,859
you're a well-adjusted ex-wife.
205
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:35,199
You're right, I shouldn't have
said you and Eddie had split up.
206
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,899
I should have just mentioned
you were having difficulties
207
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,699
and that your relationship's
on the rocks.
208
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,859
-What?!
-Does anyone know
209
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:44,459
who that woman over there is?
210
00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:46,399
I've caught her smiling
at me three times now.
211
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,029
Your fly's open again, Al?
212
00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:49,129
Nope, first thing I checked.
213
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:51,399
She's just about the only one
in this room
214
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,899
I don't know anything about.
215
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:55,299
There's Henry, widower,
likes musicals.
216
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,859
That woman's called Pat,
217
00:07:56,860 --> 00:07:59,859
her son had a terrible
skiing accident.
218
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:02,629
And over there is
Lionel and Mary Mellor.
219
00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:04,759
They got back from Canada
last month
220
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,099
to discover their cat,
Mittens, had died.
221
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,229
Oh, let me guess --
222
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:09,699
all through
Facebook stalking?
223
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,399
You're unbelievable, Lydia.
224
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,599
Thank you.
225
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,359
What are the rules about
flirting at a funeral?
226
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,729
I'd leave it, Al.
227
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,029
She might be a relative,
be deeply upset.
228
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,559
But then I miss my chance!
229
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,360
I mean, look at her,
she looks fantastic in black!
230
00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:30,599
Oh, I am getting quite
good at it, I am!
231
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,429
[Laughing]
232
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:33,529
Oh, I won!
233
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,929
Can I play something else now?
234
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:36,459
I brought my console
with me.
235
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:38,199
Oh, you won't be needing that.
236
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,299
Granddad did say
237
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,299
you might be getting a bit
bored with Hungry Dino,
238
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,399
so I went out and bought
you something new.
239
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,099
Something more demanding --
240
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,799
which you even need
a protective mask for.
241
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:48,929
A paintball gun?!
242
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:51,229
You actually got me
a paintball gun?
243
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,399
No, think even better!
244
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,200
[Laughter]
245
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:02,629
I got one!
246
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,929
Oh, sorry, Mike,
I was just --
247
00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:06,359
Just fine.
248
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,999
And I appreciate the touch
of a lovely young lady.
249
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,459
Well, it was more the plate
than me.
250
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:11,459
I believe you.
251
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,599
Thousands wouldn't.
252
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,159
But don't do it again, Laura,
253
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,599
else over my knee
you shall go!
254
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,659
Lauren, and ew.
255
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,959
Lauren, Laura,
256
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,129
lovely -- it's all
the same, isn't it?
257
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,459
So you and Ed --
still together, but unhappy.
258
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,859
Everything Lydia said was a lie.
259
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,259
She said you were very pretty.
260
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,829
Well, that might be true.
261
00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:34,129
But you were a conniving
gold digger.
262
00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:35,529
And then we're back to the lies.
263
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,659
Ed probably hasn't
mentioned it,
264
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,529
but I'm pretty damn
rich myself.
265
00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:42,259
I own the third-largest
bathroom and kitchen tile
266
00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:43,859
wholesalers in the southeast.
267
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,529
So if ever you want any tiles,
268
00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:49,329
or anything else,
269
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:52,099
you know what you have to do.
270
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,629
Take my business elsewhere.
271
00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:55,929
I'm sorry, but are you
coming on to me?
272
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:58,129
Would you like me
to come on to you, Lau-ra.
273
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,259
"Lauren," yeah, absolutely not.
274
00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:01,759
Now who's the one lying?
275
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:02,829
Would you excuse me?
276
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:04,259
I'm suddenly feeling
rather nauseous.
277
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:06,160
-Get --
-Oh, she's interested.
278
00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,159
Oh, sorry.
279
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,929
I got the last one.
280
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:18,099
It's just I'm extremely
upset about poor Don.
281
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,100
We all are.
282
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,829
Mittens doesn't blame you --
283
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:26,259
for leaving him,
284
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,959
while you and Lionel
swanned off to Canada.
285
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,999
He told me so.
286
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,299
But Mittens is my cat --
287
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,929
and dead.
288
00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:33,929
And a cat.
289
00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:35,999
I...
290
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,029
have the gift!
291
00:10:37,030 --> 00:10:38,259
Oh.
292
00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:40,029
Can speak with the other side.
293
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,029
Oh!
294
00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:43,999
What's that, Mittens?
295
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,459
All right, my darling.
296
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,999
He says he "wuvs" you.
297
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,359
Does that mean anything?
298
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,160
Oh.
299
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,499
Look at Don there,
300
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,029
in happier times --
301
00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:08,699
before a monkey took his life...
302
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,599
I'll never eat
Coco Pops again.
303
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,199
By the way, I'm Alan.
304
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,329
-Natalie.
-Natalie.
305
00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:17,399
-Is that Mrs. Natalie?
-Miss.
306
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,599
I am --
307
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,399
I was, Don's cousin.
308
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,199
Don's cousin, oh, right.
309
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,700
Nice to meet you.
310
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:29,260
How upset do cousins get?
311
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,329
Karen, I just came over to say
312
00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:36,029
how terribly sorry I am
over your loss.
313
00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:37,859
Ed, You came today, then?
314
00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:38,859
Of course I did.
315
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,159
I wouldn't have missed
Don's funeral.
316
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,599
Mmm.
317
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,729
Just a shame you missed your
last round of golf with him.
318
00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,999
The weather was atrocious.
319
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,029
In fact, I was surprised
when I heard
320
00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,599
Don went on to the safari park.
321
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,729
It's Don's fault he died,
is it?
322
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:53,159
It's no one's fault --
323
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,199
apart maybe the monkey
that ran him over.
324
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,199
[Laughter]
325
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,030
Will people please stop
mentioning the monkey?!
326
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:01,759
It isn't funny.
327
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,929
No, it isn't.
328
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:04,329
And no matter how he died,
329
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:07,099
we should be respectful
on this most tragic of days.
330
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,629
?76.25!
331
00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:12,059
You won the pot,
you lucky git!
332
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,099
55-minute service, huh.
333
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,499
Who'd have thought that?
334
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,899
Ka-ching.
335
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,099
Ha ha, yeah.
336
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,629
Yeah.
337
00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:22,829
He made me place a bet --
338
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,099
you know what Mike's like.
339
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,759
Anyway, I'd like you to have
this monkey.
340
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,229
Money!
341
00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:29,899
I meant to say monkey --
342
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:31,959
God! Money!
343
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,060
[Exhales sharply]
344
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,259
Mmm.
345
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:44,499
I'm getting a --
346
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,659
All right, my darling.
347
00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:46,929
I'm a getting a name.
348
00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:48,660
Is there a --
349
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,829
All right, my darling,
you take your time.
350
00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:57,499
Is there a Henry in the room?
351
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,129
It's your wife, Henry.
352
00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:02,559
She is saying that you
must always think of her
353
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,400
when you watch a musical.
354
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,459
Thank you, my child.
355
00:13:09,460 --> 00:13:12,029
Just to reiterate,
alcohol does
356
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:15,030
help me relax, communicate
with the spirits even better.
357
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:17,959
See?
358
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:21,659
Straight away, I'm getting
a message for,
359
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:22,829
hold on --
360
00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:23,959
All right, my darling --
361
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,729
For "Pat," is it?
362
00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:28,699
Yes.
363
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:30,899
Your son had a skiing accident.
364
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:32,399
Yes.
365
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,559
He's saying --
366
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:34,629
don't worry
367
00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:38,059
because he's not in any pain
where he is now.
368
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,459
I know he isn't.
369
00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:40,860
He's over there.
370
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,560
I'm also telepathic.
371
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,829
[Siren wailing on TV]
372
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,299
This is it, is it?
373
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,559
Are you going to let me join in
or not?
374
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,329
Well, you've made it quite clear
375
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,529
all my games
are too babyish for you.
376
00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:00,930
Show me what to do.
377
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:04,859
Whoo!
378
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:07,429
How many pairs of hands
do I need to operate this?
379
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,899
-What's this for?
-To move.
380
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,459
See? Quick!
381
00:14:10,460 --> 00:14:12,459
You have to drive your
stolen car to the bank,
382
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:13,929
so we can blow it up
and rob it.
383
00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:15,099
But I'm not a criminal!
384
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,399
It's how you win the game!
385
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,459
Hurry up, drive!
386
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,460
Well, I can't go yet --
the traffic lights are red!
387
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,259
I am at a funeral, Debs.
388
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,129
What else can I do
to turn Keith on?
389
00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:31,899
I tried a curry, but it's
just left him tired and gassy.
390
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,429
[Groans]
391
00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:36,059
Underwear, positions,
dressing up as an insect --
392
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:37,059
I don't care!
393
00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:38,599
Just tell me how
to get the zest back.
394
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,359
Have you tried having a bath?
395
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,729
Are you saying I stink?!
396
00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,630
Just go with me on this.
397
00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:48,099
Put plenty of bubbles in,
398
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,099
but not too many --
399
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,600
so you leave room
for both of us.
400
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,860
"I want you all clean."
401
00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:58,199
I want you all clean --
402
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,359
"So I can get down
and dirty with you."
403
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,599
So I can get
down and dirty with you.
404
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,959
Keep going, keep going!
405
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,029
"And I can't wait
to run my hands --"
406
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,699
And I cannot wait to run
my hands --
407
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,959
All over your firm,
muscular body.
408
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,499
All over your
409
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:18,600
firm, muscular body.
410
00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,099
I'm talking to my sister.
411
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,299
I'm talking to my sister.
412
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,300
Sister?
413
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,859
All right.
414
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:33,329
Don't worry, I won't say
anything to Ed, if...
415
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:34,960
you do me a favor
in return.
416
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:39,259
I'm stopping the night here.
417
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:40,929
How about...
418
00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:43,699
you, me
419
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,929
nip up to my room
for 10 minutes?
420
00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:47,329
No one will miss us.
421
00:15:47,330 --> 00:15:51,029
You are a vile, disgusting,
creepy-looking man.
422
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,659
You are a vile, disgusting,
423
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:55,829
creepy-looking man --
424
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,299
I wouldn't sleep with you
425
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,459
if you were the last man
on Earth.
426
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:01,899
Debs, to be honest,
427
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,199
this isn't really pushing
me buttons.
428
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,899
I was getting lines from Lauren!
429
00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,099
Ah. Oh!
430
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,729
Lauren?!
431
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:12,559
I was just trying to get
the spark back, you know?
432
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,599
We never seem to have time
for us, what with work,
433
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,899
and Charlie getting his head
stuck down that rabbit hole.
434
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,529
Not to mention Ellie.
435
00:16:19,530 --> 00:16:20,559
Keith --
436
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,529
Keith, are you listening to me,
or are you having a bath?
437
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:26,099
Just getting me money's worth.
438
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,859
Shall I get in with you?
439
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:30,059
I don't think we'd both fit.
440
00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,399
See?
441
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,599
Shame we don't live at Ed's --
442
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,029
he's got a massive bath.
443
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:36,229
Ha!
444
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:37,229
Forget his bath,
445
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,899
he's got a ruddy swimming pool!
446
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:40,199
Now, that would be romantic.
447
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,159
Lauren gave me
a spare set of keys --
448
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,199
in case of emergencies.
449
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,099
Improving our love life.
450
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,759
Could that be classed
as an emergency?
451
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:50,829
Yeah!
452
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:51,829
Come on!
453
00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:55,029
He's a complete slimeball!
454
00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:57,259
Thought that I was talking dirty
on the phone to some man.
455
00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:59,399
Didn't believe me when I said it
was just my sister.
456
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,429
Then -- then! --
457
00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,959
he suggested
I go up to his room!
458
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,260
[Snickers]
459
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,629
So I've thought about it,
mulled it over,
460
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,499
realized it was a good offer.
461
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,159
I'm leaving you for Mike.
462
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,159
Mm-hmm.
463
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,229
Wait, what?
464
00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:17,829
I knew you weren't listening.
465
00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:18,929
Sorry.
466
00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,259
But what if she's got a point?
467
00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:21,959
What if I'm as much to blame
for Don's death
468
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:22,959
as that joy-riding baboon?
469
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,629
You cancelled a round of golf,
that's all.
470
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,629
Was Don angry about it,
471
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,729
angry with you?
472
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,159
He texted me,
said he understood,
473
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,299
and looked forward
to beating me next time.
474
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,899
That would be tricky now.
475
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,159
[Snorts]
476
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,160
Sorry.
477
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,429
Tell you what,
478
00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,259
I'll get Karen
to stop blaming you,
479
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:45,259
if you help me show Mike up for
the sleazy rat he really is.
480
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,629
How are you going
to do all that, then?
481
00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:48,599
Karen, I'll figure
something out.
482
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,099
Mike, probably use a chair,
483
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,560
some rope, and a blowtorch.
484
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,060
He asked you up to his room?
485
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:00,799
I want a word.
486
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:01,799
Do you mind?
487
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,159
I'm talking to the spirits.
488
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,629
The only spirit talking
is that G&T.
489
00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:07,400
You, hop it.
490
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:10,659
-I --
-Shut up.
491
00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:12,299
Now, I can just about stand you
492
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,359
encroaching on
mine and Ed's life --
493
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,359
at times I find it lovable
and amusing.
494
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,959
But when you infiltrate
a funeral
495
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,959
and start passing yourself off
as a medium -- I said, shut up.
496
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,729
Now, you either
do what I tell you,
497
00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:25,359
or I will be forced to
Lydia-proof our home.
498
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,229
I'm talking gates, barbed wire,
499
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,829
and a German Shepherd,
500
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:31,229
probably called Slasher,
501
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,629
who I will train to track
502
00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:34,559
and hunt down the smell
of your perfume.
503
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,229
Okay, fine.
504
00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:37,999
I'll stop pretending
to be a medium.
505
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:38,999
Stop?
506
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,859
Who said anything about
stopping?
507
00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,030
Mnh-mnh.
508
00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:45,329
This is exciting!
509
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:46,659
Oh!
510
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:49,529
That's funny, the burglar alarm
isn't switched on.
511
00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:51,059
They're back --
leg it!
512
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,399
Hold on, hold on!
513
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,360
Ed's car wasn't on the drive.
514
00:18:58,300 --> 00:18:59,660
[Gasps]
515
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,959
She lied about
breaking up with him!
516
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:04,959
Why would she do that?
517
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,129
To make life easier on herself?
518
00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,129
So she could see Tim
519
00:19:07,130 --> 00:19:08,929
without being lectured by you
all the time?
520
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,859
All right, Mr. Know-It-All.
521
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,859
Stay back, I'll handle this.
522
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,629
Whoa, whoa, we're not supposed
to be here, either.
523
00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:17,559
We've no moral
high ground.
524
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,029
Put yourself in her shoes.
525
00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,629
How would you have felt if your
mum and dad had burst in on us?
526
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:22,929
What do you think
would've happened?
527
00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:25,359
I wouldn't have got pregnant,
ruined my life.
528
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,429
[Scoffs]
"Ruined your life."
529
00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:28,729
You won the lottery first go.
530
00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:31,100
Yeah, but I only matched
three numbers.
531
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,099
Any chance of some service?
532
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,359
Oh.
533
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,559
Give me your room number
and key.
534
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,799
So I was right about you, huh?
535
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,729
Ed's being boring, blaming
himself about this bloody Don.
536
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,599
I want a bit of fun
and attention.
537
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,129
Oh.
538
00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:51,099
Just give me 10 minutes
to get ready --
539
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,429
just enough time for you
540
00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:54,359
to order some champagne,
mm-hmm?
541
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,430
-Oh.
-[Purrs]
542
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:01,629
Ah.
543
00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:04,200
[Grunts]
544
00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:15,630
[Siren wailing]
545
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,759
Grandma is upset, Charlie.
546
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,399
Thinks you and her
don't have fun anymore.
547
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,429
Said you wouldn't let her play
your gangster game.
548
00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:27,729
She doesn't get it.
549
00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:30,399
She doesn't get anything.
550
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,959
Yes, that's what
she'd like you to think.
551
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,029
The thing is
552
00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:38,759
your grandma was pretty wild
when she was young.
553
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,799
She was mixed up
in all kinds of business --
554
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,299
guns, narcotics,
555
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,729
stealing cars --
she was notorious.
556
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:51,299
No one dared
cross The Widowmaker.
557
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,399
"The Widowmaker"?
558
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,099
Everyone knew if you crossed
her, you were "brown bread."
559
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,929
That's cockney for dead.
560
00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:02,329
Of course, she saw
the error of her ways.
561
00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:04,199
turned police informer,
562
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,629
which meant she had to go into
563
00:21:06,630 --> 00:21:08,599
the witness protection
program -- new identity,
564
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,629
new area to live,
565
00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:14,129
and a new, rather handsome,
husband.
566
00:21:14,130 --> 00:21:18,029
And that's why she has to
live a quiet life now, you see,
567
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:20,299
keep her head down,
568
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,529
play Doh Nutters
with her grandson.
569
00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:25,859
Granddad, I'm 11.
570
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:29,859
Do you really think I'm going to
believe that rubbish story?
571
00:21:29,860 --> 00:21:32,330
But don't worry,
I'll make Grandma happy.
572
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,029
See? This is much nicer,
573
00:21:36,030 --> 00:21:38,659
just walking
through the streets.
574
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:39,929
Ooh, there's a park.
575
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:42,359
Shall we go and sit in the park,
Charlie?
576
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,859
Oh!
577
00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:45,259
That man's trying to mug me!
578
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:47,129
Now his friend's joining in.
579
00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:48,199
Where's my baseball bat,
Charlie?
580
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,529
Where's my baseball bat?!
581
00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:51,959
Take that!
And that!
582
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,499
Oh, you want another one?
583
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,129
There's another one!
Ha ha!
584
00:21:55,130 --> 00:21:58,959
You messed with the wrong lady
this time.
585
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,229
I got your number!
586
00:22:00,230 --> 00:22:01,399
Ooh, I hope you've brought
an army.
587
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,530
Stay down! Stay down!
588
00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:10,929
[Laughs]
589
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:12,599
[Knock on door]
590
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,729
They didn't have champagne
591
00:22:14,730 --> 00:22:16,399
so I got you a vodka.
592
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:17,899
Here, drink up.
593
00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,059
Whoa! Not so fast.
594
00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:21,659
You heard me
on the phone earlier.
595
00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:23,699
I like to tease.
596
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:27,059
Are you up for that?
597
00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,359
What did you have in mind?
598
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,329
Wouldn't you like to know?!
599
00:22:30,330 --> 00:22:31,599
[Laughs]
600
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,329
But before I tell you,
601
00:22:33,330 --> 00:22:34,859
final chance --
602
00:22:34,860 --> 00:22:36,499
are you absolutely sure
about this?
603
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:38,159
I mean, you are friends with Ed.
604
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,429
Meh, I've got other friends.
605
00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:41,559
Sod him.
606
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,329
You're not going to tell him,
are you --
607
00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:44,429
lose your meal ticket.
608
00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:46,559
I guess not.
609
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,099
[Chuckles]
610
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,759
Okay, in that case --
611
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:51,900
I want you to hoot
like an owl.
612
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:54,999
-Beg your pardon?
-You heard me.
613
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,159
Hoot like an owl.
614
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,659
I don't know --
615
00:22:57,660 --> 00:22:58,899
The first time I ever made love,
616
00:22:58,900 --> 00:23:00,399
it was in the countryside,
617
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,329
at night.
618
00:23:02,330 --> 00:23:04,229
The stars were out.
619
00:23:04,230 --> 00:23:05,759
It was magical.
620
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,929
I heard the distant hoot
of an owl.
621
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:11,099
And ever since, well,
622
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:12,629
hooting has always
got me in the mood.
623
00:23:12,630 --> 00:23:14,159
Okay.
624
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,259
Hoo!
625
00:23:15,260 --> 00:23:16,729
Oh, yes!
626
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,999
-Louder!
-Hoo!
627
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,599
Oh, louder.
628
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,599
Hoo!
629
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:23,659
Hoo!
630
00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:25,729
Hoo! Hoo!
631
00:23:25,730 --> 00:23:26,899
Wait, what are you doing?
632
00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:27,929
I told you,
633
00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:29,499
it was nighttime,
634
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,259
in the countryside.
635
00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:35,329
We had to feel our way around.
636
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:37,599
Feel each other --
637
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,759
Someone's stopped hooting.
638
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,659
-Hoo!
-Hoo! Hoo!
639
00:23:43,660 --> 00:23:45,729
Hoo!
640
00:23:45,730 --> 00:23:47,559
Hoo!
641
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,559
Lauren?
642
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:49,959
Still here!
643
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,959
Just keep hooting.
644
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,059
I just need to give you
a little bit of a makeover.
645
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:58,099
-What?!
-Shh, shh, shh!
646
00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:01,499
My first lover,
he was a bit of a Goth.
647
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:05,499
So if you want me
at my most passionate,
648
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,499
then you need a bit
of black lippy.
649
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,529
Hoo!
650
00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:11,899
All done.
651
00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:15,699
Now I want you to say,
let me think --
652
00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:17,699
"My name's Mike,
and I'm a pretty boy."
653
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:19,129
No, I'm not saying that.
654
00:24:19,130 --> 00:24:20,329
I'm slipping out of my dress.
655
00:24:20,330 --> 00:24:21,659
My name's Mike,
and I'm a pretty boy!
656
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:22,999
My name's Mike, and I'm
a pretty boy!
657
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,629
My name's Mike,
and I'm a pretty boy!
658
00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:25,629
Good!
659
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:28,499
Now I want you to say --
660
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,199
"Ed, I'm ashamed and sorry
661
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,959
for being such a disgusting
little worm."
662
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,329
[Chuckles]
663
00:24:34,330 --> 00:24:35,359
Why would I say that?
664
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,499
Because he's standing
right next to you.
665
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,229
Oh!
666
00:24:39,230 --> 00:24:40,299
Oh, Ed!
667
00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:41,799
Oh.
668
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,699
I can explain everything.
669
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:45,059
Can you?
670
00:24:45,060 --> 00:24:47,699
No.
671
00:24:47,700 --> 00:24:48,959
Oh.
672
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,499
Listen to me carefully, Mike.
673
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:53,359
I don't want to ever hear that
you've been rude or lecherous
674
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:54,729
to another woman ever again.
675
00:24:54,730 --> 00:24:56,629
It's banter --
676
00:24:56,630 --> 00:24:57,830
just banter!
677
00:24:59,460 --> 00:25:01,359
Fine.
678
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,959
Because if we ever find out
that you have been,
679
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,299
then this pretty little video
is gonna find its way online,
680
00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:07,729
and to all your customers,
681
00:25:07,730 --> 00:25:10,059
and to any friends
you might have left.
682
00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:13,059
[Phone beeps]
683
00:25:13,060 --> 00:25:15,459
Understood.
684
00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:17,029
I think I'll just go down
685
00:25:17,030 --> 00:25:19,599
and pay my respects
to Don's family.
686
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,630
Good idea.
687
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,759
He's still wearing my lipstick.
688
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,259
As he said about me, "sod him."
689
00:25:34,260 --> 00:25:36,129
[Laughing]
690
00:25:36,130 --> 00:25:38,629
And is it really true
that you get turned on
691
00:25:38,630 --> 00:25:40,429
by Goths
and the countryside?
692
00:25:40,430 --> 00:25:42,859
Why don't you hoot
and find out?
693
00:25:42,860 --> 00:25:44,029
I could coo like a pigeon.
694
00:25:44,030 --> 00:25:45,029
[Cooing]
695
00:25:45,030 --> 00:25:46,599
[Purrs]
696
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,530
Mmm!
697
00:25:48,860 --> 00:25:50,429
What are they doing now?
698
00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:51,459
[Gasps]
699
00:25:51,460 --> 00:25:52,929
Oh!
700
00:25:52,930 --> 00:25:53,929
See?
701
00:25:53,930 --> 00:25:57,559
That's how I'm always
asking you to kiss me.
702
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,359
So gentle and adoring.
703
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:02,359
-Were we this romantic?
-Oh, yeah.
704
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,700
[Reggae playing]
705
00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:12,359
Definitely, yeah.
706
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:14,829
This is what I'm trying to say.
707
00:26:14,830 --> 00:26:16,699
this is a golden moment
for Ellie.
708
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:19,029
The first time.
709
00:26:19,030 --> 00:26:20,859
Yeah, we all know Tim's an idiot
710
00:26:20,860 --> 00:26:23,629
and teenage relationships
always go wrong --
711
00:26:23,630 --> 00:26:25,429
-Hmm?
-Apart from ours.
712
00:26:25,430 --> 00:26:28,530
But I think we should let her
find that out for herself.
713
00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:32,100
We should go.
714
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,600
Perhaps you're right.
715
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,159
I am appalled,
Ellie Mason!
716
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,459
Appalled and insulted.
717
00:26:43,460 --> 00:26:46,359
We came round her to check on
poor Auntie Lauren's house,
718
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:47,759
and find you two trespassing!
719
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,159
The place a mess!
720
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,499
But we haven't done
anything wrong!
721
00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,599
You were about to!
722
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,859
Wine, rose petals on the water,
723
00:26:55,860 --> 00:26:56,859
I'm not an idiot.
724
00:26:56,860 --> 00:26:58,159
Well, not under my roof!
725
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,629
It's not your roof.
726
00:26:59,630 --> 00:27:00,899
It's my granddad's.
727
00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:02,059
And I have a key.
728
00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:03,829
Yeah, I'd keep quiet
if I were you.
729
00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,399
Look at Keith's face --
livid.
730
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,399
He looks about
ready to punch you.
731
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,199
I suggest you go
to your grandma's, Ellie.
732
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,399
Grandma's?!
733
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,829
While we tidy up this mess.
734
00:27:12,830 --> 00:27:14,429
Just hope and pray
Ed and Auntie Lauren
735
00:27:14,430 --> 00:27:16,099
don't find out what's
gone on here today.
736
00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:17,099
But Grandma's?!
737
00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:19,229
It's your own fault, Ellie!
738
00:27:19,230 --> 00:27:20,259
Now, go!
739
00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:21,330
[Growls]
740
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,229
Now, what did you do that --
741
00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:26,330
-Shh!
742
00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:29,829
Little bit naughty,
but your wife is a legend.
743
00:27:29,830 --> 00:27:31,529
I have just got us
a swimming pool,
744
00:27:31,530 --> 00:27:33,099
some wine,
745
00:27:33,100 --> 00:27:34,429
and Ed's whole mansion
to ourselves
746
00:27:34,430 --> 00:27:35,429
for the rest of the day.
747
00:27:35,430 --> 00:27:37,729
You are one bad mother.
748
00:27:37,730 --> 00:27:40,399
I am one bad mother.
749
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,559
[Laughs]
750
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:42,559
[Moaning]
751
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:46,229
I still don't see how you'll
stop Karen hating me.
752
00:27:46,230 --> 00:27:47,729
LYDIA: And he's saying --
753
00:27:47,730 --> 00:27:49,829
what's that, my darling?
754
00:27:49,830 --> 00:27:52,399
There are golf courses
in heaven.
755
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:56,229
Hundreds of golf courses.
756
00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:58,859
And there are no monkeys
in heaven --
757
00:27:58,860 --> 00:28:00,799
apart from Davy Jones,
of course.
758
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,429
And he wants me to say
you he loves you --
759
00:28:03,430 --> 00:28:05,899
Don, not Davy Jones.
760
00:28:05,900 --> 00:28:06,959
Oh!
761
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,060
Oh.
762
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,300
You never told me Lydia
was a medium.
763
00:28:16,930 --> 00:28:17,999
She's just spoken to Don.
764
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,759
He says he doesn't blame you
in the slightest.
765
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:20,899
That's very good of him.
766
00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:22,059
I take comfort in the fact
767
00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:25,929
he's still around,
still watching over me.
768
00:28:25,930 --> 00:28:27,999
And I'm sorry for being hard
on you earlier.
769
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,899
Oh, it's been a tough day
for you, Karen.
770
00:28:29,900 --> 00:28:31,729
It's fine.
771
00:28:31,730 --> 00:28:33,629
Oh, I haven't introduced you
to my girlfriend, have I?
772
00:28:33,630 --> 00:28:35,299
-This is Lauren.
-Hello.
773
00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:38,059
Lauren?
774
00:28:38,060 --> 00:28:39,629
Don's just warned me about you.
775
00:28:39,630 --> 00:28:42,329
You stay away from me,
you hear?
776
00:28:42,330 --> 00:28:44,629
Just stay away.
777
00:28:44,630 --> 00:28:47,659
I'd better go, Ed.
778
00:28:47,660 --> 00:28:50,430
Lydia said Don wants a free bar.
779
00:28:53,330 --> 00:28:54,799
I did what you asked.
780
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,799
And more!
781
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:56,959
What did you tell her?
782
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:57,999
It's not me, Lauren,
783
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,929
it's the spirits.
784
00:28:59,930 --> 00:29:02,299
They mentioned something about
you having a dark soul.
785
00:29:02,300 --> 00:29:04,899
That and you being a baboon
in a previous life.
786
00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:06,559
-[Sighs]
-Wish me luck,
787
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,459
I'm going to bite the bullet.
788
00:29:09,460 --> 00:29:11,360
I'm going to ask her out.
789
00:29:13,330 --> 00:29:16,329
Natalie, I'd just like to say --
790
00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:18,359
Salad!
791
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,499
Always comforting
at a time like this -- may I?
792
00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:22,959
People often shout
"salad dodger" at me,
793
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,329
but I could eat buckets
of the stuff,
794
00:29:24,330 --> 00:29:25,999
couldn't you?
795
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,499
There's that smile again.
796
00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:31,359
Natalie, hypothetical question,
797
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,559
but if, say, a gentleman saw
an attractive lady at a funeral,
798
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,159
but wasn't completely sure
how upset or grieving she was,
799
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,859
do you think he should
still pluck up the courage
800
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:44,229
to ask that lady out
for a drink sometime?
801
00:29:44,230 --> 00:29:47,129
I think he could do that, yes.
802
00:29:47,130 --> 00:29:48,459
Brilliant!
803
00:29:48,460 --> 00:29:50,529
Then in that case,
804
00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:52,059
I think I probably will.
805
00:29:52,060 --> 00:29:53,330
Oh.
806
00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:56,499
Oh, God!
807
00:29:56,500 --> 00:29:58,659
Uh, Natalie,
808
00:29:58,660 --> 00:30:00,059
another hypothetical question.
809
00:30:00,060 --> 00:30:01,229
If, say, a gentleman
810
00:30:01,230 --> 00:30:03,059
showered a woman with
salad cream --
811
00:30:03,060 --> 00:30:04,629
She'd say no!
812
00:30:04,630 --> 00:30:06,830
She'd definitely say no!
813
00:30:11,860 --> 00:30:14,300
Can we go home now?
814
00:30:17,660 --> 00:30:20,029
I'm your Queen Bee.
815
00:30:20,030 --> 00:30:21,459
Are you my honey?
816
00:30:21,460 --> 00:30:24,359
I most definitely am,
your highness.
817
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:25,999
[Buzzing]
818
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,700
LAUREN: Hi, honey, we're home.
819
00:30:29,330 --> 00:30:31,899
Don't you look at me
like that, Lauren.
820
00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:35,729
I wanted to go to Ikea!
821
00:30:35,730 --> 00:30:38,730
Subtitle by peritta
822
00:30:38,780 --> 00:30:43,330
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