All language subtitles for Outnumbered s04e06 The Exchange Student.eng

DOORBELL RINGS
It's that man. he's back.

The guy that's looking
for Auntie Angela.

Don't answer it.
He might think we're out.

DOORBELL RINGS

I don't think so.
Karen's waving at him.

OK. He doesn't know she's here,
so when he mentions Angela,

act surprised, but not too
surprised. Don't do too much,

just look normal.

No - normal!

Oh, Mr and Mrs Brockman.

Hello, I'm Darren
Armitage, senior partner

with the law firm
Sneider, Morpego.

You may already have one of these.

Yes. Erm, no.

Well, you probably didn't see it
because Karen gave it to me earlier.

But, but not...
it wasn't that much earlier.

So I didn't have a chance
to tell you.

That must have been Karen
who cross-examined me yesterday.

We may be recruiting her soon.

Please ask Angela
to come to the door.

Angela? They're not here.
They? I just said Angela.

Look, I don't know why you're here,
but whatever it is,

could you please put it in writing?

Because we're right in the middle
of a quiet family dinner.

We don't get many callers.
They get excited.

Auntie? Shh-shh-shh!

Did you know your husband
was going to turn into a monster?

No, obviously, I didn't.

Well, we did. "Angela's
done it again," Mummy said.

"She's married a sociopath."
What is a sociopath?

Look, I really don't want to
talk about this right now.

He's mafia. You can see by the cold
merciless eyes. And the briefcase.

He's not mafia. He is, he's like that
guy in The Godfather. The nice one.

He's not the one who kills you.
He does the

paperwork afterwards.
You could imagine him saying,

"I'm sorry about Angela,
it's just business."

You know nothing about the Mafia.
I do!

Kylie Arrett's dad's in it.

He's a security guard at SuperBowling.
By day.

And an assassin by night.

I'm sure I don't have
to tell you that Angela

has a casual relationship
with the truth.

She may have told you otherwise,
but the truth is

she has illegally abducted
a vulnerable 15-year-old girl

and is using her as leverage to try
and bump up her divorce settlement.

Illegally abducted? Yes.

I know my sister and she wouldn't do
something like that, would she, Pete?

Er, no. No.
No, that's very unlike her.

From what I remember of her. Having
not seen her for some... time... now.

Still, this is all good for you,
because Mum and Dad

will forget about you going out
with that 19-year-old girl.

Oh, just... So she's a lap-dancer.
Is she from Lapland?

No, you moron. Firstly, she's not
a lap-dancer, she's a pole-dancer.

Oh, so she's from Poland.

Don't get me wrong,
it's not just you,

lots of dads and some mums
turn into monsters.

Tanya's dad says that mums
turn into monsters once a month,

but I think he's getting them
mixed up with werewolves. Look...

this is not... Do you think my mum and
dad will suddenly turn into monsters?

No, Karen, there are some people
who can never surprise you.

They can surprise me. They surprised
me with a trip to Legoland.

Child abduction is a most serious
criminal offence

and carries a custodial
sentence, both for those

who carry it out, and
those who help them.

Look, don't think you can
push us around. I can, though.

We're an immensely rich
and powerful legal firm

who can assign an entire
whole floor of our

practice to making
your lives unliveable.

Yeah, well, we'll see about that!

Yeah! Pete, he's gone.

Oh, he's got a car
with darkened windows.

It means you can slit someone's throat
in the back and no-one will know.

It's lucky you're still a child,
otherwise they'd section you.

You didn't tell him we were here,
did you? Misty's under 16.

Didn't I mention that? So, Misty,
did you want to leave home?

We had no choice. Angela, please!

He used to lock me in my room
for hours and hours.

Don't be scared, Misty,
you are safe here with us.

DOORBELL RINGS
I'll get it!

Ben, don't!

Hello! Sorry, they were
a bit late getting in.

This is Ottfried...

your exchange student?

Oh, shit!

I mean, hello, Ottfried.
Oh, God. I... It...

Oh, God, it's just gone right
out of my head,

we've had all sorts here today.

Their plane was held up so I'm...
Did Jake not mention this?

Jake! No, he's a bit... But
it's fine. Come on in, Ottfried.

Bye, Ottfried, and, er...

and good luck. Jake!

Bye, Mr Hunslet! Bye, Ben.

Have you got the smell
out of your car yet? Not entirely.

Bit hard to scrub inside
the glove box. Sorry.

Next time I'll manage
to open the window in time.

Or maybe don't eat seven scotch eggs
for a bet.

Laters!

We're all just in here.
Please, please come through.

I'm just so sorry,
cos we've had quite a...

Gosh, you're tall, aren't you?

We've had quite an unusual day here,
but it's all back to normal now.

And this is my sister Angela,
but if anybody asks,

it's probably best to say that...

she is not here.
And this is Misty, and she, again,

is not... here. Not here?

That's right. Nicht... here.
It's a bit complicated.

The exchange student
you forgot to tell

us about is here!
He's got headphones on.

There's a man sitting in a van
parked outside.

What sort of man?
He'll be a builder, or something.

Let's not get all... If it comes
to it, you can hide in our loft,

like Anne Frank did when she was
hiding from the... So! Ottfried!

Let me give you the tour, and work out
where the hell you're going to sleep.

That German boy
was like a baby giant.

I want to be that size when I'm 15.

I like to sleep with the light on.
But I like it off.

When I sleep with the light off,

it's like I'm sleeping in a cave
and I get really weird dreams.

Yeah, but that's why I like it.

I don't like dreams,
it's like you've gone to sleep,

but your brain's staying up
at a sleepover with your lungs,

cos your lungs have
to be awake to make

sure you breathe.
Your whole body's awake.

It's like your brain...
But dreams are

good cos they're like
going to the cinema,

but then the movie's so much better
because, it's like you're in it

but then you're also watching it, and
then the effects are always better,

and you never get kicked out
for being too young.

Yeah, but when I go to sleep
I just want to sleep.

I just want to close my eyes and...
Yeah, but sleep's boring without it.

I just want it to be just plain
black. I want to start a dream log,

I don't want to forget
my favourite dream, like,

I'll have one book
for the crucifixion dreams

and then I'll have another book
for all the other dreams I get.

Because, like,
I get the crucifixion dream a lot,

but then I'm kind of
used to that now so it

doesn't disturb me as
much as it used to.

Yeah... The best dreams are
the ones with all the explosions,

and stuff like monsters
that you'll never be able to see.

That's why I keep cheese in here.
So that's what that smell is.

Yeah, it's in one of these drawers.
Right.

Well, we've got a houseful tonight.
I hope the plumbing's up to it.

We still haven't got a strategy.
Maybe we should consult a lawyer.

No, about Jake and his showgirl!
Look, I know it's a worry,

but he is a mature 15.
Maybe she's an immature 19.

Yes, cos lap-dancers are famous
for being shy, mousy girls(!)

She's a pole-dancer. Sorry,
our son is dating a pole-dancer,

slightly further away from being
a prostitute than a lap-dancer.

We still need a...
A strategy, yeah, OK, I know.

(Oh, God.)

You have had the safe sex
conversation with him, haven't you?

Yeah, ages ago.
How did it go? It was OK.

I mean, there was a bit of giggling,
but you know... I was nervous.

I don't want something in my head
that I haven't... said is OK.

Yeah, but you can't stop yourself...

But it's like all the bad things
in my life,

all the good things
are shutting it out.

So whilst the good things
go to sleep, the bad things think,

"Ah, here is my time to mess up
Karen's head."

It's just not good. Yeah, but your mind
doesn't fall asleep, your body does,

your mind's awake. Your mind is
like... has lots of drawers in it

and then, like, at night
all the stuff

just wiggles around in your head
and makes weird films for you.

It's just, like, "No, I don't need
that, I just want to go to sleep."

Maybe we're like characters
in someone else's dream,

but then we're not actually real

and we don't actually exist
in the real world.

I do exist! Well, maybe
someone's got a mental disease

and if he doesn't get over his problem,
we're going to be stuck here forever.

No.

Angela hasn't asked once
how Dad is.

Perhaps she's scared to.

KAREN: Mum! Dad! Ben's scaring me!

He scares us all, Karen,
go to sleep.

He says I don't exist.

You do exist, now go to sleep.

Ah, I've been thinking about
this whole Angela thing.

I've written a sort of ledger. OK.

"Reasons not to help Angela.
One, it's not our problem.

"Two, we could get into
serious legal difficulties.

"Three, we don't like her.

Four, in that book she wrote,
she called you, erm...

"manipulative
and compared me to a dust mite.

"Five. We don't like..."

Oh, no, hang on,
I've done that one twice.

"Five, she's probably lying."

"Reasons TO help Angela.
One, she's your sister."

Yep?

No, that's it.
If you've got any others, I'll...

No, sod it,
we'll just tell her she's got to go.

This one is the really good one.
A bear gets stuck in a tree.

Is that a trampoline? I can see what's
going to happen. They're going to... Ha!

Oh! Oh, that's mean.
It's all right, it's not mean.

Let's watch it again, let's watch it
again. See, see let me show you.

Look at it in slow motion!
Look at that, look

how high it is, that's
like five trampolines.

And then look, and then look.
Just smash!

Head first into the ground.
Head first.

It just bounces. It doesn't.
It does!

If you watch,
its head hits the floor

and then the rest of its body
sort of crunches into his head.

Look. Oh, my God, that is terrible!
THEY LAUGH

SUE: It's 8:20!

Can you stop watching animals
getting hurt on YouTube?

Jake, we need a word, now.

You have till the end of today.

Guten Morgen mein herren.
Oh, Guten Morgen, Ben.

Would you like
sausage-bread-bacon-beans?

Excuse me? I'm learning German
and you have those compound nouns,

where you stick words together
to make one-huge-long-big-word.

Like Gehimmelshickelwurstgarten or

Blitzengrubereinekleine-
messcherschmidtfrau.

These are not German words. No,

but they could be, because
you can make up any words you like.

Or as you would say, "You can
any words you like up make."

It's cool being German.
It's like being Yoda.

Yes, I am seeing a 19-year-old
pole-dancer, but don't worry,

I always get my homework
out of the way first.

That's not quite the issue.
Is it, Pete? No. No, it's not.

By the end of today, you need to
tell this girl your real age.

She has got a name, Mum.
Victoria. OK.

By the end of today, you have
to tell your real age to Victoria.

The stripper.

Ben, have you seen Misty?
No, Auntie.

The blue van with the man
sitting in it is still outside.

Thank you for keeping me up to date.
Are you going to run or hide?

What would you recommend?

Run. Because you can run
but you can't hide.

Would you like some Cheerios?

No, thank you.

She is being chased by
a scary-ex-husband-psycho-mafia-man.

Misty? You're such a hypocrite.
You went to that Chippens... things.

The men who took their clothes off.
That was ages ago.

And it was harmless. When women
look at naked men they just laugh.

Well, cackle.

Have you seen the exploding koalas?
No. Well,

have you seen the, erm...
the pogo hopping nuns?

No.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Ah, hello, Brick.
..Package?

Yes, we have, although why you've
sent it to us I don't know,

because Angela and Misty aren't here.

Yeah, just because
you're a psychoanalyst

doesn't mean you can
tell I'm lying.

RADIO: 'And now it's time
for Thought for the... '

Good morning, Ottfried.
Did you sleep well?

I heard many animal noises. Oh,
well, that'll be the foxes mating.

Or the new couple next door.

Mum, Dad's on the phone to Brick.
Brick?!

Please, what is this?

Oh, well, you may as well know,
Ottfried, er...

My sister married an American
psychoanalyst with lots of children.

Um... But he turned out
to be abusive so she ran away

with one of the children,
but now he is pursuing her.

No. What is this?

Oh, that.

Well, that's a hot cross bun.

We eat them for breakfast sometimes.

Are you OK? Brick.

He's sent these air tickets for Angela
and Misty to go back to the States,

but says that if they don't,

he's going to take emergency measures
in a British court

to seize their passports.

Oh, and prosecute us.

Holy crap!

I'm not falling for that.
I'm not leaving this house.

He could have a snatch squad
waiting for me in that...

Well, let's just remain calm...

The police aren't going to come,
are they? Sweetheart,

you don't need to worry about that.
All that'll happen is...

No! I don't want to know,
cos if I don't know, I'm not guilty

and I'm not going to be one
of the people taken away in the van.

Why didn't we think of that? Look...

I think I've got a solution.

Once Misty's 16,
Brick can't do anything so...

I know it's a huge ask, but
if we could just stay until then.

And how far away
is Misty's 16th birthday?

Erm... five and a half months.

He can't serve me an injunction
if I never leave the house.

You wouldn't leave the house?
I'd pull my weight.

For five and a half months?

I can cook, and you know I did
that interior design course.

I could give the
house a makeover.

What do you say?

Five and a half months.
All right, Pete.

Listen, Angela, it wouldn't
really be very practical,

because by then you'd be dead
and Pete and I would be in prison.

Could we just stay until...?
This evening? Yes, you can.

This evening?

Yes.

So, Misty, what kind of music
do you like? I don't like music.

Why do you have an iPod, then?
To shut out the world.

Ottfried,
what other English TV do you like?

Erm, I like Ricky Gervais and
the other comedian, he is, uh...

he plays a character, a very funny
character of the fat politician.

And he has funny, funny blonde hair,
he walks and sometimes cycles,

I see him on a bike on the TV.

Do you mean Boris Johnson?

Yes! Boris Johnson, yes!
It's so funny, you like him also?

No, Ottfried,
he's the Mayor of London.

Yes, he plays the Mayor of London,
a stupid politician... No...

Very stupid and funny.

Look, Ottfried...
We in Germany love him.

I'm feeling a little nauseous.

Can we watch something
that isn't a cookery show?

'Roll the pastry thus... '

'Herbs, chives and... '

'Duck a la orange... '
'Lots of seasoning... '

'Bit of chilli... '
'Oodles and oodles... '

'Just look at that!
Isn't that a sight to behold?'

'And lots of pepper on top.'

Hang on, we'll get one in a sec.

'The pasta!'

Angela hasn't gone, has she?

What the hell is that? Tai chi.
Oh, yeah, tai chi,

the ancient art of attention-seeking.

Ah, Jake. I need a shower.

Have you told Victoria
your real age yet?

Yes, yes, yes. How many times
do I need to tell you?

Well, it's not really the number
of times, it's, "Is it true?"

DOG BARKS
Oh, for... Right!

Er, Angela?

Hi, Pete. Could you not do that in
your room maybe? It's better outside.

There are more positive ions.

You're setting off next door's dog.

He doesn't like... bright colours
and... weird movement.

Also you're visible to
Brick's spy drones out here.

Are you worried about the neighbours?
No. My God, you are, aren't you?

It's not the neighbours.
It's the dog, once it gets going...

Are you telling me my needs

are less important than a dog's?!
Well, in this case... yes.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

That's Jake's mobile,
isn't it? Is it?

"Say where to meet
or I pick you up your place. Vic."

Well, I suppose
we'd better tell him.

Well, then he'll think
we've been reading his texts.

Maybe it's best to do nothing.
But then she'll come here. Yeah.

Please, may I have some of your
fruit? Of course, help yourself.

I've lost him, haven't I?
Eh? Jake. To her.

And all the others
that will come after her.

What are you doing?

Well, we're clearly not welcome
here. So we're just going to leave.

Right, OK!

JAKE: Mum! There's no hot water!

There's a lot of us in the house at
the moment, you'll just have to wait.

Me and Misty will leave

and face up to the consequences,
however catastrophic.

Fair enough. For myself and
that poor, frightened little girl.

Well, if that's your decision.

And if this does turn out to be
the last time you ever see us,

I don't want you to think
this was your fault.

We won't. Will you need a cab?

Yes. Thank you.

No, I find this most upsetting. I..

I think you are nice people but you
behave in the ways that is not nice.

Yes, yes, she is annoying,
but you are better than this.

She is your sister
and they have nobody,

so not to help them
is unforgivable.

A lack of morals.

Anyway, that is what I think.

His English is actually
rather good, isn't it?

(We don't really
have much choice, do we?)

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

She's outside.

I bet this is a bit
different from your home.

Oh, I think this is
different from any home.

Hello!

You must be Victoria. Yeah. Well,
don't wait there out in the cold...

wearing almost nothing, come in.

Maybe I'll just...
No, come on in! We can have a

chat while Jake gets ready.
No, honestly, I would...

Just come in.

Come on, in you come.

PHONE RINGS
Misty! Hello?

Pete, this is Victoria.

Hello. Hey. Why don't you two
go in there and have a nice chat.

What, us two?

I think it would be safer.
Nice in-depth chat.

About things.

Right. Well, um...

Cup of tea?

No, thanks. Or a beer.

Because you're old enough
to drink, aren't you?

No, thanks.

Whereas, with Jake, of course,
that's... not the case, because...

given his age.

Which you, of course, know
because...

he's told you. Sorry?

He's told you he's 15?
Why would he do that?

Because he's 15. He's 15?

Why would he tell me he was 17?

Well, to impress you, I imagine.

That is so sweet. Bless him!

Oh, my God. There are eight,

no, nine threatening emails
from Brick and his lawyers.

Don't worry, there's a good chance none
of this is real. And if it is real,

there's a quantum universe
with infinite worlds

and in most of them,
this isn't happening.

Hi, Martin. In a lot of them,
you're probably on holiday.

Well, thanks for ringing back.

And in one of them, you're
playing rugby for England.

Ben, I'm on the phone.

But only in this universe.

Illegal? Really?
Like, against the law?

Yes. What, me and Jake? God.

So they could arrest, like,
hundreds of thousands

of 15-year-old schoolkids
all over England.

That's really interesting.
Well, interesting's not exactly...

I can see now why you wanted
to speak to me. So we done?

Well, we're also a bit worried about
what you do.

The dancing? I only do it in Westminster
where they make you keep your pants on.

Well, that's...

good.

Look, we're just not sure
that one of those clubs

is a healthy environment
for a 15-year-old boy.

Oh, I don't let him watch the other
girls. But he is there in the club.

Look, if you want to check out
the club, that it's...

you know, healthy, this promo
gets two people in for free.

You could take Mrs Brockman.

I don't think that's going to happen.

Or not take her.

In the multiverse... Yeah.

You can't call anything real.
Because reality isn't really real.

Ben, if ever there was a moment not
to question the nature of existence,

it's now, so just back off!

Sorry, Martin.

In another universe,
his name's Trevor. Yeah?

At the end of the day,
it comes down to this - he's 15.

You're 19. Well, he thinks I'm 19,

but, I mean, age is only a number,
isn't it? Really.

Sorry, did you just say,
"He THINKS I'm 19"?

Well, everyone does.
I have to say that

or they won't let me do
the dancing. I'm 16.

You're 16? Yep.

You're 16 and he's... 15.

I guess so.

Well, I guess that's...

Hi! How long have you been here?

Five minutes. Oh, right,
well, we should get going.

Jake, I know you're 15, not 17.

Oh. But I'm not 19, I'm 16.

You're 16? Yeah.

Oh, well. Oh, well?!

Do you want to see the Steve Carell
film or the space one?

They're both on at the cine centre?
Yeah.

The Steve Carell one's
meant to be good.

Pete? Did that go well?

I... I've really no idea.
Come on, Misty, we're going.

Angela, look, I've been talking
to a friend of mine, Martin,

who's a solicitor, he's driving up
from Portsmouth so we can talk through

some of the legal options so that you
and Misty are protected from Brick.

What I'm saying is,
you don't have to leave.

You can stay as long as necessary.

I'm getting back together
with Brick.

I'm sorry?
That was him on the phone.

He was lovely. He cried.

But you said yourself,
he's a monster. Oh, he has bad days.

But I can change him.
It's like I say in my book, Pete,

relationships are marathons,
not sprints.

Come on, Misty, we've got to go
and see Daddy. Oh, for...!

In German, we have a word
for this kind of person. Idiot.

Yeah, we say idiot as well.

Also prat, moron, git
and pain in the arse.

These are all good words.
Look, what matters is she's going.

Problem solved. Yes.

Oh, by the way, Victoria's only 16.

She lied about her age
so she could pole-dance.

Right.

So she's an illegal pole-dancer,

but she's only a little bit older
then Jake.

That... that's better, isn't it?

I think it might be worse.
But do you know, I'm not sure now.

It's sort of better and sort of
worse. I think it is a little worse.

Really? She is entertaining
older men.

I think you're right.
He's right.

They pay for this. Oh, God.
This is so difficult.

There has to be a question
about her morals.

There must be a helpline for this.

Subtitles by
Red Bee Media and Mecano

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0