All language subtitles for One Big Happy s01e03 Flight Risk.eng

Let's see, my little baby.

What do you look like today?

Lizzie, what have you been wishing for

more than anything in the last six weeks?

A Sushi date with a young Diane Sawyer.

No. I landed you an
appointment with Dr. Levine,

the top ob-gyn in the city

because I only want the very
best for your special parts.

But Dr. Levine is impossible to get

since the "LA Times" called
him "the fetus whisperer."

How did you do it?

Well, somebody saw him at the gym

playing basketball in
his nerdy doctor league.

And then that somebody,

who has abs you can
climb like a jungle gym,

cleverly managed to join their game.

And then that certain somebody

let Dr. Levine score the winning basket,

which meant a lot to the doc

'cause the dude is,
like, Guinness book short.

(All shouting)

Isn't it exciting?

Can I get in?

Okay. I get it. Mother, father,

daddy's shower buddy.

Have to come up with a
better title than that.

Just remember, Lizzy, I had to lie

to get into this game with Dr. Levine.

So when we see him
tomorrow, I am Dr. Russo.

I am an orthodontist,

and I specialize in adult braces.

This is amazing!

We are crushing this pregnancy!

Oh, this pregnancy is our bitch!

Yeah, we are killing this baby!

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All right! She's loose enough!

Just try to have one baby at a time.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, look who's here.

Cute brunette, weirdly inflexible.

Lizzy's had a crush on her for months.

I don't have a crush on her.

She's just someone I stare at and I like,

and when she's not here, it ruins my day.

Oh, Lizzy. You fancy her.

You are alive in there!

I don't even know her.

The closest we've come to talking

was when we both wanted
the same exercise ball,

and she forced me to take it first.

And it was pretty hot.

(Both) That's actually nothing, really.

You should go talk to her.

Start with an apology for
three months of staring.

Or you could compliment
her nice, tight bottom.

What, I'm married, not dead.

First of all, I don't
even know if she's gay.

And even if she was,

who'd want to get involved
with our whole situation?

I did.

Yeah, well, you're weird.

Besides, I'm pregnant.

My business is closed for business.

Look, there's never
gonna be a perfect time

for you to meet somebody.

Unless it's last call at a convention

for type-A, pregnant, organized lesbians

who enjoy board games.

Wait, that's not real.

Yeah. There's a pregna-orga-lesbi-con,

and you're just finding
out about it right now.

Lizzy, if you wait for
everything to be perfect,

you might wait forever.

And that's the kind of homespun advice

you can expect from Auntie Pru...

Straight Mummy?

I'll keep working on it.

Oh, uh, that treadmill's open.

Wait! Prudence! Ugh!

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Don't you hate when that
thing tries to bully you

with all the personal questions?

Age, weight.

I can keep track of my own
pulse, thank you very much.

Yeah, right.

That elliptical back there

just asked me for my mother's maiden name.

(Laughing)

Too much laughing. Trying too hard.

You know, I think we've met before.

I don't know. Maybe.

It's possible that you gave
me an exercise ball, like...

two weeks ago Thursday?

Pretty sure it was Wednesday.

Um, I'm just... I'm super
into the days of the week.

Yeah, me, too.

I wish there was more than seven.

I'm Lizzy. It's short for Elizabella.

No, it's not. I don't
know why I said that.

Well, it's nice to meet you,
Lizzy and not Elizabella.

- Right.
- I'm Kate.

Aah!

Oh, my God!

I am so sorry. Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm fine.

I'm just gonna run to
my locker and hide in it.

This is amazing. She's
more awkward than you.

Too bad you're closed for business.

Oh, I think I'm having a grand re-opening.

Sissy, you excited for your date?

Just wait until you're married.

The most excitement you get
is when your phone buzzes

'cause you forwarded yourself an e-mail.

Leisha, it's not a date.

I mean, it might be a date.

I just asked if she liked bowling

and if she wanted to join our league.

By the way, we're in a league now.

Then I want a cool nickname like...

Player Number One.

Did you read that off the screen?

Maybe.

Lizzy, just think,

first you and Kate are
walking on a treadmill,

then you're walking down the aisle...

In head-to-toe denim and
sensible shoes, I'm guessing.

Look, we're getting way
ahead of ourselves, all right?

Kate and I are not getting
married in Malibu at sunset

with Jodie Foster officiating.

I don't even know if she's gay.

Oh, please. I'll be able to tell.

I knew you were gay when you were six

and you never used your Barbie dream house

'cause Barbie and her lady
friend were always camping.

Well, here comes Kate,

so let's play everybody's
favorite game "gay or nay".

Oh, she looks really cute.

Gay.

But that jacket has a puffy shoulder.

Nay.

- But we've got flannel.
- That's gay.

Is anyone else concerned
about her body temperature?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I-I hope I'm not too late for the game.

Oh, the game's already started.

Great. Whose team am I on?

Exactly.

Uh, can I be on your team?

Um, I would, uh...

really, really like that.

So, Kate, do you like bowling

and sports in general?

Not really.

(All groaning)

But I did play soccer in high school.

(All) Ah!

But I was terrible.

(All groaning)

Gotta say my sport is tennis.

Huh.

Do you drive a Subaru Outback?

Did you watch "The L Word?"

Who do you think about when
you have a bit of a diddle?

Guys!

I am so sorry about my friends.

- They are terrible people.
- It's okay.

They're just trying to
figure out if I'm gay.

- No.
- Kind of.

By the way, how would
that conversation end?

It would end with me being totally gay.

Yes!

I mean, I thought...

maybe this was a date?

I mean, unless you're not...

- Oh, I am.
- It is.

I mean, if you want it to
be. 'Cause I want it to be.

No. Yeah, me, too.

I've had a crush on you for months.

You know, to be honest,
it kind of ruins my day

when you're not at the gym.

Aw.

I know how much the days mean to you.

Winner, winner, lesbian dinner!

(Squeaking)

Can you hold this for a second?

Ha ha! You're holding my pee.

Ha ha! You have to give birth.

Look at you, at the
best ob-gyn in the city,

thanks to the second best
orthodontist in the city.

God, I feel good.

It's like everything is coming up Lizzy.

I guess I can be pregnant
and have someone in my life...

Who doesn't know that I'm pregnant,

but that's more a second-day chitchat.

Ah. Maybe it's not as
complicated as I thought.

Okay, we just need some information...

Kate?

Lizzy?

You're a nurse?

You two are having a baby?

Yeah, but just to be clear,

we did not have sex.

How do I say this like a grown-up?

This is a no-wiener zone.

But he is the dad,

and we're raising the baby together.

But he's married to Prudence.

You know, the Brit with the...

Oh. Yeah. Well done.

Thanks. They're a good time.

Okay, so, let me get a few of your vitals.

Um, hair: Blonde.

Eyes: Best I've ever seen.

Now I just need to get your weight.

Really?

I mean, you can't just write down

"looking good?"

It's actually important to keep track

of your weight during pregnancy.

- A lady never tells.
- But a scale will.

No!

Meewwww.

Shweeow.

Okay, you don't have to move the big one.

Okay, there we go.

180 pounds?

Luke, get off the scale!

Okay.

All right. So, just a few more questions

- before the doctor comes in.
- Sure.

Are you having any spotting or discharge?

- Pass.
- Not a game show.

Any breast tenderness or swelling?

Well, they've always been pretty swell!

And how would you describe
your... bowel movements?

Um...

Sexy?

How am I not recording this?

Okay, so I'll go get the doctor.

I just need to... grab your urine sample.

Oh, you don't have to grab that.

No, I don't want to, but I have to.

Oh, just please don't.

Oh, my God.

Your keds.

Now that I got.

Wow, Sissy.

That is not a good second date.

Yeah, turns out the
lids on those pee jars,

not as tight as you want them to be.

On the bright side,

if you look at it from
a dog's point of view,

she's your territory now.

Is your glass always half-full

'cause your cups are so big?

It helps.

Look, Lizzy, it's an awkward situation.

You gotta give Kate a
chance to be cool with it.

I mean, you never know. Look at Prudence.

Who would have thought
she'd be cool with me

having a whole other
family separate from her?

I hadn't thought of it in that way.

Well, that's the way it is, right?

Give yourself some credit.

She walked into this crazy situation

and accepted the fact that
we're having a kid without her.

Oh, good, you kept going.

(Telephone rings)

It's the doctor's office. Maybe it's Kate.

You think she's still interested?

Maybe it's about your blood work.

- How do I look?
- It's a phone call.

How do I sound like I look?

Da-da-da!

Aren't they cute together?

Couple of little kooky kids.

Everything all right, princess?

Yeah. Everything's fine.

Do you want some whiskey?

It's 11:00 A.M.

But yes.

Look, I'm a social worker,
and I know that Luke's

"whole other family"
comment must've bothered you.

Also, the morning drinking's a tell.

Yes, I'm bothered.

It's not ideal feeling like
an outsider in your own home.

So I've been working on some titles

so I can feel like I have
more of a role in all this.

How do you feel about Nanny Pru?

Or Pru-Nanny.

I don't feel good.

But why don't you just
tell him you're upset?

Because that's not the English way.

I come from very positive stock.

My Great Uncle Clive famously whistled

as syphilis ravaged his body.

Well, you should say something.

You're in America now.
Complaining is a civil right.

That's how this whole place started.

Great news. Kate asked
if she could see me again.

And I don't want to get
ahead of myself here,

but do we know anyone
who knows Jodie Foster?

Wow, she wants to see you again

even after that whole pee thing?

Sounds like we got a
little freak on our hands.

Kate just texted me. She's parking.

I'm so excited.

But we're gonna have to talk to her

about her texting and driving.

Hmm. Preemptive nagging.
Now that's a strategy.

And of course I wish I had
a one-on-one date with her,

but I told her Tuesdays and
Thursdays are our league nights.

So now we're all living this lie.

See? Aren't you glad your business

- is back open for business?
- Big time.

Pretty soon, there's going to
be a line around the corner.

Oh, yeah.

But no parking in the rear.

What?

I don't know what you guys do.

You.

Oh.

(Mocking) "You. Oh."

Guessing you haven't talked to Luke yet.

Oh, no, no, that was just a muscle spasm.

Prudence, he's your husband.

You don't always have to be all cheery.

Where do you think Roy and I would be

if I kept every negative feeling inside?

With other people and happier?

Well, that kinda rocked my world.

Well, let's get back to you.

If you want to have a good marriage,

you're gonna have to learn to unleash.

It's fun. Watch.

Oh, honey.

You got yourself some nachos.

Where's the hot dog I asked you for?

- And don't say...
- It's in my pants.

Roy, what you did was
inconsiderate and selfish,

and it makes me feel like
I'm not important to you.

I'm sorry, baby. I'll get you a hot dog.

Thank you.

I never even asked for a hot dog,

but you get the idea.

Now go tell Luke how you feel.

It'll be good for you and fun for me.

Luke, I need to share
some feelings with you.

Everything all right, baby?

Yeah, everything's fine. Carry on.

- No, she's not fine.
- No, I'm not fine.

I know you keep saying I'm
cool, but I'm sick of pretending

nothing ever bothers me.

Okay, I know what this is about,

but I ran out of underwear
and only wore yours once.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Then I didn't do that!

I'm so glad you wanted
to see me again after

I dorked out so hard

while I was wearing
that backless paper gown.

You were kind of rocking that thing.

Stop. I kinda felt that.

Look, Lizzy, I like you.

You're smart, and you're pretty,

and it turns out you're perfect weight

for this stage of pregnancy.

That is literally the nicest thing

anyone has ever said to me.

But I can't see you anymore.

And I'm sorry to do this
on your league night,

it's just...

The whole situation is too complicated.

Prudence, stop. I'm telling you,

you took what I said the wrong way.

You made me feel like the other woman

instead of your wife.

I thought we were going to be one family,

not two separate ones.

Oh, her? Oh, she is

one phone call away from deportation.

And yeah, I mean, our
whole situation seems crazy,

but we'll figure it out.

I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm a dude.

I don't even know what
I'm saying half the time.

Oh, like when you say you love me?

If you like it, I meant it.

If you don't, just ignore it!

Hello? Homeland security?

No, it's not that.

I can't date a patient.

But I'm a patient.

I know.

And I'm sorry, but Dr.
Levine, he has rules.

I'd get fired.

But then we could spend
more time together!

There's my wife who I love,

who's such an important
part of this family.

And have I mentioned that I'm sorry

and I bought a bunch of back-up underwear?

Luke, you don't have to keep apologizing.

I think our spat was good for me.

Leisha was right. I need
to learn to be less polite

and more confrontational,
like a real American.

Right.

But not, like, every day, right?

We'll see.

Okay, it's over now.

And we had a milestone. Our first fight.

And our first make-up sex.

And our second. And our third.

We've been home for less than an hour.

At least it's ethically okay

for you two to be together.

The girl I like turned
out to be off-limits.

Maybe for now.

But in nine months,
the baby will come out.

Then you'll have a few
months to spring back

'cause you're the other side of 30.

And then you and Kate are free to date.

Yeah, if she's still single by then.

Way to keep my spirits up.

Hey, if it's meant to
be, it's meant to be.

Like me and prudence.

Or chocolate and peanut butter.

Or Smurfette and a few of the Smurfs.

I still wish I had more of
a role in our little family.

Oh, I know!

I could be daddy's girl.

That's weird.

Stepmother? No, those are never good.

We'll figure it out, right, Lizzy?

(Quickly) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you say it like you mean it?

(Slowly) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Levine, thank you so
much for seeing us again.

Kind of cool to be a patient
of the fetus whisperer.

(Whispering) That's very kind of you.

Just kidding, I can
speak in a normal voice.

Well, there's your little baby.

Wow.

Well done, you two.

Oh, it's spineless, just like my dad.

The spine is coming, Dr. Russo.

It's still a little early.

It's almost like he's
not a doctor sometimes.

I'm only six weeks along. Yep.

Only 238 more days

until you're not pregnant
or a patient here.

Well, that's a weird
way of putting it, Kate.

We usually refer to that as the due date.

But listen to this.

(Baby's heart beating)

Oh, my God. It's the heartbeat.

It's amazing.

(Baby's heart beating)

I'm gonna be a mom.

I'm gonna be a dad.

I'm gonna be a...

Oh, screw it. Just call me Prudence.

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