Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:04,117
Yeah. Right.
2
00:00:04,185 --> 00:00:05,752
Yeah. Hey.
3
00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:07,020
How was the gun range?
4
00:00:07,088 --> 00:00:08,121
Brutal.
5
00:00:08,189 --> 00:00:10,056
Isn't that what makes it fun?
6
00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:12,592
I was just a little off today.
7
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,094
A little off? You'd have been
better with a moving target.
8
00:00:16,264 --> 00:00:18,831
A target that moves in
front of your bullets.
9
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,600
Very funny, Dad.
10
00:00:20,702 --> 00:00:22,969
Mom, can I borrow a couple of bucks?
11
00:00:23,038 --> 00:00:25,338
I thought you were doing pretty
well playing outside the mall.
12
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,274
Well, I was doing okay until a human statue
13
00:00:28,343 --> 00:00:30,910
set up next to me and siphoned all my tips.
14
00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:34,313
We'll, bring a pigeon.
That'll get rid of the statue.
15
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:35,822
Look, uh... if you need extra money,
16
00:00:35,850 --> 00:00:37,850
why don't you come down and
stock shelves at the store?
17
00:00:37,919 --> 00:00:39,552
Stocking shelves? What?
18
00:00:39,621 --> 00:00:42,061
Honey, what if she hurt her hand
and she couldn't play guitar?
19
00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:44,590
What if a box fell off a
shelf and put out her eye?
20
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:47,747
There's 1,000 ways to
get hurt at Outdoor Man...
21
00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:49,630
with guns, knives,
arrows, and all that stuff.
22
00:00:49,697 --> 00:00:51,364
You want money.
23
00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:52,665
Thank you.
24
00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:54,901
Money that isn't crumpled and wet.
25
00:00:55,003 --> 00:00:56,669
Fancy.
26
00:00:56,771 --> 00:00:58,137
Okay, okay, sweetie.
27
00:00:58,239 --> 00:00:59,372
Glad we could help! (Chuckles)
28
00:00:59,474 --> 00:01:01,507
What the hell are you doing?
29
00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:05,611
Helping one of our kids.
You used to like that.
30
00:01:05,713 --> 00:01:07,146
Well, knock it off.
31
00:01:07,248 --> 00:01:09,449
I don't want you to make life easy for Eve.
32
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:10,783
The tougher things are for her now,
33
00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:13,019
the more open she will
be to going to college.
34
00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:16,189
You want me to make her life miserable
so that when she sits alone, she goes,
35
00:01:16,257 --> 00:01:19,092
"Well, I might as well go to
college 'cause my life sucks"?
36
00:01:19,194 --> 00:01:21,994
Yeah, that'd be great.
37
00:01:22,097 --> 00:01:25,131
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:29,604 --> 00:01:31,504
All right, I've got all this information
39
00:01:31,606 --> 00:01:33,773
to show her the advantages
of going to college.
40
00:01:33,875 --> 00:01:36,008
I've got stats galore. (Chuckles)
41
00:01:36,111 --> 00:01:39,412
"Stats Galore"... the
most boring Bond girl ever.
42
00:01:40,381 --> 00:01:43,282
And I made snacks, but I don't
want her to feel too comfortable,
43
00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:46,586
so they're ones she doesn't like.
44
00:01:46,688 --> 00:01:49,355
Wow. All vegetables. What, do you hate her?
45
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:50,957
Hey, guys.
46
00:01:51,059 --> 00:01:52,225
Hey, hi.
47
00:01:52,327 --> 00:01:53,693
Hey, just here to pick
up Great-Grandma's quilt.
48
00:01:53,795 --> 00:01:55,862
Oh, uh, yeah. It's in... It's
in the linen closet, Kris.
49
00:01:55,964 --> 00:01:57,330
Uh, listen, please be careful with it.
50
00:01:57,432 --> 00:01:58,832
It's the only thing I have of hers.
51
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,134
Except the risk of early-stage dementia.
52
00:02:02,637 --> 00:02:06,272
I'll be careful of both
things... if I can remember.
53
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,709
Um, what did you guys
want to talk to me about?
54
00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:11,744
Is it about Kristen's thing with quilts?
55
00:02:11,846 --> 00:02:13,946
She's... She's on a
fast track to old age.
56
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:16,115
She saved half an egg yesterday.
57
00:02:16,217 --> 00:02:19,585
Uh, no, no, no. We... We want to talk
to you about the benefits of college.
58
00:02:19,687 --> 00:02:21,554
I really don't want to talk about that.
59
00:02:21,656 --> 00:02:23,456
Good. We'll talk, you listen. Sit.
60
00:02:23,558 --> 00:02:25,158
Okay.
61
00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:30,263
On average, college graduates earn
85% more than high-school graduates.
62
00:02:30,365 --> 00:02:32,832
Mm. Well, money isn't everything, Dad.
63
00:02:32,934 --> 00:02:34,767
Yeah, but money buys everything.
64
00:02:35,882 --> 00:02:37,842
Okay, I really don't have
time for this right now.
65
00:02:37,872 --> 00:02:39,839
No, listen, listen... t-the
deadlines are approaching
66
00:02:39,941 --> 00:02:41,807
on the acceptances you got last year.
67
00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:45,745
So if you don't go this year,
you officially become a townie.
68
00:02:45,847 --> 00:02:49,115
Maybe Eve doesn't need
to go back to school.
69
00:02:49,217 --> 00:02:50,538
Kris, what...
what are you doing?
70
00:02:50,585 --> 00:02:52,251
I'm just saying, you know?
I didn't go to college.
71
00:02:52,353 --> 00:02:53,319
I did okay.
72
00:02:53,421 --> 00:02:56,355
Well, maybe she won't be as
lucky as you and marry so well.
73
00:02:58,125 --> 00:03:00,565
What... What, is she just
supposed to forget about her music?
74
00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:02,195
I mean, you should hear
some of her new songs.
75
00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,197
I love that one about the bear.
76
00:03:04,299 --> 00:03:08,201
Hmm, I did not write a song about a bear.
77
00:03:08,303 --> 00:03:10,469
I hear them through the floor.
The lyrics are a little muffled.
78
00:03:10,572 --> 00:03:11,737
Okay, all right, look.
79
00:03:11,839 --> 00:03:13,719
No one is saying you have
to give up your music,
80
00:03:13,775 --> 00:03:17,210
and... and I love
bears, so, but... but...
81
00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:19,779
but college can offer
you so many more options.
82
00:03:19,881 --> 00:03:23,149
Yeah, just in case no one wants
to hear a song about a bear.
83
00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:26,552
There is no song about a bear!
84
00:03:26,654 --> 00:03:28,020
Whatever it's about, it's great, okay?
85
00:03:28,122 --> 00:03:29,722
So you do not need to go to college.
86
00:03:29,824 --> 00:03:30,957
You do. You do. You need to go to college.
87
00:03:31,059 --> 00:03:32,499
Go to college. Stop pushing me, Mom.
88
00:03:32,594 --> 00:03:37,096
You know, Kris, we really love
you, but stop coming over.
89
00:03:38,399 --> 00:03:41,801
90
00:03:41,869 --> 00:03:46,439
There's my high-powered, executive
husband working away on important stuff.
91
00:03:46,507 --> 00:03:47,473
Hang on.
92
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,809
I'm almost done with
this Harry Potter quiz.
93
00:03:50,812 --> 00:03:53,379
Honey, why do you spend so
much time doing those things?
94
00:03:53,481 --> 00:03:55,581
If you need magic in your life, hello!
95
00:03:55,683 --> 00:03:57,850
Me!
96
00:03:57,919 --> 00:04:01,721
Hello, this!
97
00:04:01,823 --> 00:04:04,190
Let's see... "What
Hogwarts professor
98
00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:06,792
removes his turban to reveal Voldemort?"
99
00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:08,761
(Sighs)
100
00:04:08,863 --> 00:04:09,762
Oh, please.
101
00:04:09,831 --> 00:04:13,065
Professor Quirrell.
102
00:04:13,134 --> 00:04:14,934
Boom! 50 out of 50!
103
00:04:16,804 --> 00:04:18,571
What is it with you and Harry Potter?
104
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,006
Well, you know, lots of stuff.
105
00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:21,574
We both lived under the stairs.
106
00:04:22,844 --> 00:04:26,245
He owned an owl, and I
am dying to own an owl.
107
00:04:26,347 --> 00:04:29,982
Kyle, I need you to run a
few errands for me, please.
108
00:04:30,084 --> 00:04:31,484
I want you to pick up my dry-cleaning,
109
00:04:31,552 --> 00:04:33,486
get the car washed, take my
dog to the vet, all right?
110
00:04:33,554 --> 00:04:35,054
Oh, uh, does he need shots?
111
00:04:35,123 --> 00:04:36,389
Uh, no, just the one.
112
00:04:36,457 --> 00:04:38,257
He's being put down.
113
00:04:38,359 --> 00:04:39,659
Oh, my God.
114
00:04:39,761 --> 00:04:41,627
Ed, I'm so sorry.
115
00:04:41,729 --> 00:04:43,629
Don't you want to say goodbye to Bogey?
116
00:04:43,698 --> 00:04:46,332
No, that's why I need you to do it.
117
00:04:46,434 --> 00:04:50,102
Look at you, acting all brave when
we all know you're in a lot of pain.
118
00:04:50,171 --> 00:04:51,370
Yeah, it's killing me.
119
00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:55,174
All right, anyway, so, uh,
dry-cleaning, car wash, vet.
120
00:04:55,243 --> 00:04:56,409
All right?
121
00:04:56,477 --> 00:04:59,145
Oh, and since this is
his last ride in the car,
122
00:04:59,213 --> 00:05:00,946
let him sit in the front seat.
123
00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:03,749
Oh. Do the car wash last.
124
00:05:07,889 --> 00:05:10,222
(Door closes) That poor man.
125
00:05:10,325 --> 00:05:12,258
He already has so few people in his life.
126
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,127
Did you know he only has
18 followers on Instagram?
127
00:05:16,998 --> 00:05:19,598
Yeah, three of them are me.
128
00:05:19,701 --> 00:05:23,069
129
00:05:25,473 --> 00:05:26,839
Hey, Dad.
130
00:05:26,908 --> 00:05:29,608
If you called me to lecture
me about going to college,
131
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,010
you really don't have to.
132
00:05:31,079 --> 00:05:32,945
We never have to lecture our kids.
133
00:05:33,014 --> 00:05:34,947
We just want to.
134
00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:39,385
I mean, you don't have to because I've
already decided to go to college.
135
00:05:39,487 --> 00:05:42,054
I just didn't want to talk
about it in front of Mom
136
00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:44,357
because she's not gonna
like where I decided to go.
137
00:05:44,459 --> 00:05:46,992
You're going to Michigan, not Ohio State?
138
00:05:47,061 --> 00:05:49,662
Oh, that's gonna tear her up.
139
00:05:49,764 --> 00:05:51,664
Let me tell her.
140
00:05:51,766 --> 00:05:54,133
It's the Air Force Academy.
141
00:05:54,235 --> 00:05:56,802
It's too late to apply
to the Air Force Academy.
142
00:05:56,904 --> 00:06:00,272
Well, I already applied and got accepted.
143
00:06:00,341 --> 00:06:01,707
You did that without
your mom and I knowing?
144
00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:04,710
What, do you want to learn
to be a stealth fighter pilot?
145
00:06:04,779 --> 00:06:08,147
Well, first off, I'm 19...
Don't need your approval.
146
00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:10,583
And yet you always want it.
147
00:06:10,685 --> 00:06:12,518
Sad, but true.
148
00:06:12,587 --> 00:06:16,889
Anyway, I made a really good impression
on my Admissions Liaison Officer,
149
00:06:16,991 --> 00:06:19,125
who helped me through the process.
150
00:06:19,227 --> 00:06:21,494
And remember the congresswoman
who nominated me for West Point?
151
00:06:21,596 --> 00:06:23,162
Yeah, of course.
152
00:06:23,264 --> 00:06:25,744
She was just as happy to nominate
me for the Air Force Academy.
153
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:29,034
So, even a Democrat could
see how good you are.
154
00:06:29,137 --> 00:06:31,270
(Chuckles)
155
00:06:31,372 --> 00:06:33,672
You really got into the Air Force Academy?
156
00:06:33,775 --> 00:06:35,307
I really did.
157
00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:38,077
I am... I'm so
proud of you.
158
00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:39,412
(Groans)
159
00:06:39,514 --> 00:06:40,679
That is great news!
160
00:06:40,782 --> 00:06:42,848
There's that approval I crave.
161
00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:47,353
Well, your first mission will be to see
if you can survive telling your mom.
162
00:06:52,092 --> 00:06:53,959
When you didn't get into West Point,
163
00:06:54,027 --> 00:06:56,188
your mom and I figured you
were done with the military.
164
00:06:56,196 --> 00:07:00,599
Well, I was, but you told
me to keep my options open.
165
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:04,970
So I thought about it, and
I applied to the Air Force.
166
00:07:05,038 --> 00:07:08,807
Listen, when you tell your mom,
downplay my role in this, okay?
167
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:11,142
It's a good thing that I took my gap year
168
00:07:11,211 --> 00:07:13,211
because it gave me a
little time to bounce back.
169
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,481
Plus, it gave me a great topic
for my admissions essay...
170
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:19,250
"Why I Hate West Point."
171
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,786
And the rival academy ate that up.
172
00:07:21,888 --> 00:07:23,321
Imagine that.
173
00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:27,459
So... So the Air
Force. Air Force!
174
00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:31,429
Or as the Army likes to call
them, "the Uber of the sky."
175
00:07:32,699 --> 00:07:34,199
We're the shock and awe.
176
00:07:34,267 --> 00:07:38,036
The Army just marches in and gets
hugged by the happy villagers.
177
00:07:39,072 --> 00:07:41,072
(Sighs) So, how are we gonna tell Mom?
178
00:07:41,174 --> 00:07:43,875
I got to get her in a
good mood, that's for sure.
179
00:07:43,977 --> 00:07:51,716
That'll involve a movie, some ice cream...
and I may have to touch her feet.
180
00:07:51,785 --> 00:07:55,220
181
00:07:55,322 --> 00:07:57,122
Okay, we only got a couple of minutes.
182
00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:58,323
He just pulled into the parking lot.
183
00:07:58,425 --> 00:07:59,791
Oh, he's gonna be so happy.
184
00:07:59,893 --> 00:08:03,261
Being able to work side by side with
his best buddy forever... Yeah.
185
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:06,665
...thanks to the miracle of taxidermy.
186
00:08:06,733 --> 00:08:10,669
Aww! Isn't he cute?!
187
00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:12,938
Yeah, I mean, you know Bogey
was in kind of rough shape,
188
00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:16,708
so I had to spruce him up with
some bobcat fur and weasel teeth.
189
00:08:18,211 --> 00:08:20,478
Honestly, it's your best work yet, really.
190
00:08:20,547 --> 00:08:23,308
I think it's even better than that
squirrel you made with the top hat.
191
00:08:26,253 --> 00:08:28,386
Ah, good morning, everyone.
192
00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:29,855
Morning, morning, morning, morning.
193
00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:31,856
Good morning, Ed. Morning.
194
00:08:36,363 --> 00:08:37,796
What are you two grinning about?
195
00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:38,863
Oh, nothing.
196
00:08:38,965 --> 00:08:41,166
It's just a good day to be alive...
197
00:08:44,071 --> 00:08:46,171
...or appear to be alive.
198
00:08:51,378 --> 00:08:52,410
(Door closes)
199
00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:57,882
(Door opens)
200
00:08:58,985 --> 00:09:00,919
Kyle, may I have a word?
201
00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:15,867
What am I looking at?
202
00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:19,704
Well, that's Bogey, sir. Mostly.
203
00:09:22,542 --> 00:09:23,742
What's it doing in here?
204
00:09:23,844 --> 00:09:26,077
It's healing your pain, Ed. Ah.
205
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:27,645
We all know how much you loved him.
206
00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:30,048
Yeah. A-And now you
never have to say goodbye.
207
00:09:30,117 --> 00:09:32,484
Or "stay." That's kind of his thing.
208
00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:35,653
Yeah.
209
00:09:35,756 --> 00:09:37,021
Gosh, he's so lifelike.
210
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:40,024
You know, Kyle and I left him in the
car with the windows rolled up,
211
00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:42,093
and when we got back,
there was an angry crowd.
212
00:09:42,662 --> 00:09:44,763
Well...
213
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,600
I can't believe you did this.
214
00:09:48,702 --> 00:09:51,236
Oh, Quidditch.
215
00:09:52,906 --> 00:09:54,339
You don't have to thank me.
216
00:09:54,441 --> 00:09:56,241
The look on your face says it all.
217
00:09:58,912 --> 00:09:59,911
Mandy? Mm-hmm?
218
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:01,045
May I have a word?
219
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:02,180
Yes.
220
00:10:02,282 --> 00:10:04,749
(Clears throat)
221
00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:08,620
How do I get rid of this monstrosity?
222
00:10:08,722 --> 00:10:09,654
Hmm?
223
00:10:09,723 --> 00:10:11,990
Why would you want to do that?
224
00:10:12,092 --> 00:10:14,192
That was my ex-wife's dog.
225
00:10:14,261 --> 00:10:18,530
It growled at me more than she did.
226
00:10:18,632 --> 00:10:20,365
It bit me every time I tried to pet it.
227
00:10:21,468 --> 00:10:25,069
And it crapped over everything I owned...
for 12 years.
228
00:10:25,138 --> 00:10:26,538
Why didn't your ex-wife take him?
229
00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:29,674
(Sighs) She had a
better lawyer than I did.
230
00:10:29,776 --> 00:10:32,277
We can't let Kyle know that you
hate this sweet, little dog.
231
00:10:32,379 --> 00:10:33,478
I mean, he idolizes you.
232
00:10:33,547 --> 00:10:36,481
He thinks you're this great,
warmhearted, loving man.
233
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:38,149
Well, I'm not.
234
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,820
I can't hurt Kyle's feelings.
235
00:10:41,888 --> 00:10:44,389
He's one of the few
friends I have on Instagram.
236
00:10:44,457 --> 00:10:46,558
Yeah.
237
00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:48,426
Ed, are you sure you can't keep him?
238
00:10:48,495 --> 00:10:49,627
He's awfully cute.
239
00:10:49,696 --> 00:10:51,963
(Sighs) He was never cute.
240
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:57,235
Now he's this hell beast with weasel teeth.
241
00:10:57,304 --> 00:11:00,104
242
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:08,880
All right, great dinner...
exciting Lifetime movie...
243
00:11:10,584 --> 00:11:11,916
...and dessert.
244
00:11:11,985 --> 00:11:14,352
Yeah. Ooh, you got mint
chip... my favorite.
245
00:11:14,454 --> 00:11:17,121
It looks like you didn't
skimp on the sprinkles.
246
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:18,623
I know you love sprinkles. Yeah.
247
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:21,559
Plus the top of the jar fell off
when I was pouring them in.
248
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,461
Mmm.
249
00:11:23,563 --> 00:11:26,631
And after that, maybe a foot rub.
250
00:11:30,537 --> 00:11:32,604
Okay, what is going on?
251
00:11:32,706 --> 00:11:35,573
First dinner, then sugar,
and a foot rub. Nothing.
252
00:11:35,642 --> 00:11:37,775
I'm guessing you either
want to buy a new car
253
00:11:37,844 --> 00:11:40,311
or an old car or you're having an affair.
254
00:11:41,481 --> 00:11:45,216
Can't a husband give his lovely wife
just a fully deserved, relaxing evening
255
00:11:45,318 --> 00:11:46,451
at home for no reason?
256
00:11:46,519 --> 00:11:48,953
He could.
257
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:50,421
But he wouldn't.
258
00:11:50,523 --> 00:11:51,723
Come on.
259
00:11:51,825 --> 00:11:53,157
Hey. Hi. Hi.
260
00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:54,225
Hey, Kris.
261
00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,995
So, uh, I have some bad news.
262
00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:58,463
No such thing as bad news.
263
00:11:58,531 --> 00:12:00,132
There's just such a thing as bad timing.
264
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,266
Go. Go. Go. Go.
265
00:12:01,368 --> 00:12:02,767
What is it, sweetie?
266
00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:04,936
Uh, so, I-I brought the quilt home,
267
00:12:05,005 --> 00:12:07,739
and I was being really,
really careful with it.
268
00:12:07,807 --> 00:12:08,973
Oh, God. Oh.
269
00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:12,844
And then Boyd used it to make a fort...
in the rain.
270
00:12:12,913 --> 00:12:13,978
Oh, boy. Oh, my God!
271
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:15,446
Hey, it's okay. It needed to be rinsed off.
272
00:12:15,548 --> 00:12:17,448
Your grandmother died in that.
273
00:12:17,484 --> 00:12:19,550
No, Mike, you can't get those wet.
274
00:12:19,619 --> 00:12:22,086
No, no, that's just witches.
275
00:12:22,188 --> 00:12:25,056
And you certainly can't
put them in the dryer.
276
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:26,557
Oh! Kris. But I-I saved all the pieces.
277
00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:27,792
We could sew them back together.
278
00:12:27,861 --> 00:12:28,993
I mean, you like puzzles, don't you?
279
00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:29,961
Oh!
280
00:12:30,063 --> 00:12:31,529
Hey!
What...
281
00:12:31,598 --> 00:12:33,932
There's my wonderful mother.
282
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,134
Mission aborted. Mission
aborted. Mission aborted.
283
00:12:36,202 --> 00:12:38,036
Mike, stop. Stop. Stop.
284
00:12:38,138 --> 00:12:39,437
What did you want, Eve?
285
00:12:39,506 --> 00:12:40,638
Uh, I don't know.
286
00:12:40,707 --> 00:12:43,808
Do I want anything, Dad,
or should I want it later?
287
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:45,343
What is it? What's going on?
288
00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:47,578
I mean, is this why you've
been buttering me up?
289
00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:49,380
Does she have bad news, too?
290
00:12:53,086 --> 00:12:56,254
I... I'm having an affair.
291
00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:00,591
Dad, it's okay. I got this.
292
00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:04,495
Um... Mom, I've decided to go to college.
293
00:13:04,564 --> 00:13:07,098
What? You have?
You... You have?
294
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,434
W... (Chuckles) Well,
okay! That's great!
295
00:13:09,536 --> 00:13:11,602
That... That's
wonderful!
296
00:13:11,705 --> 00:13:13,304
Yeah, that's all there is to that.
297
00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:14,539
Yeah.
298
00:13:14,641 --> 00:13:15,974
Yep!
299
00:13:16,076 --> 00:13:17,108
Uh...
300
00:13:18,511 --> 00:13:19,811
it's the Air Force Academy.
301
00:13:19,913 --> 00:13:20,945
Oh.
302
00:13:22,515 --> 00:13:24,615
Y-You're kidding, right?
303
00:13:25,986 --> 00:13:27,719
No.
304
00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:30,722
It's college. It's
college. It's not Michigan.
305
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,925
Hey, babe, there's so much good here.
306
00:13:34,027 --> 00:13:36,461
You're...
307
00:13:36,563 --> 00:13:38,663
Well, uh, certainly took the heat off
308
00:13:38,765 --> 00:13:39,831
the whole quilt thing.
309
00:13:39,933 --> 00:13:41,866
(Chuckles)
310
00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,068
Give me your house key. Come on.
311
00:13:52,891 --> 00:13:55,926
Eve's bedroom. This can't be good.
312
00:13:55,994 --> 00:14:00,363
Why does everything that kid does scare me?
313
00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:02,999
And it's not good.
314
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:07,904
Honey... let's try not to get
so emotional about this.
315
00:14:08,006 --> 00:14:10,941
Oh, yeah, this coming from the man
who pretended he wasn't crying
316
00:14:11,009 --> 00:14:13,610
when Peyton Manning retired
after winning the Super Bowl.
317
00:14:15,414 --> 00:14:17,514
He came back from four neck surgeries.
318
00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:21,218
Mike, this is your fault.
319
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,487
She idolizes you.
320
00:14:23,555 --> 00:14:24,821
You're a risk taker. Yeah.
321
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:27,891
Only you can pull it off, and she
thinks she can pull it off, too.
322
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,060
She can pull it off
maybe not with my style,
323
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,895
but she's got her own thing going.
324
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:34,231
But what if she can't this time?
325
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:39,736
I mean, what... what if she
is Goose and not Maverick?
326
00:14:39,805 --> 00:14:42,272
From "Top Gun"?
327
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:44,241
Those were Navy aviators. (Scoffs)
328
00:14:44,309 --> 00:14:47,944
They should have never
gotten out of that boat.
329
00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:51,581
I'm just worried she's not
doing this for the right reason.
330
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,450
Her music career isn't taking off,
331
00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:56,286
so she's just running
to something she knows.
332
00:14:56,388 --> 00:14:57,320
Yeah, a great college.
333
00:14:57,422 --> 00:14:58,922
It's only an hour drive from here...
334
00:14:58,991 --> 00:15:02,626
or 15 minutes if they let
her take a jet off campus.
335
00:15:02,728 --> 00:15:05,996
No. You always have good arguments.
336
00:15:06,064 --> 00:15:08,799
And I heard them when she
wanted to join Junior ROTC.
337
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,100
Went along.
338
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:12,469
I heard them when she
applied to West Point.
339
00:15:12,571 --> 00:15:13,570
I went along.
340
00:15:13,639 --> 00:15:15,739
I heard them about taking a gap year.
341
00:15:15,841 --> 00:15:17,440
I went along.
342
00:15:17,543 --> 00:15:19,509
Mike, I'm done listening to reason.
343
00:15:19,578 --> 00:15:21,444
I mean, I-I don't care about reason.
344
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,079
I just care about my daughter.
345
00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:25,182
And as long as we are
writing the checks for it,
346
00:15:25,284 --> 00:15:26,444
we still have some say in it.
347
00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:30,487
And I say she's not going to that school.
348
00:15:30,589 --> 00:15:31,755
Okay.
349
00:15:31,824 --> 00:15:34,858
Would this be a bad time
to say that school's free?
350
00:15:37,029 --> 00:15:40,230
351
00:15:40,332 --> 00:15:42,999
(Keyboard keys clacking)
352
00:15:43,101 --> 00:15:44,734
(Sniffs)
353
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:52,209
You're loving this, aren't you?
354
00:15:52,311 --> 00:15:53,476
(Door opens)
355
00:15:53,579 --> 00:15:55,412
Kyle's right behind me. Ed, I have a plan.
356
00:15:55,514 --> 00:15:57,414
Um, do you know anything
about Harry Potter?
357
00:15:57,516 --> 00:16:00,717
The colonel on "M-A-S-H"?
358
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,320
Just go with me, okay?
359
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:05,188
Wow.
360
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:08,158
You really ran up those stairs.
361
00:16:08,227 --> 00:16:10,627
I, uh... I needed a
moment with Ed, honey.
362
00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:13,530
Um, there's a problem with the dog.
363
00:16:13,632 --> 00:16:14,998
What, really?
364
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,600
Oh, do you want him in
a different position?
365
00:16:16,702 --> 00:16:19,603
'Cause I'll have to soak
him for about a week.
366
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,340
Ed can't keep Bogey in his office.
367
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:25,876
It's not that he doesn't love the dog.
368
00:16:25,978 --> 00:16:27,544
It's just that...
369
00:16:27,646 --> 00:16:29,713
Bogey's a Horcrux.
370
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:34,017
You mean like in "Harry Potter"?
371
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,151
No way.
372
00:16:35,254 --> 00:16:38,588
I'm afraid so.
373
00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:41,424
So, there's a piece of your soul in Bogey?
374
00:16:43,562 --> 00:16:45,028
Sure. Why not?
375
00:16:46,632 --> 00:16:49,132
So, you're just like Voldemort.
376
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:52,469
Right down to my socks.
377
00:16:52,537 --> 00:16:55,338
Wait. You do know "Harry
Potter" is fiction?
378
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,774
So is "The Last of the Mohicans."
379
00:16:57,843 --> 00:17:01,111
You're not telling me there's no
such thing as a Mohican, are you?
380
00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:04,481
All right, well, I don't
know if I believe you,
381
00:17:04,583 --> 00:17:08,151
but this will make a great story
for my Gryffindor group chat.
382
00:17:08,253 --> 00:17:10,687
So, what the heck? (Chuckles)
383
00:17:10,756 --> 00:17:12,022
Who's a good Horcrux?
384
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:13,957
You! You!
385
00:17:14,026 --> 00:17:17,427
Oh, Mandy. That was a great idea, Mandy.
386
00:17:17,529 --> 00:17:18,762
Yeah. Thank
you so...
387
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,230
Yeah. I'm not so sure, though.
388
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,812
I think, according to the books,
Kyle may have to kill you now.
389
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,402
Let him try.
390
00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:27,470
Been a long time since
someone took a run at me.
391
00:17:27,572 --> 00:17:29,105
Come on.
392
00:17:29,207 --> 00:17:31,775
393
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,113
Mom. Hi.
394
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:39,950
Is there a reason you're
not answering your phone?
395
00:17:40,052 --> 00:17:43,253
Yes. I have caller I.D.
396
00:17:47,259 --> 00:17:50,193
I was just trying to give
you some time to cool down.
397
00:17:50,262 --> 00:17:53,463
Look, I didn't know what
to say back at the house.
398
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:57,634
How about, "I'm glad you
got into an elite college"?
399
00:17:57,736 --> 00:18:00,603
Look, Evie...
400
00:18:00,706 --> 00:18:02,973
I know this is what you want.
401
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,508
But I want to be able
to go to sleep at night
402
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:12,849
knowing that you are studying in a cozy
library somewhere safe, just safe.
403
00:18:12,951 --> 00:18:14,451
That's what I want.
404
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,420
Apology accepted.
405
00:18:18,824 --> 00:18:21,491
Uh, that is not what that was. (Chuckles)
406
00:18:21,593 --> 00:18:23,760
Just trying to keep it light.
407
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:31,534
Eve, when you're a mom, the thought
of anything... anything at all...
408
00:18:31,636 --> 00:18:37,040
happening to your kid, it just...
it makes you crazy.
409
00:18:39,845 --> 00:18:42,979
Mom... I know what a privilege it is
410
00:18:43,048 --> 00:18:47,117
to have never spent one second on this
Earth wondering if my parents love me.
411
00:18:47,219 --> 00:18:48,952
They sure do.
412
00:18:49,054 --> 00:18:52,322
And I love you so much.
413
00:18:52,391 --> 00:18:56,326
And I want you to sleep at night,
safe and happy in your bed.
414
00:18:56,395 --> 00:18:59,062
Thank you.
415
00:18:59,164 --> 00:19:01,231
So, Ohio State?
416
00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:06,002
It just seems to me
that a lot of the people
417
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:09,639
who join the military and protect us
418
00:19:09,741 --> 00:19:13,476
are the ones that this country
hasn't done all that much for.
419
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:20,517
Well, this country has done a
lot for me and for my family.
420
00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:24,387
I would consider it an honor to
be able to give something back.
421
00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:29,826
There are other ways to
give back, safer ones.
422
00:19:31,263 --> 00:19:34,664
You're worried if I do
this, it's gonna hurt me.
423
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,435
But it's really gonna hurt me if I don't.
424
00:19:42,908 --> 00:19:44,908
Come here. (Sighs heavily)
425
00:19:46,611 --> 00:19:48,445
Ohh.
426
00:19:48,547 --> 00:19:51,181
Why did you have to turn out so great?
427
00:19:52,784 --> 00:19:55,885
I had two amazing role models.
428
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,288
You have to call me every day.
429
00:19:58,390 --> 00:20:00,223
Aren't you gonna get
sick of hearing from me?
430
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:03,093
Well, that's why I have caller I.D.
431
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,939
Hey, baby. Hey.
432
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,841
Got some news that might make
you feel better about Eve.
433
00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:14,510
Somebody at work, a box fell on them...
434
00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:16,045
put out their eye.
435
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:17,446
(Pops)
436
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,083
I know that's not true, Mike,
but it is sweet of you to say.
437
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:25,254
Yeah, you know, I'm still worried
about Eve, but what did I expect?
438
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:27,423
We did an incredible job raising her.
439
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:29,625
We? I did all the heavy lifting.
440
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:34,030
Yeah. That sweet thing comes and goes, huh?
441
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,899
Mr. B., Mrs. B. Ah.
442
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:38,167
Kyle.
443
00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:41,437
Isn't that Ed's dog?
444
00:20:44,342 --> 00:20:46,676
Why isn't it blinking?
445
00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:51,380
If you want it to blink, I'm
gonna need another weasel.
446
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:58,287
(Chuckles)
447
00:20:58,389 --> 00:21:00,756
When I die, keep that kid away from me.
448
00:21:00,806 --> 00:21:05,356
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33353
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
