All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s06e15 The Fixer.eng

It's starting to brown.

Did you ever think you'd
create something so beautiful?

Well, I do have a son.

Yeah, but this had to be more fun to make.

We got to use a candy thermometer.

Ah, nothing I like better
than coming home from work

and seeing my girls'... husbands.

- Hey, Mr. B.
- What...?

We're just baking over here because
the sink at my place is broken.

Kris says she's gonna fix
it when she gets some time.

Yeah, 'cause I taught her how to
fix stuff and how to get a job.

You know, I figure you'd want
one of those things to do.

I'm home-schooling Boyd, remember?

Plus, we don't have traditional
gender roles in our family, so...

Yeah, you do.

She works all day.

You're the nice lady that bakes.

No, that's a stereotype, Mr. B.

How long have you been baking
here with Martha Stewart?

I don't know.

Time flies when I'm with my baking brother.

Oh, no. That's not a baking brother.

Martha Stewart has a baking brother.

She bakes with Snoop Dogg.

That's a baking brother.

They must have different fathers.

Why didn't you just help him
fix the sink in his house?

I'm not great at plumbing,
and thanks to Ryan,

I don't feel bad about that anymore.

Guys, guys, fixing stuff is a manly
art, you know, you take great pride

in fixing stuff around your house.

Well, does it count if I proudly ask
you to come over and take a look at it

Your wife can't fix it, so you ask her dad.

It would be less embarrassing
to buy a new house,

but that would be impossible 'cause
you would have to have a job.

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

(Knock on door)

Come in.

Hey, thanks for coming over.

Kris can't get to the
sink for another week.

Sorry it took me so long, but it took
me a while to figure out why I care.

And I never miss an
opportunity to hang with Mr. B.

Plus, he told me to get in the damn truck.

Kyle wanted to learn something about
plumbing, so I brought him along.

You want to help us get set up here?

Yeah, sure thing. All right.

Now that guy can carry a load, huh?

It's quite the box.

They should call you "Tool Man."

Yeah, so, uh, hope you don't mind
other guys coming to your house

to fix stuff that you can't fix.

- Yeah, it's fine.
- Yeah.

Must be nice to let some other
guy be king of your castle.

I mean, why be alpha dog if you can
just be a little, tiny poodle?

(Imitates dog yipping)

Look, I get what you're doing.

You want me to get my back up like
some big ape and pound my chest,

warning the other ape to stay away.

Is it working?

No.

Because you're poking the wrong ape.

- This one is evolved.
- All right.

Okay, well, I'll teach Kyle how
to fix some of this stuff, too.

'Cause I got a feeling other stuff around
here is gonna break, snap, or cry.

Everything's set up for you, Mr. B.

Got your tool box and a cold
beer open and ready for you.

Well, it looks like you got
everything under control.

You know, while Kyle's here, he eats first.

Not gonna work, Mike.

Okay.

Well, we'll get started, Alpha.

That's his new name. Alpha.

Hey, thanks for helping me with my dresser.

Uh, sure.

I didn't really do anything.

No, you really didn't.

Doesn't U.C. Boulder
have a gym or something?

Oh, look at you two.

You're so cute together.

Mandy: Yeah.

I love it when you see a couple

that's exactly the same
level of attractiveness.

Not like, "wow, they're so beautiful!"

or like, "ohh, they're ugly,"

just like right there, safe in the middle.

Sorry about them, but if they
had turned out any better,

my parents might not have had me.

Okay.

Okay, we can take a hint. (Chuckles)

Mandy, that was a hint.

And they make me clean the castle
while they go to the ball.

Hey.

I had a really great time tonight.

Me, too.

I love being with you, and, in fact...
I love you.

Thanks.

No. I mean it. I really love you.

Oh.

(Clears throat)

Well, then, I... really thank you.

Okay, um, see you tomorrow.

Okay. (Chuckles nervously)

Can I help you with something?

No... thank you.

(Both laugh)

Hey, uh, hang on, Mr. B.

This is my work-work shirt.

I need to put on a work shirt.

You wan... You want
to watch this lesson?

Nothing's sexier than
guys working with tools.

Oh, yes, there is.

A man who does laundry and makes dinner.

Oh-oh, baby.

Hey, Mike. I'm here.

Well, are you getting
handyman lessons, too?

Yeah. I was thinking about it.

And there are some things
a man should be able to fix,

whether it be plumbing or pastries.

Well, whatever you have to tell yourself.

You know what?

Vanessa's cleaned your tart pan.

(Sighs)

Thank you, Vanessa.

I mean, dried-on cherry
crumble is a baker's nightmare.

All right, listen, we're gonna
start in the garage, but beware,

it doesn't smell like patchouli out there.

Well, it's about to.

So, how'd you talk him into taking
your little handyman class?

Well, Ryan is kind of like one
of those little Russian dolls.

You know, you take off the top,

it's just a series of
smaller and smaller hippies...

...till you finally get
down to a very little man.

And all of you are doing this?

Is... Is Kyle
okay with that?

I hope not.

I'm gonna pit them against each other.

That way, th...
they'll learn faster,

and the best part is I'll be entertained.

Honey, look.

Competition is not the best way to learn.

Cooperation has been proven
to be much more effective.

Right, right.

That's why they fight cage
matches to an understanding.

Look, when you're cooperating,
you're sharing ideas,

and nobody feels like they're losing.

You know, this kind of mumbo jumbo

is why the U.S. is rated, what...
you know this... 17th in education.

We're looking up to,
what, uh, Poland. Poland.

We're looking up to Poland. Hey, hey, hey.

Poland has done a lot of innovative things.

They might start writing jokes about us.

No, no, no.

Americans aren't funny.

When an American walks in to a
bar, he just wants a drink.

Look, and c-competition's good for boys.

It worked for Jimmy and me.

Ryan and Kyle are not
like you and your brother.

I don't think their main form
of greeting is a nut chop.

Competition can push these
guys to be their best,

just like it was with Jimmy and me.

Although my best is still
a lot better than Jimmy's.

When are you gonna stop
competing with your brother?

When one of us dies.

And I'm gonna die first, I'm gonna die
better, and I'm gonna die faster.

All right. Ready to learn, Mr. B.

Good luck, Kyle. Come on.

And, uh... I'm sorry.

Oh, stop. All right. Here we go.

How many Americans does it
take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, I think.

Hey, what's Ryan doing here?

Aw, doggone it.

Did I forget to tell you that he
wants to learn about plumbing, too?

Listen, I hope you don't
mind sharing all of this.

Laying it on pretty thick,
aren't you there, Mike?

I kind of have to. We're dealing with Kyle.

What's he laying on?

Hmm?

He's using us, Kyle.

The other day, he was using
you to make me jealous,

and now, he's using me to make you jealous.

Mr. B. would never do anything like that.

That's exactly what I'm doing, Kyle.

You know what? He's not
gonna go for it, Mike.

Hey, if Mr. B. thinks I'm gonna fall
for it, I am not gonna let him down.

All right.

Who wants to learn a
little bit about tools?

Oh, I do. A lot more than Ryan.

If I know what he's doing,
how come it's still working?

Because America is 17th in education.

Eve: Hey, here's the 20 bucks I owe you.

If Mom says she's missing
20 bucks, she's lying.

Oh. Thanks, Eve.

I love you.

(Snickers)

Kristin: (Laughs)

(Clears throat) Uh, Evie, I think
your sister just said "I love you."

Um, the very least you could
do is say, "thank you."

Okay, listen.

I didn't know he was
gonna drop the L-bomb.

He could've given me a warning, like,
"Hey, I'm about to say something weird."

Well, you handled it better than Ryan.

First time I told him I loved
him, he left the country.

It just caught me off guard.

I thought he was gonna say, "I love cheese"

or birds or Zydeco.

Well, why didn't you tell
him you love him back?

Do you love him?

I don't know. I really like him.

I mean, how do you even
know when you're in love?

Oh, my God, you are in luck,

because, uh, I can tell you
exactly what love feels like.

Um... (Clears throat)

...there are no words.

Love is... indescribable.

Helpful. Kris?

Yeah, well, people talk about
all that crazy passion stuff,

but for me, love is work, you know?

Two people doing really hard work...

...and sometimes one person working
a little bit harder than the other,

which leads to an exciting new feeling...
resentment.

Every time you talk, I'm sad.

Uh, okay, so, here's the deal.

Love may be indescribable, but it's also
undeniable, and, like, overwhelming,

and, like, totally, totally, totally clear.

So, uh, if you're not sure if
you're in love or not, you're not.

Eh... Crap. I'm not sure.

Mm. Not good!

What? What?

Well, that can be a real problem,
because, soon, he's gonna feel insecure

and then start being needy,
which is super attractive.

Yeah, and then you're looking at
texts in the middle of the night,

notes on your windshield, he gives
you a "D" in English, you're like...

Uh, the point is, uh, when
the feelings of two people

are, like, so different... it's
really hard to make it work.

And the only humane thing you
can do is break up with them.

So, you're saying I should
dump him because he loves me?

Yes.

And then, maybe after years of
therapy, he'll be the one to say...

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

All right.

We got through basic
electrical and plumbing.

What's the final Band-Aid count?

Two. One.

Five.

You know why? Because you got cocky.

One of the first rules of home repair

is knowing when to call in a professional.

And when is that?

Basically, when the guy
at the hardware store goes,

"Okay, but it's your funeral."

Now we move into a critical
area called "problem-solving."

The lawn mower doesn't want to
start, so what's the problem?

All right, well, this
is probably too obvious,

but I guess I'd unscrew the cap
thingy and make sure it had gas?

He shoots. He scores!

That's 5 points for the Canuck.

I love it. I love it.

All right, but it still won't start,
so we got to clean something.

What's that?

Oh! My hands. No, my hair. Uh, my jeans.

Ah! Air filter.

It's amazing watching his mind work.

Thanks, Mr. B.

I have a process.

What? Saying random words that pop
in your head isn't a process.

You're the guy at the bus stop.

I'm gonna grab a beer.

While I'm gone, I want you
guys to clean the air filter.

If you don't know how to do it, or where
it is, ask the guy at the bus stop.

That's me.

Burn.

All right, well, I bet
this is the air filter.

No., Dot just start pulling on stuff.

You'll break it. Oh, okay.

Well, why don't we just do your process?

Cotton balls, unicorns, fishing pole.

Stay out of my head.

You been watching these guys, huh?

Last week, they were staring at an oven.

And now, they're staring at a lawn mower.

You're a genius.

I'm better than that. I'm Geppetto.

To me, everybody's a puppet.

And Geppetto had a lot of free time.

He didn't have a hot wife.

I'm kind of proud of these knuckleheads.

You know, I still think you're wrong.

Competition is not the way to go.

Well then, why are you still
trying to win this argument?

Whoa. Uh-oh.

Puppet fight.

That's not a puppet fight.

That's two guys trapped
in a car with a bumblebee.

Just... give
it to me.

Ryan: Oh! (Crash)

That is a puppet fight.

I just can't believe those
two guys got into a fight.

Ugh. (Laughs)

I mean, were there fisticuffs?

More like slap-ticuffs.

"You stop it!"

Wait. And they're still
not talking to each other?

What kind of guys punch each
other out and stay mad?

I don't know.

I did my job.

I set them against each other.

That's a good idea, Mike.

You know, competition's a great motivator.

Hmm.

That is certainly the
philosophy of the Marine Corps.

"Private Jenkins can run 10 miles
with Private Murphy on his back.

What's your problem, Larabee?"

Well, did you want to carry Murphy?

Anybody could carry Murphy.

Murphy weighed a buck-twenty.

I had to carry Fat-Ass McGee.

Ohh.

(Both laugh)

Oh, it couldn't have been
worse than my Army days.

You were... You
were a file clerk.

You say that like it was easy.

Mm. No, no.

It was a different times, my friend.

Yeah.

We didn't have a fancy fax
machine, a cute copier.

The carbon... The carbon
never goes away, you know?

But you wouldn't know what I'm talking
about, would you, Mr. Pink Fingers?

Well, the military understands
that, uh, getting guys to fight

ultimately brings them closer together.

And my dad knew that. He
did that with Jimmy and I.

Who's Jimmy?

Jimmy.

My kid brother, Jimmy.

I talk about him all
the time? No, you don't.

That's why I said, "who's Jimmy?"

Okay, look, look.

The problem is that Kyle and Ryan

don't know how a family
is supposed to work.

I mean, Kyle's dad was a no-show.

Ryan's dad was a horror show. (Chuckles)

Compared to those guys,
even you look good, huh?

(Laughs)

How would you like me to
show you a pink finger?

So, what are you gonna do?

Well, I've been teaching
them how to be handymen.

Maybe I should teach
them how to be brothers.

Brothers, yeah.

You never forget your Army brothers, huh?

Yeah.

One of mine was a little Italian guy.

He could crank that mimeo machine
all day long, all day long.

When they invented the fax machine,
he drank himself to death.

(Knock on door)

Hey, I got your text.

What's up? (Chuckles nervously)

Is everything okay?

Hello. You look well.

I made coffee.

I'll take that as a no.

Oh, um...

...we need to talk.

Is this about the "I love you" thing?

Th-That wasn't even my idea.

My... my brother
told me to say it.

Huh?

Yeah. He said girls like that stuff.

(Chuckles) Not this girl.

I blew it, didn't I?

Ugh, I'm such an idiot!

No. Re-Relax. Relax.

You didn't blow it.

You did walk right up to the edge,

but it's...

Can I take it back?

Wait. Why?

Did you mean it or didn't you?

I have no idea how to answer that.

Love is hard, right?

I mean, I'm not saying I love you.

I'm not saying that I don't.

I have no idea how to end this sentence.

Can... Can we just ignore
everything that happened before?

Yes. Deal.

And if you don't listen to your brother,
I'm not gonna listen to my sisters.

Well, I think your sisters are great.

The feeling's not mutual.

All right, guys, uh, sit...
sit down for a second.

I want my measuring cups back.

Yeah, well, I want this patch of hair back.

Butthead. Douche canoe.

Well, it's good to see
you guys are still talking.

(Scoffs) Mike, why did
you even bring us here?

Look, I don't know what you're planning,

but you can just forget it, all right?

Your mind games are not gonna work on us.

No games, no tricks, no nothing.

Consider this your graduation.

What's all this for?

Well, I thought you guys would
celebrate by making a nice bundt cake.

Okay, I get it.

By having us do something that we love,

it'll put our relationship back together.

That's crazy.

Mr. B. would never do that.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

Plus, and most importantly,
I like bundt cakes.

You know what?

It's not gonna work,
because those days are over.

No, they're not. Those
days are just beginning.

You're brothers now.

You're kind of stuck with each other.

My brothers glued me to a dog once.

I feel bad for that dog.

You have terrible brothers.

It's not your fault.

But this family's different.

We fight each other, but ultimately,
we fight for each other.

If there's one thing to learn
from me, it's at least that.

I do like the new bundt pan.

Well, if you do decide
to bake the bundt cake,

coat the inside of the
pan with clarified butter.

You'll be thanking me at clean-up time.

I'm sorry, Kyle.

I am not gonna let him manipulate
me into making up with you.

Yeah. Me, either.

Although, it... it would be nice to
finally have a brother I could count on.

Yeah.

Damn it!

How does he always do this?

So, does this mean we're gonna bake?

Absolutely. All right!

Hey.

So, uh... so, how'd it go?

Well, you know how things work around
here... things break, I fix 'em.

You know the bathroom
door still doesn't shut?

I know. I'll call Kris.
She'll take care of it.

Hey, Jimmy. It's me.

I was...

No. Dad's not dead. He's all right.

Just wanted to talk to my kid brother.

Yeah. That's it.

So, big question...

Are you still a dumbass?

Hey. Hey.

Want a piece of bundt cake?

Bundt yeah.

So, uh, Evie, a little birdie told
me you're looking for love advice.

Oh, damn it. I knew the cake was a trap.

All right, you got six bites.

All right.

When I was in college, I met a
handsome guy who wrote me love poems,

brought me wildflowers, and
he didn't say "I love you."

He wrote it with rocks.

You know, because...
because I love rocks. Mm.

That doesn't sound like Dad.

It wasn't.

That was Jeff.

He tried too hard.

But he had a friend who was a
ruggedly-handsome guy, outdoorsy type,

who was really into politics.

Dad?

No.

Craig.

He's in jail now, so...

But he knew a crazy Michigan fan
who came to an Ohio State game,

and he was the letter "G"

in the lineup of shirtless, drunk guys.

And that was your father.

I'm not really getting
the advice here, Mom.

Yeah, I thought it would come to me, but...

Oh, hey, you know what?

I had 20 bucks on my desk.

Have you seen it?

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