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1
00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:04,003
(Both laugh)
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:07,439
Okay, Kris, I got everything in
here you need to fix that drain.
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,943
All right, got a pipe wrench, I got
a basin wrench, some Teflon tape.
4
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,244
Now, Ryan's fixing it, right?
5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,445
Yep.
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,814
And I got the plumber's
number in there, too.
7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,016
Thank you, Dad.
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:20,619
I had no idea owning a home meant you
spend all of your time fixing it.
9
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,988
Yeah, but once it's all fixed...
10
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,323
Well, we'll let you know.
11
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,626
You know, we have been here 20 years,
12
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,895
and your father still hasn't gotten
the squirrels out of the attic.
13
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:32,998
Yeah, I'd love to get the
squirrels out of your attic.
14
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,567
(Laughs)
15
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,602
Honey, you can stay for dinner.
We're just waiting on Eve.
16
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,304
Oh, uh, where'd you have her working today?
17
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,139
Yesterday, she was on
the loading dock, Mom.
18
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:41,674
Yeah. What? Mike, isn't that dangerous?
19
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,209
For Eve? Are you kidding?
She's like an ant.
20
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:44,977
She can lift 50 times her weight.
21
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,746
Eve's worked in just about
every department by now, huh?
22
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,281
Yeah. She got Accounting, Fish and Tackle.
23
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,450
She even took over the
crossbow safety course.
24
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,452
Oh, yeah, that's right. How is Earl?
25
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,020
Earl... just
a flesh wound.
26
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,590
I don't think he'll be
drinking beer at lunch again.
27
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,091
Better watch out, Dad.
28
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,060
One day, Eve might take your job.
29
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:03,996
Well, she's already
got Earl out of the way.
30
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,433
You know, I am so glad that Eve is
making good use of her gap year.
31
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,536
I mean, between playing music at the
coffee house and working with you,
32
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,372
she'll head off to college next year
with some good life experience.
33
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:14,707
Yeah.
34
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,042
She'll have a year
working 10 different jobs
35
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:20,813
before she gets brainwashed
by people who've never had one.
36
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,249
Hey, honey. I'm home.
37
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,284
Hey, how was work?
38
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:29,221
Ugh, can I get a martini and read
the paper before the yackity-yack?
39
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:33,792
Sorry, I watched a
black-and-white movie last night.
40
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,961
Where were you working today?
Online sales. How was that?
41
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:36,929
Yeah. It was great.
42
00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:39,565
Everyone was super-friendly
and totally supportive
43
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,899
when I told them I was gonna quit.
44
00:01:41,002 --> 00:01:41,867
(Chuckles)
45
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,370
Oh, by the way, I'm quitting.
46
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:49,775
Sorry. I didn't hear you with all the
squirrels running around in the attic.
47
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:52,911
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,752
You want to quit working at Outdoor Man?
49
00:01:59,854 --> 00:02:01,287
No. I am quitting.
50
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:04,790
You made it "want to quit" so
we can have this discussion.
51
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,091
This is crazy.
52
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,394
You're making good money.
It's a great experience.
53
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:11,163
You want to cop a feo copfew
fishin, I'll look the other way.
54
00:02:11,201 --> 00:02:14,667
You know, one of the best
parts about being the oldest kid
55
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:17,903
is that you know the exact moment
your parents are about to explode.
56
00:02:18,074 --> 00:02:20,173
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
57
00:02:20,977 --> 00:02:24,443
Uh, honey, w-why are you quitting?
58
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,711
No, no, no. She wants to quit.
59
00:02:25,747 --> 00:02:27,346
She's considering it. It's
not... not a done deal.
60
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:28,714
I found something else I want to do.
61
00:02:28,717 --> 00:02:30,349
You have another offer?
I'll... I'll match it.
62
00:02:30,352 --> 00:02:32,685
I'm gonna volunteer at Take Shelter Denver.
63
00:02:32,687 --> 00:02:34,453
They build houses for the homeless.
64
00:02:34,524 --> 00:02:36,989
You volunteer, you're making
nothing. I'll double that.
65
00:02:37,093 --> 00:02:39,925
I think it's wonderful
that Eve wants to volunteer.
66
00:02:40,321 --> 00:02:41,841
I mean, I used to read to the blind...
67
00:02:41,866 --> 00:02:45,632
but they didn't like it (Low
voice) when I used to do the voices.
68
00:02:46,803 --> 00:02:49,768
The only volunteer I know that was fired.
69
00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:51,870
What are you gonna use for money?
70
00:02:51,873 --> 00:02:53,405
They don't pay you at the
coffee shop for singing,
71
00:02:53,414 --> 00:02:55,174
so you're already working for nothing there.
72
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,208
I still have already working
graduation money.
73
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,470
Oh, perfect. That's one week.
74
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,777
What do you do for money next week?
75
00:02:58,879 --> 00:02:59,978
I'll figure it out, Dad.
76
00:03:00,081 --> 00:03:01,642
It's not like I have a lot of expenses.
77
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,582
I mean, isn't that the whole
point of this gap year...
78
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,245
to figure out how I fit into the world?
79
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:10,222
Fit into the real world, which is about
making money, buying food, football.
80
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:15,728
Dad, I-it's... it's my life, and
it's my year, or maybe even longer,
81
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:19,198
I don't know, but I-I
will figure that out, Dad.
82
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:24,069
She wants to do charity.
How is that so bad?
83
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:25,131
Did you hear that? Yeah.
84
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:26,572
"Maybe even longer."
85
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,674
She's not going to
college. She quit her job.
86
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:34,313
You know where this ends up?
Cardboard box under a bridge.
87
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,215
Is that where you want to
say hello to your grandkids?
88
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,117
Okay. You know, look, I understand.
89
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:39,685
You're upset because you won't be taking
90
00:03:39,754 --> 00:03:41,474
your little buddy to
work anymore. Oh, stop.
91
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:42,762
That has nothing to do with it.
92
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,289
I'm upset because Eve doesn't
know how the world works,
93
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:47,760
but thank God she's got an amazing
father who cares enough about her
94
00:03:47,862 --> 00:03:52,464
to give her a lovely,
loving kick in the ass.
95
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,068
96
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:59,405
(Sighs) Hey, thanks for
spending lunch with me, babe.
97
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,206
Yeah. Sorry I didn't talk more.
98
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:05,411
It's just, you know, you get me a crown
and a kids' menu, I'm all business.
99
00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:08,686
All right, now, you scoot, young lady,
100
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,249
so I can get to work on your wedding gift.
101
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,284
No. We already have enough presents, as is.
102
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,227
We don't need to spend
any money on each other.
103
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,521
And that's me talking.
104
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,589
Well, I'm not spending
any money on your gift.
105
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,857
Those are the best kind.
106
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:23,595
Aww, but I already have
two jars of rain, Kyle.
107
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,665
And two jars of sunshine, yeah.
108
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,100
But this is gonna be even better.
109
00:04:28,169 --> 00:04:29,568
Just... Just
wait and see.
110
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:33,572
All right, but, for the record,
I'm not getting you anything.
111
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,143
Is she the best or what?
112
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:41,513
So, what exactly are you giving the
girl that doesn't cost anything?
113
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:43,482
Oh, a car.
114
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,051
You're thinking of a macaroni sculpture.
115
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:49,254
A car is a big, metal thing
with an engine and seats.
116
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,323
No, I-I read this story online
117
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:54,760
about this guy who traded a paper clip
for a pen, and then a pen for a flute,
118
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:58,230
and, you know, he kept trading
up, until he got a house.
119
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:04,403
Yeah, I-I read a similar story, but it
had a cow and a magic bag of beans.
120
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,974
I'm gonna start by
trading this laser pointer
121
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,477
I got with my subscription
to Atlantic Monthly.
122
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,545
Oh, you read Atlantic Monthly?
123
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,782
Nope, I just wanted this free pointer.
124
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:20,085
Kyle, that... that
paper-clip story isn't real.
125
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,488
See, con artists put that kind
of stuff out there all the time
126
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,923
to take advantage of people like you.
127
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,292
I disagree. I think people are generous.
128
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,828
You know, when I... when
I post that I'm a newlywed,
129
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,164
trying to get my bride a
wonderful gift... Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:33,565
...I think you'll be surprised.
131
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,800
(Chuckles)
132
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:37,903
I think you'll end up giving
your bride a laser pointer.
133
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,275
I think it's a sweet idea,
Kyle. And you know what?
134
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:47,679
To get you started, I'll trade you my
old briefcase for the laser pointer.
135
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,015
(Chuckling) Oh! Deal.
136
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:54,386
I always wanted to say
that holding a briefcase.
137
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,789
Stop encouraging him with this nonsense.
138
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,158
A con man will eat that kid for lunch.
139
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,126
Ah, I don't think...
140
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,861
Oh, shoot. My lunch. Hey, Kyle!
141
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,130
Kyle!
142
00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:08,767
Do you want another pancake?
143
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:09,768
Yeah. They're great.
144
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:13,171
All right. There you go.
145
00:06:14,909 --> 00:06:16,408
Dad, are we, uh
...are we cool?
146
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,576
Sure. Why wouldn't we be?
147
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,239
Oh, okay, I just want you to understand
148
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,113
that doing charity is
really important to me,
149
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,382
and Take Shelter Denver is
a really good organization.
150
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,850
It's a great organization.
151
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:26,518
You know, your mom and I give
quite a bit of money to them.
152
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,920
Oh, really? That is so cool.
153
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,468
Maybe I'll wind up using a hammer
you guys bought or something.
154
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,859
And wouldn't that be great? Yeah.
155
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,460
There you go.
156
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,030
What's this?
157
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:41,533
That's a bill for what you had...
pancakes, bacon, and a venti coffee.
158
00:06:43,938 --> 00:06:45,170
Eight bucks.
159
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,105
You're charging me for breakfast?
160
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,575
(Sighs) And rent.
161
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,380
Congratulations. The hammer just came down.
162
00:07:02,852 --> 00:07:05,953
You're charging me rent in my family home?
163
00:07:05,989 --> 00:07:07,488
That's insane, Dad.
164
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:09,757
No. I'm charging you
way below market value.
165
00:07:09,826 --> 00:07:11,793
That's insane.
166
00:07:11,861 --> 00:07:15,029
But I'm your favorite, the one who
goes to the gun range with you
167
00:07:15,098 --> 00:07:18,032
and to the batting cages and
to Ronald Reagan's birthplace,
168
00:07:18,101 --> 00:07:21,135
where I was so moved, I wept at age 6.
169
00:07:21,735 --> 00:07:23,576
And you're telling me
that's all worth nothing?
170
00:07:23,606 --> 00:07:25,406
Nothing?!
171
00:07:26,676 --> 00:07:28,543
I didn't charge you for the juice.
172
00:07:29,712 --> 00:07:31,953
Listen, I just want you to
know how the world works, Eve.
173
00:07:32,015 --> 00:07:33,681
I know how it works, Dad. No, you don't!
174
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,016
I think you live in a bubble.
175
00:07:35,118 --> 00:07:39,053
Not a real one, 'cause that would be very
fragile and offer no real protection.
176
00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:41,222
So, are you charging me
for this lecture, too?
177
00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:43,191
'Cause I don't see it here on the bill.
178
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:45,226
This paradise you live
in is not real, all right?
179
00:07:45,328 --> 00:07:46,727
Unless you get that through your head,
180
00:07:46,763 --> 00:07:48,696
Take Shelter Denver's gonna be
building you a house someday.
181
00:07:48,765 --> 00:07:51,265
Hmm. Better watch out.
That bacon's gonna cost you.
182
00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:52,733
Mm. Nah.
183
00:07:52,836 --> 00:07:54,936
I have the metabolism of a snake.
184
00:07:56,306 --> 00:07:58,339
At least I think they
have a good metabolism.
185
00:07:58,441 --> 00:08:01,042
I mean, they're, like, skinny.
186
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:04,078
Get this... Dad's
charging for food and rent.
187
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:06,247
Yeah, but not you.
E-Everything's on the house.
188
00:08:06,349 --> 00:08:08,349
What? H-How come you're not charging her?
189
00:08:08,418 --> 00:08:10,585
Because she's going to
college, and she's working.
190
00:08:10,653 --> 00:08:14,555
Oh, my God! Dad, that's so
unfair! You never... Wait.
191
00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:21,128
Are you using me as an example?
192
00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:25,666
Like, a good one?
193
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,170
I know it's weird. Just go with it.
194
00:08:29,272 --> 00:08:35,676
Okay, okay, So, right now, at this
very moment, I'm your favorite?
195
00:08:35,778 --> 00:08:39,881
Even though I never went
to Ronald McReagan's house?
196
00:08:44,787 --> 00:08:47,054
You're making this very difficult.
197
00:08:47,156 --> 00:08:48,789
So, basically, I'm being punished
198
00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:50,925
for trying to get the
most out of my gap year.
199
00:08:51,027 --> 00:08:54,762
Get a job, hippy! (Laughs)
200
00:08:54,864 --> 00:08:56,430
I love this.
201
00:08:56,532 --> 00:08:58,032
Honey, I think you've lost focus.
202
00:08:58,134 --> 00:09:00,701
And I'm doing whatever I can to help
you regain that, that's all. Yeah.
203
00:09:00,803 --> 00:09:01,702
Deadbeat.
204
00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:02,803
All right.
205
00:09:02,906 --> 00:09:04,338
Well, you know what?
206
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,307
Fine. Count it, old man.
207
00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:07,808
No tip!
208
00:09:08,912 --> 00:09:12,113
209
00:09:15,118 --> 00:09:16,217
Hey, hey, hey. Kyle, Kyle.
210
00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:17,985
How's the swapping for a car going?
211
00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:19,320
Oh, fantastic.
212
00:09:19,389 --> 00:09:21,709
I, uh... I traded your briefcase
for an espresso machine...
213
00:09:21,724 --> 00:09:25,626
Uh-huh... and then that for a disco ball,
and all the way up to a new computer.
214
00:09:25,762 --> 00:09:27,461
Fantastic!
215
00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:29,931
Which I traded for this.
216
00:09:29,999 --> 00:09:33,267
Please tell me that's packed with $100s.
217
00:09:33,369 --> 00:09:36,370
No, something even
better... good karma.
218
00:09:36,472 --> 00:09:39,140
Oh, then it's empty.
219
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:43,644
I-I traded with an underprivileged student
who needed a computer for college.
220
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:46,180
Oh, yeah, well, you really
did that kid a solid, man.
221
00:09:46,249 --> 00:09:49,784
No, I know who got the
better end of that deal.
222
00:09:49,852 --> 00:09:51,452
Okay, Kyle, this ends right now.
223
00:09:51,554 --> 00:09:53,521
Oh, come on, Ed. Leave the
boy alone. No, no. No, no.
224
00:09:53,623 --> 00:09:55,289
Come on. It's time that
he hears this. No, no.
225
00:09:55,358 --> 00:09:57,124
He's about to get married, all right?
226
00:09:57,193 --> 00:09:59,360
It's time he learned an
important fact of life.
227
00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:03,264
Kyle... people are not generous.
228
00:10:03,366 --> 00:10:04,498
They're horrible.
229
00:10:05,802 --> 00:10:07,368
What... What about
people like Kyle?
230
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:08,936
He's the sweetest person I know.
231
00:10:09,005 --> 00:10:10,638
Blushing.
232
00:10:10,707 --> 00:10:13,541
Well, thank goodness there
are good people like Kyle,
233
00:10:13,643 --> 00:10:15,676
but there's plenty more bad people,
234
00:10:15,778 --> 00:10:17,979
like the guy who scammed
him out of his computer.
235
00:10:18,081 --> 00:10:20,314
He didn't scam me.
236
00:10:20,383 --> 00:10:22,917
Oh, really? Yet, he went
online asking for a computer.
237
00:10:22,986 --> 00:10:25,086
If he didn't have one, how did
he get online in the first place?
238
00:10:25,188 --> 00:10:26,554
I never thought of that.
239
00:10:26,656 --> 00:10:30,091
Maybe he used one at work, or
a friend's, or the library's.
240
00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:32,560
Libraries don't exist
anymore. Read a paper.
241
00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:36,230
And you have to apply
to college online, too.
242
00:10:36,332 --> 00:10:37,765
How did he do that?
243
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:40,067
He didn't. You were conned.
244
00:10:40,169 --> 00:10:43,704
He seemed very smart, like
he'd already gone to college.
245
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:45,806
Okay. Kyle, you're
starting to sound like Ed.
246
00:10:45,875 --> 00:10:47,274
Snap out of it, man. Come on. Come on.
247
00:10:47,343 --> 00:10:52,546
Mr. Alzate is my mentor, and I've never
gone wrong listening to his advice.
248
00:10:52,615 --> 00:10:57,752
And I'm sorry I wasted your
briefcase on some silly dream.
249
00:10:57,854 --> 00:10:59,487
I jus...
250
00:11:05,161 --> 00:11:06,460
Why'd you do that, Ed?
251
00:11:06,529 --> 00:11:09,463
I love that kid like a son.
252
00:11:09,532 --> 00:11:11,899
But his good heart, you
know, makes him vulnerable
253
00:11:11,968 --> 00:11:17,805
for lots of things, like the flu, because
he keeps on giving away his coat.
254
00:11:17,907 --> 00:11:20,875
All I know is Kyle was a lot happier
when he was looking at the world
255
00:11:20,977 --> 00:11:23,077
through his eyes and not yours.
256
00:11:23,146 --> 00:11:24,612
Trust me. I'm right on this one.
257
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,680
No, no, no, you were right when you said
258
00:11:26,783 --> 00:11:28,849
there weren't very many people like Kyle.
259
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:31,352
Now, thanks to you, there's one less.
260
00:11:31,387 --> 00:11:33,821
Well, maybe that's not a bad thing.
261
00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:36,023
What happened to your heart, Ed?
262
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:38,092
It used to be...
263
00:11:39,362 --> 00:11:42,463
...right here.
264
00:11:42,565 --> 00:11:44,231
And now...
265
00:11:46,235 --> 00:11:47,902
...it's in there.
266
00:11:51,374 --> 00:11:54,575
267
00:11:56,913 --> 00:11:59,447
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
268
00:11:59,582 --> 00:12:01,282
Check out this new sonar fish finder.
269
00:12:01,384 --> 00:12:02,783
You know, if Nemo had one of these suckers,
270
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:04,852
it wouldn't have taken
90 minutes to find Dory.
271
00:12:04,954 --> 00:12:05,986
(Chuckles)
272
00:12:08,324 --> 00:12:10,091
You know, some
people... liberals...
273
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:12,660
will say it's not right to
give fishermen one of these,
274
00:12:12,762 --> 00:12:15,096
'cause it's not fair to the fish.
275
00:12:15,198 --> 00:12:17,264
You know what else isn't fair?
276
00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:20,134
Fish being able to breathe under water.
277
00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:22,136
Anyhow, oh, where was I?
278
00:12:22,205 --> 00:12:23,938
Talking about bubble wrap, right?
279
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:24,972
Bubble wrap...
280
00:12:25,041 --> 00:12:26,540
It's a great invention for packing,
281
00:12:26,609 --> 00:12:30,644
but a terrible idea when it
comes to raising our kids.
282
00:12:30,746 --> 00:12:33,013
Sometimes, hard lessons may be cruel,
283
00:12:33,116 --> 00:12:36,250
but trying to insulate
your kids from reality
284
00:12:36,352 --> 00:12:39,386
pretty much guarantees that
the contents will end up broken.
285
00:12:39,489 --> 00:12:40,955
Sorry to burst your bubble.
286
00:12:42,525 --> 00:12:45,126
Oh, hi, Eve. I didn't
see you standing there.
287
00:12:45,228 --> 00:12:46,260
What's up?
288
00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:50,731
Oh, I just thought about what you said
about the "real world" and paying rent.
289
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:52,766
And you came to your senses.
290
00:12:52,869 --> 00:12:54,468
I'm moving out.
291
00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:58,739
(Bubble wrap popping)
292
00:13:04,568 --> 00:13:05,634
Hey.
293
00:13:05,703 --> 00:13:07,135
What the hell is going on?
294
00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:09,237
Eve told me she's moving out.
295
00:13:09,306 --> 00:13:12,774
Can I just get a martini and read the
paper before all the yackity-yack?
296
00:13:15,813 --> 00:13:17,479
This is your fault.
297
00:13:17,581 --> 00:13:19,381
You started charging her for breakfast?
298
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,017
Which is ridiculous because
you always undercook the bacon.
299
00:13:22,086 --> 00:13:24,086
I mean, it's like I got a pig in my mouth.
300
00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:27,161
Want to get a glass of wine
and we'll talk about this?
301
00:13:27,191 --> 00:13:28,724
Oh, yeah, so you charge me for that, too?
302
00:13:28,826 --> 00:13:31,727
If I ran a tab for the wine you drink,
you'd have to get a second job.
303
00:13:31,829 --> 00:13:32,861
Stop it.
304
00:13:32,930 --> 00:13:35,330
She's not going anywhere, okay?
305
00:13:35,432 --> 00:13:37,466
Yeah, well, she sounded
pretty serious to me, Mike.
306
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,067
Yeah, well, she can't afford an apartment.
307
00:13:39,136 --> 00:13:40,902
How is she gonna afford her
first and last month's rent?
308
00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:42,137
Sing them a song?
309
00:13:42,206 --> 00:13:44,106
Yeah, yeah. I think
that's better than money.
310
00:13:44,174 --> 00:13:45,440
What?
311
00:13:45,509 --> 00:13:49,611
Well, I could see how a landlord wouldn't.
312
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,146
What's she gonna put on
the employment application?
313
00:13:51,215 --> 00:13:53,348
First job...
volunteer. Whoo-hoo.
314
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:55,384
Ah, that's true. You know,
and she has no credit.
315
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:56,585
No credit. Right.
316
00:13:56,653 --> 00:13:59,554
All right. Well, this
is fantastic, yeah, yeah.
317
00:13:59,623 --> 00:14:01,464
I mean, on paper, our
daughter's a total loser.
318
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:02,591
There you go.
319
00:14:02,659 --> 00:14:06,061
All part of the master plan to get
her to see how life really works.
320
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:08,330
All right. Look, I-I'm
sorry if I overreacted.
321
00:14:08,399 --> 00:14:10,699
I just... I just don't want my little
girl to move out. Got it, got it.
322
00:14:10,801 --> 00:14:12,968
Apology accepted. Although, you
might have to apologize again
323
00:14:13,036 --> 00:14:14,436
for that senseless attack on bacon.
324
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,971
Oh.
325
00:14:16,073 --> 00:14:18,006
Oh, hey, where do you guys
want me to store Eve's stuff?
326
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:20,876
'Cause the sooner she's clearing out,
the sooner I can knock down that wall,
327
00:14:20,978 --> 00:14:22,677
turn her room into my dream closet.
328
00:14:22,746 --> 00:14:25,380
Ooh, by the way, I'm turning
her room into my dream closet.
329
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,249
Yeah, yeah. That's not gonna happen.
330
00:14:27,317 --> 00:14:33,021
But, Dad, I'm your favorite, and
it's my dream... and a closet.
331
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,992
It doesn't look like Eve
is moving out quite yet.
332
00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:40,462
Oh. She didn't tell you guys?
333
00:14:40,564 --> 00:14:42,030
She already did.
334
00:14:42,099 --> 00:14:43,932
She's living in Kristin
and Ryan's basement.
335
00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:45,167
What?!
336
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,435
Ugh!
337
00:14:46,503 --> 00:14:48,970
It looks like she found a
way around your master plan.
338
00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,305
This has gone far enough, okay?
339
00:14:50,374 --> 00:14:52,374
Oh, God. This is terrible.
340
00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:53,175
I know.
341
00:14:53,277 --> 00:14:54,609
(Door slams)
342
00:14:54,678 --> 00:14:57,679
Grab a saw. We can talk
about it in my new closet.
343
00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:01,416
344
00:15:01,518 --> 00:15:06,154
Hey, hey, Ed! How do you like your crow...
broiled or baked?
345
00:15:06,223 --> 00:15:07,823
What the hell are you talking about?
346
00:15:07,925 --> 00:15:09,224
Tell him, tell him, so I can remember
347
00:15:09,293 --> 00:15:11,359
the look on his face
for the rest of my life.
348
00:15:11,428 --> 00:15:13,061
I got Mandy's car.
349
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:16,665
Oh! And that's my new screen saver.
350
00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:20,702
W-What do you mean you got a car? How?
351
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:24,372
Some guy who owns a car dealership
was looking for the exact lunch box
352
00:15:24,441 --> 00:15:26,775
I traded the computer
for, so he's trading me.
353
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:28,411
So, Ed, on the... on
the crow, you know,
354
00:15:28,412 --> 00:15:30,812
sriracha sauce, maybe some grilled onions.
355
00:15:30,881 --> 00:15:33,682
That proves nothing.
356
00:15:33,784 --> 00:15:37,352
Nothing, except maybe that people who
collect lunch boxes are lunatics.
357
00:15:37,454 --> 00:15:39,287
What I said still holds.
358
00:15:39,389 --> 00:15:44,159
With respect, sir, I-I think this might
be one time when I can be your mentor.
359
00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:46,728
So, you still insist on
believing in people, huh?
360
00:15:46,797 --> 00:15:48,897
Oh, after this, more than ever.
361
00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:52,033
Hmm. All right, well, I
guess that's just who you are.
362
00:15:52,102 --> 00:15:54,603
Maybe that's why good
things happen for you.
363
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,104
Like what?
364
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,809
Oh, right, the car. Right.
365
00:16:02,112 --> 00:16:03,272
Mandy's not gonna believe it.
366
00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:04,513
(Chuckles)
367
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,048
(Laughs)
368
00:16:08,951 --> 00:16:11,391
If you don't have anything to
do, I'll find something for you.
369
00:16:11,421 --> 00:16:14,022
Oh, it... it... it's just so
rare that you're so wrong, Ed.
370
00:16:14,089 --> 00:16:16,129
Just... Just... Just give
me a minute to enjoy it.
371
00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:17,726
Mm-hmm. Well, I'm not wrong.
372
00:16:17,828 --> 00:16:19,561
If anybody's wrong in all this,
373
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:22,497
it's that imbecile who traded
a lunch box for a Prius.
374
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:29,170
Kyle... Kyle never said
what kind of car it was.
375
00:16:31,942 --> 00:16:33,622
(Mumbling) Looking
for something over here.
376
00:16:33,677 --> 00:16:35,710
Kyle never said it was a Prius.
377
00:16:35,779 --> 00:16:36,711
I've got some vouchers.
What the hell is this?
378
00:16:36,813 --> 00:16:39,481
Oh.
379
00:16:39,616 --> 00:16:41,283
Oh!
380
00:16:41,385 --> 00:16:45,153
You sw... You
sweet, sweet man!
381
00:16:45,188 --> 00:16:46,888
You have something you need to do or what?
382
00:16:46,957 --> 00:16:50,191
Yes, I do have something I need to do.
383
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:58,260
Take that great big heart... and put
it right back where it belongs.
384
00:17:03,340 --> 00:17:06,107
385
00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:16,511
You know, when you were
little, you ran away.
386
00:17:16,587 --> 00:17:19,120
I found you hiding
behind some garbage cans.
387
00:17:19,222 --> 00:17:21,756
This place is actually worse.
388
00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:22,958
I don't know. It was good enough
389
00:17:23,026 --> 00:17:25,760
for whoever's bones I
found behind the furnace.
390
00:17:27,197 --> 00:17:28,396
What's going on?
391
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,732
Dad, I... I really
don't want to argue.
392
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,033
Tough. I do.
393
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,768
Starting with you leaving
home and coming over here.
394
00:17:33,837 --> 00:17:34,869
Will you... Will
you just hold on?
395
00:17:34,938 --> 00:17:36,137
I've been trying to tell
you that you were right.
396
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:37,405
Oh, no. No. Don't start that.
397
00:17:37,507 --> 00:17:39,641
I want to stay mad right now.
398
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,810
Okay. Yes, I did move in
here to get back at you.
399
00:17:41,878 --> 00:17:44,045
Now it's starting to sound
like an argument. Good.
400
00:17:44,114 --> 00:17:47,015
But then I took one look at
this spider hole and thought,
401
00:17:47,084 --> 00:17:48,883
"Oh, I am not that mad at him.
402
00:17:48,952 --> 00:17:51,152
I'm definitely moving back home."
403
00:17:51,221 --> 00:17:54,122
Why are you still here?
404
00:17:54,191 --> 00:17:57,359
Okay, so, I had my orientation
at Take Shelter today,
405
00:17:57,394 --> 00:17:59,461
and they have a list of families
406
00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:01,963
who would be happy to
have a basement to stay in.
407
00:18:02,032 --> 00:18:04,666
And I got it. You were right.
I-I do live in a bubble.
408
00:18:04,768 --> 00:18:06,201
Okay, you got it.
409
00:18:06,269 --> 00:18:08,203
Come home to the bubble,
have your meatloaf.
410
00:18:08,305 --> 00:18:09,938
I can't.
411
00:18:09,977 --> 00:18:11,778
When I told you the
whole point of my gap year
412
00:18:11,808 --> 00:18:14,876
was to figure out how I fit into the
world, you said the real world.
413
00:18:14,945 --> 00:18:16,546
Well, it don't get any realer than this.
414
00:18:16,613 --> 00:18:19,114
Living in your sister's basement,
rent-free, is not the real world.
415
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:23,418
You just ask my cousin Stewart, and
I do not want you talking to him.
416
00:18:23,487 --> 00:18:26,354
It's not free. I'm gonna pay rent.
417
00:18:26,423 --> 00:18:29,357
I'm gonna work part-time at the coffee
shop, as well as perform there.
418
00:18:29,459 --> 00:18:31,426
All right. I-I think
you're taking this too far.
419
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,128
I'm really happy that you're working,
420
00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:37,265
but I don't want you
moving out of the house.
421
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:41,136
It's really hard to grow up when
you live with your parents, Dad.
422
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,172
And I know you and Mom
will just do stuff for me.
423
00:18:44,274 --> 00:18:47,442
It's not your fault. I'm just...
I'm really adorable.
424
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:55,250
I thought that had peaked when
we went to Reagan's birthplace,
425
00:18:55,352 --> 00:19:00,055
and you... you said it was
"tickle-down economics."
426
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:05,860
It's time for me to be on my own, Dad.
427
00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:09,864
That's what you've been
preparing me for my whole life.
428
00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:11,800
And you did a great job.
429
00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:26,981
You know, I-I knew that one day
being perfect at everything I do
430
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:29,317
was gonna bite me in the ass.
431
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,725
I'm gonna miss you, too.
432
00:19:42,669 --> 00:19:43,968
Hey, hi. You ready?
433
00:19:44,070 --> 00:19:45,069
Oh, hi. You bet.
434
00:19:45,171 --> 00:19:46,671
Hey, hey, hey. How's the new car?
435
00:19:46,773 --> 00:19:49,707
Amazing. It's... It's the greatest
gift anyone's ever given me.
436
00:19:49,809 --> 00:19:52,543
Yeah, well, whoever did that probably feels
437
00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:55,713
like they got the better
part of that deal, huh?
438
00:19:55,815 --> 00:19:58,449
I want to donate it to charity.
439
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,919
What?
W-W-W-Wait.
440
00:20:01,988 --> 00:20:03,587
What do you mean? Y-You're
gonna give it away?
441
00:20:03,690 --> 00:20:04,655
What? Why?
442
00:20:04,757 --> 00:20:08,392
Well, I was finally Dad's favorite,
but then Eve one-upped me
443
00:20:08,494 --> 00:20:10,795
with that whole
self-sacrifice-y thing.
444
00:20:10,863 --> 00:20:13,164
Well, two can play at that game.
445
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,366
N-N-N-No. D-Don't
play. No, no.
446
00:20:15,468 --> 00:20:17,001
Y-Your greed is unique.
447
00:20:18,338 --> 00:20:21,439
I don't know, Ed. Giving
is a beautiful thing.
448
00:20:21,574 --> 00:20:23,507
It's good for the heart.
449
00:20:25,144 --> 00:20:26,310
So is shutting up.
450
00:20:27,613 --> 00:20:30,881
No. I need a grand gesture, but one
that doesn't cost me anything.
451
00:20:31,017 --> 00:20:32,950
And I haven't even put gas in the car yet.
452
00:20:33,052 --> 00:20:36,988
Yeah, but it probably
cost somebody something.
453
00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:41,125
You know, it's a lot of money, huh?
454
00:20:41,227 --> 00:20:44,762
Especially with that moonroof...
if it has one.
455
00:20:44,831 --> 00:20:46,897
It does. You know what?
456
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,133
Maybe we should give it away. Yeah?
457
00:20:49,235 --> 00:20:51,268
Yeah, because I've learned something
458
00:20:51,371 --> 00:20:53,738
very interesting from this
whole experience. Mm-hmm.
459
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:58,109
I mean, getting a car... is really easy.
460
00:20:58,159 --> 00:21:02,709
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