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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,570 "Last Man Standing" is recorded in front of a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,572 I can't believe you left that guy my number. 3 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,107 You weren't going to. 4 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:10,309 Because he drives a minivan with a dent in it. 5 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:13,012 - You were the one who dented it. - Wait. W-w-wait. Hold it. 6 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,313 Mandy, you dented a car? 7 00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:15,448 A parked car. 8 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:19,018 In her defense, she was swerving to avoid a tree. 9 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,319 And you weren't gonna leave a note? 10 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,487 Oh, what was I supposed to say? 11 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,322 "Uh, sorry that I hit your car. 12 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:25,157 Uh, here's my number." 13 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,026 - Yes. - Yes. 14 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,027 Okay, if I had to stop 15 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,162 and leave notes on everything that I've banged into, 16 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:32,164 I would never get anywhere. 17 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,033 Come on, Mandy. You know better than that. 18 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,102 W-what's your dad always going on and on about? 19 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,604 Mm, Obama, Benghazi, "When are the Yekekians 20 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:41,140 going to take down their Christmas lights?" 21 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,608 Personal responsibility. 22 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,043 Oh, right. 23 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,012 I think that part kind of gets lost in all the crazy. 24 00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,146 Hey, hey. Hi. 25 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,748 What the heck happened to your car? 26 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,616 [chuckles] You should see the other guy. [door closes] 27 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,285 That's not a boast you should make to the guy 28 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,420 paying for your insurance. 29 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,422 She bumped a parked car. But don't worry. 30 00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:59,125 - I did the right thing, and I left a note. - I left a note. 31 00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,493 - Why are you leaving the note? - Hey, what's the deal 32 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:01,994 with the Yekekians and their Christmas lights, though? 33 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,262 [chuckling] Am I right? 34 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,097 Yeah, I was telling her, honey, 35 00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:07,066 owning up to your mistakes is its own reward. 36 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,734 It's called integrity. 37 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,570 It's something Obama doesn't have with that Benghazi thing. Okay. 38 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,971 But still... You know... you know what? 39 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,639 When are the Yekekians gonna take those stupid 40 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,175 - Christmas lights down? - I don't know. 41 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,110 Why is Eve writing notes for her? 42 00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:20,980 Uh, Mandy wouldn't do it. I'm so disappointed in her. 43 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:24,016 Well, at least the good one knows right from wrong. 44 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,419 Oh. All our girls are equally good. 45 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,753 Oh, yeah. Keep beating that drum. 46 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,422 [doorbell rings] 47 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,990 [sighs] 48 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,158 - Baxter. - Hey. 49 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:33,759 Hey, what are you bringing 50 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,661 this mangy critter over here for? 51 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,697 Lady's a purebred German shepherd. 52 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,031 I was talking to Lady. 53 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,067 VANESSA: Oh. Come on. 54 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,069 Seriously, Mike. Come on in, Chuck. 55 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,103 [sighs] Okay. 56 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,105 Well, we can't stay long because... 57 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,641 [sighs] ...I don't want to. 58 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,377 Listen, I went to the breeders today, 59 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:52,545 and a funny thing... 60 00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,214 it turns out Lady is already pregnant. 61 00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:57,350 Now, how do you think that happened, Baxter? 62 00:01:57,351 --> 00:02:01,021 Well, when, uh... When two dogs really love each other... 63 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,323 ...And they have enough tequila... 64 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:07,326 [sighs] I never leave her around male dogs. 65 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:10,029 Then, I remember when Eve volunteered 66 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,497 to watch Lady for the weekend. 67 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,698 Yeah. 68 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:15,535 There is one dog she might have had contact with. 69 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,706 Oh. [chuckling] Oh. 70 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,075 Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. 71 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,544 Muffin is less a dog than a throw pillow. 72 00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:27,380 Oh. 73 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,716 [chuckling] And, number two, Muffin is a girl. 74 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,218 Uh, honey, you're... you're kidding, right? 75 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,320 Muffin's a male. 76 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,624 S-s-since when? 77 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,126 Well... 78 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,062 you never checked your dog's undercarriage, Baxter? 79 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,398 We don't have that kind of relationship. 80 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,200 Come here. Come here. Come here just for a second. 81 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,535 Let me see you. [sighs] 82 00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,537 It's mostly fluff down there. 83 00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:54,206 Kind of like an early Penthouse Magazine. 84 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,708 Yeah, well, look close. 85 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,146 They're a lot tinier on the white ones. 86 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,115 I'll be damned. 87 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,985 Oh. Well, kind of makes me a little uncomfortable 88 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,354 with all the naps we've taken together. 89 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,091 I feel weird that you feel weird about that. 90 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,360 How is that dog not fixed, Baxter? 91 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,164 Has Sarah McLachlan taught you people nothing? 92 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,066 Wait... the... hold... let's get this straight. 93 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,367 You brought a dog in heat 94 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,369 into a home with a well-known player. 95 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,638 Give me five. 96 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,074 I only allow Lady to breed 97 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,342 with other purebred German shepherds. 98 00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:33,079 Well, maybe you should teach Lady how to say, "Nein!" 99 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:37,650 I get like $500 or $600 apiece for Lady's pups. 100 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:41,020 Sweet. What's our cut of that? 101 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,323 Nobody is gonna want whatever weird monster babies 102 00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,325 come out of her now! 103 00:03:46,326 --> 00:03:50,996 Half German shepherd, half... dust bunny! 104 00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,199 W-what are you planning on doing about this, Baxter? 105 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,366 Are you absolutely sure 106 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,035 she hasn't been with any other dogs? 107 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:59,672 What are you suggesting? 108 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,209 That Lady... is a tramp. 109 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,645 Walk around the neighborhood in a fur coat with no pants... 110 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,380 What did you expect was gonna happen? 111 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:12,051 What do you want, Baxter, a paternity test? 112 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,319 That's a good idea. 113 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,454 Maybe later on, Muffin and I stop by your house 114 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,557 and drop a DNA sample on your front lawn. 115 00:04:19,573 --> 00:04:24,073 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 116 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,466 I'm just having trouble 117 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,236 picturing how this was possible between Muffin and Lady. 118 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:33,072 Well, Muffin's a resourceful little guy, you know? 119 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,541 Maybe he got up on the picnic table. 120 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,544 Which I will no longer be eating off of. 121 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:42,148 And maybe they, uh, did it "people style." 122 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,150 you know what, honey? 123 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,985 We got to make this right with the Larabees. 124 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,020 Carol is my closest friend in the neighborhood. 125 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,756 This is on Lady for not being careful. 126 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,091 Because, when it comes to birth control, 127 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,226 the female bears total responsibility. 128 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,307 Well, if she doesn't want to bear puppies, she does. 129 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,231 Oh, my God. Bear puppies are so cute. 130 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,466 [laughs] 131 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,601 Muffin is gonna make such a great dad. Aren't you? 132 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,270 "Hey! You kids knock it off back there, 133 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:06,438 "or I'm gonna turn this car right around! 134 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:07,606 Stop!" 135 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:10,476 Uh, so, what's gonna happen with the puppies? 136 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,011 Uh, what puppies? 137 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,247 Oh, uh, Muffin knocked up the Larabees' German shepherd. 138 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:18,151 [sighs] And, look, didn't skip town. 139 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,020 Boyd, it's time for dinner, sweetie. 140 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,290 So, Muffin impregnated a dog four times his size? 141 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,160 Tom Cruise knocked up Katie Holmes. 142 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,163 Anything is possible. [chuckles] 143 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,665 I didn't even know Muffin was a male. 144 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:36,468 See? He fools everybody with that squat-and-pee thing. 145 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,003 Well... First thing's first... 146 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,572 we really should get him neutered. 147 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,407 Take his nuts off? Oh, honey. 148 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:44,076 After what those little nuggets accomplished? 149 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,745 Hey. Nobody answered me. What's gonna happen with the puppies? 150 00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,014 Well [sighs] the Larabees will probably try 151 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,282 to find them good homes. 152 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,517 Which will be tricky 153 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,485 'cause nobody really wants a Maltese shepherd. 154 00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,520 A Germ-tese. 155 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,355 Mal... Mall-turd? [chuckles] 156 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,357 Okay, so, if they can't find homes... 157 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,125 Well, if they can't find homes, 158 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,627 then they'll end up at the pound, 159 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,362 and they'll probably be just destr... 160 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,364 H-hey. hi. hey. 161 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,532 Uh, did, uh... 162 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,700 maybe you should wash your hands, honey. 163 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,201 - Yeah. - I already washed them. 164 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,536 Did those fingers end up in your nose since then? 165 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,539 - Only these two. - Aah. 166 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,708 Go, go, go. Wash them again. Let's go. 167 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,709 [sighs] 168 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,077 There's very little chance 169 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,545 those puppies will end up in the pound. 170 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,613 Oh. That's a relief. 171 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,715 He's just gonna terminate the pregnancy. 172 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,416 - Oh, Dad, what? - Oh, Mike. Come on. 173 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,118 Well, that's what happens... they'll get rid of the babies 174 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,586 so she can go through another breeding cycle. 175 00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,721 That's just what happens, guys. 176 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,989 Well, we can't let him do that. 177 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,423 Dad, we have to save them. 178 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:34,093 Don't we have any rights? Muffin is the father. 179 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,262 Wait a minute, are you saying someone other than the mother 180 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,530 has rights during the pregnancy? 181 00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:42,234 "One of my puppies could grow up to cure cancer!" 182 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,369 I am just saying 183 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,704 that you and Chuck should work something out. 184 00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,106 No, no. No, no. 185 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,508 This is a choice between Lady and her physician. 186 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,077 Maybe she's not ready to have children. 187 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,279 Maybe this is an inconvenient time. 188 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,147 Maybe she wants to go back to obedience school, you know? 189 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,116 Whatever. 190 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,018 The father has no rights when it comes to pregnancy. 191 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,587 Yeah, but he has plenty to say before the pregnancy. 192 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,422 By using birth control or self-control... 193 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,292 - two things guys kind of stink at. - Amen. 194 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,027 It sounds like someone's trying 195 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,095 to ditch out on their responsibilities, Mike. 196 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,231 I didn't get the dog pregnant. 197 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,401 I didn't even know Muffin had the equipment. 198 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,369 All right. Let's pray. We eat. 199 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,404 [cellphone rings] Sorry. 200 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,039 Please, put the phones down. 201 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,308 [inhale sharply] Oh, no. It's an unknown number. 202 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,976 Oh, I bet it's that car you bumped. 203 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,445 Mandy, answer it. You can't run away from it. 204 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,114 Hi. This is Mandy Baxter. 205 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,249 Hey, hey, hey. 206 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,418 See if he wants a monster puppy as payment. 207 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,087 Stop. 208 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,663 [doorbell rings] 209 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,435 Oh. Hey, Carol. Is Chuck around? 210 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,270 Sorry, Mike. He's not here. 211 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,105 Oh, okay, would you tell him that Vanessa and I 212 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:57,710 figured it probably was Muffin that got his freak on with Lady? 213 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,345 Oh, well, Lady is a big girl, 214 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:02,147 and by that I mean she probably didn't notice. 215 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,117 Um, well, w-whatever the costs, 216 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,019 - w-we'll share them with you. - Okay. 217 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,488 'Cause it's... you know, it's It's the right thing to do. 218 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,557 - Fine. - You're welcome. 219 00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:12,691 I didn't say "Thank you." 220 00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:16,662 I know you didn't, but... you're welcome. 221 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,030 Listen. [chuckles] 222 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,331 I'll tell Chuck. I promise. 223 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,633 But I'm not quite sure when I'm gonna see him again. 224 00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,168 Ah, don't worry. I'm sure he'll come back. 225 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,470 Don't let the statistics scare you. 226 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:25,638 [chuckles] 227 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:31,310 That's... that's a kind of joke Chuck enjoys. 228 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,979 Mm. He really doesn't. 229 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,382 But he's not here. He moved out. 230 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,150 Out? 231 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,185 Out... almost a week ago. 232 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,054 I'm sorry to hear that. I really am. 233 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,389 So, um, if you don't mind me asking, 234 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,723 where... where did he move to? 235 00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,725 He's staying temporarily over at the Pinewood, 236 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:49,161 those furnished apartments you can rent by the week. 237 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,162 Ri... [laughs] 238 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,296 It's funny 'cause a lot of guys 239 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,333 rent those by the by the hour 'cause the... 240 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,469 I don't... I'm s... I don't ...I don't... I don't... 241 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,439 I don't think Chuck did it that way, though. 242 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,713 - Hey. - Hi. 243 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,649 So... how pissed was the guy about his car. 244 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,683 Did he yell? Did he slap you? 245 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,152 You know what? 246 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,754 He was actually really impressed that I left a note. 247 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,523 But I left the note. 248 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,525 Yeah, it turns out that he owns that electronics store 249 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,060 where we parked, 250 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,563 and he said that my honesty restored his faith in humanity. 251 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,599 And then he gathered all of his employees around. 252 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,269 And... they slapped you? 253 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,603 They applauded me. 254 00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:32,738 And then... 255 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,406 He gave me an iPad! 256 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,042 What? Yeah! 257 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,677 Yeah, he said I should be rewarded for my integrity. 258 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,980 Mm-hmm. But it's my integrity, so it's my iPad. 259 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:43,615 Ooh, Eve, Eve, Eve. No. 260 00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:44,716 Just try being a better person. 261 00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,186 Good things will happen to you, too. 262 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,121 [sighs] 263 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,322 Hey, honey? Yeah? 264 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,091 Good night, girls. Good night. BOTH: Good night. 265 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,725 You ready for bed? As a matter of fact, I am. 266 00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:55,594 But you know what? I'm gonna get some cereal. I'll be up. 267 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,729 Okay. Oh, hey. You know what? 268 00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,665 You never told me how things went with Chuck. 269 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,400 Are you two, uh, all back to normal? 270 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:02,501 In that we still dislike each other? 271 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,036 That's never gonna change. 272 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,170 He actually wasn't there. 273 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,705 But, uh, Carol gave me his new address. 274 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,373 New address? What new address? 275 00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:10,242 Are the Larabees moving? 276 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,610 Just Chuck. 277 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,145 What? 278 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,514 Hey, are you telling me that Chuck left Carol? 279 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,282 I don't know. We... we didn't get into it. 280 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,319 [gasps] I... [sighs] I'm shocked. 281 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,520 You know, I'm not really shocked. 282 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,588 I think she woke up one day 283 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:26,091 and went, "Damn, I'm married to Chuck?" 284 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,760 Either way, honey, this is none of our business, okay? 285 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:31,430 No. No. I just... I can't believe she didn't tell me. 286 00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,565 I-I just saw her yesterday, and she never let on. 287 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:36,703 I guess it's true... Black don't crack. 288 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,607 That's not what that means. 289 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:42,741 I asked her if she was okay, 290 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:44,610 and she had the nerve to say "Fine." 291 00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:45,744 But she is fine. No, she lied right to my face. 292 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,979 No, she is fine. No. 293 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,013 She said "Fine" to me, too. 294 00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,515 You know that feeling that washes over you 295 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,837 every time Chuck leaves the room? 296 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:53,652 Where are you going? 297 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,654 I'm going to see my dear friend Carol Larabee. 298 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,722 You know what time it is? 299 00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:59,158 No, I just want to make sure she's okay 300 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,593 and that she knows that I am always there for her. 301 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,296 Don't go over there now! There's no reason to... 302 00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,698 See if she's got milk. 303 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,568 And, hey, watch your step. 304 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,503 I made good on that DNA promise, too. 305 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,040 [sighs] 306 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,078 [doorbell rings] 307 00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,048 Vanessa? 308 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:24,516 Oh, Carol, honey, Mike told me about Chuck. 309 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,318 You... you must be devastated. 310 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,519 You know, I'm actually a very private person 311 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,087 when it comes to things like this. 312 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,522 - Right. Mm-hmm. - I'm hoping you'll understand that. 313 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,357 - But we're friends. - I didn't think you would. 314 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,493 Come on in. 315 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,694 I know, sweetie. I-I-I hate to intrude. 316 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,197 But how... how are you holding up? 317 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,665 This is probably the worst of it right here. 318 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:40,966 Yeah. 319 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,201 Yeah, listen, Carol, 320 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,468 you don't have to pretend to be strong for me. 321 00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,470 If there's one thing I've learned as a military wife, 322 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,306 it's how to get along without my husband. 323 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,740 Mm. Yeah. And, with all that moving around, 324 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,309 not to get too close to the neighbors. 325 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,310 So... 326 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,979 Well, wait, listen. 327 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,515 Carol, I mean, w-when did Chuck leave home? 328 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,584 A week ago. What? 329 00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,652 A-a week ago? But... but I just saw you yesterday. 330 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,288 We went to a movie. Why... why didn't you tell me then? 331 00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,489 I don't talk in movie theaters. 332 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:05,557 - I... - Most of us don't. 333 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,259 - I know, but... - Tell your friends. 334 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,293 [sighs] 335 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,461 Although, I did agree with that woman 336 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,996 who yelled, "Watch out, gravity! 337 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:14,299 Don't let go of that spaceship!" 338 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,434 I'm sorry. 339 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,603 I thought we were... were closer than that. 340 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,438 Well, if you had asked me about Chuck, I would have told you. 341 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,606 Well... "Asked you?" 342 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,641 Well, Carol, I-I-I can't ask you about every little thing. 343 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,476 I mean, I-I can't ask you every time I see you 344 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,978 if you have some terrible disease. 345 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,212 [gasps] 346 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,714 Please tell me you don't have a terrible disease! 347 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,115 Please. [laughs] 348 00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:32,284 If I did, would you stop yelling at me? 349 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,019 Oh, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. 350 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,487 I'm sorry, too. Aw. 351 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,556 I mean, I didn't know Chuck and me having a big fight 352 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,725 - would cause you this much pain. - No, it's just... No. 353 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,261 Oh. [voice breaking] I just... 354 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,730 Oh, I want to be there for you, Carol. 355 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:48,731 And I just... I don't know. I want you to want me, too. 356 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,536 Oh, come on, honey. 357 00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:53,205 [sobbing] There, there. 358 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,642 - Oh, you gonna get over this, girl. - Ohh. 359 00:13:02,934 --> 00:13:06,303 - Oh, there she is, my good Samaritan, Mandy. - Hi. 360 00:13:06,304 --> 00:13:07,371 [both laugh] 361 00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:08,672 Don't tell me... you dented my car again. 362 00:13:08,673 --> 00:13:10,007 [laughs] 363 00:13:10,008 --> 00:13:11,608 But, of course, you would tell me 364 00:13:11,609 --> 00:13:12,910 because you're such an honest person. 365 00:13:12,911 --> 00:13:15,279 Aww. Yeah, no. I was really careful this time. 366 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,281 I just parked in the handicapped spot. 367 00:13:17,282 --> 00:13:19,249 Okay. 368 00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:21,251 So, are you enjoying your iPad? 369 00:13:21,252 --> 00:13:22,352 [inhales sharply] 370 00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:24,955 Well... I kind of thought that it'd have, like, 371 00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:27,291 more gigs and maybe the retina display, 372 00:13:27,292 --> 00:13:29,860 so I was hoping that I could just return it for cash. 373 00:13:29,861 --> 00:13:32,429 - Let me get this straight. - Yeah. 374 00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:33,564 - You dent my car. - Mm-hmm. 375 00:13:33,565 --> 00:13:35,232 And I reward you for your honesty 376 00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:36,600 by giving you a beautiful gift. 377 00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:38,702 Yes, it was beautiful... 378 00:13:38,703 --> 00:13:41,572 but also sort of, like, the base model. 379 00:13:41,573 --> 00:13:43,574 And now you want to return it to me 380 00:13:43,575 --> 00:13:45,242 and expect me to give you cash? 381 00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:47,377 Mm-hmm. That would be great. Thank you. 382 00:13:47,378 --> 00:13:48,579 How dare you?! 383 00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:52,249 Okay, um... Store credit is totally fine. 384 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:54,484 Although, like, I'm not really seeing anything 385 00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,320 that I love, but... 386 00:13:56,321 --> 00:13:58,221 You ungrateful criminal. 387 00:13:58,222 --> 00:13:59,356 What? 388 00:13:59,357 --> 00:14:00,791 Everyone, gather 'round. You remember Mandy. 389 00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:01,959 [applause] 390 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,328 No clapping! 391 00:14:04,329 --> 00:14:05,729 She is no longer our friend. 392 00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,332 She is here today throwing my gift in my face 393 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:10,534 and breaking my heart. 394 00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:11,535 Give me that. No. 395 00:14:11,536 --> 00:14:13,737 No gift for you. 396 00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:16,740 Ha. Joke's on you because I didn't even leave that note. 397 00:14:16,741 --> 00:14:18,275 My sister did. 398 00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:19,409 Oh, well, ha. 399 00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:21,411 Joke's back on you because I'm gonna call 400 00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:22,913 your insurance company for that dent. 401 00:14:22,914 --> 00:14:24,281 Oh, ha ha! 402 00:14:24,282 --> 00:14:25,749 Joke's back on you because that bill 403 00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,284 goes straight to my dad. 404 00:14:27,285 --> 00:14:28,685 Well, ha. 405 00:14:28,686 --> 00:14:30,887 The joke's on you because you're being towed right now. 406 00:14:33,424 --> 00:14:36,260 So much for your no-hassle return policy. 407 00:14:39,797 --> 00:14:42,332 Doc, I'll bring him over right now. 408 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,600 Yeah, yeah. Thanks. 409 00:14:43,601 --> 00:14:45,736 [sighs] 410 00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:47,537 Listen, I'm sorry it's come to this, Muffin. 411 00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,498 I'll give you a few minutes to kiss them goodbye. 412 00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:52,676 - I'm gonna head out. - Mm. 413 00:14:52,677 --> 00:14:53,910 You going to the vet? 414 00:14:53,911 --> 00:14:55,746 I can't get this operation off my mind. 415 00:14:55,747 --> 00:14:59,349 Today, at Starbucks, I ordered a muffin without nuts. 416 00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,251 Honey, he'll sleep, and when he wakes up, 417 00:15:01,252 --> 00:15:02,619 he won't even know what happened. 418 00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,588 He's a guy. He'll know what happened. 419 00:15:04,589 --> 00:15:06,923 If it happened to me, I'd know what happened. 420 00:15:06,924 --> 00:15:08,925 If it happened to you, you'd have to figure out 421 00:15:08,926 --> 00:15:10,694 something else to do while you watch TV. 422 00:15:10,695 --> 00:15:13,230 Listen. [sighs] 423 00:15:13,231 --> 00:15:16,400 - Can we please talk about the Larabees? - This is none of our business. 424 00:15:16,401 --> 00:15:17,668 I tried to get Carol to open up about it, but... 425 00:15:17,669 --> 00:15:19,636 Because it's none of our business. 426 00:15:19,637 --> 00:15:21,605 Chuck's retirement is the problem. 427 00:15:21,606 --> 00:15:23,940 See, he's around all the time with nothing to do, 428 00:15:23,941 --> 00:15:25,842 and he pretends it doesn't affect him, 429 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:28,011 but the guy feels like he's lost his purpose. 430 00:15:28,012 --> 00:15:29,646 You said you couldn't get her to open up. 431 00:15:29,647 --> 00:15:31,615 Well... I don't know this much about Jesus, 432 00:15:31,616 --> 00:15:33,283 and I read the whole book. 433 00:15:33,284 --> 00:15:35,786 Well... I had to fill in a lot of the blanks. 434 00:15:35,787 --> 00:15:37,587 Look, I know Carol well enough to know 435 00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:38,989 that her pushing me away, it's really... 436 00:15:38,990 --> 00:15:40,457 really a plea for help. 437 00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:43,493 Or a plea for you to go away! 438 00:15:43,494 --> 00:15:44,628 Well, you'll talk to him, 439 00:15:44,629 --> 00:15:46,697 and you'll get Chuck's side of the story. 440 00:15:46,698 --> 00:15:47,664 I don't want Chuck's side of the story! 441 00:15:47,665 --> 00:15:48,765 Why am I involved in this? 442 00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:49,766 Look, the guy is lost. 443 00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:51,301 He's over there breeding dogs 444 00:15:51,302 --> 00:15:53,904 because Carol talked him out of getting chickens. 445 00:15:53,905 --> 00:15:55,338 Listen, you know the won... 446 00:15:55,339 --> 00:15:56,673 wonderful thing about other people's problems? 447 00:15:56,674 --> 00:15:58,375 They're other people's problems. 448 00:15:58,376 --> 00:15:59,576 Well, you know what? 449 00:15:59,577 --> 00:16:00,577 Do what you want, but the guy deserves our help. 450 00:16:00,578 --> 00:16:02,913 He's a neighbor, he's a friend, and he's a vet. 451 00:16:02,914 --> 00:16:04,581 Well, he's not the kind of vet that could help me out with Muffin. 452 00:16:04,582 --> 00:16:05,650 I'll tell you that. 453 00:16:07,552 --> 00:16:09,653 Oh, come on. 454 00:16:09,654 --> 00:16:11,688 You're gonna have to figure out something else to do 455 00:16:11,689 --> 00:16:13,357 when you watch TV. 456 00:16:17,695 --> 00:16:20,397 Okay, Lady. 457 00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:22,733 Now, I ran out of brown, 458 00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:26,670 so I'm gonna have to paint your eyes green! 459 00:16:26,671 --> 00:16:27,938 [knock on door] 460 00:16:27,939 --> 00:16:30,941 Okay, well, you just stay there. I'll get it. 461 00:16:30,942 --> 00:16:34,945 If it's an intruder, I'll bite him. 462 00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:36,279 [sighs] 463 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,914 - Come here. - Bax... Baxter? 464 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:39,449 Hold on a second. Come here! 465 00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:42,552 Come here, you little horn dog! That's a cat, damn it. 466 00:16:42,553 --> 00:16:44,721 Oh. Geez. 467 00:16:44,722 --> 00:16:46,656 Did you bring him around here to gloat? 468 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,525 No, no. On my way to get him fixed. 469 00:16:48,526 --> 00:16:50,327 I figured, maybe for old time's sakes, 470 00:16:50,328 --> 00:16:51,528 that Lady would toss him one. 471 00:16:51,529 --> 00:16:54,598 [groans] We're not interested. 472 00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:55,932 [door closes] [Lady whines] 473 00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,801 I said we're not interested. 474 00:16:57,802 --> 00:16:59,369 Actually, the reason I stopped by... 475 00:16:59,370 --> 00:17:00,737 I don't know what Carol told you, 476 00:17:00,738 --> 00:17:02,906 but I'm willing to take responsibility for those puppies. 477 00:17:02,907 --> 00:17:04,574 Oh. 478 00:17:04,575 --> 00:17:08,575 I haven't spoken to Carol, but, uh... but thanks. 479 00:17:09,914 --> 00:17:13,416 And, uh... Oh, when you... when you spoke to Carol, 480 00:17:13,417 --> 00:17:17,687 did, uh... did she, uh Did she seem okay? 481 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,422 Yeah, I guess. I didn't talk to her much. 482 00:17:19,423 --> 00:17:21,258 I talked to her boyfriend. Man, he can cook. 483 00:17:21,259 --> 00:17:23,560 I don't know what he was making. 484 00:17:23,561 --> 00:17:24,795 Painting the den there. 485 00:17:24,796 --> 00:17:27,330 Putting his furniture in it. [laughs] Oh, Baxter. 486 00:17:27,331 --> 00:17:28,799 I'd really hoped Carol 487 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,502 would get custody of you in the breakup. 488 00:17:32,503 --> 00:17:35,939 You know, I... Enh-enh! 489 00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:39,442 Oh, that... Man, that's something, huh? 490 00:17:39,443 --> 00:17:40,577 [sighs] 491 00:17:40,578 --> 00:17:42,646 Which one of you painted this? 492 00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:44,781 It's... it's a new hobby. 493 00:17:44,782 --> 00:17:46,750 I'm not... not really good at hobbies. [sighs] 494 00:17:46,751 --> 00:17:48,586 Not really good at painting, either. 495 00:17:49,887 --> 00:17:52,756 Chuck... What are you doing here? 496 00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:55,659 I'm trying to enjoy my retirement. 497 00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,828 But my wife thinks I need to be doing stuff. 498 00:17:57,829 --> 00:17:59,696 I-I don't want to... I don't want to 499 00:17:59,697 --> 00:18:02,265 clean rain gutters or... or build shelves 500 00:18:02,266 --> 00:18:04,601 or plant her a little patch of oregano. 501 00:18:04,602 --> 00:18:06,837 I do not like oregano! 502 00:18:06,838 --> 00:18:08,505 If you garden like you paint, 503 00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:10,006 you won't have to worry about that. 504 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:13,610 The woman won't accept that I just like to do nothing. 505 00:18:13,611 --> 00:18:14,611 It's understandable. 506 00:18:14,612 --> 00:18:15,912 I mean, you are in your late 40s. 507 00:18:15,913 --> 00:18:18,448 That's generally the time that men just sit back 508 00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:19,883 and wait to die. 509 00:18:19,884 --> 00:18:23,253 Sometimes, death can just spring up on a man, 510 00:18:23,254 --> 00:18:25,655 like when he's bothering a Marine. 511 00:18:25,656 --> 00:18:27,991 Listen, I get it. 512 00:18:27,992 --> 00:18:29,693 I get what it's like coming home. 513 00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:31,628 I was on the road for eight years of my marriage 514 00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:33,430 shooting pictures for Outdoor Man. 515 00:18:33,431 --> 00:18:35,265 Well, unless those pictures were shooting back, 516 00:18:35,266 --> 00:18:37,367 it's not really the same thing. 517 00:18:37,368 --> 00:18:38,768 I'm talking about when I got him, 518 00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:41,771 my wife had all sorts of ideas how I should spend my time. 519 00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:42,973 [sighs] 520 00:18:42,974 --> 00:18:45,508 Didn't like it, but, I mean, I didn't just bail out. 521 00:18:45,509 --> 00:18:47,711 [sighs] What do you want me to say, Baxter? 522 00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:49,679 That all I've ever done is serve my country, 523 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,448 and without it I'm lost? 524 00:18:51,449 --> 00:18:53,617 That my whole identity was tied up with being a Marine, 525 00:18:53,618 --> 00:18:55,485 and now I don't know who I am? 526 00:18:55,486 --> 00:18:57,754 Or... or... or... Oh, I-I'm afraid. 527 00:18:57,755 --> 00:18:59,289 Oh, yeah, now, that's it. That's it. 528 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:01,625 I'm afraid to take the next step in my life 529 00:19:01,626 --> 00:19:04,861 because what if I try something new and I fail? 530 00:19:04,862 --> 00:19:06,731 Uh... Exhibit "A." 531 00:19:07,865 --> 00:19:10,734 I ran out of brown! 532 00:19:10,735 --> 00:19:12,235 Look, I-I got home, 533 00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:13,870 and I had to figure out a way to reinvent myself. 534 00:19:13,871 --> 00:19:15,572 You got to reinvent yourself. 535 00:19:15,573 --> 00:19:17,707 [sighs] I get it, Baxter. 536 00:19:17,708 --> 00:19:19,276 No, but you can't do it alone. 537 00:19:19,277 --> 00:19:20,877 You got to reinvent yourself around the... 538 00:19:20,878 --> 00:19:22,879 the new platoon you got to spend time with. 539 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,882 It's your wife and kid. 540 00:19:25,883 --> 00:19:27,385 You got to go home, man. 541 00:19:29,587 --> 00:19:30,587 [sighs] 542 00:19:30,588 --> 00:19:32,423 You're welcome. 543 00:19:33,624 --> 00:19:35,558 I didn't say "Thank you." 544 00:19:35,559 --> 00:19:38,361 It's time to go get snipped. 545 00:19:38,362 --> 00:19:40,698 I'm gonna put them on a key chain. 546 00:19:41,599 --> 00:19:44,768 You could have just said you missed me, Baxter. 547 00:19:44,769 --> 00:19:45,770 Yeah, I could have. 548 00:19:47,471 --> 00:19:49,472 Listen, you might want to give Carol a courtesy call 549 00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:51,274 in case someone's there planting her oregano. 550 00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,710 [laughs] [door closes] 551 00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:57,981 Hi, there. 552 00:19:57,982 --> 00:20:01,351 Mike "The Moose" Baxter here for Outdoor Man. 553 00:20:01,352 --> 00:20:03,854 [howls] 554 00:20:03,855 --> 00:20:07,124 Announcing our first annual marriage-saver sale. 555 00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:08,725 20% off everything 556 00:20:08,726 --> 00:20:12,262 we sell designed to help you spend time away from home... 557 00:20:12,263 --> 00:20:15,766 Which is pretty much everything we sell here at Outdoor Man. 558 00:20:15,767 --> 00:20:17,768 Because nothing is better for a marriage 559 00:20:17,769 --> 00:20:21,071 than not being around each other all the time. 560 00:20:21,072 --> 00:20:24,775 Ask a man why he goes to work. He'll say, "to earn a living." 561 00:20:24,776 --> 00:20:26,910 But come on... with the internet, these days, 562 00:20:26,911 --> 00:20:30,447 most jobs could be done at home right next to the little lady. 563 00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:31,882 [chuckles] 564 00:20:31,883 --> 00:20:34,318 "What are you working on? Want to get some lunch? 565 00:20:34,319 --> 00:20:35,452 "Since you're here, 566 00:20:35,453 --> 00:20:37,287 "can you fix that thing that isn't really broken 567 00:20:37,288 --> 00:20:39,823 that I just don't know how to use?" 568 00:20:39,824 --> 00:20:42,960 Listen, we all know the guy who worked for 50 years, 569 00:20:42,961 --> 00:20:45,796 retired, came home, and died a few weeks later. 570 00:20:45,797 --> 00:20:49,833 And people say, "He worked himself to death." 571 00:20:49,834 --> 00:20:51,034 I don't know. 572 00:20:51,035 --> 00:20:54,872 He was fine when he was working. 573 00:20:54,873 --> 00:20:57,774 Sounds like the dude came home, and that killed him. 574 00:20:57,775 --> 00:20:58,942 Come on. 575 00:20:58,943 --> 00:21:02,112 The only way to be missed is to be gone sometimes. 576 00:21:02,113 --> 00:21:04,815 We've got explorer-model backpacks on sale now 577 00:21:04,816 --> 00:21:07,084 from 25% to 35% off. 578 00:21:07,085 --> 00:21:10,787 Be sure to be gone long enough that she starts to actually say, 579 00:21:10,788 --> 00:21:15,125 "You know, he doesn't smell that bad." 580 00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:17,961 So, pick up one of these and take a hike 581 00:21:17,962 --> 00:21:20,866 before the wife tells you to. 582 00:21:20,891 --> 00:21:25,391 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 583 00:21:25,441 --> 00:21:29,991 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43545

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