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1
00:01:24,544 --> 00:01:26,796
- Answer the phone.
- Where's my suitcase?
2
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:31,718
I'm going downstairs.
Who stole my hair dryer?
3
00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:35,388
Miss. Young lady. Excuse me. Girls.
4
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:38,558
Hey, hey, little boy.
5
00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:40,977
- Excuse me, girls. Girls.
- Take the witches!
6
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:43,188
Hey. Hey, big fella.
Excuse me.
7
00:01:43,313 --> 00:01:45,598
Come help me make up these
beds in the living room!
8
00:01:45,624 --> 00:01:46,633
Excuse me. Ma'am!
9
00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,110
- Hi. Hey, son! Son!
- Who stole my book bag?
10
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:52,739
Big fella! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Little guy. Little guy!
11
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:57,202
Pete's brother and his family
are here. Oh, it's crazy.
12
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,579
- Trish is going to Montreal.
- Montreal?
13
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,706
- Uh-huh.
- That's right. Her family's there.
14
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,708
- And we're off.
- When do you leave?
15
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,752
- Tomorrow.
- You're not ready, are you?
16
00:02:05,877 --> 00:02:10,590
Mom! Uncle Frank won't let me
watch the movie, but the big kids can.
17
00:02:10,715 --> 00:02:13,468
- Why can't I?
- Kevin, I'm on the phone.
18
00:02:13,593 --> 00:02:16,054
When do you come back?
Not till then?
19
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:19,516
It's not even rated "R."
He's just being a jerk.
20
00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:22,852
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...
21
00:02:22,936 --> 00:02:25,146
then it must be really bad.
22
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,398
No, we're not bringing the dog.
We're putting him...
23
00:02:27,482 --> 00:02:29,943
Hey, hey, hey! Get off.
Kevin, out of the room.
24
00:02:30,026 --> 00:02:32,445
Hang up the phone and make me,
why don't ya?
25
00:02:32,529 --> 00:02:33,313
Oh, this kid.
26
00:02:33,339 --> 00:02:36,474
Kate, did you by any chance pick
up a voltage adapter thing?
27
00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:38,451
I didn't have time to do that.
28
00:02:38,535 --> 00:02:40,453
How am I supposed
to shave in France?
29
00:02:40,537 --> 00:02:43,456
- Grow a goatee.
- Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
30
00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:45,458
I've got something
for you to do.
31
00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:48,002
Pick up those Micro Machines
that are all over in there.
32
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:50,964
Aunt Leslie stepped on one
and almost broke her neck.
33
00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:53,071
He was in the garage again
playing with the glue gun.
34
00:02:53,097 --> 00:02:54,158
Didn't we talk about that?
35
00:02:54,259 --> 00:02:57,262
Did I burn down the joint?
I don't think so.
36
00:02:57,387 --> 00:02:59,514
I was making ornaments
out of fishhooks.
37
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:01,391
My new fishhooks?
38
00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:06,229
I can't make ornaments out of the old ones,
with dry worm guts stuck on 'em.
39
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:10,191
- Peter.
- Come on, Kevin. Out.
40
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:12,777
Peter, Kate, do you guys
have a voltage adapter?
41
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:16,114
- Here! Here's a voltage adapter.
- Oh, you're getting heavy.
42
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,366
Go pack your suitcase.
43
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,620
Pack my suitcase?
44
00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:25,265
- Do you know where the shampoo is, Fuller?
- I don't live here.
45
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:27,750
A house with this many people,
there's no shampoo?
46
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,115
- Are your parents home?
- Yeah, but they don't live here.
47
00:03:30,128 --> 00:03:32,797
- Tracy, did you order the pizza?
- Buzz did.
48
00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:36,176
- Excuse me, miss. Are your parents here?
- My parents live in Paris. Sorry.
49
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,178
- Hi!
- Hi!
50
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,804
- Are your parents home?
- Yeah.
51
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,848
- Do they live here?
- No.
52
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:46,895
No. Why should they? All kids, no parents.
Probably a fancy orphanage.
53
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:51,065
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
I've never done this once in my whole life.
54
00:03:51,191 --> 00:03:53,443
- Tough.
- That's what Megan said.
55
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:56,237
- What did I say?
- You told Kevin, "tough."
56
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:59,073
The dope was whining about a suitcase.
What am I supposed to do?
57
00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:01,659
Shake his hand and say,
"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
58
00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:04,704
- I'm not an idiot!
- Oh, really? You're completely helpless!
59
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:07,498
- Everyone has to do everything for you.
- She's right, Kev.
60
00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:11,461
Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm a lot smaller than you.
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
61
00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:15,131
- I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff.
- Shut up, Linnie.
62
00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:17,133
Do you know what I should pack?
63
00:04:17,217 --> 00:04:20,553
Buzz told you, cheek-face.
Toilet paper and water.
64
00:04:20,637 --> 00:04:23,556
Listen, Kev, what are
you so worried about?
65
00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:26,434
You know mom's gonna pack
your stuff anyway.
66
00:04:26,559 --> 00:04:29,771
You're what the French call
les incompetents.
67
00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:33,858
- What?
- Bombs away!
68
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:41,908
P.S. You have to sleep
on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
69
00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:45,745
If he has something to drink,
he's gonna wet the bed.
70
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,623
This house is so full of people,
it makes me sick!
71
00:04:48,748 --> 00:04:51,751
When I grow up and get married,
I'm livin' alone!
72
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:54,671
Did you hear me?
I'm livin' alone!
73
00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:57,507
I'm livin' alone!
74
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:02,262
Who's gonna feed your spider
while we're gone?
75
00:05:02,387 --> 00:05:06,766
He just ate a whole load of mice guts.
He should be good for a couple weeks.
76
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:11,437
Is it true that French babes
don't shave their pits?
77
00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:14,190
Some don't.
78
00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:16,192
But they got nude beaches.
79
00:05:16,276 --> 00:05:19,320
Not in the winter.
80
00:05:23,783 --> 00:05:27,745
- Buzz?
- Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?
81
00:05:27,871 --> 00:05:31,374
Can I sleep in your room?
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
82
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,459
If he has something to drink,
he'll wet the bed.
83
00:05:33,543 --> 00:05:38,173
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
if you were growing on my ass.
84
00:05:40,133 --> 00:05:43,136
Check it out.
Old man Marley.
85
00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:48,641
Who is he?
86
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:53,104
You ever heard
of the South Bend Shovel Slayer!
87
00:05:53,188 --> 00:05:55,148
- No.
- That's him.
88
00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:59,986
Back in '58, he murdered his whole family
and half the people on his block...
89
00:06:01,321 --> 00:06:03,448
with a snow shovel.
90
00:06:03,573 --> 00:06:06,868
Been hiding out
in this neighborhood ever since.
91
00:06:06,993 --> 00:06:10,455
Well, if he's the Shovel Slayer,
how come the cops don't arrest him?
92
00:06:10,580 --> 00:06:12,498
Not enough evidence to convict.
93
00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:15,126
They never found the bodies.
94
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,462
But everyone around here
knows he did it.
95
00:06:17,587 --> 00:06:21,299
Now it'll just be a matter of time
before he does it again.
96
00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:23,384
What's he doin' now?
97
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:27,430
He walks up and down
the streets every night...
98
00:06:27,514 --> 00:06:29,849
salting the sidewalks.
99
00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:31,893
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
100
00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:35,855
No way.
101
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:38,983
See that garbage can full of salt?
102
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:42,070
That's where he keeps his victims.
103
00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:45,073
The salt turns the bodies...
104
00:06:45,198 --> 00:06:47,992
into mummies.
105
00:06:48,076 --> 00:06:51,037
- Wow.
- Mummies.
106
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,418
Look out!
107
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:31,995
How you kids doin', huh? Good?
108
00:07:32,078 --> 00:07:34,789
Lot of action
around here today, huh?
109
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:37,584
Goin' on vacation?
Where you goin'?
110
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:42,005
Do you hear me or what?
Goin' on a trip?
111
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:44,174
Where you goin', kid?
112
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,519
Okay, that's 122.50.
113
00:07:56,603 --> 00:07:58,605
Not for me, kid.
I don't live here.
114
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:02,650
- Oh. You just around for the holidays?
- I guess you could say that.
115
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:06,112
- Hey, pizza's here!
- Here you go. That's 122.50.
116
00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:08,865
It's my brother's house.
He'll take care of it.
117
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:12,202
Hey, listen, uh...
118
00:08:12,285 --> 00:08:15,705
- Hi.
- Hi. Are you Mr. McCallister?
119
00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:18,124
- Yeah.
- The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
120
00:08:18,249 --> 00:08:21,252
- Yes.
- Oh, good, 'cause somebody owes me 122.50.
121
00:08:21,377 --> 00:08:24,881
- I'd like a word with you, sir.
- Am I under arrest or something?
122
00:08:24,964 --> 00:08:28,801
No, no. It's Christmastime. There's always
a lot of burglaries around the holidays.
123
00:08:28,927 --> 00:08:33,306
We're checking the neighborhood to see if
everyone's taking the proper precautions.
124
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:37,519
Oh, yeah. Well, we have automatic timers
for our lights, locks for our doors.
125
00:08:37,644 --> 00:08:39,729
That's about as well
as anybody can do these days.
126
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:42,023
- You get some eggnog?
- Come on, Dad.
127
00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,025
- Let's eat.
- Come on.
128
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,382
- Eggnog? Listen, are you
gonna be leaving, uh...
129
00:08:46,408 --> 00:08:47,136
- Pizza! Pizza!
130
00:08:47,237 --> 00:08:49,155
Pizza!
131
00:08:49,322 --> 00:08:52,325
Grab yourself a napkin.
You're gonna have to pour your own drinks.
132
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:54,536
Does Santa Claus have
to go through customs?
133
00:08:54,661 --> 00:08:56,871
- What time do we have to go to bed?
- Early.
134
00:08:56,996 --> 00:08:59,457
We're leaving the house
at 8:00 a.m. on the button.
135
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:03,795
I hope you're all drinking milk. I want
to get rid of it. Hey! Don't you dare.
136
00:09:03,878 --> 00:09:07,056
Honey, the pizza boy needs
$122.50, plus a tip.
137
00:09:07,082 --> 00:09:08,074
For pizza?
138
00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:10,009
Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
139
00:09:10,093 --> 00:09:12,637
- Frank, you've got money. Come on.
- Traveler's checks.
140
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,598
Forget it, Frank.
We have cash.
141
00:09:15,682 --> 00:09:18,351
You've probably got traveler's
checks that don't work in France.
142
00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:21,437
Did anyone order me
a plain cheese?
143
00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:23,982
Oh, yeah, we did.
But if you want any...
144
00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:27,318
somebody's gonna have
to barf it all up, 'cause it's gone.
145
00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:30,947
Fuller!
Go easy on the Pepsi.
146
00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:41,124
Kev! Kevin, get a plate.
147
00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:50,049
Wow!
148
00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:52,969
The passports! Watch it!
149
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:56,181
Help me out here!
150
00:09:56,306 --> 00:09:59,100
Let's get these passports
out of here.
151
00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:02,687
- Kevin, get off of him!
- You moron!
152
00:10:02,812 --> 00:10:06,357
Are you okay, honey?
Come here. Are you all right?
153
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:08,234
What is the matter with you?
154
00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:11,237
He started it!
He ate my pizza on purpose.
155
00:10:11,362 --> 00:10:13,615
He knows I hate sausage
and olives and...
156
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:16,159
Look what you did,
you little jerk!
157
00:10:30,215 --> 00:10:32,300
- Kevin, get upstairs right now.
- Why?
158
00:10:32,425 --> 00:10:35,637
- Kevin, you're such a disease.
- Shut up.
159
00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:37,472
- Kevin, upstairs!
- Say good night, Kevin.
160
00:10:37,597 --> 00:10:41,851
- Good night, Kevin.
- Now what's for dinner?
161
00:10:41,935 --> 00:10:44,270
Why do I always get treated
like scum?
162
00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:46,731
Oh, I'm sorry.
This house is just crazy.
163
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,733
We've got all these
extra kids running around.
164
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:52,487
My brother-in-law drove in
from Ohio today. It's just nuts.
165
00:10:52,612 --> 00:10:55,198
How come you didn't
bring more cheese pizzas?
166
00:10:55,281 --> 00:10:57,325
Nice tip. Thanks a lot.
167
00:10:57,450 --> 00:10:59,869
- Thanks.
- Having a reunion or something?
168
00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:01,871
My husband's brother transferred
to Paris last summer...
169
00:11:01,955 --> 00:11:05,875
and his kids are still going to school here,
and I guess he missed the whole family.
170
00:11:05,959 --> 00:11:08,586
He's giving us this trip to Paris
so we can be together.
171
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:12,465
- You're taking a trip to Paris?
- Yes, we hope to leave tomorrow morning.
172
00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:14,843
Excellent. Excellent.
173
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:18,096
If you'll excuse me, this one's
out of sorts. I'll be right back.
174
00:11:18,221 --> 00:11:21,015
Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband already.
175
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,309
And don't worry
about your home.
176
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,812
It's in good hands.
177
00:11:28,648 --> 00:11:32,151
There are 15 people in this house. You're
the only one that has to make trouble.
178
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:35,321
- I'm the only one getting dumped on.
- You're the only one acting up.
179
00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:40,034
- Now get upstairs.
- I am upstairs, dummy.
180
00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:42,704
- The third floor?
- Go.
181
00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:46,040
- It's scary up there.
- Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.
182
00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:49,335
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
You know about him. He wets the bed.
183
00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:51,629
He'll pee all over me.
I know it.
184
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,756
Fine. We'll put him
somewhere else.
185
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,384
I'm sorry.
186
00:11:56,509 --> 00:11:59,012
It's too late.
Get upstairs.
187
00:12:01,931 --> 00:12:04,100
Everyone in this family hates me.
188
00:12:04,184 --> 00:12:06,436
Then maybe you should ask Santa
for a new family.
189
00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:10,190
I don't want a new family!
I don't want any family! Families suck!
190
00:12:10,315 --> 00:12:13,484
Stay up there. I don't want to
see you for the rest of the night.
191
00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:16,237
I don't want to see you
for the rest of my life.
192
00:12:16,362 --> 00:12:19,032
And I don't want to see
anybody else either.
193
00:12:19,157 --> 00:12:21,117
I hope you don't mean that.
194
00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:25,163
You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow
morning and you didn't have a family.
195
00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:28,791
- No, I wouldn't.
- Then say it again.
196
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:33,296
- Maybe it'll happen.
- I hope I never see any of you jerks again.
197
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,445
I wish they would all just disappear.
198
00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:57,630
- Where are they?
- I don't know. She said 8:00 sharp.
199
00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:09,475
Peter!
200
00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,519
We slept in!
201
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:31,289
Hi. I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.
202
00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:34,834
You guys going out of town?
We're going to Orlando, Florida.
203
00:14:34,918 --> 00:14:38,588
Well, actually, first we're going
to Missouri to pick up my grandma.
204
00:14:38,671 --> 00:14:41,257
Do you know the McCallisters
are going to France?
205
00:14:41,341 --> 00:14:45,136
Do you know if it's cold there?
Do these vans get good gas mileage?
206
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:48,181
Gee, kid, I don't know.
Hit the road.
207
00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:53,186
Heather, do a head count.
Make sure everyone's in the vans.
208
00:14:53,311 --> 00:14:55,188
Where are the passports
and tickets?
209
00:14:55,313 --> 00:14:57,190
I put 'em in the microwave
to dry 'em off.
210
00:14:57,315 --> 00:14:59,192
How fast does this thing go?
211
00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:03,238
Does it have automatic transmission?
Does it have four-wheel drive?
212
00:15:03,363 --> 00:15:07,534
Look, I told you before, kid,
don't bother me. Now beat it.
213
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:16,960
Come on. Hurry up.
214
00:15:18,711 --> 00:15:22,549
- Line up in front off the van.
- Did you take my batteries?
215
00:15:22,632 --> 00:15:25,009
- Line up and shut up!
- Wow!
216
00:15:25,093 --> 00:15:27,762
Shut up.
I gotta take a head count.
217
00:15:27,887 --> 00:15:31,975
- One, two, three, four, five...
- Eleven, 92, 12.
218
00:15:32,058 --> 00:15:34,477
Buzz, don't be a moron.
219
00:15:34,561 --> 00:15:37,772
Six, seven, eight...
220
00:15:37,897 --> 00:15:40,441
nine, 10, 11.
221
00:15:40,567 --> 00:15:43,736
Okay. Half in this van, half in this van.
Come on. Let's go.
222
00:15:43,862 --> 00:15:46,364
Have a good trip.
223
00:15:46,489 --> 00:15:48,491
Bring me back something French.
224
00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:55,164
There's no way on earth we're gonna
make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes.
225
00:15:55,248 --> 00:15:58,585
- Think positive, Frank.
- You be positive. I'll be realistic.
226
00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:00,587
- Ma'am? Ma'am?
- What?
227
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:02,672
I wanted to let you know
your power's fixed.
228
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:06,259
Phone lines are a mess. Gonna take Ma
Bell a couple of days to patch 'em up.
229
00:16:06,384 --> 00:16:08,803
- Especially around the holidays.
- Okay, thanks.
230
00:16:08,928 --> 00:16:12,265
- Heather! Did you count heads?
- Eleven, including me.
231
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:17,145
Five boys, six girls, four parents, two
drivers and a partridge in a pear tree.
232
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:51,846
This way!
233
00:16:51,971 --> 00:16:55,433
- Hold the plane!
- Did we miss the flight?
234
00:16:55,558 --> 00:16:58,102
No, you just made it.
235
00:16:58,228 --> 00:17:02,315
- Single seats only in coach. Take whatever's free.
- Thank you.
236
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,609
I get a window seat!
237
00:17:06,986 --> 00:17:09,030
You kids are in coach.
We're up here.
238
00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:11,866
Here are your seats. Five "A"and "B"
and four "A"and "B."
239
00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:14,869
- I'll take your coats.
- Thank you.
240
00:17:14,994 --> 00:17:16,871
Fasten your seat belts, please.
241
00:17:16,996 --> 00:17:19,541
- Champagne, please. It's free, isn't it?
- Oh, yes.
242
00:17:19,666 --> 00:17:23,294
- We made it.
- Do you believe it?
243
00:17:23,378 --> 00:17:25,547
Hope we didn't forget anything.
244
00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:12,927
What are you doing
out of costume?
245
00:18:13,052 --> 00:18:14,929
Now get back and get dressed.
246
00:18:15,054 --> 00:18:17,215
I'm terribly sorry.
I thought you were our Santa Claus.
247
00:18:17,223 --> 00:18:19,142
Your Santa Claus is intoxicated.
248
00:18:19,225 --> 00:18:21,352
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
249
00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:24,522
It's disgraceful!
How can you allow a man...
250
00:18:29,944 --> 00:18:32,697
What do you mean by drinking?
You know it's not allowed!
251
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:36,451
But it's cold.
A man's gotta do something to keep warm.
252
00:18:36,576 --> 00:18:38,453
I ought to take this cane and...
253
00:18:38,578 --> 00:18:43,166
Julia, get some black
coffee and plenty of it.
254
00:18:43,249 --> 00:18:45,210
Black with a little cream.
255
00:18:45,293 --> 00:18:47,504
Mom?
256
00:18:52,509 --> 00:18:55,261
Thank you.
257
00:18:55,386 --> 00:18:58,556
- That's real crystal. It's real.
- Yeah. So?
258
00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:02,894
- Put 'em in your purse. Put 'em! Put 'em!
- I can't do that.
259
00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:04,938
Put them in your purse!
260
00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:09,150
Uh, yeah, yeah, fill it up, fill it up.
Fill it up, please.
261
00:19:09,275 --> 00:19:11,152
Thank you.
262
00:19:11,277 --> 00:19:14,656
Don't you feel like a heel flying first
class with the kids back in coach?
263
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:16,658
No, the kids are fine.
264
00:19:16,783 --> 00:19:20,912
Only flying I ever did as a kid was in the
family station wagon, and it wasn't to France.
265
00:19:20,995 --> 00:19:24,332
We used to have to go over
to Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur's house.
266
00:19:24,457 --> 00:19:26,738
The kids are okay. They're
having the time of their lives.
267
00:19:26,752 --> 00:19:27,318
Yeah.
268
00:19:28,419 --> 00:19:30,380
Hello?
269
00:19:31,548 --> 00:19:33,508
Mom?
270
00:19:35,301 --> 00:19:37,262
Dad?
271
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,393
Mom? Dad?
272
00:19:45,436 --> 00:19:48,147
Where are you guys?
273
00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:50,233
Buzz?
274
00:19:51,651 --> 00:19:53,611
Buzz?
275
00:19:56,614 --> 00:19:58,575
Buzz?
276
00:20:02,328 --> 00:20:04,205
Megan?
277
00:20:04,330 --> 00:20:08,877
Hello? Hello?
278
00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:11,963
Rod? Uncle Frank?
279
00:20:12,088 --> 00:20:14,382
Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
280
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:19,179
Megan? Linnie?
281
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:23,766
Is this a joke?
282
00:20:46,998 --> 00:20:51,461
It's only my imagination.
Only my imagination.
283
00:21:08,561 --> 00:21:12,065
The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport.
284
00:21:29,999 --> 00:21:33,753
I made my family disappear.
285
00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:37,048
Kevin, you're completely helpless.
286
00:21:37,131 --> 00:21:41,719
You know, Kevin, you're what
the French call les incompetents.
287
00:21:41,803 --> 00:21:45,056
Kevin, I'm going to feed you
to my tarantula.
288
00:21:45,139 --> 00:21:48,142
Kevin, you are such a disease.
289
00:21:48,268 --> 00:21:50,436
There are 15 people
in this house...
290
00:21:50,562 --> 00:21:53,356
and you're the only one
who has to make trouble.
291
00:21:53,439 --> 00:21:56,776
Look what you did,
you little jerk.
292
00:22:00,613 --> 00:22:03,741
I made my family disappear.
293
00:22:18,089 --> 00:22:22,135
I'm free! Free! Free!
294
00:22:32,061 --> 00:22:34,022
Wow!
295
00:22:39,986 --> 00:22:43,698
No clothes on anybody.
Sickening!
296
00:22:43,823 --> 00:22:47,952
Cool! Firecrackers!
I'll save these for later.
297
00:22:48,077 --> 00:22:51,039
Buzz, I'm going through
all your private stuff!
298
00:22:51,164 --> 00:22:54,083
You better come out
and pound me!
299
00:22:57,420 --> 00:23:00,673
Buzz, your girlfriend!
Woof!
300
00:23:49,472 --> 00:23:51,432
Who is it?
301
00:23:54,894 --> 00:23:57,814
It's me, Snakes.
I got the stuff.
302
00:23:57,897 --> 00:24:01,025
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out of here.
303
00:24:01,109 --> 00:24:04,320
All right, Johnny.
But what about my money?
304
00:24:04,404 --> 00:24:07,949
- What money?
- Acey said you had some dough for me.
305
00:24:08,074 --> 00:24:11,035
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
306
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,997
Acey said 10%.
307
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,791
Too bad Acey ain't
in charge no more.
308
00:24:16,916 --> 00:24:19,794
- What do you mean?
- Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish!
309
00:24:19,919 --> 00:24:22,881
You better come out
and stop me!
310
00:24:22,964 --> 00:24:25,592
He'll call you when he gets out.
311
00:24:25,717 --> 00:24:27,385
Hey.
312
00:24:27,510 --> 00:24:30,221
I tell you what I'm gonna
give you, Snakes.
313
00:24:31,890 --> 00:24:34,142
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
314
00:24:34,267 --> 00:24:37,353
to get your ugly, yellow...
315
00:24:37,437 --> 00:24:39,564
no-good keister off my property...
316
00:24:39,689 --> 00:24:41,774
before I pump your guts
full of lead.
317
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:44,444
All right, Johnny, I'm sorry.
I'm goin'.
318
00:24:44,569 --> 00:24:47,071
One, two, ten!
319
00:25:02,378 --> 00:25:04,797
Keep the change,
ya filthy animal.
320
00:25:06,466 --> 00:25:08,009
Mom!
321
00:25:19,354 --> 00:25:21,940
What's the matter?
322
00:25:22,023 --> 00:25:24,442
Honey?
323
00:25:24,526 --> 00:25:28,071
- I have a terrible feeling.
- About what?
324
00:25:29,155 --> 00:25:31,282
That we didn't do something.
325
00:25:31,407 --> 00:25:34,702
Oh, no, you feel that way
because we left in such a hurry.
326
00:25:34,827 --> 00:25:36,855
We took care of everything.
Believe me, we did.
327
00:25:36,881 --> 00:25:38,189
Did I turn off the coffee?
328
00:25:38,248 --> 00:25:41,125
No. I did.
329
00:25:41,209 --> 00:25:43,211
Did you lock up?
330
00:25:43,336 --> 00:25:45,213
Yeah.
331
00:25:45,338 --> 00:25:47,966
Did you close the garage?
332
00:25:50,009 --> 00:25:53,805
That's it. I forgot to close
the garage. That's it.
333
00:25:59,394 --> 00:26:01,729
No, that's not it.
334
00:26:02,897 --> 00:26:05,108
What else could we be forgetting?
335
00:26:09,028 --> 00:26:11,239
Kevin!
336
00:26:37,515 --> 00:26:40,143
Whoa!
337
00:26:41,186 --> 00:26:44,939
Whoa! Whoa!
338
00:26:53,698 --> 00:26:56,868
The captain's doing all he can.
Your phones are still out of order.
339
00:26:56,993 --> 00:27:01,414
We'll call as soon as we land, Kate.
I'm sure everything's okay.
340
00:27:01,497 --> 00:27:05,126
It's horrible. Horrible.
Just horrible.
341
00:27:05,251 --> 00:27:08,296
How could we do this?
We forgot him.
342
00:27:08,421 --> 00:27:10,673
We didn't forget him.
We just... miscounted.
343
00:27:11,841 --> 00:27:14,052
What kind of mother am I?
344
00:27:14,177 --> 00:27:17,889
If it makes you feel any better,
I forgot my reading glasses.
345
00:27:22,602 --> 00:27:25,230
Five families gone on one block alone.
346
00:27:25,355 --> 00:27:28,233
- They all told me from their own mouths.
347
00:27:28,316 --> 00:27:30,276
It's almost too easy.
348
00:27:30,401 --> 00:27:34,280
Check it out. All the houses
with nobody home...
349
00:27:34,364 --> 00:27:37,492
have automatic timers
on their lights.
350
00:27:37,617 --> 00:27:40,453
But I got it all figured out.
Watch this.
351
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:45,458
Number 664 will be going on...
352
00:27:45,583 --> 00:27:48,795
right about... now.
353
00:27:50,547 --> 00:27:53,591
- Oh.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
354
00:27:53,716 --> 00:27:56,261
Number 672...
355
00:27:57,554 --> 00:28:00,223
right... now.
356
00:28:00,306 --> 00:28:03,518
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
357
00:28:03,643 --> 00:28:07,856
671... now.
358
00:28:09,983 --> 00:28:13,319
And that's the one, Marvin.
That's the silver tuna.
359
00:28:13,444 --> 00:28:15,572
Oh, it's very "G."
360
00:28:15,655 --> 00:28:18,616
Very "G, " huh?
It's loaded.
361
00:28:18,700 --> 00:28:21,160
It's got lots of topflight goods.
362
00:28:21,244 --> 00:28:24,664
- Stereos, VCR's.
- Toys.
363
00:28:24,789 --> 00:28:29,252
Probably lookin' at some very fine jewelry.
Possible cash hoard.
364
00:28:29,335 --> 00:28:33,590
Odd marketable securities.
Who knows?
365
00:28:33,673 --> 00:28:35,884
It's a gem.
366
00:28:36,009 --> 00:28:37,969
Grab your crowbar.
367
00:28:39,220 --> 00:28:41,181
Crowbars up.
368
00:29:40,156 --> 00:29:40,965
Which way?
369
00:29:40,991 --> 00:29:44,227
We'll go around back to the basement.
Follow me.
370
00:30:04,097 --> 00:30:06,182
I thought you said
they were gone.
371
00:30:06,266 --> 00:30:10,103
- They were supposed to leave this morning.
- Let's get out of here.
372
00:30:46,639 --> 00:30:49,184
We have to use the phone, please.
373
00:30:49,309 --> 00:30:52,061
It's an emergency.
We really have to make a call.
374
00:30:52,145 --> 00:30:55,190
Please! Our brother's home alone.
375
00:30:55,315 --> 00:30:58,526
- Give us the phone!
- Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you.
376
00:30:58,651 --> 00:31:01,613
Peter, I'm gonna call the police.
Why don't you book us a flight home.
377
00:31:01,738 --> 00:31:06,367
Get some change out of here.
Call everybody you know. Oh. Leslie.
378
00:31:06,492 --> 00:31:09,662
Here's my address book. You and Frank
call everybody who lives on our street.
379
00:31:09,787 --> 00:31:11,664
Maybe somebody can help us.
380
00:31:11,789 --> 00:31:15,877
Hello? Hello? Hello?
She'll have to call you back.
381
00:31:21,007 --> 00:31:24,928
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp
would be hiding under a bed.
382
00:31:25,011 --> 00:31:29,140
And I can't be a wimp.
I'm the man of the house.
383
00:31:36,439 --> 00:31:39,317
Hey! I'm not afraid anymore!
384
00:31:40,777 --> 00:31:44,739
I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
385
00:31:44,864 --> 00:31:47,700
Do you hear me?
I'm not afraid anymore!
386
00:32:18,690 --> 00:32:20,650
Village Police Department.
387
00:32:20,733 --> 00:32:24,279
Hi. Look, I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
388
00:32:24,404 --> 00:32:27,782
Our phones are out of order,
so I'd like somebody to go to our house...
389
00:32:27,907 --> 00:32:29,784
and tell him we're
coming home to get him.
390
00:32:29,909 --> 00:32:31,953
Let me connect you with
Family Crisis Intervention.
391
00:32:32,078 --> 00:32:34,914
- It's not a family crisis.
- Hold on.
392
00:32:36,791 --> 00:32:40,295
Larry, can you pick up? There's some
lady on hold, sounds kind of hyper.
393
00:32:40,420 --> 00:32:43,131
- What line, Rose?
- Uh, two.
394
00:32:43,256 --> 00:32:45,842
Family Crisis Intervention.
Sergeant Balzak.
395
00:32:45,925 --> 00:32:48,928
I am calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
396
00:32:49,053 --> 00:32:50,930
Has the child been involved
in a violent altercation...
397
00:32:51,055 --> 00:32:53,850
with a drunken and/or mentally ill
member of his immediate family?
398
00:32:53,933 --> 00:32:57,896
- No.
- Has he been involved in a household accident?
399
00:32:58,021 --> 00:33:00,231
I don't know. I don't...
I hope not.
400
00:33:00,356 --> 00:33:02,817
Has the child ingested any poison...
401
00:33:02,942 --> 00:33:05,612
and/or any other object that has become
lodged in his throat?
402
00:33:05,737 --> 00:33:09,324
No, he's just home alone! I would like
somebody to go over to the house...
403
00:33:09,449 --> 00:33:12,285
and see that he's all right,
just to check on him.
404
00:33:12,368 --> 00:33:15,997
You want us to go to your house
just to check on him?
405
00:33:16,122 --> 00:33:16,806
Yes!
406
00:33:16,832 --> 00:33:19,567
Let me connect you with
the police department.
407
00:33:19,626 --> 00:33:22,128
- They just transferred me to you.
- Rose?
408
00:33:22,253 --> 00:33:24,672
- Yeah?
- Hyper on two. Hold on, please.
409
00:33:24,797 --> 00:33:28,718
No, please don't hang up.
Please, don't... Any luck?
410
00:33:28,801 --> 00:33:32,430
No. We couldn't get anybody.
411
00:33:32,555 --> 00:33:33,314
Leslie?
412
00:33:33,340 --> 00:33:36,376
I'm sorry, Kate. Nothing but a
bunch of answering machines.
413
00:33:38,603 --> 00:33:42,232
Somebody pick up.
Pick up!
414
00:33:42,315 --> 00:33:44,859
- Hi, ma'am. It's you again.
- Yeah, hi. Look.
415
00:33:44,984 --> 00:33:47,820
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone, and I...
416
00:33:47,946 --> 00:33:51,908
Okay, okay. We'll send a policeman
over to your house to check on your son.
417
00:34:22,146 --> 00:34:24,816
There's no one home.
The house looks secure.
418
00:34:24,899 --> 00:34:27,986
- Tell 'em to count their kids again.
Ten-four.
419
00:34:28,111 --> 00:34:30,655
I can't believe you can't
bump somebody or ask somebody...
420
00:34:30,780 --> 00:34:33,449
I'm sorry, but there's
no way I can do that.
421
00:34:33,533 --> 00:34:35,451
Isn't there a way
if you ask somebody?
422
00:34:35,535 --> 00:34:38,079
- If you explained this is an emergency.
- I wish I could...
423
00:34:38,204 --> 00:34:40,724
They're sending a policeman over
to the house to check on Kevin.
424
00:34:40,790 --> 00:34:45,086
- That's a relief. Everything here is booked.
- There's nothing to Chicago?
425
00:34:45,211 --> 00:34:48,506
There's nothing to Chicago, New York,
Nashville. You name it. Everything's gone.
426
00:34:48,631 --> 00:34:53,052
- What about a private plane?
- No, I'm sorry. We don't do that.
427
00:34:53,136 --> 00:34:56,139
The only thing they have is a booking
for all of us on Friday morning.
428
00:34:56,222 --> 00:34:58,474
Friday morning?
That's two days away.
429
00:34:58,558 --> 00:35:01,060
Look, honey, the kids are exhausted.
You are exhausted.
430
00:35:01,144 --> 00:35:03,771
There's absolutely nothing more
we can do in this airport.
431
00:35:03,897 --> 00:35:07,984
I say we go to Rob's, we can call the
police, and they can get back to us.
432
00:35:08,067 --> 00:35:11,905
Kevin is home all by himself. I'm not
leaving here unless it's on an airplane.
433
00:35:11,988 --> 00:35:13,907
Madame, we are doing
everything we can.
434
00:35:13,990 --> 00:35:17,911
If you want to stay at the airport,
maybe we can get you on a standby.
435
00:35:18,036 --> 00:35:21,456
It is a possibility
that a seat will open up.
436
00:35:21,581 --> 00:35:24,667
- Is that okay?
- Yes. I'll wait.
437
00:35:29,756 --> 00:35:33,384
- Bye. I'll miss you.
- Bye.
438
00:35:33,468 --> 00:35:36,429
- Find Kevin.
439
00:35:36,554 --> 00:35:38,515
Don't you get lost.
440
00:35:38,598 --> 00:35:40,725
Good-bye.
441
00:35:40,850 --> 00:35:42,769
Good-bye, Kate.
442
00:35:56,616 --> 00:36:00,119
I took a shower, washing
every body part with actual soap...
443
00:36:00,245 --> 00:36:04,749
including all my major crevices, including
in between my toes and in my belly button...
444
00:36:04,832 --> 00:36:07,293
which I never did before,
but sort of enjoyed.
445
00:36:07,418 --> 00:36:10,046
I washed my hair
with adult-formula shampoo...
446
00:36:10,129 --> 00:36:13,299
and used cream rinse
for that just-washed shine.
447
00:36:13,424 --> 00:36:17,428
I can't seem to find my toothbrush,
so I'll pick one up when I go out today.
448
00:36:17,512 --> 00:36:19,556
Other than that,
I'm in good shape.
449
00:36:53,923 --> 00:36:55,842
Whoa!
450
00:37:09,772 --> 00:37:12,984
All right!
Buzz's life savings.
451
00:37:40,136 --> 00:37:43,014
I thought the Murphys
went to Florida.
452
00:37:58,905 --> 00:38:02,450
You know, you're one of the great
cat burglars of the world, Marv.
453
00:38:02,575 --> 00:38:04,575
You think you could keep
it down a little in there?
454
00:38:05,245 --> 00:38:10,041
Hi, you've reached the Murphys. Please
leave a message after you hear the beep.
455
00:38:10,124 --> 00:38:14,921
Chuck, this is Peter McCallister again, and
we're still in Paris at my brother's apartment.
456
00:38:15,046 --> 00:38:18,132
Let me give you the number here, okay?
The country code is 3-3.
457
00:38:18,258 --> 00:38:20,134
The area code is 1-4.
458
00:38:20,260 --> 00:38:24,472
- And the number is 694-8764.
- Hey, Harry?
459
00:38:24,597 --> 00:38:25,390
Yeah?
460
00:38:25,416 --> 00:38:28,585
House we were at last night,
was that the McCallisters?
461
00:38:28,685 --> 00:38:31,104
- Yeah.
- Call me in Paris.
462
00:38:31,229 --> 00:38:33,773
You're right. They're gone.
463
00:38:37,193 --> 00:38:40,029
- I knew they were.
- Silver tuna tonight.
464
00:38:42,198 --> 00:38:44,158
Wow.
465
00:38:49,289 --> 00:38:51,249
How may I help you?
466
00:38:51,374 --> 00:38:55,211
Is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?
467
00:38:55,295 --> 00:38:58,089
Well, I don't know.
468
00:38:58,214 --> 00:39:01,968
- It doesn't say, hon.
- Can you please find out?
469
00:39:04,971 --> 00:39:06,973
- Herb!
- Yeah?
470
00:39:07,098 --> 00:39:10,894
I've got a question here
about a toothbrush.
471
00:39:16,441 --> 00:39:20,737
Do you know, is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?
472
00:39:20,820 --> 00:39:22,739
I don't know.
473
00:39:43,593 --> 00:39:48,014
- Just tell him that...
- Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
474
00:39:48,097 --> 00:39:50,016
Why don't you just
tell him it's approved?
475
00:39:50,099 --> 00:39:53,436
Wait, son, you have to pay
for that toothbrush. Son?
476
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,522
Son! Hey!
477
00:39:55,605 --> 00:39:59,317
Jimmy! Stop that boy!
478
00:40:02,779 --> 00:40:06,074
Hey! Hey!
479
00:40:08,034 --> 00:40:09,786
Shoplifter!
480
00:40:13,039 --> 00:40:14,874
Hey! Hey, kid!
481
00:40:14,999 --> 00:40:17,585
Come back here!
482
00:40:17,710 --> 00:40:20,421
Watch it!
483
00:40:21,798 --> 00:40:23,591
Come back here!
484
00:40:23,716 --> 00:40:27,595
Stop it, will ya!
Come here!
485
00:40:30,223 --> 00:40:32,392
Whoa! Whoa!
486
00:40:34,060 --> 00:40:37,397
Whoa! Whoa!
487
00:40:39,732 --> 00:40:42,360
Yeehaw!
488
00:41:06,217 --> 00:41:08,178
I'm a criminal.
489
00:41:35,371 --> 00:41:38,082
What's so funny?
490
00:41:38,166 --> 00:41:40,835
What's so funny?
What are you laughin' at?
491
00:41:43,463 --> 00:41:45,465
You did it again, didn't you?
492
00:41:45,548 --> 00:41:48,218
You left the water runnin', didn't you?
493
00:41:48,301 --> 00:41:51,513
What's wrong with you?
I told you not to do it.
494
00:41:51,638 --> 00:41:53,515
Harry, it's our calling card.
495
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,351
- Calling card.
- All the great ones leave their mark.
496
00:41:56,476 --> 00:41:58,353
We're the "Wet Bandits."
497
00:41:58,478 --> 00:42:01,314
You're sick, you know that?
You're really sick.
498
00:42:01,439 --> 00:42:03,316
- I'm not sick.
- Yes, you are.
499
00:42:03,441 --> 00:42:05,360
- I'm not sick!
- That's a sick thing to do!
500
00:42:12,116 --> 00:42:14,802
- We don't need that heat.
- Don't tell me what to do.
501
00:42:14,828 --> 00:42:16,145
I can do it if I want to.
502
00:42:16,246 --> 00:42:18,998
- You're sick.
- I'm not sick.
503
00:42:19,123 --> 00:42:22,210
- Hey, watch out!
504
00:42:28,716 --> 00:42:32,303
Hey. Hey! You gotta watch out
for traffic, son, you know?
505
00:42:32,428 --> 00:42:34,848
- Sorry.
- Damn.
506
00:42:34,931 --> 00:42:37,183
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, little buddy.
507
00:42:37,308 --> 00:42:39,477
Okay, okay.
508
00:42:39,602 --> 00:42:42,897
Merry Christmas.
509
00:42:52,323 --> 00:42:55,702
- What's the matter?
- I don't like the way that kid looked at me.
510
00:42:55,785 --> 00:42:57,704
- Did you see that?
- You ever seen him before?
511
00:42:57,787 --> 00:43:00,498
I saw a hundred kids this week.
512
00:43:00,623 --> 00:43:03,084
Let's see what house
he goes into.
513
00:43:34,741 --> 00:43:36,993
Why is he goin' faster?
514
00:43:37,076 --> 00:43:41,497
I told you something's wrong. I knew
he looked at me weird. Why would he run?
515
00:44:16,908 --> 00:44:20,954
- Maybe he went in the church.
- I'm not goin' in there.
516
00:44:21,079 --> 00:44:23,831
- Me neither.
- Ah, let's get out of here.
517
00:44:42,475 --> 00:44:45,603
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.
518
00:45:11,296 --> 00:45:13,840
- Did they come back?
- From Paris?
519
00:45:49,542 --> 00:45:52,462
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone by then.
520
00:45:52,545 --> 00:45:56,633
We'd better get out of here
before somebody sees us.
521
00:46:25,370 --> 00:46:27,539
Attention! Attention!
522
00:46:27,622 --> 00:46:31,584
- Look what I have found in "ze" kitchen!
- Frank, those are for later.
523
00:46:31,668 --> 00:46:33,628
Frank?
524
00:46:35,046 --> 00:46:38,883
Mes petites enfants,
do you want a little shrimp, eh?
525
00:46:39,008 --> 00:46:42,220
Oper... Do you speak English?
526
00:46:42,345 --> 00:46:45,139
Parlez anglais?
527
00:46:45,265 --> 00:46:47,225
Is there... I mean...
528
00:46:47,308 --> 00:46:52,272
Est ce qui un person
qui parle anglais?
529
00:46:52,355 --> 00:46:55,400
- Did you get anybody?
- I'm looking for my son! Do you know where he is?
530
00:46:55,525 --> 00:47:00,822
I can't find anybody. They've all gone
shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays.
531
00:47:00,947 --> 00:47:03,032
Never mind. Forget it.
532
00:47:03,116 --> 00:47:05,159
This is so pointless.
533
00:47:05,285 --> 00:47:08,997
- What?
- We're here rotting in this apartment.
534
00:47:09,122 --> 00:47:11,291
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
535
00:47:11,416 --> 00:47:13,710
- So?
- You're not at all worried about Kevin?
536
00:47:13,793 --> 00:47:15,712
Why should I be?
537
00:47:15,795 --> 00:47:19,340
He's acted like a jerk too many times,
and this time he caught it in the butt.
538
00:47:19,465 --> 00:47:23,970
But he's so little and helpless.
Don't you think he's flipped out?
539
00:47:24,095 --> 00:47:27,265
The little trout can use
a couple of days in the real world.
540
00:47:27,390 --> 00:47:29,726
You're not worried that something
might happen to him?
541
00:47:29,809 --> 00:47:32,312
No. For three reasons.
542
00:47:32,395 --> 00:47:35,023
I'm not that lucky.
543
00:47:35,148 --> 00:47:37,442
Two: We have smoke detectors.
544
00:47:37,525 --> 00:47:41,487
And "D": We live in the most boring street
in the United States of America...
545
00:47:41,613 --> 00:47:45,992
where nothing even remotely dangerous
will ever happen, period.
546
00:48:13,144 --> 00:48:16,523
- Who is it?
- It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
547
00:48:16,648 --> 00:48:19,817
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell outta here.
548
00:48:19,943 --> 00:48:22,695
Okay.
549
00:48:22,820 --> 00:48:24,989
Um, well, what about the money?
550
00:48:26,199 --> 00:48:27,825
What money?
551
00:48:27,951 --> 00:48:31,371
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
552
00:48:31,454 --> 00:48:33,665
Is that a fact?
553
00:48:33,790 --> 00:48:35,959
How much do I owe you?
554
00:48:36,042 --> 00:48:39,337
Uh, that'll be 11.80, sir.
555
00:48:45,718 --> 00:48:49,055
Keep the change,
ya filthy animal.
556
00:48:50,932 --> 00:48:52,851
- Cheapskate.
- Hey.
557
00:48:52,934 --> 00:48:56,729
I'm gonna give you to the count
of 10 to get your ugly...
558
00:48:56,855 --> 00:49:00,149
yellow, no-good keister
off my property...
559
00:49:00,233 --> 00:49:02,443
before I pump your guts
full of lead.
560
00:49:02,569 --> 00:49:04,445
One, two, ten!
561
00:49:33,433 --> 00:49:36,436
A lovely cheese pizza
just for me.
562
00:49:39,939 --> 00:49:42,108
To Dallas-Fort Worth.
563
00:49:45,528 --> 00:49:47,906
We have the $500,
the pocket translator...
564
00:49:47,989 --> 00:49:50,700
the two first-class seats...
that's an upgrade from your coach...
565
00:49:50,783 --> 00:49:54,579
- Is that a real Rolex?
- Do you think it is?
566
00:49:54,704 --> 00:49:57,373
- No.
- But who can tell?
567
00:49:57,457 --> 00:50:01,419
- I also have a ring.
- That is beautiful!
568
00:50:01,544 --> 00:50:04,047
Come on. They're boarding.
569
00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:07,634
This gal has offered us
two first-class tickets if we go Friday.
570
00:50:07,759 --> 00:50:11,262
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and...
571
00:50:11,387 --> 00:50:14,098
- The earrings. You love the earrings.
- She's got her own earrings.
572
00:50:14,224 --> 00:50:16,851
A whole shoe box full of' em.
Dangley ones.
573
00:50:16,976 --> 00:50:18,937
- Come on, come on.
- No, but...
574
00:50:19,062 --> 00:50:21,064
I'm desperate.
575
00:50:21,147 --> 00:50:23,024
I'm begging you.
576
00:50:23,149 --> 00:50:26,569
From a mother to a mother, please.
577
00:50:28,071 --> 00:50:30,657
- Oh, Ed.
- Please.
578
00:50:30,782 --> 00:50:33,451
Oh, all right.
579
00:50:39,123 --> 00:50:41,125
"Dear Santa Claus.
I got a little sister last year.
580
00:50:41,251 --> 00:50:43,419
This year I'd rather
have some clay dough."
581
00:50:57,517 --> 00:50:59,435
I didn't mean it.
582
00:50:59,519 --> 00:51:02,689
If you come back,
I'll never be a pain in the butt again.
583
00:51:02,814 --> 00:51:05,775
I promise. Good night.
584
00:51:25,962 --> 00:51:29,132
♪ I'm dreaming
585
00:51:29,382 --> 00:51:30,592
♪ Of a white
586
00:51:31,676 --> 00:51:33,344
♪ Christmas
587
00:51:33,928 --> 00:51:38,099
♪ Just like the ones I used to know
588
00:51:40,310 --> 00:51:44,105
♪ Where those treetops glisten
589
00:51:44,314 --> 00:51:47,942
♪ And children listen
590
00:51:48,151 --> 00:51:53,198
♪ To hear sleigh bells
♪ In the snow
591
00:51:53,948 --> 00:51:55,617
♪ The snow
592
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,379
Are those microwave dinners
any good?
593
00:52:49,462 --> 00:52:52,799
- I don't know.
- I'll give 'em a whirl.
594
00:52:57,720 --> 00:52:59,848
For the kids.
595
00:53:02,183 --> 00:53:04,769
Hold on.
I got a coupon for that.
596
00:53:04,894 --> 00:53:07,564
It was in the paper this morning.
597
00:53:11,150 --> 00:53:13,987
- 19.83.
- Okay.
598
00:53:17,490 --> 00:53:19,617
Are you here all by yourself?
599
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:25,248
Ma'am, I'm eight years old.
You think I would be here alone?
600
00:53:25,331 --> 00:53:27,667
I don't think so.
601
00:53:27,792 --> 00:53:30,044
- Where's your mom?
- My mom's in the car.
602
00:53:30,170 --> 00:53:32,547
- And where is your father?
- He's at work.
603
00:53:32,672 --> 00:53:35,425
- What about your brothers and your sisters?
- I'm an only child.
604
00:53:35,508 --> 00:53:38,011
- Where do you live?
- I can't tell you that.
605
00:53:38,136 --> 00:53:41,139
- Why not?
- 'Cause you're a stranger.
606
00:54:19,219 --> 00:54:23,014
Hello, Kevin!
607
00:54:24,307 --> 00:54:27,685
Shut up.
608
00:54:40,698 --> 00:54:42,575
I don't get it.
609
00:54:42,700 --> 00:54:45,370
I mean, right now it looks
like there's nobody home.
610
00:54:45,495 --> 00:54:49,040
Last night the place is jumpin'.
611
00:54:49,165 --> 00:54:52,877
Somethin' ain't right.
Go check it out.
612
00:55:01,469 --> 00:55:03,388
Now?
613
00:55:03,513 --> 00:55:05,390
No, tomorrow, egghead. Now!
614
00:55:05,515 --> 00:55:08,142
Go ahead!
615
00:55:08,226 --> 00:55:10,436
"Now?"
616
00:55:27,745 --> 00:55:30,123
Shit.
617
00:55:31,958 --> 00:55:34,878
- Get the hell outta here.
- All right, Johnny.
618
00:55:34,961 --> 00:55:38,089
- But what about my money?
- What money?
619
00:55:38,214 --> 00:55:40,884
Acey said you had
some dough for me.
620
00:55:41,009 --> 00:55:45,889
- Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
- Acey said 10%.
621
00:55:45,972 --> 00:55:50,977
- Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
- What do you mean?
622
00:55:51,102 --> 00:55:54,480
He's upstairs taking a bath.
623
00:55:54,606 --> 00:55:57,275
He'll call you when he gets out.
624
00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,277
Hey.
625
00:55:59,402 --> 00:56:02,405
I tell you what
I'm gonna give you, Snakes.
626
00:56:02,488 --> 00:56:06,326
- Snakes?
- I'm gonna give you to the count of 10...
627
00:56:06,451 --> 00:56:08,745
to get your ugly, yellow...
628
00:56:08,828 --> 00:56:13,291
no-good keister off my property
before I pump your guts full of lead.
629
00:56:13,374 --> 00:56:16,085
All right, Johnny, I'm sorry.
I'm goin'.
630
00:56:16,169 --> 00:56:19,130
One, two, ten!
631
00:56:38,358 --> 00:56:41,528
Keep the change,
ya filthy animal.
632
00:56:45,532 --> 00:56:46,408
What happened?
633
00:56:46,434 --> 00:56:49,936
I don't know who's in there, but
somebody just got blown away!
634
00:56:49,994 --> 00:56:50,495
- Huh?
635
00:56:50,521 --> 00:56:52,522
Somebody beat us to the job.
They're in there!
636
00:56:52,622 --> 00:56:56,626
Two of' em. They was arguing.
One of' em blew the other one away.
637
00:56:56,709 --> 00:56:58,419
- Who?
- I don't know.
638
00:56:58,503 --> 00:57:00,964
I thought I recognized
one of their voices.
639
00:57:01,047 --> 00:57:04,259
And I know I heard that name
Snakes before.
640
00:57:04,342 --> 00:57:06,845
Snakes? Snakes, Snakes.
641
00:57:06,970 --> 00:57:09,055
- I don't know no Snakes.
- Snakes.
642
00:57:09,180 --> 00:57:11,724
Let's get out of here.
643
00:57:14,143 --> 00:57:16,813
Hold it, hold it.
Let's wait and see who it is.
644
00:57:16,896 --> 00:57:18,815
We work this neighborhood too.
645
00:57:18,898 --> 00:57:21,693
- Yeah.
- Supposin' the cops finger us for a job...
646
00:57:21,818 --> 00:57:24,821
and they start asking us questions
about a murder in the area.
647
00:57:24,904 --> 00:57:28,032
Wouldn't it be nice to have
a face to go with their questions?
648
00:57:29,909 --> 00:57:31,870
That's a good idea.
649
00:57:31,995 --> 00:57:35,415
Of course it's a good idea.
Snakes?
650
00:57:35,540 --> 00:57:38,418
He sounded like a snake.
651
00:57:42,505 --> 00:57:45,592
Everything's full.
652
00:57:45,717 --> 00:57:47,594
Everything's full?
653
00:57:47,719 --> 00:57:49,929
I'm very sorry,
but it is Christmas Eve.
654
00:57:50,054 --> 00:57:52,182
What about another airline?
655
00:57:57,604 --> 00:58:00,565
Nothing available. May I help you
get a hotel room in the city?
656
00:58:00,690 --> 00:58:02,984
Tomorrow afternoon we can
get you a flight to Chicago.
657
00:58:03,010 --> 00:58:04,219
I can't wait that long.
658
00:58:04,277 --> 00:58:08,698
I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but we're
doing absolutely everything we can.
659
00:58:12,869 --> 00:58:15,997
Go ahead. I'm in your way.
You have places to go, people to see.
660
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,417
You got a ticket there.
That's good. Excuse me. Look.
661
00:58:19,542 --> 00:58:23,546
I have been awake for almost 60 hours.
I'm tired and I'm dirty.
662
00:58:23,630 --> 00:58:28,092
I have been from Chicago to Paris
to Dallas to... Where the hell am I?
663
00:58:28,218 --> 00:58:30,220
Scranton.
664
00:58:30,303 --> 00:58:32,972
I am trying to get home
to my eight-year-old son!
665
00:58:33,097 --> 00:58:36,476
And now that I'm this close,
you're telling me it's hopeless?
666
00:58:36,601 --> 00:58:40,230
- I'm sorry.
- No. No, no, no, no way. This is Christmas!
667
00:58:40,313 --> 00:58:42,232
The season of perpetual hope!
668
00:58:42,315 --> 00:58:43,106
Ma'am, if I...
669
00:58:43,132 --> 00:58:46,135
If I have to get out on
your runway and hitchhike...
670
00:58:46,236 --> 00:58:48,154
if it costs me everything I own...
671
00:58:48,279 --> 00:58:51,115
if I have to sell my soul
to the devil himself...
672
00:58:51,241 --> 00:58:54,410
I am going to get home
to my son.
673
00:58:54,494 --> 00:58:57,797
Ma'am, if there was anything at
all I could do for you today...
674
00:58:57,823 --> 00:58:58,648
Do it.
675
00:58:58,748 --> 00:59:01,334
- Do anything.
- I can get you a hotel room.
676
00:59:01,459 --> 00:59:03,878
- What?
- Excuse me.
677
00:59:03,962 --> 00:59:09,676
Can you excuse us for a second? Can I see
you for a second? Please. Excuse us. Come.
678
00:59:09,801 --> 00:59:12,971
Couldn't help but hearin'
you got a little bit of a dilemma there.
679
00:59:13,096 --> 00:59:15,682
We got a crisis ourselves.
680
00:59:15,807 --> 00:59:19,227
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski. How are you?
681
00:59:19,352 --> 00:59:22,772
Polka king of the Midwest?
682
00:59:25,650 --> 00:59:28,403
The Kenosha Kickers?
683
00:59:28,486 --> 00:59:30,154
- Hi there.
- Hiya.
684
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:33,116
No? That's okay. I thought
you might've recognized...
685
00:59:33,199 --> 00:59:36,160
Anyways, uh, I had
a few hits a few years ago.
686
00:59:36,244 --> 00:59:39,539
Uh, that's why, you know...
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
687
00:59:42,125 --> 00:59:44,127
No? "Twin Lakes Polka."
688
00:59:44,210 --> 00:59:47,672
"Yamahoozie Polka,"
a.k.a. "Kiss Me Polka."
689
00:59:47,797 --> 00:59:50,425
- "Polka Twist."
- These are songs?
690
00:59:50,508 --> 00:59:53,928
Yeah. Yeah. We...
Some fairly big hits for us.
691
00:59:54,012 --> 00:59:56,639
- You know, in the early '70s, you know?
- Oh.
692
00:59:56,723 --> 00:59:59,350
Yeah, we sold
about 623 copies of that.
693
00:59:59,475 --> 01:00:02,103
- In Chicago?
- No. Sheboygan. Very big in Sheboygan.
694
01:00:02,187 --> 01:00:04,355
I'm sorry. Did you say
you could help me?
695
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:06,608
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
696
01:00:06,691 --> 01:00:09,777
Our flight was canceled,
so we gotta drive.
697
01:00:09,861 --> 01:00:13,448
So, uh, see the guy in the yellow jacket
over there by the Budget sign?
698
01:00:13,531 --> 01:00:17,285
He's gonna rent us a nice big, uh, van,
and we're gonna drive to Milwaukee.
699
01:00:17,368 --> 01:00:21,664
I heard you had some problems here, uh, gettin'
to Chicago to see your kid or somethin'?
700
01:00:21,789 --> 01:00:25,877
Uh, my son. He...
We left and he's there.
701
01:00:26,002 --> 01:00:30,089
Aw, geez. If you have to get
to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you.
702
01:00:30,215 --> 01:00:32,467
It's on the way to Milwaukee.
703
01:00:32,550 --> 01:00:35,178
- You'd give me a ride?
- Sure we will. Why not, you know?
704
01:00:35,303 --> 01:00:37,847
- You gotta get home and see your kid.
- A ride to Chicago?
705
01:00:37,931 --> 01:00:39,807
Sure. You know,
it's Christmastime.
706
01:00:39,891 --> 01:00:42,435
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
707
01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:44,854
If you don't mind goin'
with some polka bums.
708
01:00:44,938 --> 01:00:46,856
No, I'd love to.
709
01:01:08,586 --> 01:01:11,464
- Hey, Marv, Marv, Marv.
- What?
710
01:01:11,589 --> 01:01:14,050
Look at this.
711
01:01:18,596 --> 01:01:22,976
I think we're gettin' scammed
by a "kindygartener."
712
01:01:53,089 --> 01:01:55,633
Dad, can you come here
and help me?
713
01:02:00,138 --> 01:02:04,392
Remember that kid we saw
the other day? He lives here.
714
01:02:04,475 --> 01:02:07,395
Well, if the kid's there,
the parents gotta be.
715
01:02:07,478 --> 01:02:10,064
He's home alone.
716
01:02:17,947 --> 01:02:20,283
You gotta be kiddin'.
You wanna come back tonight?
717
01:02:20,366 --> 01:02:22,285
- Uh-huh.
- Even with the kid here?
718
01:02:22,368 --> 01:02:24,495
- Uh-huh.
- I don't think that's a good idea.
719
01:02:24,621 --> 01:02:28,082
That house is the only reason we started
workin' this block in the first place.
720
01:02:28,166 --> 01:02:30,877
Ever since I laid eyes
on that house, I wanted it.
721
01:02:31,002 --> 01:02:33,338
So let's take it
one step at a time, okay?
722
01:02:33,463 --> 01:02:36,925
We'll unload the van. We'll get a bite
to eat. We'll come back about 9:00.
723
01:02:37,050 --> 01:02:39,969
- 9:00.
- This way it's dark then.
724
01:02:40,053 --> 01:02:43,181
Yeah. Kids are scared
of the dark.
725
01:02:43,306 --> 01:02:46,142
You're afraid of the dark too, Marv.
You know you are.
726
01:02:46,226 --> 01:02:48,937
No, I'm not!
727
01:02:49,020 --> 01:02:51,523
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not, not, not.
728
01:02:51,648 --> 01:02:55,860
- You are so.
- Mom, where are you?
729
01:03:09,249 --> 01:03:11,167
Do you play?
730
01:03:11,251 --> 01:03:13,336
You want to try it?
Go ahead. Try it.
731
01:03:13,419 --> 01:03:15,672
- Try it. Try it.
- No.
732
01:03:15,797 --> 01:03:17,841
Okay.
733
01:03:42,073 --> 01:03:45,493
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
734
01:03:45,618 --> 01:03:49,581
- Hey, nice shoes.
- Oh, thanks.
735
01:03:49,706 --> 01:03:53,334
Is he still here? It's really important
that I see him.
736
01:03:53,418 --> 01:03:58,715
He's getting in his car. I guess
if you hurry, you can catch him.
737
01:03:58,798 --> 01:04:03,261
Damn! How low can you get? Givin' Kris
Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve.
738
01:04:03,386 --> 01:04:06,472
What's next?
Rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
739
01:04:06,598 --> 01:04:09,184
Santa, hold on!
740
01:04:09,267 --> 01:04:11,394
Can I talk to you for a minute?
741
01:04:11,477 --> 01:04:14,480
If you make it quick. Santa's got
a little get-together he's late for.
742
01:04:14,606 --> 01:04:16,482
Okay. I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.
743
01:04:16,608 --> 01:04:20,486
What makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.
744
01:04:20,612 --> 01:04:23,239
I'm old enough
to know how it works.
745
01:04:23,323 --> 01:04:26,409
- All right.
- But I also know that you work for him.
746
01:04:26,492 --> 01:04:29,537
- And I'd like you to give him a message.
- Shoot.
747
01:04:29,621 --> 01:04:33,750
I'm Kevin McCallister,
671 Lincoln Boulevard.
748
01:04:33,833 --> 01:04:36,503
- Do you need the phone number?
- No, that's all right.
749
01:04:36,628 --> 01:04:38,796
Okay.
This is extremely important.
750
01:04:38,922 --> 01:04:43,718
Would you please tell him that, instead of
presents this year, I just want my family back.
751
01:04:43,801 --> 01:04:48,723
No toys. Nothing but Peter,
Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
752
01:04:48,806 --> 01:04:51,017
And my aunt and my cousins.
753
01:04:51,142 --> 01:04:54,312
And, if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?
754
01:04:56,022 --> 01:04:59,192
Okay. I'll see what I can do.
755
01:04:59,317 --> 01:05:02,237
- Thanks.
- Wait. Hold on a second.
756
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:05,448
My elf took the last of the candy canes
home to her boyfriend.
757
01:05:05,573 --> 01:05:07,617
- That's okay.
- No, no, no. Don't be silly.
758
01:05:07,700 --> 01:05:10,703
Everybody who sees Santa
has gotta get... somethin'.
759
01:05:10,828 --> 01:05:12,997
Here. Hold out
your little paw there.
760
01:05:13,122 --> 01:05:16,209
There you go.
Don't spoil your dinner.
761
01:05:16,334 --> 01:05:18,920
I won't. Thanks.
762
01:05:29,848 --> 01:05:32,392
Son of a...
763
01:08:28,568 --> 01:08:30,820
Merry Christmas.
764
01:08:30,904 --> 01:08:32,363
Huh?
765
01:08:32,488 --> 01:08:34,532
May I sit down?
766
01:08:45,001 --> 01:08:49,506
That's my granddaughter up there.
The little red-haired girl.
767
01:08:51,716 --> 01:08:53,384
She's about your age.
768
01:08:53,510 --> 01:08:55,720
- Do you know her?
- No.
769
01:08:55,845 --> 01:08:58,890
- You live next to me, don't you?
- Yeah.
770
01:08:59,015 --> 01:09:03,478
You can say hello when you see me.
You don't have to be afraid.
771
01:09:03,561 --> 01:09:07,482
There's a lot of things going around
about me, but none of it's true.
772
01:09:07,565 --> 01:09:09,484
Okay?
773
01:09:09,567 --> 01:09:11,778
- You been a good boy this year?
- I think so.
774
01:09:11,903 --> 01:09:13,988
Swear to it?
775
01:09:14,072 --> 01:09:16,783
- No.
- Yeah, I had a feeling.
776
01:09:16,908 --> 01:09:20,036
Well, this is the place to be
if you're feeling bad about yourself.
777
01:09:20,119 --> 01:09:23,039
- It is?
- I think so.
778
01:09:23,122 --> 01:09:25,834
- Are you feeling bad about yourself?
- No.
779
01:09:30,088 --> 01:09:32,340
I've been kind of a pain lately.
780
01:09:32,423 --> 01:09:34,843
I said some things
I shouldn't have.
781
01:09:34,926 --> 01:09:38,221
I really haven't been
too good this year.
782
01:09:38,304 --> 01:09:41,140
- Yeah.
- I'm kind of upset about it...
783
01:09:41,266 --> 01:09:43,393
because I really like my family.
784
01:09:43,518 --> 01:09:46,020
Even though sometimes
I say I don't.
785
01:09:46,145 --> 01:09:49,566
Sometimes I even think I don't.
Do you get that?
786
01:09:49,649 --> 01:09:54,153
I think so. How you feel about
your family is a complicated thing.
787
01:09:54,279 --> 01:09:57,740
Especially with an older brother.
788
01:09:57,866 --> 01:10:02,120
Deep down you always love 'em,
but you can forget that you love 'em.
789
01:10:02,245 --> 01:10:04,914
And you can hurt them,
and they can hurt you.
790
01:10:05,039 --> 01:10:08,751
And that's not just
because you're young.
791
01:10:08,877 --> 01:10:12,088
You want to know the real reason
that I'm here right now?
792
01:10:12,213 --> 01:10:14,132
Sure.
793
01:10:14,215 --> 01:10:17,844
I came to hear my granddaughter sing,
and I can't come and hear her tonight.
794
01:10:17,969 --> 01:10:23,600
- You have plans?
- No. I'm not welcome.
795
01:10:23,683 --> 01:10:27,520
- At church?
- Oh, you're always welcome at church.
796
01:10:27,645 --> 01:10:30,023
I'm not welcome with my son.
797
01:10:30,148 --> 01:10:34,819
Years back, before you and
your family moved on the block...
798
01:10:34,944 --> 01:10:37,405
I had an argument with my son.
799
01:10:37,530 --> 01:10:41,784
- How old is he?
- Oh, he's grown up.
800
01:10:41,868 --> 01:10:44,495
We lost our tempers...
801
01:10:44,621 --> 01:10:47,582
and I said I didn't care
to see him anymore.
802
01:10:47,665 --> 01:10:52,587
He said the same, and we haven't
spoken to each other since.
803
01:10:52,670 --> 01:10:55,507
If you miss him,
why don't you call him?
804
01:10:55,632 --> 01:10:58,301
I'm afraid if I call him,
he won't talk to me.
805
01:10:58,426 --> 01:11:00,637
How do you know?
806
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:03,723
I don't know.
I'm just afraid he won't.
807
01:11:03,848 --> 01:11:07,519
No offense, but aren't you
a little old to be afraid?
808
01:11:07,644 --> 01:11:11,147
You can be a little old
for a lot of things.
809
01:11:11,272 --> 01:11:13,483
You're never too old
to be afraid.
810
01:11:13,608 --> 01:11:16,361
That's true. I've always
been afraid of our basement.
811
01:11:16,486 --> 01:11:19,906
It's dark, there's weird stuff
down there, and it smells funny.
812
01:11:20,031 --> 01:11:23,409
That sort of thing.
It's bothered me for years.
813
01:11:23,535 --> 01:11:25,954
Basements are like that.
814
01:11:26,037 --> 01:11:28,957
Then I made myself go down there
to do some laundry...
815
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:31,042
and I found out
it's not so bad.
816
01:11:31,125 --> 01:11:33,419
All this time
I've been worrying about it...
817
01:11:33,545 --> 01:11:35,797
but if you turn on the lights,
it's no big deal.
818
01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:40,343
- What's your point?
- My point is you should call your son.
819
01:11:40,426 --> 01:11:42,512
What if he won't talk to me?
820
01:11:42,595 --> 01:11:45,932
At least you'll know.
Then you could stop worrying about it...
821
01:11:46,057 --> 01:11:48,643
and you won't have to be
afraid anymore.
822
01:11:48,726 --> 01:11:52,313
I don't care how mad I was,
I'd talk to my dad...
823
01:11:52,397 --> 01:11:54,315
especially around the holidays.
824
01:11:54,399 --> 01:11:57,527
I don't know.
825
01:11:57,652 --> 01:12:00,822
Just give it a shot.
For your granddaughter anyway.
826
01:12:00,905 --> 01:12:04,284
I'm sure she misses you...
and the presents.
827
01:12:04,409 --> 01:12:06,244
I send her a check.
828
01:12:06,369 --> 01:12:10,665
I wish my grandparents sent that.
They always send me clothes.
829
01:12:10,748 --> 01:12:13,668
Last year I got a sweater
with a big bird knitted on it.
830
01:12:13,751 --> 01:12:17,046
- Oh, that's nice.
- Not for a guy in the second grade.
831
01:12:17,130 --> 01:12:20,091
You can get beat up
for wearing something like that.
832
01:12:20,216 --> 01:12:22,343
- Oh?
- Yeah.
833
01:12:22,427 --> 01:12:26,556
I have a friend who got nailed 'cause there
was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.
834
01:12:26,639 --> 01:12:29,934
You'd better run along home
where you belong.
835
01:12:30,059 --> 01:12:31,936
You think about what I said.
836
01:12:32,061 --> 01:12:33,813
- All right?
- Okay.
837
01:12:33,938 --> 01:12:37,817
- It was nice talking to you.
- Nice talking to you.
838
01:12:43,740 --> 01:12:47,035
- What about you?
- Me?
839
01:12:47,118 --> 01:12:49,120
Yeah. You and your son.
840
01:12:49,245 --> 01:12:52,540
We'll see what happens.
841
01:12:52,624 --> 01:12:55,585
Merry Christmas.
842
01:12:55,668 --> 01:12:57,587
Merry Christmas.
843
01:13:50,348 --> 01:13:54,352
This is my house.
I have to defend it.
844
01:15:21,940 --> 01:15:25,818
Okay, we'll check it out first.
We can always come back for the truck.
845
01:15:32,450 --> 01:15:34,702
How do you wanna go in?
846
01:15:34,786 --> 01:15:38,248
We'll go to the back door.
Maybe he'll let us in. You never know.
847
01:15:38,331 --> 01:15:41,793
Yeah. He's a kid.
Kids are stupid.
848
01:15:43,837 --> 01:15:47,757
Bless this highly nutritious microwavable
macaroni and cheese dinner...
849
01:15:47,841 --> 01:15:49,884
and the people
who sold it on sale.
850
01:15:49,968 --> 01:15:51,886
Amen.
851
01:16:15,743 --> 01:16:18,621
This is it.
Don't get scared now.
852
01:16:31,926 --> 01:16:34,387
Merry Christmas, little fella.
853
01:16:34,512 --> 01:16:37,056
We know that you're in there...
854
01:16:37,182 --> 01:16:40,059
and that you're all alone.
855
01:16:40,185 --> 01:16:42,812
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
856
01:16:42,896 --> 01:16:46,441
It's Santa Claus and his elf.
857
01:16:47,859 --> 01:16:50,111
We're not gonna hurt you.
858
01:16:50,195 --> 01:16:54,157
No, no. We got
some nice presents for you.
859
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:57,702
Be a good little fella now
and open the door.
860
01:17:00,622 --> 01:17:03,374
Shoot!
861
01:17:03,499 --> 01:17:07,253
What? What? What?
862
01:17:07,378 --> 01:17:10,381
What? What happened?
863
01:17:10,507 --> 01:17:14,052
Get that little...
864
01:17:23,394 --> 01:17:25,563
Hello.
865
01:17:30,902 --> 01:17:33,363
Yes! Yes!
866
01:17:33,446 --> 01:17:35,532
The little jerk is armed!
867
01:17:35,615 --> 01:17:39,536
That's it! That's it! I'm goin' around
the front! You go down the basement!
868
01:17:39,619 --> 01:17:42,080
That little...
869
01:18:18,366 --> 01:18:20,410
Ow!
870
01:18:42,056 --> 01:18:44,267
That smart aleck.
871
01:20:12,021 --> 01:20:16,943
Oh, boy, that's it, you little...
you little son of a...
872
01:20:17,068 --> 01:20:20,029
Oh, not this time,
you little brat.
873
01:20:23,616 --> 01:20:26,077
You little creep, you,
where are you?
874
01:20:26,202 --> 01:20:30,373
Where are you, you little creep?
875
01:20:50,101 --> 01:20:54,022
Yes! Yes!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
876
01:21:24,761 --> 01:21:27,555
I'll rip his head off!
877
01:21:33,811 --> 01:21:38,525
You're dead, kid.
878
01:22:25,572 --> 01:22:28,700
Where are you,
you little creep?
879
01:22:44,048 --> 01:22:47,677
Harry! I'm comin' in!
880
01:22:52,307 --> 01:22:54,684
Oh, no, I'm really scared!
881
01:22:54,809 --> 01:22:57,437
It's too late for you, kid.
We're already in the house.
882
01:22:57,562 --> 01:23:01,608
- We're gonna get you!
- Okay. Come and get me.
883
01:23:01,733 --> 01:23:04,277
Why, you...
884
01:23:08,740 --> 01:23:11,201
Now you're dead!
885
01:23:35,475 --> 01:23:37,977
I'm gonna kill that kid!
886
01:23:52,450 --> 01:23:55,495
- Marv!
- Harry?
887
01:23:55,620 --> 01:23:57,622
Why the hell'd
you take your shoes off?
888
01:23:57,747 --> 01:24:00,875
Why the hell are you
dressed like a chicken?
889
01:24:02,293 --> 01:24:06,047
I'm up here, you morons!
Come and get me!
890
01:24:08,258 --> 01:24:11,928
You guys give up,
or are you thirsty for more?
891
01:24:21,646 --> 01:24:24,107
- Heads up!
- Huh?
892
01:24:24,190 --> 01:24:27,360
Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you.
893
01:24:27,485 --> 01:24:30,989
Ow!
894
01:24:31,114 --> 01:24:34,492
Yes!
895
01:24:38,663 --> 01:24:41,374
He's only a kid, Harry.
We can take him.
896
01:24:41,499 --> 01:24:43,459
- Aw, shut up, will ya!
- Oh!
897
01:24:43,585 --> 01:24:46,588
- What is it?
- You're missin' some teeth.
898
01:24:46,671 --> 01:24:50,884
Where? It's my gold tooth.
My gold tooth! I'll kill him!
899
01:24:51,009 --> 01:24:54,387
I'll kill him!
900
01:24:54,512 --> 01:24:57,307
You bomb me
with one more can, kid...
901
01:24:57,390 --> 01:25:01,561
and I'll snap off your cojones
and boil them in motor oil!
902
01:25:04,022 --> 01:25:06,149
911 Emergency.
903
01:25:06,232 --> 01:25:08,985
Help. My house is being robbed.
904
01:25:09,068 --> 01:25:13,656
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
My name's Murphy.
905
01:25:16,367 --> 01:25:18,912
Watch it. You never know
what's up there.
906
01:25:19,037 --> 01:25:21,915
There he is!
907
01:25:23,041 --> 01:25:26,169
Ah! I got ya!
908
01:25:26,252 --> 01:25:29,631
I got him, Harry!
Harry, I got him!
909
01:25:29,714 --> 01:25:32,800
Harry, get up! Give me a hand!
910
01:25:32,884 --> 01:25:37,055
Ow! I got him!
911
01:25:37,180 --> 01:25:40,642
Harry, help me! Get up!
912
01:25:40,767 --> 01:25:43,520
I got him!
913
01:26:22,058 --> 01:26:26,896
- What are you doing, Marv?
- Harry, don't move.
914
01:26:26,980 --> 01:26:30,942
- Marv?
- Don't... move!
915
01:26:31,067 --> 01:26:34,362
Marv, what are you doing?
Marv...
916
01:26:37,448 --> 01:26:41,035
Did I get him?
Did I get him?
917
01:26:41,119 --> 01:26:43,454
Where is it?
Where is it?
918
01:26:43,580 --> 01:26:46,749
Never mind did you get it!
How do you like it? Huh?
919
01:26:46,833 --> 01:26:50,628
You jerk! Get that kid!
Go on! Get the kid!
920
01:26:54,007 --> 01:26:57,427
Whoa! Whoa!
921
01:26:57,510 --> 01:27:00,972
Whoa! Whoa!
922
01:27:01,097 --> 01:27:04,225
Whoa! Whoa!
923
01:27:16,779 --> 01:27:18,907
Where'd he go?
924
01:27:18,990 --> 01:27:21,034
Maybe he committed suicide.
925
01:27:21,159 --> 01:27:23,286
Down here, you big horse's ass!
926
01:27:23,369 --> 01:27:26,331
Come and get me
before I call the police!
927
01:27:26,456 --> 01:27:28,625
- Let's get him!
- Wait. Wait.
928
01:27:28,708 --> 01:27:30,668
That's just what
he wants us to do...
929
01:27:30,793 --> 01:27:34,255
us to go back downstairs through
his fun house so we get all tore up.
930
01:27:34,380 --> 01:27:37,592
- He's gonna call the cops!
- He's not callin' the... From a tree house?
931
01:27:37,675 --> 01:27:39,594
Come on.
932
01:27:39,677 --> 01:27:41,971
- Out the window?
- Yeah.
933
01:27:42,055 --> 01:27:44,724
- I'm not goin' out the window.
- Why? Are you scared, Marv?
934
01:27:44,849 --> 01:27:47,435
Are you afraid?
Come on. Get out here.
935
01:27:52,023 --> 01:27:53,942
Come on.
936
01:27:57,529 --> 01:27:58,073
Come on!
937
01:28:05,870 --> 01:28:08,414
Come on.
Keep goin'. Keep goin'.
938
01:28:08,540 --> 01:28:11,501
- Let's go back, Harry.
- Shut up!
939
01:28:11,584 --> 01:28:14,838
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
940
01:28:14,921 --> 01:28:17,757
Shut it, Marv!
941
01:28:20,218 --> 01:28:23,137
Hey, guys, check this out.
942
01:28:23,221 --> 01:28:26,015
Go back! Go back!
943
01:28:26,099 --> 01:28:27,600
- Go back.
- Okay.
944
01:28:51,875 --> 01:28:56,838
There he goes! There he is!
Get out of the way, you dope!
945
01:29:14,439 --> 01:29:19,194
- There he is!
- Hey, I'm calling the cops.
946
01:29:19,277 --> 01:29:22,197
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He wants us to follow him.
947
01:29:22,280 --> 01:29:24,407
I got a better idea.
Come on.
948
01:29:41,341 --> 01:29:45,678
Hiya, pal.
We outsmarted you this time.
949
01:29:45,803 --> 01:29:48,765
Get over here!
950
01:29:52,310 --> 01:29:54,312
What are we
gonna do to him, Harry?
951
01:29:54,437 --> 01:29:58,816
We'll do exactly what he did to us.
I'm gonna burn his head with a blowtorch.
952
01:29:58,942 --> 01:30:01,069
Then we can smash his face
with an iron!
953
01:30:01,152 --> 01:30:05,073
I'd like to slap him right in the face
with a paint can maybe.
954
01:30:05,156 --> 01:30:07,659
Or shove a nail through his foot.
955
01:30:07,784 --> 01:30:11,037
I'm gonna bite off every one
of these little fingers one at a time.
956
01:30:19,629 --> 01:30:22,966
Come on.
Let's get you home.
957
01:30:44,696 --> 01:30:48,867
Wow. This is great.
958
01:30:51,536 --> 01:30:54,372
Nice move... always leaving
the water running.
959
01:30:54,497 --> 01:30:57,709
Now we know each and
every house that you've hit.
960
01:31:00,670 --> 01:31:04,340
Hey, you know, we've been looking
for you two guys for a long time.
961
01:31:04,424 --> 01:31:07,385
- Yeah.
- Well, remember, we're the Wet Bandits.
962
01:31:07,510 --> 01:31:11,639
- Wet Bandits. W-E-T...
- Shut up! Get in the car!
963
01:31:11,723 --> 01:31:14,559
Hey, come on. Come on.
964
01:31:14,684 --> 01:31:17,020
- Hands off the head, pal!
- Come on!
965
01:32:12,742 --> 01:32:15,286
I'm a bad parent.
I'm a bad parent.
966
01:32:15,411 --> 01:32:18,373
You're not. You know, you're beating
yourself up there, you know.
967
01:32:18,456 --> 01:32:21,000
Come on. This happens.
These things happen. You know, you...
968
01:32:21,125 --> 01:32:24,504
Gee, you wanna talk about bad parents?
Look at... Look at us.
969
01:32:24,629 --> 01:32:29,050
I mean, we're on the road 48, 49 weeks out of the year.
We hardly see our families.
970
01:32:29,133 --> 01:32:32,512
Uh, Joe over there... Gosh, you know, he...
971
01:32:32,637 --> 01:32:35,348
He forgets his kids' names
half the time.
972
01:32:35,473 --> 01:32:39,185
Ziggy over there... He doesn't even...
He's never even met his kid.
973
01:32:39,310 --> 01:32:42,981
Eddie... Let's just hope none
of them write a book about him.
974
01:32:43,106 --> 01:32:47,944
Tell me, have you ever gone on vacation
and left your child home?
975
01:32:50,822 --> 01:32:52,866
No.
976
01:32:52,991 --> 01:32:56,411
But I did leave one
at a funeral parlor once.
977
01:32:56,536 --> 01:32:58,746
Yeah, it was...
it was terrible too.
978
01:32:58,830 --> 01:33:02,125
You know, I was all distraught and
everything. You know, the wife and I...
979
01:33:02,250 --> 01:33:06,254
we left the little tyke
there in the funeral parlor all day.
980
01:33:06,337 --> 01:33:10,258
All day. You know, and we went back
at night when we came to our senses.
981
01:33:10,341 --> 01:33:13,845
And there he was. Apparently he was
there alone all day with a corpse.
982
01:33:13,970 --> 01:33:16,598
- Oh!
- Whew, yeah. He was okay, you know.
983
01:33:16,681 --> 01:33:21,603
After six, seven weeks, you know, he
came around and started talking again.
984
01:33:21,686 --> 01:33:26,149
But he's okay. You know, they get over it.
Kids are resilient like that.
985
01:33:26,232 --> 01:33:28,985
- Maybe we shouldn't talk about this.
- Well, you brought it up.
986
01:33:29,068 --> 01:33:32,113
- I was just trying to cheer you up.
- Well, I'm sorry I did.
987
01:33:58,014 --> 01:33:59,891
Mom?
988
01:34:04,479 --> 01:34:06,356
Mom?
989
01:34:09,776 --> 01:34:12,529
Mom?
990
01:34:58,283 --> 01:35:02,328
Kevin? Kevin!
991
01:35:33,318 --> 01:35:35,612
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
992
01:35:44,829 --> 01:35:47,540
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
993
01:36:07,101 --> 01:36:09,229
Where is everybody else?
994
01:36:09,354 --> 01:36:13,441
Oh, baby, they couldn't come.
They wanted to so much, but...
995
01:36:13,525 --> 01:36:18,112
I didn't fall asleep in the back of the cab
and drool all over you, did I?
996
01:36:18,196 --> 01:36:20,490
- I don't drool.
- You guys, would you shut up!
997
01:36:20,573 --> 01:36:23,910
Come on, you guys, it's Christmas.
Kevin! Kevin, Kevin, my boy!
998
01:36:24,035 --> 01:36:25,912
- Oh, my God!
- Kevin, how are ya?
999
01:36:26,037 --> 01:36:27,914
- Merry Christmas.
- Hi, Mom.
1000
01:36:28,039 --> 01:36:30,792
Good to see you. Ah, you're all right.
I love you. You okay?
1001
01:36:30,875 --> 01:36:33,503
- Yeah.
- Hey, Kev.
1002
01:36:35,588 --> 01:36:39,175
It's pretty cool that
you didn't burn the place down.
1003
01:36:39,259 --> 01:36:43,054
Thanks, Buzz.
1004
01:36:43,179 --> 01:36:46,057
Wait a minute.
How did you guys get home?
1005
01:36:46,182 --> 01:36:49,519
Oh, we took the morning flight. Remember?
The one you didn't want to wait for.
1006
01:36:49,602 --> 01:36:52,272
Oh, no.
Oh, thank you.
1007
01:36:52,397 --> 01:36:54,315
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
1008
01:36:54,399 --> 01:36:56,956
Someone has to find an open store.
We don't have milk.
1009
01:36:56,982 --> 01:36:58,469
I went shopping yesterday.
1010
01:37:00,864 --> 01:37:02,657
You? Shopping?
1011
01:37:02,740 --> 01:37:05,660
I got some milk, eggs
and fabric softener.
1012
01:37:07,203 --> 01:37:09,539
- What?
- No kiddin'?
1013
01:37:09,664 --> 01:37:13,751
What a funny guy. What else did
you do while we were away?
1014
01:37:13,877 --> 01:37:16,754
Just hung around.
1015
01:37:19,591 --> 01:37:21,718
You guys,
put the stuff upstairs.
1016
01:37:21,843 --> 01:37:25,680
You went shopping? He doesn't know how
to tie his shoe, and he's going shopping?
1017
01:37:25,763 --> 01:37:28,516
- Buzz, forget it.
- This is not the Kevin I knew.
1018
01:37:51,956 --> 01:37:54,292
Honey, what's this?
1019
01:38:51,933 --> 01:38:55,562
Kevin!
What did you do to my room?80870
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