All language subtitles for Westside s03e05.eng

Smoking is bad for you.

Oy, Goldilocks.

Party is over.

Who the fuck are--

[hiss]

Oh, Jesus!

Are you him?

Yeah, I'm him.

My daughters are good girls.

WOMAN: She's a cow who'sdaughter has invaded my home.

WOLF: You know, I've
heard about you.

You're trouble, apparently.

Your family, they're
nothing but trouble.

Guess that explains it.

Explains what?

What we have going on.

Which is?

Along the lines of this.

You reckon, do you?

No, no.

WOLF: Mom, there's somebodyI would like you to meet.

Hello Wolf's mom.

Rita.

Hi, I'm Cheryl.

She thinks she owns the place.

No consideration for us.

Morning, Rita.

Get out.

Ted, put a lock on the door.

You are a bloody locksmith.

Yeah, I'll get around to that.

It's bloody rude.

Mom!

Morning, Rita.

Come on, Rita.

She's hardly the Anti-Christ.

You would say
that, wouldn't you?

Once, OK, one time.

Wandering around
our house wearing

next to nothing like thelittle slutty pants she is.

You know, I remember
there was a time

when you and I were young--

Oh, Ted, I'm not walkingaround the house in my undies

for you.

--when we were young andin love, didn't give a shit

about what people thought.

He can do a lot
better than her.

That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, I got that.

But at the end of the day,that's up to him, not you,

isn't it?

Rita.

Over my dead body is
she the one for him.

OK, let me put it another way.

We just got our boy back.

Do you really want to riskdriving him away again by going

to war with his girlfriend.

I'm still calling
her slutty pants.

[music playing]

Hey, Falani, what kind ofclub did you say this is?

A club for dancing, my friend.

[music playing]

[SINGING] If you want totouch me, get with my body

tonight, tonight.

If you want to knoe me,get with my body tonight.

If you want to touch me--

What?

You already spend so muchtime with those fag hags.

Be worse if if I cruisingthe room all night?

I'm starting to wonder ifyou're actually straight.

Steve, are you prejudicedagainst straight people?

Coming through
dolls, make way.

Yeah, Falani, I
don't think this

is the kind of club
you think it is.

If you think I think it isa superb time of much dancing,

then I can assure you,it is what I think it is.

Excuse me.

She's the most beautiful womanI've seen in my whole life.

What would you do
a woman like that?

Well, what would
I do with her?

What would you do with her?

I'd take her for a
walk somewhere nice,

maybe the beach
or Queen Street--

Oh, yeah.

--buy her an ice cream
or maybe some chow mein,

depending on the weather.

And then, you know, I'd--

I'd just give her one.

Oh, yeah, I don't think.

We have appropriate ID, sir.

Hey, you I don't have
a problem with, brother.

These two, however.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Hi.

I want to be a
part of your life.

You are.

All of it.

It's not like I can turn upat Ted's with you in tow, is it?

Let the dancing commence.

What did you say to him?

Told him it's
their first date,

that Eric only just came out.

Look, I'm sorry thatthings are the way they are.

But the truth is that,well, anyone who's around us

for any length of time
will see how I feel

about you because I love you.

And I promise thingswon't always be like this.

Bilkey.

Boys.

Have a good night, eh?

Excuse me.

What?

You've never seen
gay people before?

But he's one of
my dad's mates.

If Ted and his mates can'taccept you for who you are,

then screw them.

This isn't fucking
high school, Steve.

And it's not just my
mates I'm worried about.

This is my job, my fucking life.

Yeah, yeah, the one
I'm not a part of.

Don't.

Don't you fucking darepretend it's that simple.

[laughter]

Morning Mr. Ted, Mr. Lefty.

Falani.

Big night, was it?

Oh yeah.

Remember when it
used to be you and me,

hitting it all night,
go hard or go home.

[laughter]

Something funny, is there?

Forgive us, Mr. Ted.

We're a bit wasted.

Oh.

Morning Rita.

Fucking knock for fuck's sake.

Shit.

[knocking]

Oh, look, it's the egg man.

Go, go, gajou.

You have a young
woman at this residence

by the name of Cheryl Miller.

What's her to you?

Well, her mother, TrishMiller, is worried about her.

And that's a
police matter how?

Worried she might
be being corrupted.

Corrupted?

Or held against her will.

[laughter]

Yeah, this young officerhere is worried that we're

corrupting Cheryl's morals.

A bit bloody late for that.

Wolf, Cheryl, get in here.

So are you currently
on duty, Shane

or are you trying to get
into Trish's pants now.

I like to know what'sgoing on in my neighborhood.

Your neighborhood, is it?

Cheryl.

Shane.

Shane here was wonderingwhether you'd been kidnapped.

By who?

- By us.
- What?

That's not what I mean.

No, no, apparently
we're corrupting you.

Your mother is
concerned you're

being held against your will.

Sometimes when I want to be.

Mom's worried about you.

I'm fine, Shane.

As you can see,
everyone's fine here.

[music playing]

Well, good day.

Good day.

Is Rita here?

No.

It's just me.- Right, I'll be off then.

Hey, it was funny seeingyou at that gay club, eh?

Hey, you don't need
to be gay to be there.

I mean, you were there
and you're not gay.

No.

But then I wasn't the one tonguediving another fellow, was I?

Don't worry.

I can be persuaded
not to tell anyone.

You can?

Yeah, if you cut me in.

Look, we're not really
into that sort of thing.

Come on.

I know that you and Steveare up to something.

- You know Steve?
- Yeah, from Rita's job.

We weren't supposed to
use names, but he did.

You two had me going thoughfor about 30 seconds.

And then I realized.

You did?

Yeah, you were under
fucking cover, mate.

You're casing the joint.

Well, obviously.

It's commitment to the job.

Did Wolf realize that Iwas undercover and not a fag?

Most of the time thesedays, you can put a snake up

your ass, do the can-canand Wolf would still only

be interested in Cheryl Miller.

But, yeah, no, he thinks
that you're a puff.

All right, $20 on [inaudible].

You got it.

Good luck, [inaudible].

Speaking of hot
to trot phillies,

I could go for a
gallop with her.

Yeah, I'm not stopping you.

Have you seen Wolf today?

I've seen him drapedover Cheryl into the sack.

So you haven't spoken to him?

No, because that wouldinvolve him actually coming

up for air at some point.

Why are you asking about Wolf?

Nothing, just the lads saw meworking undercover last night.

Just worried there
was some confusion.

It's not a big deal.

Undercover?

Yeah.

Where?

Well, this club
that I rolled into.

Oh yeah?

So what was so
confusing about that?

It was mainly a gay club.

A gay club?

For gays?

Yeah.

[laughter]

What's funny?

Nothing, nothing.

No, no, no, no,
Bilkey here has

been pretending to be queer.

[laughter]

Apparently Wolf saw himat a gay club last night.

Why was Wolf at a gay bar?

No, no, no, no, my
son is very, very--

[grunting and banging]

Why were you pretending
to be a faggot?

Actually, I was
casing the joint.

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, but it turns outit's barely worth our time.

I know, but they must bringin what, a few thou every

weekend in cash, of course?

Maybe.

And gay clubs are illegal.

So although they'll squawklike chooks amongst themselves,

they're hardly going to
get the cops involved.

Yeah, but I think--

Gays always look
really rich as well.

Yeah, this could be justwhat we need, small job

to help us with the next one.

Hey, good work, mate.

Oh, here you are, out of bed.

Hi Rita.

You shouldn't be doing that.

I'm sure you have
far better things

to do than wash Wolf's undies.

Oh, honestly, I love
doing the washing.

It's such a sense of home.

Speaking of home, I'venoticed that you haven't been

back to yours in quite a while.

I'm a bit worried thatWolf might feel smothered.

Well, I've offered
to go home loads,

but Wolf begged me to stay so.

It's pretty cute.

What about that other guy?

What other guy?

Cop.

He seems to care
where you're staying.

Yeah, he's got thisstupid little thing for me.

Does he?

But it's nothing though.

Really?

[sigh]

Look, Cheryl, I
hate to say this.

But you know what we
do, right, for Crust?

Illegal shit.

Illegal shit, so
do you really think

it's a good idea for us to havea cop sniffing around our house

because of you?

Probably not.

I mean, we love
having you here.

It's just unfortunately
right now,

it's a shitty, shitty
time to have Constable

Shane and his goo-goo eyes.

Shane's harmless.

No, love.

He's a cop.

Mm.

Oh, no thanks.

Operation Back
Door, we're going

to rob a gay club via theback door, hence the name,

Operation Back Door, obviously.

Now Bilkey here is thebrains behind the operation.

He risked his butt virginityby going undercover for us.

Shit, well done, mate.

We're going to rob
a bunch of pansies.

Stop it.

Just stop it fellows.

Hey, has anybody
seen my teeth here?

Yeah, I want to
put it in my bum.

[laughter]

That is awful.

Oh, I don't reallywant to put it in my bum.

I was just pretending to be gay.

No, this whole idea is awful.

I have a couple of cousins
who are homosexual.

They have a hard enoughtime as it is without being

ripped off by the likes of you.

The likes of us?

Yeah, well, maybe it
is a bit insensitive.

More

Than insensitive.

Yeah, and what about our codeabout not ripping people off

who don't deserve it.

So how did the
fudge packers not

work out that our Bilkey herewasn't really lifting shirts?

He's as gay as my dick.

Well, actually,
most gay people

are just regular
dudes who happen

to like other dudes trying tofind their place in the world.

So Phineas could be gay.

Just because I
can't [inaudible]

doesn't mean I'm a [inaudible].

- That's not what I mean.- Sure sounded like it.

- It was a joke.- Yeah, well, not a funny one.

OK.

Look, I think there are risksthat we haven't considered.

It's an illegal
operation as it is.

The cops will be
sniffing around.

I don't know, seemslike an easy score to me,

exactly what we need right now.

Steve's going to lose
it when he finds out.

So why did you suggest
it in the first place?

Wolf and his mates
saw me kissing Steve.

I had to tell Tedsomething before they did.

Really?

Bilkey, those boys are justbackground noise to Ted.

I have screwed
this up, haven't I?

Yep, you have.

So quit crying to me about it.

All I care about is that Tedpulls off this job unscathed.

Do not screw that up as well.

OK, so we'll hit
the club early Sunday

morning after the punters--

Punters.

--and the staff leave,
and out nice and clean.

What's your deal
with the bar man?

- Deal?
- Yeah, your mate?

Are we cutting him in?

No, he's opted out, busy,too many fingers in pies.

OK, just us then.

Sounds solid.

We should do a Ricky.

Hey, I mean,
actually go in there.

I've got some old
blouses of Ngaire's.

I was thinking
just me and Bilkey.

I don't want to draw attention.

You up for it?

Sure.

Ted?

Ted's going to a guy club.

[laughter]

You've got to be
out of your mind.

This is fascism.

What am I supposed to say?

[inaudible]

Why don't you ever
stand up for yourself?

[interposing voices]

You OK?

In about 10
seconds, Bert's going

to walk through
that door, tell me

he doesn't want to do the job.

- Riana?
- Yeah.

[knocking]

Have you got a moment, Ted?

I just, I need a quick word.

Really Bert?

What is it?

I don't want to do the job.

Is that so?

Yeah, robbing queers isagainst my beliefs so, I'm out.

And are these beliefs
directly linked to you

getting your end away?

No, no way.

I just, I think we should beassessing things on a case

to case scenario
because fascism.

Because fascism?

Yeah, yeah.

And what does that mean?

Well, because fascism is bad.

Have you been reading
some books, Bert?

Yeah, something like that.

Well let me tell
you what I believe.

I believe that I need to
be able to rely on you

no matter what your woman says.

So if you're out, Bert,
you're out for good.

- Cheers for that tip.
- You're welcome.

- OK.
- Yeah.

Oh, hey there, handsome.

What?

We're robbing Backstage.

Are you in?

Why?

Because there's money there.

Do you want to play
be in the gang?

This is what we do.

You can't do that.

I assure you we can.

And if the police get involved,they'll know it's you.

So you should leave now.

Oh, for fuck's--

I know what you're doing--

Getting ready for bed.

--with Cheryl and
it's not going to work,

so just cut it out.

Honestly, love,
you've lost me.

Your little chat earliertoday, you're trying

to use that cop to get rid her.

No, I'm not at all.

We just can't have
any extra attention

from cops at the moment.

Since when haven't we hadextra attention from the cops?

Wolf, your father has alot going on at the moment.

And having some hormonalpiglet sniffing around Cheryl

could be a problem.

I love her, Mom.

And she's not going anywhere.

So just stop it, OK?

Tuck in, boys.

But you do need to know that asmuch as I love having you all

here, there are no free rides.

So at some point, I willrequire you to pay your way.

Well, I earn money from you.

You know, you can
keep it if that helps.

Mr. Bert employs
me to do car jobs.

I can pay you with that money.

But Sparky
doesn't do anything.

He's a financial wasteland.

No, no, what I mean,
boys, is don't you

think that as a group, youneed to get out there, get

busy, and bring me things thatI can sell through the galleria.

That is really
Wolf's department.

We just do what he says.

Yeah, he's a bit distracted.

Distracted by boobies.

Yeah, it's a bit
complicated, isn't it?

Well, no, not really,
he's just rooting heaps.

No, no, no, I mean, withthe cop hanging around here,

the one who accused you ofmolesting the other sister.

It seems he's got a bit
of a crush on Cheryl,

which makes her being
year a bit tricky,

doesn't it, when you guysneed to get back in the game.

But Cheryl's great.

Yeah, yeah, you
know, she told me

about how if you look
a girl in the eye,

she thinks that you thinkthat she's a real person.

She is the second best
dancer in the house.

One time she cut off
a lock of her hair.

She let me burn it.

Who cleans your clothes, boys?

Who cooks your meals?

Actually, Cheryl andWolf have gone to the shop

so they can make dinner.

Wolf cooking?

Hi Mom.

Oh, Rita, I hope
this is all right.

I was starting to
feel like a bludger,

so I told Wolf I'd teach himhow to make my mom's fish pie.

I hope you like fish pie.

This just looks
absolutely delicious.

This is better than good.

Holy moly, Cheryl.

Oh, fish pie, the
sexiest of all the pies.

Can I serve you, Rita?

Is it smoked fish?

Yes.

I don't eat smoked fish.

So sorry, Rita.

I had no idea.

I can make you some toast.

No, thank you, Cheryl.

I prefer not to eat
breakfast for dinner.

You know about my
smoked fish thing.

Do I?

It's typical.

It is typical of the men in thishouse that don't bloody listen.

We give it our
best shot, love.

How do I look?

That was a damn fine
pie, by the way.

Sure you want to say thatwith my hands near your throat?

Stop fighting it, Rita.

She's here for the
foreseeable future.

So you're OK then
with Riana having

Bert wrapped around her twat?

That's different.

Is it?

A woman who gets tooinvolved in men's matters

is going to cause problems.

And once they
entrench themselves,

no getting rid of them.

At least you won't have todeal with any strappy Sheilas

tonight--

Amen to that.

--just a few handsy boys.

[laughter]

[inaudible tv]

Evening.

Dad, your date's here.

Hey, so are you and Ted goingto make out like you and Steve

had to?

No.

Bilkey.

Ted.

Let's do this.

Watch out for
sexy drag queens.

[laughter]
- Carol.

[crying]

What's happened?

Dude, I have to
be honest with you.

I'm still not convinced.

Ah, damn it.

I knew I should have
gone with the paisley.

No, I mean the job.
You look fine.

Really?

I'm far more concerned
about passing

myself off as a jobby jabbertonight than the actual job.

I mean, I've seen
"Hudson and Halls."

And I'm fairly sure one
of them is, you know?

I can't remember which one.

But have a fair idea
what it's all about.

Right.

Hey, reckon we could passourselves off as a couple?

[laughter]

[music playing]

[SINGING] I am dancing
on the floor for you.

And I feel like a [inaudible].

And I feel your
body close to mine.

And I know [inaudible].

Ted.

Far out.

This is far out.

Guess so.

Bilkey, it's been a while.

Yeah.

Good to see you.

You too.

How come everyone knows
you by your real name?

I think it's less suspiciousthan staring blankly

at someone who is [inaudible].

Yeah, fair enough.

But just call me Ed.

I'll know who you mean.

OK, Ed.

So we've been trying to adopt.

Really?

Phineas is OK with it?

We kept it a secret
because we didn't

want to get anyone's hopes up,including ours, mainly ours.

But we did get our
hopes up until today.

Mr. O'Driscoll, have
you ever been in jail?

Why?

Have you?

No.

But you have, haven't you?

If that miserable
woman can't see

that you would be the world'sbest mom, she's an idiot.

She's also the woman whoturned down our application.

I think she's an idiot.

You'd be the best mom ever.

[knocking]

[knocking]

Is Ted here?

No, he's not.

I need a word with him.

I'll tell him you called.

Picking on the mostvulnerable members of society

and giving my Bert an ultimatum.

Bert has a choice.

And if Bert has a problem,then he should speak to Ted

instead of hiding behind you.

You don't care, do you?

Because misogyny and homophobiaperpetuate your role in

this world, baking sconesfor your redneck man.

I get that you
go to university

and you really like
to use big words,

but I have no idea
what you just said.

Bert's business
is also my business.

That plain enough for you?

And I stay out
of Ted's business

because that's how it's done.

Because it suits you.

No, because it works.

Maybe things
are different now.

Is that so, is it?

There's a thing
called feminism, Rita.

I have heard of it, yes.

We have a right to an opinionof what our men are up to.

Right.

So we all burned our brasso I can stick my nose

into my husband's
illegal affairs

and deem which ones are worthy?

Carol, get more glasses.

You two bitches need somelessons about how things

work here in the real world.

I don't think
calling other women

bitches is very feminist, Rita.

Get the glasses, Carol.

[music playing]

So as you can see,
the party doesn't

die down until the small hours.

Now, the office, where the moneyis kept is around the back.

Why are there so
many dolly birds?

Or are they lesbians?

No, fag hags.

What?

Fag hags.

Some women just want
to dance without being

hit on all the time.

Well, I'll be.

So the office,
as I was saying,

is around the back
of the building.

Everyone looks so free.

There is no alarm and no safe.

I loved a man
once, my cellmate,

Mark, in prison, you know?

It was so intense, unnatural.

What happens in jail
stays in jail, right?

Right.

My lips are sealed.

I'll get another
round then, eh?

No, no, I'll go.

Two Manhattans.

Please don't do this.

Don't you dare say a word.

Two Manhattans, please.

[music playing]

Oh, yes, that's the
problem with you lot.

My lot?

You're so concerned withyour precious women's studies

that you're not actuallyequipped to deal with reality.

What's women's studies going todo for you when you're knocked

up barefoot in the kitchen?

That's kind of
offensive, Rita.

Yeah, it is.

But it's what we have to dealwith here in the real world.

And I know that
you two, you think

that you're changing the waywe do things, but you're not.

It's better than lettingthe Neanderthals run riot.

It's a man's world, Riana.

And you're just pissing themoff by sticking your nose in.

Do you want Bert to get
kicked out of the gang?

Better than being a yes
man to your Ted forever.

Really?

And what about all the
flash stuff he buys you?

You like that, don't you?

And I know that you
like bad men too.

I've watched you.

Busted.

And you can keep yourmouth shut because you're

exactly the same.

Hm.

But if I smoke,
I'll get hungry.

[inaudible] where the food is.

Where the angry women are.

[music playing]

[SINGING] Baby, don't
fight into the night.

Don't trade your
love [inaudible]..

I don't have a problem withthe boys ripping off the gays.

You want to know why?

Why?

Gays want to be
treated as equals,

then welcome to the real world.

Where everyone gets robbed?

Equally.

Plus, Phineas always buysme something nice after a job.

And when you do
pick your battle,

you have means, a moredelicate way of doing things.

Maybe some of us arealready doing that, Rita.

Oh, no, there's anotherword for that, slutty pants.

I'm sorry, what?

Pretty sure you heard me.

She's just jealous.

Who?

Who?

[coughing]

No, no, no, Mom,
she's territorial.

Like a dog?

I wouldn't let Mrs. Ritahear you call her that.

Your mom had a good pointthough about the cop liking

Cheryl and him hanging around.

Mom's points
always sound good,

but she'll come around
to Cheryl being here.

You'll see.

This is Mrs. Rita we're
talking about, right?

[laughter]

All that crap about
subtle and blah blah.

That doesn't sound
very feminist to me.

Oh, girly, you have
so much to learn.

Well, I'm glad I
have you to teach me.

Is that so?

Yeah, because I'm notgoing anywhere anytime soon.

Well, you've certainlymade yourself right at home.

I will give you that much.

Just supporting my man,doing that delicate thing

you were saying.

Oh, hi Wolfy.

OK.

Bedtime I think.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's not good.

Night, Mom.
Thanks for this.

You're welcome.

[vomiting]

Shit.

Sparky?

Sparky?

Did you mean what you said,that I'd be a good mom?

You'd be a great mom.

Oh, thank you.

[music playing]

[SINGING] [inaudible]room in my heart for you.

I just don't have the time.

Don't lean all over me.

Tell them what you said.

You'd be a great mom.

See?

He knows.

Well, maybe you
should adopt him.

What?

I said you should
adopt Sparky.

Hi Rita.

Hi Honey.

Rita's had a great idea.

What?

Well, and he'd be
such a great dad.

Is he taking the piss?

I'll explain in the car.

- Bye to you.
- Bye Rita.

Bye Carol.

I just came to
see if she's OK.

Equal opportunity
for getting done over.

He's back in.

Yeah.

My gay cousins are bitches.

Pretty sure the place wasn'tlike this when I left it.

Well, sometimes youhave to break a few eggs,

ruffle a few feathers to bringstrappy women back into line.

Oh?

Do you want to bring thisstrappy woman back into line?

Double check you haven't
turned gay on me.

[chuckling]

[moaning]

[grunting in distance]

Oh, for fuck's
sake, she should

be crutches with her
head in a bucket.

I hope she's bloody
brushed her teeth.

Yes!

Oh!

No, don't stop.

- What?
- Keep going.

[grunting]

Oh.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Isn't getting off
while our son's

getting off a wee bit strange.

Get your head
in the game, Ted.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Yes, yes.

Oh, gross.

Yeah, now!

Don't you dare stop now.

[moaning]

Wolf!

Ah!

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Oh, Wolf.

Oh, Ted.

Ted!

Oh.

[moaning]

[inaudible]

Oh, morning, Rita.

Lemon and sugar or
bacon and banana?

Morning, Mrs. West.

What the hell
was he doing here?

Browsing?

Don't bloody think so.

Well, that's what
it looked like to me.

Why?
Do you know him?

Do you?

He's a cop.

No.

And good morning to you too.

Bit shabby on it, are we?

All in a good
cause, drinking Wolf's

little slut under the table.

So not a fan?

Of her?
No.

Well, tell her
to piss off then.

Doesn't really
seem to be working.

Moved in?

Permanently attached
to my son's privates.

Well, what about her parents?

Her mother is trash too.

No, I mean her
mother who presumably

dislikes Wolf as much asyou dislike her daughter.

It involves swallowing
some pride, Rita,

but used to work with Desireeand the boys I disapproved of.

[ding dong]

I thought I banned you.

I'm here to return what
is rightfully yours.

Your daughter.

No, thanks.

What?

But you have to.

No, she is your problem now.

She's your daughter.

You can't just wash your handsof your own flesh and blood.

You're joking, right?

About never having another2 AM call from the place

informing me that
my daughter has

accidentally incited a riot?

Oh, I don't think so.

But you can't--

Look, lady, I'm way toobusy dealing with another one

of my daughters so gutted thather sister stole her boyfriend

I've had to send her tostay with my Bible-bashing

aunt in Masterton.

But it's your responsibilityas a mother to take her--

As a mother, I'm sick ofdealing with Cheryl's crap.

She's your problem now.

You better be good for it.

You know I am.

You guys should go now.

I want a quick word with Cheryl.

Maybe go get some
beers for later.

Mm.

Be nice to her?

Nice is my middle name.

[inaudible] boys.

So apparently,
I'm stuck with you.

But you and Wolf need to sortout the shit with that cop.

I mean it.

[knocking]

[inaudible]

Ted is just getting ready.

I thought I might grab you asec before the game show, eh?

Looking for some sympathy forthe mess you got yourself into.

I can't do this.

Yes, you can.

Yoohoo.

Carol, you're here early too.

We wanted to talk to
you about something.

We want to adopt Sparky,just as a trial to see if we

really would make good parents.

Would that be
OK with you, Rita?

Well, Sparky is his
own person and pretty

much a fully grown adult man.

So I guess you'll have toask him when he gets back.

OK, fine.

Lefty.

- You guys all set?
- Yes.

Hey guys.

How are you feeling?

Like someone shit between thetwo hemispheres of my brain.

Today we'll stick to tea.

OK, nimble heads,
easy job, in and out,

could do it in our sleep.

There will be no surprises.

Hey, you all keen to party?

Oh, god no.

I guess it's just us then.

Sparky, Phineas
and I were wondering

if we could adopt you.

Really?

You want me?

Yes.

Then yeah.

We'll leave in the
morning when your father

gets back from his robbery.

So it's Sparky's
going away party.

Downstairs in the basement.

All right.

There's something
we need to do.

It's time.

Good morning Bilkey.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Bilkey's
boyfriend, ex-boyfriend.

I thought I'd help you outand get your money ready

so here it is.

But you should know thatBilkey and I were lovers.

He's as gay as the day is long.

Aren't you Bilkey?

You're a queer?

Cheers.

Come on.

No surprises?

Just the one.

Well, you've got
the money though.

Yes, Phineas,
we got the money.

I am gay.

But you was only in
there for five minutes.

I've always been gay.

He wasn't lying, just in
case you were wondering.

I'm missing something here.

Bilkey's a homo.

What about all thosechicks you were rogering?

Never touched any of them.

I just used them so that
you guys wouldn't twick.

I'd give them the flick
whenever it got serious.

Well, look, we don't careabout any of that, do we, lads?

Bilkey's private life is
Bilkey's private life.

Shit, we're not cavemen.

Each to their own
and all of that.

Isn't that right?

Isn't that right?

I thought you werethis legendary stick man.

But you like boys.

No, I like men.

But only the ones that areinto that sort of thing, right?

Yes, Phineas.

Which is not me.

Then whatever.

[inaudible] brother.

Hey, I went to a
boys' boarding school.

I've seen things, gay things.

There was a kid there who wentout with the school goat once.

Yeah, it's not really
the same thing, Lefty.

Right, well,
that's that sorted.

So we get on with theget away, gentlemen, huh?

[engine revving]

Hey, Mandy,
what's the problem?

Mom OK?

It's not mom.

She's away.
It's her.

She made me.

Get lost, Trent.

Shut up.

Thank you for coming, Shane.

It's about Wolf.

I knew it.

I knew you didn't reallywant to be with that animal.

Oh, but I do, Shane becausethat animal is my boyfriend who

I love very much.

If he's making you say this,Cheryl, I can protect you.

No one can make me doanything I don't want to, Shane.

I'm with Wolf and
you need to butt out.

And you need to leavehim and his family alone.

Or I'll tell everyone
about the time you

copped a feel when I was 13.

That never happened.

Then don't make me say it did.

You should leave now.

[music playing]

Oy, tradition is a
beer after the job.

Or is it that Miami winecooler you puffs drink?

Not really in the mood.

What?

You're going to get allmoody now that you're gay?

Get inside.

Hi, love.

Carol, I'm home.

Hey.

How did it go?

It was weird.

That's nice.

I have something to tell you.

Good one?

Enough.

You known that he's gay
for ages, haven't you?

We cost him his boyfriend.

No, he cost him his boyfriend.

Morning.

Not quite the relationshipyou happened to break up, eh?

Dig in, boys.

Cheers.

Cheers.

The cop problem has gone away.

You sure?

I'm sure of everything, Mom.

Phineas, I want
you to meet our son.

Well, he's not really
our son, but he's

coming to live with us.

Hey Dad.

So I guess you're one
of us now, slutty pants.

Don't call me slutty pants.

Why?

Does it annoy you, slutty pants?

You are such a bitch.

Takes one to know
one, slutty pants.

Come here.

[music playing]