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Hello, sir.

They won´t be able to resist
that little beauty,

will they, sir?

Guthrie in position?

I can´t get him on his radio
or his bleep.

If that crew decide to take
that lorry right now,

we´re not going to look
very clever, are we?

I´m not sure about this idea,
Mr. Crabbe.

Most of the lorries were nicked
along this stretch of road,

Mr. Lees.

Just think of your wagon
as bait.

Yeah, well, long as you keep
a tight hold on the rod, eh?

Absolutely.

Guthrie.

I´ve got to go, Coach.

Punters?

Can´t be.

Come on, lads, get a move on.

Hey, what the hell is going on?

Sub!

-There´s somebody in there.

Go!

All right, lads,

let´s have you lying down
on the floor.

Facedown.

Come on.
You just try it.

Who are you?

Troubleshooter Security.

You looked like
you needed a hand.

Always happy to help the police.

Sir.

Fowler!

Fisher, sir.

Heard about Ash, did you?

Heart attack, was it?

He was overseeing
the football team.

Ah.

Think you could do it?

The football team, sir?

Only one game left,
but we´ve got to win it.

Championship decider.

Don´t worry.

I´ve got a bit of
a secret weapon for you.

Come on.
Let´s do it one more time.

Sir.

Fought your way
out of that paper bag, then,

did you, Crabbe?

It wasn´t a paper bag, sir.

It was a caravan tarpaulin,
actually,

which is why
I wanted to talk to you.

We were on a secret operation

to identify a team
of lorry thieves.

Cum caravan thieves.

And Troubleshooter Security

just happened to have
a dozen men in the area.

Which I think
is pushing coincidence

just a little bit too far.

Operation´s finished now.

I´ve got something else for you.

Think they´re any good?

You´re asking me?

Okay, lads, come on.
Game over.

Let´s see you in the showers.

Overhaul security.

Take over the arrangements.

They knew we were
police officers, sir.

What else were you going to be?

We could´ve been bona fide
fast-food merchants,

couldn´t we?

We could have been having
a lover´s tryst or something.

Your wife´s away, isn´t she?

I didn´t mean...

Got a bit of room at home, then?

-Lads.
-Gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

We´re here to see Mr. Lees.

Well, he´s not here today.

Well, then,
he can expect us tomorrow.

I was hoping to catch you
before it was too late.

Consider me gone, sir.

We shall miss you, Charlie.

With respect, sir,
I shan´t reciprocate that.

They´re computerizing.

What are you going on to?

Pub, sir.

Cotswolds.

Only a little place.

Beer garden, though,
good kitchen.

Oh, you´re doing food, then?

Want a job, sir?

Do you know, just now,
I really wouldn´t mind.

Maybe I could pick your brains
sometime.

You know, catering and so forth.

One sec.

About that lorry-watch
operation,

how many people do you think
knew about that?

Traffic had to be informed,

and uniform were told
to keep off the plot.

Your C.I.D. colleagues,
the A.C.C.

More a question
of who didn´t know, sir.

Yeah.

Anything had got out,

they wouldn´t have turned up,
though, would they, sir?

Well, it´s more a question
of who else turned up, really.

Troubleshooters?

You don´t want to get
carried away, sir.

If that was a joke,
Charlie Reeves...

Sorry,
looking for Mr. Fisher´s office.

Yeah. Right.
Thank you.

Yes.
Follow me.

I like that waistcoat, sir.

Do you mind me asking
where you got that from?

-Ah. Inside.

After you.

D.I. Crabbe, D.C. David Thomson.

We´ve met, sir.

Have a seat, both of you.

Fine here, thank you, sir.

Sit there, Constable.

D.C. Thomson´s going to be
working undercover

for a few days.

Until Saturday.

Inspector Crabbe has very kindly
agreed to put you up.

"Undercover," sir?

Take this, Crabbe.

Fully housetrained, sir.

One celery soup
and two carpaccios, please.

Carpacci.

What?

One carpaccio, two carpacci.

I knew that.
I just didn´t know if you did.

Uno...dos fresh-a-fruit-y-salad.

"Dos" is Spanish, not Italian.

-No, it´s not.
-Yes, it is.

-It´s not.
-It is.

I don´t want to interrupt
anything important,

but this is Detective Constable
David Thomson.

He´ll be with us
a couple of days.

This is Gary.
Sally.

Mr. Fisher said this was a caff.

This isn´t a caff.
This is a proper establishment.

We like to think so.

Your room.

All found, eh?

Bed and board, Mr. Crabbe.

I didn´t realize undercover work
required a special diet.

Yeah?

Yeah. Lean meat,
breast of chicken,

pasta, bean sprouts, alfalfa.

Can´t wait.

I went out
with a hurdler once.

He had to eat
this sort of stuff.

In my experience, police
officers working undercover

usually survive
on pizzas, coffee,

and cheap supermarket Scotch.

Mm.
Healthy combination.

An undercover agent.

Keeping something undercover.

Which means you two saw nothing.

Can I get an orange juice
round here?

-In the fridge.
-Thanks.

I´m sorry we haven´t got
any alfalfa,

but you´re perfectly welcome
to anything else on the menu.

It´s okay.

I ate earlier, thanks.

Be no trouble.

Juice´ll do me.

Ahh.

Can I do anything?

Blimey, someone´s hungry.

Is my friend here?

Mister...Mr. Thomson.

I´ll just, um...

Turkey Kirkie!

Can I help you?

No.
It´s him I want.

All right, Jim?

Well, let´s go, Mr. Thomson.

You´re frightening
all these people.

Not a natural in the world
of undercover work,

our Mr. Thomson.

At least he´s got
a bit of life about him.

Bit of life, has he?
Got an advantage over me, then.

That wouldn´t be very difficult,
now, would it?

I think what Gary´s
trying to say, Sally,

is that Mr. Thomson is a drunk.

That´s why he drinks
orange juice, is it?

By way of Vladivostock.

He just thinks that anyone
that has a drink is a drunk.

No, I just think that anyone
who is a drunk is a drunk.

Turkey Kirkie.

You know, that´s
a really weird nickname, that,

for somebody called David.

That´s ´cause he looks like
that Kirk whatshisname, though,

isn´t it?

You know, he used to play
for Man City.

Or was it Sheffield Wednesday.

Oh, you know.
Kirk...

Dropped out of the game
a few years ago.

Flowerbridge.
Kirk Flowerbridge.

He´s a footballer?

Yeah.

Perfect.

I thought I´d best have a good
look at the team first, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Since they´re now
under our protection.

Oh, yeah.

It´s difficult to see the point
in this assignment, sir.

A.C.C. Fisher´s methods

are occasionally less
than transparent.

They´re almost never pointless.

And the point of us sitting here
watching the grass grow?

It´s ´cause we messed up
on that lorry watch, isn´t it?

No, no.

No, Mr. Fisher has been told
to see the team through

to the last game of the season.

Not knowing the first thing
about football

has made him very edgy.

Of course, if they win the game,

he´ll be covered in glory.

Mind you, if they lose, he´ll be
covered in something else.

We´ve never beaten them before,
sir.

Their goalkeeper´s
ex-professional.

Is he?

Yes. Jim Cutler, sir.

He used to be a big name.

Well, till he did
something disreputable.

Who is this game against anyway?

Troubleshooters, sir.

You won´t have to watch
the grass grow now, Morton.

You´ll be able to watch
the paint dry instead.

Well, well, well,
Kirk Flowerbridge.

Ex-premiership.

Ex-England under-21 striker.

How are the mighty fallen.

All right, all right.

Mr. Fisher wants you to play
football on Saturday,

doesn´t he?

You´ll have to ask him
about that, sir.

What time is it?

12:00.

I´ve got to be somewhere.

Meeting your friend
from yesterday?

It was Jim. That´s what you
called him, wasn´t it?

Jim?

Jim, sir?

Wouldn´t be Jim Cutler
by any chance?

You know,
ex-professional goalkeeper.

I´ve really got to go, sir.

Stand there, Constable.

Was that man Jim Cutler?

Yes, sir.

Does he play
for the Troubleshooter team?

Yes, sir.

Do I infer from that

that he´s employed
by Troubleshooter Security?

I´m not too sure about that,
sir.

Uh-huh.

I´m happy with my security,
thanks.

Just look at the list.

That´s all your security men,
yeah?

The ones marked in yellow
are all ex-cons.

Where did you get this?

I´m not saying we´re angels.

You wouldn´t want angels,
though, would you,

not when there´s a bit
of slapping-about to do.

Another interesting thing...

Terry.

All right, John.

They´re not the only ones
around here

who´ve seen the wrong side
of a cell door, are they?

And up!

That´s it. Nice job, mates.
Around we go.

-Morton.
-Just checking the gates, sir.

Never mind the gates.

Look, I want you to go
to the reference library.

Find out everything you can
about Jim Cutler.

-Come on, I´ll give you a lift.

I´d like to talk to you, sir,
about D.C. Thomson.

This football trophy, Crabbe,
it´s enormous.

Going to have to get
a bigger cabinet.

He´s a footballer,
isn´t he, sir?

Kirk Flowerbridge.

What of it?

You told me he was
an undercover officer.

He is undercover.

They´ve had him tucked away
over at Records.

He´s coming out into the open
on Saturday

to win me
the league championship.

Shouldn´t he be out there
training with all the others?

Shock tactics, Crabbe.

Be like a wolf among sheep.

He´s a heavy drinker.

How heavy?

Heavy enough to spend most
of the day lying facedown.

Why didn´t you say so?

I just have.

I can´t go to the chief
constable with this.

You´ll look
a complete incompetent.

I appreciate your concern, sir.

I want him in shape, Crabbe.

Off the bottle
and fit for Saturday.

Just like that.

Come to me at this late stage,
what else do you expect?

Here.

And...here.

You´ll find
that we´re worth the extra.

And, of course,
we´re very discreet.

Late for a meeting.

Oi!

Your boss wants a word with you.

Break the news gently.

You´d better make the most

of these leisurely lunches,
Charlie.

You´ll be far too busy
once you´ve retired.

I shall be sitting
on a barstool,

letting the old lady do
the work.

Listen, what do you know
about this Kirk Flowerbridge?

Mr. Fisher´s "D.C. Thomson"?

He was a good footballer.

And as a police officer?

He was a good footballer.

So this job they´ve got him down
at the Records Office is...

Calling it a job, sir,

would be going a little bit
too far, I think.

He showed his face
two or three times a week,

moved a couple of pieces of
paper from one pile to another.

And in return, he provides them

with his dazzling skills
on the football field?

I think that was
the original idea, yes, sir.

Oh, just going back
on that conversation we had

a couple of days ago about
the lorry-watch operation...

Funny you should say that, sir.

Is it?

Well, I had a fax from Records

a couple of days
before the operation.

Oh, yeah?

Querying the rental
of a snack-bar caravan.

And you explained to them
its legitimate use

as an observation post
on the trunk road.

I´m afraid I did, sir, yes.

Yeah.

Just like old times, eh, Turkey?

You and me on the same side.

Come on.

Just say what you´ve got to say,
Jim.

Come on.
Come and have a pop.

Maybe your luck´ll change.

Thought you might change
your mind when you saw mine.

Thank you.

Cutler was thrown out
of the game for match-fixing.

Any mention of Mr. Flowerbridge?

Only on the sports pages.

Promising youngster,
lost his form,

hints of gambling debts.

He did play on the same team
as Cutler for a season.

Mm.

Took the ball on my knee,

let it bounce, just once,

saw the keeper off his line,
and walloped it.

Read the game in an instant,
really.

Watched the ball sail
over the keeper´s head.

35-, 40-yarder.

Most beautiful thing
you´ve ever seen.

Yeah.

I remember it.

How was your food, Kirk?

Lovely, Sally.

Really tasty.

Just had enough, you know.

And now you´re a copper.

Well, it´s the pressure,
basically, Gary.

When you´re at the top
like that...

At the top?

You drank your way out of a job.

Gary!

You chucked away
your one chance at glory.

Now alls you´ve got left

is a macho car you´re never
sober enough to drive.

Wait a minute.

How do you know
how sober I am?

And you´re going to lose
that job the same way.

Take it from one who knows.

No one´s taken in
by that orange juice.

I don´t want you hanging round
here anymore, Constable.

Tomorrow morning, first thing,
you´re going into training.

And since the opposition
already know you´re playing,

I don´t see any point keeping
this secret from your teammates.

And one more thing,
as long as you´re under my roof,

no more booze.

Gary, with me.

No. Hang on.

Takes one to know one.

We don´t keep
the orange juice, there, Kirk.

Mr. Fisher´s put me
to quite a lot of trouble

in connection with this game.

He seems convinced that you´re
going to win it for him.

So, why did you stop playing?

You´ve heard about
the missed penalty?

No.

F.A. Cup quarterfinals.

Went to a penalty shootout.

Came down to me.

I skyed it over the crossbar.

Well, that´s hard to bear,

but aren´t you supposed to take
that in your stride?

You are, yeah,

but, with me, it just
started all crowding in

and gave my confidence a big
knock and it affected my game.

So I was substituted,

kicking my heels,

and I had more time to drink
and more time to gamble and...

Just lost my confidence, really.

People say to me
you were very good.

I was, yeah.

I was good.

Well, you´ll have a chance
to prove it on Saturday.

I don´t think I´ll be taking it,
sir.

Well, that´s up to you.

But it´s my job to see
you go training.

I´ll go training,

but I won´t be playing
on Saturday.

Look, yesterday, I was in charge
of an operation

that was attempting to catch
a gang of lorry thieves

in the act.

Along the Middleton Road.

It was pretty common knowledge
that operation was undermanned.

And yet, strangely,
out of nowhere,

a whole battalion of
Troubleshooter Security men

emerged to help sort things out.

Now, given that
Troubleshooter Security Company

is presently employed

in a pretty aggressive campaign
of empire-building,

I should imagine that publicity
must have come in quite handy.

Imagine it did, yeah, sir.

Yeah, and, of course,
your mate Jim Cutler

is employed by Troubleshooter,
isn´t he?

What, and you think I told him
about your operation, do you?

What time´s training?

8:00.

See you at 7:00.

He doesn´t seem to have gone
completely to seed.

Somehow I don´t think

it´s thoughts of glory
with the Police XI

that are driving him on.

Terry Lees.

Probably come to congratulate us
for not losing his lorry.

Alfalfa...

bean sprouts...

tofu...

tahini...

three different kinds of pasta,
and fresh tuna.

It´s got some different recipe
suggestions on there, too.

He´s an alcoholic.

He won´t touch the stuff.

You could always give him
the benefit of the doubt.

You give him
the benefit of the doubt.

Hey?

You think he´ll eat it,
you cook it.

There were 20-odd names
on that list.

You don´t think he was bluffing?

How did he know about me then?

Yeah.

Yes. On the face of it,

looks like he´s had access
to police records.

You didn´t sign the contract?

They start Saturday.

It´s only a practice!

You´re all right!

What´s he doing,
trying to get his leg broken?

Yes, I know it will have
the team´s name on it.

I want to know if it´ll have
my name on it.

-Come.

I´ll call you back.

What is it?

The Troubleshooters Security
business.

There´s been a development.

Sour grapes, Crabbe.
Paranoia.

I´ve told you.
Let it drop.

But I was talking to Terry Lees,
the transport contractor.

You have a very simple,
very important job at hand.

Make sure Flowerbridge plays
a blinder tomorrow.

You can tell him from me
it´s play up or get out.

Right, sir.

Full pension,
plus the wife´s pension,

plus a little nest egg
that we´ve put by.

You know, I´ve been
trying to retire myself

for the past three years.

You´ve just got to go ahead
and do it, sir.

I wish you´d tell
A.C.C. Fisher that.

I might just do that, sir.

You remember that fax you got
the other day,

you know, the one from Records
querying that snack caravan.

Oh, yeah?

I don´t suppose you´ve still got
a copy of that, have you?

Filed it away in one of
yesterday´s big plastic bags.

No point in keeping them,
is there, really, faxes.

Just curl up and die,
fade away to nothing.

Was it signed?

Squiggle.

And you replied?

Just "Re your fax
of the you know."

By fax again.

Mm.

Just when you thought you were
going to be able to put

your feet up, eh?

Just leave it in the machine
if you don´t mind, sir.

I think I´ve just finished
my service.

This is Kirk´s office.

His desk´s over there.

I´m trying to trace a fax
that was sent from this office.

The person it was sent to
no longer has his copy.

I think Kirk
was the one who sent it.

Kirk doesn´t send many faxes.

Oh, right.

Well, it went to Charlie Reeves
in the Local Information Office.

I don´t suppose
anybody keeps records

of what faxes get sent out.

I don´t suppose
anybody does that anymore.

The machine does.

It´s called the journal.

Plenty of food for thought
there, Mr. Cutler.

Give me a day or two
to chew it over.

Anything you want to
recap, just give me a call.

Times are changing, Fowler.

Chap there reckons his outfit
could relieve us

of 40%
of our operational duties.

Slim us down, leave us
with what we´re best at.

Cut away all the dead wood.

At every level.

Right.

You´re A.C.C. Ops, aren´t you?

Yes, sir.

Cut you down to size, then,
wouldn´t it?

What have you got on
this Troubleshooter crew?

Sure there aren´t
any sour grapes

or paranoia on your part
about all this, sir?

There´s a place
for this type of outfit, Crabbe,

but not within the parameters
of my operations.

My sentiments exactly.

If you hadn´t let them
capitalize

on your lorry-watch fiasco,

they´d never have come to the
chief constable´s attention.

We´ve been seriously undermanned

because of
all this football mania.

Forget the football, Crabbe.

I want dirt on this
Troubleshooter bunch.

- Sir.
- Ah, Morton.

Look, would you recognize

the fax number of the
Records Office on that list?

You can tell by the code,
can´t you?

Yeah.

No, sir, it´s not on this list.

Are you sure?

Yes, sir.

Is Charlie Reeves about?

Oh, of course.

Here she comes!

Cheers, Inspector!

Cheers, Charlie.

All the best.

I may have been a bit hasty

in some of the things
I said yesterday.

He´s got something over you,
hasn´t he?

Who?

Jim Cutler.

Jim Cutler´s got something
over everybody.

Pesto alla Sally.

Signor.

Finished, Kirk?

Best meal I´ve had in ages.

Set you up for the game
tomorrow, then.

Best get an early night, too.

Kirk.

Kirk.
You´ve got...

We´ve got an early arrival here,
sir.

And it´s not just the atmosphere
he´s soaking up.

You think you can run away
from things,

but you can´t.

Looks to me as though
you´re running towards it.

This?

I´m not talking about this.

Listen, it´s pay or play

as far as
Mr. Fisher´s concerned.

Either you can turn up
for the team today and play,

or you can pay for it
by losing your job.

I´d have lost that
sooner or later.

I wish you´d tell me what it is

that Jim Cutler´s
holding over you.

You never know.
Maybe I could help.

I come across types
like Cutler a lot.

It amazes me how they always
manage to get people

to toe the line.

It´s ´cause
they´re not challenged.

People just roll over

and because they roll over,

someone like Cutler
doesn´t have to follow through

with his threats.

Sometimes I wonder if there´s
any substance to them at all.

Well, I´ve got to go
and cook breakfast.

If you´ve got
any kind of appetite...

What is it about a big fry-up
on a Saturday morning

that makes you feel the whole
world´s full of promise?

Bacon smells good.

Can we have a large pot
of coffee, please, Gary?

One day at a time, eh, mate?

Sir.

Ah, Morton, job for you.

Kickoff´s in 20 minutes, sir.

Couldn´t have timed it better,
could I?

Get in.

Don´t ever try and get one
past me, Turkey.

I´ve always got it covered.

What department did you require?

Actually, it´s you we´ve come
to see, Mr. Harris.

And you´re in big trouble.

Yes!
It´s okay.

Come on, Flowerbridge.
Get out of it!

Ever been in trouble with
the police before, Mr. Harris?

No. No, no, no.

What did you say, Mr. Harris,

when you so helpfully cut us
free from that tarpaulin?

I don´t remember.

You said you were always happy
to help the police.

Well, I am!

Good, good.

But how did you know
we were police officers?

No idea?

Maybe I could suggest one.

Come on, now, Turkey.
Have a pop.

I think you´d better come
down the station, Mr. Harris.

Look, look,
it´s all explainable.

I mean, it´s not like...

Well, it´s just...

Look, look.

Constable, you´d better call
for backup.

It´s not me.

We´ve just had a little bit
of information here and there.

Little tip-offs.

Yes, well, we can see that.

A friend on the inside.

One who´s just retired?

Thank you.

I want a word with you.

What have you been saying?

Get off!

I´m arresting you for bribery.

You do not have to say anything.

But it may harm your defense --

If I go down, he goes down.

For God´s sake, Crabbe.

You can´t go harassing
the opposition goalkeeper

at halftime.

I can if he´s been bribing
Charlie Reeves, sir.

Bribing Reeves?

Has he?

Oh, yes, sir.

Can you make it stick?

I can if we get Reeves
on our side, sir.

If he cooperates,
he´ll keep his pension.

Otherwise, I´ll land the lot on
him even if we don´t get Cutler.

Right.

But, Crabbe.

But wait till after the game,
hmm?

Lads, lads, come on.
Heads up.

We´re only two-nil down.
We can still win this one.

I´m arresting Charlie Reeves
and Jim Cutler after the match.

Just thought you ought to know.

Of course, Cutler thinks
you´ve been talking about him.

I could see that.

He wanted you to be
his inside man, didn´t he,

now that Reeves is gone.

Apparently, it´s an offer
I can´t refuse, sir.

What did he mean when he said
he´d take you with him?

It´s that missed penalty
I told you about.

Cutler took a bribe
to lose the match,

except it ended in a draw, so it
went to a penalty shootout.

So he let in every kick.

Problem was, the other keeper
didn´t do any better,

so it came down to me.

Cutler said he´d give me
10 grand if I missed.

God knows how much he was on.

Well, there was no way
I was going to do that.

So he came across to the spot
with me

and said
that he´d talk to the papers

about my drinking
and my gambling.

I said he could do
what he liked.

So I placed the ball and boom.

You know what I did.

And after I watched
the ball go over,

I thought to myself,
"I might as well have it.

I´ve lost the match. I might as
well have the bloody money."

If you´d told me this --

Biggest mistake I´ve ever made,
Mr. Crabbe.

Now here he is again.

You know, try and make a go
of it and he´s here again.

He´ll be under arrest very soon.

He´s not the only one, is he?

You´ve got two minutes.

You´re finished, Flowerbridge.

You never had what it took.
You never had the balls.

Yes!

So, you´re right.

Your suspicions about
Troubleshooters all along, then?

Well, I thought I´d let Crabbe
do the legwork

before I mentioned them to you.

Good work, Fisher.

Here he comes again.

You missed all the excitement,
sir.

Oh, dear.

There´s only a minute left.

Uh-huh.

You all right, mate?

Come on.

You´re on a hat trick.

We stick together,
we can see this off.

Just put the ball on the spot,
Jim.

Think you´re better than me now,
do you?

You´ve got your handcuffs
with you, Constable?

Good.

Think I´ll still get to run
my pub, sir?

I just don´t know, Charlie.

Always been my dream.

Cutler heard me mouthing off
about it, said he could help.

That´s all right, Constable.

Mr. Flowerbridge
can come with me.

He´s got to pick some stuff up
at my place.

Did you get all your stuff?

It´s a fair bit lighter
than when I arrived.

I thought we could have
something to eat

before we went
down to the nick.

Maybe you could knock me up
a cake with a file in it.

It may not come to that,
you know.

To be honest, Mr. Crabbe,

I´m glad I´ve got it
off my chest.

Make a clean go of it, you know.

Aye, aye, here´s Mr. Tactful.

You´ve got to be cruel
to be kind.

Yeah, well,
you enjoyed it anyway.

Good to have the boot on the
other foot for a change, yeah.

It´s hat-trick soup.

Ooh.

Well, it´s wild mushroom really,

but it´s the thought
that counts.

We just wanted something
we could serve in this, really.

We thought it looked like
the F.A. Cup.

Well, it´s the closest
I´ll ever get to it.

Maybe you could go back
to football.

I mean, it wouldn´t be the first
bad boy forgiven, would it?

That´s true enough.

You´ll have to lay off
the orange juice, though.

I´ll drink to that.

Cheers.

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