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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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[Music]
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You guys can complain all you want, but I
had a really good time at the Seaford Fair.
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00:00:10,281 --> 00:00:12,204
We're just saying the
fair's gone downhill.
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00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:16,676
I mean, the baby elephant was just a
shaved dog with a hose taped to its nose.
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00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:19,270
Hey, Jerry, where'd you get
that cool tie-dyed shirt?
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00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,339
Oh, I didn't.
8
00:00:20,344 --> 00:00:24,379
I just got on the spinning cups with Rudy
after he had nine flavors of Italian ice.
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00:00:24,394 --> 00:00:29,598
It was eight. That ninth color's
the chili dog I had for breakfast.
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00:00:29,617 --> 00:00:32,040
Hey, Jack, I need to ask a favor.
11
00:00:32,050 --> 00:00:35,548
You know that Seaford High news show
that I'm on that everyone talks about?
12
00:00:35,561 --> 00:00:36,694
Our school has a news show?
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00:00:36,699 --> 00:00:39,451
- And you're on it?
- People talk about it?
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00:00:39,462 --> 00:00:43,764
Yes, and I was hoping that Jack could
do the weather, just for one day.
15
00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:44,628
Why?
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00:00:44,632 --> 00:00:49,026
Oh, well, we couldn't find anyone,
so our producer Albert had to fill in.
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00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:50,839
He's not really the
right guy for the job.
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00:00:50,847 --> 00:00:53,997
It's gonna be sunny tomorrow.
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00:00:54,009 --> 00:00:57,586
So get out your sunblock today!
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00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,814
- [Yelps]
- [Crashes]
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00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:01,544
All right, if you want me to be
your weatherman, I'll give it a shot.
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00:01:01,554 --> 00:01:06,832
Oh, cool. Come on. Let's go into
dojo and practice for tomorrow.
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00:01:06,852 --> 00:01:09,012
[Sobbing]
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00:01:12,711 --> 00:01:13,778
[Door closes]
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00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,243
[Sobs loudly]
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00:01:18,588 --> 00:01:20,939
- Should we?
- I think we have to.
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00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,288
[All groan]
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I am never speaking to
any of you ever again!
29
00:01:33,095 --> 00:01:35,838
And I will tell you why!
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I invited you all to my birthday party,
but no one come to celebrate the Phils.
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That's my fault, Phil.
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The fair was in town, we got free tickets
and I totally forgot it was your birthday.
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00:01:47,921 --> 00:01:52,241
Guys, how about we make it up to him?
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Surprise!
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What?! For me?
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00:02:01,887 --> 00:02:04,734
Yeah... wait a minute.
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00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:08,916
You're not pulling the yak
fur over my seeing balls.
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00:02:08,931 --> 00:02:11,942
- Look, Phil, we're really sorry...
- Save it, sister!
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00:02:11,954 --> 00:02:13,796
Okay.
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00:02:13,803 --> 00:02:16,406
I thought you people
were like family to me.
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00:02:16,417 --> 00:02:20,683
But what kind of family does this
to a man who just wants to be loved?
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00:02:20,699 --> 00:02:22,487
Oh, I feel horrible, Phil.
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00:02:22,494 --> 00:02:25,828
Look, I may have forgotten your birthday,
but I didn't forget to get you a present.
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00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,761
Um...
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00:02:28,988 --> 00:02:31,823
Look, I got you this
beautiful tie-dyed T-shirt.
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[Sniffs] Ugh.
47
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I don't want this. It
smells like a pukey rainbow.
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00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,772
- [Screaming cry]
- [Rock music playing]
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00:02:39,782 --> 00:02:40,786
-
Don't...
-
Don't...
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00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:41,771
-
You...
-
You...
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00:02:41,775 --> 00:02:43,033
Get all tough with me!
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00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:43,785
I'm saying...
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00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:44,796
-
Won't...
-
Won't...
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00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:45,727
-
You...
-
You...
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00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:47,151
Come kick it with me?
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00:02:47,157 --> 00:02:49,425
And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!
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00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:51,335
-
That's just how we do.
-
Come on!
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00:02:51,343 --> 00:02:56,511
And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kicking it with you.
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00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:58,554
Here we go, let's start the party!
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Chop it up like it's karate.
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00:03:00,118 --> 00:03:01,486
Everybody!
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00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:02,776
-
Don't...
-
Don't...
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00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:03,798
-
You...
-
You...
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00:03:03,803 --> 00:03:05,022
Get all tough with me!
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00:03:05,027 --> 00:03:05,762
I'm saying...
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00:03:05,765 --> 00:03:06,803
-
Won't...
-
Won't...
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00:03:06,808 --> 00:03:07,717
-
You...
-
You...
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00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,183
Come kick it with me?
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00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,745
And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!
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00:03:11,755 --> 00:03:13,485
-
That's just how we do.
-
Come on!
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00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:19,392
And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kicking it with you.
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00:03:20,047 --> 00:03:21,741
[Music]
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Guys, Phil is our friend.
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00:03:23,977 --> 00:03:25,350
And we let him down.
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00:03:25,356 --> 00:03:29,376
So we are gonna throw him
the best birthday party ever.
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00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:31,525
All of his friends from
the Mall are gonna come.
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00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:34,130
Joan's even working on Hachmachi dance.
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00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:37,049
Okay, I did a little research.
And the first thing you need for a
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00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:41,629
traditional Hachmachi birthday
party is six gallons of tortoise pee.
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00:03:41,646 --> 00:03:43,746
Got it.
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00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,014
How do you have six gallons of...
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00:03:46,021 --> 00:03:48,320
You get a tortoise and you
make him drink lots of water.
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00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:51,416
It's called science, Kim.
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00:03:51,427 --> 00:03:55,335
Okay, look at the
present that I got him.
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00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:59,744
It's a box for knickknacks
made out of 10,000 toothpicks.
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00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:02,796
- Oh, can I see that?
- Yeah, be very careful.
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00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:05,267
[Box smashes]
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00:04:05,499 --> 00:04:07,216
You know what I got him?
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00:04:07,223 --> 00:04:08,631
His Mother.
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00:04:08,637 --> 00:04:11,117
Yeah, she hasn't seen him
since he moved to Seaford.
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00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,512
I'm flying her over.
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00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:16,085
Mama Mima is gonna be
the surprise at the party.
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00:04:16,099 --> 00:04:18,863
Best gift giver ever.
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00:04:18,873 --> 00:04:21,815
Dude, how could you afford to fly
someone over from Hachmachistan?
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00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:23,976
You know what, Jerry? Phil is my friend.
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00:04:23,984 --> 00:04:27,119
And you cannot put a
price tag on friendship.
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00:04:27,131 --> 00:04:32,554
On a totally unrelated subject,
tuition is going up 100 bucks a piece.
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00:04:32,574 --> 00:04:34,279
Kicking it with you.
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00:04:34,286 --> 00:04:37,251
And we're back in three, two...
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00:04:37,263 --> 00:04:38,182
[News jingle plays]
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During Friday night's football game, while
cheering for the game-winning field goal,
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00:04:42,372 --> 00:04:45,722
Coach Marmer blew a bladder gasket.
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00:04:45,735 --> 00:04:48,404
This reporter was on
scene when it happened.
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00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:50,387
Milton: How are you feeling, Coach?
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00:04:50,395 --> 00:04:53,395
[Coach grunts loudly]
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00:04:53,890 --> 00:04:56,809
And now our guest
weatherman Jack Brewer.
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00:04:56,820 --> 00:04:58,195
Thank you, Milton.
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00:04:58,201 --> 00:05:03,761
Today, temperatures are rising due to a low
barometric pressure system moving in from..
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00:05:03,782 --> 00:05:06,238
This is boring.
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00:05:06,247 --> 00:05:07,960
Jack, just read the prompter.
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00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:09,337
Forget about the prompter.
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00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,642
Look, if you want to
know about the weather,
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00:05:11,651 --> 00:05:14,348
it's gonna be hot out,
so just open up a window.
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00:05:14,359 --> 00:05:15,708
You guys should hit the beach.
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00:05:15,714 --> 00:05:21,614
Grab your flip flops, put on your
tank tops and shake out your mops.
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00:05:22,935 --> 00:05:26,436
And no matter the weather, stay cool,
Seaford. [Snaps fingers, clicks tongue]
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Will do! And we're out.
118
00:05:30,437 --> 00:05:33,360
Well, Jack, uh... that was interesting.
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00:05:33,371 --> 00:05:35,112
Yeah, I think it went pretty well.
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00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,665
[High-pitched] Yeah. You
did the best you could.
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00:05:38,678 --> 00:05:41,918
And that's what counts.
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00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,751
Okay, everybody, they're almost here.
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00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:50,499
I told Jerry to bring
Phil here blindfolded.
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00:05:53,857 --> 00:05:57,427
Jerry, Phil was supposed
to have the blindfold on.
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00:05:57,441 --> 00:06:00,647
Oh, that makes so much more sense.
126
00:06:00,659 --> 00:06:02,519
What is this?
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00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:04,960
What are all these people doing here?
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00:06:04,969 --> 00:06:06,614
"Happy Birthday, Phil"?
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00:06:06,621 --> 00:06:10,041
Oh! You do love the Phil!
130
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,414
Look, we may have
forgotten your birthday but,
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00:06:12,423 --> 00:06:15,192
we wanted to let you know
that we really do love you.
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00:06:15,203 --> 00:06:17,938
And Rudy's on his way
with a special surprise.
133
00:06:17,949 --> 00:06:22,809
Joan: And I got a little
surprise of my own!
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00:06:24,947 --> 00:06:27,870
I have mastered the traditional...
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00:06:27,881 --> 00:06:31,121
Hachmachi birthday dance.
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00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,899
[Folk music playing]
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00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,945
[Tempo quickens]
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00:06:57,059 --> 00:06:58,480
Happy Birthday!
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00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:01,366
That was beautiful.
140
00:07:01,873 --> 00:07:05,033
You even ended with a
traditional face plant.
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00:07:05,045 --> 00:07:07,700
This couldn't get any better.
142
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:09,357
Yes, it could.
143
00:07:09,364 --> 00:07:11,148
[Foreign accent] Come...
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00:07:11,155 --> 00:07:15,055
Give your Mama a great big kiss.
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00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,142
[High-pitched] Mama?
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00:07:20,028 --> 00:07:21,948
Oh...
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00:07:22,002 --> 00:07:23,709
And now it's time for weather.
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00:07:23,716 --> 00:07:26,685
Singers:
With weatherman Jack.
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00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:30,094
Jack: Thank you, sunny.
Thank you, cloudy.
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00:07:30,107 --> 00:07:31,173
[Clicks tongue]
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00:07:31,178 --> 00:07:32,969
What is he doing here?
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00:07:32,976 --> 00:07:37,546
Jack's a hit, especially
with girls 15 to 15 1/2.
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00:07:37,564 --> 00:07:40,326
You realize Jack doesn't even
know how to use a teleprompter.
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00:07:40,336 --> 00:07:42,592
He doesn't have to. He's gonna wing it.
155
00:07:42,601 --> 00:07:46,635
What?! You can't just wing it. The
is amateur high school journalism.
156
00:07:46,650 --> 00:07:49,284
All I care about is getting
more students to watch our show.
157
00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:51,807
I'll do whatever it
takes to get ratings.
158
00:07:51,816 --> 00:07:54,999
It's gonna be a little gusty today.
159
00:07:55,012 --> 00:08:00,519
This offshore swell is gonna bring in
some swell waves for you surfers out there.
160
00:08:00,539 --> 00:08:04,263
What am I doing surfing with a shirt on?
161
00:08:04,277 --> 00:08:07,079
Gah! He's going topless!
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00:08:07,090 --> 00:08:09,275
We're expecting showers later tonight.
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00:08:09,284 --> 00:08:10,484
[Girls spritzing]
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00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:12,289
Ah!
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00:08:12,935 --> 00:08:15,835
I want to apologize to the
viewers who tuned into the news
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00:08:15,847 --> 00:08:18,498
and wound up eyeballing this skin fest.
167
00:08:18,508 --> 00:08:22,561
Uh, I think they'd rather watch me
than the Milton Krupnik snooze fest.
168
00:08:22,576 --> 00:08:25,096
How dare you!
169
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,398
[Grunts]
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00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:30,860
[Spritzing]
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00:08:30,865 --> 00:08:32,984
And we're out!
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00:08:32,993 --> 00:08:37,267
Way to go, guys. Thanks to you we
probably lost all the viewers that we had.
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00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,049
[Spritzing]
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00:08:39,056 --> 00:08:41,370
- That was great.
- What?
175
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:45,039
Jack and Milton fighting was the coolest
thing that's ever happened on this show.
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00:08:45,053 --> 00:08:49,101
Everybody in school is
already talking about it.
177
00:08:49,116 --> 00:08:51,412
Oh. [Giggles]
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00:08:51,421 --> 00:08:53,975
I think I just found our new co-anchor.
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00:08:53,985 --> 00:08:55,582
[Milton shouts]
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00:08:55,589 --> 00:08:57,749
[Screams]
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00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,112
Kickin' it with you.
182
00:09:00,118 --> 00:09:02,857
You don't just spring a
Hachmachi Mother on her son.
183
00:09:02,867 --> 00:09:05,709
You might as well have wrapped up
a large snake and give that to Phil.
184
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,062
Surpr... not cool. Who told?
185
00:09:09,075 --> 00:09:10,876
I have been living a lie.
186
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,404
My Mother thinks I am
someone that I am not.
187
00:09:13,414 --> 00:09:15,415
Well, why would you lie
to your Mother, Phil?
188
00:09:15,423 --> 00:09:19,592
In my country, if a man my age is not
successful and married with children,
189
00:09:19,608 --> 00:09:24,413
he has to return home and live in a
tent with the grandmothers and the seals.
190
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,732
Well, hey, at least you're
a successful businessman.
191
00:09:26,741 --> 00:09:30,379
Please, in Hachmachistan, the only
thing worse than selling falafel
192
00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:33,527
is being security guard at the Mall...
193
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:36,359
Malt ball factory.
194
00:09:36,719 --> 00:09:39,705
Malt ball factory security guards...
195
00:09:39,716 --> 00:09:42,334
[Laughs] Suckers!
196
00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:44,596
I told her that I am the futon King.
197
00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:46,756
Phil, now, why would you do that?
198
00:09:46,764 --> 00:09:50,450
Because he's the King of a magical
piece of furniture known as the futon.
199
00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:54,584
I can think of no greater thing to be.
200
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,834
Hello, Mama.
201
00:09:55,839 --> 00:09:58,479
[Both ululating]
202
00:09:58,718 --> 00:10:00,552
[Both spit]
203
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:03,139
[Both trilling]
204
00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:06,826
Oh, these must be my grandpumpkas.
205
00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:10,457
Er, actually, Mama, these are...
206
00:10:10,471 --> 00:10:13,303
Uh, we're your grandpumpkas.
207
00:10:13,314 --> 00:10:14,590
We are?
208
00:10:14,596 --> 00:10:17,164
I mean, we are.
209
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:18,933
That's us.
210
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:22,283
And this must be your wife.
211
00:10:22,296 --> 00:10:24,096
Oh.
212
00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:26,141
Phil doesn't have a...
213
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:29,387
A thing to worry about.
214
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,205
Because I'm his beautiful wife.
215
00:10:31,211 --> 00:10:34,991
Because I'm his beautiful wife.
216
00:10:35,545 --> 00:10:38,245
And I love him.
217
00:10:40,004 --> 00:10:42,524
[Gasps deeply]
218
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,953
Okay, so that just happened.
219
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,600
Uh, yeah, Mama.
220
00:10:47,902 --> 00:10:50,545
This is my beautiful family.
221
00:10:50,556 --> 00:10:52,779
[Coughs and gags]
222
00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:54,829
Joan, do you want your gum back?
223
00:10:54,838 --> 00:10:57,718
Oh, keep it, dear.
224
00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:00,926
[Music]
225
00:11:00,932 --> 00:11:02,506
Kickin' it with you!
226
00:11:02,513 --> 00:11:04,422
A little bit more.
227
00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:07,969
Little bit more... and down.
228
00:11:08,246 --> 00:11:09,610
Yes.
229
00:11:09,615 --> 00:11:11,855
Definitely put it back where it was.
230
00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:13,449
Listen, you.
231
00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:16,299
I am not moving another futon by myself.
232
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,404
Look, I hope you appreciate
what we're doing for you.
233
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:21,330
I do appreciate it very much.
234
00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:23,125
And it's only for a few days.
235
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,351
You, Rudy, you're a true friend.
236
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,095
And I say this from the
bottom of my heart...
237
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,529
Move those futons or you're fired, worm!
238
00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:33,181
Hello, Mother.
239
00:11:33,188 --> 00:11:35,990
Ah, my wife. Hello, dear.
240
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:40,451
There's my big, strong
man working his heart out.
241
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,767
Here's your credit card.
242
00:11:44,014 --> 00:11:46,947
[Forced] Why did you
take my credit card, dear?
243
00:11:46,958 --> 00:11:52,437
Oh well, because I knew you'd want me to
have this necklace for our anniversary...
244
00:11:52,457 --> 00:11:54,349
Dear.
245
00:11:54,357 --> 00:11:59,943
I'm surprised you didn't get
matching earrings to go with it, dear!
246
00:11:59,964 --> 00:12:03,333
Well, that's a great idea...
247
00:12:03,346 --> 00:12:04,630
Dear.
248
00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:08,655
Oh, my Father was wrong about you.
249
00:12:10,974 --> 00:12:13,877
Can you believe we have to keep
up this act until Mima leaves?
250
00:12:13,889 --> 00:12:17,115
Hey, my daddy don't pay
you to flap your lips.
251
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,887
Go move a futon.
252
00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:24,138
You know, Phil, I'm so ashamed.
253
00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:26,686
A little part of me
thought you were lying when
254
00:12:26,696 --> 00:12:29,998
you didn't send me a
picture of your family.
255
00:12:30,011 --> 00:12:34,062
But I see you have built a
beautiful, wonderful life.
256
00:12:34,077 --> 00:12:37,446
And given me a beautiful grandchild.
257
00:12:37,459 --> 00:12:39,360
I gave you two.
258
00:12:39,368 --> 00:12:42,368
Oh, right, the girl.
259
00:12:42,968 --> 00:12:44,622
What is wrong with the Kims?
260
00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:48,497
Yeah, what is wrong with the Kims?
261
00:12:48,512 --> 00:12:51,632
Oh! Where do I start?
262
00:12:52,226 --> 00:12:55,983
Your pasty skin! Your tortoise lips!
263
00:12:55,997 --> 00:12:58,921
Your puny plucked eyebrows!
264
00:12:58,932 --> 00:13:02,996
You're going to grow old and alone.
265
00:13:03,012 --> 00:13:07,821
That is why I'm going to
give you Hachmachi makeover.
266
00:13:07,839 --> 00:13:10,599
- Ho-ho!
- Wait!
267
00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:13,394
Wait! Where is she taking me, dad?
268
00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:15,804
Dad?! Daddy!
269
00:13:18,716 --> 00:13:23,216
All right, guys. We're going live in 30.
270
00:13:23,283 --> 00:13:28,453
You know, the news is about actual
news, not about how good you look.
271
00:13:28,472 --> 00:13:31,541
News is about ratings. You got
to give the people what they want.
272
00:13:31,553 --> 00:13:34,793
And they want this guy.
273
00:13:37,312 --> 00:13:39,412
[Coughs]
274
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:44,633
What they want is a great story,
275
00:13:44,642 --> 00:13:49,104
like that time I went undercover in the
cafeteria for my piece about a sneezy chef.
276
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:51,566
No one will ever forget
"snots in your tots".
277
00:13:51,576 --> 00:13:53,461
Everyone forgot that
story. It was a dumb story.
278
00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:56,536
- [Overlapping arguing]
- Three, two, one!
279
00:13:56,548 --> 00:13:58,223
- [News jingle plays]
- I'm Jack Brewer.
280
00:13:58,230 --> 00:14:00,885
And I'm Milton Krupnik.
And here's our top story.
281
00:14:00,895 --> 00:14:03,913
The school nurse reports
that wedgies are down by 10%
282
00:14:03,925 --> 00:14:07,651
due to the recent expulsion
of Glen, "The Ripper," Daniels.
283
00:14:07,665 --> 00:14:09,923
- And here with our next story...
- [Crinkling]
284
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,544
Big hair! Big big hair!
285
00:14:12,554 --> 00:14:14,474
What?
286
00:14:14,950 --> 00:14:16,566
You did this!
287
00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:21,009
I didn't do anything. Uh we're
on air. Try and be professional.
288
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:26,186
And on to our next news
segment, "Inside Seaford".
289
00:14:26,684 --> 00:14:30,977
I will be testing the P.H. level of
our Seaford High drinking water...
290
00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:34,413
With one little drop of...
291
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,103
That's it!
292
00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:44,481
No! No! No!
293
00:14:44,490 --> 00:14:45,464
Let me go!
294
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:47,945
No! No! No! No no no.
295
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,894
- No-o-o-o!
- Ah!
296
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,551
And we're out!
297
00:14:56,558 --> 00:14:58,669
Oh, that was great, guys.
298
00:14:58,678 --> 00:15:02,221
I'm gonna go talk to the Principal about
getting more time added to the show.
299
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,190
Did he just say we were great?
300
00:15:04,198 --> 00:15:07,341
We just had an on-air brawl.
301
00:15:07,353 --> 00:15:11,534
Why would he want us to fight
if all he cares about is...
302
00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,063
Both: Ratings.
303
00:15:13,069 --> 00:15:14,743
That's it. Let's tell him we quit.
304
00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:19,550
No, I think we should
do one more broadcast.
305
00:15:19,723 --> 00:15:21,265
Kicking it with you!
306
00:15:21,271 --> 00:15:23,917
[Speaks Hachmachi]
307
00:15:23,927 --> 00:15:25,200
You did not?
308
00:15:25,206 --> 00:15:29,346
[Laughs] Mama Mima, you're hilarious.
309
00:15:29,835 --> 00:15:33,146
- What she say?
- I have no idea.
310
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:36,052
Wait till you see what I
have done with the Kims.
311
00:15:36,063 --> 00:15:40,875
I took a lump of ugly and turned
it into a lump of less ugly.
312
00:15:40,893 --> 00:15:42,813
Kims!
313
00:15:48,346 --> 00:15:51,319
Have you ever seen
anything like her before?
314
00:15:51,330 --> 00:15:54,272
Well, there's a horror movie where
this creature crawled out of the...
315
00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:56,204
Rudy!
316
00:15:56,531 --> 00:15:59,711
This hat is ridiculous.
317
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:05,375
Oh, Phil, I'm so proud of you.
318
00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:07,489
I couldn't be happier.
319
00:16:07,497 --> 00:16:09,120
I've made a decision.
320
00:16:09,127 --> 00:16:11,633
I'm not going back to Hachmachistan.
321
00:16:11,642 --> 00:16:14,300
I'm going to stay here with Phil...
322
00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:18,151
And his beautiful family forever.
323
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:24,136
Oh, I think they fainted with the joy.
324
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:27,420
Oh, yeah, I'm sure that's it.
325
00:16:27,433 --> 00:16:30,633
You know what, Mother?
Let's celebrate. Huh?
326
00:16:30,645 --> 00:16:32,745
[Laughs]
327
00:16:32,802 --> 00:16:36,822
We're going to the most
expensive restaurant in town.
328
00:16:36,837 --> 00:16:39,897
Phil would want that.
329
00:16:41,289 --> 00:16:43,673
What a great story, Milton.
330
00:16:43,683 --> 00:16:46,333
A dog with dentures, wow.
331
00:16:46,343 --> 00:16:48,736
His bark really is worse than his bite.
332
00:16:48,745 --> 00:16:50,508
[Both laugh]
333
00:16:50,516 --> 00:16:52,263
Why are they getting along?
334
00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:55,487
We'd like to take a break from our
normal routine and shake things up a bit.
335
00:16:55,499 --> 00:16:58,088
Ooh, shake it! Shake it up, Jack.
336
00:16:58,098 --> 00:17:01,134
We want you to meet a man who doesn't
quite get the credit he deserves...
337
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:03,857
Our producer Albert.
Come on up here, Albert.
338
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:06,927
[Nervous giggle] What?
339
00:17:07,072 --> 00:17:09,140
Why? What are you doing?
340
00:17:09,148 --> 00:17:11,116
What are you doing?
341
00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:15,681
Our ratings have tripled in the last
few days and it's all because of Albert.
342
00:17:15,698 --> 00:17:18,678
Oh, well, I don't know. I mean...
343
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:21,192
I'm pretty good.
344
00:17:21,202 --> 00:17:23,728
What am I standing in?
345
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,488
Oh, that's just some quick-dry cement.
346
00:17:26,499 --> 00:17:30,759
See, Albert understands that ratings can
come from making people look like fools.
347
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:33,522
So we thought you'd
help us with the weather.
348
00:17:33,532 --> 00:17:35,544
But I don't want to help
you with the weather.
349
00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:37,727
Oh, look at that.
350
00:17:37,736 --> 00:17:41,456
You're on TV and we didn't even
give you a chance to fix your hair.
351
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:43,731
Why don't you use some of the
hair volumizer you gave me?
352
00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:45,288
- No no no no.
- No? Why?
353
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:48,097
No no no no no no no.
354
00:17:48,107 --> 00:17:49,907
No!
355
00:17:50,233 --> 00:17:52,033
No.
356
00:17:53,199 --> 00:17:54,975
Here's the weather for today.
357
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:57,037
We're expecting hail...
358
00:17:57,046 --> 00:17:59,746
No no! [Screams]
359
00:18:03,191 --> 00:18:05,305
And gale force winds...
360
00:18:05,314 --> 00:18:07,028
Help.
361
00:18:07,035 --> 00:18:08,526
- [Screams]
- Jack: Oh, woo!
362
00:18:08,532 --> 00:18:10,350
- Woo!
- Oh!
363
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:11,964
Oh!
364
00:18:11,971 --> 00:18:15,751
Both: And a torrential downpour.
365
00:18:17,355 --> 00:18:19,359
[Gasps]
366
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:22,818
Poor little feller.
Oh-ho, look at that.
367
00:18:22,831 --> 00:18:24,751
Nice.
368
00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:27,812
You guys, we can do this.
369
00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:29,269
She's an old woman.
370
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:33,988
We just have to keep up this
lie for another 20 or 30 years.
371
00:18:34,005 --> 00:18:36,067
Phil, come on. You have
to tell her the truth.
372
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:38,574
- Why?
- Look at me!
373
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:40,481
No, she's right, Phil.
374
00:18:40,489 --> 00:18:42,510
Dude, we have to get
back to our real lives.
375
00:18:42,518 --> 00:18:44,994
No, you can't make me go back!
376
00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:49,283
I don't want to live in
a world without faux fur.
377
00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,639
Okay, fine.
378
00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:53,580
I will tell Mama the truth.
379
00:18:53,587 --> 00:18:55,222
Jerry!
380
00:18:55,228 --> 00:18:56,695
Kims!
381
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,734
Tonight we dine like Kings.
382
00:18:59,745 --> 00:19:04,982
We're going to the beach to collect
the seaweed and the washed up pip-pips.
383
00:19:05,002 --> 00:19:10,105
I don't know what a pip-pip is, but
I'm telling you I am not gonna eat one.
384
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:14,924
No, Mama, there's
something I must tell you.
385
00:19:15,492 --> 00:19:19,032
These people, they're not...
386
00:19:19,098 --> 00:19:20,682
My family is...
387
00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:23,747
Phil, what are you trying to say?
388
00:19:23,758 --> 00:19:25,759
Joan is not my wife.
389
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:27,098
No!
390
00:19:27,104 --> 00:19:29,603
- Jerry is not my son!
- No!
391
00:19:29,613 --> 00:19:32,342
And Kim is not my daughter.
392
00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:33,651
[Shouts] No...
393
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:37,513
Body could be happier
about the Kim news.
394
00:19:37,528 --> 00:19:40,273
I am a failure, Mama.
395
00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:42,381
This is not my family.
396
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,869
- I do not own this store.
- Oh.
397
00:19:44,878 --> 00:19:48,573
I'm but a simple falafel flinger.
398
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,687
Falafel!
399
00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:53,696
You're a disgrace!
400
00:19:53,703 --> 00:19:57,341
Pack your things! We're
going back to Hachmachistan.
401
00:19:57,355 --> 00:20:00,610
You don't have family here. Oh!
402
00:20:00,623 --> 00:20:02,676
[Speaks Hachmachi]
403
00:20:02,684 --> 00:20:05,853
Good-bye, everybody. I will miss you.
404
00:20:05,865 --> 00:20:07,556
Wait.
405
00:20:07,563 --> 00:20:10,502
Yes, he does have a family.
406
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:11,936
Us.
407
00:20:11,942 --> 00:20:14,143
But you're just a pretend family.
408
00:20:14,152 --> 00:20:16,854
We love each other. That's not pretend.
409
00:20:16,864 --> 00:20:19,678
And we're always there for each other.
410
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:23,225
And that's the best kind of
family that a man can have.
411
00:20:23,239 --> 00:20:26,031
You did this because you love my Phil?
412
00:20:26,042 --> 00:20:29,599
Yeah, and we'd do it again.
413
00:20:29,612 --> 00:20:32,192
Hang on, hon'.
414
00:20:33,318 --> 00:20:37,894
Okay, I'm wearing yak slacks and I have two
giant Caterpillars walking across my face.
415
00:20:37,911 --> 00:20:40,540
Maybe you people are right.
416
00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:44,586
The important thing is
that my Phil be happy.
417
00:20:44,602 --> 00:20:48,312
And you people make him happy.
418
00:20:48,326 --> 00:20:51,057
- Everybody stand together.
- Why?
419
00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:55,987
I want to take a picture
of my son's family.
420
00:20:56,761 --> 00:21:00,563
Kim, move a little bit to the left.
421
00:21:00,578 --> 00:21:03,158
A little more.
422
00:21:03,293 --> 00:21:05,371
A little more.
423
00:21:05,379 --> 00:21:07,066
You don't want me in
the picture, do you?
424
00:21:07,073 --> 00:21:12,053
You are very smart for
such a hideous creature.
425
00:21:14,425 --> 00:21:16,465
[Music]
426
00:21:17,666 --> 00:21:18,853
Good. Hup!
427
00:21:18,859 --> 00:21:20,312
A little more extension. Hup!
428
00:21:20,318 --> 00:21:23,235
Awesome, that's great,
guys. Let's take a break.
429
00:21:23,246 --> 00:21:29,146
So Kim, any word on when your
eyebrows will be back to normal?
430
00:21:29,546 --> 00:21:31,343
My doctor doesn't know how Mima did it.
431
00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:33,541
But he thinks that it'll
be about three weeks.
432
00:21:33,550 --> 00:21:35,502
They're really not even...
433
00:21:35,510 --> 00:21:37,791
I mean, they're hardly...
434
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,447
Three weeks?
435
00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:45,348
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436
00:21:45,398 --> 00:21:49,948
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