All language subtitles for Jessie s02e26 GI Jessie.eng

- Subs created by: David Coleman.
- Bertram: No, no, no!

You just have to watch the
kids for one measly weekend.

Please?

No! Walking away. Don't follow.

You're following.

Bertram, it's a big deal
that my dad invited me home.

He was really mad when I left for New
York instead of joining the military.

But just think how
glad the military was.

Please. This is my chance
to clear the air with him,

and prove that I made
the right decision.

By being a failed actress
and a mediocre nanny?

[Chuckling]

Okay, I may not have
joined the military,

but I can still snap your
windpipe with one finger.

Better that than taking
care of those monsters.

Please! They're such good kids.

What could possibly go wrong?

- Three!
- Two!

- One!
- Blast off!

[Exploding]

That.

I can't believe we
blew up the water tower.

Awesome!

Ravi, you said it would
only go up 15 feet!

Oops. It turns out rocket
science is as difficult as...

Well, rocket science.

On the plus side, now
we have a skylight.

Jessie, we are very sorry.

Please do not send us to our rooms,

especially since the structural integrity
of the roof has been compromised.

Oh, you're not going to your rooms.

You're going to spend this
weekend on a military base.

In Texas!

[Shrieking] No!

[Blowing whistle]

- March.
- Soldiers: Hut.

[Commanding officer
speaking indistinctly]

Soldiers: Hut.

It's so hot, I think my
freckles are melting off.

It's like the surface of
the sun, but with humidity!

For Texas in August,
this is a cold snap.

For great barbecue, it's
worth it. [Chuckling]

I'm gonna find the nearest
all you-can-eat rib shack,

and by the time I'm done, they'll
have enough bones to build a dinosaur!

[Growls]

[Screaming]

Jessie, were you not
popular here on the base?

The men seem to be fleeing from you.

Just like the men in New York.

They're fleeing from the dang lizard!

[Mrs. Kipling growling]

Well, here's our barracks.

Barracks?

I hope that's military for
"ugly building near our hotel".

Well, if you don't like
it, you can sleep outside.

Although the state bird of Texas is the
vulture, so I wouldn't lie too still.

Why couldn't you be from Hawaii?

Well, you scared her in there,
but now you'll never get her out.

We're on a military base.
I have access to tear gas.

After that three-bean
burrito on the plane, so do I.

Ooh, I love bunk beds. I call top!

It'll take him all weekend
just to get up there.

[Grunts]

I got it. I got it.

I don't got it.

See.

I can't wait for you guys to meet
my dad, but please, please behave.

I need him to see that my
moving to New York was not...

"The worst mistake since we
gave back the Panama Canal!"

We promise. But if you want to
convince your father you're doing well,

maybe you shouldn't
mention your acting career.

Unless he's impressed with a
callback for a foot fungus commercial.

[Laughs]

I should have gotten that!

Lousy hammer toes.

[Emma screaming]

Both: Ow!

What is it? A tarantula? Rattler?

One of those giant hairy
beetles with the freaky eyes?

Worse! The bathroom has no
shelf space for my make-up,

no towel warmer, and eight toilets!

With no dividers!

Emma, not everyone in the
world has a private bath.

That's a world I don't want to live in.

I can't believe you
survived growing up here.

Survived? I loved it.

My mom used to drive
me to school in a tank.

She never had to wait
in the drop-off line.

You know, you don't
talk about your mom much.

- What was she like?
- Oh, she was the best.

She was sweet, and loving, and we
always did fun girl stuff together.

I remember when she bought
me my first make-up kit.

I remember when my mom bought
me my first make-up company.

When my mom was done putting it
on me, she said I looked beautiful.

[Laughs]

But then my dad got worried about
boys, and made me wear camouflage.

I looked like a bush with cheekbones.

Stand straight, you miserable maggots!

Oh, did I spit on you, son?

Tough toenails!

Okay, men, fan out. See
if you can take me down.

[Grunting]

- Dad!
- Jessie!

I've really missed you.

I've missed you too, Pumpkin.

Oh, you look great.

So sophisticated.

Thank you. In New York, I buy clothes at
a store that doesn't also sell grenades.

I'm sorry, I couldn't
pick you up at the airport.

[Grunting]

[Yells]

Work's just really been piling up.

So how'd you know I was here?

Oh, I just followed the line of
soldiers heading to the infirmary.

Well, welcome home.

Sure took you long enough
to come back to visit.

Well, this is the first
time you've asked me back.

I thought you were
still mad that I left.

Mad? Why should I be mad?

Just because you snuck off to New York
while I was getting my tank detailed?

I didn't sneak. That's sneaking.

[Grunts]

See how much fun this is?

The Army rocks!

I still don't understand why you
don't wanna follow in my footsteps.

Your footsteps lead to a minefield.

I wanted to make my own choice.

I gave you plenty of choices!

Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines.

Yeah, don't forget the Coast Guard.

Exactly! There, see? Choices!

Dad, for the last time,
I'm artistic and creative.

I'm not cut out to be a soldier.

[Grunting]

Bet that comes in handy on the subway.

You know, the way you
flipped that private...

Reminds me of my first date
with your mom at the drive-in.

Aw, is it because you were
head over heels for her?

Nah, I leaned in for a kiss, and she
tossed me into the pick-up truck behind us.

Woke up, I was AWOL in Oklahoma.

Mom was feisty.

That's why I always did the dishes.

Hey, guys, look what I found?

[Gasps]

Whoa. Check out this ATV.

I have got to drive it.

I am sure that is not
allowed. Tell him, Emma.

- Let's drive it to a five-star resort.
- [Laughs] Yes.

Not the prudent, mature
response I was looking for.

Besides, we would never get permission.

What's the point of getting permission?

We ask. They say no. We do it anyway.

Might as well cut out the middleman.

So, dad, I'm really looking forward to
spending some time with you this weekend.

Me too. Oh, and great news.

Your old friend, Darla, is here.

Friend? She threw me down a well!

Darla Shannon is evil.

When the Devil makes a bad decision,
it's because he has Darla on his shoulder!

[Clears throat]

Jessie, you remember Colonel
Shannon, my commanding officer.

And Darla's mom.

Sure.

You know, when I said Darla was
evil, I meant it as a compliment.

Evil as in "e-ville".

That's what the kids are saying.

And I'm a kid. I mean sort of.

I mean, compared to
you. Not that you're old.

Does she have an off switch?

Nope. I just used to crank up the TV.

So, Jessie, last time I saw you, you
were doing the backstroke in a well.

- Yeah, because your daughter pushed me...
- [Clears throat]

To become such a good swimmer.

Oh, yeah. She's a giver. You
know, she's a flight attendant now.

And every time she comes home,
she brings me little sacks of nuts.

- She's quite a gal.
- Yes, she is.

Please, she's a squirrel
with a beverage cart.

- Luke: Yay!
- [Kids screaming]

Sweet Stonewall Jackson!

[Screaming] No!

Get this soldier off of me!

Hey, it could've been worse.
He could've been on a horse.

Ugh.

That statue has stood
there for 70 years.

Then he's probably
happy to take a load off.

So, when I say, "stay in
the barracks and unpack".

You hear, "go for a joyride
and mow down a monument"?

You have to admit, what we hear is
a lot more fun than what you say.

Why are you driving my
Battle Attack Transport?

Jessie, are these your kids?

Nope.

Ugh, okay.

Emma, Luke, Ravi, Zuri, this is my
dad, Lieutenant Colonel Prescott.

And Colonel Shannon, the post commander.

Oh, can either of you get me
a room with a private bath?

Or at least a toilet with a seat?

I'm a Colonel, not a concierge.

I do not deal with potty problems!

Then can we talk about the thread count?

Because single digits
is totes unacceptable.

- [Barking]
- [Hissing]

[Whimpering]

No!

You keep that overgrown
iguana away from my Patton!

She is not an iguana!

And it is not my fault that your pet
looks like a big, fat, wrinkly rat!

Believe it or not, he's the polite one.

[Music]

So, yesterday you broke the penthouse.

Today, you broke a statue.

What are you planning
on breaking tomorrow?

Not sure. We kind of
like to play it by ear.

Sorry Jessie, but that
B.A.T. was so cool.

It was calling to me.

Well, next time pretend
it's me and ignore it.

What'd you say?

Well, I just got the
short end of the short rib.

That all-you-can-eat
barbecue place is closed down.

They probably heard you were coming.

[Both speaking gibberish mockingly]

Ugh! Is this food or spackle?

Is that your head or is
your neck blowing a bubble?

Hey, watch it, Mister!

I'm a woman!

That would have been my third guess.

Ugh. There's nothing
here that looks good.

Except him!

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Yeah, I'm saving it for the
prettiest girl in the room.

Oh, okay.

Wait.

I meant you.

I'm Caleb.

And I'm...

- Uh...
- Emma.

Right, Emma.

But you can call me Mrs.
Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is.

Ugh. What is this?

It's juice, from that fruit that
grows out on the nuclear test site.

When you pick it, it screams.

[Spits]

Hey, want to sneak back to the kitchen
and I'll make us some grilled cheese?

That's my fave!

- Especially with...
- Both: Tomato.

It's like you can see into my soul.

Yeah, that's a side effect
of the nuclear juice.

Ewe.

These mashed potatoes
are runnier than my nose.

- Zuri, you have to eat something.
- No!

No, Zuri, you have to
drink these mashed potatoes.

No!

[Laughs]

Jessie?

Jessie Prescott? Is that you?

Aha! I see you're still having
trouble with your table manners.

Hey, Darla.

Nice to see you, too.

That's Darla?

She doesn't look like a witch.

Oh, yeah? Throw some water on her
and we can send her home in a bucket.

[Both chuckling]

- I see you're still baby-sitting.
- Mmm.

What happened to that big acting
career you were gonna have?

Oh, it's going well. It just takes time.

Talent might help, too.

Meanwhile, I've been traveling all
over the world as a flight attendant.

Really? Because I heard you're
on the Galveston to Amarillo run.

I'm just glad I don't have a job where
I have to run around waiting on people.

- Jessie, I need milk!
- Jessie, take my tray!

Jessie, my nose is still running!

Well, at least they are calling you.

Unlike all the boys in high school.

Hey, that's my lady you're talking to.

- You finally did catch a man.
- Mm hm.

But this one is so small, you
might want to throw him back.

[Snoring]

Aw.

- [Playing fanfare]
- [All screaming]

[Spitting]

Do you have a snooze button?

Because I'd slap it silly!

It's 5:00 A.M.

There better be presents under a
tree, or things are going to get ugly!

Uglier.

Welcome to my world.

On an Army base, we do
morning calisthenics.

Because, when in Rome...

When in Rome, I go
shopping, not exercising!

The only thing that
sweats is my credit card.

Listen, I want to show my dad that
even though I didn't join the Army,

I'm still a good leader.

So your plan to look good
in front of your father

is for me to show off
my athletic prowess?

Last week he dislocated his
shoulder lifting a glass of milk.

[Cracking]

Good point. Ravi, stay in the back.

Ewe, ewe, ewe.

The grass is all wet!

[Coughs]

And worse, I think this is where
Patton "dropped off the troops".

Guys, it's not that hard!

I think I just swallowed a slug.

[Luke snoring]

Jessie, is your squad asleep?

No! No. No. They're
just, uh, taking cover.

You know, in case of enemy attack.

Good work, soldiers!

[Grumbling]

I heard you were bickering
with Darla yesterday.

Can't you try to get along with
my commanding officer's daughter?

Darla threw me down a well!

What do you want me to do, kiss her?

Just try to get along
with Darla, please?

You owe me. Especially after your
kids destroyed that expensive statue.

Can't they just write you
a check? They're loaded.

Yeah, they are loaded and weak.

They are not weak.

Jessie, I believe I aggravated
my old milk-lifting injury.

What part of "stay in the
back" do you not understand?

Ah!

What are you doing in my kitchen?

Making food that
actually has some flavor.

Not everything should taste like brown.

Hey, that was hurtful.

But not as hurtful as this.

Ow! You just purpled my nurple!

Serves you right for
criticizing my cuisine.

I'd like to see you do better.

Challenge accepted. Pass me a colander.

[Clattering]

- Here.
- Ugh! Urgh!

This explains why your
pasta had dandruff.

Oh, actually, that was me.

What am I supposed
to do, wear a hairnet?

Yes!

Kids:
Exercise is getting old!

Good rhyme, bad attitude.

- I thought you were gonna stop.
- I thought you were gonna stop.

Aw, we both thought the same thing!

And now we have matching forehead bumps!

Emma, what are you doing
with Darla's brother?

Watching his eyes
sparkle in the sunlight.

See, it's happening right now.

And now! And now!

- Caleb!
- [Patton whimpers]

Stay away from them! You don't want
to be seen with these weaklings.

Who you calling weak? You should see this
one tear through the Mall on Black Friday.

I sharpen my nails with
diamonds the night before.

I love a girl who fights
for what she wants.

I'd shop for you in
the hunks department.

- Darla and Jessie: Knock it off!
- Caleb and Emma: Why?

Because the Prescotts and the
Shannons are sworn enemies.

But I'm not a Prescott or a Shannon!

Oh, there's a babysitting clause
in the feud. It's complicated.

But trust me, you're covered.

But I really like Caleb.

Well, tough. You can't
go against the feud.

Ha! Which has gone back for years and
years, all the way to the 20th century.

I don't even know why
our families are fighting.

It all started when
our Grandpappy Shannon

loaned Old Man Prescott a corn
picker, and he returned it broken.

It was already broken!

Your grandpappy lied to try
to get a new corn picker.

That's why they called
him Shifty Shannon.

But that's all ancient history.

No one even remembers the 20th century!

Well, I do remember when Jessie
borrowed and broke my Queasy Bake Oven.

- It was already broken!
- Typical Prescott.

Well, Caleb and I don't
care about your shifty

grandpappys and their
queasy corn pickers!

Then you're no Prescott!

Correct! Despite whatever
paperwork you have to the contrary!

[Growls]

- [Whimpering]
- [Romantic music playing]

- [Whipping]
- [Record scratching]

See? Even Mrs. Kipling's tiny
lizard brain understands the feud!

Sorry.

Caleb, stay away from Emma, okay?

Like all us cool kids stayed
away from Jessie in high school.

[Smirks]

Come on.

Like I wanted to hang
out with you anyway!

In the jerk lounge.

Because you're a jerk.

Jessie!

I can't believe you said that!

I know. I should have
gone with "loser lounge".

I mean, I can't believe
you just insulted her.

I can't believe you and
Darla are ruining my life.

Okay, she didn't break it
down, but it's like 95% Darla.

I specifically told you
to get along with Darla.

And once again, you can't
follow a simple order.

You're my dad, not my Drill Sergeant.

You can't order me around anymore.

- I'm an adult.
- Oh, really?

- Because you're sure acting like a child.
- Nuh-uh! She started it!

I rest my case.

You know, I was really hoping
we wouldn't argue this weekend,

but instead, we're right
back where we left off.

This visit's turning out
to be pretty disappointing.

[Music]

I never saw anyone coming
back for seconds of your gruel.

Ugh! I don't get it.

What does your food
have that mine doesn't?

Hmm... flavor, texture,
fewer fingernails.

I need three gallons of Neapolitan
and a weapons-grade spoon.

Sorry, tonight's dessert
is mini fruit compotes.

That'll do.

You're not gonna
believe what's going on.

I'm not gonna care either. I'm busy.

I came back here to smooth
things over with my dad but,

all he seems to care about
is if I connect with Darla.

When all I wanna do is connect
her face to a hornets' nest.

No! I'm not actually gonna do it.

It wouldn't be fair to the hornets.

I meant no, don't drown
my chicken in sauce!

- Drizzle it!
- Oh, you mean like this?

Hey, you spilled that on
my fake designer shoes!

You owe me 20 bucks. Plus shipping!

Does this one ever stop
yakking about her problems?

No. Just wait till she starts
in about her ex-boyfriends.

[Sarcastically] She's
single? I'm shocked.

[Both laughing]

Thanks for the sympathy.

Hey, take it easy. I
only made 3,000 of those.

- Hey!
- [Gasps]

[Groans]

Caleb, I am so sorry.

- Did I hurt you?
- Oh, no, I'm fine.

The uh...

Thorns broke my fall.

Aw, they're beautiful.

I love...

Stems.

Did Jessie teach you that
move for self-defense?

No, to get to the front row
of a One Direction concert.

Yeah, sorry I'm late.

I had to sneak past Darla.

We don't have long, because every hour
she finds me and serves me a beverage.

And offers me a tiny, useless pillow.

It's not fair that we have to sneak
around because of their stupid feud.

I know. It's like we're the
original star-crossed lovers.

Bella and Edward?

No.

Romeo and Juliet.

"'Tis but my name that is my enemy".

"That which we call a Ross"...

"By any other name,
would smell as sweet".

Roses are red violets are blue...

You talk pretty. Me likey you, too.

[Mrs. Kipling growling]

[Patton whining]

Looks like he's finally
winning her over.

Girls love uniforms.

I haven't been this bored since Ravi
told us about his summer at math camp.

We got to play Capture the Fraction!

Look, the B.A.T.

Well, clearly, faith
has brought this to us.

No, no. It was that soldier.

Guys, Jessie has specifically
told us not to drive the B.A.T.

I don't remember that.

She wrote it on your arm!

Oh, yeah. But I'm sure
she didn't really mean it.

[Scoffs]

Doesn't count, she knows I don't read.

Plus, you could've taken a bath.

[All laughing]

Let the record state, I'm reluctantly
succumbing to vicious peer pressure.

We don't care if you come or not.

Quit twisting my arm!

Wow! This thing even
has a microwave oven.

Where?

Right here, next to the toaster!

That is our tax dollars hard at work.

Zuri, help me find popcorn.
Ravi, keep a lookout.

I strongly suggest we refrain
from touching anything.

Luke: That goop is
sticking her to the wall!

[Spits]

Did you not hear the word "refrain"?

I heard it, I just
don't know what it means.

Jessie: Darla?

I told you guys not
to go near that thing.

No, you said not to drive it.

Exhibit A!

Prescott: Jessie!

Oh, my stars and stripes!

Dar-Dar, is that you?

Yes, mommy! Look what they did to me!

Oh, dear. You look like one of
those hideous aliens from area 51.

[Gasps]

Which completely does not exist.

And if any of you dare to
mention this conversation,

there will be a probing in your future.

Dad, I know what you're thinking.

But anytime there's trouble,
Darla is the one who starts it.

So did she start this?

Okay, maybe this time is a bad example.

I asked you to try to
get along with Darla,

but instead, you attack her
with experimental weaponry?

Why do you care so much
if I get along with Darla?

After this trip, I'll
never have to see her again!

Oh, yes you will, because you
and Darla are going to be sisters.

What?

Shannon: That's right, girls.

My armored heart has been
captured by this uniformed yum-yum.

Ewe! Ewe!

So we wanted you girls to become
friends before we told you,

but now we're out of time.

Our wedding is tomorrow.

Tomorrow? As in, the day after today?

Yes, if I can wait that long.

The only man I've had in my life
in the last 10 years is Uncle Sam.

And now, I want you!

Wait, wait, wait. So that's
why you invited me to come home?

Yes, and I invited you, not these
little threats to national security.

Now get out of my B.A.T. I had
the seat just where I liked it.

We are extremely sorry, Sir.

Even though I did not do anything,
and it was all Luke's fault.

Okay, that one is on me.

By the way, for the wedding, could
you put me down for a Vegetarian meal?

I can't believe my dad is
getting remarried to Darla's mom.

Darla is a total... [mixer whirring]

- [Inaudible]
- [Mixer turns off]

And my dad knows how I feel,
but clearly he doesn't give a...

[Mixer whirring]

Bertram, I feel like you
don't care about my problems.

What makes you say that?

There's nothing in that blender.

Listen! The rehearsal brunch is today.

They're getting married tonight,
and my whole world is falling apart!

Ooh, so, there's gonna be a brunch?

You're missing the point.
There's going to be a wedding!

Ooh, so there's gonna be cake!

Well, I better bake it
instead of Corporal Cookie.

Or even the little bride and
groom on top of the cake will hurl.

[Laughing]

- Hey!
- [Both exclaim in shock]

No one is baking the wedding
cake of my officers except me.

Well, get ready for a
dishonorable discharge.

Which everybody's gonna
have, if you make it.

[Laughs]

You know what?

You make your cake, I'll make mine,
and we'll see who gets the last laugh.

Besides your barber.

Have I mentioned Darla and I have
to wear matching bridesmaid dresses?

We'll look like a couple
of... [mixer whirring]

[Inaudible]

Emma, to celebrate the end of the
feud, I drew a picture of us together.

See, the Pegasus represents our love...

Which has lifted us above
all the obstacles in our path.

Aw, that is so deep.

Who are these two people?

That's you and me.

Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid
it was you and Blake Lively.

So then the trapezoid
said to the triangle...

"Quit being obtuse!" [Laughing]

You're the reason the Math
Club meets in the boiler room.

Hey, let's go find that B.A.T.

No! Jessie forbade it, and I will
not leave this place no matter what.

[Feedback crackling] Okay,
everybody, time for speeches.

Wait for me!

I just want to thank you all for
coming to our rehearsal brunch.

Even though you had no choice,
because it was an order. [Laughing]

I just want to say that I cannot wait

for this officer to stop
acting like a gentleman.

Okay, J.W., it's your turn.

Oh, no. No, thanks.

Did it sound like I was asking, soldier?

[Scattered applause]

I'm not much for speeches.

If you talk in a foxhole, the enemy's
likely to find you and take you out!

Next, my future daughter, Darla.

Hmm, okay. Um...

I am so glad my mom is marrying J.W.

I've always admired
his daughter, Jessie.

Wait for it.

Not everyone could fail
so miserably at acting,

and still have the
courage to keep trying.

Even though she gets rejected
over and over and over.

And there it is.

Kind of like the way she was rejected
by all of the boys in high school.

She was so unpopular, even the
vending machines rejected her quarters.

Okay, all right. Thank you, Darla.

That was fascinating.

Just like your stories about
collecting barf bags at 30,000 feet.

And your "how to-put-on-a-seatbelt"
speech is always a big hit at parties.

And I know that whenever I need
advice, Jessie will always be there,

because, Lord knows,
she's never out on a date.

Let's hear it for Darla Shannon.

If her name sounds familiar,
it's probably because

you wrote a complaint letter
to an airline about her.

[Both laughing]

[Screaming]

This is awesome!

This is fun!

This is going to be the day I die!

And I was so looking forward to puberty!

You should've seen Darla's
face in high school.

The moon had less craters.

Then again, the moon didn't eat four
personal pan pizzas for lunch every day.

Okay, at least I didn't have
to eat with the cafeteria lady.

Olga was a sparkling conversationalist.

At least, I assume so
I don't speak Russian.

Congratulations, Luke. You
have driven us to the mess hall,

the one place we are sure to get caught.

That's where the rush comes in.

I'll just go in reverse.
It must be this "R" button.

[Guests scream]

Incoming!

[Whispers] You think anybody noticed?

Luke, did it ever occur to you
that "R" might stand for "rocket"?

I told you kids never to
set foot in that thing again.

We can explain!

Ravi made us do it!

Okay, I can fix this.

All I need is a hammer, a
screwdriver, and a time machine.

Dad, I can explain. It was an accident.

You think maybe if you had
been watching these kids

instead of trading insults with Darla,
this accident would never have happened?

Okay, I got carried away.

That was a mistake.

But so is ambushing your
daughter with a surprise wedding!

Prescott: I was afraid if
I told you I was marrying

Darla's mom over the
phone, you'd freak out!

What do you think I'm doing now?

I came back here to try and
make things right between us.

But instead I'm stuck with a new
family, and you didn't even ask me!

Why should I ask you? You didn't
ask me when you ran off to New York!

Because I knew you
wouldn't be supportive!

It's a lot easier to be supportive
when somebody makes good decisions.

Leaving home was a good decision.

Mom always told me to follow my dreams.
She'd be proud that I moved to New York.

Not if she saw what a
disaster it's turned into.

Well, if that's how you feel, then maybe I
just should just not come to your wedding.

If that's what you want.

It wouldn't be the first time
you went AWOL from this family.

That's it.

Kids, we're going back
to New York, right now.

They're going to tear us apart!

We have to run away!

Okay, but I'm wearing high heels,
so you might have to carry me.

Done.

And I thought our private
jet was a fun way to travel!

Jump in. I'll drive us to the airport.

Get out of that vehicle!

Or you know what? Don't. I don't care.

I'm done.

What do you mean?

I mean you knew how important
this weekend was to me,

but you obviously didn't care.

You deliberately disobeyed me,
over and over, and I'm sick of it!

We promise it will never happen again.

You're right, it won't. And
it's not my problem anymore.

Because I quit.

[Music]

I hope you two are satisfied.

Because of your malfeasance,
we are going to lose Jessie!

Hey, her quitting is your fault, too!

You're the one who's supposed to stop
us from doing stupid stuff like that.

Yeah, you're like our smaller,
more annoying Jiminy Cricket.

Jessie, you have every right to
be angry, but please, do not quit.

Yeah, we're really,
really, really sorry.

- Sorry doesn't cut it this time.
- I promise, we've learned our lesson.

Good, then I hope you'll be more
respectful to your next nanny.

- We do not want another nanny!
- We just want you.

You're the best nanny
in the whole wide world!

And Emma would agree,

if she had not run away with Caleb
when you were not paying attention.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

After you quit, there
was a power vacuum.

We did not know who to report to.

Emma's not picking up. How
am I supposed to find them?

Well, I know where there is a
computer that can triangulate

her cell phone signal
and pinpoint her location.

Great, where is it?

In the B.A.T.

Of course it is.

Well, then I guess
we're taking that B.A.T.

Yes! I am so proud of you right now.

Which will probably never
happen again, so enjoy it.

Okay, everybody buckle up.

I hope this thing is fast.

There's a button marked "F".
Maybe that means fast. Right there.

It means "fly"!

Or "fetal position,"
which I will now assume.

And I'm gonna assume
the woo-hoo position.

Woo-hoo!

I want one of these for Christmas,
but pink and with streamers!

I'm glad you guys are both having fun.

Meanwhile, I think I just
got a bug in my teeth.

Although my vision is blurred from fear,

I believe the computer has
located Emma's cell signal!

Great, where is she?

I have good news and bad news.

What's the good news?

Emma appears to be
in a munitions bunker.

The munitions bunker is where they
keep all of the deadly explosives!

And that was the bad news.

Way to steal my thunder.

[Sighs]

Sorry, I couldn't find us a
more romantic place to hide.

Any place with you is romantic.

I just won't be lighting
these candles I brought.

Oh, you look cold. Do you
want my jacket or something?

- Luke: Sweet!
- Zuri: Yeah!

Ravi: God protect us.

[Thuds]

Are we in heaven?

Am I playing washboard for the late,
great country legend, Tammy Wynette?

Then no.

Okay, I'll run in and
grab Caleb and Emma.

You guys stay put.

And don't touch anything!

- But I want a snow cone.
- It has a snow cone maker, too?

No wonder you guys keep
stealing this thing.

Jessie, I am not going back to
New York. Don't even bother to ask.

Oh, I'm not asking. I'm
grabbing and pulling.

- You can't separate us!
- We're two souls that have become one.

Your two souls can video
chat. We're leaving.

No! I'm staying here
with Caleb. I love him!

[Alarm blaring]

Automated voice: Munitions
bunker in lock down.

Emma! You just locked us in a
room packed with deadly explosives.

As opposed to safe explosives?

Sorry, I get sarcastic when I'm nervous.

Automated voice: Munitions
bunker in lock down!

Cool!

I know I should care that
Jessie and Emma are trapped,

but I'm all hopped up on snow cones!

Want some? Want some? Want some?

Emma, why did you do that?

You left me no choice.

No choice? You didn't hear me
mention the video chat option?

And you shouldn't have run away in the
first place, that never solves anything.

Says the girl who's running away
from her own father's wedding.

[Scoffs] That is completely different!

Somewhat different.

Okay, it's exactly the same.

But I'm running away from
the demon seed, Darla!

- No offense.
- None taken.

She used to hold me down
and make me smell her armpit.

That is a terrible thing
to do to a little kid.

It was this morning.

So you're going to let Darla make
things worse between you and your dad?

[Sighs]

Look, it's not just Darla.

I never thought my dad
would get married again.

But he's fallen in love.

- Don't you want him to be happy?
- Well, of course I do, but...

Everything is happening so fast.

I don't want my family to change.

You wouldn't understand.

Actually, I do understand.

When my parents adopted
Luke, then Zuri, then Ravi...

I was upset, because I didn't
want my family to change.

But now I love them more than anything.

Even Luke, who's about as
demon seed as they come.

But my dad and I have been
through a lot together.

We've always been a team.

You can still be a team, you're
just adding a few more players.

Yeah, but I'm getting Darla on my team.

Well, I got a 7-foot lizard with rat
breath and a scary, forked tongue.

Okay, it's a draw.

I guess...

My dad deserves to start
a new chapter in his life.

Like I did when I moved to New York
and started taking care of you guys.

Exactly, and look how
great that turned out.

It did, didn't it?

How did you get so smart?

I've had a great teacher.

Besides, I know a lot about love.

After all, I've been in
it for two whole days.

Just wait until you can finally make
a guy really care about you, too.

Okay, moment over.

But you're right. I
should get to that wedding.

Except, I can't, because
thanks to you, I'm locked in!

Well, maybe Luke, Ravi and Zuri will try
to blast us out of here with the B.A.T.

[Scoffs]

We are in a room full of explosives,

equipped with a hair-trigger self-destruct
system in case someone tries to steal them.

Not even they would be
dumb enough to fire on it.

Ready... aim...

Fire!

[Laughs]

- Nimrods.
- [Siren blaring]

Automated voice: Munitions
bunker under attack!

Activate self-destruct sequence!

Well, that's not good.

All: Help! Let us out.

I can't believe Jessie's
really not coming.

Maybe I was too hard on her.

Aw, she wouldn't miss your wedding.

- I know it. She'll be here.
- I don't know.

I haven't seen her
this mad since she broke

curfew and I took away
the keys to her tank.

Hey, Dar-Dar, have you seen Jessie?

No. With any luck, she
fell down that well again.

Oh, hey, if she's been in
that cold water long enough,

she could be your something blue.

Peanuts?

- We're going to get blown to bits!
- And you're too pretty to be rubble!

I know! Jessie, do something!

[Speaking hindi]

Okay, you have been spending
way too much time with Ravi.

[Laughs]

See? I told you "G" was
for "grappling hook"!

Even a broken clock
is right twice a day.

Guys, I never thought I would say
this, but thank you for disobeying me!

You're welcome. And you can thank
us by becoming our nanny again.

Jessie, please, you cannot quit.

You are part of our family.

And we love you.

I love you guys, too!

And I'm not going anywhere.

- Luke: Yes!
- Except to that wedding.

Wow, Jessie quit and I didn't even know?

I really am self-involved.

All right. Everyone
in? Buckled, buckled.

Okay. Brace yourselves.

I'm hitting "T" for "turbo".

Or toast.

I gotta say, both these cakes
would definitely pass inspection.

Agreed.

But I think my confection is perfection.

Oh, yeah? Well...

Your icing tastes like dirt.

That's your finger.

Oh, yeah. I really should
wash my hands more often.

Ugh.

Look, we're both great chefs. It
doesn't really matter who wins.

[Whirring]

- Oh.
- [Luke laughs]

But I just did!

What kind of twisted sicko laughs
at someone else's misfortune?

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

Oh, now I get it. This is fun.

[Shrieks]

This icing tastes like dirt.

Ha ha, told ya.

[Laughs]

Darla, I am so... happy that happened.

[Laughing]

Jessie! You came!

Dad.

I'm sorry I crashed
your wedding. Literally.

That's okay.

It was considerate of you to crash
through the same hole in the wall.

Yeah, that was the plan.

I'm just glad you're here.

And I'm very sorry to have
sprung all this on you.

It's okay, dad.

You deserve to be happy.

Thank you, Pumpkin. That's the best
wedding present you could give me.

Do you, John Wayne Prescott, take Beverly
Shannon, to love, honor and cherish?

- I do.
- And do you, Beverly...

Affirmative!

[Kissing]

Well, I now pronounce you
man and wife. You may now...

Uh, well, just keep on
doing what you're doing.

[All applauding]

[Growls suggestively]

- [Explosion]
- [Guests gasp]

Hey, who set off the fireworks?

Uh-oh.

Someone forgot to shut down the self
destruct sequence on the munitions bunker.

Ravi...

So, Darla, now that we are "sisters".

Should we try and get along?

Absolutely.

Do you wanna take a
walk by the old well?

And the feud continues.

I hope you have nine airsick
babies on your next flight!

So, we're gonna video
chat every day, right?

Right. Let's start now.

- Hi!
- Hi!

- I miss you.
- I miss you more.

You know, once you pick off the
floor lint, your cake tastes great.

Yours is great, too.

But I think I've found
something even sweeter.

Oh, the mini-churros?

No...

You, you big love-burger.

Oh. [Chuckles]

Well, Corporal Cookie,
I'm flattered, but uh...

I have two weeks leave next month.

I'm gonna come stay with you, and
take a bite out of The Big Apple!

- [Growls suggestively]
- [Chuckles nervously]

But just the apple, right?

You know, Jessie, it's very impressive
that those kids saved you from that bunker.

Yeah. I got a pretty good squad.

Well, a squad is only
as good as its leader.

You've obviously been a
good influence on them.

Wow, marriage really agrees with you.

No, I mean it. They
are lucky to have you.

And...

I think you did make the right
decision going to New York.

Really?

Thanks, Daddy. That means a lot.

Your Mother would be so proud of you.

And she'd be happy for you.

We're never gonna forget her, right?

How could I?

Whenever I look at you, I see her.

All right, all the
single ladies, fall in.

Come on.

[Excited chattering]

Not Cookie, not Cookie.

Well, that's the first
time I've prayed for that.

- All: Me, me!
- Over here.

[Growls]

[Barks]

Hello.

[Chuckles]

Goodbye.

Darla, I assume you
know where the exits are.

[Dance music playing]

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