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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,355 --> 00:00:03,090 ♪ I am the stone that the builder refused ♪ 2 00:00:03,158 --> 00:00:06,095 ♪ I am the visual, the inspiration that made lady sing the blues ♪ 3 00:00:06,163 --> 00:00:07,997 ♪ I'm the spark that makes your idea bright ♪ 4 00:00:08,031 --> 00:00:09,533 ♪ the same spark that lights the dark ♪ 5 00:00:09,601 --> 00:00:11,468 ♪ so that you can know your left from your right ♪ 6 00:00:11,535 --> 00:00:13,637 ♪ I am the ballot in your box, the bullet in the gun ♪ 7 00:00:13,705 --> 00:00:16,074 ♪ the inner glow that lets you know to call your brother son ♪ 8 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,341 ♪ the story that just begun ♪ 9 00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:19,009 ♪ the promise of what's to come ♪ 10 00:00:19,077 --> 00:00:21,511 ♪ and I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won ♪ 11 00:00:21,545 --> 00:00:22,979 ♪ chop chop chop ♪ 12 00:00:23,014 --> 00:00:24,181 ♪ judo flip ♪ 13 00:00:24,381 --> 00:00:33,381 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 14 00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:34,256 granddad: [ chuckles ] 15 00:00:34,291 --> 00:00:35,591 [ Cheers and applause ] 16 00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:37,992 Now, wait just one cotton-picking minute. 17 00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:39,427 Who this? 18 00:00:39,494 --> 00:00:40,161 [ Gun cocks ] 19 00:00:40,229 --> 00:00:43,332 You better tell me who the hell up in my house before I get to capping. 20 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,667 I ain't lying. 21 00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:46,168 Ma'dukes, this is Jesse. 22 00:00:46,236 --> 00:00:47,971 He's my -- my new friend. 23 00:00:48,138 --> 00:00:49,172 New friend, huh? 24 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,340 Does that mean he... [ hip-hop music plays ] 25 00:00:51,375 --> 00:00:53,610 ...Beatin' up the coochie? 26 00:00:53,677 --> 00:00:56,046 That's what "new friend" mean to me. 27 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,414 Hold on. Hey, Jamal! 28 00:00:57,482 --> 00:00:58,349 Yes, Ma'dukes? 29 00:00:58,416 --> 00:00:59,216 Aah! 30 00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:02,320 I just had to slap the [bleep] Out of somebody for no reason. 31 00:01:02,388 --> 00:01:05,256 Now, what was it you were trying to say about your special friend? 32 00:01:05,324 --> 00:01:06,324 His name is Jesse. 33 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,061 And he's a good Christian man with benefits. 34 00:01:09,129 --> 00:01:09,661 Benefits?! 35 00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:12,397 Shoot, girl, why didn't you say so? 36 00:01:12,432 --> 00:01:13,332 Good mern-ting! 37 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,234 Hell, you can get me for no extra charge. 38 00:01:15,302 --> 00:01:17,036 Oh, honey, this booty is still good. 39 00:01:17,071 --> 00:01:19,305 You can go ahead and check the expiration date on it. 40 00:01:19,339 --> 00:01:20,039 I ain't lying! 41 00:01:20,074 --> 00:01:21,041 [ Hip-hop music plays ] 42 00:01:21,109 --> 00:01:22,676 Unh! Dip it low! 43 00:01:22,710 --> 00:01:23,944 [ Cheers and applause ] 44 00:01:23,978 --> 00:01:25,245 Unh! Unh! Unh! 45 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,581 Unh! Unh! Heller! 46 00:01:26,615 --> 00:01:29,417 Huey: Granddad, why are we watching a Winston Jerome play? 47 00:01:29,451 --> 00:01:30,885 Granddad: Ah, shut up, boy. 48 00:01:30,952 --> 00:01:31,419 Stop hating. 49 00:01:31,487 --> 00:01:34,956 It just so happens Winston Jerome is holding an open casting call for the 50 00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:37,658 leading man in his new play, and I'm preparing for my audition. 51 00:01:37,693 --> 00:01:38,492 Huey: Audition? 52 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,660 Like an acting audition? 53 00:01:39,694 --> 00:01:41,695 Granddad: Acting audition of a lifetime. 54 00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:43,097 Huey: But you don't act. 55 00:01:43,131 --> 00:01:44,231 Granddad: Don't act?! 56 00:01:44,265 --> 00:01:46,600 Your granddaddy was once a passionate, dedicated thespian! 57 00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:47,367 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 58 00:01:47,401 --> 00:01:49,569 But this was long before the days of Terrence Howard. 59 00:01:49,603 --> 00:01:52,038 See, Hollywood didn't have room for a young, handsome, 60 00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:54,306 light-skinned black man with good hair in those days. 61 00:01:54,341 --> 00:01:55,040 And action. 62 00:01:55,108 --> 00:01:57,643 Young granddad: They call me Mr. Pibb. 63 00:01:57,677 --> 00:01:58,677 [ Laughter ] 64 00:01:58,711 --> 00:01:59,477 What's so funny? 65 00:01:59,545 --> 00:02:00,212 Mr. Pibb. 66 00:02:00,279 --> 00:02:01,179 That's a soda's name. 67 00:02:01,214 --> 00:02:03,115 Young granddad: Oh, is it "ribs"? 68 00:02:03,149 --> 00:02:04,216 They call me Mr. ribs. 69 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,217 [ Laughs ] 70 00:02:05,285 --> 00:02:06,219 He is so bad. 71 00:02:06,286 --> 00:02:11,024 Bull [bleep] Mr. handyman! 72 00:02:11,058 --> 00:02:11,491 [ Crack ] 73 00:02:11,526 --> 00:02:12,492 Oh! My foot! My foot! 74 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:13,493 Oh! Ooh! 75 00:02:13,561 --> 00:02:14,661 Cramp! Cramping real bad! 76 00:02:14,695 --> 00:02:15,128 Oh! 77 00:02:15,163 --> 00:02:17,097 Maybe you'd like to see a real man. 78 00:02:17,131 --> 00:02:19,199 I bet you stay up late dreaming you had a real man. 79 00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:20,100 I pity the fool. 80 00:02:20,135 --> 00:02:21,468 Thank you. That's enough. 81 00:02:21,502 --> 00:02:22,269 We'll call you. 82 00:02:22,303 --> 00:02:24,371 Young granddad: Thank you for the opportunity. 83 00:02:24,406 --> 00:02:26,106 [ Crying ] 84 00:02:26,174 --> 00:02:28,208 Huey: Breaking into Hollywood at your age? 85 00:02:28,243 --> 00:02:30,177 Granddad: He's looking for mature men. 86 00:02:30,211 --> 00:02:31,178 See, look right here. 87 00:02:31,212 --> 00:02:32,646 "Casting for a black leading" 88 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:33,914 man, 50 and older. 89 00:02:33,981 --> 00:02:37,016 Light skin, good hair, must look nice shirtless and not 90 00:02:37,051 --> 00:02:38,251 "allergic to baby oil." 91 00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:39,085 That's me all day. 92 00:02:39,119 --> 00:02:42,121 Huey: Don't you ever think you're too old to do some of that stuff you do? 93 00:02:42,189 --> 00:02:43,890 Granddad: Why can't I be a sex symbol? 94 00:02:43,924 --> 00:02:45,024 Why can't I be a heartthrob? 95 00:02:45,059 --> 00:02:46,659 Riley: I say do it before it's too late. 96 00:02:46,694 --> 00:02:49,429 And it's gonna be too late real soon, so, uh, yeah. 97 00:02:49,463 --> 00:02:50,096 Hurry up. 98 00:02:50,164 --> 00:02:51,564 Granddad: Thank you, Riley. 99 00:02:51,632 --> 00:02:54,466 I'm gonna really let him have it, show him my stuff, give that 100 00:02:54,534 --> 00:02:55,367 man everything I got. 101 00:02:55,435 --> 00:02:56,168 Riley: Pause. 102 00:02:56,202 --> 00:02:57,369 Granddad: Pause? Pause what? 103 00:02:57,404 --> 00:02:59,371 Riley: You said something gay, so you got to say 104 00:02:59,439 --> 00:03:00,606 "no-homo," or else you's a homo. 105 00:03:00,641 --> 00:03:01,975 Granddad: What did I say gay? 106 00:03:02,009 --> 00:03:04,277 Riley: You said you was gonna give this dude everything you 107 00:03:04,344 --> 00:03:05,077 got -- no-homo. 108 00:03:05,112 --> 00:03:06,178 Granddad: That's not gay. 109 00:03:06,246 --> 00:03:08,180 I said I was gonna give the man everything I got. 110 00:03:08,248 --> 00:03:09,248 Riley: Pause, granddad. 111 00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:11,283 If you sound gay, it's gay, and you got to say "no-homo." 112 00:03:11,318 --> 00:03:13,553 How I know you not a homo, granddad, if you don't say "no-homo"? 113 00:03:13,621 --> 00:03:15,155 Granddad: I'm not saying "no-homo." 114 00:03:15,189 --> 00:03:15,622 Riley: Okay. 115 00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:16,523 You want to be a homo. 116 00:03:16,558 --> 00:03:18,359 Granddad: Stop calling your granddaddy a homo! 117 00:03:18,393 --> 00:03:19,427 Riley: Then say "no-homo." 118 00:03:19,461 --> 00:03:21,095 Granddad: I don't want to say "no-homo." 119 00:03:21,129 --> 00:03:24,365 I'm gonna homo your ass, you don't stop saying "pause." 120 00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:27,001 Riley: Pause. 121 00:03:27,035 --> 00:03:30,270 Huey: The typical Winston Jerome story starts with a beautiful, educated, 122 00:03:30,305 --> 00:03:33,006 professional black woman trapped in a troubled marriage with the 123 00:03:33,074 --> 00:03:34,975 brown-skinned bald dude from "law & order." 124 00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:36,177 How can you do this to me? 125 00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:36,911 Get out! 126 00:03:36,945 --> 00:03:39,980 I'm gonna marry this white hussy because you are too virtuous and 127 00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:41,882 strong and might make me a better man. 128 00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:44,451 Huey: Then a dude who looks like Shemar Moore shows up as 129 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,353 the shirtless light-skinned gardener who just got out of jail. 130 00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:49,255 Excuse me, uh, may I rake your leaves? 131 00:03:49,323 --> 00:03:52,424 Huey: At first, she acts like she doesn't like the light-skinned gardener. 132 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:55,060 But eventually she gets to know him and sees his sensitive side. 133 00:03:55,128 --> 00:03:57,528 Now, I know that to you, I'm just a poor light-skinned 134 00:03:57,563 --> 00:04:00,398 gardener who can't even afford a shirt, but I love me some Jesus, 135 00:04:00,432 --> 00:04:02,166 and I love me some you. 136 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,335 Oh, lord, thank you, Jesus! 137 00:04:04,402 --> 00:04:07,938 I never thought I'd ever be with a man so loving and light-skinned. 138 00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,941 And I will always be light-skinneded just for you. 139 00:04:10,976 --> 00:04:13,577 Huey: Being a good Christian woman, she gives her marriage 140 00:04:13,612 --> 00:04:15,513 one last chance, because Jesus said so. 141 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:18,383 I am dark-skinned and bald, so I hate you, and I hate Jesus. 142 00:04:19,017 --> 00:04:22,019 Huey: Just when the brown-skinned dude from "Law & Order" is about to hit 143 00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,754 her, here comes the shirtless gardener. 144 00:04:23,789 --> 00:04:26,090 Hold it right there, bald-headed dude from "Law & Order"! 145 00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:26,724 [ Crack ] 146 00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:29,661 Huey: The woman and the gardener kiss, having found true 147 00:04:29,695 --> 00:04:30,529 love through Jesus. 148 00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:31,529 [ Hip-hop music plays ] 149 00:04:31,564 --> 00:04:33,932 [ Cheers and applause ] 150 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,634 Which role are you auditioning for? 151 00:04:35,702 --> 00:04:36,835 Oh, no, no. You can't get her. 152 00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:39,105 Granddad: I didn't think there would be this many people 153 00:04:39,173 --> 00:04:40,072 here just for a play. 154 00:04:40,107 --> 00:04:40,806 Just a play? 155 00:04:40,841 --> 00:04:41,841 Let me tell you something. 156 00:04:41,908 --> 00:04:43,074 It starts with the play, but if 157 00:04:43,109 --> 00:04:45,744 he like you in the play, now you in the movie of the play, and if 158 00:04:45,778 --> 00:04:48,179 he like you in the movie of the play, now you in the TV spin-off 159 00:04:48,213 --> 00:04:49,180 of the movie of the play. 160 00:04:49,214 --> 00:04:50,515 Granddad: Wait a minute. 161 00:04:50,549 --> 00:04:52,717 You're Kadeem Hardison, star of TV's "A Different World." 162 00:04:52,784 --> 00:04:53,718 What are you doing here? 163 00:04:53,785 --> 00:04:56,053 I don't know if you know this, but there ain't exactly a 164 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,088 bunch of other [bleep] We could be doing right now. 165 00:04:58,122 --> 00:05:00,623 I mean, what, I'm supposed to wait for the next "Akeelah and 166 00:05:00,658 --> 00:05:01,691 the bee" to pay my mortgage? 167 00:05:01,726 --> 00:05:03,526 Huh? No, thanks. 168 00:05:03,561 --> 00:05:04,527 [ Door opens ] 169 00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:05,629 It's him! 170 00:05:05,663 --> 00:05:06,696 [ People shushing ] 171 00:05:06,731 --> 00:05:08,998 Back this way, man. 172 00:05:09,066 --> 00:05:11,168 Shh! 173 00:05:11,235 --> 00:05:14,637 Mm-hmm. 174 00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:15,905 Mnh-mnh. 175 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,707 Mr. Jerome would like to see you. 176 00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:18,775 Granddad: He would? 177 00:05:18,809 --> 00:05:23,079 You won't be needing that shirt. 178 00:05:23,146 --> 00:05:27,682 Jesus told me in my next play Ma'dukes should find herself a man. 179 00:05:27,717 --> 00:05:32,253 So I've decided to call this play "Ma'dukes finds herself a man." 180 00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:34,789 Do you think you're man enough for Ma'dukes, Robert? 181 00:05:34,823 --> 00:05:35,990 Granddad: Yeah, I think so. 182 00:05:36,057 --> 00:05:36,590 Yeah. 183 00:05:36,625 --> 00:05:37,758 Try this line. 184 00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:39,860 "Ma'dukes, you are a strong," 185 00:05:39,895 --> 00:05:43,898 intelligent black woman who will "make me a better man." 186 00:05:43,966 --> 00:05:45,033 Granddad: [ inhales deeply ] 187 00:05:45,068 --> 00:05:46,702 Ma'dukes -- wait, wait. 188 00:05:46,769 --> 00:05:48,804 Something's off. 189 00:05:48,838 --> 00:05:51,207 Lotion! 190 00:05:51,242 --> 00:05:52,709 What flavor you want, man? 191 00:05:52,777 --> 00:05:55,579 I got tropical peach, sunrise orange, minty mango, and apricot. 192 00:05:55,613 --> 00:05:57,881 Or I can just take two flavors and swirl them together. 193 00:05:57,915 --> 00:06:00,150 Just tell me which ones you like. 194 00:06:00,184 --> 00:06:03,119 You want me to pick one for you? 195 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,587 Minty mango it is. 196 00:06:04,622 --> 00:06:06,489 [ Squirt ] 197 00:06:06,523 --> 00:06:07,657 Granddad: Hmm. 198 00:06:07,691 --> 00:06:09,525 [ Clears throat ] 199 00:06:09,593 --> 00:06:10,693 Turn around. 200 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:11,593 Granddad: Hey! 201 00:06:11,628 --> 00:06:13,061 You want me to pop these bumps? 202 00:06:13,095 --> 00:06:13,962 Granddad: Uh, no. 203 00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:15,130 All right. 204 00:06:15,197 --> 00:06:15,964 You good, then. 205 00:06:15,998 --> 00:06:17,031 Okay, Robert. 206 00:06:17,066 --> 00:06:18,032 Again. 207 00:06:18,066 --> 00:06:18,966 Granddad: [ inhales deeply ] 208 00:06:19,034 --> 00:06:20,968 M'dukes -- that's it! 209 00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:23,571 Breathtaking! 210 00:06:23,606 --> 00:06:27,208 You know, I remember when I sat down to write my first play. 211 00:06:27,243 --> 00:06:30,011 I asked Jesus, "will you cowrite with me?" 212 00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:31,213 And he said, "yes." 213 00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:34,550 And I told Jesus, "I want to write plays for women. 214 00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:36,118 "What do women want to see?" 215 00:06:36,186 --> 00:06:39,021 And Jesus said, "sexy men." 216 00:06:39,056 --> 00:06:43,593 Since that day, I've searched the world for the sexiest black men alive. 217 00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:46,228 And I found them -- my shirtless men. 218 00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:47,563 And Jesus was pleased. 219 00:06:47,597 --> 00:06:50,199 Granddad: I didn't know religion worked like that. 220 00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:54,003 Then I asked Jesus, "how can I further spread your message on "earth?" 221 00:06:54,037 --> 00:06:57,139 And he said, "cross-dressing." 222 00:06:57,207 --> 00:07:01,944 And so I put on a dress and a wig, and Jesus was pleased. 223 00:07:02,011 --> 00:07:06,749 With that dress, that wig, and these beautiful, muscular gifts 224 00:07:06,783 --> 00:07:09,552 from God, I have built an empire. 225 00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:14,657 And soon I will crush ice cube, and my supremacy of black 226 00:07:14,691 --> 00:07:16,491 Hollywood will be complete! 227 00:07:16,559 --> 00:07:17,559 Granddad: Ice cube? 228 00:07:17,627 --> 00:07:19,728 We don't allow just anyone on this journey. 229 00:07:19,762 --> 00:07:23,465 Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, Robert? 230 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,534 Granddad: Yeah, uh, I-I guess. 231 00:07:25,568 --> 00:07:27,803 Get on your knees, Robert. 232 00:07:27,837 --> 00:07:28,571 Granddad: Ow! 233 00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:29,739 On your knees, Robert! 234 00:07:29,806 --> 00:07:30,640 Granddad: Okay! 235 00:07:30,707 --> 00:07:31,741 Damn, you got big hands! 236 00:07:31,808 --> 00:07:34,544 Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, Robert? 237 00:07:34,611 --> 00:07:35,478 Granddad: Yes. 238 00:07:35,512 --> 00:07:38,815 Do you accept me, Winston Jerome, as the representative of Jesus Christ 239 00:07:38,883 --> 00:07:40,116 in the TV and movie business? 240 00:07:40,184 --> 00:07:41,551 Granddad: Sure. I guess. 241 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,654 Do you renounce ice cube and all his works? 242 00:07:43,721 --> 00:07:46,090 Granddad: Well, you know, I kind of like "Friday" -- 243 00:07:46,158 --> 00:07:48,526 do you renounce ice cube and all his works?! 244 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,061 Granddad: I renounce ice cube. 245 00:07:50,096 --> 00:07:50,729 Louder! 246 00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:52,264 Granddad: I renounce ice cube! 247 00:07:52,298 --> 00:07:53,532 And all his works! 248 00:07:53,566 --> 00:07:55,000 Granddad: And all his works! 249 00:07:55,035 --> 00:07:56,102 Including "Friday"? 250 00:07:56,136 --> 00:07:57,070 Granddad: Yes! 251 00:07:57,104 --> 00:07:58,104 Including "Friday"! 252 00:07:58,138 --> 00:07:58,604 Yes! 253 00:07:58,639 --> 00:07:59,739 Rise! 254 00:07:59,774 --> 00:08:04,811 [ Distorted ] Rise, my new leading man! 255 00:08:04,878 --> 00:08:07,713 [ Normal voice ] We're having a fondue shindig at the compound tonight. 256 00:08:07,781 --> 00:08:10,448 You should come. 257 00:08:10,516 --> 00:08:13,084 Granddad: Tom, thanks for agreeing to watch the boys tonight. 258 00:08:13,152 --> 00:08:14,185 Tom: No problem, Robert. 259 00:08:14,253 --> 00:08:15,619 I mean, this is your big break. 260 00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:16,554 So, what is he like? 261 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:17,888 Granddad: Who? Winston? 262 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,056 Uh... Nice guy, down-to-earth. 263 00:08:20,091 --> 00:08:22,793 Nothing strange or freaky or bizarre about him at all. 264 00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:24,628 Nope, nothing out of the ordinary. 265 00:08:24,695 --> 00:08:25,729 Tom: [ laughs ] 266 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,431 I just think he's the best! 267 00:08:27,499 --> 00:08:30,801 That's what people need more of -- positive entertainment, 268 00:08:30,835 --> 00:08:34,070 without all the cursing and people saying the n-word all the time. 269 00:08:34,105 --> 00:08:37,975 Hey, are there gonna be some steamy scenes to look forward to, huh? 270 00:08:38,042 --> 00:08:39,510 Who's the lucky leading lady? 271 00:08:39,544 --> 00:08:42,580 Granddad: Uh, actually, um... They haven't cast her yet. 272 00:08:42,614 --> 00:08:45,883 Probably, uh, Sanaa Lathan, maybe Halle Berry... You know, somebody hot. 273 00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:46,851 Riley: Man, stop lying! 274 00:08:46,885 --> 00:08:48,152 Granddad's leading lady is a dude. 275 00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:48,886 Tom: What? 276 00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:49,988 Granddad: Shut up, boy! 277 00:08:50,055 --> 00:08:51,056 You don't know nothing! 278 00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:52,691 Huey: We read the script, granddad. 279 00:08:52,725 --> 00:08:54,226 Granddad: How dare you read that script?! 280 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,060 That's top secret! 281 00:08:55,094 --> 00:08:57,029 Huey: It was really, really terrible, by the way. 282 00:08:57,063 --> 00:08:58,697 Riley: Don't front, granddad. 283 00:08:58,765 --> 00:09:00,232 You playin' a dude's boyfriend. 284 00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,501 It's that Winston Jerome guy in a dress! 285 00:09:02,535 --> 00:09:02,935 Ha! 286 00:09:02,969 --> 00:09:03,969 Tom: You mean Ma'dukes? 287 00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:04,970 You're playing Ma'dukes' 288 00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:05,570 boyfriend? 289 00:09:05,605 --> 00:09:07,072 Granddad: There are no love scenes. 290 00:09:07,106 --> 00:09:09,574 Riley: Granddad's gonna need to have "no-homo" tattooed on 291 00:09:09,608 --> 00:09:10,508 his forehead after this. 292 00:09:10,575 --> 00:09:11,976 Granddad: There are no love scenes! 293 00:09:12,043 --> 00:09:13,610 Tom: I think that's great. 294 00:09:13,645 --> 00:09:17,047 Robert, you're a real actor now, completely dedicated to the part! 295 00:09:17,081 --> 00:09:17,948 I say do the love scenes! 296 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,649 Granddad: But there are no love scenes! 297 00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:20,950 Riley: Well, I think it's gay. 298 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:21,752 Dude wear a dress! 299 00:09:21,786 --> 00:09:23,687 Granddad: Jesus told him to wear that dress! 300 00:09:23,722 --> 00:09:27,225 You just mad 'cause Jesus doesn't love you. 301 00:09:35,769 --> 00:09:36,969 >> Hello, Robert. 302 00:09:37,037 --> 00:09:39,806 We're so glad you decided to join us. 303 00:09:39,873 --> 00:09:40,206 Come in. 304 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:47,914 >> Granddad: I don't mind if I do, cupcakes. 305 00:09:47,948 --> 00:09:48,948 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 306 00:09:48,982 --> 00:09:51,216 >> Hello, how do you do? 307 00:09:51,251 --> 00:09:54,753 We're so glad you joined our crew. 308 00:09:54,821 --> 00:09:59,759 Welcome to our lovely compound, where it all goes down. 309 00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:00,827 [ Tempo increases ] 310 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,495 ♪ Hot oil, bananas and cream ♪ 311 00:10:02,563 --> 00:10:03,662 ♪ bananas and cream ♪ 312 00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:06,098 ♪ white unicorns and wet dreams ♪ 313 00:10:06,132 --> 00:10:07,266 ♪ rainbow and lace ♪ 314 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,268 ♪ oh, it makes me want to scream ♪ 315 00:10:09,302 --> 00:10:12,171 ♪ anything is possible with Jesus on our team ♪ 316 00:10:12,205 --> 00:10:17,843 ♪ it's all right to cross-dress for Christ ♪ 317 00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,078 ♪ Whoo ♪ 318 00:10:19,112 --> 00:10:21,747 ♪ Jesus gave me a vision ♪ 319 00:10:21,815 --> 00:10:24,750 ♪ to make plays and dress like women ♪ 320 00:10:24,784 --> 00:10:27,719 ♪ to wear corsets and real fine linen ♪ 321 00:10:27,754 --> 00:10:30,822 ♪ big bras with a lot of padding in 'em ♪ 322 00:10:30,857 --> 00:10:31,923 ♪ am I feminine? ♪ 323 00:10:31,991 --> 00:10:33,291 ♪ I know you have suspicions ♪ 324 00:10:33,326 --> 00:10:35,027 ♪ but I'm all man, trust me ♪ 325 00:10:35,094 --> 00:10:36,261 ♪ we could switch positions ♪ 326 00:10:36,295 --> 00:10:42,268 ♪ it's all right to cross-dress for Christ ♪ 327 00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:48,174 ♪ it's all right to cross-dress for Christ ♪ 328 00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:50,844 ♪ Whoo ♪ 329 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:51,811 Granddad: Wow. 330 00:10:51,846 --> 00:10:52,912 Is that in the play? 331 00:10:52,947 --> 00:10:54,548 No, we just do that for fun. 332 00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:56,917 Come, let me show you the compound. 333 00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:04,156 The cast and crew of my plays are like family. 334 00:11:04,191 --> 00:11:07,126 We work together, eat together, pray together. 335 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,529 Now, let me show you where you'll be staying. 336 00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:11,331 Granddad: Um, did you say "staying"? 337 00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:11,965 Oh, yes. 338 00:11:12,032 --> 00:11:14,434 You'll live here at the compound during the run of the play. 339 00:11:14,468 --> 00:11:16,971 I want everyone totally immersed in the production. 340 00:11:17,038 --> 00:11:17,872 [ Cellphone rings ] 341 00:11:17,939 --> 00:11:19,507 And we don't allow outside calls here. 342 00:11:19,541 --> 00:11:20,975 We must remove all distractions. 343 00:11:21,009 --> 00:11:22,610 Granddad: Oh, it's just my grandkids. 344 00:11:22,645 --> 00:11:23,344 You know kids. 345 00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:25,846 They always want to talk to their sole legal guardian. 346 00:11:25,881 --> 00:11:27,882 Tell them you won't be coming home for a while. 347 00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:29,050 Best to make it a clean break. 348 00:11:29,118 --> 00:11:30,852 Granddad: Uh, I'll just call 'em back. 349 00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:31,520 Answer it! 350 00:11:31,587 --> 00:11:32,154 [ Beep ] 351 00:11:32,188 --> 00:11:33,154 Granddad: Hey, boys. 352 00:11:33,222 --> 00:11:35,490 Huey: Hey, granddad, we were just wondering how late 353 00:11:35,524 --> 00:11:36,558 rehearsal was gonna go. 354 00:11:36,592 --> 00:11:38,927 Tom had to leave, and we're getting kind of hungry. 355 00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:41,864 Granddad: Well, uh, I'm not coming home for a while, so don't wait up. 356 00:11:41,932 --> 00:11:42,498 Huey: How late? 357 00:11:42,532 --> 00:11:44,400 Granddad: Uh, maybe a week or two or more. 358 00:11:44,468 --> 00:11:46,135 We got a lot of rehearsal stuff to do. 359 00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,937 Uh, there's some cash in my sock drawer. 360 00:11:47,971 --> 00:11:48,871 Praise Jesus. 361 00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:52,410 [ Beep ] 362 00:11:52,477 --> 00:11:55,947 This is a great day, brothers and sisters. 363 00:11:55,981 --> 00:12:02,321 The first day of rehearsals for "Ma'dukes finds herself a man"! 364 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,389 Let us pray. 365 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:07,860 Lord Jesus, you are a wonderful savior and an excellent 366 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,230 producing partner, as well... [ distorted ] Waa waa waa-waa... 367 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,865 Granddad: [ thinking ] I can't believe I'm here. 368 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:13,499 I made it. 369 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,135 I'm on my way to the top. 370 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,003 I might already be at the top. 371 00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,205 Man, look at these broads in here. 372 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,574 The big 'ol zesty-chesty on that one. 373 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,276 ...In Jesus' name we pray. 374 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,110 Amen. 375 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,278 Yes, amen. 376 00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,846 Granddad: Yeah, boy! 377 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,281 We're so happy you're here with us, Robert. 378 00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,282 Jesus is so good. 379 00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:34,218 I've been working with Mr. Jerome for nearly 10 years. 380 00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,987 Granddad: Oh, your family must be very proud. 381 00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:39,456 Honey, I don't talk to my family anymore. 382 00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:41,023 This is my family now. 383 00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:42,558 Soon it'll be yours, too. 384 00:12:42,592 --> 00:12:44,393 I'm gonna get me some kool-aid. 385 00:12:44,428 --> 00:12:47,263 Well, this is my first Winston Jerome project, but 386 00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:49,632 I've been in the business for almost 12 years. 387 00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:51,267 Granddad: Oh, that's nice. 388 00:12:51,302 --> 00:12:52,569 Anything I might have seen? 389 00:12:52,637 --> 00:12:53,370 Let's see. 390 00:12:53,437 --> 00:12:55,071 I was in "do the tight thing," 391 00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:56,840 uh, "lady sucks the blues," 392 00:12:56,908 --> 00:13:00,911 "new crack city," and then my last film was "six dicks of separation." 393 00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:02,179 Granddad: Oh, my. Six?! 394 00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:04,348 But that was before Winston saved me. 395 00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,818 All that time, I was giving up the ass for me. 396 00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:11,990 Now I only give up the ass for Jesus... And his homeboys. 397 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:13,291 Granddad: Mm-hmm. 398 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:16,094 Praise Jesus in the name of Jesus. 399 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:19,197 Robert, would you join me in my study? 400 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:20,565 Beautiful, isn't it? 401 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:25,469 I had the sweater put on him because he just looked so cold up there. 402 00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:28,606 I just wanted to warm him up... Because I love Jesus. 403 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,274 Do you love Jesus, Robert? 404 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,275 Granddad: Oh, yes. 405 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,543 I love me some Jesus, mm-hmm. 406 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,812 He's my copilot. 407 00:13:34,879 --> 00:13:39,083 Lord, we thank you for... Well, it appears you love ta-tas, too. 408 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:42,053 Granddad: Yeah, uh, I'm, uh... It's okay, Robert. 409 00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:44,522 You love women more than you love Jesus, don't you? 410 00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,157 Granddad: It's hard to say. 411 00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:48,325 I mean, it's kind of apples and oranges. 412 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,130 If women are what you desire, Robert, then Jesus and I will deliver. 413 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,066 Hundreds, thousands of women -- any kind you want. 414 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,268 Granddad: Well, now, since you put it like that, I want 415 00:13:57,302 --> 00:14:00,338 some of them, uh, Alicia keys and a couple them Beyoncés and 416 00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:03,241 something Spanish and a big-ol'-tittied white woman that 417 00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:04,509 look like Lynda Carter. 418 00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:06,343 Then Jesus will provide them. 419 00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:10,515 But you must give yourself to Jesus first, Robert... and to me. 420 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,049 [ Cellphone rings ] 421 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:12,517 [bleep] 422 00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:15,219 You know how I feel about the [bleep] Phone! 423 00:14:15,253 --> 00:14:16,152 [bleep] 424 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:17,887 Granddad: It's my grandkids. 425 00:14:17,955 --> 00:14:19,255 They're probably just worried. 426 00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:22,258 You must choose, Robert, between your old life and your new one. 427 00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:23,426 Granddad: Hey, boys. 428 00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:24,860 Uh, no, everything's good. 429 00:14:24,895 --> 00:14:26,496 Look, please don't call me again. 430 00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:27,797 This is my family now. 431 00:14:27,865 --> 00:14:28,965 Uh-huh. Okay. 432 00:14:29,033 --> 00:14:32,870 You made the right choice, Robert. 433 00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:34,038 Riley: I don't get it. 434 00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:35,206 They his new family now? 435 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,041 Huey: It's worse than I thought. 436 00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,109 Granddad's in a cult. 437 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,044 Riley: A cult? 438 00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:39,511 That's gay. 439 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,046 Huey: Well, he's in trouble. 440 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:41,880 We got to save him. 441 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,250 Come on. 442 00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,387 You're just a lowly ex-con, and I'm a big-shot lawyer. 443 00:14:47,421 --> 00:14:48,288 Cut! Frown! 444 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:51,225 How are they gonna know you're mad if you don't frown? 445 00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:52,493 More! 446 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:53,494 More, more, damn it! 447 00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:57,332 You want me to put something nasty in your mouth to help you frown?! 448 00:14:57,366 --> 00:14:58,233 Ugh. 449 00:14:58,267 --> 00:14:59,968 Okay, continue. 450 00:15:00,002 --> 00:15:03,471 Granddad: Well, at least I have Jesus and the strong love 451 00:15:03,506 --> 00:15:07,041 of a black, African, beautiful, independent black woman -- 452 00:15:07,076 --> 00:15:08,376 cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! 453 00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:09,410 This isn't working! 454 00:15:09,478 --> 00:15:11,145 I cannot work like this anymore! 455 00:15:11,179 --> 00:15:13,280 I've worked with Jesus! 456 00:15:13,315 --> 00:15:13,948 Damn it! 457 00:15:14,016 --> 00:15:14,315 [bleep] 458 00:15:14,382 --> 00:15:15,415 Let us pray. 459 00:15:15,483 --> 00:15:19,953 Jesus, Holy Jesus... Help us with this scene. 460 00:15:20,021 --> 00:15:22,121 It seems to be a little flat. 461 00:15:22,156 --> 00:15:24,123 Wait -- Jesus is trying to tell me something. 462 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:24,557 Hold on. 463 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,958 All: Praise Jesus! 464 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,126 Yes, Jesus. 465 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:27,927 Uh-huh. 466 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:28,994 Right, right. 467 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,395 Hey, you're the boss. 468 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,565 Jesus says the scene would have more impact if you grabbed 469 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,035 Ma'dukes and kissed her deep on the lips. 470 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:36,835 Granddad: Kiss? 471 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,003 Hold on. Jesus said that? 472 00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:40,305 Jesus said that we need to kiss passionately so the 473 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,539 audience can feel our love. 474 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,174 Change it in the script! 475 00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:44,375 All: Praise Jesus' rewrites! 476 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,444 Granddad: Are you sure he didn't say "kick"? 477 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:47,279 I should kick you? 478 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,113 Or maybe "kill"? 479 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,014 Let me kill you. 480 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:50,281 Nobody'd ever see that coming. 481 00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:51,849 No! He said "kiss"! 482 00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:52,383 Kiss! 483 00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,919 There was no ambiguity at all. 484 00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:57,756 Chapstick! 485 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,558 Robert, it's okay. 486 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,527 I totally understand your concerns. 487 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:05,097 Winston Jerome would never, ever kiss a man. 488 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,566 That would be homosexual and against my Christian faith. 489 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,900 Granddad: Whew! Exactly! 490 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:09,368 Mine too! 491 00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:13,105 But Jesus wants us to be actors first and heterosexuals second. 492 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:17,443 Now, Winston Jerome is a very, very straight man that loves the ladies. 493 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,880 But Ma'dukes is a woman, and when I go onstage, Jesus wants 494 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:23,349 me to become her, inside and out. 495 00:16:23,384 --> 00:16:25,352 I can't just have a woman's clothes. 496 00:16:25,386 --> 00:16:30,157 I need a woman's thoughts, a woman's movements... And a woman's desires. 497 00:16:35,096 --> 00:16:37,598 [ Television plays indistinctly ] 498 00:16:41,937 --> 00:16:42,369 [ Crash ] 499 00:16:42,404 --> 00:16:43,237 Riley: Ow! 500 00:16:43,271 --> 00:16:44,271 [ Groans ] 501 00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:46,139 Huey: Come on! 502 00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:48,542 Excuse me, do you know where I could find Robert Freeman? 503 00:16:48,576 --> 00:16:50,244 Just walk in the path of Jesus. 504 00:16:50,278 --> 00:16:51,545 You'll find him. 505 00:16:53,481 --> 00:16:54,448 Huey: Uh, excuse me. 506 00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:56,083 We're looking for Robert Freeman. 507 00:16:56,151 --> 00:16:58,352 Oh, he's on the rehearsal stage. 508 00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:00,320 Y'all remind me of my grandsons. 509 00:17:00,355 --> 00:17:05,259 But they like ice cube movies, so I can't never speak to them again. 510 00:17:05,294 --> 00:17:06,361 Excuse me. 511 00:17:06,395 --> 00:17:08,429 I'm gonna get me some kool-aid. 512 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,539 Granddad: Well, at least I have Jesus and the love of a 513 00:17:16,606 --> 00:17:19,976 strong, black, African, beautiful, independent black woman! 514 00:17:20,044 --> 00:17:21,945 And that's all I need. 515 00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:26,450 Aah! 516 00:17:26,518 --> 00:17:29,253 Oof! 517 00:17:29,288 --> 00:17:30,321 Granddad: Boys! Stop that! 518 00:17:30,355 --> 00:17:31,222 Huey: Get his legs! 519 00:17:31,256 --> 00:17:31,889 His legs! 520 00:17:31,924 --> 00:17:34,325 Granddad: I rebuke you in the name of the lord! 521 00:17:34,393 --> 00:17:35,493 Get them! 522 00:17:35,527 --> 00:17:36,227 Riley: Ow! 523 00:17:36,261 --> 00:17:37,795 Get them out of here! 524 00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:40,965 Riley: These niggas is too glisteny. 525 00:17:48,006 --> 00:17:50,875 [ Laughs ] 526 00:17:50,909 --> 00:17:53,211 Did you think you could just take him? 527 00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:54,245 It's too late. 528 00:17:54,279 --> 00:17:56,781 Your granddaddy is one of us now. 529 00:17:56,815 --> 00:17:57,882 Granddad: It's okay, guys. 530 00:17:57,917 --> 00:17:58,316 I'm sorry. 531 00:17:58,384 --> 00:17:59,217 I'll take care of it. 532 00:17:59,251 --> 00:18:03,421 Me and Jesus want them out of here, Robert -- pronto! 533 00:18:03,455 --> 00:18:05,289 Huey: Granddad, snap out of it! 534 00:18:05,324 --> 00:18:06,424 Granddad: Ow! 535 00:18:06,458 --> 00:18:07,058 Damn it! 536 00:18:07,093 --> 00:18:07,792 Riley: Ow! 537 00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:09,394 Nigga, have you lost your [bleep] Damn mind? 538 00:18:09,428 --> 00:18:11,229 Huey: Granddad, you've been brainwashed. 539 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,032 You've been sucked into some bizarre homoerotic Christian theater cult! 540 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,135 Riley: Yeah, you was about to kiss that dude, no-homo. 541 00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:17,570 Granddad: Boy, I'm just acting. 542 00:18:17,604 --> 00:18:19,506 I know it's a homoerotic Christian theater cult, but if 543 00:18:19,574 --> 00:18:21,208 it gets me into Hollywood, who cares? 544 00:18:21,242 --> 00:18:22,776 It can't be worse than Scientology. 545 00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:24,511 Huey: Do you really want to be famous that bad? 546 00:18:24,579 --> 00:18:25,379 Granddad: Yes. 547 00:18:25,413 --> 00:18:26,947 My whole life, I've been normal. 548 00:18:27,015 --> 00:18:27,581 Normal sucks! 549 00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:30,183 I want women half my age to throw themselves at me! 550 00:18:30,218 --> 00:18:32,953 I want people to treat me better than they treat other people. 551 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:34,955 And Riley was right -- I don't have much time left. 552 00:18:35,023 --> 00:18:37,224 Maybe it's a stupid dream, but this is the last chance I'm 553 00:18:37,259 --> 00:18:38,025 gonna get at it. 554 00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:40,294 Remember that TV show "fear factor," when they made 555 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,996 people eat goat rectums and monkey testicles and whatever 556 00:18:43,031 --> 00:18:44,131 else to win the big prize? 557 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,566 Well, this is my "fear factor" 558 00:18:45,634 --> 00:18:48,569 and Ma'dukes is my monkey testicles and I really want the 559 00:18:48,603 --> 00:18:51,905 big prize, even if it means kissing a man. 560 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,207 No-homo. 561 00:18:53,241 --> 00:18:55,476 And when you get home, go in my clean-underwear drawer. 562 00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,111 There should be $200 in quarters. 563 00:18:57,145 --> 00:18:59,480 That should be enough to get you through the week, and I'll 564 00:18:59,548 --> 00:19:00,381 be home soon, okay? 565 00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:01,849 Huey: All right, granddad. 566 00:19:01,884 --> 00:19:06,555 If this is really what you want, we'll get out of here. 567 00:19:06,589 --> 00:19:09,491 Good luck with that. 568 00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:12,261 Riley: Thank you for saying "no-homo," granddad. 569 00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:15,364 That really meant a lot to me. 570 00:19:15,398 --> 00:19:16,832 No-homo. 571 00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:21,804 [ Indistinct talking ] 572 00:19:44,228 --> 00:19:45,361 [ Dance music plays ] 573 00:19:45,429 --> 00:19:47,363 ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ 574 00:19:47,431 --> 00:19:49,099 Riley: [ laughs ] 575 00:19:49,166 --> 00:19:52,101 Granddad: Well, at least I have Jesus and the love of a 576 00:19:52,169 --> 00:19:55,971 strong, black, African, beautiful, independent black woman! 577 00:19:56,005 --> 00:19:57,973 And that's all I need. 578 00:19:58,007 --> 00:20:01,175 Kiss me, Ma'dukes! 579 00:20:01,209 --> 00:20:03,343 Riley: [ gags ] 580 00:20:03,378 --> 00:20:04,544 [ Audience cheering ] 581 00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:07,047 [ Smooching ] 582 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:13,820 Granddad: And now it's time for me to get my big prize. 583 00:20:13,887 --> 00:20:16,956 ♪ Groupies, groupies ♪ 584 00:20:16,990 --> 00:20:17,891 there he is! 585 00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:19,092 Girl, hold my chicken! 586 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:20,527 Granddad: Huh? 587 00:20:20,562 --> 00:20:21,995 Uh-uh-aah! 588 00:20:22,063 --> 00:20:25,265 Oh, you look just like your pictures on MySpace! 589 00:20:25,299 --> 00:20:26,267 Oh, my goodness! 590 00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:30,971 Mr. Jerome would like to see you... Alone. 591 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:35,610 Robert! 592 00:20:35,645 --> 00:20:37,146 You were amazing. 593 00:20:37,213 --> 00:20:39,248 Jesus and I were so pleased. 594 00:20:39,282 --> 00:20:41,050 Granddad: Don't give me that bull [bleep] 595 00:20:41,084 --> 00:20:42,252 This is the big prize? 596 00:20:42,286 --> 00:20:43,420 Where are the Alicia Keyses? 597 00:20:43,487 --> 00:20:44,421 Where are the Beyoncés? 598 00:20:44,488 --> 00:20:45,622 Where's wonder woman? 599 00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:47,223 All I see is Florida Evanses! 600 00:20:47,258 --> 00:20:48,525 I can get a big bitch on my own! 601 00:20:48,592 --> 00:20:51,161 I had to kiss you onstage in front of everybody, and all I 602 00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:52,596 get is them mud ducks out there?! 603 00:20:52,663 --> 00:20:53,530 That wasn't the deal! 604 00:20:53,597 --> 00:20:55,965 Robert, Jesus never said it would happen overnight. 605 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,234 Granddad: Well, how long do I have to suck lips with you 606 00:20:58,302 --> 00:21:00,070 before the women out there become hot? 607 00:21:00,104 --> 00:21:03,874 Look, Robbie, I've just sold "Ma'dukes finds herself a man" 608 00:21:03,908 --> 00:21:04,507 as a movie. 609 00:21:04,575 --> 00:21:06,842 And guess who's my leading man? 610 00:21:06,877 --> 00:21:07,877 Granddad: Really? 611 00:21:07,944 --> 00:21:09,144 I'm gonna be in a movie. 612 00:21:09,179 --> 00:21:10,045 Ohh. 613 00:21:10,113 --> 00:21:11,480 That's right, Bob. 614 00:21:11,514 --> 00:21:13,382 And I only have one request. 615 00:21:13,416 --> 00:21:14,516 [ Zipper unzips ] 616 00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:16,051 [ Sighs ] 617 00:21:16,085 --> 00:21:17,285 Look, man, all bull [bleep] 618 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:17,852 Aside. 619 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,287 Can I please just have some ass? 620 00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:20,488 Granddad: Okay. 621 00:21:20,522 --> 00:21:21,322 Wait a minute! 622 00:21:21,356 --> 00:21:23,957 You mean to tell me you made up this whole cross-dressing 623 00:21:24,025 --> 00:21:26,326 Christian-cult crap just so you could sleep with men? 624 00:21:26,394 --> 00:21:28,028 Uh, pretty much, yeah. 625 00:21:28,062 --> 00:21:29,863 [bleep] You! 626 00:21:29,931 --> 00:21:33,100 Now stick that up your ass! 627 00:21:33,134 --> 00:21:34,868 No-homo. 628 00:21:34,903 --> 00:21:37,471 [ Chewing loudly ] 629 00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:39,106 [ Recorder plays indistinctly ] 630 00:21:39,140 --> 00:21:40,907 Riley: Pause. 631 00:21:40,942 --> 00:21:42,576 Pause again. 632 00:21:42,644 --> 00:21:45,579 Pause again, granddad! 633 00:21:45,614 --> 00:21:47,381 Pause again. 634 00:21:47,416 --> 00:21:48,949 Pause again. 635 00:21:48,983 --> 00:21:50,851 Pause again, granddad. 636 00:21:50,919 --> 00:21:52,386 Pause again, granddad. 637 00:21:52,387 --> 00:22:02,387 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 638 00:22:02,437 --> 00:22:06,987 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 46215

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