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♪ I am the stone that
the builder refused ♪
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00:00:02,882 --> 00:00:05,818
♪ I am the visual, the inspiration
that made lady sing the blues ♪
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00:00:05,889 --> 00:00:07,723
♪ I'm the spark that
makes your idea bright ♪
4
00:00:07,794 --> 00:00:09,328
♪ the same spark that
lights the dark ♪
5
00:00:09,364 --> 00:00:11,231
♪ so that you can know your
left from your right ♪
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00:00:11,269 --> 00:00:13,437
♪ I am the ballot in your box,
the bullet in the gun ♪
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00:00:13,474 --> 00:00:15,876
♪ the inner glow that lets you
know to call your brother son ♪
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00:00:15,913 --> 00:00:17,079
♪ the story that just begun ♪
9
00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:18,783
♪ the promise of what's to come ♪
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00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,253
♪ and I'ma remain a soldier
till the war is won ♪
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00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:22,725
♪ chop chop chop ♪
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00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:23,928
♪ judo flip ♪
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00:00:23,998 --> 00:00:25,197
♪ chop chop chop ♪
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00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:26,701
♪ judo flip ♪
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00:00:26,971 --> 00:00:32,971
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:33,484 --> 00:00:36,019
I admit, I am envious of you.
17
00:00:36,058 --> 00:00:40,829
In China, if you lose $20
billion, they shoot you.
18
00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:44,739
Here, they give you
another $20 billion.
19
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,114
[ Chuckles ]
20
00:00:46,149 --> 00:00:47,016
Amusing.
21
00:00:47,052 --> 00:00:50,221
Our kickball team is
very formidable this year.
22
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:53,195
My granddaughter, Ming,
is the team Captain.
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00:00:53,234 --> 00:00:55,870
I am hoping it will
be an epic contest.
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00:00:55,941 --> 00:00:59,210
No offense to your granddaughter,
Mr. Long do, but
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00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:01,849
our team [bleep] on your team.
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00:01:01,988 --> 00:01:03,054
[ Laughs ]
27
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:04,724
We'll see.
28
00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:05,394
[ Slurps ]
29
00:01:05,463 --> 00:01:09,733
I hate to spoil such a beautiful
day with such a close friend
30
00:01:09,773 --> 00:01:12,875
talking about the
unpleasantness of business.
31
00:01:12,914 --> 00:01:15,148
However, my associates are
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00:01:15,219 --> 00:01:16,819
getting nervous.
33
00:01:16,856 --> 00:01:21,058
We need our money -- all of it.
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00:01:21,099 --> 00:01:22,399
[ Grunts ]
35
00:01:22,435 --> 00:01:24,436
That's not possible!
36
00:01:24,506 --> 00:01:28,208
Unfortunate.
37
00:01:28,249 --> 00:01:29,215
[ Exhales deeply ]
38
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:32,519
Now, Mr. do, I'm sure we can find
another way to work this out.
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00:01:32,558 --> 00:01:33,859
[ Exhales deeply ]
40
00:01:33,895 --> 00:01:34,962
I'm listening.
41
00:01:34,998 --> 00:01:38,233
Say, how's your gambling addiction?
42
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:41,074
Much better...
Now.
43
00:01:41,112 --> 00:01:42,946
Huey: I'm never
playing kickball again.
44
00:01:42,983 --> 00:01:44,885
Granddad: Come on, boy,
you have to do this.
45
00:01:44,922 --> 00:01:46,256
Ed Wuncler asked for you by name.
46
00:01:46,325 --> 00:01:48,894
Huey: It's because of him I
quit the game in the first place
47
00:01:48,931 --> 00:01:50,965
and gave Jennifer Herman a
permanent, severe limp.
48
00:01:51,003 --> 00:01:53,271
Granddad: Look, nobody need
to be reminded of that tragic
49
00:01:53,343 --> 00:01:55,544
day when you gave that girl
a permanent, severe limp.
50
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,249
It was the junior league
championship against Wuncler's
51
00:01:58,288 --> 00:02:00,088
team, and ed had paid off the ref.
52
00:02:00,125 --> 00:02:01,992
And, oh, you guys were losing bad.
53
00:02:02,063 --> 00:02:02,996
It was a blow-out.
54
00:02:03,066 --> 00:02:06,067
They were calling him the
Tiger Woods of kickball before
55
00:02:06,106 --> 00:02:07,272
the wife-cheating thing.
56
00:02:07,342 --> 00:02:09,376
Now they just call him "loser."
57
00:02:09,447 --> 00:02:10,280
Huey, you suck!
58
00:02:10,348 --> 00:02:11,015
Huey: Huh?
59
00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:11,549
You suck!
60
00:02:11,585 --> 00:02:14,086
Granddad: Then the crowd
started laughing at you, and we
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00:02:14,157 --> 00:02:15,991
all know you don't
like to be laughed at.
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00:02:16,028 --> 00:02:18,430
[ Laughter ]
63
00:02:18,468 --> 00:02:21,003
And you snapped. You went crazy!
64
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,275
Huey: [ grunts ]
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00:02:22,311 --> 00:02:23,011
Aah!
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00:02:23,046 --> 00:02:25,381
Freeman has hit her with the pitch!
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00:02:25,419 --> 00:02:26,352
Oh, the horror!
68
00:02:26,388 --> 00:02:29,023
And, believe me, folks,
this was no accident!
69
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:30,095
Huey: [ gasps ]
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00:02:30,130 --> 00:02:31,363
He meant to do that!
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00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,035
If that girl is still alive,
she will undoubtedly have a
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00:02:35,075 --> 00:02:36,942
permanent and severe limp.
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00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:41,216
One thing is certain -- she will
never play kickball again, and
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00:02:41,256 --> 00:02:42,490
neither should Huey Freeman.
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00:02:42,526 --> 00:02:43,860
Granddad: Well, too bad.
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00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:47,031
Ed Wuncler owns everything, including
the bank that owns this house.
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00:02:47,104 --> 00:02:49,572
He just got $20 billion in
bail-out money, and I'm trying
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00:02:49,609 --> 00:02:50,576
to be his best friend.
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00:02:50,645 --> 00:02:53,480
If ed wants to tell me to jump,
I'm gonna say, "how high?" And
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00:02:53,519 --> 00:02:54,952
throw your ass in the air.
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00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:56,323
Huey: I'm not gonna play.
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00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:57,493
Granddad: Okay, fine.
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00:02:57,563 --> 00:03:00,231
If you don't want to play,
you don't want to play.
84
00:03:00,269 --> 00:03:01,569
Ed, here he is as promised.
85
00:03:01,604 --> 00:03:02,971
Now get over here, boy.
86
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:03,874
[ Chuckles ]
87
00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:05,111
Good job, Robert.
88
00:03:05,146 --> 00:03:08,315
I'll remember this when I do
my Christmas yacht shopping.
89
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,090
Granddad: Yeah, boy!
90
00:03:10,126 --> 00:03:12,895
Now, Huey, the
Wushung/Woodcrest junior/senior
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00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:15,936
harmonious kickball tournament
is the greatest kickball
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00:03:15,974 --> 00:03:18,676
competition in the
history of the sport.
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00:03:18,747 --> 00:03:24,586
129 years ago, my great-great-grandpa
Prescott Rothschild Wuncler
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00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:25,928
sailed to Wushung, China.
95
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:29,568
The local monks had invented a
game similar to baseball, except
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00:03:29,608 --> 00:03:32,477
it involved a red rubber
ball and a lot of kicking.
97
00:03:32,548 --> 00:03:35,850
He originally called it "jap
baseball" because he didn't know
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00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:38,125
what country he was
in and didn't care.
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00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:41,665
He brought the sport back to
America, where the liberal p.C.
100
00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:43,738
Bitch-asses renamed
it "kickball."
101
00:03:43,776 --> 00:03:46,944
Today, in the spirit of harmony
between our two cities, we
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00:03:46,982 --> 00:03:49,952
alternate hosting a kickball
tournament known as the
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00:03:49,991 --> 00:03:53,960
Wushung/Woodcrest junior/senior
harmonious kickball tournament.
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00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,934
Huey: There's no way I'm playing.
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00:03:55,971 --> 00:03:58,706
'Cause of you, I gave a girl
a permanent, severe limp.
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00:03:58,744 --> 00:04:03,615
Oh, really? This little girl?
107
00:04:03,656 --> 00:04:07,525
That's right, Huey --
Jennifer can walk just fine.
108
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:08,165
Hit it, Jenny.
109
00:04:08,234 --> 00:04:11,436
You were dominating the entire
Woodcrest junior league, and I
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00:04:11,507 --> 00:04:12,541
couldn't have that.
111
00:04:12,577 --> 00:04:15,078
I made up the story about
Jennifer's permanent limp,
112
00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:18,453
correctly assuming the emotional
trauma of the event would make
113
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:19,524
you quit the game.
114
00:04:19,561 --> 00:04:22,230
But now I need to win this
game against the Chinese.
115
00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:26,005
Huey: You were willing to scar me
for life over a kickball game?
116
00:04:26,044 --> 00:04:28,713
But that's how good
of an opponent you were.
117
00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:31,153
But this game is bigger
than you and me, Huey.
118
00:04:31,191 --> 00:04:34,527
I present the Woodcrest
harmonious kickball team.
119
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:37,635
First, courtesy of Blackwater
USA, the senior squad.
120
00:04:37,707 --> 00:04:38,740
Huey: Mercenaries?
121
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:41,746
They prefer the term
"private kickball contractors."
122
00:04:41,784 --> 00:04:43,818
Huey: And this is the junior squad?
123
00:04:43,890 --> 00:04:46,825
They are the best the
Dominican Republic has to offer.
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00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:50,833
As you can see, I've spared
no expense for victory.
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00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:51,940
Yay! All right!
126
00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:53,210
Vámonos! Vámonos!
127
00:04:57,256 --> 00:05:00,058
It's the greatest junior/senior
kickball team ever assembled.
128
00:05:00,063 --> 00:05:02,165
Tell me you don't want to be
part of kickball history.
129
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,637
Huey: I don't want to be
a part of kickball history.
130
00:05:04,675 --> 00:05:05,809
I'm not making a request.
131
00:05:05,811 --> 00:05:08,113
I'm prepared to blackmail you
with a picture of you wearing
132
00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:11,687
Kanye West Venetian sunglasses,
nut-hugger jeans, and
133
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,227
Louis Vuitton driving shoes.
134
00:05:13,264 --> 00:05:14,964
Huey: That's photo-shopped.
135
00:05:15,034 --> 00:05:17,035
Explain that to media takeout.
136
00:05:17,106 --> 00:05:18,507
Huey: I'll risk it.
137
00:05:18,577 --> 00:05:21,946
All right, Huey, I'm not a fan
of the truth, but here it is.
138
00:05:21,985 --> 00:05:24,887
The Chinese are calling in
some debts, and I had to bet
139
00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:28,962
everything on this game -- my
banks, your home, everything.
140
00:05:29,002 --> 00:05:30,803
You think I'm bad, just wait
141
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,242
till the Chinese take away all
the freedoms you enjoy --
142
00:05:34,314 --> 00:05:37,851
freedom to complain, freedom
to have as many offspring and
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00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:41,627
assault rifles as you like, the
freedom to surf the Internet for
144
00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:43,067
pornography of your choice.
145
00:05:43,137 --> 00:05:44,704
Granddad: Not the porn!
146
00:05:44,774 --> 00:05:47,809
Huey: I'll risk it.
147
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,615
No yacht for you.
148
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,987
Granddad: [ sighs ]
149
00:05:57,204 --> 00:05:59,739
[ Wind whistling ]
150
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,188
[ Asian accent ] You are
the one who quit the game.
151
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:08,895
Huey: You must have me
mistaken for somebody else.
152
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,200
You were a great player.
153
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:11,102
Why do you quit?
154
00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:14,007
Why will you not play in the
harmonious kickball tournament?
155
00:06:14,079 --> 00:06:15,846
Huey: What's it matter to you?
156
00:06:15,884 --> 00:06:17,017
My name is Ming.
157
00:06:17,052 --> 00:06:21,622
I am Captain of the Wushung harmonious
junior/senior kickball team.
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00:06:21,664 --> 00:06:26,835
Even before I was born, it was decided
I would be a champion kickball player.
159
00:06:26,910 --> 00:06:29,945
At 3 years old, I was taken to
the national kickball training
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00:06:30,018 --> 00:06:33,287
center outside of Beijing.
161
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:36,662
I trained every day and
every night to be the best.
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00:06:36,734 --> 00:06:38,034
[ Grunts ]
163
00:06:38,071 --> 00:06:41,974
My grandfather says to control
the ball, I must control myself.
164
00:06:42,014 --> 00:06:44,983
But just me and the ball
alone is not kickball.
165
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,056
Without a worthy opponent, I nothing.
166
00:06:47,093 --> 00:06:51,497
We must have the ultimate contest to
settle once and for all who is the best.
167
00:06:51,538 --> 00:06:58,177
Huey: Like I said...
You have me mistaken for somebody else.
168
00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:00,788
[ Grunts ]
169
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:22,272
Huey: I'll play, but I'm not
interested in your ultimate contest.
170
00:07:22,312 --> 00:07:26,982
It's just a simple game of kickball.
171
00:07:27,023 --> 00:07:29,490
So, you decided to
come fight for freedom?
172
00:07:29,529 --> 00:07:31,396
Well, you made the right choice.
173
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,001
All right, bring it in.
174
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:36,773
A few minutes ago, in a gross
violation of my civil liberties,
175
00:07:36,846 --> 00:07:40,281
the I.N.S. Repossessed the five
Dominican players from the
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00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,489
junior squad of the Woodcrest
harmonious kickball team.
177
00:07:43,528 --> 00:07:46,963
We must immediately find a
replacement for these players.
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00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:50,138
I'm now exploring the
possibility of child soldiers
179
00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:53,412
from Sierra Leone, but they
may not get here in...
180
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:54,851
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
181
00:07:54,887 --> 00:07:55,487
Granddad: Huh?
182
00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:56,155
Say again?
183
00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:57,491
Affirmative -- we're on our way.
184
00:07:57,527 --> 00:07:58,561
Come on, guys, that's us!
185
00:07:58,597 --> 00:08:01,967
Moving out, moving out!
186
00:08:02,006 --> 00:08:03,040
What's going on?
187
00:08:03,075 --> 00:08:06,111
I'm sorry, Mr. Wuncler -- p.
O.W. Rescue in Afghanistan.
188
00:08:06,149 --> 00:08:07,783
Wait! Wait! [bleep] Damn it!
189
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:08,888
[Bleep] The p.O.W.!
190
00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:11,425
You are staying here
and playing kickball!
191
00:08:11,463 --> 00:08:13,431
[ Whirring continues ]
192
00:08:13,468 --> 00:08:14,802
[ Groans ]
193
00:08:14,872 --> 00:08:18,808
Well, team Captain, you've got
two days to assemble a new team.
194
00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:20,048
Huey: Team Captain?
195
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,951
Granddad: Yep, new team
-- No problem, Mr. Wuncler.
196
00:08:22,991 --> 00:08:25,359
We're on it!
197
00:08:30,107 --> 00:08:31,408
Who the [bleep] Are you?
198
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:32,277
I am Jigme!
199
00:08:32,313 --> 00:08:33,279
I come from Tibet!
200
00:08:33,348 --> 00:08:36,049
I want to defeat the Chinese
oppressors in kickball!
201
00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:36,453
Why?
202
00:08:36,522 --> 00:08:39,458
I hate [bleep] Chinese!
203
00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:43,533
I'd like a word
with you in private.
204
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,107
This team is pathetic.
205
00:08:46,179 --> 00:08:49,081
They don't stand a chance
against the Chinese -- not one
206
00:08:49,119 --> 00:08:51,020
single [bleep] Damn shot in hell.
207
00:08:51,058 --> 00:08:53,992
It'll be an embarrassment
they'll never, ever live down
208
00:08:54,031 --> 00:08:57,567
for the rest of their miserable
lives until they die.
209
00:08:57,639 --> 00:09:00,942
You know what one of these
balls can do to a human body?
210
00:09:01,014 --> 00:09:03,383
They'll get torn to
pieces, ripped to shreds.
211
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,855
Some may even lose
control of their bowels.
212
00:09:05,926 --> 00:09:08,561
By the third inning, they'll
be pissing and [bleep] On
213
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:12,036
themselves right in front of
their friends and loved ones.
214
00:09:12,109 --> 00:09:14,043
It's gonna be flat-out [bleep]
215
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:14,646
Terrible.
216
00:09:14,682 --> 00:09:17,384
We must find some better athletes!
217
00:09:17,455 --> 00:09:19,957
Huey: This is what you got.
218
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:25,200
[ Sighs deeply ]
219
00:09:25,242 --> 00:09:31,215
I want to say a few words to everybody here...
About victory!
220
00:09:31,257 --> 00:09:35,194
Unfortunately, there's absolutely
no time to train you people.
221
00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:39,237
But I have bought each of you
a brand-new pair of sneakers.
222
00:09:39,277 --> 00:09:43,347
These shoes were handmade by the
youngest Chinese sweatshop labor
223
00:09:43,421 --> 00:09:44,387
we could find.
224
00:09:44,423 --> 00:09:45,690
Wear them with pride!
225
00:09:45,726 --> 00:09:49,328
I'm gonna be like, "take
this, you yellow rat bastard!"
226
00:09:49,367 --> 00:09:52,502
KIA!
227
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:54,142
Greetings, friends.
228
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:55,679
Forgive our intrusion.
229
00:09:55,716 --> 00:09:59,418
We came to wish you luck
in tomorrow's game.
230
00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:03,262
I look forward to an
unforgettable contest.
231
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,537
[ Chuckles ]
232
00:10:05,574 --> 00:10:10,712
Give them their ball back.
233
00:10:10,755 --> 00:10:11,721
Damn!
234
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,259
[ Birds squawking ]
235
00:10:24,742 --> 00:10:29,345
43rd biannual Wushung/Woodcrest junior/senior
harmonious kickball tournament.
236
00:10:29,386 --> 00:10:32,354
Both teams are on the field, and
already, there seems to be some
237
00:10:32,393 --> 00:10:33,059
type of trouble.
238
00:10:33,094 --> 00:10:35,896
Seems like the owner of the
Wushung team is accusing one of
239
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:38,002
the Woodcrest players
of being a ringer.
240
00:10:38,073 --> 00:10:42,342
The rules say any player must be a
resident of Wushung or Woodcrest.
241
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:44,651
He is absolutely a resident.
242
00:10:44,688 --> 00:10:49,826
Here is his hot Caucasian
wife and half-Asian baby.
243
00:10:49,869 --> 00:10:52,470
And now the Woodcrest
team is making a complaint.
244
00:10:52,508 --> 00:10:55,543
Looks like the Wushung team has
one too many adult members.
245
00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:58,717
Everybody knows junior/senior
tournament rules say the roster
246
00:10:58,757 --> 00:11:01,459
must have an equal number
of kids and adults.
247
00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:05,900
Bolo is strong and healthy,
like many kids in China, but I
248
00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:09,745
assure you, he is only 12 years old.
249
00:11:09,818 --> 00:11:16,492
Here is the official keeper of
government records to verify that fact.
250
00:11:16,569 --> 00:11:17,469
[ Chuckles ]
251
00:11:17,505 --> 00:11:19,673
Looks like the ref is
gonna let it slide.
252
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,679
Tough break for the home team.
253
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,416
Play kickball!
254
00:11:23,487 --> 00:11:24,754
[ Cheers and applause ]
255
00:11:24,790 --> 00:11:26,124
Huey Freeman on the mound.
256
00:11:26,193 --> 00:11:29,463
There is a lot of excitement
about this young man's return to
257
00:11:29,502 --> 00:11:30,669
the sport of kickball.
258
00:11:30,704 --> 00:11:32,838
Little Ming do steps up to the plate.
259
00:11:32,876 --> 00:11:37,046
What a treat to see these two titans of
the game face off against one another.
260
00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:38,519
Riley: Let's go, Huey!
261
00:11:38,557 --> 00:11:42,593
Show 'em what's good, Huey!
262
00:11:42,666 --> 00:11:45,435
Huey looks absolutely
determined out there, folks.
263
00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:46,806
Oh! Hello!
264
00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:47,876
And goodbye!
265
00:11:47,912 --> 00:11:49,879
And that one is out of here.
266
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:51,617
Not a good start for Freeman.
267
00:11:51,687 --> 00:11:52,987
Riley: You suck, Huey!
268
00:11:53,023 --> 00:11:54,057
You worthless [bleep]
269
00:11:54,093 --> 00:11:55,060
[ Spectators booing ]
270
00:11:55,095 --> 00:11:58,964
Next kicker is Lily Chang, a 73-year-old
retired farm worker with diabetes.
271
00:11:59,005 --> 00:12:01,806
Folks, she's experiencing
complete kidney failure --
272
00:12:01,844 --> 00:12:03,178
hasn't peed in three years.
273
00:12:03,248 --> 00:12:05,983
This might just be the
warm-up that Freeman needs.
274
00:12:06,022 --> 00:12:11,092
And here's the pitch.
275
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:12,166
[ Grunts ]
276
00:12:12,203 --> 00:12:17,506
Oh, mother!
277
00:12:17,548 --> 00:12:18,914
What the hell do you call this?!
278
00:12:18,951 --> 00:12:20,084
Huey: I'm trying, all right?
279
00:12:20,154 --> 00:12:21,254
Get your [bleep] Together!
280
00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:21,924
Kicker up!
281
00:12:21,993 --> 00:12:24,828
Huey's not having the best day of
his life out here today, folks.
282
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,835
Let's see if he can get it together.
283
00:12:26,906 --> 00:12:27,839
Strike!
284
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,008
And strike!
285
00:12:29,045 --> 00:12:31,547
And another strike!
286
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:35,022
Little Huey Freeman is getting
that pitching arm warmed up now,
287
00:12:35,094 --> 00:12:38,096
folks, and that is two
back-to-back strikeouts.
288
00:12:38,136 --> 00:12:42,572
[ All gasp, groan ]
289
00:12:42,646 --> 00:12:43,746
Bolo steps up to the plate.
290
00:12:43,782 --> 00:12:46,751
We've been waiting for
this matchup all day.
291
00:12:46,823 --> 00:12:49,290
Holy cow!
292
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:52,097
That's gonna leave a mark...
In his pants.
293
00:12:52,136 --> 00:12:52,735
Damn!
294
00:12:52,770 --> 00:12:53,837
Good job, boy.
295
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,041
This game is more important than you.
296
00:12:56,113 --> 00:12:59,681
Someone get him some Demerol, and
make sure it's the good stuff!
297
00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:03,289
In the kicker's box right now is Huey
Freeman, the pride of Woodcrest.
298
00:13:03,329 --> 00:13:04,863
Everybody's cheering for him.
299
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:05,599
Here we go.
300
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:06,835
He locks in on the ball.
301
00:13:06,871 --> 00:13:07,604
It's coming.
302
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:08,974
He's got -- oh, you know what?
303
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:11,211
A little bit girly, but
it'll get the job done.
304
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,515
[ Cheers and applause ]
305
00:13:12,585 --> 00:13:14,219
Next up is Riley Freeman.
306
00:13:14,257 --> 00:13:16,024
Wait a minute. Hold on.
307
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:17,594
What's this? Oh, my.
308
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:22,768
His first time at the plate,
and he's calling a home run.
309
00:13:22,810 --> 00:13:24,945
And Ming lets go with a fireball.
310
00:13:24,982 --> 00:13:27,884
Riley's getting ready.
311
00:13:27,956 --> 00:13:29,123
Strike!
312
00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:30,260
Strike two!
313
00:13:30,296 --> 00:13:31,629
Strike three!
314
00:13:31,699 --> 00:13:32,632
Granddad: Good grief.
315
00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:35,336
[ Spectators booing ]
316
00:13:35,408 --> 00:13:37,242
[ Bones creaking ]
317
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,046
Tom's up.
318
00:13:38,082 --> 00:13:39,682
He's getting a good stretch on.
319
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,820
We don't expect a whole
lot of this Tom guy.
320
00:13:41,891 --> 00:13:42,991
[ Cheers and applause ]
321
00:13:43,061 --> 00:13:44,795
Apologizing here, folks.
322
00:13:44,831 --> 00:13:48,168
Tom has really -- trying to get
it relayed right back to Ming.
323
00:13:48,207 --> 00:13:49,074
She locks in.
324
00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:50,877
Tom is in midst of celebration.
325
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:56,186
He doesn't know...
Oh, it looks like it's lights out for Tom.
326
00:13:56,261 --> 00:14:02,166
Folks, Ming is really giving the crowd
here quite a lesson in kickball today.
327
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,809
Mr. Freeman's up.
328
00:14:03,846 --> 00:14:05,814
He's gonna give it all he's got.
329
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:09,018
And he does give it all he's got,
which, frankly, just is not
330
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,191
a lot -- quite anemic.
331
00:14:10,227 --> 00:14:13,629
But Mr. Freeman better make it
to first base as soon as he can.
332
00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:16,836
Looks like he's just gonna take
one of those "old people walking
333
00:14:16,908 --> 00:14:19,743
around the mall" leisurely strolls.
334
00:14:19,782 --> 00:14:20,815
Granddad: I'm out.
335
00:14:20,851 --> 00:14:21,852
Yeah, I'm out. Mm-hmm.
336
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,221
[ Spectators booing ]
337
00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:24,658
Oh, there he goes.
338
00:14:24,694 --> 00:14:26,028
Lights out for the old man.
339
00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:27,935
You're out!
340
00:14:30,008 --> 00:14:32,410
These folks are giving the
Americans quite a schooling.
341
00:14:32,482 --> 00:14:34,783
We got an easy out now!
342
00:14:34,854 --> 00:14:37,389
Oh! Looks like we don't have an
343
00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:37,961
easy out.
344
00:14:38,029 --> 00:14:38,929
[ Spectators booing ]
345
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:42,034
I don't know what's going on here, but
this American team has lost its wheels.
346
00:14:42,106 --> 00:14:42,972
Now he got hit.
347
00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:44,309
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
348
00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:45,345
Shoes!
349
00:14:45,414 --> 00:14:48,249
Nice tennis shoes, by the way
-- probably made by tiny little
350
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,687
hands in a Chinese factory.
351
00:14:49,757 --> 00:14:51,858
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
352
00:14:51,896 --> 00:14:54,865
[ Spectators booing ]
353
00:14:54,938 --> 00:14:56,972
Just what the hell do
you think you're doing?!
354
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,443
I paid you good money for this game!
355
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,346
Eh, so did he.
356
00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:03,050
If you're looking for an easy dessert...
I'll take the Chinese money.
357
00:15:03,089 --> 00:15:05,157
...Makers whipped
cream -- the smooth...
358
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:07,996
Listen, I don't care if the
refs are cheating.
359
00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:09,201
We cannot lose this game!
360
00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:10,371
The stakes are too high!
361
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,208
Huey: Well, who bet the
whole town on a kickball game?
362
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,281
Okay, maybe it was a wrong
decision to bet all of our
363
00:15:16,353 --> 00:15:19,555
economic futures on a kickball
game, but we're Americans.
364
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,029
We don't quit just
because we're wrong.
365
00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:25,269
We just keep doing the wrong
thing until it turns out right!
366
00:15:25,308 --> 00:15:26,575
Huey: This is stupid.
367
00:15:26,611 --> 00:15:27,544
I'm going home.
368
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:30,181
What about them,
Huey -- your teammates?
369
00:15:30,219 --> 00:15:31,219
You got them into this.
370
00:15:31,255 --> 00:15:32,756
Now you're turning your back on them?
371
00:15:32,825 --> 00:15:34,225
We got to make those [bleep]
372
00:15:34,262 --> 00:15:34,494
Pay.
373
00:15:34,529 --> 00:15:37,197
Riley: Come on, Huey, I don't
want to play no more neither,
374
00:15:37,235 --> 00:15:39,369
but we can't go out like a
bunch of little bitches.
375
00:15:39,407 --> 00:15:40,206
Huey: Granddad?
376
00:15:40,276 --> 00:15:43,579
Granddad: I'm trying to save
my house and my big-titty porn.
377
00:15:43,617 --> 00:15:45,118
It's up to you, Huey.
378
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:48,491
The sooner you stop holding
back and decide to play like a
379
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:52,600
winner, the sooner we can all go home.
380
00:15:52,641 --> 00:15:55,310
Woodcrest really needs
something special happening for
381
00:15:55,381 --> 00:15:59,685
them today, folks, because this Chinese
team is really owning their ass!
382
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,528
Huey: [ grunts ]
383
00:16:01,597 --> 00:16:02,797
Now we're talking!
384
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,434
That's the Huey Freeman this
385
00:16:04,504 --> 00:16:06,339
city has fallen in love with and
386
00:16:06,376 --> 00:16:07,576
feared slightly, too.
387
00:16:07,613 --> 00:16:08,713
I got to admit that.
388
00:16:08,782 --> 00:16:11,250
Folks, we got us a game all of a
389
00:16:11,288 --> 00:16:12,322
sudden here.
390
00:16:12,358 --> 00:16:14,159
[ Inhales deeply ]
391
00:16:14,229 --> 00:16:15,229
[ Exhales deeply ]
392
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,433
Aah!
393
00:16:16,502 --> 00:16:17,802
Folks, we're ready to get
394
00:16:17,872 --> 00:16:19,506
back into the action here, but
395
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:22,078
there's no ref.
396
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:26,155
Huey: So, this is it.
397
00:16:26,192 --> 00:16:28,459
This is your ultimate contest?
398
00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:29,798
In China, there is this
399
00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:30,367
place.
400
00:16:30,435 --> 00:16:31,801
I've never seen it, but I know
401
00:16:31,871 --> 00:16:32,537
it exists.
402
00:16:32,607 --> 00:16:34,274
It is called the glorious sports
403
00:16:34,343 --> 00:16:35,377
rehabilitation center.
404
00:16:35,446 --> 00:16:36,813
But really it's a prison camp
405
00:16:36,883 --> 00:16:38,350
for athletes who have shamed
406
00:16:38,386 --> 00:16:39,553
their country by losing.
407
00:16:39,589 --> 00:16:40,456
[ Dogs barking ]
408
00:16:40,491 --> 00:16:41,725
My grandfather told me if I
409
00:16:41,794 --> 00:16:43,262
disgrace him with failure, he
410
00:16:43,298 --> 00:16:44,365
will send me there.
411
00:16:44,434 --> 00:16:45,901
I, too, dream of the day I can
412
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,372
walk away from this game
413
00:16:47,408 --> 00:16:48,208
forever.
414
00:16:48,277 --> 00:16:50,478
I am not as lucky as you to have
415
00:16:50,549 --> 00:16:52,817
that choice, to live in America.
416
00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:53,621
Ming!
417
00:16:53,657 --> 00:16:56,191
[ Gasps ]
418
00:17:00,406 --> 00:17:01,639
Tragically, we've just
419
00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:03,110
received word that the ref
420
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:05,214
strangled himself, jumped off a
421
00:17:05,285 --> 00:17:06,852
bridge, then overdosed on
422
00:17:06,889 --> 00:17:07,923
amphetamines.
423
00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:09,860
Oh, send my condolences to
424
00:17:09,897 --> 00:17:10,764
his family.
425
00:17:10,799 --> 00:17:12,834
But, fortunately, we've found
426
00:17:12,871 --> 00:17:14,839
a completely fair and impartial
427
00:17:14,877 --> 00:17:15,576
replacement.
428
00:17:15,612 --> 00:17:16,679
Ruckus: Hey, there,
429
00:17:16,715 --> 00:17:17,415
chairman Mao!
430
00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:19,151
[ Speaking Chinese ]
431
00:17:19,221 --> 00:17:20,421
Open up your eyes, and let's
432
00:17:20,491 --> 00:17:22,492
play some jap baseball!
433
00:17:22,529 --> 00:17:23,863
Freeman on the mound.
434
00:17:23,933 --> 00:17:25,667
And he must really be feeling
435
00:17:25,704 --> 00:17:30,940
the pressure right now.
436
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:32,416
[ Grunts ]
437
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,952
Freeman gives up a base kick
438
00:17:34,022 --> 00:17:35,689
on what should've been an easy
439
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:36,492
strikeout.
440
00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:37,728
Granddad: [ groans ]
441
00:17:37,764 --> 00:17:39,699
What is going on?
442
00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:41,703
Freeman is giving up several
443
00:17:41,774 --> 00:17:44,342
crucial base kicks.
444
00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:54,701
[ Laughter ]
445
00:17:58,414 --> 00:18:00,783
[ Laughs ]
446
00:18:09,476 --> 00:18:10,443
[ Spectators gasp ]
447
00:18:10,513 --> 00:18:11,913
And a brutal kick takes out
448
00:18:11,949 --> 00:18:14,284
the first-base runner.
449
00:18:14,321 --> 00:18:14,654
Unh!
450
00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:16,290
Ruckus: Both y'all is out, or
451
00:18:16,326 --> 00:18:17,560
as they say in your language...
452
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,297
[ Speaking Chinese ]
453
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:20,300
Yellow nigga.
454
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:22,737
Un-be-lievable!
455
00:18:22,774 --> 00:18:24,375
We are looking at an altogether
456
00:18:24,446 --> 00:18:26,013
different type of kickball game
457
00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:26,815
here today.
458
00:18:26,851 --> 00:18:29,752
Huey with an up-in-air move, and
459
00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:31,025
whoa!
460
00:18:31,061 --> 00:18:31,560
Wow!
461
00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:32,896
Ruckus: [ laughs ]
462
00:18:32,932 --> 00:18:33,932
Take your base.
463
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:34,534
No?
464
00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:36,403
Well, dock this chink a day's
465
00:18:36,473 --> 00:18:38,841
pay for napping on the job.
466
00:18:38,878 --> 00:18:40,545
Huey: [ grunts ]
467
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:41,850
Aah!
468
00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:42,385
Aah!
469
00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:43,486
Ruckus: Take your base!
470
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,723
Oh, my God, I've never seen
471
00:18:44,759 --> 00:18:46,360
moves like this before.
472
00:18:46,396 --> 00:18:48,397
[ Spectators shouting ]
473
00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:50,035
This isn't kickball anymore.
474
00:18:50,072 --> 00:18:52,472
It's a complete free-for-all.
475
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:52,843
Aah!
476
00:18:52,911 --> 00:18:54,411
And neither the coaches nor
477
00:18:54,448 --> 00:18:56,916
the referee seem to care.
478
00:18:56,954 --> 00:18:58,321
Ruckus: Hold on, hold on.
479
00:18:58,390 --> 00:18:59,591
Your money ain't worth [bleep]
480
00:18:59,661 --> 00:19:00,761
To me, so don't waste your
481
00:19:00,831 --> 00:19:01,764
cat-flavored breath.
482
00:19:01,799 --> 00:19:03,033
Get on your ricksha and get out
483
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:04,770
of here.
484
00:19:04,806 --> 00:19:05,306
Unh!
485
00:19:05,341 --> 00:19:06,475
We're in the final inning.
486
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:09,046
The score is now tied 8 to 8.
487
00:19:09,118 --> 00:19:10,685
Both teams down to a single
488
00:19:10,721 --> 00:19:11,321
player.
489
00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:12,891
And years from now, people will
490
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,328
ask of this game, "did it
491
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:16,033
happen?"
492
00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:18,436
And I say to you now, "oh, yes.
493
00:19:18,507 --> 00:19:20,041
Yes, it did."
494
00:19:20,078 --> 00:19:23,414
♪ Above the fruited plain ♪
495
00:19:23,486 --> 00:19:29,858
♪ America, America, God shed his
496
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:32,804
grace on thee ♪
497
00:19:32,843 --> 00:19:36,079
♪ and crown thy good with
498
00:19:36,151 --> 00:19:41,422
brotherhood from sea to shining
499
00:19:41,464 --> 00:19:43,798
sea ♪
500
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,014
Huey: [ grunts ]
501
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,628
[ Grunts ]
502
00:19:56,665 --> 00:19:57,631
Aaaaaaaaah!
503
00:19:57,667 --> 00:20:00,835
Huey: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
504
00:20:00,874 --> 00:20:05,911
Aaaaaaaaah!
505
00:20:05,986 --> 00:20:08,721
Huey: [ grunting ]
506
00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:10,460
Unh!
507
00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:12,831
[ Spectators gasp ]
508
00:20:12,902 --> 00:20:13,935
Wait a minute!
509
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:15,539
I -- they have literally
510
00:20:15,575 --> 00:20:17,109
destroyed the ball, and those
511
00:20:17,178 --> 00:20:18,912
red balls are indestructible.
512
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:20,851
Wait! Wait!
513
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,121
And look at the
514
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:24,225
determination -- Ming trying to
515
00:20:24,296 --> 00:20:25,830
crawl to first base.
516
00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:28,102
But what is this?!
517
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:29,573
Freeman is on his feet.
518
00:20:29,643 --> 00:20:31,210
He's going to tag her out with
519
00:20:31,247 --> 00:20:32,947
the smoldering remains of the
520
00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:34,051
ball!
521
00:20:34,087 --> 00:20:38,224
Huey: Uh...
522
00:20:38,297 --> 00:20:40,866
[ Both gasping ]
523
00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:45,882
Unh!
524
00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:47,784
Ruckus: You out, little girl!
525
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:48,154
Out!
526
00:20:48,223 --> 00:20:50,056
And Woodcrest wins!
527
00:20:50,093 --> 00:20:51,560
It's all over!
528
00:20:51,596 --> 00:20:53,297
Folks, what a moment in history!
529
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:55,502
Huey: [ moans ]
530
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:57,941
Oh, Ming, are you okay?
531
00:21:01,755 --> 00:21:05,691
[ Indistinct radio chatter ]
532
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:06,798
[ Engine turns over ]
533
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:08,233
[ Siren wails ]
534
00:21:08,269 --> 00:21:10,704
A deal's a deal, Long.
535
00:21:10,742 --> 00:21:12,042
Of course.
536
00:21:12,078 --> 00:21:14,813
I am not saddened at my loss.
537
00:21:14,885 --> 00:21:16,252
There are not many worthy
538
00:21:16,321 --> 00:21:18,155
opponents left, my old friend.
539
00:21:18,192 --> 00:21:20,059
What fun would it be if the game
540
00:21:20,097 --> 00:21:22,864
were to end for good?
541
00:21:22,903 --> 00:21:24,003
[ Inhales deeply ]
542
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,274
Ruckus: Congratulations,
543
00:21:25,343 --> 00:21:26,277
Mr. Wuncler, sir.
544
00:21:26,346 --> 00:21:27,980
Your great white leadership made
545
00:21:28,051 --> 00:21:29,718
all the difference in the world.
546
00:21:29,755 --> 00:21:31,089
Now, what should we do about
547
00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:31,625
them?
548
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:32,327
[ All groaning ]
549
00:21:32,362 --> 00:21:33,796
Riley: My pancreas hurts.
550
00:21:33,833 --> 00:21:36,835
Let them bask in the moment.
551
00:21:36,907 --> 00:21:39,342
We beat those yellow [bleep]
552
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:41,649
Mission accomplished.
553
00:21:41,719 --> 00:21:43,620
Riley: Yeah, we ain't go out
554
00:21:43,657 --> 00:21:45,191
like no bitches.
555
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:45,993
[ Groans ]
556
00:21:46,029 --> 00:21:47,663
Even though the people of
557
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:49,101
Tibet are still not free, as
558
00:21:49,138 --> 00:21:50,738
symbolic victories go, this
559
00:21:50,774 --> 00:21:52,108
ain't bad.
560
00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:53,378
Riley: I think Ms. Von Hausen
561
00:21:53,415 --> 00:21:54,014
might be dead.
562
00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:54,850
Granddad: Whew!
563
00:21:54,918 --> 00:21:55,952
Let's go home and order some
564
00:21:56,020 --> 00:21:56,352
Chinese.
565
00:21:56,387 --> 00:21:57,186
Huey: [ sighs ]
566
00:21:57,221 --> 00:21:58,354
Granddad: Unless you're not
567
00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:02,954
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