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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,497 Christmas seals, give me a break. 2 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,099 Mother Teresa, you're out of luck. 3 00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:50,403 Motorcycle Maidens. Think I'll save this for my private moments. 4 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:57,208 Balki, it was no big deal. - It had better be. You're 40 seconds late. 5 00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:01,786 Cousin Larry just did a great thing. - What did he do? Tear up your green card? 6 00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,316 This man, Larry Appleton, just saved my life. 7 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,154 Why? 8 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:12,928 Balki, it was nothing. - I'll be the judge of that. 9 00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,094 We were walking across the street. 10 00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:19,204 And all of a sudden there was a runaway taxi about to runaway over me. 11 00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:23,809 And this man pushed me out of the way. - It was a reflex. 12 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,844 You risked your life to save another. 13 00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,777 In Mypos, he would be considered a very great man. 14 00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:33,744 This is America. Here, he's still considered a jerk. 15 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,621 Don't listen him. You're a hero. 16 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:41,918 For what? 17 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:46,862 For running out into the street and throwing my body between you and certain death? 18 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,795 Well, maybe a small hero. 19 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,835 No, cousin. Take it from me, you're a big one. 20 00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:02,371 In Mypos, if somebody did what you just did he's no longer a regular person. 21 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:06,781 He's lift up to Primodopolous. 22 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,752 Primo what? 23 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,116 Primodopolous. 24 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,526 Hmm. 25 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:22,101 And I am but a lowly sheepherder. 26 00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:34,680 Balki, what are you doing? 27 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:37,645 I'm basking in your glory. 28 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:51,495 He's basking in my glory. 29 00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:55,259 Get up, or get out. 30 00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,700 Balki, Balki, get up. - No. 31 00:03:58,871 --> 00:03:59,929 Up. - No. 32 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,903 Up. - No! 33 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,373 I must bask in your glory. 34 00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,506 It's a custom of my people. 35 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,874 And it's a custom of my people to earn a living. 36 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:12,950 And my custom is bigger than your custom. Now, get up. 37 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:14,714 Okay. - Okay. 38 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:19,221 But inside, I'm still basking like crazy. 39 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:26,859 That was a great meal. 40 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,433 I didn't know Balki could cook like that. 41 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:34,665 Well, it was a little embarrassing. I usually like to feed myself. 42 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:39,003 You did save his life. He's just trying to say thank you. 43 00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:42,477 Don't get me wrong, it's fun having somebody wait on you hand and foot. 44 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:46,085 It's just that in Mypos, they have rules. 45 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,448 What kind of rules? 46 00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:54,719 Well, rules like Balki's head must never be higher than the Primodopolous. 47 00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:58,796 Every time I turn around, there he is right below my face. 48 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,291 Well, it is his culture. 49 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,867 I guess I can put up with it for a couple of days. 50 00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,064 See you later, hero. 51 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:13,244 She's right. I did save his life. 52 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,781 If he wants to serve me, who am I to complain? 53 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,812 Who am I to stand in the way of his culture? 54 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,320 Who am I talking to? 55 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,383 Did you want something? 56 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:02,958 I bring your robe and slippers. I ironed them. 57 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,259 You ironed my slippers? 58 00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,363 Tough to get a crease. 59 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,699 But anything for a Primodopolous. 60 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:24,442 Anything else I can do for you? - No, I'd just like to sit and read my mystery. 61 00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:46,267 What are you doing? What are you doing? 62 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,005 I thought you were finished with that page. 63 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:53,344 Balki, I just would like to finish this book so that I can go to bed. 64 00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,640 You can't go to bed until you finish that book? 65 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,977 That's right. - The great Aunt Phoebe did it. 66 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,250 She did not have to be in a wheelchair. 67 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,091 She used to get up at night dressed like a man and stab relatives. 68 00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,302 That's right. 69 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:32,742 Now you can go to bed. Is there anything else I can do for you? 70 00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:36,787 Now, Balki, look, I know you're doing this because you feel you have to. 71 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,186 And I appreciate it. It's just that... 72 00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,758 Could we not do the head thing? 73 00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:44,787 Well... 74 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,933 Actually, that rule is optional. - Good. 75 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,465 Then stop now. 76 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,804 Stand up. 77 00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:55,807 Up, up, up. 78 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,442 Up. 79 00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,534 Good. 80 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:02,510 Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to watch a little TV. 81 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,310 All right. 82 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,981 Ah! 83 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,815 Balki. 84 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,818 Balki, would you come here, please? 85 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,119 Closer. 86 00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,758 Closer. Closer. 87 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,459 Close enough. 88 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,362 What are you doing? 89 00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,462 I'm making your lunch for tomorrow. 90 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,264 Sheep Wellington. 91 00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:05,610 Well, thank you. 92 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:10,147 Balki, how long does this Primodopolous thing go on? 93 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,740 Forever. 94 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:53,441 Don't you ever, ever do that again. 95 00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:56,518 Don't worry. 96 00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,682 What were you doing? 97 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,221 Trying to see if you were alive. 98 00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,625 Well, obviously, I am. 99 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:08,559 And that makes me happier than a tick on a sheepdog. 100 00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:12,934 Well, that makes it a red-letter day for me too. 101 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,042 BALKl: Are you going to stay mad at me long? 102 00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,806 No, I am not going to stay mad at you. 103 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:27,942 It's just that you... You scared me. 104 00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:32,590 BALKl: A hero can be scared? 105 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:39,088 Not... Not scared, but surprised. 106 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,996 Look, Balki, I know you're only trying to take care of me. 107 00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,660 And I appreciate the thought. 108 00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:49,035 But this has got to come to an end. 109 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:24,167 Why am I tethered to the table? 110 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:29,178 So that you can't walk in your sleep and fall out the window. 111 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,049 Pretty smart, huh? 112 00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:39,882 Balki, what are the chances of me walking in my sleep and falling out the window? 113 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,453 Now? No chance. 114 00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:52,462 I'm going to untie myself now, and then I'm going to bed. 115 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,665 Good night. - Good night. 116 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,336 Balki! 117 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:48,022 Hello. 118 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:50,754 So how are you this morning, American hero? 119 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,696 Two hours late. Someone turned off my alarm. 120 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,458 I wonder who that could be? 121 00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,364 Me. - Oh! 122 00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:03,398 I turned off it so you could sleep in. - I have never been late in my life. 123 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:07,205 Not in high school, not in grade school. I was born three weeks early. 124 00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,577 Thanks for dropping by, Appleton. 125 00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,616 I'm docking you two hours pay. 126 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,713 Don't you give me that face yet. 127 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:24,689 All right, Mr. Twinkacetti. Two hours, what is it, huh? 128 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,968 A few paltry dollars? Take it out of my salary. 129 00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:31,863 That is your salary. 130 00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:36,774 Balki, this whole thing is getting out of hand. 131 00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:39,906 I'm just not cut out to be served. 132 00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:42,912 Well, you have to be. You're the Primodopolous. 133 00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,073 No, I'm not. I resign. 134 00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:48,880 Well, you can't do that. It's for life. 135 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:52,049 I'm the Primodopolous? - Yes, you are. 136 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:56,593 And anything I say goes? - Well, of course it does. Don't be ridiculous. 137 00:14:56,762 --> 00:14:59,492 You can't serve me anymore. 138 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:06,395 But if I can't serve you, I've failed. 139 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:10,133 And if I failed the Primodopolous... 140 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:15,406 ...then I'm a Nebulopolous. 141 00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,084 You'll get over it. 142 00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,375 Sticks and stones. 143 00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:26,182 That's just exactly what they throw at Nebulopoli. 144 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:33,861 I'm a disgrace. I can't even show my face in public. 145 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,633 Well, I'll just get back to my sweeping. 146 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,805 Still wearing the bag? - Yeah, he's getting pretty good at it. 147 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,309 Turnip, I like the look. 148 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,244 But it's scaring away customers. 149 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:27,749 Why don't you go into the basement and sort pants by color. 150 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,315 BALKl: Thank you. 151 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,757 Not even fun to abuse anymore. 152 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,360 I don't know what to do. - I'll tell you what to do. 153 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:40,362 Go jump in front of a taxicab, and hope the turnip pulls you out of the way. 154 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,159 And what if he doesn't? 155 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,427 Either way, your problems are solved. 156 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,133 Thanks, but I prefer a solution that I can live through. 157 00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,799 Oh, sure, think of yourself. 158 00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:54,707 Wait, I got an idea. I have a friend who's an actor. 159 00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:57,575 Why don't you just hire him to break into the apartment... 160 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,516 ...make a little noise, wake up the turnip and then run like hell. 161 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:05,123 He thinks he saved your life and you're even. 162 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,789 You mean it. Well... 163 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:17,231 Well, that's a real idea. 164 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,462 But I don't think so. 165 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,304 It's up to you. You're the Primopotamus. 166 00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,503 What's the cost on something like this? 167 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:29,874 Fifty bucks. - Fifty? 168 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,017 I wouldn't be asking him to do King? Lear. 169 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,153 BALKl: I can't find the basement. 170 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,017 I'll keep on looking. 171 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:46,153 Have him come before midnight. 172 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,196 I don't wanna be up late. 173 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,033 Balki. 174 00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,196 Balki. 175 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,937 Yeah, is Jimmy there? 176 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,611 He's in New York? What's he doing there? 177 00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:06,381 King? Lear? 178 00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:09,577 No, no message. 179 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:14,089 His loss, my gain. 180 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,296 Where have you been? 181 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,211 You were supposed to be here by midnight. 182 00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,005 I work my own hours. 183 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,608 You're not supposed to take things. 184 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,645 That's what I do. 185 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,547 Okay, okay, nice touch. And look at this outfit. 186 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:20,882 Who ever heard of a burglar wearing a baseball cap? 187 00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:23,820 All right, look, let me go over it again. 188 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,825 You come through the window, you wake him up, threaten me. 189 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,433 When he asks what's going on, you scream in terror... 190 00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:33,093 ...beg him not to hurt you and run. Do you think you can handle that? 191 00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:35,832 Is this some kind of hospital or something? 192 00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,679 Hospital? Didn't Twinkacetti tell you anything? 193 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:46,375 Look, I'll wake him up, you try to look mean. 194 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:49,215 Mean. 195 00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:58,987 Oh, no. Oh, no, it's a burglar. Balki, look, it's a robber. 196 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,028 We're going to be robbed. And here I am frozen with fear. 197 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,399 Oh, if only someone with courage would jump up and save us. 198 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:11,100 Wait a minute. What about you? You can do it, Balki. 199 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,610 Don't be ridiculous. He's got a gun. 200 00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:18,577 He does? 201 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:23,219 You're not supposed to have a gun. 202 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:25,412 That's real. 203 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:27,682 Oh. 204 00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,156 Oh, you're not... 205 00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,886 Oh, you're a burglar. 206 00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:35,162 Oh, my God. 207 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,097 Uh... Uh... 208 00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:40,170 Don't shoot. Please, I'm barely in my mid-20s. 209 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:43,638 I have never been skiing. I didn't mean to offend you. I love your hat. 210 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,970 I make a lousy first impressi�n. - Shut up! 211 00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,669 I can do that. I didn't talk through the third grade. 212 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,940 Will you shut up? 213 00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,748 You can't do that to Cousin Larry. 214 00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,612 Yes, I can. - Yes, he can. 215 00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:02,025 You do that again and you're in big trouble. 216 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,719 Balki, if the man wants to shove me, let him shove me. 217 00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:07,387 There. You heard it. - Yeah. 218 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:17,932 If you do that one more time, I'm not responsible. 219 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,608 Why do you keep doing that? 220 00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,517 Because I'm the one that's got the gun. 221 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:30,587 Give me that. - Ooh! 222 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:40,860 All right, buster, reach for the friendly skies. 223 00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,228 Balki, you got the gun. That's great. 224 00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:46,196 You can put your hands down now. - Even better. 225 00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:48,134 Not you. - Oh. 226 00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:53,371 Down yours, up yours. 227 00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,116 What your name is? 228 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,417 Uh, John Doe. 229 00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:08,955 Put your hand out. 230 00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:12,654 Shame on you, John Doe. 231 00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:18,796 Breaking into other peoples' houses and taking things that don't belong to you. 232 00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:24,432 Ha-ha. 233 00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,672 Yeah, you're right, whatever you just said. 234 00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:32,682 Call the police, cousin. - You bet I will. 235 00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:37,050 Help! Police! 236 00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:40,623 Help! Help! Help! Police! 237 00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:50,126 Boy, the police department was fun. 238 00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:56,298 I like that they give me ice cream cone. And then they let me take my fingerprints. 239 00:22:56,475 --> 00:23:00,104 Don't touch anything until you wash your hands. 240 00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,638 They even let me stand in the lineup. 241 00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:07,310 But I didn't win. 242 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,717 It's just as well. First prize is 20 years. 243 00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:14,055 Well, I'm gonna turn in. 244 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:18,253 Give me 15 minutes, I warm up your bed. - No, that is over. 245 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:21,661 Well, then it's back to the bag on my head. 246 00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:26,029 Balki, don't you realize what you've done? 247 00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:29,733 I did something wrong? - No, you saved my life. 248 00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:32,638 You're a hero. What you did took guts. 249 00:23:32,811 --> 00:23:34,779 Really? - Yes. 250 00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:39,212 Am I as brave as you? - I am way down here. 251 00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:42,683 And you are way... 252 00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:45,482 We are even. 253 00:23:45,657 --> 00:23:46,954 Equals. 254 00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:50,754 Two peas in a pod. A couple of Primodopoli. 255 00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:53,492 But I don't feel like a hero. 256 00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:56,600 Somebody was pushing my friend and I had to stop him. 257 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,635 That's all I did when I pushed you out of the way of the taxi. 258 00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:02,535 That's what you do when you care about somebody. 259 00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:05,941 You care about me? 260 00:24:06,878 --> 00:24:10,473 Well... - I care about you too. 261 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:16,510 Well, thank you for the service... 262 00:24:16,688 --> 00:24:19,179 ...and for saving my life. 263 00:24:19,357 --> 00:24:22,758 And good night. 264 00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,225 Good night. 265 00:24:24,275 --> 00:24:28,825 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 20088

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