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1
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,497
Christmas seals,
give me a break.
2
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,099
Mother Teresa,
you're out of luck.
3
00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:50,403
Motorcycle Maidens.
Think I'll save this for my private moments.
4
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:57,208
Balki, it was no big deal.
- It had better be. You're 40 seconds late.
5
00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:01,786
Cousin Larry just did a great thing.
- What did he do? Tear up your green card?
6
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,316
This man, Larry Appleton,
just saved my life.
7
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,154
Why?
8
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:12,928
Balki, it was nothing.
- I'll be the judge of that.
9
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,094
We were walking
across the street.
10
00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:19,204
And all of a sudden there was
a runaway taxi about to runaway over me.
11
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:23,809
And this man pushed me out of the way.
- It was a reflex.
12
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,844
You risked your
life to save another.
13
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,777
In Mypos, he would be
considered a very great man.
14
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:33,744
This is America. Here,
he's still considered a jerk.
15
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,621
Don't listen him. You're a hero.
16
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:41,918
For what?
17
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:46,862
For running out into the street and throwing
my body between you and certain death?
18
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,795
Well, maybe a small hero.
19
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,835
No, cousin. Take it
from me, you're a big one.
20
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:02,371
In Mypos, if somebody did what you
just did he's no longer a regular person.
21
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:06,781
He's lift up
to Primodopolous.
22
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,752
Primo what?
23
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,116
Primodopolous.
24
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,526
Hmm.
25
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:22,101
And I am but a
lowly sheepherder.
26
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:34,680
Balki, what are you doing?
27
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:37,645
I'm basking in your glory.
28
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:51,495
He's basking in my glory.
29
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:55,259
Get up, or get out.
30
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,700
Balki, Balki, get up.
- No.
31
00:03:58,871 --> 00:03:59,929
Up.
- No.
32
00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:01,903
Up.
- No!
33
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,373
I must bask in your glory.
34
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,506
It's a custom
of my people.
35
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,874
And it's a custom of my
people to earn a living.
36
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:12,950
And my custom is bigger
than your custom. Now, get up.
37
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:14,714
Okay.
- Okay.
38
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:19,221
But inside, I'm
still basking like crazy.
39
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:26,859
That was a great meal.
40
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,433
I didn't know Balki
could cook like that.
41
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:34,665
Well, it was a little embarrassing.
I usually like to feed myself.
42
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:39,003
You did save his life.
He's just trying to say thank you.
43
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:42,477
Don't get me wrong, it's fun having
somebody wait on you hand and foot.
44
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:46,085
It's just that in
Mypos, they have rules.
45
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,448
What kind of rules?
46
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:54,719
Well, rules like Balki's head must never
be higher than the Primodopolous.
47
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:58,796
Every time I turn around,
there he is right below my face.
48
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,291
Well, it is his culture.
49
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,867
I guess I can put up with it
for a couple of days.
50
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,064
See you later, hero.
51
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:13,244
She's right. I
did save his life.
52
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,781
If he wants to serve me,
who am I to complain?
53
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,812
Who am I to stand in
the way of his culture?
54
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,320
Who am I talking to?
55
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,383
Did you want something?
56
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:02,958
I bring your robe and
slippers. I ironed them.
57
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,259
You ironed my slippers?
58
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,363
Tough to get a crease.
59
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,699
But anything
for a Primodopolous.
60
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:24,442
Anything else I can do for you?
- No, I'd just like to sit and read my mystery.
61
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:46,267
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
62
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,005
I thought you were finished
with that page.
63
00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:53,344
Balki, I just would like to finish this book
so that I can go to bed.
64
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,640
You can't go to bed
until you finish that book?
65
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,977
That's right.
- The great Aunt Phoebe did it.
66
00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,250
She did not have to
be in a wheelchair.
67
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,091
She used to get up at night
dressed like a man and stab relatives.
68
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,302
That's right.
69
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:32,742
Now you can go to bed. Is
there anything else I can do for you?
70
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:36,787
Now, Balki, look, I know you're doing this
because you feel you have to.
71
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,186
And I appreciate
it. It's just that...
72
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,758
Could we not do
the head thing?
73
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:44,787
Well...
74
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,933
Actually, that rule is optional.
- Good.
75
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,465
Then stop now.
76
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,804
Stand up.
77
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:55,807
Up, up, up.
78
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,442
Up.
79
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,534
Good.
80
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:02,510
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd like to watch a little TV.
81
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,310
All right.
82
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,981
Ah!
83
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,815
Balki.
84
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,818
Balki, would you
come here, please?
85
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,119
Closer.
86
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,758
Closer.
Closer.
87
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,459
Close enough.
88
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,362
What are you doing?
89
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,462
I'm making your
lunch for tomorrow.
90
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,264
Sheep Wellington.
91
00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:05,610
Well, thank you.
92
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:10,147
Balki, how long does
this Primodopolous thing go on?
93
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,740
Forever.
94
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:53,441
Don't you ever,
ever do that again.
95
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:56,518
Don't worry.
96
00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,682
What were you doing?
97
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,221
Trying to see
if you were alive.
98
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,625
Well, obviously, I am.
99
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:08,559
And that makes me happier
than a tick on a sheepdog.
100
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:12,934
Well, that makes it
a red-letter day for me too.
101
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,042
BALKl: Are you going
to stay mad at me long?
102
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,806
No, I am not going
to stay mad at you.
103
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:27,942
It's just that
you... You scared me.
104
00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:32,590
BALKl: A hero
can be scared?
105
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:39,088
Not... Not scared, but surprised.
106
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,996
Look, Balki, I know you're
only trying to take care of me.
107
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,660
And I appreciate the thought.
108
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:49,035
But this has got
to come to an end.
109
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:24,167
Why am I tethered to the table?
110
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:29,178
So that you can't walk in your sleep
and fall out the window.
111
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,049
Pretty smart, huh?
112
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:39,882
Balki, what are the chances of me walking
in my sleep and falling out the window?
113
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,453
Now? No chance.
114
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:52,462
I'm going to untie myself now,
and then I'm going to bed.
115
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,665
Good night.
- Good night.
116
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,336
Balki!
117
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:48,022
Hello.
118
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:50,754
So how are you this
morning, American hero?
119
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,696
Two hours late.
Someone turned off my alarm.
120
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,458
I wonder who that could be?
121
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,364
Me.
- Oh!
122
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:03,398
I turned off it so you could sleep in.
- I have never been late in my life.
123
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:07,205
Not in high school, not in grade school.
I was born three weeks early.
124
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,577
Thanks for dropping by, Appleton.
125
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,616
I'm docking you two hours pay.
126
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,713
Don't you give
me that face yet.
127
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:24,689
All right, Mr. Twinkacetti.
Two hours, what is it, huh?
128
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,968
A few paltry dollars?
Take it out of my salary.
129
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:31,863
That is your salary.
130
00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:36,774
Balki, this whole thing
is getting out of hand.
131
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:39,906
I'm just not cut
out to be served.
132
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:42,912
Well, you have to be.
You're the Primodopolous.
133
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,073
No, I'm not. I resign.
134
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:48,880
Well, you can't do
that. It's for life.
135
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:52,049
I'm the Primodopolous?
- Yes, you are.
136
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:56,593
And anything I say goes?
- Well, of course it does. Don't be ridiculous.
137
00:14:56,762 --> 00:14:59,492
You can't serve me anymore.
138
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:06,395
But if I can't
serve you, I've failed.
139
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:10,133
And if I failed
the Primodopolous...
140
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:15,406
...then I'm
a Nebulopolous.
141
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,084
You'll get over it.
142
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,375
Sticks and stones.
143
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:26,182
That's just exactly
what they throw at Nebulopoli.
144
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:33,861
I'm a disgrace. I can't
even show my face in public.
145
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,633
Well, I'll just get
back to my sweeping.
146
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,805
Still wearing the bag?
- Yeah, he's getting pretty good at it.
147
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,309
Turnip, I like the look.
148
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,244
But it's scaring away customers.
149
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:27,749
Why don't you go into the basement
and sort pants by color.
150
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,315
BALKl:
Thank you.
151
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,757
Not even fun to abuse anymore.
152
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,360
I don't know what to do.
- I'll tell you what to do.
153
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:40,362
Go jump in front of a taxicab, and
hope the turnip pulls you out of the way.
154
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,159
And what if he doesn't?
155
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,427
Either way, your
problems are solved.
156
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,133
Thanks, but I prefer a solution
that I can live through.
157
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,799
Oh, sure, think of yourself.
158
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:54,707
Wait, I got an idea.
I have a friend who's an actor.
159
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:57,575
Why don't you just hire him
to break into the apartment...
160
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,516
...make a little noise, wake up
the turnip and then run like hell.
161
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:05,123
He thinks he saved your life
and you're even.
162
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,789
You mean it. Well...
163
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:17,231
Well, that's a real idea.
164
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,462
But I don't think so.
165
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,304
It's up to you.
You're the Primopotamus.
166
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,503
What's the cost on
something like this?
167
00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:29,874
Fifty bucks.
- Fifty?
168
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,017
I wouldn't be
asking him to do King? Lear.
169
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,153
BALKl: I can't
find the basement.
170
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,017
I'll keep on looking.
171
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:46,153
Have him come
before midnight.
172
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,196
I don't wanna be up late.
173
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,033
Balki.
174
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,196
Balki.
175
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,937
Yeah, is Jimmy there?
176
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,611
He's in New York?
What's he doing there?
177
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:06,381
King? Lear?
178
00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:09,577
No, no message.
179
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:14,089
His loss, my gain.
180
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,296
Where have you been?
181
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:06,211
You were supposed
to be here by midnight.
182
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,005
I work my own hours.
183
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,608
You're not supposed to take things.
184
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,645
That's what I do.
185
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,547
Okay, okay, nice touch.
And look at this outfit.
186
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:20,882
Who ever heard of a burglar
wearing a baseball cap?
187
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:23,820
All right, look, let
me go over it again.
188
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,825
You come through the window,
you wake him up, threaten me.
189
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,433
When he asks what's going on,
you scream in terror...
190
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:33,093
...beg him not to hurt you and run.
Do you think you can handle that?
191
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:35,832
Is this some kind of
hospital or something?
192
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,679
Hospital? Didn't
Twinkacetti tell you anything?
193
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:46,375
Look, I'll wake him up,
you try to look mean.
194
00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:49,215
Mean.
195
00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:58,987
Oh, no. Oh, no, it's a burglar.
Balki, look, it's a robber.
196
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,028
We're going to be robbed.
And here I am frozen with fear.
197
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,399
Oh, if only someone with courage
would jump up and save us.
198
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:11,100
Wait a minute. What about
you? You can do it, Balki.
199
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,610
Don't be ridiculous. He's got a gun.
200
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:18,577
He does?
201
00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:23,219
You're not supposed to have a gun.
202
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:25,412
That's real.
203
00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:27,682
Oh.
204
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,156
Oh, you're not...
205
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,886
Oh, you're a burglar.
206
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:35,162
Oh, my God.
207
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,097
Uh... Uh...
208
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:40,170
Don't shoot. Please,
I'm barely in my mid-20s.
209
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:43,638
I have never been skiing. I didn't
mean to offend you. I love your hat.
210
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,970
I make a lousy first impressi�n.
- Shut up!
211
00:20:46,144 --> 00:20:48,669
I can do that. I didn't
talk through the third grade.
212
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,940
Will you shut up?
213
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,748
You can't do that to Cousin Larry.
214
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,612
Yes, I can.
- Yes, he can.
215
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:02,025
You do that again
and you're in big trouble.
216
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,719
Balki, if the man wants to
shove me, let him shove me.
217
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:07,387
There. You heard it.
- Yeah.
218
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:17,932
If you do that one more time,
I'm not responsible.
219
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,608
Why do you keep doing that?
220
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,517
Because I'm the one
that's got the gun.
221
00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:30,587
Give me that.
- Ooh!
222
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:40,860
All right, buster,
reach for the friendly skies.
223
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,228
Balki, you got the
gun. That's great.
224
00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:46,196
You can put your hands down now.
- Even better.
225
00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:48,134
Not you.
- Oh.
226
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:53,371
Down yours, up yours.
227
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,116
What your name is?
228
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,417
Uh, John Doe.
229
00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:08,955
Put your hand out.
230
00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:12,654
Shame on you, John Doe.
231
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:18,796
Breaking into other peoples' houses
and taking things that don't belong to you.
232
00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:24,432
Ha-ha.
233
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,672
Yeah, you're right,
whatever you just said.
234
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:32,682
Call the police, cousin.
- You bet I will.
235
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:37,050
Help! Police!
236
00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:40,623
Help! Help! Help! Police!
237
00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:50,126
Boy, the police
department was fun.
238
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:56,298
I like that they give me ice cream cone.
And then they let me take my fingerprints.
239
00:22:56,475 --> 00:23:00,104
Don't touch anything
until you wash your hands.
240
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,638
They even let me
stand in the lineup.
241
00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:07,310
But I didn't win.
242
00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,717
It's just as well.
First prize is 20 years.
243
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:14,055
Well, I'm gonna turn in.
244
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:18,253
Give me 15 minutes, I warm up your bed.
- No, that is over.
245
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:21,661
Well, then it's back
to the bag on my head.
246
00:23:23,435 --> 00:23:26,029
Balki, don't you realize
what you've done?
247
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:29,733
I did something wrong?
- No, you saved my life.
248
00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:32,638
You're a hero.
What you did took guts.
249
00:23:32,811 --> 00:23:34,779
Really?
- Yes.
250
00:23:34,946 --> 00:23:39,212
Am I as brave as you?
- I am way down here.
251
00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:42,683
And you are way...
252
00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:45,482
We are even.
253
00:23:45,657 --> 00:23:46,954
Equals.
254
00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:50,754
Two peas in a pod.
A couple of Primodopoli.
255
00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:53,492
But I don't feel like a hero.
256
00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:56,600
Somebody was pushing my friend
and I had to stop him.
257
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,635
That's all I did when I pushed you
out of the way of the taxi.
258
00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:02,535
That's what you do
when you care about somebody.
259
00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:05,941
You care about me?
260
00:24:06,878 --> 00:24:10,473
Well...
- I care about you too.
261
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:16,510
Well, thank you
for the service...
262
00:24:16,688 --> 00:24:19,179
...and for saving my life.
263
00:24:19,357 --> 00:24:22,758
And good night.
264
00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,225
Good night.
265
00:24:24,275 --> 00:24:28,825
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