All language subtitles for Perfect Strangers s02e04 Ladies and Germs.eng

Guess who has a date
with Bonnie Kleinschmidt.

Pat Sajak.

Close.

Me, Larry Appleton. Stud.

I have a date
with Bonnie...

...fourth runner-up in the
Miss Chicago beauty contest. Oof.

But I thought she always laugh
in your face when you ask her out.

She's beautiful
when she laughs.

But she won't be laughing
in this face anymore.

I have two tickets to the
Bruce Springsteen concert.

Wow.

So that's how you get
dates. You bribe them.

It's a method.

When I walk into that stadium,
Bruce is gonna see Bonnie on my arm...

...and say, "Whoa,
way to go, Appleton."

I'm happy for
you. Now let's go.

Where?
- Where.

We got to go to the hospital
to visit Mr. Twinkacetti.

He broke his leg. Remember?

Yeah, I remember,
but I'm not going.

But you promised.

Does this mean we're not
going out for ice cream either?

Balki, I agreed to our little field trip
before I had a date with Bonnie.

I don't wanna risk
missing that date by getting sick.

Hospitals are
crawling with germs.

What germs is?

Germs are little
tiny, living organisms...

...that cause sickness,
disease and death.

And they're all
over, every place.

Are there any here now?

You betcha. They're
all over the place.

On this table, on that couch,
all over this can.

I don't see anything.

Nobody can see them.

They're tiny,
they're microscopic.

See, germs are little tiny things
that travel through the air...

...and they get into your body,
and they make you sick.

Tell me about these
little invisible creatures.

Do they have a leader?

Okay, Balki.

You may not believe it,
but germs are real. I should know.

Every time there was something really
important in my life, germs ruined it for me.

I missed my sixth-grade graduation.

I missed the spelling bee,
and I was a shoo-in.

I missed my junior prom
all because of germs.

And I am not going to miss
Bonnie Kleinschmidt.

Okay, I'll go
to the hospital.

You stay here.
I'll go visit our boss.

And when he says, "Where's
Appleton?" I'll say, "Oh, him?

He's at home hiding from
little invisible things...

...that are out to get him."

Okay, five minutes. No more.

Don't worry, I'll
watch out for germs.

Got him.

Boy, American
hospitals are wonderful.

Do they keep the animals
on another floor?

Yes.

Now, can we just say "get well"
and get out of here?

This place is
crawling with germs.

A Mypos army helmet.

Balki.

Balki, take that
off. It is not a helmet.

What is it?
- It's... Oh, it's not a helmet.

Okay, now we have three minutes.
Dr. Klein, paging Dr. Klein.

Telephone,
please, Dr. Klein.

Hello, Mr. Twinkacetti.

Don't tell me. You're
here for your lobotomy.

No, we didn't come for fun.
We came to visit you.

Hello, Mr. Twinkacetti.
I'm sorry about your leg.

See you later.

Whoa. Before you go, uh,
here, lower my leg.

Use the crank, and
you hold my foot gently.

It hurts.

Dr. Klein, paging Dr. Klein.
- Gently.

Stuck.
- Stuck?

Well, just press the release.

No.

Get out.

Out! Get Out!

Oh, boys, you
came to visit.

We heard the fun
all the way down the hall.

Yeah, we're having a big time.

TWINKACETTl:
Edwina, my pet.

Oh, you brought the children.

Larry, Balki, these are
our children, Donnie and Marie.

Well, it's very
nice to meet you.

And what a pretty little girl.

I'm sorry we can't stay and chat.

Marie, please. Cover
your mouth when you sneeze.

You don't wanna give
everybody your germs.

Germs.
- I'm out of here.

Ohh. Ohh.

Good morning. And
how are you today?

How am I today?

Isn't it obvious how I am today?

You made a mess.

Balki, I am sick, and
it is all your fault.

It is?
- Yes.

The minute that little brat
sneezed on me, I knew I was doomed.

You were what?
- Doomed.

Dooped?

Domed, doomed, doomed.

Hello.
- Hello.

Who is this?
- This is Balki.

Would you get
off the phone?

Who is this?

Oh, hello, Bonnie.

Yeah, oh, well, I'm
looking forward to it too.

Hm?

Oh, uh, no, no,
well, you sound funny too.

It's a bad connection.

God bless you, Balki.

Thank you.

So I'II, uh...

I'll pick you
up at 7, okay?

Okay, bye-bye.

All right, I can do this.

I need vitamins, I need liquids.

Cousin, you need a miracle.

Cousin, I got all
the vitamins you wanted.

Thank you.

You sound terrible.

Of course I sound terrible.

There's a war
going on in there.

Who's winning?

I'm going to win this one.

Germs made me
miss my junior prom.

But I am not going
to miss Bonnie Kleinschmidt.

Cousin, why don't
you cancel this date...

...and ask her out sometime
when you can feel better?

Oh, sure, just ask her out
some other time.

Why don't I wait for Halley's comet
to fly through my living room?

Well, I had an uncle
who was hit by a meteor.

I bet you did.

I am not giving up this time.

I got my A, I got my B,
I got my C, I got my D.

Yeah, put them all together
and what do they spell?

"Abcd."

You can take those little pills.
They probably won't hurt you.

But if you really want to get well,
you've got to get serious.

Now, I've got your garlic.

I've got your wolfbane.

And I've got your pumpkin mold.

What is that?

Well, you take a pumpkin and you put
it out in the backyard until it rots.

And then this fuzzy
blue stuff comes...

I know what mold is.

Why did you buy it?

Well, I'm the one that made you
go to the hospital.

So the least I can do
is make you better for your date.

Now, the wolfbane
is for your runny nose.

The pumpkin mold
is for your cough.

And the garlic just
makes you feel good all over.

And I bet it keeps away vampires.
- Well, that's a side benefit.

Balki, why don't you go into the kitchen
and try to turn some lead into gold?

Leave me alone.

A, A, A, A.

B, B, B, B.

Cousin, I really
can make you better.

How? By feeding me things that
pigs would turn up their snouts at?

No, those things are only
to make you feel better...

...while I cook you
this secret Mypos cure.

It's the only thing
that will make you well.

A cure?

Balki, I have a cold.

All of medical science
has been trying for centuries...

...to find a cure for the
common cold, and have failed.

Now you're telling me that Mypos,
a country with one phone...

...a country where only the
royal family has indoor plumbing...

...a country where the foremost
spectator sport is spitting for distance...

...tiny little
Mypos has the cure?

Yes.

I'll stick with
modern medicine, thank you.

Not working, is it?

It's working just fine.

I can't breath, but my
skin is soft and supple.

You've wasted almost a whole day
with this hocus pocus.

Are you ready to try
the garlic necklace now?

Balki, get that away from me.
It smells terrible.

You see? It's
working already.

Don't you have
something else to do?

Well, excuse me
for being well.

I'm sorry, I'm on edge.

I have an hour and a half to get well
or I'm gonna miss the date of my life.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I'm not gonna make it.

Maybe you'd feel better
if you got dressed.

Maybe I will.

My mother used to say that.

She'd say, "Larry, if you get up,
and get dressed, and go to school...

...you'll feel better."

She lied.

I always got up, I got
dressed, I went to school.

I never felt better.

The germs have won again.

No prom for Larry Appleton.

Is that it? Are you
giving up just like that?

Yes.

Call Bonnie Kleinschmidt.
Tell her I died in my sleep.

Oh, and tell her I was rich.

Why should she be happy?

You get up.

You don't give up like that.

Balki, it's over.

I've tried everything.

You've tried everything.

I've tried everything.

I make the secret
Mypos cure for you.

It's finished, it's sitting
right there in the kitchen...

...in case anybody should want it.

Balki, don't you understand?

I have to pick Bonnie up
in an hour and a half.

It works in 20 minutes.

But, Balki, that makes no sense.

It goes against 200 years
of medical science.

Well, then, I'll just
flush it down the toilet.

All right, all right.

I've tried everything else. Why not?

Give me the Mypos cure.

What was that?

Give me the Mypos cure.

Give you the Mypos cure?

You, who make fun of my
country's medicine all day long?

You, who thinks little tiny people
are fighting up your nose?

Give you the Mypos cure?

You're gonna make this
hard for me, aren't you?

Well, of course I'm not.

All I want you to do
is say the magic words.

What? Please.

Thank you. I'm sorry.

What?

What?

I want you to
say, "I believe."

I believe.
- Like you mean it.

I believe.

I knew you would.

It's okay. When I'm
well, I'll renounce everything.

I heard that.

Now, first, let me warn you,
it taste terrible.

It doesn't matter.
I can't taste anything anyway.

And it looks terrible.
- Oh, my Lord.

What's in that?
- The secret.

I can imagine.

I mean, is there eye of newt
or bat's wings in there?

Well, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.

That's for back pain.

This is fish parts and herbs.

Oh, I'll be right back.

What did you do?

I drank it. You're
right, it's disgusting.

That was enough
for a whole village.

This...

This...

This was how much
you were supposed to take.

So? It's just
herbs and fish parts.

A little is good, a lot is better.

Ohh...

Well, how long
does it take to work?

Well, that amount
should work pretty fast.

Well, I'm waiting. I
don't feel anything.

Balki...

I can see through you.

Cousin.

Are you waking up?

Whoa.

Whew. Ohh.

That was some
potent stuff.

I bet you're feeling
like a million digdas.

I feel fantastic.

I can breath.

I feel better than I have felt
in my entire life.

Balki, that is
a miracle cure.

Glad you're feeling better.
There's something we got to talk about.

I have 15 minutes
to get ready for my date.

Balki, how can
I ever thank you?

Well, before you thank me...
- Balki, you should bottle that stuff.

Do you realize
what you have there?

An herbal medicine that can
cure a person in less than an hour.

Why is the evening paper so thick?

Well, because
it's Sunday's paper.

Sunday? I have been
asleep for 24 hours?

Well, no.

Actually, it's Tuesday. I thought
you might like the Sunday funnies.

I have been asleep for three days?

Three days?

What happened to "Thank
you, Balki, for the miracle"?

Three days.

Well, if you had taken just a teaspoonful
like you were supposed to...

...you would have taken
just a little 20-minute nap.

But you had to gobble down
the whole thing.

So you took 216
little 20-minute naps.

I counted.

I missed my one-shot date
with Bonnie Kleinschmidt.

Well, we gotta
talk about that too.

After you were asleep, Bonnie called
and she was very excited...

...about seeing
Bruce Springsteen.

So I did just what
you told me to do.

I told her you were dead.

And then I told
her you were rich.

And then I took
her out myself.

You took out my date?

Well, of course I
did. You were dead.

But you didn't
miss anything.

When we got there, Bonnie ran off
with some guy who had front-row tickets.

You slept through
that humiliating experience.

I lived it.

Well, I'm sorry that
you had to go through that.

I guess I've been a little rude.

Insensitive, inconsiderate.

Stop me anytime now.
- No, you're doing fine.

Well, I realize you had
my best interests at heart.

I did.

And I know I should not have
forced the Mypos cure on you.

Even though it was
the best thing for you.

Well, let's not
fight about it.

I mean, you have your ways
and I have my ways.

Exactly. Who's
to say who's right?

You say tomato
and I say tomato.

Good point.

At least it wasn't a total loss.
You got to see Springsteen.

Oh, he didn't show up.

He had the flu and was
smart enough to stay home.

They rescheduled the
concert for next week.

You can go then
with Bonnie Kleinschmidt.

No, I don't think so.

I think I'll give this ticket
to somebody who deserves it.

Somebody who knows Larry Appleton.

Someone who likes Larry Appleton.

Someone who's related
to Larry Appleton.

Why not? You spent the last
three days taking care of me?

I dusted you every morning.

What do you say you
and I use these tickets?

Germs.

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