All language subtitles for Just Shoot Me s02e08 Sweet Charity.eng

Up, periscope.

Look at those
perfect legs.

Torpedo locked
on target.

That tiny waist...

Das bootie.

Don't you two ever
get bored with this?

What?

Drooling over
some model

like a couple
of dogs in heat.

Sending the message
to all women

that if you're not
impossibly perfect,

you just don't count.

How about admiring a woman

for her intelligence
or character?

Cute tush.
Nice rack.

Too late.

Okay. Any other business?

Well, Elliott and I
had a little setback

with the "beauty
and the older woman" shoot.

I had to fire
the model, Jack.

Why?

She had a wrinkle.

Poor thing
never saw it coming.

Wait. I have
something to say.

Thanks
for the warning.

Taxi!

I've been thinking
that Blush magazine-

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Kit the intern's in town,

and it's coffees all around.

Let's see.
One for DJ Finchy Finch.

Five-star General Jack, sir!

Lovely Maya, meter maid.

Thumbelina Nina.

Elliott.

Hey, what gives?
What?

Where's my nickname?

Uh, how about Major Bald Spot?

Okay!

Um, hold on.
I have a proposal.

I've been working
with this charity

that helps teach
inner-city kids to read,

called the Gavalon Foundation,

and tomorrow night,

we're collecting book donations,

and I thought Blush
could help out.

You know, become involved
in a charity...

Well, don't look
at me.

I spent the last
four weekends

giving back
to the community.

That was court-ordered, Nina.

Finch?

Uh, I just gave blood.

Where?

Okay, sperm.

And you?

What? I give.

I just gave you two minutes
of my staff meeting.

Okay, so this is it?

This is what
the spirit of giving means

to all of you? Elliott?

I'm a generous lover.

You said
when I came to this magazine

that you wanted me
to make a difference.

And you have.

You've made these meetings
much longer.

Then it's settled.

Fine.

We'll just let
Cosmo and Vogue

do all
the charity work.

Come again?

That's right.
Cosmo and Vogue.

They know good PR
when they smell it.

Why, those little weasels...
We'll show them.

Maya, what do we do?

Well, let's see.

There's the book drive,

and we need volunteers
for storytelling hour-

Hey, terrific.
We'll all be there.

Right. Up here, dude.

I thought you were kidding.

Hello, huddled masses.

I'm here to help.

Ah. So don't I get some sort
of commemorative cap?

Nina,
the foundation needs books,

not your old clothes.

Well, I know, but last night
I was poking around

for my books,

and it struck me-
I don't have any.

You don't have
a single book?

Oh, just
the hollowed-out almanac

from my trip to Colombia.

Well...here's Cinderella.

You could read it to the kids.

But I don't like children.

Pretend they're puppies.

You're not helping.

Come on.
Admit it, guys.

This feels good.

Yeah. We've captured
all the fun of moving

without getting
that pesky new apartment.

Elliott,
sort these, will you?

Sure.

Aw, The Giving Tree.

Nothing a kid likes better
than a story about lumber.

You should read that.

It's actually
a very touching book.

Oh, no, thanks.

I think I'll stick with
Little Jenny has Two Moms.

"But, fairy godmother,
my dress is ruined.

"I have nothing to wear
to the ball.

"So the fairy godmother
waved her magic wand,

"and suddenly,

"Cinderella's tattered dress
was covered in golden sequins,

and her feet were adorned
with shiny glass slippers."

Sequins? Glass slippers?

God, I hope the prince
likes drag queens.

You know, Finch,

I still haven't seen
my father.

You know, he was just
looking for you.

Oh, yeah? Where?

Over there.

And he was all,
"Where's Maya?"

and I'm all, "Oh, she's looking
for you, too."

And he's all, "Oh,
I'm really bummed,

because I'm really psyched up
about all this charity crap."

Finch.

He's at a party
on the Armani yacht.

You're kidding.

I can't believe
he blew this off.

I can't believe
I didn't.

"The clock struck 12:00,
and to Cinderella's horror,

the carriage was once again
nothing but a pumpkin."

Well, big deal.

Boys, cover your ears.

Girls, getting a ride home
from a party is never a problem.

Well, guess what.

My father's a no-show,

just like my sweet 16

and my high school
graduation.

The giving tree
gave the little boy

all its fruit
and its branches,

and now it's just a stump,
and it still wants to give.

Elliott, are you okay?

I'm sorry I made fun
of this book before.

I was just trying
to be cool.

Maybe you should
go home.

No. I want to help.

Furthermore, men can be
big, fat fibbers.

So, take it from me,

before you go off with a man
who claims to be a prince,

make sure his country
is on a map.

Yes, little boy.

You have a question
for Auntie Nina?

Well, come, come.
Don't be shy.

I see your underpants.

170 yards.

Ha!

Maya, you'll never
in a million years

guess what this is.

A high-tech golf club
that measures your shot

based on the speed
and angle of your swing?

Yeah, more or less.

You know, I was really
counting on you last night.

214 yards.

I am on fire.

Here. Try it.

Now I'm broken.

Dad, last night
you disappointed me.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Tell you what,
let me try it again tonight.

I'll answer phones,
I'll mop the floor,

dig a well,
whatever you want.

Really?

Dennis?

Yeah.

Call my wife and tell her
to find my overalls,

because tonight is
about helping and giving

and doing the right thing.

Tonight's your poker game
at Marty's.

Thank you.

Can I do the right thing
tomorrow?

You know, just once
I would love to see you

actually live up
to your promises,

to put your money
where your mouth is.

Uh, okay. Fair enough.

I'm a man of my word.
I said I'd help,

and that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

Give this to the kids.

What is it?

$50,000.

Is this some kind
of a joke?

No. It's to restore
the peace.

Now run along and give it
to the Babylon Foundation.

Gavalon.

Exactly.

Y- you're just going
to give them $50,000?

Well, I'll need a receipt.

Well, look, if you think
this makes up for-

Wow. They're gonna be
so happy.

But I am still mad.

Thank you.

Suddenly I have
a really bad headache.

Go have a little lie-down.

Wait, Dad.

You can't just get your way
by throwing money around.

Pumpkin, how do you think
you got into Stanford?

Hard work and good grades.

Okay.

All I'm asking for
is a bus twice a week

to help the kids get
to their tutoring sessions.

Well, sure, I could find
a volunteer driver.

You.
This is your fault.

I'll call you back.

What? What's the matter?

The clothes I gave?

I accidentally donated
my genuine zebra skin dress.

It was one-of-a-kind.

I had it custom-made
for Earth Day.

Okay, calm down.
We'll find it.

What does it look like?

Like a black and white horse,
you idiot.

Mail call.

And in this corner,
wearing the tan top,

it's Iron Maya Gallo.

Nina "Couldn't Be Meaner"
Van Horn.

Dennis "The Menace" Finch.

Elliott.

Why the hell won't
that guy give me a nickname?

How should I know?

All right.
You dragged it out of me.

Dragged what?

Elliott,
you creep people out.

I do not.

You've hung on artsy and aloof
people for so long,

you've forgotten how to relate

to Jimmy Crackcorn over there
from Lunchmeat, Kansas.

I do not freak people out.

Face it. You look like
Slingblade in a turtleneck.

Oh, please.
Yeah, you do.

Come on, please.

Yeah, you do. Shh.
You do.

You got to learn to look
people in the eye.

Give 'em a smile.

Hey, Colonel Kit,
what's the news?

I'm creepy?

Like a back rub
from Grandma.

Maya.

Oh, Robert.
What a surprise.

I just had to stop by
and thank you for the big check

and for getting Blush
into the charity business.

You're our guardian ángel,
our beacon of hope.

Oh, stop.

Go on.

Wow.

The fashion world.

I mean, this is where
it all happens.

The models, the clothes,
the glamour.

Oh, it's pretty tame,
really.

It's just an office,
a bunch of people,

and one guardian ángel.

I want my dress back,
you evil bloodsucker.

What?

Oh, that's just
our silly fashion talk.

Oh, how fun.

Um, you can have it Thursday,
you nasty bitch.

I'm Elliott.

It's truly delightful
to meet you.

Why, thank you, Elliott.

The pleasure is mine.

How wonderful that you
hire the challenged.

Maya, I came
with some big news.

As I mentioned,
we're all very grateful

for the work
that you've done.

Oh, it's fulfilling to-

So, you remember
that it's time

for our Humanitarian
of the Year award.

Yes, I remember.

All I'm saying is, don't
make any plans for this Friday.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Dad.

Dad, come over here.

Come meet Robert. This is Robert
from the foundation,

and he has big news.

Jack Gallo.

I was just telling your
daughter to circle her calendar.

Because...
Because you, Jack Gallo,

are our Humanitarian
of the Year.

Hey. Right back at ya.

Jack Gallo
for Donald Trump.

I don't care
if he's in a meeting.

This is urgent.

Donald.
Jack.

I'm the Humanitarian
of the Year,

so you can kiss my ass.

Come on. The foundation people
are waiting.

For what?

I told you, the photo shoot
for their newsletter.

These charity people-
you give and you give,

and all they want is more.

Okay, let's do it.

All right, Mr. Gallo.

We're all set up for you.
Right over here.

Here he is, our patron saint.

All right.
Who's got the big check?

It's right here.

Just be careful.
It might still be wet.

Okay, this one's
for the kids.

Three cheers for
the Guggenheim Foundation.

Gavalon.

Right.

Very nice.
Just like that.

Uh, Miss Smith,
whenever you're ready.

Excuse me.

Hi, Amber.

Hi, Jack.

I didn't know you
were going to be here.

Well, when I found out
this was your pet project,

how could I say no?

Hey, a kid's not a kid
unless he's got a bike.

Actually, it's
a literacy program

that helps teach inner-

Great. Good. Whatever.

Uh, could somebody
move her out of the way?

Uh, Maya, don't think that
you've been forgotten.

We'd like you to introduce
your father at the banquet.

Oh, gosh. Couldn't we
just release some doves?

Just a few words

about Jack's passionate concern
for the children.

Passionate concern.

Hey.
This one's for Trump.

Hey, Princess.

The Times is doing a story
on your dad's award.

They want to call you
for a quote.

Okay. How about this
for my introduction?

"Every once in a while,
a man looks at the world,

steps forward, and says,
"Hey, who wants my crumbs?"

That's not bad.
How about,

"It's touching to see
what Jack means to all of you,

because you certainly
don't mean jack to him."

Okay. That's good.

Come here.

Oh...

Look, don't forget why you got
involved with those kids

in the first place.

You're right.

We all know who's doing
the real work around here.

Thanks.

And in the end,
the love you take

is equal to
the love you make.

Why did you come in here?

I had to hug you
in this sweater.

Oh.

Hey, Kit-Kat,
how hangs it?

Fine.

Stop!

I have to know something.

Why do you hate me?

I don't hate you.

Then why won't you give me
a nickname like everyone else?

Because you're my hero.

Yeah, well-what?

I look around here all day,
and all I see

are these mindless
fashion drones, but you...

you're an artist.

I've studied your work.

Your lighting,
your composition,

it's perfect.

Who-who am I
to give you a nickname?

Wow.

Hey, I'm, um,
touched, really.

But you know what?

I'm just a normal, friendly,
salt-of-the-earth guy.

I've read The Giving Tree.
So...

Come on.
Give me a nickname.

No. I couldn't.

No, no. Yeah, you could.
Come on.

I'd be honored.

Um...

Okay, okay.

How about, uh...

Clicky?
Clicky?

Yeah. Sure.
What's the haps, Clicky?

I don't like Clicky.

Let's go hit the bars,
Clicky.

No. Stop calling me that.

How about Lens Cap?

Nah. I don't like that either.

Sparky?
No.

Flash? Freeze frame?

No. Tell you what.
Just call me Elliott.

I got it. I got it.

Kodachromey-homey.

No.

Moose?
No.

Bambi?
No.

Chicken pot pie?

Get away
from me.

And in the end,
the love you take

is equal to
the love you make.

Come here.

Elliott, look.
No. Don't look.

My dress.

That jackal's
got my zebra.

Stop it. How do you
know it's yours?

What, you don't think a mother
knows her child?

Forget it.
Here's the plan.

I stroll over,
nod hello,

then nonchalantly drag her
into the coatroom

where you're waiting

with a stun gun
and a handful of sedatives.

Don't worry.
It's all in there.

I'll tell you what.
Let's call that the backup plan.

Yeah, but I want my dress now.

Oh, relax.
I'll handle this.

Okay. But at least
take the handcuffs.

Dad, where have
you been?

You're an hour late.

Well, don't blame me.
Jimmy Caan putts like a nun.

Well, what about
my dress?

I'll have it for you
in the morning.

Hello again, friends
of the Gavalon Foundation.

I hope you enjoyed the fish.

Well, without further ado,

I give you the daughter
of our award recipient,

Maya Gallo.

My father is
a remarkable man.

While one person

may dedicate a lifetime
to a particular cause,

another can sweep in and make
a tremendous difference

with the mere stroke
of a pen.

And who's to say which
contribution is more valuable?

Well, apparently, you.

So here he is,
our Humanitarian of the Year,

Jack Gallo.

I am so proud to be a part
of the Hopalong Foundation.

I wish my wife
could be here tonight,

but she's at home
reading to our child.

Why?

Because the kid
can't read a word.

Of course,
she's only six months old.

Yes.

Me? I learned to read
when I was five,

and I've been reading
ever since,

except when I'm on vacation.

That's my time, and I make
no apologies for that.

And so, in conclusion...

Learn...

Love...

Read.

Now, folks, our next item
of business

you won't find on the program.

It's a special
one-time award

that's given
to someone very deserving.

Maya, if you'd help us out
one more time...

Me?

It was Maya Gallo here
who got the fashion world

involved in our little charity,
and without her,

we wouldn't have the support
of supermodel Amber Smith...

Who flew all the way here
from a photo shoot in Jamaica

just to be with us.

Now, I call that giving.

So...without further ado...

we'd like to present-

Amber Smith.

You're going to give
Amber Smith an award?

That's it. I've had it.

You people are all whores.

You just toss trophies at
anyone worth sucking up to

while the real heroes
get nothing.

Heroes like me.
That's right, me.

Uh, Maya-

Oh, shut up,
you little lapdog.

Well, folks, I've
learned my lesson.

I've had it
with helping others.

From now on, Maya
takes care of Maya.

It's all about me,
me, me, me,

and the rest of you
can all just go to hell.

There are so many people
I'd like to thank.

♪ Life keeps bringing me
Back to you ♪

♪ Keeps bringing me home ♪

♪ It don't matter what I want
To do 'cause ♪

♪ It's got a mind of its own ♪

♪ Life keeps bringing me
Back to you ♪♪

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