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1
00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,060
Ah, living the dream.
2
00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:20,950
- This is gorgeous.
- Isn't it?
3
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,510
What is Tom doing
with that genealogy crap?
4
00:00:23,530 --> 00:00:25,730
I know, but he likes
all that shit, doesn't he?
5
00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:27,630
- I guess so.
- And we can just chill out.
6
00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:30,240
- We can get a nice tan, go a bit brown.
- Oh, you're going red.
7
00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:32,170
- I'm not... yes.
- That's rouge.
8
00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,740
I have to go red and peel
before I go brown.
9
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:36,940
- It's a genetic thing.
- What factor have you got on there?
10
00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:39,310
Hell... hello.
Excuse me.
11
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,550
Can I just say that is
a very eloquent bikini?
12
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,050
Have you got the time?
13
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,880
Because by my watch,
14
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,120
I make it feeding time
at the you.
15
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,020
Oh, sweet Jesus.
16
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:54,590
Back at home I work in a zoo.
17
00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:56,730
So I'll do it again.
Have you got the time?
18
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,660
Because by my watch,
it's feeding time at the you.
19
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:02,300
I hate to watch you... go.
20
00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:04,670
But I love to look at that.
21
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:06,640
Oh, you can't talk
to women like that.
22
00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:08,500
It's something
lost in translation.
23
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:10,310
- Monkey: She was a slut anyway.
- Exactly.
24
00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:12,370
- No, that's not relevant.
- She led me on! She led me on!
25
00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:16,010
- Tom: How long have you worked here, Ally?
- Three years.
26
00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:18,580
Do you find that
being around the books
27
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,720
- makes you more clever?
- No, actually.
28
00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,950
I feel like all the ideas
have been written already.
29
00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:25,290
These are audiobooks.
Good for you.
30
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:29,330
- CDs are the future.
- Picture books.
31
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,430
You know, I just read
this great novel.
32
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:34,030
It's like a romance
thing, I suppose.
33
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:37,530
It's about this...
it's like a love triangle
34
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,840
between this girl and this guy,
35
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,340
but she likes this other guy.
36
00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:43,870
So it never really works out.
37
00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:45,980
Oh, and one of them is a vampire
and the other one's a wolf.
38
00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:47,540
( both laugh )
39
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:49,480
Um, it's hard.
40
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,110
- It's "Twilight," yeah.
- "Twilight," yeah.
41
00:01:51,150 --> 00:01:52,450
- Yeah. ( laughs )
- You've heard of it?
42
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,320
- Yes.
- Yeah. It's really good.
43
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,990
So, we have the largest section
44
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:58,490
of Native American books
in the city.
45
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,360
- Oh.
- It's our claim to fame here.
46
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:05,330
I don't need to read the
book; I've lived the life.
47
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,360
Let me ask you this:
48
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,730
do you have any interest
in seeing some memorabilia
49
00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,330
from a Jewish cowboy
in the '20s?
50
00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:13,170
- Yes.
- ( laughs )
51
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,370
- That was quick.
- I love Jews, I love cowboys.
52
00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:16,870
Well, you are in for a treat
53
00:02:16,910 --> 00:02:20,040
because I have to meet
my cousin Melvin Schmelff.
54
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,480
- He's got a bunch of...
- Schmelff?
55
00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,650
That's right.
I'd love you to tag along.
56
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,950
I would really love that.
57
00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:27,320
I'm supposed to get off
in, like, an hour.
58
00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:28,750
But it's really slow,
so I can...
59
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:31,050
- What if I buy a book?
- Okay.
60
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:32,720
- I can fill your quota.
- Yeah. Yeah, actually...
61
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,160
I'll buy anything.
Don't really have a...
62
00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:36,660
I'll take that.
63
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,960
Oh, shoot.
64
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,500
You know what, that's good
65
00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:42,630
- because I've only got the audiobook of this.
- Oh.
66
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,270
( exhales )
67
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,670
She has such lovely hair.
68
00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,910
- I'll take that for my friend Pete.
- ( laughs )
69
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,980
- He's into pictures.
- Right.
70
00:02:57,150 --> 00:03:00,050
( both laugh )
71
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,080
- Can we eat? I'm starving.
- Yes.
72
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,490
- Do you reckon they do kebabs?
- Monkey: I want a lager.
73
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,020
But I just wanna go and try
some clothes on first.
74
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,890
- Is that all right? Do you mind?
- Yeah.
75
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:09,960
Monkey:
I'm not clothes shopping.
76
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,130
Pete:
Excuse me.
77
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,030
Do I have to book
to eat here or is it...
78
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,230
Oh, no, no.
Sit anywhere you like.
79
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:17,470
- Great. Can I sit there?
- Yep.
80
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,370
- What about in the shade?
- Yeah, yeah.
81
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,340
- Or inside?
- Yeah, anywhere.
82
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,380
Well, what about the one
right at the end?
83
00:03:26,410 --> 00:03:28,440
- What are you doing?
- Anywhere?
84
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,610
- I can sit anywhere?
- Yeah.
85
00:03:30,650 --> 00:03:33,080
Brilliant.
Do you do doner kebabs?
86
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,480
I don't think so.
87
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:35,950
Do you do scampi and chips?
88
00:03:35,990 --> 00:03:37,450
We have a menu.
I'll just show that to you.
89
00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:40,490
Do you do steak
and ale pie with mash?
90
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,790
- Well, I have a menu.
- But you serve tea, right?
91
00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:44,460
Proper builder's tea.
92
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:46,130
Do you do
ham and cheese toasties?
93
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,260
I love ham and I love cheese.
94
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,030
Chips, right?
95
00:03:50,070 --> 00:03:51,470
He's gone.
96
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:53,400
I don't know where to sit now.
97
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,300
- ( music blaring )
- Monkey: I hate clothes shopping.
98
00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:56,870
Bea: Ooh, and look
at these hats.
99
00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:59,440
Do you reckon I could
pull off that hat?
100
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,340
Monkey:
Is that a euphemism?
101
00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:04,210
- ( doorbell rings )
- Man: Coming.
102
00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:05,850
Hi, I'm Tom.
103
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,850
This is my good friend Ally.
104
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,120
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi. Come on in.
105
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:10,690
- Thank you, Mr. Schmelff.
- Relax a little bit.
106
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,150
Awfully sorry
my wife can't be here.
107
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:14,490
She's with her mom and she
came home from surgery.
108
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,520
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
109
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,930
She had a tummy tuck,
an eye job,
110
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,990
and a butt reduction.
She's okay.
111
00:04:19,030 --> 00:04:20,600
- And here we are.
- Oh, look at this.
112
00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:22,130
- Wow!
- That's him.
113
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,170
Melvin:
Tumbleweed Tim.
114
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,470
Ally: I can see the resemblance.
115
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,940
- You see something there?
- Yeah.
116
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:28,670
That's his great-great-uncle
and that is my grandfather.
117
00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:30,810
- Wow. Handsome.
- He looks so manly.
118
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,580
Well, he was very thoughtful.
119
00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:34,850
- Oh.
- He was a very pensive cowboy.
120
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,880
He's got his gun,he's got his chaps,
121
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,820
and he's staring out
over at his things.
122
00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:41,590
- Oh.
- I'd love to show you them.
123
00:04:41,620 --> 00:04:43,090
- It's the hat.
- Yeah, that's the hat.
124
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,520
- Yeah? It's good.
- Now that's hot.
125
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,990
- You were cute before, but this is...
- Right?
126
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:49,330
- I'm joining the family.
- Be very careful, if you don't mind.
127
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,360
You can wear the gloves.
Be very gentle.
128
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,560
- Okay.
- Okay?
129
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,870
- Look at these.
- These are spurs.
130
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,530
- Made specially.
- And what's the squiggles?
131
00:04:55,570 --> 00:04:58,700
The little squiggles is Hebrew
and it says "Mazel tov."
132
00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:01,070
- Mazel tov.
- You know what that means?
133
00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,410
- Good luck.
- Good luck. Well, that makes sense.
134
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,010
- Good luck to you.
- Did he wear these in the films?
135
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,800
- He never wore them in movies.
- Why is that?
136
00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:08,350
Well, you know, it was the '20s
137
00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,250
and you couldn't really be
a Jewish cowboy.
138
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,850
But he wasn't ashamed
of being Jewish.
139
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,320
He did wear them at home
all the time.
140
00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:15,150
Oh, his wife... that was
a big bone of contention.
141
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,050
Can we put them back?
142
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,320
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
143
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,720
These were the boots
that he wore in every...
144
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,030
- yes, we'll put the...
- I'm good.
145
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:24,740
You know what, I've got
such a big cranium.
146
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,500
It's not a bad thing
to put it down.
147
00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:27,800
- I'll put it down. Why not?
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
148
00:05:27,830 --> 00:05:30,540
These are the boots that he
wore basically in every movie.
149
00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,240
- Wow.
- And they're quite amazing.
150
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,510
There's a little
of an odor in there.
151
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:34,640
Jesus Christ.
152
00:05:34,670 --> 00:05:35,710
But smell.
Get a whiff.
153
00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:36,680
- Whew.
- Prepare.
154
00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:37,910
- Wow.
- Oh, God.
155
00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:38,980
I'm gonna try it once.
156
00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:40,650
Oh, my God!
It's worse than I remember.
157
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,150
They smell like
50 years of work.
158
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:43,150
That was 50 years...
159
00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:44,780
well, it would have been
50 years of work.
160
00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:48,920
He was the best riding cowboy
in the business.
161
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,290
He was one of the few
Western stars
162
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,030
who could do a horseback ride
163
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,660
and a shoot-out
at the same time.
164
00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:55,960
It was very, very difficult.
165
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,630
He was gallopingand galloping and galloping
166
00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,180
and shooting and shootingand shooting.
167
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,630
He survived the horse riding
and shooting,
168
00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,100
but he couldn't survive
the scandal.
169
00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:04,900
- What scandal?
- I'll tell you about it.
170
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,040
See this name?
Madge Dubois.
171
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:09,380
Oh, my God, she was gorgeous.
She was so beautiful.
172
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:10,940
I think she wasin three of his pictures.
173
00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,350
Oh, he was so devoted
to Madge Dubois.
174
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:15,250
He got into a love scandal.
175
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:16,120
- ( exhales )
- Wow.
176
00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:17,180
It was actually
a love triangle.
177
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:20,550
Really more of a quadrangle.
178
00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:22,420
It was Tumbleweed Tim,an unidentified party,
179
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:25,090
Sagebrush Sam, also knownas Backdoor Billy.
180
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,030
- Tom: Oh, is it...
- We won't go into that.
181
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,430
- Yeah.
- She's discovered dead
182
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,170
- in the alley.
- Ally: No.
183
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,370
She's been poisoned, strangled,
suffocated, and shot,
184
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,370
and they can't figure out
how she died.
185
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,470
- It was probably one of those things.
- It may have been.
186
00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:40,740
- But they never pinned it on anybody.
- Right.
187
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,710
- Tumbleweed was innocent.
- Do you know that?
188
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,140
Let's just say he didn't
do it and move on.
189
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:46,310
- Nobody was blamed for it.
- The scandal killed him.
190
00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:47,520
Yes, the scandal killed him.
191
00:06:47,550 --> 00:06:49,150
And that's it.Kaput.
192
00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:50,820
So he never made it
to the talkies.
193
00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,490
Well, he... actually,
he did a screen test
194
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,990
for a television series
in the '50s called "Saloon."
195
00:06:57,030 --> 00:07:00,630
Wait a minute here.
I'm gonna pull it up for you.
196
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:02,030
( beeps )
197
00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,700
( Hebrew accent ) Let me tell
you something, Mr. Big Shot,
198
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:07,770
if you're not out of this town
by the last stage,
199
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,300
I will personally organize a
necktie party for you myself.
200
00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:14,710
Such a shame that scandal stopped
him having a career in the talkies.
201
00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,910
You think I'm bluffing?
Oh, look who's being...
202
00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:18,510
Think we can turn it off now?
203
00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,010
- Yes.
- You're gonna be in Boot Hill so fast,
204
00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:22,250
your head will be spinning.
205
00:07:24,150 --> 00:07:27,190
- Bea: How much did you tip that guy?
- $6.
206
00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:29,690
- He looked really annoyed.
- I gave him $6.
207
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,430
You're supposed
to tip 15% here.
208
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,060
If anything, I overtipped him.
209
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,500
- Yeah, right.
- Yes, I gave him
210
00:07:34,530 --> 00:07:36,970
a little brown one
and the little silver one.
211
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,200
- That's like 5p.
- I thought the little brown one was a dollar.
212
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,570
Where's Monkey?
Have you got Monkey?
213
00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:43,210
No. Why would
I have Monkey?
214
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,870
- Where's Monkey?
- I've no idea where Monkey...
215
00:07:44,910 --> 00:07:47,150
- Where's Monkey?
- Oh, God, I thought we were having fun.
216
00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:50,050
- Bea: Monk?
- Pete: Excuse me.
217
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,550
Have you seen a monkey puppet?
218
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:53,380
Do you remember
I was here with my friend
219
00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:54,720
and she had
a little hand puppet?
220
00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,990
- 6 cents?
- I don't...
221
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:58,760
no, I thought the little
brown one was a dollar.
222
00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:00,360
- He's not in there.
- No. He's not in here.
223
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:02,310
- Of course he is.
- He's not. I asked the bloke.
224
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:04,130
- He said he's not in here.
- You haven't looked properly.
225
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,060
- How is it my fault?
- Bloody idiot! Where is he?!
226
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:09,400
- ( distant sirens blaring )
- Melvin: This little chunk of what you see here
227
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,570
- went on for miles and miles and miles.
- Tom: Really?
228
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,010
Melvin: And this is where
my grandfather worked.
229
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,970
This is Cottonwood Studios.
230
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,330
And there's
a placard right there.
231
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:21,710
They made... I think 233
Westerns were filmed here.
232
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,710
And, you know,
it says...
233
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,450
look, "King of the Prairie"
was here.
234
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:26,620
That was fantastic.
235
00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:28,220
- And my grandfather...
- Tumbleweed Tim.
236
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,760
Melvin: He was there.
He was in...
237
00:08:30,790 --> 00:08:33,060
uh, "Bad Man Wind."
238
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:36,030
I heard it was
a fantastic movie.
239
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:39,160
And the fort is over there.
They had an entire fort.
240
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,970
They had like a PX
and you could buy blankets.
241
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,870
- ( musical horn blaring )
- It was fantastic.
242
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,700
( camera clicking )
243
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:47,070
- And over there...
- Wow.
244
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,940
that actual building, the low, gray building...
that was the office
245
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,100
and they had a little script
room and they wrote there.
246
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,380
And they still
use that as a...
247
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,850
- ( cell phone ringing )
- It's for migrant workers.
248
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,650
- Really?
- Sorry. Just one sec. Hello?
249
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,020
Bea: Oh, my God! ( shrieking )
250
00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:02,690
Bea?
You all right?
251
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,790
- ( sobbing ) I can't feel my hand!
- What?
252
00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:07,630
- What's going on? Has Pete touched someone?
- No!
253
00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:09,330
Monkey's gone missing!
254
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,960
Monk has gone...
okay, where are you?
255
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,800
I'm in Venice Beach.
256
00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:14,470
Okay, all right.
I'll be right there.
257
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,600
- Help.
- Okay, bye.
258
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,210
Guys, I'm really sorry.
259
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,380
- We need to go.
- Really?
260
00:09:22,410 --> 00:09:23,780
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
261
00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,850
- Is everything okay?
- My sister has lost Monk.
262
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,080
She's lost her little fella.
263
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,380
- Oh, my God.
- Seriously?
264
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:29,650
- Yeah, in Venice.
- Oh, my God. Don't talk.
265
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,280
- I'm sorry.
- Let's go.
266
00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:35,520
Under Megan's Law, we can check
267
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,420
for sex offenders in the area.
268
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:41,330
- I'll go call immediately.
- Yeah, um, the thing is Monk's a puppet.
269
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,800
- There she is.
- A puppet?
270
00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:45,160
( crying ) He's just a
little monkey puppet.
271
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,770
- Bea, he hasn't seen it.
- You can't miss him!
272
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,240
- He must have come by here!
- Bea, Bea, Bea.
273
00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,040
- Tom. ( sobbing )
- Okay. All right, okay.
274
00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:52,770
It's a living hell.
275
00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:54,970
- I can't find him anywhere.
- I know.
276
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,340
- Where have you looked?
- I've looked everywhere.
277
00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:59,750
Okay, this is what we're gonna do.
I've got a great plan.
278
00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:01,460
I love you and I'm here
and I'm gonna help.
279
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,650
We're gonna go back to London and
get you a lovely new puppet.
280
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,420
- ( screams )
- Okay. No, sorry! No, no!
281
00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:09,660
- How can you say that?
- Okay, we won't do that. Why did you say that, Pete?
282
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:13,090
You can't replace him!
My hand is clamping up.
283
00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:15,260
- My God!
- Okay, well, we can't have that.
284
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:18,000
- Help me!
- Yeah. We're gonna find him. We're gonna find him.
285
00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:20,130
- Look for him!
- Pete: We've been looking already.
286
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,570
Have you seen
a little monkey puppet?
287
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,940
No puppet?
288
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,640
Have you seen a little
toy monkey that talks?
289
00:10:24,670 --> 00:10:25,910
Excuse me, sir.
290
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,310
- Have you seen a little monkey puppet?
- Mm-mm.
291
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:28,840
Have you seen
a little puppet monkey?
292
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,540
He's like a little
puppet and he talks.
293
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,980
Monkey, try to tell me
where you are.
294
00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:35,050
Monkey?
295
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,220
Monkey's voice:
I don't know where I am.
296
00:10:36,250 --> 00:10:39,150
Just try and see
where you are, Monkey.
297
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,520
Tell me where you are.
298
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:41,920
Monkey's voice:
I don't know.
299
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,460
This is a nightmare.
300
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,730
Ally:
Have you seen a puppet?
301
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,800
- Tom: There he is!
- Oh, God!
302
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,330
- Look!
- Here.
303
00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:51,730
- Tom: Hi. ( laughing )
- Hi.
304
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,340
Hi.
305
00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:56,200
Oh, my God.
Thank God.
306
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,810
- This is my sister's puppet.
- Oh, my goodness.
307
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,510
- Yeah.
- And you're gonna donate it to us
308
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,010
to make another child
very happy.
309
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,310
- That's so sweet.
- No, that isn't...
310
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,210
that would be sweet, but
that's not what's happening.
311
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,250
I think somebody
must have thrown it
312
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,090
into one of these cans,
thinking it was garbage.
313
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,090
Gee whiz, I just got here.
Let me check the receipts.
314
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,440
- We take a receipt for everything that we have.
- Oh, sure.
315
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:15,660
Well, there won't be a receipt
316
00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,990
unless it was stolen
by a charitable thief.
317
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:19,630
And lookit here.
There is a stuffed monkey...
318
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,500
- Shut up.
- ...to a Mr. Creutz.
319
00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:24,070
- So that's... this is a charitable donation.
- Oh, you're a charity?
320
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,400
I'll give you $30.
321
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,440
No, we cannot accept any money.
322
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:29,970
We're a not-for-profit,
so it's a tax issue.
323
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,310
There's absolutely
no tax issue involved.
324
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,140
You can receive
all the money that you want
325
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,640
as long as you give it
back to the charity.
326
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,740
I'm a professional
tax attorney and I know.
327
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,480
Here's the thing... my sister
is a 38-year-old woman
328
00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:41,250
who talks to a fucking monkey.
329
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,980
The underprivileged kids
can get privileged.
330
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,150
She's beyond help.
331
00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,620
I'm an underprivileged kid.
332
00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:48,750
I never knew who my dad was.
Can I have it?
333
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,520
Woman: I'm sorry you don't
know who your dad is,
334
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,120
but these are... a lot of children
are in need of these wonderful...
335
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,360
- It's a piece of polyester.
- Tom, stop shaking him!
336
00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:56,530
I'll give you $100 for it.
337
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,060
Listen, I'm not
gonna take $100!
338
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,770
You're really creeping
me out, all right?!
339
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,500
Now you and you and you and you
and you can just get out of here!
340
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:05,770
- All right.
- Leave the monk... oh!
341
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,400
You get the fuck
back here, man!
342
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,840
Aw, sh... I can't
leave the toys.
343
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,940
Follow me!
Up here, up here.
344
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:14,210
( laughing )
345
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,320
( all laughing )
346
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:18,980
- Thank you!
- Oh, you're welcome.
347
00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,650
- Thank you, Tom.
- Everything's all right.
348
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:22,820
Oh, my God.
349
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,720
That was such a horrible day.
350
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,760
- That was nuts.
- Oh, I'm sorry she's so weird.
351
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,160
Aw, it's all right.
352
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:32,100
No, thank you,
'cause... I don't know.
353
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:33,930
She wouldn't have survived.
354
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,070
He's part of the family.
355
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:40,300
- Pete: That was really good.
- Hey, this is Ally.
356
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:41,910
- Bea: Hello.
- And Melvin.
357
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:43,340
- I'm so sorry.
- This is my sister Bea.
358
00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:44,570
I'm embarrassed
about my behavior.
359
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,080
- Is that the monkey?
- This is Monk.
360
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:47,580
- Yes.
- Monkey: Yeah, yeah.
361
00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:49,550
- He's such a sweet monkey.
- So she really freaked out.
362
00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:52,380
- He talks.
- Yes, I talk again. Now I do.
363
00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:54,680
- ( all laugh )
- Monkey: Now that I found you.
364
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,790
- Al: I should probably say something, shouldn't I?
- Kitty: Sure. That'd be nice.
365
00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,220
( clinking )
366
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,760
Al:
Ahem.
367
00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:02,790
Welcome one and all
to our happy home.
368
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,430
Kitty and I would liketo welcome you.
369
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:08,260
To our many friends...
old friends and new friends...
370
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,600
family who've comea short distance
371
00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:12,970
and people who traveled
from very far away, welcome.
372
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,370
We're just elated to have
you here with us all.
373
00:13:16,410 --> 00:13:19,740
Um, you work your whole life
374
00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:22,410
and suddenly you realize
what do you have for it?
375
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,510
You have a bunch of stuff.
376
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,850
There was even a bumper
sticker years ago that said,
377
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,980
"He who dies
with the most toys wins."
378
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,250
- ( laughs )
- Well, I've never seen a hearse
379
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,420
with a luggage rack on top.
380
00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,090
I would proposethat he who dies
381
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,090
with the most friends
and family wins.
382
00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:42,060
And I toast you now
as a winner.
383
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,430
To family and friends.
384
00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:46,200
All:
Cheers.
385
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,240
Kitty:
Are we doing everybody?
386
00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:50,840
- Friends and family.
- Friends and family.
387
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,370
Thank you, Al.
That was beautiful.
388
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,910
Thank you. Thank you for
the... loved having you here.
389
00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:57,140
Pete: Listen, what's the deal
with football over here?
390
00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:01,420
You've got American football
and you call football soccer.
391
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,950
No... no.
392
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,720
We call football football.
393
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:09,160
That shouldn't be football
'cause you rarely use your foot.
394
00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:10,590
There is a guy
that actually...
395
00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:12,460
You only use your foot
for the conversions.
396
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,060
But the foot's in play
at that point.
397
00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:15,260
Yeah, but you throw it.
398
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,560
We don't touch the ball,
so we should have football.
399
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,330
Yeah, okay, so then why is it
better that you don't touch it?
400
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:23,500
'Cause you can't just pick
a ball up and run with it.
401
00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:25,070
That's rugby.
402
00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,510
Why don't you call
American football rugby?
403
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:30,540
I'm just saying
we invented football.
404
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,650
I call it... what?
405
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,850
- Tom: Is that Victoria?
- Al: Your great-aunt.
406
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,240
- I didn't know that you met.
- She came here to the States.
407
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,590
She was on some kind of a
quest about her family tree.
408
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,890
- No.
- Oh. When was that taken?
409
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,690
A couple years ago.
410
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,360
That's... don't you
find it weird
411
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:47,960
that she came so far
412
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,530
close to the end of her life?
413
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,470
- I wonder what she found out.
- Yeah.
414
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,730
And I wonder why
she gave that box to you.
415
00:14:57,170 --> 00:14:58,900
Coincidence?
( chuckles )
416
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,670
I'm not sure.
417
00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:02,510
Did she leave you anything?
418
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,010
No.
419
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,510
Maybe she just liked me.
420
00:15:06,550 --> 00:15:08,050
I know the spotted pup song
421
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,050
'cause that was handed down
from my grandfather.
422
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,220
I can't hear
what you're saying.
423
00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,950
- Spotted pop?
- Spotted pup.
424
00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:15,220
- A dog, you know?
- Oh, right.
425
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,520
When they're small,
we call them pups.
426
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,860
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
427
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,060
- I'd like to see you naked.
- Sorry about that.
428
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,860
Monkey:
I would, yeah.
429
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,170
I think you'd be disappointed.
430
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,200
Well, I wouldn't
be there, obviously.
431
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:28,400
Just me and you.
432
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,540
I... I don't think
that's gonna happen.
433
00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:32,570
- I'll be totally honest with you.
- Fine.
434
00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:35,210
I've kind of made a commitment this
evening to keep my clothes on...
435
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,480
- Okay.
- ...until I go into my camper
436
00:15:37,510 --> 00:15:38,950
- which is parked...
- That's a shame.
437
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,850
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
438
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,850
- But, uh...
- So, are you married?
439
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,860
Um, I am married, yes.
440
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:49,260
- You are?
- I am.
441
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:50,960
She here?
442
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,060
No.
My wife is missing.
443
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,330
Oh.
444
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,870
Yeah, she's been missing
for several years now.
445
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,600
- Oh, that's awful.
- Yeah.
446
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,540
Sorry.
You killed her?
447
00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:03,470
Well, I've been
doing magic for years.
448
00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:06,210
I wish I had my props here.
449
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,780
I usually have a little
stool and a table.
450
00:16:08,810 --> 00:16:11,650
Incidentally, how do you fit
four gay men on one bar stool?
451
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,880
- Turn it upside down.
- Ooh.
452
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,850
Now, pay... pay
attention over here.
453
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:19,560
All right, I like to keep a record
of all the jobs I do, of course.
454
00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:21,260
So I have a little
diary, you see?
455
00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:22,930
- Tom: Fancy.
- Yeah, of course.
456
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,990
But at the end of the month I
look, and what have I been doing?
457
00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:27,430
- I've been doodling.
- Tom: Oh, no!
458
00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:29,270
For heaven's sakes.
Who's gonna believe that?
459
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,500
So I can't find any of the
records of the jobs I did.
460
00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:33,170
- Oh, shit.
- I look again,
461
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,340
- and it's even worse because now it's...
- Tom: Hey!
462
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,210
You're a witch.
463
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,350
Tom, I think you should
have one of these.
464
00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:41,680
Not so much
for the doodle part.
465
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,680
You can fill in where
you've been in the States,
466
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,820
if you've met anyone interesting,
any unusual incidents.
467
00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:48,520
- Man: Hi.
- Is that...
468
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,290
- Michael.
- Speak of the devil.
469
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,560
- Kim, come on in.
- Magical Mike.
470
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,360
Kim: What are you
doing in here, Mike?
471
00:16:53,390 --> 00:16:55,630
Mike: Just visiting with
friends from over the pond.
472
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:57,060
- This is Pete.
- Hello.
473
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,330
Mike:
This is my partner Kim.
474
00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,700
- Hello.
- Kim?
475
00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:01,300
- This is Tom.
- Tom, hello.
476
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:02,730
- Hey.
- And this is lovely Ally.
477
00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:04,770
- Hi.
- Oh, lovely indeed. Hi, Ally.
478
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:05,940
- Kim, sit, sit.
- Can I join the party?
479
00:17:05,970 --> 00:17:07,170
I was afraid you
wouldn't make it again.
480
00:17:07,210 --> 00:17:09,610
- Another no-show.
- No, no, no. I show.
481
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,080
This is your
better half... Kim?
482
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:13,210
Indeed he is, yeah.
483
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:16,020
Say, what does a gay man have
in common with an ambulance?
484
00:17:16,050 --> 00:17:20,450
- What?
- They're both rear loaded and they go, "Whoo, whoo!"
485
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:21,590
( all laugh )
486
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,260
Who told us that?
Was that Clark?
487
00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:24,990
( music playing )
488
00:17:25,030 --> 00:17:27,860
Sweetie, could you get me some
more containers for the leftovers?
489
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:28,960
Yeah.
490
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,830
( glass shatters )
491
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:33,930
- Al: Is that my mother's glass?
- Yeah.
492
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,140
Let me see
if I can find someone
493
00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:37,100
to help me in the kitchen,
not work against me.
494
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,070
Don't blame and leave.
495
00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:40,640
I am a terrible cook,
but...
496
00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:41,940
- You are?
- Yeah.
497
00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:43,910
But I'm a great eater.
If that's...
498
00:17:43,940 --> 00:17:45,880
That's great.
This will work out well.
499
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:46,950
Oh, I know this show.
500
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,650
Ally: Oh, yes. I love this show.
501
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,820
Is this what you desire...
502
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:54,390
I watch this with my mom.
503
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,620
...my lord?
504
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,890
( music playing )
505
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:02,260
( music swells )
506
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,070
( breathing heavily )
507
00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:10,400
It's lit so beautifully.
508
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,210
Mm, it's really
well written, too.
509
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,880
Tommy, we're going
old-school raving.
510
00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:16,740
Back to '92, Caesar's Palace.
511
00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:17,780
( popping )
512
00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:19,480
( gulping )
513
00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:21,750
Not drugs, just booze.
514
00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:24,280
- Up for it? Fancy it?
- Um, no.
515
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,920
Everything you just said
sounds terrible.
516
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,490
So I think I'm all set.
I was at a rave this morning.
517
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,760
- You wanna...
- No.
518
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:31,290
You sure?
You sure?
519
00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,560
I'm gonna kick it...
this town's back doors in.
520
00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,900
Are you going
dressed like that?
521
00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,400
- Of course I am.
- Tom: I think we'll stay here.
522
00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:36,860
We're all right.
Are you guys going?
523
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,070
- Yeah.
- All right, you crazy kids.
524
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,900
- Have a good one, guys.
- All right, have fun.
525
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:42,900
- Are you going, Bea?
- I'm off to bed. See you soon.
526
00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:44,340
- Okay.
- Monkey: We're emotional.
527
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:45,740
- 'Night.
- Tom: Nighty-night.
528
00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:47,480
Tommy, Tommy, don't do
anything I wouldn't do.
529
00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,240
- Tom: Oh.
- No, I'm jok... I would.
530
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,180
Tom, could you give me
a hand in the kitchen?
531
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,580
My genius wifejust broke a glass.
532
00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:54,050
There's a broom
in the hall closet.
533
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,720
Yeah, of course.
534
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,320
Okay, I'm just gonna
go cleaning.
535
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:01,260
- I'll be back in a minute.
- Okay.
536
00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:04,530
( woman gasping on TV )
537
00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:33,420
Wow.
538
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:35,690
( mimics car engine )
539
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,760
( mimics crash )
Oh.
540
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:44,430
I see you've found
my special room.
541
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:46,970
Hey.
Yeah.
542
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,570
This is great.
543
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,010
I mean, this is very similar
to what I used to do at work.
544
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,940
And the detail is so good.
545
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:54,340
Do you know what
you're looking at here?
546
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,380
Tom:
Uh, no.
547
00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:59,650
This is Dealey Plaza
where JFK was shot in 1963.
548
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,380
- Exact replica.
- Oh. Wow.
549
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:04,250
Yeah. Grassy knoll,
book depository.
550
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,680
With this model
I was able to prove
551
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:08,020
that not only did
Oswald not act alone,
552
00:20:08,060 --> 00:20:09,720
but I proved how they wereable to cover their tracks
553
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,290
with all the evidencethey left behind.
554
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:12,990
The grassy knoll
and the book depository...
555
00:20:13,030 --> 00:20:14,760
they moved it in the
middle of the night.
556
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,760
Cut it into pieces,
557
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,730
took it all down,
moved it to Area 51.
558
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:22,970
- They moved the grassy knoll?
- Oh, yeah, to Area 51.
559
00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:24,770
It's sitting there right now.
I have friends who've seen it.
560
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:27,680
Too much evidence in there.
They couldn't let it sit.
561
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:30,680
Is that the moon?
562
00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:32,510
That's the moon, all right,
563
00:20:32,550 --> 00:20:34,780
where the supposedlunar landing
564
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,550
took place in 1969.
565
00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:38,150
The supposed lunar landing?
566
00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:40,690
Do you really think we had
the technology in 1969
567
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,920
to get men on the moon
and bring them home?
568
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,260
- Kinda.
- 238,000 miles average...
569
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,860
221 at perigee, 252 at apogee.
570
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,400
- I do.
- A moving target.
571
00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:51,750
You think they landed
on the moon?
572
00:20:51,770 --> 00:20:53,650
- Yeah.
- No, they were orbiting around the Earth
573
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,840
while they did this
all on a soundstage.
574
00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:57,570
Where? Area 51.
575
00:20:57,610 --> 00:21:00,680
Uh-huh. Behind the
grassy knoll, probably.
576
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,140
You ever see the footage
of the men on the moon?
577
00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:04,680
- Yeah.
- There's an American flag blowing in the wind.
578
00:21:04,710 --> 00:21:06,550
Oh, wait, there's
no wind on the moon
579
00:21:06,580 --> 00:21:07,880
'cause there's no atmosphere.
580
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,880
There should be a crater under the LEM.
There's no crater.
581
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,490
There should be a little crater
for when they're landing.
582
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,920
What about the star field
behind them?
583
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,990
There's no stars
in the background.
584
00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:15,220
Why?
They're in a soundstage.
585
00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:16,620
It didn't happen?
586
00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:19,760
We got taken for a ride
is what happened.
587
00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:22,930
- Is that a city on the moon?
- Al: Well, that's on the dark side of the moon.
588
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,030
There are people there. They've
been there for thousands of years.
589
00:21:25,070 --> 00:21:26,900
- Of course.
- There's a whole alien race living there.
590
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,600
Yeah, that makes
a lot of sense.
591
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,740
That's a good album.
592
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:32,410
Oh, my hero.
Neil Diamond.
593
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,510
Great singer and a man
who knows it all.
594
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:36,980
That's why they wanted
to shut him up.
595
00:21:37,010 --> 00:21:39,450
Look at this.
596
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,920
Neil Diamond: concert cancelled.
Throat problem.
597
00:21:41,950 --> 00:21:43,820
"Neil Diamond Concert
Cancelled.
598
00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:46,620
- Singing Legend Cites Throat Problem."
- Yeah.
599
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,960
Couldn't talk or they
didn't want him to talk?
600
00:21:48,990 --> 00:21:51,030
- Probably couldn't talk.
- Oh, no, they didn't want him to talk.
601
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,860
- Right.
- He knows where all the bodies are buried,
602
00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:55,700
about the New World Order, enslavement
of the masses, health care for all.
603
00:21:55,730 --> 00:21:57,530
- He knows about it.
- Neil Diamond does?
604
00:21:57,570 --> 00:21:59,400
Oh, yeah.
And he was ready to sing.
605
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,500
I like that song
"Sweet Caroline."
606
00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:03,370
He knows how it all
comes together.
607
00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:07,010
- He's a good guitar player as well.
- Yes, he is.
608
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,340
Titanic?
609
00:22:08,380 --> 00:22:10,850
- Al: Yeah.
- No iceberg there.
610
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,120
Exactly.
611
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,680
You didn't run away.
612
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,150
- I was thinking about it.
- Sure.
613
00:22:18,190 --> 00:22:20,060
But you thought there was a
chance I might bring wine.
614
00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:22,090
Exactly.
615
00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,870
Thanks.
616
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:30,630
So you're leaving tomorrow.
617
00:22:30,670 --> 00:22:32,200
Yeah.
618
00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:35,570
- We should stay in touch.
- Mm.
619
00:22:35,610 --> 00:22:38,140
Yeah.
620
00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:40,080
- Do you have an e-mail account?
- Yes.
621
00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:41,310
( both laugh )
622
00:22:41,350 --> 00:22:44,150
Isn't it the best?
623
00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:48,390
Are you gonna miss
your American family?
624
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:50,490
Yeah, yeah, I will.
625
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,220
They're great.
626
00:22:52,260 --> 00:22:54,190
- You should stay in touch with them.
- I would love that.
627
00:22:54,230 --> 00:22:55,830
They were just saying
the same thing about you.
628
00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:57,190
- Really?
- Yeah.
629
00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:03,070
Yeah, I'll miss them.
630
00:23:08,770 --> 00:23:11,980
Ally is lovely.
You know?
631
00:23:12,010 --> 00:23:13,780
And she smells so good.
632
00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:17,750
( exhales )
Like lemons.
633
00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,990
And babies.
634
00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:21,420
Like they're fresh.
635
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:24,930
If things were different,
you know, if the situation...
636
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,690
if I was here for longer,
637
00:23:27,730 --> 00:23:30,260
then maybe something...
638
00:23:32,530 --> 00:23:34,600
It's hard to know, you know?
639
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,900
Maybe... the thing is
I'm leaving,
640
00:23:37,940 --> 00:23:41,810
so it's probably for the best.
641
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,340
We're really relaxed
around each other
642
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:46,050
and I... I think
he's really funny
643
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,880
and he's...
he's very cute.
644
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,690
He's very handsome.
645
00:23:52,990 --> 00:23:55,020
But we're... I mean,
it's just... it's nothing.
646
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:57,190
We're just
hanging out and...
647
00:23:57,220 --> 00:24:01,690
and taking things real slow.
648
00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:03,660
( both moaning )
649
00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:06,730
Oh, wow!
Wow! Wow!
650
00:24:06,770 --> 00:24:09,670
Wow! Wow!
651
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:12,140
( birds chirping )
652
00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:15,410
Maybe we should have
gotten some sleep.
653
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,880
Just like a half an hour
or something.
654
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,980
( both laugh )
655
00:24:23,020 --> 00:24:25,320
( cat purring )
656
00:24:34,490 --> 00:24:38,030
- Feeling rough?
- Yeah. I feel rough as old dogs'.
657
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:41,030
I think Rick and Julie might have slipped
something in my drink last night.
658
00:24:41,070 --> 00:24:42,300
- Really?
- Kinky buggers.
659
00:24:42,340 --> 00:24:44,000
Monkey: Bea slipped
something in her own drink.
660
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,740
Pete:
Oh, yes. Yes.
661
00:24:46,770 --> 00:24:49,980
So, uh, I'd better
go fly this plane.
662
00:24:50,010 --> 00:24:51,940
- Oh, you fly an airplane, too.
- I do.
663
00:24:51,980 --> 00:24:54,250
I never mentioned I'm a
commercial airline pilot?
664
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,780
I always forget that.
665
00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:58,580
You'd better go
and get in your uniform.
666
00:24:58,620 --> 00:25:01,820
It's casual Friday, so...
667
00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:03,920
I'm gonna miss you.
668
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,860
Bea, they're getting off.
669
00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:12,130
Tommy.
670
00:25:12,170 --> 00:25:14,530
- Plane to catch.
- Yeah.
671
00:25:14,570 --> 00:25:16,100
- Check in.
- Bye, Ally.
672
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:20,810
I really don't want you to go.
673
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,310
I don't wanna go.
674
00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:36,630
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
675
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,930
? When I found you,I found myself ?
676
00:25:45,970 --> 00:25:50,210
? I was gonna love youlike nobody else ?
677
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,410
? But I never reallyhad a clue ?
678
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,280
? How to love a girl like you ?
679
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,950
? Two true believers ?
680
00:26:00,980 --> 00:26:03,750
? We devised ?
681
00:26:03,790 --> 00:26:07,620
? A temporary paradise ?
682
00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:12,190
? Now our futureis in the past ?
683
00:26:12,230 --> 00:26:14,700
? I should have known ?
684
00:26:14,730 --> 00:26:18,570
? It wouldn't last ?
685
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,470
? I should have beena better man ?
686
00:26:22,510 --> 00:26:27,340
? You could have beena better friend ?
687
00:26:27,380 --> 00:26:31,410
? I'm alone, but that's okay ?
688
00:26:31,450 --> 00:26:32,980
? I guess the dice ?
689
00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:38,190
? Just rolled that way. ?
690
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,790
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