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Welcome to Sparkhill Birmingham,
the capital of British Pakistan.
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Community leader!
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00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,720
They all know me! You like my suit?
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00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,440
Number one, Citizen Khan.
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00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:41,160
Oh, Mrs Desai called about
the wedding. Said they can't come.
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00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,600
I knew it! She hates us.
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She's punishing me for not sending
out the invitations.
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00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,720
SHE GASPS
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00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,720
Now she's going to unfriend
me on Facebook!
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00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,280
No, they actually can't come?
Her husband died.
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00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,960
Oh. Thank God.
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Open the door!
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Open the bloody door! Coming!
14
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:03,520
Look at this!
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00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:08,200
On special discount from Cash
and Carry. Good, huh?
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00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,840
This is too many. It's not too many.
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00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,600
We're always running out
because you lot use too much.
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What are you talking about? You only
ever need a little bit.
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Look. This, too much.
This, too much. This, just right.
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00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,680
Nobody ever needs
to use more than that.
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00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,600
Why do you have to make such a fuss
about toilet tissue?
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Because it costs money!
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00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,880
And I'm paying for this bloody
wedding, don't forget.
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It is my big day, Dad.
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More like big four days.
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Why do our weddings have to take
so long?
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00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,000
Maybe we should have
an English wedding.
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00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,720
20 minutes in registry office,
cucumber sandwich, cup of tea,
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"Thank you for coming, bye bye."
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The shame! What will
the Maliks say?
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00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,840
Chillax. I'm only joking.
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Luckily for you, you are married
to a Pakistani businessman, hey?
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Dad, you're such a cheapskate.
It's embarrassing. Chup!
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00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,800
I want no backchat from anyone!
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00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,280
She has to look pretty
for the wedding. I said chup!
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These dresses are so beautiful. Chup!
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00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,520
Not as beautiful as you, my darling!
Chup! Ah, thanks, Mum!
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00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,360
Chup! Amjad is a very lucky...
39
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,880
I said chup! Is this
not bloody working?!
40
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,720
Why you always talking about
bloody expensive dresses?
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00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,400
A man doesn't care what his bride
is wearing.
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the first thing I thought when I saw
her was, "She looks bloody cheap."
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In a good way!
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00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,040
Go on, be a good daughter for once,
help your mother.
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00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,640
What about Alia? You never
have a go at her!
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Your little sister is good girl.
She'll be somewhere
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doing her homework or praying
or some such thing.
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Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie!
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Where are you, darling Alia?
50
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,560
Ah.
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00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:06,160
Look at that. Wonderful.
Reading the Koran, huh?
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00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:11,040
Very good. Where are you up to
darling? Oh yes, that's a good bit.
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00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,920
See? First the worst,
second the best, isn't it?
54
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,800
Have you been watering down
the washing up liquid?
55
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,080
Why are you sponging the sofa again?
56
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,360
Three times already you
sponged it this week.
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00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:27,280
I'm just freshening it up. Mrs Malik
is coming round with Amjad tomorrow.
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00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,920
I don't want her saying things
about my plastic covers.
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00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,920
As it is, she's always looking down
her nose at us,
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00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,520
making out we're common.
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00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,520
Rubbish. Why would she think that?
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CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY
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00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,440
Anyway, she won't be thinking
that for much longer.
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00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,720
You know the president
of the Sparkhill Pakistani Business Association?
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00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,000
He's asked me to accompany him
to the next meeting.
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00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,560
Accompany him, like proper
businessman!
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00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,320
More like drive him,
like proper driver.
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00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,600
You know what this means?
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They're making me the next
president. President Khan!
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00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,960
What do you think of that?
That'll go down well at the mosque.
71
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,760
Oh, by the way, have you booked
the mosque for the wedding?
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00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,320
Yes, of course I have.
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00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,240
Good, because if you hadn't we
might've lost the slot. I know.
74
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,640
And then there would be
cancellation. I know this!
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And shame.
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00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,280
And I would have to kill myself.
77
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,520
Look, who's in charge
of this family? Mum?
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00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:19,680
I am!
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00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,120
Look I've booked the mosque,
OK? I said I would do it,
80
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:26,320
and I will do it... Er, I have done
it. It's booked, done.
81
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,120
Baas.
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00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,120
CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY
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00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,640
Don't stop reading, Alia.
It's a big book
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00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,800
Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan. Waleikum
asalaam, Riaz. What are you up to?
85
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,640
Burying dead people. Oh, of course.
86
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,720
How's the car? The Mercedes, eh?
87
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,240
Still looking like a brand new.
88
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,480
This is Omar. He's new.
Excellent. Welcome.
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00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,080
Mr Khan, community leader.
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00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:18,040
Future President of the Sparkhill
Pakistani Business Association.
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00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,240
Ask anybodys, they all know me.
92
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,840
Ah! Asalaam Alaikum.
93
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,960
I'm delighted to make
the acquaintance
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00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,720
of such a prominent
member of the local community.
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00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,760
What's wrong with him?
He's from Somalia. Oh...
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00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,360
HE SIGHS
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00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,600
HE SIGHS
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00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,600
Yes. Mr Khan!
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00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,440
Mrs Bilal! What are you doing
in the mosque office?
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00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,280
I wanted to talk to you.
101
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,480
I'm busy, talk to someone else.
Like who?
102
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,840
Well, it's a mosque.
Have you tried God?
103
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,880
Are you coming to the Women's Group
day trip? No!
104
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,840
We're going to Alton Towers!
105
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,400
Well...
106
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,480
Have a wonderful time and try not
to fall out of any rides.
107
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,360
But I might want someone
to hold my hand.
108
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,280
Thank you, goodbye, Mrs Bilal.
109
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,240
Mr Khan! Mr Khan!
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God, Mrs Bilal!
111
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,040
President Khan. How do you do?
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Mr President Khan.
Pleased to meet ya.
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HE SIGHS
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Yes. Next President of SPBA.
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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
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00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,160
Testing, testing, one, two.
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00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,800
This is President Khan speaking.
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My fellow business leaders.
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Ask not what your association
can do for you,
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00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,600
but what have you done
for me lately?
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00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:56,280
I have a dream, a song to sing.
122
00:06:56,280 --> 00:07:00,880
I saw the light on the night
that I passed by her window.
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00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,760
Dum, dum, dum...
124
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:07,480
My, my, my, Delilah...
125
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,720
Tum-te-tum-te-tum-te-tum...
126
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:14,320
Why, why, why, Delilah?
127
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,160
Everything all right?
Yes, thank you.
128
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,320
I was just looking
for the prayer mats.
129
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:24,480
Right. So, er... You've got
everything you need, yeah?
130
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,840
Yes. You know you can drop in
anytime
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00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,600
and use the facilities here.
132
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,720
Yes. This is the house of God,
open to everyone.
133
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,800
Yes, that's very nice. Can I just
ask one thing?
134
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Shoot. Who the hell are you?
135
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,960
Sorry, I'm Dave. I'm the new
mosque manager.
136
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,600
What happened to Mr Qureshi?
He's tied up under the desk.
137
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:48,360
No. Only kidding. Mr Qureshi
has taken early retirement.
138
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,960
Oh, right. Well, congratulations
and welcome onboard.
139
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,120
And you are?
Mr Khan, community leader.
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Mr Qureshi must have mentioned me.
141
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,520
Ohhhh, yes. YOU'RE Mr Kahn.
142
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,000
That's me.
143
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,080
I need to talk to you about
booking the mosque
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00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,680
for my daughter's wedding.
145
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,040
Your daughter's getting married?
Congratulations!
146
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:11,240
Thank you. You must be very proud!
Mmm... Eh.
147
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,320
Now, I need to book it
on this date here.
148
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,080
OK, I'll check the diary.
What for?
149
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,480
To see if I have a window.
150
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,080
I'm not asking you out for dinner.
You're a very nice man,
151
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:28,200
but I... (LOWERS VOICE) ..play with
a straight bat, you know?
152
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,680
Right. Oh, no. Oh, we're booked up
that day.
153
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,560
You can't be. Check again.
No. Definitely booked.
154
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:41,040
What?! Do know who I am?
Hello! Mr Khan, community leader!
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00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:45,000
Next President of Sparkhill
Pakistani Business Association!
156
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I'm sorry.
157
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,240
Right, that's it. I want to speak
to the proper manager.
158
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,760
I am the proper manager.
159
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,280
You know what I mean.
The proper manager.
160
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,840
'Proper'? The brown one.
161
00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,560
Oh, I see what you're saying.
162
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,400
It's OK I get this a lot.
I am a Muslim. I'm a convert.
163
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,040
Right. I'm not
trying to be funny, mate,
164
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,080
but you can't be a proper Muslim,
you see.
165
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,480
Because I'm white?
Because you're ginger.
166
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,480
What's that got to do with it?
167
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,680
You gingers are very
different to the rest of us.
168
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:26,760
Not so calm, frickley freckley
skin, Scottish.
169
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,240
I'm not Scottish. You drink?
170
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,320
I used to. You Scottish.
171
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:35,360
I think you might be being a teeny
bit racist, Mr Khan.
172
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,360
Me? I'm Asian.
173
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,480
You are white, I'm racial.
174
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,920
It is more racist you calling
me racist!
175
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:48,160
And anyway, you can't go around
impersonating mosque managers.
176
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,280
It's forbidden in the Koran.
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00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,840
Is it? Well, if it isn't,
it should be.
178
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,520
It's the sacred word
of God, never to be taken lightly.
179
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,800
Look, I've made my declaration
of faith.
180
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,680
I observe the five pillars. And any
way, doesn't the Koran teach us
181
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,480
that everybody is born
a Muslim and so, in fact...
182
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,360
All right, don't take it
SO seriously!
183
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,600
Look. Just get me in there
and nobody needs to know.
184
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,240
I'm really sorry, Mr Khan,
but the mosque is booked.
185
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:21,400
Look, Dave, you put me in a very
difficult position.
186
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,560
What am I supposed to say to my wife
and daughter?
187
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,120
I'm sure they'll understand.
188
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,400
You haven't met my wife
and daughter.
189
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,160
Mrs Malik.
190
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:37,840
Thank you.
191
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,040
House looks nice.
192
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,720
Thank you. The sofa's
a little squeaky.
193
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,240
Thank you!
194
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,840
So clever what you've done
in such a small space.
195
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,400
Thank you.
196
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,640
Are you texting someone? No.
I'm praying to Mecca.
197
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,360
There's an app for it now, innit?
198
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,760
Wow. Amazing.
199
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,920
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
200
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,400
Ah, here is Mr Khan now.
201
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,240
Darling, your favourite
gulab jamun is home!
202
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,920
Mrs Malik and Amjad are here!
203
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,920
Hello, Mrs Khan. How are you?
204
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,240
What a wonderful surprise,
Mrs Malik.
205
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,200
I wasn't expecting you till
tomorrow. What delightful chance
206
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,360
brings you here 24 hours
flipping early?
207
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,320
Mrs Malik had some thoughts about
the wedding. What? Again?
208
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,480
We're always talking about this
bloody wedding.
209
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,200
Let's talk about something else.
210
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,600
Did anyone watch News At Ten
last night?
211
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,600
Seven times they mentioned
Pakistan, huh?!
212
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,680
Twice in a good way!
213
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,280
It's going to be a wonderful
occasion.
214
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,400
The mosque is so lovely.
215
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,560
Mosque, shmosque.
216
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,840
Of course my husband
is on the Mosque Committee.
217
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,040
Stop it now, Mrs Khan.
218
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,880
He's very close to
the management, very influential.
219
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,840
I said stop it now, Mrs Khan!
220
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,040
Wedding, wedding, wedding!
221
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,360
I know. Let's play a game.
222
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,400
Alia, go get Monopoly
for Mrs Malik, huh?
223
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,600
Yes, Papaji. She's such a good girl.
224
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:20,360
You know, whoever marries this one
will have a real jewel.
225
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,400
This one is OK, too.
226
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,040
Come on, Alia, choppity chop!
227
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,720
I don't think so.
228
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,640
You can be the doggy.
229
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,960
No, we should be going.
230
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,440
All right. Well, then, goodbye,
Mrs Malik.
231
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,600
Won't you stay for something
to eat?
232
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,400
She said she wants to go.
What's wrong with you, woman?
233
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,040
But there's plenty of food.
234
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,280
Let go of Mrs Malik. No, really.
235
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:46,960
Mr Malik is taking me out to an
Indian restaurant tonight.
236
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,720
I want to look nice.
237
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,960
You'll need to give yourself plenty
of time for that then, won't you?
238
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:57,880
So, we'll come round to see you
tomorrow to discuss the guest list.
239
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,880
Yes. Goodbye, Mrs Malik.
Oh, hang on.
240
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,080
There you go. I don't...
241
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,880
Better take two, huh?
Indian restaurant.
242
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,400
Bye, Shazia. Bye, Amjad.
243
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,760
Hey, I like your...hairclip.
244
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,800
All right! Put her down, will you?
245
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,080
Save that till after marriage.
Goodbye, Amjad.
246
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,360
HE HUMS "DELILAH"
247
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,560
CONTINUES HUMMING
248
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,320
What was that all about?
249
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,640
What do you mean? You didn't forget
to book the mosque, did you?
250
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:38,840
HE SIPS LOUDLY
251
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,040
Ahhh.
252
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,320
Hmm?
253
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,120
The mosque. It's booked, isn't it?
254
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,040
You know, when you think about it,
255
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,680
is the mosque really the right place
to have your wedding?
256
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,840
What have you done?
257
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:59,840
I just thought, wedding, mosque,
something didn't feel right.
258
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:04,040
We're Muslim! Yes, but what you have
to remember is...
259
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,520
So we haven't got the mosque?
260
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,600
No. Dad! How could
you do this to me?
261
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,280
I told you as soon as we had
the date for the wedding,
262
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,680
book the mosque, but you, oh no...
263
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,000
Leave him alone. It's not his
fault! Is it, Papa?
264
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,600
No.
265
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,840
Whose fault was it, then?
266
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,640
It was Amjad's.
267
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,120
What? Well, I told him
to book it and he forgot.
268
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,960
I should've known.
269
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,440
He has a very limited mental
capacity, that boy.
270
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:33,240
Looks like a God,
thinks like a monkey.
271
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,760
Amjad forgot to book the mosque!
I don't believe it.
272
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,320
It's probably for the best, Papa.
273
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,600
Now you can hire somewhere
less expensive.
274
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,240
Ah. I tell you. I love this girl.
275
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,000
She's a bloody marvel.
276
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,560
Almost like a son, she is!
277
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,680
We haven't got time
to find anywhere else now!
278
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,840
There's lots of places. Conference
centre,
279
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,120
leisure centre, all the centres.
280
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,280
He only had to do one thing.
281
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,360
Maybe he doesn't want to marry me.
282
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,880
Maybe it's a sign or something!
283
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,920
It's not a sign.
284
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,280
Oh, I'm so confused. I need some
time to think.
285
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,920
You haven't got time to think!
286
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,400
The invitations will go out.
People will book flights.
287
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,080
Oh, my God!
288
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,600
The wedding will be postponed
and the shame will destroy us all!
289
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,640
Don't be ridiculous.
290
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,280
I think my heart has stopped.
I'm dead! You've killed me!
291
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,320
Alia, your mother is upset.
Bring fresh cup of tea.
292
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,040
And bring one for her too.
293
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,400
What are we going to say
to the Maliks?
294
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,280
Nothing.
295
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,800
They don't need to know.
She doesn't really mean it.
296
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,360
Soon she'll calm down and it will
all be back to normal.
297
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,080
Your mother is always
panicking for no reason.
298
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,080
Don't panic, Captain Mainwaring!
299
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,840
Chillax! Everything will be OK!
300
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,960
Don't worry about letting
the Maliks know. See?
301
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,360
I've texted Amjad. He'll tell them.
302
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,360
Now you can panic.
303
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,240
Right, Amjad, you're here.
Hello, sir.
304
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,240
Now, I know what you're thinking...
305
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,320
I've made a mosque out of Lego so I
can work out where everything goes.
306
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,440
Right?
307
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,160
This is me and this is Shazia.
308
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,120
Obviously she's not as beautiful
as she is in real life.
309
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,240
And I couldn't find any little brown
people,
310
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,040
so I coloured her in
with the felt tips.
311
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,480
Right. I thought that
the buffet could go here,
312
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,760
and the dance area could go...
313
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,680
Let's not worry about that now, eh?
314
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,560
The thing is, did you get
a text from Shazia or not?
315
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,120
I haven't received any texts.
316
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:40,680
I used up all my battery trying to
download the praying to Mecca app.
317
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,280
Why, what did it say?
318
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:43,680
Oh, nothing important.
319
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,120
It's just that Shazia is having
320
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,800
what we call in the Pakistani
community "a bit of a wobble".
321
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,800
But I thought Shazia was as happy
about this as I am.
322
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,880
She's happy. That's probably why
she doesn't want to get married.
323
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,040
She's so damned happy!
324
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,480
She doesn't want to get married?
325
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,160
Not ever. Just not now.
326
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,480
Well...is there somebody else?
327
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,080
Unfortunately not.
328
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,080
Then maybe it's something I've done?
329
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,840
Maybe. You never know with womens.
330
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,560
Could be something you did,
something you didn't do,
331
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,040
something you said, something you
didn't say.
332
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,440
Best thing for you to do is just
apologise for everything
333
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,080
and it'll all be tickity boo.
334
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,760
I know what's really happened here!
335
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,360
You do? Who told you?
336
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,440
I'm not good enough for her.
337
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,680
Oh, thank God.
338
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,160
Why would a girl like really be
interested in someone like me?
339
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,640
It's a good question, but now
is not the time to dwell on it.
340
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,080
She's out of my league.
341
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,240
She's not. She's so beautiful.
342
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,400
Not really...
343
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,160
And she's clever and funny.
344
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,080
I'm telling you,
she's not that great!
345
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,760
I've been kidding myself.
She'll never want to marry me.
346
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,600
Of course she will. Now get up
and get over there.
347
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,240
Come on! Come on!
348
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,520
Come on! Come on!
349
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,440
What are you doing here, Dave?
It's my office.
350
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,760
Is everything all right?
He's suffering from low self-esteem.
351
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,920
I'm not sure that's going to help.
352
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,920
You know, Mr Qureshi never used
to come barging in like this.
353
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,440
I'm making a list of complaints
about you, you know.
354
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,800
AMJAD SOBS
355
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:18,000
He's a bit upset because my daughter
doesn't want to marry him any more.
356
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,160
Maybe I can help? No, thank you.
357
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,240
This is all your fault
in the first place.
358
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,200
If you'd let us book the mosque,
none of this would've happened.
359
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,120
Is that why she's gone off me?
Because you didn't book the mosque?
360
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,160
No!
361
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,800
Look I'm very sorry, Mr Khan.
362
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,080
I did try speaking to Mrs Bilal
but she won't budge.
363
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,280
What's she got to do with it?
364
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,280
She's got the mosque
on the day you want it.
365
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,680
Did you tell her it was for me?
366
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,880
Yeah, and that just made it worse.
367
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,800
But I'm a qualified counsellor.
I've got a certificate!
368
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:47,880
This is a family matter,
not Gingerholics Anonymous.
369
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,600
AMJAD SOBS
370
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,760
Hey...
371
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,680
Come on. You mustn't blame yourself.
You have to stay positive.
372
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,440
Yes. Pull yourself together.
373
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,000
If she doesn't want to get married,
you mustn't let it get you down.
374
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,520
Exactly. You need to just
carry on with your life.
375
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,560
Yes. Carry on.
376
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,920
There will be someone
else out there for you.
377
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,760
Always someone...
What do you mean, "someone else"?!
378
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,240
You're young. There's plenty more
fish in the sea.
379
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,280
Dave! He's right. No, he's not!
380
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,080
If Shazia has doubts about me,
381
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,280
maybe it's best if we never see each
other again.
382
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,600
Let's talk just about this.
383
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,320
No, my mind's made up.
Tell Shazia I'm sorry.
384
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,880
I forbid you to walk out that door!
385
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,720
I forbid you to walk out the other
door!
386
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,120
DOOR SLAMS
387
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,560
This is going on the list, Dave!
388
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,600
Oh, my God! >
389
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,080
He'll come round!
390
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,400
Oh, my God!
391
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,840
It'll be OK. Oh, my God!
392
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,960
It's difficult
to have a conversation with you
393
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,920
when you're talking to someone else.
394
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,320
Shazia's locked herself
in her bedroom.
395
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,400
Go and talk to her.
Make her see sense.
396
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,720
What, me? I've got to go to my
Association meeting.
397
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,560
Which one looks more Presidential?
398
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,280
The beigey brown one or the browny
beige one?
399
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,320
Don't you want your daughter
to be happy?
400
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,680
Don't you want her to have
what we have?
401
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,720
Which is it?
She can't have both.
402
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,600
But the Maliks are supposed to be
coming round tomorrow.
403
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,320
They aren't coming round tomorrow,
cos I'm meant to be going out.
404
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,040
Going out to do some
shopping for Mummy.
405
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,800
So sweet.
406
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,800
Do you really think the Maliks will
let Amjad call off the wedding?
407
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,880
Mr Malik knows the value
of a good match.
408
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,160
We are a very important family
in the community.
409
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,920
Don't ever forget that.
410
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,520
"BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY" PLAYS
411
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,400
Hello, Mr Malik!
412
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,000
HE WHISPERS: This IS Mr Malik?
413
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,520
Yes!
414
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,360
Of course!
415
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,280
I know.
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
416
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,680
I know.
417
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,280
Yes, no problem, Mr Malik.
418
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,320
Thank you! OK. Goodbye, Mr Malik.
419
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,680
That was Mr Malik.
420
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:05,120
And? The wedding is off.
421
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,560
KNOCK ON DOOR
422
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,760
Hello, sweetie!
423
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,960
Can I come in?
424
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,040
I want to talk to you, darling.
425
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,280
It's me.
426
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,600
Your father.
427
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,080
Mr Khan.
428
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,600
I want to talk to you about
something very important.
429
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,800
You. You are very important to me.
430
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:39,440
Open the bloody door...
My sweetie darling.
431
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,080
Oh.
432
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,600
This is very nice. Lovely room.
433
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,960
I'm so glad we're having
this heart to heart talk.
434
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,200
It feels very easy and not
uncomfortable at all, does it?
435
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:03,720
Oh. I love these dresses
and shoes, etc...
436
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,080
Why are you doing this?
Doing what, sweetie?
437
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,520
Pretending to care.
I know Mum sent you up here.
438
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,360
No! Your mother didn't send me
up here.
439
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,400
I didn't send him,
beti, he came of his own accord! >
440
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,960
See? Look, beti.
441
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,600
I know you're hurting now,
442
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,800
but you must look to the future,
and not think of the past.
443
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,960
The future is where good things
happen,
444
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:34,240
and the past is filled with shame
and sadness and failure.
445
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,960
You know, when I first came to this
country... Just tell her!
446
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,880
I am!
447
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,320
If Amjad cared about me he wouldn't
have forgotten to book the mosque.
448
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:50,240
Right, sweetie. About the mosque.
449
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,880
It's not about the mosque.
That's not even important.
450
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,000
Thank God for that!
451
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,880
I just need to be sure he loves me
as much as I love him.
452
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:03,320
You're getting married.
He's your fiancee.
453
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,480
What's love got to do with it?
454
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:09,120
You can't marry someone you're not
in love with.
455
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:11,840
You fell in love with Mum,
didn't you?
456
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,840
Eventually.
457
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:16,800
But it was touch and go.
458
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,400
Look, sweetie.
459
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:31,800
You get married to Amjad, you settle
down, have some children.
460
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,920
It's not a bad life, is it?
461
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,200
But what if it's a mistake?
462
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,440
What if I go ahead with it and we're
not right for each other?
463
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,640
And I spend the rest of my life
regretting it
464
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:47,800
and dreaming of what might've been.
You do understand don't you, Dad?
465
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,200
I can't force myself
to marry someone.
466
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,240
I suppose.
467
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,600
But we're Pakistani.
You can give it a go!
468
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,960
Well?!
469
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,680
The wedding is off.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
470
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:06,840
Don't start that again.
471
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,480
She doesn't want to marry Amjad
and I agree with her. Why?
472
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,200
Well, there's no rush. She's young
and the boy's obviously an idiot.
473
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:14,800
What's that got to do with it?
474
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,880
What kind of woman wants
to marry an idiot?
475
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,480
My life is over.
476
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,160
I'll never be able to show my face
477
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,360
at the Sparkhill Women's
Day Group again.
478
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:30,280
Oh, well. I've got to go to my
meeting now.
479
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,120
You don't want her to ever
get married.
480
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,720
All you're interested in is money
481
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,000
and being big shot in
the Business Association.
482
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,640
That's not true!
I am also interested in the cricket!
483
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,800
DOORBELL RINGS
484
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,600
Hello, sir. Now listen to me, Amjad.
485
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,160
I have to talk to Shazia.
486
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,880
You can't. Just give me two minutes.
487
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,560
She doesn't... What are you going
to do in two minutes?
488
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,120
Three minutes then.
489
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,280
I'm sorry. It's too late.
Her mind is made up.
490
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,720
What do you mean? The wedding
is off, so now you know. Goodbye.
491
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,040
Shazia! Oh, Shazia!
492
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,880
Amjad? Shazia?
You're wasting your time.
493
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,400
Amjad! Oh, Shazia! I am so sorry.
494
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,720
No, I'm sorry.
495
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,400
No, I am sorry.
496
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,520
No, I'm sorry. That's it, say your
last goodbyes.
497
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,880
Oh, Ladoo. Oh, Budhoo.
498
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,800
Oh, Ladoo. Oh, Budhoo.
499
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,560
Now I'm confused.
Is the wedding on or off?
500
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,960
On, of course.
But what about the mosque?
501
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,240
Never mind about the mosque.
502
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,080
Oh yeah. What about the mosque?
503
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,640
I don't care about the mosque.
Neither do I.
504
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,720
See, nobody cares about the mosque.
505
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,680
I do.
506
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,320
But don't worry, beti.
507
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,440
Your father will sort it all out.
Won't you?
508
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,800
Of course.
509
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,960
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
510
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,080
I knew you'd come back for me.
Could you feel me wishing it?
511
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,000
A little bit. But it was mainly
the text from Alia.
512
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,640
What? I just wanted
you to be happy, sis.
513
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:05,040
Right, I'm going to do my
homework in my room. Khuda hafiz.
514
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,080
Such a good girl.
515
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,560
I'm so glad the wedding is back on.
516
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:23,360
It was never off. These two are
destined for each other.
517
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:27,040
And of course you worked
wonders to get the mosque booked.
518
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:32,480
Oh I didn't do anything.
It was all down to my husband.
519
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,680
However did you manage it?
520
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,960
I don't want to talk about it.
521
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:41,400
Don't worry, Mr Khan. You can drive
the president another day.
522
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:42,760
DOORBELL RINGS
523
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,080
Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan.
Hello, Dave.
524
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,640
She's all yours.
525
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,080
Right. Come on then, Mrs Bilal.
Let's get this over with.
526
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,160
As we agreed, one trip to Alton
Towers,
527
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,360
but I'm not getting
on any rides.
528
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:02,840
But you promised!
529
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,880
All right, maybe the log flume.
530
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,880
Aw, what about the pirate ship?
531
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,560
Shut up, Dave!
532
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,200
BHANGRA MUSIC
533
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,360
Bye, Dave!
534
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,240
Bye! Have a lovely time!
535
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,240
Remember, no toilet stops.
536
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,120
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
537
00:27:57,170 --> 00:28:01,720
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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