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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,281 --> 00:00:03,423 You know sometimes a 21 minute 15 second episode of Broad City 2 00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:06,267 isn't enough of the world of Broad City for me 3 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:07,274 No, me niether. 4 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,893 Right after this episode you are gonna get behind the scenes 5 00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:13,549 exclusive footage of how our show Broad City is made. 6 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,051 It is like a behind the curtain look at Broad City. 7 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:18,687 Very informative and you're gonna dig it. 8 00:00:18,693 --> 00:00:21,223 Stay tuned after the episode for a behind the scenes look 9 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,758 at the making of Broad City 10 00:00:22,764 --> 00:00:24,660 - I love a good BTS - Me, too. 11 00:00:24,666 --> 00:00:26,668 - I love a hot BTS - BTS to the BTS, baby! 12 00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:37,006 Oh, my God. 13 00:00:37,012 --> 00:00:39,280 Who did this? 14 00:00:40,243 --> 00:00:42,572 "We've pissed our pants so many a time, 15 00:00:42,579 --> 00:00:45,163 "but this place was first and thus sublime. 16 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:48,434 "You'll find the next clue where the trash is disposed, 17 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,304 the cleanest can on the block, right next to the hose." 18 00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:55,074 "P.S. Dress cute and hot and fresh and young." 19 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,243 Oh, my God, yes. 20 00:00:57,249 --> 00:00:58,984 Scavenger hunt! 21 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,120 Ha ha ha! 22 00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:05,257 Phone, okay. 23 00:01:09,261 --> 00:01:11,318 ? Four and three and two and one one ?? 24 00:01:12,704 --> 00:01:15,564 - Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com - 25 00:01:15,919 --> 00:01:17,854 The garbage can next to the hose... 26 00:01:21,339 --> 00:01:23,102 Ew... 27 00:01:23,108 --> 00:01:26,005 "The next clue is held tight by a long-haired purveyor 28 00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,740 "in the place you got a hickey 29 00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,614 and I was a player." 30 00:01:38,523 --> 00:01:40,225 Cha-ching! 31 00:01:47,699 --> 00:01:49,495 This is the whole clue? 32 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:50,696 It's a blank piece of paper. 33 00:01:50,702 --> 00:01:54,166 Put it over the fire, you dumb whore. 34 00:01:54,172 --> 00:01:55,307 Ew! 35 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,137 "The next clue's in a place 36 00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:00,039 "we went and weeped. 37 00:02:00,045 --> 00:02:04,176 A man holds the key, he's prolly asleep." 38 00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:08,120 You know, you're a sexy little bitch. 39 00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,216 (laughing) 40 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,229 Where does she find these [bleep] people? 41 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,227 Thank you for the information. 42 00:02:19,531 --> 00:02:22,401 - Put it on my tab, - You got it. 43 00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:25,431 Ha ha! 44 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,139 Got her! 45 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,470 (gasping) Oh, my God. 46 00:02:31,476 --> 00:02:32,674 Hi! 47 00:02:32,681 --> 00:02:34,361 Oh... no, please, don't show me your dick! 48 00:02:34,368 --> 00:02:36,019 I don't wanna see another dick today. 49 00:02:36,026 --> 00:02:38,429 It's a clue. 50 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,314 Oh, my God! Yes! 51 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,582 Thank you! 52 00:02:43,588 --> 00:02:45,657 (puppies yelping) 53 00:02:55,534 --> 00:02:57,202 Hey. 54 00:02:58,336 --> 00:02:59,532 Hey! 55 00:02:59,538 --> 00:03:02,501 Oh, my God, dude. 56 00:03:02,507 --> 00:03:04,170 This is nuts. 57 00:03:04,176 --> 00:03:07,440 That scavenger hunt was insane. 58 00:03:07,446 --> 00:03:09,742 - Ha-ha! - The Intrepid? Beautiful. 59 00:03:09,748 --> 00:03:12,285 I mean, I've never... experienced anything like that. 60 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,547 I mean, I rode a horse. 61 00:03:14,553 --> 00:03:17,383 I have... I didn't know that I could ride a horse. 62 00:03:17,389 --> 00:03:19,038 - I did. - You know me better 63 00:03:19,045 --> 00:03:20,653 - than I know myself. - Better than you know yourself. 64 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:21,687 - Oh! - Same... 65 00:03:21,693 --> 00:03:23,522 (both) Page! 66 00:03:23,528 --> 00:03:25,257 (both laughing) 67 00:03:25,264 --> 00:03:26,792 - It's... - It's so... 68 00:03:26,798 --> 00:03:29,528 (both) Hilarious! 69 00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:31,130 Yes. 70 00:03:31,136 --> 00:03:32,732 (both) Ahh... 71 00:03:32,738 --> 00:03:35,551 We are an incredible team, and I love you. 72 00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:36,598 That's so sweet. 73 00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:38,497 - And look, it's our dish. - It is our dish. 74 00:03:38,504 --> 00:03:40,005 I dream of these chicken fingers. 75 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,708 Funny thing is, we won't have any dreams tonight because we'll be 76 00:03:42,714 --> 00:03:44,532 shitting ourselves so crazy with diarrhea. 77 00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:46,007 - Cheers to that. - Yeah. 78 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,448 ?? 79 00:03:49,454 --> 00:03:50,616 (laughing) 80 00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:51,751 Aren't these incredible? 81 00:03:51,757 --> 00:03:53,792 ?? 82 00:03:55,293 --> 00:03:56,589 (both slurping) 83 00:03:56,595 --> 00:03:58,758 So anyway, Happy Friendiversary. 84 00:03:58,764 --> 00:04:00,826 (glasses ding) 85 00:04:00,832 --> 00:04:03,262 Friendiversary... yeah. 86 00:04:03,268 --> 00:04:04,463 Ew. 87 00:04:04,469 --> 00:04:08,167 Dude, that... scavenger hunt 88 00:04:08,173 --> 00:04:10,770 was genius 89 00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:12,571 for the friendiversary. 90 00:04:12,577 --> 00:04:15,541 Okay, so now, gifts. 91 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,209 Ilana, um, 92 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,477 hold on a second, I need to... 93 00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:20,346 You can go first. 94 00:04:20,352 --> 00:04:22,715 No... No. 95 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,483 No, no, you go. 96 00:04:24,489 --> 00:04:26,585 Thank you, 'cause I am so freaking excited. 97 00:04:26,591 --> 00:04:30,923 Okay, so this is a family heirloom 98 00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:34,193 from my great-grandmother, Fanny Rose, who came here 99 00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:36,262 on a ship during "Fiddler on a Roof" times. 100 00:04:36,268 --> 00:04:37,463 And they were experiencing 101 00:04:37,469 --> 00:04:39,865 violence and raids in their shtetl. 102 00:04:39,871 --> 00:04:41,400 Grandma Fanny Rose, being the child, 103 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,835 was the most innocent-looking, 104 00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:45,121 so she swallowed these diamonds, 105 00:04:45,128 --> 00:04:46,621 over and over again, 106 00:04:46,628 --> 00:04:48,482 pooping them out and sifting through the poop 107 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,259 and swallowing them again to continue the cycle 108 00:04:51,445 --> 00:04:54,081 and keep them safe until they were in America. 109 00:04:55,816 --> 00:04:57,935 Wow... Wow, wow... 110 00:04:59,287 --> 00:05:00,615 I don't know what to say. 111 00:05:00,621 --> 00:05:02,684 No words necessary. Just put it on. 112 00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:05,353 Uh, Ilana, I... I can't accept this. 113 00:05:05,359 --> 00:05:07,455 It's offensive if you don't accept it. 114 00:05:07,461 --> 00:05:09,424 Not just to me but to Grandma Fanny Rose, 115 00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,665 may she rest in peace. 116 00:05:11,832 --> 00:05:13,728 Okay... uh... 117 00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:15,136 I'll just try it on. 118 00:05:16,537 --> 00:05:19,111 I can feel her when I hold the necklace. 119 00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:21,564 And I feel like you're bringing her back to life. 120 00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:25,326 It looks gorgeous. 121 00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:26,428 Even, like, on a t-shirt, 122 00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:28,426 you kinda dressed down, which I get. 123 00:05:28,432 --> 00:05:31,262 It's... it's sort of natural on you. 124 00:05:31,268 --> 00:05:33,331 Thank you. 125 00:05:33,337 --> 00:05:34,699 It's your turn. 126 00:05:34,705 --> 00:05:36,574 Yeah, my turn... okay. 127 00:05:38,109 --> 00:05:39,471 Um... 128 00:05:39,477 --> 00:05:42,741 I got you, um... 129 00:05:42,747 --> 00:05:46,044 (sighing)... I did research, 130 00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,979 and I thought about it a lot, 131 00:05:47,985 --> 00:05:50,615 and I got a memento 132 00:05:50,621 --> 00:05:52,217 that I... I think is the best... 133 00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:56,588 - Mmm. - ...and it is a... 134 00:05:56,594 --> 00:05:59,363 um, intensive hydrating face mask. 135 00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,393 - What? - Well, okay. 136 00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:05,741 Okay, so, it... it's a... it's symbolizing... 137 00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:08,084 You know, it's a metaphor for how I feel about you. 138 00:06:09,607 --> 00:06:10,668 You feel that I'm dry? 139 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,716 No. 140 00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:15,835 No, I feel that you are nourishing. 141 00:06:18,237 --> 00:06:22,602 And that you're extremely rejuvenating for me. 142 00:06:22,608 --> 00:06:25,505 You regenerate me. 143 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,173 And you restore me, 144 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:30,229 my... not only myself but my skin. 145 00:06:30,236 --> 00:06:32,406 - Great, thank you so much, great. - Yeah. Are you mad? 146 00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,446 (sighing) 147 00:06:33,452 --> 00:06:35,424 Not mad, just informed. 148 00:06:35,431 --> 00:06:38,848 Well, Ilana, get ready... 149 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,155 because... 150 00:06:42,161 --> 00:06:44,064 I planned... 151 00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:47,577 a big night... 152 00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:51,630 on the top of the Empire... 153 00:06:51,637 --> 00:06:54,434 State Building. 154 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,003 And I got the bill as well. 155 00:06:57,009 --> 00:07:00,273 No, the tradition is that we go dutch, unless you forgot. 156 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:01,855 No, I did not forget, 157 00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:04,377 I love that tradition and very much remember. 158 00:07:04,384 --> 00:07:05,428 Mm-hmm. 159 00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:09,549 I think it's actually better up here in the rain. 160 00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,418 - Hmm. - Hmm. 161 00:07:11,424 --> 00:07:13,453 Glad I spent $1,200 bucks getting these heads made. 162 00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:14,994 - What? - Forget it. 163 00:07:17,363 --> 00:07:18,729 It is kinda romantic. 164 00:07:18,736 --> 00:07:21,428 Romantic, I was just about to say that. We are, like, inseparable 165 00:07:21,434 --> 00:07:23,597 and, like, on the same page, totally, completely. 166 00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:25,332 Oh, my God, Ilana, 167 00:07:25,338 --> 00:07:27,340 and I... and I planned an activity, for us. 168 00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:30,103 Check out the city. 169 00:07:30,109 --> 00:07:33,173 Come on... here we go. 170 00:07:33,179 --> 00:07:35,275 You're up first. 171 00:07:35,281 --> 00:07:36,515 VIPs. 172 00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,383 Wow. 173 00:07:43,389 --> 00:07:45,057 The city really is so magical. 174 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:49,289 Oh, my God, dude! 175 00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:50,436 - What? - Hot sex! 176 00:07:50,443 --> 00:07:52,392 - Look right there. - Let me see, let me see. 177 00:07:52,398 --> 00:07:54,133 (Ilana laughing) 178 00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:58,916 Oh, my God, Ilana, this is [bleep] disgusting. 179 00:07:59,305 --> 00:08:01,468 You are so prude. 180 00:08:01,474 --> 00:08:02,857 It's weird. 181 00:08:02,864 --> 00:08:04,599 No, I'm not. 182 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:12,245 Two ladies? Oh, my God! You gotta see this! 183 00:08:12,251 --> 00:08:14,026 We gotta come up here more often. 184 00:08:17,356 --> 00:08:19,419 What the [bleep], Ilana? 185 00:08:19,425 --> 00:08:20,987 Do not be a [bleep] homophobe. 186 00:08:20,993 --> 00:08:21,994 No, look! 187 00:08:25,598 --> 00:08:27,260 (Abbi) No! 188 00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:28,695 (gasping) 189 00:08:28,701 --> 00:08:30,387 (both) Holy shit! 190 00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:36,734 Okay, love bug, so you say she fell off the fifth floor balcony? 191 00:08:36,741 --> 00:08:38,804 Yeah, it was the one with the blue towel, 192 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,439 and she fell, like, right here. 193 00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:42,908 And then her... her body bounced. 194 00:08:42,914 --> 00:08:44,157 Right over there. 195 00:08:45,955 --> 00:08:47,213 Cool. 196 00:08:48,119 --> 00:08:50,649 I'm sorry, sweethearts, there's no evidence here. 197 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,551 Maybe you two were bored. 198 00:08:52,557 --> 00:08:54,019 You just need a little excitement. 199 00:08:54,025 --> 00:08:56,455 You know it's a felony to report a false crime? 200 00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:58,190 Okay, we don't need any excitement. 201 00:08:58,196 --> 00:09:00,726 We were in the middle of excitement. 202 00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,561 Okay, all right. Calm down. 203 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:04,029 You two have a nice night, okay? 204 00:09:04,402 --> 00:09:05,870 (gasping) 205 00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:09,602 I mean, we saw that, right? 206 00:09:09,608 --> 00:09:11,009 Yeah, I mean, I think so. 207 00:09:13,578 --> 00:09:14,980 Ilana, that's the guy! 208 00:09:19,918 --> 00:09:21,213 Holy shit! 209 00:09:21,219 --> 00:09:23,582 (Abbi) Oh, my God. 210 00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:25,484 He's got a Burton bag! 211 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:26,752 Abbi. Dude. 212 00:09:26,758 --> 00:09:28,988 No, the body's in the bag, Ilana! 213 00:09:28,994 --> 00:09:30,095 Okay, okay. 214 00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:35,286 I mean, what are we even gonna say to him when we confront him? 215 00:09:35,293 --> 00:09:36,720 I mean, are we confronting him? 216 00:09:36,727 --> 00:09:39,433 Yeah, we're gonna be, like, we saw you kill your girlfriend, bitch! 217 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,968 God, I mean, this is so crazy. We are being so crazy right now. 218 00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:44,673 What if he has a gun? 219 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,494 He probably does. Everybody has [bleep] guns. 220 00:09:46,501 --> 00:09:48,192 Oh, my God. I saw this Oprah once 221 00:09:48,199 --> 00:09:50,232 where this girl was about to be sexually assaulted, 222 00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:51,911 and then she twisted the dude's dick. 223 00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,812 I mean, that is always in the back of my mind. 224 00:09:53,818 --> 00:09:55,918 - Yeah, 12th season, 1998. - Amazing season. 225 00:09:55,925 --> 00:09:57,975 And then the other girl, who also had been attacked, 226 00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,785 pissed on her attacker, and it worked. Genius. 227 00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,126 (Abbi) Genius. 228 00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:08,567 - A karaoke bar? - What? 229 00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:13,129 Do you see him? 230 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,941 Where the [bleep] did he go? 231 00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,840 ?? 232 00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:24,149 ?? (vocalizing) 233 00:10:31,156 --> 00:10:33,342 The suitcase, he doesn't have the suitcase. 234 00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:42,895 What kind of sick [bleep] comes in here and eats dessert 235 00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,897 after he throws his fianc�e out of the building? 236 00:10:44,903 --> 00:10:48,701 Why even get engaged if you're just gonna murder her? 237 00:10:48,707 --> 00:10:52,638 ?? (indistinct singing) 238 00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,846 Ugh, milk? What a [bleep] baby. 239 00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,786 ?? (vocalizing) 240 00:11:08,693 --> 00:11:09,928 Let's go. 241 00:11:24,342 --> 00:11:26,011 Let's go. 242 00:11:28,079 --> 00:11:31,999 Hi, um, excuse me, sir, do you know the name of the movie that that man 243 00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:35,247 - just bought tickets to see? - He bought tickets to "Daddy's Back." 244 00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,650 Jerking off at "Daddy's Back" 245 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,985 - after he kills his wife? - Whoa! 246 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,654 How long is the movie? 247 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,622 An hour and 50 minutes. 248 00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:45,658 Plus 45 minutes of previews. 249 00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,761 That means we have enough time to sneak into his apartment. 250 00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:52,097 Whoa! No, bitch. You are a cuckoo bitch. 251 00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:54,033 We're not breaking into his apartment. 252 00:11:54,039 --> 00:11:56,101 Okay, Ilana, you were the one that just said 253 00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:57,603 that we're like, this productive 254 00:11:57,609 --> 00:11:59,972 and efficient team. We run this city. 255 00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:02,608 You know, the mother of his children does deserve her justice. 256 00:12:02,614 --> 00:12:04,043 Her story must be heard. 257 00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:05,680 You're right. 258 00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:08,039 Yeah, we just need to make sure we do this the smart way. 259 00:12:09,154 --> 00:12:11,150 (giggling) 260 00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:13,252 - Hi! - Ladies, can I help you? 261 00:12:13,258 --> 00:12:14,987 You can indeed. 262 00:12:14,993 --> 00:12:17,156 We are here to surprise our uncle. 263 00:12:17,162 --> 00:12:18,691 (Abbi) We're his nieces. 264 00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,125 He just left a little bit ago, 265 00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,760 and we wanted to sneak into his apartment 266 00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:24,196 to surprise him for his birthday. 267 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,098 See, we got a cake and everything. 268 00:12:26,104 --> 00:12:27,199 Ugh, yum. 269 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,669 And we just wanted to set up before everybody else got here. 270 00:12:30,675 --> 00:12:32,104 We know he's on the fifth floor, 271 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,106 and we know he's on a corner apartment, 272 00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:36,876 but we just forgot the exact number. 273 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:40,898 Oh, that's Mr. Hudson's apartment, 5D. 274 00:12:40,905 --> 00:12:42,881 Yeah, Uncle Hudson, we love him. 275 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,322 Oh, sweet Uncle Hudson. Yeah. 276 00:12:47,692 --> 00:12:50,089 You two are adorable. 277 00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,190 You too. 278 00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:52,725 (both laughing) 279 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,987 Jesus, white girls can get away with anything 280 00:12:54,994 --> 00:12:56,795 - if you act dumb enough. - I know, right? 281 00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:58,764 We're lucky we look dumb. 282 00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,606 Healthy-looking hookers. 283 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,712 Whoa. 284 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,835 I mean, this is crazy. 285 00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:15,491 I mean, we really can do anything if we put our minds together. 286 00:13:15,498 --> 00:13:16,617 So, we have an hour 287 00:13:16,624 --> 00:13:17,886 until he gets out of the movie. 288 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,317 What are we even looking for? 289 00:13:19,324 --> 00:13:20,986 Evidence. 290 00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:22,260 Yeah. 291 00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:27,092 This was a home. 292 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,034 That... had heart. 293 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,034 Oh, my God. 294 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,736 Holy shit! 295 00:13:37,742 --> 00:13:41,598 This is an entire accordion folder full of takeout menus. 296 00:13:41,605 --> 00:13:43,017 You ever heard of Seamless? 297 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,276 Insane, he probably doesn't even let her on the Internet 298 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,745 'cause she'll read too much. 299 00:13:46,751 --> 00:13:48,147 This is nuts. 300 00:13:48,153 --> 00:13:50,153 Ugh, look at this. They were a happy couple. 301 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,283 Sick. 302 00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,485 And all along, his blood is just boiling 303 00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:55,254 that she's so much hotter than he is. 304 00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:57,022 Cleaning supplies. 305 00:13:57,028 --> 00:13:59,725 An entire cabinet full of cleaning supplies? 306 00:13:59,731 --> 00:14:02,394 She thinks that she's gonna use them to clean the toilet. 307 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,964 Guess what? He's using them to clean up her blood. 308 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,932 - Mmm. - God. 309 00:14:06,938 --> 00:14:08,758 (keys jingling) 310 00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:12,189 - (lock rattling) - (gasping) 311 00:14:12,195 --> 00:14:14,397 (keys jangling) 312 00:14:20,738 --> 00:14:22,000 - Oh, my God. - Okay. 313 00:14:22,007 --> 00:14:23,242 Holy shit, holy shit... 314 00:14:26,572 --> 00:14:29,787 Oh, my God. They're definitely married, look at all her clothes! 315 00:14:29,794 --> 00:14:31,556 I can't stand dead women's clothes! 316 00:14:31,562 --> 00:14:32,650 Jesus. 317 00:14:33,531 --> 00:14:34,733 (phone line ringing) 318 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,236 (woman) 9-1-1, what's your emergency? 319 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,263 Hey, it's Ilana. 320 00:14:37,270 --> 00:14:38,863 Um, we... we called earlier. 321 00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,646 About the woman being pushed off the balcony! 322 00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,991 And now we're being held hostage in a man's apartment. 323 00:14:50,373 --> 00:14:52,636 Oh, my God. The cake! 324 00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:54,318 Sh... I left the cake. 325 00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:57,702 Look, I'm so sorry, dude. 326 00:14:57,709 --> 00:14:59,705 I'm sorry, I think this is the moment that we die. 327 00:14:59,719 --> 00:15:01,381 This is it, this is it. 328 00:15:01,388 --> 00:15:03,357 My mom's gonna be so pissed. 329 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,502 Ilana, can I just say something? 330 00:15:13,404 --> 00:15:15,334 You're my favorite person. 331 00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:17,237 Oh, my God, you're mine. 332 00:15:17,243 --> 00:15:19,272 You're my everything. 333 00:15:19,278 --> 00:15:21,407 And I want to tell you something before we die. 334 00:15:21,413 --> 00:15:22,909 - Okay. - This morning... 335 00:15:22,915 --> 00:15:24,617 I was the horse. 336 00:15:27,486 --> 00:15:28,687 What? 337 00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,588 (floor creaking) 338 00:15:35,594 --> 00:15:37,209 We gotta hide, we gotta... Go, go, go! 339 00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:38,711 Get in the corner, get in the corner! 340 00:15:38,718 --> 00:15:39,919 (both gasping) 341 00:15:42,368 --> 00:15:44,169 (farting) 342 00:15:45,905 --> 00:15:47,300 Sorry. I'm so sorry. 343 00:15:47,306 --> 00:15:48,968 (all screaming) 344 00:15:48,974 --> 00:15:50,536 God, [bleep] no! Don't... 345 00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:51,971 No, no, kill me and let her go! 346 00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:53,439 No, Abbi, no! 347 00:15:53,445 --> 00:15:55,375 Who the [bleep] are you? 348 00:15:55,381 --> 00:15:56,776 What the [bleep] is that smell? 349 00:15:56,782 --> 00:15:59,646 - Chicken fingers from... - (both) The House of Barbecue! 350 00:15:59,652 --> 00:16:01,347 The [bleep] are you doing here? 351 00:16:01,353 --> 00:16:02,788 We saw you kill your soulmate! 352 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,720 We were on the top of the Empire State Building! 353 00:16:04,727 --> 00:16:07,787 We saw you push her off the balcony, you sick [bleep]! 354 00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,829 And then we found your [bleep] sex doll! 355 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,436 You [bleep] freak! 356 00:16:11,451 --> 00:16:13,197 Oh, you did, did you? Okay. 357 00:16:13,204 --> 00:16:15,155 You wanna know who's in the closet with you, that's Fran. 358 00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:18,464 And you wanna know who fell off the balcony? That was Fran's sister Lydia. 359 00:16:18,471 --> 00:16:20,567 Lydia's a sex doll, too. 360 00:16:20,573 --> 00:16:22,268 I didn't push her, she fell. 361 00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:24,737 We were making love. 362 00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:26,973 And honestly, it's a real design flaw, 363 00:16:26,979 --> 00:16:29,030 you know, how heavy they make the head. 364 00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:31,236 'Cause sometimes, I wanna put the girls up against something, 365 00:16:31,243 --> 00:16:32,494 you know, I wanna stand them up straight. 366 00:16:32,501 --> 00:16:33,635 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 367 00:16:34,547 --> 00:16:36,916 Well, th... why was the body in a suitcase, huh? 368 00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:38,589 You were following me? 369 00:16:38,596 --> 00:16:41,260 I was taking my fake wife to get repaired, 370 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,796 because her [bleep] head fell off when she hit the... 371 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:45,666 the fire escape on the way down. 372 00:16:45,673 --> 00:16:48,803 That's a black market sex doll hospital. 373 00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:50,295 Like an American Girl doll hospital. 374 00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:51,931 - Exactly. - Okay. 375 00:16:51,937 --> 00:16:54,634 Then what were you doing jerking off at "Daddy's Back"? 376 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,970 - Yeah! - Wasn't jerking off. 377 00:16:56,976 --> 00:16:58,671 I sometimes go to the movie theater 378 00:16:58,677 --> 00:17:01,407 and pay 30 bucks for a ticket because I enjoy the popcorn. 379 00:17:01,413 --> 00:17:04,255 Okay, I... I'm going to apologize, 380 00:17:04,262 --> 00:17:06,041 - 'cause I feel really... - This is not right. 381 00:17:06,048 --> 00:17:07,847 This is really just awful, you know. 382 00:17:07,853 --> 00:17:09,412 - We thought it was a woman. - No, no. 383 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,317 - And we were like... - Everything's trash. 384 00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:12,966 Matters into our own hands and save this person. 385 00:17:12,973 --> 00:17:15,615 It's really bad, we thought it was battery against women. 386 00:17:15,622 --> 00:17:17,357 - Yeah, yeah, that's not you. - I mean, that's not you. 387 00:17:17,363 --> 00:17:19,792 (knocking) Right after we explained to the cops why... 388 00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:21,874 - What? Why we... - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! 389 00:17:21,881 --> 00:17:23,363 We did not know! We did not know! 390 00:17:23,369 --> 00:17:27,026 So as you can see, this has just been a stupid misunderstanding. 391 00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:31,198 'Cause we really legit thought that he murdered a... a lady. 392 00:17:31,544 --> 00:17:34,541 Not that a true companion, 393 00:17:34,547 --> 00:17:36,649 - you know, wasn't injured tonight. - No. 394 00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:39,294 (both laughing) 395 00:17:40,753 --> 00:17:41,981 - Hey. - Okay. 396 00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:44,197 - Enough. - (both laughing) 397 00:17:45,558 --> 00:17:47,320 Guys, shut up. 398 00:17:47,326 --> 00:17:49,923 Sorry. This guy... 399 00:17:49,929 --> 00:17:51,024 What's your name? 400 00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,358 Uh, Terry. 401 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,391 Terry's just one man... 402 00:17:54,398 --> 00:17:55,994 trying to find a little bit of comfort 403 00:17:56,001 --> 00:18:00,033 in this [bleep] up, upside down world. 404 00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:03,636 And what's the difference between Fran and your guns 405 00:18:03,642 --> 00:18:05,371 making you feel like men? 406 00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:08,074 And what's the difference between Fran and... 407 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,476 this guy? 408 00:18:10,482 --> 00:18:11,711 If I rubbed him on my clit, 409 00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:13,746 does that make me a [bleep] freak? 410 00:18:13,752 --> 00:18:16,549 You know, he's soft and... and firm at the same time, 411 00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:20,420 it's an interesting feeling that I wouldn't mind experiencing. 412 00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:23,656 Ew, Ilana. That was you? 413 00:18:23,662 --> 00:18:26,492 You said disgusting things to me. 414 00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:27,900 Happy Friendiversary. 415 00:18:29,868 --> 00:18:30,935 So sweet. 416 00:18:32,315 --> 00:18:33,811 So what are we doing? 417 00:18:33,825 --> 00:18:36,001 Okay, so you don't want to press charges? 418 00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:38,043 No, we... we... we would never. 419 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,872 That's not right. It was a misunderstanding. 420 00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,877 Not you two... you gals committed a felony. 421 00:18:42,514 --> 00:18:43,943 You, sir, do you wanna... 422 00:18:43,949 --> 00:18:46,194 No, I just want this over. 423 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,514 That's really nice. 424 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,716 - Thank you. - Okay. 425 00:18:49,722 --> 00:18:51,150 - Mmm. - Let's go. 426 00:18:51,156 --> 00:18:52,685 - So sorry. - So sorry about that. 427 00:18:52,691 --> 00:18:54,426 Okay. 428 00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,898 Bye, Fran. 429 00:19:06,972 --> 00:19:10,943 Well, Fran. It really is my birthday. 430 00:19:19,985 --> 00:19:21,147 Want some? 431 00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:25,891 Okay, Alec Baldwin. 432 00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:27,777 - Oof. No shoes. - Yeah. 433 00:19:27,784 --> 00:19:30,062 I feel like he gets pedicures and keeps them nice, right? 434 00:19:30,076 --> 00:19:31,465 Totally. 435 00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:33,431 Okay, Kim Kardash. 436 00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,200 Okay, so I'm sure her feet are, like, 437 00:19:35,206 --> 00:19:39,938 sexy or whatever, but I say keep the shoes on. 438 00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:42,007 I'd... I'd want to see the original feet, sure. 439 00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:44,376 Wait, hold on, you think she got her feet done? 440 00:19:44,382 --> 00:19:47,045 Oh, no doubt. 441 00:19:47,051 --> 00:19:49,915 People get fat injected to the balls of their feet 442 00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:51,383 to make high heels easier to wear. 443 00:19:51,389 --> 00:19:53,552 Ugh, gross. 444 00:19:53,558 --> 00:19:55,887 I know, um... 445 00:19:55,893 --> 00:19:57,856 Ugh, dude. Michael Jordan. 446 00:19:57,862 --> 00:19:59,047 - Hmm, okay. - Yikes. 447 00:19:59,054 --> 00:20:01,226 Well, I feel like his feet would be, like, super scary. 448 00:20:01,232 --> 00:20:03,328 Horrifying. But so scary that I'd want to see them, 449 00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,869 so no shoes, definitely. 450 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,036 Tonight was insane. 451 00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,238 - Nuts. - That was crazy. 452 00:20:13,244 --> 00:20:14,306 Yeah, like... 453 00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,875 That was [bleep]... 454 00:20:16,881 --> 00:20:18,076 That was nuts. 455 00:20:18,082 --> 00:20:20,279 I mean, you jumped in front of me. 456 00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:23,348 You were gonna risk your life for me. 457 00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,991 Well, I mean, your scavenger hunt was [bleep] amazing. 458 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,255 Okay, Ilana, I gotta fess up. 459 00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:31,924 I forgot about our friendiversary. 460 00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,898 I'm sorry, I... I'm really sorry. 461 00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,028 Yeah, I know. 462 00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,030 But that doesn't mean you should die. 463 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:39,565 No, no, I know, 464 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,200 but you did the whole scavenger hunt, 465 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,468 and then you also gave me 466 00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:44,337 your great-grandmother's necklace that she kept 467 00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,405 up her butt or whatever. 468 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,756 I... I should... I should probably take that back. 469 00:20:48,763 --> 00:20:50,220 Yeah, I would love to give it back. 470 00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:51,537 That was a really intense story, 471 00:20:51,544 --> 00:20:53,249 and I just feel weird having it on my neck. 472 00:20:53,256 --> 00:20:55,214 It was inappropriate, but my love for you is 473 00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:56,963 sometimes inappropriate, and you know what? 474 00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:59,385 It looked beautiful on you tonight, so [bleep] me. 475 00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,821 But Ilana, I just... I will say that I do 476 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,157 really stand by those sheet masks, 477 00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:05,858 like, I know it's a small thing, 478 00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:08,094 but those are very hydrating. 479 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,962 It's just a great product overall, I think, 480 00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,837 in my opinion Sure. 481 00:21:14,117 --> 00:21:15,567 Isn't it nuts when you think about 482 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:19,438 how much shit we have done together since we met? 483 00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:21,974 How powerful we've become? 484 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,609 All the witch energy 485 00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:26,913 we have soaked up from this city. 486 00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,948 Also, okay, let's just say 487 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,873 that that dude had murdered his wife tonight. 488 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:31,888 Right. 489 00:21:31,895 --> 00:21:34,119 And let's just say that she was a human. 490 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,855 - Yes. - I mean, we would have solved 491 00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,224 a [bleep] murder mystery tonight. 492 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,625 I know, we were literally, like... 493 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,227 - urgh! - (lightning crashes) 494 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,268 Oh, my God! 495 00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:47,600 - Holy shit, what the... - This is insane. 496 00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,435 How are... How are we not magic? 497 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:51,204 You tell me, 'cause I don't know. 498 00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,105 You can't tell me. You don't know! 499 00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:54,531 ?? 500 00:21:58,481 --> 00:22:00,451 - I have to tell you something. - Okay. 501 00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,091 - This morning. - Yeah? 502 00:22:02,098 --> 00:22:03,695 I was the horse. 503 00:22:03,701 --> 00:22:05,197 (both laughing) 504 00:22:05,203 --> 00:22:07,305 Forget it! Forget it! 505 00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:10,457 Forget it. Forget it. 506 00:22:10,464 --> 00:22:13,914 But can we do one more other one? One more. 507 00:22:13,921 --> 00:22:17,152 (upbeat hip-hop music) 508 00:22:17,752 --> 00:22:19,748 Put it on my tab, Barney. 509 00:22:19,769 --> 00:22:21,631 You got it. 510 00:22:21,637 --> 00:22:24,601 (laughing) Got her. 511 00:22:24,607 --> 00:22:27,337 410, we were gonna do as the first episode, 512 00:22:27,343 --> 00:22:30,373 when it was like maybe three or four rewrites to figure out, 513 00:22:30,379 --> 00:22:32,876 and then once we figured out that sort of noir tone, 514 00:22:32,882 --> 00:22:35,579 then it like kind of started coming together. 515 00:22:35,585 --> 00:22:37,062 No! 516 00:22:37,787 --> 00:22:39,216 (gasp) 517 00:22:39,222 --> 00:22:41,157 [Together] Holy shit! 518 00:22:42,391 --> 00:22:44,321 You know, like it's almost the first time 519 00:22:44,327 --> 00:22:46,890 that we see Abbi and Ilana have any real tension, 520 00:22:46,896 --> 00:22:49,626 because we love just having two characters that are 521 00:22:49,632 --> 00:22:51,361 unconditional friends that are women, 522 00:22:51,367 --> 00:22:53,633 but this was the first time that we 523 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,008 allowed them to have that tension. 524 00:22:55,015 --> 00:22:57,601 Well it was the forgetting, something really important 525 00:22:57,607 --> 00:22:59,603 - about the relationship. - Great! Thank you. 526 00:22:59,609 --> 00:23:01,705 - Thank you so much. - Are you mad? 527 00:23:01,711 --> 00:23:03,540 Not mad, just informed. 528 00:23:03,546 --> 00:23:05,842 Like for Ilana, in the episode, it's hard for her 529 00:23:05,848 --> 00:23:08,478 not to take it personal, but it's like, it's all there. 530 00:23:08,484 --> 00:23:11,715 Like, you didn't really need this anniversary to say 531 00:23:11,721 --> 00:23:12,883 what good friends we are. 532 00:23:12,889 --> 00:23:15,952 You're my everything and I want to tell you something 533 00:23:15,958 --> 00:23:18,088 - before we die. - Okay. 534 00:23:18,094 --> 00:23:20,796 This morning, I was the horse. 535 00:23:23,786 --> 00:23:24,865 What? 536 00:23:25,179 --> 00:23:26,780 We gonna talk about "Leanne"? 537 00:23:26,802 --> 00:23:28,598 (both laugh) 538 00:23:28,604 --> 00:23:32,669 Okay, there is this Easter egg of a joke that is like, 539 00:23:32,675 --> 00:23:33,837 one of my favorite jokes. 540 00:23:33,843 --> 00:23:37,574 In 10, when we walk in, this is like the dumbest thing, 541 00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:41,778 in 10 when we walk into this karaoke bar to follow this guy, 542 00:23:41,784 --> 00:23:45,482 there's a man singing a song that's called "Leanne." 543 00:23:45,488 --> 00:23:49,986 (singing) "We are Leanne, we are Leanne." 544 00:23:49,992 --> 00:23:52,789 It is a song that we made up, 545 00:23:52,795 --> 00:23:56,463 and our music supervisor Matt FX produced. 546 00:23:56,470 --> 00:23:57,494 One more time. 547 00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:01,251 (singing) Leanne. 548 00:24:01,258 --> 00:24:02,392 I am Leanne. 549 00:24:04,307 --> 00:24:05,641 We're all Leanne. 550 00:24:07,310 --> 00:24:08,538 Somethin' like that. 551 00:24:08,544 --> 00:24:10,540 (both laughing) 552 00:24:10,546 --> 00:24:13,944 And it plays throughout the entire season. 553 00:24:13,950 --> 00:24:16,845 On the radio, in cabs, 554 00:24:16,852 --> 00:24:18,420 it plays throughout the entire season. 555 00:24:18,427 --> 00:24:21,249 In mushrooms, when Abbi's like changing the music and is like nervous, 556 00:24:21,256 --> 00:24:24,621 ("Leanne" playing on radio) 557 00:24:24,627 --> 00:24:28,564 It goes, (singing) "Leanne," 558 00:24:29,665 --> 00:24:30,869 "Leanne." 559 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:33,496 (singing) 560 00:24:33,502 --> 00:24:36,733 Well it's just like, what's the pop song? 561 00:24:36,739 --> 00:24:38,568 And it's playing everywhere. 562 00:24:38,574 --> 00:24:39,775 I am Leanne. 563 00:24:41,010 --> 00:24:43,707 (together) We are Leanne. 564 00:24:43,713 --> 00:24:46,649 ("Leanne" playing) 565 00:24:50,558 --> 00:24:54,659 - Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com - 566 00:24:54,709 --> 00:24:59,259 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39883

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