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1
00:00:00,002 --> 00:00:01,804
So Jaime's visiting
his daddy this weekend.
2
00:00:01,856 --> 00:00:02,890
In Guatemala?
3
00:00:02,991 --> 00:00:04,525
Not his bio father,
his daddi with an "I".
4
00:00:04,626 --> 00:00:05,759
Oh, cool.
5
00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:07,761
Which means, I have the place to myself.
6
00:00:07,862 --> 00:00:09,997
Ilana, I'm not doing another s?ance.
7
00:00:10,098 --> 00:00:12,199
It's like, weird and kinda Christian.
8
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,568
No, I'm gonna sublet
my apartment on BnBNYC,
9
00:00:14,669 --> 00:00:17,671
so I can make some money 'cause
I don't have a jerb right now.
10
00:00:17,772 --> 00:00:19,540
Is it cool if I crash with you?
11
00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:22,811
(plop, splash) Yeah, it's fine.
Plus, Bevers is in Atlantic City.
12
00:00:22,846 --> 00:00:25,063
- Where's Melody?
- Oh, my God!
13
00:00:25,213 --> 00:00:28,715
I forgot that Melody
was my actual roommate.
14
00:00:28,817 --> 00:00:30,794
What the (bleep) is wrong with me?
15
00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:32,119
Ooh...
16
00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:34,087
You could probably
make more money than me.
17
00:00:34,189 --> 00:00:35,923
What if we both list our apartments?
18
00:00:36,024 --> 00:00:37,558
If you get a renter, you stay with me.
19
00:00:37,659 --> 00:00:39,193
If I get a renter, I stay with you.
20
00:00:39,294 --> 00:00:42,830
Either way, we both split the
profits, Thelma and Louise style.
21
00:00:42,970 --> 00:00:45,899
Yes, dude, I really could
use the extra cash right now.
22
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,734
I need to re-sole my loafers.
23
00:00:47,836 --> 00:00:49,036
Ooh, cute.
24
00:00:49,137 --> 00:00:50,537
I have a cavus foot.
25
00:00:50,638 --> 00:00:51,705
- High arches.
- I know.
26
00:00:51,806 --> 00:00:52,739
- Ballerinas have it.
- Ballerinas have it.
27
00:00:52,841 --> 00:00:54,208
All right, I'm in.
28
00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:55,209
Kyeah!
29
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:56,076
Hold on.
30
00:00:56,177 --> 00:00:58,245
(farting) (splashing)
31
00:00:58,346 --> 00:00:59,279
I'm still in.
32
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:01,515
Four and three
and two and one-one
33
00:01:02,392 --> 00:01:05,093
Sync and corrections by rickSG
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:06,353 --> 00:01:07,453
Here's what I'm saying.
35
00:01:07,555 --> 00:01:10,323
"Queen artisan's nook
in tolerable Gowanus.
36
00:01:10,424 --> 00:01:13,956
"Cockroach-free, except for in
the bathroom and the kitchen,"
37
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:15,336
in smaller font.
38
00:01:15,456 --> 00:01:17,911
"Shabby chic meets Brooklyn funk."
39
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,266
Um, I have to say that
'cause of the smell.
40
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,451
Here's mine.
41
00:01:21,626 --> 00:01:24,341
"Treat yourself to a night
in picturesque Astoria.
42
00:01:24,441 --> 00:01:27,727
"Stop by the beer garden, or stay
in and enjoy tasteful interiors
43
00:01:27,903 --> 00:01:31,605
and a stunning view
of a white... castle."
44
00:01:31,679 --> 00:01:33,344
I'm gonna post this for $700 a night.
45
00:01:33,379 --> 00:01:35,282
Dude, that is almost a month's rent.
46
00:01:35,383 --> 00:01:36,350
No one's gonna do that.
47
00:01:36,451 --> 00:01:37,368
It's New York, babe.
48
00:01:37,403 --> 00:01:38,786
Get used to it, babe.
49
00:01:38,887 --> 00:01:40,269
Hashtag, tenement life!
50
00:01:40,304 --> 00:01:42,823
Okay, $700.
51
00:01:42,924 --> 00:01:44,958
But I doubt that anyone will...
52
00:01:45,059 --> 00:01:46,560
(computer alerts beeping)
53
00:01:46,661 --> 00:01:48,962
Oh, my gosh, what is
happening right now?
54
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:51,532
Oh, my lady God, thank you.
55
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,242
I am getting so many requests.
56
00:01:53,277 --> 00:01:55,111
Me too, dude, this is crazy.
57
00:01:55,243 --> 00:01:57,638
I say we both do it. We'll make bank!
58
00:01:57,739 --> 00:01:59,461
Okay, but where would we stay?
59
00:01:59,496 --> 00:02:01,008
What if we stay on my roof?
60
00:02:01,109 --> 00:02:02,409
Oh, my gosh.
61
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:04,584
I love camping.
62
00:02:04,619 --> 00:02:06,560
Oh, of course you love camping,
63
00:02:06,595 --> 00:02:09,316
(posh accent) 'cause you probably
went camping with your father
64
00:02:09,417 --> 00:02:14,254
down the Main Line River and roasted
crackers over a fire you built.
65
00:02:14,355 --> 00:02:16,571
No, I camped at, like,
Bonnaroo and Phish festivals.
66
00:02:16,606 --> 00:02:19,026
Oh, can I bum some gas money, man?
67
00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:21,628
I'm just getting right
up at hacky sack, man,
68
00:02:21,729 --> 00:02:22,696
I'm good, man.
69
00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:24,665
Jeepers creepers, man.
70
00:02:24,766 --> 00:02:29,303
I need that gas money, m... (laughing)
71
00:02:29,404 --> 00:02:33,607
72
00:02:33,957 --> 00:02:37,110
So the WiFi network is
free, it's Halal House,
73
00:02:37,212 --> 00:02:39,813
and the password is
"PitaGuest," one word.
74
00:02:39,914 --> 00:02:42,149
But the signal is barely there,
75
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:45,369
so you gotta get right up
on the window, um, to get it.
76
00:02:45,404 --> 00:02:46,787
(phone app translating into Japanese)
77
00:02:46,888 --> 00:02:49,456
And as my ad stated, this
rental is all-inclusive,
78
00:02:49,557 --> 00:02:52,359
so please enjoy some dank ganj.
79
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:53,682
My treat.
80
00:02:54,896 --> 00:02:57,577
Mmm... Colorado.
81
00:02:59,334 --> 00:03:00,823
I really hope you enjoy.
82
00:03:00,858 --> 00:03:03,670
(phone app translating into Japanese)
83
00:03:03,771 --> 00:03:05,439
I'm really sorry.
84
00:03:07,942 --> 00:03:09,212
(Abbi) This is the bedroom.
85
00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:12,279
You probably would call it a boudoir.
86
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:15,447
(chuckling) Tr??s sympa,
tr??s trs tr??s chouette.
87
00:03:18,075 --> 00:03:22,752
This is a map I drew
of Astoria, the 'hood.
88
00:03:22,787 --> 00:03:23,533
Okay.
89
00:03:23,665 --> 00:03:26,226
The knife and fork mean it's
an affordable restaurant,
90
00:03:26,327 --> 00:03:28,028
and this is a machete.
91
00:03:28,129 --> 00:03:30,964
This is where someone machete'd
another person in half,
92
00:03:31,065 --> 00:03:33,333
so I would just avoid that spot.
93
00:03:33,434 --> 00:03:34,568
Okay.
94
00:03:34,669 --> 00:03:37,704
Oh, okay, so this is
a disposable camera.
95
00:03:37,805 --> 00:03:39,907
I took half the photos already
96
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:42,434
and I was thinking maybe you
could take the other half,
97
00:03:42,469 --> 00:03:44,904
and then I would get them developed
and then, I could send them to you.
98
00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:46,380
(heavy French accent) I love this.
99
00:03:46,481 --> 00:03:47,915
I see you are, um...
100
00:03:48,016 --> 00:03:49,983
you are romantique, like me.
101
00:03:50,084 --> 00:03:51,084
I am really... I totally am.
102
00:03:51,185 --> 00:03:54,688
Perhaps you will come in Paris
one day and we'll do it both ways.
103
00:03:54,789 --> 00:03:56,390
I love both ways.
104
00:03:56,491 --> 00:03:58,680
Like, any way, I would do it,
105
00:03:58,715 --> 00:04:00,194
whatever way.
106
00:04:00,229 --> 00:04:02,471
I mean, with the
camera. With the camera.
107
00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:04,197
A thing that I established.
108
00:04:04,299 --> 00:04:06,419
It could be the beginning
of a special relationship.
109
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:07,493
Oh, totally.
110
00:04:07,528 --> 00:04:08,721
Ah. Yeah. Attends.
111
00:04:09,103 --> 00:04:11,104
Attends, ne bouge pas.
112
00:04:13,675 --> 00:04:15,507
Oh, voil?�.
113
00:04:16,026 --> 00:04:18,178
How you say?
114
00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,446
Do you say "leent"?
115
00:04:19,547 --> 00:04:21,348
- Leent?
- Leent.
116
00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,056
It's... Um, it's "lint."
117
00:04:23,551 --> 00:04:26,153
(blowing, chuckling)
118
00:04:26,254 --> 00:04:28,889
119
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,379
It's like we're really camping.
120
00:04:33,414 --> 00:04:35,495
Even the wind feels real, right?
121
00:04:35,596 --> 00:04:36,730
The wind's real.
122
00:04:36,831 --> 00:04:38,765
It just feels like we're
not in "the shitty."
123
00:04:38,866 --> 00:04:40,500
If we could see the
stars, this would be so...
124
00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:47,307
(car horn honking...)
125
00:04:48,209 --> 00:04:49,910
romantic.
126
00:04:50,011 --> 00:04:51,845
Yeah.
127
00:04:51,946 --> 00:04:53,547
I used to love sleepovers
when I was a kid.
128
00:04:53,648 --> 00:04:55,248
The first time I ever saw any sex stuff
129
00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:57,718
was at my friend Amina
Eltreebee's birthday party.
130
00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:59,453
Did she... do it right in front of you?
131
00:04:59,554 --> 00:05:00,454
No.
132
00:05:00,555 --> 00:05:02,022
We watched "Fear."
133
00:05:02,123 --> 00:05:05,625
Mark Wahlberg, Reese Witherspoon
on a roller coaster, he's like...
134
00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:07,627
- He's fingering her.
- What?
135
00:05:07,729 --> 00:05:08,996
He's fingering her.
136
00:05:09,097 --> 00:05:09,930
Fingering.
137
00:05:10,031 --> 00:05:14,468
And then we all thought we had to pee,
but I think everyone was just really horny.
138
00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:15,869
I guess I...
139
00:05:15,970 --> 00:05:18,772
- Still confuse that now?
- Yeah!
140
00:05:18,873 --> 00:05:20,907
I was sleeping over at
Gina Pizzollini's house.
141
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:21,908
Right.
142
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:23,210
Wake up in the middle of the night,
143
00:05:23,311 --> 00:05:26,980
her stepdad is watching
us sleep in his undies.
144
00:05:27,172 --> 00:05:29,282
- Stop it.
- Eating lasagna.
145
00:05:29,384 --> 00:05:31,524
I just pretended to be
asleep until he was finished.
146
00:05:31,559 --> 00:05:32,552
It was so violating.
147
00:05:32,653 --> 00:05:34,370
What do you mean,
"until he was finished"?
148
00:05:34,405 --> 00:05:37,415
Oh, finished the lasagna. But
still, it was creepy, you know?
149
00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:41,015
The suburbs, there's like some "American
Beauty" shit going on every corner.
150
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,964
(tent flapping loudly) Whoa.
151
00:05:44,465 --> 00:05:45,665
Oh, my God.
152
00:05:45,767 --> 00:05:46,900
- Oh, my God.
- Holy shit!
153
00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:48,580
Hold down the base!
154
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:49,903
(tent ripping)
155
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,640
(car horns honking, tires
screeching) (glass breaking)
156
00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:56,109
(tires screeching, loud crash)
157
00:05:56,988 --> 00:05:58,844
Oh, shit! (car horns
honking) (woman screaming)
158
00:05:59,012 --> 00:06:00,391
Oh... shit.
159
00:06:01,282 --> 00:06:04,084
(many car horns honking)
160
00:06:09,306 --> 00:06:11,385
Dude, that guy on the gurney is shaking.
161
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:12,854
On the flipside, he's...
162
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,188
He's on a gurney.
163
00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:15,723
He's not in a body bag.
164
00:06:15,824 --> 00:06:16,691
That's so true.
165
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:17,792
Okay.
166
00:06:17,893 --> 00:06:19,583
Let's call Lincoln,
we'll crash at his place.
167
00:06:19,618 --> 00:06:20,027
(cell phone vibrating)
168
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,296
Hey, Ilana, everything okay?
169
00:06:22,397 --> 00:06:24,799
Yeah, Abbi and I have to
crash with you tonight, though.
170
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:25,999
I can't tonight.
171
00:06:26,034 --> 00:06:27,368
I have someone over.
172
00:06:27,469 --> 00:06:28,870
A...
173
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,271
A girl.
174
00:06:30,372 --> 00:06:31,939
In that case, I should
definitely come over
175
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,742
'cause I am a greasy third wheel.
176
00:06:34,843 --> 00:06:36,067
Pop a finger in there.
177
00:06:36,102 --> 00:06:37,445
I'm sorry, Ilana.
178
00:06:37,546 --> 00:06:39,013
No, don't... Don't be sorry.
179
00:06:39,114 --> 00:06:40,081
This is healthy.
180
00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,749
All right. I gotta go.
181
00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:43,184
Later.
182
00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:44,652
I'll be right out.
183
00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:46,653
From slowly peeing.
184
00:06:46,688 --> 00:06:49,524
Definitely not pooping.
185
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:51,159
(toilet flushing)
186
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:52,793
Eliot is in Jersey,
187
00:06:52,895 --> 00:06:55,563
'cause Attica's actually
got a huge Purina audition.
188
00:06:55,664 --> 00:06:56,597
Wow.
189
00:06:56,698 --> 00:06:57,832
Um, who else?
190
00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,666
We need more friends, obviously.
191
00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:02,537
No, we don't.
192
00:07:02,638 --> 00:07:03,538
We don't?
193
00:07:03,639 --> 00:07:04,539
Yeah.
194
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,774
Okay.
195
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:10,144
- Turn on the old noggin.
- Come on, give me something good, girl.
196
00:07:10,245 --> 00:07:11,712
Here we go!
197
00:07:11,813 --> 00:07:13,927
Here we go, think, think, think,
think, think, think, think...
198
00:07:16,151 --> 00:07:19,520
Our guests are staying
until 11:00 AM tomorrow.
199
00:07:19,621 --> 00:07:23,191
All we have to do is
stay out until 11:00!
200
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,202
Okay, yes,
201
00:07:24,203 --> 00:07:26,288
- we live in the city that never sleeps.
- Yes. Exactly.
202
00:07:26,323 --> 00:07:27,728
What if we go to that
bar where we got mono?
203
00:07:27,829 --> 00:07:29,297
I love that place!
204
00:07:29,398 --> 00:07:32,333
Watch the sunrise and get a
romantic breakfast at the diner.
205
00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:33,601
Not the bad diner, though.
206
00:07:33,702 --> 00:07:34,918
Hate the bad diner.
207
00:07:34,953 --> 00:07:37,902
It is close to everything, though.
Should we just go to that one?
208
00:07:38,144 --> 00:07:39,427
- Yeah.
- Okay.
209
00:07:39,462 --> 00:07:42,476
210
00:07:44,947 --> 00:07:48,082
I'm nuts for nuts!
211
00:07:48,183 --> 00:07:50,885
These taste pretty good,
but they smell amazing.
212
00:07:50,986 --> 00:07:52,753
Like, I would wear it as a scent.
213
00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:54,822
(phone alert) Oh.
214
00:07:54,923 --> 00:07:57,782
Dude, my hot French subletter
is texting me asking my birthday.
215
00:07:57,817 --> 00:07:59,694
Maybe he wants to send
me flowers, or, like,
216
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,696
find out my zodiac sign
to see if we're compatible.
217
00:08:01,797 --> 00:08:04,232
Euros are so into numerology.
218
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,867
Madonna got really into it
when she moved to London.
219
00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:07,902
Christina!
220
00:08:08,003 --> 00:08:09,492
Yes, you picked up!
221
00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:11,906
Uh, yeah, it's at the
40/40 Club, all right?
222
00:08:12,007 --> 00:08:15,610
Yeah, go up to the bouncer, say you're
there for the Hernandez party, okay?
223
00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:16,978
Free bottles.
224
00:08:17,188 --> 00:08:18,675
Hernandez!
225
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:20,848
I'm gonna get you back, girl!
226
00:08:21,513 --> 00:08:22,984
Opportunity, batch!
227
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,051
Free bottles?
228
00:08:24,152 --> 00:08:25,519
We gotta take advantage of this.
229
00:08:25,621 --> 00:08:26,678
Let's do it.
230
00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:28,422
Yes!
231
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:32,760
Get lost.
232
00:08:36,064 --> 00:08:37,865
Good evening, good sir.
233
00:08:37,966 --> 00:08:42,036
We are with the Hernandez party.
234
00:08:42,137 --> 00:08:43,804
235
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,107
'K friends
236
00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:48,409
I'm out here getting this money
237
00:08:48,510 --> 00:08:50,945
You a lame with no money
chasing all these honeys
238
00:08:51,046 --> 00:08:53,281
I'm a CEO baby I'm so hood rich
239
00:08:53,382 --> 00:08:56,517
Hair done nails did
got 'em saying yes bitch
240
00:08:56,618 --> 00:08:57,752
Yes bitch
241
00:08:57,853 --> 00:08:58,786
Yes bitch
242
00:08:58,887 --> 00:09:01,389
Every time I go off
they like they like
243
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:03,524
Hold up when I walk
up to the function
244
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,960
Looking real sexy because
I'm just trying to bump shit
245
00:09:06,061 --> 00:09:07,728
I got all the
dudes questionin' me
246
00:09:07,829 --> 00:09:09,063
Where I come from
247
00:09:09,164 --> 00:09:10,898
I think that it's obvious that
all these bitches want some
248
00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:12,867
Yes bitch
249
00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:13,901
Yes bitch
250
00:09:14,002 --> 00:09:15,236
Every time I go off
251
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:16,804
They like they like
252
00:09:16,905 --> 00:09:19,707
253
00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:25,613
God, we are making money
while we're clubbing.
254
00:09:25,714 --> 00:09:26,714
Woo!
255
00:09:29,017 --> 00:09:30,318
What is happening?
256
00:09:30,419 --> 00:09:32,720
Dude, I think they know we're crashing.
257
00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:34,021
Watch this.
258
00:09:34,258 --> 00:09:35,756
Hey!
259
00:09:35,857 --> 00:09:37,381
Hey!
260
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,427
Do you know them?
261
00:09:39,528 --> 00:09:40,394
No.
262
00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:42,581
But in da klerb, we all fam.
263
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,609
- What?
- In da klerb.
264
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:45,833
We all fam.
265
00:09:46,159 --> 00:09:47,235
I don't...
266
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,306
In the club, we are all family.
267
00:09:49,341 --> 00:09:50,671
Are you racist?
268
00:09:50,772 --> 00:09:52,573
N-no.
269
00:09:52,674 --> 00:09:53,836
It's 2016.
270
00:09:53,871 --> 00:09:56,449
- What? I didn't... I didn't say anything.
- Let's just try to have fun.
271
00:09:56,484 --> 00:09:58,746
Oh, my God, what's wrong with you?
272
00:09:58,847 --> 00:10:01,148
273
00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:05,133
Yeah
274
00:10:05,168 --> 00:10:06,348
Word to mother
275
00:10:06,383 --> 00:10:07,421
Knock a brother
276
00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:10,300
Then I bust a... On
they money then I hold up
277
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:11,474
Hey!
278
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:12,567
Hey!
279
00:10:12,602 --> 00:10:13,452
Hey!
280
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:14,604
Hey!
281
00:10:14,639 --> 00:10:15,696
I gotta go pee.
282
00:10:15,797 --> 00:10:16,856
Yeah!
283
00:10:16,891 --> 00:10:18,268
Such a dom.
284
00:10:18,303 --> 00:10:21,268
285
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:22,937
Ooh! Sorry.
286
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,443
Mami Lani wanna climb da beanstalk.
287
00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:36,584
Ab, look... My security. (laughing)
288
00:10:39,321 --> 00:10:40,569
Jesus, Ilana.
289
00:10:40,604 --> 00:10:43,556
- Gingers have souls!
- No, I know they do, dude.
290
00:10:43,591 --> 00:10:45,930
That is Blake Griffin!
291
00:10:45,965 --> 00:10:49,630
He plays for the N... B...
292
00:10:49,731 --> 00:10:52,400
- A!
- A? Oh, my God, no way!
293
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:54,268
We just met and really
hit it off, he's so sweet.
294
00:10:54,269 --> 00:10:55,907
- Oh, my God.
- And he smells so good.
295
00:10:55,942 --> 00:10:56,750
I bet he does.
296
00:10:56,785 --> 00:10:58,606
I bet he'd be a stamp
in my sexual passport,
297
00:10:58,707 --> 00:10:59,573
'cause you know, I've never been with
298
00:10:59,674 --> 00:11:00,875
- someone over 6'5".
- Someone over 6'5",
299
00:11:00,976 --> 00:11:02,643
- I know!
- Exactly.
300
00:11:02,744 --> 00:11:04,145
Oh. This is huge.
301
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:08,048
You know, listen, I'm
not gonna leave you here.
302
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:09,617
What if I make this a threesome?
303
00:11:09,718 --> 00:11:11,354
(phone alert) I mean... One second.
304
00:11:11,390 --> 00:11:14,002
You know, I really pictured it
just us first, experimenting,
305
00:11:14,037 --> 00:11:16,122
but to have a dick around, I'm down.
306
00:11:16,157 --> 00:11:18,284
I don't think it takes away
anything from our friendship.
307
00:11:18,319 --> 00:11:20,628
I've just been texting with my
subletter, it's not a big deal.
308
00:11:20,729 --> 00:11:21,918
Hold up.
309
00:11:21,953 --> 00:11:24,331
You have a hot piece
already in your apartment
310
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,300
who's obviously obsessed with you?
311
00:11:26,401 --> 00:11:29,303
We have been texting, like,
texts that could be sexts.
312
00:11:29,404 --> 00:11:31,372
Also, he touched my nipple.
313
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:33,858
You should go home and
satisfy your bon app?tit!
314
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,910
You know what? I am gonna go,
'cause I haven't had sex in a while,
315
00:11:36,011 --> 00:11:38,045
and also, this place is, like...
316
00:11:38,146 --> 00:11:39,180
Really making me horny.
317
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,905
- This plan rules.
- Love you, bitch.
318
00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:41,649
Love you.
319
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:43,551
Ilana, also, don't forget to stretch!
320
00:11:43,652 --> 00:11:44,794
You got it.
321
00:11:47,556 --> 00:11:49,824
322
00:11:55,416 --> 00:11:56,899
(sniffing)
323
00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:58,666
Yeah, that smells good.
324
00:12:01,738 --> 00:12:03,616
Henri?
325
00:12:04,873 --> 00:12:05,773
(gasps)
326
00:12:05,874 --> 00:12:07,875
327
00:12:11,079 --> 00:12:12,680
Henri?
328
00:12:12,781 --> 00:12:15,816
Henri, I think we got r...
329
00:12:16,809 --> 00:12:18,199
Henri.
330
00:12:19,475 --> 00:12:21,451
And then I told him my birthday.
331
00:12:21,481 --> 00:12:23,249
And that's the combination.
332
00:12:23,969 --> 00:12:25,294
That was dumb.
333
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:26,752
Don't blame yourself, okay?
334
00:12:26,853 --> 00:12:28,587
'Cause boys are the worst.
335
00:12:28,688 --> 00:12:29,755
(police radio crackles)
336
00:12:29,856 --> 00:12:31,590
Metro Units, 34th and Steinway.
337
00:12:31,691 --> 00:12:33,225
Unidentified black male
338
00:12:33,326 --> 00:12:36,128
pretending to read book on
park bench, probably armed.
339
00:12:36,229 --> 00:12:37,830
Let's roll!
340
00:12:39,599 --> 00:12:40,833
Bye?
341
00:12:51,978 --> 00:12:54,847
You know, like, as an athlete,
342
00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:56,717
I just think it's really
important to do, like,
343
00:12:56,783 --> 00:13:00,085
some dynamic stretching before
any kind of physical activity.
344
00:13:00,186 --> 00:13:02,488
What if we dynamically... um...
345
00:13:02,589 --> 00:13:04,790
take our clothes off?
346
00:13:04,891 --> 00:13:06,325
- Yes, I'm down.
- Awesome.
347
00:13:06,426 --> 00:13:07,926
- I'm so down.
- Okay, go.
348
00:13:16,603 --> 00:13:19,232
(laughing)
349
00:13:20,006 --> 00:13:22,074
Oh, my God!
350
00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:23,509
That is unreal.
351
00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:24,710
You are joking.
352
00:13:24,811 --> 00:13:26,045
Is... something wrong?
353
00:13:26,146 --> 00:13:28,044
Oh, my God, no! The opposite of it.
354
00:13:28,191 --> 00:13:28,756
Oh!
355
00:13:28,822 --> 00:13:30,307
It's so much. So much good.
356
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,885
I mean... (kissing fingers)
357
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:36,655
But it's not gonna, um, work?
358
00:13:36,756 --> 00:13:40,201
I won't be able to... receive you.
359
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,360
Oh.
360
00:13:41,461 --> 00:13:44,031
But what if we get... creative?
361
00:13:44,066 --> 00:13:45,903
Like, what do you have in mind?
362
00:13:45,938 --> 00:13:47,333
I don't know.
363
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:49,602
But we are gonna find out.
364
00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:52,417
Robbed?
365
00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:54,995
Oh, I'm glad I locked my room.
366
00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:56,876
Bevers, I was hoping that
you could come back tonight
367
00:13:56,977 --> 00:13:59,678
just because this BnB NYC guy has my key
368
00:13:59,779 --> 00:14:01,847
and I just feel like, um,
369
00:14:01,948 --> 00:14:04,049
a little uncomfortable
staying here by myself.
370
00:14:04,150 --> 00:14:05,217
Sorry, Ab,
371
00:14:05,318 --> 00:14:07,753
the next bus out of Atlantic
City isn't 'til morning.
372
00:14:07,854 --> 00:14:10,830
I could FaceTime with you and
watch you sleep if that'll help.
373
00:14:10,865 --> 00:14:12,084
All right, bye.
374
00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:15,138
What...
375
00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:16,607
What are we doing?
376
00:14:16,642 --> 00:14:18,276
What's this relationship?
377
00:14:19,266 --> 00:14:20,566
(sighing heavily)
378
00:14:24,004 --> 00:14:24,803
Hey.
379
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:26,472
Get it get it drop it low
380
00:14:26,573 --> 00:14:27,788
Oh Lord let it go
381
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,107
Yeah, yeah...
382
00:14:29,142 --> 00:14:30,342
Get it get it drop it low
383
00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:32,278
Get up to dance Move something
384
00:14:32,379 --> 00:14:34,046
Get it get it Get it get it
385
00:14:34,147 --> 00:14:35,915
Get it get it Get it get it
386
00:14:36,016 --> 00:14:37,816
Get it get it Get it get it
387
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,652
Get it get it Move something
388
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,487
Drop low Drop low
389
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:43,355
Drop low Drop low
390
00:14:43,456 --> 00:14:45,090
It's okay, it's okay.
391
00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:46,931
It's okay, it's okay, shh, shh, shh...
392
00:14:47,427 --> 00:14:49,962
(both slurping)
393
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:52,515
Work that work that work
that Work that work that
394
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,435
Oh, are you okay?
395
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:55,768
Move something
396
00:14:55,869 --> 00:14:57,803
Let's go let's go
let's go let's go
397
00:14:57,904 --> 00:15:00,091
- I'm so close!
- Me too!
398
00:15:00,126 --> 00:15:01,307
Move something
399
00:15:01,408 --> 00:15:03,042
(doorbell rings)
400
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,012
Hey.
401
00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:08,360
Stay right there.
402
00:15:14,587 --> 00:15:15,721
Clear!
403
00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:21,745
Clear!
404
00:15:22,695 --> 00:15:24,011
Clear.
405
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:27,232
Clear!
406
00:15:27,334 --> 00:15:28,767
Seriously, you're all clear.
407
00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:29,855
Thanks, Trey.
408
00:15:29,856 --> 00:15:32,171
No problem. I've always wanted
to do that. You know, "clear"?
409
00:15:32,272 --> 00:15:33,405
Right.
410
00:15:33,506 --> 00:15:34,540
You okay?
411
00:15:34,641 --> 00:15:35,808
Yeah, I'm fine.
412
00:15:35,909 --> 00:15:37,376
I'm so sorry I called you so late.
413
00:15:37,477 --> 00:15:38,944
No, I'm so glad you called.
414
00:15:39,045 --> 00:15:40,456
I wouldn't want you here by yourself.
415
00:15:40,491 --> 00:15:42,962
Cool, thank you. I feel much
better that you're here now.
416
00:15:42,997 --> 00:15:44,583
I'm so glad, you know?
417
00:15:44,684 --> 00:15:46,318
No, I'm just, like...
418
00:15:46,419 --> 00:15:50,022
You don't give your key to a stranger
just 'cause he's really cute, you know?
419
00:15:50,198 --> 00:15:51,386
That's a dumb idea.
420
00:15:51,421 --> 00:15:53,106
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. It's cool.
- I don't know what to do.
421
00:15:53,268 --> 00:15:54,470
It's cool, it's cool.
422
00:15:54,599 --> 00:15:56,395
You know what I do
when I'm feeling down?
423
00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:58,497
I pop in a kick-ass DVD, okay?
424
00:15:58,598 --> 00:16:02,368
So, we got...
425
00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:05,304
"Hangover III," honestly, the best one.
426
00:16:05,405 --> 00:16:06,839
"Babe."
427
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:09,008
Oscar nom.
428
00:16:09,109 --> 00:16:11,710
And my personal favorite, "Ratatouille."
429
00:16:11,811 --> 00:16:15,237
Oh, that'd be cool, but, like,
he took my TV and my DVD player.
430
00:16:15,272 --> 00:16:17,182
I anticipated that, so...
431
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:20,652
My mom got me this portable
DVD player for Christmas
432
00:16:20,754 --> 00:16:22,831
so I could watch movies on the subway.
433
00:16:22,866 --> 00:16:24,247
Okay.
434
00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:26,010
- Come on.
- Cool.
435
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,478
Man, I wish there was a basketball
league for women so I could play.
436
00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,130
Well, there is.
437
00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:33,091
It's the... WNBA.
438
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,034
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
439
00:16:35,135 --> 00:16:36,101
The WNBA.
440
00:16:36,202 --> 00:16:38,275
I mean, they are so good.
441
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,939
I literally steal moves
from them all the time.
442
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,708
- Are you kidding?
- All the time.
443
00:16:42,809 --> 00:16:44,810
Some of the moves they
do, I can't even, like...
444
00:16:44,911 --> 00:16:46,378
I can't even think of in my head.
445
00:16:46,479 --> 00:16:48,138
It's just, like...
446
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:51,551
the best version of basketball there is.
447
00:16:51,952 --> 00:16:53,399
That's women for you.
448
00:16:53,434 --> 00:16:55,499
Always making stuff better.
449
00:16:55,622 --> 00:16:58,590
450
00:16:58,691 --> 00:17:00,559
That is so good, right?
451
00:17:03,329 --> 00:17:06,586
If Remy had a real restaurant, I would
totally go there for my cheat meals.
452
00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:08,267
Don't care that he's a
rat. Don't give a shit.
453
00:17:08,368 --> 00:17:10,069
He is so...
454
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,303
special.
455
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,306
That's really cool.
456
00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:15,697
You draw that with paints?
457
00:17:15,732 --> 00:17:19,111
I did, I, like... I think of
it just as, like, a painting.
458
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,075
That's cool. I really
like art, actually.
459
00:17:21,258 --> 00:17:22,436
- Really?
- Yeah.
460
00:17:22,615 --> 00:17:25,517
I would say my favorite
painter is probably, um...
461
00:17:25,618 --> 00:17:27,519
Pablo Picasso.
462
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,388
Picasso, baby.
463
00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:31,623
Uh, yeah, he's, like, pretty classic.
464
00:17:31,724 --> 00:17:33,425
Want to see my impression
of a Picasso painting?
465
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:35,698
Yes, I would love to.
466
00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:42,067
- Trey, that is really funny.
- It kinda hurts.
467
00:17:42,168 --> 00:17:44,603
Oh, my God, I have to
show you this video...
468
00:17:46,706 --> 00:17:48,476
I was gonna show you
a video on my laptop.
469
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,149
- And then that guy stole it today.
- Stole that, too...
470
00:17:51,184 --> 00:17:52,375
Hey, you know what they say?
471
00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,346
You're not a real New Yorker
until you've been robbed.
472
00:17:54,447 --> 00:17:57,149
I've been a New Yorker three times, so.
473
00:17:58,488 --> 00:18:01,019
Well, it's getting late. I should...
I should probably go to bed.
474
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,454
Thank you so much for coming over.
475
00:18:02,555 --> 00:18:05,198
- This took my mind off things.
- That's what I'm here for.
476
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,608
And you know what? Don't worry. I'm
gonna be here with my Louisville,
477
00:18:07,643 --> 00:18:09,242
so you're totally safe. Sleep tight.
478
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,863
All right, thanks, Trey.
479
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:12,055
No problem.
480
00:18:28,348 --> 00:18:30,852
(sighs heavily)
481
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:48,967
Hey.
482
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:56,608
(whispering) Bazinga.
483
00:18:57,235 --> 00:18:59,826
I am so sorry that my phone
was on "do not disturb."
484
00:18:59,882 --> 00:19:01,416
I love that function.
485
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:04,086
You must have been so
scared here, all alone
486
00:19:04,187 --> 00:19:06,019
and that had just happened.
487
00:19:06,289 --> 00:19:07,323
Um...
488
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:08,385
Actually...
489
00:19:10,427 --> 00:19:11,560
I was.
490
00:19:11,661 --> 00:19:13,629
I felt really brave, though.
491
00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:16,298
My mom always said that
French people hate Jews.
492
00:19:16,399 --> 00:19:18,267
I'm pretty sure it's
unrelated, though, right?
493
00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:20,569
Right, he probably didn't
know that you were...
494
00:19:21,362 --> 00:19:22,862
Perfect nose.
495
00:19:22,897 --> 00:19:24,573
Uh... I'm...
496
00:19:24,674 --> 00:19:26,475
Dude, ew!
497
00:19:26,576 --> 00:19:28,677
Ohhhh! Ew!
498
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:30,679
- What the (bleep)?
- What the (bleep)?
499
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:33,058
- A (bleep) condom!
- Ab, this is it!
500
00:19:33,093 --> 00:19:35,005
This could be the key
to the whole crime!
501
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,554
This could unlock the whole
thing, it's only six to...
502
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,221
- Six-and-a-half
hours old. - What?
503
00:19:39,322 --> 00:19:40,489
Fresh on his tail.
504
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:43,589
We could find out exactly who
this guy is through his DNA!
505
00:19:43,624 --> 00:19:46,128
Trail him down, nail him down! Fist!
506
00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:48,035
Okay, I don't think
that's a good idea, dude.
507
00:19:48,070 --> 00:19:49,006
You didn't see him.
508
00:19:49,041 --> 00:19:51,133
- He was dangerous.
- Really?
509
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:53,035
Yeah, we gotta just, like,
throw that condom away
510
00:19:53,136 --> 00:19:56,075
and act like we never saw it
and never bring it up again.
511
00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:56,972
You sure?
512
00:19:57,073 --> 00:19:58,691
- 'Cause, I'm like, this is the whole thing.
- I am positive, dude!
513
00:19:58,726 --> 00:20:00,776
You didn't see this guy! He had pecs...
514
00:20:00,877 --> 00:20:02,878
Like, they were bigger than my boobs!
515
00:20:02,979 --> 00:20:04,179
God.
516
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:08,550
To be that horny and move so
efficiently is something that,
517
00:20:08,651 --> 00:20:12,020
you know, even though
I hate him, I admire.
518
00:20:12,555 --> 00:20:14,323
So, sex!
519
00:20:14,424 --> 00:20:17,593
Sex with Blake Griffin, dude,
you didn't even talk about it.
520
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,629
It wasn't full peena-vageena.
521
00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:21,830
Penis in vagina.
522
00:20:21,931 --> 00:20:24,099
That sucks. Is it... Was it okay?
523
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,536
It was awesome. We did stuff that
I never even thought of before.
524
00:20:27,637 --> 00:20:30,172
All I gotta say, it was nothing but net.
525
00:20:30,273 --> 00:20:31,407
Oh!
526
00:20:31,508 --> 00:20:34,231
And by nothing but net, I mean
he fingered me 'til I (bleep).
527
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,043
Wow.
528
00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:37,146
Lincoln loved it, even.
He thought it was so hot.
529
00:20:37,247 --> 00:20:38,597
You told Lincoln?
530
00:20:38,632 --> 00:20:39,882
Was he jealous?
531
00:20:39,983 --> 00:20:41,547
I think he was okay with it.
532
00:20:43,186 --> 00:20:44,253
Thank you.
533
00:20:44,354 --> 00:20:45,387
Mm-hmm.
534
00:20:45,488 --> 00:20:47,656
This is Blake Griffin's shoe.
535
00:20:47,757 --> 00:20:49,591
Now I use it as a murse.
536
00:20:49,692 --> 00:20:51,460
A male purse.
537
00:20:51,561 --> 00:20:53,295
We're Eskimo brothers.
538
00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:55,197
Heh heh heh.
539
00:21:01,237 --> 00:21:03,339
I'm so happy to be home.
540
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,179
I have frosting in
every one of my crevices.
541
00:21:06,214 --> 00:21:07,609
Ilana?
542
00:21:07,711 --> 00:21:09,778
(coughing)
543
00:21:09,879 --> 00:21:12,214
(woman slowly speaking Japanese)
544
00:21:12,669 --> 00:21:14,274
(phone app, translating)
What's up, bitch?
545
00:21:14,324 --> 00:21:18,874
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