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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,226 --> 00:00:05,027 (squeaking) 2 00:00:09,984 --> 00:00:10,885 Abbi? 3 00:00:11,013 --> 00:00:11,900 (squeaking) 4 00:00:12,036 --> 00:00:14,870 Rat Bastard! 5 00:00:15,806 --> 00:00:18,874 (laughing) Ah... 6 00:00:18,959 --> 00:00:19,992 (screaming) 7 00:00:20,077 --> 00:00:23,078 Get out of here! You're ruining my life! 8 00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:25,998 (squeaking) 9 00:00:26,083 --> 00:00:29,968 (screaming) 10 00:00:31,956 --> 00:00:35,307 This is some of my best sandwich work to date. 11 00:00:35,426 --> 00:00:39,895 (screaming) 12 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,145 (gasping) No, no-no-no. 13 00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:45,435 Rata hijueputa. 14 00:00:46,771 --> 00:00:48,538 Kinda sexy. 15 00:00:52,477 --> 00:00:53,226 (screaming) 16 00:00:53,311 --> 00:00:55,194 (man screaming) 17 00:01:03,488 --> 00:01:04,704 (squeak-squeak) 18 00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:07,800 Weed thief! 19 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,125 (squeaking) 20 00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:12,022 Four and three and two and one-one 21 00:01:12,263 --> 00:01:16,036 Sync and corrections by rickSG www.addic7ed.com 22 00:01:16,518 --> 00:01:18,684 That rat won't be bothering you anymore. 23 00:01:18,887 --> 00:01:20,851 He's gone to a better place. 24 00:01:20,886 --> 00:01:22,586 Oh, you mean, like the heaven. 25 00:01:22,621 --> 00:01:27,125 Oh, no. His dead carcass is probably rotting in the ceiling. 26 00:01:27,244 --> 00:01:27,871 Oof. 27 00:01:28,063 --> 00:01:30,423 All right, that'll be $400. 28 00:01:30,564 --> 00:01:31,887 - $400? - Are you serious? 29 00:01:31,932 --> 00:01:33,449 I'm gonna have to sell my sperm again, uh... 30 00:01:33,502 --> 00:01:36,652 - Jesus, that's criminal. - No. 31 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,949 $400. 32 00:01:51,035 --> 00:01:53,118 Oh! 33 00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,809 That's all of it. 34 00:01:59,844 --> 00:02:01,627 Thank you. 35 00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:04,553 - God... - (exterminator) Oh, there's a package out here. 36 00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:06,887 Ooh, Larry and David. 37 00:02:06,922 --> 00:02:10,821 38 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:20,062 (woman mimicking siren) 39 00:02:20,148 --> 00:02:23,065 Flirt alert, oh, my God, cute dress, Ab. 40 00:02:23,151 --> 00:02:24,483 Hot date later? 41 00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,901 Is he black? 42 00:02:25,987 --> 00:02:27,150 What? 43 00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:30,739 No, I just thought it was a party, so, I'm wearing normal clothes. 44 00:02:30,825 --> 00:02:34,033 Right, this is your first Summer Solstice Soulstice party. 45 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:37,079 You 'lil virgin, ooh... (laughing) 46 00:02:37,215 --> 00:02:38,581 I'm gonna need to start drinking. 47 00:02:38,716 --> 00:02:39,916 Yes, girl. 48 00:02:40,051 --> 00:02:41,083 Here, drink this. 49 00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:44,003 It is 11% alcohol content kombucha. 50 00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:46,138 I like to call it "kom-booze-cha." 51 00:02:46,173 --> 00:02:47,723 (laughing) 52 00:02:47,809 --> 00:02:50,893 Don't, um, don't steal that, though. 53 00:02:50,979 --> 00:02:53,262 I came up with it. 54 00:02:53,348 --> 00:02:56,599 55 00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:03,606 Olive oil? 56 00:03:03,741 --> 00:03:04,907 Sea salt crackers? 57 00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:06,002 Baklava?! 58 00:03:06,146 --> 00:03:09,219 This is the most beautiful basket I've ever seen, and I grew up on Long Island. 59 00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:11,447 They had shivas for days, literally. 60 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,918 "We love and accept you exactly as you are." 61 00:03:16,004 --> 00:03:17,286 Oh, my God. 62 00:03:17,436 --> 00:03:18,704 It must be from my parents. 63 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:19,662 Oh! 64 00:03:19,697 --> 00:03:22,476 They haven't spoken to me since I came out to them months ago. 65 00:03:22,511 --> 00:03:23,533 Months? 66 00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:26,111 This must be their olive branch, literally. 67 00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:27,346 Olive branch? 68 00:03:27,465 --> 00:03:29,682 Dur, there's olive tapenade in here. 69 00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:31,133 I mean, double dur. 70 00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:33,185 Larry and David? That's two men, right? 71 00:03:33,304 --> 00:03:35,304 Oh, my God, this is so beautiful, Ilana. 72 00:03:35,390 --> 00:03:36,639 Oh, my God. 73 00:03:36,774 --> 00:03:38,724 - That's awesome, dude. - Yeah. 74 00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:40,761 I think we should throw a party 75 00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:44,232 and spread the seed of this gesture all over people. 76 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,983 Himmelz, what if we charged a cover, 77 00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:48,868 and we made back that money 78 00:03:48,987 --> 00:03:51,352 that we gave to that stupid exterminator? 79 00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:52,154 Ooh. 80 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:53,956 Sometimes we are so smart, Ilana, 81 00:03:54,042 --> 00:03:56,993 I am scared of what we are truly capable of. 82 00:03:57,078 --> 00:03:58,995 I gotta call A-Team. 83 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,800 Oh! 84 00:04:04,886 --> 00:04:08,421 (cell phone melody plays) 85 00:04:08,506 --> 00:04:09,476 Go for Abbi. 86 00:04:09,511 --> 00:04:11,674 Jaim?'s former bigot parents who are now amazing, 87 00:04:11,809 --> 00:04:16,312 sent him an "insahn" gift basket from Larry and David. 88 00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:18,647 Holy shit. 89 00:04:19,684 --> 00:04:21,183 Uh... 90 00:04:21,269 --> 00:04:23,695 Well, uh, save me some of those chocolate-covered cherries 91 00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,096 'cause those are so classy. 92 00:04:25,106 --> 00:04:26,322 I'll do ya one better. 93 00:04:26,407 --> 00:04:29,769 We're throwing a party tonight for a tiny fee of ten bucks a head. 94 00:04:29,804 --> 00:04:31,777 Bring friends... I, I don't have any, but you guys. 95 00:04:31,863 --> 00:04:32,778 (phone beeping) 96 00:04:32,864 --> 00:04:36,082 That's cool. 97 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,118 Uh-oh, what do we have here? 98 00:04:39,203 --> 00:04:43,039 Caught Abbi red 'anded, creepin' on da Soulstice floor. 99 00:04:43,124 --> 00:04:44,340 Shaggy Boombastic! 100 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,160 But, seriously, what are you doing? 101 00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:48,928 I was just in here... drinking 102 00:04:48,963 --> 00:04:52,889 because this was like my third, and fourth, uh, bottle of booze. 103 00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:54,811 And I didn't want anyone to see me, you know, 104 00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:57,686 consuming so many empty calories. 105 00:04:57,772 --> 00:05:00,556 All right, tell you what. I am in, I'm gonna join ya. 106 00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:02,725 Cent'anni! 107 00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:05,410 It's kind of spunky, right? 108 00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:06,529 That's what she said. 109 00:05:06,614 --> 00:05:08,064 (laughing) 110 00:05:08,149 --> 00:05:10,649 Come on, that was genuinely organic. 111 00:05:10,735 --> 00:05:12,018 "That's what she said." 112 00:05:12,053 --> 00:05:12,868 Okay. 113 00:05:12,954 --> 00:05:14,036 114 00:05:15,287 --> 00:05:19,542 I want some marijuana, uh uh oh 115 00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:21,077 I wanna marijuana 116 00:05:21,212 --> 00:05:22,962 I want some marijuana 117 00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:24,914 I need some marijuana 118 00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,916 Uh uh oh 119 00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,250 Whudda bud down Whudda bud down 120 00:05:28,336 --> 00:05:29,251 Whudda bud down Whudda bud down 121 00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,138 Whudda bud down whudda day 122 00:05:35,176 --> 00:05:37,009 Whudda bud at Gimme dat, uh 123 00:05:37,095 --> 00:05:38,978 Whudda bud at Gimme dat, dat, uh 124 00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:40,930 Whudda bud at Gimme dat, uh 125 00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:43,149 Whudda bud at Gimme dat dat dat 126 00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:46,735 I need some marijuana Uh uh oh 127 00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,604 Roll it and lick it and light it and smoke it 128 00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:50,606 And pass it and lick it and light it and pass it 129 00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:52,608 And roll it and lick it and light it and pass it 130 00:05:52,693 --> 00:05:54,860 Then light it and smoke it and... 131 00:05:54,946 --> 00:05:56,612 Roll it, now roll it, now roll it, now roll it 132 00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,781 Now roll it, now roll it, now roll it, now roll it 133 00:05:58,866 --> 00:06:00,533 Now roll it, now roll it, now roll it, now roll it 134 00:06:01,504 --> 00:06:03,669 Weed queen. 135 00:06:03,788 --> 00:06:05,921 (laughing) 136 00:06:06,007 --> 00:06:06,963 Okay? 137 00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:09,875 Hey, don't make me do CPR, okay? 138 00:06:09,961 --> 00:06:11,677 - Wait, wait, wait. - Okay. 139 00:06:11,796 --> 00:06:13,629 So, I go into, like, a Starbucks, you know, Starbucks. 140 00:06:13,714 --> 00:06:16,465 It's, like, a pretty big chain of coffee shops. 141 00:06:16,551 --> 00:06:18,300 Yeah, I've seen 'em around. 142 00:06:18,386 --> 00:06:20,803 From Seattle! Get a clue, man! 143 00:06:20,888 --> 00:06:22,221 (burps) And I'm, like, ordering. 144 00:06:22,306 --> 00:06:23,973 And the person's like, "What's your name?" 145 00:06:24,058 --> 00:06:25,524 And I'm, like, 146 00:06:25,643 --> 00:06:27,893 "Mrs. Starbucks." 147 00:06:27,979 --> 00:06:31,397 (both laughing) 148 00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:34,316 (cell phone melody plays) 149 00:06:34,402 --> 00:06:37,108 I'm gonna pick up my phone 'cause it's ringing. 150 00:06:37,143 --> 00:06:37,831 Hello? 151 00:06:37,863 --> 00:06:40,208 - Can you steal tampons, too? - Yeah, tampons! 152 00:06:40,324 --> 00:06:41,040 Ohh! 153 00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:43,192 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 154 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,426 Oh, my God, you're bleeding. 155 00:06:44,462 --> 00:06:46,662 - Dur, that's why I need the tampons. - You're bleeding. You're bleeding. 156 00:06:46,731 --> 00:06:48,881 Sorry, take your phone call, You'take your phone call, you'take your phone call. 157 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,319 No, tamps, tamps. 158 00:06:50,354 --> 00:06:53,719 For, for... yeah, yeah... I got them. 159 00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,609 That didn't mean anything. 160 00:06:58,644 --> 00:07:01,677 161 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,097 I can't believe that diseased little rat 162 00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,766 chewed through my favorite period panties. 163 00:07:07,852 --> 00:07:10,436 Panty-eating rat perv. 164 00:07:10,799 --> 00:07:15,274 Ilana, there's been something I've been wanting to ask you 165 00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:20,329 for a while and don't feel any pressure at all to say yes. 166 00:07:21,699 --> 00:07:24,083 But it would mean the world to me, 167 00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:27,920 if I could be your Head Chef. 168 00:07:28,039 --> 00:07:29,338 Yeah, go nuts. 169 00:07:29,423 --> 00:07:32,521 "With great power comes great responsibility." 170 00:07:32,541 --> 00:07:34,448 - Teddy Roosevelt. - Spider-Man. 171 00:07:34,483 --> 00:07:35,928 (sighs) Even better. 172 00:07:36,047 --> 00:07:37,346 Ffft! 173 00:07:39,267 --> 00:07:40,633 Whoa. 174 00:07:40,718 --> 00:07:43,558 Okay, I, I know what you're gonna say, but just hear me out, okay? 175 00:07:43,888 --> 00:07:46,806 I've always felt that the energy in this room was just off. 176 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,510 But I didn't wanna say anything because, you know, 177 00:07:48,545 --> 00:07:50,392 I don't like to stir the shit pot. 178 00:07:50,528 --> 00:07:54,534 But since this happened with my parents, I feel more like, mmm, confidence. 179 00:07:54,565 --> 00:07:57,700 This... is how I feel the room should be. 180 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,014 - I love it. - Oh, sweet! 181 00:08:00,144 --> 00:08:01,393 Why didn't you do this, like, a year ago? 182 00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:04,479 I don't know! It was like I hated a part of myself. 183 00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:06,160 Now I only hate my cankles. 184 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,076 (knocking on door) 185 00:08:07,272 --> 00:08:09,106 (Abbi) I need to make out with somebody. 186 00:08:09,186 --> 00:08:11,519 - Wham, bam, thank you, sir. - No, someone new. 187 00:08:11,651 --> 00:08:14,073 - Okay, I'll do this for you. - No, someone who's attracted to women. 188 00:08:14,108 --> 00:08:16,502 Abbi, just so you know, every guy here's gonna be, like, 189 00:08:16,587 --> 00:08:18,190 a four-plus on the Kinsey scale. 190 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,265 (Jaime and Ilana whisper) Gay. 191 00:08:19,419 --> 00:08:23,676 I know, that's why this gal joined Tinder. 192 00:08:23,761 --> 00:08:24,893 You on Tinder? 193 00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:28,290 I thought you're all about that IRL meet-cute rom-com Lyfe. 194 00:08:28,451 --> 00:08:29,800 You must be tr?s horny. 195 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,268 I'm not Trey anything, Ilana... what? 196 00:08:32,403 --> 00:08:34,653 Okay, I won't show-off my French, Abbi. 197 00:08:34,772 --> 00:08:37,650 (gasping) Plus, every Tinder guy will pay us the $10! 198 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,440 Money-money-money-money... 199 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,874 Plus, plus, it's not even your apartment, 200 00:08:40,043 --> 00:08:42,308 so if they come back to chop you up, you're not even here. 201 00:08:42,343 --> 00:08:44,747 Yeah... Wait, what? 202 00:08:44,832 --> 00:08:47,950 (music and chatter) 203 00:08:50,188 --> 00:08:52,371 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 204 00:08:53,792 --> 00:08:54,674 Mmm... 205 00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,375 That is so hot. 206 00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:57,794 Yes. 207 00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,378 Hi, thank you so much, thanks. 208 00:08:59,464 --> 00:09:00,797 It's gonna be worth it. 209 00:09:00,932 --> 00:09:04,300 Thank you, love your money... outfit. 210 00:09:04,385 --> 00:09:07,386 Uh, oh, it is so disgustingly hot in here. 211 00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:08,304 You know what? 212 00:09:08,439 --> 00:09:10,389 I'll give you a discount, I know a gal... 213 00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:12,275 Okay, no, I'm gonna go. I love you. 214 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:13,693 Love ya. 215 00:09:13,812 --> 00:09:15,398 Last one in, first one out, respect. 216 00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:18,481 Uh, oh, I got three matches already, so... 217 00:09:18,566 --> 00:09:20,316 Tinder is so (bleep) easy, dude. 218 00:09:20,451 --> 00:09:23,619 Yes, it is healthy for you to have zero discretion sometimes. 219 00:09:23,705 --> 00:09:24,713 I just got another match. 220 00:09:24,748 --> 00:09:27,240 God, why didn't I do this earlier? 221 00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:28,791 I am rich in men. 222 00:09:28,877 --> 00:09:30,747 And those men are gonna make me rich... 223 00:09:30,782 --> 00:09:32,545 in money. 224 00:09:32,664 --> 00:09:34,964 I rich 225 00:09:35,049 --> 00:09:37,300 I rich, I rich 226 00:09:37,385 --> 00:09:38,668 I rich... 227 00:09:38,753 --> 00:09:41,420 (gasping) 228 00:09:41,506 --> 00:09:43,571 Rat Bastard! 229 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,754 - Lincoln, I just saw that dickhead rat. - Where? 230 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,256 In this apartment. 231 00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:51,716 If people see him, they're gonna leave. 232 00:09:51,751 --> 00:09:54,327 And worse yet, they're gonna want their money back. 233 00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:56,462 Yeah, but they'd be right. 234 00:09:56,547 --> 00:09:58,631 - Right? - Yeah, I know. 235 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,183 Okay, Lincoln, I need your culinary skills 236 00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,135 to go above and beyond right now. 237 00:10:03,221 --> 00:10:06,522 I need you to create a dish so good, so ?l?gante, 238 00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:09,975 that the party is distracted and I can catch this fat-ass rat-ass myself. 239 00:10:10,061 --> 00:10:11,777 I'm talking Food Network-level. 240 00:10:11,863 --> 00:10:15,364 This restaurant would definitely rate a "C," 241 00:10:15,483 --> 00:10:18,317 on the New York Sanitation Department scale. 242 00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:20,152 But I wanna take on this challenge. 243 00:10:20,288 --> 00:10:21,904 Actually, it would be a grade "D" 244 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,906 'cause of that moth larvae all over the ceiling. 245 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,658 Yeah, I can't find the source. 246 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,337 Okay, dope. 247 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,881 Hi, Tadd 26? 248 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,799 Yeah, Abbi, hi. 249 00:10:33,885 --> 00:10:35,968 Wow, you look great. 250 00:10:36,498 --> 00:10:39,534 This is a really good photo of you. 251 00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:42,141 - Thanks. - It's almost too good, though. 252 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:43,559 Okay. 253 00:10:43,678 --> 00:10:44,912 Should I go? 254 00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:46,831 Inside? Yeah. 255 00:10:46,872 --> 00:10:48,681 I'll take that off your hands. 256 00:10:48,766 --> 00:10:49,820 Enjoy yourself, feel welcome. 257 00:10:49,855 --> 00:10:51,934 Mm-hmm. 258 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,854 Ilana, come on, I just... broke up with him. 259 00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,322 I need him, I need them all. 260 00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:58,574 I spent $400 to get rid of this rat. 261 00:10:58,693 --> 00:11:01,494 I just saw him scurrying across the floor with his little nails. 262 00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:02,745 (gasping) (squeaking) 263 00:11:02,864 --> 00:11:03,746 Oh, my God, rat! 264 00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:04,997 Pack! 265 00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:08,403 With Fred Sinatra, and they would sing a cappella and watch each other (bleep). 266 00:11:08,541 --> 00:11:11,036 Give me my money back. I'm not staying at a rat party. 267 00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:12,440 Okay, okay... Get out of here. 268 00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:14,540 Keep quiet. Go. 269 00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:15,591 (cell phone vibrates) 270 00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:18,685 _ 271 00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,514 What... No one. 272 00:11:21,599 --> 00:11:22,381 What? 273 00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,049 What? I didn't get a text from anybody. 274 00:11:24,135 --> 00:11:27,362 If I ever get my own food truck, I'm gonna call it "Lincoln's Center." 275 00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,438 That is genius! (laughing) 276 00:11:29,557 --> 00:11:30,439 Wow. 277 00:11:30,558 --> 00:11:31,524 Mmm... 278 00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:32,305 Mmm. 279 00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:33,495 Gracias, Lincoln. 280 00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:34,360 Okay. 281 00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:36,479 (sighing) 282 00:11:36,564 --> 00:11:38,566 I've been keeping something in for a very long time. 283 00:11:38,601 --> 00:11:41,066 But today's a new day for the Jaim?. 284 00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:43,569 Your mustache is terrible. 285 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:47,907 It makes you look like you... Like touch the little children. 286 00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:50,292 (sighs) That felt good. 287 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,795 Mmm. 288 00:11:52,914 --> 00:11:54,336 Mother(bleep), that's good. 289 00:11:54,371 --> 00:11:55,901 Whoa, costume change? 290 00:11:55,936 --> 00:11:57,383 Yeah, I'm quirky. 291 00:11:57,468 --> 00:12:00,219 (tap dancing) 292 00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:03,255 293 00:12:03,341 --> 00:12:04,006 (squeaking) 294 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,674 Sorry... (chuckling) 295 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,675 Get up. 296 00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:07,805 (squeaking) 297 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,598 (sighing) 298 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,732 (whispering) Damn it. 299 00:12:13,818 --> 00:12:16,018 (whooping, applause) 300 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,407 Hold down the fort. 301 00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:23,188 I've got a plan. 302 00:12:24,579 --> 00:12:28,364 God, I loved your hair. 303 00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:29,365 Not cool. 304 00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,322 Oh, I'd love to make out with this guy. 305 00:12:31,488 --> 00:12:33,220 I thought you said you were 26? 306 00:12:33,255 --> 00:12:35,047 I was, in that picture. 307 00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:38,457 I thought that was an Instagram filter. 308 00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:43,462 Ooh, you're really sexy. 309 00:12:45,049 --> 00:12:46,465 With a great smile. 310 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:53,138 Hey, can I see your tat? 311 00:12:53,274 --> 00:12:54,640 Too... 312 00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:57,309 Two peas in a pod 313 00:12:57,445 --> 00:12:59,612 And neither of us are Jews 314 00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:01,197 You should Uber. 315 00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:03,482 That's, um, German, right? 316 00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:07,278 Sorry, but this obviously isn't you. 317 00:13:07,425 --> 00:13:08,821 Yeah, obviously. 318 00:13:08,906 --> 00:13:12,235 You thought a young Denzel Washington was gonna show up for your Tinder date? 319 00:13:12,677 --> 00:13:15,244 You shoulda just swiped left. 320 00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:18,497 Wait, what do you mean "swipe left"? 321 00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,005 (meows) 322 00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:30,175 Jellicle Cat, I need you to find and kill this ballsack, Rat Bastard. 323 00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:31,377 (knocking on door) 324 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:32,911 - In use! - (Abbi) Ilana, it's me. 325 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:33,936 Oh, come in. 326 00:13:34,065 --> 00:13:35,664 Dur, oh my God. 327 00:13:35,716 --> 00:13:38,524 Did you know that you can, like, swipe left on Tinder? 328 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:40,320 And that means you're not into the guy. 329 00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:42,269 I thought you had to meet-up with every... 330 00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:45,074 - You have options. - What's happening in here? 331 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,493 The cat's out of the bag. 332 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,578 Jellicle was not easy to remove from the bodega. 333 00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:53,689 But I gotta catch this piece of shit, Rat Bastard, and I needed backup. 334 00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,750 So, I had to borrow him. 335 00:13:56,537 --> 00:13:57,653 Or her. 336 00:13:57,739 --> 00:13:59,572 Hm, what you? 337 00:13:59,657 --> 00:14:03,913 Well, I kinda hope it's a guy because there's literally zero good guys here. 338 00:14:04,412 --> 00:14:08,080 I need to meet, like, real men in real life 339 00:14:08,166 --> 00:14:10,299 - that I don't work with. - Yeah. 340 00:14:10,697 --> 00:14:14,503 - What? - That I don't, like, work it with. 341 00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:15,864 - You know? - Totally. 342 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,723 That's what I meant to say. 343 00:14:17,809 --> 00:14:19,725 Well, please let this work. 344 00:14:19,811 --> 00:14:23,564 No, it's totally going to, because cats can be scary vicious. 345 00:14:23,599 --> 00:14:25,264 (purring) 346 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,402 Come on, Jellicle Cat, scheme, make some (bleep) trouble. 347 00:14:29,487 --> 00:14:30,486 Like, Tom and Jerry. 348 00:14:30,605 --> 00:14:33,861 Oh, my God, the media, reducing even cats to a stereotype. 349 00:14:33,892 --> 00:14:35,884 See, I have to remember, I am the problem. 350 00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:39,812 Up next, you'll savor chilled chocolate-covered cherry slivers 351 00:14:39,898 --> 00:14:42,648 your tongue didn't know that it needed. 352 00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:44,600 Enjoy. 353 00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:47,253 I am crushin' it right now. 354 00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:48,389 I'm definitely gonna be 355 00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:50,602 - the Chop'd Champion tonight. - Yes. 356 00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:53,526 - What? - The rat just ran over my foot. 357 00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:57,029 You know the band Ratatat? Let's listen to thatatat, mm-hmm. 358 00:14:57,115 --> 00:14:58,581 Uh-huh. 359 00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:00,032 (knocking on door) 360 00:15:00,118 --> 00:15:03,354 Oh, if I have to see another Tin-dude, I'm gonna (bleep) break out. 361 00:15:03,498 --> 00:15:07,317 Hi, I am looking for a Larry and David gift basket that was dropped off here. 362 00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:10,893 I, I, dropped it off, but at the wrong address, and I need it back now. 363 00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:12,744 - My money. - My parents. 364 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:13,868 My chef's high. 365 00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:15,047 My... 366 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,691 My, my. 367 00:15:18,886 --> 00:15:20,306 How you doin'? 368 00:15:21,690 --> 00:15:23,806 So, what are you saying? It didn't come from Guatemala? 369 00:15:23,892 --> 00:15:26,058 No, I'm sorry. This is 21510th Street. 370 00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:28,194 And I was supposed to deliver it to 21015th Street. 371 00:15:28,313 --> 00:15:30,195 I keep messing up because I have dyslexia. 372 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,696 Please, this is an SOS. 373 00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,616 I'm sorry, SOS. 374 00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:36,619 Dude, I'm so sorry but we got the basket, 375 00:15:36,704 --> 00:15:38,621 and I already made some incredible... 376 00:15:38,706 --> 00:15:40,489 Strides. 377 00:15:40,575 --> 00:15:41,991 Strides. 378 00:15:42,126 --> 00:15:45,628 To keep the basket in mint condition. 379 00:15:45,713 --> 00:15:48,831 So, you know, we're just gonna need a couple minutes 380 00:15:48,917 --> 00:15:51,514 to fill out some paperwork. 381 00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:52,668 Mm-hmm. 382 00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:54,925 You seem stressed. Why don't you come in? 383 00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:57,089 You guys figure out the paperwork. 384 00:15:57,175 --> 00:15:58,474 I'll show you around. 385 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,509 I mean, with letters and everything, 386 00:16:00,595 --> 00:16:03,327 it's like, who cares what order they're in? 387 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:05,147 388 00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:09,318 Steven. 389 00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:13,328 Yeah, I shaved my mustache with the pubey girl razor from the bathroom. 390 00:16:13,503 --> 00:16:15,358 - You happy? - You look incredible. 391 00:16:15,443 --> 00:16:16,776 I was completely right. 392 00:16:16,861 --> 00:16:19,028 And the whole pedophile mustache was so distracting. 393 00:16:19,113 --> 00:16:21,383 But now I see your face. It's beautiful. 394 00:16:21,418 --> 00:16:22,839 Kind of like it, too. 395 00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,557 It's like I was holding onto something, like, some kind of mask. 396 00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:29,255 You know, we should hang out like in a date way. 397 00:16:29,374 --> 00:16:30,779 Yeah, I'd love that. 398 00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:33,042 I'm really glad that this all happened. 399 00:16:33,127 --> 00:16:34,260 Me too. 400 00:16:36,681 --> 00:16:37,908 Ew, dude! 401 00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:39,715 - Homophobe! - You hate the gays, man? 402 00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:42,486 - Who's a homophobe? - No, look at this mess! 403 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,303 I'm never gonna be able to get this back together. 404 00:16:44,389 --> 00:16:47,974 Lincoln, what do we all know is the most challenging part of cooking? 405 00:16:48,059 --> 00:16:49,423 - Presentation. - Exactly. 406 00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:51,059 This is a presentation challenge. 407 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,896 Let's turn our trash... (clearing throat) 408 00:16:54,032 --> 00:16:55,197 Into treasure. 409 00:16:55,283 --> 00:16:57,741 I never will care about this basket, so good luck. 410 00:16:57,776 --> 00:16:59,253 I'm not losing this money. 411 00:16:59,288 --> 00:17:01,372 Cool hat. I love hats. 412 00:17:01,407 --> 00:17:03,122 (chuckling) 413 00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:04,991 Cool, um... 414 00:17:05,076 --> 00:17:06,523 Can I ask you a personal question? 415 00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:07,576 Mm-hmm. 416 00:17:07,712 --> 00:17:09,662 You ever taken a sharp turn in one of those trucks 417 00:17:09,747 --> 00:17:12,915 without the doors on it, and then, you just fall out? 418 00:17:13,051 --> 00:17:13,966 All the time. 419 00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:16,669 Quick follow-up. Do you wanna make out right now? 420 00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:18,220 - Yeah. - Okay. 421 00:17:24,262 --> 00:17:25,895 Perfect. 422 00:17:30,098 --> 00:17:31,901 Keep going. Do your thing. 423 00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,853 Just pick the right food. 424 00:17:33,938 --> 00:17:35,738 Oh, great. 425 00:17:38,276 --> 00:17:39,743 Everybody love cheese balls. 426 00:17:39,778 --> 00:17:42,745 I know, they're, like, too good. 427 00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:46,082 This is actual food. 428 00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,417 This is honestly really (bleep) good. 429 00:17:53,608 --> 00:17:54,874 We did it. 430 00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:57,902 Yeah, but I still don't feel too good about this. 431 00:17:57,937 --> 00:18:02,181 I've been making a mockery of Larry and David and they seem like really good guys. 432 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,516 Larry and David are fine. 433 00:18:03,634 --> 00:18:04,967 They've got a whole franchise 434 00:18:05,053 --> 00:18:07,874 based on their explosive sexual and romantic relationship. 435 00:18:07,909 --> 00:18:10,306 Yo, what the (bleep) are you talking about? 436 00:18:10,441 --> 00:18:11,941 The Larry and David franchise. 437 00:18:12,026 --> 00:18:13,809 Larry and David are brothers. 438 00:18:13,945 --> 00:18:14,777 Ew. 439 00:18:14,862 --> 00:18:16,788 440 00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:20,166 Here's your pristine basket. 441 00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:22,985 We really wanna get in there, but we used our willpower. 442 00:18:23,955 --> 00:18:25,394 No, no, we just made out. 443 00:18:25,429 --> 00:18:26,339 (clearing throat) 444 00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:27,723 Is that a shower curtain? 445 00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:29,198 (squeaking) Oh, my God. 446 00:18:29,423 --> 00:18:32,011 You little piece of shit! 447 00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:33,356 (Bleep) you. 448 00:18:33,391 --> 00:18:34,347 You (bleep) rat! 449 00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:36,632 I'm gonna (bleep) kill you! 450 00:18:37,352 --> 00:18:39,468 (knife clatters to floor) 451 00:18:39,604 --> 00:18:43,773 (gasping) 452 00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:45,224 (Lincoln) Ugh... 453 00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:47,693 Ohhh! 454 00:18:47,812 --> 00:18:48,978 She's female. 455 00:18:49,113 --> 00:18:50,479 Don't you see? 456 00:18:50,615 --> 00:18:51,981 (laughing) 457 00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:54,383 And she just had these little babies. 458 00:18:54,419 --> 00:18:55,418 Oh (bleep). 459 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,622 She's a single gal just looking to raise her kids in a safe home. 460 00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:01,115 Hey, no, I'm freaking out right now. 461 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,325 She's me! 462 00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:03,910 What the (bleep) is going on here? 463 00:19:03,995 --> 00:19:05,328 Come on, they're so cute. 464 00:19:05,463 --> 00:19:08,164 They're wrinkly, but they're soft and fun, too. 465 00:19:08,249 --> 00:19:09,532 That's what she said. 466 00:19:09,634 --> 00:19:10,933 (laughing) 467 00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,560 That's something Trey would say. 468 00:19:12,595 --> 00:19:13,845 Oh my God, totally. 469 00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:15,838 - You gotta head out. - What? 470 00:19:15,874 --> 00:19:16,889 - It's time for you to go. - You sure? 471 00:19:17,008 --> 00:19:20,009 Yeah, you just say that basket was stolen and you can salvage that job, great. 472 00:19:20,111 --> 00:19:21,430 It's been fun. 473 00:19:22,146 --> 00:19:24,013 (exhales) We're a great team. 474 00:19:24,148 --> 00:19:25,271 Yes, we are. 475 00:19:25,306 --> 00:19:27,683 May God, She bless us. 476 00:19:27,819 --> 00:19:29,018 Every one. 477 00:19:29,153 --> 00:19:30,119 (squeaking) 478 00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:34,587 Oh, God. 479 00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:35,916 Goodness. 480 00:19:36,279 --> 00:19:39,051 - Hey, you know what, baby? - Yeah? 481 00:19:39,206 --> 00:19:42,292 Right now that I'm on this new path of like, honesty and truth? 482 00:19:42,455 --> 00:19:45,681 There's a couple of things that I wanted to share with you. 483 00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:47,350 First of all, in the near future, 484 00:19:47,435 --> 00:19:49,589 I would kind of like to use our oven for cooking. 485 00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:51,283 Will you take your clothes out, please? 486 00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:54,323 - Absolutely, I hear that, I hear that. - Thank you so much. 487 00:19:56,277 --> 00:19:59,196 Ilana, I don't want to do your bacne anymore. 488 00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:00,029 What? 489 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:03,166 I'm sorry, it's just not my thing. You should see a dermatologist. 490 00:20:03,251 --> 00:20:06,193 Would you mind just doing one last one, the middle... 491 00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:08,257 - I got it. - Massive middle back. 492 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:09,348 (exhales) 493 00:20:09,498 --> 00:20:11,674 There's another thing, Ilana, and I just... 494 00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:13,292 I say this because I love you so much. 495 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,128 There is something you do that I see a lot of white people do. 496 00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:18,381 And it's kind of like cultural appropriation. 497 00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:19,285 I've heard about this. 498 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,800 Like, for example, you know those earrings that you have that say "Latina"? 499 00:20:21,835 --> 00:20:22,560 Yeah? 500 00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,173 - They look beautiful on you. - Thank you. 501 00:20:24,174 --> 00:20:25,470 But you not latina anymore. 502 00:20:25,505 --> 00:20:28,024 It's almost like you're stealing the identity from people 503 00:20:28,109 --> 00:20:31,394 who fought hard for against colonial structures. 504 00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:35,531 So, in a way, it's almost like you are the colonists. 505 00:20:35,617 --> 00:20:37,283 You see? 506 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,651 Ah! 507 00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:40,319 Oh, that felt good. 508 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:40,974 (sighs) 509 00:20:41,135 --> 00:20:43,706 Oh, also, mi amor, can you please get off Grindr? 510 00:20:43,791 --> 00:20:46,411 You have a Grindr profile and it's kind of our thing, you know? 511 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,322 I just wanna see penises within a mile of me. 512 00:20:49,357 --> 00:20:51,380 I'm so sorry, I've gone too far. 513 00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:53,076 You can see all the penises you want. 514 00:20:53,111 --> 00:20:54,317 Teach me. 515 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,880 - All the penises you want. - Teach me. 516 00:20:55,915 --> 00:20:57,409 Penis. 517 00:20:57,459 --> 00:21:02,009 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36248

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