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1
00:00:00,291 --> 00:00:01,824
Jaime, thank you so much again
2
00:00:01,858 --> 00:00:03,493
for getting us this coat check gig.
3
00:00:03,527 --> 00:00:04,494
- For real.
- Seriously.
4
00:00:04,528 --> 00:00:05,795
Of course, my babies.
5
00:00:05,829 --> 00:00:07,563
So, there's a big rush at the beginning
6
00:00:07,597 --> 00:00:09,298
and at the end of the night.
7
00:00:09,332 --> 00:00:10,432
But for the rest of the time,
8
00:00:10,467 --> 00:00:12,301
you just get to chill in the closet.
9
00:00:12,335 --> 00:00:14,570
Kind of like me in high school.
10
00:00:14,604 --> 00:00:16,305
I had a lot of fun though.
11
00:00:16,339 --> 00:00:17,339
Here they come, okay.
12
00:00:17,373 --> 00:00:19,741
Best of luck, ladies... Ciao.
13
00:00:20,477 --> 00:00:21,743
Hi.
14
00:00:21,777 --> 00:00:23,778
I think I saw this coat
on "Who Wore It Best".
15
00:00:23,813 --> 00:00:25,214
Guess who wore it best?
16
00:00:25,248 --> 00:00:26,648
You. (Chuckling)
17
00:00:27,650 --> 00:00:28,717
18
00:00:28,751 --> 00:00:29,751
(sniffing)
19
00:00:40,429 --> 00:00:41,929
Is this bad?
20
00:00:41,963 --> 00:00:43,197
Who cares?
21
00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:45,600
Oh, no.
22
00:00:45,634 --> 00:00:50,138
I go to sleep dreaming
about caffeine enemas.
23
00:00:50,172 --> 00:00:51,205
My God.
24
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,274
I have fake boobs!
25
00:00:54,275 --> 00:00:56,243
Although, if somebody wants to get it,
26
00:00:56,277 --> 00:00:58,478
- it's like, do your thing.
- No, I agree. Exactly.
27
00:00:58,513 --> 00:01:00,514
Ooh. Hello.
28
00:01:00,548 --> 00:01:01,714
- I'ma do one.
- Okay.
29
00:01:03,484 --> 00:01:04,451
Oh.
30
00:01:04,485 --> 00:01:05,619
(with British accent) Silly Benny.
31
00:01:05,653 --> 00:01:08,021
Get me another serving
of American Bald Eagle
32
00:01:08,055 --> 00:01:10,990
and then stomp on my balls
with high heels, please.
33
00:01:11,025 --> 00:01:12,025
Thank you!
34
00:01:12,059 --> 00:01:13,793
Oh, my!
35
00:01:15,463 --> 00:01:16,895
Oh, my God.
36
00:01:16,929 --> 00:01:18,597
I love how working moves my bowels.
37
00:01:18,632 --> 00:01:20,932
- You want me to FaceTime from the bathroom?
- Yeah.
38
00:01:20,967 --> 00:01:22,134
Cool... Just switch to wifi.
39
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,335
Okay, I was kidding.
40
00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:24,603
Abbi. (Scoffing)
41
00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:30,042
I am...
42
00:01:30,076 --> 00:01:33,945
the Guardian of the Coats.
43
00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:36,315
Four and three and two and one-one
44
00:01:36,349 --> 00:01:38,584
45
00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:40,585
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
46
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:45,423
- Thank you.
- Yep.
47
00:01:47,359 --> 00:01:49,260
(water running)
48
00:01:49,295 --> 00:01:50,761
Oh, wow. Thank you.
49
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:52,863
I'm also working the event tonight.
50
00:01:52,898 --> 00:01:53,998
Coat check.
51
00:01:54,032 --> 00:01:56,801
Working for the man,
right? (Chuckling weakly)
52
00:01:59,371 --> 00:02:00,638
I'll see you.
53
00:02:00,673 --> 00:02:03,774
I'll probably see you again... Yeah.
54
00:02:03,809 --> 00:02:05,543
(muttering)
55
00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:11,781
56
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,473
(door opening) Ab.
57
00:02:37,507 --> 00:02:38,574
Ab, Ab, Ab.
58
00:02:38,609 --> 00:02:39,975
Abbi?
59
00:02:40,009 --> 00:02:41,377
Prank! Yes!
60
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,478
Dude.
61
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:45,348
I just saw the hottest
girl I have ever seen.
62
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:48,851
We had the most incredible spark.
63
00:02:48,885 --> 00:02:51,320
You're right... I have to find her.
64
00:02:51,355 --> 00:02:52,688
I didn't say anything.
65
00:02:52,723 --> 00:02:55,157
Here, take my tickets.
66
00:02:55,191 --> 00:02:56,691
Wait... wait, wait, wait.
67
00:02:56,726 --> 00:02:57,992
These are supposed to be with the coats.
68
00:02:58,026 --> 00:02:59,327
No.
69
00:02:59,362 --> 00:03:01,363
We put the tickets in the tip
jar at the end of the night.
70
00:03:01,397 --> 00:03:02,897
Then people find their matching ticket.
71
00:03:02,931 --> 00:03:04,098
That proves the coat's theirs.
72
00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:05,567
That's how the coat check works.
73
00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,335
No, that's not how coat check works.
74
00:03:07,370 --> 00:03:09,971
They're supposed to be on the
hangers with the corresponding coat.
75
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:12,907
Thank you for always encouraging
me to follow my heart.
76
00:03:12,941 --> 00:03:13,875
I love you.
77
00:03:13,909 --> 00:03:16,378
Again, that's not what I said.
78
00:03:16,412 --> 00:03:17,779
(Bleep).
79
00:03:17,813 --> 00:03:18,913
You guys.
80
00:03:18,947 --> 00:03:20,147
(Bleep).
81
00:03:20,181 --> 00:03:22,149
(people talking, background music playing)
82
00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:24,251
(Waiter) Ladies? Any cheesecake?
83
00:03:26,821 --> 00:03:27,921
Jaime!
84
00:03:27,955 --> 00:03:28,989
Hey, baby.
85
00:03:29,023 --> 00:03:30,557
I just met the most beautiful stranger.
86
00:03:30,592 --> 00:03:32,159
I need to find her.
87
00:03:32,193 --> 00:03:34,461
Okay, baby, you take this
tray of the mini cannolis.
88
00:03:34,496 --> 00:03:38,599
Through the power of the Italian
dessert, she'll come to you.
89
00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:40,033
Genius.
90
00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:41,702
Good luck now.
91
00:03:44,438 --> 00:03:45,772
(man) Excuse me, Miss?
92
00:03:48,842 --> 00:03:49,809
(man 2) Waitress!
93
00:03:49,843 --> 00:03:52,244
(people chattering)
94
00:03:52,279 --> 00:03:53,613
We're having fun, guys, right?
95
00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:56,816
I mean, let's just remember
this is a charity event.
96
00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:59,452
All right, who's got a Marc Jacobs peacoat?
97
00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:00,520
Oh, okay.
98
00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:01,587
Small or medium?
99
00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:04,457
(both women) Small.
100
00:04:04,491 --> 00:04:06,325
It's medium.
101
00:04:10,530 --> 00:04:12,897
I wear a medium, it's not a big deal.
102
00:04:12,932 --> 00:04:14,566
Who's got the Chanel jacket?
103
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,701
Mine!
104
00:04:17,036 --> 00:04:18,370
That was a trick question.
105
00:04:18,404 --> 00:04:19,805
There is no Chanel.
106
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,673
Do not play me, guys!
107
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:23,141
Not today!
108
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,242
(woman) Miss!
109
00:04:24,276 --> 00:04:26,077
Miss?
110
00:04:31,884 --> 00:04:33,184
(chuckling softly)
111
00:04:35,087 --> 00:04:36,554
(both) I was looking for you.
112
00:04:36,588 --> 00:04:38,056
(both) Me too!
113
00:04:41,727 --> 00:04:44,863
(sniffing deeply)
114
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:53,070
Hi.
115
00:04:54,339 --> 00:04:55,339
I'm Adele.
116
00:04:55,373 --> 00:04:56,907
I'm Ilana.
117
00:04:56,941 --> 00:05:00,077
Would you wanna split that cannoli?
118
00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:03,347
(both moaning, laughing lightly)
119
00:05:03,381 --> 00:05:05,615
You wanna get out of here?
120
00:05:05,649 --> 00:05:06,917
(exhales sharply)
121
00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:10,587
There you go. Thanks.
122
00:05:11,322 --> 00:05:12,689
Hi there.
123
00:05:13,857 --> 00:05:14,823
Hey.
124
00:05:17,094 --> 00:05:18,827
(quietly) Be cool. Be cool.
125
00:05:18,862 --> 00:05:20,529
Be yourself, but be cool.
126
00:05:20,563 --> 00:05:22,298
(hangers clattering)
127
00:05:22,332 --> 00:05:24,700
Okay, I'm just getting Kelly Ripa's coat.
128
00:05:32,009 --> 00:05:33,742
All right.
129
00:05:33,777 --> 00:05:36,445
I brought a couple back.
130
00:05:36,479 --> 00:05:37,546
Check these out.
131
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:40,482
Hmmm, none of these are mine.
132
00:05:40,517 --> 00:05:42,484
Could it still be back there?
133
00:05:42,519 --> 00:05:45,554
These are actually the only ones left.
134
00:05:45,588 --> 00:05:46,555
I'm so sorry.
135
00:05:46,589 --> 00:05:48,724
I think someone took yours by accident.
136
00:05:48,758 --> 00:05:49,958
Oh.
137
00:05:49,992 --> 00:05:51,159
(Bleep).
138
00:05:51,193 --> 00:05:52,260
I love that coat.
139
00:05:52,295 --> 00:05:53,629
Oh, (bleep).
140
00:05:53,663 --> 00:05:54,863
Huh.
141
00:05:54,978 --> 00:05:57,712
Wait, um, Miss Ripa?
142
00:05:57,746 --> 00:05:59,780
I promise you that I will...
143
00:05:59,815 --> 00:06:01,048
I will get that coat back for you.
144
00:06:01,082 --> 00:06:02,349
'Cause we here in the coat room,
145
00:06:02,384 --> 00:06:04,118
we take these matters very seriously.
146
00:06:04,152 --> 00:06:06,020
And by "we," I mean me.
147
00:06:06,054 --> 00:06:07,021
Okay.
148
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:09,657
Um, here.
149
00:06:09,756 --> 00:06:12,024
I'm gonna write down my information
150
00:06:12,059 --> 00:06:14,359
in case it turns up, okay?
151
00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:17,562
Wow, your, um, your
handwriting is really beautiful.
152
00:06:17,597 --> 00:06:18,997
It's like a seven-year-old.
153
00:06:19,031 --> 00:06:20,865
I've had a few. (Chuckling)
154
00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:21,866
What's your name again?
155
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:24,736
Oh, it's Kelly.
156
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:25,937
(chuckling) It's Hope.
157
00:06:25,972 --> 00:06:27,371
It's Faith.
158
00:06:27,406 --> 00:06:28,473
Um.
159
00:06:28,507 --> 00:06:30,075
My name, um, is Abbi.
160
00:06:30,109 --> 00:06:32,310
That's what my parents gave me.
161
00:06:32,344 --> 00:06:34,713
- Okay. Well.
- When I was born.
162
00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,280
Nice to meet you. Thanks.
163
00:06:36,315 --> 00:06:37,281
Thank you.
164
00:06:37,316 --> 00:06:38,749
You know, thank you for your talent
165
00:06:38,783 --> 00:06:41,919
and for your role modelness
166
00:06:41,953 --> 00:06:43,787
and just being like, for being, you know...
167
00:06:43,822 --> 00:06:45,322
(thudding)
168
00:06:47,144 --> 00:06:50,311
- I'm so sorry I messed up that whole coat thing.
- No.
169
00:06:50,345 --> 00:06:51,946
Because you're such a bobo,
170
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,981
I have the opportunity of a lifetime
171
00:06:54,015 --> 00:06:58,953
to find and return Kelly
Ripa's coat to her home, dude.
172
00:06:58,987 --> 00:07:01,621
I mean, she, she's America's sweetheart.
173
00:07:01,656 --> 00:07:03,657
I really feel like we just hit it off.
174
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,124
I'ma help you, B.
175
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:06,960
I'ma help you achieve.
176
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,027
Oh, is that a hickey?
177
00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:09,162
It's very seventh grade.
178
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,630
I know!
179
00:07:10,665 --> 00:07:14,167
I had my first simultaneous
orgasm last night
180
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,369
and Adele and I only kissed.
181
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,404
I think this is what love might feel like.
182
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,340
(gasping) Oh, my God...
Empty lounge chairs!
183
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,842
There's never empty lounge chairs!
184
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:22,876
Go, go, go, go!
185
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,243
- No, no, no!
- No!
186
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,811
- Whoo!
- All right.
187
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:29,449
This is the last coat that was
left at the event last night.
188
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:32,718
All we have to do is find
this person, get Kelly's coat,
189
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:36,222
and then I can deliver it to
her like, beautifully toned arms.
190
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,656
Then I can die whenever.
191
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,058
Not too soon, please.
192
00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:42,328
Also, I found a clue.
193
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:45,030
Oh, my G... Yaas!
194
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,533
-
- (traffic honking)
195
00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,774
Welcome. (Moaning suggestively)
196
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,243
Um, I think I have your coat.
197
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,277
Wait.
198
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,779
You're not here for the orgy?
199
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,326
- No.
- Not really.
200
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:05,050
(Scoffing) Maureen!
201
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,719
Can I help you?
202
00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:09,186
Hi, uh, I think you left your coat
203
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,822
at the charity event last night.
204
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:14,726
No, that's my ex's. He moved out last week.
205
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,528
That's why I'm having an orgy.
206
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,796
I just felt so restricted in
this relationship, you know?
207
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,164
We've been together how long?
208
00:08:20,198 --> 00:08:21,232
I still never saw his nipples.
209
00:08:21,266 --> 00:08:23,334
How does that happen?
I don't understand that.
210
00:08:23,368 --> 00:08:25,737
- Maureen!
- (Cat meowing)
211
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,873
(chuckling) Oh, sorry, I
gotta dive back in there.
212
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,074
Wait!
213
00:08:30,108 --> 00:08:31,743
Do you think you could
give me his new address?
214
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:34,045
'Cause I need to return this coat.
215
00:08:34,079 --> 00:08:36,514
- It's really important.
- Fine. Fine.
216
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:37,748
But could you drop off
some stuff he left here?
217
00:08:37,782 --> 00:08:39,583
I'm not leaving any time soon.
218
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:41,152
- Okay.
- Sure.
219
00:08:41,186 --> 00:08:42,686
Cool, thanks.
220
00:08:44,523 --> 00:08:45,756
Oh, wait.
221
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:49,726
Forgot his Civil War (bleep).
222
00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:52,196
- Oh... There's a lot of people. Okay.
- (Door slamming)
223
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:54,498
224
00:08:57,501 --> 00:08:59,436
So this coat is yours.
225
00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:01,571
I'm so embarrassed I took the wrong coat.
226
00:09:01,605 --> 00:09:02,672
Sorry.
227
00:09:02,706 --> 00:09:04,507
Just one second.
228
00:09:04,541 --> 00:09:06,542
(Maureen's ex) So you met Maureen, huh?
229
00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:07,877
She's pretty phenomenal.
230
00:09:07,911 --> 00:09:10,347
We're just on kind of a break right now,
231
00:09:10,381 --> 00:09:12,315
but I got her favorite dinner
232
00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,717
and I think we're going to
work out all our issues tonight.
233
00:09:14,751 --> 00:09:16,052
Hope it wasn't too much trouble.
234
00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:19,521
Uh, no, I would have gone
to so much worse 'cause, um,
235
00:09:19,555 --> 00:09:21,790
that's actually Kelly Ripa's coat.
236
00:09:21,824 --> 00:09:23,125
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
237
00:09:23,159 --> 00:09:25,394
This is Kelly Ripa's coat?
238
00:09:25,428 --> 00:09:27,463
Um. Mm-hmm.
239
00:09:27,497 --> 00:09:29,531
I'm an enormous Kelly Ripa fan.
240
00:09:29,565 --> 00:09:31,166
- So is...
- America's sweetheart.
241
00:09:31,201 --> 00:09:32,201
The nation.
242
00:09:32,235 --> 00:09:33,568
She's my favorite.
243
00:09:33,603 --> 00:09:36,105
I can't give you the coat back, I'm sorry.
244
00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:37,473
I'm going to have to keep the coat.
245
00:09:37,507 --> 00:09:40,109
- No, you are not.
- Ugh!
246
00:09:40,143 --> 00:09:42,911
Yeah, I am gonna keep the coat 'cause...
247
00:09:42,945 --> 00:09:44,278
I'm sorry, sir.
- No...
248
00:09:44,313 --> 00:09:45,946
I'm not leaving without the coat.
249
00:09:45,981 --> 00:09:47,181
I'm keeping the coat.
250
00:09:47,216 --> 00:09:49,217
I'm keeping it. Yes, I am.
251
00:09:49,251 --> 00:09:51,486
Drop the coat, mother(bleep)!
252
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,554
Drop the (bleep) coat!
253
00:09:53,588 --> 00:09:54,922
(Ilana) Oh, my God.
254
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:56,690
(scoffing) The pistol doesn't shoot, honey.
255
00:09:56,725 --> 00:09:59,027
It's a 1782 Ketland flintlock.
256
00:09:59,061 --> 00:10:00,828
It's priceless 'cause
my father gave it to me,
257
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:02,397
but it will not shoot.
258
00:10:02,431 --> 00:10:05,598
Okay, well, then I'm
gonna... I'm gonna smash this!
259
00:10:05,633 --> 00:10:06,733
No.
260
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,135
- I will shove it through...
- Don't do that!
261
00:10:08,169 --> 00:10:10,337
- I will ruin it!
- Don't do that! Okay, okay, okay!
262
00:10:10,371 --> 00:10:11,804
Put it down.
263
00:10:11,839 --> 00:10:13,006
Get it.
264
00:10:21,182 --> 00:10:23,316
Jesus, who are you guys?
265
00:10:23,351 --> 00:10:26,219
Your worst nightmare.
266
00:10:31,659 --> 00:10:32,926
Okay, hey, dude.
267
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,594
You don't need to go to Maureen's tonight.
268
00:10:34,628 --> 00:10:37,263
She was, she was full.
269
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:41,034
She was hosting an orgy.
270
00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:42,902
- What?
- Okay. Sorry.
271
00:10:44,504 --> 00:10:46,105
(door slamming)
272
00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:47,574
I like orgies.
273
00:10:48,876 --> 00:10:51,477
Okay, so Adele is just about to meet us.
274
00:10:51,511 --> 00:10:53,579
I just want to let you know
that it's mostly sexual.
275
00:10:53,613 --> 00:10:55,247
She's not replacing you.
276
00:10:55,282 --> 00:10:56,982
I don't feel threatened... Thanks though.
277
00:10:57,016 --> 00:10:58,217
I'm just surprised.
278
00:10:58,251 --> 00:10:59,751
You never want me to
meet anybody you're with.
279
00:10:59,786 --> 00:11:01,820
The only reason I met Lincoln
280
00:11:01,854 --> 00:11:03,456
is because you forgot you
were with him one time.
281
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:05,057
Oh, there she is.
282
00:11:05,092 --> 00:11:08,160
I don't know what it is about this girl.
283
00:11:08,195 --> 00:11:10,661
(Abbi) Um, I think I know what it is.
284
00:11:10,696 --> 00:11:12,130
- Hey.
- Hey.
285
00:11:12,164 --> 00:11:13,398
Hi.
286
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:27,212
(both laughing breathlessly)
287
00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:29,880
Adele, this is Abbi.
288
00:11:29,915 --> 00:11:30,815
Abbi, Adele.
289
00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:31,782
- Hey.
- Hi.
290
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:33,250
So nice to finally meet you.
291
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:35,185
I've heard so much about
you, seen so many photos.
292
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,487
I feel like I already know you.
293
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,388
Yeah, it's like... that's crazy.
294
00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:39,624
I feel like I know you too.
295
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,058
Adele, it was so nice meeting you.
296
00:11:41,093 --> 00:11:44,695
Um, I gotta go see about a
girl and get her coat back.
297
00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:49,198
Dude, uh, she looks exactly like you.
298
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:50,600
So.
299
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:52,836
- See ya.
- (Adele) Bye.
300
00:12:00,077 --> 00:12:01,077
Ooh.
301
00:12:01,112 --> 00:12:02,112
Oh. (Both laughing)
302
00:12:10,487 --> 00:12:12,488
Um, I'm here to see Miss Ripa.
303
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:13,689
Right this way.
304
00:12:13,724 --> 00:12:15,391
Okay.
305
00:12:15,425 --> 00:12:17,660
- (elevator dinging, doors rattling)
- Hi.
306
00:12:17,694 --> 00:12:20,530
I cannot believe you found my jacket.
307
00:12:20,564 --> 00:12:22,665
Thank you so much. Come on in.
308
00:12:22,699 --> 00:12:24,733
I hope it wasn't too much trouble.
309
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:28,103
No, it was the perfect amount of troubles.
310
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,638
So much fun.
311
00:12:29,672 --> 00:12:31,907
Whoa, Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.
312
00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:34,743
(both) Yeah, I practically live there.
313
00:12:34,777 --> 00:12:36,611
That's my favorite store.
314
00:12:36,646 --> 00:12:38,613
You want a drink?
315
00:12:38,648 --> 00:12:39,714
Yeah. I'd... Yeah.
316
00:12:39,749 --> 00:12:41,950
Mark had to take the kids to Telluride
317
00:12:41,984 --> 00:12:44,786
for a capoeira festival, so...
318
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:47,070
I love a cappella.
319
00:12:47,085 --> 00:12:48,311
Hey, will you do me a favor?
320
00:12:48,354 --> 00:12:49,753
Can you take your shoes off?
321
00:12:49,788 --> 00:12:50,821
Um, sure.
322
00:12:50,856 --> 00:12:52,624
Put on a pair of those.
323
00:12:53,258 --> 00:12:55,659
We're a Shape-ups family.
324
00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:01,632
(seductive music playing)
325
00:13:06,971 --> 00:13:09,639
You a 28HH?
326
00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:12,175
Yeah, you got it.
327
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,810
Weird. Me too.
328
00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:19,816
You know, Kelly, I gotta say,
your apartment is beautiful.
329
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:21,718
Oh, thanks.
330
00:13:21,752 --> 00:13:23,019
It's rent controlled.
331
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:26,122
I only pay 600 bucks a month.
332
00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:27,223
Really?
333
00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:28,558
Of course not!
334
00:13:28,592 --> 00:13:29,926
Prank!
335
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,494
I love pranks!
336
00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:34,230
- Oh.
- Oh, my.
337
00:13:34,264 --> 00:13:36,432
I can't believe we finished
a whole bottle already.
338
00:13:36,466 --> 00:13:37,534
Oh.
339
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:38,834
That's okay.
340
00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:41,904
I've been meaning to
crack open a special batch.
341
00:13:41,938 --> 00:13:43,338
Here you go.
342
00:13:43,372 --> 00:13:46,975
Whoa, what is that?
343
00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:49,811
Moonshine!
344
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,085
Oh, my God.
345
00:13:57,119 --> 00:13:59,487
Do we have the same exact tattoo?
346
00:13:59,522 --> 00:14:01,757
No, that's your arm.
347
00:14:01,791 --> 00:14:02,958
Oh, right.
348
00:14:02,992 --> 00:14:04,526
Right, right, right. (Chuckling)
349
00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:10,831
(slurring) Strahan keeps
sending me all these gift baskets
350
00:14:10,866 --> 00:14:16,037
to butter me up because
he wants to switch sides
351
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:20,608
and everybody knows, first of
all, that I sit camera left.
352
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:21,976
Everyone knows that.
353
00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:23,978
Everybody knows.
354
00:14:24,012 --> 00:14:26,448
You know what I think
about sitting camera right?
355
00:14:26,482 --> 00:14:28,682
I'll show you... this...
356
00:14:28,716 --> 00:14:32,086
I'll show you what I think about
sitting camera right right now.
357
00:14:36,591 --> 00:14:38,758
- Ah ha!
- (Thudding)
358
00:14:38,793 --> 00:14:40,494
Oh, (bleep), dude!
359
00:14:40,528 --> 00:14:42,629
That's the street! Oh, (bleep)!
360
00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:43,930
I gotta take a whiz.
361
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:45,799
And I'll tell you what, when I get back,
362
00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:49,035
I wanna see that big-ass
mother(bleep) basket
363
00:14:49,070 --> 00:14:51,704
down next to my little-ass
mother(bleep) basket.
364
00:14:51,738 --> 00:14:53,539
Are you kidding?
365
00:14:56,610 --> 00:14:59,078
(music continuing)
366
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:04,117
Okay. (Clearing throat)
367
00:15:04,151 --> 00:15:06,952
Could we turn off the lights maybe?
368
00:15:06,987 --> 00:15:09,422
Oh, but I wanna see your cute little face.
369
00:15:09,456 --> 00:15:10,723
Cool.
370
00:15:10,757 --> 00:15:12,091
Uh, okay.
371
00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:13,759
One second.
372
00:15:14,794 --> 00:15:16,695
Okay.
373
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:18,163
Um.
374
00:15:18,197 --> 00:15:19,665
Okay, that's better.
375
00:15:32,211 --> 00:15:34,246
376
00:15:43,388 --> 00:15:45,089
Holy (bleep).
377
00:15:45,124 --> 00:15:46,590
378
00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:50,194
(Kelly) Abbi!
379
00:15:53,431 --> 00:15:57,268
What a beautiful kitchen!
380
00:15:57,302 --> 00:15:59,037
Thanks.
381
00:15:59,071 --> 00:16:02,105
- What, uh, what, uh...
- Oh, don't worry.
382
00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:05,242
It'll just give us trippier visuals.
383
00:16:05,277 --> 00:16:08,245
Buckle up, buttercup.
384
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,080
You only live once, right?
385
00:16:10,114 --> 00:16:12,650
(man)
Break it down
break it don't stop
386
00:16:12,684 --> 00:16:14,418
Yes, queen.
387
00:16:14,452 --> 00:16:15,619
Yes, queen.
388
00:16:15,654 --> 00:16:16,887
Yes, queen.
389
00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:18,121
Yes, queen.
390
00:16:18,156 --> 00:16:19,956
Break it down don't stop
391
00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:21,158
(moaning)
392
00:16:21,193 --> 00:16:24,061
Break it down
Don't stop, don't stop
393
00:16:24,095 --> 00:16:25,128
Oh, my God.
394
00:16:25,163 --> 00:16:26,730
Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
395
00:16:26,764 --> 00:16:28,999
What's wrong? Too much teeth?
396
00:16:29,033 --> 00:16:30,867
No, the biting was dope.
397
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,903
I just...
398
00:16:32,937 --> 00:16:35,205
It's too weird.
399
00:16:35,239 --> 00:16:37,007
- What's too weird?
- Okay.
400
00:16:37,041 --> 00:16:38,441
I wanna put this delicately
401
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,677
'cause I don't want to
freak you out too much,
402
00:16:40,712 --> 00:16:45,481
but it came to my attention
that we look exactly alike.
403
00:16:47,785 --> 00:16:49,052
Yeah, no (bleep).
404
00:16:49,087 --> 00:16:50,320
You knew?
405
00:16:50,354 --> 00:16:52,388
I'm not blind, I mean,
406
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:54,891
isn't that why you approached
me in the first place?
407
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,193
No.
408
00:16:56,227 --> 00:16:58,393
I was drawn to your aura.
409
00:16:58,428 --> 00:17:00,730
And your scent, you know.
410
00:17:00,764 --> 00:17:03,966
And your curls and your cheeks.
411
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,201
Of course I'm drawn to myself.
412
00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:06,702
I masturbate in the mirror!
413
00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:07,669
Me too!
414
00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:09,504
That's what's so hot about it.
415
00:17:09,539 --> 00:17:11,073
It's like hooking up with yourself.
416
00:17:11,108 --> 00:17:12,307
I know, but...
417
00:17:12,342 --> 00:17:16,445
I have sex with people
different from me, you know?
418
00:17:16,479 --> 00:17:20,249
Different colors, different
shapes, different sizes.
419
00:17:20,283 --> 00:17:22,184
People who are hotter, uglier.
420
00:17:22,219 --> 00:17:24,620
More smart, not more smart.
421
00:17:24,654 --> 00:17:26,155
Innies, outies.
422
00:17:26,189 --> 00:17:27,856
I don't know... a Catholic person.
423
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:31,059
Nobody knows our bodies the way that we do.
424
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,693
Look.
425
00:17:32,728 --> 00:17:34,295
Your G spot...
426
00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:37,498
- is right here.
- (Gasping)
427
00:17:37,532 --> 00:17:40,168
(sputtering)
428
00:17:40,202 --> 00:17:41,702
Too intense. Too intense.
429
00:17:41,737 --> 00:17:42,971
Oh, my God.
430
00:17:43,005 --> 00:17:44,572
I lost my vision.
431
00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:45,807
Yeah, for a second.
432
00:17:45,841 --> 00:17:47,275
I don't know though.
433
00:17:47,309 --> 00:17:48,276
I don't know.
434
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,911
It's like, creepy to me.
435
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,479
I'm sorry.
436
00:17:51,513 --> 00:17:53,648
That's lame, but yeah.
437
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:57,318
Listen.
438
00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:59,287
We should still stay in touch
439
00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:01,221
for organ donation or jury duty.
440
00:18:01,256 --> 00:18:04,024
Mm-hmm.
441
00:18:04,058 --> 00:18:05,058
You want?
442
00:18:05,093 --> 00:18:06,293
Oh, no.
443
00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:08,495
I don't smoke pot.
444
00:18:13,501 --> 00:18:16,837
I gotta say, like, you're
much wilder than I...
445
00:18:16,871 --> 00:18:18,972
(air puffing)
446
00:18:19,007 --> 00:18:20,974
(both laughing drunkenly)
447
00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:23,043
You're, like, much wilder
than I thought you were.
448
00:18:23,077 --> 00:18:25,679
- Like, I didn't know.
- I know.
449
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,146
(slurring) A lot of
people think that because
450
00:18:27,181 --> 00:18:29,849
I'm on the "Morning Show"
451
00:18:29,883 --> 00:18:33,453
that I have to be like,
America's good girl.
452
00:18:33,552 --> 00:18:34,619
Totally.
453
00:18:34,653 --> 00:18:37,422
And I'm just like, at this place in my life
454
00:18:37,456 --> 00:18:39,257
where I've accomplished a lot.
455
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:40,458
So much, man.
456
00:18:40,493 --> 00:18:41,659
Yeah.
457
00:18:41,694 --> 00:18:44,362
I literally don't even give any (bleep).
458
00:18:44,397 --> 00:18:47,465
Like, I hate (bleep).
459
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,233
They're the worst.
460
00:18:49,268 --> 00:18:50,835
Seriously, you have to pull me harder
461
00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:53,470
'cause I can't even get into
a full pretzel like this.
462
00:18:53,505 --> 00:18:54,571
What do you mean?
463
00:18:54,606 --> 00:18:55,906
What is a pretzel?
464
00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:58,542
- Why are we doing this?
- Stretch.
465
00:18:58,576 --> 00:19:00,243
I like it, but what is it?
466
00:19:00,278 --> 00:19:02,345
(elevator dings, door opens)
467
00:19:04,081 --> 00:19:06,383
(Kelly laughs drunkenly)
468
00:19:06,418 --> 00:19:07,984
Abbi.
469
00:19:08,019 --> 00:19:11,455
You get first pick. (Chuckling)
470
00:19:11,489 --> 00:19:14,357
First... ?
471
00:19:14,392 --> 00:19:16,526
I...
472
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:21,898
I, like, haven't waxed my
body in a long time, you know?
473
00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:25,835
So like, I gotta, I gotta be going.
474
00:19:25,869 --> 00:19:27,938
- Thank you so much.
- No.
475
00:19:27,972 --> 00:19:29,105
For like, everything.
476
00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:31,274
- All the drugs and stuff.
- Abbi, no.
477
00:19:31,309 --> 00:19:33,910
- I have to.
- No, Abbi, no!
478
00:19:33,945 --> 00:19:35,211
Abbi! (Foot stomping)
479
00:19:35,246 --> 00:19:37,447
I ordered Domino's for after!
480
00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:42,275
You know, maybe I should
have (bleep) the prostitute.
481
00:19:42,276 --> 00:19:46,580
I mean, he was actually kind
of hot in like, a scary way.
482
00:19:46,615 --> 00:19:48,949
And I bet he doesn't even
care if I waxed or not.
483
00:19:48,984 --> 00:19:51,418
They don't care if you're waxed.
484
00:19:51,452 --> 00:19:54,755
Listen, if a prostitute's what you want,
485
00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:56,991
I can make that happen.
486
00:19:57,025 --> 00:19:58,859
Really?
487
00:19:58,894 --> 00:20:00,027
Yeah.
488
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:00,961
That'd be insane.
489
00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:02,362
That'd be, like, so badass.
490
00:20:02,397 --> 00:20:04,096
I can make the call.
491
00:20:04,131 --> 00:20:07,634
They could get here in 25 minutes.
492
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:09,002
For real?
493
00:20:09,036 --> 00:20:10,202
Yeah.
494
00:20:11,238 --> 00:20:12,338
Grab my phone.
495
00:20:12,372 --> 00:20:13,406
I'll do it.
496
00:20:17,645 --> 00:20:20,146
Here goes.
497
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,380
We get to pick what they look like?
498
00:20:21,415 --> 00:20:22,582
We get to pick our names?
499
00:20:22,616 --> 00:20:25,685
Fuerta would be my name.
500
00:20:25,719 --> 00:20:26,853
Charlie.
501
00:20:26,887 --> 00:20:28,620
- Oof.
- As a girl.
502
00:20:28,655 --> 00:20:29,621
Ooh.
503
00:20:29,656 --> 00:20:31,990
All right, I'm gonna be spontaneous.
504
00:20:32,025 --> 00:20:33,325
Let's go. Go. Call.
505
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,326
Okay, here we go.
506
00:20:34,361 --> 00:20:36,262
- Own up.
- I'm ready.
507
00:20:36,296 --> 00:20:39,065
Okay, I don't know any prostitutes.
508
00:20:39,099 --> 00:20:40,433
You're letting me make the call!
509
00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:42,734
I don't know! You were going with it!
510
00:20:42,769 --> 00:20:45,003
I just wanted to see what would happen!
511
00:20:45,038 --> 00:20:47,973
Kelly has really changed you.
512
00:20:48,807 --> 00:20:53,344
Do you know someone you
could call to make the call?
513
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:04,345
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514
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