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1
00:00:00,689 --> 00:00:01,504
I'm not coming to your party
because your party sucks
2
00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:03,589
(Message tone)
3
00:00:03,641 --> 00:00:05,258
What up, queen?
4
00:00:05,343 --> 00:00:06,926
Ab?
5
00:00:06,978 --> 00:00:07,927
Abbi?
6
00:00:07,979 --> 00:00:09,679
(Giggling)
7
00:00:09,914 --> 00:00:10,913
Uh-oh.
8
00:00:10,999 --> 00:00:13,416
Guess what I got.
9
00:00:13,468 --> 00:00:15,585
Bam!
10
00:00:15,670 --> 00:00:17,637
A mother(Bleep) nose ring!
11
00:00:17,722 --> 00:00:18,671
What?
12
00:00:18,756 --> 00:00:20,256
A nose ring, dude?
13
00:00:20,308 --> 00:00:23,426
I mean, that's very hot
and 2004 of you, but...
14
00:00:23,478 --> 00:00:24,427
When did this happen?
15
00:00:24,512 --> 00:00:25,511
Last night.
16
00:00:25,597 --> 00:00:26,512
How are you not excited?
17
00:00:26,598 --> 00:00:28,064
I have an earring
18
00:00:28,099 --> 00:00:30,932
in my nose!
19
00:00:30,944 --> 00:00:31,971
I just thought you were going to a boring
20
00:00:31,995 --> 00:00:33,479
white people dinner. I
didn't realize you were gonna
21
00:00:33,564 --> 00:00:35,848
add a whole new element to your image.
22
00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:38,768
No, me neither, but then we
ended up on St. Mark's and...
23
00:00:38,853 --> 00:00:39,935
Please, don't tell me.
24
00:00:40,021 --> 00:00:41,937
I'm gonna have FOMO
for the rest of my life.
25
00:00:41,989 --> 00:00:43,105
FOMO?
26
00:00:43,191 --> 00:00:45,274
Fear of missing out, grandma.
27
00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:47,359
Ugh, why did I "stay in"
28
00:00:47,445 --> 00:00:49,528
and "organize my life?"
29
00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:52,114
Wait, did you stay in
and organize your life?
30
00:00:52,166 --> 00:00:53,616
Yeah, I got a lot done, actually.
31
00:00:53,701 --> 00:00:55,618
I reinforced all the boob
buttons on my button-downs
32
00:00:55,703 --> 00:00:58,337
and I wiped down every
surface of my apartment.
33
00:00:58,423 --> 00:00:59,789
Combined all the weed remnants
34
00:00:59,841 --> 00:01:01,957
to make one giant super blunt.
35
00:01:02,009 --> 00:01:03,793
That is insane.
36
00:01:03,845 --> 00:01:05,795
I cannot wait to smoke
that one day after work.
37
00:01:05,847 --> 00:01:06,962
Work?
38
00:01:07,014 --> 00:01:08,714
Jesus, fu...
39
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,433
I knew I was forgetting something.
40
00:01:10,468 --> 00:01:13,886
Ugh, yeah, try not to pierce
your pussy while I'm gone.
41
00:01:13,971 --> 00:01:14,970
Ew, what?
42
00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:17,556
Did you just leave?
43
00:01:22,313 --> 00:01:23,362
Yow!
44
00:01:23,448 --> 00:01:25,781
Four and three and two and one
45
00:01:25,782 --> 00:01:29,782
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
46
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,073
All right, Maria, so it's your first day.
47
00:01:34,158 --> 00:01:35,157
I wanna to show you the ropes.
48
00:01:35,243 --> 00:01:37,159
There's a lot of stuff
that we need to go over.
49
00:01:37,245 --> 00:01:38,160
Uh, first off.
50
00:01:38,212 --> 00:01:39,245
Trash.
51
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:40,296
When you empty the trash,
52
00:01:40,331 --> 00:01:41,547
you just gotta really dig through.
53
00:01:41,632 --> 00:01:42,581
Sometimes people throw towels in.
54
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:43,666
They don't get that there's, like,
55
00:01:43,751 --> 00:01:44,633
- two different areas.
- (Trey) Abbi.
56
00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:46,585
You're fired.
57
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,554
- What?
- I'm kidding, bazinga.
58
00:01:48,639 --> 00:01:50,139
- Come on.
- Oh.
59
00:01:50,174 --> 00:01:52,475
I don't know what that means.
60
00:01:52,510 --> 00:01:53,843
(Laughing)
61
00:01:53,928 --> 00:01:55,427
You are so funny, seriously,
62
00:01:55,513 --> 00:01:57,513
but we got a big ol' cleaning disaster.
63
00:01:57,598 --> 00:01:59,231
Somebody barfed on an exercise ball
64
00:01:59,317 --> 00:02:00,900
and then it bounced down
two flights of stairs.
65
00:02:00,985 --> 00:02:03,018
So if you could grab your
dust brush or whatever
66
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:04,069
- and get on it.
- Right.
67
00:02:04,155 --> 00:02:05,938
It's actually not a dust brush job.
68
00:02:06,023 --> 00:02:07,823
Well, that's gonna be a good
one for you to jump in on.
69
00:02:07,859 --> 00:02:09,275
You know, get your feet wet right away.
70
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,943
Oh my God, Abbi, we have to dish.
71
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:12,995
I heard one of the
cleaners got a nose ring.
72
00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:15,030
What is it, 2004?
73
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,367
Uh... rea... cool.
74
00:02:18,452 --> 00:02:19,835
- You didn't recognize me, did you?
- No.
75
00:02:19,871 --> 00:02:21,203
I love it.
76
00:02:21,255 --> 00:02:23,255
- A lot.
- Yeah, I feel like a different girl.
77
00:02:23,341 --> 00:02:24,540
(Chuckles) I have a question.
78
00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:26,876
Are you, um, going to go
to Trey's party tonight?
79
00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:28,377
I don't think he really wants me there.
80
00:02:28,462 --> 00:02:30,129
I feel like it was like, a pity invite.
81
00:02:30,214 --> 00:02:32,381
Are you insane?
82
00:02:32,466 --> 00:02:35,384
- No.
- Abbi, you're one of Trey's best friends.
83
00:02:35,436 --> 00:02:37,219
All he does is talk
about how funny you are.
84
00:02:37,305 --> 00:02:39,305
Like, all the time.
85
00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:42,107
I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm not funny...
86
00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:44,777
(laughing) Oh my God, you are so weird.
87
00:02:44,862 --> 00:02:45,811
I love it.
88
00:02:45,897 --> 00:02:47,646
You have to come, seriously.
89
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:51,317
Abbi, it is going to be off the damn chain.
90
00:03:06,968 --> 00:03:07,833
Absolutely.
91
00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:09,718
I'll go demand it... now.
92
00:03:14,308 --> 00:03:15,257
Hello?
93
00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,394
Hello?
94
00:03:18,429 --> 00:03:19,511
(Derek) You gotta convince yourself
95
00:03:19,597 --> 00:03:21,430
that you are still worth something.
96
00:03:21,515 --> 00:03:22,815
(Door sliding open)
97
00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:24,767
Hey, you guys.
98
00:03:24,819 --> 00:03:25,901
What is this place?
99
00:03:25,937 --> 00:03:26,936
It's the conference room.
100
00:03:26,988 --> 00:03:28,604
We have meetings here every day.
101
00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,155
Got it, got it, cool.
102
00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,024
Well, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
103
00:03:32,109 --> 00:03:35,411
You sort of are, we were all
just b-storming different deals
104
00:03:35,446 --> 00:03:36,912
we could go after in hell's kitchen.
105
00:03:36,948 --> 00:03:37,947
Cool, cool, cool.
106
00:03:38,032 --> 00:03:39,949
I do have a horrible emergency.
107
00:03:41,452 --> 00:03:43,786
Okay, so my best friend Abbi
is going to a hot party tonight
108
00:03:43,838 --> 00:03:46,005
and now I gotta leave right now.
109
00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:50,426
("Flight of the Bumblebees" playing)
110
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,518
Okay, you can go,
111
00:03:59,604 --> 00:04:00,803
but only because you closed
112
00:04:00,888 --> 00:04:02,805
that keratin pube straightening deal.
113
00:04:02,890 --> 00:04:03,973
Thanks, D., thanks for understanding.
114
00:04:05,192 --> 00:04:07,526
Oh, Nicole, I left a
hardboiled egg in our cube.
115
00:04:07,612 --> 00:04:08,777
You can have it
116
00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:09,778
if you can find it.
117
00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:17,236
118
00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,738
(Abbi) Why does Trey live
next to Port Authority?
119
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,707
Um...
120
00:04:21,792 --> 00:04:23,325
(Groaning)
121
00:04:23,491 --> 00:04:25,908
You know what, I think that this, um...
122
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,711
This is going to be the opportunity for me
123
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:29,962
to hang out with Trey
124
00:04:30,047 --> 00:04:32,915
and just like, finally
spill the beans that, like,
125
00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:35,250
I wanna be an instructor-slash-trainer.
126
00:04:35,336 --> 00:04:37,720
Hell yeah, dude, carpe damn.
127
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,004
And it's not going to be weird
128
00:04:39,090 --> 00:04:40,506
because you'll be telling
a friend and not a boss.
129
00:04:40,591 --> 00:04:41,724
Exactly.
130
00:04:42,843 --> 00:04:44,093
And tonight, I can
already tell it's gonna be
131
00:04:44,178 --> 00:04:46,729
so much more fun than a nose piercing.
132
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:47,980
Hey.
133
00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:49,431
Hey.
134
00:04:49,483 --> 00:04:50,599
Abbi, put those away.
135
00:04:50,684 --> 00:04:54,153
I'm kidding, you're at a party, come on.
136
00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:55,988
We should do something
awesome for Trey's birthday...
137
00:04:56,073 --> 00:04:58,240
are we extremely early?
138
00:04:58,275 --> 00:05:00,442
Nope, you're the last to arrive.
139
00:05:00,494 --> 00:05:02,611
Hey, guys, look who's here.
140
00:05:02,663 --> 00:05:04,413
- We have to go.
- Okay, we just got here.
141
00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:05,998
I'm embarrassed to be here.
142
00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:08,784
Ilana, you're being... intolerant.
143
00:05:08,869 --> 00:05:10,085
(Gasps)
144
00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:11,203
Trey.
145
00:05:11,288 --> 00:05:12,838
I love your place.
146
00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:14,456
You know what, also, we brought wine,
147
00:05:14,542 --> 00:05:16,208
so I'm gonna go open it in the kitchen.
148
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:17,926
(Trey) Abbi, come on,
join the party, jump in.
149
00:05:19,013 --> 00:05:20,379
Psych!
150
00:05:23,184 --> 00:05:24,883
So, Abbi, help yourself
to any of the snacks here.
151
00:05:24,969 --> 00:05:27,136
We got clif bars for the
guys, lunas for the girls.
152
00:05:28,773 --> 00:05:29,972
Good choice.
153
00:05:31,475 --> 00:05:32,641
(Gasps) What a freak.
154
00:05:33,778 --> 00:05:35,611
Yo, mama.
155
00:05:35,646 --> 00:05:36,979
Hey.
156
00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:39,198
We should definitely dish.
157
00:05:39,283 --> 00:05:40,315
About?
158
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,367
Anything, girl stuff, whatever.
159
00:05:42,453 --> 00:05:45,154
- Um, okay.
- Okay.
160
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:46,238
- Okay.
- Okay.
161
00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:47,539
You know what I was thinking is...
162
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:49,992
I would definitely rather
turn into a little old man
163
00:05:50,077 --> 00:05:51,376
than a little old woman,
164
00:05:51,462 --> 00:05:53,829
but I'm not going to be
able to help it, you know?
165
00:05:53,914 --> 00:05:55,631
Oh my God.
166
00:05:55,666 --> 00:05:56,915
Yes!
167
00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:59,668
Okay, you're weird and
I literally love you.
168
00:05:59,753 --> 00:06:01,804
This is a party, girl.
169
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,589
Do you ever straighten your hair, though?
170
00:06:03,674 --> 00:06:06,391
Oh, I just tried that for work, actually.
171
00:06:06,477 --> 00:06:07,843
Wait, do you mean my head hair?
172
00:06:07,928 --> 00:06:10,679
- No.
- Oh! (Laughing)
173
00:06:10,731 --> 00:06:13,315
All right, Abbi, pick a hand.
174
00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:14,900
Um, I don't know.
175
00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:16,185
Right... left?
176
00:06:16,270 --> 00:06:19,605
Oh, looks like we're watching
"The Apprentice All-Stars".
177
00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:20,906
Oh yeah, omarossa.
178
00:06:20,991 --> 00:06:22,658
Good thing you chose the
left, guess what the right was.
179
00:06:23,744 --> 00:06:25,694
(Laughing)
180
00:06:25,746 --> 00:06:26,778
(Ilana) Abbi.
181
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:27,779
Abbi!
182
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:29,832
Come on.
183
00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:31,366
What, dude, what?
184
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:34,453
Last night you got flesh pierced
185
00:06:34,538 --> 00:06:37,623
and tonight we're watching DVDs?
186
00:06:37,708 --> 00:06:39,091
I know, I'm sorry, like...
187
00:06:39,176 --> 00:06:40,209
The night's ruined.
188
00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:41,376
No, no, the moment we got to the party,
189
00:06:41,462 --> 00:06:44,046
I texted "where party"
to everybody in my phone.
190
00:06:44,131 --> 00:06:45,347
Jaime's already pulled through.
191
00:06:45,382 --> 00:06:47,182
Dude, I can't just leave,
I made a commitment.
192
00:06:47,218 --> 00:06:49,968
Jaime's having an actual
party with our actual friends
193
00:06:50,054 --> 00:06:51,637
who are actually having fun.
194
00:06:51,722 --> 00:06:52,888
We can't miss that.
195
00:06:52,973 --> 00:06:54,022
What am I supposed to say to Trey though?
196
00:06:54,058 --> 00:06:55,724
You'll think of something.
197
00:06:55,809 --> 00:06:58,143
- Trey.
- Whassup!
198
00:06:59,613 --> 00:07:00,896
What's up, hey, what are you guys doing?
199
00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:03,482
Hey, uh, Trey, so...
200
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:04,950
I think we have to leave
201
00:07:05,035 --> 00:07:07,119
'cause like, my stomach's
kind of bothering me.
202
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:08,287
You think my lunas are tainted?
203
00:07:08,372 --> 00:07:10,155
No.
204
00:07:10,241 --> 00:07:12,708
It's much worse.
205
00:07:12,743 --> 00:07:13,709
Um...
206
00:07:13,744 --> 00:07:15,827
I got off the phone with my doctor
207
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:20,749
and she told me that I have, um...
208
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:21,833
a tapeworm.
209
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:23,585
Abbi, that's really dangerous.
210
00:07:23,637 --> 00:07:26,588
I'm pretty sure tapeworms suck
nutrients out of your body.
211
00:07:26,674 --> 00:07:28,891
That must be why you ate
four and a half luna bars.
212
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,559
Yeah.
213
00:07:30,594 --> 00:07:33,011
And I feel like it's moving,
like, through my body.
214
00:07:33,097 --> 00:07:35,731
I feel like it's moving and
like, now it's in my bu... uh...
215
00:07:35,766 --> 00:07:37,482
It's in my butt...
216
00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:39,484
- ... now.
- Hmmm!
217
00:07:39,570 --> 00:07:40,686
Nnnn...
218
00:07:40,771 --> 00:07:42,487
So I should go to the hospital.
219
00:07:42,573 --> 00:07:44,106
Hey, guys.
220
00:07:44,158 --> 00:07:45,490
- What?
- Guys, pause it.
221
00:07:45,576 --> 00:07:49,661
Abbi had to go because she's
got a tapeworm in her butt.
222
00:07:49,747 --> 00:07:50,913
(Laughing)
223
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:52,614
She is such a riot.
224
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,616
Gemma, no... no bazinga.
225
00:08:03,696 --> 00:08:05,229
- Hey.
- Hey.
226
00:08:05,314 --> 00:08:08,032
So I just want to say
227
00:08:08,117 --> 00:08:09,366
I've been social media stalking you
228
00:08:09,452 --> 00:08:12,653
since Jaime told me
you were his... whatever
229
00:08:12,705 --> 00:08:16,874
and I think you guys are
diggity-diggity-dope, okay?
230
00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:18,159
Not like in a, like,
231
00:08:18,211 --> 00:08:22,413
"I can't wait to officiate
your gay wedding" way,
232
00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:23,581
'cause straight people always say that
233
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:24,632
and it's like, gross.
234
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:25,916
It just fetishizing their gay friends
235
00:08:26,002 --> 00:08:27,668
and it's, like, not cool.
236
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,669
You know, maybe you guys won't get married.
237
00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:29,887
Maybe you'll just (Bleep) for a hot sec
238
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:32,806
and move on and that is hot too and cool.
239
00:08:32,842 --> 00:08:36,977
So yeah, I just wanted to say that.
240
00:08:37,013 --> 00:08:38,812
You're Ilana, right?
241
00:08:38,848 --> 00:08:39,847
How did you know?
242
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:43,734
Yeah!
243
00:08:43,819 --> 00:08:45,069
- We got it.
- That's so funny.
244
00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:47,021
I'm gonna post it to the 'gram!
245
00:08:47,106 --> 00:08:49,273
- That's Instagram, you guys.
- I know.
246
00:08:49,358 --> 00:08:51,192
I'm gonna use valencia,
is that okay you think?
247
00:08:51,244 --> 00:08:52,576
Ay, baby, everybody uses the valencia.
248
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:53,577
What are you going to use?
249
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,246
The Kelvin, I mean...
250
00:08:55,331 --> 00:08:57,364
(Laughing) Using the kelv...
no, that's silly, for goodness!
251
00:08:57,450 --> 00:08:58,499
For goodness.
252
00:08:59,619 --> 00:09:00,951
We have a huge problem.
253
00:09:01,037 --> 00:09:01,919
We have to leave right now.
254
00:09:02,004 --> 00:09:03,103
Why?
255
00:09:03,172 --> 00:09:05,089
The hottest person here is leaving.
256
00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:07,208
This party's going to be
dead in three to five minutes.
257
00:09:07,293 --> 00:09:08,209
I'm having fun.
258
00:09:08,294 --> 00:09:10,177
You think you are.
259
00:09:10,213 --> 00:09:11,345
But this party is a seven.
260
00:09:11,380 --> 00:09:13,597
We could be missing out on a 10.
261
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:17,051
Yeah, but we leave and we end up at a six?
262
00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:20,187
I don't know, we (Bleep)
kill ourselves, who cares?
263
00:09:20,223 --> 00:09:21,222
(Grunts)
264
00:09:25,194 --> 00:09:26,644
So if we did have to kill ourselves
265
00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:28,312
how would we do it?
266
00:09:28,397 --> 00:09:29,280
I'd shoot you in the face
267
00:09:29,365 --> 00:09:30,698
and shoot myself in the heart.
268
00:09:30,733 --> 00:09:31,782
(Gasps) Oh my God.
269
00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:33,200
Forget Siggy's, Lincoln has a better party.
270
00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:36,704
Wait, why would you shoot me in the face?
271
00:09:36,739 --> 00:09:38,622
Also, you said that really fast, dude.
272
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,541
It's nice, you'd die instantly.
273
00:09:40,576 --> 00:09:42,243
Well, then shoot me in
the head, not in the face.
274
00:09:42,295 --> 00:09:43,711
Okay, okay.
275
00:09:43,746 --> 00:09:47,248
276
00:09:48,584 --> 00:09:50,167
- Yes.
- Wow.
277
00:09:50,253 --> 00:09:51,302
Hey. Hey.
278
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:53,087
You guys missed it, I just did the worm.
279
00:09:53,139 --> 00:09:54,088
You can do the worm?
280
00:09:54,173 --> 00:09:55,923
- Yeah.
- You barely move.
281
00:09:55,975 --> 00:09:57,391
What?
282
00:09:57,426 --> 00:09:58,926
Whoa.
283
00:09:59,011 --> 00:10:00,311
Lincoln, I don't know if that's...
284
00:10:00,396 --> 00:10:02,012
No, let him have this.
285
00:10:02,098 --> 00:10:04,064
And I do, I do pec jumps.
286
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,065
(Gasps)
287
00:10:05,101 --> 00:10:06,400
Do that again.
288
00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:07,985
(Laughing)
289
00:10:08,070 --> 00:10:09,653
Is this a new shirt?
290
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,021
No, but...
291
00:10:12,325 --> 00:10:13,657
Drink, food, drink.
292
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,776
- Can you worm us there?
- Worm us there.
293
00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:22,616
(Music playing)
294
00:10:23,919 --> 00:10:25,202
This charcuterie.
295
00:10:25,288 --> 00:10:27,504
They got dog dick, ghost poop, grapes
296
00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:28,956
and they got cornichons.
297
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:30,624
I love cornichons.
298
00:10:30,676 --> 00:10:31,959
Don't I look like a giant?
299
00:10:32,044 --> 00:10:34,094
- (Grunts)
- (Laughing)
300
00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:35,546
That is so weird.
301
00:10:35,631 --> 00:10:37,798
I was just googling
micropenises this morning
302
00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:39,049
and they look exactly like that.
303
00:10:39,135 --> 00:10:40,634
All lumpy and (Bleep).
304
00:10:40,686 --> 00:10:43,020
Come on, don't ruin cornichons for me.
305
00:10:43,105 --> 00:10:44,438
You saw I was
306
00:10:44,473 --> 00:10:45,439
enjoying this.
307
00:10:45,474 --> 00:10:48,642
Okay, don't ruin micropenises for me.
308
00:10:48,728 --> 00:10:49,810
Touch?.
309
00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:55,566
(Music playing)
310
00:10:58,988 --> 00:11:00,821
(Laughing)
311
00:11:00,873 --> 00:11:01,989
We have to go, this party's dead.
312
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:03,407
No, this party is a 10, dude.
313
00:11:03,492 --> 00:11:04,541
What?
314
00:11:04,627 --> 00:11:06,160
I thought so too, but
it's only four or five.
315
00:11:06,212 --> 00:11:07,328
Look.
316
00:11:07,413 --> 00:11:09,880
(Sniffling)
317
00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:11,165
Gross.
318
00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:15,586
The Narnia of partias is still out there
319
00:11:15,671 --> 00:11:17,137
and we're going to find it.
320
00:11:17,173 --> 00:11:20,174
Did you just say "Narnia of partias"?
321
00:11:20,226 --> 00:11:22,226
Do you guys know that, that play "rent"?
322
00:11:22,311 --> 00:11:24,678
Yeah. Like, I don't
understand how they thought
323
00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:27,514
that they just didn't need
to pay rent, like, at all.
324
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,183
I know, it's like, it sucks,
325
00:11:29,268 --> 00:11:31,185
but everybody has to pay rent.
326
00:11:31,237 --> 00:11:32,236
- Yeah.
- Rent?
327
00:11:32,321 --> 00:11:34,188
And also, I could totally be on Broadway.
328
00:11:34,273 --> 00:11:35,272
I'd be like...
329
00:11:35,358 --> 00:11:38,025
- 500, 25...
- (Phone vibrating)
330
00:11:38,110 --> 00:11:39,326
Oh, my God.
331
00:11:39,362 --> 00:11:41,028
You guys, hold on, Trey is calling me.
332
00:11:41,113 --> 00:11:42,112
I'm ways drunk, I can't pick up.
333
00:11:42,198 --> 00:11:43,947
I'm going to decline.
334
00:11:44,033 --> 00:11:44,865
- Oh no.
- (Trey) Abbi?
335
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:45,866
Oh God.
336
00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:48,502
Hello?
337
00:11:48,537 --> 00:11:50,087
Abbi, I just saw an
Instagram of you at a party
338
00:11:50,172 --> 00:11:51,004
with a drink on your head.
339
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,873
I... it was...
340
00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:55,793
a throwback Thursday pic that I put up.
341
00:11:55,878 --> 00:11:56,710
But it's Friday.
342
00:11:56,796 --> 00:11:58,929
I'm just stupid.
343
00:11:59,014 --> 00:12:00,464
- And I'm in the hospital.
- (Ilana) Beep.
344
00:12:00,549 --> 00:12:02,299
- That's my life machine...
- Beep, beep.
345
00:12:02,385 --> 00:12:03,517
- Going.
- Beep.
346
00:12:03,552 --> 00:12:04,635
Gotta do something.
347
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:05,719
- Beep.
- I'm hooked up to...
348
00:12:05,805 --> 00:12:07,354
- there's tubes.
- Beep, boop.
349
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:09,223
My doctor's right here if
you want to talk to him.
350
00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:10,524
Good, hello?
351
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,943
Hello, hello, this is Dr. Rotreiller, MD.
352
00:12:13,028 --> 00:12:14,228
Are you a specialist?
353
00:12:14,313 --> 00:12:17,948
I'm more of a general
jack-of-all-trades style doctor.
354
00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:19,316
What's going on with the tapeworm?
355
00:12:19,402 --> 00:12:21,452
Is it still in her... butt?
356
00:12:21,537 --> 00:12:24,738
It's still in her anus.
357
00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:25,823
(Exhales)
358
00:12:25,908 --> 00:12:29,042
It is crowned and... and breeched.
359
00:12:29,078 --> 00:12:30,461
What do you think her
recovery time is going to be?
360
00:12:30,546 --> 00:12:33,414
We don't know whether it'll
be a few days or a few hours,
361
00:12:33,466 --> 00:12:36,083
but it's gonna... we're
gonna get it out of there.
362
00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:37,584
And it's gonna get gone.
363
00:12:37,670 --> 00:12:38,919
Sorry, no offense, are you a nurse
364
00:12:39,004 --> 00:12:39,920
or are you a real doctor?
365
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:40,921
What...
366
00:12:42,591 --> 00:12:44,591
I, uh... they're calling me.
367
00:12:44,677 --> 00:12:48,228
I gotta go get the worm... is... taken out.
368
00:12:48,264 --> 00:12:49,680
Call me when you're done, I guess.
369
00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:51,732
- Bye.
- Abbi, all right, bye.
370
00:12:55,271 --> 00:12:56,186
My bad, I'm sorry.
371
00:12:57,356 --> 00:12:59,606
That guy did not sound qualified.
372
00:12:59,692 --> 00:13:00,657
All right, I'm sorry, you guys.
373
00:13:00,743 --> 00:13:01,658
Sorry to make you wait.
374
00:13:01,744 --> 00:13:02,826
Okay.
375
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,278
Ready to fall.
376
00:13:04,363 --> 00:13:05,446
(Guests) Fall away.
377
00:13:05,531 --> 00:13:06,447
Falling.
378
00:13:07,616 --> 00:13:10,167
Ooh, whoa, oh.
379
00:13:10,252 --> 00:13:11,919
(Laughing)
380
00:13:11,954 --> 00:13:13,454
I'm a dentist, not a doctor.
381
00:13:13,506 --> 00:13:15,756
I don't know how to deal
with high-pressure situations.
382
00:13:15,791 --> 00:13:18,125
Don't worry... Lincoln, nothing matters.
383
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:19,760
Yeah, it's fine.
384
00:13:19,795 --> 00:13:22,179
What just happened?
385
00:13:22,264 --> 00:13:23,630
It's a black Irish goodbye.
386
00:13:23,716 --> 00:13:24,631
He always does it.
387
00:13:26,101 --> 00:13:28,852
Okay, so I just found
out about a rooftop party
388
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:31,054
a hot sec from here.
389
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,055
This is perfect.
390
00:13:32,141 --> 00:13:33,223
No, you know what?
391
00:13:33,309 --> 00:13:34,308
I think I need to go home.
392
00:13:34,393 --> 00:13:36,226
Trey definitely did not believe that call.
393
00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:38,645
No, dude, he definitely believed you.
394
00:13:42,818 --> 00:13:43,901
All right, I agree.
395
00:13:43,986 --> 00:13:44,952
Yessa!
396
00:13:46,372 --> 00:13:47,821
Also, I love roofs.
397
00:13:47,907 --> 00:13:49,122
Yes, dude!
398
00:13:49,158 --> 00:13:53,410
(Music playing)
399
00:13:56,499 --> 00:13:58,999
Whoo, this party is a...
400
00:13:59,051 --> 00:14:01,168
10, I knew it!
401
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:03,086
Yes, whose party is this, dude?
402
00:14:03,172 --> 00:14:04,922
Who gives a fat wet...
403
00:14:05,007 --> 00:14:05,923
(Bleep)?
404
00:14:06,008 --> 00:14:07,641
Heads up, whoo!
405
00:14:09,845 --> 00:14:10,894
Whoo!
406
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:15,816
(Dance music playing)
407
00:14:30,282 --> 00:14:31,865
Place one right here, Gianni.
408
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:34,201
Yeah!
409
00:14:34,286 --> 00:14:35,502
Oh, (Bleep), oh, (Bleep).
410
00:14:37,172 --> 00:14:41,091
(Ilana) God, I love when
straight dudes make out.
411
00:14:41,176 --> 00:14:43,293
You never know if you never try,
412
00:14:43,379 --> 00:14:45,512
you never try if you never know, you know?
413
00:14:45,548 --> 00:14:47,347
(Laughing) Yes!
414
00:14:47,383 --> 00:14:48,715
I'm going to get another
beer, do you want one?
415
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,217
Yeah.
416
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:51,718
Abbi-a!
417
00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:56,440
(Music playing)
418
00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:57,391
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
419
00:14:57,476 --> 00:14:58,859
- Okay.
- Too close.
420
00:14:58,894 --> 00:15:00,777
(Officer) All right,
party's over, you (Bleep).
421
00:15:00,863 --> 00:15:02,446
Let's go, come on, let's go.
(Bleep), come on, let's go.
422
00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:04,615
Get out, get out!
423
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,817
Hit the bricks, let's move it!
424
00:15:06,902 --> 00:15:08,819
Let's go!
425
00:15:08,904 --> 00:15:10,237
(Woman) All right, guys!
426
00:15:10,322 --> 00:15:13,907
427
00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:15,158
Come on.
428
00:15:19,081 --> 00:15:20,914
- I wanna whirl.
- What is up, dude?
429
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,133
Just let me get it, I understand.
430
00:15:23,218 --> 00:15:24,918
Come on.
431
00:15:24,970 --> 00:15:26,169
Let us in.
432
00:15:26,255 --> 00:15:27,170
They're not gonna let us in,
433
00:15:27,256 --> 00:15:28,839
then I don't wanna go in there.
434
00:15:28,924 --> 00:15:30,507
'Cause you know why?
435
00:15:30,593 --> 00:15:33,343
We deserve better than that.
436
00:15:33,429 --> 00:15:36,179
(Ilana) What is this
place... where are you going?
437
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:39,099
(Laughing)
438
00:15:39,151 --> 00:15:40,601
Oh, my God.
439
00:15:40,686 --> 00:15:41,652
Where are we going?
440
00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:43,186
Oh, sh...
441
00:15:43,272 --> 00:15:45,439
Oh, you be quiet.
442
00:15:48,577 --> 00:15:51,778
I'm Val about town, town about Val.
443
00:15:55,034 --> 00:15:56,199
Dude.
444
00:15:56,285 --> 00:15:57,618
Who is Val?
445
00:15:57,670 --> 00:16:03,290
(Swing music playing)
446
00:16:03,342 --> 00:16:04,424
(Man) Hey, it's Val!
447
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:06,793
(All) Val!
448
00:16:06,845 --> 00:16:09,880
(Swing music playing)
449
00:16:11,774 --> 00:16:13,056
(chattering)
450
00:16:13,142 --> 00:16:17,895
(Swing music playing)
451
00:16:21,116 --> 00:16:23,817
Forget your troubles
come on get happy
452
00:16:23,903 --> 00:16:26,653
you better chase
all your cares away
453
00:16:26,739 --> 00:16:29,573
shout hallelujah come on get happy
454
00:16:29,658 --> 00:16:32,292
get ready for the judgment day
455
00:16:32,328 --> 00:16:35,245
the sun is shining
come on get happy
456
00:16:35,331 --> 00:16:38,048
the lord is waiting
to take your hand
457
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:40,884
shout hallelujah come on get happy
458
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:43,971
we're going to the promised land
459
00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:46,807
we're heading across the river
460
00:16:46,842 --> 00:16:49,593
to wash your sins away in the tide
461
00:16:49,678 --> 00:16:55,182
it's all so peaceful
on the other side
462
00:16:55,234 --> 00:16:57,517
forget your troubles
come on get happy
463
00:16:57,570 --> 00:16:59,069
Isn't Val the best?
464
00:16:59,154 --> 00:17:00,487
You never know when she's going to drop by,
465
00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:02,406
but when she does, we save on electricity
466
00:17:02,491 --> 00:17:04,658
'cause she lights up the whole room.
467
00:17:04,693 --> 00:17:06,693
How long has Val been coming in here?
468
00:17:06,745 --> 00:17:08,862
Oh, for over a hundred years.
469
00:17:08,948 --> 00:17:10,330
What?
470
00:17:10,366 --> 00:17:11,698
No, I'm just kidding,
it's more like three years.
471
00:17:11,784 --> 00:17:12,783
Oh.
472
00:17:14,587 --> 00:17:17,371
How did I not know that
when Abbi gets blackout drunk
473
00:17:17,456 --> 00:17:20,090
she becomes Val?
474
00:17:20,175 --> 00:17:22,009
My FOMO's through the damn roof.
475
00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:23,010
Oh?
476
00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:24,878
What's a FOMO?
477
00:17:24,930 --> 00:17:27,381
I gotta call Jaime, he's
not gonna believe this.
478
00:17:27,466 --> 00:17:28,599
No.
479
00:17:28,684 --> 00:17:30,550
No, no, no, there's no reception down here,
480
00:17:30,636 --> 00:17:34,354
but who needs phones when you get Val?
481
00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:39,026
Aren't you a hot diggity-diggity-dog
482
00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:41,228
and a scallywag to boot?
483
00:17:43,699 --> 00:17:46,400
(Laughing)
484
00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:48,902
Well, hello there, Baby Doll.
485
00:17:48,988 --> 00:17:50,737
Baby Doll?
486
00:17:50,789 --> 00:17:53,907
Of course I have been
missing out on this for years.
487
00:17:53,993 --> 00:17:55,659
You're always worried
about missing out on life.
488
00:17:55,744 --> 00:17:57,711
You never bother to actually live.
489
00:17:57,746 --> 00:18:00,130
Uh... doy.
490
00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:02,215
Eight ball, corner pocket.
491
00:18:02,251 --> 00:18:04,718
Ooh, yeah.
492
00:18:04,753 --> 00:18:06,470
- Jeez!
- (Man) Oh, great shot.
493
00:18:06,555 --> 00:18:08,922
Ooh-hoo!
494
00:18:08,974 --> 00:18:10,424
Johnny, you cad.
495
00:18:10,536 --> 00:18:13,070
I forgot you were the best kisser in town.
496
00:18:13,155 --> 00:18:15,455
Except for my main squeeze.
497
00:18:15,491 --> 00:18:16,823
I'm your main squeeze?
498
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:18,041
Yeah.
499
00:18:18,127 --> 00:18:20,961
You're my favorite little
jewy this side of St. Louie.
500
00:18:23,799 --> 00:18:25,415
Whoa.
501
00:18:25,501 --> 00:18:28,468
Oh my God, dude.
502
00:18:30,055 --> 00:18:31,171
Ooh.
503
00:18:31,223 --> 00:18:32,639
What is this?
504
00:18:32,674 --> 00:18:34,341
A diamond?
505
00:18:34,426 --> 00:18:36,343
I love diamonds.
506
00:18:37,846 --> 00:18:39,012
(Gasps)
507
00:18:43,736 --> 00:18:44,985
(Laughing)
508
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:47,604
Val bar is Narnia!
509
00:18:48,741 --> 00:18:50,490
Wake up, sleepyhead
510
00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:54,778
You look amazing.
511
00:18:54,863 --> 00:18:56,029
Yes, good morning, sunshine.
512
00:18:56,115 --> 00:18:58,365
Ilana, what happened last night?
513
00:18:58,450 --> 00:19:01,201
Wait, are you joking?
514
00:19:01,253 --> 00:19:02,836
You're Val, bitch.
515
00:19:02,871 --> 00:19:04,371
The bar... you were like...
516
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:07,874
(Speaking gibberish), boss, you know?
517
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,127
I have no idea what you're talking about.
518
00:19:10,212 --> 00:19:13,046
You legit don't remember?
519
00:19:16,885 --> 00:19:19,553
No mo' FOMO, dog.
520
00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:21,555
No mo' FOMO
521
00:19:21,607 --> 00:19:23,774
no mo' FOMO
522
00:19:23,859 --> 00:19:25,392
no mo' FOMO
523
00:19:25,444 --> 00:19:27,894
no more ooh
524
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,981
FOMO
525
00:19:31,066 --> 00:19:31,982
Whoo.
526
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:36,903
Oh, I guess I'm just
gonna go home and sleep
527
00:19:36,955 --> 00:19:39,406
until I have work at seven.
528
00:19:39,491 --> 00:19:40,957
Oh.
529
00:19:41,043 --> 00:19:42,492
What?
530
00:19:42,578 --> 00:19:45,245
It's kind of seven right now.
531
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:46,830
It's 6:45.
532
00:19:46,915 --> 00:19:48,165
- (Car horn honking)
- Okay.
533
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,966
I guess, I'm just gonna
go to work right now then.
534
00:19:50,052 --> 00:19:51,084
All right.
535
00:19:51,136 --> 00:19:53,003
Treat her right, sir.
536
00:19:56,475 --> 00:19:58,141
Later.
537
00:19:58,227 --> 00:20:00,093
Oh, God.
538
00:20:00,179 --> 00:20:01,228
(Tires screeching to a stop)
539
00:20:02,314 --> 00:20:03,930
(Coughing)
540
00:20:03,982 --> 00:20:06,266
(Laughing)
541
00:20:06,351 --> 00:20:07,734
Classic Val.
542
00:20:07,769 --> 00:20:09,269
Hold on, I think my nose ring is here.
543
00:20:09,321 --> 00:20:10,370
Don't touch it!
544
00:20:13,652 --> 00:20:15,018
Morning, Abbi.
545
00:20:15,070 --> 00:20:17,187
Wait, Maria, why are you
wearing a trainer t-shirt?
546
00:20:17,239 --> 00:20:18,822
I am a trainer now.
547
00:20:18,857 --> 00:20:20,073
No...
548
00:20:20,158 --> 00:20:21,191
Way!
549
00:20:21,276 --> 00:20:22,692
Congrats.
550
00:20:22,778 --> 00:20:24,361
Congrats.
551
00:20:24,446 --> 00:20:26,613
How the (Bleep) did that happen?
552
00:20:26,698 --> 00:20:28,031
Kooky girl.
553
00:20:28,083 --> 00:20:29,532
How did that go down?
554
00:20:29,618 --> 00:20:33,370
Well, I always wanted to be a trainer,
555
00:20:33,455 --> 00:20:35,455
so I asked Trey at the party.
556
00:20:36,875 --> 00:20:40,710
We both were a little
drunk, so I was not afraid.
557
00:20:40,762 --> 00:20:43,713
It was like asking to a friend,
558
00:20:43,799 --> 00:20:45,682
- you know, instead of a boss.
- Boss.
559
00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:47,050
- Yeah.
- Here.
560
00:20:47,135 --> 00:20:49,552
You can have my cleaner t-shirt.
561
00:20:50,806 --> 00:20:52,889
I only wore it one day.
562
00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:54,224
Mmm.
563
00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:01,225
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
564
00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:05,825
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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