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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,091 --> 00:00:03,394 Last week, I got so, like stuck in that dude's clavicle. 2 00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,995 You know, like, detail wise. 3 00:00:05,063 --> 00:00:06,831 Just really wanna get it right. 4 00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:10,267 Greetings, this week we will be focusing on movement. 5 00:00:10,335 --> 00:00:13,437 The model will be changing positions every minute. 6 00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:14,973 (tinkling) 7 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,943 May your pencil soften her crudeness. 8 00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:26,818 Hey, Ab. 9 00:00:26,886 --> 00:00:28,787 (gasping) 10 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:31,756 Uh, models have to be silent. 11 00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:33,324 Oh, my God, I'm a model? 12 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,796 Dude, thank you so much for telling me how much nude models 13 00:00:38,863 --> 00:00:40,665 can make in a class like this? 14 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,033 I need the money. 15 00:00:43,101 --> 00:00:45,903 Yeah, totally, I just... I didn't mean my class. 16 00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:46,970 Oh, my God, are you mad at me? 17 00:00:47,038 --> 00:00:48,805 Ali, is there a problem? 18 00:00:48,873 --> 00:00:50,774 It's Abbi, remember, we talked about that. 19 00:00:50,841 --> 00:00:53,377 But, no, we're just strategizing... 20 00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:57,847 like the shading... of the boobs. 21 00:00:57,915 --> 00:01:00,483 'Cause I'm, you know, I'm not there yet, so... 22 00:01:00,551 --> 00:01:02,351 (tinkling) 23 00:01:06,857 --> 00:01:07,924 Stop it. 24 00:01:07,991 --> 00:01:09,325 (whispering) Oh, sorry. 25 00:01:09,393 --> 00:01:12,128 Guys, hey, sorry, I'm gonna change positions before 26 00:01:12,195 --> 00:01:13,362 the bell rings. 27 00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:14,730 I'm weirding Abbi out, it's my b. 28 00:01:23,307 --> 00:01:25,341 It's honestly worth it if we get it. 29 00:01:25,409 --> 00:01:27,810 Your students will learn so much. 30 00:01:27,877 --> 00:01:28,911 (laughing) 31 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,448 Four and three and two and one one 32 00:01:32,515 --> 00:01:36,351 33 00:01:36,352 --> 00:01:37,552 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 34 00:01:40,356 --> 00:01:41,623 Hey, Ab, where you heading? 35 00:01:41,691 --> 00:01:44,626 Hey, not much... I mean, nowhere. 36 00:01:44,694 --> 00:01:46,894 I'm actually getting my wisdom teeth taken out today, 37 00:01:46,963 --> 00:01:48,163 - so I'm having surgery. - Oh, man, 38 00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:50,031 I had mine taken out the week of my prom. 39 00:01:50,099 --> 00:01:52,567 In all the pictures, I had these huge chipmunk cheeks. 40 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:55,036 - I was like... - That's so cute. 41 00:01:55,104 --> 00:01:56,671 Yeah, it's good, though, 'cause, um, 42 00:01:56,738 --> 00:01:58,706 it'll make more room in my mouth, right? 43 00:02:00,776 --> 00:02:03,578 (stammering) 44 00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:07,247 No, I, I didn't... I didn't mean, um, blow jobs. 45 00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,181 Although, that is true, 46 00:02:09,249 --> 00:02:11,584 that it would make more room in my mouth. 47 00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:13,819 I did do them. 48 00:02:13,887 --> 00:02:15,220 I enjoy it both ways. 49 00:02:15,288 --> 00:02:17,857 You know, I think it's a two-way street. 50 00:02:17,925 --> 00:02:20,825 In fact, I'm getting a call, this is ringing. 51 00:02:20,893 --> 00:02:22,027 Busy day. 52 00:02:22,095 --> 00:02:23,495 Hello? 53 00:02:23,563 --> 00:02:24,696 One sec, Jeremy... just give me one... 54 00:02:24,764 --> 00:02:27,832 Yup? Well, my laundry is in the bag! 55 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,000 (scoffing) 56 00:02:29,069 --> 00:02:31,236 What do you mean, "Stains are on it?" 57 00:02:31,304 --> 00:02:33,338 Well, what do you mean they're on my underwear? 58 00:02:33,406 --> 00:02:34,540 Why would someone say that? 59 00:02:34,607 --> 00:02:36,140 Why would they say... 60 00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:38,777 It's my laundry man and then he's upset. 61 00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:39,811 I'll let you take it. 62 00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:42,313 Yeah, why... don't you talk back to me! 63 00:02:42,381 --> 00:02:46,417 I will come down there and I will get you right away! 64 00:02:46,485 --> 00:02:48,620 So you better lawyer up, 'cause I'm gonna... 65 00:02:48,688 --> 00:02:50,589 ... kill myself right now. 66 00:02:50,656 --> 00:02:53,824 67 00:02:56,361 --> 00:02:57,661 (Ilana) Okay, Ab. 68 00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:59,263 You are doing an awesome job already. 69 00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:00,798 You just keep clutching Bingo Bronson 70 00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:02,566 that Mommy Lani got you... 71 00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:04,201 Me, I'm Mommy Lani. 72 00:03:04,269 --> 00:03:05,703 And that's it, whole thing's gonna be painless. 73 00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:08,338 You're not even go know it, you're gonna be out, out, out. 74 00:03:08,406 --> 00:03:09,572 You just chill. 75 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,174 So riddle me this, Doc. 76 00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:14,444 Mayonnaise clinic claims that facial paralysis can be a thing? 77 00:03:14,512 --> 00:03:16,146 - What? - Care to comment? 78 00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:18,882 - Release my head, woman. - Sorry. 79 00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:21,118 I got this, Abbi's gonna be fine. 80 00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:22,852 Look at this black-blue hands. 81 00:03:22,921 --> 00:03:24,388 If I mess up this white girl's teeth, 82 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:27,757 the black dentistry game is over... forever. 83 00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:30,359 I'm gonna get these teeth. 84 00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:32,529 - For my people. - Wow. 85 00:03:32,596 --> 00:03:33,630 I don't do anything for my people. 86 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:36,900 Count backwards. 87 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,002 (muffled) Five, four 88 00:03:40,070 --> 00:03:41,938 two and one. 89 00:03:42,005 --> 00:03:44,773 Bye, Abbi, I'll see you when you wake up. 90 00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,708 And if you don't wake up, I'll still see you... 91 00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:48,811 ("slow motion" audio)... 'cause I'm gonna kill myself 92 00:03:48,878 --> 00:03:52,848 and meet you in heaven or whatever. 93 00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:54,317 Calm d... you need to calm down. 94 00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:55,851 I am Abbi's keeper today. 95 00:03:55,919 --> 00:03:57,786 I am her mother, sister, father, brother. 96 00:03:57,854 --> 00:04:00,656 Relax, I get it, okay. 97 00:04:00,723 --> 00:04:02,825 I know what you need, a little story. 98 00:04:02,892 --> 00:04:05,727 There once was a woman named Felicity Porter. 99 00:04:05,795 --> 00:04:09,064 And she went to the University of New York. 100 00:04:09,131 --> 00:04:11,166 She was supposed to go to Stanford. 101 00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:12,768 (voice echoing) That's where her parents wanted her to go. 102 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:15,503 But then, Ben wrote in her high school yearbook... 103 00:04:15,571 --> 00:04:19,307 (chatter and music playing) 104 00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:26,014 So you're telling me that out of the whole series, 105 00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:29,484 there's one black person, and she's the one who's killed off. 106 00:04:29,551 --> 00:04:32,920 Yeah, but you're... you're kind of missing the point Ilana. 107 00:04:32,988 --> 00:04:36,323 I don't think these drugs are working, you guys. 108 00:04:36,391 --> 00:04:38,593 When are my teeth gonna get... 109 00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:41,762 (to tune of "Physical") Surgical, surgical 110 00:04:41,830 --> 00:04:42,997 (chuckling) 111 00:04:43,064 --> 00:04:44,465 Ab, it's already over. 112 00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:47,667 It was a huge success, but I had to remove all of your teeth. 113 00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:50,637 But don't worry, there's a huge internet community of dudes 114 00:04:50,705 --> 00:04:53,640 that like women that are super gum-heavy. 115 00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:54,908 It's a huge fetish. 116 00:04:54,976 --> 00:04:56,877 Lincoln, you took out all of her teeth? 117 00:04:56,944 --> 00:05:01,015 No, you were here the entire time, you saw... everything. 118 00:05:01,082 --> 00:05:02,082 That's true. 119 00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:05,886 I am just "gwad my wittle baby's awive." 120 00:05:05,953 --> 00:05:07,521 - Don't touch her mouth! - Ow! 121 00:05:07,588 --> 00:05:09,389 - Don't touch her... What... why would you... - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 122 00:05:09,456 --> 00:05:10,725 - She just had surgery. - I'm sorry, that was so bad. 123 00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:11,965 My mouth is like... 124 00:05:12,728 --> 00:05:14,529 Here's a prescription for Vicodin. 125 00:05:14,597 --> 00:05:17,332 Give her two every four hours. 126 00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:18,500 Make sure... can you handle that? 127 00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:19,934 It's a very strict schedule. 128 00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:22,136 I don't know, I guess I can handle it. 129 00:05:22,203 --> 00:05:24,038 You know, Western medicine does stick 130 00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,372 to a pretty strict schedule. 131 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,907 The sooner you... you take more pills 132 00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:29,176 the sooner you buy more pills, right? 133 00:05:29,244 --> 00:05:32,079 Chomp, chomp, chomp, swallow, swallow, swallow. 134 00:05:32,147 --> 00:05:34,615 (bleep) government-regulated, Doctor Drew 135 00:05:34,683 --> 00:05:35,915 all-you-can-eat buffet! 136 00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:42,922 Uh, but, really, I can handle it. 137 00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:46,826 (metal clanging) 138 00:05:46,894 --> 00:05:48,495 Ab! 139 00:05:48,563 --> 00:05:50,564 (laughing) Oh, no. Abbi. 140 00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:55,168 I'm just gonna get weed from one of my weed dudes. 141 00:05:55,235 --> 00:05:59,039 It will literally take two seconds for real. 142 00:05:59,106 --> 00:06:00,874 And then we're gonna get you home, girl. 143 00:06:00,941 --> 00:06:03,609 Uh, do you wanna hear my Drew Barrymore impression? 144 00:06:03,678 --> 00:06:05,545 Yes, queen please, Drew Barrymore. 145 00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:08,881 - I love Jimmy Fallon. - (laughing) 146 00:06:08,948 --> 00:06:12,285 Um, I have my own makeup line. 147 00:06:12,352 --> 00:06:14,620 Oh, my God, am I being so mean? 148 00:06:14,688 --> 00:06:17,190 I love her, you know she's my favorite. 149 00:06:17,257 --> 00:06:19,425 No, dude, it's not mean at all. 150 00:06:19,493 --> 00:06:21,561 And the gauze in your mouth adds authenticity. 151 00:06:21,628 --> 00:06:23,429 My production company, (laughing) 152 00:06:23,497 --> 00:06:25,497 - Flower Films... - I love Flower Films. 153 00:06:25,565 --> 00:06:31,203 ... was founded in 1999 with the popular film, "Whip It." 154 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:34,807 - That is what she sounds like. - Oh, my God, I'm terrible. 155 00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:36,274 No, you're so good. 156 00:06:36,342 --> 00:06:38,376 It was 1995 (bleep)! 157 00:06:38,444 --> 00:06:40,445 No, keep going, it's good, she would love this impression. 158 00:06:40,513 --> 00:06:41,779 (bicycle bell ringing) 159 00:06:41,847 --> 00:06:46,518 My grandfather was the legendary film actor, John Barrymore. 160 00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:47,752 - That's what she says. - (Phone alert playing) 161 00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:50,455 (gasping) Oh, my God, Jeremy. 162 00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:53,091 What does thumbs up, question mark mean? 163 00:06:53,158 --> 00:06:55,059 Thanks, skids, love you, B. 164 00:06:55,127 --> 00:06:57,762 Jeremy's totally thinking about me. 165 00:06:57,830 --> 00:06:59,163 Yeah, dude, I think he thinks about you. 166 00:06:59,231 --> 00:07:00,564 I think he (bleep) likes you. 167 00:07:00,632 --> 00:07:03,034 He jerks off to you all the time, I sense those things. 168 00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:05,469 I know sexual tension when I feel it... 169 00:07:05,537 --> 00:07:07,805 Yeah, you do. 170 00:07:07,873 --> 00:07:09,306 Oh, my God... 171 00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:10,908 Will you leave me alone? 172 00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:12,476 We have to change your gauze out. 173 00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:13,677 Oh. 174 00:07:13,746 --> 00:07:15,011 I wanna go to Florida. 175 00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:20,120 (Jaim?) Okay, Jaim?. 176 00:07:20,188 --> 00:07:22,989 Okay, everything is now the childproof, we got this. 177 00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:27,127 Abbi is weak right now, like a baby, like an infant. 178 00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:29,062 And I need to take care of her. 179 00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:32,031 And I need you to take care of me. 180 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,934 Baby, I will like anticipate your every single need. 181 00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:38,270 - Okay, first order of business is government medicine. - Hmm. 182 00:07:38,338 --> 00:07:42,208 Abbi needs to take two Vicodin every four hours. 183 00:07:42,275 --> 00:07:44,711 Ah, good. (Mumbling) 184 00:07:44,778 --> 00:07:47,113 What, now? 185 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,781 Okay, Abbi, this little airplane 186 00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:50,816 is going to come into the hangar. 187 00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:53,285 Yes... okay, now close the hangar. 188 00:07:53,353 --> 00:07:54,487 Oh, you're so swollen, baby. 189 00:07:54,554 --> 00:07:56,155 Okay. 190 00:07:56,223 --> 00:07:57,889 Okay. Peas, frozen peas. 191 00:07:57,957 --> 00:07:59,492 (Ilana mumbling to herself) 192 00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:03,195 Here we go, here we go, here we go now. 193 00:08:03,263 --> 00:08:06,732 Wow, it's been four hours already? 194 00:08:06,799 --> 00:08:09,701 Oh, my God, you are so out of it. 195 00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:11,402 I am really glad I'm here. 196 00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:12,604 (Jaim?) Okay. 197 00:08:12,672 --> 00:08:16,207 Okay, this is for the swelling of your face. 198 00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:17,709 Just rest on it. 199 00:08:17,777 --> 00:08:19,778 Okay, Jaim?, now, we have to do the two most important things 200 00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:20,946 a dental surgery victim needs. 201 00:08:21,014 --> 00:08:22,280 What is it? 202 00:08:22,348 --> 00:08:24,182 - Give her Froyo and braid her hair. - Of course. 203 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:27,018 Okay, I need you to go 42 Squirts, 204 00:08:27,085 --> 00:08:28,253 and get me a real Abbi flavor. 205 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,287 (sighing) 206 00:08:29,355 --> 00:08:30,288 You'll know when you see it. 207 00:08:30,356 --> 00:08:32,790 Ooh-whee, okay, well, okay. 208 00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:34,492 The flavor of Abbi. 209 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,027 Can Jaim? capture the complexity 210 00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:38,095 of this beautiful human being in one single flavor? 211 00:08:38,164 --> 00:08:39,329 Jaim?, I don't really have time for this. 212 00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:41,098 Abbi's blood mother is in Turks and Caicos, 213 00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:42,599 and I am her mother now. 214 00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:45,636 She needs me, she needs, you know, us, but... 215 00:08:45,704 --> 00:08:47,204 I will not disappoint you. 216 00:08:47,272 --> 00:08:48,572 Okay, baby. 217 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,941 And, hey, Jaim?s. 218 00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:52,276 Have fun with it. 219 00:08:55,246 --> 00:08:58,549 Are you ready to get on the party train. 220 00:08:58,616 --> 00:08:59,849 First stop! 221 00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:03,554 Braid the (bleep) out of them silky-ass doll locks. 222 00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:05,289 Ow. I'm gonna get some scrunchies. 223 00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:09,159 (Jaim?) Okay, Jaim?, the flavor of Abbi. 224 00:09:09,227 --> 00:09:10,727 (slurping) 225 00:09:10,795 --> 00:09:14,898 226 00:09:27,244 --> 00:09:28,977 Oh, (bleep) me. 227 00:09:29,045 --> 00:09:30,446 I guess I'll start from the top. 228 00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:35,551 Would you rather lick a dead man's penis, 229 00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:37,553 or have sex with the same person for the rest of your life? 230 00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:38,987 Penis. 231 00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:40,889 Would you rather eat ice cream for five hours straight, 232 00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:42,558 or shoot somebody in the knee? 233 00:09:42,626 --> 00:09:43,559 Knee. 234 00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:44,893 Yup. 235 00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:47,362 Ilana, I don't feel good, I feel really weird. 236 00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:48,396 I knew it. 237 00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:51,200 Western medicine fails us again. 238 00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:53,335 Thanks a lot, Doctor Oz. 239 00:09:53,402 --> 00:09:54,536 You know what? 240 00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:56,438 I'm gonna give you a little bit of my homemade 241 00:09:56,505 --> 00:09:58,673 "Strega Nona" recipe. 242 00:09:58,742 --> 00:09:59,942 Strega Nona... 243 00:10:00,009 --> 00:10:01,710 (laughing) 244 00:10:01,777 --> 00:10:03,077 Firecrackers, baby. 245 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,178 What's a firecracker? 246 00:10:04,247 --> 00:10:05,413 It was what we were on that time that 247 00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:08,550 that dude jerked off on your pocketbook in Bryant Park. 248 00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:09,851 He was cool. 249 00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,120 But not as cool as Jeremy, right? 250 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,526 251 00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:35,743 (microwave beeps) 252 00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,081 (bell rings) 253 00:10:50,224 --> 00:10:51,524 You know what, Jeremy? 254 00:10:51,592 --> 00:10:55,628 I will say it again. 255 00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,831 I like you. 256 00:10:57,899 --> 00:10:59,599 I want us to go out and... 257 00:10:59,667 --> 00:11:00,867 - What are you doing? - Just be open with it. 258 00:11:00,935 --> 00:11:02,068 What are you doing? 259 00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:03,904 - I'm telling Jeremy I like him. - (Gasping) 260 00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:05,105 - You told me to. - What? 261 00:11:05,173 --> 00:11:08,741 - 23 minutes, (bleep) me. - You told me to. 262 00:11:08,809 --> 00:11:11,744 Yeah, but not while you're jacked-up on Uncle Sam pills. 263 00:11:11,812 --> 00:11:13,646 Jesus, come on. 264 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,316 Take this firecracker smoothie. 265 00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:17,450 All right. 266 00:11:18,485 --> 00:11:20,353 Ow. 267 00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:21,754 Ow. 268 00:11:21,822 --> 00:11:24,623 You know, I wish I could have one, but I gotta be responsible. 269 00:11:24,691 --> 00:11:26,758 And don't you worry about leaving that message for Jeremy. 270 00:11:26,827 --> 00:11:28,894 You are gonna forget that in seven minutes. 271 00:11:31,264 --> 00:11:32,364 Jaim?? 272 00:11:32,432 --> 00:11:33,966 Okay. 273 00:11:34,034 --> 00:11:36,268 No, please, can you go in front of me? 274 00:11:36,336 --> 00:11:38,170 Please, thank you. 275 00:11:38,238 --> 00:11:40,306 Eh, toppings, toppings, toppings, toppings, 276 00:11:40,373 --> 00:11:41,906 toppings, toppings, toppings... 277 00:11:43,609 --> 00:11:45,076 Let's see, Cap'n Crunch? 278 00:11:45,144 --> 00:11:47,579 No, it's too chemically and that's no good. 279 00:11:47,647 --> 00:11:49,080 Dark chocolate chip? 280 00:11:49,148 --> 00:11:51,049 No, it's too crunchy for Abbi right now. 281 00:11:51,116 --> 00:11:52,317 Ew, gummy candies? 282 00:11:52,385 --> 00:11:54,453 Excuse me, these do not go with the Froyo. 283 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,955 In case you were wondering. 284 00:11:57,022 --> 00:11:59,457 Gorp... what is Gorp? 285 00:11:59,524 --> 00:12:01,125 "Good ol' raisins and peanuts ." 286 00:12:01,193 --> 00:12:04,662 Why would we want all raisins and peanuts? 287 00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:07,765 (sobbing) Aye, aye. 288 00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:11,135 Abbi dabbi dab my 289 00:12:11,203 --> 00:12:13,904 Beautiful queen she's my 290 00:12:13,972 --> 00:12:16,907 My beautiful queen she's... 291 00:12:16,975 --> 00:12:18,942 (Abbi sighing) 292 00:12:19,010 --> 00:12:19,877 (laughing) 293 00:12:23,314 --> 00:12:25,349 Namaste, children of light. 294 00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:28,519 Welcome to another installment of "How To With Dr. Whiz." 295 00:12:28,587 --> 00:12:31,321 Today, I'm gonna show you how to meditate proper... 296 00:12:31,389 --> 00:12:33,757 Ilana, what the (bleep) that! 297 00:12:33,824 --> 00:12:34,958 It's Abbi. 298 00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:37,027 I am killing this mom-slash-nurse thing. 299 00:12:37,095 --> 00:12:38,595 Doesn't she look gorgeous? 300 00:12:38,662 --> 00:12:39,763 I would think that you could surmise 301 00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:42,599 from my initial reaction that she doesn't. 302 00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:43,934 She needs rest, Ilana. 303 00:12:44,002 --> 00:12:46,403 Okay, Jeez, you're the one who's being loud. 304 00:12:49,707 --> 00:12:50,807 You know what? 305 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,609 I deserve a break. 306 00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:57,547 You wanna show me your old LL Cool J, your Lincoln Log? 307 00:12:57,615 --> 00:12:58,748 No! 308 00:12:58,816 --> 00:13:00,316 I'll show you my tah-tahs. 309 00:13:00,384 --> 00:13:01,918 Yes. 310 00:13:01,985 --> 00:13:03,452 (echoing) Yes! 311 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,255 (Ilana's voice echoing) Show me your penis. 312 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:13,462 Oh, goodie, you're awake! 313 00:13:13,530 --> 00:13:16,632 We're gonna have so much fun! 314 00:13:16,699 --> 00:13:20,068 Let's go play outside. 315 00:13:20,136 --> 00:13:22,037 Come on, Abbi! 316 00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:26,842 Man, I hate to see it, but you got boyfriend penis, bro. 317 00:13:26,910 --> 00:13:28,043 (chuckling) 318 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,412 Dude, check this out. 319 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,815 I made my torso a face. 320 00:13:32,882 --> 00:13:34,149 Do you know who it is? 321 00:13:34,216 --> 00:13:36,651 I'm guessing an old person 'cause the eyes are low 322 00:13:36,718 --> 00:13:39,487 and swinging and drooping, 323 00:13:39,555 --> 00:13:41,389 but in a way that makes me hard. 324 00:13:41,457 --> 00:13:45,726 I never thought that a old people face would make me hard. 325 00:13:45,794 --> 00:13:46,828 That's nice to know. 326 00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:47,929 You are gonna be an old dude 327 00:13:47,997 --> 00:13:50,966 with so many boners in a non-creepy way. 328 00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,033 That's hot. 329 00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:53,000 (laughing) 330 00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:54,368 Okay, who is it? 331 00:13:54,436 --> 00:13:55,570 Do you know which old person it is? 332 00:13:55,637 --> 00:13:56,838 I don't know, who is it? 333 00:13:56,905 --> 00:13:58,172 I... I don't know. 334 00:13:58,239 --> 00:13:59,674 Do you know? 335 00:13:59,741 --> 00:14:01,476 What are we doing here? Who did you draw? 336 00:14:01,543 --> 00:14:02,977 No, I don't know. 337 00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:04,278 Maybe Abbi'll know. 338 00:14:04,346 --> 00:14:06,013 Hey! Abbi, wake up, Ab! 339 00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:08,583 (Lincoln) Ilana, let her sleep, let her rest. 340 00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:11,418 Ab? Abbi? 341 00:14:11,486 --> 00:14:13,454 Abbi?! 342 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:14,388 Abbi! 343 00:14:16,191 --> 00:14:17,425 She's just gone. 344 00:14:17,493 --> 00:14:18,526 The door was wide open. 345 00:14:18,594 --> 00:14:20,495 It's gonna get dark in a couple hours. 346 00:14:20,562 --> 00:14:22,062 Okay, calm down. 347 00:14:22,131 --> 00:14:23,264 (bleep) you, don't tell me to calm down! 348 00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:24,599 I hate when men tell women that. 349 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,000 Okay, I'm sure she's fine. 350 00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:28,369 Just needed some air or something, just call her. 351 00:14:28,437 --> 00:14:30,437 I can't, I took her phone away. 352 00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:32,773 She called Jeremy to declare her love, 353 00:14:32,841 --> 00:14:34,341 and my brain's been a dud all day. 354 00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:36,010 I haven't smoked once, I didn't even vape. 355 00:14:36,077 --> 00:14:37,978 This is all my fault. 356 00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,814 Okay, if you can keep her on her meds schedule, she'll be okay. 357 00:14:40,882 --> 00:14:43,150 She'll be a little fuzzy, but at least she'll be coherent. 358 00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,285 I lied, I (bleep) lied, dude! 359 00:14:45,353 --> 00:14:47,320 I gave her the strongest form of weed possible. 360 00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:48,488 Other than dabbing. 361 00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:50,257 I gotta find this bitch, I'll talk to you later. 362 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:51,891 Abbi! 363 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:56,062 It's my fault, I should've seen this coming from a mile away. 364 00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:58,598 365 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,473 Chug chug chug chug. 366 00:15:18,052 --> 00:15:19,218 Abbi! 367 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,324 What is this place? 368 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,627 Its the most magical place in all the land. 369 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:31,930 Whole Foods! Wow. 370 00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,399 Yeah, the neighborhood's really changed. 371 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,933 It's a whole new Gowanus. 372 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,201 Come on! 373 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,903 Let's hurry up before the lines get long! 374 00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:41,106 (bell tinkling) 375 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,640 Excuse me? 376 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,876 Hey, did you see a beautiful, sumptuous model-type 377 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,111 come through? 378 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,946 Long silky hair like a horse's main? 379 00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,681 The only thing I see is that crazy woman 380 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:53,017 who bought two Yoo-hoos and drop a bottle on the floor. 381 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,654 Yoo-hoo. 382 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,223 Yeah, that's what I just said. 383 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,524 Thank you so much. 384 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,259 - Get out of my store, get out of my... - Oh! 385 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,193 - I'm sick and tired of this. - Oh. 386 00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,194 Get out. 387 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:04,161 Hey! 388 00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:05,530 (hisses) 389 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,399 Punk. 390 00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:10,667 Dick, bitch. 391 00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:15,439 I'm coming, Ab! 392 00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:16,707 Hearts of palm! 393 00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:18,308 Abbi, buy me that. 394 00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:20,044 I love hearts of palm. 395 00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:22,046 Whoo-whee! 396 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,981 Ooh, bulk granola. 397 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,416 Buy me that, Abbi. 398 00:16:26,484 --> 00:16:28,518 (sighing) Manuka honey. 399 00:16:28,586 --> 00:16:30,019 So reasonably priced. 400 00:16:30,087 --> 00:16:32,356 Buy me that, Abbi! 401 00:16:32,423 --> 00:16:34,591 Oh, great! 402 00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:36,826 Mmm, this is some high-class (bleep). 403 00:16:36,894 --> 00:16:39,296 Ooh, earth-friendly cereals. 404 00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:40,930 Knock 'em over, Abbi. 405 00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:42,999 They wanna be on the ground. 406 00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:44,333 Whoo-hoo! 407 00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:48,537 Next up, probiotics, a Neti Pot and a bag of douche. 408 00:16:48,605 --> 00:16:49,538 Ha-ha! 409 00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,108 Abbi! 410 00:16:54,511 --> 00:16:56,112 Abbi! 411 00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:05,053 That'll be $1,487.56. 412 00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:06,989 Use your new credit card, Abbi. 413 00:17:07,056 --> 00:17:08,357 You got it because you thought you needed 414 00:17:08,425 --> 00:17:10,259 more than one card to be an adult, right? 415 00:17:10,327 --> 00:17:13,128 Well, now's your chance to be one! 416 00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:16,098 Plus, you'll get Starwood's points. 417 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,834 Mmmm, I'm so proud of you! 418 00:17:18,902 --> 00:17:21,603 Quick, let's get this into a bunker before the big one hits. 419 00:17:21,671 --> 00:17:23,571 Abbi! 420 00:17:23,639 --> 00:17:24,639 Abbi Abrams! 421 00:17:25,374 --> 00:17:26,809 (phone vibrating) 422 00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:28,543 Woah... 423 00:17:30,479 --> 00:17:32,414 Hello? 424 00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:34,916 (robotic voice) There has been some unusual activity on your account 425 00:17:34,983 --> 00:17:37,485 and we'd like to confirm that you, Abbi Abrams, 426 00:17:37,553 --> 00:17:42,056 made a purchase of $1,487.56 427 00:17:42,124 --> 00:17:44,592 at the Whole Foods in Gowanus, Brooklyn. 428 00:17:46,629 --> 00:17:49,396 Oh, my God, of course, she's hungry as (bleep). 429 00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:52,666 From your clear answer, I can tell you are Abbi Abrams, 430 00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,635 and this was not a fraudulent charge. 431 00:17:54,703 --> 00:17:57,738 Thank you for doing business with One Trust, goodbye. 432 00:17:57,806 --> 00:18:01,309 On the flip side you crazy bitch 433 00:18:01,376 --> 00:18:05,746 434 00:18:05,814 --> 00:18:08,582 Damn, this neighborhood is changing. 435 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:11,652 436 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,054 (both laughing) 437 00:18:14,121 --> 00:18:16,323 Stop it, that's so inappropriate. 438 00:18:16,391 --> 00:18:20,126 Oh, (bleep), it's Strega Nona the weed witch! 439 00:18:20,194 --> 00:18:21,794 Peace, mortals. 440 00:18:21,863 --> 00:18:23,964 Are you okay, you scared the (bleep) out of me. 441 00:18:24,031 --> 00:18:26,532 God dammit, my manuka honey! 442 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,268 I got you, Bingo Bronson! Abbi, no! 443 00:18:28,336 --> 00:18:30,270 (glass shattering) Ow! 444 00:18:30,338 --> 00:18:31,437 Airball. 445 00:18:31,505 --> 00:18:33,206 Oh, my (bleep) ankle. 446 00:18:33,274 --> 00:18:36,142 Oh, my God, sorry. 447 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:37,977 I love you, Abbi! 448 00:18:38,044 --> 00:18:39,144 See you soon. 449 00:18:39,212 --> 00:18:41,146 I love you, Bingo Bronson! 450 00:18:41,214 --> 00:18:42,982 (Ilana) So sorry, sorry. 451 00:18:43,049 --> 00:18:44,417 Oh, my God, you're so scary. 452 00:18:51,091 --> 00:18:52,324 So Abbi's vitals are fine. 453 00:18:52,393 --> 00:18:54,159 She just needs plenty of sleep. 454 00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:57,829 I feel like an old-timey doctor right now making house calls. 455 00:18:57,898 --> 00:18:59,731 I should get an apothecary bag, right? 456 00:18:59,799 --> 00:19:03,969 Oh, my God, I am so horny right now, it hurts. 457 00:19:04,037 --> 00:19:05,437 Oh, yeah? 458 00:19:05,505 --> 00:19:08,374 It hurts. 459 00:19:08,441 --> 00:19:10,575 Good night, Abbi-dab. 460 00:19:10,643 --> 00:19:13,478 Everybody safe and s... 461 00:19:13,546 --> 00:19:15,246 Jaim?! 462 00:19:15,314 --> 00:19:16,648 (Jaim?) Are you Abbi? 463 00:19:16,716 --> 00:19:17,949 Where are you, Abbi? 464 00:19:18,017 --> 00:19:20,318 Sir? We're closing. 465 00:19:20,386 --> 00:19:24,088 Just pick any flavor, they're all chemicals. 466 00:19:24,156 --> 00:19:27,125 (vomiting) 467 00:19:27,192 --> 00:19:28,859 Come on. 468 00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:29,827 So sorry. 469 00:19:32,331 --> 00:19:33,364 It's the Gummi Bears. 470 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,503 Hey, Ab, hey. 471 00:19:38,571 --> 00:19:40,004 Oh, hey, Jer. 472 00:19:40,072 --> 00:19:41,305 Hi, 'sup? 473 00:19:41,374 --> 00:19:44,542 So... I got your call yesterday. 474 00:19:44,610 --> 00:19:46,411 Um, my what? 475 00:19:46,479 --> 00:19:49,447 That really long voice mail you left me where you asked me out. 476 00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:51,249 Oh, no, don't... 477 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:54,986 No, I was just in... I had surgery, I was... so many... 478 00:19:55,053 --> 00:19:57,721 There were so many drugs and I was... so that's... 479 00:19:57,789 --> 00:20:00,091 You know I'm getting... my phone's ringing here. 480 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,725 Hello? Hi. 481 00:20:01,793 --> 00:20:05,096 - No, why would I throw-up on my clothes? - Abbi. 482 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,698 - I'm not crazy... Yeah, I am Jewish... - Abbi. 483 00:20:07,766 --> 00:20:09,600 - It has nothing to do with it. - Abbi, don't. 484 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:10,902 - Abbi, just listen to me. - Abbi! 485 00:20:10,969 --> 00:20:11,902 - Listen! - Listen, listen. 486 00:20:11,969 --> 00:20:13,871 - Hey! - Hey! 487 00:20:13,938 --> 00:20:18,942 I would love to go out with you on an official... thing. 488 00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,712 Oh, and I loved your Drew Barrymore impersonation. 489 00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:23,947 Amazing. 490 00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,582 491 00:20:34,825 --> 00:20:36,626 So, I guess I'll give you a call. 492 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,495 Yeah, that was... yeah. 493 00:20:39,563 --> 00:20:40,463 Okay. 494 00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,233 Okay, ring her up... me. 495 00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:49,505 (door closing) 496 00:20:49,573 --> 00:20:51,841 497 00:20:53,842 --> 00:20:59,006 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 498 00:20:59,056 --> 00:21:03,606 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34811

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