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1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,801
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:23,822 --> 00:00:25,823
Oh, oh, oh.
3
00:00:25,891 --> 00:00:28,527
Oh, in your face!
4
00:00:28,594 --> 00:00:30,295
This is for the game.
Not in my house.
5
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:31,863
Your house?
I pay the mortgage.
6
00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:33,865
(GRUNTING)
7
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,533
All right,
I got next.
8
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:39,470
There is no next, Cor. This is
for the Matthews Championship!
9
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:41,339
Well, I'm a Matthews.
10
00:00:41,407 --> 00:00:42,440
No!
11
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:44,175
(GROANS)
(WHOOPING)
12
00:00:46,178 --> 00:00:47,946
Eric is the king!
13
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,016
All right, rematch.
Rematch.
14
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:53,218
No, no, no, no, no.
15
00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:54,352
New season
starts tomorrow.
16
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:55,420
Don't get fat
in the off-season.
17
00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,688
I gotta hit
the showers.
18
00:00:57,756 --> 00:01:01,126
All right, Dad.
Come on. Let's go.
19
00:01:01,193 --> 00:01:03,528
No, Cor. No.
I'm wiped.
20
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:05,630
I played two hours of racquetball
with Eric this morning.
21
00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:07,465
You were just gonna play Eric.
Come on.
22
00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:09,067
Well, that was for
the championship.
23
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,369
All right, fine. This will
be for our championship.
24
00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:14,105
Come on. Cor, I told you.
I got nothing.
25
00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:16,441
Here. You take it out.
26
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:18,810
Maybe tomorrow,
all right?
27
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:20,144
What? If Eric's
not around? Come on.
28
00:01:21,046 --> 00:01:22,380
What?
29
00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:25,350
Never mind, Dad.
Give me the ball.
30
00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:27,018
What? So you can
throw it at me again?
31
00:01:27,085 --> 00:01:28,386
No, forget it.
No, knock it off.
32
00:01:28,454 --> 00:01:30,222
Give me the...
Just give me the ball.
33
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,090
(GRUNTS)
34
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,425
What is wrong with you?
35
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:37,896
Dad, I'm...
36
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:39,431
Alan, what happened?
37
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:43,000
Ask your son.
38
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,640
I swear
I don't know anything.
39
00:01:49,475 --> 00:01:50,675
Cor?
40
00:01:51,677 --> 00:01:53,144
I just wanted to play.
41
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:01,753
(CRASHING)
42
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:03,221
(JACK EXCLAIMING)
43
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:08,025
Oh, yeah.
44
00:02:08,093 --> 00:02:10,060
Hey, the super
told me to tell you
45
00:02:10,128 --> 00:02:12,330
that the people above us
let their bathtub overflow,
46
00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:13,498
and whatever
you do, don't...
47
00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:15,333
Don't poke at the big
bubble on my ceiling?
48
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,003
Yeah. You got
the message?
49
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:21,272
Yeah. Just now.
50
00:02:21,339 --> 00:02:23,140
My whole room's flooded, and there's a
half a bathtub hanging over my bed.
51
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,311
So stay in my room.
52
00:02:30,215 --> 00:02:31,983
So when people throw
garbage down the chute,
53
00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,885
this is where
it winds up, huh?
54
00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:35,986
Are you calling me a pig?
55
00:02:36,054 --> 00:02:37,789
A pig would
never live in here.
56
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:38,923
Oh, yeah?
57
00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:48,466
I'm sleeping out
on the couch, man.
58
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,268
Shawn, I need to sleep
on your couch.
59
00:02:50,335 --> 00:02:52,337
What happened? I got into
a fight with my dad.
60
00:02:52,404 --> 00:02:53,604
Everybody gets into a
fight with their dad.
61
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:54,973
Yeah. I knocked him down.
62
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,507
That's not quite
as common.
63
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:01,813
I wanted to play basketball with
him, like he does with Eric.
64
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,148
I can't believe
you hit your dad.
65
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:06,117
Now, does he have to leave
the house in shame?
66
00:03:06,184 --> 00:03:07,585
Do you get his woman?
67
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:09,921
Well, I didn't
actually hit him.
68
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,356
I shoved him,
and he went down.
69
00:03:12,424 --> 00:03:13,691
He does all these
things with Eric.
70
00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:15,292
Why won't he do
things with me?
71
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:16,961
Well, he's afraid you're
gonna hit him again.
72
00:03:17,029 --> 00:03:19,297
Eric has the good relationship with him.
You know that?
73
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,966
They ski together.
They go camping together.
74
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:25,370
I even heard them planning on
jumping out of a plane together.
75
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,037
All we do is talk.
76
00:03:27,105 --> 00:03:28,907
Cory, you have a great
relationship with your dad.
77
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,107
I'm not gonna go through
the rest of my life
78
00:03:30,175 --> 00:03:32,543
as the guy my
father talked to.
79
00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:34,011
You know?
Great conversations
80
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:35,980
are not memories
you look back on.
81
00:03:36,047 --> 00:03:37,948
You have tons of memories
with your dad.
82
00:03:38,016 --> 00:03:38,983
Like what?
83
00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:40,251
Like the time
you beat him up.
84
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:44,088
You're gonna talk
about that for years.
85
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,164
George...
86
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,601
It's 2:00 in the morning.
Is everything okay?
87
00:03:57,603 --> 00:04:00,005
No, Alan.
Everything's not okay.
88
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:02,773
I know what happened this
afternoon between you and Cory.
89
00:04:03,909 --> 00:04:05,176
Yeah?
90
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,545
I waited for you.
I waited for Cory.
91
00:04:07,613 --> 00:04:11,716
Nothing.
Nobody came over.
92
00:04:11,783 --> 00:04:14,752
Something like this happens,
somebody should come over.
93
00:04:16,722 --> 00:04:19,057
I mean, he knocked you
on your keister, man.
94
00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,627
You're obviously upset,
95
00:04:22,694 --> 00:04:24,662
so, please, can we talk about
it so I can get some sleep?
96
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:25,763
You want to come in,
George?
97
00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:27,198
Well, yes.
98
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:28,800
I'm making a little snack.
Help yourself.
99
00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:30,768
Don't mind if I do.
100
00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,104
You know, George,
101
00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:34,806
I mean, it's one thing for the
boys to ask for your help,
102
00:04:34,873 --> 00:04:36,841
but I am
a capable adult.
103
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,543
I can handle
this on my own.
104
00:04:40,212 --> 00:04:42,046
You are
absolutely right,
105
00:04:42,113 --> 00:04:44,716
and I am sorry that I
intruded on your privacy.
106
00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:48,385
He pushed me down,
George.
107
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,287
My own son
pushed me down.
108
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:53,123
Doesn't sound
like Cory.
109
00:04:53,191 --> 00:04:54,592
No, it doesn't.
110
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:57,028
I mean, he knows if
anything is bothering him,
111
00:04:57,095 --> 00:04:58,997
he can come
and talk to me.
112
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:02,133
I mean, talking is the
basis of our relationship.
113
00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:05,703
Maybe that's what's
bothering him.
114
00:05:08,807 --> 00:05:11,442
You never stop teaching,
do you, George?
115
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:13,678
Next time, don't keep
me up all night.
116
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,629
Are you insane?
117
00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:32,997
What? Who sleeps
with the light on?
118
00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:34,398
Me, okay?
When I was a kid,
119
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,868
our trailer park was right
next to an off-ramp.
120
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,838
All night long, truck headlights
shone through the window.
121
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:42,139
The light comforts me.
122
00:05:42,207 --> 00:05:44,609
You know, when the teamsters
went on strike in '82,
123
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:47,078
I didn't sleep till
there was a settlement.
124
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:49,313
That's a really
lovely story.
125
00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:51,082
It'd make a great
children's book.
126
00:05:51,149 --> 00:05:53,751
Here's another great children's
book, Good Night, Light.
127
00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,655
Good night, Shawn.
Good night, pig.
128
00:05:57,723 --> 00:06:00,424
Hey! Hey, Jack, you're
a guest in my room.
129
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,560
Why don't you start
behaving like one?
130
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,662
The pig has a name.
It's Little Cory.
131
00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:09,667
Fine. Good night,
Little Cory.
132
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,169
Good night, pig.
133
00:06:13,305 --> 00:06:14,672
Good night.
134
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,709
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
135
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:21,746
Crickets?
136
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,048
It's a tape.
Sounds of the Trailer Park.
137
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:27,451
It helps me sleep.
138
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:30,054
It's actually
kind of soothing.
139
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,027
(TRUCK HORN BLOWING)
140
00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:39,263
WOMAN ON TAPE: Shut up! Shut up!
(DOGS BARKING)
141
00:06:39,331 --> 00:06:41,733
OFFICER: Drop the
weapon and come out!
142
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,167
(GUN FIRES)
143
00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,204
(SIREN WAILING)
144
00:06:47,472 --> 00:06:49,040
Get up! Get up. Get up.
145
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,778
Hey! Hey.
146
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,047
God, I wouldn't have
asked you to stay here
147
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,915
if I knew you were
gonna be so weird.
148
00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:00,418
Oh! Oh.
149
00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:02,620
I'm weird?
150
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:04,088
You know what puts me to sleep?
A glass of milk,
151
00:07:04,156 --> 00:07:06,891
not the truck that
delivers the milk.
152
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:08,058
But you'll have
to excuse me.
153
00:07:08,126 --> 00:07:09,661
I was raised in
an actual house.
154
00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:13,464
Oh.
155
00:07:14,065 --> 00:07:15,500
I see.
156
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:17,067
Well, as long as
you put it that way,
157
00:07:17,135 --> 00:07:20,137
I would be happy
to turn out your lights.
158
00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:22,373
I wouldn't, man. Piedmont
Prep boxing team!
159
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:24,342
Come on. Let's go.
160
00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:29,180
You know, if I really wanted
to hit you, I would have.
161
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:31,015
Well, when you want to,
I'll be right here,
162
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,884
asleep in the dark,
163
00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:35,553
like normal people.
164
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:46,330
Cory.
165
00:07:46,397 --> 00:07:47,397
Cory.
What?
166
00:07:47,465 --> 00:07:48,666
Cory, get up.
167
00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:49,734
No. I don't
want to get up.
168
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:53,003
I hit my father. That's
gotta be a bad sin.
169
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:55,840
If this were the Bible,
I'd be a father smiter.
170
00:07:56,842 --> 00:08:00,611
I'd be Cory, son of
Alan the bruised.
171
00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:02,647
Cory, you've got a great
relationship with your father.
172
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,215
You know what?
You shouldn't be here.
173
00:08:04,282 --> 00:08:07,718
If they find you here with
me, they'll stone you.
174
00:08:07,786 --> 00:08:10,354
Save yourself, Topanga,
daughter of Miriam.
175
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,991
Cory, go home and
talk this out with him.
176
00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:17,561
No. That's the whole point, Topanga.
All we do is talk.
177
00:08:17,629 --> 00:08:19,430
You know, that's all
our relationship is.
178
00:08:19,497 --> 00:08:21,065
That's not like
him and Eric.
179
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,968
They do stuff together.
Well, I wanna do stuff, too.
180
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,703
I never want to
talk to him again!
181
00:08:27,305 --> 00:08:28,472
You're coming with us.
182
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:29,874
Can we talk about this?
183
00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:37,181
Okay! You've successfully
completed the ground course!
184
00:08:37,248 --> 00:08:39,249
Welcome to
your first jump!
185
00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:40,718
(LAUGHING)
186
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,187
Yeah!
187
00:08:43,254 --> 00:08:47,024
I actually, I wasn't paying
attention on the ground,
188
00:08:47,092 --> 00:08:49,961
and I feel I shouldn't
be allowed up here!
189
00:08:50,028 --> 00:08:51,629
You know what I love?
It's the drama!
190
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,031
You know, like, will the
chute open or will it not?
191
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,801
This isn't fair!
192
00:08:56,869 --> 00:09:00,204
When you hit the ground, you
were not 10,000 feet above it!
193
00:09:00,271 --> 00:09:03,774
Now, Cory, this is something Eric and
I have been talking about doing.
194
00:09:03,842 --> 00:09:06,611
There's no reason you
shouldn't be a part of it!
195
00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:09,246
So this isn't because
I pushed you down?
196
00:09:09,314 --> 00:09:12,016
Well, yes, it is because
you pushed me down.
197
00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:13,818
You know, if you're that
upset about something,
198
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,421
I have to take a hard look
at what I'm doing wrong.
199
00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:22,292
I just feel like I want to do things
with you, not just talk about stuff.
200
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,328
Well, Cory, I don't
do things with Eric
201
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:26,330
because I don't want
to do them with you.
202
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:28,666
It's just the way
Eric and I relate.
203
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,134
Yeah. Dad just
doesn't look at you
204
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:33,437
as as much of an action-adventure
guy as he looks at me, Cor.
205
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:35,539
But it takes real guts just to
get up here in the first place.
206
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:38,242
You did good. You don't wanna
have to jump, you don't have to.
207
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:42,279
No, no, no! If this is what you
guys do, I'm with you guys.
208
00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,182
Okay, Cor,
that's great.
209
00:09:44,249 --> 00:09:46,350
If you wanna jump with
us, then you jump,
210
00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:47,752
or if you wanna
play basketball
211
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:50,321
or baseball or whatever,
I'll be there,
212
00:09:50,388 --> 00:09:52,656
but just promise
me one thing.
213
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:55,292
I don't want to lose that
part of our relationship
214
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,829
that I consider
most special!
215
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:00,732
What?
What?
216
00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:02,767
What?
217
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,202
Special part!
The relationship!
218
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:05,502
What part is special?
219
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:08,272
I love when we talk!
220
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:09,941
You do?
You do?
221
00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:15,012
Yeah! You know, I enjoy your
opinions and your views on things,
222
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:19,283
and I wouldn't trade being able
to talk to you for anything!
223
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:21,652
You tell me this now?
224
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,188
Well, yeah! I mean, what
good is playing basketball
225
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:25,756
or throwing around a
football if you don't have
226
00:10:25,823 --> 00:10:29,327
good conversation,
right, Dad?
227
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,796
All right!
We're at the jump point!
228
00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:36,067
Remember, in the rare
but not impossible event
229
00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:38,202
that your chute
fails to deploy,
230
00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:39,604
just pull on
your red ripcord,
231
00:10:39,671 --> 00:10:42,573
which will engage
your backup chute!
232
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,942
What do you mean,
"fail to open"?
233
00:10:46,044 --> 00:10:47,978
What do you
mean, "deploy"?
234
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:50,515
Ready to go?
235
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,651
Okay, okay!
Let's do it!
236
00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:54,718
(WHOOPS)
237
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:56,687
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Cory, wait!
238
00:10:56,755 --> 00:11:00,925
You know, now that we've got our
relationship back on track,
239
00:11:00,992 --> 00:11:05,329
why don't we, you know, go home,
play basketball or something?
240
00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:08,666
Why? Because you're afraid I can't
keep up with you guys, huh?
241
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:10,267
Well, watch this!
242
00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:17,441
He did it! Come on, boy.
Go! Go get 'em!
243
00:11:17,509 --> 00:11:19,810
Go get 'em!
244
00:11:19,878 --> 00:11:22,513
Hey, how come I don't have
that special relationship
245
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,582
like you have
with Cory?
246
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,584
What?
What?
247
00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:28,553
What?
248
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:31,088
Well, like, do you value my
views and opinions on things?
249
00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:33,224
Good! His chute opened!
250
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:36,594
That's great. Listen, all
we ever do is buddy stuff.
251
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:39,196
We have nothing!
I want more!
252
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,532
From this moment on,
you gotta start listening
253
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,034
to my views on
philosophy, politics,
254
00:11:44,102 --> 00:11:46,370
and what makes
the universe go round!
255
00:11:48,006 --> 00:11:49,707
I don't think so!
256
00:11:51,309 --> 00:11:53,477
Hey, I'm talking to you!
257
00:11:57,749 --> 00:11:59,283
You are going
down, Matthews.
258
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:01,719
Not in my house,
Matthews!
259
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,621
Come on.
260
00:12:03,688 --> 00:12:06,557
Oh, no!
261
00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:09,626
You jumped out of a plane
rather than talk to me.
262
00:12:09,694 --> 00:12:11,562
No. You're...
You're exaggerating.
263
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,865
The wind sucked me
out like a vacuum.
264
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:16,100
You hit the ground
and started running!
265
00:12:17,869 --> 00:12:20,204
Momentum.
266
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:24,107
I just wanted to talk to you, you
know, like you do with Cory.
267
00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:26,811
Eric, I'm in the middle
of a game here.
268
00:12:26,878 --> 00:12:28,913
Talk to me.
No. Give me the ball.
269
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,448
Look, just talk to me.
Give me the ball.
270
00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:32,550
All right, fine. Here.
271
00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:36,187
Did you push
him again?
272
00:12:38,923 --> 00:12:39,723
Dad, are you okay?
273
00:12:39,791 --> 00:12:41,192
No, no!
Stay away from me.
274
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:47,765
You awake?
275
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:48,999
What kind of
moron are you?
276
00:12:50,435 --> 00:12:52,936
I can't take this.
You live like a pig,
277
00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:54,371
and you do weird
things during the night.
278
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:56,506
Like what?
279
00:12:56,574 --> 00:12:59,343
Like you talk in your
sleep, and you snore.
280
00:12:59,477 --> 00:13:00,811
(LAUGHS)
281
00:13:00,879 --> 00:13:02,613
Nice try, Jack,
but that's impossible, okay?
282
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:05,549
Either I talk or I snore.
You can't do both.
283
00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:08,385
Oh, yeah?
284
00:13:08,453 --> 00:13:12,189
SHAWN: (SNORING) I'm going to the
market to pick up some eggs.
285
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:14,458
(SNORES)
286
00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:16,727
Rub two eggs together,and you'll get a spark.
287
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:18,462
(SNORES)
288
00:13:18,529 --> 00:13:21,531
My head's on fire.Someone please put it out.
289
00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:25,269
Hey.
290
00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:29,273
Hey! You taped over my Sounds
of the Trailer Park tape!
291
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,642
Yeah, I did. Go to the car
wash and buy a new one.
292
00:13:34,812 --> 00:13:37,581
I don't own a car,
and if I did, Jack,
293
00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:39,950
I would have the pride
to wash it myself,
294
00:13:40,018 --> 00:13:43,386
you hoity-toity, stuck-up,
middle-class snot!
295
00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:48,425
Just 'cause you want to live like
a pig doesn't mean I have to.
296
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:52,063
Well, yes, it does.
297
00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:55,232
You're my guest,
and this is my room.
298
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,936
Oh, really? Okay.
Here! How about this?
299
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,204
What's all this?
(PIG GRUNTING)
300
00:14:01,406 --> 00:14:02,940
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey!
301
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:04,975
You're upsetting my pig!
302
00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:06,410
Now, come on.
Clean this up!
303
00:14:08,146 --> 00:14:09,213
Make me.
304
00:14:13,084 --> 00:14:14,484
(BOTH GRUNT)
305
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,489
Hello, Philly General?
306
00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:19,857
Have any middle-aged
men been admitted
307
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:21,425
this afternoon with
basketball injuries?
308
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:23,828
That many, huh?
309
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:25,963
Eric.
310
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:31,302
How'd you find me?
311
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,439
You live here.
312
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,743
Not anymore.
313
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:40,310
I'm volunteering for the
Witness Protection Program.
314
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:45,349
Eric, you didn't
witness any crime.
315
00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:47,584
I hit my father,
and I saw the whole thing.
316
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:52,623
By this time tomorrow, I'll
no longer be your brother.
317
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,426
I'll be Dr. Abraham Shapiro of
Passaic, New Jersey, cardiologist.
318
00:14:57,462 --> 00:14:59,830
Eric, Dad's fine.
What's gotten into you?
319
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:02,600
All we ever do is
pal around, you know?
320
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,668
That's what our
relationship is.
321
00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:07,671
It's not like the relationship
you have with Dad.
322
00:15:07,739 --> 00:15:09,739
I mean, I want to
talk to him, too.
323
00:15:09,807 --> 00:15:11,608
Well, you and Dad talk.
324
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:15,712
Yeah, we talk. We talk about
the Sixers and the Flyers
325
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:19,183
and the Baywatch chicks.
I mean, you know.
326
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:22,453
I don't know. I want to talk about
important stuff like you guys do.
327
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,388
It's time people learned
who the real Eric was.
328
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:25,822
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
329
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,358
Dr. Shapiro.
330
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,295
You come in here!
You criticize my room!
331
00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:34,164
You spook my pig, and
you turn out my light!
332
00:15:35,967 --> 00:15:37,635
So?
333
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:39,369
So, maybe I like
the way I live!
334
00:15:39,437 --> 00:15:42,505
Maybe I wasn't born with
my life on a silver spoon!
335
00:15:42,573 --> 00:15:43,807
Yeah. I like the way
I was brought up!
336
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:45,876
I like the way
I was brought up.
337
00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:47,677
The only thing I didn't like is I
didn't get to know my brother.
338
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,980
(BOTH GRUNTING)
339
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,281
Now say, "uncle."
340
00:15:51,349 --> 00:15:52,983
I don't know
who my uncle is!
341
00:15:54,185 --> 00:15:56,152
I would've liked
to know him, too.
342
00:15:57,588 --> 00:15:59,556
His name's Dave!
His name's Dave.
343
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:02,326
He's in the corrugated box business.
I can't breathe.
344
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,699
We weren't fighting about
the messy room, were we?
345
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,635
Just think, all those years
we didn't know each other,
346
00:16:11,702 --> 00:16:14,504
we could've been beating
the crap outta each other.
347
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,641
I've waited 17
years to do this.
348
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:21,145
Oh, yeah? Well, back at you.
Now say, "uncle."
349
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,946
Uncle! Say "uncle"
to your big brother!
350
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:26,016
Uncle! Uncle Dave
in the box business!
351
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,517
Yes. Yes.
352
00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:36,994
What's the score?
353
00:16:37,829 --> 00:16:40,130
Sons, two.
Dad, nothing.
354
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,733
Amy, what am I
doing wrong here?
355
00:16:43,801 --> 00:16:45,769
You really
want to know?
356
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:48,939
I'm not doing anything wrong.
I am a very good father.
357
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,674
Yes, you are.
358
00:16:50,742 --> 00:16:52,877
You are a very good father to
your son and your daughter.
359
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,379
We have two sons.
360
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:56,813
We do?
361
00:16:56,881 --> 00:16:58,148
(LAUGHS)
362
00:16:58,216 --> 00:17:00,383
Here it comes.
363
00:17:00,451 --> 00:17:03,087
Alan, remember how we always
wanted a boy and a girl?
364
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,555
Yeah.
365
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,557
Well, on the way to getting
there, we got two boys.
366
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:10,527
Two complete boys that want a
complete relationship with their dad,
367
00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:12,562
and now they are
calling you on it.
368
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:14,698
They have a complete
relationship with me.
369
00:17:14,766 --> 00:17:15,766
No, they don't.
370
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:16,834
No, they don't.
371
00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:18,368
No. Cory gets your mind,
372
00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:21,171
and Eric gets
the Wide World of Sports.
373
00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:22,973
Well, that's just
the way we are together.
374
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,575
No! Alan,
you are the father.
375
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,445
You have defined
the relationships.
376
00:17:28,513 --> 00:17:31,581
Honey, be proud that we
have raised them so well
377
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,817
that they can tell
you they want more.
378
00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:38,222
We have two boys.
379
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:40,924
Yeah, we do.
380
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:43,427
Well, that's
even better.
381
00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:46,230
Yeah, it is.
382
00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:05,382
Dr. Shapiro.
383
00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:16,994
So why did you guys
bring me to a museum?
384
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,328
Well, I wanted to
do something with you
385
00:18:18,396 --> 00:18:21,031
that I've done on
occasion with Cory.
386
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:25,268
I came here with my school
once, and I really liked it,
387
00:18:25,336 --> 00:18:28,105
so I told Dad about it, and
we've been here a couple times.
388
00:18:28,172 --> 00:18:30,107
What we like to do,
we pick out a piece
389
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:32,776
and then we try and guess what
the artist is trying to say.
390
00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:35,779
How about this one?
391
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,720
It's fascinating.
392
00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:45,889
Topanga and I plan
to own one someday.
393
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,360
What do you think the artist
is trying to say, Eric?
394
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,601
It's abstract.
395
00:18:57,668 --> 00:19:00,704
It means what it means.
There's no right or wrong.
396
00:19:01,439 --> 00:19:02,639
A monkey.
397
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:09,446
Two monkeys, and they're
fighting over a coconut,
398
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:11,348
which symbolizes the
father monkey's attention.
399
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,555
Uh, this may not have
been a good idea.
400
00:19:17,622 --> 00:19:21,425
Well, Dad, it is open to
interpretation, you know?
401
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,493
My interpretation is that
the artist is illustrating
402
00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:25,696
a very painful
situation,
403
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:29,833
where the father monkey has two
sons, but only one coconut,
404
00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:34,137
so he splits
the coconut in half,
405
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,473
but only a half a coconut
isn't enough for either son.
406
00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:41,312
Uh-huh.
407
00:19:43,882 --> 00:19:46,683
So, what kind of art you
wanna talk about now?
408
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:50,520
Neoclassicism? Impressionism?
Photographic art?
409
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:52,389
Ansel Adams,
American landscape?
410
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,991
He's probably my favorite,
but you didn't know that.
411
00:19:58,663 --> 00:20:00,731
No, I... I didn't.
412
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:05,002
How do you know
about all this?
413
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:07,738
I learned about it
at school.
414
00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:10,941
We just, you know,
never talked about it.
415
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:12,876
Didn't think you'd
want to hear it from me.
416
00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:19,015
I just always tried to be the person
I thought you wanted me to be.
417
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:32,663
You know, I'd really love to hear what
you have to say about this piece.
418
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:37,834
I would love
to tell you.
419
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:04,361
What you doing, Dad?
420
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,430
Taking down this hoop.
421
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,298
No good can
come from it.
422
00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,068
Hey, Morgan.
423
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:16,540
We have a pretty good
relationship, right?
424
00:21:16,607 --> 00:21:18,241
I guess so.
Yeah.
425
00:21:18,309 --> 00:21:20,076
We talk, right?
426
00:21:20,144 --> 00:21:21,344
Yeah.
427
00:21:21,412 --> 00:21:23,313
And we have fun, right?
428
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:25,716
Yeah.
429
00:21:26,818 --> 00:21:28,719
I should've
had all girls.
430
00:21:28,769 --> 00:21:33,319
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