All language subtitles for Bored To Death s03e02 ball.eng

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

♪ All the shadows in the city ♪

♪ used to love you,
what a pity ♪

♪ I miss the questions
you used to ask me ♪

♪ bored to death,
cut, mad and lonely ♪

♪ bored to death, cut,
mad and lonely... ♪

♪ Bored to death ♪

♪ cut, mad and lonely. ♪

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Come on, Ray.
Where are you?

I'm coming, Jonathan.

Hold the door.
Hold the door.

Hey hey hey!

Oh, hi.

I've always had this thing
where I kind of want to just

grab a policeman's gun.

Kind of like a mental
Tourette's that I don't act on.

I think it's the way
it kind of just protrudes.

It's like, "touch me.
Touch me."

- And you can't, you know?
- Have you been drinking?

No sir.
No.

This is my floor.
Thank you.

Building inspector.

Yes?

It's been reported that you have a
safety violation by your window.

The co-op board
is going to fine you.

Wait, what?
Reported?

I have to violate your inspection.
It's a matter of codes.

- Wait.
- Yeah.

- Todd, what's going on?
- There's some kind of window problem.

- He's from the co-op board.
- But it's after midnight.

That's the most dangerous
time of night for windows.

I'll only be a second, okay?

- Jonathan!
- Ray! Thank God.

Okay, just drop
down to the ledge.

- I'll catch you.
- No, I'll die.

Yeah, maybe.

- Maybe?
- But I won't let you.

I've been carrying
Spencer all day.

I'll catch you.
I am a father now.

Okay.

Whoa!
Oh, Ray!

I got you! I got you!
I got you! I got you!

Oh God, thank you.
Thank you, Ray.

Ray, thank you.
Thank you so much, Ray.

What the hell is going on?
I'm calling the cops.

No no no no, that's not necessary.
Thank you.

Your window's fine.
I'll tell the co-op board, okay?

Here's $11 for your trouble.
Sorry.

Ray, I'm not complaining,
but what took so long?

- I almost died up there.
- Sorry, I was getting some action from Leah.

You know what I'm up against.
She has the sex drive of a cicada.

I couldn't turn it down.

I was hanging on that clock for
an hour and you just had sex?

Yeah, it was great. I got her to soak
her nipples in whiskey and nurse me.

Come on, two of my most favorite things in the world.
Hope I don't get a DUI.

Well, drunk driving is the least
of our problems right now.

Okay, you're right.
Start from the beginning.

How did you get framed
for murder?

And then when I came to,
my pants were at my ankles

and the gun was in my hand.
Next thing I know

the cops are banging
on the door but I got away.

Lord.
Are you making this up?

No. I don't know why my pants
were at my ankles.

Have you tried to go to the bathroom?
Are you sore?

Ray, don't be mean.
This is the worst night of my life.

Mean?
It's a legitimate question.

If you were sexually
assaulted while unconscious,

- I would like to know.
- Sorry.

Listen, I just think you
should go to the police

- and tell them everything you know.
- I can't do that.

I could be in Rikers for months
before my name is cleared.

And I've got a lot of blog
interviews to do for my book.

Yeah, but if you were at
Rikers it could help sales.

That's true.

But I'm supposed to be on "The
New Dick Cavett Show" next week.

- I don't want to miss that.
- No no, forget cavett.

Turn yourself in.
It's the most sane course of action.

I can't. I have a natural
tendency towards guilt.

I might freak out and make
a false confession.

Also you fled
the scene of a crime.

Innocent men do not run.

My God, you're right.
I might go to prison.

- Oh God.
- All right, all right, listen, you two.

Look, let's just go to bed.

I read in a spy novel once

the fugitive's most
effective weapon is sleep.

We'll figure this
all out in the morning.

Sleep? I'm too upset to sleep.
I've just shattered my life.

All right, Jonathan.
I'll put on the vaporizer.

I also have some valium.

It's a mixture I've been
playing around with lately.

- Could be comforting.
- Also it's not too bad

if you top it off with
just a sip of Prosecco.

Sounds like a pot-head's BLT.
I like it.

Come here. Let me take care of you.
Come on.

My thoughts feel buttery.

Hey, can we do high-lows?

Leah and I do that
when we tuck her girls in.

Sure, Ray.
You go first.

Well, my high was
breastfeeding Spencer

and being nursed by Leah.

And I didn't have a low.
Your turn, George.

My high was seeing Emily.

My low was her boyfriend

who was wearing
a bicycle leotard

and asking permission
to marry her.

But that's wonderful
news, George.

It isn't.

He's nearly 60.
He's way too old for her.

I might sleep with
a woman half my age,

but I'd never marry her.

Well, from one father
to another,

I think that's a reasonable
position to take.

Mmm.

Your turn, Jonathan.

Well, in the last 24 hours

I found out that I came from a sperm
bank in fair lawn, New Jersey,

and I've been framed
for murder.

You're supposed
to say, "my high was."

I don't feel like playing
a game right now, Ray.

I'm in real trouble.

The universe is punishing me
for having my book out.

No, you shouldn't
think like that.

The universe
doesn't care about books.

Okay, let's go to sleep.

Everything will be all right
in the morning.

No spooning, Ray.

No spooning, Ray.

I can't fall asleep
unless I hold someone.

All right, Ray.

Good night, boys.

Good night, George.

Oh, thank you.
Good morning.

Mr. Christopher,
there are police here.

They want to come up
and see you.

What?
Well, stall them.

Offer them scones.
The police are downstairs at the restaurant.

They're coming up
to talk to me.

These guys are
really good detectives..

I had a beautiful dream
about a gumball machine.

- Can I tell you about it?
- Not now, Ray.

Oh, jeez.

Ray, get out of bed!
We've got to hide!

Where are you going?
Where are you going?

Hide. No no.
They'll see you there.

Here here.
Get in the dumbwaiter.

It goes down to the restaurant's kitchen.
Go on, get in.

The scones didn't work.

Okay okay, it's best to
act totally innocently.

I got that from
the same spy novel.

Hey, fellas.

Come on up.
Fifth floor.

I'll leave the door open.

- Why am I fleeing?
- 'Cause you're a good friend.

It's too early
to be a good friend.

I'll try to keep
the police busy

and then I'll catch up
with you two later.

George, George. We need shoes for
running and phones for communicating.

Why didn't you--

Hurry.

All right.

Here's some spending money too.

We'll meet up later.
Make sure you're not followed.

They might tail you
to get to me.

- Really?
- Come on.

Oh hey, fellas.

Sorry. I hope I wasn't
hanging out there.

Come on in.
Come on in.

George's shoes are really
hard to make a getaway in.

I think they're the Italian
ones OJ Simpson wore.

Did you notice last night
how hairless George's legs are?

I did notice.

Do you think it's because his
pants have rubbed everything off

over the last 60 years or did his
legs go bald because he's so old?

I don't know.
It is mystifying.

I think--
Oh my God, Ray, look.

That arab terrorist
has your mole.

That's me, Ray.
Here.

Buy a copy.
We've got to get off the streets.

- I'm a wanted man.
- I would have never drawn you like that.

What is our city coming to?

- Thank you, sir.
- There's killers everywhere.

They made my nose way too big.

This thing is a real
shylockian fish hook.

Do you think it's
anti-semitic on purpose?

I don't think so.
I think the cops will probably spin it

as a Jew-on-Jew murder
to avoid a race riot.

- Remember Crown Heights?
- Yeah, you're right.

I wonder what Spencer's
nose will look like.

Right now
it's just a little nub

with these two little breathing holes.
Little guy.

Yeah, my nose
was nice and small.

Then it exploded.
Puberty hit me there at least two years

before it hit my penis.
I was all out of proportion.

Can we have one conversation
that doesn't involve your peen.

It won't be easy,
but I can try.

I've got to get
the bastards who did this.

It has to be my client.
I never should have taken a case over the phone.

- Do you know where he lives?
- No, but I do have his cell phone number.

We need someone who can get
us an address off of that.

Now I thi--
Shit, we've been made.

How's staring camp going?

What's the matter,
you don't like my pajamas?

I don't like your
corporate slave outfit.

It's so good
to see you, Howard.

Yeah, I've been expecting you.
Get away from the window.

I've been reading the papers.

- Got everything prepared.
- What?

I only had two hours, but I
think I've got you covered.

All right, stolen Amex.
This is good for 48 hours.

Passport.
And pilot disguise.

Oh, and I'm throwing in
a free lock pick.

I've always wanted
to wear one of these.

I like the shiny brim.
I think my eyes are drawn to it.

That's for Jonathan.
Where's George?

He never fools around
on an operation.

He's diverting
the police at the moment.

Jaime Montero?
Why am I Mexican?

You have Mexican pigmentation.

You made him Mexican in this country?
They'll be all over him.

I made him a Mexican
airline pilot.

The two things
cancel each other out.

You know, I don't think
I like your attitude.

I don't think
I like your attitude.

- Oh well, tell it to your beard.
- Whoa, guys.

Howard, I appreciate all this
but I'm not leaving the U.S.

I want to find the murderer
and prove my innocence.

All I have
is his cell phone number.

I need a name and an address.

I'm gonna have to hack
into the Telecom.

It's not gonna be easy.

Not easy means not cheap.

I assume George is paying
for all of this?

- Yeah.
- All right, I'll run the number.

Throw in another one
of these pilot outfits.

I could have a fat pilot
outfit in 20 minutes.

No, I need one.
This isn't for you.

I'm glad you're not
running, Jonathan.

I was convicted of exposing
myself on the d train.

I've never been able
to clear my name.

These people
with cell phone cameras.

You have the chance
I never got.

George, perfect timing.
I was just coming to see you.

All right.
Just try to keep a low profile.

What?
Why?

There might be
people following me.

No no, don't be so obvious.

You know, I'm not one
to judge, George,

but you reek of cannabis.

I just had one medicinal hit.

My nerves are shot.

Try to be a little judicious about
this kind of thing with Emily.

She's still new to sobriety.
She's not entirely stable.

I know, I know.
I--

Trust me, I have every intention
of hiding my smoking from her.

And I don't usually indulge
in the morning.

It's just that I've been
dealing with the police.

Why?
What's happening?

Are you selling marijuana?

No no.

A friend of mine is in trouble.

He-- It's a bit
complicated.

- It's best you stay out of it.
- Okay.

But listen, I came to see
if you had an answer.

Do I have your permission
to marry Emily?

Bernard.

I'm gonna borrow your bicycle.

Wait.
George.

- Yes or no?
- Can I get an extension?

Not even wearing a helmet.

The house over there.

Was the bag really necessary?

What? It makes my
outfit more authentic.

Plus I need a good
overnight bag.

- Shit, it's my parents.
- Jonathan?

Mom, now is not a good time.

- I got a--
- Two homicide detectives are here.

They said you're wanted
for murder of a nice jockey.

A Jewish jockey.
What were you thinking?

Did you murder him
because I'm sterile?

- Tell your parents I said hi.
- Listen, I'm innocent.

I swear. Tell the detectives
I'm gonna clear my name.

He says he's innocent.
He went to Princeton. He wouldn't lie.

Yeah, the tuition there
was very expensive.

I can't believe my parents
got dragged into this.

They're hysterical.
I'm gonna make this guy pay.

Shh shh shh.

Check out that babe.

Would you look at
the stems on her?

That's the woman I was hired to tail.
She must be involved.

- We're going in.
- Good.

Who are you?
Why did you frame me?

What? Who are you?
What are you pilots doing in my house?

You know damn well who I am.

- Don't play me for a fool or an idiot.
- Yeah, that's my job.

Get out. I've never seen
you before in my life.

Then call the cops. They're looking for me.
Might even get you a reward.

Phone.

You don't want the cops anywhere
near this place, do you?

So quit the charade
and tell me,

why did you do it?

I didn't do it.
I swear.

It-- It was
my boyfriend Sid.

He found out Schwartz and I
were having an affair.

That's why you were meeting
Schwartz at the hotel?

Yes. Sid shot him
in cold blood.

Told me he'd do the same to me
if I didn't keep my mouth shut.

I'm a prisoner in my own home.

Well, Sid's mother's house.

Where is Sid now?
Tell me

and you won't be
a prisoner anymore.

He's at the prospect park
carousel.

He works there.

It's where all
the ex-jockeys end up.

An ex-jockey-
on-jockey murder.

You won't regret this.

I'm gonna clear my name
and set you free.

You're a little tall
for my taste,

but when this is all over,

you can leave your slippers
under my bed anytime.

How about two
pairs of slippers?

- Hola.
- George, it's Jonathan.

Oh, Jonathan wait a second.

- How do I know it's really you?
- Can't you tell from my voice?

Maybe. I mean, you do
sound kind of nasal.

I know, I know.

Tell me something
that only you and I know.

Last night you and Ray snuggled

and didn't include me.

What does that have
to do with anything?

I believe it's you.
So what's your 10-20?

Our location? We're heading to
the prospect park carousel.

All right, I will tango
and foxtrot with you there.

But you should probably know

I think I'm being followed.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

By several agents.

Possibly from...

Multiple branches
of the government.

George, are you stoned?

Uh, no, not so much anymore.

It's kind of wearing off.

Wait a second.
We shouldn't be--

We should stay off the phone.
Hang up, hang up.

Uh, bye-bye, mamacita.

Talk to you manana.

What am I--

Man down.
George is stoned.

It's always the weak
who fall first in battle.

Last ride of the day.
Last ride.

That guy came to my reading.
Signed his book and everything.

Did you personalize it?
A lot of times that's what the fans want.

If you don't do that,
they get upset.

I don't think that's why
he framed me for murder.

Hey, Ray, Jonathan.

Hey hi, guys.

- Shh.
- No, it's okay.

I think I lost them.

- Where'd you get that great bike?
- From Bernard.

Why are you guys in the Navy?

We're pilots for Aero Mexico.

We picked up disguises
from Howard.

You went there without me?
Oh, come on.

You know how much
I love going to Howard's.

I'm sorry, George.
You can come with us next time.

- You want me to fill you in?
- No no, I'll catch on.

I'm very intuitive.

God, it's a beautiful
Ferris wheel.

It's a carousel, George.

Well, it's...

Oh yeah.

- That was for Schwartz.
- Who's Schwartz?

- Hey, come on.
- I'll pick it up as we go.

You're coming downtown with us.

Well, uptown actually, and
to the west-- To the cops.

You can take me in, Dick,
but you got nothing on me.

Oh, I got plenty.
The blonde gave us the goods.

- What blonde?
- George, please.

- Okay.
- Kitty ratted me out?

Yeah, she told us everything.
I only have one question:

Why me?

It was that article about you
and your book in "the post."

It was clear you were
somebody who could be duped.

Why were his pants around his
ankles in the hotel room, hmm?

Yeah, Ray's very curious
about that.

We were painting the picture that
you and Schwartz were lovers,

had a quarrel.
Figured that would stick.

You got $3 bill
written all over you.

- Hey.
- Wait a second.

- What do you mean we?
- It was kitty's idea--

The pants at the ankles, everything.
She wanted Schwartz dead.

But I thought that you killed
Schwartz out of green-eyed jealousy.

What are you talking about?
Schwartz made her the beneficiary

of his will
and his life insurance.

She played him.
That's why we knocked him off.

And she was gonna split
the money with you?

Yeah. We were gonna
leave town together,

start a new life
away from the ponies.

Oh, this is a terrible story.

Gumball, you came for me.

I had a dream about a
gumball machine last night.

Hello, Sid.

Oh my God!
Gumball shot him!

Whoa whoa whoa!
What are you doing?

You shouldn't throw a gun.
They're like scissors.

Why not? I'm getting your prints on
the gun you just killed Sid with.

Sorry, no bullets left.

But this one is loaded.

And this is the gun
Sid used to kill you

and your friends during
your little shootout.

Please don't.
Look, I just became a new dad

to a beautiful boy named Spencer.
His mothers are divorced lesbians

and I love him very much.
Please don't do this.

Stop crying.
This isn't a book club.

You plugged me.

Go!

I loved you.

Go!

- Down! Get down!
- I'm too young to be shot.

Other way! Other way! Other way! No no no!

I'm never going on
a Ferris wheel again.

Oh my God!
Oh my God!

Drop your weapon!

Ow.

Look look look.
See, I knew I was being followed.

Hi, remember me?

I'm not paranoid.

You did a great job, Jonathan.

- Excellent detective work.
- Thank you, officer Drake.

Coming from you,
that means a lot.

That's why the boys
and I got you these

as a token of our
appreciation. Look.

Is this like making us
honorary deputies?

- No, they're just baseball caps.
- I see.

- Yeah, so...
- Well, thank you.

And how are you doing,
officer Drake?

- You know, with your issue?
- Yeah.

Well, I did start to...

Take my wife's
birth control pills.

But then, you know, I stopped

and I got some therapy
and now I'm doing much better.

So thank you for asking.

Anytime.

Okay.

- All cleared up?
- Guys, I'm really sorry I put your lives in danger.

You know, I like these
little brushes with death.

- Makes everything new again.
- I don't.

I can't afford to die, Jonathan.
I don't have health insurance.

- I'm so sorry, Ray.
- Look, I don't like to be the voice of reason,

but now that I'm a dad
I guess it suits me.

You've got to stop being a detective.
It's too dangerous.

- I keep getting hurt.
- I don't know.

The police gave us these hats.

Must be doing something right.

Oh, Jonathan.

I like this hat.

Yeah, now I don't feel
so left out.

Besides, Ray,
can't retire just yet.

Still have to find out
who my real dad is.

And you will, Jonathan.
You will.

Shall we?

You know, I really do
like that bag.

Howard sells them, right?
Does it have a false bottom?

I have a false bottom.

Well, you know, sometimes.
I'm not wearing one now.

George, what are you
talking about?

Well, have you ever seen
these little undies

that have pads on each cheek?

Yeah, they make those for men?

Yeah.
Oh yeah.

♪ Sometimes when you
walk away ♪

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

♪ and then hide your hands
inside your sleeves ♪

♪ sometimes when you leave ♪

♪ don't go ♪

♪ baby baby,
put your hand in mine ♪

♪ don't go ♪

♪ baby baby,
stars are in your eyes ♪

♪ don't go ♪

♪ baby baby,
true love doesn't lie ♪

♪ but when I see you walk away,
it makes me want to cry ♪

♪ sometimes... ♪

♪ sometimes... ♪

♪ sometimes. ♪

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