Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:13,801
Whoa!
2
00:00:13,884 --> 00:00:15,928
Okay, how about this one?
3
00:00:16,012 --> 00:00:18,682
BoJack swallowed a dozen
pastries in the time it took
4
00:00:18,764 --> 00:00:20,391
the caterer to unwrap a fruit tray.
5
00:00:20,475 --> 00:00:22,519
When she asked where the pastries had gone,
6
00:00:22,602 --> 00:00:24,562
BoJack claimed he had no idea,
7
00:00:24,646 --> 00:00:26,981
spraying her with bits of buttery crust?
8
00:00:27,064 --> 00:00:29,609
I did that once.
9
00:00:29,693 --> 00:00:31,695
Oh, but with holiday cookies.
10
00:00:31,777 --> 00:00:33,821
I had sprinkles all over my sweater.
11
00:00:33,904 --> 00:00:35,740
See? People respond
12
00:00:35,823 --> 00:00:37,701
to the flawed portrait I painted of you.
13
00:00:37,783 --> 00:00:39,577
They see themselves in it.
14
00:00:39,661 --> 00:00:40,953
Why do you love Secretariat?
15
00:00:41,037 --> 00:00:42,372
Uh, because he was awesome?
16
00:00:42,455 --> 00:00:44,248
No, because he was flawed.
17
00:00:44,332 --> 00:00:46,459
BoJack, when people find
out that someone like you,
18
00:00:46,543 --> 00:00:49,671
who seems larger than life,
is actually just as wounded
19
00:00:49,754 --> 00:00:52,798
and vulnerable as they are,
it makes them feel less lonely.
20
00:00:52,882 --> 00:00:55,176
Ugh, no! Maybe that's what flawed,
21
00:00:55,259 --> 00:00:57,178
sad fatties want from other celebrities,
22
00:00:57,261 --> 00:00:58,929
but for BoJack Horseman,
23
00:00:59,013 --> 00:01:01,516
they want a heroic
horse-stud who is awesome
24
00:01:01,599 --> 00:01:04,352
and who can save them from
their flawed, sad, fatty lives.
25
00:01:04,435 --> 00:01:06,187
- You're so wrong.
- Actually, you know what?
26
00:01:06,270 --> 00:01:08,523
Now that I think about it,
I think that you're so wrong!
27
00:01:08,606 --> 00:01:11,817
Listen, we all agree Diane broke contract
28
00:01:11,901 --> 00:01:13,861
by leaking the first two chapters,
29
00:01:13,944 --> 00:01:16,322
but the response has been amazing!
30
00:01:16,406 --> 00:01:18,491
People want to read more, and we have to
31
00:01:18,575 --> 00:01:20,535
get this to the printers
by the end of the week,
32
00:01:20,618 --> 00:01:22,245
because that's when the repo men are coming
33
00:01:22,328 --> 00:01:23,788
to take away our printers.
34
00:01:23,871 --> 00:01:25,206
The end of the week? No!
35
00:01:25,289 --> 00:01:27,041
Okay, what if I told you that I could have
36
00:01:27,124 --> 00:01:28,334
a new book for you by then?
37
00:01:28,418 --> 00:01:30,961
- What?
- Yeah, a better one.
38
00:01:31,045 --> 00:01:32,963
Better stories, better told, by me...
39
00:01:33,047 --> 00:01:34,591
straight from the horse's mouth.
40
00:01:34,674 --> 00:01:36,967
You're gonna write a
whole book in five days?
41
00:01:37,051 --> 00:01:38,762
When's the last time you even read a book?
42
00:01:38,844 --> 00:01:40,179
The Firm, by John Grisham?
43
00:01:40,263 --> 00:01:43,015
Oh, do you think what you do is so hard?
44
00:01:43,099 --> 00:01:45,142
"Oh, I'm a writer.
45
00:01:45,226 --> 00:01:48,104
I go to coffee shops with
my laptop and my notebook
46
00:01:48,187 --> 00:01:50,732
and my dumb glasses that I have to wear,
47
00:01:50,815 --> 00:01:53,735
because I'm so important
I need to see clearly."
48
00:01:53,818 --> 00:01:55,152
Well, I wish you the best of luck.
49
00:01:55,236 --> 00:01:56,654
You know what your problem is?
50
00:01:56,738 --> 00:01:58,656
You think you're so much
smarter than everybody.
51
00:01:58,740 --> 00:01:59,741
Well, guess what.
52
00:01:59,824 --> 00:02:02,577
I spent as much time with
you as you did with me.
53
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:05,079
Why don't I write a book about
how you married Mr. Peanutbutter
54
00:02:05,162 --> 00:02:08,458
because he's too dumb to see how
much better you think you are?
55
00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:10,835
- Okay, I know you're upset...
- I'm not upset.
56
00:02:10,918 --> 00:02:13,755
I'm just sick of nerd-girls like
you beating up on stars like me.
57
00:02:13,838 --> 00:02:16,299
It's pathetic! I'm sorry no one wanted
58
00:02:16,382 --> 00:02:18,384
to date you in high school, Diane,
59
00:02:18,468 --> 00:02:20,303
but I don't see why I
have to suffer just because
60
00:02:20,386 --> 00:02:23,556
you were never especially
pretty or interesting.
61
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,725
You really let me down, BoJack.
62
00:02:25,809 --> 00:02:27,560
You really let me down.
63
00:02:27,644 --> 00:02:30,104
I apologize for her outbursts.
64
00:02:30,187 --> 00:02:33,524
So, you really think you could
write a better book by Friday?
65
00:02:33,608 --> 00:02:35,943
Damn right I can, so you
can throw this turd of a book
66
00:02:36,026 --> 00:02:38,321
in the garbage and then
light the garbage on fire.
67
00:02:38,404 --> 00:02:41,031
In fact, you can burn all
books, because my book,
68
00:02:41,115 --> 00:02:44,327
written by me, is gonna kick your dick off.
69
00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:44,053
- Okay, chapter one.
70
00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:46,222
Hmm.
71
00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:48,224
Not quite right.
72
00:03:51,268 --> 00:03:53,020
- Huh.
73
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:54,271
What?
74
00:03:54,355 --> 00:03:56,273
Why are you rewriting the book, bozo?
75
00:03:56,357 --> 00:03:58,067
Diane's version is great.
76
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,069
You're gonna lose gems like this one...
77
00:04:05,909 --> 00:04:08,619
Ahem. "The only longstanding relationship
78
00:04:08,703 --> 00:04:12,081
in BoJack's life is with
his agent, Princess Carolyn.
79
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:14,375
Her loyalty must come
from a deep-rooted faith
80
00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:17,294
that she's talented enough
to sustain the career of a man
81
00:04:17,378 --> 00:04:19,463
society perceives as a joke."
82
00:04:19,547 --> 00:04:22,174
Uh, yeah, I would say that
I'm not such a fan of that one.
83
00:04:22,258 --> 00:04:24,009
Look, all publicity is good publicity.
84
00:04:24,093 --> 00:04:26,429
That guy who killed all those
teachers and ate their fingers?
85
00:04:26,512 --> 00:04:29,014
He just got married in jail,
and when this book comes out,
86
00:04:29,098 --> 00:04:30,307
you could be that guy.
87
00:04:30,391 --> 00:04:31,976
Oh, don't you get it?
88
00:04:32,101 --> 00:04:34,061
This is my last chance to
make people love me again.
89
00:04:34,144 --> 00:04:36,146
If this goes out, everybody's
gonna see the real me.
90
00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,315
Now, I spend a lot of
time with the real me,
91
00:04:38,399 --> 00:04:40,401
and believe me, nobody's
gonna love that guy.
92
00:04:40,484 --> 00:04:41,945
- Okay.
- Now if you'll excuse me,
93
00:04:42,027 --> 00:04:43,028
I need to go take a shower
94
00:04:43,112 --> 00:04:44,948
so I can't tell if I'm crying or not.
95
00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:50,369
All right, let's get to work.
96
00:04:52,371 --> 00:04:54,331
I feel like we can beat this font.
97
00:04:54,415 --> 00:04:58,544
Ah, Copperplate, a font
for the truly modern man.
98
00:04:58,628 --> 00:04:59,796
Ha. No.
99
00:04:59,879 --> 00:05:01,631
There you are, Verdana.
100
00:05:01,714 --> 00:05:03,883
Thought you could hide at the
end of the alphabet, did ya?
101
00:05:03,967 --> 00:05:06,844
Oh, Comic Sans, you drunk, go home.
102
00:05:06,928 --> 00:05:08,888
3:10? I just spent six hours
103
00:05:08,972 --> 00:05:10,848
playing with fonts? Holy shit!
104
00:05:10,932 --> 00:05:12,433
Okay, focus BoJack, focus.
105
00:05:12,516 --> 00:05:15,019
Here comes the focus.
106
00:05:19,482 --> 00:05:21,108
Well, this can't be that hard.
107
00:05:21,609 --> 00:05:22,819
BoJack often felt the need
108
00:05:22,902 --> 00:05:25,279
to impress me with material items.
109
00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:27,448
You can see from the
teeny, tiny brush strokes,
110
00:05:27,531 --> 00:05:29,659
that this is very expensive.
111
00:05:29,742 --> 00:05:32,620
The color is, um... This one
they don't even have a name for,
112
00:05:32,703 --> 00:05:34,163
that's how exclusive it is, and this...
113
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:35,623
I wondered where this came from.
114
00:05:35,706 --> 00:05:37,416
There were two obvious suspects.
115
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,918
His mother Beatrice,
116
00:05:39,002 --> 00:05:41,004
heiress to the Sugarman Sugar Cubes fortune
117
00:05:41,086 --> 00:05:43,006
and used to certain comforts,
118
00:05:43,088 --> 00:05:45,591
and his working-class
father, Butterscotch Horseman,
119
00:05:45,675 --> 00:05:48,427
who struggled, and often failed,
to provide those comforts.
120
00:05:48,511 --> 00:05:50,346
Or, maybe it was something even...
121
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,475
Puuuhhhh!
122
00:05:59,104 --> 00:06:00,898
Puuuhhhh!
123
00:06:05,235 --> 00:06:06,320
- Hey, Todd, Todd!
- What? What?
124
00:06:06,403 --> 00:06:07,780
- Todd! Todd!
- What? What?
125
00:06:07,864 --> 00:06:09,657
Eyeballs here... Look at me. Look at me!
126
00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,742
I need to work. I can't
afford to be distracted.
127
00:06:11,826 --> 00:06:13,577
- Don't distract me.
- Fine.
128
00:06:16,205 --> 00:06:17,748
Oh, Jesus, Todd!
129
00:06:17,832 --> 00:06:20,209
- Read louder much?
- Sorry.
130
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,547
Oh, sure, just drop Toaster Strudel crumbs
131
00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,298
all over the floor, why don't you?
132
00:06:26,382 --> 00:06:30,094
Guess I'll just clean them
up myself, like always.
133
00:06:31,428 --> 00:06:33,180
Oh, I can't work like this.
134
00:06:36,726 --> 00:06:39,603
Come on, come on, come on,
pick it up, you dumb vacuum.
135
00:06:40,521 --> 00:06:41,814
Oh, I do not have time for this.
136
00:06:41,898 --> 00:06:43,399
I need to write.
137
00:06:46,443 --> 00:06:48,445
What the... Come on!
138
00:06:48,529 --> 00:06:50,740
Seriously? You cannot be seriou...
139
00:06:50,823 --> 00:06:54,326
God, why are you keeping me from writing?
140
00:07:07,548 --> 00:07:09,842
My parents loved me so much, it was crazy.
141
00:07:09,926 --> 00:07:13,220
I remember one Sunday
afternoon, my mother said,
142
00:07:13,303 --> 00:07:16,724
"Your father and I want to spend
quality family time together.
143
00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:19,226
All the kids in school
envy your intelligence
144
00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:20,937
and kickball ability.
145
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,730
- Here's an ice cream sundae."
146
00:07:22,813 --> 00:07:25,315
- No, wait.
- "An ice cream sandwich."
147
00:07:25,399 --> 00:07:28,527
- No.
- "A dreamsicle."
148
00:07:28,611 --> 00:07:30,362
Ah, no. I don't know. This is dumb.
149
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:33,490
- Nice writing, Shakespeare.
150
00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:35,034
What did I do?
151
00:07:37,161 --> 00:07:39,246
Just need something to help me focus.
152
00:07:39,329 --> 00:07:40,581
Coffee.
153
00:07:40,664 --> 00:07:42,583
No, no. Cigarettes.
154
00:07:42,666 --> 00:07:43,960
No, tequila!
155
00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:46,754
Ah, no, I just need the right music...
156
00:07:48,965 --> 00:07:50,466
to do drugs to.
157
00:07:50,549 --> 00:07:52,551
♪ Work it ♪
158
00:07:52,635 --> 00:07:55,138
Sarah Lynn, I know things
got kind of out of hand
159
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:58,099
last time when I tried to
make you stop doing drugs.
160
00:07:58,182 --> 00:08:00,559
So I just want to thank you
for coming over this time
161
00:08:00,643 --> 00:08:01,936
to give me drugs.
162
00:08:02,061 --> 00:08:04,021
Well, you can't go wrong
with Dr. Hu's drugs.
163
00:08:04,105 --> 00:08:05,773
They're from another dimension.
164
00:08:05,856 --> 00:08:08,025
These are gonna help me focus
and get work done, right?
165
00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:10,402
Oh, yes. These are what
I give college students
166
00:08:10,486 --> 00:08:13,447
so when they come to, their term
papers have written themselves.
167
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,199
That's exactly what he needs.
168
00:08:15,282 --> 00:08:17,701
Also, I should probably do another one.
169
00:08:19,578 --> 00:08:21,998
Oh, it's "Hu." Dr. Hu.
170
00:08:22,081 --> 00:08:24,125
That's right, Dr. Hu. Dr. Allen Hu.
171
00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:26,794
No, no, no, but I thought it
was "Who," like Doctor Who.
172
00:08:26,877 --> 00:08:28,378
Yes, that's exactly what it's like.
173
00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:32,299
No, not H-U, but, "who,"
like, "Hello, who is it?"
174
00:08:32,382 --> 00:08:34,218
Uh, I don't know. Who is it?
175
00:08:34,301 --> 00:08:35,970
I'm sorry, is this a
joke? Is he telling a joke
176
00:08:36,053 --> 00:08:37,847
- that I just don't...
- Hard to tell.
177
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:40,808
Sometimes I just laugh after he
talks so he'll leave me alone.
178
00:08:40,891 --> 00:08:43,644
Seriously? Am I the only one
who knows the extremely popular
179
00:08:43,727 --> 00:08:46,147
BBC science fiction show
about the time traveling doctor
180
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,232
- who saves civilizations?
- Oh, yeah.
181
00:08:48,315 --> 00:08:50,109
I know what you're talking
about... Doctor Who.
182
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,568
- Yes?
- No.
183
00:08:51,652 --> 00:08:53,403
- Yes, thank you. Doctor Who.
- Yes?
184
00:08:53,487 --> 00:08:56,032
I saw the one where she
goes to the Wild West.
185
00:08:56,115 --> 00:08:58,159
The Cheyenne called her Medicine Woman.
186
00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,203
What? No, that's Dr. Quinn.
187
00:09:00,285 --> 00:09:02,329
- Who's Dr. Quinn?
- I most certainly am not.
188
00:09:02,412 --> 00:09:05,082
Hu's not Dr. Quinn. Hu's Dr. Hu.
189
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:07,084
- I don't know.
- Third base!
190
00:09:07,168 --> 00:09:08,711
When are these drugs going to kick in?
191
00:09:08,794 --> 00:09:10,420
Any minute now, if they haven't already.
192
00:09:10,504 --> 00:09:12,631
I want you to take
three of these every hour
193
00:09:12,715 --> 00:09:15,092
and take two of these every 1/2 hour.
194
00:09:15,176 --> 00:09:17,386
Whatever you do, don't
take more than four of these
195
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:19,638
every 90 minutes, and take
the first two of the three
196
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:22,266
before you take the second two of the four.
197
00:09:22,349 --> 00:09:24,434
And don't expose yourself
to bright light or get wet.
198
00:09:24,518 --> 00:09:26,979
- So... Gremlin rules?
- Exactly!
199
00:09:27,063 --> 00:09:29,523
Well, I'm off to perform
child heart surgery.
200
00:09:29,606 --> 00:09:31,608
Wish me luck.
201
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:34,361
Ahh.
202
00:09:34,444 --> 00:09:36,072
All right, team, focus up.
203
00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,574
We got a book to write.
204
00:09:38,657 --> 00:09:40,492
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, this is so good.
205
00:09:40,576 --> 00:09:42,036
It's good.
206
00:09:42,119 --> 00:09:44,496
- So good, so good.
207
00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:48,417
Okay, Todd, how is it going
with the heartwarming anecdotes?
208
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,253
Great! I'm writing about that time
209
00:09:50,335 --> 00:09:52,213
we officially became best friends.
210
00:09:52,296 --> 00:09:54,798
Nice! Can you change best to pretty good?
211
00:09:54,882 --> 00:09:57,384
Sarah Lynn, how's it coming
with the Horsin' Around years?
212
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:59,887
Almost done with the story
where Hulk Hogan guest starred
213
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:01,346
and told us to say no to drugs.
214
00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:04,100
Great. Keep typing, monkeys.
215
00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:06,560
If only Hulk Hogan could see us now, right?
216
00:10:06,643 --> 00:10:08,312
What?
217
00:10:08,395 --> 00:10:10,940
Because Sarah Lynn said
the thing about Hulk Hogan?
218
00:10:11,023 --> 00:10:13,358
That was like four hours ago.
219
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:15,152
Oh, uh, right.
220
00:10:15,236 --> 00:10:16,946
- How we doing now?
- Sending.
221
00:10:17,029 --> 00:10:19,156
- Just about to send.
- Nice.
222
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,616
Okay, this is great.
223
00:10:20,699 --> 00:10:22,826
That puts us at 216 pages?
224
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:25,996
Holy shit, that's almost as
long as The Firm by John Grisham.
225
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:27,998
And we just needed to get to 200, right?
226
00:10:28,082 --> 00:10:29,374
I'm just gonna keep writing.
227
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:32,169
I got a lot of synapses firing right now.
228
00:10:32,253 --> 00:10:35,422
It's surprisingly literate
and insightful, but still fun.
229
00:10:35,505 --> 00:10:37,967
It's a beach read you can
thumb through in a wing chair.
230
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,010
Can't believe Diane
thought this was so hard.
231
00:10:40,094 --> 00:10:42,763
"Ow, my fingers are cramping
from all this typing.
232
00:10:42,846 --> 00:10:45,224
It's like they're having their period."
233
00:10:45,308 --> 00:10:46,850
Did Diane really say that?
234
00:10:46,934 --> 00:10:49,145
No, but my fingers are cramping.
235
00:10:49,228 --> 00:10:52,689
It's like they're having
their period, am I right?
236
00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:56,068
Are you just laughing
so I'll leave you alone?
237
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:58,904
Good one.
238
00:10:58,988 --> 00:11:00,948
We just need a way to end this thing.
239
00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:02,825
What should the ending be?
240
00:11:02,908 --> 00:11:05,744
Maybe it was Earth all along.
241
00:11:05,828 --> 00:11:07,746
Not that, but something like that.
242
00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:09,206
Keep thinking.
243
00:11:15,629 --> 00:11:17,214
Uh...
244
00:11:18,632 --> 00:11:19,800
I got it!
245
00:11:19,883 --> 00:11:22,011
Did you guys switch clothes?
246
00:11:22,094 --> 00:11:23,262
No.
247
00:11:26,182 --> 00:11:27,808
- Uh... What... Huh...
- I don't know.
248
00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:29,393
I like your idea better, BoJack.
249
00:11:29,518 --> 00:11:30,936
- What?
- Your idea for the ending.
250
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,313
- Oh, what'd I say?
- About Maine.
251
00:11:32,396 --> 00:11:34,106
About how you end up in Maine.
252
00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:36,566
I like the part where you swim
in the lake in the summers.
253
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,695
Yeah, right, and when I get
too old to take care of myself,
254
00:11:39,778 --> 00:11:41,364
I go for one last swim.
255
00:11:41,446 --> 00:11:42,990
I know I can't make it back to shore.
256
00:11:43,073 --> 00:11:44,574
I'm too weak, too tired.
257
00:11:44,658 --> 00:11:46,994
So I just let the water take me under.
258
00:11:47,077 --> 00:11:49,788
Eesh! Downer ending.
259
00:11:49,872 --> 00:11:51,957
- You got something better?
- Wait a minute.
260
00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:53,959
Maybe we don't know the ending yet
261
00:11:54,043 --> 00:11:55,836
because you haven't lived it.
262
00:11:55,919 --> 00:11:58,047
Yeah, I mean, if you want to, like, finish
263
00:11:58,130 --> 00:12:01,300
finish the book, then you'd
have to, like, die tonight.
264
00:12:01,384 --> 00:12:04,469
Oh, I know! I should murder you.
265
00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:08,140
I'm serious.
266
00:12:08,224 --> 00:12:09,266
Think about it.
267
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:12,061
If the little girl you raised on television
268
00:12:12,144 --> 00:12:13,896
killed you in real life...
269
00:12:13,979 --> 00:12:18,025
people would eat that shit up.
270
00:12:18,108 --> 00:12:20,610
I love it. It's perfect.
We'll sell so many books.
271
00:12:20,694 --> 00:12:24,031
Oh, yeah. Yeah, kill BoJack!
272
00:12:26,075 --> 00:12:28,869
- I'm gonna kill you!
- Oh, yes!
273
00:12:28,952 --> 00:12:30,579
There it is! Oh, yeah, gonna get you!
274
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:31,663
No, no, no, no...
275
00:12:31,747 --> 00:12:32,956
Ah!
276
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,422
Okay, so what did we learn?
277
00:12:39,504 --> 00:12:41,631
We learned that if we're going to do drugs
278
00:12:41,715 --> 00:12:44,509
we should do them at home where
it's safe to do them together,
279
00:12:44,593 --> 00:12:45,719
right, Todd?
280
00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:46,803
- No!
- Ahh!
281
00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:48,305
Don't worry, guys.
282
00:12:48,389 --> 00:12:50,599
I have this gun to keep
us safe from intruders.
283
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,226
- And each other.
- Wait, wait, wait.
284
00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:53,685
Is that just your gun-shaped lighter,
285
00:12:53,769 --> 00:12:55,020
or your lighter-shaped gun?
286
00:12:55,104 --> 00:12:57,147
Busted! It's just a lighter.
287
00:12:57,231 --> 00:12:58,482
- Aah!
288
00:12:58,565 --> 00:12:59,900
Shit, I guess it's my gun.
289
00:12:59,983 --> 00:13:01,444
Then what'd I do with my lighter?
290
00:13:01,526 --> 00:13:03,153
And what did I give to that baby?
291
00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:05,572
Ha, I have a gun, too.
292
00:13:05,655 --> 00:13:08,909
Don't be a Silly Billy. That's a broom.
293
00:13:08,992 --> 00:13:11,412
Wait, am I holding a gun?
294
00:13:11,495 --> 00:13:14,123
Todd, are you holding a gun or a broom?
295
00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:16,917
I can't tell anymore!
296
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,462
I guess we'll just have
to shoot them at each other
297
00:13:19,544 --> 00:13:22,506
at the same time to find out!
298
00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:24,174
Okay!
299
00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:26,469
Todd, sh... Oh... Can I just
say... Todd, Todd, I need you...
300
00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:28,429
I need you to shh. Listen, listen, Todd.
301
00:13:28,512 --> 00:13:30,973
Okay, just to be totally
clear, we're shooting each other
302
00:13:31,056 --> 00:13:33,434
to determine whether we're
holding guns or brooms, right?
303
00:13:33,517 --> 00:13:35,185
Not because you're
still mad about the whole
304
00:13:35,269 --> 00:13:36,645
me sabotaging you with the rock opera
305
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,147
and your live stream and suchety-such?
306
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:39,940
BoJack, shh, shh, okay, Bo?
307
00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:41,650
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
308
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,277
As you know, I was hurt,
309
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,321
but then I realized
that's just how you are.
310
00:13:45,404 --> 00:13:47,948
You know, and maybe I just
need to stop expecting you
311
00:13:48,031 --> 00:13:49,783
to be a good person,
312
00:13:49,866 --> 00:13:52,619
so that way, I won't
get hurt when you're not.
313
00:13:52,702 --> 00:13:54,663
Oh, o... Okay.
314
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,332
Hey, this isn't fair.
315
00:13:56,415 --> 00:13:57,666
I don't have a gun.
316
00:13:57,749 --> 00:13:59,543
Sarah Lynn is right.
317
00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:01,753
You know, if we all had guns,
then no one would need a gun,
318
00:14:01,837 --> 00:14:02,838
and we would all be safe.
319
00:14:02,921 --> 00:14:04,465
Oh, my God.
320
00:14:04,548 --> 00:14:06,509
I think we just solved
the gun crisis in America.
321
00:14:06,591 --> 00:14:09,678
- Let them eat guns!
322
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,264
Bang, bang, pow, pow, yeah, oh, wow!
323
00:14:12,348 --> 00:14:15,017
Let's celebrate... by taking more drugs.
324
00:14:18,812 --> 00:14:21,815
Now we just have to solve
the drug crisis in America.
325
00:14:21,898 --> 00:14:23,359
Easy! We'll take them all.
326
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:24,818
Yes!
327
00:14:24,901 --> 00:14:26,487
♪ Madness Chaos in the brain ♪
328
00:14:26,570 --> 00:14:28,113
♪ Let my blood flow ♪
329
00:14:28,197 --> 00:14:30,491
♪ Make my blood flow Through you, man ♪
330
00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:33,702
♪ You've got no business
Questioning a thing ♪
331
00:14:41,418 --> 00:14:42,419
BoJack?
332
00:14:46,590 --> 00:14:48,342
Hey, sorry. You okay?
333
00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:49,510
Yeah...
334
00:14:49,593 --> 00:14:52,346
Listen, I've thought
about it, and you're right.
335
00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:54,973
Your memoir should be
a representation of you.
336
00:14:55,057 --> 00:14:57,684
It's only fair you're happy
with how you're portrayed.
337
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,353
- Really?
- Yeah.
338
00:14:59,436 --> 00:15:02,481
And I want to help write a
book we can both be proud of.
339
00:15:02,565 --> 00:15:05,734
Oh, my God. Thank you.
340
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,444
Thank you.
341
00:15:10,406 --> 00:15:13,116
Oh, wha... Ooh!
342
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,202
- Are you okay?
- Oh, no!
343
00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,204
Not this again!
344
00:15:17,287 --> 00:15:19,039
Gaaaaahhhh!
345
00:15:19,122 --> 00:15:21,708
What is happening!
346
00:15:21,791 --> 00:15:26,755
I ate too many pancakes!
347
00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:29,007
Oh, shit, I'm still tripping.
348
00:15:36,557 --> 00:15:38,892
- Kiss me.
- Oh, Go...
349
00:15:47,943 --> 00:15:51,029
Ah... ah... oh! Oh, oh, ah, ah...
350
00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:04,709
You abandoned me, and I will
never forgive you for that.
351
00:16:04,793 --> 00:16:06,962
I'm Mr. Peanut... I'm Mr. Peanut...
352
00:16:07,045 --> 00:16:08,464
I'm Mr. Peanutbutter.
353
00:16:08,547 --> 00:16:10,257
Oh, my God!
354
00:16:11,675 --> 00:16:12,926
What?
355
00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:15,596
Hoo hoo hah hah hah...
356
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,180
Ah!
357
00:16:18,682 --> 00:16:19,849
Whoa.
358
00:16:21,393 --> 00:16:22,394
What the...
359
00:16:22,478 --> 00:16:24,521
Whoa! Okay, stay calm.
360
00:16:24,605 --> 00:16:27,149
I don't have outlines anymore. That's okay.
361
00:16:27,232 --> 00:16:29,734
There's no boundary between me and space.
362
00:16:29,818 --> 00:16:31,903
This is a thing that happens.
363
00:16:37,326 --> 00:16:38,661
Shouldn't we help him?
364
00:16:38,743 --> 00:16:40,579
No, he loves treading water.
365
00:16:40,663 --> 00:16:42,914
Oh... Oh, God.
366
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,794
Uh-oh.
367
00:16:47,877 --> 00:16:50,589
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
368
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,597
Why is everyone laughing? What's so funny?
369
00:16:58,681 --> 00:16:59,848
Cut! Get your head
370
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,517
out of your ass, B.J.
371
00:17:01,684 --> 00:17:06,355
Your line is, "This is all
I am and all I'll ever be."
372
00:17:06,438 --> 00:17:08,524
This is all I am and all I'll ever be.
373
00:17:08,607 --> 00:17:11,485
You can say that again, old man.
374
00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:20,536
♪ Oh ♪
375
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:22,912
- Horse, horse, horse!
- What is it?
376
00:17:22,996 --> 00:17:26,667
Will you make me a penis
butter and va-jelly sandwich?
377
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,377
What?
378
00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:32,631
I said, make me a penis butter
va-jelly sandwich, bitch.
379
00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:35,050
- No, no.
380
00:17:35,133 --> 00:17:37,219
No?
381
00:17:37,302 --> 00:17:40,723
Well, isn't it too late to say no, BoJack?
382
00:17:40,805 --> 00:17:43,225
This is the road you chose.
383
00:17:45,018 --> 00:17:47,229
I'm sinking, somebody help.
384
00:17:47,312 --> 00:17:48,980
The floor is tar.
385
00:17:49,064 --> 00:17:51,316
Why don't you come with me? Come to Maine.
386
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,942
I can't, I'm stuck.
387
00:17:53,026 --> 00:17:54,778
Do they have Pinkberry in Maine?
388
00:17:54,861 --> 00:17:56,279
I can't!
389
00:17:56,363 --> 00:17:58,782
- Go out there.
- I can't.
390
00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:00,992
Can't lives in a house on Won't Street.
391
00:18:01,076 --> 00:18:04,037
You will not embarrass me in
front of the entire Supper Club.
392
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:07,791
I told them you were going
to sing the "Lollipop" song.
393
00:18:07,874 --> 00:18:09,459
But I don't feel like singing.
394
00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:11,378
Nobody gives a damn what you feel.
395
00:18:11,461 --> 00:18:13,004
You've got an audience out there,
396
00:18:13,088 --> 00:18:14,881
and they want to hear you sing.
397
00:18:14,964 --> 00:18:16,759
Now, you want your mommy to love you?
398
00:18:16,841 --> 00:18:20,136
You go out there and you do
the only thing you're good for,
399
00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:24,140
which is singing the goddamn Lollipop song.
400
00:18:24,266 --> 00:18:25,850
And let me tell you somethin'.
401
00:18:25,934 --> 00:18:28,478
The secret to living forever is...
402
00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:34,067
Oh, no.
403
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,151
Hey.
404
00:18:38,154 --> 00:18:40,115
What seems to be the problem?
405
00:18:40,198 --> 00:18:42,117
Good grief. I'm so depressed.
406
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,786
I just want everyone to love me,
407
00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:45,495
but I don't know how to make them do it.
408
00:18:45,579 --> 00:18:47,289
You can't force love, you blockhead.
409
00:18:47,372 --> 00:18:49,291
All you can do is be good
to the people in your life,
410
00:18:49,374 --> 00:18:50,709
and keep your heart open.
411
00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:51,918
I screwed it all up.
412
00:18:52,001 --> 00:18:53,044
It's too late for me, isn't it?
413
00:18:53,128 --> 00:18:54,129
I don't know.
414
00:18:54,212 --> 00:18:55,422
I'm just a crazy drug hallucination.
415
00:18:55,505 --> 00:18:56,840
I'll say whatever you want me to.
416
00:18:56,923 --> 00:18:58,842
Then tell me it's not too late.
417
00:18:58,925 --> 00:19:01,052
Well, it's not too late.
It's never too late.
418
00:19:01,136 --> 00:19:02,554
- Yeah, that's right.
- It's never too late
419
00:19:02,638 --> 00:19:04,598
to be the person you want to be.
420
00:19:04,681 --> 00:19:06,850
You need to choose the life you want.
421
00:19:06,933 --> 00:19:10,479
That'll be 5¢ please...
422
00:19:22,449 --> 00:19:23,617
BoJack.
423
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:24,868
Yes, dear?
424
00:19:24,951 --> 00:19:26,453
Supper's ready.
425
00:19:27,912 --> 00:19:29,331
Ran into Ed at the hardware store.
426
00:19:29,414 --> 00:19:30,791
He said we're in for some weather.
427
00:19:30,874 --> 00:19:32,626
What the hell does that
mean? "Some weather."
428
00:19:32,709 --> 00:19:34,127
We're always in for some weather.
429
00:19:34,210 --> 00:19:35,962
Guess what, Ed? There's never not weather.
430
00:19:37,673 --> 00:19:39,924
Oh, BoJack, don't.
431
00:19:40,008 --> 00:19:41,760
Come on, I can't help it.
432
00:19:41,844 --> 00:19:43,637
It's just so cute how
they do it automatically.
433
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,263
How do they know?
434
00:19:45,347 --> 00:19:47,808
Oh, man, can we just stay exactly like this
435
00:19:47,891 --> 00:19:49,685
for the rest of our lives, please?
436
00:19:49,768 --> 00:19:54,105
Yeah, okay, sure, uh, or we
could do the opposite of that,
437
00:19:54,189 --> 00:19:56,065
because I'm pregnant.
438
00:19:56,149 --> 00:19:58,109
What? That's amazing.
439
00:19:58,193 --> 00:20:00,696
Yeah, and I'm 80% sure it's yours.
440
00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:06,159
Is it weird that I want to
make love to you right now?
441
00:20:06,242 --> 00:20:08,119
Why would that be weird?
442
00:20:08,203 --> 00:20:10,622
I don't know, it's... I
don't want to spook the baby.
443
00:20:10,706 --> 00:20:12,708
Maybe we should just
do mouth and hand stuff
444
00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:14,751
for the next nine months.
445
00:20:17,838 --> 00:20:22,926
♪ ♪
446
00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:24,969
Oh, I think someone's awake.
447
00:20:25,053 --> 00:20:27,180
Dada coming? Dada coming?
448
00:20:27,263 --> 00:20:29,391
Yes, Gooby Girl, Dada's coming.
449
00:20:29,516 --> 00:20:31,142
Dada.
450
00:20:31,226 --> 00:20:32,686
I'm gonna eat your finger.
451
00:20:32,769 --> 00:20:33,812
Yum, yum, num, num.
452
00:20:38,191 --> 00:20:39,984
- Daddy?
- Harper?
453
00:20:40,485 --> 00:20:41,695
Where do the stars go?
454
00:20:41,778 --> 00:20:43,405
Oh, they're still there.
455
00:20:43,488 --> 00:20:46,074
We just can't see them
because the sun is shining.
456
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:48,284
- Oh. Daddy?
- Harper?
457
00:20:48,368 --> 00:20:51,996
Do you think if you were a
little kid, we would be friends?
458
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,832
Well, that depends.
459
00:20:53,916 --> 00:20:56,459
Do you love cookies, and
the color green, and braids?
460
00:20:56,543 --> 00:20:58,670
Yes, I love all those things.
461
00:20:58,754 --> 00:21:00,881
Well, then, your application
has been submitted
462
00:21:00,964 --> 00:21:03,049
and is pending board approval.
463
00:21:03,132 --> 00:21:04,676
Approved!
464
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,596
Wah!
465
00:21:07,679 --> 00:21:10,014
Whoa!
466
00:21:10,098 --> 00:21:11,767
Oh, no splashing!
467
00:21:11,892 --> 00:21:13,643
Oh, no. Oh, oh, it's rough, oh, don't.
468
00:21:13,727 --> 00:21:15,103
Oh, oh, you're tickling.
469
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:16,897
I got you!
470
00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:18,481
She grew up so fast.
471
00:21:18,565 --> 00:21:20,650
I don't like that he drives a motorcycle.
472
00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:22,694
Honey, a Vespa is not a motorcycle.
473
00:21:24,237 --> 00:21:26,030
Okay, okay.
474
00:21:26,114 --> 00:21:27,950
What are you thinking about?
475
00:21:28,032 --> 00:21:30,577
Oh, just how nice things could've been
476
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,454
if you had chosen this life.
477
00:21:39,377 --> 00:21:42,464
- Oh... what? Where?
478
00:21:42,547 --> 00:21:44,048
Hello?
479
00:21:44,132 --> 00:21:46,050
BoJack, I read the pages
you sent me last night,
480
00:21:46,134 --> 00:21:49,554
and I have to tell you,
your book is absolutely,
481
00:21:49,638 --> 00:21:51,640
without a doubt, the most...
482
00:21:51,723 --> 00:21:52,975
gibberish.
483
00:21:53,057 --> 00:21:54,977
- It's gibberish.
- What day is it?
484
00:21:55,018 --> 00:21:56,770
Let's see what you got here.
485
00:21:56,853 --> 00:21:58,772
You got 20 pages of Doctor
Who erotic fan fiction,
486
00:21:58,855 --> 00:22:01,232
a recipe for soup, five different theories
487
00:22:01,316 --> 00:22:02,776
about how 9/11 happened,
488
00:22:02,859 --> 00:22:04,736
and a bunch of embedded YouTube videos
489
00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:07,113
that can't possibly be
printed in book form.
490
00:22:07,196 --> 00:22:09,449
- Okay, I gotta go.
491
00:22:13,244 --> 00:22:15,288
Any questions, at all,
492
00:22:15,371 --> 00:22:17,874
for our panel of ghostwriters?
493
00:22:17,958 --> 00:22:20,919
Um, yeah, I have a
question for Tori Spelling.
494
00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:24,840
Again, Tori Spelling is not
here, as I already explained.
495
00:22:24,923 --> 00:22:27,717
Tori Spelling's ghostwriter is here.
496
00:22:27,801 --> 00:22:29,636
This is a ghostwriter convention.
497
00:22:29,719 --> 00:22:31,179
How do you not...
498
00:22:32,388 --> 00:22:33,807
Okay, next question?
499
00:22:33,890 --> 00:22:36,392
Uh, yeah, this is for the whole panel.
500
00:22:36,476 --> 00:22:39,395
What's your favorite kind
of ghost to write for?
501
00:22:39,479 --> 00:22:42,231
What? No, they don't write for ghosts.
502
00:22:42,315 --> 00:22:45,443
That's not wha... Why did I
think this would be a good idea?
503
00:22:45,527 --> 00:22:49,031
Does anyone have an actual question
504
00:22:49,113 --> 00:22:51,115
for someone on this panel?
505
00:22:51,199 --> 00:22:55,119
An actual question, or a
gun, so I can shoot myself?
506
00:22:55,203 --> 00:22:56,245
Yeah, I got a question.
507
00:22:56,329 --> 00:22:57,914
Oh, thank God.
508
00:22:57,998 --> 00:23:00,416
My question is for Diane.
509
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:03,628
Look, I'm sorry about all the
stuff I said about you earlier.
510
00:23:03,712 --> 00:23:05,463
We can publish the book you wrote.
511
00:23:05,547 --> 00:23:07,340
You're obviously a better writer than I am,
512
00:23:07,423 --> 00:23:09,968
and I don't actually even really care
513
00:23:10,052 --> 00:23:11,970
what the world thinks about me anymore.
514
00:23:12,054 --> 00:23:13,805
I just hated reading that book
515
00:23:13,889 --> 00:23:16,224
because I hated feeling
like that's how you saw me.
516
00:23:16,307 --> 00:23:18,852
Because I guess you know
me better than anybody,
517
00:23:18,935 --> 00:23:21,229
and if you think that...
518
00:23:21,312 --> 00:23:23,940
Um, I guess my question is, do you...
519
00:23:24,024 --> 00:23:26,068
Do you think it's too late for me?
520
00:23:26,150 --> 00:23:27,861
What?
521
00:23:27,944 --> 00:23:30,488
I mean, am I just doomed
to be the person that I am?
522
00:23:30,572 --> 00:23:32,532
The... The person in that book?
523
00:23:32,615 --> 00:23:35,535
It's not too late for me, is
it? It's... It's not too late...
524
00:23:35,618 --> 00:23:37,996
Diane, I need you to tell
me that it's not too late.
525
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,082
- BoJack, I...
- I... I need you to tell me
526
00:23:40,164 --> 00:23:41,624
that I'm a good person.
527
00:23:41,708 --> 00:23:43,501
I know that I can be
selfish and narcissistic
528
00:23:43,585 --> 00:23:45,503
and self-destructive,
but underneath all that,
529
00:23:45,587 --> 00:23:47,171
deep down, I'm a good person,
530
00:23:47,255 --> 00:23:49,674
and I need you to tell
me that I'm good, Diane.
531
00:23:50,842 --> 00:23:53,845
Tell me, please, Diane.
Tell me that I'm good.
532
00:24:08,944 --> 00:24:12,530
Hey, aren't you the
horse from Horsin' Around?
533
00:24:12,614 --> 00:24:14,407
♪ Back in the '90s ♪
534
00:24:14,490 --> 00:24:19,495
♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪
535
00:24:19,579 --> 00:24:21,664
♪ ♪
536
00:24:21,748 --> 00:24:23,541
- ♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪
- ♪ BoJack ♪
537
00:24:23,625 --> 00:24:24,960
♪ BoJack the horse ♪
538
00:24:25,043 --> 00:24:28,922
♪ Don't act like you don't know ♪
539
00:24:29,005 --> 00:24:30,924
♪ ♪
540
00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:35,178
♪ And I'm trying to
hold on to my past ♪
541
00:24:35,261 --> 00:24:36,679
♪ It's been so long ♪
542
00:24:36,763 --> 00:24:40,142
♪ I don't think I'm gonna last ♪
543
00:24:40,224 --> 00:24:41,517
♪ I guess I'll just try ♪
544
00:24:41,601 --> 00:24:43,686
♪ And make you understand ♪
545
00:24:43,770 --> 00:24:48,066
♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪
546
00:24:48,150 --> 00:24:52,403
♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪
547
00:24:52,487 --> 00:24:54,781
♪ BoJack ♪
548
00:24:57,283 --> 00:24:58,576
Boxer versus raptor.
549
00:24:58,701 --> 00:25:01,245
♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪
550
00:25:01,295 --> 00:25:05,845
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40390
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
