All language subtitles for Blunt Talk s01e04 A Beaver Thats Lost Its Mind.eng

Previously
on Blunt Talk.

I'm recently divorced
for the fourth time.

There are custody issues.

And how old
is your ex-wife?

She's 35.

That's very nice.

- Hello.
- Hey.

- Here's your coffee.
- Thanks.

Where'd you get
those mugs?

All I found in the kitchen
were these paper cups.

Oh, and Jim's sushi from
yesterday, which I ate.

That wasn't
from yesterday.

CELIA:
Are you married?

Did you give that young man
a ride home again?

ROSALIE: I did. I told him
we have an open marriage.

Hmm, I met a woman, you know, at
the salad bar at Whole Foods.

You told me about
her two nights ago.

I did?

I need to be a better father
to the American people.

And, of course,
to my own children.

Blunt Talk - S01E04
A Beaver That's Lost Its Mind

sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com

[groans]

Oh, Harry,
there you are.

- [cawing]
- Mm.

Yes, Major.

It appears I went below
deck for a little while.

I've been thinking,
Harry, while you were gone.

Drinking makes us sadder,
not happier.

Have you noticed that?

Yes, Major.
I have noticed.

For how long
have you noticed?

Off and on
for the last 10 years.

Well, it's only after
the fourth drink

that things turn bleak.

But now that
I'm going to AA,

I think we should
start cutting back.

That would be prudent, sir.

[clink]

[sighs]

Harry.

Yes, Major?

[speaks softly] I'm very
scared about tomorrow.

I know your fears
seem real, Major,

but let me remind you
who you are.

You've interviewed
world dignitaries.

You've jumped out
of airplanes.

You've had malaria
and shingles twice.

You've been wounded
in battle.

[speaks softly] And you
saved my life in battle.

So I think you can face a
five-year-old boy who loves you.

Mm. Eh.

[thuds]
Oof.

Thank you, Harry.

[indistinct chatter]

Only in Los Angeles would you have
valet parking at a preschool.

Yes, sir.

Harry, did we make
the right choice?

Is this jacket
paternal enough?

- [sighs]
- Mm.

Today is day one
of being a better father.

Okay, there they are.

[grunts]

Shit.

[children chattering]

Fucking dickhead car.

Vivian! Bertie!

Oh, it's Daddy.

Walter Blunt!

Hey!

Ah!

Oh, you know,

you can call me
Dad, Bertie.

You know? Walter Blunt
is for the public.

Hi, Vivian.

Hi. I'm surprised
you made it.

[chuckles]
Hi.

Well, of course
I made it.

I got the email.

- I volunteered for story corner.
- Mm.

I have got a thrilling
passage to read.

Mm.
[chuckles]

Um, did I just smell
alcohol on your breath?

Aftershave.

Oh.

Here.
Take two.

Come on.

What's happened to all
our coffee mugs?

- It's weird.
- I know, it's confusing.

Guys, can I tell you
something personal

and strange and homoerotic
that's bothering me?

Please. I love that kind of stuff.

- Yeah, me, too.
- Well, last night I dreamt that...

Jim, did you see the new cut of my
segment on fecal impaction therapy?

I did.
It was very interesting.

Um, I'm sorry. I got to get to the edit.

Martin, we'll talk about
your homoerotic story later.

Jim, don't kill
the piece.

Fecal impaction therapy is
good for the immune system.

Jim, Terrence
from HR called.

He wants you to come
to his office.

- The big guy?
- Yeah.

[sighs]
Shit.

Just the men!

- Jumping!
- He's so cute.

[speaks softly] Bertie's
voice is the most beautiful.

- Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
- Well, it is.

I know, but people are trying
to listen, Walter. Shh.

Are there
any unicorns here?

CHILDREN:
Yeah!

Are there
any unicorns here?

PARENTS:
Yeah!

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

[sighs] I've been a
musician for my entire life

and honestly,
this is both

a personal highlight
and a career highlight.

I don't get it.
Who is this idiot?

[speaks softly]
It's Moby the rock star.

- What?
- Moby the rock star.

- Moby?
- Moby.

Like Moby-Dick?

Walter, Westlake is very
lucky to have him.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

[laughs] Do you think he named himself?

Shh.

MOBY: And if you'll have me back,

I'd love to come back
next year

and continue my tenure

as musician in residence
here at Westlake Preschool.

[applause]

One more time!

Run in circles!

Martin?

No, it's me.
Not Martin.

Teddy, what are you
doing here?

Can't I bring
my lovely wife flowers?

- Oh.
- [chuckles]

I lost my keys again.

Oh, no,
how is this possible?

I don't know.

I was at the hardware store
getting ant spray,

tried to remember
this poem by Mark Strand.

"I open the family album
and look at myself as a boy.

What good does it do?"

You can remember poetry,
but you lose your keys.

I guess so. When I went
out to the parking lot,

the keys were gone,
so I took an Uber here.

- I'm so sorry.
- Oh.

Mm.

- Mm.
- [chuckles]

You know, we haven't made love
in your office in a long time.

"'The best thing for being
sad, ' replied Merlin,"

'is to learn something.

That is the only thing
that never fails.

You may miss
your only love,

you may see
the world about you

devastated
by evil lunatics,

or know your honor
trampled in the sewers

of baser minds.

There is only one thing
for it then,

to learn.'"

[clapping]

Thank you.
Thank you.

I don't want a explanation, Mr. Stone.

You have to let us
in your office.

Now, I've been
emailing you.

And I meant
to write you back.

The cleaning staff says
it's been seven months.

It's against fire code to put
your own lock on the door.

I don't like strangers in
my office touching things.

Especially after they've
been cleaning the bathroom.

- Mr. Stone...
- People don't wash their hands.

That's how diarrhea
gets spread.

Diarrhea?

Like if I put my hand
on your desk

and then I put
a finger in my mouth

without thinking, which
happens all the time...

What are you doing?
Stop that.

I'm just trying to demonstrate that
if there's diarrhea on your desk,

I just put it
in my mouth.

There is no diarrhea
on my desk.

- In a perfect world.
- This has gone on long enough.

I'll have maintenance
let me in your office.

Hold it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, um...

[breathes heavily]

Tell me about diarrhea
on my desk.

- [snaps fingers]
- What are you doing here?

- How did you get past security?
- Have you seen my smile?

Well, you shouldn't have come
here without asking me first.

- That's stalking.
- How am I supposed to ask you?

I've sent you
dozens of texts.

You haven't responded
to any of them.

Well, you're a married man.

Doesn't mean
I don't have feelings.

Listen, it was
very nice with you.

Wonderful, actually.

But it was
a one-time thing.

I don't want to hurt
another woman.

No, no, no. I told you
we're separated.

Y-yeah, we still live
in the same house,

but you can be together
and be separated.

How would you
do that, magic?

[whispers]
Yes.

Let me tell you
what I love about you.

I love that you say that you
like American chocolate.

Although we both know it's not as
good as the British chocolate.

I love that you could have waved
the flag on not dating me,

but you didn't.
You took a shot.

And that before the date
you actually took a shot.

I love that you get that
little crinkle above your nose

'cause I'm expressing myself
through lame magic tricks.

I love that you're the first person I
want to pick a card in the morning

and the last person I want
to pick a card at night.

And you're probably sick
of all the card tricks.

[imitates cough]

I came here today
because I realized

that you and I, we have a joint connection.

And when you have
a joint connection,

you kind of want that joint
to start as soon as possible.

[gasps]

- Are those real?
- Of course they are.

- They're vintage.
- I told you I love pearls.

How much did those cost?

Oh, a magician never
reveals his secrets.

But I do want to impress you. $2,000.

[gasps, mouthes] Wow. [mouthes] Wow.

[chatter]

[door opens]

WALTER:
Hello.

You're my son's
music teacher.

I'm Walter Blunt.

I just washed my hands.
I shouldn't shake.

I don't mind a wet hand.

You know, it's funny,

given the terms
of my parole,

I probably shouldn't even
be using that bathroom.

Oh, I'm sorry.
That was a joke.

Your son is very
talented, Walter.

It's nice to meet you.

[speaking softly]
Hi, how are ya?

All right,
see you, okay.

[normal voice]
Hey.

That was very intimate.

Are you dating Moby-Dick?

It's just Moby.
No Dick.

- And, yes, I am.
- And when did this happen?

Walter, we're divorced.
It's none of your business.

Yes, it is my business.
I don't want my son exposed

to a debauched rock star
who's doing drugs.

He's a vegan and he's sober. Unlike you.

Bertie's parents?
You can come in now.

[sighs]

[slurping]

I need to show you something
that could be a problem.

Morning Joe did
the exact same story

I produced for the health
segment tonight. Read it.

- That is odd.
- Yeah.

MSNBC did your
fecal impaction story.

Probably just
zeitgeist.

Fecal impaction therapy
is very zeitgeist, I admit,

but the way they linked dead
modern foods and dead colons,

it's too weird
and similar.

Someone must have leaked my
story after we left last night.

I'm telling Rosalie.

It's zeitgeist.
You're being paranoid.

Not now, Shelly.
We're busy.

- But Morning Joe...
- It can wait.

[laughs]
Are you Martin?

Oh, I've heard
a lot about you.

Rosalie.

VIVIAN: I can't trust you
to be alone with him.

You can't even
take care of yourself.

- That's not true.
- It is true.

I know
your pattern, Walter.

The anniversary of the
Falklands is coming up.

- Hey!
- And that... no!

That is when you and Harry
really go nuts.

- Who's Harry?
- We remember the fallen.

We're here to talk about
Bertie's academics, so...

You had alcohol on
your breath this morning.

Listen, I worked with my team
till 2:00 AM last night

so I could be at this
parents' day.

When I got home, I had a couple of
scotches just to help me sleep.

- A couple?
- You should also know

that we were working
on a health special

inspired by my concern
for Bertie.

As you will see tonight.

Well, we've stopped watching.
I think it confuses him.

[sighs]

You don't even let him
watch me on TV?

Have you guys thought
of FaceTiming?

That seems to work for a lot of
our families in your situation.

I like that. I think you need to
work on your listening skills.

I don't know how to FaceTime. I'm on AOL.

Ah! Fuck!

Where are you, Major?

- Oh, there you are.
- [grunts]

I'm gonna stay
in the Challenger

and sleep off the rest
of this hangover, sir.

Harry, I hate this car
like an infection.

I'll say it again, sir. You
could sit in the front seat.

And you could
sit on my face.

[knocks]

Jim, we know
you're in there

and we need your
advice on something.

Can't right now.
Having an issue.

Sorry to let you
down, buddy.

Just give me 20 minutes.
Maybe 25.

I still want to hear
your homoerotic story.

- What?
- Just...

Let's go to Celia's.

Ooh, I saw her go
in there a while ago.

She's always napping.

Well, she has
an iron deficiency.

- Right.
- [knocks]

CELIA:
I'm indisposed.

I'll be out
in 10 minutes.

We have a problem
with my beautiful segment.

I'll be out
in 10 minutes!

What's going on?

MSNBC ran a piece
this morning

that's eerily similar
to the segment I produced.

- Eerily?
- I think we've been hacked or we have a leak.

Or Shelly's paranoid
and it's just zeitgeist.

Stop saying zeitgeist.

Just either way, we need to come
up with a new health segment.

I'd like to suggest an
equally beautiful segment

- that I cut together a few weeks ago.
- Stop saying beautiful.

It's a beautiful segment
that Jim killed

about how emotional trauma can be
stored in our DNA and then passed on.

That Harvard worm study.

Oh, yeah. You know it.
It's good, right?

WOMAN:
Hi, Mr. Blunt.

Hello, Walter.

Uh.

Vivian is dating
a musician.

Now it's really over.

Walter, you've been
divorced seven months.

But this has
reopened the wound.

You need to put a veneer
over your heart.

I've told you this before.

I will, later. Right now
I'd just like to spoon,

if that's
all right with you?

I don't know that we have
time to spoon right now.

We have an issue.

She also won't
let me see Bertie.

Well, she's probably
right.

I'm a terrible father.

He'd be better off
with Moby.

She's dating Moby?

Just be patient. Vivian's not unreasonable.
Now listen...

But I'm losing my way again, Rosalie.
I can feel it.

I'm uncentered,
unmoored.

You can't lose
your way again.

You just lost it
two weeks ago.

I need one of my men
to keep it together.

What's that
supposed to mean?

It means
stop being a baby.

[whimpering]
Then spoon me.

Jesus Christ!

We need to replace Shelly's
fecal impaction story.

MSNBC ran the same thing
this morning.

Oh, damn it.

That whole health series
was meant for Bertie.

[knocking]

Mr. Blunt.

Now what the hell
is going on here?

Spooning.

Hi, Walter.

[knocks]

Jim.

[knocks]
Jim, it's Walter.

You need
to open your door.

I can't right now, Walter.

I'll come out later
after everyone's gone.

Is this a cry
for help, Jim?

- No!
- Are you sure?

Because I've been told
that I'm not a good listener.

If you've been crying out
and I haven't heard you...

No, I have not
been crying out.

Then open the door!

Jim, this is
a fucking newsroom!

Open the fucking door!

Winston, open him up.

[keys jingling]
No, no, stop.

Jim is a valued member
of my staff.

This is undignified.

Celia, she can reason
with him.

They're close.
Where is she?

Excuse me.

[knocks]

- Hello.
- Who the hell are you?

- Francis.
- What is it, Walter?

Um, how was parents' day?

Celia, who is this man?

He's a friend.
He's a magician.

'Cause I thought it might be fun to
do a little piece on sleight of hand.

I don't have time for this.
You have to speak to Jim.

He has locked himself
in his office.

Excuse me.
I don't understand.

Why has Jim locked
himself in his office?

We don't know.

He said something
about diarrhea.

I couldn't follow
him to be honest.

I think I know
what's going on here.

He snapped and he leaked
my story to Morning Joe.

He always spikes my stories,
and this time he leaked one.

I don't like that kind
of speculation, Shelly.

Sorry, but I think
I'm right.

[knocks]
Jim.

You do sleight of hand?

[Walter knocks]
Jim.

Do you know where
my keys are?

Celia is here.
Talk to her.

No, Walter, she doesn't
like me 'cause I'm Jewish.

No, that's not true.
No, I like to tease you.

I love that you're Jewish.

What's going on?
What's happening?

I have issues.

What kind of issues?

If I told you, you wouldn't like me.
Nobody would.

Of course we would.
We all have issues.

I have loneliness issues.

Intimacy issues.
Nighttime driving issues.

Anxiety issues.
Promiscuity issues.

See, those all sound
like fun issues.

Your only issue, Mr. Stone,
is to open this damn door.

I don't have time
for this craziness.

Yeah, he's right, Jim.

Now, we broadcast in 90 minutes
and we need a new segment.

You didn't leak anything
to Morning Joe, did you?

What?

Because if you didn't, then
you have nothing to hide.

So open up.
That's an order, Jim.

No!
I'm a monster.

[sighs]

Open it.

You know, I think we're gonna
need to get a locksmith.

- Oh, Jesus.
- [all groan]

I can try to kick
the door down.

I have powerful legs.

- It's true.
- No, Teddy, I'll break the door down.

And injure yourself?
Mm-mm.

- [lock clicks]
- Voila!

SHELLY:
He's a hoarder.

TERRY:
Good Lord.

[Shelly gasps]

Is that my
Queen Elizabeth mug?

And after we come back
from the break,

we will tell you about
a fascinating Harvard study

which indicates
that emotional trauma

can be found in our DNA
and passed on.

Put Walter's mike up. Maybe
he's gonna praise my writing.

So what is going on
with Jim?

Jim's computer is clean.

He didn't leak that story.
It was just zeitgeist.

- Told you.
- But now I got to talk to him about this hoarding.

No, no, no. I'll go to him.
I'll counsel him.

But what's going on? Everybody
seems to be losing their mind.

- They take your lead.
- Oh, thank you.

They look to you
as a father figure.

You crack,
they all crack.

You get it together,
they all get it together.

So it's because of me that Jim's
a hoarder, Shelly's paranoid,

and Celia's having sex with
a magician in her office?

ROSALIE: What's wrong with that?
She's a senior producer.

And it was very special.
He gave me a pearl necklace.

No, no, no, no, no!
An actual pearl necklace.

Walter, you... I meant this.
I meant a real necklace.

Harry, there you are.

Oh, Lord.
Are you still hungover?

Just about cured.

This herring is restoring
my brain cells.

Well, we have to get a move on.
We must go to Jim's.

I'll tell you what, though.

You can give me a piece
of that herring for courage.

God knows what we're gonna
find at Jim's apartment.

Open wide, Major.

Here comes the herring.

Mm.

These are great,
Walter.

Oh, thank you, Jim.

It comes of spending so much time
in a tent when I was a Marine.

When my eldest
son was little,

I used to do them
for him at bedtime.

- Your son the boxer?
- Yes.

Rafe the boxer.

I don't do them
so much for Bertie,

but then he was born just as
I launched Blunt Talk, so...

I know I'm supposed
to FaceTime him,

but I don't know how to.

Anyway, I-I'm sorry to have
been going on like this.

Look, Jim,
I'm here for you.

I know you see me
as a father figure.

I don't, actually, Walter.

- Oh?
- But I do see you as a mentor.

Like a father mentor?

Sure.

I look up to you.

I... I...

I hope to be on the air
someday just like you.

I like that, Jim.
It's healthy to have goals.

But before you ascend
to my throne,

let's take baby steps.

Why do you...

you know?

Live like a beaver
that's lost his mind?

Exactly.

[sighs]
Well...

I think it's a way
to put off death.

By never throwing
anything away,

then it's like I can
use everything again

and live forever.

But you're being
buried alive.

I know.
It's not quite working.

Oh, well, that's why
I am going to help you.

I'm going to pay for you
to see my analyst.

That will be my first step
as a father mentor figure.

Thank you.
Um...

As your son
prot?g?e figure...

[chuckles]

Maybe there's something
I can do for you.

[ringing]
It's ringing.

- Mm-hmm.
- [computer chimes]

Vivian, it's Walter!

I can see that.

I'm FaceTiming.
Isn't this exciting?

Can I speak
to Bertie, please?

Glad you figured it out.

Walter.
It's Claude Rains.

The Invisible Man.
Brrr!

Hi, Walter.

Is that Moby?
Hey, what's up, Moby?

Hi, how are you?

My son, please.

Oh, Vivian's getting him. Walter,
I have a question for you.

When you shave your head,

do you use a straight razor
or clippers?

'Cause I tried
using a straight razor

and I took big chunks
out of my scalp

and there was blood
everywhere.

But when I look
at your scalp,

I don't see any
nicks or cuts.

So how do you do that?

I'm good with a blade.

Now step away
from the computer, please.

Hello, Bertie.

Walter Blunt.

Is this the news?

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