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1
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,980
Boss. Do you know what's going on?
2
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,020
100 soldiers...
3
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,470
.. are running about.
4
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,870
Do you need more detail than that?
5
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,630
Why are you so perky?
6
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,950
Well, when you've had a kid,
0500 feels like a lie-in.
7
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,310
Don't know why we have
to clear compounds at 5am.
8
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,430
You know the drill - it's
a time of our own choosing.
9
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,110
Not a time of my choosing.
10
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,390
I'd chose tea-time.
11
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,670
After a wank and a scone.
12
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,950
Boss, I know you went
to boarding school
13
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,800
but that's not what a cream tea is.
14
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,400
HE KNOCKS
15
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,190
Tired, boss? Been up
all night reading?
16
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,310
You what?
17
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,030
The books I lent you.
18
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,080
The Girl With The Dragon
Tattoo trilogy.
19
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,710
Enjoying them?
20
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,990
I'm enjoying not having
bothered to read them,
21
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,590
despite your continual
insistence that I should.
22
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,350
Right. Can I have them back then?
23
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,940
What, now?
24
00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,360
We're on an operation, ya knob.
25
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,070
He's in one of his moods.
26
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,150
Shite. We need him sharp
for the pub quiz tonight.
27
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,990
We have got to win tonight!
28
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:18,190
Cos then we get to keep the
Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge!
29
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,630
He hasn't been himself
since Mary left.
30
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,350
Yeah. He just called me a knob.
31
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,950
But that's normal, Simon.
32
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,390
It was the way that he did
it. With real contempt.
33
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,150
But that's normal, Simon.
34
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,870
ATO! ATO!
35
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,230
Boss! Boss!
36
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,550
Cat A! Head high tripwire. Room five.
37
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,880
Another day, another unfucking.
38
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,880
Tatty bye, darlings.
39
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,140
And Simon.
40
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,230
HEAVY BREATHING
41
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,070
Where the fuck is he?
Where the fuck is he?
42
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,460
Wait, don't get too close!
43
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,830
Shit! Shit! Shit! I'm going to die!
44
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,670
OK, everyone, calm the fuck down.
45
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:05,990
There's a fucking tripwire!
46
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,990
Yes. Breathe.
47
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,640
I'm the ATO, this is what I do.
48
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,510
OK, you two, out!
49
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,400
Me and Mr Pissy Pants
here need some privacy.
50
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,590
What's your name, Private?
51
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:43,680
Alderton, sir. Pete. Pete. Pete.
52
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,550
Listen, Pete.
53
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,630
You're going to be just fine.
54
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,030
But you will shit yourself every
time you hang up the washing.
55
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,550
HE MOANS OK, now, Pete,
56
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:10,630
I need you to keep...
your head... still.
57
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,390
~ Yeah.
~ Don't nod. Don't nod.
58
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,040
This wall...
59
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,920
It's full of explosives.
60
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,830
So don't move your fucking head.
61
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,390
I'm going to let go as
I have to gag the peg.
62
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,920
Oh.
63
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,080
No! No, no, no.
64
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,600
Let's just... we'll
do it this way. Yeah?
65
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,980
Oh, Pete, you are making
this really difficult.
66
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,190
Maybe we'll finally get a round
on genital deformities?
67
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,750
OK, OK. What's it called
if you've got three balls?
68
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,310
Freaky fucking shit?
69
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,950
The medical name.
70
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,030
Medics would call that
freaky fucking shit.
71
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,950
This is not helping. We need...
72
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,240
EXPLOSION
73
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,030
It's Private Alderton. Wait!
74
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,230
~ And Nick!
~ Shit!
75
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,470
~ Fucking hell!
~ You stupid bastard!
76
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,830
OK, you need to go in. What's
your threat assessment?
77
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,670
~ The route is clear. I'm going in.
~ OK. Go, go, go!
78
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,160
Whisky 54 Bravo, this is Bluestone
42 number 2's on his way in.
79
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,510
Come over here. Now drop that.
80
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,560
I need you to focus.
81
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,420
OK, hold that.
82
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,000
Boss! Boss!
83
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,870
Oh, you stupid, stupid bastard!
84
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,510
I didn't fuck up.
85
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,600
What? What happened?
86
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,550
I didn't fuck up.
87
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,150
~ Boss!
~ Get back! ~ Boss!
88
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,270
Putting in an airway.
89
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,120
Hello, Zero Bravo, this is Charlie
One Alpha. MISTAT Over.
90
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:22,520
Charlie One Alpha, Zap Number Mike
Echo 1828. Mike. IED 1460...
91
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,200
Sierra, Alpha...
92
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,150
Nick!
93
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,230
~ Is he all right?
~ What do you fucking think?
94
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,470
OK, OK! Did he say anything?
95
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,190
"I didn't fuck up."
96
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,640
That's not how it bloody
looks though, is it?
97
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,750
We're being stood down.
98
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,070
Fuck!
99
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,830
Sir, any news?
100
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,990
Just heard from Bastion, he's
still critical, I'm afraid.
101
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,790
You're offline for 48
hours to see the Padre.
102
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,910
Simon, Bird, get his kit packed up.
103
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,590
Towerblock, the SAT is inbound.
He'll want a full report.
104
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,790
Mac, Rocket, bone up on your
trivia, ready for the quiz.
105
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,230
It's still on, sir?
With Nick in hospital?
106
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,670
Of course. The questions
are sitting on my desk.
107
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,150
I presume you want to win the
Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge
108
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,150
once and for all, fair and square?
109
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,750
Nick would have liked that.
110
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,150
Aye.
111
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,870
We will win that cup fair and squ...
112
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,590
~ We will win the cup.
~ Good.
113
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,590
So quiz tonight. Five rounds
of questions which are,
114
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,390
as I say, on my desk.
115
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,910
Carry on.
116
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,270
Thanks, Padre.
117
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,310
So you've been working
together for a while now.
118
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,030
I expect you've grown quite close?
119
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,110
Yes, very.
120
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,760
I liked him.
121
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,430
Not sure he liked me.
122
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,430
And he was quite rude to me.
123
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,030
~ So not close at all, really.
~ I see.
124
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,990
No, he was a good ATO,
125
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:31,990
but if you lent him, say, a book,
126
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:35,870
or a trilogy of books, you
wouldn't get them back.
127
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,920
Sorry, no, this is no time
to speak ill of the...
128
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,070
Actually, do we... is he...
Do we know, is he...?
129
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:45,430
Still critical as far as I know.
130
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,670
Good. I mean not good.
131
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,510
Good. I mean, good as in...
132
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,840
It's good that he's not... you know.
133
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,630
~ Sweetie?
~ Please!
134
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,510
Corporal House.
135
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,550
SAT. Sir. Sorry.
136
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,750
I was miles away.
137
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,150
Call me Mike. This is
the WISWO, Edgeways.
138
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,550
Edgeways, Corporal House.
139
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,950
Edgeways?
140
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,870
Cos he can't get a word in edgeways.
141
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,870
Is there any word from Bastion?
142
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,670
Well, Sheffield Wednesday
got stuffed 3-0,
143
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,790
but I suppose you're
not asking about that.
144
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,040
Nick's still in theatre.
145
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,590
So we'll need a first
look report today,
146
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,390
and then a full report
in a couple of days.
147
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,670
But I haven't...
148
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,510
I know this is your first one,
so I'll hold your hand through it.
149
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:43,230
But not like that, I'm not a Marine.
150
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,480
So let's start with the
layout of the room.
151
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,070
Well, he must have
fucked up, mustn't he?
152
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,470
He cuts corners.
153
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,870
He's not been himself for
the last few weeks. He...
154
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,400
Yeah, he probably thought, "Sod it,
I'll just not bother today, ey?"
155
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,670
We don't let the cowboys
become operators.
156
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,350
Except Edgeways, fucking chancer!
157
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,230
Sometimes it's just back luck.
158
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,390
It can't just be random.
159
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,910
I want to be an operator
not play Russian Roulette.
160
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,230
He must've done something...
161
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,430
Well, deal with this incident
like an operator.
162
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,150
And that'll be a big tick in the box.
163
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,750
Or you can deal with
it like a daft twat.
164
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,310
And that'll be a tick in
the box marked 'daft twat'.
165
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,260
So, do the plan. And then
we'll get the witnesses in.
166
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,750
We need the quiz questions.
167
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:44,030
You want quiz questions? Afghan
version of Trivial Pursuit.
168
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,030
Fun for all the family. Except
the women, of course.
169
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,750
We need the actual questions, Faruq.
170
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,350
Ah!
171
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,790
Didn't the Colonel say that he'd
left the questions on his desk?
172
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,140
I think he's just made
a very silly mistake.
173
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,150
Yeah. Great. Stick
it with the others.
174
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,950
Bird. Go and see the Padre.
175
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,150
Fuck off!
176
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,590
I'm not having some sky
pilot telling me that this
177
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,710
~ was "all part of God's plan."
~ You must be feeling that every...
178
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,790
I don't know how I'm feeling!
So how'd you know?
179
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,110
Fine.
180
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,750
So who are we going to get?
181
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,310
New ATO, I mean.
182
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,550
Bloody hell, Bird, you move on quick!
183
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,630
Nick's not even cold in
his... hos-hospital bed.
184
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,230
Wow, and I move on quick?
185
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,910
People get replaced, Simon. The
Army's kind of set up for that.
186
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,110
Well, at times like this I
think Nick would want us to...
187
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,830
Oh, brilliant! My book!
188
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,480
Oh, well, one of them at least.
189
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,000
Fuck's sake.
190
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,550
He's ruined it!
191
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,070
No respect.
192
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:58,000
Yeah, let's focus on the real
tragedy of today. Your book.
193
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,360
JAUNTY MUSIC
194
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,220
What's it say?
195
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,860
It's a to-do list.
196
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,070
One - wash socks.
197
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,870
Two - place quiz questions in safe.
198
00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:01,710
Three - place keys in pizza oven.
199
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,230
So we need to wash our socks.
200
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,630
Interesting.
201
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,510
We had a boy like you in my village.
202
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,110
We left him in the mountains.
203
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,870
Nice.
204
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,790
I like mountains.
205
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,510
We won't get Stephens, too young.
206
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,560
Or Best, she's going
home. Thank fuck!
207
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,510
It will be Moncur.
208
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:27,240
Mmm shame, it would have been nice
to have a woman in the team.
209
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,950
You've already got one!
210
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,110
Yeah, well...
211
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,390
I suppose so.
212
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,550
What do you mean, "I suppose so"?
Do you want me to get my tits out?
213
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:37,870
Urgh! No!
214
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,630
What do you mean, "Urgh! No!"?
215
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:43,180
It's... Oh, great, Towerblock!
You alreet, lad?
216
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,310
Any news?
217
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,080
Has Nick shuffled off into...
218
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,580
.. into the recovery ward?
219
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,710
Still in theatre.
220
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,150
What about a new ATO?
SAT said anything?
221
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,070
I think his exact words
were that he won't know
222
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,710
until he's waded through
a river of Army shitocracy.
223
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,670
~ Right.
~ Anyway, we're going back to the compound
224
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,350
but I said you wouldn't want to
come cos you must be feeling...
225
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,670
Will people stop telling
me how I must be feeling?
226
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,350
Why? Does that make you feel angry?
227
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,640
HE SNIGGERS
228
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,910
Let's go.
229
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,390
So what's it looking
like? Did Nick fuck up?
230
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,550
Did someone else fuck up?
231
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,990
Dunno. The SAT says it
was just bad luck, but...
232
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,590
But what?
233
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,110
It can't be.
234
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,910
If it's just random then this whole
job's just a roll of the dice!
235
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,440
If no-one's fucked up then
we're fucked, aren't we?
236
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,000
What makes you think
we're not fucked?
237
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,630
Does paper beat key?
238
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,990
Paper beats rock, numpty.
239
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,990
And this must be a combination lock.
240
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,070
Paper does not beat rock.
241
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:12,220
I think you have never
been to a stoning.
242
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,560
Well, this is it.
243
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,350
If you need to take a moment, Bird.
244
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,990
I am actually fine, OK?
245
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,510
I just...
246
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,920
Um, I need to take a moment.
247
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,720
Oi, we should get to work.
248
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,390
Yeah.
249
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,740
Yeah, let's find what's
left of this device.
250
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,670
What?
251
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,590
Device. Singular.
252
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,070
At the risk of sounding like Yoda,
open your fucking mind you must.
253
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,870
That's in the Director's Cut, is it?
254
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,070
Sorry.
255
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,230
You're assuming that there
was only one device
256
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,830
that Nick was working on,
that Nick must've triggered.
257
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,670
Because you're assuming he fucked up!
258
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,670
Because nothing we've found out so
far has suggested that he didn't!
259
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,670
Or that he did!
260
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,020
Could be two devices.
Could be two triggers.
261
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,600
You know this stuff!
262
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,070
Heading for the daft
twat box, you are.
263
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,520
Get out, reboot and fucking
come back in again.
264
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,240
You too, eh?
265
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,350
Yeah.
266
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,510
I've got to clear my head.
267
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,430
Just don't know what's up with me.
268
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,750
I do.
269
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,550
You've got a kid.
270
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,910
Eh?
271
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:57,150
You're thinking you don't want
to be an operator if you can do
272
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,750
everything right and still get
randomly turned into pink mist.
273
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,350
Not fair on your sprog.
274
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,840
Yeah...
275
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,950
Maybe that's it.
276
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,520
So the moral of the story...?
277
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,190
Keep an open mind.
278
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,510
No!
279
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,030
Never have kids!
280
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,920
HE LAUGHS
281
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,160
Better get back in.
282
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,190
How are you feeling?
283
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,240
I'm feeling like I really
don't want to talk about it.
284
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,510
Personal.
285
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,910
Work.
286
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,360
Work.
287
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,190
Very personal. God!
288
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,180
Personal. Oh, God!
289
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,620
You're kidding me!
290
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,880
Oh, for fuck's sake!
291
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,840
Bloody hell!
292
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,560
Everything all right, Corporal?
293
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:21,110
This is... This is a
medal. He's uh... Medal?
294
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,710
Yes. He was writing you up for one.
295
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,430
For the night-time ambush.
When you fixed bayonets.
296
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,710
Medal.
297
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,590
Yes. You'll find out in a month.
298
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,910
So till then, keep it under your hat.
299
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,240
Or helmet, I believe they're
called. Carry on.
300
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,560
HE CHUCKLES
301
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,480
4-3-6-2.
302
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,670
X marks the spot.
303
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:07,910
A plan of the base!
304
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,960
My cousin in the Taliban
has this map.
305
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,190
Don't worry, it's probably
not for work.
306
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,380
Oh!
307
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,670
And then they have to
find a combination lock.
308
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,070
Keeping them busy.
309
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,870
What's the first rule?
310
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,710
Keep them busy.
311
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,670
I once spent ten hours sitting
in a boiling ISO in Basra
312
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,990
waiting to hear if my Sergeant
Major would pull through.
313
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,710
Didn't enjoy it.
314
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,790
Good to give them a run-around.
315
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,310
So, when they have the map
then they can find this key.
316
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,560
Oh, shitsticks! Already?
317
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,560
I've got ten seconds before they realise
they've got the map the wrong way round.
318
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,600
ALL: Ah!
319
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:28,940
Padre.
320
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,080
Sir.
321
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,600
Sir, it's taped up.
322
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,430
He had rendered it safe.
323
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:56,670
So?
324
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,660
He didn't fuck up.
325
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,350
So what did happen?
326
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,470
Um...
327
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,920
OK, a...
328
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,430
A secondary, or two triggers.
329
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,150
Two... trip wires. The
head high one here.
330
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,270
And then the other...
331
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,430
It must've been here.
332
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,510
So Nick gags the peg, he sorts
the head high wire but Alderton's
333
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,230
so all-over-the-place that
he goes for the wrong door,
334
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,150
hits the second trip wire and...
335
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,300
And today's special
is the shit sandwich.
336
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,220
Ah.
337
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,910
Thanks for coming here, Padre.
338
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,060
Cos this has to be
in total confidence.
339
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:04,350
So, I went to see where it happened,
and do you know what I felt?
340
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,790
I felt glad. Like Nick deserved it.
341
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,950
Only for a moment but I thought,
342
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,550
"Yeah, yeah, this feels
like God's plan."
343
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,430
~ I'm not sure that's...
~ Not finished.
344
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,350
Ever since me and Nick shagged...
345
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,750
You as well? I mean, sorry, do go on.
346
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,340
Thank you.
347
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,750
He's cast this lanky,
condescending shadow over me,
348
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,070
my place in the team, my career...
349
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,590
So, you feel glad?
350
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:35,350
Not now, sicko! For a moment!
Obviously I'm not glad he's hurt.
351
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:39,310
I just think not seeing him for
a bit's going to be good for me.
352
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,350
Let's just hope he pulls through.
353
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,190
He'll be fine. Always is.
354
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,670
As soon as he comes round
355
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,110
he'll be trying to fuck a nurse
with his 'Best Mate Steve' story.
356
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,900
Cheers, Padre.
357
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,880
~ What?
~ Where are the questions?
358
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,590
Ooh, hello, chaps, didn't
expect to see you here!
359
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,870
BOTH: Sir! Erm, no,
we were we just...
360
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,390
I presume you're here to
help me ball my socks?
361
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,830
~ Aye.
~ No.
362
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,620
I mean... aye!
363
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,670
Right! What's next
on the old to-do list?
364
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,510
Hide quiz questions in safe.
Ooh, that slipped my mind.
365
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,040
Here they are on the desk,
under the to-do list.
366
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,430
~ Stupid!
~ Ah, right!
367
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,430
~ What the hell are you doing?
~ You were leading us to the questions!
368
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,550
No, I was keeping you busy!
If you're going to win
369
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,190
the Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge,
you win it fair and square.
370
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,640
Now finish balling my socks!
371
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,190
So it wasn't an error of
drill or an error in drill.
372
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,670
It was just some guy - panicking.
373
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,030
Bad luck?
374
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,670
Kind of. But bad luck
that you can understand.
375
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,460
And not random.
376
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,270
Anything else?
377
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,910
~ Just some paperwork for the WISWO.
~ WISWO.
378
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,670
Couple of IED reports,
requisition forms and oh,
379
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,070
an honours nomination form. Now,
that's gone in the wrong pile.
380
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,790
What? Someone's getting a medal?
381
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,030
Oh, must be.
382
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,150
Nick was writing YOU up for a medal?
383
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,630
~ What?!
~ Oh? Was he?
384
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,110
Oh, yeah!
385
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,070
Probably best not to
mention that to anyone.
386
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,270
You just mentioned it. Medal!
387
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,950
Yeah. Medal.
388
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,350
~ I haven't got one yet so...
~ I think we're done here.
389
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:30,030
OK, lads. I spoke to Bastion.
Nick's lost his leg at the knee.
390
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,350
~ Fuck!
~ But he's going to make it, right?
391
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,110
Still a bit touch and go.
392
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,830
He's back in theatre.
More internal bleeding.
393
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,470
We should know more in an hour.
394
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:42,220
Let's go get a brew - wait
this out together, hey?
395
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,790
I stabbed someone in
the eye that night.
396
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,510
Why didn't I get a fucking medal?
397
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,470
I can't believe we are seriously
doing the fucking pub quiz.
398
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:00,790
What else are we going to do?
399
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,630
Sit in the Det and
wait for him to die?
400
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,470
~ He might not die.
~ Fucking hell, Simon!
401
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:05,830
C'mon, Medal, leave it out!
402
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,710
I can say that because
he respected me.
403
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,270
So, quiz time!
404
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,550
~ Quizwo!
~ Sir, do you think we really should...
405
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,950
Round one - current affairs.
406
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,510
Which now monopedal
ATO has stabilised
407
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,310
after his operation in Bastion
and is expected to pull through?
408
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:21,990
THEY CHEER
409
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,150
Oh, thank God. Thank fucking God.
410
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,350
Question two.
411
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,030
Which infantry private
is expected to make a full
412
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,990
recovery from his injuries?
413
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,580
THEY CHEER
414
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,990
Question three. Who will
be Bluestone 42's next ATO?
415
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,350
Oh, I know this one.
Captain Ellen Best.
416
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,960
Ooh, really, Sir? I've heard
she's a total try-hard...
417
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:49,390
.. who realises I'm only
saying things I don't mean
418
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,040
because it's the grief talking.
419
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,270
Hello, Bluestone 42.
420
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,230
A lot of grief. Hell
of a lot. Corporal Bird.
421
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,630
Well, nothing wrong
with being a try-hard.
422
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,790
Helps you be a 'succeed-hard.'
423
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,710
Absolutely. Lance Corporal
Simon Lansley.
424
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,910
Corporal House, ma'am.
425
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,990
Private MacDowell and
Private Armstrong.
426
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,070
Wow! Three-man escort?
427
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:16,790
Well, Nick was a really big asset.
428
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,510
Although he's recently become
a 20% smaller asset.
429
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:20,830
THEY CHUCKLE
430
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,620
I don't get it.
431
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:27,990
20% smaller.
432
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,920
HE LAUGHS
433
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,990
OK, Bluestone 42. Off we fuck!
434
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,840
THEY LAUGH
435
00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:41,390
NICK CHUCKLES
436
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,910
Aw! It's from my team.
437
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,790
~ That's nice.
~ Yeah.
438
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,870
Get well soon.
439
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,280
Yeah, like my leg's
going to grow back(!)
440
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,590
Yes!
441
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,550
They won the quiz!
442
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,440
The Goblet of Ultimate Knowledge.
443
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,480
That looks fairly unhygienic.
444
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,310
HE LAUGHS
445
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:17,510
Oh, the bunch of bastards!
446
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,300
Jelly amputee?
447
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,560
Still, you know, I'm the lucky one.
448
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,800
With my team, my injury.
449
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:36,110
Not like my best mate, Steve.
450
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,110
Did I...
451
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,160
Did I mention Steve?
452
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,000
Oh, he was a good ATO.
453
00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:46,060
No longer with us.
454
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,640
It was just outside Al Hartha...
455
00:27:48,690 --> 00:27:53,240
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