All language subtitles for Bluestone 42 s02e06

Do you fancy me or not?

Of course I fancy you!

You're hot, you're tall, you look good
in uniform and you're incredibly brave.

Wow! I fancy me now.

God, I wish they'd just fuck
each other and get it over with.

Shit.
Shit.

Who puts a bare-wire
loop trigger inside the plastic?

Our bomber got someone. Shit!
Low metal, same orange wire.

Oh, you have been busy, haven't you?

Yeah, it looks like
the same bomb-maker again.

I hate it when he leaves me presents.
I never get him anything.

He doesn't seem to mind, boss.

I reckon he just
likes the attention.

I wish we could give him
a bit more attention.

Personal attention. To the face.

And/or bollocks.

Whoa, whoa, hang about.
What the...?!

They've got Graham!

Shit! The road's not clear
beyond the device.

I got him, boss! Hold!

No clear threat to life.
Warning shot, boss?

A warning of what? We can't actually
shoot them unless they shoot first.

Those are the rules, boss.
Yeah! Silly, isn't it?

We're fighting this whole stupid
war on their terms. Yeah.

If I was an Apache, I'd hate
to come up against that moped.

Technically, this isn't a war, boss.
No? Soldiers. Bombs.

It does feel quite warry.

Still, we can't return fire
until we feel clearly endangered...

I know, Simon.

Shit! I mean, hooray! Open fire!

Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42.
Contact. Oh, bugger. Shots fired.

Sitrep to follow. Wait out.

Yep, don't use the big gun, Simon.

After all, it's not a war.

Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42.

Request immediate
fire support. Over.

Shit! Simon, more incoming, second
group of enemies from the west.

Rocket!

Bird, get into cover. Yup.

Enemies close to you,
heading west.

Roger that. Over.
Mortar support figures too, boss.

Mortar Team Frost, this is Bluestone
42. Request HE 100m west of spot 25.

Boss! Boss, get here now!

IED, right there! Holy shit!

You useless bastards need to
practise your fives and twenties!

Simon, I want everyone as
far away from this as possible.

Bird, get into cover!

I'm going to go in manual.

Roger that, boss.

Everyone, get down!

I've got control of him.

Incoming!

Thanks, boss. No problem.
Here's your weapon back, boss.

You OK? Yeah. No thanks to you.

I have to be my own force protection
now, do I? Your SA-80 jammed again!

It's the second time this week.
I clean it every day. Sorry, boss.

Well, sorry isn't going to help

when I get a sucking chest wound...
to the head! Is it?

Luckily there's no danger of that,
as this isn't a fucking war!

Mac! Rocket!
Rifles stripped and cleaned.

"Rifles stripped and cleaned."

It wasnae our weapons
that didnae function.

Uh, panic over, everyone.
Weapons Intelligence is here.

I've come about your special
bomb-making friend.

You've got someone? Awesome.

No, actually, we've had
a bit of a set back. Oh.

We thought we had someone
from a partial print

but he was just being paid
to stick the things in the ground.

Ten-dollar Taliban. Shit.

Then we saw a device with the orange
wire here, and Bluestone 44

found another one here, completely
fucking our location profiling.

So we've had to widen our search
to this area here.

We're referring to it as Area A.
A stands for Afghanistan. Perfect.

So what you're basically saying
is we've got nothing.

Oh, less than nothing - aren't we
a Dragon Runner down on the deal?

You don't stop him?

Well, the boss did shout,
"Stop that, you rotter!"

but for some reason
they just ignored him.

So talk me through this morning.

Well, basically, the main device
was designed to take ages,

making it more likely that someone
would step on this little chap.

Hang about.

That's from an old VW Beetle.
Really? You what?

Safe to have. That is
an ignition-switch assembly.

Towerblock, did you used to nick
cars? My dad used to have a Beetle.

We used to tune it up
together every Sunday.

After I'd nicked some cars.

Right, well, I know
we've narrowed it down to Area A

but, as this is our
only link to the bomber,

looks like we're going
to have to go with it.

Right, I'll get it to the lab.

Good work, Towerblock.

Ahh, we're going to have to
speak to the village elders.

See if they've seen a VW Beetle.
There's going to be a shura?

Awesome! Awesome?
Aren't they just proper boring?

Yeah, but I get the day off.

Can't do Afghan diplomacy
if you've got ovaries. Who knew?

Oooh, yes, better, guys,
better. Yes!

Where's my firing-pin-retaining-pin?

It was here.

It was right here.

Where is it, Mac? Dunno. Rocket?

Is it lunch yet? Where is it?

You realise sabotaging a weapon
is a very serious offence?

You must have dropped it on the
floor. Right, well, start looking.

Fingertip search!
Aw, fuck off! Do it yourself! NOW!

And whatever you do, do not
tell Nick that I've lost it. Shit!

Towerblock, can you help... look for
my firing-pin-retaining-pin? Metal.

About this big.
Slightly bigger than his penis.

You know what you could do with
is some bit of kit that finds

little bits of metal.

Hmmm. Hang about.

Nick! Are you OK?
Yeah, right as rain.

I heard it was
a tough day at the office.

Yeah. If the office had been
attacked by terrorists,

the photocopier was stuffed
full of explosives

and the tea lady
pulled an AK on me.

Right. Look, I don't want you
to feel you can't talk to me

like you always have.

I mean, just because
we've, er, you know...

slept together, it doesn't
mean that we can't chat.

Anyway, I hope you feel
OK about all of that.

Do you feel OK? You seem OK.

We'll just play it cool and act like
it never happened. Yeah? Nick?

Er, yeah. Great, yeah. Cool.

OK. Good. Great.
So... see you around. Yeah.

Bye.

OK, guys, joke's over.
Give it back.

This lack of trust is actually quite
hurtful. Aye. We didn't nick it.

Did we? Here, Mac. Vallon this!
See if I've got lead in my pencil.

Fuck's sake! Sabotaging a weapon
is an AGAI offence.

When I prove that
you have stolen it,

I will have you both
court-martialled.

Do you understand? We didn't
nick it, all right! Simon.

Let's go get some lunch -
have a look with fresh eyes.

I don't want lunch.
Yeah, you do. Come on.

Sir. Aaah, Khaleesi,
loser of Dragons. What?

Just working my way through
Game Of Thrones.

No? Anyway, don't worry
about the robot.

Just file it under expensive
fuck-ups. Next to Iraq. Yes, sir.

But you weren't coming
to see me about that, were you?

Actually, we just wanted
to have a sit down

with the village elders -
talk about this bomber.

Probably some ex-mujaheddin veteran
trained by the CIA.

Fought the Soviets,

and anyone else who wandered
uninvited into his country.

Suppose I should respect him, really.
Really? No! He's trying to kill me!

If I ever get my hands on him,
I'm going to punch him and punch him

until Simon mutters
something about it

being "a little bit
unprofessional".

Then I'd punch him again.
Then I'm going to punch Simon. Right.

This afternoon Captain
Softly was going to talk

to some elders about a
school we're knocking up.

Why don't you do that instead,
see what you can find out?

That'd be fantastic.

And no jokes about burqas, bombs,
al-Qaeda, guns, polygamy,

Russians, goats, dogs, cricket,
Pakistan, women's education,

Thursday nights, or hats.

Right, but the bin Laden material
is fine though, yeah? Oh, yes.

That stuff's gold. Carry on.

Oh, there it is.

Let's give it to him.
No, no, no, no, no, no!

Eh? He'll think we've nicked it.

He'll try and get us
court-martialled.

But we can't let him go
without a weapon. And we won't.

We'll just let him find the pin
himself. Ahhhhh! Genius.

But how's he going to find it there?

I could stand here pointing at it.

So...

Hi, Bird. Oh, yeah, I never
had a chance to thank you. For?

For... You know,

so that you-know-who would
lose interest. He clearly has.

And you're fine with that, are you?
Oh, yeah. Totally fine.

Anyway, the point is, he's moved on,
no harm done. So that's... thank you.

No problem, Padre. I knew if
you fucked him, he'd lose interest.

I... What? No, that...
That was just a wind-up.

Oh, you don't really think
that we... I don't think. I know.

Welcome to the Medhurst scrapheap.

I'm so weak. Why did I give in?

Curiosity? Sexual frustration?
Boredom? Low self-esteem?

Buzz in when you hear
one you like. Thank you, Bird.

Ready? Aye.

Ahhh! You two all right? Aye. OK,
change of plan for the afternoon.

16:00. Meeting with
the village elders.

We'll have the usual small talk.

Then we'll tell them we're
building them a new school.

Aren't we generous?

And then casually ask them
about the VW Beetle.

Are we going to ask about
the robot, an' all? Nah.

We'll get a new one. Rocket,
you're our food point man. Gleaming.

Yeah, I seem to remember
that their house speciality

is cartilage, so you'll
be eating for two.

Right, we leave at 15:00. Okey-doke.

So, you're saying
have a bit of lunch. No, I...

I need a weapon for the shura.
Go to the CQ?

What, and get my name put
on the board as Twat Of The Week?

Oh, then Nick'll find out. I don't
want him to think I'm incompetent.

Yeah. Best hide that fact
for as long as possible.

You want weapon? Oh! Sh!

What I need really is
a firing-pin-retaining-pin.

Ah, no, very tricky.
New weapon, $50.

New firing-pin-retaining-pin,
$1,000.

Well, I don't have 1,000...

Let's see the weapon.

Oh, it's brilliant!
Behold! The AK-48!

Like an AK-47 but more so!

Yes, more gold.
Only $50. Bargain.

I can't carry that,
I'm in the bloody army!

You carry this, you will look like
you are in a much better army!

You will look like
the king of the army!

I will look like a drug dealer.

Many of the people at this shura
will be drug dealers.

Well, poppy farmers. You will fit
right in. Categorically not.

I throw in gold bazooka. No.

He is happy to meet with you again.

They heard about the robot.

Hashtag fail.

They know where it is. Really?

We can't go and get it, Towerblock.
It'll be a come-on.

Find out where it is though.
Show some willing.

And tell them about the school.

Sure you don't want to try
this kebab, boss? It's delicious.

Um, sorry, Rocket,
I've got a personal rule -

never take gastronomic advice
from a Scotsman.

They are very happy that
the British are concerned

for the education of their children.

Good, now ask them about
the Beetle. Yes, I have.

But they don't want you
to go away hungry.

They have reserved a special dish
for their most honoured guest.

The eyeballs and testicles
of the sheep. Oh, dear.

Jesus, I wouldn't eat those.

He says food first,
then you can talk about the Beetle.

This is very nice.

So, Um, about the Beetle? Oh.

They have not seen one.

Bird.

Ah, Doctor Who?

No, don't mind me.

It's a good episode and you're
probably going to talk all over it.

Ma'am. No, I'm not.

Although I could do with
a TARDIS right now.

Go back in time and change
a few things. Can't do that.

You'd create a temporal paradox.
Terrible idea.

I only want to change one thing.

Even the smallest thing
can destroy your entire future.

That's what... Oh... Oh!

Sorry, Bird. I'm sorry...
Ooh! Just being silly.

I can't talk to anyone else.

I knew this day would come. Full-on
girly chats, waterworks. Bollocks!

I just... Argh! I blame myself.

Yeah, I blame you as well.
Look, what do you want from Nick?

I want things to go back to before.

No, you don't.

Eh? You want Nick to have fallen
in love with you. No, I don't!

Pretty sure you do.

Nick Medhurst
only loves one person Oh!

Nick Medhurst. Which is
why nothing ever touches him.

He's all like, "Yeah, why not -
could be fun." And it IS fun.

For him. Right.

Bird, do you think he'll ever
change? No. Do you? Ye... Yeah...

But...

Maybe...

Bird, you are terrible
at girly chats.

I try to be.

Come on, guys. Shout's on.

Oooh! Circle.

All right, boss. All done.
We've double-checked.

Cos I know you've got
a fan in the Taliban.

Ooh. Rhymed. Just my luck.

Now, off you fuck. Oh, very good.

Oh.

CQ give you a rifle then, skip? Yes.

Did he make you Twat Of The Week?
No. How come? You pay him off?

Well, you remember the home-made fudge
that Charlotte used to send me?

Fudge.

It's not funny.

We were together for 14 years.

And for how many of those years
did she give you fudge?

He's charging me
one box every six hours.

If I don't pay, I'm on
the Twat Of The Week board.

Is he allowed to do that? He can do
what he wants. He's toying with me.

I've only got four boxes left.

Toying with your fudge.

Well, here's a thing.

This device was made by my bezza
in the Taliban. Your Talibezza.

That's... Graham's track.

Used to make the pressure plate.
Low metal.

Cheeky bastards cannibalising
the robot for parts.

God, it's like a hostage
situation where

they send you the
fingers of a loved one.

So, if the bomber's
got the robot...?

What say we go ring his doorbell,
but instead of running off,

blow down the door,
pile in and see who he is.

Fucking come on! And then
kick the shit out of him.

That would be unprofessional.

Boss, you're not going to
do anything stupid, are you?

It's a bit late for that, Bird.

I came here to pull bombs
out of the ground.

But the only reason the bombs are
in the ground in the first place

is cos I came here.

It's all pretty fucking stupid.

Oooh, fudge!

No, it's my last box
and it's for CQMS.

I need that gun
for the overnight raid.

Skip, just be Twat Of The Week.
It's only a week.

Everyone thinks
you're a twat anyway, so...

This operation could get really
kinetic. Properly... kinetic.

Fucking hope so.

I just don't want Nick thinking
that I can't protect him.

Maybe you'll find your retaining-pin, skip.
Drink your tea. Aye.

Things are always in the last
place you look. Nah, it's gone.

Never mind. Hey! Drink your tea.

I'm just sorry
I thought it was you two.

Because you are better than that.
Aye. Drink your tea.

What the fuck was that?!
What did I just swallow?

Firing-pin-retaining-pin, skip.
What?! So you did fucking nick it!

No, we never! So what was that?!
We found it! Bollocks!

Why didn't you just give it to me?
Cos you don't trust us.

If we just handed it over, you'd say
we'd stolen it. No, I wouldn't.

But we just did hand it over and you
did say we'd stolen it. Case closed.

Ah-ha!

Right. I'm organising a trip
to a quiet place in the country.

Which we're going to
slightly blow up.

We go in at 0300, so total
radio silence at 0230.

This gives us the added advantage
that we won't be able to hear

any of Sergeant Hogg's shit jokes.

So, let's get them
all out the way now.

Ladies, gentleman and engineers,
Search Team Leader Sergeant Hogg.

So, here's the compound we're
looking at. Entrances here and here.

There's a mine in the doorway,
so that's out.

This wall looks good but I want
to clear along the top first.

Medic!

Go, go, go!

Shit!

Right, nobody touch a fucking thing!
Simon, get the search team. Boss.

We need a full fingertip search.

Everything could be booby-trapped.

Yeah. This is him.

Not necessarily, boss.

I mean, how much orange wire is
there in the world? No, I know it.

Boss, it might not be him.
This is him, all right.

He's been doing this for years.
We're secure. How's Hogg? Fucked.

On a chopper. Still breathing.
Losing blood. Shit. SHIT!

When I get my fucking hands
on this guy I'm going to...

Boss... he was trying to run away.

This is him?

Fuck's sake.

What am I going to do now?

Find out who his favourite member
of One Direction is?

How old is he? 17. So?

You made all these?

Just take him away.

So you got him, then? Yeah.

I thought there'd be
this big moment,

you know, when we're
face to face and I say...

I dunno. Or I'd hit him or something.

I sound like a dick.

And how do you feel now? Honestly?

I feel nothing. Just nothing.

Just... empty.

Is there anything I can do for you?

No, we can't.

Just thought it might
be fun. Who for?

I dunno.

OK. Good meeting, everyone.

You been Valloning your own
shit again, Corporal? Yes.

Do you find your retaining-pin? No.

Did you do a fingertip
search as well?

Yes.

I've got two hours before the fudge
runs out and I'm Twat Of The Week.

Well, next time,
you'll know to trust your men.

No, cos next time Mac will nick it.
Aye. I probably will.

It'll turn up eventually.
Well, let's hope so,

because there's a limit to how much
of my own shit I will search through.

Out of interest, Simon,
how much shit is that?

Actually, I'd rather not know.

But I am keen to discover the rationale
behind your faecal trawlings.

Sir, through a series of...

unfortunate events, I swallowed
by firing-pin-retaining-pin.

Oh, dear. Those things
are like hen's teeth.

Nick, Simon's swallowed
his firing-pin-retaining-pin.

Been going through his shit
to try and recover it. Resourceful.

You should have said so.
I always carry a spare.

Anyway, just wanted to congratulate
you on the raid. A great success.

And we've heard that
Sergeant Hogg has stabilised.

Poor chap's lost the eye
but otherwise doing OK.

Thank God for that. Guys,
we've won a competition. Have we?

Yeah, we won a trip to see a
suspected IED in Yellow 1A. Woo!

Well, carry on.

Lost an eye. Poor fucker.

But on the plus side,
half-price sunglasses.

And the Annual Wedge fancy-dress
ball, he can come as a pirate.

Maybe he could get a bionic eye -
see through walls.

Oh, that'd be fucking mint!
Still, he's got his crown jewels.

What more does he want?

I know it's your dream to have
more balls than eyes, Mac,

but maybe Sergeant Hogg...

'Bluestone 42? Bluestone 42?

'Bluestone 42, respond.

'Bluestone 42,
nothing heard, answer me.

'Charlie Charlie One, this is Zero
Alpha Two One Alpha Two Two Alpha,

'establish point of co-ordinates...'

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