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1
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Dre: Lately, there have been some
changes around the Johnson household.
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00:00:04,651 --> 00:00:05,166
Dre: Babe.
3
00:00:06,315 --> 00:00:07,226
- [Grunts]
- Ah, hey, baby.
4
00:00:07,293 --> 00:00:08,000
Yeah, hey.
5
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,825
I've been thinking, you
know, with you being pregnant,
6
00:00:09,912 --> 00:00:13,116
maybe you should take it easy,
focus on you and my baby.
7
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Why you keep saying "my," Dre?
8
00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:16,724
You know we haven't
gotten the swab back yet.
9
00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,641
You know I do not like
it when you make that joke
10
00:00:18,715 --> 00:00:21,307
because the subtext is
you're cheating on me.
11
00:00:21,384 --> 00:00:22,782
- Subtext?
- I...
12
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:25,447
I was going to say maybe
you should take some time off
13
00:00:25,523 --> 00:00:27,092
because you worked so hard
14
00:00:27,165 --> 00:00:29,348
during all of your other pregnancies.
15
00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:31,606
Well, that's really sweet,
but can we afford it?
16
00:00:31,681 --> 00:00:32,943
We'll figure it out.
17
00:00:33,016 --> 00:00:35,063
I'm pretty sure the layoffs
at work are behind us.
18
00:00:35,137 --> 00:00:35,752
Oh.
19
00:00:36,149 --> 00:00:38,596
Well, this brings me
great sadness to do this,
20
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:42,357
especially since you grabbed
me this delicious Egg McMuffin
21
00:00:42,435 --> 00:00:45,676
on your drive into work,
but I really have no choice.
22
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:48,722
Lucy... we're laying you off.
23
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,675
What? S-Seriously?
24
00:00:50,749 --> 00:00:52,728
Oh, my... oh, my God.
25
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,781
Okay, that was a big lie.
26
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:55,877
- [Laughs]
- Whew!
27
00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:56,904
[Laughs]
28
00:00:56,976 --> 00:00:58,511
God, you got me going.
29
00:00:58,584 --> 00:00:59,982
Good one.
30
00:01:00,055 --> 00:01:01,966
It, uh, it didn't bring
me great sadness,
31
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,046
but you are still laid off.
32
00:01:03,171 --> 00:01:04,125
That part was true.
33
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Dre: What the hell is going on?
34
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- I thought the layoffs were over.
- Stevens: Oh, no, no, no.
35
00:01:07,858 --> 00:01:09,733
The tighter the ship,
the bigger the profits.
36
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:12,844
Besides, Daphne really hates Lucy.
37
00:01:12,922 --> 00:01:15,002
What?! We're getting our
nails done together at lunch.
38
00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:16,494
Well, that's gonna be awkward.
39
00:01:16,566 --> 00:01:20,114
Now, turning to Charlie.
40
00:01:20,193 --> 00:01:21,352
So, that's what's up?
41
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You brought me back
here so you can fire me?
42
00:01:23,272 --> 00:01:25,591
You think by telling me in
front of all these people,
43
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:26,997
you think I ain't gonna make a scene?
44
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All I got left is my God and my goatee!
45
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Aaah!
46
00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:33,634
Hey, Charlie!
47
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[Grunts]
48
00:01:35,999 --> 00:01:36,442
No.
49
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Charlie.
50
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[Grunts]
51
00:01:38,989 --> 00:01:40,797
Calm down, Charlie!
52
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Aah!
53
00:01:41,932 --> 00:01:43,228
Oh, no, no, no.
54
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,802
Ugh.
55
00:01:44,874 --> 00:01:45,932
Aaah!
56
00:01:46,003 --> 00:01:49,073
Charlie, you are not fired, okay?!
57
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:52,460
I was actually gonna say good
job on the Forever 21 campaign.
58
00:01:52,538 --> 00:01:55,314
Actually, that was me.
59
00:01:55,444 --> 00:01:56,398
Oh, that was a good job.
60
00:01:56,470 --> 00:01:57,595
I've seen it everywhere.
61
00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,850
On buses, schools.
It's all over the place.
62
00:01:59,925 --> 00:02:01,391
Really nice work there, Lucy.
63
00:02:01,464 --> 00:02:02,209
Okay.
64
00:02:02,335 --> 00:02:04,210
Well, now that that is taken care of,
65
00:02:04,285 --> 00:02:07,048
it is time for birthday announcements.
66
00:02:07,124 --> 00:02:10,297
Oh, well, looks like
we're not just celebrating
67
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Lucy's last day.
68
00:02:11,743 --> 00:02:14,949
Happy bir... Come on.
69
00:02:15,028 --> 00:02:16,494
Come on, guys, help me out.
70
00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:18,392
Happy... scootchies
71
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,052
Happy birthday...
72
00:02:20,126 --> 00:02:22,615
Jo-Josh, I was just fired, okay?
73
00:02:22,691 --> 00:02:25,011
Oh. Um...
74
00:02:25,087 --> 00:02:27,577
I-I'm sorry. I'll ju... I'll just...
75
00:02:27,652 --> 00:02:30,654
No, you don't have to...
76
00:02:30,732 --> 00:02:32,915
So slow. Oh, for God...
77
00:02:32,990 --> 00:02:33,808
No, no, make a wish!
78
00:02:33,879 --> 00:02:35,209
- Make a wish!
- [Cheering]
79
00:02:35,282 --> 00:02:37,055
And sometimes, change isn't great...
80
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:38,084
That's yummy.
81
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:39,315
Especially if you're Lucy.
82
00:02:39,388 --> 00:02:40,581
It makes you wonder who's next.
83
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Do you want a corner?
84
00:02:41,698 --> 00:02:42,621
No, no, no, I want the corner.
85
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:43,814
Give her something in the middle.
86
00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:46,805
87
00:02:49,724 --> 00:02:51,916
Hey, baby, how was your day?
88
00:02:51,992 --> 00:02:53,957
Uh, not good. I actually had to s...
89
00:02:54,032 --> 00:02:55,149
Good.
90
00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:57,085
Listen, you're never going to believe
91
00:02:57,159 --> 00:02:59,171
what happened to me at
my doctor's appointment.
92
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:03,572
Dr. Gonzales told me that
I have a geriatric womb.
93
00:03:03,652 --> 00:03:05,195
Uh, to your face?
94
00:03:05,266 --> 00:03:07,110
Told me that I'm of
advanced maternal age.
95
00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:08,625
- To your face?!
- Yes.
96
00:03:08,698 --> 00:03:09,937
Oh, baby, come here.
97
00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:10,982
It was awful.
98
00:03:11,051 --> 00:03:12,091
Relax, baby.
99
00:03:12,161 --> 00:03:13,469
Just means your wife's uterus is old.
100
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:14,480
What?
101
00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:15,489
Thank you, Ruby.
102
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,304
Like "Antique Road Show" old.
103
00:03:17,376 --> 00:03:19,053
Like probably watches
"Murder, She Wrote"
104
00:03:19,125 --> 00:03:20,499
and has a landline old!
105
00:03:20,572 --> 00:03:22,516
Mama! We get it.
106
00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:24,099
- [Laughs]
- Pops: That's crazy.
107
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:25,613
Look at her.
108
00:03:25,686 --> 00:03:28,200
She is a beautiful, vibrant,
curvy, vivacious young woman.
109
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,053
Hey, hey, pump your brakes, Pops.
110
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,942
Not only is this my wife...
111
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but she is asleep.
112
00:03:34,566 --> 00:03:35,504
Bow! [Claps hands]
113
00:03:35,575 --> 00:03:36,849
Huh? Oh, my God.
114
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,664
I'm so exhausted.
115
00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:40,883
Dre, m-maybe I should
take that time off.
116
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Really?
117
00:03:42,909 --> 00:03:44,316
Well
118
00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:45,964
I think you taking some time
off is a good idea, sweetheart.
119
00:03:46,037 --> 00:03:47,881
And stand-up move on your part, son,
120
00:03:47,954 --> 00:03:49,663
letting your wife kick her feet up
121
00:03:49,737 --> 00:03:51,413
while you hold your
family down like a man.
122
00:03:51,486 --> 00:03:53,029
Mm-hmm. I agree.
123
00:03:53,101 --> 00:03:55,381
Her body obviously needs rest.
124
00:03:55,455 --> 00:03:56,394
Well... Look at her.
125
00:03:56,464 --> 00:03:57,873
She's falling apart.
126
00:03:57,944 --> 00:03:59,420
- Okay.
- Listen here, son.
127
00:03:59,492 --> 00:04:02,007
There's a good chance I
may have to carry this baby,
128
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,390
and I'm willing to do it.
129
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:06,749
The doctors say I have the
uterus of a 16-year-old Latina.
130
00:04:06,825 --> 00:04:08,134
- [Laughs]
- Uh...
131
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,814
Diane: Mmm, smells good, Grandma.
132
00:04:09,887 --> 00:04:11,726
Mmm, what's on the menu?
133
00:04:11,796 --> 00:04:15,475
Well, it's Ruby Tuesday,
so you know what that means.
134
00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:17,453
Another gravy-heavy experience.
135
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,227
Dad, you need to make the down payment
136
00:04:19,299 --> 00:04:21,003
for my summer trip abroad.
137
00:04:21,074 --> 00:04:23,204
And we need new bow and
arrows for "Hunger Games" camp.
138
00:04:23,276 --> 00:04:25,177
We're sending them to
"Hunger Games" camp?
139
00:04:25,247 --> 00:04:27,279
Isn't that ex... violent?
140
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,086
I don't know, and I don't care.
141
00:04:29,158 --> 00:04:31,877
All I know is they take
them away for two weeks
142
00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:33,066
and I don't see them.
143
00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:34,478
[Chuckles]
144
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,514
That's a lucky baby in
that dusty womb of yours.
145
00:04:36,586 --> 00:04:39,141
Oh, and don't forget my
deposit for summer school.
146
00:04:39,215 --> 00:04:40,788
Didn't you get straight A's?
147
00:04:40,859 --> 00:04:44,135
Yeah, but this is
Advanced Summer Wizardry.
148
00:04:44,211 --> 00:04:47,455
My sorcery coach says I might
actually be a real wizard.
149
00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:49,102
Zoey: Really?
150
00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:50,910
So, while everyone was excitedabout their time off from work
151
00:04:50,981 --> 00:04:53,668
and expensive summer plans,
152
00:04:53,741 --> 00:04:55,740
I decided to drown my worries
153
00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:58,914
in some biscuits and
gravy and classic TV.
154
00:04:58,993 --> 00:05:02,268
Announcer: Get cozyfor an all-night marathon
155
00:05:02,347 --> 00:05:04,552
of your favorite'70s Chicago sitcom.
156
00:05:04,629 --> 00:05:05,731
That's right.Ain't we lucky we got 'em ?
157
00:05:05,804 --> 00:05:09,123
Every episode back to back.
158
00:05:09,202 --> 00:05:11,034
Good times
159
00:05:11,109 --> 00:05:12,699
Reporter: There's
been an alarming rise
160
00:05:12,774 --> 00:05:13,977
in the unemployment rate
161
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:15,817
in the black community in Chicago,
162
00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:17,723
- hitting highs of 19%.
- [Audience cheers and applauds]
163
00:05:17,796 --> 00:05:20,497
- That ain't news.
- [Laughter]
164
00:05:21,777 --> 00:05:23,644
- Hey, Thelma.
- Keith.
165
00:05:23,716 --> 00:05:25,150
Baby, I'm so glad you're home.
166
00:05:25,222 --> 00:05:26,389
I, uh...
167
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,160
I got something to show you.
168
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:29,400
Oh.
169
00:05:29,470 --> 00:05:31,572
What's this, baby?
170
00:05:31,645 --> 00:05:33,679
It's a pregnancy test.
171
00:05:33,752 --> 00:05:35,086
Man. [Chuckles]
172
00:05:35,158 --> 00:05:37,693
Technology has come a long way.
173
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:38,934
[Laughter]
174
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,504
Keith...
175
00:05:40,576 --> 00:05:42,510
I'm pregnant.
176
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:44,951
[Audience gasps]
177
00:05:45,026 --> 00:05:46,960
Are you sure?
178
00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:48,733
Of course I'm sure.
179
00:05:48,805 --> 00:05:52,742
This thing is 26%
accurate 65% of the time.
180
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,154
[Laughter]
181
00:05:54,226 --> 00:05:56,761
Keith, how did we let this happen?
182
00:05:56,835 --> 00:06:00,237
Broke, living in the
projects at my parents' house.
183
00:06:00,313 --> 00:06:01,714
[Sighs]
184
00:06:03,994 --> 00:06:05,860
I'm just gonna be another statistic.
185
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,934
Hey, hey, hey, baby,
I-I know you're scared.
186
00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:09,374
Hell, I'm scared, too,
187
00:06:09,446 --> 00:06:12,715
and, no, you ain't gonna
be no nother statistic.
188
00:06:12,791 --> 00:06:15,659
Baby, I got my big
football tryouts coming up,
189
00:06:15,735 --> 00:06:18,970
and, hey, when I do go pro,
we're gonna get married.
190
00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:21,248
And... And I'm gonna have enough
money to take care of everybody
191
00:06:21,322 --> 00:06:22,688
and buy a fancy car!
192
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,861
Baby, I'm gonna be an
NFL football player,
193
00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:26,802
and they don't ever go broke!
194
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,175
- Huh?!
- [Laughter]
195
00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:29,247
Oh, baby.
196
00:06:29,316 --> 00:06:31,550
Oh, you make me feel so much better.
197
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,558
- Oh.
- Oh.
198
00:06:32,628 --> 00:06:33,944
- And who knows?
- Hmm?
199
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:35,657
Maybe Daddy won't be mad.
200
00:06:35,790 --> 00:06:36,436
[Junior scoffs]
201
00:06:36,566 --> 00:06:38,072
That don't sound right.
202
00:06:38,144 --> 00:06:39,398
[Laughter]
203
00:06:39,472 --> 00:06:40,624
J.J.?
204
00:06:40,696 --> 00:06:42,696
[Cheers and applause]
205
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:43,651
Uh, 'tis I.
206
00:06:43,722 --> 00:06:44,842
[Applause]
207
00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:46,947
Didn't we tell you about eavesdropping?
208
00:06:47,022 --> 00:06:48,955
You told me, but I
think it's safe to say
209
00:06:49,029 --> 00:06:50,826
I didn't give a damn.
210
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:51,641
[Laughter]
211
00:06:51,765 --> 00:06:53,325
Until we decide how we're
gonna tell Daddy the news,
212
00:06:53,399 --> 00:06:54,890
you keep your big ol' mouth shut.
213
00:06:54,963 --> 00:06:57,608
As long as you let me be
there when you tell him.
214
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,911
I ain't never painted
a murder scene before.
215
00:07:01,002 --> 00:07:03,261
[Cheers and applause]
216
00:07:03,348 --> 00:07:06,531
Damn! You ain't gonna believe
what happened to me today.
217
00:07:06,595 --> 00:07:08,160
You got your paycheck cut in half?
218
00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:09,628
They doubled your workload?
219
00:07:09,701 --> 00:07:11,403
The cops hassled you on the way home?
220
00:07:11,476 --> 00:07:13,382
No, I found a really good parking spot
221
00:07:13,457 --> 00:07:14,885
in front of the building.
222
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:19,316
Man, you people have an incredibly
fatalistic outlook on life.
223
00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:22,323
Hey, Mrs. Evans. Hey, Michael.
224
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,476
Hey, what's going on?
225
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:27,648
I just left the principal's office.
226
00:07:27,727 --> 00:07:30,381
Apparently, your son staged a walk-out
227
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:31,633
for the school lunch monitors.
228
00:07:31,704 --> 00:07:33,236
They got us down there busing tables
229
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:34,602
and washing trays for cheap.
230
00:07:34,674 --> 00:07:36,274
Then tell them what happened.
231
00:07:36,347 --> 00:07:38,764
Julio and his cousin Julio
232
00:07:38,839 --> 00:07:41,834
said that they'd do our
job for half the pay.
233
00:07:41,911 --> 00:07:43,306
What?!
234
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:46,000
If he thinks that Mexicans are
gonna come do the dirty work
235
00:07:46,077 --> 00:07:47,915
that black folks do for less money,
236
00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:49,306
he's got another thing coming.
237
00:07:49,432 --> 00:07:50,497
- Mm-hmm.
- [Laughter]
238
00:07:50,623 --> 00:07:51,371
Hey, hey.
239
00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:52,598
You keep fighting for the
people like you are, man,
240
00:07:52,670 --> 00:07:54,678
you might just become
our first black president.
241
00:07:54,753 --> 00:07:56,693
Yeah, but not in these
United States of America.
242
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:57,889
Oh, unh-unh.
243
00:07:57,962 --> 00:07:59,016
No, 'cause that ain't
never gonna happen.
244
00:07:59,088 --> 00:08:00,381
Not ever, ever.
245
00:08:00,453 --> 00:08:02,121
Ever, ever, ever, ever!
246
00:08:02,195 --> 00:08:03,147
[Laughter]
247
00:08:03,219 --> 00:08:04,511
Ruby: Now he's got no job.
248
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:05,911
I had to leave mine early
249
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,264
and walk 30 blocks to
get him from school.
250
00:08:08,339 --> 00:08:09,836
Got attacked by a dog.
251
00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:13,859
Would've lost my big toe had
the sugar not already taken it.
252
00:08:13,938 --> 00:08:15,129
- Mm!
- [Laughter]
253
00:08:15,201 --> 00:08:16,255
Oh, well.
254
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,370
Tomorrow's gonna be a better day.
255
00:08:18,445 --> 00:08:22,393
Tomorrow might be a better day,
but not nine months from now.
256
00:08:22,473 --> 00:08:24,140
Hey. Be cool, fool.
257
00:08:24,215 --> 00:08:25,371
I am cool.
258
00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:28,472
She's the one in heat.
259
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,489
Oh, thank goodness for you, baby girl.
260
00:08:30,564 --> 00:08:31,890
Once you finish college,
261
00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:34,720
you're gonna make everything
right for this family.
262
00:08:34,796 --> 00:08:36,975
I disagree.
263
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,275
[Laughter]
264
00:08:38,346 --> 00:08:39,503
Sorry.
265
00:08:39,576 --> 00:08:41,958
I don't know why I said that.
266
00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:44,824
Even though she's my daughter,
267
00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:48,067
I feel much more of
a kinship with Keith.
268
00:08:48,145 --> 00:08:50,561
Oh. Thank you, Mrs. Evans.
269
00:08:50,636 --> 00:08:52,781
No, baby, call me Mama.
270
00:08:52,855 --> 00:08:54,079
Well, Mama, I...
271
00:08:54,153 --> 00:08:55,616
- Unh-unh.
- Oh.
272
00:08:55,689 --> 00:08:57,492
You call me Mrs. Evans.
273
00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:58,689
[Laughter]
274
00:08:58,762 --> 00:08:59,918
Uh-oh.
275
00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:03,359
Almost forgot my evening
turtleneck in the dryer.
276
00:09:03,438 --> 00:09:07,658
I got me a hot blind date
with a fine young tender.
277
00:09:07,739 --> 00:09:11,926
I think it's safe to assume that
all your dates are blind, J.J.
278
00:09:12,006 --> 00:09:13,605
[Cheers and applause] - Hey.
- Hey.
279
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,653
Hey, Wilona. Hey, Penny.
280
00:09:15,727 --> 00:09:17,905
Hey, J.J. Sorry we're late.
281
00:09:17,980 --> 00:09:19,049
Everybody's late around here.
282
00:09:19,175 --> 00:09:20,786
[Laughter]
283
00:09:20,913 --> 00:09:22,750
How can you be late?
You weren't invited.
284
00:09:22,825 --> 00:09:24,322
Nice to see you, too, friend.
285
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:27,220
Julio told me that Julio
and Julio stole your job.
286
00:09:27,297 --> 00:09:29,032
Penny, be nice.
287
00:09:29,106 --> 00:09:30,297
That was me being nice.
288
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:31,321
[Laughter]
289
00:09:31,393 --> 00:09:33,741
Are we here in time for gravy?
290
00:09:33,818 --> 00:09:36,438
Can't, Penny. Fresh out of gravy.
291
00:09:36,514 --> 00:09:37,807
Just add more water, Mama.
292
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,275
Can't.
293
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,869
- Fresh out of water.
- What?
294
00:09:41,941 --> 00:09:43,813
I thought Bookman fixed it.
295
00:09:43,888 --> 00:09:45,045
[Grunts]
296
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:47,056
[Cheers and applause]
297
00:09:47,131 --> 00:09:48,662
Almost fixed.
298
00:09:48,736 --> 00:09:52,786
12 to 14 hours, and
we'll be halfway there.
299
00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:56,474
[Laughter]
300
00:09:57,616 --> 00:09:59,556
Boy, what the hell
happened to your shirt?
301
00:09:59,631 --> 00:10:02,524
Apparently, Bookman fixed the dryer.
302
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:05,494
So, you want wet water
and a less dry dryer?
303
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:07,579
You people are so demanding.
304
00:10:07,653 --> 00:10:08,639
[Laughter]
305
00:10:08,711 --> 00:10:10,855
Pregnancy test?
306
00:10:10,931 --> 00:10:12,087
[Audience "Oohs"]
307
00:10:12,159 --> 00:10:14,779
You have to take a test to get pregnant?
308
00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:19,009
No, it's a test to see
if you are pregnant.
309
00:10:19,089 --> 00:10:22,493
Really? This tiny little thing?
310
00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:24,988
- [Laughter]
- Well, whose is it?
311
00:10:25,064 --> 00:10:26,731
Well, don't look at me.
312
00:10:26,804 --> 00:10:28,369
[Scoffs] Don't look at me.
313
00:10:28,443 --> 00:10:29,362
Don't look at me.
314
00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:31,305
Ain't nobody looking at you, woman!
315
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,351
[Laughter]
316
00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:43,605
Mama... Daddy...[sighs]
317
00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:44,835
I'm pregnant.
318
00:10:44,906 --> 00:10:47,304
Oh, Thelma!
319
00:10:47,378 --> 00:10:49,674
I'm gonna need more red paint.
320
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,451
White Jesus, white Jesus!
321
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,688
Why have thou forsaken me?
322
00:10:54,762 --> 00:10:56,282
How did this happen?
323
00:10:56,354 --> 00:10:59,157
More importantly, where did this happen?
324
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,800
Because there is clearly
only one bed in here
325
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,101
that we all sleep in.
326
00:11:04,225 --> 00:11:07,501
Okay, everything is going to be fine.
327
00:11:07,578 --> 00:11:09,402
Boy, do you have the slightest idea
328
00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:10,825
what it means to have a child?
329
00:11:10,898 --> 00:11:13,295
Did you even consider the cost?
330
00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:17,086
The diapers, the formula,
the medical bi... shots.
331
00:11:17,165 --> 00:11:18,447
We'll skip the shots.
332
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,140
We skipped the shots with J.J.!
333
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:22,613
We'll need the shots. We need the shots.
334
00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:25,860
We already got 82 people
living in this house.
335
00:11:25,937 --> 00:11:28,908
We don't need an 83rd,
no matter how small.
336
00:11:28,986 --> 00:11:31,912
And with our luck, it'll
have Thelma's appetite...
337
00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:33,188
and face.
338
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,860
Hey, J.J, can I rap to
you outside for a second?
339
00:11:35,936 --> 00:11:37,320
- Oh, sure.
- Oh, all right.
340
00:11:37,393 --> 00:11:38,946
Hey, man, I was thinking.
341
00:11:39,019 --> 00:11:41,314
Once Thelma gives birth to this baby...
342
00:11:43,388 --> 00:11:45,988
All right, look,
everybody, I will be able
343
00:11:46,064 --> 00:11:49,272
to take care of Thelma
and the baby forever.
344
00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:53,672
The NFL takes care of its players
long after they retire.
345
00:11:53,753 --> 00:11:57,366
346
00:11:57,445 --> 00:11:58,930
Hey, Florida.
347
00:11:59,003 --> 00:12:00,691
James, it's midnight.
348
00:12:00,765 --> 00:12:02,824
You're home from work early.
349
00:12:02,898 --> 00:12:05,363
Aw, they wouldn't let me
work a quadruple shift.
350
00:12:05,439 --> 00:12:06,586
[Smooches]
351
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:08,379
Say, what's with all
the empty photo albums?
352
00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:10,344
Oh, I was just sitting here imagining
353
00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:12,646
what our old wedding
photos would've looked like
354
00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:14,645
if we could've afforded a camera.
355
00:12:14,719 --> 00:12:15,664
[Laughs]
356
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,322
Look at you, James.
357
00:12:17,395 --> 00:12:18,402
- Look here.
- Look at me.
358
00:12:18,527 --> 00:12:20,264
You remember how nervous you were
359
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,249
when we found out we
were expecting a child?
360
00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:23,489
- Ooh!
- [Both laugh]
361
00:12:23,561 --> 00:12:24,676
Just like Keith,
362
00:12:24,747 --> 00:12:27,348
you had all the hopes
and dreams in the world.
363
00:12:27,422 --> 00:12:29,111
I was never like Keith.
364
00:12:29,184 --> 00:12:31,852
No, I had hopes and
dreams and four jobs.
365
00:12:31,928 --> 00:12:33,008
[Chuckles]
366
00:12:33,079 --> 00:12:35,341
Hopes and dreams don't feed a family.
367
00:12:35,416 --> 00:12:38,691
Nobody ever asked for a second
helping of hopes and dreams.
368
00:12:39,853 --> 00:12:41,677
James, where you going?
369
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:44,553
Well, where do you
think I'm going, Florida?
370
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,858
I'm going to work.
371
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,071
[Telephone rings]
372
00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:50,347
Hello?
373
00:12:50,419 --> 00:12:52,849
J.J., some lady for you.
374
00:12:52,925 --> 00:12:57,079
[Laughter]
375
00:12:58,447 --> 00:13:00,539
[Clears throat]
376
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,032
Uh, chello?
377
00:13:02,104 --> 00:13:03,425
[Laughter] Oh, hey, baby.
378
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:04,832
Keith, how did it go? How were tryouts?
379
00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:06,120
Dre: Should've seen me, Thelma.
380
00:13:06,192 --> 00:13:07,475
I took the snap,
381
00:13:07,546 --> 00:13:09,606
and I ran a sweep to the left
and scampered a few yards,
382
00:13:09,681 --> 00:13:11,808
I came up short, then boom,
I turned it to the right,
383
00:13:11,882 --> 00:13:13,165
I took it to the house!
384
00:13:13,237 --> 00:13:14,451
[Chuckles]
385
00:13:15,844 --> 00:13:18,817
It went really well, guys.
386
00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:20,852
See, James? I told you
Keith was gonna be able
387
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,445
to take care of our little girl.
388
00:13:22,517 --> 00:13:23,902
Yeah, well, we'll see about that.
389
00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:27,216
I knew everything was
gonna be all right.
390
00:13:27,293 --> 00:13:30,434
Keith is gonna be the next O.J. Simpson.
391
00:13:30,512 --> 00:13:31,592
God willing.
392
00:13:31,663 --> 00:13:33,622
Oh, yeah. God willing.
393
00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:34,809
[Laughter]
394
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,636
I'll finish dinner.
395
00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:39,817
Afterwards, we're gonna
try this thing I heard about
396
00:13:39,895 --> 00:13:41,278
called dessert.
397
00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:42,734
What's that?
398
00:13:42,806 --> 00:13:47,265
Well, it's a little meal
white folks have after dinner.
399
00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:48,899
Like breakfast?
400
00:13:48,971 --> 00:13:51,233
Yeah, but But sweet.
401
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,962
Sweet breakfast?
402
00:13:53,036 --> 00:13:55,062
Yeah, but at night.
403
00:13:55,136 --> 00:13:56,316
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
404
00:13:56,389 --> 00:13:58,483
- Sweet night breakfast.
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:13:58,558 --> 00:14:00,516
Like sugar eggs.
406
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,528
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
407
00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:10,708
[Audience gasps]
408
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,742
[Groans]
409
00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:15,962
That don't look good.
410
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:17,725
411
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:24,316
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
412
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,371
Florida: It's the man of the hour!
413
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,183
What are we celebrating?
414
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,263
You, babe, and your success.
415
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,263
Now, we know this is mystery meat, baby,
416
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,924
but when you make it to the pros,
417
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,266
you're gonna be eating
the finer things of life,
418
00:14:39,343 --> 00:14:41,792
[Chuckles] like imitation crab.
419
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:44,179
- [Chuckles]
- Bookman: Or fresh fruit.
420
00:14:44,256 --> 00:14:47,009
One of these days, I'm
gonna have me a strawberry.
421
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:50,181
Hey, you guys, I've got
some good news myself.
422
00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,605
I am not gonna finish college.
423
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:53,904
Florida: What, Thelma?
424
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:54,996
No, come on.
425
00:14:55,069 --> 00:14:56,530
I don't even think I need a degree,
426
00:14:56,603 --> 00:14:59,052
with you getting drafted
by the Houston Oilers.
427
00:14:59,126 --> 00:15:01,159
I mean, that franchise is
gonna be around forever.
428
00:15:01,287 --> 00:15:02,408
[Laughter]
429
00:15:02,481 --> 00:15:03,467
[Door closes]
430
00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:04,797
Hey, Dad, where you been?
431
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,025
Work.
432
00:15:06,098 --> 00:15:08,375
Well, maybe when Keith
makes it to the NFL,
433
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,456
you can get rid of one
of those jobs, James.
434
00:15:10,532 --> 00:15:12,470
[Chuckles] Me with only three jobs?
435
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:15,367
I wouldn't even know what to
do with all that extra time.
436
00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:16,667
[Chuckles]
437
00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:18,644
Well... Well, how about
you take a day off?
438
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,697
You know, I never imagined
myself with one of those.
439
00:15:20,825 --> 00:15:22,491
That seems like the kind of thing
440
00:15:22,565 --> 00:15:24,503
that only white folks get, like socks.
441
00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:26,073
With all that free time,
442
00:15:26,147 --> 00:15:28,255
you could possibly even take up a hobby.
443
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:29,350
Mm-hmm.
444
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:30,746
Always did want to try a REM sleep.
445
00:15:30,819 --> 00:15:32,689
Now that you've made it big,
446
00:15:32,763 --> 00:15:33,989
can you get me a hat
that covers my ears,
447
00:15:34,116 --> 00:15:36,190
'cause, you know, this
city's really windy.
448
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:37,353
[Laughs]
449
00:15:37,425 --> 00:15:38,888
And can I get some art supplies?
450
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:40,184
Canvasses, paintbrushes.
451
00:15:40,255 --> 00:15:42,738
Will you buy me glasses
with a prescription?
452
00:15:42,814 --> 00:15:45,466
I've always wanted to see
what you guys look like.
453
00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:46,904
All right, enough!
454
00:15:46,974 --> 00:15:48,471
Uh, Penny, no.
455
00:15:48,545 --> 00:15:51,368
You're just gonna have to
recognize us by our voices.
456
00:15:51,444 --> 00:15:53,246
Look, I'm not going to the NFL.
457
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,441
[All gasping] Aw.
458
00:15:54,515 --> 00:15:56,248
I hurt my knee at football tryouts.
459
00:15:56,321 --> 00:15:58,158
Th-They tell me I'll never play again.
460
00:15:58,231 --> 00:15:59,455
M-My football career is over.
461
00:15:59,528 --> 00:16:01,228
I told you this guy was a bum!
462
00:16:01,302 --> 00:16:02,457
Daddy.
463
00:16:02,530 --> 00:16:04,059
No, no, no, Thelma, your daddy's right.
464
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,036
Look, I-I-I-I don't deserve this.
465
00:16:06,112 --> 00:16:08,253
W-What kind of meat is that, anyway?
466
00:16:08,328 --> 00:16:09,348
It doesn't matter.
467
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:12,651
You don't deserve it... none of it!
468
00:16:12,728 --> 00:16:14,054
Oh, James.
469
00:16:14,127 --> 00:16:16,372
Damn! Damn! Damn!
470
00:16:16,447 --> 00:16:18,282
[Door slams]
471
00:16:18,357 --> 00:16:21,204
[Audience "Awws"]
472
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:22,626
Why you got to be so hard on him?
473
00:16:22,699 --> 00:16:23,990
Because he's a bum.
474
00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:28,213
I thought I was clear when I
said, "Keith, you're a bum!"
475
00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:29,722
You know what?
476
00:16:29,793 --> 00:16:33,535
You remember this handsome
young man on his wedding day?
477
00:16:33,613 --> 00:16:38,410
You know, when his dreams
didn't pan out, he made it work.
478
00:16:38,491 --> 00:16:39,954
I haven't had a dream in 30 years.
479
00:16:40,026 --> 00:16:41,521
How could I? I haven't slept!
480
00:16:41,595 --> 00:16:42,853
[Laughter]
481
00:16:42,926 --> 00:16:46,157
I don't want our kids to
struggle like we did, Florida.
482
00:16:46,235 --> 00:16:47,901
Damn it.
483
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:50,967
I want our kids to
have better than we did.
484
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,575
I want them to have an album
filled with actual pictures.
485
00:16:53,705 --> 00:16:55,506
I want that, too.
486
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:56,975
But until then,
487
00:16:57,047 --> 00:16:59,963
we got to have faith that Keith
will work it out like you did.
488
00:17:00,093 --> 00:17:01,281
[Sighs]
489
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,768
What those kids need
right now is our support.
490
00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:08,851
Y'all, I'm sorry I'm such a failure.
491
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,920
I only had one dream my
whole life, and now it's over.
492
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,377
A-And because of me,
this family's gonna remain
493
00:17:14,452 --> 00:17:17,377
poor, black, and strawberry-less.
494
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,677
[Laughter]
495
00:17:18,751 --> 00:17:20,042
Listen, son, I understand
what you're going through.
496
00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:21,679
It's a struggle to raise a family.
497
00:17:21,752 --> 00:17:25,970
But the good news is, you
don't have to do it alone.
498
00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:27,172
Florida: That's right.
499
00:17:27,243 --> 00:17:28,195
Really?
500
00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:29,797
Yeah, we're here to help you.
501
00:17:29,871 --> 00:17:32,286
J.J.: Listen, man, I was gonna
take one of my sweet thangs out
502
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:38,415
for a fine-dining extravaganza,
but you can have those $3.
503
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,473
[Laughter]
504
00:17:40,547 --> 00:17:42,655
And I can give you this
month's foster-care money
505
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:43,716
for Penny and her sister.
506
00:17:43,788 --> 00:17:44,740
Uh
507
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:46,612
Uh, Penny doesn't have a sister.
508
00:17:46,686 --> 00:17:48,998
Do you want the money or not?
509
00:17:49,075 --> 00:17:52,494
Hey, hey, y'all, thank
you, but I'll get by.
510
00:17:52,625 --> 00:17:53,984
Look, I'm just sorry
511
00:17:54,058 --> 00:17:55,894
I couldn't help you fulfill
your dream of sleeping.
512
00:17:56,957 --> 00:17:57,908
Or seeing.
513
00:17:57,981 --> 00:17:59,885
It's okay. I can still hear.
514
00:17:59,958 --> 00:18:02,271
James: Yeah, don't worry about it.
515
00:18:02,346 --> 00:18:04,897
Being poor, black, and tired
is all we've ever known.
516
00:18:04,972 --> 00:18:06,537
Hmm.
517
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:07,611
Oh. Oh.
518
00:18:07,737 --> 00:18:08,230
Oh, wow.
519
00:18:08,352 --> 00:18:09,917
Did you forget to pay the power bill?
520
00:18:09,991 --> 00:18:11,657
Forgetting's for rich folks.
521
00:18:11,729 --> 00:18:12,838
We're just broke.
522
00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:15,211
Ah.
523
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:18,176
Well, tomorrow's gonna be a better day.
524
00:18:18,259 --> 00:18:19,913
- Mm.
- J.J.: Dy-no-mite.
525
00:18:19,983 --> 00:18:22,304
Good ti-i-i-i-mes
526
00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:25,174
Yeah
527
00:18:26,204 --> 00:18:29,131
Good evening.I'm James Earl Jones.
528
00:18:29,204 --> 00:18:31,370
Welcome to "Black Omnibus."
529
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:36,084
Tonight, we discuss the heightof the Latin jazz movement
530
00:18:36,165 --> 00:18:39,869
with famed percussionistWillie Bobo.
531
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,133
Well, well, well, well, well.
532
00:18:42,209 --> 00:18:43,460
Look who's alive.
533
00:18:43,531 --> 00:18:45,495
[Chuckles] [TV beeps]
534
00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:47,872
That gravy nap really set me back.
535
00:18:47,946 --> 00:18:49,334
Nap?
536
00:18:49,407 --> 00:18:51,607
Dre, seriously, you've been
asleep for like 12 hours.
537
00:18:51,682 --> 00:18:53,238
Oh, my... Look at you.
538
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,599
- Oh, my God.
- I was?
539
00:18:55,673 --> 00:18:57,062
Man, I must really be stressed
540
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:59,232
about the baby and that new
round of layoffs at work.
541
00:18:59,308 --> 00:19:00,424
Another round?
542
00:19:00,495 --> 00:19:02,560
Sweetie, I thought
you said that was over.
543
00:19:02,635 --> 00:19:05,614
Ugh, I thought they were,
but it doesn't matter.
544
00:19:05,691 --> 00:19:07,993
Hey, hey, hey, it's okay...
545
00:19:08,068 --> 00:19:09,015
[Sighs]
546
00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:12,066
Because I just had a great dream.
547
00:19:12,144 --> 00:19:15,867
It made me realize
that it doesn't matter
548
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:19,062
if we have less money or more kids
549
00:19:19,138 --> 00:19:21,441
as long as we are together.
550
00:19:21,515 --> 00:19:22,767
- [Chuckles]
- Diane: Dad?
551
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:23,855
Yep?
552
00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:25,483
If you're really worried about money,
553
00:19:25,557 --> 00:19:27,181
I don't have to go on that trip.
554
00:19:27,254 --> 00:19:29,251
Yeah, and if I'm really a wizard,
555
00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:32,306
we'll never have to
worry about money again.
556
00:19:32,382 --> 00:19:33,330
[Chuckles]
557
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,686
Or dragons.
558
00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:36,247
Oh. There he is.
559
00:19:36,322 --> 00:19:38,454
You're welcome to some of my allowance.
560
00:19:38,529 --> 00:19:40,796
I mean, it's not much,
but that's on you.
561
00:19:40,872 --> 00:19:42,429
- Ah, touch?.
- [Chuckles]
562
00:19:48,206 --> 00:19:49,458
Don't look at me.
563
00:19:49,530 --> 00:19:51,630
I'm still learning how to share.
564
00:19:51,704 --> 00:19:52,408
You know what? Me, too.
565
00:19:52,947 --> 00:19:53,671
Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com
566
00:19:54,338 --> 00:19:55,900
Aww. Ah, babe, look at us.
Look at that.
567
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,689
That was the beginning.
568
00:19:56,759 --> 00:19:58,184
Aren't we cute?
569
00:19:58,255 --> 00:19:59,549
[Chuckles]
570
00:19:59,619 --> 00:20:00,548
Whoa.
571
00:20:00,618 --> 00:20:02,063
What's wrong with your eyes?
572
00:20:02,137 --> 00:20:03,718
Are you a demon?
573
00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,238
Rainbow: No, no, no, no,
no. It's called red eye.
574
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,892
We didn't have anything to fix it then.
575
00:20:06,968 --> 00:20:08,653
Also, she's a demon.
576
00:20:08,727 --> 00:20:09,689
Uh.
577
00:20:09,763 --> 00:20:10,932
Aww, look at that.
578
00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:12,139
Look, you're so cute.
579
00:20:12,213 --> 00:20:13,966
Diane: Ugh. That was my awkward phase.
580
00:20:14,041 --> 00:20:16,070
- Burn it.
- [Ruby laughs]
581
00:20:16,146 --> 00:20:17,281
Hey, look at this one.
582
00:20:17,353 --> 00:20:19,555
It's a picture of Junior
in his awkward phase.
583
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,454
I was a baby.
584
00:20:21,529 --> 00:20:22,526
Pops: Hey, y'all want
to see an awkward baby?
585
00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:24,490
- Yes, please.
- Mm-hmm.
586
00:20:24,566 --> 00:20:26,458
- Look at this here. This is Dre.
- No way.
587
00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:28,046
- Ohhh!
- Ohhh!
588
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,184
Look at that head. Doctor told
us he was gonna grow into it.
589
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:31,980
We're still waiting, son.
590
00:20:32,053 --> 00:20:33,464
- Same size.
- [Laughing] Same size.
591
00:20:33,537 --> 00:20:35,086
Looks like a watermelon.
592
00:20:35,158 --> 00:20:36,638
- Diane: So big.
- [Laughter]
593
00:20:36,712 --> 00:20:38,776
So you carry my picture around, huh?
594
00:20:39,956 --> 00:20:41,952
It came with the wallet.
595
00:20:42,025 --> 00:20:44,228
Okay.
596
00:20:44,303 --> 00:20:45,402
Come on. Turn the page, boy.
597
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:47,196
Earl.
598
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:48,577
I don't know. [Laughter]
599
00:20:48,652 --> 00:20:50,577
I don't even remember, where is this?
600
00:20:50,647 --> 00:20:51,817
Where did this happen?
601
00:20:51,886 --> 00:20:52,718
Yeah, where's this at?
602
00:20:52,768 --> 00:20:57,318
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