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Dre: Ever since I was a kid,
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00:00:01,411 --> 00:00:03,179
I've always loved Halloween.
3
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Trick or treat!
4
00:00:04,415 --> 00:00:06,416
Woman: Aww, look. A tin man!
5
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But I'm silver surfer.
6
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:10,937
Ruby: Was in the choir at church.
7
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And even though I couldn'tafford the best costume,
8
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I could steal money frommy mom's purse for a bus pass
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to get to the best candy.
10
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Yeah, I ain't gonna never get no afro.
11
00:00:19,697 --> 00:00:21,264
I don't believe in all that!
12
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Now I live in one of those"good candy" neighborhoods.
13
00:00:24,918 --> 00:00:26,219
It's a Halloween hotspot,
14
00:00:26,253 --> 00:00:28,404
and coming here has
become a tradition.
15
00:00:28,406 --> 00:00:30,973
Kids come from all overthe city to trick-or-treat,
16
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because we do it up right.
17
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18
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Some of these kids includemy own nieces and nephews,
19
00:00:39,149 --> 00:00:41,851
who come up from the hoodto hang with us on Halloween.
20
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[Gunshot]
21
00:00:43,187 --> 00:00:44,520
And they have their own tradition...
22
00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:47,423
roughing up my soft-ass kids.
23
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24
00:00:49,126 --> 00:00:50,126
Junior: No, no!
25
00:00:50,128 --> 00:00:52,228
- Oh, hey, hey, hey!
- Diane: My candy!
26
00:00:52,279 --> 00:00:55,665
And I let this happen,
'cause it's good for my kids.
27
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:56,799
Ow!
28
00:00:56,833 --> 00:00:58,768
No, not my calligraphy hand!
29
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Did I mentionthat they're soft?
30
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[Groans]
31
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32
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- Rainbow: Dre?
- In here!
33
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Hey! Oh, there you are.
34
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Oh, my.
35
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Hello, Mr. president.
36
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[Chuckles] Okay, Dre,
37
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inauguration Michelle or
"Teen Choice" Michelle?
38
00:01:22,259 --> 00:01:23,843
- Eh.
- Oh, fine.
39
00:01:23,877 --> 00:01:25,261
- Just classic Michelle?
- That's it.
40
00:01:25,295 --> 00:01:26,262
All right.
41
00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:29,215
Mm-mm-mmm! Tsh!
42
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I see Satan's fast at work on this house.
43
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Mama, please, all right?
44
00:01:33,386 --> 00:01:36,472
We don't need to hear
how evil Halloween is.
45
00:01:36,474 --> 00:01:38,858
Actually, I was referring
to the dinner in the oven.
46
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What?
47
00:01:40,727 --> 00:01:42,394
I didn't know if you were cooking lasagna
48
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or stewing a bag of medical waste.
49
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[Chuckles] No disrespect.
50
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Again, and hopefully for the last time,
51
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just because you say "no disrespect"
52
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doesn't make it any less disrespectful.
53
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Point taken. I'm sorry.
54
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I just think that
celebrating this pagan holiday
55
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makes you awful parents.
56
00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:03,415
- But...
- No offense.
57
00:02:03,466 --> 00:02:05,234
[Chuckles] Ooh. Yeah.
58
00:02:05,268 --> 00:02:09,388
I have lost the first dog,
but I have eyes on POTUS.
59
00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:11,006
You know, we really need to come up
60
00:02:11,008 --> 00:02:12,708
with a proper nickname for you, Prez.
61
00:02:12,742 --> 00:02:14,593
And I'm really gonna need you
62
00:02:14,644 --> 00:02:17,730
to give me some space
from you, weirdo. [Laughs]
63
00:02:17,764 --> 00:02:19,565
You've been following me around all week.
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00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:22,351
It is my honor and
privilege to guard you, sir.
65
00:02:22,353 --> 00:02:23,352
What?
66
00:02:23,354 --> 00:02:24,353
I don't judge you
67
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for your frequent bathroom visits.
68
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Even number one has to go number two.
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[Laughs] I like that.
70
00:02:29,993 --> 00:02:32,027
[Laughs] Boom!
71
00:02:32,029 --> 00:02:34,830
- I can't wait for your cousins to beat your ass.
- No.
72
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,949
- What?
- Junior, I would really appreciate it
73
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,952
if you and your cousins would
refrain from roughhousing.
74
00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:41,203
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
75
00:02:41,254 --> 00:02:42,371
- Don't listen to her, all right?
- [Scoffs]
76
00:02:42,373 --> 00:02:44,206
Roughhousing is a normal, necessary part
77
00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:45,540
of growing up, all right?
78
00:02:45,592 --> 00:02:48,010
Me and my cousin June Bug,
we went at it all the time.
79
00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:49,428
- June Bug?
- Mm-hmm.
80
00:02:49,462 --> 00:02:50,596
Sounds stereotypical.
81
00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:52,297
No, no, no, no, no, no.
He's not a stereotype.
82
00:02:52,348 --> 00:02:53,882
You know, just a big, aggressive guy
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00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:55,884
from a bad neighborhood
with a stomach tattoo.
84
00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,886
You know, went to jail a couple of times.
85
00:02:57,888 --> 00:03:01,056
Uh, anyway, it's what
prepared me for the real world.
86
00:03:01,058 --> 00:03:03,692
Without it, I wouldn't be the street-smart,
87
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,528
tough, strong, educated gangster...
88
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,146
Whoo! A ring pop!
89
00:03:08,197 --> 00:03:10,399
Ha ha ha! Mmm.
90
00:03:10,401 --> 00:03:11,733
[Doorbell rings] POTUS is exiting.
91
00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:14,402
Happy Halloween, Johnsons!
92
00:03:14,404 --> 00:03:17,072
Ohh, I see we're both
going as doctors this year.
93
00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:18,990
Oh, no, Janine. I really am a doctor.
94
00:03:19,041 --> 00:03:20,242
Way to stay in character.
95
00:03:20,244 --> 00:03:23,128
Uh, paging "Dr. Rainbow." [Laughs]
96
00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:24,463
Can you imagine?
97
00:03:24,497 --> 00:03:26,131
Anyhoo, last year,
98
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,916
some of the visiting trick-or-treaters
99
00:03:27,918 --> 00:03:30,302
got a little more turnt up
than some of us are used to.
100
00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:31,636
- Mm-hmm.
- So, this year,
101
00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:34,306
we're hiring a safety
ambassador for the evening.
102
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,757
A safety ambassador? You mean like a cop?
103
00:03:35,759 --> 00:03:36,808
Yeah.
104
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:37,809
Well, sort of.
105
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,177
He doesn't have the legal power
106
00:03:39,228 --> 00:03:41,262
to arrest or detain anyone,
but he does have a taser.
107
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,481
A ta... I'm sorry. What?
108
00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:45,517
Oh, no, he's a... a large Samoan man.
109
00:03:45,568 --> 00:03:46,651
He used to be in the XFL,
110
00:03:46,686 --> 00:03:48,270
so he probably won't even have to use it.
111
00:03:48,272 --> 00:03:50,405
Okay, well, that sounds like
a foolproof plan, Janine.
112
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,357
- Thank you.
- So, I'm gonna close the door now.
113
00:03:52,408 --> 00:03:54,242
Yep, okay. Before you do, before you do...
114
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,360
- All right, then.
- Whoo, ba-ba-ba-boo!
115
00:03:55,411 --> 00:03:57,278
Before you do, just want to say that,
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00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,414
uh, we're hoping to wrap things
up a little bit early tonight.
117
00:03:59,416 --> 00:04:01,149
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, as it gets later,
118
00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:03,785
you know, the kids get
older and, um, scarier.
119
00:04:03,787 --> 00:04:04,753
Mm-hmm.
120
00:04:04,755 --> 00:04:06,271
So, uh, maybe lights out by 9:00 P.M.?
121
00:04:06,305 --> 00:04:07,906
- What do you say?
- Yeah. Okay, yeah.
122
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,157
- Janine?
- Yeah?
123
00:04:09,159 --> 00:04:09,924
You know they're children.
124
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,759
So, maybe instead of
125
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,895
closing your doors and
turning off your lights,
126
00:04:13,946 --> 00:04:15,046
you could open your heart
127
00:04:15,081 --> 00:04:17,098
and be a little more
accepting and tolerant.
128
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,400
I totally get that,
129
00:04:19,435 --> 00:04:22,403
but we lose officer Tuiasosopo at 9:30,
130
00:04:22,438 --> 00:04:24,138
so... Lights out.
131
00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:25,490
[Clicks tongue]
132
00:04:25,524 --> 00:04:29,561
Okay, well, it's...
Always a joy seeing you.
133
00:04:29,595 --> 00:04:31,062
[Door closes]
134
00:04:31,113 --> 00:04:32,113
Hey.
135
00:04:32,115 --> 00:04:33,081
Hey, Dad.
136
00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:35,266
Sasha, what is going on?
137
00:04:35,301 --> 00:04:37,885
Uh, she's Sasha
and I'm Malia.
138
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,170
Don't you even know your own daughters?
139
00:04:39,204 --> 00:04:41,606
[Singsong voice] Oh.
140
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,158
You guys are waiting on
your cousins, aren't you?
141
00:04:44,209 --> 00:04:46,411
[Brakes squeal] They're here!
142
00:04:46,462 --> 00:04:48,096
- Ohh.
- Whoa...
143
00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:48,997
Are they bigger?
144
00:04:49,031 --> 00:04:50,365
[Car doors slamming] Yeah.
145
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,200
Looks like cousin Carl's been hitting
146
00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:54,135
that taco bell fourth meal pretty hard.
147
00:04:54,137 --> 00:04:56,370
We always said he was one chalupa away
148
00:04:56,405 --> 00:04:57,955
from a train wreck.
149
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,941
Guess he finally ate it.
150
00:04:59,975 --> 00:05:01,559
All right. It's okay to be afraid.
151
00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:03,327
But might as well get it over with.
152
00:05:03,362 --> 00:05:05,496
Time to get mollywhopped.
153
00:05:05,547 --> 00:05:08,349
Whoo! Come on in and kick some butt!
154
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,985
155
00:05:13,505 --> 00:05:15,556
[All growling]
156
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,292
[Yells]
157
00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:21,562
Ahh
158
00:05:21,597 --> 00:05:24,031
Real Compton city G??�s
159
00:05:24,082 --> 00:05:25,533
Oh!
160
00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:27,168
Ahhh
161
00:05:27,219 --> 00:05:28,719
Real Compton city G??�s
162
00:05:28,770 --> 00:05:30,638
Whoa!
163
00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:32,406
Ahhh
164
00:05:32,408 --> 00:05:33,658
Real Compton city G??�s
165
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,476
Now, how in the helldid this happen?!
166
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Oh!
167
00:05:37,229 --> 00:05:38,446
- Hard work!
- Dedication!
168
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,530
- Hard work!
- Dedication!
169
00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:41,699
Junior: Ooh! Yeah! Let's do it!
170
00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:42,550
- Yes!
- Let's go!
171
00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:44,352
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
172
00:05:44,354 --> 00:05:46,520
Move it! Come on! Let's move it!
173
00:05:46,571 --> 00:05:48,589
Come on, Zoey! Pick up the pace!
174
00:05:48,623 --> 00:05:50,091
Pick up the pace!
175
00:05:50,125 --> 00:05:51,926
Go! One, two! Yeah!
176
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,145
- Go! Let's go!
- Junior: Oh, oh!
177
00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:55,563
- Let me kick it!
- Diane!
178
00:05:55,597 --> 00:05:56,864
- Dre: Oh, snap!
- Say something! Say something!
179
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,250
You see that championship
bloodline right there?!
180
00:05:59,301 --> 00:06:00,918
I breed fighters, son!
181
00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:02,436
[Both barking]
182
00:06:02,471 --> 00:06:03,521
- Zoey: Hey, Dad! Dad!
- What? What?
183
00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:04,605
Dad, wait.
184
00:06:04,607 --> 00:06:05,773
Isn't that your cousin June Bug
185
00:06:05,775 --> 00:06:07,358
bringing in the candy apples?
186
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,275
Cousin who?
187
00:06:08,277 --> 00:06:09,443
June Bug.
188
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,832
189
00:06:14,866 --> 00:06:16,333
What's up, Cuz?
190
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Complete stereotype.
191
00:06:19,621 --> 00:06:21,038
June Bug.
192
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,089
Hey.
193
00:06:22,123 --> 00:06:23,257
[Groaning] Ooh. Whoa.
194
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Don't you drop my apples!
195
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Okay. Okay.
196
00:06:27,502 --> 00:06:28,630
Okay. Ah.
197
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,183
I'm losing breath.
198
00:06:30,185 --> 00:06:31,952
Whoo!
199
00:06:31,986 --> 00:06:34,338
I see you still got that weak
little baby-girl windpipe, huh?
200
00:06:34,389 --> 00:06:37,207
June Bug! Man, it's been a long time!
201
00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:39,226
Looking good. Hey.
202
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,828
What's this? Uh... You
wearing a kevlar vest?
203
00:06:41,863 --> 00:06:43,630
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Part of my costume.
204
00:06:43,632 --> 00:06:45,398
I'm in the club 50 cent.
205
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,650
Oh, okay.
206
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:48,552
Is it crazy that I already had
all this stuff in my closet?
207
00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,737
No. It's... it's not crazy at all.
208
00:06:50,771 --> 00:06:52,706
Uh... Children, say hi to cousin June Bug.
209
00:06:52,757 --> 00:06:54,174
- Hey!
- June Bug, my kids.
210
00:06:54,176 --> 00:06:55,175
How are you?
211
00:06:55,226 --> 00:06:56,743
- Hi.
- That's a good-looking bunch, Dre.
212
00:06:56,777 --> 00:06:57,777
- Oh, thank you.
- You sure they yours?
213
00:06:57,828 --> 00:06:58,929
Do... huh?
214
00:06:58,963 --> 00:07:01,948
'Cause you're an
extremely unattractive man.
215
00:07:01,950 --> 00:07:02,916
Okay.
216
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:03,967
Ain't that right, tea kettle?
217
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,051
Jack: Tea kettle?
218
00:07:05,069 --> 00:07:07,287
Why did he call you tea kettle, Dad?
219
00:07:07,289 --> 00:07:08,588
Really? That's what you want to know about?
220
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:10,056
You not gonna question why
he called me unattractive?
221
00:07:10,091 --> 00:07:11,791
Oh!
222
00:07:11,826 --> 00:07:14,144
Rainbow, wow! How are you, baby?
223
00:07:14,178 --> 00:07:15,595
- Rainbow: Oh!
- "Baby"?
224
00:07:15,629 --> 00:07:16,830
June Bug! Oh, my goodness!
225
00:07:16,881 --> 00:07:19,332
How are you? Ohh! Mwah!
226
00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:20,817
Ohh. Oh, look at you!
227
00:07:20,851 --> 00:07:22,135
Wow!
228
00:07:22,169 --> 00:07:24,838
What's it been, like three, four years?
229
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,940
- More like five to seven.
- Aww.
230
00:07:26,942 --> 00:07:28,408
Hey, hey, baby, why don't you,
uh, put them in the kitchen?
231
00:07:28,442 --> 00:07:29,793
- Oh, okay.
- Hey, hey, hey.
232
00:07:29,827 --> 00:07:31,561
Did I ever tell you how lucky
you are to have this woman, Dre?
233
00:07:31,595 --> 00:07:32,812
- What'd you say?
- Oh!
234
00:07:32,847 --> 00:07:35,115
Hey, kids, here's a fun fact.
235
00:07:35,149 --> 00:07:36,850
Your father is so weak,
236
00:07:36,901 --> 00:07:39,085
he has the strength of a
small woman with bone disease.
237
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,253
What?! [Laughter]
238
00:07:40,255 --> 00:07:41,938
Watch how easy I can take him down.
239
00:07:41,972 --> 00:07:42,989
- Aah!
- Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
240
00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:44,424
The cowardly lion is down!
241
00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,893
You are not secret service!
You cannot touch the president!
242
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,496
I repeat, the cowardly lion is down.
243
00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:50,964
Diane: Wow, Dad.
244
00:07:50,966 --> 00:07:52,815
Now I finally get why
you're always pushing us
245
00:07:52,867 --> 00:07:54,367
to fight back against our cousins.
246
00:07:54,401 --> 00:07:56,769
You wanted us to succeed
in ways that you failed.
247
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,639
Yeah. You know, because
you're a little punk.
248
00:07:59,673 --> 00:08:01,107
Boy, I'll let you know,
249
00:08:01,141 --> 00:08:04,293
your father is a strong,
educated street gangster.
250
00:08:04,345 --> 00:08:06,612
- Oh!
- Oh, he broke your father.
251
00:08:06,647 --> 00:08:07,864
[Laughs]
252
00:08:07,898 --> 00:08:09,782
- Goodness!
- Dad, are you okay?
253
00:08:09,817 --> 00:08:10,550
[Coughs] I'm fine.
254
00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:11,718
We just playing around.
255
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,619
You know, we just going back and forth.
256
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:14,704
I see the back,
257
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,272
but I'm not really seeing the forth.
258
00:08:16,306 --> 00:08:18,091
You know what, baby? Go on and, uh...
259
00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,742
I'll go and take these and
put these in the kitchen.
260
00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:20,660
Oh, okay. [Coughs]
261
00:08:20,662 --> 00:08:21,844
Okay.
262
00:08:21,895 --> 00:08:24,480
So now I'm the onegetting mollywhopped
263
00:08:24,531 --> 00:08:27,550
while my kids are standing
up for themselves.
264
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:30,069
I can't believe we stood up to our cousins.
265
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,439
After all the years of
abuse, we finally fought back!
266
00:08:33,473 --> 00:08:37,009
Just like Farrah Fawcett
in "The Burning Bed"!
267
00:08:37,044 --> 00:08:38,177
What?
268
00:08:38,179 --> 00:08:40,530
It's a powerful portrayal
of domestic violence,
269
00:08:40,581 --> 00:08:43,049
much like "Men Don't Tell,"
starring Judith Light.
270
00:08:43,051 --> 00:08:45,668
Dude, I'm begging for a
reason to root for you.
271
00:08:45,702 --> 00:08:49,055
Anyway, did you see
the looks on their faces
272
00:08:49,106 --> 00:08:50,873
- when we attacked them?
- Yep.
273
00:08:50,908 --> 00:08:52,758
The same look the Native-Americans have
274
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,727
in my Christopher Columbus coloring book.
275
00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:56,162
I wonder where they are now?
276
00:08:56,164 --> 00:08:59,065
Probably somewhere curled
up in a corner crying.
277
00:08:59,099 --> 00:09:01,667
Just like the Native-Americans
in my coloring book.
278
00:09:01,669 --> 00:09:04,103
You know, the truth is, now that
we've shown them that we can boss up,
279
00:09:04,154 --> 00:09:06,255
maybe we can actually
just hang out with them.
280
00:09:06,289 --> 00:09:08,307
And it'll only be better
without a bloody nose.
281
00:09:08,341 --> 00:09:10,493
Oh, you getting that bloody
nose. [Knuckles crack]
282
00:09:10,527 --> 00:09:12,878
283
00:09:12,913 --> 00:09:14,013
Are you kidding me?
284
00:09:14,015 --> 00:09:16,615
A little miniature Misty Copeland.
285
00:09:16,666 --> 00:09:18,651
[Baby voice] I swear, you are so cute,
286
00:09:18,685 --> 00:09:20,352
I just want to eat your face off!
287
00:09:20,354 --> 00:09:21,987
So friggin' cute!
288
00:09:21,989 --> 00:09:23,172
[Normal voice] Oh, remember, sweetheart,
289
00:09:23,206 --> 00:09:24,857
you can be anything you want to be!
290
00:09:24,891 --> 00:09:28,210
You is smart. You is kind.
291
00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:31,080
You is important.
292
00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:33,682
Oh, no! Whoa! No, ba-po, ba-po! Hey!
293
00:09:33,717 --> 00:09:35,734
Just a reminder, we
lose officer T. at 9:30.
294
00:09:35,736 --> 00:09:36,869
Okay. All right.
295
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,305
I got some personal stuff to do.
296
00:09:39,339 --> 00:09:40,572
[Insects chirping]
297
00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:42,074
Ahhh, this guy! All right.
298
00:09:42,125 --> 00:09:43,492
Let's go talk to the other neighbors.
299
00:09:43,543 --> 00:09:44,376
Bye!
300
00:09:44,411 --> 00:09:45,728
Bye. Oh.
301
00:09:45,762 --> 00:09:46,979
Trick or treat.
302
00:09:46,981 --> 00:09:48,797
Hey, there. Welcome to the neighborhood.
303
00:09:48,832 --> 00:09:50,549
So, who are you supposed to be?
304
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,318
- Juvon.
- Okay.
305
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,952
What's your costume?
306
00:09:53,970 --> 00:09:55,354
Juvon.
307
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:58,290
Okay, that's... that's
not really a costume.
308
00:09:58,324 --> 00:10:00,426
Look, lady, I showed up, I said the thing,
309
00:10:00,428 --> 00:10:02,111
and opened my bag.
310
00:10:02,145 --> 00:10:03,529
Are we gonna do this or what?
311
00:10:03,531 --> 00:10:06,715
312
00:10:14,974 --> 00:10:17,609
Junior: Ugh, why'd they have
to take over my bedroom?
313
00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:20,078
Open up this door now, or else!
314
00:10:20,113 --> 00:10:21,246
Dante: Or else what?
315
00:10:21,297 --> 00:10:23,182
Or else I'll huff and I'll puff...
316
00:10:23,216 --> 00:10:24,516
what are you doing?
317
00:10:24,518 --> 00:10:26,451
I'm panicking! I don't know!
318
00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:27,536
Let's go, guys.
319
00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:28,637
[Thudding, clattering]
320
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,405
Wait. Where are you going?
321
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,524
We're done. They won.
322
00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,826
Won? Because of one minor setback?
323
00:10:34,861 --> 00:10:37,796
You people are pathetic. You disgust me.
324
00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:39,931
- [Spits]
- Jack: Ew.
325
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:42,501
[All groan] We don't have to get
into the room to take them down.
326
00:10:42,535 --> 00:10:44,469
We just have to get into their heads.
327
00:10:44,504 --> 00:10:46,104
What are you talking about?
328
00:10:46,106 --> 00:10:48,757
Psi-ops. Crush their morale.
329
00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:50,008
Nicknames can hurt.
330
00:10:50,042 --> 00:10:52,444
Dad is still crushed by "Tea Kettle."
331
00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:55,047
You wear those for life. Right, long head?
332
00:10:55,098 --> 00:10:58,550
Oh, my God. Gurkel's right.
333
00:10:58,584 --> 00:11:01,353
Well played. That hurt.
334
00:11:01,387 --> 00:11:03,355
But you know what hurts the most?
335
00:11:03,357 --> 00:11:05,757
The brutal truth. [Clattering continues]
336
00:11:07,143 --> 00:11:11,096
Hey, cousin Dante, your real
dad was a Nigerian busboy
337
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:13,482
your mom met at a carnival cruise.
338
00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:15,917
Zoey: Whoa! Truth bomb.
339
00:11:15,952 --> 00:11:17,168
[Imitates bombs exploding] Let me try.
340
00:11:18,638 --> 00:11:21,973
Hey, cousin Cha-Cha, look
down at your sneakers.
341
00:11:22,008 --> 00:11:25,644
Look closely. They're Air Jorbans!
342
00:11:25,695 --> 00:11:26,661
Oh!
343
00:11:26,696 --> 00:11:29,381
- Let's go!
- Yes!
344
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:37,188
What are those?!
345
00:11:37,223 --> 00:11:38,223
346
00:11:38,257 --> 00:11:39,874
Lovely costumes.
347
00:11:39,909 --> 00:11:41,960
Enjoy your candy.
348
00:11:42,011 --> 00:11:44,062
And the word of God.
349
00:11:45,231 --> 00:11:46,197
Really?
350
00:11:46,199 --> 00:11:47,248
You're giving bibles
351
00:11:47,299 --> 00:11:48,516
to children on Halloween?
352
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:51,236
Your treats give children cavities.
353
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:53,738
Mine give them everlasting life.
354
00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,340
- Okay.
- Trick or treat!
355
00:11:55,374 --> 00:11:56,674
Oh.
356
00:11:56,725 --> 00:11:58,443
Oh, the old wig switch!
357
00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,879
That deserves more candy.
358
00:12:00,913 --> 00:12:02,931
[Laughs] See, Ruby?
359
00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:04,182
That's what Halloween's all about.
360
00:12:04,233 --> 00:12:05,483
It's all in good fun.
361
00:12:05,534 --> 00:12:07,085
[Sighs] Since when is fun
362
00:12:07,119 --> 00:12:10,488
making the first lady look like a sodomite?
363
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,123
It's just a dress.
364
00:12:12,157 --> 00:12:14,292
- Trick or treat!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
365
00:12:14,343 --> 00:12:15,927
You didn't even switch your wigs this time.
366
00:12:15,978 --> 00:12:17,061
Come on.
367
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:18,279
Go ahead. You can go now.
368
00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,330
Go ahead.
369
00:12:20,132 --> 00:12:21,432
What?
370
00:12:21,483 --> 00:12:24,035
- Oh!
- Did you just kick my frog?!
371
00:12:24,086 --> 00:12:25,470
And so it has begun.
372
00:12:25,504 --> 00:12:28,573
That wounded frog is no coincidence.
373
00:12:28,575 --> 00:12:31,042
May God have mercy on our souls.
374
00:12:31,076 --> 00:12:32,093
Mm-hmm.
375
00:12:32,144 --> 00:12:32,877
Unh...
376
00:12:32,911 --> 00:12:34,078
Rainbow: Dre?
377
00:12:34,113 --> 00:12:36,714
Dre! Oh, hey.
378
00:12:36,749 --> 00:12:37,915
Dre, we need to talk.
379
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,218
While I am enjoying
380
00:12:40,252 --> 00:12:43,004
the visiting trick-or-treaters immensely,
381
00:12:43,038 --> 00:12:46,691
uh, Janine got her ceramic frog broken.
382
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:47,959
[Scoffs]
383
00:12:47,993 --> 00:12:49,794
That looks like your ceramic frog.
384
00:12:49,828 --> 00:12:52,230
Oh, well, yeah, but Janine has one, too,
385
00:12:52,232 --> 00:12:54,532
and... what... what are you
doing down there, anyway?
386
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:57,702
I-I'm fixing the sink, as I'm known to do.
387
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:01,389
Without any tools and w... crying?
388
00:13:01,423 --> 00:13:03,641
- Dre, are you crying?
- Ain't nobody crying!
389
00:13:03,692 --> 00:13:04,609
You're crying.
390
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:06,277
Ain't nobody crying!
391
00:13:06,279 --> 00:13:07,879
The... there's a leak.
392
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,847
A-a-a-and the water leaked on my face,
393
00:13:09,881 --> 00:13:13,117
and I'm fixing the sink with
my bare hands like a man!
394
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,389
But don't tell June Bug I'm up here
395
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:22,176
because, you know, sink fixing
is a... is a one-man job.
396
00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:25,896
Dre, he's harmless.
He's just a gentle giant.
397
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,448
Yeah, to you maybe.
398
00:13:27,482 --> 00:13:28,999
He's probably just jealous.
399
00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:30,935
I mean, look at your life compared to his.
400
00:13:30,969 --> 00:13:32,436
I mean [Stammers]
401
00:13:32,438 --> 00:13:33,954
Like, it's...
402
00:13:33,989 --> 00:13:35,372
[Chuckles] Come on.
403
00:13:35,407 --> 00:13:37,508
This alone is worthy
of you getting beat up.
404
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:38,676
You ain't wrong about that.
405
00:13:38,678 --> 00:13:40,277
- Ah, yeah, thank you.
- Yeah.
406
00:13:40,312 --> 00:13:41,412
You're right.
407
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,496
This thing between June Bug
408
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,415
and me is silly.
409
00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:46,350
Maybe I will go talk to him.
410
00:13:46,352 --> 00:13:48,953
Aww, attaboy. I should probably run, too,
411
00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:51,722
'cause I think Janine put
the sprinklers on in our yard
412
00:13:51,756 --> 00:13:54,008
to discourage the trick-or-treaters
413
00:13:54,059 --> 00:13:55,359
from coming to our door.
414
00:13:55,361 --> 00:13:56,493
She is a bad person.
415
00:13:56,495 --> 00:13:59,463
Like, a bad, bad person, that Janine.
416
00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:01,482
Hey, guys.
417
00:14:01,516 --> 00:14:03,067
You ready to go trick-or-treating?
418
00:14:03,101 --> 00:14:05,886
Nah. We not really feeling it.
419
00:14:05,921 --> 00:14:08,138
Come on! It'll be fun.
420
00:14:08,173 --> 00:14:11,075
If you want, you can
even steal our costumes!
421
00:14:11,109 --> 00:14:13,377
Don't patronize us, Andre Jr.
422
00:14:13,379 --> 00:14:15,646
We get it. You have a real father.
423
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,815
- And real Jordans.
- Yep.
424
00:14:17,866 --> 00:14:19,700
We're sorry about all that.
425
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,318
We took the low road and we know it.
426
00:14:21,369 --> 00:14:23,170
It was really Diane's idea.
427
00:14:23,221 --> 00:14:24,588
And I stand by it.
428
00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:26,140
For what it's worth,
429
00:14:26,174 --> 00:14:28,759
we have no idea who Zoey's real father is.
430
00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:31,261
[Chuckles] Pretty sure it's Rick Fox.
431
00:14:31,263 --> 00:14:32,429
And that's supposed to make me feel better?
432
00:14:32,431 --> 00:14:34,231
My dad's some busboy on a boat.
433
00:14:34,265 --> 00:14:36,100
I bet he's a busman by now.
434
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:39,436
Or he's worked his way
up to, like, captain.
435
00:14:39,438 --> 00:14:40,604
[Scoffs] Yeah, right.
436
00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,439
No, seriously.
437
00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:43,941
[Somali accent] Look at me.
438
00:14:43,992 --> 00:14:45,108
Look at me.
439
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:48,996
He is the captain now.
440
00:14:51,449 --> 00:14:52,950
Uh, o-okay.
441
00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:55,202
[Children shouting playfully]
442
00:14:55,253 --> 00:14:57,454
I can't believe they didn't come with us.
443
00:14:57,456 --> 00:14:59,623
They must've not seen "Captain Phillips."
444
00:14:59,674 --> 00:15:00,874
We ruined them.
445
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:02,876
We completely broke their spirits.
446
00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:04,378
I mean, we're monsters!
447
00:15:04,429 --> 00:15:05,796
Amazing little monsters.
448
00:15:05,847 --> 00:15:06,797
Oh, hold it, hold it.
449
00:15:06,799 --> 00:15:08,382
- Oh, watch out.
- Oh. Whoa.
450
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:11,134
- What the...
- Hey, my candy!
451
00:15:11,185 --> 00:15:12,469
- [Laughs]
- Zoey: Really, dude?
452
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,274
Oh. There you are, Junie.
453
00:15:17,308 --> 00:15:18,642
Where you been hiding, man?
454
00:15:18,644 --> 00:15:20,444
Look, I understand
455
00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:21,945
why you've been picking
on me for all these years.
456
00:15:21,979 --> 00:15:23,280
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
457
00:15:23,314 --> 00:15:24,981
It's because you think my life
458
00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:26,983
has always been easier than yours
459
00:15:26,985 --> 00:15:29,820
because I got out of the
hood and I got it like this.
460
00:15:29,822 --> 00:15:32,456
But you don't have to be
intimidated by me, Junie.
461
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:33,990
I'm not better than you.
462
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:37,460
[Laughs] You sound stupid.
463
00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:38,495
What?
464
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,380
Dre, I just won a $2 million
465
00:15:40,414 --> 00:15:42,249
police-brutality settlement.
466
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:44,134
Ain't nobody jealous of you.
467
00:15:44,168 --> 00:15:46,252
I just like to hear you
468
00:15:46,304 --> 00:15:47,671
scream like a little bitch.
469
00:15:47,673 --> 00:15:49,005
Uh...
470
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,173
Ouch!
471
00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:51,341
Now say your name.
472
00:15:51,343 --> 00:15:53,009
Dre!
473
00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:54,010
Andre!
474
00:15:54,012 --> 00:15:54,928
That isn't right.
475
00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,179
Andre Johnson!
476
00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:57,897
Say your real name!
477
00:15:57,932 --> 00:16:00,984
Tea Kettle!
478
00:16:01,018 --> 00:16:03,186
[High-pitch screaming]
479
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:09,070
Oh my God, hey!
480
00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,332
Hey, no peeing in my bushes!
481
00:16:11,366 --> 00:16:13,634
Oh... ahh.
482
00:16:13,685 --> 00:16:14,902
Hello.
483
00:16:14,936 --> 00:16:16,537
Well, aren't you just
484
00:16:16,571 --> 00:16:19,473
an adorable group of lady killers, eh?
485
00:16:19,507 --> 00:16:20,874
Show us your [Bleep] [Bleep]
486
00:16:20,909 --> 00:16:22,243
What?!
487
00:16:22,277 --> 00:16:23,911
Yeah, put them on the glass, Flotus!
488
00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:25,179
Dear God! [Laughter]
489
00:16:25,213 --> 00:16:27,348
Oh, God.
490
00:16:27,382 --> 00:16:28,582
Okay, they're just children.
491
00:16:28,616 --> 00:16:30,751
Oh, they don't have arts programs.
492
00:16:30,802 --> 00:16:31,802
They can't help themselves.
493
00:16:31,853 --> 00:16:33,020
[Knock on door] Oh, my God!
494
00:16:33,054 --> 00:16:35,873
- [Crying]
- Jack, it's okay. Stop crying.
495
00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,374
W-what happened to you guys?
496
00:16:37,425 --> 00:16:38,492
Nothing.
497
00:16:38,526 --> 00:16:39,927
[Crying] I got jacked.
498
00:16:39,961 --> 00:16:41,328
They took my candy.
499
00:16:41,362 --> 00:16:42,463
Pathetic.
500
00:16:42,497 --> 00:16:44,298
Go ahead. Call us weak.
501
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,399
We deserve it.
502
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,683
Oh, hell no!
503
00:16:46,735 --> 00:16:48,168
Nobody messes with family.
504
00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:50,971
She got that right. Throw me my Fadidas.
505
00:16:51,022 --> 00:16:53,874
Oh.
suckas like y'all
is what I call wannabes
506
00:16:53,908 --> 00:16:58,345
And ain't nothing compared
to real Compton city G??�s
507
00:16:58,347 --> 00:17:00,147
Ruby: Dre, you in here?
508
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:03,200
Dre, what you doing in here?
509
00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:07,187
I'm changing the oil in my
car, as I am known to do.
510
00:17:07,238 --> 00:17:08,455
[Singsong voice] Oh.
511
00:17:08,489 --> 00:17:10,724
June Bug, I found him! He's in here!
512
00:17:10,758 --> 00:17:11,892
Ma!
513
00:17:11,926 --> 00:17:13,560
Why do you always do that?
514
00:17:13,595 --> 00:17:15,963
It's like you want
to see me get whooped.
515
00:17:15,997 --> 00:17:18,749
Kind of like you want to see
your own kids get whooped?
516
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,400
Look, that's different, okay?
517
00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:22,035
I just want them to be tough.
518
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,620
Yeah, because you were a little punk.
519
00:17:23,671 --> 00:17:24,604
What? Mama.
520
00:17:24,639 --> 00:17:26,189
You listen to me, Mr. President.
521
00:17:26,224 --> 00:17:28,508
June Bug is your savior!
522
00:17:28,543 --> 00:17:29,743
Forgive me, Jesus.
523
00:17:29,794 --> 00:17:31,578
What are you talking about?
524
00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,263
Don't you remember all the times
525
00:17:33,314 --> 00:17:35,532
he beat up the neighborhood
kids for making fun of you?
526
00:17:35,583 --> 00:17:39,219
And the teachers, also
for making fun of you.
527
00:17:39,253 --> 00:17:42,289
And, hey, what about your
high-school graduation night?
528
00:17:42,323 --> 00:17:43,924
You remember that?
529
00:17:43,958 --> 00:17:46,526
You mean when we were
rolling through Baldwin Hills?
530
00:17:46,561 --> 00:17:47,928
He tried to kill me!
531
00:17:47,962 --> 00:17:49,246
Straight outta Compton
532
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,864
A brother with his
finger on the trigger
533
00:17:50,898 --> 00:17:53,183
More punks I take out,
my rep gets bigger
ooh!
534
00:17:53,217 --> 00:17:55,318
I'm a ruthless villain
and you know this
535
00:17:55,369 --> 00:17:57,704
But the suckas in the public
won't show this
oh! Aah!
536
00:17:57,706 --> 00:18:00,106
Okay, maybe I should've
had on my seat belt.
537
00:18:00,141 --> 00:18:01,358
But still.
538
00:18:01,392 --> 00:18:03,693
What you don't know, college boy,
539
00:18:03,744 --> 00:18:05,795
is he did that for a reason.
540
00:18:05,846 --> 00:18:08,865
Yes. To laugh at my murder.
541
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,067
No. You were the one in the family
542
00:18:11,118 --> 00:18:14,387
that was going somewhere,
and he did it to protect you.
543
00:18:14,438 --> 00:18:16,606
But I don't really
care, I'ma make my snaps
544
00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:18,825
If not from the records,
from jackin' the craps
545
00:18:18,827 --> 00:18:20,260
[Siren wails]
it's like burglary
546
00:18:20,294 --> 00:18:21,711
The definition is jackin'
547
00:18:21,762 --> 00:18:23,797
But when illegally
armed, it's called packin'
548
00:18:23,831 --> 00:18:25,865
He pushed you out of that car
549
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,802
because he knew if you
got busted that night,
550
00:18:28,836 --> 00:18:31,237
it could cost you your scholarship.
551
00:18:31,272 --> 00:18:34,124
I had no idea.
552
00:18:34,158 --> 00:18:37,477
We didn't talk for years.
553
00:18:37,511 --> 00:18:39,612
Maybe I have been
too hard on June Bug.
554
00:18:39,647 --> 00:18:41,014
Yeah, maybe.
555
00:18:41,048 --> 00:18:43,216
He's a good man.
556
00:18:43,218 --> 00:18:47,487
It is unfortunate he
kidnapped those girls, though.
557
00:18:47,489 --> 00:18:49,589
[Scoffs]
558
00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:51,724
Bow? [Gasps]
559
00:18:51,759 --> 00:18:52,392
You seen Junie?
560
00:18:52,394 --> 00:18:54,193
What are you doing?
561
00:18:54,195 --> 00:18:55,662
It's 9:00.
562
00:18:55,664 --> 00:18:57,880
I feel like we owe it to Janine
563
00:18:57,915 --> 00:19:00,466
to shut down Halloween, immediately!
564
00:19:00,501 --> 00:19:02,518
Janine is very scared!
565
00:19:02,569 --> 00:19:04,537
But what about the
trick-or-treaters and their candy?
566
00:19:04,571 --> 00:19:06,372
Janine feels like [Bleep] them.
567
00:19:06,374 --> 00:19:08,174
Uh...
568
00:19:08,176 --> 00:19:10,943
[Indistinct shouting]
569
00:19:10,978 --> 00:19:13,496
Are you sure Janine's the
one with the problem, Bow?
570
00:19:13,530 --> 00:19:14,747
Yeah, yeah.
571
00:19:14,749 --> 00:19:16,883
'Cause she's outside doing the nae nae.
572
00:19:16,885 --> 00:19:17,900
Okay, fine! It's me!
573
00:19:17,935 --> 00:19:20,820
I'm Janine! I've always been Janine!
574
00:19:20,871 --> 00:19:21,954
Okay, hold that thought.
575
00:19:22,039 --> 00:19:23,539
What? June Bug!
576
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:25,675
Okay. Oh, God.
577
00:19:25,726 --> 00:19:27,393
578
00:19:27,395 --> 00:19:29,779
- Oh. Hey, man.
- Yo, man.
579
00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:31,747
Refrigerator game have exploded
580
00:19:31,782 --> 00:19:33,299
in the last five to seven years.
581
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:34,467
- Look at that.
- Oh, no doubt.
582
00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:35,685
Look, look, junie.
583
00:19:35,719 --> 00:19:37,520
I know you give me a hard time,
584
00:19:37,571 --> 00:19:39,906
but I also know that you look out for me.
585
00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:40,990
You sound stupid.
586
00:19:41,024 --> 00:19:42,291
No, man, I'm serious.
587
00:19:42,326 --> 00:19:43,910
I'm trying to thank you.
588
00:19:43,961 --> 00:19:46,012
You're like a brother to me.
589
00:19:48,682 --> 00:19:51,517
That's real beautiful, man.
590
00:19:51,552 --> 00:19:52,885
Come here, dawg.
591
00:19:54,187 --> 00:19:55,688
That's what I'm talking
about. Yeah. Come here, dawg.
592
00:19:55,722 --> 00:19:56,689
Ow! Ow!
593
00:19:56,723 --> 00:19:59,191
[High-pitch screaming]
594
00:20:01,111 --> 00:20:03,396
What's your name, fool?
What's your name, fool?!
595
00:20:03,447 --> 00:20:04,613
- [High-pitch screaming]
- Huh?! What's your name, fool?!
596
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,925
So family toughens you up,
597
00:20:08,045 --> 00:20:10,078
but they also have your back.
598
00:20:10,129 --> 00:20:11,412
Or in this case,
599
00:20:11,463 --> 00:20:14,132
- your arm bent painfully behind your back.
- Ow.
600
00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:15,800
Meanwhile, my kids learned
601
00:20:15,834 --> 00:20:18,219
their cousins have their back, too.
602
00:20:18,253 --> 00:20:20,138
That was amazing!
603
00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:21,723
Dante: Yo, those kids went down quick.
604
00:20:21,757 --> 00:20:23,450
Only one that scared me
was that big Samoan dude.
605
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,831
Kinda seemed like an adult
that was hitting children.
606
00:20:25,951 --> 00:20:28,631
You split that airboard
over his head like a graham cracker!
607
00:20:29,069 --> 00:20:31,505
- Thanks for having our back.
- That's what family does, man.
608
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,087
Now give us all your candy.
609
00:20:37,786 --> 00:20:39,822
He thinks we're kidding.
Seriously, all of it.
610
00:20:40,422 --> 00:20:42,732
- Oh!
- Do we look like we're playing?
611
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:44,132
I just fought a man.
612
00:20:44,252 --> 00:20:45,455
True.
613
00:20:45,837 --> 00:20:47,219
Diane: Go ahead, Jack.
614
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:48,855
Dre: Mm-hmm.
615
00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:54,479
- Here man, have mine. I probably don't need it.
- He don't.
616
00:20:54,599 --> 00:20:57,170
- True, but I do need this.
- No you don't.
617
00:20:57,828 --> 00:20:59,756
I love Halloween.
618
00:20:59,876 --> 00:21:02,428
619
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:07,028
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