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Happy Father's Day!
2
00:00:04,553 --> 00:00:06,955
Boy, you know your daddy ain't here.
3
00:00:06,989 --> 00:00:11,359
And you better eat every
bite of that damn food!
4
00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:12,760
Wasting that cream of wheat.
5
00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:15,430
But with a dad who wasa bit of a rolling stone,
6
00:00:15,464 --> 00:00:17,231
it wasn't always so easy.
7
00:00:17,282 --> 00:00:19,267
So, when I gota family of my own,
8
00:00:19,301 --> 00:00:22,970
I made a point to be a fathermy kids could celebrate.
9
00:00:22,988 --> 00:00:26,074
Unfortunately, that
didn't matter much,
10
00:00:26,108 --> 00:00:28,943
because Father's Dayis a damn joke.
11
00:00:28,977 --> 00:00:32,797
No love, crappy gifts,lonely hobo breakfast.
12
00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:35,016
It pales in comparison to...
13
00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:38,252
- All: Happy Mother's Day!
- Oh!
14
00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:39,754
We made you a trio of omelets.
15
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:40,855
Guess which one has caviar!
16
00:00:40,906 --> 00:00:42,657
- Which one?
- Hint It's all three!
17
00:00:42,708 --> 00:00:43,791
[Squeals]
18
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,059
Junior: Sorry it's so small.
19
00:00:45,093 --> 00:00:47,912
- The florist only had 60 perfect roses left.
- Aww.
20
00:00:47,946 --> 00:00:50,998
Which is why we had to
call another florist!
21
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,150
Aw, my babies!
22
00:00:53,202 --> 00:00:54,368
Come get in bed!
23
00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:57,004
Snuggle, snuggle up with mama!
24
00:00:57,039 --> 00:00:58,256
Aww, get in here.
25
00:00:58,307 --> 00:00:59,607
Zoey: Oh, my God.
26
00:00:59,641 --> 00:01:01,075
Nice. All righty.
27
00:01:01,109 --> 00:01:04,178
But in truth, Father's Daynever even had a chance,
28
00:01:04,212 --> 00:01:06,581
coming just weeks
after Mother's Day,
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00:01:06,615 --> 00:01:08,332
cowering in its shadow.
30
00:01:08,383 --> 00:01:10,084
Poor thing was doomed to fail.
31
00:01:10,118 --> 00:01:12,620
Basically, it's the
hanukkah of Mother's Day.
32
00:01:12,622 --> 00:01:16,724
Which is why my colleagues andI came up with a new holiday.
33
00:01:16,726 --> 00:01:19,360
Time for the worldto say hello to...
34
00:01:19,394 --> 00:01:21,262
Rainbow: What the hell is Daddy's Day?
35
00:01:25,434 --> 00:01:26,300
[Sighs]
36
00:01:26,334 --> 00:01:31,203
37
00:01:31,323 --> 00:01:33,240
[air horn blows]
38
00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:35,109
Hurry your asses up!
39
00:01:35,111 --> 00:01:36,243
All right!
40
00:01:36,278 --> 00:01:38,946
The daddy day rundown is about to begin!
41
00:01:38,948 --> 00:01:40,781
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!
42
00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:42,783
Okay, hold... hold...
hold... hold on, sucka.
43
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,285
That seat is reserved for Zoey.
44
00:01:44,287 --> 00:01:45,452
She's the oldest,
45
00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:47,788
and I'm gonna need her
to run point on this.
46
00:01:47,839 --> 00:01:49,340
You can cop a squat on the floor.
47
00:01:49,374 --> 00:01:51,258
Rainbow: Dre, Dre ...He's not a dog.
48
00:01:51,293 --> 00:01:52,126
Sweetie, come here. Come sit here.
49
00:01:52,128 --> 00:01:53,294
[Smooches] Thanks, Mom.
50
00:01:53,296 --> 00:01:54,295
All right, fine.
51
00:01:54,346 --> 00:01:55,629
Now, look.
52
00:01:55,631 --> 00:01:57,765
We're starting this new
holiday initiative at work
53
00:01:57,799 --> 00:01:59,133
called Daddy's Day.
54
00:01:59,184 --> 00:02:02,303
And it's everything
that Father's Day is not.
55
00:02:02,305 --> 00:02:05,139
That's why we're having it in the fall...
56
00:02:05,141 --> 00:02:07,941
far from the tyranny of Mother's Day.
57
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,059
I love Mother's Day.
58
00:02:09,110 --> 00:02:10,227
It should get a whole month.
59
00:02:10,278 --> 00:02:12,112
I love mom. Love you, Mom.
60
00:02:12,147 --> 00:02:13,864
Aww, ditto, kiddo!
61
00:02:13,898 --> 00:02:15,315
Who wants ice cream?!
62
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,283
[All cheering]
63
00:02:16,317 --> 00:02:17,317
[Air horn blows]
64
00:02:17,319 --> 00:02:19,119
Oh, my goodness.
65
00:02:19,154 --> 00:02:20,404
Focus!
66
00:02:20,455 --> 00:02:23,157
I expect professional-quality cards,
67
00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:25,993
each with a heartfelt message, okay?
68
00:02:25,995 --> 00:02:28,378
Top-shelf gifts. No mugs.
69
00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:33,834
Or ties from my closet that I already own.
70
00:02:33,885 --> 00:02:35,552
All right.
71
00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:39,006
Now, regarding your
soundtrack of love for me.
72
00:02:39,008 --> 00:02:40,340
You know, just incorporate my name
73
00:02:40,342 --> 00:02:41,642
into some of the classics, like...
74
00:02:41,676 --> 00:02:45,512
Cele-Dre good times, come on!
75
00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:47,180
Boom, boom, boom, let's cele-Dre
76
00:02:47,231 --> 00:02:48,181
- Rainbow: I'm sorry...
- Whoo!
77
00:02:48,233 --> 00:02:49,850
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
78
00:02:49,852 --> 00:02:51,401
Huh? What?
79
00:02:51,436 --> 00:02:53,654
Sweetheart, did you
actually spend time at work
80
00:02:53,688 --> 00:02:55,439
coming up with this ridiculous idea?
81
00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:56,523
- Ridiculous?
- Yeah.
82
00:02:56,525 --> 00:02:58,859
This is going to be huge!
83
00:02:58,861 --> 00:03:01,194
We already have a list
of potential sponsors
84
00:03:01,196 --> 00:03:02,412
that we're gonna pitch.
85
00:03:02,447 --> 00:03:05,582
Coke owns Christmas.
Hallmark owns "Valentime's."
86
00:03:05,616 --> 00:03:06,750
Picture this...
87
00:03:06,784 --> 00:03:10,370
bud light presents Daddy's Day!
88
00:03:10,421 --> 00:03:11,538
Whoo!
89
00:03:11,589 --> 00:03:13,673
- We winning! We winning!
- Dre, Dre.
90
00:03:13,708 --> 00:03:15,008
Hmm?
91
00:03:15,042 --> 00:03:17,928
There is nothing wrong with
old-school Father's Day.
92
00:03:17,962 --> 00:03:20,881
Yeah, maybe if you're an old-school father
93
00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:22,766
who just came home, downed his scotch,
94
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,267
beat his kids, and went to sleep.
95
00:03:24,302 --> 00:03:26,770
I am so tired of hearing
you whine about that.
96
00:03:26,804 --> 00:03:29,940
Oh, and by the way, dummy,
this is the dumbest idea
97
00:03:29,974 --> 00:03:31,558
of all the dumb ideas you ever had.
98
00:03:31,609 --> 00:03:32,943
See?
99
00:03:32,977 --> 00:03:35,695
This sweet kiss of sunshine is the dude
100
00:03:35,730 --> 00:03:38,531
that Father's Day was built for.
101
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,733
Me, I'm different.
102
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,568
I take my kids to soccer practice.
103
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,570
I help my children with they homework.
104
00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:46,122
I wore a Bjorn, damn it!
105
00:03:46,157 --> 00:03:47,741
Is that that little half-bra
106
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with the baby hanging out the front?
107
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:51,544
You know, you really ought
to stop mentioning that, son.
108
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:55,415
Ooh, a family meeting. I'll be in my room.
109
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Come on, Resheida.
110
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:57,584
Hey, hey, hey, hold Hold... hold...
111
00:03:57,586 --> 00:03:58,918
where are you going?
112
00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:02,722
- To my room. I... I just said that.
- Perfect example.
113
00:04:02,757 --> 00:04:05,341
Had you spoken to an
old-school father that way,
114
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he would have knocked all your teeth out.
115
00:04:07,645 --> 00:04:09,562
- Wisdom teeth included.
- See?
116
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,398
You know what? I'm gonna
call myself an Uber,
117
00:04:11,432 --> 00:04:12,849
'cause it looks like you
about to get a whoopin'.
118
00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:14,400
Okay, look. I'll make it quick, all right?
119
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There's a new holiday Daddy's Day...
120
00:04:15,986 --> 00:04:17,437
sweeping the nation,
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00:04:17,439 --> 00:04:20,240
spearheaded by your main man, driggity.
122
00:04:20,274 --> 00:04:22,442
- Okay, you girls should go.
- Yeah.
123
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:23,776
All right, you have till Sunday!
124
00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:25,278
No. [Air horn blows]
125
00:04:25,329 --> 00:04:26,779
[All shouting] Come on!
126
00:04:26,781 --> 00:04:27,780
Dismissed!
127
00:04:32,253 --> 00:04:34,787
Hey, thanks for sticking
up for me earlier, Mom.
128
00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:37,790
You know, letting me sit on
the couch like a human and all.
129
00:04:37,792 --> 00:04:39,792
Aww, yeah, your dad is hard on you.
130
00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:41,761
- He is, right?!
- Yeah.
131
00:04:41,795 --> 00:04:44,264
Me and my blog aren't
the only ones who see it.
132
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Mnh-mnh.
133
00:04:46,183 --> 00:04:47,517
Look, take the night off.
134
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:49,018
Kick your feet up.
135
00:04:49,053 --> 00:04:50,470
I got the laundry.
136
00:04:50,472 --> 00:04:52,305
Really?
137
00:04:52,356 --> 00:04:54,474
You're just buttering me
up 'cause you want, like,
138
00:04:54,525 --> 00:04:55,975
a new wizard hat or something.
139
00:04:55,977 --> 00:04:57,310
No, I'm just giving back
140
00:04:57,361 --> 00:04:59,312
to someone who gives me endless love.
141
00:04:59,363 --> 00:05:01,647
Shut it!
142
00:05:01,698 --> 00:05:06,369
Aw, my sweet baby boy.
143
00:05:06,403 --> 00:05:07,403
[Laughs]
144
00:05:07,454 --> 00:05:08,454
[Laughs]
145
00:05:08,489 --> 00:05:10,923
- You got a good kid there.
- I know.
146
00:05:10,958 --> 00:05:13,426
I mean, he's like He's like a peach.
147
00:05:13,428 --> 00:05:14,443
Look at him.
148
00:05:14,478 --> 00:05:16,112
- It just shows he loves you.
- Yeah.
149
00:05:16,163 --> 00:05:19,298
No matter how disappointing
you are as a mother.
150
00:05:27,291 --> 00:05:28,874
Recycle that.
151
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,477
Aw, man.
152
00:05:31,528 --> 00:05:33,946
- This makes me want to be a daddy so baddy.
- Ugh.
153
00:05:33,997 --> 00:05:35,881
Hey, is it true that
babies have to love you,
154
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no matter what?
155
00:05:37,017 --> 00:05:39,318
Depends... can you fill
your breasts with milk?
156
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,203
Bruh, just carry a pocket
full of sugar with you.
157
00:05:41,238 --> 00:05:43,439
That's why babies call me the snowman.
158
00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:45,074
Stevens: Guys, this is a great idea,
159
00:05:45,108 --> 00:05:47,543
but where is the global reach, huh?
160
00:05:47,594 --> 00:05:50,696
We have got to cram this
idea down the world's throat.
161
00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:53,065
Dre: What if we custom-branded the day
162
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for each international market?
163
00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:57,002
Like, St. Dad-Rick's Day in Ireland.
164
00:05:57,037 --> 00:05:58,404
Outstanding.
165
00:05:58,406 --> 00:06:01,690
[German accent] Get ready
for Pop-toberfest, Germany!
166
00:06:01,725 --> 00:06:04,243
[Laughter]
167
00:06:04,277 --> 00:06:07,463
What about our low-riding
hombres South of the border?
168
00:06:07,514 --> 00:06:09,114
Cinco De Daddio.
169
00:06:10,534 --> 00:06:12,618
Bonjour, Dads-tille Day!
170
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:13,419
[Chuckles]
171
00:06:16,523 --> 00:06:18,023
What? I'm sorry.
172
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,675
I thought we were just
vomiting out bad ideas.
173
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- Is that not...
- Well, of course you don't understand, Lucy,
174
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because you're not a father.
175
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:26,131
So until you have sired
two beautiful baby boys,
176
00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:29,068
shipped them away at the age
of 3 to a Swiss boarding school,
177
00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:31,704
and then bribed a U.S.
senator to get them off
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00:06:31,706 --> 00:06:34,807
separate but equally
gruesome murder charges,
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00:06:34,858 --> 00:06:37,076
you stand down there, sweet pea.
180
00:06:37,078 --> 00:06:40,579
Dre, how's the casting going
for the Daddy's Day commercial?
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00:06:40,613 --> 00:06:42,064
I haven't found the perfect kid yet.
182
00:06:42,115 --> 00:06:44,333
Dre, we have got to get this right.
183
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:46,852
Now, if we cannot sell this idea stateside,
184
00:06:46,886 --> 00:06:48,904
how on earth are we gonna sell Rama-dad?
185
00:06:48,938 --> 00:06:50,823
Charlie: Yeah, Dre, this is important.
186
00:06:50,825 --> 00:06:53,392
Me helping craft out a
strong view on fatherhood
187
00:06:53,426 --> 00:06:54,860
would look really good in front of a judge
188
00:06:54,894 --> 00:06:56,195
at my son's custody hearing.
189
00:06:56,246 --> 00:06:57,112
[Chuckles]
190
00:06:57,163 --> 00:06:59,414
Oh, crap. It was yesterday.
191
00:06:59,466 --> 00:07:01,900
Well, let me go call
eustace and tell him goodbye.
192
00:07:04,487 --> 00:07:08,290
Look, what we need is a real
kid with real energy, right?
193
00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:09,641
- But not fat. People hate fat.
- Ugh.
194
00:07:09,643 --> 00:07:10,692
- Dre.
- Hmm?
195
00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:13,128
What about casting your daughter, Scott?
196
00:07:14,247 --> 00:07:16,048
- Zoey?
- Whatever. Would she do it?
197
00:07:16,099 --> 00:07:19,568
I mean, she is beautiful
and racially ambiguous.
198
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:22,421
No one can be mad.
199
00:07:22,455 --> 00:07:23,755
Great idea.
200
00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:26,525
Offensively put, but I
think I can make that happen.
201
00:07:26,527 --> 00:07:27,826
Boom.
202
00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:30,128
Shackalacka.
203
00:07:30,179 --> 00:07:33,432
Zoey's face was right,but her attitude was wrong.
204
00:07:33,466 --> 00:07:35,867
If I was going to get herpsyched about Daddy's Day,
205
00:07:35,902 --> 00:07:38,470
I need to get her
psyched about daddy.
206
00:07:38,504 --> 00:07:40,589
[Knock on door] Knock, knock!
207
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:45,660
Who wants a driving lesson in daddy's benz?
208
00:07:45,695 --> 00:07:49,264
Hey, Zoey, will you stop
texting and answer me?
209
00:07:49,298 --> 00:07:51,066
Oh, I just texted you no.
210
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,701
What are you talking about?
211
00:07:52,735 --> 00:07:55,620
You've been begging for
more lessons for months.
212
00:07:55,622 --> 00:07:57,622
Yeah, but you're not
exactly the best teacher.
213
00:07:57,673 --> 00:07:58,890
You get a little yelly.
214
00:07:58,925 --> 00:08:00,926
Yelling is caring.
215
00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:02,677
Resheida: Oh, yo, Mr. J.,
216
00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:03,895
did Zoey tell you
217
00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:05,263
I've been thinking about
that Daddy's Day thing?
218
00:08:05,298 --> 00:08:07,566
No, I did not.
219
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,818
Real talk, you need to change
it from Sunday to Monday.
220
00:08:09,852 --> 00:08:12,270
But that's Columbus day. Pfft, and?
221
00:08:12,272 --> 00:08:14,656
Everybody knows Columbus
day is, like, crazy racist.
222
00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:16,992
So, you just put Daddy's Day in there
223
00:08:17,026 --> 00:08:18,159
and make it a three-day weekend.
224
00:08:18,194 --> 00:08:21,413
Okay. I'm intrigued.
225
00:08:21,447 --> 00:08:22,781
You've got your barbecue on Saturday,
226
00:08:22,832 --> 00:08:25,417
white linen party on
Sunday, and then Monday,
227
00:08:25,451 --> 00:08:27,919
you get to kick back and get your daddy on.
228
00:08:27,953 --> 00:08:30,171
Wow. I'm not gonna lie, Resheida.
229
00:08:30,206 --> 00:08:32,507
You've cracked this wide open.
230
00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:33,958
Well, I don't really get to see my dad,
231
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,095
so I think the ones that stick
around should be celebrated.
232
00:08:38,714 --> 00:08:39,848
See that, Zoey?
233
00:08:39,882 --> 00:08:41,633
Your sad friend gets it.
234
00:08:41,684 --> 00:08:43,468
Before I got my scholarship to valley prep,
235
00:08:43,470 --> 00:08:45,353
seeing a daddy was like seeing a unicorn.
236
00:08:45,387 --> 00:08:46,805
You know, in my neighborhood,
237
00:08:46,807 --> 00:08:48,723
when there's a man in someone's house,
238
00:08:48,774 --> 00:08:50,308
we usually just call the cops.
239
00:08:50,359 --> 00:08:52,527
Oh, my God. They still do that?
240
00:08:52,561 --> 00:08:55,697
Zoey: Dad. Can you please go?
241
00:08:55,731 --> 00:08:57,315
And next time you have what
looks to be a kale salad,
242
00:08:57,317 --> 00:08:59,651
you may want to floss before
you start a conversation.
243
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,373
Resheida, how would you like to be
244
00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:08,159
the official face of Daddy's Day?
245
00:09:08,161 --> 00:09:08,910
- Really?
- Really?
246
00:09:08,961 --> 00:09:09,994
Yes.
247
00:09:09,996 --> 00:09:12,046
I can't think of anyone more deserving.
248
00:09:12,081 --> 00:09:13,831
Now, let me go get some floss.
249
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,416
Then we can go over the storyboards
250
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,250
about the commercial.
251
00:09:16,301 --> 00:09:17,153
Okay.
252
00:09:17,273 --> 00:09:19,491
Harsh lesson for Zoey to learn,
253
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:20,942
but maybe this would teach her
254
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,778
to respect her cool,involved dad.
255
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:26,630
Damn. Did I swallow anything?
256
00:09:27,923 --> 00:09:30,971
Help, please! Bags ripping!
257
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,056
All eggs and bottles!
258
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:34,691
What are you doing, Mom?
259
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,593
You don't need to be coming home from work
260
00:09:36,627 --> 00:09:38,261
and starting a whole other job.
261
00:09:38,263 --> 00:09:39,929
Here.
262
00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:41,281
- I made you chamomile.
- What?
263
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:43,216
Aww.
264
00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:45,935
My sweet, little, thoughtful love bug.
265
00:09:46,604 --> 00:09:48,705
Diane: Mom! Starving!
266
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,706
[Groans]
267
00:09:49,708 --> 00:09:50,674
I can't even deal.
268
00:09:50,725 --> 00:09:51,975
Understood.
269
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,994
Hey, guys, your mom's had a long day.
270
00:09:54,045 --> 00:09:55,545
- But...
- And no backtalk!
271
00:09:55,547 --> 00:09:58,064
If you only knew how much she does for you!
272
00:09:58,099 --> 00:09:58,982
Now go clean your room!
273
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,784
- But we...
- Quietly.
274
00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:09,926
- Nicely done.
- I learned from the best.
275
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,344
Aw, sheesh.
276
00:10:11,395 --> 00:10:12,812
[Laughs]
277
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,797
Oh, I had a day from hell.
278
00:10:14,832 --> 00:10:16,933
Well, you're standing in a field of corn,
279
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:18,685
'cause I'm all ears.
280
00:10:18,736 --> 00:10:20,353
Oh, shush.
281
00:10:20,404 --> 00:10:23,673
That is how the world
will meet Daddy's Day.
282
00:10:23,675 --> 00:10:25,742
This is... this is dope, Mr. J.
283
00:10:25,776 --> 00:10:27,994
I mean, like, you're a genius or something.
284
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,495
Oh, please. I don't need to hear that crap.
285
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,980
But, you know,
286
00:10:31,015 --> 00:10:32,782
you can go ahead and tell other people.
287
00:10:32,816 --> 00:10:34,684
- All right.
- All right.
288
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:36,786
Dre, I got to say,
289
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,355
it's kind of screwed up
that you cast Zoey's friend
290
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,658
as the face of Daddy's Day
instead of your own daughter.
291
00:10:41,692 --> 00:10:43,476
- No, you know what's screwed up?
- Hmm?
292
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,944
The fact that Zoey doesn't appreciate
293
00:10:44,979 --> 00:10:46,779
that she has a father.
294
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:48,398
All right, when I was growing up, hell,
295
00:10:48,432 --> 00:10:49,632
hardly anybody had a daddy.
296
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,467
What are you talking
about? Your dad was around.
297
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:53,102
Ehh...
298
00:10:53,170 --> 00:10:54,654
But that's what a dad did.
299
00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:55,838
I mean, I claimed you,
300
00:10:55,873 --> 00:10:57,290
provided you with food, shelter, clothing,
301
00:10:57,341 --> 00:10:58,474
whooped your ass, and went to the track.
302
00:10:58,476 --> 00:10:59,308
Of course.
303
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,943
I did a year's worth of parenting
304
00:11:00,945 --> 00:11:02,245
in a fraction of the time.
305
00:11:02,247 --> 00:11:03,763
It was surgical daddy.
306
00:11:04,548 --> 00:11:06,182
It was deadbeat daddy.
307
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,016
Mm-hmm.
308
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:07,900
Call it what you want.
309
00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:09,519
I got in and I got out
310
00:11:09,553 --> 00:11:11,437
and saved the mess that you made.
311
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,606
I was the Mariano Rivera of fatherhood...
312
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,158
hall of fame bound.
313
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,626
Ruby: Oh, you were the worst.
314
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,628
But Dre's one hell of a father.
315
00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:20,396
He even wore that bra thing.
316
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,581
Sure did.
317
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:23,232
Wore it once. Used it wrong.
318
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:24,867
May have cut off Jack's oxygen.
319
00:11:24,902 --> 00:11:26,152
- We don't know.
- We know.
320
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,870
- Yeah. We know.
- Well, we know.
321
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,372
Look, look, look, look... the point is,
322
00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:32,975
you want your kids to
acknowledge all you do.
323
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,860
Especially your firstborn baby girl.
324
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,680
Hell, all a dad ever wants
is the love of his daughter.
325
00:11:37,714 --> 00:11:38,981
Frankly speaking,
326
00:11:39,016 --> 00:11:44,470
a son is just a disappointing
photocopy of yourself.
327
00:11:44,521 --> 00:11:48,574
He wrote that in my 10th birthday card.
328
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,561
[Piano music plays]
329
00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:01,987
Announcer: There are many ways to say it,
330
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,740
but only one man who deserves to hear it.
331
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,575
Who's your daddy?
332
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:07,726
Daddy's Day.
333
00:12:09,579 --> 00:12:11,714
Ooh, black man.
334
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:12,848
All right?
335
00:12:12,883 --> 00:12:14,016
[Applause]
336
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,503
- God is on his side.
- Outstanding, Dre.
337
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,672
We are gonna make a fortune.
338
00:12:19,723 --> 00:12:22,725
This must be how Jesus felt
when he invented Christmas.
339
00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:25,377
Dre: Okay, hey, guys,
so, without further ado,
340
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,397
I'd like to introduce you...
341
00:12:28,431 --> 00:12:31,417
To the face of Daddy's Day.
342
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,403
[Gasps] She exists. I thought she was C.G.!
343
00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:35,604
And to think,
344
00:12:35,606 --> 00:12:37,840
this lovely little angel
doesn't even have a daddy
345
00:12:37,874 --> 00:12:39,208
to soak in all that love.
346
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,560
She's a bastard.
347
00:12:41,611 --> 00:12:43,962
She seems so normal and clean,
348
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,265
like a loved girl who will turn out okay,
349
00:12:46,316 --> 00:12:48,584
instead of what's really
gonna happen to her.
350
00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:50,836
Okay, now I'm getting sad.
351
00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:53,255
[Cellphone chimes]
352
00:12:53,257 --> 00:12:55,607
Zoey: Mom, Resheida just texted me
353
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,826
and said dad's giving her a driving lesson.
354
00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,328
Yeah, I know.
355
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,996
But don't let it bother you, sweetie.
356
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,065
I mean, she doesn't have anyone
to teach her how to drive,
357
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,067
and you guys both have that test.
358
00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:05,984
Okay.
359
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,970
If that's how you want to play it,
360
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,245
game on, square man.
361
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,325
How's the pressure?
362
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:16,295
Don't hold back, sweetie.
Mama's not made of glass.
363
00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:17,879
All right.
364
00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:20,365
Parallel parking... it's the hardest part.
365
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,017
It's so hard, they didn't even try it
366
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,636
in any of the "Fast and Furiouseseses."
367
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:27,055
- Cool.
- Okay, I'm just gonna need you to relax, okay?
368
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:28,457
- Okay. All right.
- All right, go.
369
00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:30,459
All right. Back it up.
Cut the wheel to the right.
370
00:13:30,493 --> 00:13:31,543
Cut the wheel down hard!
371
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:34,196
Stop, stop! It's a high curb, low door.
372
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,415
Oh, lord. Okay.
373
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,499
- Back it up?
- Back it on up.
374
00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:38,383
Too fast!
375
00:13:38,468 --> 00:13:39,418
Cut it!
376
00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:40,385
Cut it!
377
00:13:40,436 --> 00:13:42,104
Ain't nothing parallel about this.
378
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,572
Ain't nothing parallel!
379
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:44,623
Did you just get up on the curb?
380
00:13:44,674 --> 00:13:46,341
Aw, baby, that's my rim!
381
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:48,126
That's my rim!
382
00:13:48,177 --> 00:13:49,611
Not bad.
383
00:13:49,645 --> 00:13:51,363
Hey, I'm sorry I was a little tough on you.
384
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,449
I've been told that,
you know, I'm a yeller.
385
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:57,052
[Laughs] Well, yelling is caring.
386
00:13:59,689 --> 00:14:03,124
- [Gasps]
- Uh, Mr. J., you good?
387
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,476
I'm good. It's... it's...
388
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,479
it's just that someone finally gets me.
389
00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:09,497
Charlie: Watch out. Baby
driver coming through.
390
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,519
What up, big D.?
391
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,740
Drive slow, homie
392
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,909
Now, when you see the
police, keep going, all right?
393
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,510
Onward to the liquor store!
394
00:14:22,545 --> 00:14:23,928
Drive slow, homie
395
00:14:23,979 --> 00:14:27,782
Zoey had fired her first shot,and it was a good one.
396
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,135
You never know, homie - Rainbow: Oh, shoot.
397
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:33,021
I left all the hamburger in the car?
398
00:14:33,023 --> 00:14:34,823
[Groans]
399
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,125
That meat has just been festering
400
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:39,260
in that hot trunk for, like, two days.
401
00:14:39,262 --> 00:14:41,996
Don't worry, Mom. Juju's got this.
402
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:44,699
I'm s... I'm sorry,
who's Who's... who's Juju?
403
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,551
See?
404
00:14:46,602 --> 00:14:49,571
Throw him a little love,
he'll do anything for you.
405
00:14:49,573 --> 00:14:51,739
I know. It's like he'd die for me.
406
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:53,124
- Yeah.
- [Laughs]
407
00:14:53,175 --> 00:14:58,613
But the real question is
Is will he kill for you?
408
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,816
Why would that be the question?
409
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:03,551
There will be a day.
410
00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:05,303
There always is.
411
00:15:05,354 --> 00:15:06,721
A day...
412
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,156
What?
413
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:10,375
I don't... um, okay.
414
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:15,129
So Zoey and I were locked in amajor daddy-daughter standoff.
415
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,097
Hello, Zoey.
416
00:15:16,131 --> 00:15:17,598
Hello, "Daddy."
417
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,816
Hope you're happy.
418
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,436
I failed my driver's Ed test so bad
419
00:15:21,438 --> 00:15:23,905
I'm not allowed to take the
real one for three months.
420
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:26,374
And this is on me how?
421
00:15:26,376 --> 00:15:29,043
Your boy Charlie is a horrible teacher.
422
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:32,046
The instructor said I
drove like a drunk person.
423
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,515
She actually gave me a breathalyzer.
424
00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:36,551
Again, I don't see how this is my fault.
425
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,803
You turned down my lessons.
426
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,355
I'm a teenager. That's my job.
427
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:43,191
You're supposed to rise above it
428
00:15:43,225 --> 00:15:45,810
and force me to take your
lessons like a good dad.
429
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:49,480
But, no, instead, you
taught Resheida how to drive
430
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:53,484
and put her in your stupid commercial.
431
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,569
Zoey...
432
00:15:56,705 --> 00:16:00,458
Cele-Dre good times, come on!
433
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:03,477
It's a cele-dretion
434
00:16:05,336 --> 00:16:08,198
So I was not really feeling like the
number-one dad in the world,
435
00:16:08,232 --> 00:16:10,133
which is not what you want
436
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:11,918
when you're about to
pitch a bunch of sponsors
437
00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:13,853
on the concept of Daddy's Day.
438
00:16:13,888 --> 00:16:16,289
Stevens: Take it away, Dre.
439
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:17,791
- Dre.
- Hmm?
440
00:16:17,842 --> 00:16:18,541
Here we go.
441
00:16:18,576 --> 00:16:19,842
Oh. Oh, my bad.
442
00:16:19,844 --> 00:16:22,612
Uh, sorry. Okay. All right.
443
00:16:22,646 --> 00:16:23,830
Uh, so, uh...
444
00:16:23,881 --> 00:16:25,014
here we go.
445
00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:29,035
Uh, we've prepared a pitch...
446
00:16:29,086 --> 00:16:31,337
Uh, very big.
447
00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:32,305
Very big.
448
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,274
It appeals to people...
449
00:16:34,325 --> 00:16:35,792
Um...
450
00:16:35,826 --> 00:16:39,479
Mostly men.
451
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:40,997
Yeah, just...
452
00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:43,416
And the people that they make.
453
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:45,601
So I guess we can call them kids.
454
00:16:45,652 --> 00:16:47,453
All right?
455
00:16:47,488 --> 00:16:48,621
All right, let's just... yeah.
456
00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:50,306
Uh...
457
00:16:52,526 --> 00:16:53,743
[Clears throat]
458
00:16:53,777 --> 00:16:58,014
I got some, um... Focus
powder in my office.
459
00:16:58,048 --> 00:17:00,032
Just say the word.
460
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:02,502
Uh, look... guys, I'm sorry.
461
00:17:02,553 --> 00:17:05,354
Uh, I'm... I'm just a little distracted.
462
00:17:05,389 --> 00:17:06,155
Uh, you see...
463
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,291
[Sighs]
464
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:10,092
I've been using my daughter's friend.
465
00:17:10,094 --> 00:17:11,360
[Groaning]
466
00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:12,562
No, no, no, no. Not that way.
467
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:13,829
Not that way.
468
00:17:13,864 --> 00:17:15,298
She's very young.
469
00:17:15,332 --> 00:17:16,599
- No. Dre. No.
- Very young.
470
00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:20,469
But she reminds me of my daughter, okay?
471
00:17:20,504 --> 00:17:22,455
And...
472
00:17:22,506 --> 00:17:25,141
She gives me things that my daughter won't.
473
00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:27,576
Sponsor executive: Okay.
I think we've heard enough.
474
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,128
We'd rather not be implicated in this.
475
00:17:31,048 --> 00:17:32,398
I just...
476
00:17:33,183 --> 00:17:34,650
Daddy's Day.
477
00:17:34,652 --> 00:17:36,869
Well, I'm-a go get focused.
478
00:17:39,389 --> 00:17:41,440
Zoey: I can't believe you passed.
479
00:17:41,491 --> 00:17:44,293
You're gonna have a driver's
license and no dad...
480
00:17:44,328 --> 00:17:46,178
living the dream.
481
00:17:46,213 --> 00:17:47,813
Look, anybody is better than my dad.
482
00:17:47,848 --> 00:17:49,698
Okay, I think he follows me on Instagram,
483
00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:51,901
but he hasn't liked any of my pics yet.
484
00:17:51,935 --> 00:17:53,002
Worthless punk.
485
00:17:53,036 --> 00:17:54,303
Pop: Listen, Zo-Zo...
486
00:17:54,337 --> 00:17:56,772
Uh, as a son, he's a
complete disappointment,
487
00:17:56,807 --> 00:17:58,657
but as a father, you have
nothing to complain about.
488
00:17:58,708 --> 00:18:01,293
I mean, if he did the
things that he does for you
489
00:18:01,328 --> 00:18:03,846
back in my day,
he'd be considered a woman,
490
00:18:03,897 --> 00:18:06,332
so, you know, give him a break.
491
00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:10,302
You fed my babies car meat?!
492
00:18:10,353 --> 00:18:12,655
[Retching] Well, you
were so mad at yourself
493
00:18:12,689 --> 00:18:13,739
for leaving it out there,
494
00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:15,507
I tried to save it so
you wouldn't feel bad.
495
00:18:15,542 --> 00:18:16,842
[Retching]
496
00:18:16,877 --> 00:18:18,594
- Junior...
- I'm sorry.
497
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:20,696
- I was just trying to help.
- Why?!
498
00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:27,186
You always look so, so, so, so very tired.
499
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:30,289
Oh, well... th-that's very sweet.
500
00:18:30,323 --> 00:18:32,541
Look, Junior, why don't you go upstairs?
501
00:18:32,543 --> 00:18:35,010
Maybe later we can watch a movie together.
502
00:18:35,012 --> 00:18:36,812
Sweet. I love you.
503
00:18:36,846 --> 00:18:38,781
Oh, I love you, too, sweetheart.
504
00:18:38,832 --> 00:18:40,666
Now, that's how you raise a man.
505
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:41,750
[Chuckles]
506
00:18:41,785 --> 00:18:43,886
Trust me, it's the best relationship
507
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:45,354
either of you will ever have.
508
00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:48,490
Like me and my Dre.
509
00:18:48,492 --> 00:18:51,126
I remember the first
time Dre cooked car meat.
510
00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:52,928
He got so upset,
511
00:18:52,962 --> 00:18:55,781
I let him stay in the bath
with me an extra two hours.
512
00:18:55,832 --> 00:18:57,499
No.
513
00:18:57,534 --> 00:18:58,534
No. Okay, no.
514
00:18:58,536 --> 00:18:59,451
No.
515
00:18:59,502 --> 00:19:01,603
The whole Dre-and-Ruby freak show
516
00:19:01,638 --> 00:19:04,740
is not what's happening
between me and my boy, okay?
517
00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:05,824
Okay.
518
00:19:05,858 --> 00:19:08,377
Junior: Mom? I cued up "Before Sunrise."
519
00:19:08,411 --> 00:19:11,380
We're snuggling in your bed, right?
520
00:19:11,431 --> 00:19:12,848
[Cackles]
521
00:19:12,882 --> 00:19:14,733
Oh, God.
522
00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:16,818
Oh, God, I've shown that boy too much love.
523
00:19:16,853 --> 00:19:18,587
- Mm-hmm.
- Ugh.
524
00:19:18,621 --> 00:19:20,589
I had dropped the ball at work,
525
00:19:20,623 --> 00:19:23,458
but I wasn't going tokeep dropping it at home.
526
00:19:23,493 --> 00:19:26,478
I needed to talk to Zoey,but before I could,
527
00:19:26,529 --> 00:19:27,362
she made her move.
528
00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:29,498
All: Happy Daddy's Day!
529
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:33,402
Zoey: Release daddy's pearls of wisdom.
530
00:19:33,436 --> 00:19:35,704
Oh!
531
00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:38,373
Present daddy's feast of strength.
532
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:39,374
Wow.
533
00:19:39,425 --> 00:19:40,976
The first two stations of the daddy.
534
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:43,528
Zo-Zo, you pulled all this together for me?
535
00:19:43,579 --> 00:19:46,281
Well, I mean, you're
still really embarrassing
536
00:19:46,332 --> 00:19:49,084
and annoying, but...
537
00:19:49,118 --> 00:19:50,852
At least you're here.
538
00:19:50,887 --> 00:19:53,221
Our dad.
539
00:19:53,223 --> 00:19:55,106
- Daddy.
- Nope, not happening.
540
00:19:55,157 --> 00:19:56,691
Fair enough.
541
00:19:56,742 --> 00:20:00,712
So, did you find a sponsor
for your brilliant little idea?
542
00:20:00,746 --> 00:20:04,199
Long story, but maybe Megan's law.
543
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:05,567
[Clattering]
544
00:20:05,569 --> 00:20:07,869
Damn it, boy! You dropped the ribs?!
545
00:20:07,903 --> 00:20:10,505
Go outside and think
about what you just did.
546
00:20:10,539 --> 00:20:13,708
- Mom, I...
- Listen to your father.
547
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:15,844
And, uh, listen here.
548
00:20:15,846 --> 00:20:18,563
Nothing personal, but from now on,
549
00:20:18,597 --> 00:20:22,434
we're gonna be just a
normal mother and son.
550
00:20:22,485 --> 00:20:24,436
Okay?
551
00:20:25,488 --> 00:20:29,357
- Now he'll never kill anyone for you.
- What?
552
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:30,992
I didn't...
553
00:20:41,897 --> 00:20:44,015
[Sighs]
554
00:20:44,017 --> 00:20:45,483
[Knock on door]
555
00:20:46,402 --> 00:20:48,353
Left alone all day, 11:59,
556
00:20:48,355 --> 00:20:50,739
here you come with a bottle of scotch.
557
00:20:52,274 --> 00:20:54,609
- Damn, I love Daddy's Day.
- [Chuckles]
558
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:56,861
- Do you want to have a drink?
- Oh, yes, sir.
559
00:20:57,412 --> 00:21:02,084
560
00:21:02,134 --> 00:21:06,684
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