All language subtitles for Black-ish s01e14 Andre from Marseille.eng

Dre: I love all my children equally,

but Zoey and I are particularly close.

After all, she's beautiful,
popular, stylish...

- [Camera shutter clicks]
- [Singsong voice]
filtersareforsuckers.

Basically the most like me.

So I really look forward
to driving her to school.

It's our special time...

just me and my little girl connecting.

So, how's school?

[Clicking]
clap along if you feel
like a room without a roof

Well, glad to hear it's going well.

Anything exciting happening?

- [Chuckles]
- What? What? What? Something happen?

- [tires screech]
- Oops!

You dropped your phone.

Come on, Zoey. Talk to me.

Well, Mischa Dixon was on her
Tumblr, which is so ancient,

but she found this super-cute
gif of Jaden and Justin...

Timberlake not Bieber.

- Mm-hmm.
- Bieber is the worst.

Well, anyway, we sent it to Monica

'cause she's obsessed with Jaden.

Oh, speaking of Dreamy,

Andre was so not checking me out so hard.

Complete stalker.

Hey, whoa! Whoa. Back it up.

Andre? Dreamy?

- What's that all about?
- God, dad.

Did you not hear me say that Mischa
Dixon still uses Tumblr? Uh...

But anyway, yes. Andre's cool.

We've been hanging out.

Andre... solid name, good name, my name.

[Laughs] So, tell me about this Andre.

Well, he plays on the basketball team.

Oh, my name and a baller. Hmm. Two for two.

Oh, and he's from Marseille.

Marseille? Is that near Compton?

No, dad. Marseille is in France.

[Gasps] French?! [Laughs]

Oh, he's one of those Tony Parker Brothers.

- Well, he is a point guard.
- Oh!

Andre: [French accent] Hey, Zoey!

[Gasps] Oh, that's him!

-
Clap along if you know

That's him?!
For her first boyfriend,

she's feeling some three-point shooting,

pick-setting point guard who hustles!

Why can't you just say he's white?

I just did!

Black-ish - 01x14
Andre from Marseille

sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com

Lindsey: So, that's when
we show the graphic

of action body spray.

"The power of a shower in a can."

Get ready, Pittsburgh,

to go to work directly from the gym.

So, what do you think? Dre?

Huh? Hey. Yeah. It's fine.

You okay? You look a little clammy.

[Sighs]

My daughter's dating a white boy.

- Sweet!
- What?

Did you just say "sweet,"
like it's some kind of victory?

No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just saying that it's cool.

You know, like, uh, "Ebony and Ivory."

What's wrong with Ebony and Ebony?

That would be a pretty hard piano to play.

You know, I don't have a problem
with white people.

Some of my best friends are white.

- Come on. Okay.
- Yeah, not you.

You know, it's just that
for her first boyfriend,

I was hoping that she would find
somebody more like me.

Dre, it's 2015.

Your kids are gonna date
who they're gonna date.

Race don't matter. 'Cause in 10 years,
we all gonna look Puerto Rican.

You got a point.

You know, I-I don't even know
why I'm tripping.

He ain't even a real white boy.
You know, he's from France.

- France?!
- France?!

Oh, you buried the lead on that.

Forget about that whole white thing.

- You need to worry about that French thing.
- What?

Dude, the French
are renowned erotic pioneers.

This is true. They ain't no joke.

Look, t-they invented
the, uh... the French kiss,

uh, the m?nage ? trois, uh, that toast.

French toast?

Just what you gonna need
after knocking it out.

I cheated on my husband with
a French Canadian. What?

His French-ness was so powerful
that I forgot he was Canadian.

- Okay.
- Bottom line, Dre...

if a French kid is dating your daughter,

sex is knocking at your door.

So, the French thing
has overtaken the white thing

on your list of stupid reasons
to freak out.

Hey, look... not stupid, rational,
all right? Mm-hmm. [Scoffs]

The entire French culture
revolves around sex.

- Look at this.
- What?

- Josh sent me this picture right here.
- Ooh.

This is what they wear to the beach.

French swimming panties.

[Laughs] [Cellphone thuds]

I don't know why you listen
to those guys at work anyway.

They're the ones that convinced you

to get that PT cruiser.

Hey, I pulled that off.

[Hip-hop music plays]

Maybe they were wrong about that.

- Hey, but you know what?
- Huh?

They're definitely not wrong
about this French thing.

Hey, I don't want to take any chances

with our beautiful daughter.

Dre, Zoey is a really smart girl,

and she's gonna date.

So we're gonna have to trust her at some
point, or she's never gonna trust herself.

I don't want her to trust herself.

I want her to stay in her room,
ideally forever.

Why are you driving yourself crazy?

Why don't we just invite the kid
over here and meet him?

Fine. Invite him over.

- But I'm gonna tell you this.
- Hmm?

I will not like him.

Good. You're keeping an open mind.

Oh.

Whoa. [Chuckles]

What?

Somebody's got a gray hair.

Oh, my God. Where? [Chuckles]

- Ohh.
- Not there, buddy.

What?

- [Laughing]
- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Dre, when did that happen?!

No, no, no, no, no.

- Oh, my God.
- Baby, baby, baby.

- Ohh.
- Baby. Baby.

There's no need to be embarrassed, okay?

Because you are
a very attractive older woman.

- Stop it! That's not funny!
- [Laughs]

I disagree strongly.

Did I make fun of you
when you gained 40 pounds?

It was 30, and yes.
You called me "flubber."

I did, didn't I?

- Anyway, babe...
- Hmm?

I think you look distinguished,

going all Frederick Douglass down there.

Okay, get out now, flubber!

You got a whole lot to abolish
below that Mason-Dixon line.

[Laughs]

So, I was about to meet
the first boyfriend,

but I wasn't scared.

I was confident
I could stare this kid down.

[Knock on door] [Inhales sharply] Whoo.

Sex is here. Okay.

[Breathes deeply]

Hey, bonsoir! You must be Monsieur Johnson.

I am Andre Du Maurier.

Ah, Andre "doo mar-yay yay." [Door closes]

- Nice to meet you.
- Mon dieu. So strong.

Uh, yeah. That's my judo hand.

- Okay, so you met him. Got to go.
- Mm-hmm.

Wait, no, no, no. Hey, baby girl, hold on.

He just got here.

We're getting to know one another.

So, uh, Andre, what's crackin'?

Uh, uh, "cracking"?

Uh, I don't... I don't understand.

It means, "what's up?"
Who doesn't know that?

Yeah, who doesn't know that?

- Dre: Mm-hmm.
- Zoey: Okay.

So let's go meet my mom. She's normal.

But...

I don't like him.

Yeah, we don't like him.

Oh. I'm into this. Keep the pressure up.

Let's roll.

- So, madam...
- Mm.

Uh, Zoey tells me that you are a doctor.

Oh, I am.

- Impossible.
- Hmm?

Someone so young and beautiful

cannot also be brilliant and accomplished.

[Laughing] I mean... you.

You know, I also do hot yoga.

[Scoffs] Well, my father is also a doctor.

Really? He works for, um -
excuse my English, uh...

Oh, no, please.

M?decins Sans Fronti?res.

Oh. Yes.

Doctors without borders.

Thank you, Rosetta Stone.

While his dad was in Guatemala fixing
cleft palates, Andre Dug Wells.

Andre: Oui, we were trying to find

the clean water for the orphans.

"Zorphans"? [Laughs]

What are zorphans? [Laughter]

You know, the children whose
parents have died from the AIDS.

[Insects chirping]

Oh.

I-I did not mean to darken the mood.

Uh, perhaps I can lighten it with candy.

Rainbow: Oh. [Laughs] [Chuckles]

- Et voil?!
- [Gasps]

Sourball! [Laughs]

Look at that! Dad, I love sourballs.

Focus, son.

It's a common parlor trick.

Diane does not have sourballs
behind her ears.

- But she does! [Laughs]
- Oh!

Look at that.

- Oh.
- What?

- You also!
- No!

With that, the frenchman launched
an all-out-charm offensive.

He had all the Johnson women
eating out of his hand,

and I was terrified.

It was a strong move.

If I had any chance of countering,

it was gonna take some more intel.

Let's start with his Facebook

so we can get an idea
of his most recent activities.

Okay.

Wow. You hacked in there pretty fast, man.

That's some next-level stuff, son.

Can't anybody just get onto Facebo...?

No, I did something special,
and dad loves me for it.

All right. Let's see here. Okay.

Whoa.

Look at these pictures
Zoey tagged this guy in.

They are entirely too close.

Man, that's less than a phone
book's difference between them.

Holding hands?!

Unh-unh. No, no, no.
That's almost first base.

I do not like that.

Oh, my God! Are they kissing?!

Wow. He really is French.

This ends right now.

[Knock on door]

Zoey, we need to talk. All right?

- This guy is not good enough for you.
- Dad!

Sweetheart, you're young.

You'll have plenty of time to...

Dad, it's over between me and Andre.

Oh... no!

Mnh!

Really?

Look, babe, I know it's hard right now,

but breaking up with him
is the right thing to do.

No, dad. He broke up with me.

What?

How dare he?!

Oh, I can't believe this.

I can't believe he broke up with her.

Oh, hey, Diane. At's wrong?

We got a Zoey problem.

What?

Sweetheart, are you concerned
about your sister?

Yes, I'm concerned!
She ate all the ice cream.

Everybody knows that chunky monkey is mine.

I ask for so little!

Good night.

[Sighs] Go to bed, sweetie.

[Door closes]

- See that?
- Mm-hmm.

Now both of our daughters are upset

- because of this monster.
- Okay, listen.

Dre, did you ever think
that maybe Zoey just wasn't right for him?

You mean not white for him.

- Oh, my God! Dre!
- What?

There is zero evidence

that race had anything to do with this!

Our daughter is perfect, so
there is no other reason. Ohh.

I hate bigotry. And that kid is a bigot.

All right? He's a filthy,
French, cheese-munching bigot.

Dre, they broke up.
Isn't that what you wanted?

What I wanted was some ice cream,

but we don't have any more,

so now I have to go downstairs

and eat a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips

because food takes my pain away!

Um... Pam.

- Yeah?
- I kind of got a situation.

The other day, I noticed

that a single, white female

moved in [Clicks tongue] downstairs.

And then this morning,

I noticed that she got a roommate.

Yeah, well, you got to get used to it.

Oh.

Once a couple move in,
others are not far behind.

So how long before downtown
gets totally gentrified?

- It happens fast.
- Oh.

When you get to be my age,

it's like a Dave Matthews
concert down there.

I wanted to prove that the only reason

Andre from Marseille
had broken up with Zoey

was because she was black,

so I sent my two moles in
to do a little more recon.

[Sighs] I learned a lot about
Andre from Marseille today.

I learned a lot, too, like how he did this.

Voil?! Sourball!

Yeah, Jack, you're cute,
but you age out of that.

I was cute once.

Not like me. I've seen the pictures.

[Horn honks]

- [Car door opens]
- Hey.

Hey.

So what's the 411 on Cordon Bleu?

Here's what I got.

[Car door closes] He should be out
of jazz band in three, two...

Amazing. How did you know that?

He posted it on Instagram,
and I was about to...

Damn, son! Are you Jason Bourne?!

I want to live in this moment forever.

- Sourball.
- Not now, Jack.

Yeah, not now, Jack.
And, dad, that's not all.

I have unconfirmed sources who say

Andre has a new girlfriend named Becky.

What?

Aha! Becky.

Body's not even cold yet,
and he's got him a blond Becky.

You know what? I'm gonna talk to this...

Hold on. What?!

Becky is black?

Come on, son! How could you not know this?!

Um, um, h-how could I know?

Wh-what kind of black girl's named Becky?

One whose real name is B'Keesha.

She's a high-school girl.
They all love to give me hugs.

Don't underestimate cute.

I can't believe he's already
dating somebody else.

Aw, sweetheart, I know this is hard.

My world is ending,
and you're giving me a lecture?

- No, uh...
- Okay.

Thanks a lot, mom.

I-I-I was just... my bad.

Hey. Hey, babe, it's not your fault.

Okay? The French boy broke our daughter.

[Sighs] It's all a part of adolescence.

- She's fine.
- Mm.

And thank God you know that Andre didn't
break up with her 'cause she's black.

If he's so into black girls,

why isn't our black girl
good enough for him?

- I don't know.
- I'm glad you asked.

Oh. Look who it is. James "Bomb."

"Bomb" because you blew it.

Dad, it's true. I let you down.

But I feel like we're a family
that believes in second chances.

- Are we?
- I know you told me

to drop the case, but I just couldn't,

so I found out why
Andre broke up with Zoey.

And let me tell you, it wasn't easy.

I broke up with your sister
because she is shallow.

He said she's shallow?

His exact words were...

Oui. Like the kiddie pool.

Good job, Junior. You're back.

Boo-yah! You will not regret this!

Yes! Bang, bang! Whoo!

[Clicks tongue] Yeah!

I'm already regretting it. [Scoffs]

Shallow.

- Our baby is not shallow.
- Oh, I know this.

Now he's taking shots at her character?

Look, this boy's a jerk. Uh, a French jerk.

Mm-hmm.

Or as the French would say, un cr?tin.

Yeah, I've been brushing up on my French.

I was hoping they'd stay together.

Why are we here?

'Cause I have to take care of something.

And if I left you home alone,
mommy would go to prison.

Hey, Bow. Hey, Connie.

What you in for? A touch-up?

- Legs and brows?
- Maybe a little more.

Oh. Whose birthday is it?

Is it someone's birthday?
Are we having cake?

No, we're not having cake.

But, sweetheart,
why don't you take my phone?

Go sit over there, okay?

So, if you want to take it
down to the deck,

our two best options are hot wax or laser.

Ooh. Hot wax or laser? Does that hurt?

It's hot wax and lasers,
so, yeah, sweetie, it hurts.

Well, if they hurt, why would you do that?

Well, it's a... it's a beauty treatment.

It's something that women do
to help them look better.

Should I do hot wax and lasers, too?

No. You should not.

Oh.

You know what?

Sweetheart, we should be who we are.

Yeah.

You're already the most beautiful person

in the world, mommy.

Aww. Thank you, sweetie.

- Except your toes.
- What?

Those are jacked up.

Hey, baby girl. How you doing?

Terrible.

How was school?

You mean that place Andre goes
where I met him and then I lost him?

Thanks for bringing that up, dad.

[Beep] Okay. My bad.

[Lid closes]

What's wrong, Dre?

Nothing.

Nah, player. Nah. Talk to me.

I can tell something's wrong.

You got the droopy eyelids,
and your elbow's all ashy.

Come on. Talk to me.

Okay, look, man.

The French kid dumped my daughter.

He thinks she's shallow.
Can you believe he said that?

Well, she is your daughter.

[Laughs] Unless she's not.

I mean, you swabbed her, right?

Of course I swabbed her.

Man, you've seen her.
She don't even look like me.

Hey, wait. Are you calling me shallow?

I mean, not in a bad way.

I mean, we are men.
We supposed to be shallow.

Oh, my God. You're right.

How's she taking the whole thing?

She doesn't even know it, man.

The coward broke up with her
and didn't even tell her why.

Well, that's why she's so sad.
She don't know what happened.

You got to tell her why.

Man, I can't tell her that.

Look, you've got to keep it real
with your kids.

Just find a way to say it.

Look. I'm gonna help you.
Pretend I'm your daughter.

I'm not pretending
you're my daughter, Charlie.

Come on, man. I'm your daughter.

- No.
- I don't want you being mad at me

because I ain't role-play when
you needing me to role-play.

- Now, come on, now.
- No.

Come on! Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

- Come on, come on.
- Okay, fine.

Okay. [Clears throat]

[Sighs]

Zoey, sweetie, I...

I'm pregnant, and I hate you!

I knew this was a bad idea.

I'm moving to North Carolina
to be with him,

and there ain't nothing
you can do about it!

He's not even from North Carolina!

I need $800!

Okay. We're done.

No, I'm... [Chuckles] I'm just playing.
It's is your boy Charlie talking right now.

All right. I really need $800.

Uh, y-you ever lose your walk-around money
at a cock fight?

Teach me the thing.

You know, the sourball trick.

Only if you say it.

Dude, just show me.

Dude, just say it.

Fine. You're cute.

No, that's not it.

[Sighs]

- [Mumbling] You're cuter than...
- I can't hear you.

You're cuter than me!

Thank you. That so hard?

Where are you going?

I'm also smarter than you.

The sourball trick dies with me.

I was out of ideas on how to cheer Zoey up,

so I tried an old standby.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

These are the ones, all right?

These are the more expensive version

of the pair that you just got.

So definitely these.

[Sighs] I don't know.

Come on. Snap out of it.

I don't get it. Like, why would he
break up with me?

Who knows why dumb people
do dumb things? All right?

They're dumb, and they're
French, and they're dumb.

I just feel like if I knew,
I could actually get past it.

[Sighs]

Look, Zo-zo,

I may have found out
from an anonymous secret source

that Andre thinks you're...

Shallow.

Shallow?

I-I know, baby. He is so wrong.

That is such a relief.

I thought it was something
serious, like I was ugly.

[Giggles] You know what, dad?
Those are cute. Can I get those?

- Absolutely!
- Thank you.

Boys are wack. [Chuckles]

Ha! Now you're talking. Hey, you know what?

- Let's get some sunglasses, too.
- Ooh.

And just like that,
I had my baby girl back.

And a tight new pair
of Ray-bans for myself.

[Camera shutter clicks]

The next couple of days
with Zoey were golden,

just like my grilled cheese.

Ha!

Now, I don't know why

you have an Instagram account
for grilled cheese

or who follows it,

but you let everyone know
that this is mine.

Okay, I'm gonna hashtag it...

[Singsong voice]
Lovingmydaddysgrilledcheese.

I mean, if that's what you want do.

[Clicking] [Knock on door]

- [Gasps] That's Derrick.
- What?

Derrick?

Hey. Thanks for having me.

Of course. You ready to go?

[Indistinct conversation]

[Scoffs] What kind of name is "Derrick"?

It's just "Eric" with a "d." Just be Eric.

Uh-huh.

Do you see what he's wearing?

- [Chuckles]
- He's dressed exactly like you.

No. His shoes are blue.

- Who does that?
- You do.

Every Thursday.
You call it Blueshoe Thursdays.

No.

Dre, don't you see what's going on here?

He's you, and you still don't like him.

Through your eyes,
there's never gonna be any boy

that's good enough for Zoey.

Ha!

She's right.

I just had to own up to the fact

that my little girl was growing up.

She was going to date,

and I was gonna hate all of them.

But I could not hate that kid's shoes.

They were awesome.

What's he doing here?

Yeah, what's he doing here?

Hey, guys, I got this, okay?

Derrick, what are you doing here?

- Nice job, Dre.
- No, seriously.

Why should I let you date my daughter?

Well, I'm a gentleman.

I volunteer at a Youth Center.

Derrick's also an amazing artist.

Oh, so you're practicing to be homeless.

Uh, actually, I'd like to
work in advertising.

It's kind of the last
great American art form.

[R. Kelly's "Bump N' Grind" plays]

- Ahh.
-
I don't see nothing wrong

-
With a little bump and grind ha!

- Ha!
- Ha!

Oh, man. I like your shoe game, son.

I can say the same. [Chuckles]

Hey, how about we all do laser tag?

- What do you say?
- And I'm out.

- I'm out, too.
- Way to make it weird, Dad.

Junior: He never took me to play laser tag.

- Uh...
- Jack: He took me.

sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com

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