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1
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LINDSAY: And then, even after
I showed them my true colors,
2
00:00:02,547 --> 00:00:03,665
Cyndi Lauper-style,
3
00:00:03,666 --> 00:00:05,544
my coworkers ditched me.
4
00:00:05,545 --> 00:00:07,616
Triflin'-ass Vogue readers.
5
00:00:07,617 --> 00:00:09,823
Mm! I almost forgot.
6
00:00:10,957 --> 00:00:13,188
I made you a friendship
bracelet when I was home.
7
00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:14,691
Aw!
8
00:00:14,692 --> 00:00:16,525
"G plus H"?
9
00:00:16,526 --> 00:00:17,659
The "H" stands for "Hot Lindsay."
10
00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,928
See? I'm friendable!
11
00:00:19,929 --> 00:00:22,265
I know they're triflin',
Gretch, but I really want
12
00:00:22,266 --> 00:00:25,268
those multicultural fashion
lizards to like me.
13
00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:26,601
They're my work family.
14
00:00:26,602 --> 00:00:28,204
No, I get it.
15
00:00:28,205 --> 00:00:30,539
My old boss Rick was my
work family until his head
16
00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:32,574
got cut off in that Jet Ski accident.
17
00:00:33,392 --> 00:00:36,478
(GASPS, GASPING OPERATICALLY)
18
00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:39,115
It's my divorce license. (PANTING)
19
00:00:39,116 --> 00:00:40,982
Ha! I'm divorced!
20
00:00:40,983 --> 00:00:43,724
Oh, no. I broke my divorce.
21
00:00:43,725 --> 00:00:45,787
Yay! Paul is dead!
22
00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,456
(LAUGHS)
23
00:00:47,457 --> 00:00:49,624
Now we can be fun
single ladies together!
24
00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,618
Ha. Uh, yeah.
25
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:54,030
Since when does being a
fun single lady mean
26
00:00:54,031 --> 00:00:56,198
boning the same old-ass dad every night?
27
00:00:56,199 --> 00:00:57,299
Just admit it.
28
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,159
You're down a road.
29
00:00:59,161 --> 00:01:01,101
We are not down a road.
30
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,603
Then don't hang out with him tonight.
31
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:03,604
Fine!
32
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,606
Easy. Not a problem.
33
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,375
I will just tell that fool...
34
00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:10,178
that I am very sick so he
doesn't get mad at me.
35
00:01:10,179 --> 00:01:12,547
You... have... a... boyfriend!
36
00:01:12,548 --> 00:01:14,616
Don't emoji clap at me.
37
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,217
Okay, how 'bout this?
38
00:01:16,218 --> 00:01:19,326
To celebrate our new singlehood,
39
00:01:19,327 --> 00:01:21,723
I will throw you a divorce
party tonight. No Boone.
40
00:01:21,724 --> 00:01:24,057
Yes! And I can invite my work fam.
41
00:01:24,058 --> 00:01:26,461
Maybe once they know I'm
a cool-ass divorc�e
42
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:28,962
like ScarJo or Nicole Brown Simpson,
43
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,532
Jeff and Tara will want
to be friends with me.
44
00:01:31,533 --> 00:01:32,490
Perfect.
45
00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:34,535
Ow!
46
00:01:34,536 --> 00:01:36,703
I really need to stop
buying window drugs
47
00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:38,940
from that homeless guy.
48
00:01:38,941 --> 00:01:40,333
? ?
49
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:46,913
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
50
00:01:46,914 --> 00:01:49,082
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
51
00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:51,403
? Gonna leave you anyway. ?
52
00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:57,351
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:57,353 --> 00:02:00,011
- ?
? - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
54
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,482
(GASPING)
55
00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:18,078
Jimmy Shive-Overly.
56
00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:22,482
Now, make sure to wear your
VIP badge at all times.
57
00:02:22,483 --> 00:02:23,583
I absolutely will not.
58
00:02:23,584 --> 00:02:25,819
Congrats on the release of your book.
59
00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:27,688
I hear it's very steamy.
60
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:31,024
It's also a Dickensian
exploration of the long shadow
61
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,527
cast on British progeniture
by the Second World War,
62
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,163
but thank you.
63
00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:36,764
Hot.
64
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,283
? ?
65
00:02:47,158 --> 00:02:49,377
There we go. Getting
that weekly tighten-up,
66
00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:52,546
- quaffing that rye hattie.
- You're right.
67
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:56,717
Co-grooming can be a bonding
yet totally macho ritual.
68
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:57,784
(PHONES CHIME, BUZZ)
69
00:02:57,785 --> 00:02:59,786
Oh...
70
00:02:59,787 --> 00:03:01,455
(BOTH GASP)
71
00:03:01,456 --> 00:03:03,224
- SneakerSeeker!
- SneakerSeeker!
72
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:08,996
Oh, shit, the Yeezy 350 Pirate
Blacks are on sale for $950!
73
00:03:08,997 --> 00:03:10,063
And purchased!
74
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,165
You, too.
75
00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:14,034
- We got to be twinsies.
- Nine hundo?
76
00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:16,721
Uh, gee, I-I don't know. I...
77
00:03:18,021 --> 00:03:19,539
And...
78
00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:21,509
- done.
- Yes!
79
00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:24,645
Where's the foreign dude
with the weird-colored dick?
80
00:03:24,646 --> 00:03:27,147
- Jimmy's on a work trip.
- Nice! Now we don't have to rip
81
00:03:27,148 --> 00:03:29,383
down his list of dum-dum
rules for the party.
82
00:03:29,384 --> 00:03:32,854
Going number two in the upstairs
bathroom all night, sucka.
83
00:03:32,855 --> 00:03:35,522
- What party?
- Ugh, I got super baked
84
00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:38,258
and offered to throw
Lindser a divorce party.
85
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,259
Hmm.
86
00:03:44,047 --> 00:03:46,233
Edgar, you should plan the party.
87
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:47,901
- Why me?
- You're the foodie
88
00:03:47,902 --> 00:03:50,337
with the fancy-ass threads,
getting a house haircut,
89
00:03:50,338 --> 00:03:53,568
drinking a rye hattie like
Dan Goddamn Bilzerian!
90
00:03:54,095 --> 00:03:57,177
I guess I could pull something together.
91
00:03:57,178 --> 00:04:00,914
Great. Remember, the theme is
Your Previously Secure Future
92
00:04:00,915 --> 00:04:03,083
is Suddenly a Giant,
Scary Question Mark.
93
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,578
But fun!
94
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,504
EDGAR: Shoot.
95
00:04:07,505 --> 00:04:09,590
I-I guess I have to go
to the grocery store
96
00:04:09,591 --> 00:04:11,025
and the liquor store. I
should probably pick up
97
00:04:11,026 --> 00:04:12,427
some bubble wrap for
Lindsay to play with...
98
00:04:12,428 --> 00:04:14,095
Hey, relax.
99
00:04:14,096 --> 00:04:17,030
I know a party planner who
can take care of everything.
100
00:04:17,031 --> 00:04:20,033
He did Brent's going away,
and it was spectunckular.
101
00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:21,234
I got this.
102
00:04:21,235 --> 00:04:22,636
Wow, thanks.
103
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,372
I mean, that's-that's so generous.
104
00:04:25,373 --> 00:04:28,608
- (SENT MESSAGE CHIME)
- Wait, Brent moved?
105
00:04:28,609 --> 00:04:30,777
- Mm-hmm.
- Isn't he your main dude?
106
00:04:30,778 --> 00:04:33,614
Brent moved to Boulder to
work on his new app, Snoober.
107
00:04:33,615 --> 00:04:35,449
It's like Uber but for snow.
108
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:37,951
So, the app helps you
find a place to ski
109
00:04:37,952 --> 00:04:40,620
- or makes snow or...
- Right!
110
00:04:40,621 --> 00:04:42,589
It's like Venmo, but for mountains.
111
00:04:42,590 --> 00:04:43,700
Ah.
112
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,294
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
113
00:04:47,295 --> 00:04:48,913
("IF U C MY ENEMIES" BY
RUBBLEBUCKET PLAYING)
114
00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:54,151
(LAUGHS)
115
00:04:57,021 --> 00:05:02,275
? I come from a greener place
and a lawless past ?
116
00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:04,679
? I was raised
with the cows and the birds ?
117
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,114
? And a toothless laugh... ?
118
00:05:07,115 --> 00:05:09,316
FAN: I loved how Simon
was drunk all the time
119
00:05:09,317 --> 00:05:11,318
when he was teaching drama
at that boarding school,
120
00:05:11,319 --> 00:05:15,121
because... I had sex with
my drama teacher, too.
121
00:05:15,122 --> 00:05:16,823
Who didn't?
122
00:05:16,824 --> 00:05:18,425
- (SOBBING)
- (CHUCKLING): Aw.
123
00:05:18,426 --> 00:05:20,478
You're so sweet.
124
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:23,364
Smile.
125
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,199
("KING CHARLES" BY YUNGBLUD PLAYING)
126
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,633
Who's next?
127
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:28,168
ADRIENNE: What's your name?
128
00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:31,004
? ?
129
00:05:31,005 --> 00:05:34,508
? I admit, I've never been
broke but I have been broken ?
130
00:05:34,509 --> 00:05:36,543
? Shout inside, she'll
switch you for a token ?
131
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:39,880
- ? Oh... ?
- ? Of kindness ?
132
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,115
? This one's for you, King Charles ?
133
00:05:41,116 --> 00:05:42,516
? You mess with the people ?
134
00:05:42,517 --> 00:05:44,684
? Took the taxes to fund the evil ?
135
00:05:44,685 --> 00:05:48,722
- ? Ooh... ?
- ? Sound familiar? ?
136
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,691
? Don't mind us, divide us ?
137
00:05:50,692 --> 00:05:52,526
? But when we need guidance,
you give us the silence ?
138
00:05:52,527 --> 00:05:54,528
? It's spineless and blindless ?
139
00:05:54,529 --> 00:05:56,830
? We will buy back,
not sit here smiling ?
140
00:05:56,831 --> 00:05:58,518
(HIP-HOP AIR HORN SOUND EFFECT)
141
00:05:58,520 --> 00:05:59,833
Wow.
142
00:05:59,834 --> 00:06:01,668
Thanks for doing all this.
143
00:06:01,669 --> 00:06:03,403
Hey, it's what buds do.
144
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:06,239
Plus, you got to honor the
end of a relationship.
145
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,008
When my pops and stepmom split,
146
00:06:08,009 --> 00:06:10,511
me and Dad bro'd out in the
Maldives for, like, a month.
147
00:06:10,512 --> 00:06:12,846
(CHUCKLES) Had too much
Prosecco one night,
148
00:06:12,847 --> 00:06:14,247
and things got a little weird.
149
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,249
But, all in all, great trip.
150
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,186
- BECCA: Hello!
- Welcome to the party I planned!
151
00:06:19,187 --> 00:06:22,355
Oh, shit, it's Nerd
with his face X'ed out!
152
00:06:22,356 --> 00:06:24,025
So disrespected!
153
00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:26,427
Wow, Gretchen.
154
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,763
How... Pinterest of you.
155
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,265
You know, if we threw a party
every time Lindsay failed
156
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,100
at something, we'd be
drunk all the time.
157
00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:36,937
Bitch, we are drunk all
the time. (CHUCKLES)
158
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,605
Because you keep pressuring me.
159
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,441
Makes me wonder what
you're up to, mister.
160
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,442
(GRUNTS)
161
00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:43,757
(PHONE CHIMES)
162
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:45,696
_
163
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:48,049
Here comes the divorced.
164
00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:49,449
Lady.
165
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,286
I'm here!
166
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:55,123
Aw, thanks for comin', sis!
167
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,359
Yeah, well, I find the whole
thing to be in very poor taste.
168
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,761
Marriage is supposed to be forever.
169
00:07:00,762 --> 00:07:02,196
(CHUCKLES) And you chose Vernon.
170
00:07:02,197 --> 00:07:03,764
Babe, can you take a pic for me?
171
00:07:03,765 --> 00:07:05,599
I want to get one where
I'm resting my dick
172
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,200
- on his shoulder like a parrot.
- (DOOR OPENS)
173
00:07:07,201 --> 00:07:09,095
- (CHUCKLES)
- (DOOR SHUTS)
174
00:07:09,904 --> 00:07:12,038
CARL: Congratulations!
175
00:07:12,039 --> 00:07:15,542
Uh, a-and/or, uh, my, uh, condolences,
176
00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:17,444
depending on your feelings
about the divorce.
177
00:07:17,445 --> 00:07:19,379
- Thank you so much for inviting me.
- Shut up.
178
00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:21,615
- Where are the good ones?
- The good...
179
00:07:21,616 --> 00:07:24,217
Oh, you mean Jeff and Tara.
180
00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:25,819
I'm not sure.
181
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,838
Well, find out.
182
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,870
? ?
183
00:07:32,871 --> 00:07:34,624
(SIGHS)
184
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:42,663
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
185
00:07:51,777 --> 00:07:53,373
Let me guess.
186
00:07:53,374 --> 00:07:56,376
You're bummed because your
work is suddenly included
187
00:07:56,378 --> 00:08:00,246
in the mortifying anti-art
hellscape that is genre.
188
00:08:00,248 --> 00:08:04,201
Yeah. Well, Michael Chabon
isn't hyping Moonglow
189
00:08:04,202 --> 00:08:06,559
at the Gilroy Garlic Festival.
190
00:08:06,561 --> 00:08:08,293
He would if they invited him.
191
00:08:08,294 --> 00:08:10,464
He's not above helping sales,
192
00:08:10,465 --> 00:08:12,300
and neither should you be.
193
00:08:12,897 --> 00:08:14,935
Plus, not to be gross,
194
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:17,496
but you could really
clean up around here.
195
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,504
What?
196
00:08:18,506 --> 00:08:20,407
I'm just saying, I'm
an old married lady,
197
00:08:20,408 --> 00:08:23,444
but if I were a hot,
single British dude?
198
00:08:23,445 --> 00:08:25,179
Whew, boy,
199
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:27,781
you'd have to take my
dick home in a body bag.
200
00:08:27,782 --> 00:08:28,983
(SCOFFS)
201
00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:30,417
Thanks.
202
00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:32,003
I think.
203
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:34,806
Night, Jimmy.
204
00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:41,094
Try to have some fun
this weekend, will ya?
205
00:08:41,095 --> 00:08:42,180
? Run it ?
206
00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:44,698
? Run it ?
207
00:08:44,699 --> 00:08:46,533
? Wob-wob wobbin, wob-wob wobbin ?
208
00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:48,035
- ? When I come around ?
- Mmm.
209
00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:49,770
? Got the whole thing wobbin... ?
210
00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:52,039
I can't believe none of my
work friends showed up.
211
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,542
Not even the janitor guy with
the gross, black thumbnail.
212
00:08:55,543 --> 00:08:57,040
What about him?
213
00:08:57,533 --> 00:08:58,879
Carl? He doesn't count.
214
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,781
Carl's basically a human
participation trophy.
215
00:09:01,782 --> 00:09:04,483
? Looking for the movie love,
they think I'm famous... ?
216
00:09:04,484 --> 00:09:06,987
The most tragic part of
your sister's divorce
217
00:09:06,988 --> 00:09:09,956
is that she's wearing that hideous dress
218
00:09:09,957 --> 00:09:11,525
a second time.
219
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:13,012
(LAUGHING)
220
00:09:14,545 --> 00:09:16,829
Ooh. Speaking of dumb things I hate,
221
00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:19,582
Vernon tried to have sex
with me last night.
222
00:09:19,584 --> 00:09:21,801
I made him go jerk off in
the downstairs bathroom,
223
00:09:21,802 --> 00:09:24,704
because sometimes... he
touches his own nipples.
224
00:09:24,705 --> 00:09:26,305
It's revolting.
225
00:09:26,306 --> 00:09:29,370
That is so gay.
226
00:09:29,371 --> 00:09:30,843
(LAUGHING)
227
00:09:30,844 --> 00:09:32,846
? They said, "Be real" ?
228
00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:35,382
? Nash jumping, I ain't even
had my leap year yet... ?
229
00:09:35,383 --> 00:09:37,184
Well, I'm gonna take a lap.
230
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:39,104
(DOORBELL RINGS, KNOCKING ON DOOR)
231
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:46,358
So, I'm guessing you're not sick.
232
00:09:46,359 --> 00:09:48,361
Actually, it's bananas.
233
00:09:48,362 --> 00:09:51,932
I was feeling straight
garbaggio when my friend
234
00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:54,808
basically blackmailed me into
hosting her divorce party.
235
00:09:54,809 --> 00:09:56,203
And when I was picking up some wine,
236
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,438
I gave this homeless woman
the last of my Chipotle,
237
00:09:58,439 --> 00:10:01,274
and she blessed me, and I
was, like, instantly cured!
238
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:03,844
Oh. This is disappointing.
239
00:10:03,845 --> 00:10:07,012
Have fun being a weird liar, I guess.
240
00:10:07,013 --> 00:10:08,748
Wait. I'm sorry.
241
00:10:08,749 --> 00:10:12,352
It's just you, me... road.
242
00:10:12,353 --> 00:10:14,688
We're heading down one, right, it seems,
243
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:17,909
and yeah, so... that.
244
00:10:18,943 --> 00:10:20,289
Scared.
245
00:10:21,156 --> 00:10:22,462
Me.
246
00:10:22,463 --> 00:10:24,364
You think we're down a road?
247
00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:25,965
I'm at your house almost every night.
248
00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:27,800
Pretty soon you're gonna
want me to meet your kid.
249
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:30,270
No. No, I won't.
250
00:10:30,271 --> 00:10:32,539
In fact, Olivia's actually in
the car right now reading,
251
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:34,141
and you're still not meeting her.
252
00:10:34,142 --> 00:10:35,442
(CHUCKLES): Really?
253
00:10:35,443 --> 00:10:37,910
Wait. You saying I can't meet her?
254
00:10:37,911 --> 00:10:39,746
(LAUGHS): Like you'd want to.
255
00:10:39,747 --> 00:10:42,301
I mean, you have to admit you're
not exactly the "kid type."
256
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,453
(SIGHS)
257
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,722
I guess you can still have this.
258
00:10:49,924 --> 00:10:51,558
Hey, you want to come in for one drink?
259
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:55,314
Everybody's raving about
the Mezcalimonies.
260
00:10:56,749 --> 00:10:58,034
I guess.
261
00:10:58,749 --> 00:11:00,400
Plus, I'm very curious to see
262
00:11:00,401 --> 00:11:02,520
- who'd actually be friends with you.
- Oh.
263
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:07,406
(HIP-HOP PLAYING)
264
00:11:07,407 --> 00:11:08,974
Mmm.
265
00:11:08,975 --> 00:11:10,644
? ?
266
00:11:10,645 --> 00:11:12,512
Oh. Mmm.
267
00:11:12,513 --> 00:11:16,949
Hey. Bartender just told me they
ran out of 12-year Glenlivet.
268
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:18,351
- Mm.
- So I'm thinking
269
00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:20,353
we take this party up a notch and go 18?
270
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,622
Oh, yeah! Let's do it!
271
00:11:22,623 --> 00:11:25,458
Great. 'Cause I like my
scotch like I like my women:
272
00:11:25,459 --> 00:11:27,160
of legal consenting age.
273
00:11:27,161 --> 00:11:29,496
- (LAUGHING)
- Yeah.
274
00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:32,699
You used to treat women
really badly, huh?
275
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,594
I really did.
276
00:11:35,335 --> 00:11:38,003
(GROANS SOFTLY)
277
00:11:38,004 --> 00:11:39,772
- (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)
- I'm about to give my speech.
278
00:11:39,773 --> 00:11:41,141
Where is everyone?
279
00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:42,727
- Um...
- (CHIMING)
280
00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:46,164
? ?
281
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:47,548
_
282
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:50,302
_
283
00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:53,063
_
284
00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:55,689
Hello?
285
00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:58,124
- Attention?
- (MUSIC STOPS)
286
00:11:58,125 --> 00:12:01,976
Sisters are supposed to give
speeches at these things, right?
287
00:12:01,977 --> 00:12:04,197
Well, I guess that's true at weddings.
288
00:12:04,198 --> 00:12:07,582
Hard to believe Lindsay's was
only four short years ago.
289
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:11,070
Lindsay, is there anything in
your life you haven't aborted?
290
00:12:11,071 --> 00:12:12,137
(PEOPLE GASP)
291
00:12:12,138 --> 00:12:13,640
But seriously, guys...
292
00:12:13,641 --> 00:12:16,986
- (SNICKERING)
- Lindsay... is my sister.
293
00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:21,371
Eh, that's all I got. Linds?
294
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,752
(TAKES DEEP BREATH)
295
00:12:25,753 --> 00:12:29,222
? ?
296
00:12:29,223 --> 00:12:32,010
(OBJECT TAPPING GLASS)
297
00:12:34,916 --> 00:12:37,864
"I used to be in a bad marriage
298
00:12:37,865 --> 00:12:40,051
to a very bad man.
299
00:12:41,084 --> 00:12:42,518
But now...
300
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:45,370
I'm free."
301
00:12:45,371 --> 00:12:46,384
- Yeah!
- (WOMAN WHOOPS)
302
00:12:46,385 --> 00:12:48,241
(MAN CHUCKLING)
303
00:12:48,242 --> 00:12:50,696
(CHUCKLING CONTINUES)
304
00:12:56,768 --> 00:12:59,738
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
305
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,376
(LAUGHTER STOPS)
306
00:13:07,444 --> 00:13:09,604
Hi. I'm Paul...
307
00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:11,030
to those I don't know.
308
00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:13,599
- WOMAN: Hi.
- Hi. Hi there.
309
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,913
Hello.
310
00:13:16,453 --> 00:13:19,290
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING, LIVELY CHATTER)
311
00:13:22,745 --> 00:13:23,747
Hi.
312
00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:33,506
(WHOOPING, CHEERING)
313
00:13:33,507 --> 00:13:35,674
"Simon loathed his new post
314
00:13:35,675 --> 00:13:38,144
at the New Hampshire boarding school.
315
00:13:38,145 --> 00:13:41,180
But oh, did he approve
of American girls,
316
00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:45,285
Especially the female drama students..."
317
00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:46,937
? ?
318
00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:54,844
(LAUGHTER, CLAPPING, WHOOPING)
319
00:14:00,115 --> 00:14:01,633
Oh, my God.
320
00:14:01,634 --> 00:14:03,186
Okay.
321
00:14:07,224 --> 00:14:08,993
(ADRIENNE CHUCKLES)
322
00:14:16,666 --> 00:14:18,669
WOMEN: Ooh...
323
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,076
(CLAPPING, WHOOPING)
324
00:14:31,535 --> 00:14:32,618
Who invited you?
325
00:14:32,619 --> 00:14:34,419
Your blisteringly dumb husband
326
00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:37,755
has been texting me photos of
this vile event all night.
327
00:14:37,756 --> 00:14:39,142
Shut up, narc.
328
00:14:40,377 --> 00:14:43,380
An X over my face, is it?
329
00:14:45,214 --> 00:14:48,311
Lo, the hypocrisy of the cheater
330
00:14:48,313 --> 00:14:50,248
celebrating her freedom.
331
00:14:53,156 --> 00:14:54,790
Well, you're free, all right.
332
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:58,876
Free from having me to blame
for your myriad problems.
333
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,345
- Uh...
- "Myriad" means a lot.
334
00:15:01,346 --> 00:15:02,681
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
335
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:04,559
You always held me back.
336
00:15:04,561 --> 00:15:06,362
No wonder I can't swim.
337
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,697
- No wonder I don't have a middle name.
- You can no longer
338
00:15:08,698 --> 00:15:11,667
blame me for your life,
because I'm not in it.
339
00:15:11,668 --> 00:15:14,303
You'll only have yourself
to blame when you
340
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:15,705
lose your toys down the tub,
341
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,706
or when you bite into a chess piece
342
00:15:17,707 --> 00:15:19,743
because you think it's white chocolate.
343
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:20,976
I hate you!
344
00:15:20,977 --> 00:15:22,479
(PAUL BARKING)
345
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,813
- (LAUGHING)
- Vernon?
346
00:15:24,814 --> 00:15:26,749
Drive us home.
347
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,085
Okay, but you're not both
sitting in the back this time.
348
00:15:29,086 --> 00:15:31,720
- Shut up. Yes, we are.
- (BECCA LAUGHING)
349
00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:34,190
And... we're gonna sing duets
350
00:15:34,191 --> 00:15:35,892
until you...
351
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,193
- ? Drive the car ?
- ? The car ?
352
00:15:38,194 --> 00:15:40,729
? Into the ?
353
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:43,032
- ? Ocean ?
- ? Sea... ocean ?
354
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,685
? Vernon... ?
355
00:15:47,521 --> 00:15:48,955
(VERNON GROANS)
356
00:15:57,963 --> 00:16:00,015
What are you doing?
357
00:16:00,016 --> 00:16:02,018
- There you are.
- No.
358
00:16:02,019 --> 00:16:04,921
After we talked, I was looking
on Nextdoor, and I realized
359
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,356
Silver Lake Heights is highly dangerous.
360
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:10,125
Someone's Amazon package got stolen
361
00:16:10,126 --> 00:16:11,260
from right off their front porch.
362
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,895
Apparently, two high school kids
363
00:16:12,896 --> 00:16:14,596
were smoking (WHISPERING) pot
364
00:16:14,597 --> 00:16:16,698
in a car. Coyotes.
365
00:16:16,699 --> 00:16:19,162
Someone smashed Marisa
Tomei's jack-o-lantern.
366
00:16:19,163 --> 00:16:20,702
Plus, I thought Olivia
might want some cake.
367
00:16:20,703 --> 00:16:22,723
(WHISTLES)
368
00:16:23,923 --> 00:16:25,541
It's all on Nextdoor.
369
00:16:25,543 --> 00:16:26,710
Come on, sweetie.
370
00:16:26,712 --> 00:16:28,165
Let's find you some milk.
371
00:16:29,829 --> 00:16:32,481
(MOANING)
372
00:16:32,482 --> 00:16:34,100
(GRUNTING)
373
00:16:43,143 --> 00:16:45,780
(ADRIENNE GASPING)
374
00:16:48,114 --> 00:16:50,667
(ADRIENNE GRUNTS AND GROANS)
375
00:16:50,668 --> 00:16:52,685
(SCREAMS)
376
00:16:54,588 --> 00:16:55,955
Oh, no.
377
00:16:57,624 --> 00:17:00,443
- (COUGHING): Oh, my God.
- (JIMMY LAUGHS)
378
00:17:00,444 --> 00:17:01,777
(GRUNTS)
379
00:17:01,778 --> 00:17:03,312
(ADRIENNE RETCHES)
380
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,000
(COUGHING, RETCHING)
381
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,450
Oh, God.
382
00:17:08,451 --> 00:17:10,336
- Oh, no.
- Oh.
383
00:17:12,306 --> 00:17:14,957
Hey. Isn't it time for
you to catch a bouquet
384
00:17:14,958 --> 00:17:17,493
or put a garter back on or something?
385
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,916
Paul said I blame everybody
else for my life.
386
00:17:20,746 --> 00:17:22,551
Is everything my fault?
387
00:17:22,552 --> 00:17:24,418
Because I don't do life good?
388
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:25,720
No, of course not.
389
00:17:25,721 --> 00:17:27,549
So it's your fault?
390
00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:29,258
No, sweetie.
391
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,661
Then whose fault is it?
392
00:17:32,662 --> 00:17:34,663
(GRETCHEN SIGHS)
393
00:17:35,236 --> 00:17:37,199
One thing I learned in
therapy is that stuff
394
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,235
that happens to you when you're a kid
395
00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:41,403
can really screw you up as an adult.
396
00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:44,136
Like, don't even get me started
how my parents let me watch
397
00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:46,074
Return to Oz every day.
398
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,551
Wheelers, dude.
399
00:17:50,011 --> 00:17:51,445
I love you.
400
00:17:52,180 --> 00:17:53,681
I love you, too.
401
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,481
Stuff that happened when I was a kid?
402
00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:05,412
Becca.
403
00:18:08,147 --> 00:18:10,198
- Great party, bud.
- Mm-hmm.
404
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:13,759
Here. My guy says it's
time to settle up.
405
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:22,308
- $6,000?
- Wait. Seriously?
406
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,310
- They hooked you up.
- Yeah.
407
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:25,480
You got to tip huge.
408
00:18:25,481 --> 00:18:27,091
Me? Wait.
409
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:30,250
I thought you were
paying for everything.
410
00:18:30,251 --> 00:18:32,804
(SCOFFS) Edgar, why would I
pay for your friend's party?
411
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,140
I don't... I...
412
00:18:37,226 --> 00:18:39,660
I've never spent this much money before.
413
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,662
I just spent a thousand dollars
414
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,764
on sneakers designed by Kanye West.
415
00:18:43,765 --> 00:18:45,266
Oh, my God.
416
00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:46,901
Oh, my God, I'm gonna be sick.
417
00:18:46,902 --> 00:18:48,502
- Okay. Edgar.
- Oh, my God.
418
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:50,021
Look at me. Edgar.
419
00:18:50,022 --> 00:18:51,405
(PANTING)
420
00:18:51,406 --> 00:18:53,807
- You have such a giving spirit.
- (QUIETLY): Yeah.
421
00:18:53,808 --> 00:18:55,842
You deserve to drop a
little green on yourself.
422
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,244
- Yeah.
- Plus,
423
00:18:57,245 --> 00:18:59,012
in a few years, when we're running
424
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,157
Max and Edgar Love Sketches,
425
00:19:01,158 --> 00:19:03,617
six thou? That's six dollars.
426
00:19:03,618 --> 00:19:06,920
It's six pennies, it's
six... It's three pennies.
427
00:19:06,921 --> 00:19:08,655
(EXHALES)
428
00:19:08,656 --> 00:19:11,491
Okay.
429
00:19:11,492 --> 00:19:13,327
Thanks for talking me down.
430
00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:14,928
Hey, anytime.
431
00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:17,331
After all, I do need a new main dude
432
00:19:17,332 --> 00:19:19,666
now that Brent's snoobering in Colorado.
433
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,552
Really?
434
00:19:21,554 --> 00:19:23,388
(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)
435
00:19:27,225 --> 00:19:29,176
? ?
436
00:19:29,177 --> 00:19:30,943
Good cake, huh?
437
00:19:30,944 --> 00:19:32,213
Yeah.
438
00:19:33,181 --> 00:19:35,450
Red velvet's my favorite.
439
00:19:35,451 --> 00:19:36,901
Not a real flavor.
440
00:19:37,568 --> 00:19:39,286
Wh...? Hey.
441
00:19:39,287 --> 00:19:41,021
I explicitly told you I wasn't ready
442
00:19:41,022 --> 00:19:43,190
for Olivia to meet you yet.
443
00:19:43,191 --> 00:19:45,659
Exactly, Boone.
444
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:47,494
Not a name, by the way.
445
00:19:47,495 --> 00:19:49,997
Man, usually it takes a minute
446
00:19:49,998 --> 00:19:53,068
for a guy's true feelings
to reveal themselves.
447
00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:56,303
How "I'm damaged and only
good for having fun now."
448
00:19:56,304 --> 00:19:58,924
But when you said I
can't meet your dau...
449
00:19:58,925 --> 00:19:59,966
Hey. Dummy.
450
00:19:59,967 --> 00:20:01,742
I didn't want you to
meet her for her sake.
451
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,910
Because she's a child and
I have an obligation
452
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,233
to not have her get attached
to people too early.
453
00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:07,667
Jesus.
454
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:10,050
Why am I even justifying myself to you?
455
00:20:10,051 --> 00:20:12,070
Oh, right, because I like you.
456
00:20:13,872 --> 00:20:14,945
Or did.
457
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:18,052
Good-bye, Gretchen.
458
00:20:18,053 --> 00:20:20,345
And Boone is totally a real name.
459
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,432
I'm sorry.
460
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,200
Hey. Boone.
461
00:20:27,201 --> 00:20:28,836
I-I'm sorry.
462
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:33,859
It's just that I have
strong feelings for you.
463
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,674
And it hurt when you didn't think
464
00:20:35,675 --> 00:20:37,412
I was worthy of meeting your daughter,
465
00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:39,430
'cause she's part of you.
466
00:20:40,915 --> 00:20:42,916
What I am saying is
467
00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:44,918
if you want to go down the road,
468
00:20:44,919 --> 00:20:48,540
I want to go down it, too... with you.
469
00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:54,394
Look, I've had thoughts, too.
470
00:20:54,395 --> 00:20:56,263
But I was worried I might still be
471
00:20:56,264 --> 00:20:58,266
marriage brainwashed.
472
00:20:58,267 --> 00:21:00,300
(SIGHS) Shit.
473
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,720
Maybe we should go for it.
474
00:21:06,990 --> 00:21:08,208
Okay.
475
00:21:08,209 --> 00:21:09,643
Uh...
476
00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:11,411
I still have to take Olivia home,
477
00:21:11,412 --> 00:21:14,025
or she's gonna be a real piece
of shit in the morning.
478
00:21:14,851 --> 00:21:16,983
Let's hang tomorrow, okay?
479
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,452
- Okay.
- Okay.
480
00:21:18,453 --> 00:21:20,639
Uh, let's go, sweetie.
481
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,899
Adrienne, please come out.
482
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,067
And bring towels, for God's sake.
483
00:21:34,068 --> 00:21:35,735
ADRIENNE: No!
484
00:21:35,736 --> 00:21:39,574
(CRYING): I always get too
drunk at these things.
485
00:21:39,575 --> 00:21:43,845
(MOANING): Oh, God. My
whole career is a lie.
486
00:21:44,578 --> 00:21:46,279
How can I write erotica
487
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,483
when I've never even had an orgasm?
488
00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:51,785
What? You totally...
489
00:21:51,786 --> 00:21:53,562
I fake them.
490
00:21:54,155 --> 00:21:55,965
(CRYING)
491
00:21:57,014 --> 00:21:59,523
What are they like, Jimmy?
492
00:21:59,524 --> 00:22:00,694
I've heard it's like
493
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:03,597
when you have to pee really
bad, and then you do.
494
00:22:03,598 --> 00:22:05,499
Is that what it's like?
495
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,535
Well, I don't want to rub
it in, but they're kind of
496
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:11,105
the only truly transcendent
thing in this world.
497
00:22:11,106 --> 00:22:13,256
(CRYING): Please, no.
498
00:22:13,258 --> 00:22:14,663
(PHONE RINGS)
499
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:17,360
_
500
00:22:17,362 --> 00:22:19,379
(SOBBING): Oh, I hate myself.
501
00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:21,315
I use the thesaurus app
502
00:22:21,316 --> 00:22:22,517
with everything I write.
503
00:22:22,518 --> 00:22:25,286
I give talks on body positivity,
504
00:22:25,287 --> 00:22:27,721
but I bought a waist
trainer on the Internet.
505
00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:29,723
(SOBS)
506
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:33,860
- Jimmy? Jimmy.
- (DOOR CLOSING)
507
00:22:34,779 --> 00:22:36,146
GRETCHEN (ON PHONE): Sorry to bug you.
508
00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:38,615
The patio door is stuck again.
509
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:44,059
Well, there's, um, WD-40 in the garage.
510
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,372
That usually does it.
511
00:22:46,613 --> 00:22:47,950
Thanks.
512
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,686
No problem.
513
00:22:54,744 --> 00:22:56,146
So...
514
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,703
How is the work trip?
515
00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,356
Well,
516
00:23:03,357 --> 00:23:06,893
I learned there's a
whole genre of erotica
517
00:23:06,894 --> 00:23:10,230
that's just women having
sex with werewolves.
518
00:23:10,231 --> 00:23:12,599
What? We talking wolf-human sex?
519
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,501
And quite often,
520
00:23:14,502 --> 00:23:16,336
they're historical werewolves.
521
00:23:16,337 --> 00:23:18,071
Shut up.
522
00:23:18,072 --> 00:23:21,241
Like werewolves who are also
Civil War soldiers and shit?
523
00:23:21,242 --> 00:23:24,744
Jimmy, that's hella hot.
524
00:23:25,174 --> 00:23:27,097
You got to bring me one of those books.
525
00:23:28,742 --> 00:23:30,517
I have two in my bag.
526
00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:38,692
Hey,
527
00:23:38,693 --> 00:23:40,026
so you won't believe who showed up
528
00:23:40,027 --> 00:23:41,595
to Lindsay's divorce party tonight.
529
00:23:41,596 --> 00:23:43,063
Divorce party, where?
530
00:23:43,064 --> 00:23:44,364
Shh, don't worry about it.
531
00:23:44,365 --> 00:23:45,698
But listen,
532
00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:47,367
guess who walked in?
533
00:23:47,368 --> 00:23:49,135
- Paul.
- No.
534
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,437
Yes.
535
00:23:50,438 --> 00:23:51,739
And barf,
536
00:23:51,740 --> 00:23:54,374
- but he might be secret hot now.
- Yes!
537
00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:56,109
I thought the same thing.
538
00:23:56,110 --> 00:23:58,411
He looks like a hot Nazi.
539
00:23:58,412 --> 00:24:00,645
Like Ralph in The Sound of Music.
540
00:24:00,646 --> 00:24:01,780
Yes.
541
00:24:02,378 --> 00:24:06,252
Anyway, so Paul comes in
cackling like a super villain...
542
00:24:06,553 --> 00:24:11,553
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
543
00:24:11,603 --> 00:24:16,153
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37123
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